#it took till 25 before i was brave enough to try and get on T. god it sucks lol

[transearlgrey]

man it really sucks being one of many Queer Cousins in your family BUT being the only one raised religiously. not like just raised with religion, but lots of 'being gay is a sin and you have to repent and promise to be celibate or you'll go to hell' and the like kinda religious. I'm almost 30 and i still don't feel like i will ever be like my cousins who were able to figure this shit out when they were teens with the support of their parents. it sucks!

[artofmorehq]

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME/ALIAS: Shantel / shan

AGE: 23

PRONOUNS: she/her

IN CHARACTER – BASICS

FIRST/LAST NAME: Ashton Ryder

AGE: 78 / died at 26

PRONOUNS: he/him

OCCUPATION (MUSE, ARTIST, ETC.): Muse | DIA

FACE CLAIM: Luke Mitchell

3 POSITIVE TRAITS: Loyal, Tenacious, Protective

3 NEGATIVE TRAITS: Altruistic, Secretive, Yes-man

IN CHARACTER – DETAILS (OPTIONAL)

[“I’m not a m o n s t e r. I swear. I just.. had orders.”]

t.w. torture

Space.

One day, I’m gonna go up into space!

That was all Ashton ever really thought about as a kid, zooming around pretending that he was in a spaceship ready to land on Pluto (because Pluto is the absolutely coolest). He was one of those that believed that dreams will come true if you try hard enough, those wide-eyed bushy tail kids. And when NASA established themselves in 1958, it was like a little spark that lit in him to join them. Of course, 16 year old Ashton couldn’t simply just waltz into NASA and charm them with sad puppy dog eyes to get privileged training. And seeing how most of the astronauts were chosen through being pilots or being military, he signed on with the US army almost immediately.

It didn’t seem like such a bad route to go to, he soon found his niche in the medical side of the military, working from the shadows and helping soldiers, and starting to really enjoy his time there. Even though some of the times got really ugly, he kept his smile on and his head held high, believing it’s all going to be worth it. With a solid record in the army, he applied to NASA with their testimony after his unit was withdrawn. It took him three tries before they finally picked him for the Candidate Programme. Who would’ve known that at 22, he’d be this close to being able to go out there, into the stars?

The worst part about training is knowing that not everyone makes it there. What would they be training for if that’s the case? For that one in a million chance to make it. The whole candidate programme just kept on training, some got picked, some dropped out, and the rest kept going. After four years Ashton heard his name called out during a morning announcement; the team for yet another mission for project Apollo; Apollo 8, a four-men mission to orbit around the moon. Though he was just there young and naive, hell they might even cut him off, but it was a chance. To hear his name called, to see what Earth looks like from above, to make it all worth it.

They spent most of 1968 training for launch, all they did was eat, breathe, and sleep for the launch, physically, mentally and emotionally preparing for, the worst case scenario, a one way trip. Somehow war had long prepared him on so many levels already.

So he thought he was ready for the life he planned out.

On one of those late night training, Ashton had headed home, yet never reaching his doorstep. Screams of pain were drowned out by the hand clamping down hard over his mouth, body burning from blinding pain through his back getting colder, almost certain that was it for him. Everything numbed away, but he recovered his senses to see not his Apollo team, but a whole bunch of strangers, limbs chained down to the bed, and scared was an understatement.

They gave him a night to rest, they hardly explained anything, they kept him on a sedative, they sat him down with someone, everyday, a scientist - Maya, they being the DIA. or FBI, they blurred together to him. Somehow with his military and astronomy background, and some chance killing him would pay off in a revival, they thought he’d be useful to them. Some fucking recruitment this was. All NASA did was a cover up that he died during training and gave him a proper military funeral, hoping to give closure for the missing astronaut.

Ashton thought he was going to calmly figure out what happened, and then they made the pain come back again. He was confused, in pain, and just wanted it to end, everything to stop. Follow our advice and you’ll be safe. You’ll be fine soon. I promise. Promise? He took their word for it, and believed, like he always did. Do this experiment, join this mission, eliminate this target, tell us what you see, tell us what the universe says. He did what he did that he thought would make it go away.

Just take their advice for a few years, try and adapt to.. whatever this new thing is, and then maybe leave them and go back to NASA. Just a couple of months.. 3 years. 6 years. 10 years. 25. 35. 50. Advice turned into orders, and Ashton doesn’t even blink twice before obeying them. It started off easy; hand-eye coordination experiments, intelligence tests, recon missions, sitting with Maya, talking about space, astrophysics problem solving. Then it got worse; lead a mission’s intel, sit with Maya, assassinate a target, sit with Maya, torture a captured suspect, sit with Maya. They just kept whispering back in his ear, “You don’t want the pain to come back, do you?”

For 50 years, underneath the Washington HQ, he was used as a tool, a weapon, day in day out. Maya was the only anchor to some kind of sanity, to talk about space, to talk about anything, it was just so easy with her. Yet Ashton was desensitised and lost himself somewhere in the pool of blood he spilt and the pile of bodies he stacked up. To the point where he felt nothing. He was nothing. He can hardly remember who he was before all of this.

Nothing but their good little s o l d i e r.

Ashton never thought it would end, until it did, until Maya left him a letter and never came back. And he could feel it, the rip in his soul when it happened, like someone tore his heart leaving him bleeding in a pain even they couldn’t inflict on him. The complete absolute knowledge that she was gone - that she ripped them apart herself. Suddenly everything came to a standstill.

“What are my orders?” every day he would ask, not sure of what to do anymore, he was just lost. It was like without Maya, suddenly he was useless here. Every day, he continued to ask the same question. Until he finally got an answer: “Your orders are to move to New York.”

Current Mission Active | Locate NYC Muses

—-

TLDR; Enlisted in the army at 16 (1958), military medic till 22, apart of the Vietnam war(1962), join NASA astronaut candidate programme, was finally chosen for one of the Apollo programmes at 26. Died at 26 (1968) as recruited by the DIA, resident Muse as an experiment and agent until the death of his artist 76 (2018), ordered to live in NYC. Current Mission Loading.. Locate NYC Muses

—-

Personality Types

MBIT type: ISFJ, The Defender

+ Supportive, Reliable and Patient, Observant, Loyal and Hardworking

- Humble and Shy, Represses their feelings, Overload themselves, Too Altruistic

Altruistic and well-rounded, no other personality type is so well-suited to be of service of others. They can always be relied on to get the job done on time. They are rarely sitting idle while a worthy cause remains unfinished. They have a tendency to underplay their accomplishments, and while their kindness is often respected, more cynical and selfish people are likely to take advantage of ISFJs’ dedication and humbleness by pushing work onto them and then taking the credit.

Hogwarts house: Huffledor Trustworthy, Tenacious | Chivalry, Brave

Astrological sign: Scorpio Loyal, Secretive, Self Reliant, Brooding, Protective

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs him. Order and organization are paramount to her. He may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or he may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. Whether a law is good or evil is of no import as long as it brings order and meaning. A lawful neutral character will keep his word if he gives it and will never lie. He may attack an unarmed foe if necessary. He will never harm an innocent. He may use torture to extract information, but never for pleasure. He will never kill for pleasure, only in self-defense or in the defense of others. Or when ordered to do so.

Muse: http://shantelchiitriestowrite.tumblr.com/tagged/ch%3A-Ashton

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/1190435857/playlist/26VzIdKqRXiPBjzBxknVbR

[katsuragitakumi]

Gentoku + the other characters (2/2)

In the previous post, I talked about Gentoku+Katsuragi, Gentoku+Taizan, Gentoku+Sento and Gentoku+Kazumin, so now it’s time for...

Gentoku+Utsumi: oh, Gentoku, Gentoku. In the first arc, Gentoku treated Utsumi pretty poorly. And that’s a bit of an understatement. I mean, he even shot him! Gentoku didn’t seem to think very highly of Utsumi, did he? 

Then Utsumi came back in the Hokuto arc, and this time around he was the one in charge in a way. The situation got even better for Utsumi once Gentoku was kicked out of Touto; he made Gentoku kneel before him, he’d threaten to kill Gentoku and, in short, he’d treat Gentoku like Gentoku had treated him before. To make things worse, Utsumi became Mad Rogue shortly after asking Gentoku (!) for help, and Gentoku blamed himself for ruining Utsumi’s life like this. However, as chaotic as he is, Utsumi doesn’t really want an alien to destroy the whole planet, so in the end he contacts Sawa and fights alongside Gentoku.

Gentoku and Utsumi’s relationship is... an odd one. And it showcases the changes both Gentoku and Utsumi have undergone as characters. And, probably more than any other character, Utsumi is the living reminder of Gentoku’s past crimes.

Not in the gifset but still worth mentioning:

Gentoku+Evolt: Night Rogue and Blood Stalk’s interactions in early Build were so amusing to watch. They were quite possibly my favorite pair of bad guys in the whole franchise. Even though they were supposed to be working together, more often than not they’d have disagreements. Gentoku kinda saw himself as Stalk’s superior, while it was obvious that it was Stalk the one playing with him like a fiddle and not the other way around. Evolt kept manipulating him till the very end and rubbing salt in the wound. 

Gentoku+Sawa: I was going to include this in the gifset at first, but... I don’t think his relationship to Sawa has as big an impact on Gentoku as his relationship to Taizan, Katsuragi or Utsumi do. Anyway, one of the very first scenes of Build is Gentoku hitting on Sawa while she’s working (and it’s when he says his infamous hotel line). She’s obviously upset by his behaviour. In Hokuto arc, Sawa plays a very active role in bringing Gentoku down, which results in his exile. 

Their next interaction -kinda- after ep 1 happens minutes before Kazumin tells Gentoku to join the gang; Gentoku is in the basement, and when Sawa spots him... she covers her chest because she presumably remembers what happened in ep 1. Once Gentoku joins the gang, he and Sawa have a quite normal and generic relationship, and they even talk about Utsumi once while Sawa is taking care of injured Gentoku. 

In the New World, we get a scene that mirrors the infamous Hotel Scene. However, this time around Gentoku behaves in a normal way around her to display the difference between evoltified Gentoku vs normal Gentoku. In New World Grease, Sawa saves Gentoku when he’s kidnapped and then it’s revealed that 1) it was Sawa who made Gentoku shave his beard 2) they’re currently dating, much to Sento and Banjou’s surprise 3) Gentoku calls Sawa “Sawa-tan” 4) Sawa now is into wearing silly t-shirts. Uh, I don’t think there’s anything interesting to say about them ( 🙈).

Gentoku+Banjou: Gentoku took part in Kasumi’s death and genuinely believed Banjou was the one behind Katsuragi’s murder. Even when they were in the same team, during Hokuto arc, there was a lot of tension between them two. While they didn’t get a super meaningful bonding scene together, I think it meant a lot to Gentoku to see Banjou of all people asking him for help when Evolt had possessed Sento’s body; in that moment, Banjou wasn’t seeing Gentoku as Rogue, the man who started the war or the founder of the evil organization that had killed Kasumi. He just saw Gentoku as the only man who could help him get Sento back. Banjou’s sincere petition, as well as Kazumin’s words, struck a chord in Gentoku and made him realize that, while he had done some pretty heinous stuff in the past, he could also choose to do the right thing for once and help others in the present, which is ultimately what his father wanted him to do.

In the New World, Gentoku makes fun of Banjou and Banjou calls him “Gen-san”. Cute.

Gentoku+Misora: I think this gifset will sum up pretty nicely what I’m about to say. Gentoku’s arc was basically that of a villain who’s redeemed, but -UNLIKE IN OTHER FRANCHISES- there was a strong emphasis on Gentoku actually being responsible for his crimes. And it’s enough to go from “now im bad >:( now im good” :D” as if nothing really had happened. And it’s not enough to tell the audience that Gentoku was under the influence of the Pandora Box. In the end, those were his actions and he had to learn to be a hero, mirroring Sento’s own path in a certain way.

In ep 25, he kills Akaba and is about to murder Misora, and it’s Banjou (a hero, who’s not still Our Ideal Hero but he’s getting there) who saves her from a fatal blow. In ep 48, he finally gives his motto (”become a sacrifice for the greater good”) a new meaning; it’s not about sacrificing other people, but himself, for the greater good. Gentoku’s brave deed not only saved Misora’s life, but also helped Sento and Banjou defeat Evolt. As Gentoku was dying, we could see Rogue’s shadow in the wall - he was dying as a true hero, Our Ideal Hero.

Now, onto Gentoku and Misora’s relationship: they were an amusing duo, and it was cute (and kinda sad it we consider Gentoku’s situation) to see Gentoku trying his hardest to earn Misora’s approval. Also, Prime Rogue’s HBV was truly a gift. Cute.

[raleigh-ocean]

| Karina Sväre & Lana Winters Alphabet |

A - AU (My favorite AU for them) 

Cops/Detectives AU! They truly are the greatest and the worst team ever, because they have the deepest conection but at the same time their personalities are too strong so they crash more often than not.

Also I would like to see them in a Chef AU, like both having their restaurants in the same street but in front of each other and being competitive as fuck + Mary Eunice and Kit trying to mediate between them.

B - Baby (Do they want a family?)

Ahm tricky subject, they indeed talked about this several times over the years when they thought they could become something more especially. Karina knows and saw Lana’s trauma and dealt with it, not leaving her side at any moment, so putting her through something like that again even if was wanted, is something she doesn’t have the heart to do. But also Lana knows how much grief and guilt Karina has inside, and she didn’t have the heart either to actually pursue that.

When Karina started to take care of those kids and teens in need in the neigbourhood and beyond, she proved to Lana that it was the right choice all along that they never decided to have a kid because she knew she couldn’t give the other woman what she needed emotionally.

However as they got old together, it wasn’t something strange to find themselves talking about these imaginary twins, smart as heck and strong as both of them, kicking asses with their wits.

C - Cuddle (Cuddler? How would they cuddle?)

It was always awkward but they managed to be comfortable with small cuddles, like resting their heads in their shoulders or in their laps. Karina was always afraid to actually initiate contact with Lana, so it’s always the journalist who is the one doing The Cuddles. 

It took them 25 years to get to the point that being more cuddly in each other presence came naturally. Still, their favourite cuddles are sat side by side, linking arms and Lana’s head in Karina’s shoulder and Karina resting her head on top of Lana’s.

D - Dates (What are dates like?)

Going to libraries and cafés! They love talking over books and coffee, so it’s pretty much the one type of date they always repeat. It’s also meaningful because every time they got together Lana took Karina to their favourite library, let her pick a few books and then talk about them before jumping in devouring each other in Lana’s couch.

They are also fond of having indoor dates, Karina showing Lana new recipes she has learnt and enjoy them together, mostly because she knows Lana’s cooking skills are shit and wants to help her. 

E - Everything (You are my ______? Life, world, etc)

They have the same for each other: You’re my lovely and everlasting pain in the ass.

F - Feelings (When did they first realize they had feelings for the other?)

Karina and Lana have spent a good chunk of their lives together and their feelings did develop slowly, so it wasn’t something life changing but more like something they already knew it was coming. They love each other to pieces but at the same both know they would be a mess in something long-term.

It was the first time they talked about being together for real, instead of this on and off thing, when they ‘realized’ their feelings train arrived. It was the most heartfelt conversation they ever had; the two of them in Karina’s bed, sharing a cigarette and Karina’s arms wrapping Lana tightly and caressing her back as if she could get all her love reach her by doing that.

G - Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Is hard for them to be more gentle, mostly because they are used to speak straightforward. So both settle by showing they care for each during tiny moments like cooking together (Lana handing Karina stuff/ingredients) or reading to each other information while writing for an article and such. They do try to speak softer, as awkward at it is, but they feel out of character.

H - Holding Hands (Do they like it? How often?)

They only did at home for the most part of their lives or in special occasions outside. It holds a special meaning, because is their silent way of telling each other that they are there, that they are listening, that they are understanding. Now that they both are cranky grandmas, it still has that meaning...but they do it almost all the time they are together.

I - Impression (What was their first impression of one another?)

Lana thought that Karina was really brave at first, she admired how stubborn and strong she was, but also despise how reckless was because Lana got herself stuck in Briarcliff for pulling something similar and was afraid that it happened the same to Karina.

Karina first impression of Lana was...well, she thought Lana was a total bitch for a few days and then it turned to admiration, because as much she put herself in that situation for ‘love’, Lana did it for her job and that was having an enormous stupid energy that she liked it.

J - Jealous (Would they ever get jealous? How would they act if they were jealous?)

Yes. They are the type of bottling everything up until they are away from the rest, most likely in the safety of Lana’s home because Karina lived in apartment with thin walls (until her mid-30′s). Their arguments are pretty heavy though, and they pretty much know the other is jealous because they got deadly silent while the whole thing is happening.

K - Kisses (How do they kiss?)

Oh they both like it slow. Lana feels that it’s more personal and she can actually feel herself closer to Karina, because sometimes she feels they grow apart due to both being similar and having such strong personalities. Karina loves kissing Lana slow because it gives her the freedom of holding her close and giving her love through that.

L - Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Neither! Over 50 years, they didn’t say ‘I love you’ to each other, not even in a friendly way. They have this thing in which they look into each other eyes for a few seconds longer than the usual and that’s enough for them. They’ll probably keep it like that till the end of times.

M - Memory (What’s their favorite memory of the relationship?)

Christmas, 1990. Snowstorm outside, they were at Karina’s apartment spending some quality time together after a really difficult interview at Lana’s show. They’ve been together for six months already, after going back to each other’s arms at the beginning of summer. They were cuddling in the couch reading when Lana told her that she was still really sorry about Mary Eunice and that she hoped she had been brave enough to be what Karina needed instead of them having this on and off thing for so long.

Karina never heard Lana talking like that but at the same time it made her think that maybe if both they had met in other circumstances, they could’ve been something more stable and maybe everlasting. She voiced that to Lana, kissing her softly afterwards, and just telling her that they were always what each other needed somehow, that whatever Lana had to offer was indeed enough for her and it would always be.

Afterwards they kept talking about the times they were together over the years, bringing those twins, those proud mamas’ boys, they could had had. It always put them at ease talking about that for some reason. 

N - Nicknames (What do they call each other?)

They go with honey and dear most of the time. Lana’s name is already short enough and Karina likes that because she finds it sweet. In exchange, Lana have a like to call Karina Nina, full knowing in which cases she can use it to get to Karina (as when she wants to Karina to agree with her, when she knows she is about to jump on her and start making out, when she knows Karina is about to lose her temper or even when she is sincering herself to the younger woman).

O - Orange (What color reminds them of each other?)

Everytime Karina sees something green it reminds her of Lana, while for Lana it’s actually black the color that reminds her of Karina. Both held those colours close and always try to wear them (clothes, accessories, etc), when they meet for tea or a book date. 

P - Proposal (Who proposes and how?)

They never proposed to each other. I like to think if they ever did it would be Lana the one doing this in the privacy of their bedroom, probably after sex, asking the big question by telling Karina how much she meant for her and I bet my ass they were one of the first couples to marry when gay marriage got legalized in the States.

Q - Quiet (Do they like to talk, or are they more of an actions type of person?)

Actions, to be completely sincere. They both work in things that need them to talk a lot and sometimes being like that strain them really bad. Also they have the plus of having similar strong personalities and that turns really fast in an argument, as they both know so well, so they settle with actions more often than not to show each other what their are feeling.

However they can maintain a civilized conversation when things get serious, but in settings where both are under control of the situation. 

R - Rich (Do they spoil one another?)

Karina’s bookshelves are full thanks to Lana buying her every single book she might be interested in or that can help her in her researches. Also likes to buy pretty things for Karina, since she opted to live a life without much luxuries (she doesn’t like fancy stuff and such, that’s what I refer to). 

Karina likes to buy Lana office supplies and nice notebooks, but her way of spoiling is through handmade things as cooking for her or knit stuff and things like that.

S - Sleep (What are their sleep habits?)

Karina and Lana have the habit of working till late, but once they touch they pillow, they sleep like absolute babies. After Briarcliff it took them a decade to reach that point, however. Karina is a heavy sleeper and Lana is a light one, so they compliment each other.

T - Touch (Their favorite place to touch?)

Lana’s favorite thing was and always has been Karina’s hair. It relaxed her brushing it with her fingers or when it got really long around the 80′s, help her brushing and untangle it. Still nowadays when Karina keeps it short, she loves to pass her fingers through short hair and massaging her scalp lightly. She also loves caressing Karina’s cheeks thanks to all the freckles.

Karina in exchange loves to touch Lana’s hands and kiss them. Also taking care of them, since they are Lana’s main tool for her job. Other place she loves is Lana’s shoulders for some reason, maybe because her figure is more ‘femenine’ than hers and also loves all the little moles spread there.

U - Unencumbered (What do they do to relax?)

Taking long walks or going for a drive! Having some fresh always helps them to ease their busy minds and enjoy some quiet time together for a chance. Being outside the house makes them feel better for sure.

Individually, Karina loves cooking the most so she always bakes when she wants to truly relax and Lana is happy to take whatever she bakes; while Lana likes to quietly lie down in the couch, even napping sometimes, because doing a lot of stuff during the day sometimes overwhelms her and she needs to do nothing at all to shake the feeling off.

V - Virgin (What’s the sex like?)

Pretty classic, to be honest, but is the good ol’ making love thing. Both are each other rock, the one person they always come back too, so when they are together they pour everything they have into it. They experiment with their other partners, but together? Lana and Karina know each other too well and both love to feel loved by the other.

W - Wedding (What’s the wedding like? Big, small?)

As in proposal, they never got married. But probably would be a quiet and small ceremony, Kit’s kids and their families probably and a bunch of good friends. As much as their lives seem to be big and chaotic, they both like the quietness and their privacy uninterrupted.

X - Xylophone (What’s their song?)

This two reminds me of their relationship!

Rise Up by Andra Day 

Sweet Creature by Harry Styles

This is the song only them can actually dance to and it holds special meaning.

The Winner Takes It All by ABBA 

Y - Yearn (How do they cope with being away from the other?)

Calls. They love to call each other and talk about their day, usually after dinner because is the moment they have a time to relax. Even when they are off in that moment, they doesn’t stop from calling each other. If they spend more time than usual without seeing or calling each other, the one doing the call has the right of make fun of their age. 

Z - Zoo (What kind of pet would they have, if any?)

Being Karina kind of a ‘foster mom’/social worker, she always had animals around the house because it helped the girls/kids she took in to feel safer, so Lana is used to be in the presence of different animals.

But there is this particular cat Karina let her choose once, the fattest orange cat they ever saw, that Lana grew attached with. It was their fur child and even Karina cried when Jonah died from old age. Jonah only let Karina or Lana touch him and cuddle him and it was only in their presence that the animal let others touch him a little.

[hellopeppermintea]

Forget and Move On (Mr. Y)

If the first post is about my mental health. This time is about my love life.

We start now.

Theres a guy, lets called him Mr. Y. I knew this guy from tinder. Yes TINDER. We matched earlier last year. But we never messaged each other until June 2019. That was the first time he send me a message. But guess what? I didnt reply it. Cause i was stupid enough chose to talked to the other guys (called this guys as Mr. D, and we'll talk about him later).

Long short story. I decided to reply Mr. Y message on December 2019.

Guess what? Turns out he is from the same city as me. I never always use Tinder whenever my not in the town.

He is 2 years older than me. He is an Architect, he is cute ( i have to admit this), he can paly guitar (plus point). But here is the sad part. I wasnt in the town when i decided to reply his message. I was in another city, for the sake of started a new business at that city.

We started texting. He is quite fun to talk to. He is cool. Rather than asked "what are you doing, have you eat you lunch, etc" you small talks that quite annoying, he asked me whats my fears. What the bad things i have done. I told him i went to bar and drunk beer or wine. He said it wasnt that bad. Still normal.

I didnt ask him what he has done. I knew he went to club (from a pic on his tinder). I told him i would guess, " you go to club, partying, get drunk"

He said yeah he went to club but go to club wasnt his thing. He said he dislike the music ( he is more like indie and rock), full of smoke ( we both hate smoke and another clue for me he doesnt smoke). And guess what he told me, he smoked weed. Once. He told me he tried it once, but would never smoke weed again. ( btw, weed is illegal on my country). Well its his words we never know he will smoke weed again or not.

I remember, it was shock me. He look like a good guy and innocent. I didnt asked him how he got that thing or with whom he tried it. i was just like “okay”

Long short story, we were texting. i flew back to my home town to celebrate CNY, and he knew i was coming back home but he didnt know it was just short visit. i thought he would asked me out for a date, it turned out that he was busy during that time cause he got a lot of project to be done.i just stayed at home only for 10 days, and i had to flew back to that city again.

i was kinda sad he didnt asked me out cause i didnt know when i’ll back to my hometown again that meant i missed my chance to met him but something happened by the end of February, i had to back to my hometown for good. i canceled all my business plan in that town. i told him i was coming back.in the middle of march, he asked me out to watch movie. finally! we picked the date. Thursday evening on 6pm. he picked me up at my home. wait, before you judge me why i let stranger pick me up, heres the fun fact.

i told you guys i stalked him on his IG, and i found out his mom is my mom’s friend. so i know its save to go out with him. plus i live in small city where every chinese know other chinese too, so i’ll be save. i think till now he doesnt have a clue that his mom and my mom are friend. 

okay back to the story about my date. i remember when i was getting ready,my heart was pounding so hard. i felt nervous. i was afraid that he would dump me right after one date.6pm past something, he arrived. i went out from the gate, i saw his car. i opened the passanger door, hopped on his car and said “hello”. and i wasnt nervous anymore.

he is cuter in real life. yes he is. he isnt that tall. we are on the same height, 166cm. we had small talk cause it was the first time we saw each other. he chose the cinema, its near my home only 5 minutes by car. not so crowded, i thought he chose that cinema cause he was trying to avoid to met people like his friends or family cause it would be awkward but never-mind cause i was thinking about that too. he bought the ticket.

we came quite early. we were waiting, we sat on chair and had small talk about our work and stuff. we entered the studio, waiting for the movie to be played. and again small talk again, this time about corona cause we kinda paranoid about that. the movie begun, we stopped talking.

we focused on the movie. i was trying to took glance on him, but i wasnt brave enough to did it. the movie ended, we left the studio, headed to the restroom. i went to the female restroom, he went to the male restroom.

after i done, i thought he was waiting for me in front of the male restroom, but he wast there.i saw him, he was sitting on the waiting area, talking to 2 guys. i was like should i came to him but it would be very awkward, or should i just wait for me from afar ?when i almost walked back to the restroom, he looked at me, and then after that he excused himself, and ended his chit chat session with those guys. i quietly followed him.

i didnt talk to him cause i knew those 2 guys was looking at us. after we left the cinema, we talked about  the movie, and he told me about those guy. we didnt have dinner together cause i had my dinner before he picked me up. and it almost 9pm. he drove me back to my home.

after we arrived at my home, i said good bye and thank you. i was waiting for him to texted me after that. but he didnt. no text at all.

i was thinking, maybe he felt a little bit intimidated by me cause im quite tall. but honey, i dont care about your height. i like talked to him cause he is open minded, cool, and smart. i texted my guy best friend, asked for his opinion.

what am i supposed to do? should i text him first? or should i not? what if he reject me? my friend said what if he was the one felt rejected? no, i would went on 2nd date him i told my friend. lucky me, on the next monday i had to flight to accompanied my sister to visited her doctor. i posted on my instastory, i was on airport. after i landed in X, i saw a chat from me, he asked where i was going. i told him i went to X. he asked me what would i did in that city, i told him why. he just replied with ‘Ohh” “no honey, im not gonna take “ooh” for the answer. im gonna make you asked me out again” that was on my mind. and i send him a meme. he likes meme, so do i. after one meme sent to him, we talk to each other again. 

guess what ?just few minute after that he asked me out for dinner. we had not pick the date, but he picked a cafe. nice little cafe/bakery near a beach.

long short story, i backed to my home town cause this virus is got worse, and he had to cancel his business trip. we still texting, till one day he said “ i think our plan is cancel, how long are we gonna waiting for this virus to be over” i felt sad when i was reading his text. 

we waited 3 months for our first date, now we had to wait again for 2nd date? it wast fair! he is the guy that i would date! he is really my type. what am i gonna do?after that text, he started replying my message twice a day, sometimes once a day. i felt it was kinda boring. i hoped he would tried to call me, but he didnt. and me being me, i was not brave enough to called him first. 

and on the day the last time he texted me, i had big fight with my dad. i felt i wasnt deserve to be loved. i felt like no one will love me cause im quite rude to my dad (we will talk about my dad later), so i didnt try to maintain the text. i just replied it with not so long text and he was gone after that. he didnt reply. till now, i have no clue is he read my text but decided to not reply it or is head just leave my text unread? cause i have deleted all the message

well its his choice. i know i didnt try to maintain cause i have my issue, but hey if he still want to talk to me he can try right? but he didnt. so that means he feel bored too.

i read a quote “ during this quarantine, you can tell how much people want to invest on you. either in friendship or relationship” now i know, he doesnt want to invest him time anymore.

do i try to text him again? hell no. 

do i blame the virus? no.

o i blame the time? no. why? cause RIGHT PERSON IS TIMELESS.

i feel theres something wrong with this guy. but i dont know what is that thing. is this because his friends? i almost know his friends cause his friends are my senior when i was in secondary school, and his friends have that bad boy vibe.

what if this guy as bad as his friends? i was thinking like that.what Gods plan? is He trying to save me from this guy so He close the door?or is He trying to teach me to wait in the “wait room” with a good attitude?

i tried to gain this guy attention by post all the food that i cooked on my instastory but it didnt work. well at least i tried, a part of me want him back to me, talked to me again, and wishing he isnt as bad as his friends. he still look at my instastory, he still follow me on instagram. 

i dont know what his intentions. do you want me, or he just talk to me cause he needs someone to talk to when he feels bored?

we both on the age where we are mature enough to get married. he is turning 27 years old this year and i’ll turn 25 years old in few days. i thought we’ll beat the bush and straight up to the business, tell each other want we looking for in relationship. but we didnt. i still feel sad, but im on my process to move on. 

i keep telling myself sometimes you dating life isnt smooth as what you want. and its okay, lets start over with someone new after i finish healing myself, after i get over my trauma, depression and anxiety. i know i deserve to be loved. and love will find me. its just the matter of time. the love will come, the right one will come.

 xxx,-T

[thegranfathertree]

The Red String: Yumes Waking Nightmare

My first posted story as well as fist resus story. Since I tend to be descriptive I’m unsure how long this maybe. Hope you enjoy. Yume grew up in New York City. At age of 21, she’s had been living on the streets for the last 7 maybe 8 years. She grew up in a strict traditional Japanese household. Her mother she remembered as both very kind and sweet always the model Japanese wife. Her father, a businessman, both hard and stern. A real No Nonsense person in short an asshole. He drove her mother to drink. Something that would end up taking her mother’s life as well when Yume nine. A then few years later he would throw Yume out of the house for braking a vase. It was a stupid thing but she knew her father never loved her. He always wanted a boy, a male child, the carry on the family name and inherit the family business. She tried not to think of him much. She tried to think of her mother even less. To look at her at, most one would think she was in her pre or mid to teens. Her black hair was chopped short, it gave her a boyish look. A look she embraced, do to the little protection it afforded her. She was a stood barely 5 feet in height, if that, with a petite. Both a curse of the Japanese heritage, she often thought. If not for the dirt and grime she might have been called a pretty boy. Life on the streets and being homeless has taken its toll on her body. Often going a week or two at a time without a good meal sometimes two to three days without a bad one left her, with an already small frame thinner still. Malnutrition she thought even stunted her development. Her breast where small almost literally flat and barely visible even without a shirt. It only took a loose t-shirt to hide any visage of femininity. She preferred it that was. It was safer being a boy on the streets rather than a woman. She had spent most of her life on the streets alone until about a year and a half ago. When she meant Karl and Lee. Karl was a tall maybe 6 feet and very Italian looking. He used to be some sort of academic. A professor with some PHD and everything. But never talked about how he ended up on the streets. She suspected hit had to do with a woman. He was soft spoken mostly only when spoken too. Lee on the other hand was to opposite of Karl. Maybe a head shorter then Karl, broad shouldered and stocky. Lee was street kid and hustler who grew up in China town. He tended to be hot headed and impulsive. Something that often rubbed Yume the wrong way. According to him he’s been in the streets his whole life and was a “Big man!” in Chinatown before he meant her. She thought his was full of it. She felt was lucky to have meant them though. She’s been alone for a while it felt good to have someone to look out for her and even care about her, a family. Together they came up with a plan. One that could get off the streets if they could get some scratch, money, together. Lee had been selling his blood to a blood bank. Karl for his part had been selling his sperm apparently there was some demand from white men with PHDs at least that’s what he said. Yume had heard of a drug trial that paid out allot. It was risky but money if money was good. With it could get off the streets. Karl told her in most of these drug trials people are mostly given placebos. So the risk of her taking anything harmful is minimal and Lee agreed. While she trusted them. She had not let them know she was a girl. That was something she still held on to. But knew they would watch out for her, that they had her back. That meant a lot to her. The test was something the called a double blind study they told her at the clinic. She would be given the test medication and not disclose what the effects were supposed to be. Over next few months she would be evaluated at end of each week. At the end of 3 months she’s be paid 6 thousand minus the 25$ a week stipend plus other expenses. According to Karl this clinic as “worked” with the homeless before. Because of that she agreed. After the second week Yume was convinced she gotten a placebo like Karl and Lee told her. She assumed that the blood work and other tests each week were for show. It wasn’t till near the end of the third week she began feel something was wrong. It was then the nightmares began. Some of these nightmares were “normal” enough. But the worst ones, it was like she was waking up but couldn’t move. She could hear everything around her, Lee snoring and Karl mumbling to himself. The first time it happened she thought nothing of it. But then it happened the next night. The third time it happened was the worst. It hot that Friday. Yume leaned up against the side of a building next to the main street. She figured she’d catch quit nap before she went to the clinic. Closing her eyes, she slid down the wall to squat and soon drifted off. “Hey are OK?” she heard a voice ask. She tried to respond but couldn’t move or talk. She felt like she had slid over on her side in an odd balled up position. Panic gripped her. Just the idea of being trapped within your own body was bad enough. To experience it again and again. Yume had never felt so helpless before. “No, no, no!” her mind screamed, “not again! Please wakeup, please, please wake up!” She tried screaming. Hoping maybe Lee or Karl will hear her and wake her up. But the only sound she heard was a moan escaped her own lips. “Hey, hey!” the voice came again, “are you OK?” She could hear a slight urgency in his voice this time. “Karl? Lee? Where are you?” she tried plead. But again she hear soft moan, maybe a mumble. Her panic was increasing. “Wake me up someone please!” she screamed within herself. A hand touch her shoulder gently a first. “Hey!” the voice said once again. “Hey, hey Kid! ARE YOU OK!?” the hands grabbed her shoulder now shook it now more forcibly this time. “YOU OK!?” She could hear the panic starting to build in his voice and it fed her own. “Why won’t I wake up! “ She started to feel her heart pound in her chest. Her breath came harder. She could feel her chin pressed to chest and nose pressed against the ground. “I can’t breathe, I can’t wake up!” Someone lifted her to a sitting position. Her back against the wall. She a large hand cup her face. As another shook her shoulder. “Wake up! I need you to wake up!” “I can’t! Wake me up please!” “Wake up, you can do it!” “I CAN’T! I CAN’T! I CAN’T! HELP ME PLEASE! PLEASE!” her plead echoed within her head. She felt fingers press against her throat. It took this to startled her awake. Her eyes flew open to stare at a pair of narrow green eyes locked own. She gasp! “I’m awake”, she tried the say but her voice was suddenly caught in throat. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t exhale. Her eye widened in fear. She saw the refection of her fear echo in the eyes of the stranger before her. “Are You…?” “I’m AWAKE!” She huff out, “I’m fine, I’m fine!!” she try brushing his hand away but it wouldn’t budge. She felt her face beginning to flush with embarrassment and panic. “It’s ok. It looks like you pass out in the heat.” The voice said with a forced calm. He was a tall man. Probably over 6’ standing and broad shoulder. She’d probably describe him as very American looking. Not in that stereo typical blonde haired valley boy way. But in a way it was hard to really tell his ethnicity. Spanish or Italian. But she was unsure. His skin tan with a broad nose. He had close trimmed beard and brown hair pulled tight against his head, probably in a ponytail. His eyes green in color and narrow, not so much to be called “Asian” looking but enough Lee could hardly be justified in calling him a “round eye”, other than for the sake of being an ass . He had a commanding presence about him. But at the same time none threating. She hated feeling vulnerable and being pity. “I don’t need any help she!” She snapped “Ok!” he smiled but his hands didn’t move from her. “Just a few questions first. So I know you’re okay.” without missing a beat, “What day is today?” “What!?” “What day…?” “Friday!” “Good. How many fingers do you see?” He said removing his digits from her throat and holding them in front of her face. “Two!” she huffed. She felt her face beginning to flush again with embarrassment. “Date of birth?” “May the 5th” “Year?” “96!”“ She instantly curse yourself. As she noticed his eyebrow raised in amusement and a small smile pull at the corner of his lip. “Name?” “Yu!” “Yankees or Mets?” “What does that have do with ANYTHING!!?” She screamed. Yume was doing everything she could barely hold back her tears now. Fear, shame and anger had beating her pride to its core. His rapid fire questions were not helping. “Nothing”, he confesses with a smile “I was just wondering.” She almost lost it right there. Her hands shot up to her mouth, stifling any sound before it could escape. Yume knew if she laughed what would follow. She felt her eyes swelling up. “I’m not going to cry.” she told herself. Yume knew what he was doing and hated it. She hated that he felt he need to comfort her and she hated it more that she welcomed it. She was glad for it and that pissed her off. It was bad enough She felt “weak and helpless”, she thought. She wanted someone to blame, to blame him, to hate him and be angry with him. But she couldn’t. She could see in his eyes he cared. He didn’t know her and he was concerned for her someone he didn’t even know. It was different with Lee and Karl they looked out for each other. But never coddle one another. You always had to “Keep a brave face” never push to close to someone’s emotions. Even if you care, don’t show it. You never show it. The streets could take anyone at any time. You had to be strong. She always had trouble with that. This man he did care and she hated it too. She hated the look of concern he gave her. If he was just being nice it would be different. The fact he was concerned for her, reminded her of something that she once had in another life. A distant memory best left forgotten. It meant she was weak. It reminded her of something, she knew never have again. Unconsciously she began nervously tugging at her pinky finger. “Mets.”, she mumbled. Answering to spite herself. He smiles, then his face became very stern. “This could have been much worse.” He said gravely. The tone of his voice and the intensity in his eyes, raised a panic within her. Before she could ask…. “You could have been a Sox fan” She hope the sound that escaped her lips sounded more like a laugh to the stranger. Then it did as a sob to her own ears. Though in reality it was a combination of both. Yume was at final limit. Between the nightmares and now this. She didn’t want to lose her shit in front of this guy but couldn’t bring herself to push him away either. She hated she didn’t want too. “Drink some water.” He offered producing a bottle of water, from the backpacking he wore. She took the water without thinking. Normally she’d refuse a handout. But it was the distraction she needed. Plus she was very hot and thirsty. It had been at least a day since she last drank anything. The water was cold too. So very cold, it felt good going down her throat. She notice he was pouring water on to a paper towel. From another bottle this one green, that he produced from his backpack. Folding the wet towel “Here.”, he offered reaching over to her. Startled she thought he was going to wipe off her face and moved her hand to stop him then… “AH! COLD!” she stiffened briefly as he placed the towel on the back of her neck. “Sorry”, he apologized, “I should have given you some warning.” “God it feels good.” she begrudgingly admitted to herself once she got over the initial shock. She took a few more sips from the bottle. She found herself relaxing finally. He was doing everything his best to keep his face neutral. She noticed but she could see the relief in his eyes. She took some comfort in that look. But it also filled a part of her with an emptiness. A longing for something she knew she’d never have. “I think you’re probably suffering from a bit of heat exhaustion. Probably some dehydration as well.” He smiled at her warmly. With a simple smile he pulled on the thread of the memory Yume thought forgotten. She felt a pang of sadness shot through her. He noticed it too she knew, but to his credit he hid it well and did not press her one it. “Listen”, he said is voice serious again, “when I found you, you are burning up and your pulse was very high. If you can? I think you should take it easy for the next few moments maybe find some shade. Do you have someone looking out for you? Someone I could call?” While simple innocent question. It triggered a panic within and was the opportunity she needed her she needed. “I really have to go.” she finally said out. This was all suddenly becoming way too much for. As she stood up she found him help her to her feet. He let her go before she had a chance to protest. “It’s okay.” he soothed Those words alone were enough to begin to calm her down, pissed her off. “I want you to take this”, he said handing her the green water bottle he use earlier. She realized now was filled almost completely with ice. “I don’t want… ” “Keep it!” he insisted cutting her off. “Use some of that ice water on the back of your neck. It will help to keep you cool.” She try to act tough and knew she needed make her escape, “Yeah man whatever.” She said, taking the bottle as she began to walk away. He saw through the act immediately she notice. For brief moment she thought he would burst out in laughter. He composed himself quickly, her benefit and she realized. Allowing her to keep some face. “I’m Mitch by the way”, he called after she had gotten two steps from him. She saw his hand with extended open to her. “Damn it”, she curse to herself, “Why did you have to tell me your name? Why couldn’t you just let yourself be some Friendly Stranger on the street? The kind face to maybe be remembered in passing. Someone to be forgotten. Not now, now you have a name.” the thought to herself. Of course he was not the first person or man to show her kindness. It was different when it came from someone who didn’t live in the streets. Someone who had a home to go to. Someone that didn’t have to worry about whether they were going to be able to eat in the morning or even that week. Their kindness is where normally filled with pity or self-gratification. But when they actually cared as he did. It was so much worse. Worse for her. It was the only time she felt truly worthless. Her father’s words would come back to her. In her head she could hear his voice chastising her. “You ungrateful child! You lack respect! You are worthless and lack gratitude. “ She felt that emptiness in the pit of her stomach again. It stopped her in her tracks. It wasn’t just that she could tell Mitch’s concern was real. But there’s something else about him as well. Something she didn’t want think about. Something she knew you probably never have. Tentatively she reach out and shook his hand. She was both embarrassed and ashamed by how tried to treat him and couldn’t bring herself to look at him in the eyes. Standing in front of him she felt so much smaller. Her hands tiny listing his large palms. His grip was strong and firm if he had wished to crush your hand with ease, she had no doubt he. Though he showed no inclination of wishing to do so. “Nice to meet Yu.” Mitch smiled. “Thank you.” she whispered. “Hey, no problem.” He kept his voice up beat. Downplaying the situation like it wasn’t a big deal. It was the warmth in his voice, which caused butterflies begin to fill that empty void within her stomach. She looked up quickly to see that warmth also touched his eyes. “I’m still holding his hand!" she realized, “Why am I still holding his hand?” Then suddenly….. “I’m sorry!” She blurted out. Those butterflies quickly becoming a twisting knot within her gut. “For what?” Mitch almost laughed out loud in surprise. ‘For everything! For causing you so much trouble!” she didn’t know where this was come from. She felt like a child again, standing before her father. Wanting his approval and she couldn’t stop herself. Fortunately for her Mitch did. “Yue!” the firmness with which he spoke her was enough to quiet her. Placing his freehand on her shoulder. He caught her eyes with his own. His stern gaze both demanded her attention and pleaded with her to believe him. “You did nothing wrong. Okay? It’s really hot out here and it just got to yah. There no shame in that. None all. It ok. You you’re ok right?” His face was very close. Her heart began to hammer away in her chest. The thumping of her pulse rang in her ears. Her cheeks grew hot under his gaze. She saw a quick flash of concern in his eyes and was for it. Because it meant he mistook the source of her flushed complexion being do to the heat and not himself. “Are you sure you’re okay?” “Mmm hmm”, she nodded quickly stepping back away from him. This was becoming too much for her. She had taken barely a step away when someone rushed passed her. “What the fucks your problem man!” she heard Lee shout as he slammed in to Mitch only to be tossed off. “You some sicko? Got a thing for little boys!?” recovering he pulled Yume behind raising his hands in front of them like an imitation of some boxer. Lee knew was no kid but didn’t stop him from trying to play that angle. Mitch stood his ground, but didn’t is it raised his hands. His eyes locked on Lees end icy edge his voice, “Oh yeah! I have a thing with them not dying due to heat stroke.” Those words seem to take some of the wind from Lees bluster. “Lee, it’s cool”, Yume protested. “I got overheated and he helped me out. Chill ok!” she looked over, apologetically at Mitch. That seemed to be enough to back Lee down. “You ok?” he said turning her “you need me to get you to the hospital?” he grabbed her on each shoulder as if she was about to toppled over then and there. “I'm fine!” she protested. Lee was never this handsy, even if was concerned. He was playing it up. He confirmed her observation by throwing his arms around shoulder in sideways hug. While she was unable to get mad at Mitch with Lee she was having no problem with Lee. It was a welcome feeling as it distracted her from the other feelings. “Sorry dude. I though you fucking with my boy here.” Lee said giving Yume’s shoulder a squeeze and a rough shake. “There’s always some assholes looking to take advantage of a little kid.” “I get it. You got too look out for family”, Mitch replied sincerely. His eyes remaining skeptical. Lee extend his hand and Mitch took it. Giving each other one of those quick, shoulder check “bro hugs”. Yume knew exactly what Lee was doing. She felt her hearts skip a beat and her chest grew tight. She inhaled sharply her breath lost. As Lee went to pull away, Mitch did not let go, locking his grip on Lees. At the same time stepping forward with his right foot on Lees left rooting him in place. “By the way?” Mitch asked. Smiling kindly. His voice friendly even. Only his eyes betrayed his true Intent. They were like steel burrowing into Lees. “You didn’t by any chance find a wallet did you? Maybe on the sidewalk a moment or so ago?” “Nah man!” Lee lied. “I didn’t see anything. Sorry!” He tried keep his voice calm and play ignorant. But he could tell this man was having none of it. He tried to pull away, but his hand was held in an iron grip. One he was struggling to match. “Are you sure you didn’t come across one, a black LP wallet. I'm pretty sure you couldn’t have missed it” Mitch’s smile never faltered nor did he take his eyes off Lee’s. Yume's heart began to hammer in her chest. At the same time it was as if iron bands began to wrap her chest. She knew Lee could handle himself in a fight. But Mitch was a head taller and at least fifty pounds heavier and just by the way he was handling himself she was sure he could take Lee. If it came it. More than that she didn’t want this. She wanted to scream at Lee to “give the wallet back.”, But she couldn’t speak couldn’t breathe. She stood there paralyzed, afraid of what was going to happen. Seconds seemed to drag on for hours as she watched locked together. The strain began to show in Lee’s face, “OH SHIT REALLY?!”, and his voice. He said. While trying his best to feign surprise, “I did find a black LP wallet! Down the street.” Lee made a great show of producing Mitch’s wallet from his back pocket and handing it over to him across their clasped hands. Mitch accepted the wallet, glancing into it briefly before removing his foot from Lees toes. A smile tugged on the corner of his mouth briefly before he released Lees hand and returning it to his back pocket. “Thanks, very kind of you.” If it was a sword, the edge to Mitch’s sarcasm would have cut Lees head clean off right there. Before Yume could begin to relax. “Yo man, if I didn’t find that. You’d be in the shit. Any chance of a reward?” “FUCK LEE!” she screamed inside her head, “why do you need to push everything?” Mitch was going to deck him, she knew it. She wanted to deck him. Yume didn’t know what angle Lee was playing didn’t care. She wanted him to stop. But she was paralyzed to do anything. Her heart felt like it was about to explode in her chest. Mitch to her surprise didn’t take the swing. Instead he smiled cheerfully. ”You’re absolutely right.” The edge to his voice gone. “You can keep the 20 spot you slipped out,” he offered,” and your teeth.” He smiled as he said that. “By the way, I found this in the ally' he said holding up a ratty beat-up brown wallet and flicking it onto Lees chest. “Maybe you might know find who it belongs too!” Yume coughed out a laugh followed by a coughing fit as she tried to catch her breath. The realization of what Mitch had done broke hold she was under. She wanted to kiss him for it. It was brilliant the thought. Some of the tension in her body began to dissipate until she looked to Lee and the knots in her stomach began to tie again. Lee’s eyes widened in surprise as he fumble to catch wallet. Is face flushed with broken pride and humiliation? He tensed briefly ready to reclaim some of his pride. Then though better of it as he backed away. “Thanks dude,” he forced a smile. “I must have dropped mine too.” Mitch returned the smile. “Lucky break for both of us.” He said dryly. Unlike with herself, any warmth or kindness Mitch’s face held was gone. Yume noted. He looked at Lee as if he was the piece of shit that she now felt like after this. A fear grew within her that he would now look at her that. The look in his eyes full of disgust would be her last memory him. She began tug at her picky finger again nervously. She didn’t want this. “Yu!” She felt as if her heart was going to stop. Part of her wished it would. She hoped she would wake up and this would all be a dream. Yume didn’t want to see the look on Mitch’s face when he looked her now. She tried avoid his gaze. Looking anywhere, everywhere, but at him. Hearing her name on his lips, she couldn’t help herself. “Take care of yourself, Okay.” For that moment it was as if Lee had not arrived. Like he wasn’t there at all. Just Mitch and Yume and the world around them disappeared. She knew it was only in her head but she wanted that moment to last forever. She realized then she was still tugging on pinky and couldn’t bring herself to stop. Instead she just nodded dumbly in response. With his next words the moment was over. “Take care Yu.” He smiled. When he looked back to Lee that smile faded. “You take care of your boy now.” “I don’t need you to tell me my business.” Lee blustered. “Right!” She watched him go to disappear into the city. Yume waited till Mitch was well out of earshot till she turned on Lee. “What the hell was that about?!” she yelled punching Lee’s are. Laughing, “You hit like girl!” he teased. “Fuck You Lee!” she said punching him again. “I sorry he looked like an easy mark. Motherfuckers lucky I didn’t kick his ass.” he boasted “You’re lucky he didn’t kick your ass.” She protested. Yume hated him when he was like this. “He was a nice guy! He didn’t deserve your bullshit!” “Yah as if. Why does it even bother you? Those people only act nice. They don’t give a shit about people like us!” Lee shot back. “Those people”, he always used that term against anyone who had even a little more than him or anyone not “us”, she, Karl and Lee. Yume hated that especially now. “People like that asshole ain’t got no respect for us!” “You stole his wallet then had the nerve to ask for a reward! After he busted you and after you lifted a twenty him!” “And that Motherfucker stole my wallet!” he deflected. Sensing where this was going Lee quickly shifted the tact. “When did you start getting into dude anyway?” This earned him another punch. She was glad her face couldn’t get much redder. “Fuck you Lee!” “I don’t know. You where give him some queer boy fuck me eye. Blushing all over.” He enjoyed needling Yu, unaware he was a she. “I’m not blushing!” she protested. “I'm overheated, I don’t like dudes and I’m piss at your bullshit…” “You know you voice gets all squeaky when you’re angry? Maybe your balls didn’t drop yet” let me check.” He made a mock grab for her crotch. “FUCK OFF LEE!” she screamed batting his hand away. Her chest was hammering and she had enough. She took another swing but this time he dodged and pushed her to the side. “You need fuck chill man! I’m just playing wit'chu. Maybe really are becoming a fag-boy.” As he walked away she heard him call back. “I’m going to go waiting for Kar. You better get your head on straight Yu!” She was glad Lee left. Glad he couldn’t see the tears welling in her eye. Glad he hadn’t noticed how close to the mark his words had come. She hated when he got like this. It was one of the reasons why she let him think she was a dude. Most of all she was glad he didn’t notice how scared she had become when he grabbed for her. It wasn’t discovering she was a girl that frightened her, but what some would do when they did was her greatest fear. She propped her back against the wall and placed the ice bottle to back of her neck. It really did feel good. Closing her eyes allowing her to gain some measure of calm till the pounding in her ears subsided and chest to untighten. Maybe Lee was right? Maybe she did need to get her head on straight? Maybe she should have kissed him and told him she wasn’t a boy? What would he have done? Would have kissed her back? What it like to be kissed? Maybe one day I’ll know? “Her head spun briefly with fanciful daydreams till. “Maybe I should wake the fuck up!” she chastised herself. They was a silly dreams that left her feeling empty inside. She knew she needed to be at the clinic soon and tell them about these nightmares. Hopefully they will give her something to help maybe even let her quit with full pay. At least things couldn’t get any worst, she hoped. Yume spared a quick glance down the street were Mitch disappeared. A part of her hope she’d see him returning and a part of her hated herself for it. Unconsciously she began tugging at her pinky finger once again. …………….. To be continued!!!! (Note from the Author: in case you’re wondering: Where the resus in this resus story its coming trust me. I hope you enjoyed part 1 and will come back for part 2.