#it was also sprayed in flea killer lol

[ms-blossom]

we used Blossom's love for food to get her to the top of the new tree

I'm disappointed with how much space there is for Blossom to move & that the main surface is slippery wood - not good for girls with bean sprouts. Blossom is a tiny cat (like 7lbs/3 ish kg) and she doesn't quite fit in all the places she's meant to go. it's like it's built for kittens

we're gonna get some velcro and make a blanket we can remove to wash etc

but hey, this is what I get for buying second hand 😂

[shirtlesssammy]

9x05: Dog Dean Afternoon

Welcome to our last hellatus recap. This is one of our themed episodes and it’s not too late to guess what that is. You’ll win bragging rights forever! Anyway, our show is back tomorrow!

Then:

Obligatory Teddy Bear shot of how AbsUrD this show can be. Note to Show: Don’t highlight the absurdity of this show when you’re about to air a so-so episode. 

Now:

As a very dedicated taxidermist works on his Game of Thrones masterpieces, his very smart, very loyal German Shepherd, Colonel, alerts him to danger. They head through the halls of stuffed animals (but they’re all fake because who the fuck is stuffing these bears and shit? Also, a dog? Aren’t tigers endangered? WTF is all this?). Anyway, a man with a snake tongue attacks the taxidermist and Colonel sees it all. 

At the bunker, Sam’s got a case.

Once at the Taxidermy shop, they find it covered in red paint, and a little paw print symbol. Sam takes a picture.

Agents and Michaels and Deville enter the crime scene. And by crime, I mean all the dead animals. WTF? Like. WTF? Let’s assume all these animals died of natural causes, so we can pretend the victim was “a good egg.” Sam heads off to tour the place and Dean stops to interview Mr. Stevens. As Dean learns about “entrails” and such, Sam looks over the merch. 

Poor Dean Bean continues to have frightening reminders about why he’s a germaphobe. 

The boys are thinking witch, but decide to keep digging. 

At their motel, Sam discovers the “wiccan symbol” is really an animal right’s group symbol. (LOL, I totally don’t remember this episode and I’m totally NOT changing my caption from above.) 

Dean and Sam head to a vegan bakery where we learn that Dean knows the smell of Patchouli. Yeah, you might mask that with disdain for non-meat eaters, Dean, but we see you. They head to interrogate Olivia and Dylan, two founding members of S.N.A.R.T., the animal right’s group. They’re wearing sunglasses inside, so Dean thinks they’re douchebags. The brothers flash their badges. The couple sits down to talk about the victim. “You know how hunters are. They’re selfish dicks who define themselves by what they kill.” 

They explain that someone attacked them with pepper spray and that’s why they look like douchebags. 

Back at the motel, Sam further investigates the attack and the brothers surmise that they were attacked by venom.

At the local animal shelter, Brad gets a visit from Snake Man. Brad knows the guy and gets a $100 to let him walk into the kennel. The dude gathers ALL THE CATS and Brad wanders in to watch him EAT ONE. Yeah, we’re technically not on hate watch week anymore, BUT I STILL HATE THIS. 

Brad doesn’t last long. 

At the new crime scene, the brothers try to piece together the new information. Dean sees Colonel in a cage and ACCUSES HIM OF BEING A SUSPECT. GUH. Dean, just say you hate dogs and go home. Colonel doesn’t react to silver and Sam guesses they “can rule out killer.” Colonel starts barking. 

How would you like to come home with me and live in a nice big bunker and go for car rides all the time and eat liver sausages and help solve mysteries? 

Dean THE SMARTEST BEAN AROUND Winchester notices that Colonel is reacting to the local cop’s hat, so he tries it out. Bingo. Colonel was a witness to the crimes. 

Sam thinks there’s a way to communicate with the dog to find out what he’s seen. 

Kevin gets them a spell to talk with the dog. Dean agrees to drink the Mind Meld concoction because he doesn’t want Sam to take on more than healing from near death even if he doesn’t know if because he has an angel possessing him. Whew. 

The spell doesn’t seem to work (But it DID, so can I like get said spell? I’d really love to talk with my cat on the regular, lolz, I’m not crazy.) 

After eating lunch, Colonel sits up and asks for the channel to be changed. DUDE. It’s Foreigner. No one puts Foreigner in the corner. Dean’s on my side and has a nice argument with the dog while Sam watches confused. 

Dean gets to the point of the situation and asks about the cowboy hat. The killer wears a hat. WBK. As he throws away his food wrapping, Sam wants to know about the cats. Dean retrieves it like a good boy. (but seriously, German Shepherds ARE NOT RETRIEVERS. Good luck getting them to return anything!) 

Suddenly, there’s a noise outside and both Dean and Colonel head to the window to harass the mailman. Yep. 

Back at the motel, Sam tells Dean that side effects of mind melding with an animal can include developing animal urges. Suddenly I’m reminded of Dean’s fascination with the dog familiar from season eight and feel horribly uncomfortable. Dean angrily opens a chocolate bar, only for the dog to warn him off of it. No chocolate? This is an outrage!

Outside, a pigeon poops on Baby. “Hey, dick move, pigeon!” The bird returns anger with insult. “Screw you, asshat!” Apparently all animals have a universal language just sprinkled with insults! Dean shouts at the pigeon with all the subtlety of a very large human-shaped dog.

Sam manages to drag Dean into the car, but not before I make a diorama of this scene and place it on my Supernatural altar of Very Good Things. 

Dean and Sam argue over whether they should leave Colonel in the car. “You think we like that?” Dean asks, ROYALLY insulted. Hell, no. Colonel’s going in with them. In a moment where I curse my horrific prescience, Dean gives a lusty once-over to a nearby tied-up poodle. I…just…

Inside the shelter, Dean interrogates all the shelter animals. There’s only one dog who can give any good intel, and the dog only delivers in exchange for a belly rub. From Sam.

The dog gives them a tip: they’re looking for a cowboy hatted villain who works at a nearby restaurant. Dean lets all the animals free before they leave. “I didn’t peg you for a softy,” Colonel remarks. But WE all knew. Dean Bean <3

The Winchesters break into the restaurant that evening and discover a giant stash of prescription medications and…a cage of mice. The mice give Dean a tip: animal bits and pieces are stored neatly in the refrigerator. Sam finds a spell: with the right magic, ingesting a certain bit of animal helps the magician to temporarily gain that animal’s power. The guy’s mixing various animal parts to experiment on the effects and fun new powers he might develop. 

Dean and Sam encounter a chef and waiter preparing a private dinner (featuring shark fin) and shoo them out under the guise of health inspector. 

Chef Leo nibbled on a chameleon, which allows him to get the drop on Sam. 

He swipes at Sam’s throat. Gadreel flashes to life and heals Sam’s terrible throat slash. Leo witnesses this miraculous healing and decides that Sam’s the ultimate snak - I mean, meal. 

Leo sniffs out a dog, only to turn around and see…Dean. When the chef learns that Dog Dean and Angel Sam are brothers he is many levels of confused, but that doesn’t put him off his plans to chow down on Sam Fucking Winchester and his creamy angel filling. Dean, being a dog, immediately sniffs out some new information about Leo: he has cancer. Traditional treatments did nothing to help Leo, but his animal power worked. While his quest began sympathetically, murder is a side effect that Leo’s totally cool with as long as he can keep pushing the boundaries of man and beast. “Guess you eat enough predators, you start to become one.” 

The chef pulls out a wolf heart so he can tear Dean - a mere dog - into little kibble sized bits. Dean breaks free just in time and leads Leo on a merry chase outside. He looks oddly triumphant for being cornered by Leo in an alley, and whistles sharply. A pack of the stray dogs come running and tear Leo to bits. 

Dean races back to check on Sam and calls for Sam…or Zeke...to wake up. “Don’t make me lick your damn face,” he pleads dramatically. Sam snaps awake. Hooray! Happy ending!

We jump to the Colonel meeting the vegans from earlier. They wuv that cute widdle puppy wuppy! Dean regrets that they can’t take Colonel along with them but it’s no life for a dog! It’s vegan dog treats from here on out. 

The spell wears off just as Colonel tells Dean, “Dogs aren't really man's best friend. I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the real reason we were put here was to…” He starts barking, and the spell’s done at last. I’m sure we’ll finally learn the truth about dogs in the final scene of season 15, right? RIGHT? 

At the car, Dean checks in with Sam. Sammy’s fine, but he’s a little weirded out by what Leo said about him - why did he want to know WHAT Sam was? Dean dissembles awkwardly and they take off for further adventures, played out to the credits by sad guilt violins.

These Quotes Have Fleas:

The slippery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede nearly killed the guy

Always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags

I need a Raquel Welch poster and a rock hammer

I’m getting extorted by a dog

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