#it was good enough vodka though that i drank it without mentally preparing myself (assuming it was water) and didnt feel like vomming. so

[ofpd]

me rn 🤝 30yos who are insecure about "visibly aging"

pls card me pls card me come onnn

[sweetnestor]

odlt extra #2 | a plethora of difficulties

March 2018, aka the night of ethan’s drunk stream. drink responsibly kiddos.

PREVIOUS FICS (u should read these if ur new here)(srsly this is ethan x oc)

The magic number for this month was nine. I was one week away from being exactly nine months sober. I was proud, and I had also run out of people to give my chips to. The last person to receive a chip from me was Amy, and that was two months ago.

Anyway, every anniversary I always end up reflecting on my progress. Yes, I quit drinking. That meant I had to find other ways to cope with my never ending, always frustrating social anxiety. That was a particularly hard thing to deal with, and it was really annoying.

Drinking excessively? Over it. Suicide attempt? Like it never even happened. Depressive episode who? Don’t know her. Social anxiety? Yeah, she’s a BITCH.

I was trying, though, and Ethan told me that trying always counts.

I’ve managed to be around my close circle of friends (Mark, Amy, Tyler, Kathryn, and Jack when he was in the country) without feeling the deadly temptation. I was comfortable around them because they’ve witnessed my bad moments with alcohol… and my bad moments in general. If I ever was feeling triggered, I had my ways to combat it.

One thing I have found useful and productive in my sober time was my unconditional and insatiable need to mother the shit out of my boyfriend when he couldn’t do it himself. Over time, I had become the permanent designated driver for not just Ethan, but also his friends outside the team. It helped all of them save Uber money, and it eased my mind knowing that they all got home safely. It also helped me get comfortable around the friends I didn’t know as well, so then maybe I could actually be out and about with them in the future. Yeah, Ethan threw up in the passenger seat one time, but at least it was in the safety of my car. And yes, it was a bitch to clean up. And no, the friends that witnessed that moment have not let him live it down.

Aside from blowing chunks in inconvenient spaces, the times when Ethan would drink a little too much were tricky to deal with. When I would get him inside his apartment, he wouldn’t make it to his room. He would settle for the couch and insist on taking me with him. He was also very handsy and always wanted to kiss me, despite the liquor breath. Once I made it clear I wasn’t interested, he would back off and fall asleep.

Tonight was a little different. I headed over to Ethan’s apartment after working at the office like I normally would. He was walking out of his recording room as I entered the apartment. It took a second for me to notice his droopy eyes and dopey grin. And then I saw the bottle of Jack in his hand. Oh.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked as I closed the front door behind me.

Ethan looked up and smiled wide. “Bella!” He opened his arms and walked towards me.

He was a cuddly drunk too. Can’t complain about that.

“Me and Brian just recorded some videos,” he told me as he pressed my head against his chest. “Mm, I missed you.”

I giggled as I pulled out of his grasp. I looked up at him, trying to determine just how intoxicated he was. “So how much have you had?”

He chuckled and held up a finger, like he had some big, rousing story as to how he got in this situation. “Listen… when you watch the videos, you will understand.” He spoke slowly and fumbled on his speech.

“How much?” I asked again.

“Ten - No, twelve shots,” he replied. “Twelve, I think.”

I hid my shocked expression well. “I see. And what are you gonna do now?”

“I’m gonna go pee. And I’m taking this with me.” He held up the bottle. “‘Cause you’re not allowed…”

And he strode off into the bathroom.

It’s one thing to drop him off at his friend’s house or at a bar. It was easy for me to have that distance and do my own thing. Now I was torn between going home and staying to take care of him. I should go home because I still get triggered by alcohol and being around drunk people. But I should stay because Ethan was hammered and he was alone in his own apartment. Who else was going to take care of him?

I took a deep breath and marched over to the fridge. As soon as I opened it, all I saw was beer and expensive whiskey. But no, I was better than this. I’ve stayed in Ethan’s apartment many times, knowing there was alcohol in here. It took me a moment to reach for the orange Gatorade, but I did it. However, I did pretend it was tequila or vodka as I drank some of it. Just because you’re clean, don’t mean you don’t miss it.

Then I heard gagging and retching in the bathroom. It was quick and followed by the toilet flushing. Guess I can’t have Gatorade now.

Ethan stepped out of the bathroom like nothing happened. He walked over, still having a grin on his face.

“I’m gonna stream now,” he said casually.

I chuckled. “Okay, sure.”

“No, really. I already tweeted it.”

This was going to be harder than I thought. I checked my phone, and there was indeed a tweet linking to Ethan’s Twitch channel. Dammit.

“Are you sure, bubby?” I asked, trying to get on his sweet side. “You just got sick, don’t you wanna go to bed?”

Ethan took two clumsy steps towards me. He reached up and stroked my bottom lip with his thumb, evidently smearing my lipstick.

“You can wait for me in bed, baby,” he told me as he attempted to wink. “Keep your lipstick on. I like it.”

I would have laughed had it not been for the circumstances. Here I thought he listened to me better when he was intoxicated.

“Maybe you shouldn’t drunk stream,” I suggested, getting anxious as I wiped just below my mouth.

“But the community!” he whined. “I can’t disappoint them! I promised a drunk stream! It has to happen, Bella!”

I rolled my eyes, now getting impatient. “You’re gonna regret it tomorrow, but go off!”

Ethan’s face fell a little bit. “Don’t be mean to me… I’m just trying to have fun!”

“I’m not-” I stopped myself, realizing there was no point in arguing. “Okay, you made the decision. Have your fun! And take this too, you’re gonna need it.” I gave him the Gatorade.

Let him regret it in the morning.

“Okay, I’ll try to be quick.” He leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “I love you.”

“Love you,” I mumbled as I went over to the couch.

Of course I watched everything go down from my laptop. It was entertaining to say the least, but it also made my stomach feel heavy. Should I have tried harder to stop him?

I hesitated to mod the chat on Twitch, but I eventually signed on and made my presence known. First message I saw? “Bella, come get ya mans!” Honey, I fucking tried. I figured, as long as I don’t make it known that we’re in the same apartment, it shouldn’t be a problem, right? People don’t have to know that I let him get this messy, right?

“Oh, hi Bella,” Ethan said in the stream when he looked at the chat. “Everyone say hi to Bella!”

��Hiiiiii Bellaaaaa,” repeated his friends in exaggerated, flamboyant tones.

The first response I noticed in the chat was from Kathryn. And that was only because she texted me over the phone first.

“Should we be worried?”

On Twitch: “sup fam”

I responded in the chat first. “Hey queen.”

Over text: “He should be fine. If things get even messier then I’ll step in.”

Kathryn replied quickly. “Oh you’re there with him? You good fam?”

“lol yeah it’s all good. Keeping an eye on the boyf keeps me occupied.”

As the stream continued, Ethan took two more shots. He also drank the Gatorade I gave him, so he was attempting to stay hydrated. He was already really far gone, though.

“Brian, Brian… I love you,” Ethan slurred, clearly out of his mind.

“I’ll kill you!” Brian replied, causing everyone to laugh.

“Don’t let your girlfriend hear you say that, Earthan,” Joey added.

I snorted. My boring, sober ass couldn’t keep up anymore.

“Bella knows I love her,” Ethan told them. “I love her so much…”

“Here we fucking go,” I mumbled as I typed in the chat. “lol I could never come between you and the bagel.”

The chat went wild. Ethan missed it because he had accidentally called his mother. What I would have given to hear that conversation.

After that, things got weird. Ethan somehow logged himself out of the Discord chat with his friends. He was confused, and it showed on his drunk face. His eyes were also drooping enough for people in the chat to take notice. To top it all off, Ethan put his head down on what I assumed was the microphone, but it shifted and he practically went limp.

That was when I got up and went to the recording room. Ethan was pulling off his headphones and talking to Siri. He slowly turned towards me as I entered the room. He was so out of it.

“Is the stream over?” I asked quietly, not wanting to be overheard.

“Yeah, I ended it,” he replied softly. He moved to get up but suddenly paused. “Ugh, I don’t feel good.”

I quickly ran out of the room, grabbed the bin from the bathroom and returned. Ethan took it and held it in his lap, waiting.

While he puked up the alcohol, I went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and found the Tylenol. As I went to the kitchen, I heard Ethan retching into the trash can. I got a glass of water and took it to the bedroom. I placed the glass and the painkillers on the bedside table, and then I pulled the blanket back on the bed for when Ethan wanted to lie down.

He came out of the recording room with the little trash bag tied up. He was wasted and he looked miserable. I gently took the bag from him.

“Brush your teeth and go lie down,” I told him.

“Yes, Miss,” he slurred back.

“And don’t be nasty,” I added before going to dump the trash.

As I went out to the dumpster, I mentally prepares myself. The end of the night could be good or bad, depending on how much Ethan drank. Tonight was already a bad night, I just had to get him to sleep soon. Remember when I said Ethan was handsy?

Okay, let me clear this up: I don’t mind having a cuddly drunk of a boyfriend. It’s actually really sweet. Most times, he just wants to be held as he falls asleep. That’s usually after a reasonable amount of alcohol. I wasn’t sure what to expect after 10+ shots. It also goes without saying that the alcohol breath was very difficult for me to deal with, which was why I didn’t like to kiss him in these circumstances.

I walked back into the apartment to only hear silence. I took a deep breath and went over to the bedroom. Ethan was lying on his side in the space I had made for him. His eyes were closed, so I carefully crawled in under the covers next to him.

He wasn’t asleep. As soon as I was on my back, Ethan scooted closer to me, wrapped his arm around my waist, and leaned in towards my mouth.

I quickly turned my head away from him. “Did you brush your teeth?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Let me kiss you…”

“Only on the cheek.”

He did, and then he lied his head on my chest. I stroked his hair and rubbed his back, hoping he would fall asleep soon.

“I love you,” he mumbled against my shirt. “I love you so much… so fucking much…”

“I love you too, bubby,” I said. “Try to sleep, yeah?”

“M’kay…”

~

Ethan was the one who drank into oblivion, yet he still woke up before me. Granted, he was still in bed when I woke up, but he was sitting up with the TV on and playing a game. He was still in the same clothes he wore yesterday, minus the sweatpants.

I rolled into my side facing him. Ethan looked down and grinned.

“Hey Siri,” I mumbled sleepily.

He paused the game. “Goddammit, not you too…”

I chuckled. “Is it a meme now?”

“Yeah…” He sighed and lied down on his side too. “So… I kind of remember when you showed up. And I barely remember the stream.”

“Have you watched it back yet?”

Ethan nodded. “Yup. And then I took it down. It’s, uh, not my finest hour.” He rolled onto his front, hiding his face in the pillow.

“I mean, it was a fun stream!” I reassured as I rubbed his back.

He groaned and it was muffled by the pillow.

“It’s okay! It happens to all of us!”

Ethan picked his head up and sighed. “Never let me get that drunk again.”

I chuckled. “Well, I did try to talk you out of the stream. You usually listen when you’re drunk.”

“Did I try to make out with you again?”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. You gave up when I said no and you passed out.”

“Well, thank you for looking out for me,” he said sincerely. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be. Oh, and I also got rid of the Jack Daniel’s, and I stashed away all the other alcohol. Just in case you were triggered or something.”

“I’m always triggered…” I admitted.

There was a pause. Ethan turned and lied on his back, resting an arm behind his head.

“You know you don’t always have to take care of me when I’m drunk,” he said after a while. “If it’s too much, you don’t have to stay.”

“It’s okay. I like taking care of you.”

“Well, I’ll try not to get so hammered next time. I’m never doing a drunk livestream ever again.”