#it was hard trying to combine everything into one coherent story arc

[vryfmi]

What did they do to skull???

using this inbox as an excuse to infodump about character that i know more about than Stroud himself

before i start to explain the downgrade that skull's character experienced in the adaptation, i'll say that the show is good, but not excellent. there are a lot for things that were done surprisingly good and i was having a mostly positive experience watching it. it's the main cast and overall atmosphere of the series that truly make it special. however, there were things that did not translate well from book to screen. one of those vital things was skull in the jar.

[TL;DR] skull doesn't get any screen time and in those combined five minutes is horribly mischaracterized. not to mention that it doesn't progress the plot whatsoever.

i was a bit sad that i was late to the show-finally-was-released party because i thought people would already discuss everything that was in the show so far. but to my surprise there're hardly any coherent takes on skull. especially when you compare how well rounded all other characters were portrayed. so what is my problem?

well first of all how the fuck did Stroud allow that to happen? in every single interview it is stated that directors and scriptwriters were consulting with Stroud yet somehow complete annihilation of skull happened.

i want to say that the problem is in screen time that it is really hard to keep books' pacing (action scenes as well as domestic ones, Lucy's thought process, dialogs, worldbuilding etc.), but it's really not, the problem is much deeper than that. the show decided to change various small pieces of original stories, and with more details changed, the further it differentiated from initial plot. that's my problem with the show in general.

the second part of the season is revolved around the bone mirror, yes, this is correct, just like the books. but the book itself isn't called the bone glass. it's called the whispering skull and for a good reason. the role of skull in the story was so downplayed i feel physical pain just from thinking about it. overall, yes, the story is the same: Lockwood&Co get a case regarding an unauthorized grave, it turns out Dr Edmund Bickerstaff was buried there under unclear circumstances with some device. that device being a bone mirror, that doctor had created around late 1800s with his followers and, most importantly, young servant. the servant boy was skull, now a type three ghost, previously stolen from Fittes. bone glass was stolen, L&co compete with Kipps' team in finding it, Bickerstaff's mansion, George is affected by the mirror (but not as bad as Joplin), Fittes ball, the auction, the fight in Kensal Green as well as in catacombs. the end. the main plot is the same, but it's the details that are the keys to why that story worked, and why it's my favourite book of the series.

show differentiates from book when it completely gets rid of Wilberforce's character, makes events of tss immediately followed by tws (without an eight month time skip) and changes the reasons behind drama between main characters.

can you guess what character suffers the most from these changes?

the skull.

[i'll try my best not to spoil any major points of the story, but there will be slight spoilers regarding skull's backstory - both in life and in death (but seeing how ghost lore was changed, maybe these won't be spoilers at all)]

here's the list of my main problems with skull's character in the show

1. skull doesn't move the plot forward

2. mischaracterization

3. not enough screen time

4. his arc is unfinished

5. no silent boy (i am the only person affected by it but i will be insufferable nonetheless for its exclusion)

the first problem picks up where we left it - small details were made and now plot doesn't make sense, especially skull's role. fine, you've decided to exclude the mystery of who was buried in an iron coffin, now we know from the get-go it was Bickerstaff. but book had lingered on it for a while - the grave was marked, and it belong to Bickerstaff, but the remains didn't match with historical records - Bickerstaff was claimed to die in his house and eaten by rats, where the body in the coffin was pretty solid apart from the bullet hole in its head. here's your mystery. then bone glass is stolen as well as something else, that nobody quite noticed at first, but Lockwood pointed out it out on photo of the crime scene - a tripod. not one, but two relics were gone after the coffin was dug up. the later one is less important to the story but it made a pretty great characterization of Joplin early on, how this character has kleptomaniac tendencies. but mystery of the body was something no one could solve - nor L&co, nor Kipps' team, - unless they were there and then. that's where skull comes into play.

Lockwood&Co have not only a literal witness of events that happened in the late 1870s, but someone who took part in creating the bone mirror. how cool is that? it would, if skull was talking about Bickerstaff's deeds, and wasn't making witty comments and insults. but not just any insults - it keeps bringing up how stupid and blind main characters are. and here's the thing - if these were just constant calling names, Lucy and others would just shut the lid tight and never open it again. instead it has an effect on them. they feel as if there's something they're missing, that by talking to the ghost it will eventually crack and tell them. skull makes itself useful in the long run.

when late night interrogation begins, skull actually talks about it's master and a bit of its own identity. skull, of course, teases Lucy and others with scraps of information when it feels as if it is in control. until one of the questions touches the raw nerve of its:

‘No!’ The voice was urgent, intimate, as if whispering directly into my ear. ‘Bickerstaff was no grave-robber! He was a great man. A visionary! He came to a sad end.’ ‘What end? The rats?’ ‘Hold it, Lucy...’ Lockwood touched my arm. ‘We didn’t hear what it said.’ ‘Oh, sorry. He was a great man who came to a sad end.’ ‘I said he was a visionary too. You forgot that bit.’ ‘Oh yeah. And a visionary. Sorry.’ I blinked in annoyance, then glared at the skull. ‘Why am I apologizing to you? You’re making some pretty big claims about a man who kept sacks of human bones in his basement.’ ‘Not in his basement. In a workroom behind a secret wall.’ ‘It wasn’t his basement. It was a workroom behind a secret wall...’ I looked at the others. ‘Did we know that?’ ‘Yes,’ Lockwood said. ‘We did. It overheard George telling us that earlier this evening. It’s giving us nothing new or original, in other words. It’s making all this up.’ <…> ‘Well, believe me or not as you please, but yes, I saw the bone glass, though I never saw it used. The master wouldn’t show me. It wasn’t for my eyes, he said. I wept, for it was a wonderful thing.’ <…> ‘All very well,’ Lockwood said, ‘but what does the bone glass do?’ ‘It gives knowledge,’ the voice said. ‘It gives enlightenment. Ah, but I could have spied on him. I knew where he kept his precious notes, hidden under the floorboards of his study. See how I held the key to his secrets in my hand? I could have learned them all. But he was a great man. He trusted me. I was tempted but I never looked.’ The eyes glinted at me from the depths of the jar. ‘You know all about that too – don’t you, Lucy?’ <…> ‘He was a great man,’ the ghost said softly. ‘And his legacy is with you today, though you’re too blind to see it. All of you, too blind...’

there is a reason for l&co going to Hampstead Heath and its abandoned mansion - not only can they confirm skull's words about the papers (and confirm to others that Lucy indeed can talk to ghosts), but, eventually, they find out who died in that house and was eaten by rats (Wilberforce). and thanks to Lucy using her Touch in the secret study they find out that bone mirror doesn't give enlightenment, it kills the one who looks into it (on top of that, skull was the one who put the idea of testing the device on Wilberforce into Bickerstaff's head). the steaks go higher.

compare it to the shows version of the same events.

skull talks about Bickerstaff for like a minute, says it was acolyte and that there's something in its masters mansion. and asks for Lucy to take it there. (in books it was an after though of Lockwood to take it with them because the prospect of Lucy communicating with ghosts was way too big for him to pass. skull doesn't really help them inside, only insults them when they barely escape Wilberforce's ghost). what did the trio got out of going there and risking their lives? nothing. they got absolutely nothing that would've move the plot. yes, they got the papers, but did they give anything new? no, they've only confirmed that bone mirror is made of sources of people that were killed by Bickerstaff. which is also a big problem for me. because bone glass is now made of supposedly vengeful spirits, not the ones who are upset by their remains being stolen from graves, grieving over their disrupted burials.

what was skull for in that case? was he simply sitting in that basement and telling his master whether the bone was source or not? and that's it? book's skull was helping in gravedigging and warding of ghosts from Bickerstaff and other adults, who weren't able to see them. not to mention that he a) had to be young, but old enough to see ghosts and keep others save from them b) have a great talent to be able to find potential source in massive churchyards. skull's role of servant got also massively downplayed, im pissed.

One paper says he’d sometimes have a servant lad with him, poor kid dragging heaven knows what behind him in a heavy sack.’

[Dulac's confessions] With the help of his servant, a most cunning and malignant Boy, whose eyes saw phantoms clearly, we went on expeditions to the churchyards, gathering materials for the Device. The Boy protected us from the vengeful Spirits until we had trapped them in the glass.

[i like the idea that skull in his life was something of a parallel to agents. where agents fight disrupted visitors and get rid of their sources, skull had to do the opposite. ghosts haven't been roaming churchyards back then, so you'd either had to dig up every single grave to find any source, or provoke the ghost into manifestation. skull was probably doing just that and told Bickerstaff and his followers where'd the ghost's remains were.]

as a result, all important information about bone glass was only given in Dulac's confessions in the show, all other steps were meaningless. and to get to those you don't need to consult with the skull. in fact, could the whole mansion trip be skipped? since it doesn't move the story forward and takes away from Lucy's conversation with skull - those are iconic, and Complete Fiction just cut them off. i understand that it most likely comes to ghost CGI but like... yall wouldn't have to rent a massive mansion? and all information about what kind of a man Bickerstaff was Lucy could've got from that conversation. if i understand things correctly, Lucy can't talk to skull all that long now, since it overwhelms her (she passed out after their first conversation and seemed to be in pain when it happened). ok, let's keep it, i actually like it. with this new limitation, the first conversation in the kitchen would have played out a bit different. but it would've played out at least.

so it leaves two more scenes with skull: Lucy and Lockwood finding out where George is and the culmination in the catacombs.

first one goes as well as any other conversation with skull. which is rushed and without any character development for skull and its relationships with Lucy. and because of already revealed motivation for skull - being freed from the jar - there's no revelation to have.

‘You’re a head in a jar. You’re not going anywhere and we’re all you’ve got. So – we’re not going to put you in the furnaces,’ I said. ‘We’re not going to torture you. All we do, if you don’t start co-operating, is shut your lever up, put you in a bag, and bury you in the ground somewhere. Nice and deep so no one ever finds you. Just you, on your own, for ever. How does that sound?’ ‘You wouldn’t do that,’ the ghost said, but for the first time I heard uncertainty in its voice. ‘You need me, don’t forget. I’m a Type Three. I’ll make you rich. I’ll make you famous.’ ‘Stuff that. Our friend is more important. Last chance, skull. Spill the beans.’ ‘And there was I thinking Cubbins was the cruel one.’ The face drew back into the shadows of the plasm, where it glared at me with an expression of blood-curdling malice. ‘All right,’ it said slowly. ‘Sure, I’ll tell you. Don’t think I’m giving in to your blackmail, mind. I just want to enjoy what’s coming to you all.’

now this, this is beautiful. not only good ol conflict, but also a nice development for both sides of conversation. especially how Lucy has grown to care so much about George which was a pretty long process for both of them in books. and to top it all off, Lucy takes skull only to keep threatening it into co-operating and to get an insight on how to avoid an immediate death from the bone glass.

in show, however, it is the skull who begs to take it to its master, and Lucy, as well as Lockwood, for some reason go with it. it doesn't help Lucy to get into catacombs nor saves Lucy from looking into the bone mirror by hinting at how to destroy it. which was also rather unsatisfyingly done in the show. mostly because this ending doesn't complete skull's arc (not like there was any thanks to the lack of screen time).

skull's arc is rather simple in its debut book. it used to be a servant to a mad doctor, was very loyal, to the point that it seemed like it lost all its identity in the pursue of its master and his work. the ghost had denied its own death, so it became a type three. but once the name of its master was mentioned, it desired to reunite, to serve Bickerstaff once more, only to be faced with harsh reality (that Lucy was also trying to make it understood) - Bickerstaff had never cared for anyone nor anything apart from the device. his servant boy was simply useful and obedient. now Bickerstaff's ghost had Joplin who'd also became just a tool.

It gave a sudden shout. ‘Master! It’s me! Welcome back!’ Over in the corner, the cowled figure [of Bickerstaff's ghost] stood silent. It did not respond. ‘Master...’ The plaintive whisper was filled with fear and yearning. ‘Over here! It’s me!’ The figure didn’t stir. All its intentness was on the bone glass, and on George. ‘Yes,’ the skull said irritably. ‘Well, he’s not what he was.’ Of course he wasn’t.

im going on a rumble here but im way to passionate about the books and skull's character - where else you'll find such a bastard to love? speaking of character and its full scale assassination.

there were barely any scenes to truly grasp skull's character but still it is not the skull we know from books. from saying "thank you" to not wishing death upon l&co trio every five seconds. it's just not the same character. and im still trying to understand why this change was made. for some reason show actively tries to make its viewer (and Lucy) feel empathetic towards skull: first with its conversation with Lucy in ep.4, and later in the same episode with Marissa Fittes' interview and her description of type threes. which immediately bring Lucy to refer to skull as "he", not "it". all ghosts are being referred in the show as well as books as "it", to strip of any empathy towards them, apart from Annabel Ward but Lucy got a strong connection with her as well as she reminded her of Norrie. because technically, ghosts are not people, they're only echoes of one's identity or emotion. but not type threes. and yet it takes Lucy five books to learn to trust and see skull as a person, and show rushes it a lot (that's another subject on which i might write something one day because Lucy-skull parallels let's fucking goooooo).

skull played a role of an inner obstacle to overcome for the main trio. it put a seed of doubt into Lucy's head, voiced her concerns and deepest fears regarding her new friends. so the gap formed between the teammates, which only made l&co come closer together once they started opening up and trusting each other more. and whole show drama came from the inside the group with them overreacting and saying very out of character harmful things.

one of the things that im sorry for show-only people is that they miss how tws not only is extremely dark, has really good horror elements, tons of ghost lore, but also, it's extremely funny. and yes, mostly thanks to skull. the balance of mystery, quiet moments and well-written jokes is just superb. so now im waiting for season two announcement for Complete Fiction to redeem themselves.

[perryhedge]

tsurune

My feelings on this one are a bit mixed. I generally really like the world of Tsurune. Super saturated bright colors, detailed lighting, and even little details like the generally realistic style combined with some characters having odd hair or eye colors, it's a really great aesthetic like you'd expect from KyoAni. As far as animation goes, well for a show where the character art is this detailed it seems impossible for it to move well, but there's plenty of good stuff even if the acting is more on the understated side. I couldn't really bring myself to care too much about the characters, even if I was at first shocked at how well the cute girls design philosophy of KyoAni could create so many cute boys.

The bit of the story I enjoyed the most was the episode focused on Seiya, which I thought had the most interesting direction of any episode, too, though in retrospect the relative suddenness of his crisis is indicative of the show's approach to drama. After that comes the storyline of Masaki in the car crash. I felt it was all a bit silly and kind of lent the last arc of the show this really strange confused tone, and when that transitioned to full-blown infighting and drama I realized how little I care for the way these moments are written. In particular, a lot of the misunderstandings and the reconciliations that follow feel very autopilot and in a way that doesn't even really make sense (why would Kaito think Minato trying to disrespect Masaki, this late in the story? Why would this kind of misunderstanding even happen?) And all that was just leading up to apparently a big breakthrough in the characters' relationships, where they call each other by their first names and point out the fact that they're doing so. There's a lot of stuff like this, where big character moments are usually forecasted in advance in an interesting way, but they bubble up and boil over very suddenly, and aren't allowed to just happen but instead are spelled out with over-baked platitudes that just kind of made me roll my eyes (Seiya: I'm not chasing Minato anymore, I'm walking with him). I guess there's a reason I struggled to remember any character's name.

The real star of this show is the music, which elevates a lot of these very generic YA moments and make them feel much more believable. There's some really sparkly pianos, lush strings, really everything you would want for a show that looks so bright, green, and vivid. Overall the OST lent a certain gravity to the show that I feel it needed. I quite like the OP and ED as well. There's also the bow shots themselves, which are great throughout, in the last few episodes become this tasty little nugget of an audiovisual experience, starting with the tsurune, the quick flight through the air, and then hitting the mark with a sparkly sound effect. I can sort of understand the whole point of this show just from these last few scenes.

Overall, as far as sports anime go I think the actual things I usually come to this genre for are mediocre here, but there are other strengths. Another thing I didn't mention is how gay it can be, which I like too, and it goes farther than the average male sports anime which can already be pretty damn homoerotic. There's a certain...complicity? in the character relationships that adds this extra layer of tension, especially Shu and Minato, where it's very hard to believe they aren't both at least somewhat aware of their feelings for each other, but also Minato and Seiya and even Minato and Masaki to some extent (both of those are one sided, I think, and the latter not that serious). Even if it's the safest KyoAni anime of the 2010s I've seen, the show is very polished and has a coherent aesthetic. I'm truthfully on the fence about season 2. The characters haven't endeared themselves to me, and I don't see anywhere interesting the story can really go now. That said, I did see some clips on Twitter of the bow scenes and….damn it, here we go again.

[poipoi1912]

Barisi Episode Tag, 19x03

(7.9K. Inspired by ‘yummy.’ A canon-compliant story about Sonny and Rafael’s relationship through the seasons. No detail left unexplained, no stone left unturned. Please enjoy.)

~~~

Three Years

~~~

“Meet me at The Double Windsor. 9 o’clock.”

Rafael can’t stop reading the text.

Carisi’s text.

Rafael can’t stop reading Carisi’s bold, matter-of-fact text.

A time and a place.

Nothing else.

No ‘would you?’

No ‘unless you have other plans.’

No ‘please?’

Just “Meet me.”

Like he’s sure Rafael will be there.

Rafael is there.

Rafael is here, at the bar Carisi suggested, or picked out unilaterally, because that text was no suggestion, Rafael is here right now, sitting at a corner table, Rafael is here with his jacket off and his tie loose, to appear more casual, Rafael is here and he’s drinking and he’s waiting.

Rafael has been waiting all afternoon.

Rafael has been waiting for three years, actually, but Carisi’s text only came this afternoon, and Rafael swears the last three hours felt even longer.

He almost didn’t check his phone.

His phone, it went off during a meeting with the D.A., and he almost ignored it, like he always does, except he saw Carisi’s name on the screen.

Rafael had to sneak a peek.

After all, maybe Carisi was texting to brag, because his obfuscation idea had worked like a charm. Or, just maybe, it was ‘yummy’ which had worked like a charm, and Carisi was texting to belatedly respond to that.

As soon as Rafael saw, ‘Meet me,’ he knew it was the latter.

As soon as he saw, ‘The Double Windsor,’ he knew this was a date.

Finally.

And it only took three years.

Despite this truly lamentable delay, and despite the fact he had almost resigned himself to eternal blue balls, Rafael can’t say he was too surprised.

He caught the look on Carisi’s face, as he was leaving Liv’s office.

He saw the way Carisi’s eyes followed him all the way out the door.

Rafael knew ‘yummy’ struck a chord.

He just didn’t know what Carisi was going to do about it.

Send a suggestive text, apparently.

A pretty straightforward tactic, and one Rafael wasn’t quite expecting. He was banking on a smirk or three, next time Carisi came to his office. He was waiting for some gloating, and some teasing, and some more ‘Oh, Rafaels’.  

The text was better.

Marginally.

Rafael had to struggle to keep his expression neutral as the D.A. kept yammering on about new hires at the Manhattan office, and about highly qualified recruits from outside New York, and about ‘promising’ prosecutors placed in positions Rafael could only dream of attaining, despite his years of experience, because he had one too many suspensions on his record now and his career was dead in the water.

Or something like that.

Rafael chose to focus on the positive.

Carisi’s text.

Rafael pretended he was listening as he emailed Carmen to clear his schedule for the rest of the evening.

Right after he replied to Carisi, of course.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

A cliché, but for a reason.

Carisi didn’t text back. Rafael assumes it’s because he wants to have the rest of that conversation in person.

At The Double Windsor.

This isn’t the first time they’ll be meeting here.

That’s how Rafael knew.

He and Carisi, they’ve been here once before.

Before.

This bar, it’s around the corner from Carisi’s place. Technically, Rafael shouldn’t know that, but he does.

From before.

Before Rafael screwed everything up.

It doesn’t matter.

They’re here again.

Now.

They will be here.

Carisi will be here, any minute now, and that’s all that matters.

Rafael’s eyes are glued to the main entrance.

He’d be embarrassed by his own eagerness, by the way he sits up every time a tall and slender enough man walks through the heavy doors, but the time for embarrassment has long passed.

Rafael is excited.

He’s excited to be meeting Carisi, he’s excited to be sharing a bottle of bourbon, just like last time, he’s excited to be here.

Again.

Rafael knows Carisi didn’t pick this place by accident. Carisi didn’t pick it because it’s convenient, because he had a long day and he wants to get home as soon as possible after their date.

It is a date.

If Carisi wanted a professional meeting, he would have picked one of the many cop bars within a four-block radius of the precinct.

Carisi does not want a professional meeting.

Rafael knows that.

He doesn’t know why ‘yummy’ did the trick, of all things, and he does feel it was almost too easy, but he’ll take it.

Lord knows Rafael has tried everything. He’s tried booyahs, and broken clocks, and kewpie dolls, he’s tried agreeing with Carisi, he’s tried disagreeing, he’s tried being there for Carisi, he’s tried being indifferent, he’s tried insults, he’s tried jokes, he’s tried flirting, he’s tried the cold shoulder, Rafael has tried everything short of actually making a move, and now he gets to sit back and enjoy the fact Carisi made the move for him.

Finally.

After three years of dancing around it, it’s finally happening.

Well, after one year of arguing, and one year of dancing around it, and one year of fighting, because Rafael is an idiot and too proud to admit it.

They were so close, before.

In this bar, they got so close.

Once.

Before.

Carisi mentioned it, over-enunciated the name like Rafael might get a kick out of it, Carisi said, ‘There’s this bar I know, it’s called The Double Windsor. Real classy place. You’d like it, counselor,’ and Rafael laughed, Rafael said, ‘I shudder to think what you consider classy, Carisi. Probably what I’d call a dive bar,’ and Carisi snorted, and Rafael closed the case file he was reading, and Rafael said, ‘I’m not doing anything right now,’ and Carisi smiled at him, so sweet, and they left Rafael’s office together, late at night, almost a year ago, now.

This place, it means something.

Or it did.

Almost a year ago.

As Rafael sips his bourbon slowly, as he remembers the rich flavor of the surprisingly high end brand, the same one he chose almost a year ago, as he remembers saying, ‘I have to admit, even I would call this classy, Carisi,’ as he remembers Carisi’s beaming face, Rafael knows.

This place still means something.

Tonight.

It’s taken three years, two of them wasted, but tonight, it’s finally happening.

Their first date.

If Rafael was a little more honest, or a lot more drunk, he would admit this is their second date.

Their real first date happened right in this bar, almost a year ago.

Rafael doesn’t even know if that should count, but that’s because he’s sober.

It counts.

Maybe this can be their second first date.

All because of ‘yummy.’

All because Carisi has forgiven him, finally, and that’s what Rafael is really happy about.

Not this date. First, second, whatever. That, that’s just the icing on the cake.

Rafael is happy because they’re back.

Back to normal.

Carisi is joking again, and smiling, and calling, and texting, and showing off.

That’s what Rafael is really happy about.

Carisi, showing off for him.

Just like the good old days.

Carisi always had a way of making Rafael happy.

And then he spent a year making Rafael miserable.

Because Rafael screwed everything up.

Carisi spent a year sending Rafael cold and lengthy and perfectly businesslike emails to suggest potentially helpful jurisprudence, every time he thought Rafael needed an assist. Carisi didn’t set foot in Rafael’s office for months, not alone. Carisi chose to rely on linked excerpts from law journals, instead of popping by unannounced, pastries in hand, and regaling Rafael with the contents of his latest paper for his Advanced Criminal Law class at Fordham.

Rafael misses that.

Rafael will never get it back.

Carisi is not at Fordham anymore.

Carisi is a lawyer, now, Carisi passed the bar, and Rafael didn’t even get to celebrate with him, not properly, because that’s when the death threats escalated.

Among other things.

Rafael is deeply, painfully grateful Carisi got a chance to say thank you before it all fell apart.

It’s taken almost a year, but Rafael thinks they’re starting to put it back together.

Carisi suggests strategies in person, now. In Rafael’s office, when it’s just the two of them. In front of the others, too. Liv’s office has become a makeshift auditorium, where Carisi carries out his little presentations, the bigger the audience the better.

It’s all for Rafael.

Carisi’s dimples give him away.

The audience is a bonus, because Carisi’s always been a cocky when it comes to the law, but it’s all for Rafael.

Just like the good old days.

Exactly like the good old days, except for the fact Carisi’s suggestions are much more sophisticated, now. Impressively sophisticated. He’s even managed to outsmart Rafael, on the odd occasion, and that feels better than it should. Rafael’s never felt pride for someone else’s accomplishments before, certainly not when they were at his own expense.

It feels weird.

Rafael feels weird, and proud, and grateful, and happy, and he only has Carisi to thank.

And to blame.

Rafael would have totally come up with those ideas first, if not for Carisi distracting him.

That bubbling potential between them, that rekindled connection, it’s so distracting, and beguiling, and Rafael is slipping, sometimes, and he doesn’t even mind.

Just like the good old days.

Exactly like the good old days, except for the fact Rafael says ‘yummy’ out loud, now. He always did think Carisi was delicious, but that was a thought he kept private.

Regrettably.

No more regrets.

Which is a course of action that has backfired in the past, badly, when it sucked all the joy out of Rafael’s life for almost a year, because Carisi was all the joy in Rafael’s life, but that won’t happen again.

Rafael won’t let that happen again.

Carisi won’t let it.

Things are better now.

Their old relationship has been restored. Their old patterns, intact. Like they never stopped being friends. Like they never almost became more.

Rafael takes another sip as he watches yet another man who isn’t Carisi enter the bar.

He’s rationing. He doesn’t want to be even remotely intoxicated when Carisi arrives. He’s been waiting for half an hour, still nursing that first drink, the bottle almost full next to an empty tumbler.

Rafael got here early.

He wanted to take in the atmosphere without having to worry about concealing his reaction. He was irrationally relieved to see the décor was exactly the same, and he’s even more relieved Carisi wasn’t here to see the emotion on his face.

This place, it means something.

Rafael can see their table, from where he’s sitting.

He didn’t even consider sitting there again.

He wouldn’t dream of it.

Not tonight.

Carisi has forgiven him, but Rafael doesn’t want to push it.

That table, by the window, to the left of the door, the one lit more by the streetlights than the bar’s dim lamps, that’s where he and Carisi had a pleasant conversation for the last time.

Until ‘oh, Rafael,’ and ‘yummy,’ that is.

Rafael refuses to take that for granted.

Forgiveness.

Even if he thinks there’s not much to forgive.

Even if he thinks Carisi overreacted.

Holding a grudge for a whole year? That’s the type of tenacity Rafael would normally both admire and wish to emulate, that’s the kind if pettiness Lucia Barba would be proud of, but it’s hard to appreciate it when you’re the intended target.

Rafael was blindsided.

That was the worst part.

Rafael screwed everything up, somehow, by asking to be relieved of his security detail.

Four months had passed without incident, and he had gotten sick and tired of being trailed by unmarked police cars, and escorted in and out of his home, and his office, and the 16th, and every other restaurant on the Upper East Side. Rafael had endured enough strange looks from his de facto bodyguards while trying to enjoy his almost-dates with Carisi, and even stranger looks that one time he attempted to go tie shopping with an entourage of three underpaid cops who blanched at every price tag, so he asked to be freed.

Who could blame him?

Carisi blamed him.

For some reason.

Rafael only wanted some privacy, but Carisi saw things differently. Carisi stormed into his office, mere hours after Rafael’s request, and yelled at him for ‘not caring about his own life.’ Rafael really wanted to say, ‘You care about it enough for the both of us,’ Rafael wanted to say, ‘No one else does,’ Rafael wanted to say, ‘I don’t need the security detail, I have you,’ but he didn’t have the nerve.

Carisi didn’t speak to him for two weeks.

Next time they saw each other, Carisi yelled at him again.

Over a case, this time, but that was only a pretense.

Rafael didn’t argue. Didn’t yell back, didn’t even defend himself. He assumed Carisi needed some time to get over it.

Whatever ‘it’ was.

So Rafael waited.

Rafael even tried to butter Carisi up with a job at the Brooklyn D.A.’s office, everything pre-arranged, all the details worked out, a well-timed vacancy and an old friend conducting the interview.

Not because Rafael wanted Carisi to leave, of course.

Because Carisi wanted to leave.

That’s what he said, that’s what he yelled, in Rafael’s office.

‘You’re the reason I stayed, Barba. You… the death threats, the threats to your life, that’s why I stayed, that’s why I couldn’t leave, and now you don’t care? We haven’t even arrested anybody yet, except for Heredio. Why do you think you’re any safer now? Why did you… Why did I bother?’

Carisi turned down the job offer.

Rafael thought that was the end of it. His act of selfless lov… his act of selflessness had changed Carisi’s mind. That’s what he thought. Rafael was willing to lose Carisi, if it meant Carisi’s happiness, or lose him to Brooklyn, at least, which wasn’t even that far, and fine, maybe Rafael’s sacrifice wasn’t that dramatic, but whatever, Rafael put Carisi first, and he thought Carisi knew that now, so things would eventually go back to normal.

Better than normal, maybe.

So Rafael waited.

Things got worse.

Carisi yelled at him again, a couple of weeks later, Carisi used another case as an excuse, again, and the yelling didn’t stop for months.

Everything else stopped.

Rafael’s life stopped.

Rafael had gotten used to having Carisi around, ever since those death threats, Rafael had gotten used to Carisi’s constant presence, Rafael had gotten used to their late night dinners at the office, and their Saturday brunches, because Carisi wanted the early Saturday shift, so he’d have his Sundays free for Mass, Rafael had gotten used to their drinks after work, and their weekly lunches, Rafael had gotten used to Carisi, and all of a sudden Rafael’s life felt alarmingly empty.

It was almost offensive, how deeply Carisi’s absence was felt.

Rafael was sure he used to have a life of his own.

Before.

Still, Rafael waited.

Several weeks had already passed. He figured he wouldn’t have to wait much longer.

Carisi was still mad, and frustrated, clearly, but that was okay. He simply needed to get all that anger and frustration out of his system.

Carisi needed to punish Rafael, just a little bit more, he needed to punish Rafael by not being there, which was the harshest of punishments, apparently, and Rafael didn’t want to dwell on that too much, and then he would forgive and forget.

Soon.

Carisi always was the forgiving type, and he always did have a soft spot for Rafael, so whatever this was, it would be over soon. That’s what Rafael thought.

Turns out, Rafael severely underestimated Carisi’s stubbornness.

Which is saying a lot.

Turns out, Carisi was too passionate to simply give in.

It took months.

It took months, but eventually Carisi did thaw.

It took about six months, but Carisi stopped yelling.

That’s when he finally started to accept that Rafael would be alright. That Rafael would be safe. That the threat had passed.

That’s Rafael’s theory, anyway.

The distance between them persisted, but Rafael wasn’t willing to rock the boat. He remained respectfully formal, and he waited until Carisi was ready for more.

One day, about eight months in, which marked a year since Heredio’s little stunt, Carisi cracked a smile, and Rafael knew it was time to close the distance.

Rafael started smiling back, and letting Carisi sit in on meetings with defense attorneys, and weigh in on plea bargains, Rafael started acting like he used to, like before, Rafael started letting his eyes linger, Rafael even started joking, all, ‘You’re gonna deport me to Cuba? And take him to Italy?’ and he could tell Carisi appreciated the shift back to normal.

He may have felt Carisi’s absence deeply, but sometimes Rafael thinks he had it easy.

Carisi missed him too.

Carisi cared about him.

Cares.

Carisi cares about him, and it’s as heartwarming as it is unnerving.

Rafael can say ‘yummy’ all he wants, Rafael can lick his lips and bat his eyelashes and shamelessly flirt with Carisi in front of Liv and the others, Rafael can pretend this is a game, meant to wind Carisi up, he can pretend this is about Carisi eagerly lapping up his attention again, but it’s not.

It’s more than that.

Maybe they’ll rekindle that part, too. Or kindle it, because they never got a real chance to start.

Maybe someday they will.

Have more.

Until then, Rafael will stick to shameless flirting.

It’s worked so far.

It got him a date.

If Carisi shows up, that is. It’s nine fifteen.

Rafael keeps glancing at the big clock hanging over the bartender. The guy is new. Rafael doesn’t recognize him.

It’s been almost a year. A lot of things have changed.

Rafael is slowly trying to change them b-

Carisi’s here.

Finally.

Rafael almost gets up, but he decides to stay seated and lean back on his chair, as enticingly as he can, loosening up his tie even more in a transparent attempt to signal that he’s treating this as a date and he’s out for the kill.

Carisi’s eyes fall to Rafael’s collarbone immediately, and Rafael almost undoes another button, but then he remembers this is not that kind of establishment, so he smirks, instead.

It works just as well.

It gets a quick smile, and then Carisi catches himself, and shakes his head, and starts taking off his coat and jacket.

Neither of them says anything.

They’re barely looking at each other.

Rafael is waiting for a cue. Letting Carisi set the tone.

Which may not be the best idea, since Carisi suddenly frowns and stops moving, stops as his jacket is still hanging off his right shoulder. It’s almost as if he changed his mind. As if he regrets ever coming here. At least according to the sharp sense of panic Rafael feels low in his stomach.

It’s an impossibly quick shift. In an instant, Carisi’s face darkens, and it’s such a stark contrast to his little smile from just seconds ago, and Rafael is confused. The change is so abrupt, Rafael wants to pretend it’s a joke. He doesn’t know what else to make of it.

It could be a joke. Maybe Carisi’s mad because he’s been here for less than a minute and he’s already falling prey to Rafael’s manly charms. Maybe Carisi is exaggerating for effect, and the frown is a joke.

It’s not.

Carisi’s expression is definitely serious, and Raf-

Oh.

Carisi is looking at their table.

Not this table.

Their table, all the way across the bar.

That explains the frown.

The emotion in Carisi’s face, gone before Rafael’s even had a chance to identify it.

Rafael wants to say, ‘You’re the one who picked this place, Carisi,’ but he doesn’t.

Rafael is glad Carisi picked this place.

He’s glad he’s not the only one who had a visible reaction upon seeing the mid-range tablecloths and the faux weathered finish of the mass-produced chairs.

They’ve only been here once, but this bar holds a lot of memories.

Rafael is glad, Rafael is happy to see that Carisi is not immune to it.

So he says nothing, and he waits for Carisi to sit next to him.

Not across.

The table is small, and square, and dating conventions would dictate that they sit on opposite ends, the better to soulfully stare into each other’s eyes, but Carisi sits to Rafael’s left.

The better to touch.

Hopefully.

To test that theory, Rafael leans in and tries to find the most casual way to casually let his hand casually fall on Carisi’s forearm, but th-

“Yummy?”

Rafael casually laughs.

As far as opening lines go, this one’s n-

“In front of Liv? Yummy?”

Rafael pours Carisi a glass of bourbon, simply so he doesn’t start cackling. He thinks Carisi just might up and leave if he d-

“Seriously, Barba. Yummy? Are you for real?”

Rafael is trying not to lose it as Carisi keeps finding new ways of intoning ‘yummy.’ There’s disbelief in his voice, and then amusement, and then exasperation.

There’s no cockiness, though, and that’s what Rafael really wanted to hear, so he figures he’ll double down to see if that works.

“What’s the problem, Carisi? I was just being honest.”

Carisi snorts, and Rafael momentarily remembers the good old days, but then he focuses on the way Carisi’s cheeks redden, and the way Carisi’s dimples show, and the way Carisi’s mouth falls open, and it’s almost as if Carisi wasn’t expecting the blatant flirting to start right off the bat, which is sweet, if not insulting.

Rafael Barba does not say ‘yummy’ lightly.

They’re here, and this is a date, God willing, and Carisi willing, and Rafael fully intends t-

“Right. Honest. That’s what you call it.”

Rafael shrugs as Carisi finally gives him a cocky smirk.

Yummy, indeed.

“Yes. You made a clever observation, and I expressed my honest approval as any colleague would.”

Carisi narrows his eyes by way of calling bullshit, and it’s such a Barba expression it almost looks foreign on his fac-

“Uh huh. You expressed approval. As a colleague. By saying ‘yummy.’”

Rafael is proud of himself for not laughing out loud.

“Yes, Carisi. Why? Would you have preferred something else? ‘Delicious,’ maybe?”

Rafael licks his lips for the big finish, and Carisi’s nostrils flare, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep a straight face. It’s always been so easy to get Carisi all riled up. Rafael’s always loved doing it.

Rafael missed doing it.

Missed Carisi letting him do it.

It feels so damn good to have this again.

It feels s-

“Nah, yummy was bad enough, thank you. Come on, Barba. In front of Liv? And Amanda? And Fin? He spent the rest of the day callin’ me Detective Yummy around the unis!”

Rafael can’t help but laugh at that.

He knows, and Carisi knows, that the squad stopped being fazed by their borderline inappropriate banter a long time ago. Somewhere between, ‘Save it for night school’ and, ‘It pains me to say this, but you’re right, Carisi.’

That was a long time ago.

Rafael wonders if the others were as surprised as he was to see that flirtation continue.

As relieved as he was.

Liv was pretty relieved. Rafael knows that.

Because she told him.

Just the other week, Liv said she w-

“I mean, is this your idea of a joke? Tryin’ to embarrass me in front of Liv? Cause, let me tell you, counselor, I don’t appreciate it.”

Carisi is really committing to this bit. There’s an irritation in his voice, now, and Rafael almost feels contrite.

“You called me Rafael in front of Liv. That was pretty embarrassing.”

Carisi almost chokes on his bourbon.

“That’s your name! How is that embarrassing?”

“It’s embarrassing when you say it, Carisi.”

Carisi starts laughing, loudly, and Rafael wants to kiss him.

Carisi is laughing, and he’s leaning on the table, sleeves already rolled up and elbows resting well within Rafael’s personal space, and their hands are so close, and the lights are so low, and the memories are overwhelm-

“So, Rafael, you thought my ‘clever observation’ was yummy?”

There’s that Carisi cockiness.

“No.”

And there’s that little scowl Rafael likes so much.

“I thought ‘obfuscate’ was yummy. You know I love it when you use LSAT words.”

Carisi rolls his eyes, and that’s another Barba classic, but it looks perfect on his face.

Carisi, rolling his eyes because he thinks Rafael is shameless, it’s perfect.

“I don’t see the issue, Carisi. Isn’t that why you said it? To make me think you were yummy?”

Rafael is totally shameless, by the way.

And that ruffles Carisi’s feathers in a way that’s impossible to ignor-

“Wait, so now you think I’m yummy?”

Oh.

Perhaps Carisi is less ruffled than Rafael thought. Not only did he catch that slip-up, he also called out Rafael on it.

Very well.

“I’ve always thought you were yummy, Carisi.”

Now Carisi is ruffled.

Unmistakably.

Carisi is blinking, and gaping, and so desperately trying to come up with a response, and so adorably failing.

“Uh…”

Yeah.

Rafael smirks and tops up both their tumblers.

He lets that statement linger in the air.

He gives Carisi some time to think about what to say nex-

“See, that’s what I’m talking about, Barba. You can’t just say that stuff. I mean, you can say it to me, when it’s just us, but not when the others are around. It’s not… It’s unprofessional.”

Not the response Rafael was expecting, but he’ll go along with it, because Carisi still seems a little flustered.

“It is just us here, Carisi.”

Carisi nods.

There’s an uncertainty in his eyes, and Rafael can’t understand why. Rafael’s intentions have to be crystal clear by now. Almost pathetically so. Right? Maybe he should have undone that extra button, after all. Maybe that would hav-

“Yeah, but… But when we’re at the precinct, you shouldn’t… Just… don’t do that in front of the others. Okay?”

Rafael starts to think that his intentions aren’t the problem. It’s Carisi’s intentions which are vague.

“What do you mean by ‘that,’ detective? What am I doing?”

Carisi downs half his bourbon in one go.

“You know. Callin’ me yummy. Lookin’ at me like you wanna… You know. Stuff like that. Flirtin’ with me. That’s… that should be private.”

Carisi does have a point.

A poorly conveyed, barely articulated point, but still. Perhaps such behavior is better reserved for more private settings.

Like a quiet bar.

Unlike Liv’s overcrowded office.

Maybe saying ‘yummy’ in that setting was a little much. Maybe that’s what’s bothering Carisi.

Maybe that’s why Carisi looks uncertain and can’t finish a sentence to save his life.

Maybe Carisi’s irritation isn’t an act.

Maybe Rafael should feel contrite.

Maybe Rafael got this all wrong.

Maybe Carisi gulped down the fancy bourbon because he wanted to broach an uncomfortable subject.

Maybe that was the purpose of this meeting.

Maybe this isn’t a date.

Maybe Carisi wanted some privacy to talk about the status of their restored relationship. To set up some ground rules, to re-establish boundaries, before anything else happens.

Eventually.

Hopefully.

After all, Carisi did say flirting was okay when it’s ‘just them.’

But not when they have an audience.

Rafael can’t find the fault in that logic. It was somewhat inappropriate of him to flirt like that in front of the entire squad. Rafael should have resisted the urge, but he forgot where he was, for a moment. All he could focus on was Carisi, and ‘obfuscate,’ and his desire to make Carisi smile, so Rafael just blurted it out.

Which is a problem in itself.

Rafael doesn’t speak out of turn. He doesn’t forget where it is. He can’t afford to. Since he was a kid, since he was in college, Rafael has always been acutely aware of his surroundings, and the behaviors expected of him.

Or so he thought, until Carisi came along.

Carisi makes him slip.

Always has.

Right now, Carisi looks all intense, brows furrowed and lips pursed, and Rafael wants to slip all the way into his mouth.

Not tonight.

They’re not there yet.

The distance between them has narrowed, but it hasn’t been eliminated. They’re close enough for ‘oh, Rafael,’ but not close enough for ‘yummy,’ and that’s Carisi’s decision to make, and Rafael’s to respect.

Rafael is happy to respect it.

He can’t deny he’s disappointed, but the date was just the icing on the cake.

They’re back to normal.

Maybe they’re not all the way there, but they’re close enough, and Rafael won’t screw up again.

He’s waited this long. He can wait a little longer. If Carisi wants more time before they can pick up exactly where they left off, Rafael is happy to provide it.

He’ll even provide some distance.

Literally.

Rafael grabs his tumbler and sits back, moving away from the table, and Carisi’s eyes follow his hands.

“You’re right, Carisi. Perhaps ‘yummy’ was a little too forward. I apologize. I’ll choose my words more carefully next time.”

Carisi smiles, like that’s what he wanted to hear, and Rafael is more relieved th-

“Delicious is no good either. Just so you know. For future reference.”

Rafael chuckles, and Carisi laughs along with him. They’re turning some heads, because this bar really is too quiet, and there’s not much laughter to be heard elsewhere, but Rafael doesn’t mind the attention. Not when Carisi looks even more relieved than he feels.

“Duly noted, detective.”

Carisi blinks, slowly, and Rafael could swear they were sitting further apart just a moment ago.

Rafael doesn’t even know who moved. If it was Carisi, or if it was him.

Just like the good old days.

Just like the first time.

Right in this bar.

Almost a year ago.

The last time he and Carisi had a pleasant conversation.

It was the night before Rafael filed the request to dismantle his security detail. Carisi was in his office taking the late shift, as always, protecting him, as always, distracting him, as always, and if Rafael was truly honest he would admit he and Carisi have been on countless dates.

Not one or two.

That night, they left Rafael’s office together, and they took a cab to The Double Windsor, because Rafael refused to be driven to an almost-date by a plainclothes police officer who reported to Carisi for a living.

Carisi kept the conversation going.

As always.

On the way there, Carisi said, ‘Maybe I should call ahead. I know the bartender. I’ll tell him to break out the good stuff. It’s not every day that a Manhattan A.D.A. graces their establishment with his presence.’

When they arrived, Carisi took the lead. He picked the table, and he nodded to the bartender, the one who’s gone now, and he pulled out a menu from out of nowhere, with a flourish, and he let Rafael pick the liquor.

Smooth by any measure.

As smooth as he could be, with three cops watching them like hawks from a few tables over.

Rafael doesn’t remember what they talked about. That last pleasant conversation, it’s a blur, blending into all the warm, easy conversations that came before it. Rafael just remembers Carisi’s smile, and the bourbon, and the way Carisi’s knee rested against his thigh.

Rafael just remembers wanting to get out of there, with Carisi but without the police escort, and knowing that was impossible.

Rafael remembers Carisi mentioning his cooking. Always a favorite topic. Carisi always had a habit of randomly reciting full recipes at the drop of a hat, complete with exact measurements and ingredient substitutions. He’d start and he’d keep going until somebody stopped him. Rafael never stopped him.

Rafael remembers saying, ‘I can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal.’

Rafael remembers Carisi saying, ‘You’ve come to the right guy, counselor. I got a home-cooked meal waiting at home. Enough to feed an army. Well, it’ll be home-cooked reheated leftovers, but that’s still better than what you’re eatin’, probably.’

Rafael distinctly remembers not saying, ‘I doubt your cooking is better than the haute cuisine I’m used to, Carisi.’

Rafael remembers asking, ‘Where is home?’ instead.

He remembers Carisi’s smile, and then the answer, quiet and hopeful.

‘My place is right around the corner.’

Rafael doesn’t remember Carisi’s apartment.

He doesn’t remember walking there. He just remembers Carisi’s long coat brushing against his leg.

Rafael doesn’t remember what they had. If they even had anything to eat.

He doesn’t remember Carisi’s living room, or the contents of Carisi’s bookcase, or the color of Carisi’s curtains.

Rafael just remembers how hard it was trying not to kiss him.

There was an unmarked police car downstairs.

Rafael remembers that.

Rafael remembers, because his driver rang the doorbell just when he decided to stop trying to stop.

Rafael can still see Carisi’s face.

They were so close.

Before.

They were standing so close, but that was as close as they were going to get, because Rafael’s driver had to check on him before a shift change.

Carisi smiled, and all Rafael could see was gratitude. Like Carisi was grateful they had even gotten that close. Like that was enough.

Rafael had never been so happy not to be kissed.

The next morning, he filed the request.

That afternoon, it all fell apart.

Almost a year ago.

Rafael doesn’t mean to dwell.

It’s this place.

It’s Carisi, looking at him with that same expression of gratitude.

That’s where the similarities end.

That, and with Carisi’s knee, still pressed against his thigh, as always.

Rafael was hoping to start over, to start from there, to start from that moment when they both leaned in and breathed out, but that’s not going to happen tonig-

“You alright, counselor?”

Carisi.

The question is rhetorical.

Rafael isn’t the only one affected by this place.

By the memories.

Still.

They needed this.

This first step.

The rest, it may not happen tonight, or even any time soon, but if it’s ever gonna happen, they’ll know where they stand.

For the most part.

Rafael empties his glass and thinks he’s still left with a question.

Rafael thinks maybe Carisi shouldn’t be the only one who gets to air out his grievances.

“Can I make a confession, Carisi?”

Carisi’s smirk looks even better three drinks in.

“I’m no priest, but have at it, Barba.”

What the hell.

“I’ve been treating this outing as a date.”

Carisi keeps smirking.

His eyes fall to Rafael’s neck again. He’s staring with a purpose, like he could undo more buttons if only he looked hard enough.

Rafael does his best to ignore it.

That, and the way Carisi keeps glancing at his lips.

Constantly.

This may not be a date, but the attraction between them is still there, still strong, Carisi’s desire is still strong, and Rafael almost feels guilty when he realizes Carisi is reacting to him instinctively. Grudgingly, maybe. This isn’t why Carisi asked him out tonight, or wh-

“You don’t say. What with the way you’ve been sittin’ all loose, with your tie all crooked and your hair all mussed. I never would’ve guessed.”

What’s that about Rafael’s hair?

Never mind.

“But since this is clearly not a date, and since you’ve already said your piece, maybe I can say mine.”

Carisi stares.

“Uh… You…”

“Let me finish, Caris-”

“No, wait, y-”

“Please.”

Carisi looks like he’s bursting to speak, but he stops trying to interrupt.

“I assumed this was a date, because of our more recent interactions. Because things between us have gotten better. Because lately you’ve been…”

Carisi, to his credit, does not try to finish that sentence.

“You’re more animated, and you’re smiling, and you’re giving me pointers again, and you call me Rafael, and…You seem to be over it now. What I… Right? You’ve forgiven me. You’re over what happened.”

Carisi exhales.

For several seconds.

“We can put it behind us. Right, Carisi? The death threats. You’re not going to… That’s over. You’re over it.”

Carisi’s jaw tightens with every word Rafael speaks. He probably wasn’t expecting this conversation, he wasn’t expecting Rafael to bring up the death threats after all this time, but Rafael had to do it.

Rafael wants to know.

“Right, Carisi? Obviously I’m still kicking, which means I was right, so y-”

“You weren’t right, Barba. You were lucky.”

Carisi is not over it.

Not even a little.

It’s written all over his face. The smirk is gone, and the irritation, and the confusion, and the desire is gone, too, and now Carisi just looks two parts angry and three parts sad.

Rafael both regrets asking, and is happy to have asked.

If this is ever gonna happen, they’ll need to know where they stand.

“Yes. I suppose I was lucky the extent of the threats was exaggerated by Heredio.”

Carisi winces at the mere mention of Heredio’s name.

Regret is starting to edge out happiness.

Rafael needs to lighten the mood, as much as it’s possible to lighten the mood when speaking of your own potential demise.

“Then again, it was a small risk to take. Regaining my ability to frequent high end boutiques versus possibly losing my life? I didn’t even have to think about it.”

Carisi does not laugh.

He just bites his lip.

His drink stays untouched.

He looks angrier and angrier by the second.

Carisi’s expression is giving Rafael flashbacks. It’s making Rafael think of all the time they wasted, one entire year, wasted, fighting, and it hurts more than he cares to adm-

“Yeah. Of course. Of course you didn’t, Barba. Why would you? It’s only your life.”

Rafael now regrets this completel-

“It’s a good thing, too. It’s a good thing you were okay with that. Dying. Possibly. That’s all that matters, right? What you thought. Guess the rest of us didn’t get a say.”

This is not what Rafael wanted when he got here tonight.

Rafael wanted to say ‘yummy’ again, to whisper it, he wanted to get Carisi to blush again, just like old times, Rafael wanted to get Carisi to kiss him, like they almost did, once before, Rafael wanted to end this night with his hand down Carisi’s pants, and his tongue in Carisi’s mouth, and his body pinned against Carisi’s ugly purple plaid bedspread, the one he only caught a glimpse of, the first and only time he ever found himself in Carisi’s home.

Not this.

Rafael doesn’t want this.

He doesn’t want to keep rehashing the past. He doesn’t want to see that anger on Carisi’s face ever again.

The pain, on Carisi’s face.

The love.

Not like this.

Rafael doesn’t want to waste another year fighting.

Rafael wants Carisi.

Now.

Rafael doesn’t want to waste another second.

So he doesn’t.

Rafael leans in and kisses Carisi hard, and clumsy, and off-center, and it’s rushed and it’s awkward and it doesn’t matter because Carisi is kissing back.

Carisi breathes out and gives in, Carisi turns his head and opens his mouth and Rafael closes his eyes.

They’re not alone.

They have an audience.

It doesn’t matter.

Rafael wants to touch Carisi’s face, Rafael wants to feel Carisi’s stubble, because it’s late, and Carisi practically looks unshaven now, feels unshaven, too, against Rafael’s lips, Rafael wants to grab Carisi by the shoulders and hold him in place, because this could be the first and last time they kiss, and…

And Rafael keeps his hands to himself.

Rafael wants to give Carisi the option to stop. To pull away and call him an idiot, for thinking this was okay.

Carisi does no such thing.

Carisi keeps kissing him.

Carisi grabs him by the shoulders instead, hands bunching up Rafael’s shirt sleeves, Carisi holds him in place, fingers digging into skin, and Rafael thinks this won’t be the last time.

It better not be.

Carisi’s hands move to Rafael’s neck, to his chest, fingers slipping under Rafael’s collar, right where Carisi’s eyes have been glued all night, and it’s like Carisi was dying to touch him, right there, and Rafael absently thinks that Carisi has a problem with flirting in front of an audience, but heavy petting is apparently A-Okay.

Rafael licks his way into Carisi’s mouth and stops thinking.

This is yummier than h-

“Yummy enough for ya, Rafael?”

Oh.

It’s over.

For now.

At least if the dreamy look on Carisi’s face is to be trusted.

Rafael wants to laugh. He spent the entire duration of their first kiss being emotionally compromised, and thinking he had screwed up all over again, while Carisi spent it fondling his chest hair and coming up with a cheesy line.

“Yummier than I expected.”

Carisi does laugh.

This is what Rafael wanted when he got here tonight.

Carisi, laughing again, like the time they lost has been erased.

The time they wasted, forgotten.

Rafael is s-

“You’re an idiot, Barba.”

Rafael is not exactly sure why Carisi would choose to say something like that in this particular juncture, but he’s too dazed from their kiss to really argue the point, so h-

“This was a date.”

What?

“What?”

Carisi smirks, again, and it’s the exact same smirk he had on his face when he ‘explained’ Baker v. Carr, or when he said ‘obfuscated,’ and Rafael wants t-

“This. It was a date. Or at least I wanted it to be. That’s the whole reason I asked you out. Things between us have gotten better, and I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. To make sure you weren’t just yanking my chain. It’s hard to tell if you’re bein’ serious when you say stuff like ‘yummy’ in front of, like, twelve other people. You gotta stop doin’ that, by the way. I just… I wanted to know if this was for real, or if you were just teasin’ me, like you did back when I first got here.”

Rafael is an idiot.

And so is Carisi, and Rafael loves him for it.

“It was real back then, too.”

Carisi’s jaw drops, and Rafael thinks they’re done wasting tim-

“Wait, so what you’re sayin’ is, you’ve been wasting my time for three years? We could’ve been doin’ this for three years?”

Rafael appreciates Carisi’s insight.

Carisi’s graceful way of turning that intimate confession into a joke.

Rafael was dead serious, and Carisi knows that, it’s written all over his face, the surprise, and the happiness, and the affection, but he refuses to let Rafael suffer the indignity of expressing genuine emotion.

Rafael loves him for that, too.

“You want to talk about wasting time, Carisi? How about that entire year of my life that you wasted? I’m not getting any younger. Somewhere down the line, you just might regret not spending that time with me.”

Carisi’s face is all sadness again, in the blink of an eye.

Rafael belatedly realizes that, not only did he indirectly reference the death threats again, he also made another insensitive joke about his own mortality.

He can only hope ‘somewhere down the line’ makes up for it, because it implies he and Carisi will still be together down the line, and he hopes Carisi picked up on that, Rafael hopes Carisi wants that, becaus-

“You weren’t wrong, Barba. I’m… I’m kinda over it. I’m gettin’ over it. There hasn’t been a threat against your life in over a year, it’s been… It’s almost sixteen months, now, and you’re safe, so... I’m trying. I don’t wanna waste any more time, you know?”

Rafael does know that. And he also knows that Carisi has been counting the months since the last threat, the days, too, probably, if not the hours, and that makes Rafael’s chest tighten.

What Rafael doesn’t know is why.

“Why did you get so angry, Carisi? Why waste all that time in the first place? If you cared about my safety that much, you could have stayed to protec-”

“Of course I care.”

Carisi’s statement is loud, and agonizing, and absolute.

Of course Carisi cares. Rafael didn’t mean to imply otherwise. He just wanted to know why Carisi didn’t stay with h-

“But I couldn’t stay. Not after Dodds. Not when I knew what that felt like. Loss. Not when Heredio refused to give up his bosses. Not when you suddenly decided you didn’t need a security detail because they were a minor inconvenience while you were out shoppin’.”

A minor inconvenience?

Rafael begins to suspect that Carisi has no idea wh-

“What if something happened to you, Barba? And we were… And we were together? I couldn’t live with that. I figured, better if we’re fighting. If we hate each other.”

Rafael pours the rest of the bottle, half in his tumbler and half in Carisi’s. And then he reconsiders, and dumps out all of Carisi’s bourbon in his own glass.

Rafael takes a sip, and another, and another, as Carisi watches him.

They’re both idiots.

“I got rid of my security detail because of you, Carisi. Because we had gotten close, and I wanted to get even closer, which is technically not allowed, as I’m sure you’re aware, and we couldn’t do that with two patrol cars parked outside my apartment building every night.”

Carisi looks hilariously angry.

For once, Rafael doesn’t min-

“What? Are you crazy? Is that wh… Is that why you filed the request right after we… You… You put this, you and me, you put this over your own life?”

That’s now how Rafael would put it, but it’s not wrong, either.

“Haven’t you been listening, Carisi? I put high end boutiques over my own life. Don’t flatter yourself.”

Carisi deflates, just like that.

“I… I didn’t know, Barba. That’s why I was so mad. And… And the longer I avoided you, the longer I stayed mad, the harder it was to… I thought you had a death wish, or somethin’. I thought this was your suicidal streak talking.”

Rafael smiles at the memory.

“I’m afraid not, detective. I was just horny.”

Carisi laughs, sincere, free, and now, now they’re back to normal.

Carisi radiates happiness, just like he’s supposed to.

Always.

Carisi is happy, and his happiness is so clear, and so bright, and Rafael thinks maybe genuine emotion isn’t that bad.

“If something happened to me, Sonny, and we weren’t together. That’s what I couldn’t live with. I figured, better if I have you.”

Carisi, Sonny, looks completely and utterly in love.

That’s the only word that comes to Rafael’s mind.

Love.

It’s possible he’s projecting.

And then Sonny kisses him again, and Rafael realizes it doesn’t matter.

The time they lost has been erased.

The time they wasted, forgotten.

Three years, and they never got a real chance to start.

“You know, Rafael, my place is right around the corner.”

Rafael smiles.

They’ll start tonight.

[lapetiteshippeuse]

The D. Gray-Man Rare Pair Week : Alternative Universe Extravaganza (Creature Feature)

Keyword chosen : Demons Format chosen : headcanon The Rare Pair chosen : Allen Walker and Road Kamelot

Hello everyone !

I am very happy to have chosen to take on the challenge of “DGM Rare Pair Week” ! This is my first time participating in a "DGM Week" and I am very excited !

For today, I have chosen to prove, in a headcanon, how Road and Allen could be a couple that could enters in the canon of events.

Two small things to specify first :

First of all, remember that as you have seen, the program requires a change of universe. However, I choose to keep the universe and the Hoshino canon. After all, the theme and keyword of the day seem to match, and @letspleasuretogether​ told me that everything would be ok ^^ So let's keep going!

Then, know that I am doing this out of pure fan service because I love this ship, but behind it I have found that making this ship canon is HARDER than you think. It was very hard to find romantic coherence. So much that, yes, I confess that there are some arguments in this post that I don't fully believe. I doubt it even enough. But again, I'm doing this in pure fangirl.

Here's how it's going : being a college student, I couldn't help but follow the classic plan to produce a plausible and cohesive and brilliant argument to illustrate an idea : introduction / development / conclusion. (note though that I won't be doing an introduction at all : I would introduce the characters there, and I'd rather not waste time with that, because I can imagine that any DGM fan here is pretty much familiar with the characters in this game, Allen Walker and Road Kamelot. Let's just say you're reading the introduction to this post right now!) I'll pick a timeline-style plan here, which will be built according to the sequence of events over time in the manga.

As a consequence, I prefer to warn you : this is gonna be a very long post ! I hope you have time right now ! If it’s not the case, you can come back later. 

One last thing : please, be kind. I’m so tired right now, I gave very much time to write all of this, once again this is gonna be VERY long. So please, no insults, because you’re not a Roallen shipper. Thank you very much for that.

And precisely speaking of that, here is the main idea that I will illustrate ! Now let's start the development :

The Roallen ship is a combination of kindness and humanity, which distorts and intoxicates the relationship between the two characters.

Road Kamelot, antagonist.

Allen Walker, protagonist.

The two met as enemies. It is this enemy context that we will attribute to our first part.

And at first, we will see this humanity side of the ship, orchestrated by Road. Road’s humanity, which we will illustrate with one of her lines: " (I am) Just a human being », in the city backwards. This sums up the essence of this ship in one sentence. 

The first thing that will surprise the reader / viewer is Road's hugging Allen. 

First the shape, or what may already be visible. It's true that it's still disturbing : this is the first time that I have personally seen an antagonist hugs a protagonist, so close. Seriously, where did it come from? The introductions aren't even made yet, as Road tightens her arms around Allen. Then, the bottom, what does it say? "Do you feel this heat?" She will tell Allen about the softness, warmth and security that a hug can provide. She goes on to say that it is an emotional sensation that only a human being can experience. Her name is Road Kamelot, and she is a human being, and she is capable of tender gestures. This is her personal way of introducing herself. No, she doesn't seem to mean at first glance that she is sadistic, cruel, sociopath and psychopath at the same time. Her name is Road, she's a human, and she loves hugs.

Note also that when the fight ends in the city backwards, Road leaves without killing Allen and Lenalee.

Allen and Road's face-to-face (rather, back-to-back) makes it likely that there is only a yard between them and Road chooses not to end it just yet. (A little candle lightning in the heart, and then it's flaky !). But she's going to declare to Allen "I'll be back to play with you Allen," openly proclaiming that she would like to see him again (so no doubt about that). To hurt him again of course, but THAT’S JUST THE BEGINNING OF THIS SHIP’S STORY ;) Still, Road didn’t kill Allen, when the opportunity was too good. And this scene, where she chooses to miss this opportunity, there are quite a few that look alike like that! (But I'll come back to that...)

And Allen in all of this?

Well, because of his personality, Allen brings the theme of kindness to this ship and believe me, kindness is not without consequence.

Road : Are you intended to kill me ?

Allen : I must defeat you.

Road : It’s useless, you cannot kill me.

Remember that saving tormented souls is Allen's reason for living. He has it on his conscience if he can't save everyone (akumas for the left hand, humans for the right hand).

At the end of the city's fight backwards, you would think Allen would win the fight against Road by destroying the three akumas and without her being able to recover Miranda's innocence, or kill her, or kill the exorcists (by the way, I wonder what the character really wants).

You would think the fight ends on a score of Allen 1 - 0 Road.

It is not so.

In truth, it's an equality, ball in the middle (1 - 1).

Let me explain : in a bad, as in a good intention, Road scored a point, at the time of their last dialogue, while Allen points his innocence right at her, before she leaves by her door. She tells Allen not to shoot, and then explains why.

First, the bad intention : she reminds him that his hand being a weapon, that is to say implicitly that Allen, himself, is a weapon. Allen then remembers that earlier, when meeting them, Road confessed that a weapon was designed for the sole purpose of "humans killing other humans." This is pure provocation, to put Allen a little more beside himself : she calls him a murderer, when Allen is quite the opposite. On the other hand, also remembering innocence has no effect on Road, so right now is not the time to point his innocence at her. All she does is manipulate him. It is a double-edged sword. One point for Road.

Now, let's note the good intention our little sadist wants to send to the protagonist : if she tells him not to shoot, it's for a good reason. "You really have a heart of gold Allen," she will tell him. It seems like a warning, a limit for telling Allen he's going too far : by pointing his gun at her, he is pointing his gun at a human (as she introduced herself to him). But if Allen kills her, that makes him a murderer ; or whatever he isn't, and whatever he swore he wouldn't become. It might sound strange, but Road seems to warn Allen not to fall into the dark side. Not to be so cruel (she realizes that this is not his style, since he has "a heart of gold"). And that makes him reflect on his duty as an exorcist : an exorcist is not an assassin. She appeals to his kindness again. In this way, Road makes Allen feel a lot of things contrary to each other : she makes him doubt of himself but also allows him to question himself better.

Road must stay alive at the end of this scene : Hoshino therefore went out of her way to show the relationship between the two characters, why he shouldn't kill her, and that's what the characters are talking about, in this face-to-face.

Personally, as an anecdote, I find this scene much tastier in the French version (in the anime) : while Road is gone, you can hear Allen say "Shit". But in the French version, it says "Je t’attends, Road." that we can translate in “I’m waiting for you, Road” WHICH SHOWS THAT THE DYNAMISM OF THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY BEGINNING !!! The duality is posited ; the staging and the atmosphere are at their peak during this confrontation, regarding the nature of this relationship between these two characters, brought to meet again.

Later in the manga, Road and Allen will meet again : first in the Ark, where Road is shown an attraction to Allen.

Then they will meet again in the neighborhoods of the American branch during the Alma Karma arc. This is where their relationship will evolve, this time in an ally context, which concerns them mutually.

Now getting back to Road’s humanity, I would first like to answer a quick question that many fans have : As Sheryl Kamelot asked Bookman, what was the nature of her relationship with the Fourteenth?

Many assume that these two characters shared a romantic relationship. This is a legitimate assumption. After all, Sheryl knowing that Allen Walker is the fourteenth and having noticed that her daughter seems attracted to her host, and knowing that he learns that the latter is partly the cause of her disappearance, Road having tried to protect him before he asks Bookman this question, it doesn't seem indecent to think that Road may have been in love with the Fourteenth. However (and this is only my personal opinion), I do not agree with this : firstly because, for a manga where the plot seems to become more and more complex, that would be a bit too much "easy". All of the sudden, that's what the mangaka wants us to believe, and what she's trying to tell us is "it's more complicated than that". Secondly, because I consider, as a reader, that Hoshino seeks above all to demonstrate that Neah and Allen are completely opposite characters in terms of personality :

Neah wants the destruction of humanity, he is a murderer ; Allen, meanwhile, wants the world to be saved, at any cost

Neah wants to become the new Millenium Earl ; Allen wants to destroy it.

Neah would kill innocent people to achieve these ends ; Allen cannot kill humans, even Noahs, his kindness and compassion are great

Neah is sadistic, devious and manipulative ; does not look like Allen

Finally, Neah seems to be just downright cold ; Allen is a warm person

Road did know Nea, well enough to know him enough to know that Nea and Allen are clearly not the same person. If a D. Gray-Man character gets it right, it's Road.

Besides, I think that knowing that Neah has taken possession of Allen, seems to upset Road more than anything else.

When she reads the paper certifying it (paper by the way that looks like an official paper, "formalizing" that Allen is therefore doomed to disappear), she becomes melancholy, following this news. As if she would have preferred, like Cross, that it had fallen on someone other than him. (That being so, a moderately valid argument, since looking at the paper, she mentions the fact that Nea tried to kill the Earl, and it would not be indecent to think that this would be what bothers her more than anything else ; but again, I don't think this reflects any love towards the Fourteenth - I think Nea was a beautiful person who unfortunately went wrong, kind of like Anakin Skywalker).

Likewise, a reply from Sheryl : "Road ? Is there a hint of tenderness in you voice when you say “Allen” ?" only fuels the potential attraction Road feels for Allen, as Road goes to ask the Earl: "...". She seems to be showing more and more concern for him.

Finally, it can also be remembered that in The Ark, Road told Allen that she would not hesitate to kill him if she touches a single hair in his family. Yet, in the rest of the story, it seems obvious that she cares about him just AS MUCH AS her family. Road wants to protect her family at all costs, because she has already lost her first thirty five years ago ; but Road, she also wants to protect Allen.

He and Road will first approach in another world ; memories of Kanda and Alma. Personally, I really like this scenario, because it gives an isolating feel to two characters who come together for the first time, before they get even closer in the real world. In the memories of Kanda, a world where no one can see them, she crosses the enemy line and joins him in the memories of the Japanese: while he almost gets swallowed up by the memory of Kanda, Road saves him the life, hugs him once again and reminds him of who he is so that he remains aware that they are in the past. She is particularly worried about him. But again, the opportunity is too good for Road to do away with the fourteenth : she could let Allen be swallowed up by Kanda's memory so that there is no fourteenth at all. But she leaves Allen alive. Again, it's probably to see Nea again, but again, I honestly don't think Road is in love with the Fourteenth. She looks at Allen, she knows that he's the one she's talking to, knows Nea well enough to know he's not Allen (she repeats "Allen" a lot of times in this scene, by the way).

Especially since I specify that she runs her hand through her hair, as a sign of affection, and that in general (and this is why I say IN GENERAL, not everyone does), it seems to be a love reflex, or very affectionate, more than just plain friendly.

Also, a certain ambiguous moment in the dynamics of the two characters is present, when Allen asks Road if the revival of Alma Karma is part of the Central Administration plan. The two are particularly close to each other (seriously, as a reader I thought they would kiss), and Road will give Allen a friendly look. The latter seems intimidated, as he probably didn't think she was capable of having any such feelings.

Additionally, Road is going to help Allen understand the Exorcists' Second Project, which is a key moment and element in this story arc, and therefore proves to be a very good ally to Allen. At this point, she doesn't seem mean and sadistic at all ; she will even help the hero on his way. And rather than showing that Alma's awakening is the work of Noahs, she especially wants to let him know that it is also the work of the Central Administration, to qualify what we are talking about here way of saying that the Noahs are not the only wicked). 

Finally, to highlight once again the French translation of the manga, when Alma Karma comes out of nowhere and surprises Allen and Road when they are connected to Allen's memory, sound effects written in Japanese are inscribed. But only a French translation exists (yes I looked for it. No I'm not obsessed) : "Ils se rapprochent à vitesse grand V !”, which can be translated as “They are getting closer at high speed !" I have the feeling that this is almost the mangaka talking to us, if I'm not mistaken ^^. Or maybe it's a simple "instant ship" moment rather than consistency and a love canon.

Later still, Allen and Road are going to get closer in the real world, and there are only more and more emotions (therefore, drama) : first, when they meet again when Allen is imprisoned by the Central Administration in return of mission is attacked by Apocryphos, when Road enters in scene, the first thing she chooses to do, it is to take him in her arms, ONCE AGAIN. And that's not all : once again, she will produce an emotional, warm embrace and reassure Allen. In this rush, she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what Tyki, or her family, may think (he himself suspects something about not bringing Sheryl). And once again, the opportunity is too good to finish with Allen : she can let Nea continuing to metamorphose into him to finish it off faster with the fourteenth, but she does not. Because killing the fourteenth, is go back killing Allen. Choice that Road doesn’t want to see that happen, if it comes to.

And shortly thereafter, not only do we climb in emotion, but also in action, which produces more and more drama : Road will sacrifice herself and take a punch in Allen's place, to the point that it makes her disappear (that is, she must genuinely have tender affection for Allen). (Has Lenalee ever done this for Allen ???) Finally, before disappearing, her last words : Road is crying, for the first time she is very moved, and very vulnerable. She is therefore very capable of humanity.

This is where I'm going from the start of this second part : to me, it's clear, Road is in love with Allen. There is no evil or unhealthy manipulation technique, no cruelty, not even slight flirtation. There is even tenderness and emotion. Road doesn't want to lose Allen ; for me, she refuses the reincarnation of Nea in him, she chooses to protect him at any cost, even if she disappears, and does not care of what her family might think about it (Sheryl, Tyki). From there, it's not flirting anymore, but the birth of her loving feelings towards him.

To wrap up this development, we're going to revisit Allen's goodness, and this time focus on this evolved relationship and his “alliance” to Road, and most importantly, the fact that he can't kill her, he'll even tolerate her presence.

First, in the Ark, Allen chooses not to kill either her or Tyki, but rather exorcises them if he has to go through it (of course, what he doesn't know is is that we have to go through murder to exorcise them from Noah who are in them). This is what happens with Tyki Mikk, even if it fails. When Lavi Bookman comes to himself, he almost goes to the point of committing suicide by burning himself, but he chooses to take Road with him to death (though that also fails). Lavi stabs her, he knows he can go this far with an enemy ; but it’s a choice Allen couldn’t make (even Lavi is also going to suspect something, comically, after Road has been charred and disintegrated).

In addition, he also curiously tolerates her presence in the memories of Alma and Kanda.

She is even helpful to him, lends a hand to him, he's alive and that's because of her, she's even kind, and affectionate, even if Allen doesn't understand everything. She is even tactile, and he does not push it away.

There's a lot of tactile between Road and Allen from there, more than you would think.

It is mostly an intention that comes from her to him, unreciprocated at that moment, but he instinctively does not reject her. Between two enemies, when the status of friend / ally is not even formalized yet, but a rapprochement and a tactile effect is more present, I almost have the impression that it fits in the canon, in my opinion (let's not forget that this is just a headcanon).

The same with the Apocryphos bow: in his cell, and this time in that embrace, (and once again!) Allen lets himself go into Road's arms. There is even a comfort ... and a curious affection ... it's curious that anyway! You might even think he finds a rather tender emotion, like her. Later in his desertion, what I found personally disturbed (while it seemed rather like an insignificant detail, to me) was that Allen wears Road like a princess (like LaviLena !!!!). Of course, it seems consistent in terms of comfort : it would be easier to wear Road. But still…It figures that out this is apparently those insignificant details who are “weird”, you know...

What is most ambiguous in all of this is the following in his desertion : Allen is going to be worried about Road's unconsciousness.

He ends up asking Tyki why she doesn't wake up. Even Tyki seems to be less worried than Allen. Moreover, the Noah seems to trust her enough to take care of her on his own with the awareness that he must cover their escape with Timcanpy.

Again, Allen refuses, claiming that they are Noahs and therefore his enemies. But after a little morale lesson, Tyki disappears. In the end, Allen neither accepts nor refuses to enter Road. They are both ; she is unconscious.

Allen knows she is vulnerable ; and his gaze on her is also uncertain : which I find brilliant is that his left eye seems to offer a suspicious look, towards her. 

And his right eye, a compassion look, because of her vulnerability.

Again, this is troubling.

And then we can remember Road's tirade in the city backwards : it could be cumbersome in his flight, but Allen cannot kill Road, because he knows she is above all human, even though he still struggles to realize it.

But not for long : when Road says her last words, she looks Allen in the eye, crying and talks to him. She says something to him which is directly addressed to him.

Most importantly, Allen is shocked : he never saw her cry, and he didn't believe her capable of that. Friendly looks, tears, of course Road is human like him (To use the Road quote sums it up). All this, before she disappeared : Allen sees that she was even more vulnerable than he thought.

And Allen shakes his fist : upset? Because he couldn't save her? Hard to say. Deep down, I think he knows she's not really dead. But here we have a failed act : the truth is that Road and Allen would have spent a long time together, Road accompanying her on her escape, but that doesn't happen since she disappears; a rapprochement, which ultimately does not happen.

So, what can we therefore conclude from this ship?

That in terms of reciprocity, we remember : that after a while, our two enemies employ the refusal to kill each other.

Then, that one is worried when the other is in danger.

Finally, that they are able to save each other, or come to the aid of each other, mutually.

This is already, I think, a great development. So I know what you're going to tell me : there is nothing romantic here, it's probably just a budding friendship. And you would be right to think so! Nothing tells us that there is a romantic future for the two characters (that would even strike me as quite inconsistent, given the current circumstances of the story). But, if you are a shipper at heart like me, you will have noticed this thing : this atmosphere, this staging, this atmosphere that the mangaka has chosen to adopt, which makes the reader work to imagine some love story (you know what I mean?) In the memories of Alma and Kanda, I find it rather blatant. It's that “stuff”, that something that reminds me of this potential romantic arc. But again, you would be correct in thinking that basically not ; I still think so myself (because Lenalee is around ; and sorry, but I don't ship AllenLena at all, no offense). But they have already shared their first kiss !!! You couldn't take it away from me !! (although it was not agreed)

And precisely, could we imagine the circumstances of their next meeting? Honestly, it was an exercise that I must have had a hard time doing. Especially since given the turn the manga is taking, I can't see how… But what I can assume is that, even if it could happen in a very long time, I don't see the fact that Hoshino decides not to do them again interact. As much as their relationship follows "progress."

By the way, don't you like this parallel that Road and Allen bear the opposite Christian scars of the cross-shaped stigmata of God and the satanic cross in opposition to their clan? ;)

Thank you for having reading !!

[annebrontesrequiem]

Higurashi Gou Ep. 7 Thoughts

Spoilers for both 2020 Higurashi, 2006 Higurashi, Higurashi Kai, and the manga. These spoilers will become more pronounced the more episodes I watch, You have been warned.

Again, please pay attention to that spoiler warning. I basically spoiled the end of the first series (as in the end of Kai/all the manga/I mean the VN but I’ve never played it). Anyways, HERE WE GO!!! Also this one is LONG because I have so many thoughts.

Okay guys here we go! This was the kind of perfect episode I wanted from this show. I was seriously blown away by it (and we aren’t even at the murder), so much so I rewatched it the next day. Now I have to put the bulletpoints of thoughts in my head into something vaguely coherent. So let’s try!

The first part I want to touch on is Takano explaining the story of the demons. This part I was first of all glad they kept the sketchy style, but secondly I was a bit confused as the original story is that Oyashiro-sama sacrificed themselves for the people of Hinamizawa, then Onigafuchi, and that was... that. I could ne misremembering, I forgot to reread that part in the manga, but either way it was of note. I guess more proof of Takano’s infallibility. More importantly, at least to me since the series isn’t over and they could explain the disconnect later, this scene was great atmospherically. Not the best, but very good. Keichii VA is really talented gotta throw that out there (no I haven’t seen the dub). Oh also his “you’re lying!” was good, although I do think Studio Deen was better at getting the Higurashi face to look more distorted. Oh well I like the new animation style it doesn’t bug me.

Next is Shion knocking off the statue head. I cannot be the only one that noticed a very deliberate slit in the base of the statue. That combined with it already being broken... I think something’s in the statue. This is a theory and a pretty random one so I’m just throwing it out there and leaving it at that. Also Takano def took something.

Next is our pal Ooishi. Am I the only one who feels he comes off much creepier in this version. I mean it might be because by the end of Kai/the end of the original manga we’ve gotten a super intimate look into his life and the guilt he feels and how it manifests in his obsession with this supposed curse. But in the scene with Keichii... he’s just so creepy. In that like oh my god old man get away from me. Still that scene was pretty good. Although the timeline and the fact they’re already asking after Takano and Tomitake seems a bit odd. I know that unlike the original Cotton Drifting arc they stole a van (Is this Tomitake getting held up or getting inject with Hinamizawa Syndrome I wonder) but still it seems very soon to the viewer and a bit... rushed? Idk I think people asking after it the day after works better. Anyways.

Oh also interesting how dialogue keeps getting shifted. For example in the original Ooishi is the one who brings up Mion and Shion aren’t even wearing the same clothes. I hope they aren’t changes for changes sake but it also did bug me, just something I noticed when I reread the manga.

Anyways now we really start getting to it. The phone scene between Shion and Keichii was an 11/10 scene for me, I thought it was spectacular. Again Keichii’s VA is amazing (so is Shion’s btw not forgetting her, she’s great at being understated in a way that makes everything creepier). And the animation wasn’t as out there as the original but I still felt a sense of claustrophobia. I think it’s the way everything’s shot super close in frame before having a wideshot with Keichii and Shion alone in their relative spaces, it gives this great feeling of being watched. I really thought the phone scene was going to be the highlight of the episode and discounting the shock factor of Rika’s later stuff it prolly is. On rewatch it hit just as hard.

This is getting obnoxiously long so let’s get to the end and talk about Rika. Her pulling a Bernkastel and just snapping on Keichii was so unexpected I half laughed in shock (also another reason you should watch the original first it wouldn’t be so offputting if you didn’t assume she said she was going to protect the kittens). I could meme on this scene, hell I already have, but honestly it’s so good. Again great angles and voice work. The way Rika looms over Keichii, who’s shadowed by her, just gives this huge sense of tension and powerlessness and Rika’s adult(/Bernkastel gonna keep name dropping my fav) voice is really great at this dejected apathy. I love it 11/10. Also of note this really makes me doubt this is a sequel. I mean I always doubted it cause Rika would just repeat what she did in the last arc (Festival Arc?) and win again, which she’s not doing, but more importantly for this episode she says Takano’s dead. Unless one of the kids went on a VERY preemptive murder spree which included taking down not only two adults but all of Takano’s “dogs” Rika doesn’t know Takano is the orchestrator behind her murder. Safe to say I’m confused.

This episode was so amazing I can’t get over it. The slow pacing of this show (slower than the last this episode ends at like the quarter mark of the last manga volume for this arc) really helps ratchet up the tension when stuff happens. But also WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN NOW? I’m gonna sleep but we’ll know in 2 hours!

Hope you liked this review and see you soon with the next episode!

[hamliet]

2Ha (up to 120)

Or, Hamliet’s review of the most blatantly ‘problematic’ novel she’s ever read, which has beautiful writing and themes, and an intriguing plot that she apparently wrote a Jin Guangyao AU of without realizing it last year. Whoops. 

This is my fifth Chinese web novel, btw, after reading MXTX’s three novels (all of which I think are thematically rich and top-quality writing and character development-wise) and Female General and Eldest Princess (which has great main characters but shoddy writing). To a degree a lot of this might be due to the translation, but 2Ha is absolutely beautifully written in its dialogue, metaphors, and descriptions. 

The story revolves around the redemption of an evil emperor--Mo Ran--who commits suicide in the very first chapter, only to wake up as his fifteen year old self with a chance to redo everything... but he actually doesn’t (at first) have all that many regrets or think he needs redemption, so there’s that. Thematically, it seems to mostly be coherent so far, but it’s hard to say with only 120/300 chapters read, and I’ll discuss the ‘mostly’ below.

The main character, Mo Ran, is basically what would happen if you combined Xue Yang with Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian in a blender, but then strained out the decency Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian in particular clung to. If Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian are, archtypally, akin to the Kylo Ren/Loki archetype, then Mo Ran is Darth Vader or Thanos. 

What I appreciate about this is that the novel doesn’t make Mo Ran sympathetic because it doesn’t have to: we empathize with him because he is framed honestly. There is not an attempt to manipulate sympathy, but there is an honest portrayal of complexity without whitewashing, and that is a wise choice on behalf of the author. He’s a straight up bad dude who sucks rather than a sympathetic person who clearly wants to be good but through a combination of circumstances and personal terrible choices, is not. Or so it appears at first until Mo Ran eventually realizes/remembers that he did want to be good after all, once... and it’s directly stated as much. Yet those desires have been beaten out of him, and often he’s the one who did the beating on his own soul. 

Basically, the novel seems to be asking whether it is possible for even someone that cruel, that evil, to be redeemed. And the answer thus far (up till 120) seems to be that yes, he can be, but in a complex sense. 

Of course, there are all manner of... elements that make it a novel I absolutely encourage caution towards before engaging. The translators are great with warnings, and I had to skim some parts. There is violence, but to be honest it’s less violent than TGCF, as someone said to me before I read and which, thus far, is a sentiment I’d agree with. My main issues is its portrayal of sexual assault, which I honestly think it’s unnecessarily graphic and eroticized at parts. That said, the story does frame it fairly responsibly (as something reprehensible, but the eroticization of some brief flashbacks contradicts this and so undermines the overall framing). Rather like Scum Villain, it also seems to be aware of the unhealthy dynamics in the ship (particularly the initial age gap) and so layers it with contradictions (he’s actually lived to 32, so he isn’t fifteen; Chu Wanning is then de-aged too, nothing happens until they’re older anyways). The layering works in multiple ways, because the novel seems to, at its core, be about exploring the very limits of love, redemption, etc., in each and every crevice of possibility. 

On a personal level, the chapter where Mo Ran is awaiting judgement to get into hell and the memories of all the people he has tortured and killed start calling out his sins, and then we flashback to Chu Wanning asking Mo Ran not to forgive him, not to forgive others, but simply to forgive himself after Chu Wanning subjected himself to Mo Ran’s worst impulses, and it’s this memory, this phrase, that stops the sentence before its even written, that quiets those voices... I found it deeply meaningful, and that was perhaps my favorite chapter. It encourages empathy and enduring suffering with each other, suggesting that an honest understanding and love saves us. There’s a theological aspect to it that resonated with me as well (and, as a side note, I’m curious to read the entire thing before charting it out, but there seems to be a very clear alchemical influence as well). 

However, I earlier mentioned the slight eroticization that seems to make murky the overall framing. There’s also one recent plot twist that seemed to damage the themes. I really, really didn't like how Rong Jiu's story ended even if it's ambiguous. It essentially is, as the author even directly said in her author's notes, just that Rong Jiu wasn't lucky enough to find someone who wouldn't give up on him. After Rong Jiu spent so much time pointing out the disparities in fairness to Mo Ran (why do you get a second chance while I don’t?), to have his story presumably end with "f*ck you got mine" really does not work. At least in MDZS, while Jin Guangyao isn't saved and Wei Wuxian is, Wei Wuxian empathizes and points out that it's because of a rotten society in the end, rather than just "sucks to be you." I really hope this ends up being wrong and she didn't actually continue to leave his fate up in the air as she stated she planned to do in the author's note, because if she did, that's depressingly contradictory to the story’s themes. It’s one thing if Mo Ran will later go back and save Rong Jiu, which is where I hope it’s going; it’s entirely different if this really is the ending for him, and would keep the novel from thematically approaching MXTX’s level. 

So yeah. I am eager to see where the novel goes, although the translations are on hiatus (hats off to the translators for their beautiful work!) and I’m wavering on how desperate I am as to whether to try the MTA translations or not... 

A theory that very well may be wrong: I suspect the mysterious black-veiled water user is actually Shi Mei, mostly because Shi Mei is likable yet missing serious flaws, unlike every other major character, which makes me suspicious. He also had that very weird line during the Lake Arc when Mo Ran was captured, and water is associated with healing, which Shi Mei is also associated with. Oh, and Water Mystery seems very interested in Mo Ran loving Shi Mei and protecting his life. So if he isn’t Shi Mei, he’s someone connected to him. 

For now? 8/10, but with serious warnings for those who might seek to read it. 

[the-angst-witch]

Forests, Fog, and Fear – Hellscape Pt 3

A bolt of horror shot through Eyrie’s core. What if she leaves me here and never comes back? What if I starve or dehydrate or bleed out or freeze or—or no one ever even finds my body-what—what if—I—A singular thought crystallizes amongst the panicked frenzy in her mind —I don’t wanna die alone.

Lottie was still talking “It might take a long time. But I’m willing to wait.” She took a step back and started to turn.

“N-no!” Eyrie yelled, powering through the agony in her throat. “Do-don’t leave me here! Pl-please! Please just-just let-let me go! I-I can’t- I-I don’t—ple-please—I-“ The words wouldn’t come anymore catching and jumbling in the way she hated but couldn’t help. Eyrie barely noticed her coming back through the tears, she tugged on one of her curls lightly before releasing it and letting it spring back into place. It was a gesture so horribly, so achingly familia rit hurt almost as much as everything else.

Lottie made that shushing sound again and knelt down in front of her “You were always so afraid of that weren’t you? That I’d leave you behind and you’d be alone again, the way you were before you came to live with Esther.” Her lip curled in a snarl “Not that she was fit to raise a child, but it was something. Wasn’t it? You had hope again. But hope is so fragile. You know? And you’ve always been terrified of losing it. Of having nothing and no one to love you, to hold on to. Of those stories of old ladies in big cities being found dead in their apartments weeks later because no one cared enough to notice until the smell got to be a bother. You’d call me from your big fancy boarding school and tell me about nightmares of that happening to you, classmates and teachers finding your body because maggots started spilling through the door or the smell getting to your neighbor. You remember that don’t you?”

Eyrie nodded trying to hold back a sob, hoping Lottie wouldn’t make her respond aloud. But that seemed good enough, Lottie plowed onwards with an intensity that was almost frightening. Her eyes practically alight as she leaned in.

      “I always told you. I’d notice. I would care. I’d call the school, I’d yell, and I’d kick, and I’d scream until someone checked on your room if you missed two skype calls in a row. I’d come down there myself if I had too. I always told you that you were my best friend and you’d never be truly forgotten, or truly alone. Not as long as I had any say in it. Because we said we’d always be there for each other. We promised we’d never leave each other.”

She paused again seeming to want some kind of answer, Eyrie just nodded again “I know,” she croaked out, the words felt like knives on her tongue.

Lottie scooted closer, heedless of the way Eyrie’s blood soaked into her jeans “That is what the forest is. You will never be alone again. You will never even feel loneliness again. You’ll become a part of something so much bigger than you, and it loves you, it will love you. This is the happy ever after we’ve always wanted! Why can’t you see that? We can be loved, and happy, and never feel lost again. We can be found. All you have to do is say yes. Eyrie come on. You can’t say that doesn’t sound like heaven on earth.”

It hurt with the bittersweet ache of a lie she desperately wanted to be true. It was bone deep, and it was damnation disguised as something divinely sweet. It was the ruining kind of ache Eyrie was horribly, awfully familiar with. It was the brittle feeling of Gran looking at her and saying “Honey, you know how much I love you” and knowing in a deep sinking way that the real answer was ‘not enough’.

She pressed her forehead against Eyrie’s, her hand coming to cradle the base of her skull “Remember when we had to read Dante’s inferno at the same time? We said we’d follow each other into Hell. So come on, how hard is it to follow me into heaven instead?”

Eyrie closed her eyes, she couldn’t bear to look Lottie in the eye anymore “I c-I can’t”, she pushed away and back to her feet as Eyrie doubled over again. Her vision blacking out as the searing pain in her throat ignited and she choked on her own blood, desperate for a breath of air even if it burned. She laid there in a pool of her own blood shivering for what could have been minutes or hours before she managed to sit back up, leaning heavily on her shaking arm.

“I-if you-you’re real-really” she took an agonizing breath, trying to steady herself “r-really L-Lottie, then-then prove it. Pl-please just let-let me go.” She sagged in exhaustion once she managed to get the words out, dragging her eyes up to make eye contact.

Lottie looked down at her with something that almost resembled pity. “You know I can’t do that.” She sighed “But I can promise that I won’t just leave you here forever.” She smiled suddenly, kneeling back down next to her “I’ll even do something to prove it” she said resting one of her hands over the one Eyrie was using to brace herself. She held her hand out to the side, and in a swirl of fog a knife materialized in her hand. A broken cry ripped its way from Eyrie’s lips as she tried to yank away, but Lottie just moved her hand up to her wrist to hold Eyrie in place. In one sharp motion she stabbed the knife through her hand and into the cold ground below, pinning her in place. Pain exploded in her hand, and a scream ripped itself from her ruined throat. She thought she might black out again from the combined agony of it all. The scream tapered off into a miserable whine, “God, oh G-God, pl-please” She cried hunching over her hand “s-someone, he-help me please! P-please God.” Her other hand fluttered useless around the knife, nothing seemed to exist except for the pain, she couldn’t even think coherently around the shape of it.

Lottie sighed from somewhere above her, she managed to raise her eyes from the ground to look at her. Lottie looked pale, and her eyes were wide and glazed as she stared at the knife. There was something wrong with her voice when she spoke, it had an icy timbre to it that didn’t belong to her. “Come on, you know that religion can only save you if you have enough faith, and I intend to break you of that.” She blinked and the glaze seemed to fade from her eyes, her voice sounded almost normal again when she said, “You’ll thank me for it later, the forest is so much better.”

Eyrie couldn’t do anything but sob into the ground. She heard another sigh, and then there was a gentle hand gripping her chin and tilting her head up, Lottie smiled warmly at her “You know I won’t leave you here because I have to come back to take this out” She said punctuating it with a flick to the dagger that sent nauseating waves of pain through her hand, Eyrie would’ve collapsed completely if it wasn’t for the tightening grip on her chin holding her up. “Now, don’t move it while I’m gone. Or I’ll know, and I’ll just leave you here longer.” Lottie finished with a perfunctory nod, letting her go and rising to her feet.

Eyrie listed dangerously to the side without the extra support as Lottie walked away. She called over her shoulder “Remember, all you have to do is see the light! The forest loves you as much as I do!” the fog seems to swallow her then as Eyrie hunched back over my sluggishly bleeding hand. 

Then she was alone.

 Alone. 

Alone. 

Alone.

(This is the end of the Hurt part of these. There is a Rescue/Comfort part to the Forests, Fog, and Fear drabble arc. It’ll probably come out in a few days when  the hell that is midterms is done and I have more time to write.)

[mi6015handeldalegonzales]

Production Analysis

I have always loved movies, believing that stories on screen that take us back to the future and over the rainbow speak a language that is universal. They may not be real, but through this medium, they manage to influence our outlook on the world. This is what I think films are all about: a combination of technical and creative aspects that work in harmony to share the director’s perspective on life, and invoke specific emotions from the audience. My ultimate desire to be a filmmaker and share that perspective with my own audience is what drove me during my final project.

 I had many options in tackling this animation, be it showing off my skills, explicitly targeting the film industry, or just having fun with it. While any would have sufficed, I wanted to have full creative freedom to produce something that felt both powerful, and uniquely meaningful to me. Hence, I decided to make a personal short following a character that had undergone similar trials as I had in my life.

 Despite that, I believe that the project I ended up giving myself was too ambitious, which was corroborated by Goodfellow. This was due to having to condense the development of a whole storyline and an entire character into a two-minute animation, which meant a lot of scenes, and subsequently, numerous set designs to pack in all the information needed to convey the story. To cut this down, I had to change the story and replace the crash with a scene where the daughter falls and loses her ‘drawing competition award,’ in a bid to avoid creating an entire character arc for the animation. In this scene, the mum was supposed to arrive in her car to save the day, taking out her pen and drawing 3D wings for the daughter (the wings from the award). The story would have ended as the daughter takes flight, with a dedication fading into the sky that said, “To my mum and sister, who have always been the wind under my wings.”

 Despite how I pivoted, however, I still could not finish my changes in time due to my perfectionism. Instead of moving on to the next part of the animation, I kept finding small, negligible mistakes that I would take time out of my day trying to fix. Even as I submit my work now, there is still a lot that I want to change and improve upon. I ended up having to cut down the animation by half, including only the montage section of the initial concept, and ending it with, ‘to be continued’ for the animation to make sense.

 3D modelling was my favourite part of the whole process since I love seeing my sketches take shape in a 3-dimensional space. The process was not too hard, as I had modelled characters before, and I only needed to follow the same procedure, even managing to improve my method based on prior problems. In my previous projects, the clothes were all separate objects, causing too many tears in the model when animating. This time, I made the outfit part of the main body. The jacket was the only exception, but I still made sure to keep the vertices underneath far out from the ones for the main body, to prevent the different meshes from overlapping with each other. What I was not used to, and found more difficult, was giving the model high, defined cheekbones as it did not adhere to the basic round face I would normally create. Fortunately, with a few tweaks and experimentation, I managed to overcome this obstacle.

I’ve always found creating rigs a significant challenge, so I am thankful and fortunate that I was able to use the Advanced Skeleton, which cut my work down by weeks, compared to if I had done it manually from scratch. Even then, setting up the rig and weight painting drained me so much that my productivity levels plummeted in this section of the production process. This was because, having always preferred creative aspects over technical ones, I struggled with the lack of creative leeway in this part of the process. A challenge I encountered was the difficulty in animating natural eye blinks. When modelling, I gave the eyeballs an outer layer to create refraction from the light, making it more realistic. This layer was invisible, so I did not think it would matter that it protruded further than the eyelids. It turned out, however, that when rigging and making the eyes close, this did in fact cause problems. I did not have the time to fix these issues, and thus errors can be seen in the final animation. Still, lessons were learned; something to keep in mind for future projects.

 Ideally, I wanted a soundtrack that would elevate my project and help carry the weight of emotion I hoped would be conveyed by the short. However, it was tricky to find the right accompaniment due to copyright problems. Most free music online gave the animation the feel of a cheap advert, or made it seem like it was an amateur YouTube vlog. Even non-copyrighted lo-fi songs (which were my usual go-to) could not match the atmosphere I wanted. I even asked my housemate if he could produce a sample for me, as he is a DJ that creates some of his own tunes. Alas, that did not pan out as I kept changing the idea of my final piece and did not have the time to oversee the music production with him. Nevertheless, this may have been a blessing in disguise as I ended up finding a beautiful, free-to-use, fantasy-themed piano instrumental which yielded the right mystical and emotional ambience I desired. If given more time, I probably would have added several muffled, diegetic sounds to make the result even more atmospheric.

 The most excruciating part of the entire animation production was the creation of the 2D assets. This was because I did not have any drawing pads for digital art, and I also lacked a phone to take any photos of sketches, thus leaving my laptop mouse as my only option to draw with. Even the simplest assets were immensely tedious to make, which was the main reason why it took so long to make such a short video. I could not afford to get a drawing tablet at that time, so I just had to push through.

 Another, lesser difficulty was the colouring aspect. In one of the final project meetings with Goodfellow, he told me that he liked the colour scheme and aesthetic from the animation I submitted for the Professional Creative Production (MI6011) module and that I should try to incorporate that again into my final work. Of course, I took this as a challenge, not only to live up to expectations and previous standards, but to go above and beyond.

 It turned out to be an ambitious undertaking since colouring is not my forte. Most of my casual artwork consisted of sketches, and I was therefore not very acquainted with colour theory and design. To offset this, I took inspiration from themes of beautiful video games and movies that I liked, but had difficulty in combining everything into a uniform colour scheme throughout the whole work. I needed to make the entire piece coherent, and not like a patchwork painting reminiscent of Picasso’s more surreal works. Make it look like it is all part of the same cartoon and not a total mess of idea vomit dump. This was made even more taxing because I already had the inconsistency between the 3D and 2D characters. I eventually overcame this barrier by finding a reference point, and using hue tool to make everything match.

 In my opinion, the post production process was the most effortless part of working on this project, as I was experienced in After Effects from even before university. Neither did I find the merging of 3D and 2D that difficult, as I used an artificial greenscreen in Maya when rendering.

There were many fundamental obstacles I had to overcome during this project, but the main issue was timing and execution. Nonetheless, I am immensely proud of what I was able to produce, which showcases the tremendous amount I learned in this course, for which I am so very grateful. However, I am in some ways disappointed and unsatisfied with what I am submitting, compared to the scope of ambition in my head when I initially pictured my final film. I had a lot I wanted to give, but much of it was just not practical in the final delivery. Even then, from failure comes lessons, and I believe that despite not achieving everything I had hoped to, I have discovered a lot just from the production process. I have emerged not only more knowledgeable in both the creative and technical aspects of different areas of the pipeline, but I’ve also developed my work ethic, and myself as a person. The project has left me with so many takeaways, and I’m determined to continuously improve from here on out.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog ·55

UPDATE 55: Prepare for Takeover

Last time it was intermission time...again! This time with Dragon. It was a good intermission, not one of my favorites, but it was definitely worth reading. So now Arc 11 will start! Maybe! Most likely!

...yep, it’s starting. Arc 11, ‘Infestation’. Sounds promising enough. Let’s see what Mr. Wildbow prepared this time.

I stared down at the metal walkway as I caught my breath.  I had one gash at the side of my head, and another trickle ran from beneath the armor of my shoulder, down my arm and to my fingertip, where it dripped almost in sync with the head wound.  It should have hurt, but it didn’t.  Maybe it would when the shock wore off.  If so, I didn’t look forward to it.

...oh. Oh my, it’s starting quite strongly! What the heck happened? Is this something happening in the future, and the rest of the arc will be about how she got to this point? I think that’s called ‘in medias res’ or something like that. It’d be interesting to see how Mr. Wildbow handles it, it can be a difficult literary technique. What I’m wondering right now is who Skitter is fighting right now, and where she is. Establish those first, continue from there.

Trickster, Ballistic and Circus lay in front of me.  Another cape had fallen over the railing and lay on the concrete floor below, unmoving.  They were all either unconscious or hurting badly enough that I didn’t need to worry about them.

Well then! I’m not sure if these three were fighting alongside Skitter, or if they were the people Skitter was fighting. Speaking of people, where are the rest of the Undersiders? They must be nearby, I guess, because even though Skitter is rather clever, I don’t think she’d be able to defeat three or four capes all by herself. I’m still wondering where they are, though. Concrete, a walkway, a railing...my mind instantly jumps to ‘warehouse’, maybe it’s a warehouse.

Coil’s base was deserted.  I knew his men were out on patrols, that the only people in here were a handful of the capes that were working for him.  He’d left it almost undefended.

If I was going to act, I’d have to do it now.

I just stared dumbly at the screen in disbelief for several seconds. She’s in Coil’s base, and she’s going to act now? Going to get Dinah? Golly, Skitter, what happened to the plan about being an useful asset for Coil, so useful he’d free Dinah later? This is...not what I expected to see – so soon, at least. She’s going hard already, even attacking capes that work for Coil, if those three’s unconscious bodies are any indication! You piqued my curiosity, Mr. Wildbow, now please explain how the heck did this get to this point because I’m hella curious about that!

She has to be stealthy despite the base being almost undefended, which is rather odd, may I say. Why is it almost undefended? Coil is not a careless man; I find hard to believe he’d leave his base in the hands of a few capes without having some sort of backup plan. Well, his power would work pretty well, I guess. Even if Skitter succeeds here, that’s no guarantee things will be okay. Coil’s power is a factor that’s hard to plan around, and since Skitter knows about it, she must have some sort of plan to counter it, right?

There’s still no mention of the Undersiders, Skitter is going alone to Dinah’s cell. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised she’s doing this by herself, but...I don’t know, after everything she did to make sure she was part of the Undersiders again, it seems counterproductive to do this alone. True, she can’t expect cooperation because, well, they’re not as invested in freeing Dinah as she is, and Lisa would have tried to stop her, but yeah, it’s still a bit strange to see Skitter be doing all this without the rest of the team’s help.

The room looked like a prison cell.  It had concrete walls and floor, a cot and a metal sink and toilet.  Coil and Dinah were both there.  I couldn’t say whose presence left me more devastated.

Oh, this is going wonderfully. The gig is up, Skitter. I doubt there’s much she can do here, because this would be quite an anticlimactic end to the Dinah plotline. I’m still waiting for Mr. Wildbow to stop the scene so he can write how this all got to this point, though. I’m going to be disappointed if the Dinah plotline gets such a rushed conclusion, honestly.

Skitter immediately realizes Coil’s presence here means she lost. He’s not even worried about her presence, so...yeah, I suppose that means he has everything under control. And if that isn’t enough...Dinah is dead. Wait what?

I didn’t consider myself a religious person, but I prayed for her to blink, to breathe, to give me some relief from that cold horror that was gripping me.

I was too late.

Okaaaay, there are shenanigans afoot, right? It’d be quite the controversial decision to let this happen! I mean, Dinah being rescued is something that’s driving Skitter’s motivation in this story, for her to die, even if it’s a glimpse of the future and some of Worm will be in medias res, it’d make everything else feel futile, wouldn’t it? Like no matter what Skitter does, we’d know Dinah will die and that’d make everything be senseless. No, there must be something going on. The other option is that Mr. Wildbow screwed up majorly, and if that’s what happened then I think I wouldn’t have been recommended this story with so many glowing terms. I can’t fathom what’s going on here, though.

My only theory right now is that this is an offshoot timeline that will soon be erased by Coil, and I’m not very confident about this possibility.

My vision practically turned red as I charged Coil, drawing my knife as I ran.  I felt him use his power, and suddenly there were two of him, two of me, two cells with two dead girls named Dinah Alcott.

...uh...

I’m so lost right now. I’m pretty sure Coil’s power doesn’t work like that, with people realizing when he uses it and people realizing there’s another timeline and what’s in it. I don’t get it...what’s going on right now? Guess I’ll just go along with this until everything makes sense.

In one timeline, Skitter stabs Coil successfully, but he isn’t going to let such thing happen, that timeline is gone and he stays in the one where he dodged and threw scopolamine onto Skitter’s face. I’m pretty sure that’s a death sentence for her, she won’t get out of this cell alive.

He’s giving a short speech about the use of scopolamine in some sort of sorcerer culture. He had tried to control Dinah with it, and, well, it didn’t work, she died. Now Skitter is Coil’s new pet, and will be under Coil’s control.

“You couldn’t have succeeded.  This was terribly unwise.”

Hey, Coil, trying to subdue Dinah with diluted scopolamine wasn’t the height of wise and prudent moves, you know. What I’m surprised about is that he didn’t throw away this timeline, if trying scopolamine on Dinah was something he wanted to try.

Coil continues playing the part of the evil villain who just got a new slave, commanding Skitter to look at him, and he takes off his mask.

“Welcome home, pet,” he spoke, and he didn’t speak in Coil’s voice.  The voice I heard was my father’s.

Okay, there’s definitely something wrong in all this. One: Taylor’s father being Coil would be so hella out of character it’d hurt Worm as a coherent story, and that’s without this about making Skitter his new pet, because that’s an entirely different and nonsensical thing. Two: Dad Hebert’s behavior towards Taylor would make absolutely no sense if he was Coil, for example the latest conversation Dad Hebert and Skitter had. It just would make no sense.

While Coil being Dad Hebert would be interesting in theory, Mr. Wildbow would have to pull some amazing miracles to make it work. No, this would be no good.

And there it is! The reveal, the point where everything so far makes sense:

I woke up, and for a long moment I stared up at the ceiling of my room and reassured myself that it was all a fabrication of my own scumbag mind.  It had been a nightmare or a terror dream; I wasn’t positive on the differences between the two.

Fine. As an explanation this works. It’d explain everything that happened up there, including every bit that made no sense. I’m both immensely relieved and a little bit annoyed. Mostly relieved, though. I have a lot of faith in Mr. Wildbow’s writing skills, but not even him would be able to make everything up there be any good.

This nightmare was a combination of many things Skitter is feeling. Guilt over leaving her father, guilt about having some responsibility in Dinah’s kidnapping, and anxiety regarding everything she’ll have to do from now on. Credit where credit is due: that was an effective nightmare. I can actually believe Taylor would be freaked out by it. That’s not always easy to do, I think.

Skitter is rather worried she won’t be able to rescue Dinah in time, that even if he’s careful about Dinah’s physical integrity, her mental fortitude will be lacking by the time she manages to rescue her. That’s...actually a rather valid fear, all those drugs, the imprisonment and having to obey Coil can’t be good for Dinah’s mind. It may even be too late right now.

I was also worried I wouldn’t earn Coil’s trust and respect.

Welp. Bad news, Skitter, you’re never going to earn his trust. Respect, maybe yes, but there’s no way in hell he’ll trust you or anyone. He seems to me like the prudent kind of man that’s borderline paranoid.

Looks like a new arc means a change of pace for Skitter, she daringly leaves her glasses aside and tries to wear contact lenses again. I have always thought it must feel a bit weird to have a lens sticking to your eye, but contact lenses must be designed to not give the wearer any discomfort, right? But I digress. Taylor is wearing contact lenses, and she walks around her new abode – the place Coil gave her as her new headquarters for her territory.

She has the Boardwalk! That’s prime real estate! Or it’d be if it was prime tourist destination. After what happened with Leviathan and after what will happen with the Slaughterhouse Nine in Brockton Bay at some point, I doubt tourists are in a rush to visit this city. It’s a shame, it’ll be years before it recovers.

The third floor is Taylor’s floor; the second floor is Skitter’s floor. It has terrariums, it will have bugs, and it’ll be where Skitter will meet with people and behave like a bonafide villain, except by her lack of cat. Hah! But no, in all seriousness, the description of Skitter’s plans for how the place is going to look is actually rather interesting.

As they crawled through the case, the spiders were lit up by the lighting so that their shadows and the strange shapes of the wood were cast against the panes of hard plastic, distorted and larger than life.  I’d seen a picture on the web of the same thing, done on a far smaller scale. I had hopes that the effect would be suitably impressive and intimidating once all of the terrariums were full.

Sounds mesmerizing. I’d even want to see a place like that, just to see how intimidating it’d look. Imagining Skitter with her gray costume, sitting there and with insects casting shadows around...it’d be quite the striking image, rather fitting for a criminal mastermind like she’s supposed to be for this part of the city.

Sure must be nice to be able to count on a very rich villain boss, Taylor can ask for abstract paintings and wide chairs as if she’s asking for pocket change. Her new lair’s bottom floor seems like it’ll house some lackeys, judging by the bunk beds. Other Undersiders will have followers too, it seems. All in all, it does seem like the preparations for them to take over their territories are going pretty well.

Bothered by how she’s relying on Coil a bit too much, she calls him at 5:45 AM in the morning to ask for a few people to come. Hah! I bet she felt a bit of pleasure at maybe having woken him up so rudely. What does she need a few men for, I wonder...to finish setting up the lair?

Against her better judgment, Taylor decides to go for a run and gets ready, looking at herself in the mirror and finding out she has changed. A growth spurt, a tan...she almost can’t recognize herself. It’s a bit depressing that it’s likely Dad Hebert is likely to not recognize her at first sight if he saw her, too...this Taylor is so much different to the Taylor from the start of Worm. How long has it been in this story? A couple months?

If there was anything about myself that I didn’t like, it was primarily psychological. Guilt was a big one.  The idea that my dad might dislike me if he got to know me, now?  That was another.  That my mom, were she alive and showing up at the door, might be disappointed in me? Sobering.

...honestly...uh...I think they’d seriously reject Taylor’s new life if they knew. Dad Hebert won’t stop loving Taylor, that much I’m convinced of, but there’s no way he’ll look at her the same way. She just is an entirely different person now. Now I’m not so sure about if Dad Hebert will ever find out about Taylor being a villain since, well, Dad Hebert has been relegated to ‘background character’ due to how little he matters in the big picture of Worm, so to say, but if it ever happens it still has the potential to be rather heartbreaking for everyone involved.

The boardwalk is in a rather sorry state, in urgent need of repairing and work, but the Merchants are getting in the way. Everyone in the Merchants like the current state of the city, not because they’re fond of violence or of poverty – well, they are fond of violence to a certain extent – but because now almost everyone in the city are in the same state than them, and they don’t want that to change. Like...they had their turn to suffer and be miserable, now it’s someone else’s turn to suffer and be miserable, I think they think something like that.

I’d have to deal with these guys.  It wasn’t just intercepting any groups that made their way into my territory.  That was easy, all things considered.  No, I also had to deal with the small army that would come marching through here wanting retaliation over my having kicked the asses of any groups that had made their way into my territory.

It’s rather sobering that in Worm even a group of drunks and hobos are a threat to villains and heroes. Guns and the such give them an advantage. I suppose in this universe, underestimating someone can be deadly. Does this mean the Merchants will be the antagonist of this arc? That’s what it’s starting to sound like, at least.

Taylor is so busy thinking about what to do when trouble comes, she doesn’t notice someone approaching. It’s Dad Hebert. Speak of the devil, I was saying just a few paragraphs ago he didn’t matter in this story anymore! Looks like he has been spending a lot of time outdoors, most likely working hard. He almost doesn’t recognize Taylor, he’s amazed. This is by no means a heartwarming reunion, though, Taylor is keeping her distance.

He made a visible effort to close his mouth.  It made me feel uneasy.  What thought process or concern was keeping my dad from opening his mouth about my running? He’d been worried about it when the streets were relatively safe.  Was he that spooked at the idea of scaring me off again?

Maybe he’s trying to stay amicable instead of nagging at you, Taylor. The last conversation you had with him was by no means an orderly one. Still, he does tell her he misses her, and sounds to me like he’d like nothing better than she returning home, he even insists she’s welcome anytime, and wonders how he can get in contact with her anytime. Through cellphone or email!

“Email?” he asked.  “Where are you that you have access to a computer?”

Right, uh, I suppose he has been wondering where Skitter has been living. He’d think she lives with Lisa, perhaps? Taylor lies about the location, mentioning a place that’s a tad too far from the boardwalk to be believable, because it was hard to think someone would come to run all the way to an obliterated tourist location.

“I was going to stop by the house, see if it was in okay shape,” I lied again.  Was this the extent of my interactions with my dad? Always lies?

Let’s face it, even before she was a superhero her relationship with her dad wasn’t the best it could be. Unfortunate, but yeah. It’s a good sign she still feels guilty about lying to him, these little signs show she’s still rooted to her morality.

Well this sure was an awkward encounter. Taylor prepares to leave, but before that...

I moved my hand to adjust my glasses, and wound up waving at my face.  I was wearing my lenses.

“Dad!” I called out.  He stopped. “Um.  I’d heard the Slaughterhouse Nine were around.  Be careful, warn others.”  I pointed at my face.

His eyes widened.  I could see the thought process, the realization.  He took off his glasses and hung them from his shirt’s front pocket. I wasn’t positive that was much better.

Something about glasses is related to the Slaughterhouse Nine? What’s the relation between this? I think I’m missing something here. Still...I now see this is why Skitter is using contact lenses, she’s trying to avoid whatever relation there is between those and the Slaughterhouse Nine. A prudent move, even though I don’t know what exactly this is all about. You can’t be too safe when it’s about superpowered killers.

Dad Hebert and Taylor go in their separate ways, Taylor returning to the lair and prying off lenses off her mask. That’s when the men she requested from Coil arrive.

Time to claim my territory.

Right, this is why this arc is called ‘Infestation’. She’s going to infest her territory with her presence. Good luck, Taylor, you’ll need it. Nothings comes easy in Worm!

I’ll continue next time.

[junker-town]

SB Nation reviews: Sarah and Duck

Image: BBC

Graham MacAree: So. Sarah and Duck: a great children’s show, or the great children’s show?

Ryan Nanni: The only children’s show. Much like there are many stars but only one sun, Sarah and Duck is the center of our peaceful parenting entertainment system.

GM: It feels like most children’s shows accept that they’re going to slowly drive parents insane and so don’t bother with mitigation strategies.

Whereas Sarah and Duck doesn’t hate us.

RN: No, and this is because Sarah and Duck presents a world that seems much like our own but is, in fact, radically different. Let’s start with the first and most meaningful change: in this universe, all children are quiet.

GM: I wouldn’t swap my children for Sarah. But also, I wouldn’t not swap my children for Sarah (children, don’t read this).

The quietness is so impressive compared to, I don’t know, Paw Patrol. Their introductions couldn’t be more different.

RN: Everything that happens to Sarah and her friends on this show is met with the quiet version of the appropriate emotion. You fall down, and you wince quietly. You get a great present, and you grin and let out a tiny squeal. You eat something that doesn’t taste good, and you stick out your tongue and say “yuck” very softly. Not a single child lives this way, but that doesn’t make it any less aspirational.

GM: Sarah and Duck takes the presumption that quietness is coupled to ‘boring’ and demolishes it through ... I don’t know, sheer surrealism?

Those episodes must be hard to write — there’s no formula. If there’s a problem it’ll get resolved, but the shape of the problem and the shape of the resolution are not telegraphed at all. And mostly interesting, quiet things happen, and are reacted to, quietly. And then the curtain comes down seven minutes later. It’s fascinating that they’ve managed to construct a passable world out of these vignettes.

RN: Sarah and Duck embraces two truths that help with that, I think. The first is that problems come in various sizes. Sometimes your bouncy ball is insufficiently bouncy. Sometimes your yard floods. Both are stressful! The second truth is that resolution often is a matter of shifting your attitude, not changing the world around you. Take an episode where Scarf Lady wants to sell knit goods in the park, but the weather’s too hot for hats or sweaters. The answer isn’t to make something else. It’s to find a different use for those items, so a hat becomes a Frisbee, and a sweater becomes something comfy to sit on in the grass.

GM: The wool Frisbee didn’t work very well, but yes.

Apart from quietness, one of the things I most love about Sarah and Duck is that it is relentlessly, relentlessly kind. The combination of the general placidness and active acts of goodness make it extraordinarily soothing.

RN: There’s not really a mean character on the show, is there?

GM: No. Although Plate Girl is sort of jarring — while she’s not actively antagonistic to Sarah or Duck, she’s a little antagonistic to the ethos. I used to have John in that category too, but Season Three redeems him so thoroughly his appearances in the first two seasons are retroactively better.

Who’s your favorite character?

RN: Probably Moon. He’s got a surprisingly developed backstory and a lot of layers considering the character could literally just be “I’m the Moon, and I hang out in the sky at night.” What about you?

GM: I love Moon as well. It’s the kindness again, I think — we get to see him develop into an extraordinary painter over the first two seasons, and rather than flaunt his skill he is almost perversely appreciative of Sarah’s role in getting him started. I’ve actually started trying to steal his reaction when someone compliments his work: “Do you really think so? That’s very kind of you!” which is a step up from my usual “Well, obviously.”

But since you’ve already picked Moon, I love what they did with Duck.

In a kid’s show about a little girl and her duck, you’d expect them to have the duck talk. Duck doesn’t talk. He’s more communicative and thoughtful than the average duck, but mostly he’s sort of a nuisance who’s just in it for the bread.

RN: They also don’t do the typical kids show thing where Duck only plays one type of foil. He can be the troublemaker, or the coward, or overly helpful, or just tag along.

GM: Right. And then in Season Three, almost a hundred episodes in, they decide to make him preternaturally good at decorating cakes, which is a great delayed payoff to his being fundamentally a duck in all other ways.

RN: Here’s a tricky question. Most television for children is overtly about teaching. Do you think Sarah and Duck adheres to that? If not, is that a strength or a weakness?

GM: Not exactly. But I’m not convinced teaching small children matters much anyway. Really, what you want is to inspire a deep and (hopefully) insatiable curiosity about the world.

By setting up a really interesting world with a coherent, if bizarre, internal physics, I think Sarah and Duck does do that. Things happen pseudo-logically and in repeatable ways. Exploring the world has payoffs in an episode, and well after the episode.

RN: Yeah, the world of the show is oddly fascinating. There are adults, and most of them have normal jobs. (The Cloud Captain is a notable exception.) There’s a big department store and public transit. (Though the bus can also go underwater.) Also all the children seem to live by themselves, but they do responsible things like grocery shopping and cleaning up.

GM: Do they live alone? It’s not clear to me whether the Narrator is an actual presence in Sarah’s life or not.

RN: Let me amend my statement: no child on the show ever refers to their parents or a guardian of any sort.

GM: Right. But the Narrator (he’s played by Roger Allam, who is probably the single biggest reason the show is Quiet) is sometimes obviously Sarah’s dad and sometimes sort of a ghostly presence in her adventures. The show is totally uninterested in resolving this, which is the right approach, because the revelation would be uninteresting.

RN: Wait, I did think of a slightly mean character: Scarf Lady’s nemesis, Hat Lady.

GM: I hope they get further into the backstory behind their relationship. Scarf Lady has enough history to merit her own spin-off show, and Hat Lady is a great pseudo-villain in both episodes in which she appears.

RN: You mean how she’s just casually an Olympian? Or at least the equivalent in this universe, since the Olympics would absolutely sue a TV show for kids.

GM: And owns, for no apparent reason, a jet-propelled hot air balloon? And a talking bag?

As an aside, it is pretty great that everything talks in Sarah and Duck except the animals.

RN: There’s a talking CAKE. Cake winds up living in a bakery, where he watches dozens of his baked brethren sold for consumption and is ... never bothered by it, I guess? Sometimes it’s best to not think too hard about the logistics.

GM: Rainbow is also fun, especially when they start using the mechanics of him getting yanked around by the weather to tell stories.

The way Sarah and Duck manages to expand everything that happens into something else down the line is magnificent. The show has huge, intersecting plot arcs!

Granted, those arcs don’t matter, but the intricacy gives the illusion of a huge world the writers are exploring, rather than one they’re creating per se.

RN: I think that goes back to the spirit of curiosity you mentioned. Sarah and Duck doesn’t focus a ton on existing character dynamics. It takes them into the world and shows them new people or objects or experiences, and it treats them all as equally interesting. And it reflects something very true about children: fascination can come from anywhere. (Any parent who has given a child a Christmas gift where the ribbon was more intriguing than the toy knows this to be so.)

GM: Ultimately, I think Sarah and Duck is trying to be a kids’ show in that it’s built to show off the world through children’s eyes rather than a show built to amuse kids with shiny lights and loud noises.

There’s an ugly cynicism to most children’s entertainment which Sarah and Duck completely elides.

RN: I agree. In most shows, the adults are there to teach and guide the children. The adults in Sarah and Duck aren’t really much wiser or more capable, they’re just older. In many ways, it’s about the value and joy kids find in doing things independently.

GM: The care and craftsmanship isn’t just in the writing either. The overall aesthetic is beautiful, and the music and sound design is gorgeous.

RN: Is it fair to say the visuals are beautiful and complex in their simplicity?

GM: Yes. But also, the attention to detail is stupendous. Watch what the characters and environment are doing when they’re not the focus of a scene, for instance. It all ties back to the world feeling like a place to be inhabited and explored rather than one being sketched in on the fly.

RN: The music is extraordinarily pleasant as well. Most scenes are highlighted by just one or two instruments playing a calm, friendly tune, and the original songs are 1) short, 2) easy for a child or their tone-deaf parent to sing, and 3) again, not shouted.

GM: My one-year-old thinks the ‘theme song’ is shouted.

RN: Again, the show’s quiet is purely an aspiration, not a reality.

GM: Speaking of aspiration, one of the few things keeping me sensible in the year of our lord 2020 is that Season Four is going to be announced. I suspect it won’t be, because that’s how the world goes ... but wouldn’t it be nice?

RN: Season Four would be a wonderful surprise. But if we have to spend 2020 rewatching old episodes, well, that’d be pleasant, too.

Style 10

Content 10

Overall 10

[jam2289]

On the Path to Story Analysis, Scene Analysis, and Sentence Analysis

Science is a test of facts. Art is an exploration of values. They are different realms of experience, knowledge, and insight. Writing fiction is an art. Creating stories is the most important art. It's infinitely complex. We need a framework to understand both the meaning that we can pull from existent stories and how to create new stories. I've studied many, and like all conceptual frameworks, I've found that I need to build my own.

I think there are three important levels to focus on if you're writing stories: sentence, scene, and story. I am going to briefly introduce three sources for each of these that I'm trying to integrate and adapt into my own system.

Do we want to start at the top or bottom? Let's start at the top, with story, and we'll work our way down. Remember, this is a general overview so all of these books will contain a lot of good info that I'm not going to cover.

There is a great little ebook by Martin Turner called "The One Basic Plot". It's been on my most liked books list for years. That list is linked on my about page. I just emailed with Martin today to clarify something. He responded right away. Good guy.

The basic idea is that a compelling story is a double reversal. A story without a reversal is like someone tries to do something and they do it. That's boring. A story with a single reversal is like a person tries to do something. They get close, but they fail. That's a tragedy, it could go the other way too. A double reversal is when someone is trying to do something, they are getting close, then it looks like they are going to lose everything, then they win. This can play out over a long story and out in smaller sections in a story.

Another great idea from Turner's book is of colliding narratives. That's where you have two stories that aren't compatible with each other. This is often the hero and the villain, but it can take different variations.

I have some adaptations of this, which is one of the great things about it. Turner made an incredibly flexible framework to work within that you can layer more complexity into, which is what my adaptation does.

That's entirely oversimplified, but let's move to the next book about story structure.

Jordan Peterson is my favorite living psychologist. "Maps of Meaning" is one of five books on this list that I haven't read straight through. When I was a kid I always started at the beginning and read every book straight through. Now, I read what I want when I want to, in the way that I want to. When you're reading non-fiction, find what you need. You can also take Peterson's entire Maps of Meaning course at the University of Toronto for free online, right on Youtube.

The basic idea here is that there is a part of the world that is known and a part of the world that is unknown to a knower. Those are the three elements: knower, known, unknown. The knower seeks to extract order from chaos. That's the job of the hero for society.

I combine this with my own conception of the true essence of a story. I did a deep dive into that in my article "What Is a Story?" here: http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/04/what-is-story.html

and followed it up with "Story, Drama, Conflict, and Suspense" here: http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/04/story-drama-conflict-and-suspense.html

My two useful insights were:

- - - - - - -

A story is the representation of a change, or set of changes, resulting in a steady state.

Drama is the potential or actual change to a thing of value, in its value.

- - - - - - -

If we work on pulling my definition of story and Peterson's ideas about chaos and order together we get something like a story telling about a dramatic change from a state of order, to chaos, to a new order. Notice that I'm just including Turner's idea about the double reversal here rather than exploring single reversals like order to chaos or chaos to order.

But, what is order and chaos. I think the perspective needs to be from the point of view of the knower. From the knower's point of view order is when predictions and expectations are fairly accurate over time. Chaos is when predictions and expectations are inaccurate, false, wrong, pointless, etc. So we move from a state of predictable order with accurate expectations, to unpredictable chaos with inaccurate expectations, to a new state of predictable order with accurate expectations.

That's interesting stuff.

Next, we have "The Story Grid" by Shawn Coyne. There is a lot in that book. It's an entire system in itself. Coyne is the only person with two books on this list, and he really only has two books. The key insight that I'm referencing here is his emphasis on genre conventions and obligatory scenes.

Basically, when someone picks up a murder mystery there has to be certain things. These are things that people are expecting. If you don't include them you will violate their expectations and they won't like it. There has to be a scene where they find a murder victim. There has to be a red herring where you follow a false lead because a clue leads you in that direction. There has to be a scene where the murderer is revealed. And a number of other things. And this is different for the different genres. The importance of expectations in all areas of life is hard to overstate.

Alright. Those are the three books covering story structure. It's both a lot and not very much. Mostly, not very much since I skipped most of the stuff in all three of those books, and it's only three books out of a countless number. I'm trying to whittle down to the key insights that I can use, combine, and adapt to create something better. So we don't need to cover everything, especially since this article is just the beginning of a lifetime pursuit.

Next, let's look at scenes. A scene is a unit of story. Exact definitions of scenes are hard to find. It's only a slightly fuzzy concept. It's something like a unit of story connected by space/time where there's a set of connected actions that result in a value change. That's the best idea I have off the top of my head. People mostly determine what a scene is by feel. I'll probably work on creating a better definition in the future, but that's not the task right now.

"A Practical Handbook for the Actor" has six authors: Melissa Bruder, Lee Michael, Cohn, Madeleine Olnek, Nathaniel Pollack, Robert Previto, and Scott Zigler. Oddly enough, it's a small book, less than 100 pages. It's based on a seminar put on by David Mamet, W. H. Macy, and Gregory Mosher.

They use a three step scene analysis method that I like. I think it might even be useful for life.

- - - - - - -

1. What is the character literally doing?

2. What is the essential action of what the character is doing in this scene?

3. What is that action like to me? It's as if...

- - - - - - -

Now we'll look at how Rober McKee does scene analysis from his book "Story". I'll include a couple of quotes to define and explain things a bit.

- - - - - - -

Step One: Define Conflict

First ask, who drives the scene, motivates it, and makes it happen?

What does he (or it) want?

What forces of antagonism block this desire?

What do the forces of antagonism want?

(Use the infinitive for the verb.)

Step Two: Note Opening Value

Identify the value at stake in the scene and note its charge, positive or negative, at the opening of the scene.

Step Three: Break the Scene into Beats

A beat is an exchange of action/reaction in character behavior. Look carefully at the scene's first action on two levels: outwardly, in terms of what the character seems to be doing, and, more important, look beneath the surface to what he is actually doing.

(Use a gerund for the verb.)

Step Four: Note Closing Value and Compare with Opening Value

At the end of the scene, examine the value-charged condition of the character's situation and describe it in positive/negative terms.

Step Five: Survey Beats and Locate Turning Point

...locate the moment when the major gap opens between expectation and result, turning the scene to its changed end values.

- - - - - - -

In "Pride and Prejudice: The Story Grid Edition" Shawn Coyne does his scene analysis 61 times. Here's the basic idea.

- - - - - - -

A story event is an active change of life value for one or more characters as a result of conflict (one character's desires clash with another's).

A working scene contains at least one story event.

1. What are the characters literally doing?

2. What is the essential action of what the characters are doing in this scene?

3. What life value has changed for one or more of the characters in the scene?

4. Which life value should I highlight on my story grid spreadsheet?

Highlight the value that best tracks the scene-by-scene progress of the global value at stake.

- - - - - - -

You can see how Coyne has used ideas from both of the previous books.

The last subject for this article, sentences. Don't worry, we are just going to skim lightly over this area for now.

"The Brilliance Breakthrough" by Eugene Schwartz is an odd book. He throws out all of grammar and then recreates his own system based on image words and connecting words. It's a different way of thinking about language. It goes well with my idea of the semantic square, which I still haven't written an article about yet. The focus is on communication rather than language.

"The Sense of Style" by Steven Pinker is a fairly classic take on linguistics, probably the best modern take. His chapter on arcs of coherence seems like it might be useful to dive into and explore with experimentation.

Technically, this idea comes from Tzvetan Todorov in his book "The Poetics of Prose", but the genius Jerome Bruner made it better in his book "Actual Minds, Possible Worlds". The general idea is that you can transform a sentence from a simple statement to being psychologically active in six basic ways, and six more complex ways. I am just going to list examples here based on the statement: x commits a crime. The possibilities are much greater than these examples.

- - - - - - -

Mode: x must commit a crime.

Intention: x plans to commit a crime.

Result: x succeeds in committing a crime.

Manner: x is keen to commit a crime.

Aspect: x is beginning to commit a crime.

Status: x is not committing a crime.

Appearance: x pretends he has committed a crime.

Knowledge: x learns y has committed a crime.

Supposition: x foresees he will commit a crime.

Description: x reports he has committed a crime.

Subjectification: x thinks he has committed a crime.

Attitude: x enjoys committing a crime.

- - - - - - -

I definitely need to explore that more.

That's the idea, if you can write good sentences that make good scenes that make good stories then you have mastered writing. It's a process that would take the rest of an immortal's life.

I will need to take these things and apply them to digging into a story. Then I'll need to try to use them in adjusting my own writing.

The story that I apply them to needs to be short, or it will take a long time to go through each iteration. The more iterations I can go through the faster my learning curve will be. Jerome Bruner used the short stories from James Joyce's collection "Dubliners". I'm thinking about using "Cain and Able" first. It's short, powerful, and ancient. Then maybe "There's No Such Thing as a Dragon" by Jack Kent because it's amazing and short, and fun.

For my own writing, when I play with these ideas I could do a completely original story, or I could play with something like a fairytale. You can write a fairytale in a lot of different ways. I can't remember which writer recommended it, but some famous one. They recommended doing it to get a feel for the genres. For instance, take "The Three Little Pigs" and write it as an action story, then a murder mystery, then a romance (somehow?), then a western, etc. It's a cool idea.

That's a project for a different day.

________________________________________________

Read more of what Jeff deems worthy of attention at: http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com

[thehallofgame]

Review: Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice

Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice

Release: 2017

My Rating: 8.5/10

              Hellblade is a long awaited and much anticipated new IP from developer Ninja Theory. Probably best known for their work on the Devil May Cry reboot this studio also produced Heavenly Sword, a launch title on the PS3 that was received with lukewarm reception by critics but later gained a loyal fan following. When no Heavenly Sword sequel was ever made fans latched onto the announcement of similarly named Hellblade as the closest they could get. It soon became apparent that the two weren’t directly related, but considering both games feature a young, female, sword slinging lead with a drive for revenge on their minds it’s fair to say Hellblade was a worthy spiritual successor.

              In addition to a return to the formula that put Ninja Theory on the triple A map the team also had a couple of significant goals in mind for their new IP. First: feature a protagonist with mental illness, specifically psychosis and do that respectfully. They aimed to tell a deep and emotional story about this person and convey the struggles others with this condition might face and how it shapes their perceptions without succumbing to tokenism or minimalizing Senua’s condition. The second goal was a pointed effort to reinvent the thoroughly dead field of middle tier games. To this end Hellblade released for download only at an initial pricetag of $30, precisely half of a triple A game’s cost. The game’s scope was shrunk somewhat to match the price point but, honestly, I find this to be fair exchange.

While Hellblade’s graphics were sharp and the textures looked nice the game lacked the polish of higher budget games. For a game that had full body and facial animations Senua’s face and body look awkward, and her lip-syncing was often out of whack. The environments could be repetitive, and as the game takes place entirely in one area, allegedly the Norse underworld called Nifleheim, there isn’t a lot of variety in the surroundings to start with. That said the game explores several different lighting, water and fog effects to convey a multitude of different moods visually. This, combined with the excellent set and musical direction manage to convert the game into something that feels as intriguing and claustrophobic as the best psychological horror games did in their heyday.

Unfortunately they also routinely break the immersion with flashbacks to what appear for all the world to be actor footage with a few filters slapped over it. It’s hard to take these sequences of exposition seriously when you’re trying to figure out if the team bothered to suit someone up in a motion capture suit and model them or just shot some footage on their iphones.

Which is a shame because these scenes are what the core of Hellblade’s story are set in. The voices in Senua’s head, the memories that come back to her, the myths of norse mythology, all these things reflect the trials she faces and help the player piece together the story between Senua’s hallucinations and the metaphors she’s adventuring in.

Hellblade asks the familiar ‘but how much of this is really happening’ question with the firm answer of ‘yes’. Which isn’t exactly conclusive, but the story becomes more intriguing for the vaguery, and with each runestone Senua finds, and the more Viking myth we hear, the more we wonder if we’re learning about ancient heroes or Senua herself.

There’s a good twist or two along the way, but nothing mind blowing. The ending itself is rather predictable and while it seems Ninja Theory is teasing a sequel they’ve written themselves into a box it will be hard to climb out of. Likewise their exploration of Senua’s struggle with her mental illness is a little awkward. They don’t do the best job of conveying how Senua experiences psychosis beyond just the obvious symptoms of hallucination and seeing patterns where there shouldn’t be any. However, the story is good for all that, and Ninja Theory does paint a compelling case of what it’s like living with mental illness. The game explores Senua’s relationship to her parents, her fight for independence, her isolation from the rest of her community and the damage her demons do to her attempts to start over and all of those arcs feel poignant and real.

Gameplay experimented with some of these features with admirable results. As Senua progresses she’ll find her way blocked with doors and puzzles. The solution usually involves a game of perception where the player must move Senua around the map until they can use objects in the environment to line up as a symbol or path Senua has fixed in her mind. Once this pattern or secret is found the way forward will open. It’s a good gimmick, and the game rearranges and reframes this puzzle nine ways to Sunday but in the end, even in a game that can be cleared in fifteen hours or less the gimmick wears out its welcome.

Luckily, the other big gameplay hook, combat, is awesome. There is no combat tutorial, and the best the player gets is the ability to check the controls on the pause screen. Senua starts with the basic sword-fighting game set of rules: light attack, heavy attack, kick/body slam, block and dodge. Without a tutorial the player is left to figure out the gameplay controls on their own and it feels amazing. As enemies get more complicated the player will be forced to come up with more creative ideas, combos and techniques that fit their play style… and the thing is their: ideas will work. A sprint can be chained into a tackle to knock back an enemy to be followed up by several heavy strikes to batter an enemy down. Likewise, in one memorable encounter, diving beneath an enemy and lifting the sword like the hero of  a tale heard by Senua earlier will fell the boss in one hit if the timing is right.

The game’s bosses are also excellent. They feel difficult, skilled and hard to hit without being ridiculously punishing. Each has their own unique identity from Norse mythology, slow build up to their appearance and uniquely terrible visage. Yet they don’t speak. In fact the only dialogue in the game occurs inside Senua’s head. The terrible isolation, ruins and blank stare coupled with the reactionary violence of the bosses all leads to a grim, creeping psychological horror to Senua that compensates in many ways for any warts the player detect.

The game is addictive, the fast flowing combat and the strands of coherence the player picks from Senua’s memories and the constant chatter of the voices are compelling. The game also uses a clever gimmick: every time Senua dies a ‘rot’ extends further from her hand to her head with the warning that if it reaches her head she will die permanently and the game will end. This is enforced by constant auto-saving and causes a pervasive paranoia about messing up in fights. That technique goes a long way to hide the fact that while bosses are fun and dynamic they rarely manage to take Senua down. Neither do regular enemies unless Senua is surrounded, and then only because the combat isn’t well suited to mob combat.

It is in those situation that Senua’s voices come into play. They notice things the player, and Senua, doesn’t. They’ll call out when enemies flank her, or when the chain gauge discreetly indicated by the increasing glow of designs on the mirror hanging from Senua’s belt is ready for use. The chain gauge is spent by pressing the same button that causes Senua to focus when looking at patterns. The battle then slows to a crawl and allows Senua to rapidly tear through enemies and thin the competition. The gauge can also save Senua from death. If she’s been knocked down and a deathblow is coming the voices will scream for her to focus, and hitting the button will expend a charge and cause Senua to escape in the nick of time and rejoin the fray. I can’t say enough for how smooth and natural the combat feels. It might not be unforgiving enough for Dark Souls veterans but it is a great entry point for those new to precision combat games and encourages learning finesse over battering through opponents.

While Hellblade was by no means perfect it did achieve almost everything it wanted to and it was good. It’s hard to produce media with the goal of having a message and do it well. In fact it almost salves the wound of never getting another Heavenly Sword. Ultimately with its quirkiness and dark beauty Hellblade is one of, if not just really, my favorite IP of 2017. The pricepoint allowing me to buy it the day it came out doesn’t hurt my appreciation any either! I hope for the sake of gaming’s future Hellblade’s model is successful and replicable because I’d love to see a return to mid-tier, affordable gaming.

[kiran-wears-science-blues]

Trek and Buffy: 1, 4, 9.

Buffy:

1. Analyze your favorite character. -- Done! I am also endlessly amused that every single one of you asked me this. :’D

4. Favorite Multi-Episode plot arc.  Can be more than one, go nuts!

There’s a couple I really like. 

It’s been a while since I’ve watched Becoming, but every time I see it in the fandom, it really touches me. The story of Buffy losing everything and still having herself is such a powerful one. 

I’m also such a sucker for Graduation Day because it did a wonderful job of pulling together so many little aspects from the three previous seasons. I love working together plotlines and YAS JONATHAN. Y’all catch him protecting Cordy from the blast? 

9. Talk about a major theme in the narrative and how that theme is developed throughout. Why is this theme important? How does it influence the narrative? 

I answered this before, but another theme in Buffy is found family. It starts with the small little core Scooby gang in the early seasons and slowly grows, to the point that in later seasons, found family literally replaces biological family for most of the characters. That’s fascinating. In some ways it’s a strength, as Buffy is an incredible story of friendship. However, in other ways, it bugs me. Particularly in how found family eclipses other relationships in the characters’ lives, eliminating discussion of bio families outside Buffy’s, which then extends to the rest of the town. 

Early in the series I feel there is more recognition of the serious dichotomy of the mortality rate and the behavior of the residents of Sunnydale (a la Oz’s commentary on the school newspapers’ obits), but as the show progresses, the narrative stops acknowledging this. The result is it stops being a humorous characterization of the town, and just starts becoming a town that doesn’t care that people are always dying. 

I don’t think I explained that well at all but yeah. I wish we saw more families in Sunnydale that lost people, and how they handled it. 

Trek: 

1. Analyze your favorite character. 

Data is another perfect example of my character type: awkward try-hards. Anyway, we all know Data - sweet and lovely and just wants so so so much to be human. To be honest, the narrative in Star Trek spends so much time on him that I don’t know how much there is for me to add, but there are a few things I’d like to address. 

His emotions: Data, I think, very clearly shows emotions throughout the show. They may not be human emotions, but he shows affective responses to events. On occasion, someone points this out - as Beverly does in The Offspring when she doubts Data doesn’t love Lal - but I overall think that the Enterprise crew does a poor job of recognizing and supporting a different species’ style of emoting. Because for all intents and purposes, Data is a new species. 

His relationship with Picard: Data is definitely Picard’s adoptive son. I love this. I wish there was more fanwork about it. However look for Data & Picard fic and you’ll find.... yeah. The curse of having non-romantic ships. 

Kids: GIVE DATA A KID. I’m so frustrated about how many kids Data had taken away. He would have been a GREAT DAD.

4. Favorite Multi-Episode plot arc.  Can be more than one, go nuts!

God. Um. There’s so many. Um. 

Can I say all of DS9? Because DS9 was such a coherent plot. But seriously the Dominion War was such a beautifully written arc, and I say this as someone who has a lot of issues with DS9. 

Also I loved a lot of the multi-episode arcs of Enterprise. I won’t say more since I know you’re mid-series, but I loved S4′s multi-episode storylines. I still want to write my fic that combined two of them. 

9. Talk about a major theme in the narrative and how that theme is developed throughout. Why is this theme important? How does it influence the narrative? 

The most important theme in Star Trek, in my opinion, is betterment. It is the defining trait that makes Star Trek the influential optimistic story that it is. Star Trek doesn’t believe things are perfect and all-wonderful right now, or even in the Star Trek universe itself, but in the constant journey toward a perfection that perhaps is always a little further beyond our reach. 

In TOS and TNG, the narrative did believe in a perfection having been reached perhaps, but still held onto betterment through characters such as Data who always strove to be more than he was. I think there was some quote about even a goal beyond reach being a worthy endeavor for the journey, but I can’t really figure out what it was again or where it came from. But anyway, in DS9, the show challenged that society as well had not yet achieved perfection, but that it was worthy to still continue to strive to be better. Sometimes I feel that DS9 lost sight of this theme by introducing Section 31 and that goddamn episode For the Uniform, but I do appreciate believing in extending the concept of betterment to a society that seems good but still has flaws. 

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2016, Part IV

No, it’s not mid-February, Jack. Part I. Part II. Part III.

GOOD MOVIES

48. Jackie (Pablo Larrain) Pablo Larrain's aesthetic is rooted in the desire to demystify history. For a lot of the movie, I wasn't sure the week after JFK's assassination was history that needed to be demystified. Was it something that deserved more than Larrain's experimentation? Especially after a scene with John Hurt's priest that seemed superficial, after Portman's whispery impression went a bit too far, I didn't believe this game of dress-up.

But the pieces add up, especially the piece that is Mica Levi's score, which establishes the film's eerie intimacy and is one of the year's best. That priest I mentioned comes back for the best scene of the film, one that cements Jackie's role as a shaper of history herself, and he proves that the film deserved my patience. In the end, this is a movie with a real point of view, and I preferred it to the more expected approach. 47. Midnight Special (Jeff Nichols) Especially at the beginning, the mystery of Jeff Nichols' script works really well. People wrote that the film is indebted to early Spielberg, and I think they mean the sense of wonder. But it really has more to do with the way the information is parceled out in the parallel action. Like, a character will know a police call sign for some reason, and fifteen minutes later, when someone asks him what he used to do back home, he'll pause for a few beats and mutter, "State trooper." That doesn't seem like a big deal on paper, but those buttons at the ends of scenes create a lot of momentum. And while most people just see menace or inscrutability in Michael Shannon's square jaw, Nichols keeps capturing love and sacrifice. I don't know what I wanted from the ending, but its power is inversely related to how pompous the movie is about it. The film kind of lost me in the final third, but there's something to be said for a filmmaker who, instead of joining the franchise machine, just decided to make his own version of X-Men. 46. Don’t Think Twice (Mike Birbiglia) After an invigorating and true-to-life first half, Don't Think Twice suffered from insisting on balancing the ensemble. Every character gets a full arc and equal screen time, even though there are at least two that I didn't care about and two that could have been combined. Plus, a character makes a huge romantic leap that I didn't believe at all. But I don't care about those fairly major faults because the film gets the spirit of what it's depicting right. The improv bits are funny, but they're also believable as unwritten bits. Birbiglia's screenplay masters the subtle mixture of pride, envy, joy, and resentment that comes when a friend succeeds in something you can't. It also nails the weary desperation of artists of a certain age. And, thanks to yet another honest, soulful performance from Gillian Jacobs, the film is able to depict the blurry line between contentment and complacency. 45. Wiener (Josh Kriegman, Elyse Steinberg) Weiner is exactly the movie it claims it is, which is sort of at odds with Anthony Weiner's presentation of himself. In other words, it's a straightforward, honest portrayal of a serpentine, dishonest man. Or maybe dishonest isn't quite the right word--though he does lie all the way to the end, even when it's unnecessary. It's more that Weiner convinces himself of things that are untrue. As far as that notion goes, the film is a compelling character study of the type of person who gets into politics in the first place, the specific chemistry of idealism and cynicism that it takes to believe that one man can and should represent everyone in the biggest city in the country. The filmmakers shape that analysis with a tight tragic hero structure to complement his foibles. That shaping is what gives me a little bit of reservation. From the cutesy titles to music cues to their tendency to not shut up, the directors connect a few too many dots for my taste, all to serve a "can you compartmentalize public lives and personal lives?" question that I'm frankly tired of. But if that's the trade-off for capturing the exact, raw moment of Huma Abedin hearing about Carlos Danger for the first time, then it's fine with me. Sydney Leathers is the definition of thirsty. 44. Born to Be Blue (Robert Budreau) It didn't vault the hurdle of greatness for me, becoming more conventional as it went, but Born to Be Blue's conceit worked well. The "starring in a film about himself" idea plays with reality in a sticky way. Unlike something like Miles Ahead, Born to Be Blue gives us enough of what made Chet Baker great that we can see the hole in his life as he tries to overcome addiction and re-teach himself the trumpet. A lesser actor would have found scenes to overplay, but Ethan Hawke's performance is just like Baker's style, "below the center, almost flat." And I mean that as a compliment. Playing most of the film out from a concentrated low point allows it to crest at a bittersweet moment, maybe not the perfect ending for Baker's life, but the perfect ending for this story. The coda of the film states that Baker continued to work "and" remained a heroin addict. Not "but." Budreau goes out on a limb and allows that some of the artist's greatness arose from heroin. Which proves that this is a film interested in learning about the actual man, not excusing away what made him complex.

43. Train to Busan (Yeon Sang-Ho) Have you ever written a sonnet? You have to understand the form before you start writing, and part of the writing is understanding how powerless you are to the form. It's one of the only mediums of art that squelches originality: A great sonnet is one that exemplifies the form, not necessarily one that transcends it. Zombie movies are kind of similar, and Train to Busan gets the form through-and-through. The rules are clear about how people become infected and what the zombies can and can't do. Then we meet fully-realized characters, some of whom we're rooting for, some of whom we're not sure about, and some of whom definitely have a bite coming. The economy with which the film makes those divisions is breathtaking. "Oh, he let the girl go ahead of him at the bathroom. Cool guy." "He told that colleague to straighten her tie. He needs to die." The effects are SyFy channel quality, and everything runs a bit long. But the film barely ever missteps. The central character's journey to, ahem, humanity is a familiar one, but it's not like I would want the final couplet of a sonnet in lines three and four. 42. Hacksaw Ridge (Mel Gibson) Mel Gibson stays an auteur of suffering. The first third is imbued with a broad, Capra-esque tone that I didn't respond to but that was definitely consistent and intentional. Of course there's a coda with the real-life Desmond Doss, which makes Hacksaw Ridge another casualty to 2016's worst trend. As an action director, however, Gibson delivers the goods with coherent, visceral conflict. Did I write "action" above? Because what I meant was "violence." Like all other Mel Gibson films, Hacksaw Ridge is marked by nearly pornographic violence. He gets the post-Saving Private Ryan irony of war, and he stages Japanese seppuku with almost the same reverence as American sacrifice. After an hour of environments that Doss can grasp or control, the horror and chaos of war hits even harder. (One of the most gruesome moments comes in an extraneous nightmare sequence, the epitome of an uncontrollable scenario.) And after Doss has been hurt himself, after the stigmata on his rope-burned hands, after the ablution with water, after the shot that makes his descent on a stretcher look like an ascent to heaven--only then can he be redeemed. 41. Green Room (Jeremy Saulnier) As tense as it is realistic, Green Room does the hard work of developing the central band's dynamics before allowing all hell to break loose once that band is pushed. There isn't a wasted scene in the first half, and the characters and location seem lived-in and authentic. As the film became more grisly in its second half, it lost a bit of my interest. Part of it is that Saulnier isn't yet a skilled director of action, and part of it is that his script is trying so hard to be subtle that it sometimes sacrifices clarity. I'm of the minority opinion that he botched the ending of Blue Ruin, and I'll be of the minority opinion that he botched the ending here. (Excellent closing metaphorical note with the dog though.) Still, it's rare to see thrillers with such organic escalation of stakes and such committed performances.  40. How to Be Single (Christian Ditter) There's some good old-fashioned joke-telling going on here, and I laughed a lot. The film is light enough on its feet to be freewheeling in one scene and emotionally bare in the next. More notably, it finishes with the message that not everyone's happiness comes from romantic relationships, which is a refreshing note. Like many ensemble films of its type, it occasionally drops a character for way too long and treats that ellipsis as growth. And I would say that I want Rebel Wilson to do something different, but that's just kind of a nice way of saying that I want Rebel Wilson to go away. The rest of the cast, including potential Movie Star Dakota Johnson and undeniable Movie Star Jake Lacy, is aces. 39. Mustang (Deniz Gamze Erguven) At first I thought that the approach was too broad for what the film was trying to explore, but then it got more heartbreaking with each minute. The comparisons to The Virgin Suicides are obvious, (For my money, Coppola's film is a more lush and meditative work of art than Mustang ever is.) but there's a unique desperation at play here. Erguven's camera produces so much empathy that I felt active patriarchal shame when characters were asking to see a sheet stained with a girl's hymen blood on her (arranged) wedding night. That being said, I wish the film had ended two minutes earlier, on a note of tonal false security, rather than a note of narrative false security.

38. Love & Friendship (Whit Stillman) The marriage of Whit Stillman and Jane Austen makes almost too much sense because the pleasures of both of their works are entirely verbal. If you look up "droll" in the dictionary, it's Stillman giving Austen a behind-hug while she takes a selfie. The difference is that Austen uses superficiality as a jab, and it sets the reader up for a piercing moment of emotion. Think Darcy's proposal or (wink wink wink wink wink) Cher realizing that she loves Josh. Stillman never really gets there; he's content with the characters' vapidity, even if that vapidity is hilarious for the entire runtime. Beckinsale has been fighting werewolves for so long that it's easy to forget how enchanting she is. She slips right back into Stillman's rhythms, and the void of compassion that is Lady Susan might as well be an ancestor to Last Days of Disco's Charlotte. However, the real find is Tom Bennett, who plays Sir James Martin, a man labeled in one of Stillman's opening tableaux as "a bit of a rattle." Bennett fidgets on the periphery of each room, throwing in a silly walk, congratulating an author on writing "in both poetry and verse." Martin's motivations are simpler than any other character's, but Bennett does so much with the role. 37. Triple 9 (John Hillcoat) The rest of the movie never climbs back to the level of the gripping opening, but the exhilaration doesn't get that much lower either. Triple 9 is a bit overstuffed for its running time--there are actually two ingenious plots being developed when either one would have been enough. So sometimes you scratch your head about a connection that is most likely on the cutting room floor. But dammit if there aren't some actors punching way under their weight classes. (I'm particularly enjoying this stage of Kate Winslet's career, which I call "Yeah. Why not? I have bills.") A cast like this lifts the screenplay's twists because you end up going, "They're going to kill off X? Well, yeah, I guess it's him or that other famous person." In one of the filmmakers' smartest moves, Triple 9 takes place in Atlanta, avoiding other productions' habit of taking the city's tax credits and having it stand in for some other metropolis. The locations feel gritty and lived-in, and Casey Affleck provides a credible Georgia accent, not just a generic American South. John Hillcoat, a director I've been lukewarm on, isn't slumming it just because this is a genre picture. 36. Little Men (Ira Sachs) The best thing that Ira Sachs's films have going for them is that there are no good or bad guys. Here we have more characters trying to do the right thing and trying their best to get by. (The pet theme of gentrification is back as well.) Greg Kinnear nails two big moments, but the problem is that the kids are the main characters. And, not to be mean to pre-teen actors, the proceedings are kind of limited by their performances. One of the boys in the film might be gay--he's still figuring it out--and the between-the-lines writing of that idea is way better than the execution of it. It's unclear whether Sacks worked out the levels of camaraderie versus attraction versus confusion with the boys, and I think the overall piece suffers for it, though it is a type of character we don't see even halfway articulated enough. 35. Dheepan (Jacques Audiard) We've seen many films about surrogate families or adopted families whose members, against all odds, come together because they need one another. How about a loose, unofficial family that doesn't work? The adults never fall in love. The kid never feels protected or safe. No one is responsible for anyone else. Dheepan isn't as depressing as that might sound, but it is a slice-of-life that is exactly that matter-of-fact. As usual, Audiard excels with detail: He gets the daily challenges of immigration right. "Oh, people alphabetize by last name in this country, not by first name. How was I supposed to know that?" Some, uh, important stuff happens at the end--there's an almost Taxi Driver-like switch that gets flipped for Dheepan--but I needed more dots to be connected before that. I didn't want the characters' devolutions telegraphed, but I would like to trace them after the fact. 34. Blue Jay (Alexandre Lehmann) A modest but haunting production, expertly acted, that resists any temptation to go bigger and more movie-like until...the revelation that does just that. 33. The Wailing (Na Hong-Jin) Let's say you're watching a movie, and something bizarre happens, then the film cuts to a guy bolting upright in bed. It was all a nightmare, right? You've been taught to disregard the previous scene because it didn't actually happen. What The Wailing's style presupposes is...maybe it did, and the guy waking up is just an unrelated new scene? I spent most of the first hour wondering if I was even watching The Wailing correctly, and the destabilizing elements extend to the tone and the characters. In the way it threads the needle between scary and silly, the fluid tone reminded me of Bong Joon-Ho's Mother, to do that condescending thing in which a critic compares two movies from the same country. Do Won Kwak's police officer ends up trying on heroism, but for the first half he's a guy whose daughter has to meet him at the station with dry clothes. Eventually though, the film leaves the idiosyncrasy for the trappings of any other supernatural thriller. Granted, it's an artsy supernatural thriller--the cross-cutting exorcism sequence is a stunner--but the last leg of the film drags and amounts to something disappointingly literal. 32. Maggie’s Plan (Rebecca Miller) The characters of Rebecca Miller's script are all academics and, in quite a shocker, she treats them like the intelligent people they are. There's some farce here and some bad decisions, but they're decisions founded on smart people's accurate self-reflection. Couple that with a three-year flash forward as audacious as it is effective, and this is a nice surprise. Bill Hader's character is ye ol' screenplay's sounding board flatline, and Maya Rudolph is wasted even more. As far as the leads go, Julianne Moore's performance feels too broad, and I started to wonder, for the first time, if Greta Gerwig is a better actress than even the best actress on Earth.

31. Tower (Keith Maitland) There's quite a bit of novelty at work here. Maitland uses animation to recreate events of fifty years ago in a way that I never even really imagined could be done. By interviewing subjects, iPhoneing the (largely unchanged) setting, and rotoscoping over those backgrounds, it's as if the younger version of those people are going through that harrowing day all over again. When the novelty wears off, however, I don't think the film asserts enough. There's the montage of all the other mass shootings at the end, but too much of that connection--this as the day we lost our innocence--is implied. Charles Whitman is never shown, and his name comes up only twice. But by making him a faceless madman, Maitland might be over-simplifying the issue. I feel bad for pointing that out since this is a wholly compelling, admirable film that just didn't cross  over into greatness for me. It pushes the genre forward. 30. Don’t Breathe (Fede Alvarez) After a refreshingly economical setup (being set in Detroit adds automatic desperation), Don't Breathe is Pure Cinema through the night vision-y sequence. Especially if you read Rocky's family member as a daughter, not a sister--as I do--the characters' motivations come through loud and clear, preparing us for a breathless (ha ha) and visually confident second act. I would say that Fede Alvarez shows promise, but that sounds too underhanded for something that actually is a cashing-in accomplishment.The rest is fine. Something happens at the hour mark that was ballsy, then the screenplay kind of backtracked on it. And I'm far from Mr. Identity Politics, but how much more interesting would it have been if the Hispanic kid with cornrows was the calculating one whose dad owned a security company, the girl was the destructive hothead with criminal connections, and the White guy was the young parent with the terrible homelife? As opposed to the way it is, the matching quiz that you totally just aced. 29. The Nice Guys (Shane Black) With its crackly dialogue, west coast cynicism, and convoluted plot, The Nice Guys is a typical Shane Black film at a time when a typical Shane Black film is what we need most. If only it took place during Christmas time. Black sifts in ideas about alcoholism and What It Means to Be a Good Person; bystanders get clipped by stray bullets to remind us that the violence has actual consequences. But still, perhaps because the left turns and reversals are so relentless, the film feels a bit weightless by the end. Is it wrong for me to think this role as some sort of arch greyhound is Ryan Gosling's best performance? Even though I've loved him in the same pictures everyone else loved him in and some of the ones no one loved him in? He has to shoulder acting nightmares, like pretending to be drunk, and entire sequences depend upon his physical comedy. For most of the movie, it's unclear if Holland March is even good at his job, but there Gosling is crafting a character from the very first time we see him, crawling to catch a phone that stops ringing just as he gets there. It's not an easy role--somehow both adrift and paternal--but he attacks it with expressive, exuberant invention. He does everything shy of singing and dancing, and he does that in a film higher up on this list. 28. Sing Street (John Carney) It's nothing we haven't seen before--in fact, John Carney is remaking his own films in pretty clear ways--but Sing Street is a delight. The film is set in 1985, and its pre-Internet inspirations really suit Carney's optimism and the characters' guilelessness. The film is built upon the sort of serendipity and inspiration that is exempt from the anxiety of influence that a bunch of kids starting a band would have today. I could have done without so much of the performance in the school gym (about ten minutes could be shaved off easily), but both the romance and the big brother relationship rang true for me. Sing Street is the perfect version of what Carney has been trying to do all along. Now pick something else please. 27. De Palma (Noah Baumbach, Jake Paltrow) The more demanding part of me wants to say, "No, tell me more about when you tailed your own father as he was having an affair! Tell me more before moving on so breezily." But that would be discounting how candid De Palma actually is in, professionally at least, this insular, warts-and-all retrospective. He's honest about his work experiences, ("Cliff Robertson was terrible to work with.") his own limitations, ("I don't care for car chases. I'm not a car guy.") and the direction of cinema ("So what do you get? Visual cliches.") If nothing else, it feels like a privilege to see some of these indelible images on the big screen when I hadn't before. More importantly perhaps, the film doubles as a portrait of a time when artists were allowed to make mistakes. De Palma's a survivor, but in the high stakes corporate hellscape of global entertainment, that's a privilege. 26. Pervert Park (Frida Barkfors, Lasse Barkfors) Many people who are upset about current events are using movies as palliative care: a silly comedy or a mindless horror film to numb one from the horrors of daily life. I went the other way on the night after the election: a haunting, brutal documentary about the ugly depths of cycles of abuse. Pervert Park is a lean film marked by candid interviews with sex offenders. Those interviews are unpleasant, sometimes because of the selfish, misguided, even evil betrayals that the subjects committed. Sometimes because of the miscarriage of justice lurking on the margins of the piece. But if nothing else, the film teaches us that these are people, not monsters, who deserve dignity even if they took it away from someone else. I wanted more at times; a few of the subjects don't feel fleshed out, even though they reveal a damning amount already. But the saddest part is that the people who need to see this movie, the ones making policy about mental health and recovery, will not see it. So I'm back at being upset.

25. The Birth of a Nation (Nate Parker) (Yeah. What up?) The Birth of a Nation was independently financed, but it does what the best studio films used to: It rousingly hits its beats with power that is two parts sincere and one part overdetermined. It's far from perfect. There's a bit of me-first filmmaking, light streaming through slats type of stuff, and the less magic realism the better for me at this point. Maybe the final fifteen minutes are padded, and a crucial scene, in which Nat explains his plan, strains to connect the dots between his equanimity and rage. But Nat is more complex than he would have been in most hands, burdened by the same things that free him. Furthermore, the element of the film that feels new and sophisticated is his relationship with Samuel Turner, the slave master he has known since childhood. The two have an uneasy dynamic that they refuse to talk about; they would even be friends if, you know, Samuel didn't deny Nat's fundamental humanity. (The relationship is made more tenuous, of course, by--spoilers for history--the fact that Nat will eventually kill Samuel.) In what might be the first time I've bought him, Armie Hammer plays that plantation owner, who dances on the edge of benevolence but is capable of real hatred. He believes he isn't "one of the bad ones," but he has justification after justification for why Black anger, not White oppression, is the problem. It's one of the pieces that is meant to resonate sharply in 2016--like almost everything else, it's pushed right to the edge without feeling forced. 24. Gleason (J. Clay Tweel) There are a few times in the film when Steve Gleason and his wife Michel say that, rather than sainthood, they're just striving for authenticity and honesty. That's what this documentary is aiming for as well. I could probably nitpick, especially with the opening's stock footage or Scott Fujita's guyliner, but the film is founded on raw emotion and delivers with rare intimacy. I should note: I'm a recent father, and I know this film was poignant for me in a way that it wouldn't have been even a year ago. The closest antecedent for Gleason is Life Itself, but as articulate as Roger Ebert was about his illness, he didn't also have a baby to raise, a father to spar with, and as acute an awareness of the moments passing him by.