#it truly is horrible out here for me
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eucalyptication Ā· 5 months ago
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thereā€™s actually nothing quite like the olympics to make me feel like iā€™ve wasted my whole life away šŸ˜Š
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vigilskeep Ā· 5 months ago
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um calenhad aeducan lore. known fondly as prince cal by the people of orzammar and also me. heā€™s called that after the founder of the theirin line, because after ferelden successfully rebelled against orlesian rule, orzammar was like oh fuck weā€™ve got to repair that relationship as if we didnā€™t just sit by the whole time that was happening. so there were a bunch of these kind of uh diplomatic publicity stunts happening around the time he was born. and nothing about his life has ever not been someone elseā€™s angle
his mother was one of endrinā€™s lesser concubines from a lower status house, and every jealous eye turned in her direction when she bore the king a son. despite that, endrinā€™s queen took her and the baby under her wing. it wasnā€™t entirely altruistic. the queen had no sons of her own, so cal could serve instead as her ā€œcontenderā€ for heir against trian, the son of her long-time rival, a favoured concubine called lady rosdrada. the queen also happened to be a notable warrior, a powerful reaver, who died years later on a deep roads expedition under mildly suspicious circumstances, with many blaming lady rosdrada. (she was never publicly accused but neither did the king ever marry her and allow her to rise to the queenā€™s vacant place, a fact bitterly resented by her faction.)
calā€™s mother, who returned the queenā€™s protection and favour with fierce loyalty, was first among rosdradaā€™s accusers. furious that punishment never came, she changed almost overnight from a shy, humble woman to a politician who could in her own right engage in the life or death battle for succession, raising her son to be the fulfilment of the late queenā€™s ambitions. he was trained since childhood in both the ways of princely charm and the ways of a reaver warrior, all to be the vengeance of a woman whose face he sometimes struggles to remember. perhaps there was a time, as boys, when he tried to be a brother to trian despite it all, but with his motherā€™s teachings always in his ears and trian less bearable each year, heā€™s long since accepted that deadly conflict between them is inevitable. heā€™s never eager to be the ruthless aeducan prince, but heā€™s always done his duty, however ugly. he never turns down the foul-tasting reaver concoctions, or quakes when heā€™s sent to the deep roads. he always defends his houseā€™s honour and makes the point in blood. anything less is death; his mother tells him so
he doesnā€™t truly want the throne. he just wants more than anything to have the weight of expectations off his shoulders, and to no longer dread that his mother, his second, and all who support them will pay the deadly price of his failure. heā€™ll jump blindly at the chance to get this fight over withā€”and thatā€™s all the opportunity bhelen ever needed
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bruciemilf Ā· 1 year ago
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I think an underappreciated motive for Bruce / Batman to not murder the Joker after he killed Jason is that it would, in a sense, mean Joker won. Like, yeah the Joker would be dead but he would also be laughing himself silly that he was the one who made the Bat break his code.
Bruce sparing the Joker was not because he didn't love Jason enough to kill him, but because he refused to let the Joker take anything else from him; he took his son, but he would not take his honor, his morality, his code. He would not give Joker the satisfaction.
Yeah! I think, ultimately, DC said it best, -- one death, two deaths, three deaths, -- whatever you pick, everybody loses. It was a no win situation from the start and specifically designed to have no satisfactory ending
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musicalmoritz Ā· 4 months ago
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LMAO thereā€™s no way someone made a callout blog for TBHK, you people have way too much free time on your hands
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eeblouissant Ā· 4 months ago
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do you ever find a song that reminds you so violently of a favourite character that you kind of just like. freeze there once the realization hits
so anyway I found a new Dorothy song and Iā€™ve paused everything I was doing to talk about it because. oh my god. come cry with me.
Flowers by Marina, hereā€™re the lyrics:
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obviously Iā€™ve related this back to her marriage with/& divorce from stan, but I feel like this song really encapsulates how easy it is/has been for Dorothy to fall right back into his arms at the slightest show of affection, regardless of how far along she is in her own healing journey, and how awful she knows he is. ā€œAnd itā€™s most tempting to give in when you hear the firin shots, when youā€™re steps from winning back all the happiness you lost.ā€
Sheā€™s very weak to emotional temptation, itā€™s one of her biggest character flaws. It doesnā€™t take much to convince her to do something she has already been yearning for even slightly. (I could connect this back to her recovering gambling addiction on so many different levels but thats another post entirely, and kind of self explanatory) ie: the episode stan takes a wife, where he shows affection for Sophia in crisis, keeps dorothy company, and now - regardless of the fact that sheā€™s about to ruin a planned wedding and that, stan is stan - dorothy is determined to take stan back and completely convinced that he wants her back, too. We see dorothy in a similar situation with stan in season one also, to a little bit of a lesser extent. There are so many big and small examples of this that it would be impossible to name them all individually, but I think the examples involving stanley are most relevant here. oh god, not to mention the time they almost actually get married again ā€¦ spare me. Eventually, everytime, when he proves once again to be the asshole that cheated & left her, she comes to her senses. But oh my god sometimes it just takes so much for her to see that someone is bad for her. ā€œā€“but I would rather not, betray myself, just to keep your love at any costā€
Sophia comments on this flaw once or twice in canon too (OUCH, BTW.) and it just ā€¦ dorothy is always so defensive. girl your mother is correct I fear!!!
ā€œIf youā€™d just bought me flowers, maybe I would have stayedā€ā€¦ the slightest show of affection would have kept her there with him for even longer, Iā€™m so sure of it ā€“ thank god he stayed gone for as long as he did. Should have been forever!!!!!!! she had been slipping away from him since day one.
Do I even need to start talking about ā€œand now my future gleams with colours bold and bright, in a home thatā€™s filled with love and hope and a life that just feels right.ā€ PLEASE. PLEASEā€¦ Iā€™m so fragile ā€¦ā€¦ please ā€¦ I feel like this one speaks for itself. And right after a line that so perfectly describes her home life while married to stan? Iā€™m not well oh my god this is sick
#sorry I know these thoughts were all over the place and made no sense but when the song came on shuffle and I made the connection#I about died#every lyric here is so exactly her. it didnā€™t talk about every one (although I wanted to badly) because#it would have been me rambling about things that are very self explanatory I think - but I just had to get some kind of ramble out on this#I canā€™t deal with this one flaw of hersā€¦ I feel like itā€™s the type of thing youā€™d never expect from someone like her but oh boy.#sheā€™s just :( she just wants to be loved. truly wholly loved#sheā€™s not scary. shes not what people perceive her to be on the surface - sheā€™s gentle & kind & so deeply fragile#the golden girls#dorothy zbornak#like she is the LAST person youā€™d expect to be taking back her lying cheating broke exhusband#sheā€™s the kind of person to tell you NOT to do that!!!!! sheā€™d KILL for you in a situation like that!!!!#but show her any kindness & she disregards every horrible thing about you. she yearns to feel loved so badly that in the moment#all that matters is the feeling that someone might actually love her.#there is also the connection to stan that I donā€™t think sheā€™ll ever really be able to look past. which does unfortunately make sense to me#i mean. heā€™s the father of her children. she had to spend 38 years of her life with him - obviously thatā€™s going to leave a scar#okay ramble over there are just so many thoughts but Iā€™ve already started repeating things Iā€™ve rambled on already šŸ˜­
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deus-ex-mona Ā· 10 months ago
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s. s ave me, meotoā€¦
#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst#today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed#man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. iā€™d laugh if i were anyone else tbh#first i couldnā€™t start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing.#t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing#*and* whatā€™s worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans.#but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning]#bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CANā€™T HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and itā€™s just.#lifeā€™s *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (Ź˜ā€æŹ˜)#and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadnā€™t started anything#and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake.#while heā€™s fuminā€™ away like a freakinā€™ chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :(#anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady#who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa#and i canā€™t read maps/i donā€™t even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely#but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination#and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me#the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol#anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry onā€”#s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meotoā€¦ā€¦ā€¦..
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angelstrawbabie420 Ā· 5 months ago
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and itā€™s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad itā€™s the worst month ive had since my dadā€™s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become itā€™s not like thatā€™s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but itā€™s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to itā€™s a task so daunting and draining#i donā€™t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so itā€™s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc itā€™s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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laniidae-passerine Ā· 1 year ago
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Honestly I think Dean Highbottom has some shit to answer to as well. The mockery, the derision, the outright admittance that he was hoping Coriolanus would fail and the Snow family would continue to suffer. How someone who loathed the Games still treated a young man with cruelty because of the past, because of social divides that would be so easy to tear down. In the end, it wasnā€™t just Gaul who shaped Snow into the man he became. So bitter and hateful. So incapable of compassion and forgiveness. Just like his father. Just like his Dean.
#like yeah there were a lot of things questionable about Snow even before he was chosen as a mentor in the games#but like. damn. you didnā€™t even consider the idea he could be better than his father did you?#the way kindness could have unravelled some of the hate in Snowā€™s heart#listen to me tell you the horrible things your father did. listen to me tell you that you can be different. you are not the past.#the divides between us do not truly exist. look at the weapon in your hand. it is real. and it can do real damage#but if you never hate someone - if they never fool you into letting violence into your heart - they can never make you use it#it breaks my heart. how could you hate a ghost so much that youā€™d kill a child. I donā€™t know. but the Dean does. and so does Snow.#the cycles run and run until somebody stops. and burns some bread. and shares berries. and takes an arrow. and says no more. I love you#it is difficult. it could hurt me. it could be the very last thing I do. it may not even serve me well. but I love you. I love. always.#how pathetic hate makes you. how strong love makes you. like staring at the Dean and staring at characters like Haymitch#like two substance abusing men who know the system inside out. who are complicit. who are victims. both embittered and angry.#but one saw a child and decided to punish him for the past#and the other saw a child and decided - okay. itā€™s been 23 years. my heart hurts. I want to give in. I want to hate you. I want to not care.#Iā€™m going to care anyway. Iā€™m in so much pain. Itā€™s killing me. Iā€™m going to care anyway. about you both. it wonā€™t be perfect. but I care.#and Iā€™ll be here through hell. and I will fuck up. so fucking badly. because Iā€™m still addicted and angry and god knows I have suffered.#god knows these hands are bloody and they always will be. but I will keep coming back. I will keep trying. I will still love.#and in the end I will write names in a book that belongs to you and I will find a little bit of peace in a house where the sun shines#and the geese make ridiculous noises in the yard. and love will have seen me through.#HAYMITCH YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS I LOVE YOU MY IMPERFECT DARLING#dean highbottom#coriolanus snow#the hunger games#a ballad of songbirds and snakes#haymitch abernathy#thg#abosas#suzanne collins#SHE WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS
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cosmik-homo Ā· 6 months ago
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Just realized- and God, I hope Mr Emmerich comes through with this- to me dragon age men are romantically about one thing and one thing only:
Getting annoyed by something they're up to and then they suddenly say the most vulnerable soft ass gentle lovely thing and I have to growl and go ougggghhhhh I CAN'T not cherish him
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hecksupremechips Ā· 10 months ago
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me šŸ¤Ø
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ā€˜minor traumaā€™#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am šŸ˜Ÿ#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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wulfhalls Ā· 2 years ago
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criticalrolo Ā· 2 years ago
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folks i have put in the legwork to try to understand the jgy apologist side of the fandom since that seems to be So Many People... I thought that maybe the tv show elevated his crimes to make it a more black and white villain situation but then I read what he does in the novels and it is WAY WORSE... i literally feel like it's 2012 and people are writing loki-style apologism for "his childhood was very sad (extremely true it was horrible) and that's why the crimes are okay (the crimes are so so many murders and SA because his feelings and desires are more important than People's Lives)"
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todayisafridaynight Ā· 1 year ago
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OKAY THE JO ASK I MENTIONED
I'm working on next week's video and it's just like 8 Characters Appearing In Y8 or whatever, and there's a lot I've scrapped to keep it manageable, but obviously I re-listened to the teaser trailer and it got me thinking about Y8 Jo... as usual...
RGG's connection with reality is tenuous at best, but in the case of prison life especially, it's pretty obvious it's Mostly modeled off of movies and other media. Which is fine, RGG is more often than not actively "going for RGG-ism rather than realism" (per staff interview), but it does mean I'll be BSing my way through most of this ask <3
So unlike America, in Japan, inmates can't just make a list of people who can visit them (I would cry if that were the case). Only family, people connected to the case/law enforcement/civil servants, and people who need to consult them about personal matters with legal consequences (e.g. marriage, childcare, employment) can get in.
Friends and associates aren't generally barred from visitation, but Basically It's A Pain In The Ass that requires consistent correspondence to prove they know each other. On top of wardens summarily rejecting visitation requests they don't think will be Productive for the inmate, there's an additional challenge for someone like Ichi as people with criminal records are deemed Bad Influences and so face higher rates of rejection and letter confiscation.
Now. ABSOLUTELY none of this Actually Matters because we've seen Yasuko (who absolutely should have a right to visitation) get rejected and people who probably shouldn't have a right be able to get in. Most wardens don't actually do their jobs (either because they're corrupt or because they're My Man Kosaka From Y5). Because of that corruption, even if a big deal is made of it (50/50 on that), it shouldn't be too hard for someone like Ichi to arrange a visit. It's just down to whatever Yokoyama and co. think is the best for the story.
HOWEVER. It did get me thinking. Because even before I noticed it was Jo's voice, I noticed he definitely didn't sound surprised to see Ichi. He doesn't miss a beat greeting him. And "been a long time, Ichi" has some nuance to it for being such a simple phrase; if you're saying it, and you're Jo, you're not only not surprised to see Ichi, but also the one who's starting the conversation proper and in control of the conversation, whether Ichi knows it or not. At least that's how it's been used so far and how it's generally used in media.
So it's like, What's The Circumstance Here where Ichi is not only able to meet him but Jo also isn't surprised... are you playing it cool... are you gonna be cunty... have you been writing/calling so you know to expect it... do you have other reasons to expect it... If I May Dream A Moment are you meeting outside of prison, so Ichi's the one who's caught by surprise...
This literally isn't even Anything for how long this ask is lol sorry I'm just. Yeah. I am once again Thinking
nothin like a lil thinkin while we wait for more lad8 news yk..... im an encourager of it hell yeah.......
#snap chats#speaking of Videos From Yourself am i heinous to ask what happened to that one tsutsumi vid - unless i just. missed it ā˜ ļø#tumblr loves hidin posts from me.. unless THAT video is THIS one but either way im interested to see this vid youre talkin bout#anyway i need to get away from my tablet the temptation to light my stylus on fire is immense i feel soooooo Detached rn#but my pyromania aside yaryar ive considered the circumstances surroundin jo and ichis Supposed reunion as implied by the trailer#so funny i was just talkin bout that bit with star lmao but anyhow#ill be utterly gobsmacked shocked in the dick if jo is out of jail in 8 but rggs done more Baffling things#jos timbre when greeting ichi could due to apathy or de to familiarity- arguably the same thing but i know them to be different in my soul#i dont think its an apathetic Hello tho so def seems like hes expectin jo for one reason or another#or. hes the one visiting ichi. in the My Dick's Been Shocked timeline where jo gets out#all that can be done at this point is to wonder-- ouuugh can next year get here already#i feel like ive been saying that everyday lmao but i truly must have this game in front of my eyeballs i just wanna knOW#too many questions too many wonders i wanna see them now before the compulsion to light myself on fire with this candle wins#much to think bout..#on that note im gonna get away from my tablet so i dont catch THAT on fire and im just gonna stare at this candle until uhh idk when i slee#forgive my lackluster response. ive been very lackluster as of late i fear (Ā“ā–½ļ½€;;)#i keep saying 'forgive me' yet i continue to be lame im horrible (ĀÆxĀÆ;;;;)
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motheyes Ā· 2 years ago
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wow i am like. feeling a lot. iā€™m very overwhelmed
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himalayaan-flowers Ā· 1 month ago
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#if i weren't an anti natalist at this point i wish my brother and his wife would have children#then i'd feel less bad about ending everything once my parents are no longer here#bc he'd have a new family#ughhhhhhhhhhh i've been here 28 years and i can't stand it i don't want another 50 years of this#it's so ridiculous there are people fighting for their lives and i just want to be dead#like i really truly want that#i don't want to get old and even worse looking#i don't want to ā€œsettleā€ into a miserable relationship#i don't want to spend another 50 years hating everything about myself and being jealous of others and working a boring job#trying to force myself to remember to eat and doing chores and being in physical pain and being told to be grateful things aren't worse#worrying about everyone else#feeling guilty for absolutely everything#just watching as everyone else lives their lives#there is nothing whatsoever that could possibly change my mind i'd always choose ā€œno lifeā€ over this life#but i'm so TRAPPED#i know i'm a broken record but literally what else can i do but repeat myself#it's horrible having no way out bc you can't stand to cause your family pain#and then i think#am i actually THAT bad#because if i were totally heartless i wouldn't care right????#i would just do it without worrying about them#which makes me think i can't be completely devoid of compassion#so then why?????#it feels like i HAVE to be a bad person otherwise why would i be in this situation#even people in warzones have a will to live#i don't starve or live in a warzone#but people living in famine or through war STILL have the will to live???#i have none#i don't get it
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phagodyke Ā· 2 months ago
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venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls šŸ‘
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please ļæ½ļæ½#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall šŸ‘#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
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