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gummybugg · 1 year ago

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🎉Get to Know My OC🎉

Thanks for the tag, @rickie-the-storyteller! Check out hers here (I really love it)! For this round, I am choosing Blair from my WIP Crater City.

I am also tagging these people if they wanna have at it: @rubywrite @flock-from-the-void @my-cursed-prince @new-royston-cursebreakers @zestymimblo and @sam-glade!

There is a small Content Warning, so I slapped them in the tags.

...

In a small, concrete room sits a young man bound by ropes. He is slouched in a folding chair in front of a thick, wooden table. The spotlight that aims directly on his body accentuates his warm features: deep, brown hair that goes down to his neck, blush from acne scars, and a bit of stubble. He wears a pair of heart gauges, an aviator jacket, crocs, and jeans that look like they've fought in the nuclear war and come back to tell their tale. But alas, we are not interviewing a pair of distressed pants today.

He is beginning to come to after being knocked unconscious for the past 45 minutes (Well, it’s better to be safe than sorry).

Blair: Where the fuck am I? (he blinks, confused) Wait, am I being interrogated for my crimes? Now? (he squirms in his chair) I refuse to speak to a lawyer until proven guilty!

Elijah: Blair, listen! If we just do as we're told, we'll be fine.

Blair: Elijah? You’re here, too? If I find out they hurt you-- (nearly tips over in his chair)

Elijah: No, I'm fine, I promise! Let's just get this interview over with so we can leave. Ok?

Blair: Yeah, whatever. But if anyone hurts you (The rope that tie him to his chair drop off his body all at once), I will smash my way through that mirror, grab them by the neck, and--

Me: Ok, ok! Let's get the interview started!

...

[1] Are you named after anyone?

Am I? (Blair looks around in thought.) I don't think so, the last I checked.

[2] When was the last time you cried?

(Blair sighs, throwing his hands on the table. You're sure things are about to get juicy.) Blair: On my way over here, actually! Some cop threw some tear gas at me. (pauses) Nah, I'm just kidding. I was actually having a panic attack about something...(Blair pauses to remember.) I think it was about how if Elijah somehow wound up in heaven and I didn't, would he just leave me behind or bunk with me in the pits of hell? I called him in the middle of the breakdown and everything, and he told me that he's not sure if there is an afterlife, but even if there was, he wouldn't leave me for a bunch of glorified bed sheet-wearing prudes. Then someone came up from behind me and smeared my face with a cloth, and that's how I ended up here! Elijah: (directly into the microphone from the booth) Me and Blair trade existential crises like trading cards. It's become our new favorite Saturday night event.

[3] Do you have kids?

Blair: Rose and Elijah said I shouldn't be trusted around other small, chaotic humans like myself because the last time that happened, an entire fifth-grade class started a traffic light rights campaign. Traffic was backed up for weeks because we “planted the seed of rebellion” in the minds of children. Elijah: No, the police said you "planted the seed of rebellion" in the minds of sentient bots, which I'm not sure how you managed to convince them to rebel in the first place. The children just started a new religion after the streetlights. Blair: I think what started it was when I was driving this parent and her kid somewhere and I cussed out someone driving in front of me for not respecting the traffic light when it told him to go.

[4] Do you use sarcasm?

Blair: Sometimes, yeah, but doesn’t everyone? Like what even constitutes sarcasm, are there actually people who don't use it at all? That seems impossible. Is this a trick question? Like can--is that an amount I can measure? Like ok, so, if one entire day equals a gallon and I speak like probably six gallons, but super fast, as I tend to, then in order to measure how much sarcasm I use would probably be between three cups out of that. So to answer your question, I think so. Maybe? Sure. Elijah: What about for our metric system users out there? Blair: a few hundred milliliters? Fuck if I know. I didn't know I was gonna be quizzed on math equations. Me: The U.S. still hasn't fully converted to the metric system hundreds of years in the future? Elijah & Blair: Nope.

[5] What's the first thing you notice about people?

Blair: The way they sound or act. I can tell if you're gonna be a condescending ass wipe before you even speak. Like for example, the people who dragged me here reek of stomach acid and gravel. But Elijah’s general vibe is like yellow with little bursts of bright light and swirls, like an old-timey screen saver. Elijah: Like the ones you'd find on my uncle's computer? Blair: Is he really that old? (They both laugh)

[6] What's your eye color?

Blair: Black or brown. I'm not sure, I just stare in the mirror and then when I look away, I forget immediately. Elijah looks at them a lot, ask him. (he gives a sly grin at the one-way mirror) (Elijah turns bright red from behind the glass) Elijah: Next question!

[7] Any special talents?

Blair: I do knife tricks with my balisong! Elijah: And he texts me for bandages every other day, so I have essentially become his bandage delivery guy. Blair: Elijah, tell them how you got me Hello Kitty bandages to “deter me from practicing.” Elijah: I…yeah. That didn't work. (Blair raises his hands to reveal neon pink fingers.)

[8] Scary movies or happy endings?

Blair: Scary movies because me and Rose and Elijah used to watch a bunch of gorey sci-fi movies together and laugh at the special effects. Or, at least me and Rose would. Elijah got angry we didn't take his nerdy movies as seriously as he did. Elijah: You just can’t appreciate old cinematography! Blair: True cinematography is The Dinosaurs Before Time. But you wouldn’t know since you always cry five minutes in and then we have to turn it off! Elijah: (standing up) Nuh-uh! Blair: (walking closer to the front of the room, imitating Elijah crying) “He was born ten minutes ago and now his mom’s dead?!” Elijah: (imitating Blair’s voice) “Yeah, that’s sad and all, but I think I could take on a T-rex with my bare hands.” No the fuck you could not! Do you have any idea how huge those bitches were? It'd eat you in one bite! Blair: Wow, you’re saying that just because I’m short I couldn’t do it. Low blow, Elijah. (The two, now inches apart the mirror’s divide, bicker about the logistics of fighting a dinosaur and how fighting a rooster technically counts because if you ever had a rooster chase after you, it’s scary af.) Me: Andddd, moving on!

[9] Where were you born?

Blair: On the outskirts of Crater City in some podunk. It should still be there, it's where my mom and my old neighbors lived. Things were so much more friendly back there, which is a huge difference from living in the city. Elijah: It’s crazy to be able to smile at someone on the street there and not get a death threat. Blair: Yeah… (he reminisces) Elijah: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Blair: We should buy 400 acres of land and become farmers after this whole thing blows over. Elijah: (laughing) And raise a rooster army to protect our crops from mutants! (They bounce eagerly at the prospect of changing their names and living a peaceful life in the country.)

[10] What are your hobbies?

Blair: I practice tricks with my balisong, piece together little bots as pets, draw cartoons, and play video games. I also collect soda tabs, scrap metal, car keys, keychains, road signs… (Blair counts on his fingers) Elijah: Did he say road signs? What he meant was abandoned materials left for dead! Perfectly legal stuff here! (he laughs nervously.) Blair: I also collect our wanted pictures because I think we look sexy in them. Elijah: Blair!

[11] Do you have any pets?

Blair: I don't have a "pet" pet, but Elijah does! Or used to! I'm not sure what happened to him. He was a hamster named Clip, short for Noclip. Maybe that's why he's still missing. Elijah: Yeah, I'm not sure what happened either. But he usually turns up when Blair visits. Blair: It’s cause I’m the cool and estranged relative who brings gifts every time he comes over. Elijah: And by “gifts” he means chip crumbs on the couch.

[12] What sports do you play/have played?

Blair: I've played volleyball for a bit in high school until they banned me from the team for spiking the ball too hard. But if the opportunity presents itself, why not take it? Elijah: You gave four people concussions in one season! (Elijah laughs at the absurdity) Blair: They made fun of me, saying I was so short I couldn't hit over the net! It's not my fault they underestimated my skills.

[13] How tall are you?

Blair: 5' 5." There, I said it. Now we can move on! Elijah: Your Honor, he’s lying under oath, he's actually 5'3.5”! Blair: I can detest! Elijah: You mean “attest”? Blair: Hand me a fucking ruler right now! (Blair is provided a retractable ruler to measure his height) Elijah: Blair, turn it the other way. Blair: No, see? I am 5'5," and there's nothing you can do about it! Nothing! Unless you want to come over here and measure me yourself. (Elijah covers his face in his hands.) Blair: It's kinda suspicious he's so determined I'm shorter than I say I am. What, is he measuring my height in my sleep? I dunno, man, that's kinda weird.

[14] Favorite subject in school?

Blair: Robotics club counts, I'm pretty sure. Me and Elijah signed up for it and that's how we became best friends. It was the only class the teacher didn’t yell at me for slacking off or falling asleep in. Elijah: Because it was the only class you actually liked. Blair: Yeah, and the teacher even helped me get a scholarship because she said I was a great asset to mankind or whatever. But I think she was just being dramatic. Elijah: You managed to make a living driving people around in hijacked auto cars, I think it’s safe to say you’re not a complete idiot. Blair: Only a little. Elijah: Yeah, we’re pretty stupid. But not that stupid.

[15] Dream job?

Blair: I think I'd like to still build bots but definitely at my own pace instead of at a factory or business. It's too stuffy in places like that and it gets too repetitive after a while. Elijah: (confused) Blair, your passengers offer you to do contract work all the time. Blair: Elijah, Elijah. I don't think you understand... (There is a long pause.) Elijah: Are you gonna finish that thought? Or did you forget it halfway? Blair: No, I just didn't care enough to finish what I was gonna say. Hey, you wanna get some curly fries after this? All this pouring my life out shit is making me hungry. I almost forgot why I was even here. (Blair stretches) Oh my God, actually, you guys should interrogate Elijah next! I wanna see how long it takes for him to crack under pressure. Elijah: Blair, those questions were hardly invasive. Blair: I think you should throw some hardballs at him. Like do you eat oatmeal with a spoon or fork? Do you salt your watermelon or eat it unseasoned? Do you wash your rice with soap? Elijah: Who the fuck washes their rice? (Blair wears a look of abject horror.)

Me: And that is all the time we have for this interview! Thank you for your participation, Blair and Elijah! Now, if you could make your way to the exit—

(Elijah hurries out of the studio, followed by Blair, who has burst from the interviewing room. Blair chases him down the hall to the exit, all the while shouting a step-by-step guide on how to prepare rice. You have a feeling his ancestors would be very proud of him, if not for the atrocities he has committed.)

...

Crater City taglist (ask to be added/removed): @writeouswriter @lyra-brie