#it was a LONG while ago when you sent it in & idek when tumblr decided to eat but?????

[mirioho]

what made you interested in pursuing art more seriously or more intentionally? hope you are having a good day. i love your art and tumblr page design! you're very talented :)

Hellooooo anon, first of all, thank you very much for sending this in. And second, I am very sorry I did not answer this sooner. I think you sent this a year or so ago so you have my sincerest apologies 🙃 idek if you're still following me but

(long winded answer below)

(Skip ahead to paragraph below heart emojis if you don't wanna read my art journey and rant and just get to the actual answer to the question)

I did not intentionally maliciously ignore your ask. Rather, I kept it around because, ironically enough around the time you sent this ask is when I just...stopped doing art for a long while. I was, for a lack of a better word, very depressed, and I was incredibly unmotivated and I hated everything I drew and I disliked even the act of drawing itself.

Whether it was traditional or digital, a study, a sketch, a proper art piece, experimentation, I didn't like any of it anymore. Which was disheartening because art had always been one of my only creative and sometimes emotional outlets. It was a passion. It was My Thing, so to speak, I guess.

I wasn't doing great mentally but it didn't help that I had been comparing myself to various artists online. It felt like no matter what I did I just wasn't happy with what I was doing. And it felt like even if I tried I wouldn't be able to reach the heights others seem to a lot more easily (especially if I saw that they were younger or had less time doing art than I did). I couldn't help but think everything that I did was wrong.

Or worse, not enough.

Good, but not good enough.

Great, but not enough.

Amazing, but not enough.

That's not to say people did not like my art. They did. But I didn't like it.

I didn't pick up my personal sketchbook for a long while. Even when I had deleted most social medias off my phone, I still couldn't bring myself to draw. It felt like a chore.

But sometimes I'd log into Tumblr on my mobile browser. Just to see this ask. I kept coming back to it. To be honest it's the first real ask I've ever gotten complimenting my art like this. And it felt sad to have received it when I'd pretty much decided to quit art.

But I still didn't delete it. I kept the ask even though I thought once in awhile I should reply with a "thanks but I don't do art anymore sorry" or something a bit more witty. Idk. But I'm not witty. But I am apparently very sentimental considering I've kept this ask as what I now think was hopes of someday coming back to answer it properly if I ever got out of the rutt I felt I was stuck in forever.

And I did get out.

Comparison is one of the worst things an artist can do to themselves. In comparing, i set unrealistic expectations for myself and my art. And in doing so I nearly lost the one thing that I think genuinely makes me happy. (I'm not even kidding like I couldn't even do a silly doodle without hating it) I personally think it's great to have big goals and big dreams with your own art. But to expect yourself to reach those things right off the bat or in a shorter time frame than is realistic is just going to put pressure on your shoulders that will inevitably make doing art feel like a burden since it feels like you're working so hard and not seeing any results. But it's because the results you're expecting aren't things that happen so easily with everyone.

There's also the fact that in setting these unrealistic expectations and comparisons, I began to dislike my art because I wasn't doing it for myself. Not really anyways. I was doing it for my expectations. But not for my enjoyment. I could only enjoy it if I met my expectations. But I never did (since they were so high and not reasonable) and so I stopped feeling the satisfaction and joy that comes with creating.

So, obviously in the time I was away I had to focus on 1. Being more realistic in my expectations and 2. Having fun. These seem very obvious things for any artist to do or remember but I needed the reminder apparently. And I try to keep that in mind everytime I do art now. I try not to be too harsh on myself and just enjoy the process. Because the process of creating is very nice and I missed it quite a lot. I missed getting an idea, sketching it out and slowly but surely bringing that idea to life. Even if it's just a silly fanart. It makes me happy to see it because after so long not creating a thing and hating it all, it's like welcoming back a dear friend. And that friend is me and my art.

💚💖💚

All this to say, I decided to pursue art more seriously and intentionally because I like it. I like the process of creating. I like the end results. Art is something I've always done and it's something I hope to always do in the future. It's not my job. But it's a hobby I pursue with intention because it feels good to share my art and it feels good to have it be appreciated and it feels even more fantastic to actually have someone like it so much they want to buy it (shout out to that person who earned me 25 cents on my first Redbubble sale. I actually cried). It's satisfying and validating, I, of course, won't let myself get swept up in the validation from others anymore. But I pursue it with purpose because art was never just some little thing for me. And hopefully it never will be.

But thank you again anon for your ask, I am very sorry I gave you unnecessary art journey details and rants in this answer but I hope you know your words were very helpful and if I'm being honest very motivating. To think at least one person liked my art enough to say it in ask form was something that made me feel better every now and then.

[dyketectivecomics]

In Stitches

@thedevilrunsthisnow tumblr ate ur prompt from however long ago, but not before I had this already written out+in dire need of editing? (iirc, the prompt was for something with Raven+the Batfam & Neon lights at 1am? something along those lines?) Using all the bats woulda been a nightmare, so I narrowed it down a couple that I thought would be most interesting. hope you like this!

...

“Shit!” Stephanie bit out as Raven went in for the first stitch.

The Titan-turned-med-student was grateful that the shoulder wound wasn’t so deep as to need anything more dire than a small row of stitches. Most of the Bats she usually found on her fire escape, would come bearing something that would leave them much worse for wear.

And she still hadn’t quite gotten the metallic scent of blood out of her apartment from the last time Dick had brought one of his siblings in, half-dead and needing a miracle. 

“Language, Spoiler.”

“Language, Spoiler,” she said mockingly, sticking her tongue out at Jason, who merely scowled back. “Don’t get all high and mighty on me, Hood. B an’ Babs have told me plenty of stories about your filthy mouth.”

“Yeah, from back when I was a kid-” 

“If you’re both quite done here,” Raven interrupted, completing another few stitches with a deft hand as Stephanie hissed in pain, “You still need me to help you pop your arm back into place, Jason.”

“No need, sunshine,” Jason grinned, taking his right hand with his left, pulling the limb straight out from himself before tugging it back into place with a sickening pop.

“Oh god! Jay, that’s gross!”

“Jason-”

“No time to chastise me, blackbird, we’ve got Bats to find.”

Raven shook her head, but agreed as she finished the last of Stephanie’s stitches, “No, I suppose there’s no telling what kind of injuries the rest of your family may have incurred tonight.”

“Twenty says Cass walks outta tonight with a new knife wound,” Jason smiled.

“Fifty says she won’t have a scratch on her,” Steph challenged.

The Titan rolled her eyes, “You’re both beyond ridiculous.” She made a motion for Jason to sit as she took a pillowcase from her bed, cutting at the fabric and fashioning the sling for his arm. “And your ridiculous family is costing me my best pillows.”

“We’ll have Babs an’ B reimburse you,” Steph promised, laughing as she added, “Just make sure you itemize everything.”

“Is that light always that bright?” Jason asked suddenly, jutting his chin toward the window.

He was, naturally, referring to the glowing pink neon of the business across the street. The harsh color danced along the curtains and across the apartment’s walls, staining everything in rose hues.

“Hardly notice it anymore, if I’m being honest,” the Titan shrugged, quickly and efficiently clearing her supplies in the kitchenette before quietly admonishing Stephanie for touching at the stitches.

“It’s the dead of the night. Even bars know to shut things down by two a.m.,” Jason said, shaking his head as he stood. “Might not be able to get you your pillowcases, but I can do something right now-”

“Don’t be an idiot, Jay. Your shoulder’s out-”

“You think those assholes are gonna be any less terrified of a Red Hood with a busted shoulder?”

“Oh, now who’s using language-”

“Enough!” Raven hissed, “I don’t care what either of you choose to do! Just for fuck’s sake, do it across town! Or at least have the decency to be more cautious for longer than a week!”

The two bats exchanged a look before bursting into laughter.

“Have you met us?!” Stephanie chuckled, wiping at her eyes as tears threatened to spill.

“‘Longer than a week’! I’m dying!” Jason roared.

“Don’t- Don’t you mean-” Steph gasped, “Dying, again!”

The older bat grew quieter for a second as he gave the younger a more serious look. Only for his lip to quirk and their uproarious mirth to begin anew.

Throwing her hands up in defeat, Raven pushed past them with every intention of heading back to the comfort of her bed. 

“I’m done. Good luck with the rest of the night, you two. Lock the door or window or whatever behind you when you leave.”

“W- wait! Raven! Hey, we’re sorry!-” Jason apologized through small fits, Stephanie doing her best to reign in her own giggling.

She paused from closing the door behind her, however, when she heard one last proposal.

“We’ll pass the message to the rest of the fam,” Stephanie promised, “Two weeks. No Bats. Everyone on their best behavior.”

The empath paused, as if tasting the conviction the Bat had, savoring the determination and hope all wrapped in one.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” she said with some finality before quietly shutting the door behind her, snickers echoing as the duo did their best to quietly vacate the apartment.

[fanficmemes]

idk if you remember but for a cursed sunday a while ago (i think it was your blog, not sure cause tumblr's search function is horrible) i sent an ask about drarry smut with magic acid that they drank and all that, and then today i also i sent one about spencer reid from cm...and-and dogs...

anyways! im here with more horribleness because im bored and the weight of the sins i have witnessed are too great for me to bear on the own (disclaimer: i do not condone any of the stuff ive talked about, and i do not wish to shame any fan writers bc just cause someone writes fucked up shit doesnt mean they personally think its ok and sending hate to someone you dont know is bad.)

teensie weensie 12 year old me was confused about my gender and looking for genderbent!harry potter fanfic to read. i stumble across a fic that says 'harry grows feline parts' in the summary, assuming the author made a typo and it was supposed to say feminine and click on it

NOPE!! he actually just grows cat ears and a cat tail. since i'm incapable of quitting stories, i read on even though i didn't particularly want to and my gut was giving me a bad feeling (i shouldn't listened)

harry is still at the dursleys, and the abuse is even more than in canon but nobody knows. snape is sent to fetch him and grumbles about it for a bit but then gets there and sees harry literally seconds away from death on the floor. he grabs him and goes to the headquarters where everyone is waiting. he gets healed, they give him some water but then tie him down to a chair and start questioning him about what happened at his house. he refuses, but then feels himself telling them anyway against his will, bc, plot twist, they fucking spiked his drink with truth serum without telling him.

so after they're done doing what is basically the magical equivalent of roofying and forcing him to give details about his bad home life he was not at all okay with talking about yet, he grows /another/ cat tail right next to the first. this is not explained outside of a couple lines about how its a genetic thing on his mom's side (btw, i dont remember it all perfectly, so plz cut my some slack)

insert 12 yo me's eyes bulging out of their head and quickly scrolling up to re-check the tags and being horrified that i somehow missed the snape/harry tag on it. what prompted this? oh, just a small little scene (/s) where snape basically jacks harry (who is still a minor /and/ one of his students) off but with one of the cat tails instead of his penis because?? because??

anyways, harry is (understandably) upset at everyone for the whole tying-him-down-drugging-him-and-forcing-him-to-reveal-information-he-was-not-ready-to-reveal situation so he decides to dip, change his appearance, and go into hiding under a different identity while staying at some hotel or smth.

there's a random subplot where he gets with draco, but as his secret identity whos is like,,,scottish i think and red head instead of himself and draco doesn't know?? however, when they're in bed right after finishing, the order (who have been trying for months to find him) burst through the door and catch him, then reveal his true identity. draco kinda just shrugs and says he would still be up for a second time because, rivals or not, harry was good in bed. harry has the exact same though process about draco and agrees, before draco leaves and doesn't come back into the plot ever again. (this is all happening in front of all of the other characters, who are pissed at harry for?? idek?? running away from them???)

so, they get mad at harry for a bit, there's some arguing, and then snape tells everyone to leave the room. he then proceeds to spank harry, bare skin on skin, as punishment and to get him to come back and join the order. i think someone cums, but i don't know for sure and idk who it was.

they finish up, exit the room, tell everyone harry isn't going to act out anymore, and thats the end. thats it. no explanation of the cat features, no reprimanding of /any/ of the characters' actions, no follow up on harry's emotions and thoughts on this, nope. nothing. the saddest part was prob that he was geniunely just,,,happier as his secret identity and doing nothing and enjoying the small things for months before the order made him come back.

btw, this was a oneshot and like 8k words i think??? i remember finishing and feeling unsatisfied cause i had to read all that and not even get a proper resolution. anyways, hope this was cursed enough for you. (sorry that its super long, i just didn't know how to condense all of this into something shorter)

What the fuck. 5.5/10

[todokori-kun]

The

 queen is back and I’m so freaking happy <3

‘annoyed’ nothing you say is annoying ok, I’m actually just really relieved and happy that I’m helping in any way at all. Also you listen to my rambling all the time and you supported me with my anxiety (you have no idea how much our convos helped after I first saw a doctor about it and was feeling really confused about what to do) so ‘what did I do to deserve you’ is probably what I should be saying to you.

Tbh when things are as serious as you’ve described then you’re definitely not overreacting. Like I said before, I’m always ready to listen/talk when you need to. And you don’t have to stress about replies; I honestly don’t mind at all as long as you’re ok.

Thank you Queen Luna you’re the best ;-;

Also, good news and bad news:

Bad news- A bit after I sent the last message mom apparently found out about Tumblr and decided that I probably shouldn’t get an account here because of all the NSFW content. I get why she’s worried so I guess I won’t be getting an account here for a while.

Good news- HOWEVER, I was chatting with someone on ao3 and they asked if we could move our convo somewhere else. They recommended something called Discord so I got an account there. If you’ve never heard of Discord it’s basically a voice and text chat system usually used by gamers, but it seems to be pretty popular among non-gamers too. PMing is possible there :D (The only flaw is that you can’t send very long messages, so you have to send multiple short ones, which is a bit annoying…but otherwise it’s pretty neat so maybe we can try it if you’re ok with that?)

XD yeah that’s actually pretty accurate.

*reads Luna’s message*

*inhale*

UM. DO YOU HAvE ANY IDEA HOW AMAZING YOU ARE. LET ME TRY TO BE A GOOD, SUPPORTIVE FRIEND AND TELL YOU

Yep it was one of the grossest things that ever happened to me OTL I’m still swimming but I’m taking a long break right now- a break that started because my little sister broke her toe and we were basically stuck at home taking care of her (the pool is a bit far for me to go on my own so if mom’s stuck at home so am I), and then got longer because the pool’s old and some things had to be ‘fixed’, and then got even longer because my coach is getting married (just reread that and realized that I sound super annoyed, I’m actually not, I have no problem with my coach getting married XD). I’ll probably start again around next month, though :)

Thanks ^^

Oooh are you a comic fan??? I haven’t read any superhero comics because there seem to be so many AUs(?)/different timelines so trying to figure out where to start is really confusing, plus I actually sorta prefer manga/manhwa art styles (not that wester comics are bad- a lot of them have really good art too, I just personally prefer the manga/manhwa styles (especially for the panels). Also the ecchi-ish costumes/anatomy for almost every single female superhero gets a bit ridiculous sometimes lol). Some of them seem really fun, though, and I’d like to try them out someday…

It’s really cool that you’ve been a fan of T'challa for so long, it must’ve been even more exciting to see him in the movie :D

Imagine everyone watching The Winter Soldier together. Then the  'brainwashed bucky’ scenes start.

Illumi: *stares intently at the screen*

Illumi: I see no problem with this.

Watching Civil War and Leorio goes Dad Mode and covers Gon’s and Killua’s eyes when Hisoka starts making…innappropriate…noises during the fight scenes

(Hisoka low-key writing reader insert lemons about various MCU heroes. Most likely Natasha (because she’s a lot like Machi, his only female crush so far), Bruce (how Hisoka would love to unleash the beast), Thor (he’s a literal GOD imagine how badly he could mess Hisoka up *schwing*), Wanda, and Vision (he probably liked Loki too before Loki got beat up by the Hulk and Hisoka was like ‘oh I have a new senpai’)

Then Illumi gets Milluki (his tech genius little brother) to hack into Hisoka’s computer for info and is like 'what is this Hisoka I do not understand why you derive pleasure from this trash’)

Everyone thinks Gon should relate to Tony on a personal level but he doesn’t, because despite being a sunshine angel he’s also a freaking weird kid who doesn’t hate Ging. At all. (Though that might have something to do with the fact that he doesn’t even consider Ging his parent in the first place; he never even calls him 'dad’ or 'my father’)

Killua, on the other hand, relates to Bucky a bit too much and thinks HYDRA is basically the Zoldyck family.

Everybody’s Team Cap except for Illumi, who’s Team Iron Man (“Why would you want to break the rules?”), and then Hisoka randomly shows up like 'Team Hulk ;)’

Every time Howard Stark is mentioned everyone just stares at Ging, who shifts uncomfortably

(Yeah did I tell you about the time Leorio punched Ging for being a trash dad?)

OMG. Thank you for that. I’ve seen a lot of 'Hisoka as the clown from the 'It’ movie’ posts on tumblr but never any fanart for that idea. Run, Gon. Run.

I’m considering teaching myself to animate just to make those animatics XD

(Also, random thing: it’s Chuseok over here (basically like the Korean version of Thanksgiving, I guess?) and usually, people recieve money from older relatives during holidays like this in Korea. I got about 80 dollars (50 from my maternal grandparents, 10 from my paternal grandfather and 20 from my uncle) so I’m debating on what to spend it on: It’s either a tablet so I can learn how to do digital art (I’m thinking about polishing my drawing skills for a while and then making a webcomic. My parents support this so they’re willing to pay a little extra for a tablet) or a ukulele (I like the piano but I realized a while ago that it’d be great to have an instrument that I can carry around, so I did some research and the ukulele seems good. I really like the sound so I’m willing to put some effort into learning it). Idk which one I should choose, though. Technically the tablet should be my priority but I also like the ukulele…

(and idek why I mentioned this either, guess the talk about animating reminded me of the tablet lol))

I thrive on angst. Tragedy fuels me. (But tbh HxH is a LOT darker than I was prepared for. I’m currently shipping an ant king with a genius human girl and I know from spoilers that they’re both going to die)

Yeah, she’s alive :D but apparently Kaneki is now 'dead’ (though I don’t think he is really, if Ishida kills him off now (after all the stuff with Hide? All the character development Ken hasn’t gotten yet? When he still hasn’t talked about anything with Shuu or Hinami or even Akira?) and gives us a new protagonist or something I might finally rage-quit this series.

Or not, since with all the Touken stuff and Kaneki being sorta insensitive ever since he became the OEK…maybe a new protagonist is what we need?). I was liking all the parallels with Arima in the first series until this, because it was just…um. I think my main problem with the whole thing is the freakng PACING because it just feels so clunky and awkward. This is probably one of those chapters that will be really good if Ishida somehow manages to connect it with the next chapters and has everything make sense later, but if he doesn’t do it well it’s going to suck forever OTL

At least TG finally confirmed Naki’s death, though. I mean, the ideal situation for me is if he never died in the first place, but at least a confirmed death is better than Ishida suddenly bringing him back to life after that panel with Yamori. And his death scene was handled well. (Now please just tell me that he, Kanae and Hairu aren’t coming back as Kanou-Furuta zombies and I will be semi-satisfied)

Also AOT if you haven’t read the new chapter yet spoilers but

(The-Reiner-Eren reunion I HAVE WAITED SO. LONG FOR THIS

Also Eren’s grandad ;-;

And maybe we’ll finally be seeing Annie again soon since she’s been appearing in so many flashbacks and Reiner’s probably going to ask about her if he and Eren get to actually talk

Love those hints about something finally starting to change

ANOTHER PERSON FROM MIKASA’S CLAN? I hope we see this lady again, she’s lovely

I can’t believe how much the art has improved, it actually looks GOOD now 0.0)

Aw, that’s ok! I’ll be looking forward to seeing it when you get a new skirt :D

Yeah, I’m really excited for OC’s name too…must be something important if they’re keeping it hidden for this long. I guess it’s French (or a word from some other non-English language) since 'Ciel’ is French for 'Sky’…and it probably has a meaning related to the sky since they’re twins. Idk. Maybe it’s the word for 'star’ ('etoile’) since stars are also a big thing in this arc?

Looking forward to your reaction! I haven’t read the novel yet but from what I know it sounds great :D (also I cannot resist the L + Naomi duo even if they never actually interacted in manga/anime canon)

Btw, is it ok if I ask how far you’ve gotten with the DN anime?

(Also fun fact: Ryuk was originally designed to look like a handsome young man (an 'attractive rock star’, in the words of DN’s creators. You can find a pic of his original design on google). His design was changed because the creators felt like he was overshadowing Light XD

But also, I just found a post on tumblr that said Takeshi Obata (DN’s artist) mentioned that Ryuk’s face in canon could just be a mask to hide his true appearance…which means that he could technically still look like that in canon. Wow. I actually think I have the book where it says Obata mentioned that, I have to go and check it now lol)

Watch it if you dare and prepare to weep over all the wasted potential, because now that I read/watch more about it I guess the saddest thing is that it COULD have been great. I mean, like I said, the visuals are REALLY good, L’s actor could have been a good L if not for the bad script, Ryuk’s actor/design were also super great (it’s just his role in the movie and his motivations they messed up ;-;)…

I don’t watch Avatar (I’d like to when I have the time, though, because it seems like a great show) but I’ve heard of that movie and tbh I can’t even.

Ty :D (Ayy the queen said I’d make a cute Peridot *fangirls*

You’re also my closest friend right now and I love talking to you so much <3 thank you for everything Luna.)

See this is why you’re awesome. Thank you so much ;-; (and what, did Queen Luna mention me to her parents. Did I make a good impression. Omg. (jk, jk lol))

Also: I’d like to rec a song to you, it’s called 'Lovely’ by Twenty One Pilots :D

Oh look I actually replied within a week :’)

OK ILL START W DISORD BC IM EXCITE. I already have one, from a while ago, my # is 5773! So add me whenever you want ^^ ((But please just send me a short message here, cause I turned notifs off for it, so i can turn them on again ^^)) Well, uh, here’s the thing about short messages.  If a site/app has an instant message feature, you can bet I’ll be the one to split a sentence into 10 separate messages for dramatic effect… So, uh, prepare to have 42 new messages instead of like 4 waiting when you open the app ^^

I never ever ever have any problems with listening to you. I just appreciate you’re comfortable enough with me to be able to come to me. Honestly, I truly appreciate you in my life, especially considering that you can always reassure me with your words ^^ Truly a writer’s talent :p

Well, I’m going to a psychologist soon, so we’ll see what they’ll say. Idk tho, I dont think I even care anymore. I just want this stomach thing to pass as soon as possible.

Ouch, I hope your sister is better now… I’ve never broken anything so I wouldn’t know the feeling. Aww, coaches getting married is actually the cutest thing ever XD My archery coach got married a few years back and she was practically glowing.  Ah, if you don’t mind me asking, do you have a particular stroke you specialise in or do you just swim everything? 

I could say the same about comic/manga styles. Tbh, I don’t really consider myself a comic fan? When I was a kid, I used to buy the children’s comics to ward off boredom, but never really continued after I got into reading actual books. Black Panther happened to be among those comics and I remembered him when they mentioned T’Challa in CW. I wonder if i still have those old comics somewhere… But yeah, i was pretty excited when they mentioned him XD

That viewing actually sounds amazing… I get the feeling they’d all want to do an in depth analyzation of the characters? (But idk i don’t really know the characters that well) except for Hisoka, who’s probably just schwinging around being creepy per usual. I’m torn between wanting to read those lemons and just backing the fuck away…. Probably read like a paragraph and then set everything on fire. Yeah, that sounds good. 

I presume you’re not gonna watch IT? Random, but i thought of it bc of the fanart… Tbh I won’t watch it either. I’ve never watched a single horror movie in my life and i intend to keep it that way. Unless you count Coraline as horror, which I actually would in some ways? Idk tho, that movie traumatised me. Not even joking when I say I occasionally have nightmares related to it. Advice; if you haven’t, DO NOT WATCH CORALINE. Don’t be fooled by the fact that it’s a cartoon. I mean 9 is a cartoon, but it’s also freaking dark. HAPPY TREE FRIENDS IS A CARTOON AND I WOULDNT TOUCH THE VIDEOS WITH A 9 FOOT POLE.  Long story short, cartoons are not a joke.

For some reason I confused the Ukulele with a Lute and was like ‘I’m not gonna judge, but… why?’ then i actually googled it and realised I’m an idiot.  But, um, I can’t say anything other than it’s your choice and you should do whatever would make you happier? There’s that trick of throwing a penny in the air and if you’re disappointed when it lands heads/tails, you know you want the other one. Idk, tho, both options sound equally nice!

… HxH gets weirder every time you tell me about it

KANEKI IS WHAT NOW Um, okay then.... alrighty...

guess who dropped TG again

WELL FUCK IM SCREAMING ABOUT THE NEW CHAPTER WHOAH EREN’T GRAMPA WHOAH THE REUNION However, the best part is Reiner acting like a dad during the festival

Oooh Etoile would be interesting!

I’m still at the ep where L dies ;-; I haven’t had the time to move forward, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to watch some during this weekend

Well, uh. My mom came into my room while I was writing this and had to ask me why i was crying (I’m pretty sure she thought I was having one of my all-time-lows again). The reason why I was actually crying? The song. Words can’t express my gratitude. I’d download it, but tbh I feel like I’ll start ugly sobbing again every time I listen to it...

random note, i started going to school by train! It’s actually a lot nicer than the bus and cheaper XD Idk why i put this here but yay

[briteboy]

LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM 

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp. 

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad

[stillkillinmehollis]

ya killin me Hollis... so for that 1-98

99 Gay-ish Asks [x]

1) how tall are you?

like 5ft 3in. not tall at all

2) what is your body type?

I’m not sure if i fall under the “husky” category? 

3) what is your favorite part about your body?

my legs are pretty solid and pretty brolic, so I guess we can go with that.

4) is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Negative.

5) are you more outgoing or more shy?

Definitely shy. But at work, I can sometimes fake the “outgoing” pretty okay

6) are you more femme or butch?

…. uhh… butch..ish… i guess?

7) are you tol or smol?

hella smol

8) wine mom or vodka aunt?

i mean.. I don’t drink so… neither…

9) weird habit?

I crack my knees

10) favorite meme?

oh man, too many to decide

11) do you sing in the shower?

not really anymore.

12) ever used a bow and arrow?

Merida has shown me a thing or two

13) are/were you a theatre kid?

never

14) have you ever seen a broadway musical?

In no particular order, I’ve seen: Wicked, Beauty & The Beast, Grease, and Mamma Mia

15) do you think musicals are cheesy?

i’m neutral

16) have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did do the March For Life in high school (my stand on the situation has since changed).

17) favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

it has been so long since I’ve last played CAH, that I don’t actually remember

18) last movie you watched?

Shrek.

19) behind the camera or in front of it?

i live behind a camera.

20) favorite tv show?

Bob’s Burgers is the show I currently watch most, so we’ll go with that. 

21) meaning behind your url

it’s line from Carmilla

22) reason you joined tumblr

I think an at the time Buddy of mine told me about it and I should sign up. and i was like “aiite”

23) who’s your closest tumblr friend?

Zach, Laura, Kelli, Sky

24) what’s something most people love that you hate?

being the center of attention

25) have you ever taken narcotics?

I’m not big on drugs to any capacity… and avoid taking any if I don’t need to… and idek what actually is considered “narcotics”… so i really have no idea ?

26) have you had sex?

I have not.

27) have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

nothing “bad”, I don’t think. idk, I was never that “bad” of a kid.

28) worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

i’ve never told this story to anyone before, but i completely forgot about it until right now. So in college, I told a professor that my (i think it was a final?) had gotten ruined by rain that got in my bag, and I tossed the papers. In truth, either I hadn’t done it or i hadn’t finished it. 

29) describe your passion without mentioning it.

what am i even passionate about these days ?

30) describe your best friend.

His name is Zach, he was one of my college roommates. He’s the Felix to my Sarah, my baby brother in every way possible. He’s always there when I need him, and my personal cheerleader and biggest supporter. He’s also patiently impatient about me getting a girlfriend :p 

31) give us one thing about you that no one knows.

please refer to question 28.

32) how do you feel right now?

I’m getting kinda sleepy… It is 3:35am after all. and I’m only not even a full 1/3rd of the way through these questions 

33) what is your biggest fear?

Bees. Needles. Being Abandoned by people. Feelings.

34) what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Ocean Avenue, by Yellowcard. I have no idea why, but it gets me so hype while I’m driving, and gets me to pull my windows down and blast my music.

35) what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

applying for the Disney College Program one last time.

36) have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

haven’t we all at least once ?

37) something you fantasize about.

having an awesome girlfriend some day

38) last time you cried and why

a few days ago I cried out of frustration as I’m trying to figure out my living situation

39) what was the last thing that made you laugh?

the fact that you sent me as many questions as I sent you

40) do you really, truly miss someone right now?

it’s been five months since I lost my Pup, and I truly painfully miss her on the daily

41) who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Zach.

42) the last time you felt broken?

a few nights ago, due to something that was said in a one on one with my leader

43) are you starting to realize anything?

slowly…

44) are you more dominant or more submissive?

I don’t think this applies?

45) i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

you can accept me, from my sarcasm to my mental health (or lack there of), everything in between and beyond

46) do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

I’m here more for your maturity level then your actual age

47) describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

I’m definitely not “in love” with anyone, and I avidly avoid the 5 letter C word. 

48) do you have any kinks?

getting a good night’s sleep

49) first thing you notice in a person?

between their smile and their eyes

50) how can someone win your heart?

sarcasm

51) been rejected by a crush?

ugh, i hate the C word but yes, yes I have.

52) have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

sure have !

53) would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

nope

54) is trust a big issue for you?

huge.

55) did you hang out with the person you like recently?

nope.

56) is confidence cute?

extremely

57) what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

i wouldn’t say anything… like if someone else makes them happy, i’m not gonna come between that

58) would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no way

59) does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

………..moving on

60) ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

my entire existence is generally embarrassing to anyone, so .. yeah lol

61) do you want to get married?

I’d like to.

62) worst thing you’ve ever done?

i have no idea what the number one worst thing is… and honestly I don’t even want to know

63) three things that turn you on.

when someone can confidently take charge of the room, a cute laugh, and sarcasm. (also, just want it to be known, none of these are “sexual” turn ons, but things that can turn me on to a person)

64) who do you hate?

that’s a story for another day

65) favorite term of endearment?

Dude (thats an endearing term, right?)

66) who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

ohman… i’m not sure. Natalia Livingston (Emily Quartermaine, GH), maybe? Eva LaRue (Maria Santos, AMC)? Tamara Bruan (Carly Corinthos, GH)? 

The soap ladies were/are pretty, and I was a wee gay, okay ?

67) intimidating girls or kind girls?

in fairness… i feel like all girls are intimidating to some degree or another.

68) what do you look for in a possible partner?

someone who makes me smile and laugh, someone who keeps me on my toes, someone who pushes me to be better. someone i can have fun with, be sarcastic with, and someone who can be sarcastic and witty back at me.

69) do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

the personality behind the girl speaks volumes… also has a MAJOR affect on if i find her attractive or not.

70) are you good at flirting?

not even a little bit

71) who was the first person you came out to?

Tiffany.

72) do you have any friends who are wlw?

thankfully, most of them are !

73) is your crush wlw?

i hate the C word, but every girl I’ve had my eye on for one reason or another has turned out to be WLW.

74) last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

i’ve honestly always been ace, whether I knew it or not.

75) write a short love poem to your crush/self?

i’m as good of a poet as I am expressing my feelings

spoiler: I’m not.

76) do you fall in love easily?

Situation depending, I can fall in LIKE or INFATUATION easily. but definitely not love.

77) is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

what’s a gay without some past trauma

78) are you good at hiding your feelings?

depends on the person and the feelings (but mostly, yes, I think so.)

79) are you a forgiving person?

For the most part, no. but it also depends on how bad you messed up… I can be, for the right person and the right circumstances.

80) what is your “type?”

idk if i have a strict “type”. 

81) fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

the secret third option: play with her hair until she falls asleep in mine

82) tall girls or short girls?

yes

83) hugs or kisses?

i’m not always the greatest at physical contact, and the idea of my first kiss scares the actual shit out of me … so i guess hug for now?

84) twirl her around or get twirled?

please just me play with your hair

85) tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

uhhh… tummy ? i guess ? like i’m not out here trying to get in your thighs

86) hairline kisses or neck kisses?

is a hairline kiss the same a forehead kiss ? 

87) play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

i refer you back to #84

88) making out or soft kisses?

soft

89) hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

i’d probs prefer waist… i guess?

90) how confident are you in your sexuality?

110% confident i’m not sexually attracted to anyone

91) when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

my dude. Pal. Bro. your boii gets the whole damn zoo in a stampede-that-killed-Mufasa style, and it turns her stomach upside down, inside out, all around, and breaks it into a million pieces. 

92) have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

yes I have, and yes I did.

93) how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

i was littttttle

94) most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

exist

95) do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

Laura/Carmilla. and yes.

96) what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

No One really has ever said anything too aggravating to me about asexuality. 

97) when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

last night (Tuesday; July 23rd, ‘19)

98) what is love to you?

Love is… all the songs making sense (throwback reference, I couldn’t resist). Love is “whats mine can be ours”. Love is working together to give it your all.

[theoperaghostsstudent]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by @bookwormravenclawgirl ((Y’all should really follow her btw *finger guns*)) RULES: You Must Answer All Statements and Tag 20 Peoples

THE LAST

1. Drink: Water

2. Phone Call: My grandma

3. Text Message: I sent my grandpa the pictures he took using my snapchat so he could make them his phone’s background, lol

4. Song you listened to: Voices in my head from Be More Chill 

5. Time you cried: A little while ago

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: No 

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yeah

8. Been cheated on: Yeah

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Yep

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nah

FAVOURITE COLOURS

12. Blue

13. Green

14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made new friends: Yeah, and I’m really thankful to have them in my life

16. Fallen out of love: Yes

17. Laughed until you cried: Yep

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Kinda?

19. Met someone who changed you: “I believe that everyone that you meet changes you in some way so yeah.” - @bookwormravenclawgirl ((This is such a great answer so I’m gonna leave it, lol))

20. Found out who your friends are: Yep

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yeah

GENERAL

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Practically all of them since I don’t usually add people I’ve never met

23. Do you have any pets: I have a pupper and a woofer, and I miss my angry betta fish that was fueled with rage

24. Do you want to change your name: No

25. What did you do for your last birthday: My boyfriend at the time took me to eat and then took me shopping and to watch a movie

26. What time did you wake up: Late afternoon because I’m a lazy piece of shit

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I don’t even remember, but probably sleeping because of my pain meds

28. Name something you can’t wait for: To start college

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: A few minutes ago (I had to tuck her into bed since she was in too much pain to do it herself)

30. What are you listening to right now: I just started watching Game of Thrones, so you can only imagine what I’m listening to, like holy crap, wtf?

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No, I don’t think so

32. Something that is getting on your nerves: Anxiety and my condition (RSD/CRPS/AMP) *finger guns*

33. Most visited website: Tumblr

34. Hair color: Dirty blonde and ashe blonde? Idek

35. Long or short hair: Long

36. Do you have a crush on someone: 

37. What do you like about yourself: Uhhhhhhhh

38. Piercings: My ears

39. Blood type: O+

40. Nickname: ChuChu, Bella, or Clau

41. Relationship status:

42. Zodiac: Aries

43. Pronouns: Any are fine, but I mostly go with She/they

44. Favorite TV Show: I can’t really pick one?? Maybe Stranger Things?

45. Tattoos: Not yet 

46. Right or left handed: Right

47. Surgery: I’ve had a handful of them because of a reoccurring problem

48. Sport: I used to skateboard and surf, but now I can only really watch sports, so football.

49. Vacation: Once I went on a cruise, and that was fun

50. Pair of trainers: I don’t understand the question???

51. Eating: ......

52. Drinking: I had some water?

53. I’m about to: Take my sleeping meds or pain meds, so I have to decide

54. Waiting for: Season 2 for a few shows a like

55. Want: To help my family and my friend and their family

56. Get Married: I want to in the future...

57. Career: I want to be a dentist, but for now I’m jobless

58. Hugs or kisses: Hugs please

59. Lips or eyes: Eyes

60. Shorter or taller: Either?

61. Older or younger: Depends on the person?

62. Nice arms or nice stomach: ?????

63. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

64. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER…

65. Kissed a stranger: No

66. Drank hard liquor: Nope

67. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No, I freak out if I can’t see so I keep my glasses with me everywhere

68. Turned someone down: Yes

69. Sex on the first date: No

70. Broken someone’s heart: Most likely...

71. Had your heart broken: Yeah, but not for the reason you’d think? Idk, I’m stupid

72. Been arrested: No

73. Cried when someone died: Yep, and *Crying btw

74: Fallen for a friend: Yes

75. Yourself: ??

76. Miracles: Considering I’ve almost died plenty of times, yeah, definitely believe in those (and relying on them most of the time)

77. Love at first sight: Sometimes?

78. Santa Claus: Oh geez, I’m Jewish but I still like to imagine the guy is real, lmao

79. Kiss on the first date: No

80. Angels: Like I said, I’ve been pretty close to death, so yeah

81. Current best friend’s name: Malu, Nathan, Logan, Janelle, and one other person I’d like to add

82. Eye color: Light brown or just brown

83. Favorite movie: Either Trolls, Labyrinth, or the Princess Bride

Tagged: Anyone who wants to go for it, lol

[mistfvlly]

Everything that is wrong with me

20th September 2017: I was writing a post when the tumblr app shut on me. I was about to post it as well so I'm kinda angry about that but whatever. I thought it may have saved onto my drafts but it hasn't, however I've found this which I never posted. So I'll post it now. It's unfinished but idek what i was going to write next so i'll just post it now anyway. Enjoy, future self.

START OF POST

It’s been a long ass time and I need to vent again. It’s a wonder that I can actually survive without writing up shitty depressing posts such as these. I mean I can be so positive but I honestly don’t give off that vibe here. oh well, I’m anonymous so it doesn’t matter. So much has happened since the last time I was here, in fact I cannot even remember the last thing I posted. But I want to talk about my feelings right now. I hope that writing all this down will help me calm down a little. So where do I begin?

Yesterday, my dad sent me a photo of a job advertising board at a retail shop. And today he made me write up a CV so I can apply for it. Well first of all I had no idea what to write since I have practically no experience. Funnily enough, I couldn’t even talk about myself on the CV. I guess I’m now so used to be so personal and casual on here that I don’t actually know how to write formally anymore and that kinda sucks. Tbh I want to take an English class again because a) I wasn’t happy with my GCSE result and b) that makes me think I suck at English despite it being my best subject and therefore I want to improve and become confident again in my writing skills. Anyway, that’s beside the point, but basically I had no idea what to write. My dad went out and came back in the evening only to realise that I actually hadn’t written much and that disappointed him, surprise surprise. He sorta nagged at me whilst giving me tips and I wrote like 4 lines and then showed him what I wrote. Eventually we sat down together and wrote the CV up because I’m so independent for a 17 year old :)))))))))))) Anyway, as we were writing the CV up, I became emotional but I think I hid my tears well… either that or my dad just didn’t want to mention it. He then said that I need to get over my shyness and I was like, I’m not usually shy. He was like wdym and I was like it’s just around you and with my brother and other people I’m totally fine. Yes, I’ll admit when I was arround 14 I was shy no matter who I was with but when I became 15 I went out with my brother a lot and was able to slowly talk to strangers more and more. Idk why tho it’s just around my dad that I can’t really speak to strangers. Even around my mum I can do the talking. But with my dad.. idk I feel intimidated I guess? Well anyway, he asked and I said that he can be scary and intimidating at times, which I know sounds horrible to say to your own father but hey, he asked me why. Then after talking he just sorta explained why he thinks people generally find him intimidating initially and that truly I don’t because I live with him and I know his best sides and worsts sides etcetc. Truth is, the reason why I cannot speak much to strangers around my dad is because I feel like he’d judge me if I was to say something wrong and I think partially this is because when I was younger, I was brought up in a way where I have to stay out of the ‘adult stuff’ and I used to talk a lot when I was a kid and maybe was too over confident/proud that my parents noted it and sorta told me to chill idk. I mean they didn’t shout or tell me in a harsh way but it was sort of subtle and often. Gee Idk how to explain but it but that’s my reasoning. But it sounds stupid and childish saying it out loud. Plus I can never be 100% honest and upfront to my parents because I don’t want to hurt them or make them feel bad or even make them look down on me and think that I am childish and so therefore I keep it in. Also if i do say something like that to my dad, I’ll just end up crying half way through but honestly I just wish I could say it so I can get it out of the way but a part of me thinks that he’ll brush it off and say I’m be ridiculous (and he’ll say that whilst hugging me so idk if he would actually acknowledge it or if he’s just trying to make me stop crying because he pity’s my idiocy). FUCKKK i’m tearing up ): Anyway, I printed my cv and had to go downstairs to retrieve it. Since we were talking about schools and stuff and I also had to write down my grades in my CV, i was constantly being reminded of my failure in school and whenever I think of school I remember how much of an excelling student I was in primary and gah idk. When I went down, I saw my mum doing some of her preparation for her class (both my parents are primary school teachers). Anyway, i heard some childish primary school, learning song thing. Idk how to explain it but it just suddenly triggered something. I experienced the feeling that I actually felt free from for a while. The anxious feeling thing that I get. Honestly idk what to call it because I think it would be rude to self diagnose myself. I mean I don’t even know if it is GAD. I’m just suspicious. During my last years of school I felt like this a lot, really nervous. I mean now I am nervous too whenever I think about my future, but it also saddens me. Though recently I haven’t felt as anxious as I was a couple of months ago. When I heard the song, my chest suddenly felt tight and I was feeling emotional over nothing. I really don’t understand psychology. man idek what I’m trying to say.. I’ll just skip to whatever happened next. I came to room where I am now, and I just decided to google what anxiety feels like to get a comparison

[todokori-kun]

(Random but I think your reply was a little later than normal? Was it the internet again? Anyway it’s nice to be talking with you again queen :D

Also just in case you didn’t get the other messages I sent (I sent them a few days ago so I guess tumblr ate them again), I was basically trying to say that the CP aesthetics are gorgeous and that I found the real Hamilton’s last letter to Eliza and was wondering if you’d like to see it too if you haven’t already. I think I was also trying to ask if you got the new pics I sent you)

EXCUSE me how is it even possible to not be impressed with Hamilton (ok, ok, so I guess you’d be pretty unimpressed with Alex after Say No To This…but ELIZA. ANGELICA. AND PEGGY. WASHINGMACHINE. And of course the entire hecking cast is awesome). At least they acknowledged the Frenchfryette…

(jk, jk, we all have different tastes so I guess even Hamilton might not be the right thing for some people ^^)

HE AIMS HIS PISTOL AT THE SKY-

“WAIT!”

(Burr. You should know by now that the whole ‘talk less, smile more’ and ‘wait for it’ theme doesn’t really work out for you most of the time. It’s certainly not gonna stop a bullet you already fired ;-;)

According to my parents I was a really bubbly, well-mannered kid who never whined or threw tantrums…but, BUT, I was as much of an airhead then as I am now, and I ended up causing a lot of trouble XD Other than the bathroom flooding incident, once when I was tiny my mom left me playing in the hall while she was making dinner. When she came to check on me I’d turned one of the walls into a piece of modern art (like Carnage Kabuto did to Genos, only better/worse). With permanent markers.

And once when I was even younger, mom woke up to a strange sound coming from outside the bedroom, and she realized I wasn’t in bed with her. She found me in the living room, plucking the rocks out of a plant pot and rolling them across the floor like marbles.

I also remember that I had a habit of doodling all over my arms and legs and cutting up my pajamas to make them look 'cool’. Literally any time I rolled up my pants you’d see giant, brightly colored marker lines/dots/swirls all over my legs, and all of my pajama shirts and pants were starting to fall apart because I kept snipping at them (I remember grabbing my craft scissors and hiding behind the sofa to redesign my clothes in peace without my parents seeing and being all “Evans, those are for cutting PAPER, not your clothes” lol).

I was a weird kid.

You’re right- at the place where they finally got the thing out, I think the doctor just had me lie down and got it out with pincers(?). No pain, no blood, it was over pretty quickly. I do think I remember being told that the heel of the shoe had gotten buried in the inside of my nose, though, and that was why it was so difficult to get out…

As for the nosebleed, idek. I remember some people holding this blue, rubbery pump-thing to my nose and trying to get the shoe out with that??? And then blood just suddenly started pouring from my nose? LOL it didn’t hurt, though, and there’s always the chance that it had nothing to do with the shoe. I got a lot of random nosebleeds as a kid, I’d literally just get up in the middle of the night, decide I needed to go wipe my nose because it felt runny, then turn on the light to see blood plastered all over my nose and around my mouth…I probably looked like something out of a horror movie XD

I RELATE TO THAT. There are still a few toys I’m super attached to even if I don’t play with them anymore, and I get sorta…upset?…when people touch them the wrong way (also my dad keeps talking about how we need to throw some of the old dolls away soon and I haaate it ;-;).

Yeah, that particular kid (let’s call her Friend A) is a bit of a brat lol. She smacks her own mother when she’s upset and screams her head off whenever she doesn’t get her way. It’s pretty uncomfortable to watch because her mom never really does anything about it…

(also, some context for the kicking: the boy she kicked (let’s call him Friend B) has been friends with my little sister for a few years now so they’re closer with each other than they are with Friend A. But Friend A got upset about that and came to the grown ups to tell on them; everyone tried to calm her down and suggested that maybe she should try asking them nicely, but she ended up throwing a tantrum. So Friend B’s grandma jokingly said that if Friend B kept being rude to her she could just fight back, give him a punch (she was laughing while saying it, so even to a kid it should have been pretty obvious she was joking).

After we found out what Friend A had done and tried to talk to her about it, she was like 'his grandma told me I could so I did it.’ and refused to apologize.)

OH NO. IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF THE DREADFUL FANDOMS WHERE YOUR OTP NEVER, eVEr, HAPPENS?! That settles it, I’m never watching or reading Fairy Tail 0.0

Well, sure, most mangas have at least one hiatus at some point…but HxH is on a whole different level. The hiatuses are LEGENDARY.

just imagine what would happen if a manga artist tried to keep up with Ishida’s TG schedule (one chapter every single week except on holidays). An artist who apparently has no assistants. An older artist who has health problems. Tbh you can’t really be upset with HxH for the hiatuses…but it’s still a really, REALLY long wait whenever it happens, and sometimes it goes right back on hiatus barely a few months after the last hiatus ended ;-; I’m lucky I joined the fandom so late (and right after the hiatus ended, too! :D) but I can’t be sure when it’s going to happen again..

Ok, ok, so in case you haven’t searched what Feitan looks like he is LITERALLY Levi. The narrow eyes. The murderous stare of disinterest. The hair.

Then there’s absolute loyalty to a leader. Levi ->Erwin, Feitan-> Chrollo (Chrollo=manipulative spider thief who actually managed to troll HISOKA, of all people). Feitan is also one of the stronger characters as far as I know, and he’s just as blunt and rude and Levi. And he’s a thief; Levi used to be a thug.

Also, also- Levi=160cm. Feitan= 155cm.

Feitan is Evil Levi. Actually, maybe Thug Levi could have turned out like Feitan if he never met Erwin…that’s a scary thought 0.0

(as for Hisoka and Saitama, well. Hisoka realizes that even his Nen (his special power), Bungee Gum, has absolutely no affect on Saitama. He proceeds to Schwing. Very hard.)

(I doubt I’ll ever be over Old Man Fu because Iiked him a lot ;-;)

Saitama is my fav tbh, though Genos comes close..and from what I know about Metal Bat, he’s also a really cool dude. (Also I love Amai Mask/Sweet mask. I love to hate on him.) I like Sonic, but I can’t take him seriously most of the time because he feels like a parody of Sasuke from Naruto (also I keep thinking of Sonic the Hedgehog lol)…his smile is adorable though :3

I’m neutral towards Tatsumaki because her powers are super cool and I like her design but her attitude is a bit annoying to me. Still, I think I read that she’s gotten more development and backstory in the manga/webcomic, so I’ll wait until I can catch up with canon :)

OH NO. Apparently Bert’s death can still hurt me even after all that’s happened since then (also AoT’s new chapter hit me straight in the Annie/Bertl feels. I guess it’s basically one-sided canon now).

YES. I’m seriously so hyped for Ragnarok. I’m just as hyped for the fanfic as I am for the actual movie. And the FANDOM. Can’t wait to see what tumblr’s gonna be like when the Loki fans realize their king has returned XD

I can’t drop TG because there are too many things I want to see/know (like the whole deal with Kimi and Kanou, what’s going to happen with the whole Human vs. Ghoul thing in the end, what’s going to happen to the Touken kid, if Kaneki will live, if Shuu will ever actually get angry at Kaneki, the OEK’s true identity, Eto’s return…). And SPOILERS FOR NEW CHAPTER

after this chapter I definitely can’t stop until we see how Urie gets out of this situation (plus I sense character development/backstory/reveal time, which is always cool). Maybe I should be scared for Urie but I’m still not that worried. Death cliffhangers in TG almost never come true, and like I said, Urie just CAN’T die now when his character arc is nowhere near finished.

But I totally get your frustration, queen.

I’m probably gonna play it tomorrow :D I’ll let you know when I do!

Yep, I know what happens in his bad end. I don’t want play it XD

I did play Fritz’s bad end a few days ago, though. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE VARG

I ship Queen Luna with too many people and I don’t even care

(DON’T YOU DARE WRITE MORE FRITZ HCs THOUGH, PLEASE. HAVE MERCY. IT’S TOO FLUFFY FOR ME TO HANDLE)

Also: I have a game to recommend! :D If you haven’t played it already, The Blind Griffin by Asphodel Quartet is awesome. I downloaded it from Itch.io :) it’s set in America, in the 1920s. The MC is looking for a job and happens to stumble into a speakeasy run by magicians.

Review so far:

pros:

-great MC! She has a fun personality- not the flat heroine most Otome games have, but not a super cold Ice Queen type either. I really liked her.

-Diverse cast! From the main cast there’s the MC, who’s Chinese-American, Vivienne, who’s African-American, Alexei, who’s Russian, Giovanni, who’s Italian, and Emilio, who’s Spanish. Then Marie, who’s transgender, and her gender identity is handled very well! Also a lot of different body types and facial features.

-Lovable characters. I didn’t expect to like everyone so much but there is literally nobody in the main cast that I dislike. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy Giovanni’s route after I played Alex’s and decided he was my fav, but turns out I was wrong. Gio was great too.

-everything is quite realistic and fits well with the setting. There’s even a glossary for slang.

-Art and music are gorgeous

-several different endings! I’ve only played the romance routes so far but I think there’s a friendship ending as well as a sad ending for each character. The romances were really sweet so I can’t wait to see what happens with the other routes!

Cons:

-it was made for NaNoReNo, so the story does feel a little rushed because of the time limit and the game is really short ;-; it feels like there should have been more but they just didn’t have time to finish the story.

-not a lot of choices.

And random note: do you know, I actually wanted to make an Otome Game myself a while back. I had some plot, choices, routes and characters all planned out and even downloaded a program to try and teach myself how to make a game…but then I realized I suck at it and it was just too much for me to handle on my own XD I’ve been working on the ideas I had for that game though- mostly the characters, I’ve thought of a lot of Love Interests ;) maybe someday I could actually make this work as a collab with someone else when I’m older…for now I think I might try writing down the script and drawing some more concept art for the characters because I have too many ideas and I need to let them out LOL

I’M ALIVE. The internet was absolute shit, yay. Sorry about the long wait OTL

Aaah, right, I got those, I just noticed them after posting ^^;;; They were buried in the asks from my other blogs ^^:::: Thanks a lot about the aesthetic compliments! I’m glad you liked them! I definitely enjoyed making them ^^ And wow, the feels ;-; Best of Wives and Best of Women.

The drawings you sent me are gorgeous!! Dead Fish Eyes Family tho XD

The thing is, from the start, even before we reached My Shot, they were like ‘meh’. But I still forced them to listen anyway muhahahahaha HOW COULD THEY NOT LIKE THE SCHUYLER SISTERS? THE ABSOLUTE QUEENS??? I am disappointed in them T^T

I STRIKE HIM RIGHT BETWEEN HIS RIBS I WALK TOWARDS HIM, BUT I AM USHERED AWAY THEY ROW HIM BACK ACROSS THE HUDSON I GET A DRINK

((I’m writing those lyrics while listening to one of the most happy songs I know XD))

I’m guessing Burr needed a real life lesson about bullets and their negative effects on humans, especially if they’re fired at someone else. Welp, hopefully he knows now.

We were opposite as kids XD My parents once decided to make a small experiment. They told me to sit down and stay like that for as long as I could. Then, they started measuring how long it took me to start fidgeting, then how long until I stood up and ran somewhere. Barely a minute before fidgeting, a bit more than 3 until I stood up and ran away. I wasn’t joking when I said everyone thought I had ADHD.

Thankfully, I knew the consequences of drawing on walls well enough from my sister’s example (I still remember how mad my mom was when she found out she’d been writing an walls) to do anything, but for some reason, I always broke everything I touched. I was not to be trusted with the dishes and if anyone got me a snow globe (which was surprisingly often), it wouldn’t last a month unless it was placed on the highest shelf, out of my reach. Even then, I would still manage to break it sooner or later.

((Random, but my playlist is on shuffle and just played 98% of my Christmas songs, one after other. I am slightly worried XD (even tho I sang along)))

I didn’t do it to my clothes, but I had a knack for redesigning barbie clothes/hairstyles/makeup. And my sister would usually help, despite being 6 years older XD She was always so artistic, she even sewed some clothes for them! They were actually pretty good, despite her being 10-12 yo.

To be honest, I’m fascinated. I am genuinely fascinated. Partly at the fact that the shoe managed to get buried in the inside of your nose, partly at how much fuss you went through to get it out XD  I think I would’ve cried regardless of pain or not, had I gotten a nosebleed as a kid. I just couldn’t stand blood (still can’t tbh)

I’m slowly running out of space on my shelves, because I keep adding new books there, and yet I never move any of the trinkets or toys that are there. My mom keeps insisting we at least move some stuff to the basement, not throw it out, but I never give in XD I mean, I’m very happy with how the whole thing looks right now, and it would be empty without the stuff. For some reason, I have no problems with dolls now, but plush toys and small figurines are what get to me… For example, horses have always been among my favourite animals, so I have a shitton of horse toys, and they honestly take up a lot of space, and yet I feel like I’d be betraying my hobby (horse riding) by throwing them away ;-; Until I have no more space for books, I’m not moving anything XD (unfortunately, that’s gonna be very soon, even now I always have to move stuff around a lot to fit them in)

Wow. Well, I’m gonna be a stiff and say ‘Kids these days…’ Im only halfway joking. I went to visit my old elementary school last year and, boy, did the first years (7yo) annoy me. Now, I was a brat, but I wasn’t a brat with a smartphone who didn’t socialise with others at all. And my old teacher told me stories of their parents… I’m slowly changing my mind about wanting to be a chemistry professor in the future XD I think imma just be a researcher. Thing is, parents aren’t strict enough. True, my mom was a bit too strict, but one of the girls I went to elementary school has parents who always let her do anything she wanted, and even when they grounded her, they’d ‘un-ground’ her half an hour later. And guess how she turned out! Today, she smokes (cigarets and weed), goes out at least 4 times a week and gets wasted every time, I don’t even want to start on her grades and, most of all, she’s an ungrateful brat who’s used to getting everything she wants. Life’s gonna be fun for her. 

YES, YES IT IS. I mean, in the last chapter, almost all of them were heavily implied, one of them even had an actual love confession a few chapters back, but nothing was said in the last chap, except for this:

WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??? THIS IS MY 2nd ULTIMATE OTP IN THE SHOW; WHAT THE FUUUUU

AND THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE, WHERE BOTH OF THEM DIED IN THE MANGA, BUT THEY WERE THERE IN THE LAST CHAP, APPARENTLY AS REINCARNATIONS??

BUT MY OTP. THE SHIP I CARED ABOUT SINCE DAY 1. THE ONE I SHIPPED FOR AS LONG AS I’VE BEEN READING THE MANGA (which is, admittedly, quite long, I’d say more than a year and a half) IT WAS THE MOST ??? ONE.  OKay, here’s the story: He’s originally a bad guy, but he was manipulated, so he repented of his sins, did some good shit and was still locked in a prison. Then, there was  a huge war arc and he was freaking helpful and did a lot of good stuff, so now, in the end, he was pardoned. AND THE LAST CHAP; HERE’S WHAT WE FIND OUT: HE WAS PARDONED; AND EVER SINCE,  SHE’D BEEN DOING HER HAIR EVERY DAY (implying she’s happy or seeing him, I guess???) AAAAA I’m lowkey debating posting the entire last chap here for you to read, even without context, just so you can see how much it’s only implication and nothing real (;_;)

Ouch… Well, I’ll have to think about it then ^^

Tbh I can’t imagine Levi with Feitan’s hair. It’s too messy XD

Ahahahahahah Idk if I’ll ever get over Schwing, despite not watching/reading the manga…  Schwing.

I think most of Metal Bat’s personality comes through in the manga, because he has a few omake in the manga, where he goes to strenuous lengths to protect/keep his sister pure. It’s adorable, really. His sis is a bit of a brat tho. Amai mask. I can not stand that guy. 

Oh yes, the beautiful, murderous smile. You can practically hear the panties dropping.

I still have 15ish chaps till I’m caught up w the manga, but both she and her sis have very… interesting personalities XD Im pretty sure she’s like that on purpose, though, to bring more humour into the manga (as if it needed that XD)

AoT Will keep hurting me as long as it can. Basically, until I either drop it or until it ends. 

Oh, you don’t think they’ve realised yet? From the amount of gifs I’ve seen, I’d say the fangirls are very well informed XD 

Oh joy… Please keep me updated XD And come screaming if Urie does die, cause I gotta read that for myself XDDD

OYAOYAOYA SO HAVE YOU PERHAPS STARTED WALTZ??

Ahah, I warned you… I still wanna cry when I think of Varg. #stillnotoverit

huehuehueheuhueheuheuheuehueheuheuheuehuehueheue ill spare you for now. no telling what comes in the future tho~

Alrighty, i’ll check it out ^^ it seems interesting enough!

Oh, yeah, I forgot to add, but I’m trying to start a love live dance cover group here in Zagreb! It’s harder than you think =3= It seems like I’m the only one who likes the show. Hopefully, I manage to find people ^^