#it was an aside as i was leaving an appointment. columbo-style medical diagnosis.

[mylittleredgirl]

they recently had us switch to a new organization and calendar system at work (including some new software but mostly “this is how you should organize your entire life and you will know peace and never miss a task again!!”). at least half of the system is just a digital version of what i was already doing, and other parts of it are better, so i have no idea why it took me out at the knees. i had been riding a long sweet wave of low anxiety and now i'm trapped in a byzantine maze of highly doable tasks and shaking like a shelter dog in a crate—the exact opposite of what the system is supposed to do.

and the craziest part is that somehow... i can't seem to go back to my old system anymore either?? it's only been a few weeks! i used that for five years!! it’s like i have forgotten how to do the most basic parts of my job or make decisions. my brain turned into a stack of marbles and now they’re all over the floor.

like damn, apparently those crayola markers and glitter stickers were a load-bearing structural element of my professional competence. how do i explain that to regular people.