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annihilate-this-week · 1 month

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OK I’ve been thinking about this one a whole lot lately and it’s long and very sexual so if that’s not your jam, please don’t look under the cut.

But yeah, this is a pretty detailed story idea that I put together and plotted out in full in a note on my phone. It’s about two girls (one cis, one trans) who do porn, who end up working together and start to fall for each other as they have a whole lot of explicit sex with each other and a bunch of other people.

I guess the idea is sort of similar to For The Love of April French by Penny Aimes, in that it is a very sexual story that’s really about love. It also is inspired by my years as a repressed closeted trans girl who watched lesbian and transfemme porn obsessively as a way to try and have a sex life that didn’t feel awful by… I dunno, living vicariously through people whose bodies looked like I wanted mine to look?

Anyway, yeah, lots of talk about sex under the cut, but this is fundamentally a love story.

Also, these notes are unedited, disorganized, and put together over the course of months. They exist mainly to put all my ideas for a story in one place so I can find all of it once I go to actually write the story. May be huge plot holes and logical inconsistencies. My lack of firsthand knowledge of how onlyfans works may also be obvious. I’ll do research to fix that whenever I finally sit down to write this for real.

Porn story

Trans girl is first person narrator. She’s a sex worker, came up being a cam girl but got recruited into porn, relatively recently, like six months ago? She’s on a shoot with one guy and something like 25 other women. She’s the only trans girl and the boss doesn’t want her to take her panties off because her being trans isn’t part of this. But then she has a slip in a big group of women and it doesnt show on camera but another girl, a cis girl, sees. They’re all sitting around mostly naked between scenes and the cis girl comes up to her and starts talking to her. Our narrator can tell she’s interested. Some sexual activity happens between them, in the background of the shot, and no one notices at first. But then they do, and start filming them. Which is fine, but our narrator is a bottom and isn’t interested in topping the girl. Instead they make out a bunch and touch each other a bunch and have a nice time. The directors get a little annoyed she doesn’t conform to what they want, she’s like “i wasn’t here to be a trans porn star anyway, you just decided that without me.”

“No one’s ever loved me. Certainly not my parents. I’ve never been in a relationship either, not really. I’ve had lots of sex but what i really want is to know what it’s like to be in love.” She laughed at herself. “Yeah, me and every other 14 year old girl.”

Our two main characters are a trans girl and a cis girl, both porn actresses. They meet on a shoot for a “[male porn star] fucks every girl in our stable” series, being done by the porn company they both work for. Trans girl’s first one of this series. Cis girl’s done it before. Something about cis girl noticing trans girls visible arousal beneath her bikini bottom, realizing she’s trans, being intrigued, not knowing proper etiquette, but whispering friendly small talk with her until the guy comes over. Shes one of three trans girls on the shoot (plus something stupid like 73 or 32 or 45 cis girls) but she’s the first one he’s gotten to and cis girl basically improvises for herself the role of facilitator, which ends up really pleasing all three of them. Dude moves along after a few mins but cis girl and trans girl start making out after that and cis girl is rubbing trans girls cock. Theyre fingering each other and making out and having fun. Shoot lasts another hour or so and by the end they’re mostly just cuddling and watching the action and its a warm sweet feeling that makes it one of cis girls best times on a porn shoot ever. Afterward she tells the girl she had a really good time, and asks her if she wants to get lunch the next day. Trans girl says shes “sorta” working but can meet for lunch.

Is this story narrated by the cis girl? I think that might be better/ more interesting.

Anyway, they go to a burrito place and talk about stuff, we learn backstory from that, trans girl is into punk rock and had her trans awakening thru that. Cis girl grew up being kind of repressed and doing a lot of secret porn watching. Her attempts at relationships went poorly (for her… the boys never seemed to notice) and she really only liked the sex part. It gets her out of her head. Neither of these girls have notable childhood trauma that gets discussed, i hate that kind of a thing in a story about porn girls.

Expansion: cis girl has always been into porn as established, but actually became somewhat of a “porn nerd” and read all kinds of books, learned to watch the movies with a critical eye, has a very artistic attitude about it rather than commercial. Her real goal is just to find a place where her love for sexy hijinks is celebrated. Trans girl was in online communities for trans women and a lot of them got into onlyfans once they transitioned, so she did too. It made punk shows a bit weird.

Next part is where they talk about cis girl joining in on cam shoot. Then that happens. Cis girl sucks off trans girl a bit and this is when the “girldick is its own thing” conversation happens: on camera, with chat going crazy. After cam show ends (they don’t quite fuck but a lot happens, both get off), they order food together, and end up cuddling in bed watching a movie or some shit. Cis girl falls asleep.

She kinda panics in the morning, very apologetic for having slept over by accident. She’s got a shoot, needs to go home and shower first. We follow her thru all this, as she panics over having done anything to alienate trans girl…

What are their names? Porn names and actual names. Fuck it: trans girls porn name is Amy Nitrate. Homage. Her real name is Celia. Cis girl’s porn name is Janet Starr. Her real name is Renee.

Anyway, renee’s scared that she screwed up a potential… friendship? She’s trying to tell herself thats what it is, but the truth is she has a crush. She thinks celia is super cool. But so she eats a clif bar or some shit and goes off to do a 10 hour porn shoot with three guys and two other girls. All we see of this is a moment when she and another girl are both not in the shoot and renee casually mentions Amy Nitrate to the other girl, who has no idea who that is, then goes “oh, i dont do tranny work.” Renee tries to explain the shoot they were on together and how hot it was and the other girl is like, hey, if thats what youre into honey, go for it! I think they’re still looking for a girl to do that tranny shoot with [another trans girl star from same stable] next week, i can pass you the directors number later, remind me! And renee doesnt say anything but she feels like the girl has missed the point. She doesnt bother reminding her about the number when they finished that night.

After that she texts celia and they talk about their day. Celia did a solo cam show and people kept asking if that was janet starr she was on with the day before, and when is she coming back on? Renee is all, fuck it, im not working tomorrow, wanna shoot tomorrow? Celia’s down for it.

Nothing really from that shoot but i think we should see them after, opening up to each pther more and stuff. Eating pizza. Celia asks if renee wants to cuddle and watch a movie and renee is all i dont wnna impose like i did last time. Celia says “no no it was actually really nice. Youre welcome to sleep over whenever.” And so they watch a movie and cuddle and it is chaste and very sweet and at one point celia looks up at renee and says “is this what it’s like being in a relationship?” And renee says “sometimes when its at its best its like this, but its mostly weird silences and arguments and dudes trying to get away with as much as they can and not wanting to fuck nearly as often as you do” and she sighs and she and celia have an interesting convo about always feeling weird for wanting to fuck as much as they do. This is when the masturbation talk happens— see below.

Get a pull-back days-that-followed sequence after this where we see them establishing a routine of catching up via text most nights and occasionally spending the day together doing sex stuff on cam, after which they cuddle and eat and watch movies and, more and more often, make out a bit before falling asleep.

Scenes:

—the first time they hang out together and dont do camming. Walk around la shopping at boutiques and record stores, maybe eat some tacos. Its like a date, renee feels, but she doesn’t wanna say anything. They end up back at renees place, where she lives a pretty ascetic existence, and celia’s is a big damn mess and yet so much comfier and they talk about that and how renee feels so much more repressed and maybe its because she always felt growing up like the parts of her life she liked the most were off-limits and taboo. And celia says something like “in a weird way its like being trans” and renee says “so i need to come out of the closet as… what, a slut?” Celia glares at her. “We are not stigmatizing.” Renee says “OK then, um, an extremely horny person?” And celia says “well what does your mom think you do?”

—another is a scene where they hang with some of celia’s online trans sex worker friends who are mostly onlyfans models and who are kinda weird about celia’s more mainstream porn work and a couple of them immediately are like “omg janet starr?” And some of them kinda fawn over her because she’s in the mainstream porn industry but she’s like “i have more fun with amy than i ever have on any other shoot, im starting to think i should join y’all’s team” and all the girls are like “wooo!” But its all in fun or whatever. But later, when they all head off to a bar after bowling, celia and renee are having a really intimate evening as a sort of coupled-up pair within the bar crowd and renee thinks how its sort of like that first scene they shot together where they had so much better of a time as a team than they would have on their own. And she ends up realizing that she kinda wants to be with celia for real. Which itd be the first time shes really had a relationship with a girl but when she thinks about it, her relationships with guys were more just her going along with dudes who asked her out and such. Really, feeling this way about celia is the first time she’s felt this way about anybody. Also after they hang with celia’s friends renee starts to realize she doesnt have any real friends anymore. There are girls she chats with at shoots but they dont hang together outside work. There are people from back home she still messages with on insta but she realizes her most recent message with any of them is two months old. And she certainly cant talk to her parents about anything shes going thru. She ends up messaging one of celias good friends that she talked to a bunch at the bar and they friended each other on insta after. She tells the girl she thinks she might have feelings for celia and the girl (brandy? Jessica? I dunno) tells her that celia talks about her and what good times theyve had lately and she thinks celia would be possibly receptive for taking things to the next level but renee has to understand that celia hasnt really been with anyone as herself and will be easy to hurt, and that B worries she does all the porn partly to avoid having to find out what it would be like to really fall in love because she cant imagine falling in love without being hurt. Or something like that.

Anyway, things move toward a climax of sorts when renee/janet gets called on the carpet at work and one of the studio execs tells her he’s seen the cam shit she’s been doing with celia/amy and it’s got to stop. Renee denies but the guy is like “i joined her damn onlyfans to figure it out. Its you. Everyone knows it. And it was hot! I was like a tree trunk watching that shit. But the fact remains that its not in your contract the way it is in amys and youve got to choose. Also, when are you gonna let her fuck you?” Renee gets flustered and runs out. Goes back and finishes the days shoot, but she cant keep her mind on what shes doing and its so uninspired the director ultimately cuts her and brings in someone else and she’s sorta hurt but kinda just doesnt care and wants the day to be over. She goes home by herself and her place is dusty and she feels bad for not being there more. Cute scene with her and her teddy bear. Then celia texts her and she tries not to tell her whats up but is being really quiet and unresponsive and finally celia calls her, all “girl are you ok?” And renee is like “it was just a real bad day” doesnt want to tell her the details of why shes upset, and celia invites her over, which by now she doesnt even usually have to do, and renee takes a shower and takes the subway over and by the time she gets there celia has made her mission style burritos that she loved when she cooked them for her previously and they end up in bed watching a movie theyve both seen before and celia is being really sweet and at one point renee starts crying and celia notices, pauses the movie, says “baby whats wrong?” And renee spills it all, and criiiies, and is like “i dont wanna pick between you and my career,” and celia is like “you dont lose me, just the cam shows” and renees like “but i love the cam shows!” And spills her guts about all the things she hates about porn shoots, and how shooting with celia has been by far her best experience in sex work, and she was thinking about all that after her confrontation with the studio exec and when she got cut it was just kind of a relief. And she’d just love to walk away from porn but its how shes making ends meet. And celia and her chat about how much each of them are making and it turns out celias channel brings in more per month than renees porn career. And renee is like but if we split the money for the channel we cant both live on it, and celia says “we can if you move in. You sleep here most of the time anyway” and then they have a big talk about whether that would make things too real and damage their developing relationship. And finally during this convo renee says that shes been feeling real romantic feelings toward celia for the first time in her life for anyone and she kind of wouldnt mind just shooting with her from then on anyway. And shes sure she’ll get her heart broken when she says that but celia just says “oh honey” and pulls renee to her and holds her. Strokes her hair and whispers “its gonna be ok. We’re safe here.” And eventually they start talking about the relationship and what they each want out of it and it turns out they want much the same things. So they start making plans to rebrand the channel to be “amy nitrate and janet starr: punk girl corrupts prom queen” and they start doing it and decide to do an impromptu stream where theyre just talking about it and renee quits the studio on camera and its just fun and goofy and nice. And they kiss and are sweet to each other on cam, and people in chat are like “wait is this whats been going on? Are yall announcing youre a couple?” Renee’s all raising her eyebrows and giving celia a nervous look and celia’s like “do you wanna be?” And renee’s biting her lip and smiling and nods nervously, and celia whispers “say it,” and renee whispers “i wanna be your girlfriend” and celia says “i want that too” and they have a real sweet kiss and the chat is going BANANAS and someone is like “most wholesome moment on an onlyfans stream ever” and its amazing.

And that night, they finally fuck, fully and for real, without the cameras on. Celia says “we can do it on cam after this if you want but i want the first time to be special.” And renee nods and says “just for us.” And i think thats the end.

Names: pieter de jong, aka paul johnson, is our male porn star. He’s from amsterdam.

Dottie rebel is the third girl in their corner of the living room

The two other trans porn stars are: joanna devil, rosarita — both in eyesight (amy points out rosarita)

Paul is starting in the upstairs bathroom, moving thru the bedroom, to the top of the stairs, down to bottom of stairs, to amy and janet, on to dottie, then across the room to the cluster rosarita is in, into the kitchen, then the dining room table, out a sliding glass door to the pool, around the pool then ending in the pool house, where the big pop shot is gonna happen. But before then a PA tells the girls in the house they can roll, they wont be needed for the end. The girls outside and in the pool house are the biggest stars (other than a couple at the beginning, who also have to go outside), so theyre enough for the big end shot

Conversation between renee and celia: renee explains her theory that she can fuck anyone she likes as a person, and that it doesnt matter what they look like. “When you’re fucking someone, you’re accepting them” celia thinks this is crazy talk, explains her position as a trans woman who is often pursued in private by people who wouldnt be willing to walk down the street with her. This is when we find out that celia’s never been in a real relationship. Closest she has is having a girlfriend when she was 12 and hadnt come out yet

Conversation about the virgin suicides. Renee thinks its a beautifully sad movie but celia thinks its awful, a horror story of repressed womanhood. It comes out that she took her name from the youngest daughter and first to commit suicide. Reference to morrisseys first of the gang to die here

Some kind of mukbang scene where they eat on stream and it turns renee on

Questions: how much do porn stars and camgirls make? Do porn stars have agents? When did tumblr stop having porn? When did onlyfans start?

Cis porn girl talks to trans porn girl about how much she masturbates — at least first thing in morning/last thing at night, sometimes more. If her job didnt get her laid shed probably masturbate on lunch break every day. Shes just horny as hell and spent a long time feeling ashamed of it, like something was wrong with her. She and trans girl weirdly find themselves bonding over this, although trans girl isnt as horny — though she is a good bit more hotted up since transition and getting to enjoy her new body

#fiction #original characters #porn-related writing #transgender

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withasideofshakespeare · 2 years

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not sure if images work. i am once again asking for thy trans shakespeare headcanons please & thank you. i will Stop entering your ask box and leaving just not tonight

by the way in response to trans tn response (<3 love it) i raise thee t4t seb and ant (tn) (but also tempest) (reasoning: hits you w transgenderification beam)

ALL of my current Shakespeare trans HCs in one post??? I am going to try...

Hamlet:

Hamlet- he/they, transmasc (afab) (I’ve talked about this theory a few times, and I like it a lot for a variety of reasons! See my other posts.)

Ophelia- she/they, ftnb (projection. PROJECTION!!!)

Horatio- either mtnb he/they OR everybody’s token cis friend (Non-binary Horatio makes for 1. a beautiful t4t couple/throuple if Ophelia is here too and 2. a fun story about Horatio’s gender crisis upon meeting Hamlet. Token cis friend Horatio is just funny. Hamlet and Ophelia discuss their shared genderqueer experience and Horatio gives them a thumbs-up like “I don’t understand this but I love you.”)

Laertes- she/him, genderfluid. (I saw Laertes played by a woman the first time I saw this play and now that experience has combined with all the masc Laerteses I have seen to create genderfluid Laertes.)

Rosencrantz- he/they, mtnb (Their name shortens to “Rose”. There is no way he’s cis.)

Macbeth:

Malcolm- they/he or they/them. I cannot decide which direction they’re trans in. (I am generally very attached to Malcolm. Maybe I’ll write a post about this later because there is way too much to say here.)

Lady Macbeth- she/they (Lady Macbeth would insult you for “having pronouns in your bio” but would also hit you for using their pronouns incorrectly.)

I HC like all the minor characters in Macbeth to be trans in one direction or another (not for any good reason, I just think they should be) so trans Macbeth characters speedrun: Caithness- she/they, transfemme; Angus- she/her, transfemme, Ross- he/him, transmasc.

Twelfth Night:

Sebastian- he/him, ftm (Explains identical twins of different genders and I like the complexity it adds to his relationships- see my other post.)

Viola/Cesario/Vi/Visario- they/them, ftnb (Again, this explains the twin thing and I really like the idea of Vi using their identity as Cesario to explore their gender.)

Antonio- he/him, either ftm or token cis man (Similar to Horatio, you either get a great t4t pairing or a slightly confused cis man pulling a guy out of the ocean and inadvertently getting a lesson about trans people.)

Maria- she/her, mtf (Literally no reason, I just think she is transfemme.)

Much Ado:

I haven’t read this one in a hot minute, but Beatrice is a she/they icon.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Puck- they/them (Fairy gender doesn’t work like human gender, but they’re queer even for a fairy.)

Moth- she/they (Fairy gender things. Honestly, this goes for all Titania’s attendants.)

Titania- she/they

Oberon- he/they

Peter Quince- he/they (literally no reason, it just works)

Helena- she/her, transfemme perhaps (maybe he/they Lysander also?)

Romeo & Juliet:

I saw an all-trans/nb production of this play and now pretty much everybody is trans.

Romeo- he/they, ftm (t4t R&J!!!!)

Juliet- she/they, mtf (t4t R&J!!!!)

Mercutio- they/he, probably performs drag shows in his free time (the queerest person in this play, I love them.)

Juliet’s Nurse- she/her, mtf (Transfemme elders deserve love)

And that is all of my trans HCs off the top of my head.

#shakespeare #trans hcs #hamlet #twelfth night #macbeth #romeo and juliet #much ado about nothing #A Midsummer Night's Dream #amsnd #if you asked me five years ago where i'd be in five years #this is NOT what i would've said #but i have transed the genders of william shakespeare's characters #and i am embracing it.

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jockpoetry · 4 years

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supernatural sees women as a tool for development and strengthening of narratives/motivation and dean sees his body as a tool. is that anything?

When I saw this ask I really made the 🥴in real life. So, yeah anon, I do think there’s something to this.

Quick Disclaimer before I actually launch into my thoughts™: A lot of my read of Dean stems from my experience as both an oldest daughter and a transman. Being the oldest daughter was an experience I lived for many years, but I am also a man. I wasn’t raised as a man, I wasn’t socialized as a man, and even though once I came out upon reflection my masculinity was obviously there. Like I was a man™ before I knew I was a man. Even when I actively tied my identity to femininity for a long time! A lot of my prideful moments were based around statements like: “I was the only girl who (fill in the blank).”

So I am just putting that out there before I launch into my spiel about Dean/Gender/Tool because they all interlock for me.

I am also going to apologize in advance because I know this has fully gone off the rails and I’m not even done writing it yet. If this is incomprehensible ! Well, happens to the best of us.

First off, most importantly I guess before we discuss womanhood and Dean and the way both are utilized on the show I need to say that I personally don’t subscribe the whole Dean is female coded thing.

It’s a read I can absolutely understand. But for me..he’s not.

He’s a hypermasculine man to the point that when (and because he is written as a punchline, as the stupid™ brother, as the whore™, as the mother/father™, as daddy’s blunt instrument™, etc) Dean deviates from the pre-accepted definition of hypermasculine it’s Wrong.

It’s Instantly Feminine.

I think the internet has made the world very black and white, or blue and pink maybe. This point, I think, colors a lot of these discussions. Dean cooks, he cleans and so therefor he’s female coded. When that really just feeds back into the whole toxic masculinity loop. You can’t be masculine and cook and clean and cry. That’s for feminine people only.

I get the argument! I do, I just think that Dean’s actions are not inherently feminine, it’s just in the vacuum of Female and in the Absence of Traditional Masculinity it makes sense to assign him female coded and move on.

IN FACT the way that Dean is the action hero of the show, the Masculine™ one on the show - but he cries, and he rages, and he cooks (Again and Again) and cleans (Again and Again). The fact he’s macho and confident but he has so little self esteem. Is frankly insane to me. You have this blaze of glory character who is so depressed that they have him kill himself. Twice. In explicitly “I hate myself, I hate hearing all the things I hate about myself, I want to destroy myself” ways.

On just a regular ol’ network show that is just ungodly bad at times. They let their Male Hero cry - all the time (if I linked every example of this the essay would be...longer than it already is, but just take my word for it). Dean tears up and grieves and shows more than just Angry Horny Violent™ (he shows plenty of that, don’t get me wrong) but he’s Emotional (Again and Again and Again). In many different ways!

I mean, beyond even just tearing up, they make their Male Hero™ face sexual violence in pretty, uniquely horrifying - and queer! - ways.

Let’s make it clear, they did a lot of this unintentionally.

Or they do it as a joke.

Off of dean for a moment to say women are plot devices in this show. I could probably count on one hand female characters who have sincere depth to them that have roles outside of progressing plot, filling a filler episode, and who are still alive. Like even characters such as Charlie who are wholly developed, and interesting, are only remembered/mentioned/utilized to progress plots or fill an episode out - and then she dies. For pain™ for plot™ for no other reason than to traumatize a character.

Which let’s also make it clear Dean’s trauma is also only used as a plot device (as is Sam’s but in a different way, and Cas’ trauma is a whole other barrel of fish we’re not gonna dive into right now). Like wholesale full stop they don’t actually care about what happened to him. Unless it’s relevant in an episode.

Oh that boys home he was left at when he was 16 for months? Sure we’ll sprinkle that in in the back half of the series. Oh he was covered in bruises and said it was from a hunt (when it’s clear contextually they were from his father but saying the fantastical but true is easier than saying the uncomfortable but true). As Dean says though the story became the story, he was sixteen. He just went along with what John said.

We only see Dean ever truly rage at John, by the way, when either Dean is dead (when he’s between life and death and he rages at John, right before John “apologizes” for traumatizing him, for putting too much on Dean’s shoulders, and fucking dying) or John is dead (the Djinn episode where Dean is straight™ and John is dead™ and he goes to his grave and just yells and rages like he should have to his father in the real world).

Dean’s trauma from being both tortured and torturer in hell? Yeah, we don’t talk about that after it’s Relevant™. Even though it’s clear - especially in the demon!dean, mark of cain era, all those years later - Alastair still has his hooks inside of Dean. I stopped watching originally after s8 ended. I was fed up with the show, and with this whole renaissance I’ve been doing a rewatch and I’m into season twelve now and it really has never come up again.

Even when he had the mark of cain and he was tasked with questioning and accused of torturing it was “the mark has changed you” and not “you were victim and victimizer in hell for forty years, which is longer than you’ve been alive on earth” (and, was about as long as he wound up living. Which is desperately sad.

Because we talk about Sam’s desire for a “normal” life but, Dean wanted out too. He was tired in the first few seasons of this show, he never had a chance to taste freedom (we don’t count the boys home, because that was a different kind of regimented life, and it was a false freedom) the way that Sam did in Flagstaff with Bones or at Stanford with Jessica. Love for Dean is sacrificing, it’s putting himself/his happiness/his well-being last.

Because Dean only knows love in the context of violence (like all of these fun examples, for starters) is a phrase that I’ve said a lot both in private chats and on here, and I absolutely think it goes to him being a tool (a blunt instrument, a plot device, so both textually and metatextually) instead of a person. Which Cas sees Dean’s shame/guilt and sees that side of Dean because he touched his soul, and saw more than just the Righteous™ man, more than just the tool, he saw A good man, not a machine.

On the other side though you have how “bad guys” view Dean: Desperate, Sloppy, Needy, Dean’s hole (Again), which is again so wildly counterintuitive to the story of a Macho Man Hero™. You’re using vocabulary that is both queering him and feminizing (and I know this a meme format, but sincerely it is done in a derogatory way it is feminizing. It’s breaking him down to bare parts, to a sloppy hole).

My whole rewatch I have been absolutely fascinated by how identity and free will is utilized/conceptualized on this show. Castiel has been my main focus, but Dean and how he is framed by himself and others is...fascinating - and frustrating. The writers inconsistency lends itself not only to this unintentionally queer character, but also one that again is incredibly easily read as a non-traditionally masculine character.

As a feminine character.

This show has so few female characters that of course it had to foist the roles/behaviors/plots that a female character might have onto a male character. Which I think is part of why reading Dean as trans (either transmasc, or transfemme) is so easily done like.

Half of these are shit posts, but you can find trans allegories/textual evidence in this show again, again, again, again, and again. And this is unintentional, they don’t want you to look at Dean and see woman, former future or present. Like a lot of these I’m sure are punchlines for them, because women/queer folk are punchlines to them.

Sometimes the only women in an episode are random witnesses who get two sentences of dialogue, and then the main guest character is a man. Who flirts with Dean, and Dean is receptive to it.

They paint themselves into a corner, there are female Rabbi. So easily could Aaron have been a woman instead of a man, but they made the choice to play up the HaHa Dean & Men card.

Because, again, Dean has filled the slot of Woman™ of Female Lead™ and the flirting would’ve been straight if Dean was a woman. It’s a plot device, they needed to have the guest character be disarming, be cute, make the main character flustered.

It’s just the main character is a man, because they’re allergic to women. But they still need those female plots, tools of femininity, to move their show forward. I mean I am a big subscriber to transmasc Jo (no idea if anyone else is with me on this one, but let me explain). Jo is in love with Dean (concept) not Dean (actuality). Which, we’ve all had our eggs cracked by someone like that. We were in love with them until we realized we just wanted to be them.

He loved her like a little sister, she loved him like a lost idol. He’s a golden calf and she dies for him, because she believed in him, she was the original character dashed at the altar of the Winchesters.

I fully believe if she had lived and if this show had a crumb of actual good writing Jo could have been a deeply compelling transmasc character. But I also think she’s a fascinating inversion of Dean. Dean is a Masculine Character who subverts Toxic Masculinity, Jo is a Tomboy™ she’s not your (if you take it straight, literally and metaphorically) average female love interest. She’s angry, she’s not soft at all, all edges and corners and thorns. She isn’t helpless, she’s stubborn but not in a “you’re going to get punished for this” way. She’s right when she’s stubborn. She’s helpful, she’s a martyr.

I could do a whole other essay just on Jo (and Ellen, and Ash, what a fucking trio!) but needless to say Jo was one of the first...plot device feminine tools sacrificed to this show. She was a regular, she was unique, she was an engaging character, and she still died (to progress the plot? no. for man pain? yeah, for like three episodes maybe, and then it’s forgotten just like the rest of Dean’s trauma, as we mentioned above).

Dean and Women and Love is a very interesting tool used too because. Boy they sure try to make Dean love women and it fails in small ways, and in big, meaningless, failed het domesticity (again) ways. Not to mention whatever Lust (in the form of a woman) having no effect upon him, when they could have used that moment to assert his Masculinity and Heterosexuality. He behaved normally? And...also...whatever the fuck the Adios thing was!

Like they have these opportunities to make him Traditionally (toxically) Masculine, but make the choice to...not? To soften him. Because it’s a tool. He’s their female lead, textually he had to take on the role of mother(/father) to Sam, but...I mean this is a million miles long already. I know, but we absolutely can’t not talk about his Paternal/Maternal behaviors. (Which appear again and again again and again, outside of his relationship with Sam even/especially). He’s the mother hen, sage, safety net, beacon, home to so many side characters they meet.

I mean in many ways Jody is also a Dean comparison. Lost her family. Found a new family. She is non-traditionally feminine, but easily flustered and Silly™ (let’s just drop the entire sex talk over family dinner scene with Alex and the boys and looking to them for help, even though she was already a mother, and she’s a cop, and a hunter and this confident no nonsense individual.... She’s not). We are meant to see her as this hard ass, but she makes extra food for the boys to take back to the bunker. She’s deadly in a fight, but also still easily overwhelmed and put into damsel mode, and she cares so much even in the face of adversity.

It’s also fun to see how Jo | Jody are reflections of Dean at different points of his life. Younger, cocky | Older, settled.

Even when the text tries to tell us that he’s not.

When it reminds us that he’s violent. That he is his father, even if he says that Sam is more like John (which was reflexive, which was angry because of Adam and how Sam was behaving like Dean in that episode, and yes there are parallels to be drawn between Sam and John, the show barely dives into them). Instead we’re told that Dean is John (Again and Again and Again and Again).

So intensely that a fanfictionalized version of the Winchester Gospels makes it an entire fucking musical number.

And yet, despite the texts insistence to make Dean Macho Man Father Reborn™ We get this Dean who is silly (and directly compared/contrasted to the female character in this scene), soft, in heels, nagging, and... Sully (you know Sam’s imaginary friend who has the same Haircut Dean has, who is a softer, shorter, friendlier, campier, version of Dean who was a replacement For Dean until the real one let Sam back in? That? Sully?) it’s hard to take them seriously.

Hell, even when he was A DEMON? What did they do? They had him sing off-key drunken karaoke, they had him doing this ! Like that’s your hero, unhinged, free to be as bad as he could be, and you put him in a cowboy hat in a romance with the king of hell.

The Female Lead, everyone. Who’s biggest betrayal(s) comes at the hands of his love interest (again, a man even though it was an angel who could’ve taken any vessel! who could’ve been recast, who canonically dies admitting his love to Dean - that one), who he tries so hard to be loyal to.

The contradictions of his character are laughable. He is so emotional, but if he is engaged about his emotions? He shuts down, or he’s exasperated about being asked about them. It really is Female Lead/Only Here For The Plot disease, because everything is more important than him. How’s he doing? Doesn’t matter outside of the context of how x character is doing or that y character is dead. Or his emotions only matter if they’re done in penance.

They also really do frame him as Pretty Boy™ in a violent way, or in a derogatory manner. They’ll give us homoerotic shots like this or these and never really acknowledge how these are gay shots. Sorry the gun scene is a a straight up sex scene, the beer sip spilling out over his mouth is oral, the scene where Cas fills up Dean’s glass with whisky is also a sex scene, they do this shit on purpose but accidentally queer it up. If Dean was a woman these scenes wouldn’t even matter. They’d be passing moments, but because he is not just a man but A Man™ they’re insane to see.

Not to mention all of these scenes and all the ones I haven’t linked where Dean dresses up. He performs masculinity, but he performs femininity too. He’s a plot device that is slotted in to whatever role they need. He’s Super Straight Butch Man™ but coaches the lesbian on how to successfully flirt with a man. He’s Action Hero™ who sits through a montage with the same lesbian and yays and nays her outfits, and enjoys himself.

Fuck he loves dressing up, he feels better in these costumes because performing a character is easier than being himself. Because who is Dean? He’s a tool, both textually and metatextually. It is exactly how the women and because of the women on the show that Dean is the way that he is. If there was a more steady female presence Dean would not be half as much of a plot device or half as camp/gay/feminine/non-traditionally masculine/queer coded as he is.

In conclusion....

#dean winchester #supernatural #spn meta #spn #gender #anon #replies #messages #my writing #ANYWAYS PHEW okay anon i don't know if i even fully got to your point but i woke up at like 3:30 to this ask and i've been fixated on it #HOPE THIS IS EVEN JUST a little bit coherent #the way i meant for this to talk so much more about transness and eldest daughter syndrome and just FORGOT #oops #oh well

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