#it was legit tempting to skip this and just end on that last part's note

[wirewitchviolet]

The Entire Plot of Final Fantasy 14, with all the expansions, and some serious analysis of how good it actually is. (Part 10 - Post-Endwalker... mostly.)

Last time, we covered Endwalker, the most recent expansion as of when I’m writing all these, and genuinely serving as an ending to the story. To date, the plot irons we’ve hard in the fire are the threat posed by this evil empire which was very much going for a nazi thing, this mysterious council of evil weirdos whose motives were never really pinned down until the third expansion, and this whole tragic cycle of races not considered to be human summoning gods that just exacerbate tensions with their neighbors, and we genuinely did resolve all of that. We also got uh... let’s say kind of ambitious, and established that basically all life anywhere in the entire universe has been wiped out except for the people on your planet and a few stragglers showing up at the cafe we’re helping some unstoppable killing machines set up as a change of pace. And I don’t actually expect them to walk any of that back, except maybe the god summoning, because I’m pretty sure the current writing team did in fact get the memo that people MUCH prefer the later relatively light-hearted self-contained adventures to the grim political stuff.

Also last time I tried to embed this cutscene from halfway through the final boss fight and it wouldn’t let me and I need to stick it in here because seriously it is hilarious how they just sucked all the tension out of fighting the would-be destroyer of all life in the universe to throw in this random silly nonsense.

I also didn’t really get a chance to share my closing thoughts on the expansion, which are of course that it’s kind of a huge mess? Tonally it is all over the map in a really jarring way. That’s largely true of the game as a whole, but usually there’s a much smoother ebb and flow to it. You build up to a big tense dramatic moment, leave to regroup somewhere, have some lighthearted encounters with the locals, and build back up. Then major side content between expansions is either all silly, or a raid that builds things up then releases the tension with some super sappy happy ending. Here though? Intrigue with NO payoff, then some hijinks, then torture and suicidal nazis, then a big action beat immediately giving way to cute little moon bunnes, then tender gay moments with the past selves of villains, then a really legitimately dark climax, and this jaw-droppingly comedic bit with Zenos here. Just what the hell? Plus you know the actual major threat that this big old apocalypse is really going to actually destroy the world and all its splintered off alternate dimensions simply holds no teeth, because we’re coming DIRECTLY on the heels of the expansion where you pull one of those back from the bring of destruction, and nobody in their right mind would retroactively make that some sick shaggy dog story. Also it doesn’t really make sense how it plays out. We built up this meteor shower imagery forever but then it’s literally just an ominous skybox and we’re actually dealing with some sort of psychic attack.

It’s also a weirdly comedic expansion on the whole. I don’t know if I really properly conveyed it but basically every major scene has someone kinda taking the piss out of the whole conversation by being too self-aware about things in one way or another, and like, I’d honestly say it all lands. Anyway, I can’t get into the entirety of the next between expansions interlude because as of time of writing only 60% of it has been released, and again, that’s 60% of each plotline going on, so nothing has a conclusion right now. But I said I’d cover what there was to cover so here we go.

After getting back from the far reaches of space we have no outstanding crises to deal with for the first time ever, and have some nice relaxed conversations with people. Mostly Krile and Tataru who respectively are responsible for the cutscene above to some degree, and uh... from where I sit the biggest remaining threat to the world? While everyone else was off saving all life in the universe, Tataru was just aggressively expanding her personal business dealings all over the world. She’s got this international trade network going, status as a fashion designer, her own personal airship, and she’s just rolling in cash to a point where she just gifts you your own private island.

The island is it’s whole THING where you basically play like Stardew valley in your downtime and I haven’t really personally gotten into it as I have work I’m trying to get done. Everyone else is off doing their own thing in semi-retirement. The twins are still doing relief work in what’s left of the empire, Krile and G’raha just sort of went back to college, with her clearly having a thing for him and him still having this hopeless crush on you. Pretty sure Thancred and Urianger are just shacked up somewhere and hanging out with the moon rabbits, and Estinein is hanging out with Vrtra and damn right do I ship’em. Hanging out in the markets though, he finds out about this secret underwater treasure vault which is another of the things Emet-Selch shouted out as something to maybe check out when you get home, and the most recent apocalpyse mainly hitting Thavnair means there’s a lot of orphans and such who could use rebuilding money. Y’shtola comes along too because any weird unexplored secret area could be of some help in her current personal project, working out how to hop dimensions at will, both because it just seems cool to do, and because she misses the cat man she was shacked up with in the First.

So you head to the bottom of the ocean, fight some guardian constructs, reach a huge treasure vault, and it has both heaps of gold and some big ominous construct which turns out to have a small stable portal to the void inside. Oh and then Vrtra walks in and basically goes “hey guys, you’re uh.... not seriously breaking into my personal rainy day fund to rob me are you?” And uh, whoops? We also explains what’s up with the gate, and turns out that forever ago, during the backstory to that demons and air pirates raid after Heavensward, he had a big sister who charged straight on through a gate duing a big demon invasion to take the fight to their leader. I’m not really cool with us continuing to retroactively give Midgardsomnr more children we’d just never heard of so hopefully five is our final count? Anyway, he wanted to rescue her, which is the reason he made his weird little kid spy body to begin with, but figured it wasn’t worth the risk. Y’shtola is all about taking a field trip to hell, because hey, portals one can actually walk through open up to there all the time, and this was even a thing in the First with the offensive caster role quest. Vrtra has misgivings, being a responsible adult, but all you have to do is take those new warding scales we have all over to keep the protagonist from being the only one who can do most things, have Cid add some extra protective plating, research how to create an artificial version of a hell-mouth demon to absorb this stable portal and make it bigger, and in you go. Vrtra wants to come along personally and gets an upgraded version of his weird kid body that’s an adult with a worse voice actor because again, these days actually playing with other humans is strictly optional and you need a switch hitter tank/DPS to round things out. Oh and for some advanced scouting Y’shtola sends in some nixies she creates with a ritual she came up with when she was like 6 and is now deeply embarassed by.

Before we get into that though, we have some side quests to maybe deal with, and we are officially way overdue to check in on Hildibrand. After your last interaction where people got sucked through an interdimensional rift, Gilgamesh went off to do Gilgamesh things, and Hildy’s body got spit back out over in Thavnair somewhere, but he’s in a coma, so Nashu took him to a doctor. Doctors can’t fix souls being stuck in the First, which is clearly what’s happening here, so you just... rinse out that soul container you’re still carrying around and head off to grab him, and uh...

He’s fine, he just never ditched his ridiculous getup from the last time you saw him and has amnesia again. You apply the traditional cure of throwing big cartoon bombs at him and drag his soul home. There’s a bit of minor drama with Dr. Lugae’s sort of back from the dead form which ends with a big robot head in a jail cell, and then Hildy being kidnapped by a badly drawn alien in a crappy little UFO. You, Nashu and this conspiracy theorist crackpot you’re hanging out with head up to the moon to look at him, and find him... several times over. The little alien he met just kinda made a bunch of clones of him for fun. You deal with that, there’s more random shenanigans, his dad randomly shows up, as he’s wont to do, and messing around with the big stone face of mars type structure on the moon causes it’s mouth to open and this to happen.

Apparently this was a big welcoming party thing they set up and nobody remembered to call it off when people didn’t end up needing to evacuate to the moon. Also Godbert’s here looking for meteors to combine with his own extra manly sweat as the base for this expansion’s obligatory set of ultimate weapons with a very involved side quest. Kind of him to share his terrifying power.

Meanwhile, there’s those twelve gods people theoretically worship that you’ve never had a chance to kill. That’s not right. The nerd squad and some random wandering bard type guy, along with another glasses wearing orc girl nerd end up investigating a mystery spot that takes you to a big secret floating island right over Mor Dhona which turns out to kinda basically be Mt. Olympus. When you show up to poke around, a decent swath of The Twelve pop out and insist you fight them. At first they fake you out with this whole bit about being bent on taking over the world given the new power vacuum but after you go smack them around they just pop up again and apologize for messing with your head. They swear up and down that no, really, they aren’t actually gods someone summoned who are parasitic and mind controlling and all that (but yeah Louisoix totally did someone some of those based on his ideas of them the one time), and don’t actually have any evil plans. They’re just chill party people and they want you to beat them up, for reasons they’re all kinda weirdly coy about. Given that they have freaking adorable little animal alt forms they might have the same basic thing going on as the auspices, the cute animals in a cave who need to be beaten up periodically to not go berserk from post-Stormblood. They’re very upbeat in any case.

Again, this chain is only two out of three 24 person dungeon raids in, time of writing, but they’re super friendly and after you’ve punched roughly 8 out of 12 in the face, a couple ask if you wouldn’t mind touring around with them, checking in on things, as they help the nerds research what their actual deal is more. Somewhere in here Halone, the goddess they worship in Ishgard, asks you for your honest opinion on what her worshipers are like these days and uh... you are diplomatic enough that the list of possible responses doesn’t include being REALLY honest. What with the calling everyone heretics and casting them into pits and waging holy wars against the dragons and all. She’s pretty disappointed in them.

Our other raid meanwhile involves heading into the past again to help some random Ascians deal with daddy issues and some security breaches at the incredibly haunted looking prison for really super dangerous monsters people make that for whatever reason people don’t just unmake. It... really isn’t grabbing me at all, because as I’ve said, they’ve only ever managed to make one Ascian even a little interesting as a character and I particularly can’t for the life of me be made to care about the tragic backstory of Lahabrea of all people. I will note that at one point you pretty much fight Dracula though, and at another point you fight the prehistoric megafauna version of carbuncle, the very pikachu-like starter the summoner class gets. Slightly less cute than the standard variation.

Also the current cliffhanger to all that involves the whole prison appearing in the present, which is less than ideal, but again, resolution to this currently on hold.

Oh and there’s also some sort of choose-your-own-adventure dungeon with 12 possible storylines I... really should have gotten around to before I sat down to write this, and a bit where Alpha and what’s left of Omega are exploring around as the latter continues to struggle with trying to work out the whole power of love and friendship thing. Mostly though, the real meat on the bone here is getting back to that field trip to hell, and a serious extension to Endwalker’s tribute to FF4.

You pop out at this big and honestly quite beautiful gothic castle with twisted and warped architecture just kinda floating in a big cloudy void, and start just kinda charging forward killing any demon who looks at you funny to secure the area, eventually reaching its master, which is... for some baffling reason a nod to Beatrix from FF9? But as soon as you take her down, in swoops another demon you immediately have to fight after he absorbs the big smoke cloudshe desolves into, the archfiend of earth, Scarmiglione, who yes, is the first in a series of four bosses we are going to fight in rapid succession, who are all serving a big super-powerful guy named Golbez, who I guess fairly appropriately swung by to seize power after the last time you were here and killed the final boss from FF3.

Having dealt with that, you just sort of have free reign of the place. There’s still various weird looking demons running around, but while it’s not particularly useful, they’ll talk to you rather than attack. Mostly begging you not to eat them and wondering what they’re going to do now that their mistress is gone. They do however point you to a smarter than average demon they have in the prison in the basement who Beatrice was planning to kill and eat later, who as you go down and let her out, recognizes you and asks if you’re Zenos’ friend.

OK look. You can’t just go and ask a thing like that. Especially not with Y’shtola standing right there, she is definitely the type to be too perceptive and never drop it. Not a conversation to really have in front of Estinien and his new boyfriend either for the matter. Turns out that when Zenos picked up that scythe, officially switching to the Reaper class, he bound his soul to this demon (that’s just what the class’ deal with, you get one too if you take it, proving you somehow learned absolutely nothing about giving random sketchy entities a space key to your soul after Shadowbringers), and ended up back here after he died. Which... is a little confusing to me. Like he DEFINITELY died, but that was at the end of Stormblood, before these two met. Before the credits rolled, the protagonist just had a knock down drag out fist fight with him, and I didn’t get the impression AT ALL that he got punched in the face hard enough to kill him. You could make some kind of argument about him just like burning himself out to get there or not having a way back or something but... there’s a nice cafe right there. Get rest up, get a sandwich and a coffee, show up for an awkward third date in another expansion or two. You don’t go to all that convoluted effort to bring this sick freak back and then give him an implied off camera death. Anyway, you clear up how you know her, and a big light crystal someone suggested you take along for elemental opposition purposes flashes and changes her to a less demonic form.

She’s pretty apathetic and doesn’t really recall a name she feels like giving you, so Y’shtola just decides to call her Zero, and apparently the developers claimed to be incredibly shocked when a huge chunk of the fanbase developed an instant crush on her. Which is about as plausible to me as when Capcom put out that press release about not wanting to see sexy doodles of the giant woman with the cool hat from RE8 and then proceeded to list her exact height and shoe size. Don’t go pretending to be surprised when people are into the badass futch slow to open up half-demon woman who acts tough but is secretly all caring and dresses like freaking Vampire Hunter D. We all see what you’re doing there! Anyway she has plenty of useful info but explains that all interactions here in the void are contract work with payment, generally in the form of draining aether out of each other. Also that the reason she looks human is that she hadn’t been born yet when everyone in the world started turning into demons because look for real she’s just female D here.

Anyway Scarmiglione, as is his deal from FF4, does not stay dead and jumps in with a second boss fight. He and his minions just keep coming back no matter how much you kill them, and Zero explains that yeah, death never sticks here. Now, I already knew that, it’s something I’ve been griping about this whole plot summary, but like, it’s an official canonical thing in the Void. The connection to the whole great aether flow/lifestream from FF7 deal is just broken like a lot of the laws of physics and general state of matter in the area, so when you die either another demon eats what’s left of you, getting stronger but then also having your soul and memories stuck in their head forever, or you just... come back from the dead after a bit, totally fine, at full HP even. She doesn’t actually say “full HP” but she comes weirdly close. So the only way to keep Scarmiglione down, since you not being demons can’t eat him, and she doesn’t want any jerks all bound to her soul like some kind of protagonist of this game, that just leaves her using her super cool ancient artifact scythe that kills you and converts you into a big magic crystal. But you know, gotta pay her first.

Anyway, the other deal with this place is the world’s kinda missing but if you’re sufficiently cool you get your own personally little castle on a floating rock and minions to boss around if you promise not to eat them. Zero invites you back to check hers out and see if any of the loser demons she lets live their if they promise not to start anything know anything useful about this missing dragon sister or this Golbez guy who’s apparently a real big shot she’s not personally familiar with. All the demons look like horrible evil things and they’re all just massive cowardly dorks and I kinda love it. There’s a mindflayer hiding out in a corner who’s all traumatized having gone in for one of those summoning deals and turns out it was just some real Hellraiser type psycho who wanted freaky bondage demon sex and knife play and just nope, nope nope, screw that, back to hell, never getting summoned again thanks!

Anyway on schedule, your next boss fight is Bayonetta. I mean Barbaccia. Or maybe I do mean Bayonetta because she totally has magic hair and halfway through the fight makes a skintight bodysuit out of it and starts making her hands and feat all super huge to smack you around.

After the fight you get one of those Echo flashbacks but all it tells you is Golbez doesn’t do face to face meetings so you still don’t know where to find him, but he does have our missing dragon, who still hasn’t become a demon because dragons are just tough like that. Except for the dragons you fought the first time you were here. OK elder wyrms are tough like that, OK? Anyway, Zero overexerted herself crystalizing Barb and a significant percentage of her mooks, and not really feeling cool leaving her unconscious with always hungry opportunistic demons around, you drag her back out with you. I appreciate how the whole party apologizes profusely for yanking her to another dimension without her consent, it is kind of a rude thing to do. In order to help her recover you bring her some apples, and she just goes “OK the deal was supposed to be that I take your aether directly, but, I guess this still works, holds her hand out, and drain’s an apple’s life force out.

And this of course leads into this whole “no no, eat it all regular, get the flavor” and her not really being impressed, and you giving her a tour around the place, and promising to take her home, and her just being “I literally don’t care about anything that isn’t basic survival, we’ve been over this. You wanna keep paying me in apples to help with your thing, sure, otherwise I’ll just sit around wherever.” But then you’ve got a whole thing with Cagnazzo getting conjured through by demon summoners Golbez has an in with in what’s left of the empire, Vrtra feeling his sister’s presence over there, which turns out to just be her eye, but it’s something, and generally dropping everything to run up that way. And while you’re distracted with that, Rubicante slips through the other portal and smashes it so you no longer have the upper hand on travel. Oh and I’m just kind of assuming you’re on a first name basis with the major bosses from FF4 here. If you aren’t go play FF4 already, it’s an absolute classic. But yeah, Italian names, elemental themes. Earth zombie, wind woman, water turtle-guy, fire flasher.

While you’re being distracted up in what’s left of them empire, because you know, they also brought a whole horde of demons around and the people who are survivng out there are just barely surviving, you run into the twins again. Alisaie is super jealous she didn’t get to go to hell. And you encourage Zero to socialize with the locals a little, figuring maybe she’ll get along better with depressed former nazis than socially functioning people. And she kinda does. Bonds with that jerk from the one cutscene I linked last time a little over buuz. Spicy mongolian dumplings. Imported from the steppe here, and the absolute food worship from Endwalker continues. It comes in a paper takeout bag too.

We’ve got hair misaligned textures on hair that clips through people’s collars in cutscenes all the time still, but we are pushing these graphics to the absolute cutting edge to tear apart cheeseburgers and spicy dumplings. Like most depressed goth women I know, Zero is super into spicy food. Damn it I’m hungry now. Anyway people get spread around, Zero feels obligated to fight off a big horde of demons alone to pay back that free buuz. Partway through the boss does the fairly standard trick of dropping rocks from the sky that you need to face tank before they hit the ground, but there’s too many dropping at once to solo so down she goes (I have the same problem trying to solo a couple otherwise easy old bosses, it’s annoying). And then of course everyone else shows up to the rescue, heals her, and has a proper fight where she learns the meaning of friendship via standard boss mechanics. We get more of the spread out and catch the rocks, and some of the “everybody run to the person with the crosshairs on her to split the damage of an attack that’d otherwise kill her” thing, and yeah, thanks to the combined impact of that and spicy dumplings, she comes around to the concept of doing good things for people without a contract. Again I much prefer this sort of stock sappy love and friendship crap to the grey morality political crap from the start of the game.

That just leaves confronting Rubicante to ask about what Golbez’ deal even is, and fight him. And you know, then fight Golbez when these patches finish releasing. Turns out his plan is actually really straightforward. Every single demon has been alive and literally living in hell since the very first time Ascians tried to recombine things and messed it up, most are all screwed up from absorbing the souls of a bunch of wimps they beat to death, and let’s be frank here, a lot of them have real messed up bodies like just a floating head, or big wad of goop with a ton of eyeballs. Many of them would largely like to come over here where death at least theoretically sticks sometimes and properly get to he afterlife. It’s pretty hard to object to that, except you know, they’re also all big horrible monsters with the uncontrollable urge to eat people and it’d probably cause one of those cataclysmic elemental imbalances and also these guys are jerks literally delivering body parts of a hostage. And of course this is all in a big post-boss fight speech before Rubicante kills himself all honorable warrior style, so first we have this big fight with a fun gimmick tracing lines across moving puzzle pieces, and while the other three had pretty standard renditions of either the normal boss theme or the theme of Golbez and pals, when this fight starts we get the unmistakable strings and drums from an all-time classic remix.

No really. In one of the most impressive fan service moves of all time, they actually tracked down Hyadain for an official commission to use this remix. That’s just great even if they DID chicken out on the lyrics. Maybe later for one of those tell-this-bard-about-it remix fights with the whole set or something. As is here’s the version we actually have.

Anyway we leave off with a challenge to come face Golbez on the moon. The uh, moon in the Void to be clear. Which presumably has a nice Lunar Subterrane tribute going on. And past that, I don’t know. It certainly feels like we’re setting up dimension hopping for the next expansion, but if I stopped this far into the interlude after Heavensward I’d have thought we’d be going directly into Shadowbringers. This might resolve and then the last patch sets up some completely different thing. All I know is I’m not going to care about the whole Ascian prison raid, I don’t expect a real shocking twist to fighting the rest of the Twelve, and wow between Fray, Sadu, Gaia, Y’shtola’s class-change look, and Zero here, it is VERY clear the current head writer has a Type.

Short of double checking the last 10 levels of the few job quest lines I haven’t done for interesting bits, I have nothing left to sum up, at least until there’s another expansion to this. If you enjoyed all this though, again, money so I can survive would really be appreciated. I also have a wishlist of mostly games I’ll likely have thoughts on when I get to them. And if you somehow found this blog without seeing it, you might enjoy my also rather extensive multipart essay from a few years back about how Ranma, the character, is in fact trans, on top of the magic gender change stuff.

Past that, not sure what my next big project is going to be. Might get back to Twitch streaming, or just focus on this browser game I’ve been working on for a while. I have honestly enjoyed playing FF14 a hell of a lot more than most recent entries in the series and definitely more than any other MMO, so I could MAYBE be convinced to see what’s up with 11 if I can work out how to without costing me a ton of money and time I really don’t have? We’ll see.

Now that you’ve finished this depreciated version of this, here’s the formal, finished part 10, covering this but with more, you know, conclusions.

[marvella15]

Astaire & Rogers Rewatch Part 2: Gay Divorcee

• Once again, background info first. 

After they were a smash hit in Flying Down to Rio, Astaire and Rogers were quickly paired up for another film. Gay Divorcee is an adaptation of a successful stage musical (Gay Divorce), which Astaire had starred in immediately prior to coming to Hollywood. It was the only major production he did on the stage without his sister. More on this later. 

Why the name change? Execs didn’t think a gay (happy) divorce was appropriate but a happy divorcee was acceptable. 

Back in the day, the only way I could watch classic films was checking them out for a dollar from my local library. When I checked out Gay Divorcee, the librarian commented that title certainly had a different connotation today than back then. This meant nothing to me as a young person at the time but now I think about that moment every time I think about this film.

• Our characters/actors: Guy (Fred Astaire), Mimi (Ginger Rogers), Aunt Hortense (Alice Brady), Egbert (Edward Everett Horton), Tonetti (Erik Rhodes).

• What kind of name is Egbert??

• “I’m on my vacation. I’m not gonna do any dancing.” Unless there’s a beautiful woman to woo, of course. Or a check to pay.

• The bugle call is heard for the first time in the Astaire/Rogers films when he begins his solo. It will pop up several more times in the next films but it originated as something funny from Astaire and Rogers’ rehearsals. In Roberta and Follow the Fleet, art imitates life in a way when the bugle call becomes a signal of their past partnership/connection.

• Guy’s gentle mocking of Mimi’s repeated calls for a porter will come back later in this film and be slyly referenced again in Swing Time. 

• Heh:

Guy, hopefully: “You didn’t say goodbye.”

Mimi, coldly: “No, I didn’t.”

• The subtitles very incorrectly indicate Egbert says “asked” each time he repeats what the English messenger said when delivering Guy’s coat. Egbert, in his attempt to mimic the English accent, distinctly says, “arsed.”

• Love this exchange:

Egbert: “What’s her name?”

Guy: “I don’t know.”

Egbert: “Where does she live?”

Guy, more emphatically: “I don’t know.”

Egbert: “My, what an interesting romance.”

• Astaire often thought his singing voice sounded better right after he’d had a drink or a smoke. So he usually does one or the other (often the latter) in scenes right before singing. 

• Already his speaking-singing style is to his advantage as he sings “Needle in a Haystack” while finishing getting dressed. It seems natural and effortless, the way we all sing to ourselves sometimes. 

• Love how he leaps over the back of the couch and the way his tapping kicks up with the four horn blasts in the song. No one makes a more stylish exit than Fred Astaire lbr.

• Mimi, having been blocked in by Guy’s car: “Would you mind moving your car, or don’t you want it anymore?”

• And here he repeats her call for a porter to break the ice and it works. She may think he’s a little nuts but she’s clearly interested. When he asks when he can see her again, Rogers lets a look of longing and regret flash over her face. Neither the audience or Guy know yet that she’s actually still married and trying to discretely get a divorce. Going out with another man would ruin everything but this charming dork is tempting. 

• Buuuut she’s not so interested that she cares at all about destroying his elaborately packed picnic basket when given the chance to speed away. And he’s so into her already, he also couldn’t care less.

• One of my favorite lines here from Guy:

Egbert: “Guy, you’re not pining for that girl are you?”

Guy: “Pining? Men don’t pine. Girls pine. Men just… suffer.” 

• Ok, the “Let's K-nock K-nees” sequence is something I skip every time because it’s pointless and insane that young Betty Grable is somehow into Egbert. And that opinion has not changed.

• Hortense and Egbert are part of the comic relief but I have always found them annoying. Thy do have some good lines though:

Egbert: “You can’t have a clandestine affair between three people.”

Hortense: “Oh, that’s what you say.”

• “Your wife is safe with Tonetti. He prefers spaghetti.” 

• I like that Guy legit almost leaps over the second story railing to follow Mimi before thinking better of it. He's got it bad.

• “Night and Day” is the only song from the stage musical to make it into the movie and it’s also the first dance duet Astaire and Rogers have performed since the “Carioca.” And it is worlds different and stunningly executed. Future films won’t make audiences wait nearly an hour before pairing up Astaire and Rogers for a dance.

• Although Mimi asks Guy to let her leave, she smiles instantly when he again asks her to stay. The whole time he sings to her and for most of the dance, she’s very obviously conflicted and Rogers portrays that beautifully. Some of it is the choreography but most of it is her acting. Just one of many, many examples of, as one film historian put it, Ginger Rogers realizing that “the acting did not stop when dancing began.”

• If you think I’m going to shut up about Astaire’s singing, you’re dead wrong. “Night and Day” is a love song with lines like “this torment won’t be through, ‘til you let me spend my life making love to you.” When Frank Sinatra sings that line, it’s seductive. When Fred Astaire does, it’s a sentiment straight from his heart.

• Astaire’s look when he grabs Rogers’ hand and the music kicks up as he does a little dance. Love it. 

• This dance is incredibly intimate. When he twirls her in close for the first time, they lean together, noses almost touching. Her dress is pressed to his suit in several places. 

• Each time they move apart, they come back together slowly, her arm gently on his shoulder, his around her waist. When they’re side by side, again noses almost touching they’re so close, a smile spreads slowly on her face and he responds in kind. 

• It’s after that moment that, for the first time in the dance, he lets her go and they dance together without either holding the other, a signal of their characters’ growing intimacy and partnership. Any other “attempts” by Mimi to leave are all playacting within the dance. She is right where she wants to be. 

• Two movies before a song will induce it, Astaire and Rogers dance cheek to cheek for a few brief seconds in “Night and Day.” As the music turns triumphant, he smiles and she looks a bit rapturous. He doesn’t take his gaze off her for a second and she meets his look without breaking it even after the dance is over. 

• Love the tiny wiggle of Astaire’s fingers as the music dies down, his leg still lifted in the final pose of their dance.

(gif credit) 

• The implications of his offer of a cigarette as her chest is heaving a bit and after such an intimate moment are, um, obvious. 😏😏😏

• A lot of this movie is about sex or the suggestion of sex. “The Continental” involves kissing while dancing. Mimi must pretend to be caught in an affair in order to get a divorce. “Night and Day” mentions “making love.” When Mimi instructs Guy to meet her in her room at midnight, he’s shocked but he shows up and more than once goes to embrace her since he assumes that’s why he’s there. But, as usual in Astaire/Rogers films, the sexiest moments are tied up in the dancing and “Night and Day” is one of the clearest examples.    

• Mimi may have thought Guy was her corespondent because he “said the right words” but there’s something to be said for how suave and charming he was in their dance. Mimi had no trouble believing he might be a hot guy who was hired to help women convince their husbands they were having an affair.

• As Rogers starts to sing “The Continental,” Astaire looks at her so warmly right before the shot switches to a close-up where he’s supposed to stare affectionately at her. But his genuine look before the switch is better.

• Rogers’ dress change before “The Continental” is a good one. That negligee and hairstyle were not the most flattering and her new dress is one of my favorites.

• “The Continental” is very different than the “Carioca” even though it’s meant to replicate it in many ways. But Astaire’s control over the choreography is much more evident. He and Rogers switch from the prescribed motions of the dance to more energetic pieces seamlessly. Several times he sneaks smiles at her that appear to be Astaire himself, rather than solely his character, such as when they turn towards each other with their arms outstretched for the first time or when she begins marching forward first and he follows. 

• The “three steps to the right, three to the left” move that will be integral to the choreography in Swing Time, shows up here first. 

• Pretty sure he nearly gets punched in the face when they link hands and spin so each has one arm in front and one behind. 

• Kissing her hand, rather than her lips, in response to the lyric “you kiss while you’re dancing,” is just the start of a longer conversation about (the lack of) kisses in Astaire/Rogers films. More later.

• The affection on both their faces in the close up near the end of the dance as they twirl around one another (in a slight mockery of the kissing other couples were doing) is very sweet. And I love the final move when he spins her towards him on that last beat and instantly smiles broadly. It’s a look I’d expect to see during rehearsals when you’ve finally done a tricky move perfectly.

• For some reason, RKO thought what people wanted was several more minutes of this song without Astaire or Rogers, and they were wrong. At 17.5 minutes, “The Continental” was the longest musical number on film until the ballet sequence in An American in Paris outran it... by one minute.

• When Astaire and Rogers do rejoin the dance briefly, you can see how well they flow together. Critics and historians have often noted that Rogers wasn’t the most technically perfect or trained of Astaire’s partners but she looks pretty damn perfect. They switch from formal dancing to tap to spins to twirling down steps and she doesn’t ever look out of her league for a second.

• And this is somehow only their second film and third on screen dance together! And yet they already look incredible??

• In the morning, Mimi and Guy’s relationship is so obviously cemented and we know it not by grandiose declarations but in the small action of her grinning and calling him “clown” after he jokes about the arrival of their breakfast. 

• So Mimi’s husband shows up and doesn’t buy Tonetti is her lover for a second because duh. She calls Guy out from hiding to kiss her as proof she’s having an affair of some kind. And he obliges… by kissing her cheek somewhat ridiculously. 🤦‍♀️

• Their final dance as they get ready to leave takes them around the room. I love how he leaps over the couch, not unlike he did back when he was pining for her in “Needle in a Haystack,” and then slides across the rug to reach her in time for the next step. 

• “The Table Dance” that ends the film is another carryover from the stage production. As Astaire guides Rogers from the table down to the floor, her foot doesn’t stop on the chair as his does. It goes from table to floor in one motion. For one beat both of her feet are touching nothing. The move relies entirely on his control and her trust in him. Not an easy ask, not only because of the maneuver but also because Astaire’s stage partner did hurt herself during this dance at one point and the injury eventually led to the end of her career. Maybe that’s why Astaire quickly glances down at the chair on each rotation.  

• And in the final seconds, the music becomes jaunty and the pair look at each other and grin with complete sincerity. For just half a second before he grabs a hat, Astaire looks at her with that same softness you see in other moments. The way she leans into him as they exit is in character, yes, but it’s like two friends thoroughly enjoying themselves, which they were in both respects. 

• So movie two finished! If you think these posts are already getting long, just you wait. Roberta is next and it’s one of my favorites. 

[coasttocoastreads]

Welcome back to Week 2 of Coast to Coast Reads! Who’s still alive? Katya and I are dying while social distancing, but at least we had a few laughs discussing this book:

Crescent City (House of Blood and Earth) // Sarah J Maas

★★ / ★★★★★

Summary in one two gif(s):

Real Summary:

Crescent City, a place where vanir (supernatural beings such as angels, fae, shifters, etc.) and humans freely mingle and go about their days. Bryce Quilan is a 20-something fae/human who’s still reeling from the murder of her friends 2 years ago. But after she’s commissioned to help search for an ancient artifact, Bryce, along with her new angel partner Hunt, unearth previously buried secrets about the murder that threaten to expose a worldwide conspiracy. 

Pros:

Great side characters. I would die for each and every one of them.

Lots of different mythological creatures! Not just another Fae Book™️

Cons:

It’s literally ToG 2-7 combined. If you read Throne of Glass, you’ve already been spoiled for this book. 💀💀💀

It’s wayyyy too long

Drags a lot in the beginning

Plot .5/5 (the .5 is for you, Lehaba)

What can I say. SJM literally plagiarized herself by taking the plotline of the tog books and translating it to this new setting. The writing itself was subpar, and most of the time it felt like the author herself had no idea where the plot was going, instead letting it drag on until a plot twist that makes no sense is revealed. (You’ll know which one I’m talking about when you get there.) I’ll compare CC with ToG with spoilers under the cut. 

Pacing 2/5

The beginning is full of info-dumping as SJM tries to set up this world which is metaphorically like ours, but everyone’s hot and does fantasy cocaine all the time.  It narrates boring day-to-day schedules that could have been condensed into a paragraph and at times I was tempted to skip ahead. The plot does pick up near the last 25% though, so I’ll give it that. 

Worldbuilding 2.5/5

It was confusing. To be fair, after all the info was dumped at the beginning, I didn’t bother going back to try to figure things out when they popped up again after. But like still??? I think I only started understanding the hierarchy of the government with the Asterrii(?). Also what are the Triarii I am still lost. SJM attempts to blend a more modern society with one of fantasy creatures, and for the most part it succeeds, but it often just feels...strange. I think the one thing I’m most hung up about is why swords and guns still coexist. Like ??????? it’s one or the other plssssss abandon the “aesthetic” Also while they literally have cell phones and keurig machines there aren’t common things like cars? Why.

Characters: (This is unconventional, bear with me)

Main Characters: -infinity/5 they could go die for all I care

Bryce and Hunt were both super unlikeable, 10/10 would let fall from a cliff. They are literally just rewrites of Aelin and Rowan? Bryce is like ahahaha yeah people think I’m Just a dumb vapid Female™️ who parties too much and gets trashed but SIKE I’m actually the chosen one and I’ve been hiding it this whole time because I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings uwu. And did I mention I’m actually a trained Warrior who can keep up with The Boys? It’s Aelin y’all. There are numerous times where a character says that she’s not stupid and I’m like...are you sure... This girl makes the poorest decisions, yet ofc, there aren’t any long term consequences... (Also 99% of her problems come from ghosting people literally just respond with “k” sis)

Hunt is... idek what to say about Hunt. He’s just Rowan but in angel form. His inner monologue cycles between I must pay off my debt so I can gain Freedom 😔, why is Bryce so hot 🥴, and Shahar 😭. Once again, literally Rowan who also was bound to some evil villain, had the hots for their CENTURIES YOUNGER pupil/protectee, and had an old lover die tragically which led to them believing they can never find love again UNTIL BryLin comes along. Snooze. 

Side Characters: Infinity/5 

Ruhn Danaan was the most valid character and that’s the hill I’ll die on. He literally just wanted to protect his sister cuz she’s stupid af but she keeps pushing him away bc he’s an “alphahole” (haha how subversive :/) I want a whole book about him and Hypaxia, preferably fanfiction so I don’t have to read “soft feminine breathing” ever again.

Literally all the supporting cast- Lehaba, Therion, Ithan, Jesiba, Flynn, Connor, etc, etc. had more compelling characters and side stories than Bryce/Hunt. I was 100% more invested in them and I can’t wait to read/write more about them. 

(Pls let me marry Jesiba Roga or Therion 🥺)

But while the people on the “good” side were spectacular, the villains all felt one-dimensional and the product of over-recycled and overused tropes mashed together. Sandriel and Pollux are literally just Maeve and Cairn (is that his name)

I’d recommend for:

People who loved Throne of Glass and are lamenting the absence of new content. Please read about Rowaelin 2.0

People stuck at home during this global crisis and have too much time on their hands. (If you need that free epub, hmu)

People who are willing to skip all scenes that feature just Bryce and/or Hunt 

People who hate themselves

Would I travel here?

Sorry, what? Already shredded my passport, not getting a replacement, sorry. 

Overall thoughts:

I wish I could somehow take those hours of my life back but alas. 

See y’all in two weeks with a hopefully better book selection,

Tiff

Spoilers under cut

Okay time to VENT

OKAY so CC=ToG, let’s break down how

Danika’s death is the Nehemia Incident, setting the mc up for a journey of self discovery/reclaiming their power. They both show up as ghosts later to encourage mc in a time of great self-struggle.

Syrinx if Fleetfoot. bc all female mc’s need a pet to reveal her Feminine and Soft side

Sandriel and Pollux are Maeve and Cairn. Evil female character with vast power and her torturer? COOKIE CUTTER FORMULA. The scene where Bryce offers herself up for Hunt in the lobby also kinda mirrors that scene in..HoF? QoS? Don’t remember, but pretty sure that happened. Also that scene was so fucking dumb, I really thought Bryce had a Smart Plan, but I was bamboozled once again. 

A gem from my notes: “Bryce is Aelin but with cocaine”

I think the whole demon portal thing is a ripoff of ACOWAR (or is it KoA I can’t even remember), sacrificing yourself to close the rift, etc, etc. 

Anyways, Bryce = Aelin, a party-girl front with a sob backstory that’s her superpower origin story who always has a Plan. 

Hunt = Rowan, broody warrior busy repaying debts getting orders they don’t want while pining over a lost love. They reluctantly let the female mc in and voila they’re in LOVE

The whole “plot twist” that revealed Hunt’s true plan along was so fucking dumb...

It wasn’t a plot twist, it was just plain bad writing

There was no set up at all, nothing alluding to Hunt secretly masterminding an attempted coup with the help of Magic Meth

The whole time I was like “...this is part of their plan right. There’s no way he legit planned this...”

Character’s POVs should reveal what they’re thinking, even if you’re just hinting at something to reveal later...this was just lazy

Another thing that really rubbed me the wrong way was the sudden reveal that Fury and Juniper had been in a relationship the whole time? Despite like above, there was no prior allusion to that?

It felt like half-assed representation at best and completely irrelevant to the story with it coming up again in a throwaway line near the end

Also? I’m fairly certain there was a scene in the beginning where they were all out clubbing and Juniper hooked up with some rando while Fury was also at the club with them? Was this before they got together or did SJM insert this so last minute that no one caught it?

Wtf is sunball. Can someone just help me out here.

Some people have been saying Hunt is Asian coded? Where???!!!!! All I’m seeing is the same stuff she pulled in ACOTAR where all the Illyrians were tan so people could claim they were poc for woke points but not get in trouble for art depicting them as white ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SJM pls stay away from “like calls to like” you don’t deserve it

[queencrimsonred]

Actor AU! Chocobros x S/O(crush)

Headcanons for how the bros met their S/O if all the events in the game were just a part of a movie.

Author’s note: I wrote this at 3 am because I couldn’t sleep, I woke up this morning thinking I wrote this in a dream. Apparently, it was not a dream, so guess I’ll just leave this here and continue on with my day. Enjoy! -Crimson

Word count: 1784

Warnings: None? Maybe like one swear word somewhere? 

Noctis Lucis Caelum

Noctis’s S/O is an actor and plays a prominent role as a member of the Kingsglaive.

They first met well shooting a scene after the Fall of Insomnia, they looked battered and bruised, perfectly portraying the horrible event from within the city. 

He started to admire them because they performed all their own stunt. 

Caught them changing costumes one day and immediately walked away because damn, under all those layers they’re super fit, and he likes their face.

Overall his S/O is a genuinely good person, they take suggestions when needed, nice to everyone, they crack jokes when mistakes are made and can instantly go into work more when they need to. They’re really amazing at their job!

The next shot they have together is after the time skip.

“Oh no, you’re so old now!” They said, overly dramatic, with a teasing smile.

“And you haven’t aged a day??”

“I did! Look! Scars,” S/O dramatically motions to scars. 

“Those scars look good on you,”

“You’re killing it with the facial hair!”

They’re supposed to be killed off in the next scene protecting Noctis from a daemon, but plot twist! They aren’t killed off.

Daemon prop is coming charging towards them, and Noctis suddenly stumbles into them, unintentionally sending them into a shallow pool of water.

They both avoided getting hit by the prop, but now his S/O is sitting in water, wet and confused because that wasn’t in the script??

“Cut!” 

“I’m not sure if I should thank you for saving my life or lecture you for throwing me into a puddle.” S/O stares, unamused.

“Pft, sorry.” Noctis laughed and pulled them out of the puddle, they have to change costumes again because their costume doesn’t look right anymore.

The director decides to have the script changed and his S/O lives after that

The day after filming ended, Noctis texts them to go to the studio they had been recording at. It’s late, and they’re confused why they’re needed on set.

When they get there Noctis challenges them to a paintball fight and they were more than happy to accept. 

They didn’t leave the building until around midnight, both of them were covered in paint splatters, and they couldn’t say the set was in any better condition.

“I have to say, that was a pretty good first date.”

“Oh, so that’s what this was?”

“Yeah, and hopefully there are many more to come.”

There were, in the next movie they starred in they even got to play love interests.

There’s a rumor that there will be a new final fantasy tv series where Noctis lives because of something his S/O did. The rumor also said that they’re supposed to be love interests in this new series, and the shippers are now demanding that they make it a thing.

Prompto Argentum

Prompto’s S/O is a makeup artist, they spent hours making their injuries look real.

The first day they met was, as one would expect, on the very first day of filming, and Prompto was at a complete loss for words when they meet.

Like, his makeup artist is super super pretty??

One day they caught him staring while doing Noctis’s make up, adding bruises and cuts for their next scene.

“You’re next Prom~” they called in a slightly sing-song tone.

Finishes Noctis’s makeup, and quickly moves over to Prompto, he’s nervous and they can tell, they think it’s cute

“You’re going to look super awesome, you’ll love it!”

And he does, the makeup looks so real and a small part of him is tempted to wear it on the street to see how people react.

One day you start chatting about monster makeup between scenes, and Prompto asks his S/O to practice on him.

Who are they to refuse a willing subject for their art??

They spend a lot of time together outside of work now, his S/O practicing their make up while he practices lines.

“How come you like doing make up for injuries?”

“Because the audience can’t feel what your character feels, they need something to see, something to resonate with, and visuals are a very powerful tool to get people to do that.”

Oh no, he’s falling in love with his makeup artist! They’re so focused when they’re working and they’re super passionate, and it’s really attractive?

One day they’re doing his makeup for when he’s found at Zegnautus Keep.

“You’re going to look like you need the kiss of life when I’m finished with you!”

“Only if you’re the one to giving it to me,” and now both of them are blushing, and his co-stars heard, and oh gods he’s done it now.

“Sure thing, but maybe in a different context, after filming?” They’re beaming, and Prompto has short-circuited.

Thinks things will be awkward after that comment and starts avoiding them when he can.

When his S/O finds him hiding out, they pinch him and tell him that they miss their friend. Prompto apologizes and everything pretty much goes back to normal.

The moment filming ends Prompto’s S/O hunts him down and pulls him aside, it’s really late and they’re both tired.

“Now that filming is over, how about we go out?”

“Go out??” Prompto’s blushing

“Yes out, like on a date, I want to get to know the guy who’s been nice enough to let me use him as a canvas!” 

“Oh my gosh, hell yeah!” 

Cue the pair going to a pizza parlor at 10 pm because it’s the only place open right now. It’s the start of a very fun relationship!

Ignis Scientia

Ignis’s S/O works special effects, they’re responsible for making magic on set.

The first day they met was the day they were shooting the scene where he puts on the Ring of the Lucii, he gets a full look at all the effects.

He has to admit he’s really impressed how much they can do!

Ignis occasionally checks on their work, and soon notices that they spend a lot of late nights at the studio working on effects.

One night he appears in their office with coffee, and they’re shocked because they thought everyone had already gone home??

But no, here’s Ignis with coffee, and he’s kind of their hero now.

“I noticed you spend a lot of late nights here, you looked like you needed the coffee.” Cue S/O blushing a little.

“Yeah, some of these special effects get pretty tricky, and I don’t really trust my trainees to do it justice just yet, so more late nights for me. What made you stay so late?”

Ignis can’t will himself to say they’re the reason.

“I prefer practicing lines in the studio instead of at home,” they know he’s lying but they don’t push it.

“Is that so? Well if you ever need someone to listen to you run lines, I’m here every night.”

And so, they go on with their night, Ignis runs lines and his S/O works on special effects.

They spend a lot of nights like this, and the more time they spend together, the more ridiculous they act. Ignis starts saying lines in different accents just to prove he can, his S/O took random shots of him and his co-stars and added effects of them getting turned into frogs.

They’ve gotten dinner a few times as friends and chatted about how they ended up in their professions.

“I get to make people feel like magic is real, and even if it’s only for a few minutes or hours, that’s still really cool.”

The day after the last day of shooting, he finds his S/O hard at work, working on the last few scenes.

“So, I see you’re still making magic?” 

“It’s what I live for, now what excuse do you have for visiting me today Mr. Scientia?”

“I do believe that now filming is over, this would be the appropriate time for me to ask you out on a proper date. Of course, after you finish with your special effects.” S/O stares at him, slightly shocked, and he looks so smug but they can’t say no.

They end up going to dinner together that night and immediately hit it off.

Gladiolus Amicitia

Gladio’s S/O is a stunt double, with nerves of steel!

The day they met, they were filming a scene from the fall of Insomnia, his S/O got thrown through a window.

When they first spoke, they were talking with the director and action coordinator to make a fight look more realistic. 

The second they saw Gladio watching them speak, they got excited and waved him over.

“Hey hey! You’re pretty good with that fake broadsword! Your fight scenes look super legit!”

“Thanks! Your stunts are pretty awesome!”

He made them happy when he complimented their stunt work, and a friendship started from there.

“Let’s practice together sometime!”

They end up meeting at the gym several times throughout shooting and learn they have a lot in common.

Quickly learns that they’re really hot, and they wear minimal clothing while training.

And they’re smaller than him but they’re really strong, they can bench press almost as much as him!

Learns they secretly love romance novels but swears that if he tells anyone they’ll deny it and shun him.

They taught him how to make his fight scenes look even better, and he treated them to whatever meal they happened to be closest to.

Learns that they are incredibly fit, but they eat the worst things.

“How do you eat like that, but look like this?”

“I work out like an Olympic athlete and getting thrown around is also a work out on its own.”

They meet his sister one day on set, and she tells them they have to come over for dinner because “Gladdy won’t stop talking about is stunt double friend!”

Gladio didn’t expect them to actually come to dinner, but they did and his family actually loves them?

One day they were practicing a combat scene and they accidentally sent him to the ground. He hit his face pretty hard against the training mats.

He stared at them for a second “traitor...”

Cue S/O apologizing profusely 

“I didn’t think I could send a mountain of a man to the ground! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, you can make it up to me by being my date to the premiere.”

“Smooth, but I guess I owe you for kicking your sorry butt.”

They go to the premiere together and his S/O can’t remember a time where they’d been asked so many questions, but overall, they had a lot of fun.

They end up on sets together a lot, and it’s always tons of fun.

They’ve been together ever since

[geniuslab]

college writing advice

Hi, everyone. It’s nearing finals time for a lot of people and I thought I’d share some of the tips that my undergrad students find helpful, and also things that helped me when I was in school and writing essays. Don’t sue me if this doesn’t help, though. This is mostly for your typical research/argumentative/analytical essays.

read your assignment/essay prompt as soon as you get it

Even if your essay isn’t due for a month, take a look at the assignment. You don’t have to outline or do anything for it yet, but knowing what the requirements are will help you prepare. You can start looking for inspiration in class readings or lectures, and you might find yourself outlining it without even realizing it. At the very least, it can’t hurt to know what you’ll need to do, even if you’re not starting yet.

Plus, if something is confusing, you have time to ask your professor. Emailing your professor the night before your essay is due with a basic question doesn’t make you look good, and you might not get an answer back in time.

Sometimes professors give hints to what materials will be helpful for your essays (particularly analytical essays!), so if you already know the prompt then you can be on the lookout for these. I frequently starred my notes when I knew certain information would be helpful in an upcoming essay.

don’t wait until the last minute

It sounds pretty self-explanatory, but seriously. Don’t. Don’t wait until the night before your 15 page research paper is due to start actually doing research. Even if you know you write better under stress (like me) still plan out enough time to get it done. A 2,000 word essay written in less than 3 hours is going to be crap. A 2,000 word essay in 2 days is manageable.

okay, shit. you waited until the last minute

Ask your professor for an extension. Just don’t do it at 2am.

If you can’t get an extension, then get some caffeine and snacks and buckle up, kiddo. Submitting something is better than submitting nothing. Start with whatever part is easiest, and just run with it. Just don’t work yourself to the point of exhaustion.

talk to someone about your ideas

Whether it be with your professor, a tutor, or your best friend, don’t be afraid to talk through your ideas with someone. Sometimes brainstorming with someone for even 10 minutes is all you need to get the jumbled mess of ideas in your head into something concrete.

find a productive space to do your work (this counts for studying in general)

By this point in the semester you’ve probably figured out what environments are most helpful to you, so make sure that’s where you’re doing your work. Some people can only work in a quiet space like their room/library, while others need some background noise and find places like coffee shops most helpful.

If you like listening to something while working, there’s lots of different playlists you can listen to, like this one. If you listened to a specific playlist while studying, try listening to the same one while writing, since it can help bring previous knowledge back to the forefront. And there’s always the classic Rainy Mood.

create a rough outline

Whether you write one out or do it in your head, try planning something out. For example, if you’re writing a research paper on the benefits of therapy, start deciding what supporting points you’d like to talk about. I wouldn’t recommend waiting until halfway through your paper to figure out all of your points.

write, write, write

If you don’t like outlining then just start writing. Work through your ideas, and you’ll get somewhere eventually. You might have to scrap a lot of what you’ve written, but you’ll have something to go off of.

Once into the actual writing process, feel free to jump around with what sections you’re writing. If you get stuck on a certain paragraph, move onto the next one. If you can’t figure out how to write a hook for your intro, start on something that you do know how to do. If your third main point is the most interesting to you, try starting there. Getting some writing done is better than getting frustrated at line one and not getting anything done. Which brings me to my next point:

skip your introduction

For most undergrad papers, your intro is essentially just a summary of what your paper is going to be about. If you get stuck on intros often, just skip it and write it last, since by the end you’ll know exactly how to summarize your paper.

however, always know your thesis before writing anything substantial

Your thesis = main point/argument. You need to know this before you start filling in all of your support (this is assuming your paper requires a thesis...which it probably does). After all, what are you trying to support if you don’t even know what you’re arguing? Make sure that each paragraph ties back to the thesis. If it doesn’t, there’s probably an issue (background information or references to existing research won’t exactly support your thesis, but you’ll know if they fit within the context of your argument).

As far as wording your thesis, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. As long as you’re not planning on changing what your thesis is, you can worry about how to perfectly word it later.

use your library’s database

Provided that your school has a database (which is probably does), check it out. Pro-tip: If you’re crunched on time/not able to go to your library, make sure to check the “full text only” option to get articles that are 100% free and available to download right away. I did this for every paper.

Of course, there’s always google scholar if you’re still not finding what you’re looking for, but results can be limited or behind a paywall.

If you find an article excerpt that’s helpful but can’t access the rest of the article...you can probably still use it. But you didn’t hear that from me.

still stuck on research?

Wikipedia can help. But please, don’t use it as a source unless you want your professor to light your essay on fire. You can gain some background knowledge on your topic to help in the research process, and a lot of times wikipedia cites legitimate sources that you can check out and maybe even use for yourself.

Also, sources from .gov and .edu websites are pretty safe to use.

Don’t use someone’s blog as a source please please please (unless your paper is about blog culture or something. But we both know it’s not).

have a super long source?

You don’t have to read the entire thing. This is probably contradictory to what your professors always tell you, but really. Don’t spend hours reading a 100+ page article or book to only end up using one sentence from it. In my four years of college, I never once read an entire book just to use it as my source (however, I DID read the required books for class...don’t skip out on that). And if an article was more than, say, 25 pages, I skimmed it. You know how much reading you can handle and fit in. Find whatever paragraphs have the information that you need, and use it. As long as you’re not misinterpreting the information, it probably doesn’t really matter.

don’t just throw a quote in your paper

It might be tempting to do this to fill up space or fulfill the required amount of sources, but don’t do it. Make sure that whatever quote you’re using actually supports whatever you’re trying to say. A simple tip that you can use most of the time is thinking of it as a sandwich: introduce your source (ex. John Smith, Professor of Bullshitting at Blah University, states, ”QUOTE”), put in the quote, and then talk about the quote. Don’t just plop it in there with no explanation as to why it’s important.

This website can be helpful for incorporating sources.

confused by citations? use an online citation maker

When you’re stressed and under a time limit, it’s probably not the time to learn MLA. Pop those sources into a website like easybib or citationmachine. Don’t pay, though. There’s tons out there, so find one that works for free (easybib doesn’t do APA for free, but I believe citationmachine does). Just make sure that you’re filling out all necessary info. Sometimes the websites can’t find the author’s name or publication date, but you can. These websites serve as a good template, just don’t expect them to do all the work for you.

Also, if you’re using an online database, it might have already created the citation for you, so look for that.

If you’re not sure whether to use MLA, APA, etc. then check your assignment or syllabus. If it’s still not there then your prof did a shitty job email your professor. Typically, English papers will use MLA and science-related classes will use APA.

For help on in-text citations, I suggest googling “whatever type of source you’re using + purdueowl + in-text + citation type (mla, apa, etc.)”

Don’t worry about in-text citations as you’re writing. If my citation was any more complicated than (75-78) then I just put something like [INSERT CITATION] and did it last. But make sure you know exactly how to find the source again, otherwise you’ll have to take it out. Don’t depend on bookmarking a database article either, they never saved for me. Make sure you can find it again, and know exactly what part of the source you used.

don’t plagiarize (even by accident)

Knowing the difference between quoting, paraphrasing, and summarizing is imperative.

When in doubt, cite.

annotated bibliographies

They look scarier than they are. Your prof probably gave you guidelines for one if they’re expecting you to write one, but if not, this is a helpful guide. Rule of thumb: give background information of the source and author (why should the reader care about this source? is it legit? give them receipts), give a summary of the main points, and explain how you’re planning on using the source in your essay. You probably want to do this before you write your paper, but hey, who am I to judge?

transitions

I hate transitions and I hate explaining them. But this website has some great transition words if you’re tired of using “furthermore.”

worry about spelling/grammar last

Unless your professor is a real hardass on these things, they’re most likely the least important. Your grammar could be flawless, but if your organization is a mess then your whole paper has fallen apart. This is particularly important for ESL students. Have a friend read your paper, if this is an option available to you. As long as they understand what you’re trying to say, that’s the most important part. Work on bigger issues first (thesis, support, organization) and then worry about whether a comma needs to go there.

but you should definitely still proofread

Spellcheck can only go so far. Make sure you read over your paper before you submit it. Professors can tell when you haven’t even looked over your own paper, and they get pretty heated about it.

If you know you’ve read your paper countless times and are still missing things, try reading it backwards. Going backwards line by line makes you focus on the content of each sentence. This is only helpful for spelling, grammar, and syntax.

last but not least, give yourself breaks/incentives

Ideally, you’re not going to write your paper in less than 12 hours. I highly recommend planning as much time as possible to write your paper, and give yourself a DAY break between finishing your writing and proofreading it. That day gives you enough space to clear your head and look at it with a new perspective.

If you’re planning on banging out your whole paper in one sitting, still give yourself breaks. Have a delicious snack after each new paragraph, or watch a funny youtube video after each main point. Obviously, if you’re on a roll then don’t interrupt yourself. But if you’re struggling with each sentence, try to give yourself incentives to keep going.

That’s about all I can think of right now. I’m sorry if this wasn’t helpful or if you knew all of this already (look at me, assuming someone’s going to read this). This is mostly just beginner’s tips, but they might still help. Believe it or not, these are some of the biggest problems I see students run into, even at the end of the semester. If you picked up at least one thing from this, then I did what I sought out to do!

Have a question that I didn’t answer or explain fully? Feel free to send me an ask. I’ll answer pretty much anything. But I won’t proofread your paper.

Please let me know if any of the links aren’t working. You can always add stuff to this list as well!

Good luck!