#it was like 4am i could not be bothered to check references so i gave her the same eye colour as akito

[unlikelyapricot-art]

British/Geordie Shinonome siblings spread inspired by @tom-is-online's British Akito post ^^

I saw the post and thought it was funny + one of my friends is both an Akito and Football fan so I thought it'd be fun combine the two skdjansj (close ups and more rambling under the cut)

traffic light Akito is traced/drawn over from a pic i took at the NUFC cup win celebration- looking back at people doing it in the pictures i thought it'd be funny to have nufc supporter Akito climbing a traffic light for a chance to see the team and the cup ^^ in my head Ena is stood next him wondering why she agreed to come along kjsbdjksab

edit of A Big Feast After the Event Akito to change his shirt into a retro NUFC shirt (yes it has too few stripes but shhh askdbask) and putting a pic of the carabao cup win in the picture frame

mirror selfie Ena!! I saw someone in the tags of the original post talking about the implication of british Ena from british Akito so i couldn't leave her out, but lowkey i both didnt know how to give her in character britishisms and kinda figured Ena is online enough that she'd still dress the same jksadjasb just gave her a shopping bag from a shop in the toon and called it a day 👍

i didn't pop a cropped version of it in but the top right is Ena and Akito getting crepes after a match!!! thought it would be cute + fun for them

also not cropped is the lil akito in the bottom left, i drew him first to get a feel for the fit, was on the fence about keeping him in but he filled some space so i figured he could stay :)

[the-witty-pen-name]

Fell in Love in Scotland Pt. 2

Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Warnings: ptsd/trauma related to war; mentions of nightmares; angst; cursing; pining; slow burn; 18+ in later parts (maybe? not sure yet)

Summary: After finding about the new Captain America, the reader goes to Louisiana to visit Sam.

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: So I know this isn’t on my list of things I *should* be working on, but I had this idea today and I had to get it down! This is only going to be 2-3 parts.  (Edit: 3 parts!) This is my first time writing for Sam!

I’m taking a small break from working on my other works in progress to focus on getting out as much Sam content as a can before Sam’s (and my) bday on the 14th! Not sure how much I’ll be able to write but that is my hope!

My biggest flex at the moment is sharing a bday with Sam.

This references Civil War, Endgame and Infinity War events in flashbacks but you know, canon is a thing I like to just maneuver around so I’m sorry if there are many major inaccuracies!

This is unedited and please let me know if I missed anything that should be included as a warning.

Taglist is in my bio

The safe house in Scotland was small. A little cottage hidden away in the countryside. Absolutely beautiful, if not for the looming reminders of why you were there in the first place.

You didn’t handle laying low well. You didn’t like not doing anything. Your resolve for handling your thoughts, your problems had always been to just push them aside. Focus your energy on anything but what would pull you down. You couldn’t allow yourself to just exist. Time stopped and there was no fight to be fought, and you hated it.

Fortunately, you were with people who understood. Sam and Steve especially. It didn’t take long for Sam to work his way in. He understood you, and he related to you. Neither one of you really needed to acknowledge it. There was an unspoken understanding between the two of you which made it all feel so seamless.

You were restless, and nights were always the worst. You’d spend several hours tossing in turning on your mattress, unable to get comfortable. You’d bring your pillow and sheet with you onto the floor of your room, and if you were lucky enough to fall asleep, you’d wake up after only a few hours. Sometimes you’d remember the nightmares vividly, other times it was just the feelings that lingered.

Most nights, you’d wait it out in your room watching the clock until it was early enough to “get out of bed.” So, you’d wait until the red numbers on the screen turned to 4am and then you’d sneak your way downstairs to the kitchen or the living room, so you didn’t need to face the idea of sleep.

After a few weeks, Sam caught on to your routine. He would join you in the mornings, help you make coffee and talk about nothing. Just helping you keep your mind off the things that bothered you. He looked as tired as you, and you would insist on him getting more sleep. But Sam never made you go through any of the hard days on your own.

“You get used to it,” he’d say, understanding what you were going through better than anybody.

“I don’t know if I can,” you admit, curled up in a ball on the sofa, the warm mug of coffee Sam made cradled tightly in your hands. The curtains are pulled open, and you stare out the window to your right, watching the sun slowly coming up.

“You should try sleeping in your bed again,” he suggests. You’d recently promoted yourself from sleeping on the floor to the couch. Baby steps. You nod, knowing he’s right.

You get a rental car the next morning and you drive to the address Sam texted you. You’re greeted immediately by two rowdy young boys, asking you if you’re an Avenger like their Uncle Sam. He’s literally Uncle Sam. How could he think he didn’t deserve the shield? Well, you know why. But the coincidence is too funny not to bring up to him once all of this is resolved.

Each of them grabbed you by an arm and drag you to the backyard. You chuckle, following their lead as they ask you a million questions. They call out to Sam when he is in view and he smiles when he sees you. Your heart flips.

“They bothering you?” he asks and you shake your head.

“No, they’re great,” you beam watching them run off.

“You look good,” he compliments you, and you feel like jelly. “You’re sleeping?” Oh.

“Yeah, I mean, for the most part,” you reply, “So do you.” You can’t miss the smile on his face. “So, uh, have you heard from Bucky?”

“I text him all the time, trying to check in, but no nothing. You?”

You shake your head. “I stopped trying,” you admit, “but I can’t blame him. He really doesn’t know me.”

“He’ll come around,” he reasons, trying to be optimistic. “So, I want to show you the boat?”

“You have a boat?” you chuckle, and he grins, nodding like a little kid.

“35-foot yacht,” he teases.

“Of course,” you smile.

It was only just noon when you both arrived at the docks. The air felt crisper, and the sun felt phenomenal on your shoulders. It wasn’t until you were outside in weather like this that you realized how often you opted to stay hidden away in your apartment. The atmosphere just felt more alive, and the air in your lungs felt almost cleansing.

You sat across from Sam on the bow of the boat, your legs dangling over the side. You were sitting close enough to him that your thighs touched, and you were trying your hardest to ignore the feeling. You just felt warm, and you felt more relaxed than you had been since you’d last seen him.

“I just need to ask,” Sam asks, cutting through both of your laughter. You really had spent the day so far just reminiscing, talking about nothing really. “Did you and Cap- were you guys…?”

“Oh god no,” you choke quickly, you stifle another laugh, “Steve was just a really great friend. No nothing like that. I would go to the end of the earth and back for Steve… but no, I didn’t have feelings for him that way.”

“I had thought maybe at one point something was going on there,” he shrugs. Is he serious?

“Never,” you reiterate.  

Sleeping in a bed became easier, but the nightmares were something that you just couldn’t shake no matter how hard you tried. Many times, it would be late in the night and you’d be gently shaken awake. Sam would be kneeling next to your bed, trying to wake you up.

“Please stay,” you’d ask, eyes glossed over and your skin stained with tears. He could never say no. You’d scoot over and he’d climb in and settle next to you. It wasn’t even anything romantic. You didn’t cuddle or invade his space. You just needed to feel him next to you, and you’d be able to sleep. The cycle continued for a long while until you were able to sleep through the night without the haunting dreams.

But you missed waking up with him there.

“You need to tell him,” Steve would insist, and you’d shut down the idea every single time.

“No, I can’t,” you’d insist. The only person who knew how you felt was Steve. You hadn’t even told him; he just knew you too well.

“You’re making yourself miserable,” he’d elaborate, “you deserve a little happiness- Sam deserves happiness. He wants you too.”

“Happiness? With me?” you snort, “Steve, think about me, my past- everything I carry around with me. You know as well as I do, I can’t infect him with that when he has his own issues. We’re all too broken- he deserves better.”

“You don’t to be the one to decide that for him,” he counters. “What Sam deserves is the truth.”

“I know, I know!” you sigh, wrapping your arms around yourself and you can’t look at Steve. “Telling him how I feel complicates things to much. I can’t risk it.”

“Even if he feels the same way?”

“Especially if he feels the same way.”

You rest back on your palms, close your eyes and tilt your head up towards the direction of the sun. Your mind wanders to Steve, and how much you miss him. You were oftentimes too thick headed to take any of his advice but it was something you hadn’t realized you needed.

You decide to just throw out all your apprehension. And just take the advice from Steve you should’ve taken years ago. The timing is perfect. The universe is screaming at you to just tell him.

“I gave up the shield because I didn’t think anyone could follow Steve,” he admits, “I didn’t think I could fill the role- no one can, or maybe no one should.”

“You’re the only person who can, Sam,” you say, looking back over to him.

“When I gave it up, I didn’t think it would be given to someone else. I donated it- to keep it with the rest of what we have left of him. God- if I had known…”

“I watched on television when you donated it, Sam,” you say, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Symbols are nothing without the men and women that give them meaning… I wish you saw yourself the way Steve did- the way I do…”

“That’s not fair…”

“You said we need new heroes for the times we’re in. Sam- the world needs a new Captain America. And you know as well as I do, that man on TV they pushed out there isn’t it.”

“It’s not me, either,” he says, looking down at the water, the reflection of the two of you rippled and distorted.

“I wish you could see how much that isn’t true,” you admit, “I also- I also wish I was more like you… You’re so good at talking to me… people like us and Steve. You show people their value and their worth, and you’re just so fiercely loyal it’s almost annoying. And I suck at that, I’m a terrible communicator, and I can’t vocalize how much you’re worth, and how much you deserve the shield. Feelings are just too overwhelming and I can’t focus them into anything coherent. And you right now need what you give others just so freely, and you’re stuck with me… I know I’m not Steve, and I as much as I try to convince you the decision is yours, but you need to know that you are the only person who can be our new Captain… Steve wasn’t wrong about you, and I just… I’m in your corner.”

“(Y/N) …”

It was safe in Scotland. Quiet, secluded. Time wasn’t looming over you. There was nothing there that was any imminent threat except your own demons that you carried with you. You had a lot of regrets, past mistakes that haunted you whenever you slowed down. It’s why when you left the air force, you joined SHIELD. You were like Steve, kindred spirits plagued by the after effects of war and both of you resolved to fighting rather than be left to your own devises.

Not like Sam. Sam put his focus into helping others. Selfless, and understanding, he was always there. He was thoughtful with what he chose to fight for, which is something you greatly admired. He was morals and loyalty, and everything that made a great man. He was a friend first, and a fighter second.

Which is such a rare quality that you wished you could tell him you noticed.

Steve got very into crossword puzzles. He found a box up in the attic tucked away of old books from whoever used to live here. He’d sit on the armchair in the living room, pencil in hand and try his best to fill in what he knew. He ended up heavily relying on you and Sam to fill in the references he didn’t know.

You and Sam would be on the couch, you tucked into his side, watching television or sometimes you’d both read, old magazines or anything you could find for entertainment. One night you both sat on the floor on opposite sides of the coffee table with an incomplete deck of cards playing Double Solitaire, and Steve would occasionally vocalize a clue he was stuck on.

“Drummer of Duran Duran. Blank Taylor. Five letters,” Steve said, not looking up from the flimsy book.

“Roger Taylor,” Sam answered aimlessly, tapping the card in his hand to his chin as his eyes scanned the columns of cards.

A few minutes of silence follow before Steve speaks again.

“1996 Looney Toons film starring Michael Jordan. Eight letters.”

“Space Jam,” you smirk, and you bite your lip to hold back a laugh. You want to ask him what the theme is for the puzzle he’s working on but you decide against it. You don’t want to embarrass him.

It felt really silly. The three of you, all ex-military crime fighters on the run, couped up together in this tiny living room, playing cards and helping Captain America with a pop culture crossword. Maybe it just felt weird because it was so normal.

You’re sweating. You didn’t realize it until just now. The dampness of the underarms of your t-shirt was all you could focus on. Why were you so nervous? Because again, the universe if giving you every single sign to just tell him. Yell it out so loud it echoes back to you across the water. Tell him. Tell him everything.

Every harbored fantasy of being with him. Tell him how much he means to you and how sorry you are that your fears drive you away from him. He feels so strong, and stoic next to you, it’s making your head spin and you feel like your brain is leaving your body behind. He’s so understanding and patient, and here you are, again, leaving him on another cliff hanger.

“Sam, I need to tell you something.”

No going back now.

Taglist:

@greeneyedblondie44 @witchybarb @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @sassy-kassaay @aynanasstuff @claudiaatje @lieswithoutfairytales @ttalisa​ @januarystears 

[nikkithomas]

Here’s the deal. I started having a lot of pain in my lower back, legs and hips. At first, I went to the chiropractor and he did some adjustments. I seriously felt so much better.

My regular doctor had prescribed some medicine for me for an unrelated thing and it made me so sick. I’d be so nauseous that I’d have to go get fresh air...walk it off...or even splash water on my face. That had been going on even when I was in Knoxville.

Aircheck had asked me to talk about my ACM trip to Vegas when we won in 2019. I’m sure there were people who thought it was funny or maybe even crass...but they asked what I thought or what was going through my head at that ceremony...and I think my answer was something to the effect of “I was trying not to throw up” or something like that. My stomach was on fire and I felt so dizzy. My face was all flushed and hot. I thought about going to the ER there in Vegas...but I was afraid I’d miss the reason I was there...to pick up the ACM for our station. I think it was win number seven for the station...as a PD it was my third...and it was still a pretty big deal. Honest to God, I didn’t want to let anyone down. I also wasn’t sure if it was food poisoning or something. When I got back to Knoxville, went to my doctor...they ran tests...gave me some medicine...and I thought that was the end of it. They still couldn’t figure out what was going on with me, though.

I left Knoxville and moved to the Tri Cities. Best decision I’ve made in years, by the way. I truly love these people. They’ve done a phenomenal job of protecting their product and their people and I believe that’s why this station is still so healthy when many other legendary stations have suffered. The stress level dropped substantially. It’s amazing what can be accomplished when the station and the people are a priority. Which by the way...XBQ has been so much like KAT Country. It’s been everything I love about radio and thought I’d never experience again. These people couldn’t be farther apart...yet be so much alike. It’s a good thing.

The main thing bothering me then...was my back and legs. Kept having some really nasty pain. The pain was so intense sometimes that it made me nauseous. My face was flushed...I had a fever...then I didn’t have one. Maybe it was my weight? I was getting up to pee a lot at night. Only sleeping one or two hours in a stretch. It was all these things that I never put together.

I wanted to get healthy. Told my doctor I wasn’t going to take that medicine that made me feel so bad...just in case that was the problem. My endocrinologist was cool with that. I started the keto diet. Actually...I did keto up until right before Thanksgiving.

I was so happy. My thyroid is absolutely hateful...so losing weight is the hardest thing to do it seems. On keto...I dropped over 30 pounds. Wow! I thought that was great!! Everything felt better. My energy levels were up. I’d get up at 4am and wouldn’t stop until 11pm...and everything was good...until my hip, back and legs started hurting again. It was so bad one morning that the guys I work with called chiropractors for me. It was awful.

The pain had never really stopped...but at a certain point you just get used to the pain and move on as best you can. That’s what I did up until a few weeks ago. If you know me, you know that I love Toys For Tots, St Jude, Second Harvest, etc. We were out with the marines working on Toys For Tots and I ended up having to miss one day because I hurt so bad. Now for me...that’s bad.

It never let up. I’ve just pushed through and tried to “suck it up” since then. That was a couple of weeks before Christmas. Y’all I seriously thought it might be psychosomatic. Maybe it was all in my head. If it hurt...I’d try to stretch or move and work it out of my body...but that NEVER worked.

So...I go back to the chiropractor. Those guys were so good to me. They can electrocute me anytime they want. (All hail the TENS unit!!) That seemed to be working...and then we had a little bit of a COVID scare at work...(everyone is okay, thank goodness). Around that time...I was running a fever off and on. Low grade. There were some other things that weren’t feeling quite right...so...just to be safe...I got another COVID test and quarantined. Still...I felt like I was ALWAYS in pain. Sometimes it was so bad...I couldn’t move or do anything in any way to make it stop. It made me want to cry. It was embarrassing. It was frustrating because I couldn’t get it to let up. It got so bad that last Saturday I drove myself to the ER to get checked out.

Urgent Care said they couldn’t help because I needed “imaging”. Well...I got that imaging done folks. Turns out...I have a scary mass on my right ovary. It’s pretty huge.

I went in Saturday night...terrified of being around sick people...but it had to be done. The pain was so intense...that my blood pressure shot sky high...and my nose starting bleeding. The doctor ordered morphine, Norco and a CT scan.

The guy doing the scan was a travel nurse. He went from being pretty chatty to sort of quiet and reserved after the test. When they injected the dye into me...he was telling me it would hurt...and it was nothing compared to what I was feeling.

I woke up two hours after the scan to the doctor on call sitting next to my bed and looking sorta weird at me. She told me they’d received my test results and everything I’d said was right on the money.

The burning, pressure, aching, tension...all of it...was related to what she referred to as “not the biggest mass” she’d ever seen...but “one of the largest”. She was surprised I’d been walking around with this thing in me for God knows how long.

Now here’s where the story goes off the rails.

That doctor at Ballad mentioned the word “cancer” about nine times in that room. That was the “suspected” diagnosis. She said I needed to follow up and see another doctor because of what could be “cancer”...and told me they’d have to see if it had spread anywhere.

Now...that was a LOT to take in. So...I did what any other person with an iPhone, an unlimited data plan and tons of morphine in their system would do...I looked that crap up on “Dr Internet”.

The next time a nurse came in...I asked her...”Umm did you guys do a CA 125 test?”

That same poor sweet nurse, who would go on to blow a vein...and push the medicine through the IV into my skin, thereby causing a monster of a bruise and making my vein get rock hard...she said in this really hushed tone...”I don’t know...I’ll ask. I saw your report. I’m so sorry.”

At this point...I’m facing my mortality. I just wanted out of there. I wanted this damn thing out of me...I wanted answers...I wanted everything to be okay.

I still want everything to be okay.

By the way...she never came back in with the answer to that CA 125 test question. So I took that as a hard “no”...or “they did it and don’t want to tell me”.

Monday I was back in the ER. Doubled over, in tears.

The doctor ordered pain medicine...that never came in the four hours I was there. That was NOT a fun time. The nurses just let me sit there. To her credit...the doctor was pretty furious when she found out they’d ignored her orders. Once again...this other doctor looks at me and says...”You know they think this is cancer?”

No. Still no test...but she made an appointment for me with a local oncologist.

Now...that CA 125 antigen test is not infallible, nor is it the end-all-be-all test for ovarian cancer. It is a marker though specifically for ovarian cancer.

So if they’re telling you that you have a massive tumor and it could be cancer...(two doctors over two visits..the word has been dropped about a dozen times...it’s also in the CT report...you’d think someone would bust out a needle...draw the blood...see what that looks like...and get you in the right frame of mind in case it is this horrible bastard of a disease!! Right? Wrong.)

The mass at the time was 10.3cm x 10.3cm x 7.1cm.

The oncologist couldn’t see me for a week...the gynecologist couldn’t see me until February 1st.

Yeah. No big hurry. I’m just having trouble walking. I’m in tears. I’m peeing...like a teaspoon at a time. I know that’s graphic...but if you don’t pee...you need to get checked. I felt like I was (and still feel, by the way) in the middle of a massive labor pain that wouldn’t ease off. It’s pain that makes you want to throw up sometimes. It’s super intense.

I went home that second time...sat down in my room...and I couldn’t help but tear up. I’ve cried two and a half times over the “state of things” since this started. Those are the “what am I going to do” tears...totally different from the “oh Lord this hurts like hell...dear God make it stop” tears.

Talked to our friend Eric who told me it was a shame I didn’t live in Nashville...because I could probably call Vanderbilt and be seen pretty quickly. Eric...was right. I’m three hours from Vanderbilt...but only an hour or so from Knoxville.

I called UT. (Go Vols!) That football situation isn’t ideal...but that hospital ain’t half bad.

Within less than an hour...the head Oncologist had looked over my CT scan and was working to get me in there ASAP. They’d have taken me that day...but it was too late in the day and I’d never make it down there in time. So...they scheduled me for Wednesday morning.

Before I walked out of the room that morning...they told me they were going to operate and get this out of me by Monday at the very latest. The schedule was full...so they needed to check on a few things before I left the hospital...just in case there was torsion or whatever.

I had a CA 125 test. That looked good from what I understand but my CT scan and sonogram looked sketchy. The mass appeared to be even larger since Saturday?!? (It showed up as being 12.6cm x 13.3cm x 8.3cm) They gave me a COVID test and told me to self isolate until my surgery...which is scheduled for tomorrow.

It was upon learning how much larger this thing had become...that I named it...”Larry King”.

I don’t know why...but that seemed to be the name that fit whatever this thing is inside me. In my mind...it looks like Larry King...holding two shot glasses. One shot glass is filled with Dewar’s...the other is filled with Metamucil. He has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth...but I don’t know if he’s a “smoker” yet.

If it officially comes back as cancer...I’ll let you know. If it doesn’t...I’ll let you know that, too.

I’m not writing this for pity or attention...on the contrary. It’s all a lot for me to take in...and I’m just not sure how to process it all. Writing it out sort of helps.

In the middle of all of this over the past week...Tom Starr passed away. He was such a sweet man. There’s a picture that he took of us at CRS...it’s me...Tom...Lisa McKay and Heather Davis. I think Heather wrote a caption that said something like “it’s so hard to believe half of the people in this picture are gone”.

That was pretty heavy.

I’m still trying to process that actually. I thought the world of Tom, loved Lisa McKay (she got me when so many others didn’t)...and just to the left...there I was. I felt like a jerk for even taking a moment to feel bad for myself. There are so many other people who have it so much worse than I do. And what if there’s nothing to this thing? What if it’s just some sort freak thing? There are so many people who’ve fought so hard and powered through so much and here I am...maybe worried for nothing...getting ready to have surgery...and it feels wrong to worry about myself. Whatever is done is done and I’ll fight whatever I need to fight. If it’s not cancer (oh God please let them all be wrong) then I have a lot of things that I need to do...and other people’s opinions and judgment that don’t have any place in my head or the right to exist in my life’s body of work or otherwise. I’ll just keep praying for them.

I keep telling myself those doctors could be wrong. Until I see a pathology report...this isn’t real.

While I appreciate and am thankful for any prayers you can send up on my behalf...please don’t feel obliged to write anything on this post. Seriously. I just needed to get this all out and behind me.

I HATE “bleeding on the internet”. It’s a serious pet peeve. Not everyone is worthy of knowing everything that’s going on...nor should they be expected to care...but I realize sometimes people need reinforcement and support. I still don’t like sharing MY business on here. It feels weird. I’ll talk about things on the air...that I don’t care to regurgitate on Facebook.

I’ll talk about award shows, TV, things that are funny...pictures...but it’s not my business who you vote for or what you believe in. I’m just glad that you DO. Better to have convictions and purpose than be apathetic. Over the years...it’s been amazing to see how a simple picture I’ve posted or link (without even commenting on it...just a pic or simple URL) how it can make people lose their minds.

You will never solve life’s problems on Facebook or any other social media platform. It controls you. You/we are merely the peanut gallery from which billions of dollars are “mined” every single minute we’re on here.

The smartest thing I ever had laid on me about social media was from an interview with a Silicon Valley person that said “If you’re not creating the product...you ARE the product. Think about that.

Our world is so messed up right now. And no matter what party you’re affiliated with...it just seems very wrong to lump everyone together and vilify them all. Not everyone is evil. Not everyone is right or wrong. Writing people off is so inhumane. You really can disagree with someone and not hate them.

I remember being at a concert in a few years ago and had just learned some pretty tough stuff that was impacting a competitor, and shared that with one of the leaders that I worked with. They’d taken a huge blow...which was awesome strategically...but it happened at the same time the competitors PD had lost his mother. I remember expressing that I felt bad for the guy (specifically about losing his mother)...and without batting an eye...the guy I worked with said he didn’t feel sorry for him at all. “That’s just too bad!” He said other things but I won’t go there because that would reveal who that person is...and the person for whom he was speaking about that day. Now...in my heart I hoped that guy who up until then I’d had so much respect for...did NOT know what happened to this guys mom. It just felt gross talking to him. I never looked at him the same way again. It was all about depth. There was nothing there. Very disappointing. I once cared what this guy thought about me...but that was done. And living through this now underscores that feeling and reminds me on a personal level what really is important. That’s a lot for a workaholic like me to process.

I’m signing off now. It got sort of “ramblesque” there at the end. Sorry about that. As for all the other stuff...I’ll let you know how it all turns out.

[jiqri]

A Ghost of the Past

A/N: Gif by me. Yugyeom was giving me major vampy vibes in NBTM and I came across this post, which resulted in whatever this is. This is my first fic and I finished it at like 4am so please excuse any mistakes. Enjoy~ 

Words: 3387

Genre: Tiny amount of angst?? idek, fluff

You turned and twirled in the small dressing room, trying to catch a glimpse of yourself from every angle. They say you can never go wrong with the ‘little black dress’, yet you struggled to recognise the person in the mirror looking back at you. You were way out of your comfort zone putting this tiny piece of fabric on, because that was literally what it was; tiny. Okay, maybe not tiny but small enough.

There was a knock on your door. “You okay in there, Love? You’ve been in there for 15 minutes already.” Your boyfriend’s voice came from the other side.

“I’m fine, I’m just getting changed again.” You puffed your cheeks, quickly getting changed back into your casual wear, putting the dress back on its hanger. It was a habit of yours to always keep the hangers of whatever you were buying.

You opened the door to find Yugyeom sitting legs crossed on the pouf outside, eyes buried in his phone. He looked as stunning as ever, a marble sculpture shaped by the most skilled artist. His full, black hair laid perfectly as always, a tiny freckle right under one of his eyes. God, you loved that freckle. You would never understand how you managed to catch such a stunning creature.

Yugyeom wasted no time putting his phone away the moment he saw you stride towards him. You reached the pouf where he was sat, standing in front of him, the black dress draped over your arm. His hand quickly found yours, stroking the back of it.

“You ready to go?” Looking up at your face, Yugyeom placed a soft kiss on your hand.  

You pulled your hand from his lips to the back of his neck, gently running your fingers through his hair, careful not to mess it up. “Yes, I’m so over this shopping trip.” You pouted.

Shopping was one of the things you hated with a burning passion. You were only here because Yugyeom had dragged you, claiming he wanted to take you on a nice date, and that you needed a new outfit. He smiled as he stood up, a laugh rumbling in his chest.

You sighed. “I still can’t believe you’re making me buy a dress. I have plenty of other suitable clothes at home.”

Yugyeom moved forward to cup your face in his hands. “You do not own a single dress, Y/N. Can you blame me for wanting to see my beautiful girlfriend wear one, just for one night?”

His eyes focused on your lips, caressing his thumb over your bottom lip, his face only inches away from yours. At this point you were tip toeing, desperate for only a small taste of this intoxicating man, a small taste of heaven. He never failed to leave you breathless, and for a second you forgot you were standing in the middle of the fitting area of a small boutique.

Snapping out of your trance when another couple entered the fitting area, you exhaled. “Don’t do that.” Your voice was barely a whisper as you pulled away from the male.

“Do what exactly?” Yugyeom’s eyes were dark, lustful.

You gulped down the saliva that had been pooling in your mouth, letting your eyes wander to anything but him. “Seduce me. It’s unfair, you promised you wouldn’t use your powers on me.”

He hummed, a smirk plastered on his face. “I did no such thing, Love. The emotions you were feeling were all you.”

Needless to say, you knew in your heart he wouldn’t manipulate your emotions to his advantage. You just weren’t ready to admit you were head over heels in love with this marvellous man, who also happened to be a vampire.

Rolling your eyes in response, you grabbed his hand, leading the way to the till so that you could pay for this damn piece of fabric.

You had both made your way out of the boutique after bickering over who was to pay for said piece of fabric. Yugyeom, the gentleman that he was, was persistent on paying for the dress, much to your annoyance. After bickering in front of the poor cashier for a good five minutes, you had finally given in, letting the man pay as he was the one insisting on you getting a dress in the first place.

You were heading home, now excited to get ready for your date. You had been on dates before, but it usually didn’t involve you having to dress up. If Yugyeom wanted you in a dress, it meant he wanted the night to be different from the others; special. In the midst of walking down the crowded street, lost in your own thoughts, a voice croaked from behind you, pulling you back to reality.

“Yugyeom?” The husky voice questioned.

You saw confusion written all over Yugyeom’s face before he turned around to examine the owner of the voice. Curious as to who would know your boyfriend’s name in this town, you followed his movement, turning around to see what was going on for yourself.

Yugyeom’s confused face had now turned into stone. In front of him stood possibly the most gorgeous woman you had ever laid eyes on. Her hair was long and dark, wavy but also so smooth. Did she advertise for Pantene or something? It certainly looked like it.

She had a face straight out of a magazine; big eyes, a small nose, lips a sultry red colour. She was about the same height as Yugyeom, possibly because she was wearing the highest stilettos you had ever seen, yet she made balancing in them look so effortless. Any other human would be wobbling around like Bambi on ice wearing those heels.

And that’s when you realised, she was too perfect, much alike the man standing by your side, because she wasn’t human at all.

She had taken off her sunglasses and placed them on top of her head to get a better look at the man by your side. Maybe if she had kept them on you wouldn’t have felt so incredibly average in her presence.

“It really is you! I have not seen you in-“ She paused as she gave you a glance, obviously unsure of how much you knew about the man and his being. Her eyes quickly wandered back to your boyfriend. “A lifetime.” She finished, shooting him a big smile. Ironic.

Yugyeom gave her a polite smile in return. “Indeed, it’s been quite some time.” Taken back by the sudden reunion, he seemed unsure of what to do, which was out of character for the composed man you were used.

He turned his head to you, placing a steady hand on your hip to pull you closer to him. “This is Y/N, my partner. Y/N, this is Genevieve, an old friend of mine.”

The woman, Genevieve, now shifted her focus to you, taking you in from head to toe. “A pleasure to meet you.” She reached out her perfectly manicured hand to greet you and you took it, giving her possibly the measliest handshake of your life.

She gave you a small smile, retracting her hand. “I didn’t know you had,” she paused again, taking you in once more, “settled in this town. It’s…cute.”

You weren’t sure if she was referring to this town or you, but you decided you didn’t like the sound of either.

Yugyeom shrugged. “I suppose I have a thing for cute.”

She gave him a hum in response, cocking her eyebrow. “It’s been so long Yugyeom, we should catch up. We could go for a meal, like old times.”

You could see her tongue gliding over her subtle fangs, smirking at Yugyeom, carefully observing his reaction. It was like she didn’t even notice your presence anymore from where she was standing in front of you, looking like she was ready to eat your man up like he was a three-course meal.

Something told you she wasn’t implying going for a steak dinner either, unless the cow was served still walking.

Yugyeom hesitated for a moment. Was he actually considering her offer? You awkwardly cleared your throat, hoping your boyfriend would take the hint. You could name a handful of other things you would rather do than to spend time with his old friend.

He squeezed your hip reassuringly, taking a sharp breath in. “Maybe another time, we already have a reservation so we should get going.”

If Genevieve was bothered by this, you wouldn’t have known, as her expression didn’t falter. She clicked her tongue. “That’s a pity, I suppose I will have to hunt someone else down.” You were pretty sure she meant the last part of what she said literally and shuddered by the thought.

Pulling the sunglasses from the top of her head back to her face, she signalled she was leaving. Passing Yugyeom, she put a hand on his arm. “I’m not in town for long so don’t be a stranger, darling.” She smirked whilst eyeing him over the rim of her glasses, retracting her hand from his arm, vanishing into the sea of people behind you.

You felt uneasy to say the least, and surprisingly pissed off. Why didn’t he just decline her offer at once? Who even was she? Jealousy is ugly and it was slowly creeping in on you.

“Are you coming?” Yugyeom’s hand pulled on yours, ushering you to continue on your way home. In the corner of your eye you spotted a particular shop you suddenly felt the urge to visit, just what you needed to complete night’s look.

You rummaged through your bag. “I think I forgot my sunglasses in the fitting room at that boutique, I’ll quickly run back and check. Go back to the car and I’ll met you there, yeah?” You let go of his hand, turning back in the direction of the shop you had been in earlier.

Yugyeom muttered an ‘okay’ and you parted ways, the man oblivious of your true intentions as he headed towards the car you parked a few streets down.

When he was out of your sight you hurriedly made a turn in the opposite direction, doorbell chiming as you entered your shop of choice.

 The dress you had chosen were a perfect match for your newly bought jewellery. Well, it was black, of course it would match, which is why you had lots to choose from when you entered the jewellery shop earlier. You had picked out a pair of earrings, a necklace, a bracelet, even a ring or two, all now carefully attached to your body. You had put on a full face of makeup, a rare sight for you as you normally didn’t have the time to. Putting your heels on, because heels were the only option fitting for tonight according to Yugyeom, you made your way out of your bedroom.

Yugyeom was leaning on your kitchen island, dressed up to match your own outfit, scrolling through his phone yet again. For someone always complaining that people in today’s modern age are always on their phone, he was consistent on putting his own nose in it too.

“These mortals really have no respect for their own limits anymore. Why on earth would you willingly throw yourself out of a moving aeroplane thousands of feet above ground? Their bodies don’t heal if something goes wrong and they hit the ground! Do all mortals subconsciously have a death wi-“

His voice trickled off, the sight of you standing in your doorway all dressed up made his thoughts go foggy. He didn’t need oxygen, he was immortal after all, yet he couldn’t stop the feeling of needing to take a deep breath to collect his thoughts.

For a moment he thought all his sins had been forgiven and he had been lifted to the gates of heaven, God having spared him from being dragged down to the doomed gates of hell for his eternal suffering.  You couldn’t possibly be anything other than an angel.

“You look heavenly.” For once in his life he had no other words to describe your beauty; no words could possibly do you justice.

You noticed how intensely he focused on you and you could feel your blush creeping up, tinting your cheeks a rosy pink.

Yugyeom pushed himself off the kitchen island, eager to get his hands on you. “The dress fits you perfectly.” He was about to pull you in for a kiss until he noticed your jewellery and came to a halt. “And so does your accessories.” He eyed them all, a questioning look taking place on his face.

Remembering that you we’re still not happy from the situation you had ran into earlier during the day, you straightened your posture.

“I saw this cute little shop on my way back from the boutique and I thought, ‘Hey, I don’t have any accessories’ and here we are. Do you like them? They’re all real silver.” You reached out your arm, your boyfriend flinching to the side.

His eyes trailed from the jewellery on your arm up to your face, back to your arm. “They’re nice. What made you go for silver?” He asked cautiously.

You let your arm down, walking over to the couch to pick up your bag. “You know, just thought they would look nice with the dress.”

Yugyeom stood still in his spot, brows furrowed. “So would gold, which also wouldn’t burn my skin off.”

You smirked, your face out of sight from your boyfriend. “Oh, I didn’t think about that. Sorry.” You shrugged.

Your boyfriend let out a sigh, now pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed. “Love, come on. What’s the reason behind this?”

You looked at him with your doe-eyes, feigning innocence again. “What do you mean?”

Yugyeom crossed his arms, glaring in your direction. You could tell he was getting impatient by the way he puffed. “You got rid of all your silver the second I moved in, and you want me to believe you got all of this silver jewellery because ‘It would go nice with the dress’? Do not take me for a fool, Y/N.”

A near mocking laugh escaped your lips. “Maybe if you’re so afraid of a tiny amount of silver you should have invited Genevieve instead. I’m sure she would be more than happy to go for a blue steak with you.“

Yugyeom’s eyes narrowed at your comment. You didn’t normally start petty arguments over anything, so something was bothering you enough for you to lash out like this. He didn’t expect you to be throwing a tantrum over bumping into Genevieve, the past was the past, his story with the woman was buried decades ago.

Then it clicked in his mind.

“Are you jealous?” He asked carefully, his eyes now softer.  

You gaped, slightly offended. “I’m absolutely not jealous of your drop-dead gorgeous old friend. I’m just saying you probably have more in common with her than me when it comes to your choice of food.” You crossed your arms as well as your legs, staring into the darkness outside the window.

“Y/N, please.” Yugyeom sighed. You had to pick a fight, today out of all days.

You on the other hand had never felt this type of rage and the adrenaline that came with it.

Both of you fell silent for a moment, trying to read the situation.

“Who is she to you?” Breaking the silence, your gaze still outside, afraid that if you so much as glanced in Yugyeom’s direction your walls would come crumbling down, exposing you, your weakness on full display.

Yugyeom continued to stay silent, worry building in your chest. This couldn’t be good.

“I’m not buying the old friend crap. She was looking at you like you were a meal but as far as I know, vampires don’t survive off of each other.”

You wanted answers. You needed answers.

Yugyeom’s arms dropped and he made his way to the couch you were sitting on. He sat down next to you, placing a hand on your exposed knee, his touch sending a tingling sensation up your thigh, straight to your spine. Damn this man and how he affected you.

“We knew each other a long time ago. You could say we were partners in crime, we only had each other to rely on. It can be hard out there on your own, not to mention lonely.” His voice was soft, back to its silky-smooth self.

You took a deep, shaky breath.

“So you were lovers, is that it then?”

You couldn’t bear the thought of Yugyeom with someone else. It was ridiculous of course, the man had a life before you, decades before you were even born, he was bound to have been involved with someone. But it didn’t hurt any less hearing about it.

“We were involved with each other in various activities.”

Your heart was beating so hard you could hear your pulse in your ears, and you were sure Yugyeom could hear it just as well, if not better than you.  

“Did you love her?” You weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the answer to the question you just asked, your voice a mere mumble as you were now staring at the floor.

Yugyeom could hear your heart racing, the protruding vein in your neck pulsating, your breathing irregular. His hand squeezed your thigh, just above your knee, drawing circles with his thumb.

“I cared for her in multiple ways, but no, I didn’t love her. It was the reason she left me to my own in the end, I couldn’t love her the way she wanted me to. The way I love you.”

Yugyeom paused, trying to read your face before he continued.

Was he doing the right thing telling you this? It wasn’t unusual for you to ask questions about the past, how things used to be around the world as he had lived to see it unfold, but you never spoke about his past like this. There were uncountable things he could tell you about his past, but he would rather not go near that subject, burying it in the deepest, darkest part of his mind.

“I didn’t think I would ever see her again, we parted nearly a lifetime ago. I didn’t care for her like I care for you. I never loved her. I have never loved anyone like I love you.”

Your heart skipped a beat and you were sure it was going to pack it’s bags and run out of your chest at any point now. Your arms were still crossed over your chest, afraid of hurting your boyfriend with your jewellery as you didn’t actually intend to use them against him. More than anything you wanted to wrap your arms around Yugyeom’s frame, bury yourself face in his chest and smell that familiar scent, his scent.

Voice a mere whisper, you stared into your lap. “Say it again.”

Yugyeom squeezed your thigh once more, firmer this time. He grabbed your chin, gently nudging your chin up so he could tell you straight to your face. “I love you Y/N. I adore you. I crave you. You’re all I could ever want, and I will cherish you forever, even if my damned soul does not deserve you. I won’t let anything in this mortal world part me from you.”

It was all you needed to hear.

A sheepish grin spread across your face. “I love you too, Yugyeom. And I’m sorry about all of this.” You gestured to yourself and the dumb jewellery you were wearing. You were going to throw it all out by morning, not caring about the money you spent on it.

Yugyeom let out a breathy laugh, smiling because you were smiling.

“I know.” He pushed a strand of hair out of your face, careful to avoid your earrings. Soon enough he smirked, eyes just as dark as they had been in the little boutique.

“Now Love, would you please take all of this shiny garbage off of you so that I can kiss you before I go insane?”

A giggle erupted from your lips, throwing every piece of stupid silver on your body across the room, lips finally colliding with your love.

[peachessashaven]

Who Do You Love - Joe Mazzello x Reader

Synopsis: Joe's been distant lately with you, you're confused on why. Let's hope he can own up soon on why.

Words: 3.7k

Warning: like one swear word, reader be confused af

A/N: yall my best friend wrote this masterpiece its better than ive ever written but she cant be fucked putting it on her blog 😂 i love her a lot so show this some love too!!

Everything or nothing, that’s how it’s always been with Joe, and he’s always given me his everything. That’s why I found his behavior strange lately. I wouldn’t call it distant, but something had changed, like how he had been acting around me. He’s been dismissive, not wanting to spend as much time with me, but this behaviour wasn’t unusual, or unnatural for what’s changed in his life. He’s been on set for the past few months with his mates - coming home at unreasonable hours of the morning, 3am, 4am or even 6 in the morning. “Hey Babe, did you want to go out for dinner tonight? Maybe to a nice fancy restaurant, just the two of us?” I had asked, happily. Looking towards Joe for your answer, after throwing my pillow on the freshly made up bed. Joe and I lived together, it’s been this way for just over a year now. Everything had been going great when we both moved in together, it was like nothing had changed. He still took us out on dates, spontaneous gifts here and there, nothing too out there. But, maybe about a week ago, that went dull. “Sorry, Hon. I can’t.” He said dryly, coming out from the bathroom with a towel around hung atop of his damp hair, which would be a rather attractive sight to you if it weren’t for the disappointing news. A frown made its way upon my face as I had nodded sadly. “Oh, alright.” Shaking my head, I looked up towards where Joe was and smiled at him, running my hand through my hair, pushing it back. “That’s alright. I know that you’re busy with work and everything,” I explained as I turned off the Radio that sat on our nightstand, right next to a photo of Joe and I, the day we spent our one year anniversary at the beach. “I just thought it would be nice for you to have some time away for a while, you know?” My voice progressively got more and more shaky. I spun around after taking a good look at the photo. Joe looked at me with sorrowful eyes, and took a step closer towards me. Shaking my head, I smiled more, even if I felt like my heart had fallen down to my feet. “I just thought that some time out away from everything, your practice and rehearsal,” Without my knowledge, a tear rolled down towards my chin. Sniffling and wiping away the tear, I shook my head once more, forgetting what I was going to say. “It really is okay, I just miss you.” Looking up into his eyes. “I really...I just really fucking miss you, Joe.” Heading towards the bathroom door behind him, I softly spoke before shutting the door. “I have to get ready for work.” My eyes landed on his face just before I closed the door. Dread. That’s all I saw. His eyes filled with pure sadness and dread. Another tear had strolled its way down my cheek. This feeling... I never want to feel it again. That was 6 days ago. I have spoken to Joe since then, of course, but it’s been small conversations, like how was your day and what do you want for dinner, as well as I Love You’s. To say I had been moping around the house since then would be an understatement. Of course I had been sad, but Joe hadn’t even apologised, or asked me if I’ve been okay since then. The same look of sadness hadn’t left his eyes, so I haven’t even thought the fact that he might want to leave me. He wouldn’t...would he? Hearing my phone’s ringtone blast from the lounge-room, I left the kitchen to see who it was calling me. “Hey Gwilym, what’s up?” Trying your best to sound like you’ve been doing alright. “Hey, love!” His welsh accent coming through easily. “I was just calling to see if you’d like to come on set and watch us rehearse? I know Joe might’ve contacted you about it already, but since you’re not here, I thought I’d ask if you wanted to come!” He sounds peachy and genuinely happy. I hope that Joe is too. “We all love your company around here, and it would be such a delight to have you.” Smiling, I nodded, trying to ignore the fact that my heart still sat at my feet. Joe hadn’t said anything to me about coming in today, he hadn’t asked me if I wanted to come in and watch them rehearse, catch up with my friends. “Yeah, sure! I’ll see you guys soon, just text me the address of where you guys are rehearsing today.” As I was about to say goodbye, his voice piped up once more. “How have you been lately, angel? I haven’t heard from you much. And I would ask Joe, but you’re the person I’m asking about, so I’d pick it as common sense to call you and ask.” Him asking how I’ve been is one thing, but to know he was genuinely concerned about me that he hadn’t gone to Joe to ask about my wellbeing is another. Gwilym was probably one of the guys I was closest to, minus Joe. After Joe had introduced me to the guys, Gwilym never failed on checking up on me, resulting on me getting closer and closer to him. “Yeah, I’m fine, Gwil.” Sounding a little bit deflated, I knew he would’ve picked up on it, so I tried to cover up. “Just a bit tired lately, you know? Work and all.” A dry laugh came out from my mouth. “You don’t have to worry about me.” He stayed silent for a moment. I knew that he figured out that I wasn’t telling the truth. Nonetheless, he replied. “Alright, but I will always worry. You’re my friend, of course.” He spoke, gentle and slow, as to let me know he was genuine and true. That sent a pang straight to my heart. I felt my eyes well with tears. Wow, I’m emotional. “Thank you, Gwil, but I’ll be okay.” Pausing for just a moment, i resumed talking. “Well, alright. I’m going to go and get ready then. I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He responds with a small yes, and then a goodbye. After we had hung up, I rolled my head backwards, taking in a long breath, and then breathing out, feeling like some of the weight had gone. If only it were that easy. Not bothering to hop into the shower, having had one late last night, I just walked into the room and got myself ready. Throwing on a T-Shirt, sweater and some well fitted jeans, I tugged on my boots and left the house. After I lock the car, I walk through the car park. When I see Ben and Gwilym laughing and bickering, I let out a small laugh at their silliness, wondering if they do the same with Joe. My smile falters as my thoughts bring Joe into play, I shake my head - I don’t need to be thinking of him right now, I’ve got my friends to see. “Hey Y/N!” Gwil yells from where they’re standing. I smile widely as I lift my arm up to wave at them, walking towards where they stood. “Hey guys!” I giggle with excitement as I see they’re trying to fight for the first hug. I hug Gwil first, Ben shrugs and decides to join in, pulling us all together, closer. I let out another laugh as they both let go of me. “How have you guys been?” I ask, pulling a strand of hair behind my ear, listening intently. “Yeah! We’ve been great!” Ben says, enthusiastically. It was nice to be with them, they were so calm, fun and laid back, all things that Joe hasn’t been lately, and it makes me sad. I want Joe to be as happy as them, especially when they’re at home. “Oh god, you guys really do look like young Rog and Bri,” I play with a strand of Gwil’s fake bouncy hair. “Holy shit, it feels so real too!” “C’mon, hun, come on in!” Gwilym extends his hand in front of him, in the gesture of ‘come along’. I smile and begin to walk in, Ben on my right and Gwil on my left. Heading off into the set of the recording studio, Ben and Gwil disappearing somewhere into the crowd of makeup artists, I assumed, I looked around the room, observing it. It looked like the inside of a shack, but behind the glass was where they, Queen, would’ve recorded their songs. Or, actually, a replica of where they would have recorded their songs. “When did you get here?” Hearing a familiar voice behind me, my heart began to race. Turning around to see Joe, my heart raced faster. He had his wig, makeup and outfit on, all prepared for his scenes. He really looks like the younger version of John Deacon! Behind his eyes were some sort of happiness, but I could tell that when he saw me, he was nervous. Nervous about what, I wouldn’t know, my best guess is getting his lines right. Smiling at him, I walked towards him to give him a small hug, saying a gentle hello. Pulling back from him, I smiled at him. He gave me a small smile back, and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. Feeling my cheeks become slightly hot, I looked down towards the ground, bashfully. Taking a small step backwards, away from him, I took a glance around the room again. “Is this where they would record their songs?” Referring to Queen, I looked back at Joe shortly after glancing around the room once more. He nodded his head lightheartedly. “Well, it's a recreation of what would have been their recording studio.” He smiles as he looks around. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” As he’s looking around, I take the time to observe the man that I adore. His eyes were looking right into mine, his beautiful, hazel eyes. His adorable puppy-dog eyes. They haven't changed since I had met him. His defined jaw wasn’t sporting his usual beard, he was shaven clean for the movie. Honestly, I love him when he does or doesn’t have his facial hair. I mean, he is gorgeous no matter what. His beard makes it all the more fun to kiss him, having the fun, ticklish feeling left to linger. As I start to look around, I feel a pair of eyes on me. Looking back at Joe, his eyes met mine once more. As the blood rushes to my cheeks, causing a tint of pink to spread across my cheeks, leaving them rosy, I can’t tell what he’s feeling anymore. Whether he is feeling too much, or nothing at all. “Can you wait here for just a second?” He asks, reaching out to hold my hand. My heart started to beat faster as I nodded my head, reaching my arm out for his hand to grab mine. He rubbed his thumb on the top of my hand, and then let go. I didn’t want him to let go of my hand, his hands felt so soft and warm, I felt safe just holding them. When his hand slipped out of mine, I felt like whimpering. I felt like I was losing something, but he gave me a reassuring smile, and then left the room. As the door closed, I felt cold. I moved myself backwards to sit on the couch in the back of the room. Ten minutes had passed and Joe still hadn’t come back, so I decided I would get up and walk around the room, observe more closely. As I had stood up to take a closer look at things, Gwilym had walked in. I wouldn’t say he looked panicked, but definitely flushed. “Gwil, is everything okay?” I ask with a small chuckle coming from my mouth. He doesn’t say a word. He just grabs my wrist, wearing a smile from ear to ear, and then leads us out of the room. “Gwil, where are we going? I’m supposed to wait for Joe-” All that is going through my body right now is the feeling of utter confusion. When Gwil looks over his shoulder with a small smirk, I am even more confused. He shuffles us past small groups of people, other parts of the set, I couldn’t even tell where we were going anymore. When he opened a door and pushed us through, we found ourselves at a fountain. A beautiful fountain. My eyes widened, looking around the beautiful place. “This place… It’s gorgeous!” Spinning to get a 360 view of the room, I turned around to look at Gwilym, but it turns out that in the midst of walking in here and now, he walked out. Standing on the small set, surrounded by four walls, I found myself in awe with everything. The floor was artificial grass, yet soft and felt so real, dusted with small pink, yellow, and purple flowers. All of my favourite colours. There was a small tree in corner, setting shading upon the fountain that was spurting water. The water that rests in the fountain was adorned with lily pads that had flowers carefully placed on the top of them. I couldn’t help but admire everything that I was surrounded in. I felt like a princess in a fantasy world, this doesn’t seem real. “Hi, Sweetie.” Hearing Joe’s soft voice behind me, I saw that he looked completely different than when I had last saw him. He wasn’t John Deacon anymore, he was Joseph Mazzello, the man I had fallen madly in love with the day I had met him. “Joe.” I said, but it came out more as a question than anything. I knew it was him, but I didn’t know why he wasn’t in his wig anymore. “What’s going on? I thought rehearsal didn’t finish until late?” Cocking my head to the side, I took a closer look at him. Was he wearing a tuxedo? He walked towards me with me smile on his face, a tinge of pink dusting his cheekbones. “Y/N, I have debated on when I wanted to do this,” He began, making my heart race faster and faster. Having that smile on his face washed away all my worries of him ending this relationship. “But seeing you stand there in front of me, your cheeks pink, eyes filled with nothing but love, I knew my decision had been made right then and there.” His smile had only gotten wider, and I felt that I could hear his heart beating out of his chest. “But before I do go on, there is one thing I want to get out of the way first.” He’s all I can see. Nothing else in this room is in my view. The faux grass, the tree, the fountain or the lily pads, nothing. Just Joe. Just Joe in his navy blue suit, bowtie and well shined shoes. “I know that recently, I haven’t been myself. I didn’t notice, but when I told the boys, they helped me see things really clearly. And I am so sorry if I had made you feel unloved, or scared that you would lose me. I am so sorry.” He sniffled gently, keeping the water that was welling his eyes at bay. Dabbing his clothed wrist onto his eyes, ridding himself of the water, he continued on with his speech. “You are my everything. You’re honestly all I see. I don’t want to be anywhere without you, or without the memory of you. I want to go everywhere and be there with you, or if you can’t be there, remember us going there together. I don’t want to be without you.” The water reappeared at the brim of his eyes, just as they appeared in mine too. My heart continued to beat loudly. He took one more step closer, one stray tear strolling down his cheek. I instinctively lifted my arm, pressing my thumb against his cheek to wipe away the tear. He chucked and grabbed my arm, sliding it down to slip his hand into mine, moving his other arm forward to grab my other hand, holding them both.

“You are the person I cherish the most. I love our time together.” He smiled, sniffling once more, swinging our arms side to side. “Do you remember our first year anniversary?” He chuckles. Remembering back to the day, I laughed with him. That day at the beach, I had been frightened by the birds down there, running away from them, all while trying to desperately keep my hat on in the rough wind. Joe stood a fair bit away, laughing at the scene while trying to shoo the birds away. Nodding my head, he continued with what he was saying. “That day, I won’t ever forget it. Not just because you were afraid of the birds,” He laughed gently, but then tightened his grip in my hands. “But because that day, the sun hit you in a way I have never seen. You looked like an angel. A real life angel, send down here to bless not just me, but every person that you come in contact with in every way possible.” His voice was soft, fragile, like he was trying not to break glass. “I would say you have never looked more beautiful, but you get more and more beautiful every day. I can never get enough of you, I really can’t. You take my breath away with every passing moment.” As he finished his sentence, I looked at him with so much love in my eyes. I squeezed his hands harder just as he was slipping them out from my grasp. He took a small step back, and then got down on one knee. “Joe?” I asked, my heart beating a million miles an hour, my heart just about to come out of my chest. My hands had flung up to my mouth instinctively, not knowing what else to do with them. “Baby, I honestly cannot see my future without you in it, and I don’t want to hold this off any longer.” He takes a small black velvet box out of his back pocket and holds it in his hand. “You mean so much to me, and I would feel like the luckiest guy on the face of this earth if you would be my wife, Y/N.” He opens the box to reveal a simple, yet elegant silver ring. Nodding my head vigorously, he shot up, wrapping his arms around me. “I love you so much, Joe. Of course, of course I’ll marry you.” Saying, trying to sound like I’m not about to cry, I hug him tightly in my arms. Hearing repeated bang’s go off behind Joe, I look to see that Gwil, Ben, Rami and Lucy had all been standing there with party poppers in their hands. “Congratulations you guys!” Lucy loudly says, over all of the boys popping their poppers after she did hers. Lucy raced forward to throw her arms around the both of us, the boys following suit. Congratulations and I’m so happy for you guys were thrown around, but in all honesty, my eyes were only set on Joe, who had never looked happier. He was smiling from ear to ear and his eyes were glistening, like there were stars in his eyes. Moving my hand from Joe’s back, where I was hugging him, I placed my hand on his cheek. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes filling with fondness and love. As we got closer, our lips pressing against one another, cheers had filled the room once again. Not having a single care in the world, my hand had slipped from his cheek to the back of his neck, my fingers running through his hair in the process. His hand had found its place on my back, pushing me closer to him. Hearing mumbling and then a door closing, I had only assumed that the group had made their way outside, giving us our privacy. Our lips didn’t pull away for another minute after that. When we needed air, only then we decided to pull away, our foreheads pressed together. “I love you so much, Y/N.” His eyes, his shining, emerald green eyes had opened to look directly into mine, his hand from my back finding its way to rest on my cheek, his thumb rubbing away any tears that had strayed from my eyes. “I love you so much too, Joe. Enough that I would marry your goofy ass.” Chuckling silently, I leaned forward to peck his lips once more, pulling away, resting my arms on his shoulders to keep steady. His lips twitched into a smirk, his hands landing on my hips. “Oh, sweetie, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Making the both of us laugh, he pressed his lips against mine with more passion than before, our bodies in much closer proximity than before. My hands finding their way in his hair once more. One of his hands had found their way up my shirt, gripping my torso, like he was embedding my body in his mind. My whole body was pressed right up against his. I started to breathe more heavily than before, my body starting to increase in temperature. Joe had moved his hands from my body, trailing one hand up to cup my cheek. He began to pull away, but I didn’t want him to go, so I pushed myself forward. Feeling him smile against my lips and feeling him laugh, he stopped me from pushing my lips against his, and pulled away. Pouting as he looked me in the eyes, he just rubbed his thumb against my cheek. A smirk spread itself across his face just as he had leaned in to whisper to me. “Don’t worry baby.” His breath fanned against my neck, making goosebumps travel down my whole body. “You can get more when we get home. So much more.” Although I’m very impatient to get home, if this is what the future looks like, I can’t wait.

[writingsofmyimagination]

Conjecture |3|

Yoongi x Reader

Idol Reader Au, Enemies to Lovers AU

Summary: Your management refused to renew your contract unless you collaborated, so you ending up working with Min Yoongi. A guy you’d disliked from before both of your debuts. There is more to their past than meets the eye.

Words:2071

Links to other parts in my masterlist

if you want to be tagged let me know :)

@msunnsstuff @rosey-roseu @eyelessmin

Warnings: Swearing. (nearly at the smut i promise)

(Mention’s on Monsta X’s Wonho)

Reblog, Like, Comment :)

//-It was 4am Yoongi was still bright eyed and bushy tailed hands working tirelessly on the buttons and dials of his mixer. During a quick break he checked on his phone, you’d still not replied to his texts or missed calls; he couldn’t help but become enveloped with worry, he just wanted to know when you’d be home, his caring nature had just took over. He scrolled through the latest news and his worry disintegrated into an un-ignorable haemorrhage of defeat and despondency. Dispatch had released an article with ‘exclusive photos’ of Y/N getting in to a car with Monsta X’s Wonho earlier that evening outside the Club Exec. He exhaled a sigh saturated with vexation.

“Pull yourself together Yoongi” he said to himself under his breath, no longer wanting to work he shut everything down and headed to bed.-//

 You were praying with everything you could that Yoongi was still in bed to miss you doing the walk of shame. If you was honest it wasn’t the walk of shame that so much bothered you but the fact last night you was way too preoccupied to think of the consequences of allowing Wonho to litter your inner thighs with bites that had blossomed into small red petals; not ideal when your short dungarees weren’t even close to covering them up. You was also vexed at who he thought he was leaving you messages and missed calls, it wasn’t like he had to wait up for you, you had a key.

Of course he was up. He was sat leg tucked under on the stool and was resting his elbows on the breakfast bar gazing at his phone when you walked in. The relief in his expression quickly drifted to a more disapproving gaze, apologetically giving you a once over up and down. This definitely got your back up with him even more

“You know we have a photo-shoot today right” he turned back to his phone not impressed.

“You know we have a thing called concealer and airbrushing too right?” you bit back.

“Well hurry up and do whatever you need to we have to leave in twenty minutes” this time he didn’t waste the energy to look at you. You said nothing mentally flipping him off as you walked past. You decided you just couldn’t drop it.

“Firstly what makes you think you have any right to judge me with those looks, if I want to stay out all night fucking someone then I will. Secondly why do you think you can message as much you did, you’re not my keeper” As soon as your heard your tone and language out loud you regretted it.

His head dropped slightly and his eyes closed as if to collect himself

“I’m sorry I was just concerned especially after…” You was not going to let him finish that sentence.

“You know what I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t speak to you like that and it was really out of line” you sighed. As much as his concern was kind of valid, after five years though, it seemed a bit much.

What was it to him anyway?

  You made Yoongi go through a drive through to pick up some coffee that your body was crying out for as you’d not slept.

“So you and Wonho then? You’ve kept that out of the media well, well mostly” Yoongi finally asked, breaking the silence of the journey.

“Me and Wonho nothing, there’s no story there, we’re just friends with some added benefits. I mean he’s an absolute sweetie and all but he definitely couldn’t handle me full time as a girlfriend” you said with a small laugh at the truth.

“Looks like he gives it a good go” he toyed referring to your marks. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah I suppose he does”

When you arrived at the studio there was a whole entourage waiting for you, they guided you past the set. The entire backdrop was covered with newspapers and various news clippings with some words like feud, rivals, secrets, lovers?  That were bigger and bolder cutting in over the normal papers. In front of the background was a mock-up of a small studio not dissimilar to yours or Yoongi’s.

You were whisked away separately to makeup and wardrobe, not that it took them long to dress you. They put you in black leather shorts only just covering your behind. The matching bra they put on you was adorned with small pyramid studs and two chains which swooped down from the shoulder strap across your chest to join again at the other strap. Your favourite part of the outfit was the leg harness that clipped onto one of the belt loops of your shorts, a thick line of leather led into a large O-ring and off that was another small piece of leather which diffused into triple chains going off in both directions to wrap around your thigh. It was sexy to say the least, you started to wander what kind of photoshoot this was going to be. You also couldn’t help but think if you were in a harness, what was he going to be in. Honestly you couldn’t wait to see Yoongi in a harness of some sort, that visual alone was enough to have your mind running wild, especially their Fake Love performances at the 2018’sMamas.

One side of your hair had been straightened and pinned back flat against your head to give the illusion it’s been clippered, the other half was being curled and placed with delicate precision. At the same time the make-up artist started working on your face, well after covering up your legs a bit more professionally, instead of being embarrassed you just owned it and you and the girls ended up having a bit of laugh.

“Not the best idea before a photoshoot is it really” the make-up artist teased.

“I wasn’t really thinking about it and besides I have you to make it look like it never happened” you responded.

“Well Y/N that’s you done, you better head down we’ve overrun a little on time” You thanked them both gratefully and bowed, a chaperone was waiting to escort you down onto set.

“Any reason why I’m wearing hardly anything and Yoongi gets to stay fully clothed?” You asked fully aware of what the answer would be but you wanted your irritation noted. Yoongi was in black ripped skinny jeans with chains at the side, a white untucked fitted shirt with the top few button undone, which pleasantly teased the top curves of his chest. The look was finished with a leather jacket. There were more silver chains which hung around his neck. The dark purple hair was straightened but ruffled messily. He looked good, really good. You had to kick yourself to not stare any longer. Lee was the only one too respond to your question.

“He has to maintain his image of Suga of BTS as well remember, your image has always been a lot more…”. He neglected to find the right word, yep that was the answer you expected. The dull ache of muttering around quietened down slightly as the director indicated for you to go on set. You could instantly feel the heat of the lamps causing your follicles to dilate allowing heat to escape.

“Right Y/N I’d like you sat on the desk with Yoongi in the chair” You both did as you were told.

“You look…remarkable” You could tell he took a few moment to choose his words carefully. You thought of multiple slightly bitchy comebacks but for arguments sake you just thanked him.

“Enough chit chat” the director barked. You both looked at each other with the amused look of two school kids who’d just been caught passing notes.

“Y/N have the harnessed leg up to rest your foot on his knee” Great he’ll have a marvellous view up my legs.

“Yoongi will have the headphones on and then we’ll have you biting the cable with some attitude, okay?”

“Sure” you agreed. You’d been told the song needed to have a sexy vibe as well but this shoot seemed excessive as much as it was visually stunning. You both took your positions and went through the motions of the shoot. Up next was the shoot for the concept trailer, this time at least you had been given a leather jacket and Yoongi had the addition of a waist harness It had quite a deep width with buckles secured at the front, you were silently grateful to wardrobe for this blessing. You’d been directed to stand either end of the small white walled cove that had been set up and been asked to do various actions, both banging your fists into the wall with frustration, walking around each other looking up pensively and some more actions of a similar nature. The final action was the most awkward and you gave a pleading look to the director at this point.

“Walk toward each other when you reach each other rest your hands on opposite shoulders and look down, you’re fed up. Hold for five seconds and then both push each other away, but when you’re just in reaching distance grab hands and Yoongi you pull Y/N into your arms. So the look will finish with one of Y/N’s hands on Yoongi’s chest while the other is still being held, Yoongi’s hand I want resting on Y/N’s hips and you looking deep into each other’s eyes with all forgiven”

“Isn’t that a bit too, you know close?” you protested to no avail.

“That’s the point” You sighed audibly enough for Yoongi to look at you with furrowed brows, his eyes though almost offered an apologetic stare.

With your warm hands entwined with his and your bodies pressed together perfectly like two puzzle pieces, looking up into his coffee coloured eyes that you couldn’t help but get lost in and feel the effects of the caffeine within your heartbeat which had become elevated and your pupils had blown out. Yoongi on the other hand was staring down his mind a chimera of empathising with your awkwardness and trying to not to notice how good his hand felt against your skin and relished in your chest gently rising and falling against his.

“That’s a wrap guys” You immediately pulled yourself away before he’d even finished speaking. Once again you were scolding yourself for allowing the attraction that was growing, you camouflaged your anger at yourself with general agitation and stayed in near silence as you allowed the stylist to take the items of clothing you were slowly relieving yourself of. By the time you were back into more comfy clothes and ready to leave the dressing room you’d manage to slap on a slightly happier face to say goodbye to everyone. When you was finally away from people you allowed the silence to bleed back into the car journey home.

“Well the director was a bit of a dick” Yoongi blurted out shattering the silence. He half peered over to observe your reaction hoping it would maybe tease a half smile from you. He succeeded.

“Yeah, someone definitely pissed on his cornflakes this morning” you returned. He chuckled, his smile was something you were slowly starting to crave, it was slowly chipping away at your dislike for him. You wasn’t even sure if it was possible that this sweet natured guy was even capable of doing what you’d disliked him for.

“Are you going to go the party tomorrow?” he asked trying to carry on a conversation.

“Yeah of course, it’s a once a year thing. You should really go to you know, be social and all that”

“Why would I wanna do that?” he toyed back. “I think Hobi and RM will be going though I know they’re so looking forward to meeting you, they’ve been bugging me like mad”

“Really? That’s sweet. It would be cool to finally meet the other legends of the rap line”

“You can go with them if you’ve not already arranged lifts and stuff, be warned though Hobi’s a complete lightweight”

“Thank you that would be great, I can work with lightweight one of my friends is literally the worst”. Yoongi just shook his head with an amused look. You felt you’re bad mood disintegrate, as easily as he could cause them he could cure them too apparently.

[yeet-nhl]

strangers {m.barzal}

A/N: yeehaw i wrote this at 4am, lemme know what you guys think. thanks for all the support on my previous things x

requested: yes / no

word count: 2.4k

title song: strangers by jesse harper (not really relating fully to the writing but inspired by nonetheless)

warnings: swearing, drinking, minor smut reference

The sleeve of your overpriced dress fell away as Mat’s hands explored your body. He broke the kiss you two were sharing for just a brief moment as he admired your body. Already he seemed to be at a loss for words.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful…” he trailed off as you pulled him back to your lips. You began working at the buttons of his shirt as his mouth moved along your neck and toward your chest.

From the start of the night, you knew it would be something special. It was your senior prom and you were going with what some may consider your four year conquest. Ever since you started your freshman year and spotted the black-haired beauty that was Mat you knew you had wanted to be with him. You had spent countless months obsessing over what could happen between you two and after many many missed chances or bad timing you were finally in the position you wanted to be with him.

Little did you know, it wouldn’t last as long as you had hoped.

You put the picture down along with losing the train of thought you had. There was no use thinking about it now that it had been almost three years since you had last seen or spoken to him. You had mostly put it out of your mind until you had moved to Brooklyn and started seeing his last name popping up all around the city. He was absolutely adored here, especially since he was playing professionally now.

You almost found it funny how insignificant you seemed now when you look back on the experiences you had shared with him. Despite only dating for a year, you had given Mat so much of yourself in that short time. Everything from going to his games to sharing intimate moments and secrets was something he knew. He truly was your first love, now you questioned if he ever really felt the same. He used to know you better than anyone and now he probably doesn’t even remember your name.

Your phone buzzed, snapping you out of your thoughts once more. It was your friend asking you to go out tonight. Having nothing better to do you agreed and decided to make something to eat before giving any more thought to it.

Living on your own in the city was interesting to say the least. It was lonely at times but there was truly nothing like it at the end of the day. The beautiful lights and fast pace had always drawn you in when you were younger and your adult life was no different. Even though there was little rest with college classes and daily life, you were never bored and wouldn’t trade the excitement for anything. Sometimes it would just be nice to share it with someone besides your friends.

The hours between then and when you were supposed to meet your friends passed quickly as you filled the time with housekeeping and making yourself look presentable. Might as well look good and have some fun, right? The dress you wore fit you perfectly and was exactly what you wanted for a fun night clubbing. There was no way any man with a brain would be able to resist you.

You sent a text to your that you were heading toward the club as you got into the uber. It was around ten o’clock and the city was just as alive as it was at one. No less than twenty minutes later you were surrounded by your friends and already a drink and a half into your night. The music was blasting as bodies all along the dancefloor danced along to the beat. A few people in your group were already making their way into the crowd.

It was already a good night, a couple of drinks later you were ready to join the mass of bodies yourself and see who you might come across. Quickly finding yourself in the middle of all of the hype and people just as drunk as you were.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and being in a mood you decided to just go along with whoever it was that you were now finding in your company. The stranger moved along with your body and you had no complaints just yet, that was until you turned around.

You recognized him immediately and he seemed confused for a moment before his eyes widened in surprise. He looked like he was about to say something before you quickly turned back to exit the crowd. It sounded as though he was calling your name, but you weren’t sure.

You broke through the wall of people and headed for the exit to find your breath. You hadn’t even realized he was following you until you felt another touch on your shoulder. The music could still be heard as you stood outside with him now, still unsure of what to say.

His eyes burned into yours for the first time in three years. His hair a mess and sweaty, reminding you a bit of how he used to look on the bench during all those games you would go to to watch him play.

“I…what? How are you here? When? I just…. What?” He said, evidently confused.

“Three fucking years Mat. Three. Fucking. Years. Maybe you would know I was here for school if you would have bothered to give a shit in that time.” You didn’t necessarily have a reason to be mad at him yet here you were.

“Oh. Um, well. Hi?”

“That’s all you have to say for yourself? Really? Tell a girl you love her then disappear from her life and all you have to say is ‘hi?’”

“Y/N please don’t be mad. I have no idea what to tell you right now. I wasn’t exactly expecting to see you here anytime soon.”

“Did you ever listen when I talked to you? With how often I would talk about the city I have no idea why you sound so surprised.”

“Can I at least explain myself a little? Not like you have any clue what to tell me right now either.”

For some reason that statement seemed to immediately sober you up. “Oh believe me, I have plenty to say to you right now. I’m sure you could probably come up with most of them if you would have spoken to me even once. Is that really your idea of a relationship? Lead me on for a few years, date me for one and then break up with me because you got your big break? God damn it Mat… was that really all it was ever gonna be? What was I to you, just some fucking cheerleader you could bring to all your games and brag about to all your buddies? Someone you could make fall in love with you, only to leave without any fucking warning? Make them question if you were even in love with them too? This should give you plenty to say since you didn’t have anything before.”

He looked down at the ground after taking a deep breath and speaking once more. “What made you think I wasn’t in love with you?”

“You sure as hell didn’t seem to give a shit when you broke my heart and ended everything.”

“I never wanted to end everything. I didn’t want you have to put up with everything that came after we graduated. I didn’t want to break your heart, I didn’t ever want to hurt you. I just… can we talk about this when we’re sober? Come back to my place and stay there and we can talk about this in the morning?”

You scoffed, “Your fucking place? Don’t you have a hundred other girls who would much rather be going there to fuck you instead of having a heart to heart?”

“Probably but they’re not important right now, you are.”

He still knew how to bring down your walls, even when you were angry and drunk. You gave in and nodded as he called over a taxi. You quickly checked your phone and saw it was right around two AM. All the alcohol really started hitting you and you slumped against the window and closed your eyes. You didn’t even know you had fallen asleep until you felt yourself being carried from the car.

You woke up for a second time a few hours later in a bed that wasn’t yours and a pounding head that unfortunately did belong to you. On the nightstand there was some pills and a glass of water. You couldn’t believe he was pulling this after how shitty you were to him last night. Looking back, you had definitely been a bit harsh. It had been so long since your relationship had ended, but you were still so mad and needed some closure. In all honesty the only smart choice drunk you had made was agreeing to talk to Mat about things.

Glancing over to the other side of the bed, you expected him to be there. Instead you saw nothing but more pillows and sheets, it was clear you were the only one who had slept there the whole night. Near the end of the bed was a long t-shirt and a pair of shorts that would definitely be too large on you, but it was worlds better than the dress you had been wearing. You quickly slipped the clothing on and since the shirt was too large you went without the shorts. It smelled like him which was both comforting and upsetting. As much as you hated to admit it, you had missed his smell of firewood and apple blossom. To this day you had no clue what that boy used but damn was it good.

You found your bag laying on the ground and grabbed a hair tie, putting your hair up before going to find Mat. To your surprise he was sleeping on the couch and appeared to be nursing a hangover of his own. He turned his head to face you and gave a small smile as he sat up. You weren’t really sure what to do so you tentatively walked over to stand in front of him by the couch.

“G’morning, how’s your head?” You forgot how great his voice sounded when he first woke up.

“It’s fine, nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” You knew this wasn’t what either of you wanted to talk about, but you suppose it couldn’t hurt to make some small conversation.

“Do you want some coffee or anything?” He offered as he stood up to go over into the kitchen. You shook your head and debated if you should follow him. “Come on, don’t be a stranger.” He said as an invitation to join him.

The whole apartment was surprisingly clean. It made sense since he was probably hardly here but it still struck you as odd given that you knew how messy he used to be. Silence washed over you two and he made himself a cup of coffee and motioned to sit over at the table.

“There’s just no way to start this that won’t be awkward huh?” It was true, the tension in the air was thick and you still had no idea how to bring things up.

You laughed at his statement in an attempt to make this easier. “Yeah I guess you’re right. I do wanna say I’m sorry for what I said last night, I was drunk which doesn’t justify it but I didn’t mean to be so aggressive.”

“It’s okay, you have every right to be mad at me. Really I’m the one who should be apologizing.” His voice faltered at the end as he looked down at the table.

“I mean I kind of said most of what I would have now during my drunken rage, so I guess it’s your turn.”

He took a deep breath before he spoke again, “Look, the first thing I really need to clarify is that I absolutely was head over heels in love with you. I don’t know what I did that ever made you think otherwise but believe me when I say it now, I was so in love with you it hurt. The way I ended things was stupid, it was so so so stupid. Everything was really starting to take off for me and I knew that once I started playing professionally things would be hard. I would be traveling all the time, different city every week during the season, few hours to ourselves, and I never wanted to put you through that. I didn’t want to be traveling all the time, missing you, desperate for something just to make a mistake and have things end that way. I thought that was the easiest way to make sure I wouldn’t hurt you. I never really stopped missing you and I honestly don’t know why I never returned your calls. I don’t know why I never thought to reach out on my own during these last three years. I’m just so scared of hurting you again and I didn’t want to do anything dumb that would cause you pain.”

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until you felt a tear fall onto your hand. All the anger you had built up melted away with his words and all you wanted to do was hug him but you were too scared to move. “Well why didn’t you just say that, really kinda damaged this image I had in my head of you being a monster.” You laughed a bit at how ridiculous it seemed, he did as well.

“I missed you a lot Y/N, you really don’t have to forgive me but I really just wanted you to know I never had any malicious intent.”

“It’s crazy how I still feel like I know you in every way even when I know that's not the case.” You thought out loud.

“I’d really like to change that if you’ll let me. I’m not saying we have to go back to how things used to be but I wanna make things up to you.”

You nodded, finally standing up to go over and give him a hug. “Okay.”

[anodyne-sunflower]

Love me like you do (Part 15)-Balem Series

A/N: As promised, here is the next installment. At nearly 4am. Hurray for us night owls being productive. I really enjoy this chapter. I get to mess around with people’s heads and set up for future events instead of writing moans and growls…….I hope y'all enjoy!!!

***

Balem sat at the foot of the bed, leaning back against you as you fumbled around with the clasp of his cape and armor. This wasn’t something you did daily, not to mention no one on earth had much reason to even wear a full on golden chest plate. But, after your bath you had shortly arrived to Jupiter and the refinery, and you both dressed as quickly as you could before docking.

“There.”

You smiled, finally succeeding in fastening the clasp of his cape. You patted his shoulder softly, admiring your accomplishment like it was a big deal. However, considering your track run with this new lifestyle, it may as well be worthy of celebration.

Balem merely lifted a hand, checking on your work before deciding it was passable. And as he rose from his spot, he turned swiftly to you, holding out his hand in aid. You took it with a grateful smile, allowing him to lift you from the bed as the clipper shook, signaling its dock inside the alcazar. It didn’t take you long to traverse the ship, once again taking the elevator down to the lower area where the captain of the clipper and all the security deal resided. Mr. Night was already awaiting his Lord, mousy hand clasped behind his back as he gave a sly smile of a greeting.

“My Lord.” He nodded, giving you the same silent greeting as if to acknowledge your sudden importance. He never once spoke to you in a friendly manner before, usually his stares were that of a man ready to throw you from the nearest cliff, but over the weeks you had gradually noticed a change. Like he was always waiting for Balem to leave you behind, and when he didn’t, he became more amicable. You actually didn’t blame him for it though, considering Balem’s reputation with women. Even you were surprised you still stuck around. And being honest, the very thought of him casting you aside didn’t bother you at first. You expected it, even wanted it for a time being thinking it’d lead to you going back to earth. But, over your time here you had begun to shun the very idea of that happening. In some odd way, it was like losing someone close to you, not quite a boyfriend but just a comfort.

“A comfort…” You nearly scoffed at that, if it wasn’t for the fact that your inner thoughts escaped your lips.

Balem looked down at you oddly, making you blush in mild embarrassment at your random outburst. But, as you waved him off he just rolled his eyes tugging you along as you went down the ramp towards the long bridge that led back inside his palace. The whole way down, Mr. Night and Balem spoke, very little of their conversations actually keeping you entertained. But, your thoughts were doing a fascinating job of that.

You still couldn’t believe how far you came. Literally and figuratively. From earth to Jupiter. From hating this man currently walking by you with your arm craned through his, to actually finding him a comfort. The word hardly fit Balem, he was a very closed off man after all. Comfort was the last word in the book you’d expect to associate with someone like him. But, it was the truth. Every day you saw a new side to him, sometimes wonderful, sometimes annoying. But, no matter what it was somehow exciting for you. To the point you questioned how you managed to end up here.

“Go.”

You blinked up at Balem, not really processing his demand. He scowled deeply at that, gesturing towards the doors that led inside the alcazar. Clearly, he needed you to leave, his time once again occupied with his business.

“I’ll be in my chambers shortly. Go.”

He asserted, giving your lower back a soft push that made you sigh in slight annoyance. But, you listened anyway, already tired of hanging around as he talked of things you didn’t quite comprehend. You tilted your head back, giving him a grumpy look that only amused him. He smirked briefly, before turning his attention back to his advisor.

As you made your way down the bridge, you stopped just as the guards outside the doors opened them up for you. Both of them greeting you with a bow that made you smile awkwardly. It was like everyone began treating you differently so suddenly, and you could only guess that talk of your evening somehow got back to these people. It was highly expected you supposed. Considering that the night after your first with Balem, everyone shot you nasty gazes or whispered to one another as they passed you by. Needless to say, it didn’t do wonders for your confidence. Having people trade rumors behind your back hardly ever was, the only thing that made it bearable was that Balem didn’t give any of it the time of day. It would seem now though, that everyone’s opinions of you had changed.

“Thank you.” You muttered out, quickly moving through the doors before they closed them. And just as you rounded the hallway, your shoulder bumped someone making you step back and let out an apology.

“I am so sorry! Are you-”

The man you hit was smoothing out his shirt, smiling apologetically towards you. He didn’t seem phased by your intrusion, merely grabbed his serving tray off the ground. It was strange though, because you could swear he wasn’t a regular face around here, yet at the same time he looked oddly familiar to you.

“I’m fine, my Lady. Please do not worry.”

He had a thick accent, one you could only describe as close to Spanish. And something about the way he smiled unnerved you. But, as to not be rude you just shook your head wanting to correct him.

“Oh, I’m not a Lady…I’m just….”

You paused through your words, trying to figure out a way to properly describe your relationship with the Lord of this alcazar. Concubine was a bit insulting by your standards, though that probably fit best. But, you sighed and gave a sardonic smile.

“Just a friend of Balem’s…” Hardly correct or descriptive.

The servant just laughed, arranging some glasses back on his tray as he spoke.

“Ah, a friend? One could argue that you are far more, my Lady. If your dance was anything to go by.”

You just offered him a courtesy laugh, exchanging a strange look before excusing yourself from his presence. “Well, again I’m sorry. But, I should get going.”

He bowed to you, once again referring to you as someone above him. It didn’t sit well with you, more so when you stopped in your tracks. How on earth had he even known of your dance with Balem? And as far as you were aware Balem didn’t take many servants with him. You recalled two that stayed behind in his ship…this man wasn’t one of them. You turned quickly, addressing the servant once more, only to find him gone.

“Huh…”

Whatever the case, you didn’t think too far into it. You convinced yourself there was more people on the ship than originally thought. It’s not like you took role call of his staff or soldiers anyway. There could’ve been more people on the other levels for all you knew. And with a shrug you made your way back to his chambers, where trying to get out of this dress proved a challenge.

“I’m assuming you need help.”

“More than you know.” You replied, not even bothering to turn around as Nevaeh came into the room. It’s like she had a radar for when you needed help. But, she was in fact a complete godsend for you here on Jupiter. Without her, you probably would’ve lost your mind he minute you woke up in Balem’s room for the first time.

“Here. Let me then.”

She made quick work of your dress, untangling the mess you had made of the long translucent cape and giggling when she found some of your hair caught in the many jewels and sequins on it.

“If you’re going to entertain our dear Lord, I highly suggest learning how to dress yourself.”

You just laughed, thanking her profusely once you got out of the damn thing. It was seriously amazing and worthy of praise how easily Balem got you in and out of that thing back on the clipper.

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

Nevaeh folded it nearly, placing it atop the dresser before turning back to you to retrieve your jewelry.

“So, how was it?”

“Hm? Oh, the ball?” You hummed in thought, pursing your lips as you tried to formulate a way to tell her of it all. “Well, I suppose as you’d expect. Pompous people, tons of wine, and music and dances. The works, I guess. Speaking of pieces of work, I met Titus and Kalique.”

She seemed intrigued then, organizing your jewelry that Balem had recently purchased for you. Not that you had asked for any of it. You completely content with sweaters and leggings in your life, but no matter how many times you insisted he seemed to fight you more and more on it.

“Not very…personable are they?” She grinned, pulling out another dress for you to change into once you were ready. Which you took as a sign that dinner would soon be ready, and Balem had sent her here to prepare you.

“No, not really. I get the sense they’re always up to something. Constantly scheming. I guess that’s genetic.” You joked, but if you were heir to an entire industry maybe you’d be the same as them.

“That’s because they are. Titus and Kalique would kill Balem and not bat an eye. And then as soon as Kalique took over, Titus would just go and do the same. They’re probably the only ones who could wipe out the house of Abrasax.”

It would’ve been funny, if not for the fact that it was entirely true and you had no doubt of that. Titus was the worse, in your opinion. Your time with him put you on edge, like he was already finding ways to use you somehow. The only comfort you took, was that your life didn’t serve a purpose to any of them.

“You’re not wrong.”

“And Balem?”

“What about him?”

Nevaeh crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows at you like you knew exactly the kind of details she was after. It was humorous how different she was from the other serving girls. Perhaps that’s because she never laid with the Primary, or maybe she was just a better person in general. But, she took great pleasure in the progress you had made with Balem. Unlike the other women he bedded. You had to wonder if she rubbed it in their faces.

“Nevaeh…”

“Ah! You promised you’d tell me! I’ve never been to a ball. Come on now, please do tell.”

You couldn’t help but smile at her eagerness. “Alright, alright. He…was…” You thought back on him, and your dance, smiling like an idiot no doubt. But, every time you had gazed upon him since you left the first thing that came to mind was your dance. It couldn’t be helped, and it was a fond memory now. One you wouldn’t let go of. Because, as far as the stubbornly prideful Primary went, that dance was by far the most intimate you had been with him emotionally. Odd to say, but it was in fact the truth.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?” You broke from your daydreaming, clearing your throat as you tried to pretend that didn’t just happen. “Uhh, right…so, he was nice.”

“Nice?” She didn’t seem convinced, and rightly so because nice was the dumbest choice of word for Balem.

“I mean, he was tolerable? Yes, tolerable.”

Nevaeh had caught on to your dancing around, giving you a look that said ‘you better tell her or else’. Though you couldn’t imagine her harming you in anyway.

“Tolerable?”

“Yes. Tolerable. And we…may have danced as well-” you shrugged, “but I danced with Titus, too. Hardly anything of importance.”

“You danced with Balem? Balem Abrasax? Head of Abrasax industries? The man who would kill anyone on-”

“Yes! Okay, yes. We danced.”

You tried to play down the significance of it all, because right now that seemed to be best for you. Not only because Nevaeh was pestering you, but also because your own sentiments were getting in the way of rational thinking. Balem did whatever he wanted, and if entertaining himself with a simple dance satisfied that, then that was it. The emotions you pretended to see behind his eyes was fake, and the way he touched you was nothing more than proper dance. Fleeting touches and all.

But, that explanation wasn’t good enough for you.

“Oh, dear…”

Nevaeh eyed you with such a strong sense of sympathy, making you shift uncomfortably under her gaze.You weren’t sure what thoughts rolled along her mind, but you were more than ready to bet you wouldn’t like them.

“What…?”

She sighed, clasping her hands in front of her as she gave a weak smile. “You’re in love with Lord Balem, aren’t you?”

At this point you could safely say your eyes were about as wide as they could get, and your gaping mouth alone was enough to show just how shocked you were. She certainly didn’t hold back, you had to give her that at least.

You scoffed back in response, finishing undressing and heading towards the robe that laid on the bed. As you slipped into it, you looked back at her, fixing your hair into a more manageable style.

“Love? Now who’s gone mad.”

“Am I wrong?”

She seemed ever sure of herself, and that alone was unnerving for you. As if she could read your emotions far better than you ever could. But, on this topic she was wrong, you couldn’t think of any reason why she’d even think such a thing.

“Yes! So wrong, Nevaeh…I…” You sank back into the bed, sitting at the edge of it as you considered her. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here-” You gestured around the room and space in general. “There are times I still think I’m dreaming. And here I am now, fighting an attraction to a man I shouldn’t be attracted to, but I am. And part of me has given up that fight, and ran with it because what else can I do? But, love? You’re reading too far into this.”

But, you weren’t one to talk. Love may not be part of it, but you were certainly reading too deep into your evening with Balem. Maybe he was warming up to you in certain ways, but you still held onto the belief that he’d easily rid himself of you in heartbeat if he wanted. Because, a man like that couldn’t possibly change.

Your frustrations and emotions began to pile out, Nevaeh now taking a seat next to you as you rambled and vented on.

“I was doing fine not so long ago.” You turned to catch her golden eyes, heart heavy in your chest as you spoke. “I told myself it was okay, because I enjoyed it. I enjoy him…for many reasons that don’t even make much sense to me.”

You spilled it all out, finally able to get your conflicting emotions out in words. Because, ever since you laid eyes on him, it’s been a confusing mess. The attraction you felt for him was almost instantaneous, but every time you attempted to figure him out he only made you regret it. That was up until this evening.

Nevaeh smiled at you, resting her hand on your shoulder as she tried to make sense of it all. And as astute as she was, she seemed just as confused as you.

“That isn’t love, Nevaeh.”

It sounded convincing enough, to you anyway, because love wasn’t even a word that crossed your mind when it came to Balem. That didn’t mean you were going to forget your dance with him. Or the way he held your hand against the window as he pleasured you in his ship. But, it was just recently, it would only be normal to put such emotion upon simple things in the heat of the moment. A simple unbridled attraction was all it appeared to be.

“I’m just lost is all, and he’s always by my side, I’m just placing emotion upon trivial things for the sake of understanding this odd relationship we have more. That’s all.”

And that was correct. And you believed that. Wholeheartedly. However, the serving girl didn’t seem to be as easily swayed as you. She shook her head, and sighed, getting up before retrieving your undergarments that was splayed along the lounger. She folded them up in the armoire, turning to you with that same sweet smile she always had.

“I hope you know that you’re the last clear thinking female on this planet. Aside from me, that is. You’re the only one I can talk to who isn’t swooning over him.”

You had to chuckle at that, understanding her annoyance and mirth in the subject. She gave you a smile, going on about the other girls like she always did. You couldn’t blame her, judging by the terrible looks they gave you, you could only imagine how much drama they stirred up. As if it was your fault Balem tossed them aside. You weren’t even around when all of that happened.

“I’m not swooning.”

She clicked her tongue, a playful look on her face. “I suppose I’ll count myself lucky that you at least lasted quite a while before giving into his odd charms. Whatever they are…”

“You’re the one who practically suggested I sleep with him!”

She giggled, waving her hand like the details didn’t matter. “The other women last almost a week before declaring their unfailing love for the man.”

“How?…” You were genuinely shocked at that, because after the amount of time you spent with him, being able to love every fault seemed nearly impossible in a week.

“I’ll be sure to let you know once I figure that out.” She slouched against the lounger, not even caring anymore if Balem caught he relaxing during work. You had to venture a guess you were the cause of that.

“Listen, Y/N. Be careful. I consider you a good friend, and Lord Balem is not…” She hesitated, “He’s not a man who is capable of love. Everything is business with him. Even family.”

You eyed her curiously, taking notice of the fearful look in her eye. She appeared to have something more to say, but whatever it was, it certainly had one hell of a hold on her.

“What do you mean?….Nevaeh?”

“We don’t really talk about it, Lord Balem is quite sensitive on the subject. The last person who mentioned it disappeared…but, do you know of his mother, Seraphi?”

“I’ve heard very little of her.”

Balem never spoke of his mother in great detail, the one time you developed enough courage to attempt a conversation about his life he shut you down rather quickly. But, judging by his demeanor his mother was a sensitive topic, indeed.

“She was murdered.”

You looked at her in disbelief, not expecting for the former head of Abrasax to have met such a fate. No wonder he never cared to speak of it, to lose a family member in such a way…might even explain a few things.

“Balem was likely the person to have done it.”

Her words didn’t fully dawn on you, because you couldn’t believe he was capable of murdering his own mother. Cruel ruler or not, it didn’t seem like something he would do.

“I…find that hard to believe.”

“No one else had reason. Balem was set to inherit it all, he had nothing to lose and much to gain. I mean, look at him now. His one of the richest houses in the universe.”

It was odd, trying to find reasons to defend him. And for the life of you, you couldn’t explain why you’d even try to to begin with. He wasn’t a perfect man, his faults could fill a book, and yet there was some part of you that wanted to fight for his reputation. And now you were beginning to think something truly was wrong with you. But, you firmly believed he couldn’t do that, and perhaps it was your own family issues that fueled you on, but even Balem didn’t deserve to be accused of such a thing.

“He’s heartless, but killing your own mother? Nevaeh, I just-”

She relented to your insistence, giving a wry smile. “Not in love with him, huh?”

“Okay…” You rolled your eyes, stifling the small laugh that threatened to come out. If she wanted to believe that, then so be it.

“Well, Balem has requested dinner be served soon, and I’m sure your lover would enjoy your company. So I’d hurry and change if I were you.”

Nevaeh winked your way, before heading out of the chambers so she could help with dinner preparation. She left you like that, staring after her with a hopeless look in your eyes. As if she just hadn’t dropped a bombshell on you. You thought on it for a while, chewing on your lip, a rather nasty habit of yours when contemplating the deeper things in life. But, no matter how much you mulled it over, it just didn’t seem right. So you placed it in the back of your mind, opting to change quickly before your mind’s desire came searching for you in a huff.

You opened up the armoire, moving through the ungodly amount of dresses at your disposal. Why Balem insisted on gifting you this much always flew over your head. You couldn’t even find your old clothes you had on when this all started. Somehow you figured he threw them into a bonfire…

“This’ll do.” You pulled a simple emerald green dress from the rack, slipping into it and admiring yourself in the mirror. It was a spaghetti strap, with a deep neck that clung beautifully to your body. And while the dress itself was shiny and covered in sequins, it was actually the simplest dress in your inventory. And surprisingly comfortable.

You pulled on some equally simple black heels, steadying yourself on the dresser as the sound of the doors opening filled the room. You glanced back in your odd position, cursing when you found Balem standing at the door.

He just raised an eyebrow at your current situation, as if he wasn’t even surprised at your lack of grace anymore.

“At least you match this time…”

You frowned at him, squinting your eyes in offense as he began to walk over to you. He was now dressed back into his usual black wardrobe. One small cape fastened to his shoulder and trailing down his arm. He stilled looked ever the royal.

“A compliment would’ve been nice, but-”

“Hush, little dove.”

Someone was definitely in a mood already, so much for the daydream. You rose back to your full height, bunching your hair in your hand and letting it trail to the other side. He regarded you with interest this time, eyes roaming down your dress and body. He looked pleased enough, and before you could pass him by he gripped your shoulders, turning you back around until you faced the large mirror.

“Here.”

He reached over, grabbing a necklace he had gotten you off the hook and brining it up to your neck. His fingers swept along your collarbones, pulling the necklace up and around you. His eyes never leaving your reflection in the mirror, and you both held one another’s gaze as he fastened the back of the jewelry. His hands lingered there, thumb stroking along your skin in a dazed manner. He seemed preoccupied with his thoughts, and just when you believed he’d move away, he instead leaned down. Whispering something you never expected to hear.

“You drive me mad…”

It was a faint whisper, one you would’ve surely missed if not for your heightened senses when he was around. Every part of you came alive in his presence, nerves setting off and desiring his passionate touch in every way possible. But, his words were your current fixation, the deep intensity behind them making you lose all proper thought. Where that came from, you didn’t know, but you were now a mess of thoughts.

“Do I…?”

You never expected an answer, in fact, you were more than positive his tiny outburst was meant for his ears alone. But, the way he said it…it piqued your curiosity to no end. You turned in his hold, his fingertips slipping from your neck to your shoulder as he adjusted to the change. He watched you with such a heated gaze, eyes roaming along your face as he contemplated his answer. And while you expected him to shut you down or shy away from such a bold statement of his, he simply smirked, kissing your cheek and gripping your neck in his hand as he pulled you roughly forward.

His lips connected with your flushed skin, tracing along your cheek as he purred out his desire. “I would have you every minute of every day, little bird, if time allowed for it.”

Balem’s breath tickled over your skin, making you shiver in his strong grasp. He didn’t leave your side, he busied himself with taking in your appearance, free hand drawing a delicate pattern between the dip of your dress.

You drew in a trembling breath, trying hard to remain composed despite the entrancing feel of his touch. His fingers played with the smooth material of your clothing, just next to your breast, as if he was debating whether he should continue or not. Though, you suspected if he did, there was no way it wouldn’t end in another session of tangled limbs and breathless moans.

“Shall I have you now?”

His voice was thick with need, tone nearly a growl as he fixed his gaze upon your cleavage. He licked over his lips, charting a path with his fingertip on the curve of your breast. He knew he had business to deal with, part of him now regretting that wretched ball taking his time. But, how hard it was to ignore such a fine little treat before him.

With an annoyed sound he tore his hand away, trying to regain his control. As if he wasn’t sure himself what just happened. But, he cupped your cheek and leaving you with one rough, needy kiss. As he pulled away, his eyes met yours, a silent promise of things to come passing between you two. It was almost like he didn’t know what else to do with his confusing actions towards you, except let it turn to passion and frustration instead.

“Join me for dinner once my meeting is over.”

And with one last glance back over his shoulder towards you, he made his way to the conference room.

As soon as the door shut you let the breath you were holding out, body a trembling mess of arousal now. And you had to wonder if Nevaeh was right in her thinking…because how could one man have such a powerful hold on you. One that could make your heart nearly beat from your chest.

****

A/N: Was it okay?!!!!! Balem being a snappy little stylist is my thing. 👏🏻 Gotta look good for Space Daddy, amirite?! Feedback highly welcomed, thank you.