#it was for the high school i auditioned for newsies (and didn’t get in) at

[felt-squirrels]

I was just sent a cast list for a show I didn’t audition for. the fuck

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

things that remind me of the nerdy prudes

(because like two people reblogged this one i did forever ago for the losers and i forgot how fun these are)

grace:

getting veggie tales songs stuck in your head as an adult, knee socks, eating all your broccoli, sparkly butterfly clips, watching sunlight glint off a lake through the treeline, guinea pigs, friendship bracelets off a water bottle, being secretly glad when someone you don’t like turns out to be a bad person, a bunch of cellophane candy wrappers crinkling at the bottom of your purse, being a little too into archery at summer camp, pastel bible highlighters, banana pancakes, tying way too many ribbons around the advent wreath, leggings under dresses, daydreaming about how you’d escape if you ever got kidnapped, strawberry ice cream, roller skating with almost too much protective gear on, cloud gazing, obvious family secrets that everyone refuses to tell you, feeling weirdly guilty for ordering your steak rare, bringing too many swaps to girl scout camp so you can trade with everyone, asking a new friend for their email address, long denim skirts

steph:

really dry liquid lipstick you bought in your freshman year of high school but refuse to throw out, 24 hour diners, typing in all lowercase but never actually changing the setting in your phone, listening to music you hate but gaslighting yourself until you enjoy it, really dark purple nail polish that looks black, collecting crystals even though you don’t really believe in them, saying your team bella (but secretly being team jacob), getting mad your vape was confiscated at your high school graduation, one million rings, coffee ice cream, tinfoil in a microwave, exclusively wearing sports bras, shoplifting, pink monster, thinking cigarettes are really hot, never wearing a jacket even if your cold, penny boarding, drinking four loko, regretting four loko, refusing to put your hair up even when you really should, kuromi, half fallen down led lights, playing your mom’s old guitar, sour skittles

pete:

planetariums, being overly competitive at board games, ginger ale, using a chapstick until it runs out, really liking marshmallows, really liking hot chocolate, hating marshmallows in your hot chocolate, buying a bunch of cool notebooks and never using them, forever dm, pretending you didn’t find asdf movies as funny as you actually did, m&ms, freezing cold hands, hand-me-down sweaters, only ordering chicken fingers and french fries, being intrinsically trusted by cats, carrying a clarinet to school every day, skipping episodes of next gen if they don’t feature data, praying on the first day of school that your teachers didn’t have your older sibling, transition glasses lenses (that you absolutely regret), dry krave cereal, secretly finding most museums really boring, grow-your-own-geode science kits, wing tip tap shoes, messenger bags, only doing extracurriculars that look good on college applications

ruth:

your comfort gay newsies fanfiction from middle school, being jealous of your younger sibling, those phone cases with glitter and charms floating in water, team edward and team jacob, wishing you hadn’t quit dance, buying fun jewelry and never wearing it, being devastated your hair is too dark to dip dye in kool aid, sticky lip gloss, painting every nail a different color, self sabotage, crushed velvet scrunchies, the grease soundtrack, wanting to be a rockette when you grew up, never learning how to do make up, begging to do figure skating as a kid, begging to do beauty pageants as a kid, begging to do cheerleading as a kid, turquoise braces bands, sinclair gas stations, showing up to an audition that you didn’t realize had a dance call, dunkin’ donuts munchkins, squirrel girl comic books, one half of a best friend necklace you wore longer than you should have

richie:

trying to get the marble out of a ramune bottle, wearing big headphones 24/7 (even if they aren’t playing anything), staining your best friend’s bathtub blue with hair dye, sour patch kids, enamel pins, discord calls across like three different time zones, the charlie bone book series, getting in trouble for drawing in class, being the friend with a car but also being a terrible driver, a pokémon card binder, that one kid who was really, really good at cup stacking, wearing shorts in the middle of winter, thirty-nine minute long voice memos, being exceptional at claw machines, vocaloid songs, your pet parakeet hanging out on top of your head, that one vaguely traumatizing round of the pocky game from seventh grade, regularly broken duolingo streaks, getting in trouble for bringing a real katana to your freshman year halloween dance

[untitled-document-95]

More Than Just a Job (mike faist x reader)

Summary: Mike's sudden desire to leave Newsies concerns you, but in the end, you learn the true meaning of a happy ending.

Warnings: None, despite the slight innuendo in the summary

Requested: No

A/N: My Newsies hyperfixation is back, you're welcome. Forgive any inaccuracies in how Broadway shows work, it was the best I could do between Google, Reddit, and my limited experiences with high school theater. I also challenged myself to not use "y/n", let me know if you like!

*gif is not mine, found here on tumblr from @this-is-all*

Tap practice wasn’t the same without Mike. If he were here right now, he’d be doing whatever it took to keep a smile on your face through the exhaustion of re-blocking and rehearsing the King of New York number over and over. Luckily for him, he was called up to fill in as Jack tonight…hence why you were having to re-block and rehearse this number, since he wouldn’t be able to be part of it tonight and neither would any swing who knew the track.

Still, you knew how lucky you were to have met and bonded with him. As understudies, him for Jack and you for Katherine, you’d had lots of rehearsal time together. That hardly included rehearsals for things like King of New York, when Mike shed his typical role of Morris Delancey to dance as a run-of-the-mill newsboy like you. He’d been one of the only guys who’d been nice to you when you were cast, even though having a girl as a newsboy was actually historically accurate.

While others teased you, Mike stood up for you. It was clear from the first day you met him that he didn’t tolerate hate or disrespect towards anyone, no matter their gender, color, sexuality, or anything else. You admired him for that, because he didn’t just disagree with it, he put a stop to it every chance he got.

Where Mike was someone who’d moved to NYC at 17 to follow his dreams knowing his family back home would always be there for him, you’d moved here to escape what you’d left behind. Ironic, given Miss Medda’s speech to Jack in this very musical about running away. You were eternally grateful to Mike for being the person you needed when you had no one else.

“Alright, folks. That’s enough for today. Be here at your call time and break a leg tonight!” called the choreographer. “Oh, and don’t let these formations and counts fly out of your brain tonight, we might need them in the future!”

“Yeah, did you hear? Mike auditioned for a new role,” you hear murmured by a nearby castmate.

“Really? Did he get it?” replies another.

“Don’t know, but kinda sounds like it.”

Your cheeks burn. Mike might be leaving the show? It was only a few months into the show’s run. Presumably, you guys had at least another year before the show ended, maybe longer. You needed to know if it was true as soon as possible.

Across the building, down the stairs, and up the hall you hurry to find his dressing room. It’s still a couple of hours until his call time, but he also had rehearsals this morning and might be stopping by there or hanging out there for a bit.

The emptiness in your stomach upon seeing the empty dressing room is quickly brushed away when you hear that familiar voice call your name. Turning to face him, you waste no time.

“Did you audition for a different show?” His face is an unreadable mix of surprise and other, unrecognizable emotions. The hesitation before his answer makes for a tense, awkward silence.

“Why does it…matter?” he asks cautiously.

“It matters to me,” you say.

“Why? Why would you care?” his tone now has an edge, a sharpness you haven’t heard before.

“I care because we’re friends. If you’re leaving the show…why didn’t you just tell me?”

“It’s not personal. This is just…just a job,” Mike practically spits, like the words are bitter as they leave his mouth. Your face twists in confusion. This feels like a fantasy, the Mike in front of you unlike any version of him you’ve ever met. He shoulders past you into the dressing room, tossing down a pair of shoes he’d been carrying.

“So that’s it? You’re leaving your first Broadway show for…what?”

“I never said I was leaving,” he sighs. “I didn’t get the part.” Your indignation deflates just a little.

“I’m sorry, Mike. But I won’t pretend to be too sad about it. I don’t want you to leave.”

“It’s just a job. People come and go all the time.”

With that final phrase, Mike once again sidles past you and stalks out the door, down the hall, and seemingly out of your life.

—

Your afternoon is spent ruminating on the conversation. Why would Mike say something like that? He never had before. You’d had late night discussions about the exact opposite, about how being part of a cast like this was like being part of a family. So many of you had so much in common: living in New York and pursuing your dreams while most others your age were in college. With no family nearby, you’d found new homes in each other. Memories of stupid dances you and Mike had made up while bored between rehearsals are interrupted by a knock at the dressing room door. The stage manager enters.

“Hey, I’m really sorry it’s short notice, but I need you go to go on for Katherine tonight. Kara just called and said she’s throwing up. So start getting ready now so you have time to go over your marks and such beforehand.”

The stage manager closes the door. Your heart is pounding. You’ve only ever gone on as Katherine one other time, weeks and weeks ago. You review her lines and songs at least twice a week, and you got to do her part of King of New York a couple of times today while some swings stepped in to learn your dance parts. But you hadn’t run through anything with Jeremy recently, not-

Wait. Jeremy wouldn’t be there tonight either. Mike was going on as Jack. This morning, the thought of actually performing as Jack and Katherine on stage together would have thrilled you. Now, it filled you with anxiety. How were you ever going to give a good performance with Mike after that…fight, disagreement, whatever you wanna call it?

It’s just a job, he had said. That’s right, you remind yourself. You have a job to do, and you’re going to do a damn good job at it.

—

After a blurry late afternoon so busy your head felt like it was spinning, you were waiting in the wings as Mike started the show off with Andrew doing the prologue of Santa Fe, followed by Carrying the Banner, one of your favorite numbers to perform. You were too nervous to feel sad watching the rest of the newsies dance and sing without you.

It wasn’t hard to show disdain towards Mike during Carrying the Banner, nor during I Never Planned on You. Until the last moment, that is. When Jack is “sketching” the photo of Katherine, it’s of course faked. There’s nothing really even on the paper that Jack hands Katherine, since the audience wouldn’t be able to see it anyway. The audience knows what’s happening because of the screen on the stage.

The song ends and you pick up the paper to look at it like you’re supposed to and find “I’m sorry” actually scrawled in graphite near the bottom of the page. Looking up, “Jack” has already disappeared down the steps, right on cue. Your blush and look of embarrassment, on the other hand, is anything but acting. Climbing down yourself and rushing into the wings for the next scene, a stage hand flashes you a thumbs up and compliments your performance so far.

You don’t go on again until scene 6, after the intense performance of The World Will Know. Entering on your line, “Why’s everyone so scared of Brooklyn?”, you and Mike begin your back and forth for the majority of the scene. Though you force your mind to stay on the stage, in the present, you can’t help but remember how silly you and Mike had felt rehearsing this very scene, with him having to shamelessly flirt with you.

Scene 7 nearly makes your lunch come back up, being on that stage all alone. Not being a monologue nor having anyone else in the scene with you makes it so much more difficult to remember your lines. Thankfully the paper you’re “typing” on in the scene acts as a little bit of a cheat sheet, and you make it through without incident.

As much as you want to watch scenes 8 and 9, you know you need to go change up your costume, put on your tap shoes, and touch up hair and makeup before you have to go on for Act 2.

Leaving the bathroom during intermission, you run right into Mike, who’s already done his bruise makeup. You say one another’s names simultaneously, leading to nervous chuckles from both of you. You purse your lips and nod to tell him to go first. He nervously breathes in, then out, smiling anxiously. His words spill out uncontrollably and his face is alive with expression.

“Look, I’m really sorry for earlier. All I have been thinking about is how I am such a piece of crap for saying those things to you. I let some of the older guys get in my head. They kept telling me not to get attached to you because someday this show is gonna end and we don’t know where we’re gonna end up and…I was trying to get out of the show because I…like you. I like you, and…” he seems lost for what to say next. “I…I was gonna get a role in a new show and then ask you out because I didn’t want to be unprofessional, or whatever and now I’m really, really hoping that you like me too because otherwise this is gonna be super awkward.”

You grab Mike by the arm and drag him behind the nearest door standing ajar, which ends up being a storage closet.

“Mike, I…I don’t know what to say. I like you too. I got so upset when I heard you might not be part of the show anymore because I’ve imagined us seeing this whole thing through, you know? I don’t know how I’d get through a show night without you, or rehearsals, or anything, because I love being with you, I love hanging out and dancing and watching stupid movies and I love…” you trail off and lock eyes with him.

“…Do you…love..me?” his voice is barely a whisper. All you can do at first is move your head, nodding. Then, you muster the words.

“I love you,” you respond softly. “I love you, too,” he says, one hand gently cupping your face, thumb absentmindedly stroking your cheek. Leaning in, his scent is intoxicating, a mixture of-

“5 minutes to curtain, 5 minutes,” the intercom blares, startling both of you. You leap apart and look at one another with fear before stifling laughter.

“Go, go!” You say, swatting his arm playfully to send him out of the closet and to his place for Act 2. A moment later, you exit as well and dart off to get ready for King of New York.

—

Act 2 begins and plays out beautifully. During the rooftop scene, you do the stage kiss just how you were taught: when you go to grab Mike’s face, you slide your thumb in front of his lips, so you end up kissing your own finger. You continue the scene, which leads into Something to Believe In.

You’re not sure when, but at some point during the first verse, you realize you’re singing the words not as Katherine to Jack, but as yourself to Mike. You notice a similar shift in Mike, somewhere around the words “An angel come to save me.”

The music swells again as you sing in unison.

Do you know what I believe in?

Look into my eyes and see...

This time, however, Mike’s lips, warm and soft, find their way to yours for real. It’s probably the cardinal sin of stage actors, to truly kiss on stage instead of using a theater trick to fake it. Of course, it isn’t usually this mutual. You feel yourself practically melt into the kiss, not wanting it to end, but it has to. Mike has to pull away and say his line, followed by yours. You have to finish the song, which you do, probably with more passion and strength than ever before.

All too soon, the final scene is unfolding, and the look on Mike’s face is one of pure love. It feels like he is personally serenading you, not performing on a stage in front of hundreds of people.

Don’t take much to be a dreamer All you do is close your eyes But some made up world is all you’ll ever see

Now my eyes is finally open And my dreams they’s average size But they don’t much matter if you ain’t with me

You and Mike embrace once again, kissing one another. The audience may not notice the difference, but some of your castmates do. You can tell that their yells of joy and surprise are beyond acting.

Happiness and joy pours out of you during the finale, and then the bows. They say in show biz there’s no such thing as a perfect show, but this one had to have been pretty darn close.

[auspicious-manner]

could you do one where mike faist and the reader slowly fall in love with each other on their time in newsies and are oblivious to it but the whole cast can see it!

newsies will always have a special place in my heart, especially newsie era mike 🥹

female reader x mike faist

warnings: none

Something More

•

being only nineteen when she originally auditioned for the role of katherine plumber in newsies, Y/N knew the audition was a long shot. she was going up against seasoned broadway vets, older and more experienced women, and experienced girls her age. her only theater credits were the ones she participated in in high school.

however, the producers saw something in her. when she got the call that the role of katherine was being given to her, she could hardly believe it. from that moment on, she knew the production was going to be special.

when they got the news that newsies was coming to broadway, Y/N was only twenty. broadway was always an unattainable dream in her mind, and to be able to be apart of the original broadway cast of a hit musical was nothing short of a dream come true.

she grew insanely close with the rest of the newsie boys. she grew close with jeremy jordan and the rest of the ensemble through all of the long hours of rehearsal. however, there was one in particular she grew very close to.

when Y/N met mike faist on the first day of rehearsals for newsies, he immediately caught her eye. he was her age, extremely talented, and understudied jack. he was quiet at first, and she made it her mission to get him to talk. they were merely acquaintances when the papermill run began.

the first time mike went on for jack was at the papermill playhouse. Y/N didn’t feel like she had enough rehearsal time with mike as jack before he had to go onstage, so they ran through their shared scenes together backstage.

“oh my god, i’m so scared.” mike said, pacing around his dressing room.

“you’re beyond prepared for this, mike. you know what to do.”

“i know, i know i do. i just don’t want to mess up the show.” he said back.

their cue sounded, and they left the dressing rooms and went into the wings. just before mike went on, Y/N patted his arm. “you’ll be just fine.”

mike nodded before climbing up the big prop used at the beginning of the show to represent jack kelly’s penthouse in the sky.

the show went smoothly for mike, up until it was time for “something to believe in”. Y/N and mike had not rehearsed their kiss at all and they were about to do it for the first time in front of an audience.

in the scene, katherine had her fist below jack’s chin and he held onto her wrist with one hand. after some dialogue, katherine leans in and kisses him. at this point in the show, Y/N hesitated before kissing mike, and when she did, she sunk into the kiss and she felt him do the same. Y/N didn’t know about him, but the kiss made her heart race more than it already was.

after the show, Y/N and mike met in the wings. “you did so good!” she exclaimed, running up to him and giving him a high five.

“thank you. i can’t believe i just did that.” mike said back, in disbelief.

Y/N smiled. “get used to it, you’ve got a long road ahead of you.”

for the rest of the papermill run, mike and Y/N gradually grew to be friends. she preferred being with him over most of the other guys in the cast, and she saw that he seemed to prefer being with her too. they related to each other the same level, and they had the same humor.

on their opening night on broadway, Y/N found mike on the empty stage with the rest of the boys before the audience was let in. she approached the group, smiling wide.

“how excited are you guys?” she asked as the boys turned to look at her.

“nervous. really nervous.” ben fankhauser replied.

“you have nothing to be nervous about. the crowd is going to love you.” she replied back.

“and what about you? are you nervous?” mike asked her with a playful smile.

she hesitated. “no. i mean, yes. but also no.”

the group of newsies laughed. “you’re nervous, i can tell.” mike said.

Y/N turned slightly red. “okay, fine. i’m nervous. i should probably practice what i preach.”

mike used Y/N’s shoulder as an arm rest. “Y/N, you’ll be amazing as always. you’re talented, lovely, and beautiful, and the crowd is going to go nuts over you.”

Y/N blushed, and out of the corner of her vision she saw the newsie boys eyeing each other, catching the flirty comment mike had made.

“i-um, am going to continue getting ready for the show. i’ll see you guys later.”

she removed herself from the crowd, not able to get mike’s comment out of her head. she went back to her dressing room and got her wig on and her dress on, and warmed up her voice one last time.

the time had come to go backstage and wait for her cues. she found jeremy in the wings, and she stood next to him.

the crowd beyond the stage was already bustling with energy. “you ready for this?” jeremy asked her.

“i hope so. i have so much adrenaline running through my veins right now, it feels impossible to stand still.” she told him.

he laughed. “remember this night. there’s no feeling in the world like a broadway debut. soak it in as much as you can.”

he paused. “by the way, are you and mike a thing?”

Y/N whipped her head around to look at jeremy. “what? no, not at all. what makes you think that?”

“i don’t know, you guys just seem super close, that’s all.”

Y/N sighed. “we’re just friends, and nothing more.”

jeremy smiled, not believing a word she was saying. “could have fooled me.”

he got into his position in jack’s penthouse and waited for his turn to go, leaving Y/N to think about what jeremy had said. was it really that obvious?

throughout the show, she tried not to let the nerves get the best of her. but, every time she happened to be onstage with mike, they would make eye contact and suddenly, she would feel calmer. mike noticed this effect on her too.

“king of new york” was a chance for them to really have fun on stage together. it was Y/N’s favorite number in the entire show, simply because she loved performing with her newsie boys, and being able to sing, act, and dance with them on opening night was surreal. during the number, mike would mess with Y/N a bit in the background, and it was moments like those that Y/N basked in.

at curtain call, she stood in the wings and watched mike perform one last time. she noticed mike was front and center for a lot of dance numbers, which was proof of his talent.

it was time for the bows, and Y/N ran out on the stage, taking in every second like jeremy had said. she bowed nice and slow, tears filling her eyes. she ran back to her spot as jeremy came out to give his bow. the applause was deafening, and she couldn’t believe this was real life.

the cast stayed on the stage as the orchestrations continued and the crowd cheered, and mike found Y/N and they immediately gave each other a big hug. they were both giddy with excitement and joy from making their broadway debuts, and they were happy to do it together. when they pulled away, many of the newsies had their eyes on them, including jeremy who sent her a wink.

the curtain closed, and the cast retired to their dressing rooms to get out of costume. after Y/N had removed her wig and costume and had changed into a comfortable hoodie, she heard a knock at her door.

“come in.” she said, turning her head to see mike.

“hey mike, what’s up?” she asked, slightly nervous.

“you were incredible tonight. seriously, i was in the wings when you performed “watch what happens”, and i was blown away. you were nothing short of amazing.” he said, sitting down next to her. his eyes never broke contact with hers, and she smiled.

“thank you, mike. genuinely. i think having someone who is just as talented by my side made the experience so much better. seeing you on that stage having fun was my favorite part of the night.” Y/N said, causing mike to turn his head away and blush.

“even when i’m not going on as jack, we still find ways to play off of each other.”

they held eye contact, grins too big to contain. then, it broke when another knock sounded at her door.

“hey Y/N, there’s- oh, hi mike.” jeremy said, peeking his head in the door. he raised his eyebrows, and smiled. “i’ll come back later.”

that night, Y/N and mike talked for as long as they could in her dressing room. they talked about anything and everything, and she realized how kind and charming of a person mike is. earlier she had thought jeremy was out of his mind when he said that her and mike could be a couple, but now, she saw it too.

from that night on, Y/N and mike had a very clear and very obvious flirty friendship. everyone else in the cast seemed to think there was something more, and although they always denied it to the public, it was common knowledge to everyone involved (mike and Y/N included) that there were actual feelings.

one night when mike was going on for jack, the energy in the theater felt different. it effected Y/N too, as it made her feel more confident. more bold.

this time when the couple got to the kiss during the show, it felt more real. normally when jeremy, brendon, or mike went on as jack and she was katherine, it always felt like a kiss between the characters. this time, when she kissed mike, it felt like she was kissing him, and vice versa. there was a certain spark tonight that was never usually present. when they pulled away, she saw a glimpse of a grin on mike that quickly disappeared when he realized he was still in character.

after the show, mike met up with Y/N in her dressing room like he did every night since they opened on broadway.

feeling more confident than usual, she asked mike about the kiss. “was it just me, or was there something… more when we kissed tonight?”

mike bit his lip and nodded. “should we test it out again?”

she grew red, and mike bent down in front of Y/N who was still sitting in her chair. at the same time, she leaned down and he reached up, interlocking lips once again. they pulled it away, and Y/N felt it again. it was the same electricity she felt on stage with him.

Y/N laughed, and mike did too. they both knew it was there again.

“should we test it again? just to really make sure?” Y/N playfully asked.

mike went along, getting closer than he already was. “definitely, just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke, you know?”

“oh yeah, for sure.” Y/N said back, her face only an inch away from his. they leaned in again for a longer, more passionate kiss. it felt euphoric. for both of them, it felt good to finally confront their feelings for each other.

however, their joy was cut off when the door to Y/N’s dressing room creaked. they pulled away and saw the cast of newsies in the hallway.

ben fankhauser stepped up from the crowd. “finally, it’s about damn time this happened.”

[sehunniepotwrites]

if we were a movie | j.jh

for @nctsworld’s first writing challenge

SYNOPSIS. For someone who was always the understudy and never the lead, scoring this role was huge for you. All you had to do was pretend to be in love with your best friend. No big deal, right? Wrong. It was the biggest deal because, for the past four years, you had been hiding your feelings for Jung Jaehyun.

If this were a movie, he would be your perfect match and the story would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

GENRE. childhood friends to lovers!au, college!au, drama school!au, slow burn, angst, humor, mutual pining, fluff (loosely based on the Filipino rom-com Must Be Love and If We Were a Movie by Hannah Montana) PAIRING. theatre major!Jaehyun x  theatre major!reader WORD COUNT. 14+ k

WARNINGS. point of view switches from first (”I”) to second (”you”); self-doubt, insecurities, mutual pining, cursing, lots of references and direct quotes from musicals such as Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, Disney’s Newsies, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, Shrek the Musical, and Wicked (edited but i might’ve missed some mistakes; bare with me!)

There are moments where time flows as normal, where people carry on with their days as they usually do. Then, there are moments people experience in slow-motion, where the world just stops spinning and all the background noise just fades away. These are the moments people look forward to. They’re the breathtaking ones, the ones that capture your heart and soul. After those moments, people are never the same. 

The first time I experienced something in slow motion was when I made my stage debut at a small talent show. There was thunderous applause after my performance and while my heart thumped against my chest, the world seemed to come to a stop. That’s when I knew my heart belonged to the stage or rather, the stage belonged to me. 

Some of these slo-mo moments are the ones where people fall in love. 

My father said that’s how he knew my mother was the one for him: he experienced it all at a slowed rate, everything fading into black and she was the only thing he saw. She was his brightest star and he was the one who reached for the sky to bring her down to Earth. 

When I was younger, I always dreamed about my “falling in love” slow-mo moment. I pictured a grandiose event with large actions and sweet words.  For it to actually happen at theatre camp during the initial dress rehearsal for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast J.R.— well, that was far from what I hoped for. 

And yet, it was just as special as I thought it would be. 

I was in my obnoxious fork costume, waiting for my best friend to leave the boy’s dressing room. 

Jung Jaehyun had been my best friend since the beginning, otherwise known as my first year at theatre camp. Only ten years old at the time, we both were cast as two of the three blind mice in Shrek the Musical and had been inseparable ever since. Although we attended different middle schools, our friendship grew from our shared vocal and dance lessons as well as our summers at camp. You know how it is; those who end up in the ensemble together stay together. 

Going over the dance moves in my head, I didn’t hear my friend’s voice calling my name. He gripped my shoulder, the action surprising me to the point where I lost my balance. I yelped and shut my eyes, expecting to fall onto the hard ground but a hand grabbing onto my wrist prevented my doom. With an arm around my waist, I barely missed the ground.

Slowly opening my eyes, I glanced up to see Jung Jaehyun looking down at me with a worried gaze. He was just a sixteen-year-old boy dressed as a spoon and yet, the world around us came to a halt. Gone were the other frantic theatre kids and the backstage messes. The couple playing Belle and the Beast was no longer sitting across from us, running through their lines. No hustle and bustle of the crew and the props masters.

It was just me dressed as a fork, falling down while my spoon for a best friend caught me in his arms. 

“We make quite a pair, don’t we, Forky?” he chuckled lowly, hitting the top of his costume to mine. It was a ridiculous sight— a pair of oversized cutlery in a crowded dressing room.

A burning hot sensation crept its way up to my face as he gently pulled me up. “I guess we do.”

Since then, my life has never been the same. I was in love with my best friend, Jung Jaehyun. I fell for him when the world stopped spinning beneath my feet while his world, unfortunately, kept on turning.

I remember each and every slowed-down moment in life —the good, the bad, and the absolute worst. I never thought a bad slo-mo moment existed, I simply didn’t think it was possible. 

I was young and naive then and I was so incredibly wrong.

The moment that hurt me most took place in my senior year of high school. The final callbacks for our community’s production of Disney’s Newsies were in order. The role of Jack Kelly, the headstrong and flirty newsboy, was easily given to the ever-so-charming Jung Jaehyun. He was not only my best friend at the time but he was the it-boy of our small theatre. People were either in love with him or wanted to be him— his talent matched his insane looks. His kind personality made him all the more lovable.

Jaehyun had his two fatal flaws, though. Everyone knew them but still saw him in such a bright light.

One: the boy was extremely clumsy. Jaehyun was often called “magic hands,” constantly ruining his props. It was a running gag in the theatre but the props committee never minded; one smile was all it took for them to forgive him and his cursed hands. 

That was his first flaw. And his second? Jaehyun fell in love way too easily and way too fast. 

How exactly did I find this out? Well, I was there to witness the scene that lifted his heart to the highest of levels while mine dropped straight to the ground.

I was in the running for the stubbornly intelligent female lead named Katherine Plumber. My opponent was the confident and radiant Son Wendy. She always played the lead in her high school productions but this was a community musical and I was determined to claim that part as my own. 

I went first, entering the audition room with a smile with the script gripped tightly in my palm. Performing alongside my best friend was easy. The romantic scene was a piece of cake, not because the lines were a breeze. That wasn’t it at all. It wasn’t because I memorized the Newsies script as a child either. It was because, at that moment, Jung Jaehyun was in love with me as much as I was in love with him. It was a moment I wanted to cherish forever: the way he looked at me was something I had never experienced before. It was so full of emotion and passion, like he had me within his grasp and never wanted to let me go.

“You got this. I believe in you,” he whispered in my ear, squeezing my hand in support. His breath tickled my skin and sent shivers down my spine. The nerves were back, not because of the audition, but because of him. 

“You’re just saying that because it’s the scene we’re about to act out, Jae,” I hissed. The sheet music for the duet, Something to Believe In, wrinkled in my free palm. 

His warm, comforting hand pressed harder against my own. “No, it’s not that. If you need someone to believe in you, I’m right here. I’ve got you, Forky. Always.”

The director cleared his throat from his seat, his scrutinizing eyes watching us closely as we got into position, just like we rehearsed a thousand times. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I watched as Jaehyun took a deep breath to get into character. He closed his eyes, rolled his broad shoulders back, and then his lids snapped open. His brown-eyed gaze aimed straight at me, with a vulnerable expression taking over his features. He was no longer Jung Jaehyun— he was Jack Kelly, a scared newsboy who was in love with a newspaper company heiress. 

The line came pouring out of his mouth with the utmost sincerity, the confusion and affection seeping through his words, “Just standing here tonight, looking at you, I’m scared tomorrow is gonna come and change everything.”

 Jaehyun took a step forward towards me, an unsure smile curling on his lips. “If there was a way I could just grab hold of something to make time stop just so I could keep looking at you.”

His body stops right in front of mine, keeping a clear distance but enough to feel the passion radiating off of his words and actions. For once in my young life, my best friend looked at me with a different kind of love in his eyes and I returned it, my genuine feelings seeping through my words. 

Biting my lip, I replied coyly, “You snuck up on me, Jack Kelly, I never even saw it coming.”

“For sure?” he stage-whispered. His upstage hand unexpectedly reached up to caress my cheek. The action was unrehearsed, almost catching me off guard. It was a different take on the scene. The characters were supposed to be shy, their thoughts wavering on their own feelings for each other and the impending strike that was to come the day after; yet, Jaehyun played Jack as someone certain of his feelings.

“For sure,” I answered back at the same volume, my hand cupping his own to follow along with his direction. It felt as if he was searching my soul for my thoughts and I could not let him in. The opening bars of the romantic duet echoed throughout the room and after taking a breath, I began to sing. Jaehyun joined in on the second verse and instantly, our voices blended together in a beautiful harmony, one that beat our Newsies karaoke sessions in his car. 

The scene ended as quickly as it began. The director hummed before jotting notes down and whispering to his casting assistants for a few seconds. I thought they were the longest seconds of my life. Jaehyun nodded his head to reassure me. “You did well, Forky.”

“Of course I did, it’s me we’re talking about here,” I nudged him back. “I can do no wrong, Jae!” 

“Thank you,” the director finally spoke, “you may go. Jaehyun, if you could escort her out and fetch Wendy for me?”

“Of course,” your friend nodded. The feeling of his large hand on my back slowly guided me out of the room. The spot he touched me burned but my cheeks were burning even more. Why was it that every little touch drove me to the brink of insanity?

“You’re so going to land this part,” I remember him saying as he squeezed my waist. My heart was beating erratically against my ribcage, the butterflies in my stomach threatening to fly their way up my throat.

“You think so?”

“Oh definitely,” Jaehyun stressed with a wink. 

He said it too soon. 

Because the minute he locked gazes with Son Wendy, I just knew he had found his leading lady. 

“S-Son Wendy?” he stuttered as he caught sight of the pretty girl in the waiting room. Her hair was styled similarly to a young maiden from the turn of the century, perfectly curled and out of her face. 

“Yes?” she smiled back.

It seemed like the words were caught in my best friend’s throat. Sneaking a glance at Jaehyun’s ears, they burned a bright red. “We’re, um, we’re ready for you.”

I watched as Jaehyun nervously offered his arm to her, his eyes never leaving her face. It was like he was her own personal spotlight, the way his eyes shone just for the girl in front of him. The boy was completely enamored and I was instantly in the shadows. The sweet smile that was reserved for me was directed towards another and it sparkled in a way it never did before.

The world around me moved incredibly slow as they passed me by. With everything frozen, all I saw was the gorgeous couple headed to the audition room with hushed exchanges. Jaehyun took his time heading to the private room to spend more time with the girl while Son Wendy steadily made her way into my friend’s fragile heart. My own heart clenched at the sight. It was breaking ever so slowly and I felt every little crack and tear. 

Even with the role of the understudy, it was as if I never even had a chance at winning his heart over. If Wendy wasn’t present for one rehearsal, Jaehyun didn’t even see me— his own best friend since our ensemble days. He was way too deep into his “showmance.” It was like I never even existed. It wasn’t long before he called Wendy his girlfriend and then, I was invisible. Cast aside. Ignored.

Needless to say, my heart broke in slow-motion as Jaehyun’s pounded rapidly for a girl that took two parts I desperately ached for: Katherine Plumber and the girl who held Jaehyun’s heart. 

But this was just the first time his heart was stolen by his opposite. The first of many.

The first two years of university passed me by like a summer breeze. Constantly busy with general education and introductory drama courses, I was constantly flitting around from building to building. My hands were usually occupied by my laptop, a blazing cup of caffeinated tea, and a worn out script while my mind was filled with jumbled up lines and the dramatic cries of an overwhelmed university student. I probably wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for Jaehyun and Xiao Dejun, another theatre major we had met during orientation, by my side.

Fast forward to my third year and the three of us were headed to the office of the theatre department. It was posting day for the spring musical— the day the cast list was revealed. This year’s musical spectacular was Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. The play itself was a modern classic and it was also my dream come true.

This day, just like any posting day of the drama department, was nerve-racking. Everyone was anxious to find out what parts they were given and how the fairytale would play out. The part of the brave and kind Ella was always on my list of roles I wanted to fill. As much as I thought I did well on my final callback, I didn’t want to set my hopes too high.

“Are you nervous?” Jaehyun asked while draping an arm over my shoulder. He playfully put all his weight onto his right side to throw me off balance. 

“Nervous? Me? Why would I be nervous if I’m like 95% sure  I’m going to get the understudy again?” I chuckled sarcastically. Bitterly. It happened every year, so why get my hopes up now?

“Yeah but—”

“No buts, I’ve accepted the title of the Wonderstudy! I think you should too, Jae,” I slapped his shoulder before quickly slipping out of his hold before linking arms with Dejun. My best friend let out a yelp, almost tripping over his own two feet as we continued down the hallway. “I’m mediocre at best.”

The Wonderstudy: it was the nickname the other students in the department gave me because I was always the understudy. I was never the star of the show. It said that I was good but not good enough. 

Dejun leaned in and whispered, “You do know that you’re more than just that, right? You’re an actor. A phenomenal one. You weren’t accepted to this drama program by just being mediocre at best.”

I ignored my friend’s comment, eyes zoned in at the other end of the building. The crowd of usual theatre students crowded around the bulletin board, curious heads popping up and down trying to take a peek at the list. Some buzzed with excitement, happy they got a major part while others groaned in disappointment. You were most likely going to be with the later group. 

Once the cluster of students caught sight of Jaehyun, they parted like the red sea to let him through. It wasn’t really necessary, though, everyone knew the it-boy of the drama department was cast as the role of the misguided prince, Topher. 

The only question was: who was cast as his princess? Who was this year’s Ella?

I fought my way through the bunch with Dejun following behind me as our best friend was showered with congratulations. Jaehyun was all smiles, dimples prominent as he was lavished by the mass. Dejun made it to the list first. His finger dragged along the thin paper until he found his name. He cheered, pumping his fist up in joy. “I got the part I wanted! I’m Jean-Michel!”

Grinning at my friend, I sincerely congratulated him. He got the second lead: the feisty peasant looking for change. Turning again, his eyes grazed the list until Dejun found my name. His smile dropped ever so slightly and that was when I knew: I was beaten once again. 

“What part did I get?”

“Gabrielle,” he answered. Ah, the outwardly abrasive but quietly empathetic sister. The second lead, love interest of Jean-Michel. At least I was playing Dejun’s opposite. 

I took a step closer, wondering who took the part of the kind princess. Squinting at the small print, my eyes scanned the jumble of words until I saw it.

Ella……………………….Lee Naeun Ella u/s………………….Y/N

I scoffed. Forever the understudy. The Wonderstudy of the Theatre Department indeed.

The first rehearsal, otherwise known as the read-through, took a toll on me. It was usually a two to three hour long session, filled with loud chatter, crazy introductions, and a variety of crazy theatre games to break the ice. When the niceties ended, everyone took their seats in their plastic chairs that were arranged in a huge circle. Bae Joohyun, the head stage manager began reading the stage directions aloud as the table read began. The production’s director, Professor O’Hare, sat alongside Joohyun, jotting down notes and giving out commentary when needed. 

Amongst the reading of lines were tiny whispers, the sound of highlighters and pencils marking the paper, and the simultaneous turning of pages. The music director, Professor Lau sat at the piano bench and sight-read the music to give the cast a taste of the songs. Being the first rehearsal, the few who knew of the songs sang along to the accompaniment with joyous smiles, myself and Dejun included.

When Professor Lau played the first romantic duet between the leads, all heads turned to Jaehyun and Naeun who sat side-by-side. With it being their first time together, the performance was far from perfect but it was still something. His lower tone blended nicely with her softer voice and the shy glances they exchanged made their duet quite a sight. 

As Jaehyun and Naeun read the last lines for Act One, I noticed the way Jaehyun’s gaze kept flittering back to Naeun’s pretty face. The girl was focused on her lines, head down and hair blocking her gorgeous features, but he still kept looking at her and only her. I could imagine how the scene was playing out in his head, the world slowing down until Naeun was the only one moving.  He was infatuated. Twitterpated. 

And it hurt. It hurt more than reading the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet or listening to Elphaba’s desperate cry she lets out when she loses Fiyero. Call me dramatic but that was how I felt. 

It wasn’t like I tried getting over him. It wasn’t like I tried dating other people before; I had many, many times but my mind always drifted back to my best friend. He was the boy with the richest brown eyes, the perfectly dimpled smile, and the lowest laugh that set my heart aflame. Without even knowing it, Jaehyun had this incredible hold on my broken heart and he would not let me out of his grip. 

The green-eyed monster inside me resurfaced and I hated it. I absolutely hated it— why was I so pathetically in love with my best friend? 

 “Here we go again,” I said before dropping my head onto the table. 

“You say that every time and you keep running back to him at the end of the day,” Dejun whispered before looking back down at his script. His hand continued to jet across the page, his highlighter marking his many lines. 

Rolling up the script in my hand, I whacked his side. The action caused his hand to jerk the bright marker in another direction, striking a distorted line on his page. “Look what you did, twerp!” he hissed.

“Your fault, Eyebrows!”

“Stop calling me that, you fork!”

“Hey, only I can call her fork!” Jaehyun appeared out of nowhere, plopping alongside me. His voice snapped us out of our little argument, making us realize that the director called for a fifteen. 

“That’s only because you’re a dumb spoon,” I stuck my tongue out at him. Jaehyun pretended to reach for it and I blew a raspberry at him to retaliate. 

“You two idiots are my favorite cutlery set,” Dejun shook his head with a laugh. He was probably wondering why he stuck around us the majority of the time. 

“Let off it, Dejun,” Jaehyun said with the roll of his brown orbs. 

“Only if you let me be the knife to your set.”

“As if, dumbass,” I countered with a laugh. 

“Okay but you guys, can we stop fighting for a sec and talk about how I got her number?” Jaehyun beamed, throwing his arms over both our shoulders. He pulled us closer to his body and the faint smell of his musky cologne hit my nose. I held back a sigh as it filled my senses. Oh, to be drowned in his scent. 

“I got Naeun’s number!” he repeated excitedly, his strong arms shaking us. I held back my abrupt want to push him off. I wasn’t in a celebrating mood. My heart was too broken to care.

“Of course you did, when do you not get a girl’s number?” I answered a bit too bitterly. Raising a brow at him, I added, “Are we supposed to be surprised?”

“Listen,” Jaehyun countered, pulling back from me. “I don’t like that attitude, Forky.”

I scoffed, “Never stopped you from being my friend before, Jae.”

Jaehyun didn’t answer; he was too busy clutching his phone. His pretty brown eyes were fixed on Naeun’s contact page like it was the world’s greatest treasure. His eyes were sparkling in admiration before his gaze turned to the girl across the room. The look my best friend wore on his face was soft, the smile on his lips light. “I think she could be the one.”

Some thought him to be a player but I never thought of him that way. He might have had the looks of a heartbreaker but he had the purest heart of gold. The boy with the dimpled smile, porcelain skin, and cheeks as red as roses was a hopeless romantic to his very core. He was simply looking for his other half. 

“I think she could be the one.” His words repeated in my head, his voice pestering me. My heart lurched at them despite hearing them each semester. 

Jaehyun said this every year, with every girl. He said this when he crushed on Son Wendy, Kim Chungha, and so many more. His infatuations and crushes ended just as easily as they started. The boy was more than disappointed when the initial spark with each girl ended after a show’s run ended. When the musical closed, so did his feelings for each opposite. 

I never got stage fright; I was usually the one who said what was on her mind without a moment’s hesitation. So why was I hesitating to tell him my feelings?

Why was I hesitating to say that the one Jaehyun could be looking for was standing right next to him?

Just another rehearsal at the auditorium. 

Just another day watching my best friend fall for his leading lady.

Jaehyun and Naeun were standing in the middle of the stage, the ensemble surrounding them. He stood behind her, his hands gently placed on her waist while she leaned back into his touch. Naeun was wearing a fluffy tulle skirt, a mock-up of her ballgown. Park Sooyoung, the resident fashion major and lead costume designer, pushed her to wear it so she could get used to the estimated size of her dress. Even in a mere tank top and tulle skirt, Lee Naeun looked like a princess.

Professor Kwon, the choreographer of the production, stood at the end with a watchful eye. She counted them off, walking them through the routine while the rest of us practiced our steps off to the sidelines. 

Once the two main characters got the hang of their steps, Professor Kwon motioned for Professor Lau to play the songs from the beginning. As much as I tried to focus on my own dance moves, my mind kept wandering back to Jaehyun. 

Imagining him under the spotlight in a perfectly tailored suit, a crown sitting on his head, extending his arm out not to Naeun but to me. It was one of those movie moments where the characters and the audience watching fell in love. 

If life was like a movie, things would be so much easier. 

So lost in my thoughts, I missed a count and stepped on my partner’s foot. Muttering a quiet sorry to him, we continued on with the routine. As my partner swirled me around the dance floor, I drifted back into my daydream.

My utterly impossible daydream where I was the girl Jung Jaehyun was infatuated with. Although this play talked about impossible things happening everyday, I couldn’t imagine this ever happening. 

The terrible thing about being a theatre major in university was being a theatre major with midterms. Not only did I have to deal with hours of my back hunched over a desk and scattered study materials, I had to spend half of my days in the school’s theatre rehearsing. 

If I was not in class scribbling down last minute notes in notebooks,  I was learning dance routines or running lines on and off stage alongside Dejun. The days were long and the nights were even longer. Sometimes, the cast fell asleep in the seats of the auditorium while rehearsals were going on. We were all losing sleep. Some of us were losing our sanity but hey, welcome to the theatre. 

My schedule was filled to the brim and I wasn’t even the main character of the show. On top of that, I had to memorize the part of Ella. Not that it was really needed in the first place. 

No one ever stepped down from a lead role while I was their backup. It just didn’t happen.

Despite the hectic lives of belonging to the theatre department, the musical was two months into production and everything was running smoothly. With a month and a left until opening night, everyone was off-book and the initial stage blocking was done. The costuming and makeup committee were finishing up their mock-up designs and the student orchestra sounded divine. 

I saw more of Dejun than Jaehyun lately, my best friend being preoccupied with his new love interest before, during, and after rehearsals. I was cast aside once again.

Was it something out of the ordinary? No.

Did it still hurt? Yes.

Did I do anything about it? Absolutely not. I didn’t want to ruin his happiness. I rather suffer than see him as nothing but joyous, even if the happiness was temporary. The grin he wore when he was in love was too beautiful to rip away. Jaehyun shined like the light from the sun. I could never bring myself to do it. 

It was week eight of rehearsals when I stepped out of my last midterm, my head absolutely empty after reading small text for over an hour. Reaching into my backpack’s front pocket, I pulled out my cell phone and quickly turned it on. My screen was flooded with missed calls and texts from Professor O’Hare, Joohyun, Jaehyun, and Dejun, the notification numbers reaching over a hundred total. 

Something must have happened. Talk about a theatre emergency. Knowing our kind, they were probably being overdramatic. 

Just as I was about to unlock my phone, a video call went through. It was Dejun. Rolling my eyes, I slid my finger across the screen to answer it. “Jeez, I know you love me but give a girl a break, Eyebrows!”

“God, you’re so conceited sometimes. Why didn’t you answer my calls?!” He shouted, face close to the phone. I winced at the volume, immediately lowering the level as I slipped on my wireless earbuds. “There are important matters to discuss here!”

“What happened this time? Did someone say Macbeth in the theatre again? You know I don’t believe in that shit,” I said sarcastically.

“Oh my god. This is not the time for jokes! Everyone’s been trying to reach you!” Xiaojun yelled once more. “Where are you?!”

“I just got out of my musical history midterm in Maple Hall. Heading to the theatre right now. Why?” I never received an answer; Dejun hung up the call. Giving my phone a weird look, I shoved it in my pocket before continuing on my way. A light push on my back prevented me from going too far. 

“Twerp!” Xiao Dejun’s voice came from behind me, yanking me by the straps of my backpack. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. “Oh my god, we’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he said in between heavy breaths. 

Crossing my arms, I cocked a brow at him. “Why’s that?”

Dejun placed a hand on my shoulder for support. The words came flying out of his mouth, I almost couldn’t catch what he was saying. So much for being a theatre major. 

“Speak clearly, Dejun. Enunciate, articulate, exaggerate, remember? We are thespians and thespians do not mumble!”

The exhausted boy ignored my theatricals. “Naeun didn’t land a switch leap right and she rolled her ankle during advanced ballet. She’s going to be out for at least three to four weeks,” my friend replied breathily, his words a lot clearer than before.

The news shocked me to the core, my feet suddenly planted to the ground. It sounded like he said Naeun was out of commission. “What?” 

“She’s out for three to four weeks! I mean sucks for her, I wish her a speedy recovery but do you know what this means?”

The lack of response from me urged him to continue, “Sweetheart, she’s out. You’re in!”

Oh shit. I was in.

The part I had always dreamed of was mine. The lead role was finally mine.

I was now Ella and Jung Jaehyun was my Prince Topher.

Having an understudy step up to their role halfway through production was always something to get used to. It was a setback, a minor one, but still a setback. Just as Jaehyun finally settled into his role and built an unshakeable bond with Lee Naeun as his opposite, the accident happened. His potential girlfriend was now out of the show and off her feet in order to push for a speedy recovery.

The lovesick boy couldn’t even be there for her because his rehearsal times increased in order to get his best friend adjusted to your new role. There he was, leaning against the piano while waiting for you to arrive.

Professor Lau sat at the bench, flipping through his sheet music until he found the song he was looking for. 

The door slammed open and you stumbled in. “Am I late? I’m sorry, I just heard the news.”

“No, not at all. You’re right on time,” the professor smiled at you. “The situation’s weird, I know but congratulations on getting Ella.”

“Thanks, Professor. That means a lot,” you grinned back. 

Dropping your bag by the piano, you swiftly pulled out the script. You glanced at Jaehyun’s opened book for the page number before hastily flipping through the pages. Jaehyun nudged your side. “Hey, Forky.”

“Hey yourself,” you elbowed him back, biting your bottom lip.

“Congrats, bubs. You did it,” he pulled you into a side hug before ruffling your hair with pride. You had finally gotten a part you wanted. It was your time to shine. As your best friend for many years, Jaehyun had been waiting for the day you could show the crowds your full potential.  

“Did I really do it or did your girlfriend just get injured? How is she, by the way?” 

As much as you tried to play the overdramatic, conceited girl, you never believed in yourself but Jaehyun always did. You deserve the spotlight; your talent was out of this world and the masses were finally granted a chance to see you for what you were— a star.

“You did this. You were made for this part as much as she was,” Jaehyun reassured his best friend with a smile. He tapped your nose. “And she’s not my girlfriend but she’s doing alright. Just in a little bit of pain. I’m going to see her after we finish.”

“Give her some well wishes for me,” you answered. Jaehyun didn’t notice your smile dropping into a small frown.

“You ready to act like you’re in love with me?”

“I was born ready, you doof.” There was something weird in your voice when those words left your lips but Jaehyun didn’t have time to process it.

Professor Lau guided the students through a series of warm-ups before asking, “Shall we start with Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful today? We’ll do a couple of run-throughs before Jaehyun teaches you the blocking.” His fingers played the beginning notes of the song, the light melody drifting to their ears. 

Already off book at this point, Jaehyun closed his eyes and began to sing.

Do I love you because you’re beautiful? Or are you beautiful because I love you?

Am I making believe I see in you A girl too lovely to be really true?

Do I want you because you’re wonderful? Or are you wonderful because I want you?

Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream? Or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

When his eyes fluttered open, Jaehyun found himself facing you with a script in hand. Your face wore the softest look as you stared back at him. His breath almost caught in his throat at the gentle smile you wore. You played the part differently from Naeun and it was a refreshing sight to behold. You were playing a confused peasant but your eyes still sparkled with the gleam of a thousand suns. 

There was a flush of heat that started from his cheeks and extended to his reddening ears. His heart was doing its best to break out of his ribcage and the star of the show wasn’t sure if his chest could keep it in for very much longer.

When singing with him, Naeun was a pretty princess.

But when he sang with you, the girl in front of him? Jaehyun thought you were absolutely breathtaking.

Two hours later, we were finally free of rehearsals. My first rehearsal as Ella. My throat was a bit parched from all the singing and projecting I was doing but I felt lighter than air. Singing with Jaehyun made me feel lighter than air. I was weightless, nothing could hold me down.

“Forky, you’re really good,” he said to me as we walked to our cars. I tried to fight the sudden heat making its way to my face. Lately, compliments from him were hard to come by.

 It was already late when O’Hare and Lau finally let us out, the moon sitting high in the sky. The night breeze crept its way into my thin jacket, causing me to hug myself to retain some warmth. Noticing my struggle with the cold, Jaehyun quickly draped his jacket over my shoulders. I was immediately hit with his familiar scent, it was almost overwhelming. I should be used to this, his action of sharing his clothes with me was nothing new but I was weak. It affected me every single time. I guess I was that head over heels for him. 

Head over glass heels, one could even say.

“You’ve seen me in action before and I mean, I was chosen to be the understudy for a reason,” I gave him a shrug. 

“Yeah but I’ve never seen you act and sing like that. Just...wow.” Stealing a glance at him, Jaehyun almost looked enamored with me. He was giving me a look that was usually reserved for someone else. I felt my heartbeat pick up in my chest and flutters in my stomach.

“Stop that,” I blushed, pinching his skin through the thin material of his long-sleeved shirt. A satisfying buzz ran through my body. Was he really looking at me like that? I was probably reading too much into it.

“No, but it seemed so real. Like you weren’t pretending.”

“That’s because I wasn’t,” I whispered under my breath as we arrived at our cars. 

“Hmm, you say something?” Jaehyun asked, leaning closer to hear me. 

Shaking my feelings away, I ignored the dull ache in my chest and acted through the tears I was desperately holding in. I wrinkled my nose at him playfully, secretly pushing the pain down my throat. “You really don’t listen to a word I say, do you, Jae? I said, I’ll see you later.”

“See ya, Forky! Get home safely!”

Scoffing to myself, I realized how much of a great actor I was. I deserved an Oscar or a Tony for the scenes I played out, the ones where I pretended to be okay when I was far from it. 

What award do you ask? Best Actress in a Supporting Role— the best friend to Jung Jaehyun but never the love of his life.

Wardrobe fittings for productions were always an exciting day for the whole cast and crew. It was one step closer to putting on a show. Jaehyun was already dressed in one of his many costumes, a white suit with golden trimmings. It fit him for the most part, only tiny adjustments were needed. Members of the wardrobe department quickly pinned his neatly pressed jacket before taking it off his hands. Since he was the main character, Jaehyun was one of the first ones done. He was simply waiting for you to come out in your first dress— the white gown for the ball scene in Act One.

When you finally did all those minutes ago, Jaehyun swore his heart stopped. 

Ten minutes ago, Jaehyun saw his best friend walk through the curtains. Your face was bare, hair still in that lazy style you always sported but your clothes. The comfy clothing you usually rehearsed in was gone and replaced by a beautiful ball gown. Despite the pins that scattered throughout the material to fit your form, it still appeared majestic. There you were, standing before him and the rest of the cast, and you were the loveliest you had ever been.

Ten minutes ago, you walked in and his head was reeling. Time slowed down as you tentatively made your way towards him. You did not meet his eyes but Jaehyun was dying to catch your gaze. He never wanted to let you out of his sight. The picture of his best friend in white was something he wanted to treasure and suddenly, the slowness around him stopped. The cast’s cheers and squeals disappeared. There was only you in that beautiful ball gown. 

Was this the slow-motion moment you always talked about? The one you always dreamed about experiencing? Jaehyun could see why people thought it to be magic. It was almost like a movie, movie magic if you will. 

Another look at you and then Jaehyun was in the future, watching you make her way down the aisle. A thin veil covered your face and he was so tempted to push it away from concealing your dazzling smile. His heart was fighting its way out of his chest, wanting to head down the path straight to you. How he wanted to reach out and touch you, cradle you in his arms. 

You were truly an angel in white. A princess. A queen.

The mere sight of you took him to the skies, the one place he was sure you were from. Although Jaehyun would never admit it, he always thought you to be beautiful. Throughout the many years of being best friends, he would find his gaze subconsciously drifting to you. He would rip it away before you would ever notice him doing so, knowing you would tease the hell out of him for it— it was his own little secret tucked away into the corners of his beating heart. 

“How do I look?” Your question snapped him out of his daydream and back to reality. Back down to earth. 

“Sorry, what did you say?” 

“Oh my god, you stupid spoon! I said, how do I look?”

“Lovely,” he answered sincerely, his brown eyes digging into your own. “You look absolutely lovely.”

Ten minutes ago, you simply murmured a question while Jung Jaehyun came to a realization. The realization that he might’ve fallen for you: his Forky, his best friend.

The loveliest girl he had ever seen.

With Cinderella’s opening night being only a few weeks out, you and Jaehyun decided to fit in extra time together to run lines and songs outside of scheduled rehearsals. That was the plan for every weekend and that particular Saturday was no exception to this plan. When his doorbell rang frantically, Jaehyun groaned loudly before getting up to answer the door. Did you always have to be so obnoxious?

Just as the door swung open, your loud voice boomed into his apartment, “‘Sup, ho! Ready to rehearse the hell out of this show or what?”

He stepped aside to let you in and you immediately made yourself comfortable in his humble abode. Jaehyun almost laughed as he watched you. There was a particular routine you stuck to when visiting his place. First, you would take off your shoes, slip on your personal pair of slippers you left at his house, drop your bag on the kitchen counter, and then open his fridge to raid his food supply.

Precisely as Jaehyun predicted, you waddled to the fridge in your memory-foam duck slippers and stole one of his yakults. He loved how comfortable you were in his home. It was truly a heart-warming sight.  The act itself was extremely domestic and he quite liked the domesticity when it was with you. That flash of you in a wedding gown came back to him and he blushed at the thought. The idea of spending a future together was flooding his brain recently and he didn’t know what to do. 

You weren’t the one he liked. Naeun was but why were you the only person on his mind? Was it wrong to have you in his mind? Naeun wasn’t his girlfriend— they were still getting to know each other. His time with her decreased over time since you had stepped into the role of Ella. He was very fond of you. He always had been. There was this little piece of his heart that was reserved for you but was it because you were his best friend or was it more?

Jaehyun quickly snapped himself out of it. 

“First of all, I’m not a ho,” he said before grabbing a yakult of his own. He poked the straw through the foil a bit too harshly, the liquid splashing over the top. Damn his strength— now half of his drink was gone. “Second, stop slut-shaming me for my dating choices. It’s 2021. If I wanted to be a ho, I could be a ho.”

You rolled your eyes as you took a sip of your drink. “God, I hate you sometimes.”

“You need to stop lying to yourself, I know you’re hopelessly in love with me,” Jaehyun said, pointing his drink towards you. He caught you rolling your eyes at his answer.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right. I am irrevocably in love with you, Jung Jaehyun,” you said sarcastically, dramatically batting your eyelashes his way. Your confession, despite being a sarcastic statement, left his heart racing against time. 

“Alexa, play Hopelessly Devoted to You!” you yelled ironically. 

“Now playing Hopelessly Devoted to You by Olivia Newton-John,” an electronic voice boomed across his living room before the opening notes of the ballad began to play. 

“Shit! I forgot you actually had an Echo,” you jumped, not expecting that at all. Jaehyun chuckled at your reaction, loving how easily you scare. He always thought it was one of your cuter traits. 

“Alexa, stop!” he called. 

Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair. He dragged his feet to his bedroom, knowing you would follow without a word. “I can’t rehearse today, I have to write this damned analysis paper for a class. It’s due in two days.”

“I’m sorry, is that paper more important than your best friend in the entire world?” you pushed from behind him.

“Yes,” he deadpanned, taking a seat at his desk. Jaehyun’s study area was an absolute mess. His notebooks were scattered around the floor, textbooks opened to random pages, and his laptop opened to a google document.  

“That’s a motherfucking lie and you know it.”

“I really can’t rehearse now, Forky,” he sighed.

He glared at you as you theatrically fell onto his bed. The notes spread out on his bed flying to the floor. “Oh, woe is me! Jung Jaehyun cannot give me the time of day to rehearse. What am I to do?”

“Why are you like this?” 

“I’m a theatre student, I’m wired to be this obnoxious,” you said with a straight face. 

He stared at you through narrowed eyes. “I really hate you right now.”

“I know,” you countered with a flat tone. “But in all seriousness, Jaehyun. I won’t take too much of your time. I just wanted to practice our duets a couple of times and then I’ll be out of your hair. Plus, you look like you need a break.”

One look at you and he was a goner. How could he ever say no to his best friend?

“Ugh, fine.”

“Ha, I knew you would cave.”

“Shut up.”

The next hour with you was spent rehearsing the numbers. During the last run-through, Jaehyun suggested going over the blocking and putting their all in it. To act like it was opening night. You swiftly agreed and he played the music from the top.

Jaehyun led you around his room, spinning you across the floor as you sang. The smile on your face was so lovely, he could not take his eyes off your lips. His eyes fluttered to a close and he imagined you in your full costume, downed in your gown, as dainty as a daisy and as graceful as a bird. The thought of you dressed like a princess drove him crazy.

He never thought of Naeun this way. This was different. You were different but why?

Jaehyun opened his eyes to see you smiling so gracefully at him as the song was coming to an end. Just as planned in the show, your gaze flitted to his lips. You leaned closer and he followed, dipping his head to meet you halfway. His heart was skipping to its own beat as he inched down. Your soft lips brushed against his oh-so-gently as he held you in his arms but before the boy could press back, the door to his room swung open.

You broke away from him, shocked at the sudden arrival to see your other friend and Jaehyun’s roommate, Dejun. “Oops, was I interrupting something?” 

“I, uh, I gotta go.” Before you could even stop him, Jaehyun grabbed his wallet and phone off his desk and ran out his room. 

Confusion clouded his senses. Why did he feel empty after you pulled away? Why did he want to kiss you so badly? It was just a stage kiss.

Was it not?

Jaehyun’s door slammed shut behind him, leaving me and Dejun in his room. It wasn’t long before we heard the front door close, too. “Well, that was something,” Dejun said after his roommate shuffled out of the apartment.

“Shut up, Xiao Dejun,” I replied, smacking his arm. 

My friend lifted his arms up in defense before he gave me a pointed stare. “I’m just saying, the two of you looked really into it. It looked great, to be honest with you. No notes to give here— I’m sure O’Hare and Lau would say the same.”

“It’s just acting,” I tried to shrug it off. 

“Stop lying to yourself.”

“I’m not!”

“Bulltshit. I saw the way he looked at you— that’s not acting, twerp,” Dejun declared, his voice dropping. His voice never dipped in tone unless he was serious and in that moment, he was dead serious. My friend sounded like a frustrated tutor deliberately explaining a concept for the fifth time and I was the stubborn student who just didn’t understand.

“Yes, yes it is!”

“No, it’s not because that’s how he always looked at you!” 

“Lies!” I yelled accusingly, “We got Liza Minnelli over here!” 

“God, you’re so annoying sometimes! Why won’t you confess? Cat got your tongue? Nothing’s really stopped your sharp tongue before,” Dejun groaned at my stubbornness. He slapped a hand onto my shoulder. I tried to shrug him off but his grip was too strong. Maybe it was him trying to help me get a grip. Who knew? I honestly didn’t. 

“It’s not like I haven’t tried, you know?” An exasperated answer left my lips. I was tired. So ridiculously tired of dealing with these feelings for my best friend. It had been four years since I fell for him. Four years of trying to see other people, four years of trying to confess, and four long years of failing every time.  “I just freeze up like a deer in headlights or like you did when you performed that one monologue sophomore year in voice and movement class. Remember that, Jun?”

I felt his sharp glare burning a hole in my back. “You promised to never talk about that moment, you traitor,” he hissed, his hand squeezing the hell out of my shoulder. 

“Okay yeah but you get the point, right?” My nails dug into his skin, leaving little indents onto his hand. He yelped, finally jerking his hand back to examine it. Shaking my head, I added, “Plus, he’s my best friend. I just can’t do it!”

“So, what you’re saying is that you choose friendship over the possibility of him loving you?” 

“It’s just...I don’t know—” I started, shifting my body to face him, “—choosing friendship means that I’ll only lose love. But if I chose to confess and put my feelings out there, I could lose him as a potential lover and my best friend. I’m not prepared for that. I don’t think I ever will be.”

And there it was again. The self-doubt hit me, imposter syndrome resurfacing at an all time high, bringing me to the lowest of lows. 

The feeling of being a fraud, of being not good enough. 

For Jaehyun. For any love interest for that matter. For the role of Ella. For taking my place under the spotlight. 

“Dejun?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I—am I good enough?”

“For?”

“I—I don’t know—” I stuttered as my mind was consumed by my own crippling thoughts. I tried to stay strong but the crack in my voice gave me away, “—for anything? Everything?” 

“Oh, twerp,” Dejun said in that particular voice and then that was when the floodgates opened. The tears just came pouring down with no sign of stopping. My friend gently pulled me into his comforting arms. They were snug and I felt safe but not as safe as I did in Jaehyun’s hold.

“You, my darling, are definitely good enough. Don’t let your thoughts tell you otherwise.” Although his voice was comforting, it did not help the unhinged thoughts running through my brain. 

“Then, why does it always hurt when I don’t get the role of the leading lady? Of his leading lady? I always get so far and then, at the end of the day, I’m just not what they’re looking for. What he’s looking for.” Pining for something so unimaginable was too taxing. Having the lead role in a play and having Jung Jaehyun wear his heart on his sleeve just for me. 

“Sometimes, the roles aren’t made for you and that’s okay.”

“But what about this one?”

“This one, twerp, this one is a little different.” 

“And why’s that?”

“Because there is music in you; it goes hand in hand with Jaehyun, like a melody to his harmony. You are his Ella and he’s your Topher,” Dejun urged. It was like he was begging me to not give up hope. 

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m really not. You just gotta do what the theatre gods tell us to do: just trust the process.” 

How could I trust the process when all it did was hurt me by allowing me to have a glimpse of a love and a life that would never be mine? 

Opening night finally arrived. Everyone was called to the theatre for a full run through in the afternoon: the final dress rehearsal hours before the doors opened and the curtains were drawn. I had gotten there earlier to soak in the calmness of the empty auditorium before the chaos began.

I heard heavy footsteps come from behind me. Even without turning around, I knew it to be Jaehyun. The boy took a seat next to me on the wooden prop walls that were locked into the ground. If the stage managers and props committee saw us, they would’ve definitely ripped our heads off but they weren’t— it was just us.  

“Penny for your thoughts, my dear Ella?”

“Topher,” I answered, playing along with his game. “Lovely to see you here bright at early.”

“I knew you would be here and I wanted to be here with you,” he said, pulling me into a side hug. Jaehyun knew me well but did he know me well enough? “Spill it, Forky. What’s wrong?”

“Sometimes I still doubt myself,” I said a little too fast. A loud sigh followed my reveal. The crippling doubt was always there, haunting me. Let me tell you, it was not the best thing in the world to have during an opening for a new production. 

“Oh yeah?” Jaehyun asked, pushing me to continue. I felt the soft brush of his palm against my hand. His fingers grabbed hold of my wrist before fighting their way to tangle with my own fingers. The sensation tickled, taking me away from my thoughts for a fraction of a second. I played with his fingers, watching the way his pinkish hand fit with mine. 

I refused to look at him; I was too afraid of breaking down.“Doubting myself, my abilities. Always the understudy, never the star, remember?”

Jaehyun hummed. He rested his chin on my shoulder. “Did something change?”

“Yeah, I finally realized that maybe it wasn’t that I wasn’t right for the part; the part wasn’t right for me,” I laughed a bit dryly. “Does that make any sense?” 

“Weirdly, yes,” he replied, his breath blowing against my neck. I tried to ignore the tickling sensation and the way it made me feel. 

“But this is different— I feel like I was made to play Ella. Made to play her even though I got the part in this odd, unconventional way,” I turned my head to the side to avoid eye contact. “The girl who sees the good in everything despite the hardships and suffering she went through.”

“Without a doubt, I believe that you belong on stage with me,” Jaehyun answered sincerely, “and I’m glad we have the chance to finally play opposites.” 

He squeezed my smaller palm in support. I appreciated the reassurance; the action slightly calmed me down before she took the next step. Possibly the biggest step of my entire life. “There’s something else I realized, too.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” Jaehyun asked softly. 

Taking a deep breath, I said, “I realized that I could be right for you.” 

It took him a minute, a long solid minute before Jaehyun could bring himself to respond to my confession. I wondered what he was thinking at that moment, when those words left my mouth. “Right for me?” came his tentative reply. A quick glimpse at his ears and I saw the burst of red. He was caught off guard, embarrassed. 

“Yeah,” I said almost shamefully. Was I ashamed of my feelings? I never was ashamed before. Maybe it was because Jaehyun finally saw me for who I truly was— his highly dramatic best friend that was head over glass heels for him. 

“How long— how long have you felt this way?” The red of his ears seeped to his rosy cheeks. 

“Ever since we were a dumb pair of utensils,” I replied sincerely, my voice wavering at the truth, “a set of ridiculous tableware.”

There was an awkward chuckle that left his drying lips. I heard him click his tongue, a habit he did when Jaehyun never knew what to say. It seemed like I rendered him speechless. “Since we were sixteen? That long and you didn’t say anything?”

“You’re really asking me that?”

“Yes, I really am!”

“Jaehyun, c’mon. Use your brain! How was I supposed to? You’re my best friend and when you’re not my best friend, you’re out there chasing other girls,” I stopped to lick my drying lips. There was another inkling of silence and I gulped at how tense the atmosphere was. “And I thought maybe once, just once, you would chase after me, too.” 

I almost laughed; my greatest desire was finally out in the world and it was greeted by silence. 

“But what if I’m wrong for you?” 

And there it was. The rejection I was preparing for. Giving him a pained smile that failed to meet my ears, I said, “Then that’s life, I guess.”

“You guess?” 

“Well, I can’t make you act like you’re in love with me, can I?” I snapped, my pain taking the best of me. It clouded my brain, blocking off all rational thoughts out of my head. “This isn’t a play or a movie with a script, Jaehyun. This is real fucking life.” 

Hurt. I was being overwhelmed with a wave of hurt and anguish. My body was trembling as much as my eyes were. I felt them growing wet and I shut them closed. My hands curled into fists, nails digging into my skin. It stung but not as much as being rejected by the one you loved most. The lead of the movie in your mind. 

“Wait, no, that’s not what I meant,” Jaehyun tried to stop me from getting off the stage. I pulled away from him, quickly snatching my belongings before heading to the nearest exit. Turning back around before I left the empty auditorium, I experienced another moment in slow-motion. 

There Jaehyun was in all his glory— denim jacket slipping over his broad shoulders, dark brown hair sticking up in all directions and a confused look on his face. He looked like a mess under the spotlight of my mind but nevertheless, he was my mess of a best friend.

He was my mess of a best friend and that was all he was going to be. That fact hurt more than being the forever understudy. 

Why couldn’t I fast forward this portion of my life? Why must I suffer this much?

Why couldn’t I escape the role of being second best?

If only my life was a movie, then maybe I wouldn’t be everyone’s second choice. His second choice.

If we were in a movie, Jung Jaehyun would be my best friend and my perfect match. Our story would be the typical friends-to-lovers saga that every girl dreams of. It would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. 

Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

After that confrontation, you and Jaehyun were off and not off the charts— just off. The directors noticed it. The stage hands noticed. The cast noticed it. The final run-through before the curtains opened just finished and it was an absolute disaster because of the way you acted with Jaehyun. Every time he opened up his body to you, the response you gave him was closed off. Cold. 

To the rest of the cast and crew, the prince and princess didn’t seem very much in love that day— they didn’t even seem friendly. You and Jaehyun seemed like two strangers trying to work their way across a stage. There was no connection. There was nothing else there. 

Now, if only you would let Jaehyun talk to you, maybe something would change but you didn’t. You ran away every chance you could. It was like Cinderella, but you didn’t leave a glass slipper behind. You didn’t leave anything behind. 

Less than an hour before showtime and he couldn’t even talk to you. Let alone look at you. He sighed into his hand, palms applying pressure to his eyes. Jaehyun cursed under his breath, forgetting that he had a heavy amount of stage makeup on his face. Looking into the mirror, he saw his makeup was still intact. Thank the theatre gods for the Ben Nye Final Seal Setter. It seemed like that it was the only thing set in stone at that moment. 

The door to Jaehyun’s dressing room slammed open and Dejun waltzed in, fully dressed in his costume.“Dude, what was up with you and the twerp during that dress rehearsal? You were so off!”

He received no reply, Jaehyun was too zoned out to hear. Dejun hopped onto the counter of Jaehyun’s dresser. Usually, the action would shock the main lead but Jaehyun was too lost in thought.“Well, you know what they say about a bad dress rehearsal. That means we’ll have a good opening night,” Dejun said, eyeing his friend for his lack of response.

Finally looking away from his reflection, Jaehyun glanced up at Dejun with a look of disbelief. “She likes me?”

His friend jumped off the counter with widened eyes.“Oh my god, did she finally confess? Was that why you were acting weird?”

“Dejun, you knew?” Jaehyun slammed his palms on his dresser. The makeup products on the tabletop shook, leaving the other guy to wince at the show of strength. 

“Honestly for being the ace of the theatre department, you sure are dumb,” Dejun replied a bit too casually as he leaned into the mirror to examine his appearance. He clicked his tongue upon realizing his cheeks didn’t have enough color. The stage lights would wash him out. The boy reached for Jaehyun’s pink blush and a clean wedge before applying it onto the apples of his cheeks.

“What should I do?”

“Well, Jaehyun, what do you want to do?” Dejun asked, turning side to side to double-check his reflection. 

“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you!” Jaehyun fired back with vigor, hating how casual his best friend was acting. He was having a before-show crisis and his best friend was calmly stealing his bottle of Ben Nye, spraying his beautifully sculpted face with the setting spray.

“Well, do you like her more than a friend? And what about Naeun?”

“Yes? No? I don’t know! But—”

“But?” His friend asked before hopping onto the countertop. The actor raised his perfectly shaped eyebrows at his friend and Jaehyun had the sudden urge to pluck the beauties they were until Dejun had no eyebrow hair left. When Jaehyun didn’t reply, Dejun repeated his question.

Dropping his head in his hands, Jaehyun hesitantly replied, “There was this moment when I saw her and it was like that thing she always said? The slo-mo thing?”

Dejun’s head perked up. “You saw her in slow motion?” 

“Yeah, it was like time stopped. All I saw was her and then…” Jaehyun thought back to seeing you in a wedding dress. He changed his mind; he didn’t want to talk about his feelings. All he wanted to do was make sure opening night ran as smoothly as possible. Grabbing his white suit jacket for the top of Act One, the boy stood up in an attempt to escape his friend’s sudden peak in curiosity. “Never mind, this is ridiculous. I gotta go, Dejun.” 

“No, you’re not going anywhere until you actually confront your damn feelings,” Dejun said, shoving his friend back in his chair. “Do you like Naeun?”

There was a pause before he answered truthfully: “Yes.”

“Okay, and are your feelings for Naeun stronger than what you have for your best friend?” 

“No,” Jaehyun released another sigh as he leaned back in his chair. A hand reached up to brush through his hair before he remembered that it was gelled back in place. He dropped his hand to rub the back of his neck, not wanting to mess with his looks before places. “I was infatuated with Naeun but with her, god, she’s something else and it took me this long to realize it.”

“How do I know you’re not just saying that?” Dejun questioned, squeezing his friend’s shoulders a bit too tightly. Jaehyun thought his friend was testing him and for a good reason. If he was in Dejun’s position, Jaehyun would’ve grilled his friend, too. “How do I know you’re actually in love with her? Yes, you’re my roommate and best friend but she’s my best friend, too. I can’t let you hurt her if all you feel is something temporary. I can’t let you treat her like those other girls.”

“Because she’s The One, Dejun. I’m certain of it,” Jaehyun snapped back. “When I look at her, I see everything I’ve been searching for. It’s like I was blind for the longest time, you know? She was always just Forky to me back when I didn’t know any better. But now I see and all I see is her— her, with all her flaws. The way she hides her insecurities with her dramatic outbursts. How she picks at her cuticles when she’s nervous or how she always steals my food at home. And the way she just fits with me. I can’t explain it.”

Jaehyun didn’t even give his friend a chance to butt in. He was still rambling on with a fond smile, his mouth running a mile. “She’s been there with me since the beginning, Jun. Before I was this prince of the theatre department, she was there. She’s been there since the beginning and even when I was chasing after girls, she was there at the middle of it all, and fuck, I want to go all the way to the end with her.”

Dejun released his hold on his friend and rolled his eyes. The boy made his way to the door of the dressing room before mumbling under his breath, “God, what is with you two and giving out monologues? I swear, when this is all over, you should become playwrights.”

“What?”

“Never mind me, Jaehyun,” Dejun opened the door and gestured for Jaehyun to follow the path— the path down the hall that led to you. “What are you waiting for? Go get her, we have 30 until Joohyun calls for places!”

“Dejun, it’s much more complicated than that.”

“It’s only as complicated as you make it out to be. Just— just go and talk to her, yeah?”

Jaehyun sighed deeply as he reached your dressing room door. He knocked lightly, running through the lines he wanted to say in his head before you shouted a faint “come in.” The door squeaked open to reveal you, his best friend in the whole entire world, touching up your makeup. The best friend that he was inescapably in love with. You watched him through the mirror as he leaned against the frame with crossed arms. 

“Can we talk after the show? There’s something I need to tell you— it’s important. I don’t think I—um, I have enough time to tell you now,” Jaehyun asked, stuttering through his words. Gone was the confidence he usually bared. The only thing left in him was a scared little boy, afraid of the problem his words may cause. 

The smile he received from you did not reach your ears. “Of course,” you replied curtly before turning away from him. He noted how you were over applying your blush and fidgeting with your costume. You were doing everything in your power to avoid him. 

The tugging of your ear, the biting of your lip, the picking of your cuticles. He saw all your bad habits. You were a ball of nerves and the speaker announced it was ten minutes before places.

“Hey, Forky?”

“Yes, Jaehyun?”

“You know that I believe in you, right? Always?”

There was a twitch at the corner of your lips. “I do.”

“Good,” Jaehyun approached you with caution. You watched him from your mirror, never making direct eye contact as he came closer. He dropped a kiss on the crown on your head, relishing in the way his plush lips against your torn bandana and the lace front wig. “Break a leg, my Ella.”

He observed you through your reflection and took in how beautiful you looked in your rags. You made the rags the costume department designed for you look like riches. 

“Same goes to you, my prince,” he heard you answer in that soft tone.  Again, you had sent him to the skies and the boy was struggling to find his way back down.

When it was time to draw the curtains and light the lights for the first performance of Cinderella, it seemed like everything fell into place.  Jaehyun stared at you across the stage, falling for the way the lights illuminated your figure in that white ball gown. The bright glow brought his attention to your bright grin, that beautiful and radiant smile of yours, that shocked him to his core. 

Jaehyun locked eyes with you and suddenly, he was drowning. He was drowning in your expressive eyes. He was drowning in your overflowing love. 

It was different being across from you in front of a full audience. There was a rush that took over him whenever he saw you and it beat the flurries his heart experienced with his other leading ladies. As you said your lines with that bewitching sparkle in your eye, Jaehyun hated himself for not realizing how much he loved you sooner or how you were never playing pretend. 

But that was okay because Jung Jaehyun loved you now. He loved you in the world you made believe on stage, where he was Prince Topher and you were his Ella, and he loved you in reality where you would always be the fork to his spoon. 

Opening night went smoothly and the roaring applause I received during my final bow sent me to the moon. The way Jaehyun looked at me across the stage with eyes filled with pride and joy blasted me to places I had never been before. I became high on this feeling of being under the burning spotlights. The feeling of wearing the most intricate costume and the way his hand slid into mine for the last bow before the curtains were drawn; it was something I wanted to treasure for the rest of my life.

But with every high came a low— my low hit me when I ran into Jaehyun’s dressing room. I caught him in an embrace with Naeun who gifted my best friend with a rose. She placed a kiss on his cheek, causing his white ears to flush a deep red that rivaled the flower he held. The girl gave him a quick shove of the shoulder before heading to me. 

Her congratulatory statement went in one ear and out the other. I could barely process Naeun handing me a rose of my own before she walked out of the room, the sweet scent of her perfume lingering in her wake. She gave my best friend one more lingering look as she left and it hurt me in so many ways.

“Ready to go?” Jaehyun said, clearing his throat. “Wanna stop by the stage first? Soak in your first opening night as a lead?”

“Why the hell not?” The walk back to the stage was short. It felt different somehow.

“We did it,” I whispered.

“That we did,” he answered back. 

We walked onto the stage together and I could still hear the crowds cheering for me, giving me the standing ovation I earned. It was electrifying, the way the sparks ran through my body. It ran from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes. 

Glancing around the empty auditorium, I pondered aloud, “But do you know what sucks about it all, Jaehyun?”

“What?”

“There’s nothing worse than the feeling of not being chosen and it still hurts that I wasn’t the first choice,” I replied truthfully, “Not as much as before. But I’m learning to get over it. The casting directors saw potential in me.”

“That’s because you do have the potential to be a star. You’re practically glowing right now.” I felt his eyes trained on me, just like they were the entire time we shared the stage. 

Turning abruptly to face him, I said, “You really can’t say that to me, you know?”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it makes my heart beat against my chest and these stupid butterflies come around before I remember that you have never chosen me to be your first choice,” I glared. 

“But I do choose you,” Jaehyun pushed, his voice laced with desperation, “That’s what I was trying to tell you before you stormed off on me earlier!”

“Are you really choosing me, Jaehyun? The real me? The me that has been your best friend for years? Or are you choosing the me that shares a stage with you every night? The me that could potentially be your next whirlwind romance?” No matter how desperate he sounded, he couldn’t beat the hopelessness that was dripping from my own voice. 

“No, that’s not it at all!” his voice boomed, the sound echoing throughout the empty auditorium. 

“Then, what is it, Jung Jaehyun? Because I am tired of being second best and I’m tired of not being chosen,” I almost cried. The anguish was just taking over my body and I couldn’t make it stop. “Yes, I know some parts are not right for me but I can’t help but be hurt. And then you say that you’re choosing me? Of course, I’m going to think of it being because I’m your newest love interest on stage.”

“If you could just listen—”

Unable to stop the words from coming out, I just kept running off at the mouth. Everything I wanted to say to Jaehyun was flying out of my lips at rapid speed; I couldn’t even stop it. “I have seen you in slow motion so many times and I want to just fast forward from those moments. To speed past them so I can move on from the idea of not being yours. I refuse to be a temporary love that you lose interest in. I just want you to pick me, to choose me, and to love me, damn it— is that too fucking much to ask for? To be chosen and loved?”

While I was taking a breath to continue with my rant, Jaehyun cut me off and the words he said rattled the stage, the ground beneath my feet, and my whole entire world.“No, it’s not and you are way fucking more than that, if you just take a moment out of your godforsaken monologue and listen to me! I choose you not because you’re my leading lady but because you’re you. You’ve always been this— this incredible, breathtaking you.” 

He took one step closer and I took one step back. “And you’ve the person at my side when no one else is.” 

Every single time I would retreat, Jaehyun would follow. The boy was persistent, his brown eyes trained on me. “The one who figured out you loved me first while I was too blind to see it. You’re the fork to my spoon. We’re a set, we go together. And I was too dumb to figure out that at the end of the day, I always think about you and how no one I’ve ever been with compares to you.”

 When my back hit the wall, I was trapped. Trapped in between his arms and the way they propped themselves on either side of my face. Trapped in the haze of his brown eyes and how they dug deep into my soul. 

 “I don’t see you in slow motion— I see you in fast forward. I see you in the future, my future, walking down the aisle in white and I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. All I know is that I choose you. I will always choose you.”  

I was trapped by Jung Jaehyun and there was no escape for me. Judging by the way his eyes never let me out of his sight, there was a chance my friend didn’t want to let me go either. He wanted me to stay. 

“Jaehyun, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you. You’re my beginning, middle, and my end.”

“You love me? Like you’re in love with me?” Jaehyun heard you ask, like the possibility of being loved by him was so impossible. You were searching for any inkling of doubt but he made sure you couldn’t find any because you were the only thing he could see. 

Jaehyun brought a hand near your cheek. It hovered there as he hesitated to touch it to your skin until you leaned into his touch. Your cheek felt so warm in his palm and it was so comforting to have you in his hold. “I wanted to say it earlier but I was just so scared of losing you as both a lover and a friend because what if it all goes to shit? What if we go to shit and things hit the fan? I can’t lose you.” 

“But you, Jung Jaehyun, are in love with me?” you repeated as your hand cupped his own. The smile you gave him was bright enough to light up the stage. 

“Yeah, I thought I made that clear. I’m sorry, did I mumble that line?” he teased playfully, trying to coerce a giggle out of you. “Should I start the scene over?”

“No, no. I’m just—” you paused and he watched you recollect your thoughts. His glittering brown eyes were trained on you as the words processed in your head. “You love me,” you laughed in disbelief. 

Jaehyun took a step closer, his hand tentatively reaching out to stroke your face. He sighed in relief as you relaxed into his touch. “You’re my number one girl. I choose you.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing that even after all this time, I’ve always chosen you, too.”

Once those words left your lips, he couldn’t hold himself back. Wrapping his arms around your waist, Jaehyun pulled you against his chest and smashed his lips against yours. Yes, he had kissed you on multiple occasions prior to this— onstage and off— but this time was different than the rest.

 This was the first time he really kissed you after your feelings were out in the open.

The first time he kissed you and finally felt the love you harbored for so many years. Jaehyun just hoped you could sense the love he was pouring out for you, too. 

He did not want to let you go but he was struggling to breathe. You were so lovely, everything about you was so incredibly lovely, and to have you in his arms was the best feeling in the universe. Everything around him turned dark and he felt the warmth of a spotlight and the flush of your body against him. The entire world was spinning beneath his feet, his heart racing, and his lips chasing you and only you. 

Jaehyun did not understand why people did drugs— the high of being so ardently in love with another person, with you, gave him the high that he needed. 

He felt you hit his chest in an attempt to end the kiss but Jaehyun did not want to stop. A light shove to his shoulders was enough to separate his lips from yours and what a sight you were— chest panting heavily for air, lips plumped and swollen, and the prettiest set of eyes widened in shock.

“You kissed me!” you said in between pants. “Like not a stage kiss but you actually kissed me!”

“That I did, love,” Jaehyun replied cheekily, taking another step towards you. You stepped back to lean against the wall but did nothing to stop him from coming forward. “Are you gonna do something about it?” 

The look in your eyes changed after you heard his new nickname for you. It was coy. Flirty. Challenging. “Do it again, I dare you,” you whispered a bit too loudly. 

Before Jaehyun closed the distance, his eyebrow perked up at the challenge. “Gladly.”

Senior year was there before we knew it. 

Another year, another posting day. 

Dejun, Jaehyun, and I swiftly made our way down the hall to the front of the theatre department, curious to find out which roles we were given. The spring production and the final musical of our college career was Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. 

Callbacks for Belle went as smooth as ever— the chemistry between Jaehyun and I were off the charts. But why wouldn’t they be? We were together now. 

Just like any other time, the crowds gathering around the cast list and bulletin board parted immediately once they caught a glimpse of Jaehyun approaching. The only difference was that this time, he was tightly clutching my hand. 

When we arrived in front of the board, I shut my eyes before I could read the cast list. An anxious buzz flowed through my veins, tickling the tips of my fingers and toes. My boyfriend must’ve felt the twitching of my fingers or the sweat dripping off my palms. 

I felt his body shift towards me. “Want me to take a peek first, love?” Jaehyun asked as he pressed his plump lips onto the crown of my head. He nuzzled his nose into my hair, a small but sweet action that always comforted me. 

Shaking my head, I looked at him and said, “No, why don’t we look together?”

“On three?” he grinned lovingly.

“On three, you dumb spoon.”

The countdown was quick but the glance I took at the cast list was even quicker. It was so quick, I almost didn’t catch who was put into the role of Belle. Taking a double take, I let go of Jaehyun’s hand as my eyes zeroed in onto the tiny print. 

Everything around me came to a stop as I read and re-read the cast list. Everyone around me was celebrating their parts but I couldn’t hear them, they were all muted in my mind. All I could hear was the sound of my own breaths  and all I could see my name on the top of the page. 

Belle……………..Y/N The Beast……..Jung Jaehyun

“Oh my god, I got the part,” I whispered to no one in particular. Backing away from the board, I repeated the same words a little louder and it got the attention of everyone surrounding me. Before I knew it, everyone threw a congratulations my way. The cheers were loud and obnoxious but they were for me because I did it. I finally did it.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, I backed away from the blustering crowd before bumping into my boyfriend’s firm chest. Jaehyun caught me in his hold, his arms circling around my waist. He dropped his chin on my shoulder and placed a tender kiss on my temple. “Would you look at that? We’re not a ridiculous set of tableware this time.”

“No disrespect to those parts, they were awesome, but I think I like this a lot more,” I giggled, turning in his hold. 

As I circled my arms around his neck, he whispered, “Same here.”

I yanked him down into an earth-shattering kiss that sent the world spinning beneath my feet. It slowed down, speeded up, and it did everything in between. I saw flashes of yellow ball gowns, royal blue coats, and Jaehyun smiling at me gracefully across the stage. 

Jaehyun staring me down from the other end of an altar. 

I saw it all. 

If my life was a movie, then this would be the time that the screen would fade to black and show the names. Some overly poppy song would resonate through the speakers and everyone would get up from their seats and gush over the happy ending.

But it wasn’t. My life was as real as it could be and it was even better than any romantic-comedy that would ever grace the screen. 

This wasn’t the ending. 

This was the perfect beginning. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE. hello, my darling readers! you really didn’t have to wait that long for this release, did you? a big thank you to several people: @johtenrecs for always being my beta and for the helpful feedback, to my chaotic gc ( @smoll-tangerine, @ppangjae, @jaedore​, and @jeongvision) for listening to me complain about how i was losing it while writing this fic, to @suhpressed​ for helping me with brainstorm, and lastly, to my lovely @notnctu bc without her and our crazy idea of hosting a hannah montana collab, i wouldn’t have gotten this idea! love y’all! hope you enjoyed this and please leave feedback! uwu

TAGLIST. @yasmini24 @jaehyunnie77 @emmybyeakitty @fluffyjaes @aevizen @dearjaehyxn @yourmagnanimousholiness @jaehyvnsvalentine @keemburley @softieus @lanadreamie @lebrookestore  @notmangojuice @felixn-recs @captainsjoongs @anotherfullsun @ukiyoneo @kunrengui​ @babyyynatty​ 

© sehunniepotwrites, 2021

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives #44

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

The Tadpole Gay (Goodbye) 

Sitting on the courtyard bench, pouring over his freshly bought copy of the Thunderclap - McKinley High’s yearbook, is Nestor Smalls; a freshman whose first year of high school is coming to a close in less than a few weeks.  It’s slightly warm out for May - but Nestor is happy with the way he looks.  He found the perfect vest to go with his dark, designer jeans.  And the giraffe brooch he found at a rummage sale is a delightful match for his brightly orange newsie cap.  An unexpected, yet welcome addition to his collection.  He couldn’t be happier.  

His boyfriend, Jon, who could hardly be wearing anything considered fashionable, sits next to him with a grunt.  “Can you believe those two?” Jon nods to the stairwell, where Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are chatting with each other.  

Well - it’s more like intense flirting, but Nestor has never seen them ever be more physical than a slight touch.  Not that it matters.  Nestor adores both of them.  Kurt has been his fashion icon from the moment he stepped into McKinley’s halls.  And Blaine is so dreamy.  He’s well aware of Jon’s disdain, however.  

“Why don’t they just fuck and spare us all the over-the-top drama of a couple of gays daring to touch each other,” Jon says, with a bit of scorn on his tongue.  “Could they be any more prudish? No one is going to beat them up.” 

“I’m pretty sure they are dating,” Nestor says.  He looks down at his yearbook, to the open page of the glee club, where Kurt and Blaine are sitting front and center.  Nestor would join - but he can’t sing at all - and knows better.  Still, unlike Jon, and his sour attitude, he finds them inspiring.  “You don’t know that.  Just because nothing has happened to us, and we’re not that much more careful, doesn’t mean bad things didn’t happen to them.”  Nestor had heard the rumors from the previous year’s prom.  And his online friends have told him horror stories from places they live less evolved than Lima. 

“It doesn’t make them any less annoying,” Jon says, rolling his eyes.  “Do they have to be so stereotypical?  I mean one looks like he’s been fired by Tim Gunn for incorporating too much Elizabeth Taylor into his look and the other screams I have the sex appeal of a gay front man for a teeny-bopper boy band.  They might as well be a couple of sexless lesbians.” 

Nestor angrily slams his yearbook shut.  Jon’s been getting under his nerves a lot lately, but this is the final straw.  “You know what - I had a really good year this year.  I shouldn’t have - because we’re freshman in high school, and statistically, it’s actually supposed to suck.  But mine didn’t - do you want to know why?” 

Jon looks at him, a bit shocked at the outburst.  “Oh, don’t tell me you’re going to go on another one of your diatribes.” 

That one struck a nerve.  “I figured out it was okay to be me,” Nestor says with strong conviction.  “I’m pretty weird and out there and wildly gay, but I’m okay with that.”  He’s all but screaming - people are looking, but he doesn’t care.  “People look at me funny and call me names, but still, I’m okay with that.  Because there are a couple of people on this planet that have shown me that it’s okay to be as outlandish and unique as I am.  And not just people on TV - and not people pre-approved by you to be gay icons; but people I see in my everyday life.  I don’t care if you consider them the right or wrong kind of queer.  I don’t care that you find them an insult to a community that you are barely a part of yourself.  I don’t care that you seem to be offended by every little thing they do.  And I doubt they care either.”

“I cannot believe you’re trying to defend them…” Jon tries to cut in, but Nestor isn’t done.  

“So, I had a great first year of high school,” Nestor continues. “I figured out what I want to do with my life.  I got a boyfriend.  I had sex.  And I’m pretty confident in myself that I realized that I don’t owe you anything for being my first.  There are plenty of gays in the world - hell Lima even, that are better to be with than your judgmental ass.  So, fuck you.  I’m dumping you.  And then I’m going to do the one thing I haven’t had the guts to do this year.  Tell a couple of my personal idols thank you - and ask for their autographs.  Fuck what you think.” 

Nestor, feeling quite exhilarated, gets to his feet, and without giving a glance to his now ex-boyfriend, walks across the courtyard in hopes of getting an autograph from two people he admires: Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson.   

[a-smile-dat-spreads-like-buttah]

A NOTE ON CRUTCHIE'S GENDER

From the mun, who struggles with gender identity and is an AFAB enby.

Hi. I write Crutchie as AFAB and sometimes as an ENBY because when I got into Newsies, I identified as female because I didn't know that NOT identifying as female was an option. I also identified with Crutchie's character more than I identified with any other character in the show, and as a theatre major at a conservative college, I thought that writing Crutchie here was the closest I would ever get to being allowed to get anywhere near what is, essentially, a dream role.

And in the midst of all of this, I started questioning my gender.

I write Crutchie the way I write Crutchie because it helps me as a trans person. It's not as simple as genderbending the character. And actually, if you look at the Newsies Production Handbook, screenshots of which I will attach at the end of my post, Disney says that the role of Crutchie can be gender flexible for high school and community theater productions. I also auditioned for the role earlier in the year for a professional production that said that Crutchie could be a girl, so they must have gotten permission from the Mouse himself.

I have currently been struggling alot with dysphoria and with figuring out ny identity myself, and I figure that out here because I don't know where else to go.

I guess to sum it all up, I'm trans and confused and in pain, and Crutchie helps me figure things out. My Crutchie isn't "genderbent" and I don't take this stuff lightly.

[carnationcreation]

can you do 15 with reggie peters pls❤️

TITLE: 3 Simple Rules (Reggie Peters x reader) [MUSICAL THEATER AU]

✌🏻Masterlist Taglist, Requests, and Works in progress!

Please check bio to see if requests are open before sending any in! 

Request: can you do 15 with reggie peters pls❤️

Prompt/summary:  [Musical Theater AU] Reader has to explain the three simple rules of the theater to Reggie. (And also help him out of trouble)

Word Count: 1,411

Authors note: From my AU prompt list on Tumblr!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were three rules that came with being in the theater department at Los Feliz High School.

Rule One: No talking in the wings.

From the moment I met my co-star Reggie Peters at auditions, I knew he was going to be a pain to work with.

For example, he did not prepare an audition song. Instead, he broke out a guitar and took a request from Mrs. Harrison and wowed with his impressive vocals instead. His lines were half memorized and his wardrobe was not fit for the dance portion of the audition.

For Christs sake we’re doing NEWSIES!

The rehearsal period was over a month long and every week about thirty students crammed into the auditorium to relentlessly rehearse and prepare for opening night. 

My character, Katherine, didn’t dance much other than in King of New York. The big tap dance number I had to master next week.

A lot of my time was spent waiting in the wings for my next cue. Unfortunately, so was Reggie’s. 

“Wait was that my cue?”

“SHHHHH!” I said, looking anxiously to see if the stage manager on the other side of the stage heard us.

“Oh come on,” he said, “they can’t hear me over the music.”

I rolled my eyes before grabbing his hand and dragging him to the hallway of dressing rooms right behind the stage. 

“Do you seriously not know anything?”

He looked at me confused.

“The rules of being in theater?” I said, when he shrugged I continued, “One, no talking in the wings. Two, no eating or smoking in costume. And three, always show up early or else you’re late.”

“I didn’t think this was that serious.”

I scoffed, “Why did you even sign up for this?”

He shrugged, “Mrs. Harrison cornered me in English and said she needed someone who could actually sing for Jack Kelly.”

I rolled my eyes, “You better keep your mouth clean. I don’t want to have to kiss someone who’s breath stinks every weekend.”

Suddenly, the door we just came out popped open.

“(Y/N)! It’s almost your cue! Reggie, what are you doing out here?” Julie whispered.

“Nothing. Let’s go Reginald.”

“It’s Reggie!”

Rule 2: No eating in costume

The snack table near the dressing room was kept stocked with lots of different things, and it was meant for those out of costume or stagehands since we didn’t get to eat dinner until afterwards on show nights. 

I’d never been a stickler about eating in costume considering I’ve done it myself numerous times. At least I was always careful about it though, putting on a jacket or blanket over me to keep stains from getting on the meticulous costumes our school would make.

“What are you doing?” 

I tried to keep my voice low, but the shock and panic that went through me when I saw orange smears on Reggie’s vest from the pack of Cheetos in his hand made it come out in a squeek.

He looked up at me frantically, “I forgot!”

I huffed in frustration before running into the womens dressing room to grab paper towels.

Reggie tried to take them from me when I came out but I slapped his hand away.

“You’ll try to rub it, you need to pat the stain out.”

The wet paper towel made the brown vest look darker, but at least I got the orange out.

I grabbed his hand and dragged him back into the dressing room, “Stand there.”

He stood where I pointed right beside the electrical outlet and watched me silently as I plugged in the hair dryer and set it to the cool setting. I put it on it’s lowest setting so I could carefully listen so we wouldn’t be late for our cues. Luckily it was Pulitzer’s solo so we should have enough time.

I looked up and noticed his cheeks were red, “What? It isn’t too hot is it?”

“Uh- no I just- we’re in the dressing room alone-”

“And I’m getting the stain out of your shirt so Katie won’t go nuts when she sees your costume almost ruined. No one’s gonna say anything Reggie, especially not to me. This happens more than you think.”

He nodded and looked down at the vest. It was still slightly damp but not enough to be noticeable on stage.

“Thank you,” Reggie said as I pulled the door open.

“Next time put a jacket on before you eat. Three simple rules Peters. Remember them.”

Rule 3: Always show up early or you’re late

It was almost the end of our show run. The past few weeks had been amazing and it was saddening to think that tonight I would have to say goodbye to Katherine. 

As I sat in my dressing room I heard a knock at the door, Julie entered and stood behind me as I pinned my hair up for my wig.

“Have you seen Reggie? It’s almost 10 minutes till places.”

“No I haven’t, has he messaged Luke about being the understudy?”

She shook her head, “Katie said he hadn’t.”

I felt anxiety rise in my chest, hopefully we wouldn’t have to delay the show just to get someone in costume.

I peaked my head outside and just as I did Reggie Peters came sprinting down the hallway.

“Where have you been?”

“I got a flat on the way, how much time do I have?”

“10 minutes till places. If you hurry you might not be late.”

He nodded.

“Rule number 3 Peters!”

He shouted over his shoulder back at me, “I know!”

I rolled my eyes. Having pity for the boy, I decided to try and help.

I went and grabbed his mic from the stage manager and updated her on the situation. With it in hand I went back to his dressing room and knocked.

“Come in!”

Reggie stumbled around the room finding pieces of his costume to pull on. 

“Sit,” I said once he had the pants and shirt on.

I handed him the vest and tucked the mic pack into the back of his belt before letting him run the wire up through the shirt.

“Do your hair, I’ll get the makeup ready.”

He tousled his hair and I couldn’t help but stare. Him clearing his throat brought me back to reality and I began applying the foundation and powder to his face. The entire time I felt his eyes looking at me causing my face to become unexplainably hot.

Finally I pressed a cut up makeup sponge covered in black and gray eye shadow to give him the look of a dirty newsie. 

“All done,” I said. I tried to stand up quickly so I could go and get my face to not feel like it’s on fire.

He grabbed my wrist, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

He sighed, “You’re always helping me with something.”

“Well,” I smiled, “Hopefully you’d do the same for me if the situation was reversed. Besides theater geeks look out for each other.”

“I’m not a geek!”

I laughed, “It’s almost time for places. Let’s go Peters.”

The final curtain call had most of the cast in tears. This was the night we’d have to put all the props away and say goodbye to Newsies.

I neatly put my costume away before turning off my dressing room light for one last time.

I’ll admit. Working with Reggie wasn’t all that bad. At least he was a good kisser and took a mint before the finale each night. 

I pulled my duffle bag over my shoulder and walked towards the entrance of the school.

“(Y/n)!”

I looked behind me to see Reggie jogging to catch up with me.

“The rest of the crew is going to iHop, are you coming?”

“I dont know,” I said, “I’m kinda tired.”

“Come on,” he groaned.

“No Reginald I’m tired and sad the show ended.”

He smirked, “And going with the rest of the cast will make the grief a little less.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Please?” 

I walked off leaving him to trail behind me.

“Please (Y/n)!”

“Why do you want me to go that bad Reginald?”

“It’s Reggie,” he said, I smirked, “And... I don’t know anyone else that well.”

 I stopped and turned to him, he looked slightly embarrassed. 

“Please? I don’t wanna go by myself.”

I sighed, “Fine. But you’re buying me a milkshake.”

He smiled widely and before I could react pressed a kiss to my cheek.

As he pulled back he realized what he had done causing us both to blush.

“Is that against the rules?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[bastardtetsu]

haikyuu + musical theatre boys pt2

>> PART 1 <<

nobody asked for it but here it is: more MT boy brainrot from your resident theatre school veteran :) | starring: hinata, tanaka, noya, yaku, terushima

tw swearing & more musical theatre bs

HINATA [tenor] such a star omfg his energy & expressiveness!!! not quite a dancer dancer but a VERY strong mover who picks up choreo & technique super fast! also REALLY good at tap, omfg, he just gets it in his body lightning fast. his singing & acting could use work, but like i said he’s a fast learner and his high energy & readiness to commit serves him so well! his main downfall in casting is that he is baby, and gets typed out a lot bc of his height and lack of experience. but we all know hinata doesn’t know the meaning of “give up,” which is a requirement of survival for MTs (!!) so he does just fine

jojo in seussical, tobias in sweeney todd, michael in billy elliot (would be an amazing billy too if he had better technique), literally any newsie

TANAKA [baritenor] king of rap, character acting, & dancing - mainly hiphop/breakdancing & tumbling, please do not ask him to do ballet. singing isn’t his top export and he’s kinda insecure about it, but you’d be surprised at how much this man can turn the house with the vocals okay?? he’s such a fuckin’ character irl though, the energy he brings to the stage is best described as delightfully feral. and BOY can he move, flip, spin, everything, he is the king of tricks (you know he’s always showing off - insists on ripping his shirt off every time too)

mulligan/madison in hamilton, benny in in the heights, tunny in american idiot, grandmaster chad in legally blonde, a wickersham in seussical, gangster in drowsy chaperone (specifically with noya can u IMAGINE), literally anything where they need a shirtless man to do backflips

NOYA [tenor] another rap king but he will also give u that smooth r&b tenor sound~ trina as fuck when it comes to literally any style of dance - tap, ballet, partnering, you name it - plus any tricks & tumbling u can think of. it’s because he played billy elliot as a child and got mad training super young. he specializes in tumbling, but also has always been very good at turns. we’re talking fouettés until YOU get dizzy watching him and beg him to stop. height requirements are a bitch to him sometimes casting-wise, but he still books bc his credits & abilities speak for themselves

sonny in in the heights, pepper in mama mia, literally billy elliot, literally any newsie, a wickersham in seussical, gangster in drowsy chaperone (specifically with tanaka)

YAKU [tenor] TAP GOD. generally trina as fuck, especially with jazz & ballet too. also was a billy elliot as a child so he got that training (remember when he literally grand jetéd over that barricade to receive the ball in the ova?? yea this is canon for me) pretty much always books dancer tracks bc he is That Bitch, but that will not stop him from delivering powerful vocals and bold character choices when you need him to. this boy is a TRIPLE THREAT and do not ever forget it. he makes an amazing swing too, dance ensemble tracks are his bread & butter so you need him to learn 4 of them for one show? cool, he’s ready to go. i would also like to reiterate once again that he is a TAP. GOD. this is very important to me. also do not bring up auditions with height minimums to him

cosmo in singin in the rain, chip in on the town, mike in a chorus line, any newsie, basically any dance ensemble track or smol dancer man type characters

TERUSHIMA [pop/rock tenor] i h8 this mother fucker (no i don’t who am i kidding) but he would book like crazy. only in the more contemporary stuff though since he committed to the edgy vibe with the tongue piercing/bleached hair/his personality lmao. his acting is so-so, but he has the charisma & stage presence to give a solid performance, and his dancing is suprisingly good - i’d classify him as a strong mover. HIS VOCALS are sick though, loves to show off that high rock belt as much as he can (it’d be more obnoxious if he didn’t sound so damn good). also plays guitar and brings it to every audition no matter what it is, just to flex. he’s not even THAT good, but he can play cowboy chords and certain songs if he practices. he’s also the resident horny boy of every cast he’s in, obviously. it does get messy and occasionally weird, like when he hooked up with the girl playing his character’s mom on opening night & had to deal with the awkward oedipal energy for the entire run of the show

johnny in american idiot, gabe in next to normal, dolokhov in great comet (he could play anatole but he doesn’t quite have that C#5 :/), basically any role where he gets to be a glorified rockstar

[kx-writes]

Oblivious - Ch. 1

Pairing: TodoDeku, MomoJirou, more to come

Rating: Teen+ [some language & suggestive comments]

Overall Summary: High School Senior Year AU || Todoroki is head over heels for Midoriya, who just too damn oblivious to notice his advances. 

Chapter Summary: Todoroki spends another lunchtime staring at his hopeless crush, Kaminari, Jirou, and Momo offer some helpful advice.

*crossposted on ao3*

________________________________________________________________

If Shouto could describe Midoriya in one word, it wouldn’t be beautiful or charming or intelligent (despite him being every one of those things), it would be reckless. Utterly and stupidly reckless. These were the thoughts going through his head while he watched said boy teetering on the edge of the ladder as he reached to string up a banner in the cafeteria.

“I wonder if I started to stack my chips on him, how many high I could get.” 

“Oh at least ten. He’s in ‘oogling Midoriya’ mode.”

“Will you two please be more sensitive, you know he has difficulty-”

“I can hear you,” Todoroki turned around and faced the rest of his lunch table again. Jirou was batting Kaminari’s hand away from her food, but Momo was the only one who had the decency to look ashamed. “And I am not oogling him.” He stared pointedly at the electric blond.

Kaminari only shrugged in response and stole another chip from Jirou, “Y’know Todoroki, you’re pretty much the prince of this school. Athletic, pretty, senior, and rich to boot? Just go up to him and ask him out. No way he’s saying no.” 

Shouto furrowed his brows, the only sign on his face of him being in thought. He supposed that while some of his qualities were attractive, Midoriya was not so shallow to date him for the money. And his looks were out of the question. A childhood accident had left an unsightly scar over his eye, plus his natural heterochromia, and his weird birthmark of half his hair being white. Nothing was attractive about that. 

“I mean if I were you,” Kaminari continued, snapping Shouto from his thoughts, “I would ask out everyone in school.” 

“You already do, dumbass.” Jirou chimed in. 

“Okay, okay. Enough you two,” Ah, there was the voice of reason he always appreciated, “Sho, why don’t you try just starting a conversation with him? It couldn’t hurt and you could get to know one another.” Momo suggested. 

Now Shouto’s lips pursed in a small frown. Talking to Midoriya also was not a great option. Every time he tried it was like his brain turned to mush and he stopped saying anything sensible. He almost outwardly cringed at the memory from the last time he interacted with Midoriya.

“Hey Todoroki! Ochako has me helping out the theatre department by handing out these audition flyers!”

Shouto read the paper he was holding, but he felt warm. Too warm. And his tongue was too heavy in his mouth to form full words. “Newsies?” He managed out, still not meeting those deep green eyes.

“It’s our musical this year, about the Newsie strike, young love, and some cool tap dance numbers! Or… at least that’s how Ochako described it, I’ve never actually seen it.” He chuckled lightly and Todoroki felt weak in the knees from the sound. 

“I used to tap.” Stupid. Why did those words leave his mouth? He hated dancing. And performing. And being in the spotlight of any kind and-

“Really!? That’s so cool Todoroki! You should totally audition, here,” Midoriya placed a flyer in his hands and that big grin of his stopped Todoroki from handing it back, “I gotta go now, but I hope to see you there!” 

The rate his heart was beating was not normal. This pace could only be set by Izuku Midoriya. It was dizzying, being in his presence. 

“Hold on-” Kaminari interrupted his retelling, “You used to tap dance? Why have I never heard of this before?” 

Todoroki only shrugged, so Momo answered for him, “That’s actually how he and I met, in dance class.” 

“Okay, he describes Deku like he’s some poet from ancient greece and you’re focused on his tap dancing ability?” Jirou asked before crunching down on a chip. 

“Fair, but we’ve already established Todoroki is so gay for this guy. If you’re just too shy I can talk to Bakugou if you want? He’s known Midoriya since they were kids.” 

But Shouto shook his head, “No. It’s fine. If I just ignore it long enough, the feelings will go away.”

“Yo dude… Last week you compared his freckles to the constellations of stars in the sky.” Jirou dead panned. 

“And yesterday you would’ve ran into that water fountain staring at him if Yaomomo didn’t pull you and snap you out of your stupor.” Kaminari added. 

Shouto looked to Momo, pleading for some kind of reprieve from her. 

But Momo politely looked away and said, “I don’t think these feelings will go away as easily as you think.”

Todoroki sighed. “You guys are no help…” 

“Hey, I have an idea!” The loud blond exclaimed, “Why don’t you actually audition for the musical? Two birds, one stone. You want to get to know Midoriya better and the theatre department could use an experienced tapper!” 

“Momo taps too.” He mumbled back. 

“I would audition, but I have too many responsibilities with the Student Council. This might actually be good for you, Shouto.” Momo smiled softly. 

“I hate to say Denki has a good idea, but it is a good idea.” Jirou shrugged. 

Shouto looked back at the banner Midoriya and Uraraka hung up. The two were gone by now, probably taking the ladder back. But the sign read ‘NEWSIES AUDITIONS: AFTERSCHOOL WEDNESDAY’. 

“...I’ll think about it.” Except, he already had his mind made up. And the three he was currently sharing a table with, knew that too. 

Shouto Todoroki would be auditioning for Newsies and it was set in stone the moment the suggestion left Izuku Midoriya’s lips. 

[seblos]

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 6/10

chapter title: and it’s been a long time since someone gave me a shot

word count: 9,344

notes: tw // panic attacks 

[one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine (coming soon)]

read on ao3

Carlos wakes up the following Monday more excited to start the school day than he’s ever been since the first day of freshman year.

Truly, he hasn’t felt this level of nerves mixed with excitement since he first walked into East High. All that day had brought him anyway was the cruel truth that high school isn’t at all like the movies when you’re an outcast.

Today, though. Today had promise. They had been texting and talking all weekend, but neither had been able to find the time to see each other in person before school. If homecoming was just the start of the new chapter in his and Seb’s relationship, then Carlos couldn’t wait to keep reading.

He walks into school with a little bit of a quicker pace than usual, anxious to get to the photoshoot for the cover of their playbill for the show. He wasn’t close to Kourtney or anyone else on the costumes committee, so he hadn’t able to worm anything out of them about the outfits. Whatever Seb was wearing was going to be a total surprise (for both of them) and he couldn’t be more surprised.

However, when Carlos got to the auditorium, he didn’t see Seb or Miss Jenn. In fact, the only person he actually saw was Big Red, who was holding a camera.

“Where is everyone?” Carlos asked him.

“Kourtney is with the rest of costumes and makeup helping everyone get changed, and, uh,” he glances around. “I don’t actually know where Miss Jenn is.”

Huh. “Oh, okay. I’ll go find her, I guess,” he said, turning on his heel back out of the auditorium and down the hall towards Miss Jenn’s office. Maybe she had forgotten?

As he approached the room, he heard voices coming from inside. One was definitely Miss Jenn’s, and the other was… the principal? He tried not to think anything of it before sticking his head through the doorframe.

“Good morning, Miss Jenn!” he said cheerfully, “You coming to the photoshoot?”

She looked surprised to see him, although honestly not more stressed than normal. (That woman seriously needed a spa day or something, she seemed stressed out 90% of the time.)

“You go ahead and get started without me, Carlos,” she told him with a smile.

That got rid of some of Carlos’s nerves, but only replaced them with different ones about being in charge. It never really seemed to go well for him whenever Miss Jenn left him alone with the group. This was just a photoshoot though, not like him trying to run the entire rehearsal without her.

“Okay!” he said, then headed back to the auditorium. Hopefully, he hasn’t missed anyone’s costume reveal yet.

Thankfully, the only person who seemed to be in costume already was Rico (who’s Ryan costume looked suspiciously like a Newsie, but who is he to judge.) Natalie and Kourtney have also made their way onto center stage, which means the rest of the actors are probably coming out at any second.

Carlos gathers the two of them plus Big Red to discuss the plan for the photoshoot Natalie brings out her clipboard, reminding each of them of their roles. It’s honestly a dream to see another student in charge besides just him.

“Okay, that sounds like a plan!” he tells them once Natalie finishes explaining because he still has to take some initiative.

Carlos then watches as the actors begin to file in. He has to applaud them, the costumes are pretty spot on from the movie. Although, Ricky’s wig could use a little bit of work, no matter how hilarious it is to see him look more like Shaggy from Scooby Doo than Troy.

When Seb steps out from the opposite side of the stage, though, all of his attention is on the blonde boy as Carlos has to keep his mouth from dropping open.

He’s wearing a simple pink t-shirt and some acid washed jeans (cuffed, of course) as well as a few bracelets, which are paired holographic sneakers- platform heeled sneakers. They make him a good few inches taller than Carlos (not that he minds, of course.) And not to mention the glittery vest he has over the pink shirt, matching Sharpay’s audition outfit from the movie.

And then the makeup- Carlos doesn’t even know how to begin to describe the eyeshadow, but whatever Kourtney has done is genius. It’s a mix of pinks, oranges, and yellows that covers most of his left eye and stretches out into his hair, which is also matched with a pink stripe. His hair has also been combed upwards in a higher fringe than usual, sprayed in place with glitter hair spray (how he’s going to get that out, Carlos has no idea.) And he’s pretty sure he’s wearing a light shade of pink lipstick.

After a moment, though Carlos realizes that Seb’s eyes are wide, and he isn’t necessarily giving a positive reaction. Even though he wants to run into Seb’s arms right now, he keeps his calm as the boy approaches.

“Hey,” he offers softly. “You okay with this?”

“I don’t know how to say it.”

“Just say it,” Carlos says after a moment, still searching Seb’s face for some sign of a good (or bad) emotion.

Seb is quiet, like he’s trying to find the right words, before his face breaks out in a smile. He leans towards Carlos, softly saying “I’m home.”

Carlos feels that tug in his chest again as he matches Seb’s movement, leaning forward and placing his hands on Seb’s shoulder as the two giggle a bit. He’s so close to the other boy, and they’re both jittery with excitement for the show and to see each other again.

He wants nothing more right now than to drag Seb away with him to behind the curtains and away from the photoshoot. But they do actually have to get this done, and Carlos does have to take charge. He allows Seb to go find as his place and retreats next to Big Red, as everyone begins to get in line.

“Okay guys, we’re gonna get one in for practice, okay?” Big Red calls once everyone is settled and ready to go.

They line up like the original album as he calls “we’re all gonna jump on the count of three, ready?”

Carlos is preparing himself for this to be an easy, one-shot take. Unfortunately, because it's this cast, he quickly realizes it’s not going to be that simple as Big Red counts up to the first photo. Half of them jump on 2, some jump on 3, and he’s pretty sure Nini and EJ don’t even jump until after Big Red finishes counting. Not to mention Kourtney was still adjusting EJ’s costume, resulting in her running in front of the camera.

“One, two, three!” Red tries again, although it still seems to end with the same result, as well as the “L” in “musical” on the sign behind them falling off.

How the heck did they do this in the movies?

“Wait, what happened?” Big Red asks.

Ricky sighs. “Where to begin?”

“I think you went early,” Seb tells him.

Gina looks between them before turning to Red and asking “are we jumping on three or after three?”

“Yeah, the count of three. Ready?” Red tells her.

Ricky shakes his head. “Nah, man, you need some new words.”

Meanwhile, Seb is leaning down to massage his ankle. “I think I broke a heel!” he tells them. (In hindsight, it probably wasn’t their best idea to have him jump while wearing platform shoes.)

“You guys, this isn’t that hard,” Carlos sighs. He can already feel a headache coming on. “You smile, you leave the earth, you land!”

“It’s a little hard to smile when we don’t even know the plan,” Ricky tells him, and okay, that stung a little bit. He desperately wants Miss Jenn to magically show up to fix all this.

“I can’t look at Ricky, is that a problem?” Nini asks, and obviously, it’s a joke, but Carlos’s head is pounding. He just wants everything to work for once. His excited mood from the morning has already disappeared.

He sighs while the others laugh at what Nini says. “Okay, let's take a five,” he says, although more for himself than anyone else.

“On five or after five?” Ricky asks, walking off. Even though it’s a joke, his tone is a lot less playful than Nini’s.

“I think he’s mad at us,” Seb says softly, less confident than before as he glances over at Carlos. He honestly can’t tell if Seb is joking too or if he’s genuinely concerned about Ricky being mad. (Knowing Seb, it could really go either way.)

Everyone had already begun to disperse after Ricky walked off, but Seb takes a moment before he makes his way over to Carlos after the break is called.

“Hey,” he says as he approaches, the same soft tone that he had used with the comment about Ricky. “Are you okay?”

Carlos lets out a long sigh, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. “Honestly it feels like the entire world has been put on my shoulders,” he says, letting them drop. “Or, at least, the East High theatre world.”

Seb grabs his hands (thank god Ashlyn isn’t here.) “It’s just a photoshoot,” he says.

Coming from anyone else it would have made Carlos feel stupid and belittled, but because it’s Seb… well, like he’s said before. Seb never makes him feel anything like that.

“I know, I just,” he trails off. He doesn’t even know why he feels this way. It’s like something inside his body refuses to let him relax over this. “Nobody listens to me, and I don’t know where Miss Jenn is, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“They were just making jokes, though. It wasn’t anything against you,” Seb furrows his eyebrows.

He sighs again. “I know, it’s more than that though. Like, in rehearsals too. Nobody has any respect for me, which, whatever, but it’s hard to get stuff done, y’know?” He doesn’t know how to explain it well, and he’s really hoping his venting doesn’t upset Seb.

Thankfully, Seb doesn’t seem too affected by it. Instead, he just squeezes Carlos’s hands softly. “They still respect you, Los. We still respect you.”

Carlos just responds with a soft “okay” because, honestly, he doesn’t totally believe Seb. Everyone treats him like he’s the nicest, most wonderful person in the world. Truly, he is, so Carlos shouldn’t compare. But it’s hard when at the same time they all act like Carlos is just there as Miss Jenn’s more annoying and underqualified assistant.

It definitely wasn’t the Monday morning he was hoping for it to be an hour ago.

“Hey, Seb, can you come help?” Red calls a second later, as he attempts to set up a ladder to fix the “L.”

“I’m gonna-”

“Yeah, go,” Carlos tells him. “I’ll go round up everyone; we should probably get back to the photoshoot.”

He doesn’t really want to leave Seb’s side, (and he should really be the one helping with the ladder, because, come on, three points of contact Seb! If Red wanted him though, he would have asked for him, not Seb.) Unfortunately, though, he Gina and EJ in a pretty heated conversation off to the side, and he’s not sure if it’s going to end anytime soon.

“Guys?” he says cautiously as he approaches.

They both ignore him, of course.

EJ continues the conversation instead. “So, do you care about Ricky?”

“And what if I do?”

“Um, guys?” Carlos says again. He really didn’t need (or want) to hear this conversation. He just needs to get them back to finish the photoshoot, and then they can hash out whatever this is.

“Not now!” they tell him at the same time. Immediately, he ducks his head and walks out. On a normal day, it wouldn’t even get a reaction from him, but it’s just the irony of the situation. Whatever Seb thought he saw in the other students was wrong, and unsurprisingly so.

By the time he gets out into the hallway, his throat is tight and his entire face is on fire. Carlos has to force himself to take a few calming breaths, reminding himself that it’s not personal and he’s just having a bad morning.

Once he’s calm again, he pulls out his phone and dials Miss Jenn’s number. She picks up on the very last ring.

“Miss Jenn, I don’t think I can stall much longer,” he says as he makes his way down the hallway, trying to keep his voice level. “Are you coming?”

“Carlos, I was just about to call you!” she responds. It sounds promising, but the tightness in her voice tells him otherwise.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, except that I may be out of a job in 24 hours.”

Okay, great, time to panic. “Miss Jenn, I can’t see your face, so I don’t know if you’re kidding- oh my god!” Carlos says as she approaches with a box under her arm. He can easily recognize the contents of her office in it after weeks of meetings together and eating lunch in the room.

Okay, time to really panic.

“Keep your voice down, honey,” she whispers as she slides her phone into the box.

“What happened?” he asks, definitely not keeping his voice down.

“Carlos, I may have exaggerated one or two credits on my resume,” Miss Jenn explains. “Principal Gutierrez is a little too literal for my taste, but here we are.”

“Where’s ‘here’?”

She ignores him, (what else is new,) and instead continues. “The important thing is you keep this train on the tracks. Hopefully, everything will be cleared up when I sit before the school board tomorrow, okay?”

“Wait, what?” No, not okay.  

“Keep rehearsal on after school today and don’t speak a word of this to anyone,” her voice lowers even more, as she glances around in case of any roaming theatre kids. “In the theater, morale is everything.”

Before Carlos can say anything else, there are footsteps behind them as Principal Gutierrez approaches.

“Miss Jenn, if you would,” he says, gesturing down the hallway. She ducks her head, turning to exit the school.

“Miss Jenn, wait!” he calls after her. How was he supposed to take charge of an entire rehearsal if he couldn’t even correctly take charge of a photoshoot?

She turns back around for a moment to face Carlos. “Trust the process,” she tells him with a reassuring smile, although he doesn’t feel reassured at all.

With that, she turns on her heel again, leaving Carlos lost and confused in the middle of the hallway.

As if on cue from sensing his negative mood, his phone dings in his back project with a text notification from Seb.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: are you okay :( ?? we just finished the photoshoot... big red and natalie took over after you ran out.

Carlos pockets his phone without answering.

—

He feels bad for ignoring Seb all day, he really does.

He wasn’t totally giving him the silent treatment of course. And he appreciates that Seb feels like he has to care enough to ask Carlos if he’s okay during lunch, and again during chem, but it’s hard to lie to him.

He wants more than anything to vent to Seb because he knows the blonde is too polite to tell him to stop. Miss Jenn had specifically told him not to tell anyone, which meant that he either had to lie or stop answering Seb’s questions.

Carlos was able to redirect the conversation during lunch, changing the topic from how he was feeling to discussing the school’s vegetarian options (or lack thereof) with Seb. Then during chem, he just acted like he really needed to learn how to convert grams to moles which involved ignoring Seb. Saying nothing was easier than both lying and telling the truth since technically he wasn’t doing either.

Seb seemed to back off a little after that, thankfully, although Carlos was hoping he wasn’t getting the wrong idea. Geez, why did this have to be so complicated?

Eventually, after an entire day of hoping that the last bell would never ring or some freak storm would hit SLC so they wouldn't be able to put on rehearsal, Carlos is forced to make the dreaded walk down the hallway to the bomb shelter. He can feel his phone in his backpack vibrating with one last text notification from Seb, probably asking where Carlos is, but he ignores it once more.

He stops at Miss Jenn’s office, hoping that by some miracle she had returned. Instead, he was just met with an empty room with only the desk and chairs remaining, ridden of everything inside that gave it it’s personality.

Carlos ends up getting to the bomb shelter about 5 minutes after they’re meant to start. Everyone is already antsy as they await instruction, which is not the best energy for him to start with. He pretends not to see Seb by the piano with Nini as he walks in. They’re probably talking about him.

Even with every bone in his body telling him to turn around and walk out of the school, he pushes forward and begins rehearsal.

“Okay, people!” he announces, faking a laugh as he tries (and fails) to capture Miss Jenn’s energy. “Let’s stage a number! I’m late!”

“Is Miss Jenn coming?” Nini asks.

So much for pretending not to see them. “Miss Jenn had a small personal matter to attend to and won’t be here today,” Carlos tries to explain as vaguely as possible.

“Oh. Is everything alright?”

“Good question,” Seb adds.

“Everything is fine,” Carlos forces a smile. “Why would you guys even ask that?”

He turns to grab his binder. More than anything, he wants to scream with his entire body that no, nothing is alright, but for Miss Jenn’s sake, he just keeps going. That’s showbiz, baby.

Of course, today is the day that he’s supposed to stage the boldest concept of the show. He came up with it when he was watching the movie, and it kind of mirrors it in a way he thinks is clever. Part of him knows that the idea sells itself when people realize that, but another part of him is already preparing for backlash.

“Okay, Gabriella, I need you downstage on this mark,” Carlos says, grabbing Nini’s hands and pulling her in front of the boxes he had Red set up. He could feel her hesitancy, but he ignored it as he continued. “Troy, stage right, Chad, stage left box. Other boys find a box” he instructed.

It was admittedly kind of fun to direct them around and see his concept come to life. Plus, nobody had said anything yet. Maybe this would work out.

That feeling lasted for about a few seconds, though, as Nini’s voice cut in right when he was ready to start.

“Uh, are they going to be on stage with me while I’m singing?”

“Yes,” Carlos says, turning to face her. “They will be frozen in various poses to come as the ballad builds. Nini, you will be wandering through a forest of boys,” he explains. It actually gives him a little more confidence in the concept in doing so, reassuring him that maybe his idea wasn’t as overly bold as he originally thought.

“Wait, what? What does that mean?” she asks.

Or, maybe not.

“Do you know what a forest of trees looks like?” he asks.

“I do,” Nini says, raising her eyebrows, and Carlos curses at himself internally. He was trying to make it sound dumb so she would stop asking questions, but now he feels dumb.

“Okay, but with boys,” he says, trying to shake the feeling.

Nini laughs, but there's no humor behind it. “I’m sorry, why?”

“Because your heart has just been shattered, and you can’t stop thinking about how amazing Troy is,” he explains, refusing to let his voice shake. His heart is already beating quicker then normal, and if anyone else questions him, Carlos might break.

He turns and points at Seb (whose expression has remained blank.) “Let’s go.”

Seb spins on the piano bench and starts playing the beginning of the ballad, and Carlos lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. The sooner they start this rehearsal from hell, the sooner they can end it.

Until Nini’s voice cuts through again.

“Ah, I’m sorry, but at this point in the show Troy just sold me out to his teammates,” she says.

Carlos wants to reply with “yes, I watched the movie too, and probably more than you have. The song is about him and how she can’t stop thinking about him even when she’s angry.” Before he can get a word out, though, Ashlyn adds on.

“She’s got a point. What Troy did was kind of unforgivable,” she agrees. “Respectfully, Carlos, I think the last thing anyone wants in this moment is four more versions of him.”

(It hurts to hear that coming from Ashlyn of all people, who was one of the only people he really considered a friend. Is it still respectful if she’s totally dissing his idea? Where is Gina’s input when he needs it?)

“Maybe she can chop down the trees,” Natalie says.

“Or, what if she’s surrounded by a forest of loving and supportive sisters?” Kourtney suggests, which immediately gets more positive feedback than any of Carlos’s choreography ideas. Hearing everyone critique one of the only parts of the show Miss Jenn allowed him to block by himself feels like a stake through his heart.

His chest is tight, his breathing is getting more rapid, and he’s rubbing his hands together to stop them from sweating and trembling too much. If Miss Jenn was here, this wouldn’t happen, right? Or is he not qualified enough to be a choreographer, much less a director.

Carlos doesn’t know which option hurts more.

“Is it better if she just does a solo acoustic version?” Ricky calls out.

No, no, no!

He’s definitely getting more upset now, which leads to him getting more panicked.

He hears Gina say “I vote for that!” which is his last bit of hope for some defense going down the drain — Seb is still sitting at the piano, looking confused and overwhelmed at everything, clearly not making any move to defend Carlos either.

All the anger, and sadness, and unworthiness, and every other negative emotion are welling up inside him, and Carlos can’t hold it in anymore.

So, he snaps.

“Okay, you guys! This is not a democracy!” he yells, and immediately the room goes quiet. He feels his face heat up as people exchange looks of surprise mixed with offense, which doesn’t feel fair. It’s not like the entire cast was ganging up on them.  

“Carlos, are you okay?” Nini asks.

(Always the first to speak. Always the first to defend herself, and push away Carlos in doing so. Why don’t people listen to him like they do to her? Because she’s older? Because she’s the lead? Because everyone loves her? Because she’s not the 15 year old Mexican gay kid who will always be an outsider and is just trying his best?)

(Maybe Mr. Mazzara had a point...)

“‘Cuz it’s not that deep. We can just come back when Miss Jenn gets here,” she continues, and Carlos wants to roll his eyes and cry at the same time. If it’s not that deep, why don’t they just go along with it? And what part about “small, personal matter to attend to and won’t be here today” do they not get?

It’s all too much, and Carlos is at his breaking point.

“Well, she’s not here, and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back,” Carlos says before he can stop himself.

Once again, everyone goes quiet as the energy in the room shifts.

“Wait, what?” Ricky asks.

“Is this a joke?” Ashlyn adds on. (Carlos could only wish.)

He has the attention of the room now, though, and he knows there's no way he’s getting out of this without telling them the whole story.

“She’s in deep trouble, you guys,” he says, closing his eyes, although not before seeing people stand up and crossing their arms, expressions demanding an explanation.

“They’re saying that she lied on her job application, and there’s a school board meeting in less than 24 hours, and she’s probably going to lose her job,” he explains, opening his eyes but avoiding contact.

“I was supposed to tell any of you, but,” he pauses, struggling how to put this nicely without totally breaking down. “I am trying to do my best here,” his voice comes out hard and unforgiving. He already broke his promise with Miss Jenn, what else do they want from him?

Nini’s the first to speak, again. “I can’t believe it,” she says quietly, going to sit next to a surprised Seb.

“What are we even doing in rehearsal?” EJ asks.

“Wait, how can we have a show if we don’t have a teacher?” Ashlyn cuts in.

Seb leans forward off the piano bench, speaking for the first time since the beginning of this mess. “You know you could have told me,” he says. He’s searching Carlos’s face with worry written across his own.

That clears the red in front of Carlos’s eyes for a moment. Even when he’s upset, at least he has Seb to ground him.

“Miss Jenn asked me not to,” he tells Seb softly, hinting at an apology in his voice.

“Wow, Carlos, what else are you not telling us?” Ej asks, reminding Carlos that he can’t win. He tries to help and do what he’s told, and they get upset. He explains what’s going on, and they blame him for it.

He wants Miss Jenn back, too, (arguably more than anyone else,) but how is he supposed to fix that on his own?

“Hey, let’s all breathe for a second,” Ashlyn says, only for Natalie to cut her off.

“Do you want to be in charge?” she asks.

“She didn’t say that,” Kourtney defends.

All the arguing makes Carlos want to yell again, but whenever he goes to open his mouth, the words get caught in his throat, and someone else talks over him.

“You know what?” Nini asks, standing up and grabbing her backpack. “I, um, I need a minute,” she says, slinging the bag over her shoulder and walking out of the bomb shelter.

“Right there with you,” Kourtney follows, twirling her finger as if to round up everyone in the room.

“Honestly, same,” Ashlyn says, and Carlos can feel her unenthusiasm and discontent digging into his skin.

He can hear Gina saying “wait” over and over again as Natalie calls “guys, wait!” There’s no use, though, and after a moment they pick up their bags as well. Even Seb rushes to pack up his music folder.

And Carlos can’t do anything but stand there and watch as his world crumbles.

“I’m sorry, Carlos,” Natalie tells him as she walks out.

“Rehearsals are officially canceled until further notice,” he finally calls out after them, before throwing his hands up and exiting out the back entrance of the room.

He gets all the way to the parking lot until he realizes he left his backpack in the bomb shelter.

Carlos walks back in, but when he gets to the room, he finds Gina and Ricky still inside.

He wants nothing more than to just get his backpack and start walking home, (Seb usually drives him on Mondays since his mom works late, which was another thing Carlos had been looking forward to today, but it seems he already left,) but he really doesn’t want to interact with them right now. Instead, he hangs around outside the room, leaning against a wall as he waits for them to finish.

Just when he’s contemplating sucking it up and walking into the room (we get it, Ricky, you can sing and play guitar and everybody is in love with you,) he sees a familiar face headed his way, and decides to strike up a conversation.

“Benjamin Mazzara,” he calls out, stopping the STEM teacher in his tracks. He must have been stepping out to get something for the robotics team because he’s clutching a robot in his hand and seems eager to not be interrupted.  

Too late.  

Mr. Mazzara looks surprised to see Carlos actually addressing him to his face after always ducking his head every time the teacher passes. “Carlos…. Surname.”

(Carlos has been in his class for two years, and he’s pretty sure he’s the only Rodriguez in their entire school. How hard is it for him to remember?)

“I assume you know what’s happening to Miss Jenn?” he confronts.

Mr. Mazzara starts walking away as he talks, and Carlos follows. “I may have heard a rumor in the faculty lounge.”

“And I assume you’re happy?”

“Not on the outside.” Carlos has to try to not roll his eyes when the teacher says that. Alright, angst king.

“Look, everyone has fudged on a resume before,” he says. That’s practically what a resume is.

“I haven’t,” Mr. Mazzara points out, and this time Carlos can’t help it when his eyes roll.

“The real question is, who narked on Miss Jenn.”

“Wait,” Mr. Mazzara stops at the end of the hallway, turning to face Carlos, his eyebrows raised. “Are you suggesting I had something to do with this?”

“Are you admitting that you did?” Carlos presses.

“Of course not.” Yeah, right. As if he hasn’t had it out for both of them since day one.  

“Look, kid,” he continues. “Has it occurred to you that Miss Jenn is responsible for her own untimely demise?”

With that, he turns on his heel and continues down the hall, leaving Carlos planted in place, dumbfounded for the second time today. Seriously, does that guy ever speak like a normal person?

He wants to follow Mr. Mazzara and bug him more, but he can hear Ashlyn and EJ’s voices coming from that hallway. Instead, he retreats back to the bomb shelter.

Thankfully, Gina and Ricky are gone by the time Carlos reaches it, judging by the absence of Ricky’s guitar that was previously reverberating throughout the surrounding halls.

Carlos walks through the door, ready to grab his backpack before starting his walk home, and is instead greeted with Seb staring sadly at the piano.

“I thought you went home already,” Carlos says as he enters, and Seb’s head snaps up in surprise.

“I thought you did too,” he says hesitantly, although he seems relieved to see Carlos.

Carlos points at his forgotten bag. “I left my backpack in here.”

“Same with my jacket,” Seb says, holding up the article of clothing in question. “And, uh, I was hoping you would come back, which you did.” He glances nervously at Carlos. “I was supposed to drive you home.”

“Right,” Carlos nods. It’s quiet for a few moments, and Carlos really wants to just bolt. He’s blown off Seb too many times today already, though.

Thankfully, Seb breaks the silence. “I am so, so sorry about not defending you in rehearsal,” he bursts out. “It all happened so quick, and I couldn’t keep up or find a good place to cut in, and I could see you getting more stressed. You’re probably angry and don’t want these excuses, but-”

“Seb,” Carlos cuts him off. “You’re okay.”

Yeah, rehearsal sucked, and there’s a weight in his stomach with everyone’s comments and with about what’s going to go down now that everyone left, but he knows he’s probably better off with Seb supporting him through it rather than holding an unnecessary grudge.

“So, rehearsal today...” Seb trails, as if he’s reading Carlos’s brain. “Kinda intense.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not every day the entire cast of your dream show gangs up on you,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“They didn’t mean-”

“Yeah, I’m sure they didn’t mean it like that, but it still hurts,” Carlos cuts him off. “Still think they respect me?”

Seb is quiet, clearly taken aback, and Carlos realizes he’s never shown Seb this side of him. The part of him that’s dark and scary and upset all the time. The part of him that keeps him up at night, wondering what went wrong in the day and how he could fix it. The part of him that he pushes away so he doesn’t push people away just like he’s doing right now.

The part of him that never feels good enough.

It’s out, he can see it, and he knows Seb can too. It’s terrifying to be this vulnerable. Seb hasn’t left yet, though, which means it can’t be too terrifying.

“I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, I promise. Usually, people leave after I start venting so I guess once I started and you were still here I couldn’t stop,” Carlos explains as he goes to sit at the piano bench. Thankfully, Seb’s features soften, and he crosses to the other side of the piano and stands next to him.

“I’m just… mad at everything,” he continues, slumping over. “And I’m tired of Miss Jenn just leaving at the drop of a hat and expecting me to be able to just take over when nobody listens to me.”

Seb doesn’t stay anything, but he inches closer to him until his torso is pressing into Carlos. He feels an arm wrap around his shoulders. It doesn’t make sense for a moment because Seb is just casually touchy with everyone, but then...

Oh.

Carlos sinks down even more, but this time it’s into the hug. It’s not even a full hug, more like Seb pressing his body against Carlos while he just sits there, but it’s the most physically intimate thing he’s received in a long time.

Somehow, the comfort does more than any words could in the moment. It doesn’t immediately wash away all his worries like his presence at homecoming, but it’s enough for now, and more than enough for Carlos.

Seb drops his arm after a moment, but he doesn’t leave Carlos’s side. He looks up at the blonde boy, who looks like he wants to say something.

But before he can speak, Carlos’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out, and when he sees Miss Jenn’s contact as the notification, he quickly retreats from Seb’s side to read it.

“Is everything okay?” Seb asks as Carlos scrolls through the notification.

“I think so?” he says, switching off his phone and going to grab his phone. “Miss Jenn wants me to meet her at the cafe down the street. She says she has something for me… how am I supposed to interpret that?”

“Maybe it’s good news?”

“I can only hope,” Carlos laughs shortly.

“Do you want a ride? Georgie is on her way-”

Carlos wants to accept— any excuse to hang out with Seb — but it’s really not that far of a walk, and he wants to get there as soon as possible. “It’s alright, I can walk. Thank you though,” he says smiling at Seb, who seems to take it as an acceptable answer and returns the smile softly.

He's about to exit when a “Carlos!” is called. He turns to face the boy again, who’s holding Carlos’s jacket in his hand.

“You, uh- you forgot your jacket,” he says holding up the discarded item of clothing.

He smiles again, walking back over. When he goes to take the jacket, though, Seb pulls him into another hug.

“Good luck!” he says, squeezing Carlos tight before letting him go and holding out the jacket for real this time

“Thank you,” Carlos says, and he doesn’t know if he’s thanking Seb for the jacket or the hug, but either works.

It takes a lot to turn and walk out the doors of the school and towards the cafe rather than run back into Seb’s arms, but he manages to make it to the store. He doesn’t even realize he’s blowing Seb off again until he arrives, but the guilt hits him fast when he realizes he never apologized. Before he steps inside, he pulls out his phone and shoots the boy a quick text.

From: Carlos Rodriguez: so sorry about ignoring your texts today. i appreciated them, just wasnt in the headspace to answer today with everything

From: Carlos Rodriguez: i owe you a coffee or something to make it up to you :)

He doesn’t think about how flirty it sounds or the fact that he practically asked Seb on a date until it’s sent, but it’s too late now. (Besides, they’re past that point, right?) He wishes he could do more, honestly, but he has to talk to Miss Jenn before he can face Seb again.

When Carlos walks inside, he sees her sitting at a table. All mushy feelings are immediately forgotten as he runs over to greet the drama teacher.

“Miss Jenn! I was so happy to hear from you!” he says. She smiles and stands up to hug him (what is up with everybody and the hugs today?) which is hopefully a good sign.

“You said you’ve got something for me. Tell me it’s good news,” he begs, and immediately her energy switches.

“It’s complicated,” she says, putting her hands on his shoulders and directing him to the chair. “Please sit.” As he does, he notices the newspaper spread out where she’s circled what looks like job openings. Okay, not a good sign after all.

“Carlos,” she starts, and he can already feel his heart sinking. “If tomorrow’s board meeting goes the way I think it will, you guys are going to hear a lot of… not great things about me.”

“No, we don’t-” he starts to defend, but she cuts him off.

“It’s all true.”

Carlos furrows his eyebrows. “What is?”

“I never told you guys my real last name because I was embarrassed at how little I’ve actually accomplished,” she says, voice breaking.

Carlos just sits there in silence, still confused and still with a tight chest. It feels the same way he felt when he realized Santa wasn’t real, like the world has suddenly decided he’s old enough to know it’s ugly truth. (And maybe he is old enough, but he’s never going to feel ready.)

“I’m a fake teacher, Carlos,” she admits, voice breaking. “Most of the learning that’s been happening in that rehearsal room… has been all of you teaching me.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “No, that’s not true,” he tells her. She’s already taught him more than any real teacher ever has, how can she be fake?

“It’s the only part of this that ever was,” she tells him, and that seals the deal. Carlos feels like his entire world is falling down around him for the second time that day.

He opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out. All he can do is shake his head in disbelief. This cannot actually be happening, right? If his high expectations for the day haven’t already been thrown out the window, they’ve been run over in the middle of a highway at this point

Instead, Miss Jenn reaches down next to her and pulls out what looks like a bright red safe at first. At closer inspection, it’s more of a heavy-duty carry-on file box.

“Here,” she says, pushing it towards Carlos. “It’s my director's file. Audition notes, staging ideas, everything. It’s all there.”

“But I can’t direct the show,” he tells her quickly. He would love to try it, sure, and he kind of loves that Miss Jenn thinks he can.

But running rehearsal for a day is one thing, and judging by the cast’s reaction, there’s no way they would last more than 5 minutes with Carlos being in charge of more than just one set of blocking.

“Oh, it’s not for you, honey,” she shakes her head, which makes sense he guesses. “It’s for your next drama teacher.”

She stands up to leave, as Carlos struggles to form words. She pauses to linger by him for a moment longer.

“I just hope she loves you guys half as much as I do,” she says finally, placing her hand on Carlos’s shoulder.

Then she’s gone, leaving Carlos to sit there with the director’s file and wondering how it could have possibly gotten this bad. The person he looked up to most in the world, one of two people who saved him this year, is not even close to everything he thought she was. So what is he supposed to do now? Just accept reality and move on?

Carlos isn’t very good at moving on...

He realizes something, though, after his mom picks him up and they’re driving home. Even if Miss Jenn is a fake teacher, it doesn’t mean she didn’t teach Carlos things. And now he has to save her in return.

He just doesn’t know how yet.

—

Carlos is still struggling that night on how to help Miss Jenn when Seb texts him. They had been texting back and forth ever since he got back home and was able to check Seb’s response to his apology. (It was sweet, almost flustered, and it left Carlos feeling a little bit warmer after everything. When his mom asked, he blamed his flushed cheeks on the November chill.)

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: ashlyn invited us to red’s house to talk about some stuff. do you want a ride over?

He wants to ask why didn’t Ashlyn just text him? but he presumes it must have been sent to a cast-only group chat (still sucks, but understandable.) He checks just in case, though.

From: Carlos Rodriguez: did the invite extend to me or are you inviting me?

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: obviously youre supposed to come. youre just as important as everyone else in the show, if not more. we couldnt do it without you :)

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: and no, im not just saying that because i like you

Well, Carlos doesn’t know how to function after that last text anyway (or how to interpret it), so he accepts the ride invitation. About half an hour later, a familiar car pulls up in front of his house.

He says goodbye to his mom and promises to text her before going outside and climbing into the car just like it’s a normal post-rehearsal trip. Except instead of going to his house, he’s leaving.

Georgie is sat in the driver's seat as always (he wonders what Seb must be bribing her with to get her to drive him everywhere,) and Seb is in the passenger seat. At least their matching smiles are able to calm the knot in his stomach a bit.

The drive over to Red’s house is a different energy than their usual drives home, with the radio playing quietly and Georgie’s casual chatter about nothing to break the silence. Maybe because it’s dark out, or maybe because Carlos can feel the nervous energy from both Seb and himself, but either way, they arrive after a few minutes.

As Seb is letting Carlos out of the car, he can see Ashlyn and EJ over Seb’s shoulder, already following Kaden, Rico, and Steph into the house. Kourtney and Nini are walking up to the door as well, and more cars are pulling up, and wow, Carlos hopes Big Red knows they’re all coming.

Carlos follows Seb down the steps as they make their way into Big Red’s basement. He inevitably finds himself perched on the edge of the couch next to Seb, who has his knees drawn up to his chin as everyone finds their place in the room.

Everyone is completely silent as they all glance at each other— except for EJ, who’s staring at his phone — and Carlos avoids eye contact by keeping his eyes locked on the boy next to him (not that he minds.) The energy is definitely tenser now that they’re all together again, but at least he has Seb by his side this time.

“This is a terrible party. They aren't even pretzels,” Natalie breaks the silence from where she’s standing next to EJ.

(She’s got a point, although Carlos wouldn’t exactly call this a ‘party’.)

(Not that he would know, he’s never been to one.)

“What are we all doing here?” she continues.

Ashlyn sighs. “We all ended up in the same basement after a really bad day, so someone should say something.”

Carlos almost laughs. Yeah, bad day. You could say that again. Instead, though, he speaks, somehow finding his words for what feels like the first time all day.

“Fine. I’ll say something,” he bursts out, and he can see Seb and a few others looking at him in surprise, but he presses on. “I’m mad at Miss Jenn.”

“Why?” Gina scoffs. “Because she’s got a couple skeletons in her closet?”

God, no. Carlos is the last person to judge that.

“No,” he explains. “Because she’s giving up. She was the first teacher to not see me as a punchline, and now she’s not even a real teacher?”

“Define ‘real teacher’?” Ashlyn cuts in.

“He’s got a point,” Kourtney says.

Natalie shakes her head. “Does he, though?”

“Guys,” Red says, and Carlos is thankful that he’s at least trying to not have this afternoon happen all over again. He’s had enough disagreement and disappointment in just one day to last a lifetime.

Natalie presses on, though. “So, why are we all here then?” Next to him, Carlos feels Seb tense up

“Yeah, good question,” EJ adds, rolling his eyes. “This is a waste of time.”

And maybe this is, and maybe it’s the end and they have no idea yet, but Carlos is going to do everything he can to have that not happen. They’ve put in so much work, and they still have too much work to do before this can be the end.

“Honestly? Because she gave me a shot,” Carlos admits, and he can feel the words coming from somewhere deep in his body. “And it’s been a long time since someone gave me a shot.”

“Yeah,” Seb says quietly, voice breaking the tiniest bit as he slides his hand up to Carlos’s knee. Even in this depressing environment, he feels electric currents running through his body from where Seb’s skin meets his, and the soft “yeah” goes straight to his heart, making it beat quicker than normal.

Even in drama-teacher’s-career threatening situations, he’s a wreck.

“She gave me a voice,” Nini adds, and a few people nod along.

Kourtney crosses her arms. “Yeah, and now nobody’s gonna get to hear it because Miss Jenn screwed up.”

“Okay, does anyone actually care if her past is… a little bit sketchy?” Ashlyn asks. “Anyone?”

Ricky sighs. “I do.”

“Seriously, dude?” Big Red asks. (Carlos wonders if there’s something Red knows that no one else does about Ricky, but now isn’t the time to ask, so he keeps his mouth shut.)

“What, because you live some perfect life?” Kourtney adds.

“Not at all,” he defends, standing up. “Because she put our show in jeopardy. And now we’re all here, maybe for the last time together. And for some of us, this has become… I don’t know…” he trails off, struggling to find the words.

“Family,” Nini finishes for them.

Carlos can hear both their voices breaking, and he swallows thickly. Ricky was the last person he expected to feel so connected to the show and the cast, and if he can… well, Carlos has been working for this forever. Whether or not the cast accepts him as part of the group, for this to work out, he needs to accept them as part of his group.

“What team?” Ricky asks.

And Carlos seals his fate as he softly replies “Wildcats,” along with everyone else.

“Okay wildcats,” Ashlyn says. “So what are we doing about it?”

—

Later that night, (or technically, early morning,) Nini ends up offering both Seb and Carlos a ride home along with her and Kourtney, and they both accept. He had texted his mom a while ago when they first realized they were going to be there longer than expected, and he didn’t want to wake her up now.

Going in Nini’s car did make him a bit nervous still after the events of rehearsal. Everyone had seemed to move past it already, but Carlos was still caught up on it for some reason.

He pushed it aside, though, as he got into Nini’s car. She had actually been the one to suggest Carlos choreograph the dance with the help of Gina and Big Red, and the entire forest of boys incident seemed to drop from her mind, so he went along with it.

Now Seb and Carlos were in the backseat of Nini’s mom’s minivan, sitting closer than probably necessary with Seb’s head on his shoulder as they tiredly discuss the events of the night. Seb had been assisting Nini and Ashlyn in writing the song, so the two had been separated for most of the night until now.

“Y’know,” Seb says between a yawn as he reaches out to play with Carlos’s fingers. “You don’t have to tell me all of Miss Jenn's secrets, but you don’t keep it a secret from me if you need to confide in someone,” he says softly, so only Carlos can hear over the rumble of the car.

“Okay,” he agrees, because he’s too tired to think and he still doesn’t know how to interpret Seb’s text from earlier, but he’s willing to take whatever this is for the next few moments that he’s got it.

Reaching Carlos’s house feels the same way he did during the last few minutes of homecoming, like he just wants this feeling and this moment of safety to last forever. He does need to get at least a few hours of sleep before tomorrow, though, and in order to do that, he, unfortunately, has to leave Seb’s side.

Seb lifts his head when he feels them stop in Carlos’s driveway. In one swift movement, he brings the hand that he had been playing with to his lips, kissing Carlos’s knuckles softly. It sends shockwaves through his body, and if the car door was open, he probably would have fallen out.

“Goodnight, Los,” he says, and yawns again, and Carlos smiles.

“Goodnight, Seb. See you tomorrow,” he tells him, climbing out of the car, and walking straight into his house and into bed. He can shower in the morning, he just needs to sleep now and think later.

Hopefully, this works out…

—

The plan doesn’t really process in Carlos’s head until he’s sat next to Seb again at the board meeting. (Definitely unintentional blocking that they’re sitting next to each other, it just worked out that way.)

His entire day had been slowly dragging up to this moment, and any minute Kourtney would cut through with the song and they would jump up and start singing and dancing and hopefully pull this off.

Mr. Bowen had just finished speaking (turns out Carlos wasn’t the only one shocked by Ricky’s dedication to their cast), and Principal Gutierrez was now addressing his concern.

“Mr. Bowen, I appreciate your statement, but I think we can all agree that theater isn’t unique in this regard,” he sighs, and Carlos has to fight the urge to stand up and disagree with him.

Give it a moment…

“It doesn’t have some special fairy dust that can’t be filled by another extracurricular,” Principal Gutierrez finishes. Carlos is ready to stand up and contest himself by this point, but before he can, a loud hum cuts through the room.

Just in time, Kourtney.

As Principal Gutierrez frantically tries to find the source of the humming, the cast joins in as they all stand up together. Next to him, Seb gives him a smile before they launch into the song.

Don't say another word

Some of us need to be heard

You want her big confession

She never saw Dear Evan Hansen

Whatever you think about her

The show can't go on without her

And by some magic mixed with sheer force of will, they pull it off. Everyone comes in on time with their lines (they even gave Carlos one, which he thinks was Seb’s doing), and everyone dances around each other without running into each other.

The vocals and the choreographer is flawless, and he can see smiles on the faces of the parents growing as they perform. Even Miss Jenn goes along with it as Carlos grabs her hand and brings her to the front, her eyes twinkling as she watches her students. She doesn’t say anything, but he can practically hear what she’s thinking.

Now this, this is theatre.

It’s not a long song, the most they could write in their late night session, and just enough to get the point across. Before he knows it, he’s shooting Seb one last smile as they group together for the final verse.

She stands for truth, justice, and songs in our key

Jazz squares in the choreography

Sharpay and Ryan, you know they'd agree

She stands for us and we believe

She stands for us and we believe

They end the song with their hands out and jazzing surrounding Miss Jenn. It’s silent for a moment except for their heavy breathing, before Carlos hears clapping, and then more.

He turns to find every parent giving them a standing ovation, and it feels like the biggest weight in the world is lifted off of his shoulders. Over 24 hours of stressing and hard work and near panic attacks, and they pulled it off.

As Principal Gutierrez finalizes the decision to keep the show on by some miracle, everyone cheers, and Carlos finds himself hugging just about everyone in the cast. It’s like the complete opposite feeling of yesterday in rehearsal. He was at what felt like rock bottom, and now he’s on top of the world.

“How did you do this?” Miss Jenn asks as she approaches him, her voice thick with emotion.

“We stayed up all night,” Carlos tells her, laughing slightly. It’s surreal, in a way.

Miss Jenn looks like she’s on the verge of tears— which makes sense, they did just save her job— and she pulls him into a hug.

“Thank you,” she tells him when she pulls away, half shaking him as she does so.

Once she lets go, Carlos is about to go find his mom within the crowd when he remembers that there's still one person he hasn’t talked to yet.

As if on cue, a loud “Carlos!” cuts through the air, before Seb launches himself into Carlos’s arms. Neither of them says anything as he hugs the boy tightly, but this time, it’s not out of fear, but out of… well, you know.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Seb pulls back as he puts his hand on Carlos’s cheek, eyes shining. “You’re amazing,” he says almost breathlessly.

“I can’t believe we did this,” Carlos corrects, trying to ignore his burning face where Seb’s hand is. “And you’re pretty fantastic yourself.”

Seb’s face turns what Carlos can only imagine is a matching shade of red to his own. “Okay,” he says giddily, dropping his hand.

Just like at homecoming, Carlos wishes they weren’t in front of a crowd of people, so he could just lean in and kiss the other boy right then and there.

He doesn’t, because he assumes some of the Utah mom’s reactions might be worse than some of the students in their school. He still clings to Seb tight, though.

Maybe this week wasn’t what he thought it was supposed to be, but it was better.

[eeveemasters]

hey, all you lovely people!  full disclosure i talk a lot and i have thought about this character thoroughly when you look under that read more... oh boy... just a heads up. anywho... guess i’m the last here i see, well, that’s typical. I’m late to literally everything, although this time I do have a good excuse. i’d tell you what it is but you don’t really wanna read about me gettin’ it in all weekend and drew is my bro -like literally. we share blood. we came outta the same womb. 26 hours of labor. 19 minutes apart. our poor mother-  so he def doesn’t wanna read about it and that is a swill of information about me before ya even know my name which says a lot, doesn’t it? inst-y-ways, I’m maddie and I’m Jewish, you’ll figure out why i’m putting that out there now. also hello again. i hope y’all are ready to get this party started, cause this is where it’s at! look below & hit that read more and I will tell you all about my baby girl, Eevee.

TW: DEATH, DEPRESSION, STALKER, MURDER, KIDNAPPING

★ ━  ( candice patton,   cis-female,   she/her )  ━ ★   just to be clear, ya didn’t get this information from me.   The person you’re lookin’ for is     EVELYN LUCIA MASTERS.   also known as     EEVEE.    Last I heard she was born on   APRIL 7TH, 1988    in    SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS,   but she’s been livin’ in   RICHMOND,    for about    EIGHT MONTHS.    Word around the districts is, this doll,    EEVEE  can be    VENGEFUL,   SELF-RIGHTEOUS,   &    A KNOW-IT-ALL,   but i gotta tell, ya, alls I seen is good things, like the fact that she’s   RESILIENT,   CHARISMATIC,    &     ENERGETIC.   I guess that depends on how well ya know ‘em, though.   the last thing ya need to know is that she works as an   A-LIST ACTRESS  &  CO-OWNER OF EXCALIBUR COMICS.  I don’t know much about what that’s all about but I do know that’s all I can tell ya the rest you gotta find out on ya, own.  ━     ( ooc:  maddie,   pst,   28,   she/her ) 

Evelyn Lucia Masters.

the irony of her name is that it means “wished for child”

she was definitely not.

hence why she goes by... 

Eevee. 

Yes, like the Pokemon.

No, it’s not a stage name or a gimmick.

She legally changed her name.

It’s on her credit card. ( so are kittens! )  

Born in San Antonio Texas.

Jewish, Bisexual & Very Proud.

Collette Rivers

Her mother.

One of the first and few Black, Soap Opera stars.

Had a wildly popular sitcom for a hot minute.

Career was on fire in the 80′s & 90′s.

Transitioned to clothing designer and eventually a reality tv real housewife when she couldn’t get jobs anymore.

Joseph Masters.

Her Father.

a former actor

was very well known for CSI.

was on broadway.

became a sought after director.

it’s a whole family in the biz, so of course...

@ two years of age, Eevee became an Actress™

baby diaper commercials with her mom.

then singing lessons.

then dance lessons.

then pageants.

more commercials.

a bit of child modeling.

more commercials.

reoccurring kid on sesame street.

then a reoccurring (but not staring) role on Gullah Gullah Island.

1998. She’s 10.

lands a role on Broadway opposite Leon Thomas III as Nala in The Lion King. 

this is the jumping-off point of her career. where it really shot off

but ignoring that for a minute...

Eevee has 5 other siblings.

4 of them are alive.

when Eevee was 15 she’d just gotten season 1st ( and eventually only ) season of her Disney show renewed and she had a stalker. on her 16th birthday, the stalker snuck into her sweet 16, cornered her when she and her older, brother Elias were alone, stabbed Elias, and kidnapped Eevee. Elias was rushed to the hospital when they found him but died shortly after.  They found Eevee, recovered her from the stalker unharmed, but when she asked about Elias... shortly after Eevee sunk deeper into her depression, and also suffered from survivors’ guilt and eventually had to stay in a mental hospital and was released a year later, a few days after her 17th birthday. being in the real world was hard for her and in a few weeks time, became legally emancipated from her parents because her father had taken control of monitoring her finances, her decisions, and became too controlling of her schedule and time out of his concern for her and her mother acted like none of it happened and expected Eevee to pick up where she left off and to get more jobs and keep working. It was an environment detrimental to her health and sanity so she had to get out of that and got her own place and moved away from her parents and unfortunately, her twin sister and younger brother.

Took a break from acting to finish high school.

had to have private tutors

excelled at the school aspect of her life.

had very few friends but she did have a girlfriend.

eventually, Eevee broke up with her

to seize her 5 minutes of fame she outted Eevee as a lesbian to TMZ.

It didn’t take long for Eevee to speak out.

At 17, in 2005, Eevee came out publically as Bisexual.

as a Black 17-year-old girl she was proud of herself.

but it did not go well for her in the media or in magazines.

didn’t help what little career she had left.

but she also kinda didn’t care

Became known for outspoken activism for LGBTQ+ youth.

Started her own charity and outreach program to finance and help struggling youth in the LGBTQ+ community by providing them with shelter, food, and treatment for health issues both mental and physical.  

went to college...

Northwestern State University.

joined the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority

double-majored in theater and business

got married to one of her best friends at one point to help him out with his financial situation.

graduated with degrees. 

and real friends in and out of her sorority.

WORKED HER ASS OFF TO GET HER CAREER BACK ON TRACK.

it took a lot of hard work.

a lot of mediocre jobs.

a lot of auditions. 

a lot of shmoozing & playing the long game.

she pulled every single string

cashed every single favor

ate a lot of shit.

including going to her mother whom she hadn’t spoken to in six years.

EVENTUALLY ROSE BACK TO THE A-LIST WITH A VENGENCE.

Several Independent Films.

Supporting roles in TV shows.

Supporting roles in a few movies.

Starring roles in a number of pilots that never got greenlit.

Starring roles in 2 tv shows. 

one was canceled the first season.

the other had THREE SEASONS.

won an Emmy

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

landed a few ad campaigns

Eevee went back to Broadway a few times over the years.

Bring It On: The Musical

played Danielle

won a tony

Best Featured Actress in a Musical.

Newsies: The Musical

played Katherine.

dream come true.

Hadestown

played Eurydice.

nominated for a Tony.

The Lion King

played adult Nala.

life coming full circle.

Currently stars in her own Netflix show. 

season 2 just finished filming which is why she has moved to Portland.

PERSONALITY:

very much a complete dork. loves video games, loves comic books, has a lot of memorabilia all through her house, it’s practically a dork museum, always telling puns. always joking. always been an adorable ray of sunshine. she really likes to be a light and enforce positivity for her friends and others.

talks far too much for her own good especially when she’s nervous.

very kind, generous, and loving, always willing to help a friend.

always willing to cook for someone as a way to comfort them. She’s a well-versed home chef and an excellent baker.

she’s in-between the vodka aunt and the mom friend. she’s the first to suggest doing shots and getting fucked up, but she’ll also make sure everyone’s okay and be responsible.

She’s that friend who if you fuck with one of her friends in any way she will go into protective mamma bear mode and straight-up end that person for you. if you need someone to back you up in a fight, literally, and have your back she is your girl.

she isn’t great at flirting or really being around anyone she finds attractive, she turns into a rambling, nonstop talking, pile of adorable.

up until the end of December last year, she was a virgin. She’s only ever slept with one person so she’s not really the sleep around kind of girl but respects those who do, you do you boo, but also please don’t mistake her for a relationship type girl either. she’s neither. she’s great at fooling around and hookups that usually stop before they get to the sex part. she’s actually just very awkward when it comes to intimacy and feelings and getting close to people in that way. It fucks with her anxiety so she just needs someone who can get her out of her head and that is very hard to find for her.

She’s a feminist and believes women should be there to support each other, but also is aware that feminism isn’t always equal and some women don’t include her as a woman to support because she is a woman of color and because she’s Black and will call someone out on their white feminist or anti-black bullshit.

she’s kind but is in no way a pushover. she’s very opinionated and steadfast and isn’t afraid to reason with someone and argue with them and stand up for herself.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS:

Friends: people who can put up with her non-stop chatter and find it endearing.

Fake Friends: people who are using her for fame, recognition and what her name can do for them.

Crushes: could be one-sided, could be both-sided, let’s talk about it.

Boxing Friendship: sparing partners, or someone who sees her at the boxing gym in her workout outfits that include but is not limited to color-coordinated custom gloves, that match both her outfit, her shoes, her gym bag and the giant cheerleading bow on the top of her high ponytail,  but has never actually stuck around to see her box so don’t believe she can throw an actual punch because they can’t take that seriously, because she’s just a pretty little celebrity what can she actually do, but then one day end up in an argument with her and challenge her to a sparring match and to their surprise kicks their ass and they become sparring partners. I don’t know, clearly I haven’t given that plot much thought.

Step-family member: Eevee doesn’t have a relationship with her mom, but she is aware the woman got married to another woman who has kids when Eevee was 19 or so. She’s never met any of them. Never spoken to any of them. Never been invited to family functions. Knows full well they exist and they know full well she exists and they have actually hung out with other members of her family, just not her. So that sounds like awkward and traumatic fun for all involved right?? Bring the angst.

Fellow Actors: They could be real friends, could be fake friends, could have worked together, could just know of each other, could be a publicity friendship, dude, I don’t know.

Fans / Haters: like her work or don’t like her work???????????? I don’t know I’m just throwing stuff out there at this point.

I don’t know we’ll figure something out, I AM PUMPED AND EXCITED!!

[harryfeatgaga]

I remember when I did newsies in high school and for the dance audition it was literally just he broadway dance and I was like 👁👄👁 we are not broadway dancers. It was absolutely terrible and I didn’t get the role I was called back for because sadly i wasn’t a broadway dancer :( . My high schools theatre program was really wack anyways

WJDNBHHURF NOOOO yeah dancing wa snot my forte lmao and yeah I didnt even do theatre at my schools cause I could not stand the people in them lmao I did it at an outside community theatre 

[justabigassnerd]

Need help rehearsing?

Pairing - Gabe Goodman x reader

Word count - 1766

Warnings - swearing and mentions of bullying

A/N - I’m sorry, y’all were probably expecting something Newsies related but I defied your expectations and post about Next to Normal. I’m lowkey in love with this musical and so I wanted to write about my favourite character from this show, for the sake of this fic Gabe is not dead.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“y/n you’re going to be late for school hurry up, Gabe is waiting!” Your mum calls from downstairs, you groan as you grab your hoodie after brushing your hair, throwing it on as you head downstairs. You see your mum, holding out both your school bag and an apple, both of which you grab swiftly and join your childhood friend Gabe Goodman who is waiting patiently for you and you leave the house together. Gabe and you have been friends since you were both about three or four, your parents moved and they introduced themselves to the Goodman’s when they found out that your parents had you they quickly became excited, saying that they had a son your age and from then on in your parents became close with Diana and Dan and they always brought you whenever they went round to their house and you grew up with Gabe, you two quickly becoming close friends. When you hit high school however, Gabe quickly joined the jocks and athletes while you stuck to yourself. You were still friends, but Gabe hung out with his friends at school while barely acknowledging you, it hurt when he ignored you, but you knew that if he got seen with you his reputation would be fucked. What you didn’t know was that Gabe felt bad for ignoring you all the time, he’d watch as you’d shrink into a shell as soon as you arrived at school that was non-existent when it was just you and him, he hated seeing you pushed around and he wished that he could protect you from the assholes that inhabit your school but because he’s a fucking idiot he hid behind his ‘friends’ and didn’t do anything about it.

“So, Gabe, why are you walking in with me instead of driving in with Luke?” You ask as you start the five-minute walk to your school, confused as to why Gabe was risking walking with you.

“Can’t a guy walk his best friend into school?” He jokes, nudging you slightly with his shoulder, but when he sees the unimpressed look on your face, he immediately drops his jokey persona and gets serious.

“I honestly just wanted to hang out with you for a bit, I know we hang after school, but it hasn’t happened for ages because I’ve always got football practice and I just miss you.” Gabe says, this caught you off-guard, Gabe was never this straightforward with anyone, not even his own mother, he was always cocky and jokey. He never wore his heart on his sleeve, not ever. Before you can reply you realise that you’ve arrived at school and you stop walking.

“You go in Gabe, you don’t want to be seen with me.” You say, urging him to go before his friends spot you two together. He looks at you with sad eyes before hurrying into the school building to meet up with his friends. You wait for a bit before heading in yourself, you keep your head down as you go to your locker and gather your books. As you head to your first lesson you notice the cast list for your school’s production of ‘Addams Family’ which you auditioned for, and you approach the board with anticipation and when you look you see your name y/n l/n next to Wednesday. You bagged one of the main parts, you feel your heart flip with excitement, and you can’t wait to tell your parents. They knew you longed to be on Broadway or in theatre in some shape or form in the future and they supported you no matter what role you got. The whole day seemed to fly past as you hurried home to tell your parents of your role in the show, when you told them they almost immediately called the Goodman’s and insisted they had a celebration round at your house and before you knew it the Goodman family had come round, including Gabe and his younger sister Natalie who both congratulated you with large hugs. You were surprised that Gabe was even there, you thought he had football practice.

“I figured today would be a good day to skip practice and I guess my instinct was right.” Gabe says, answering the question you hadn’t even asked. You all head into your garden as the sun was shining and your parents wanted to make the most of it while it lasted. Your mum brought out drinks for everyone, while your dad set up the barbeque to make burgers and hot dogs. You were almost embarrassed at how much your parents were doing to celebrate but it felt nice to be appreciated by someone.

“y/n/n, if you ever need someone to rehearse with just come around and ask for me, I’ll help you out.” Gabe says, smiling at you and before you can protest, he speaks up again.

“I don’t want an argument, I’ll be there to help, I promise.” Gabe says, holding out his pinkie finger, you laugh and lock your own pinkie with his. You’ve both been pinkie promising each other things since you first met, and it doesn’t seem like it will ever end.

“Thank you for offering to help Gabe, it’s very sweet of you.” Your mum says, smiling at the both of you, the barbeque runs smoothly with everyone wishing you luck with the show and promising to come and see it. When the Goodman’s have gone home you start going through the script you received from your director earlier in the day and that night you go to bed happier than you have been in a long time.

Gabe stuck true to his word and helped you rehearse at every given opportunity, he would have to play multiple characters at once and it would be funny watch him embody so many different personas at one time. One day you needed to go through a crucial scene in the show, so you asked Gabe to read in for Lucas, Wednesday’s love interest in the show, everything ran smoothly, you remembered all your lines and when you reached the end Gabe faltered.

“It says that they kiss, you need practice?” Gabe says, laughing slightly at his own joke, you giggle but shake your head.

“I think we can stop there, no need to kiss.” You say, not noticing the quick flash of sadness that crosses Gabe’s face. He checks his watch before scrambling to his feet.

“I need to go home.” He says, you stand up and hug him.

“Thanks for everything Gabe.” You say, he wraps his arms around you and hugs you back before pulling back so he can leave.

The time for the school production rolled around and while you were waiting backstage excitedly for the show to start, a very nervous Gabe was sat in the audience, a bouquet of flowers laid across his lap. He had confided in Diana about his feelings for you, and she offered to help him pick out flowers for you. When the lights dimmed and the show began, Gabe found himself transfixed on you for the entire show as you acted and sung your heart out. The others were good sure, but to Gabe you stole the show and owned it, he knew he had feelings for you, but it felt like this show helped him admit to it. When the show was over and the bow happened, Gabe saved his applause for you, he clapped widely as you took your bow, his heart surging with pride for his best friend. The Goodman’s and your parents waited for you in the theatre’s lobby, when you emerged from backstage your parents pull you into a large hug, followed by Dan and Diana, and then Natalie who played the piano for the show and you congratulated each other. Then it was Gabe who held out the flowers.

“You did amazing out there.” He said, trying to conceal his nerves, you take the flowers gratefully and hug him tightly, he uses that opportunity to pick you up and spin round.

“My best friend is going to be a star.” He says when he sets you down again, you laugh and shove his shoulder slightly, Gabe then takes a deep breath and asks if he can speak to you in private. You nod and hand your flowers to your mum and you lead Gabe to the prop cupboard after making sure no one is inside and shut the door behind you.

“What is it Gabe?” You ask, he takes another deep breath and runs a nervous hand through his sandy blond hair.

“I like you y/n, like more than a friend like you, and I know I’ve probably fucked up our entire friendship by saying that, but I had to say it, I couldn’t keep it in forever.” Gabe says, avoiding eye contact with you.

“I like you too.” You say, making him look up at you with his dazzling sapphire eyes wide with shock.

“You heard me Gabriel, I like you too.” You repeat, laughing at Gabe’s reaction, but he quickly catches you off guard by pressing his lips against yours. You start to kiss back, running your hands through his hair before you realise what your doing and pull away.

“Gabe, we can’t do this, I’m me and you’re you, your friends will kick you off the team, your reputation will be ruined I can’t do this to you.” You say, panicking about what you’ve just done. Gabe catches your flailing arms and holds your hands lightly in his own and you look deeply into his crystal blue eyes and find yourself calming down.

“y/n/n, everything will be alright, they can say shit about me but I don’t care, I just scored the most beautiful girl in the world, I don’t care if my reputation get ruined, I didn’t really care about it to be honest, I only stuck with them because of football, I just wanted to be with you, now that I got you I see no reason to be with them anymore, and if they try to do anything that hurts you I will not hesitate to beat their asses up.” Gabe says, reassuring you, you nod trusting Gabe.

“Now, can we try that kiss again, to make up for the one we didn’t do while I was helping you rehearse.” Gabe says before pulling you back in for another kiss which you return gladly, beyond grateful to have this amazing boy in your life and even more grateful that he’s now your boyfriend.

[class-act-theatre-demon]

Rehearsal rant!

With---THAT'S RIGHT! YOU GUESSED IT!---your's truly, Maggie

So,

Not many of you know this. Not only am I dedicated to my school's self funding theatre program as well as high school Chorale, but I'm also part of a rather sizable singing group---Eagle Entertainers---directed by our Chorale teacher that does mostly a capella performances. We have a couple songs put together for our concert happening this upcoming Tuesday. One of which is You're the One That I Want from Grease. Our director decided let's spice this up a bit and elected to have a peer of mine, who I love and respect, choreograph a dance for the song based on the Just Dance video she found. She was initially teaching us the dance herself, but had to leave town on personal business. The day before she left, she and our vocal director put me in charge of teaching the rest of the choreography to everyone else. My friend marked notes in the sheet music provided and gave me a few demonstrations before she had to leave. I felt confident.

I went into rehearsals with a smile and hope. I tweaked a few things here and there to fit the comfort of the group with the permission of our director. I then reported back to my friend via Snapchat with updates and concerns. During these rehearsals, I was blown off and belittled by one of our sopranos. (She has been known to cause seriously, unnecessary drama during musical season. Many of my castmates don't care for her. She pouted and whined and trash talked for weeks after audition callbacks and castlist announcements when she was cast as newsie IKE instead of Medda Larkin. She often sang over our much more talented Medda Larkin in rehearsals. She didn't get the role because she causes issues and quiet frankly cannot develop a character deeper than a dollar store kiddie pool cause she can't act---she's saltier than the ocean itself. That's just a tiny bit in the garden of garbage she's dragged through everyone else's happy life. She has screamed at fellow singers and made them cry before concerts, purposefully excluded people in open group conversations, upstaged other actors in order to be the center of attention---this was told to us by professional judges who run the WNY sector of the Jimmy's national high school theatre awards---blown off rehearsals just because she thinks she can do as she pleases whenever she pleases, has fought with our directors, insulted staff behind their backs, made our prodigy dancer cry and flee the building because oh yeah SHE KNOWS BEST, talked shit about our vocal director for tiny mistakes and then pulls a Jekyll and Hyde pretending as though she adores her. During a rehearsal, our director had to leave early to attend a very important function and left me in charge and to assist our choreographer. Said choreographer was having considerable difficulty getting everyone to listen because there were side conversations going on and she was on the cusp of losing her voice entirely. I took it upon myself to redirect them and get the rehearsal back on track by shouting (without a negative tone), "Hey, guys! Mrs. Hillery needs your attention, please!" Everyone listened and she was in the middle of talking when this rude ass chick mockingly yelled at me, "Sorry, are you the director, Margie? I didn't think so" in front of our entire cast and paid teacher/choreographer who later told me that what she did to me was way out of line. I've asked this girl countless times not to call me Margie because it was a nickname used by other people to bully me as a child and BECAUSE I'M LITERALLY LISTED AS STUDENT PRODUCTION DIRECTOR IN THE PROGRAM AND THE ACTUAL PLAYBILL ITSELF AND I KNOW THE SHOW INSIDE AND OUT AND COVER Hannah and Mr. Jacobi and Stage Manager and back up newsies and backstage mic vocal support AND OPEN THE SHOW WITH MY SELF SCRIPTED PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! She has done this and so much more to ruin other people's theatre experience and personal lives, but I'm not going to go into further detail for the sake of brevity. Did I mention that I'm actively pursuing a professional career in theatre as an actor, will soon enough be studying it in college, working up my credits at an Equity theatre and joining the Equity Actor's Union because I'm passionate about what I do because I love it and hope to entertain and inspire the audiences I perform before???)

This by no means makes me better than her. Just saying! Back to my story...

I was put in charge of teaching choreography because our vocal director and my very talented friend said I would lead well, get the job done, and that they know I'll do it all with a smile on my face in the process because that's the type of enthusiasm I bring to every rehearsal and performance regardless of the medium because this is the stuff I live for.

This girl had the balls to call me out on my mistake of saying step ball change instead of step ball step. She passive aggressively harped on it for the whole rehearsal. Then once my friend came back and rejoined the group, SHE BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN AND STAYED ON IT FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES and wasted precious time we had with our athletes before they had to leave for track practice. I get there's a difference I KNOW BECAUSE I TOOK FUCKING TAP AND JAZZ AND ACRO FOR YEARS. I let this go. I let it go. Let her be rude. Who cares, right?

We continue to run through the dance a few times. Everyone is dismissed and I hang back just to debrief and recap with my vocal director. That same fucking soprano also hung back and decided to tell me that I'm too "enthusiastic" while I'm performing the song. She told me I should reel it in so she and a few others will look good without putting much effort and ENTHUSIASM into the performance. That's all well and good.

Here's what I said to her: Oh, okay. I can do that. Yeah, no big deal. No problem. Thanks for the feedback.

Here's what I wanted to say to her: Step ball change up your fucking game and get on my level, ya simple bitch.

My point is: I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING TO HER AND SHE'S CONSTANTLY RUDE. DON'T LET TOXIC PERFORMERS GET THE BEST OF YOU. It's just not worth it. Be better than them.

[hummelinthenorth-archive]

HOLY SHIT IS THAT [ CHRIS COLFER ]?! Oh, wait it’s just [ KURT HUMMEL ]. Damn, [ HE/HIM ] looks good for [ 26 ], good thing that they’re [ HOMOSEXUAL ], I might have a chance. I hear that they call them the [ BROADWAY FASHIONISTA ] of the [ NORTH SIDE ]. I guess that’s because they’re [ SARCASTIC ] and [ STUBBORN ]. But I don’t think a lot of people know that they’re also [ DEVOTED ] and [ PASSIONATE ].

01.  BASICS

Full Name: Kurt Elias Hummel

Nickname: He doesn’t really have many nicknames to be honest; people used to call him ‘Porcelain’ in high school, but that doesn’t really bother him much anymore

Sex/Gender: Male

Birthday: May 4th

Age: 26

Astrological Sign: Taurus

Occupation: Actor, Singer, Photographer

Spoken Languages: English, French, ASL

Sexual Orientation: Homosexual

Birthplace: Riverdale, MA; Northside

Relationship status: Single

02. PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: His hair color varies from dark to light brown depending on whether he’s in the sun or not; he wears it cut short and well-coiffed

Eye Color: Glasz

Face Claim: Chris Colfer

Height: 5′11

Weight: 163 lb

Tattoos: Three, small stars on inside of his left wrist

Piercings: None

Unique Attributes: Small scar just above his left collar bone; his ‘countertenor’ singing voice; his eyes

Defining Gestures/Movements: He cracks his neck a lot more than he probably should

Posture: Healthy; sits up and strands straight

03. PERSONALITY TRAITS

Pet Peeves: People who interrupt, bullies, homophobia, people who walk slow, overly confident people

Hobbies/Interests: acting (though this is his occupation, it’s also a hobby he loves), cooking, fashion design, singing, dancing, reading, drawing

Special Skills/Abilities: His singing voice is definitely one of the most unique things about him; he also fluently speaks French

Likes: Broadway, Harry Potter, cooking, sex, fashion, animals, singing, dancing, spending time with his friends, NYC

Dislikes: Ignorance, homophobia, bullies, people who are mean for no reason

Insecurities: He has a fear of failure and not being good enough, despite the success he has managed to achieve

Quirks/Eccentricities: Knows how to use sai swords, can’t sleep without some sort of background noise

Strengths: consistent, resilient, reliable, honest (to a point), devoted, responsible, versatile

Weaknesses: can be a bit manipulative, stubborn as hell, snarky, a little blunt at times

Speaking Style: Depends on who he’s talking to; generally, he’s articulate, though a little rambly at times (especially when he's talking about something he's passionate about)

Temperament: He tends to keep his head in most things, though there are certain things that immediately set him off; overall, he is a generally happy person

04. FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Burt Hummel (father), Elizabeth Hummel (mother), Aaron Hummel (adopted brother)

How do they feel about their family? coming soon

How does their family feel about them? coming soon

Pets: None as of right now; in New York, he wasn’t home enough to take care of a pet even though he really wanted one. He has no plans to move home to Riverdale, but when he finally does (and we all know he will) he’s going to invest in finally getting himself a furry little family member.

Where do they live? He owns a small one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, but he lives at home in Riverdale while his father is healing/in the hospital.

Description of their home: Neat, organized, open. Many bookshelves.

Description of their bedroom: Airy and open. Many earthy colors. King-sized bed that takes up a good portion of his bedroom, though he also has a walk-in closet for all of his clothing. Part of his living room serves as a work-space for creating and designing his own clothes, which he does in his spare time.

05. THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert?

Optimist or Pessimist?

Leader or Follower?

Confident or Self-Conscious? A little of both, depending on the situation.

Cautious or Careless?

Religious or Secular?

Passionate or Apathetic?

Book Smarts or Street Smarts? That being said, he also knows how to pick a lock and can defend himself in a fight

Compliments or Insults? Bit of both, truthfully

Pajamas or Lingerie? Bottoms only, but only in the winter; otherwise, naked

06. FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Dark green

Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: Anything he considers to be fashionable; he is almost always sharply dressed unless he’s at home without anyone to see him. At home, he’s usually in sweats and a loose-fitting shirt.

Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: Anything and everything Broadway, Pop, Top 40′s, R&B, Jazz, Piano, Violin, Classical; honestly, he has a fairly wide taste in music

Favorite Movies: Romance, Comedy, RomCom, Horror as long as he’s not alone

Favorite Books: Harry Potter, anything dystopian, mystery novels; honestly, he’ll read anything that keeps his attention

Favorite Foods/Drinks: Pizza; red wine.

Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: He’s not much of a fan of sports, but he can follow if someone else he’s interested in has interest

Favorite Time of Day: Early Morning

Favorite Weather/Season: Fall

Favorite Animal: Penguins

07. MISCELLANEOUS

Fears/Superstitions: coming soon

Political Views: Liberal

Addictions: Coffee. Tea. Britain.

Best School Subject: Languages (English & French); he taught himself ASL

Worst School Subject: Maths

School Clubs/Sports: He played football for a few months in an attempt to fit in, but that was the extent of his high school athletic career. He broke his arm during a game once, and he was done.

How does he get money? Through his acting jobs. He’s also a secretary at Vogue.com

How is he with technology? Very adept.

08. PAST & FUTURE

Fondest Memory: Making Christmas dinner with his mother the first year Aaron was adopted

Deepest, Darkest Secret: When the casting director for The Book of Mormon hit on him after auditions, he caved and slept with the man to give himself an upper hand to finally get on the big stage. He was upset (mainly with himself) when the man cast him as Elder McKinley instead of Elder Price like he had promised, but he accepted the role regardless. Kurt dated the casting director for a very short time after this, in an attempt to ease his own uneasiness with what he’d done, but it didn’t work out.

Dream Vacation: France

Best thing that has ever happened to this character: Moving to New York and making a life for himself.

Worst thing that has ever happened to this character: His mother dying

What do they want to be when they grow up? A successful Broadway star as well as the owner of a successful fashion line

Perfect Date: A nice dinner (home cooked or in a restaurant), walking under the stars to get to know each other; he also wouldn’t object if it ended in sex, though it doesn’t have to.

09. HIGHLIGHTS OF HIS LIFE

Growing up in Riverdale wasn’t a picnic, but he knew that there were others who had much more difficult lives than he had

He had always been closer to his mother than his father, emulating her in many ways (including adopting some of her habits and passions as his own), and when she passed away it absolutely devastated him. He didn’t speak for nearly two weeks, and when he did he would only speak to his family. It took a few more months and much more therapy before Kurt finally started returning to his old self.

His father was and is unaware, but after Aaron ran away when Kurt was 17, he has kept close contact with his brother on a fairly regular basis; he doesn’t agree with the way Burt treats Aaron. Kurt might not understand Aaron’s desire to be in a gang or put himself in dangerous situations, but he also knows his brother wouldn’t be involved in anything he couldn’t handle. In the last year or so, he hasn’t been able to talk to him for as long as he would like because of his own busy schedule (employed as a secretary at Vogue.com as well as auditioning for shows), but he still makes sure to carve out time in his schedule to keep tabs on his little brother.

Being the son of the Sheriff didn’t exactly make him popular in high school, but he didn’t let the bullies stop him from being himself. That being said, after a particularly hard year being bullied in his Junior year - he spent much of his Senior year keeping to himself. He didn’t voice his opinions as much, but he instead chose to set his sights on his future. New York City and the New York Academy for the Dramatic Arts. Auditions for the prestigious school were brutal, with only fifteen people around the country being accepted to the program he wanted each semester, but Kurt was over the top excited when he received his acceptance letter.

In the eight years since leaving Riverdale in his rear view, Kurt has truly come into himself. In recent years, all his hard work has finally started to pay off, and he’s managed to make a name for himself in the Broadway circuits. It took him a bit, but Kurt finally managed to land a leading role for himself in the Broadway show Newsies, where he’s been playing the role of Davey. Before this show, all of his roles had been in Off-Broadway productions, ranging from extras to leading roles.

As much as he loves New York and Broadway, though, when Kurt received the call in the middle of the night that his father was in the ICU at Riverdale General, having suffered a massive heart attack, he put his life on pause and came home to Riverdale to help take care of him.