#it took this person far longer to bring up these QR codes for me to scan than it took for me to give a reciept

[unbloomingmoonflower]

Reason 309 on why I be tired of Retail:

Person: We're in a hurry, can we just get the reciept for the returns?

Me: *ready to roll my eyes so far into my head, I can see Narnia*

[dragonrajafanfiction]

CYOA: Gotcha

“I was invited directly. If you don’t believe me, you can ask him yourself.”  

You deliver this line with utmost confidence. This man was a waiter, someone who would be beneath a rich, young aristocrat like you were pretending you were. You were also a hybrid and was only briefly surprised that the waiter was one as well.

You could thank Chu Zihang later for exposure to what a truely frightening bloodline purity was like. This guy, while a hybrid, didn’t give off nearly the same shockingly inhuman aura as him.

The waiter let out a quiet hmph at your poise, but he still hesitated briefly, putting the business card down on the booth and walking away. “Please wait here.”

You see him disappear further into the restaurant, behind the dark wood counter of a bar. He picked up a phone and dialed the number. As a hybrid you had a much higher auditory sense than a normal human and could hear the conversation.

“Stravinsky brought a guest. This is a sensitive meeting. Did he say anything about it?” A pause. “Not sure. This person not one of us.”

The waiter nodded once and hung up the phone. He picked up a menu and wordlessly beckoned you inside. You can finally see the spacious interior. A live jazz band was playing, a svelte women in a skimpy gown crooned into microphone on a small stage. The tables were shrouded in darkness and cigarette smoke. 

You’re led to a large round table and you and Stravinsky recognize each other right away. 

With him other men in business attire were seated. You assume that they’re hybrids as well. They eye you with moderate annoyance. One that looked Asian ignored you completely. Another a women with mahogany colored skin, gave you the flash of the whites of her eyes, stood up and left the table.

You get the distinct feeling that you’re not welcome here but you have no choice but to wade into this river full of crocodiles. 

“I guess it’s a little late for introductions.” You hand Stravinsky your business card with your fake ID on it. Your name, a made up entity called Alpha Corp. Supposedly, you’re a successful software engineer.

Stravinsky pockets it without looking at it. “Gentlemen, where are your manners? Don’t tell me that we’re closing recruitment now that we’re so close to our goal.”

Your ears perk up and you look around, more intently now.

The Asian man finally gives you a bit of attention. “I kind of feel sorry for you. You were probably expecting a business opportunity. But this is a religious meeting.”

You look him straight in the eye and reply quickly. “What’s the difference?”

Stravinsky snorted with laughter, ducking his head. “Do I know how to pick them or what? I caught this young blood bidding 50 million on the Eye of Horus. Don’t be so close minded. We are all clearly a believers in the power of the gods.”

He leaned forward. “Besides, I’m in need of a play-tester for a very important game.”

His eyes sparkled in the dark as he gazed at you, not as an equal but like a predator, eying prey through the bars of a cage, imagining all the things he would do to you once he got his claws into you. You’d have to be careful.

“Tell me the details you want, but shouldn’t we introduce ourselves first?” Names, contact information... these were what Chu Zihang told you to acquire.

“We don’t use our real names here.”

The smartly dressed black woman returned to her seat and you nod to her. She flicks her eyes at you and says nothing.

“This is Amber Isle.” He says nodding to the woman. “This is Agate Image.” he says of the Asian man. 

As he introduces the people in turn, you immediately notice a pattern. The inclusion of a precious stone and the letters A.I. You file that away for later.

“And what’s your religion?”

“You should know the answer to that, if you’re in here.” Stravinsky lifted a bottle of wine and poured it into a glass to offer it to you. “Hybrids... they have a certain smell. Yours is faint... but it’s definitely there.”

“You’re going on like that? It’s a little embarrassing.” You take the wine.

Agate snorts. “If its embarrassing for you, imagine how it is for us. We’ve told him again and again, stop bringing his new hires to high level meetings.”

“I want to let them know what working with us has to offer.” Stranvinsky took on a wounded tone. “You don’t think its effective? It’s far more effective than your habit of picking them up off the street.”

He sounded pretty proud of himself. “And if I agreed to your game, what would you do?”

You obliquely reminded him that you haven’t agreed to anything yet. You need more information.

The woman next to him was strangely silent but she wasn’t ignoring you any longer, but watching you like a hawk. Her eyes were sharp. She didn’t trust you and that much was obvious.

You take a sip of the wine, meeting her eyes. 

“Ah. Remember what I said about defeated death at the end of the game? What if it wasn’t a game? What if it could actually be done?”

“Immortality is a fairy tale...”

“And yet every major religion preaches about it doesn’t it?” Stravinsky says slyly. “And we know what group who has perfected the art.”

“You’ve figured out dragon egg-making?”

You squint your eyes in shock. After the 4 kings were created, they were split into pairs. Both twins were born from special eggs. This combination of Alchemy and Technology was a mystery to even the oldest of Hybrids. So long as the dragon could make an egg after birth, once it died it could be reborn into the world. The only way to kill a dragon king was after birth, preventing it from creating its egg.

“You’d still have to be a dragon to do it. And you’re just a hybrid. No offense.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to believe it just by my say so.” He slid his cellphone forward and you hone in on it. There’s a video playing. A bright complicated alchemical circle, runes and what looks like an urn. “Is that an authentic dragon egg?” You ask, but you’re really focused on a certain icon. A text message has been received.

You reach for the phone as though to hit pause and accidently swipe down. A text message and a phone number catch your eye. But you pretend its a mistake and pause the video to examine it.

Stravinsky takes the phone back however. “Do you believe me now?”

“I do...” You say cautiously, while you mentally record the phone number you just saw in your memory. “How many others are involved in this?”

“Many? To know more, we’ll need you to agree to be one of us.”

You look at the other members of the table all of them scowling at you.

“Is this solely your decision?” You ask.

“You’ve already seen too much. I’m afraid we can’t let you leave.” Agate moves his jacket slightly to the left to reveal the gun hidden at his chest. “Sorry. It’s not much of a choice.”

Stravinsky scoffed. “For the rich and the strong, there is always a choice. I swear, you think you’re still part of the Yakuza.”

Agate’s eyes narrow to slits. “You just showed a highly classified document like it was an introduction pamphlet!”

You glance at Stravinsky who seemed to be enjoying his colleagues ire. But the man did have a point. He invited you to this restaurant, he knew you were a hybrid... what else was he assuming about you?

Fear starts to creep in. Was he behind the missing agent? Was he looking for his next victim? Laying obvious bait to trap the new target from Cassell?

“The truth is, I’m a software engineer. I work at the pleasure of my clients.” You say, setting the wine glass back on the table. “I can consult on any matter they like. At its heart, my job is to find solutions to client problems.”

“I don’t know about this egg business... but if you hire me as a consultant, you can both be rid of me and insure confidentiality as business partners.”

Glances were exchanged around the table and you secretly hope that they agree to this and not drag you down some dungeon and sacrifice a goat or something.

“I think this is acceptable.” The black woman, Amber, sighs and nods once.

Agate’s eyes go round. “I don’t agree with this but I suppose I have no choice now.”

“I guess that means you’re hired...” Stravinky also seems disappointed. Maybe he liked goat rituals.

Deep relief overwhelms you to your core. “Now, I take it you have a secure way to contact me? One we can freely use?” 

It was Amber who pushed forward a different card. This one only had a QR code on it. “You’ll be able to obtain that information here. Any software needs we have, we’ll be in touch.”

Much to your surprise she offers her hand to you. When you shake it, it feels strangely pebbly. Your eyes go wide. This woman... she had scales!

Her hand squeezes around yours. “Soft... just like an IT professional.” She purrs. “Failure won’t be tolerated. Neither will betrayal.”

She lets you go and you try to slow your pulse.

Stravinsky elbows you sharply. “She’s quite something isn’t she?”

You manage to hold your cool facade when you get out of the restaurant. You weren’t a smoker or a drinker, but right now, you really wished...

Your hands are in your pockets to hide how much they were shaking. You could still feel the scales on the back of her hand, the sight of the dragon king egg case. The gun. How close were you to dying in the restaurant?

After you walked around the block you flag down a cab to take you back to your hotel.

You take off your dress clothes and look at the clock. 3 am.

The phone buzzes. You put it on speaker phone. “Report.”

But you’ve barely had time to collect your thoughts! 

You make the best report you can. “Okay, so that’s what I’ve got.” Putting the QR card on the table, you massage your shoulders. You’re tempted to ask if you can go home now.

All of a sudden you’re interrupted by a critical voice. “You agreed to be hired by them?”

“I...” You weren’t sure what to say to this. “I had to find a middle way.”

“No... this is good. Because you’ll be in contact and you’ll be paid. That gives us two contacts. However, EVA will be monitoring both. I recommend you work remotely. These people are too dangerous for your level.”

You breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you, sir.”

“Take a break and rest up. We’re going to have to get you out of Munich. Were you followed?”

“Not that I saw, sir.”

“I’ll put out some security guards for you.”

Was Chu Zihang that concerned for your safety? He hung up abruptly. 

You can’t think to do much more. You were too tired to even put on your PJs. You just lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling.

You don’t remember your eyes closing, but you’re awakened by a sound.

Your cellphone is buzzing and vibrating erratically. Lines of green text descend in a cascade across the screen and then it goes black with only two words. “Gotcha.”

What do you do???

--------------------------------------

A. Jump behind the bed.

B. Call for help.

C. Throw the phone from the window.

[scottishfoodreview]

That time McDonalds let me loose in their kitchen to make a Big Mac...

I don't really like surprises. 

I like a predictable, almost mundane life, where I know exactly what to expect. 

So imagine my surprise when an email hit the hello@scottishfoodreview.com inbox from McDonald's. Here we are, constantly espousing local sourcing, quality ingredients and individuality and possibly the most well-known multinational fast food restaurant chain is inviting me to try and make their ubiquitous Big Mac. 

First of all I checked they had sent the email to the right person, just in case!  Then I re-read it, they were indeed wanting to show off the evolution of McDonald’s restaurants and they were going to let me behind the scenes at the Newbridge restaurant to see how it was done. Perhaps the biggest surprise was that they were inviting me into the kitchen to prepare my own burger. You are very brave, very daft or very confident to invite an outspoken food writer into your kitchen. So with very little hesitation I took them up on the offer, to find out which one it was… 

When the big day arrived I was greeted by the franchisee (Bob!) and his loyal and friendly team. It was half one and the lunchtime rush was in full swing as families, solo business-folk, workies in vans and the slightly dazed looking folk that looked like they'd just got off a long haul flight (which they might have now I come to think about it) all looking to get a quick meal. It was interesting to see how in this restaurant they were reinventing the McDonald's concept, keeping the best bits whilst removing the annoyances. Now there is no queueing at a counter to order and watch the staff select a prepared burger from the shelf, no it's all made to order. Your choices now are myriad. You can use one of the kiosks, giant touch screens in a range of languages, that allow you to select your meals and make whatever personalisation you wish, don’t like pesky pickles, hold the tomato, you betcha. You can use the mobile phone app to get your order ready and scan the QR code at the door to let the kitchen know you've arrived and they'll get cracking. You can also sit at the table and order from there on the app.

Not all of these features will be available at all the restaurants yet, but this is the way of the future, so if your local McDonald's doesn't do this yet, it will soon! Until then (and even in the new restaurants you get the option if you want to do it the old fashioned way) you can still head to the counter and order from one of the friendly staff. 

Then you can wait for your meal to be handed to you, like the old days, or better still to your seat. The restaurant is split into zones which you use when you order and the food is served at the table. Imagine when you are trying to corral a heap of children, remember orders, juggle straws, well no more. Place the little cherubs in front of one of the tablets, place the order from the comfort of your chair and wait. The server will take care of everything bringing condiments, napkins the whole kit and caboodle over to you. To quote one of the McDonald's team “if you have to get up from your seat we'd see that as a fail.” To me, as far as front of house service goes, in what is still a value orientated market, that's a winner. I can pay nearly twenty quid for a burger in some places and still have to stand in a queue, so digitally enabled full on table service for a 99p cheeseburger is definitely a surprise. 

There were more surprises lying ahead, for as we crossed the threshold, through the ‘staff only’ emblazoned door and entered uncharted territory, there was a table with hats and aprons and a personalised name badge waiting for us! Whilst we were preparing ourselves for the trip to the kitchen, lots of hair net kerfuffling took place, I appreciated the neat and tidy staff (crew) room, the iron (so the staff can look their best) and best of all the dozens of photos of the team on a range of nights out, team building and fun days that gave the impression that looking after their staff was high up on management's priorities. 

Once suitably attired we scrubbed up, passed food hygiene inspection and were let loose into the kitchen proper. Two things were immediately apparent. Firstly it was very clean. This is a kitchen at the end of the lunch rush, I'm expecting a certain degree of carnage, maybe not a pile of dirty pots and pans, but some sign that a couple of hundred people have just passed through, but no, everything appeared to be pristine. Which leads us onto the second observation, it was very methodical. A place for everything and everything in its place, there was some very clever process planning in place, that produced optimum efficiency, so we get tasty burgers quickly. It's the little details like the bespoke toaster that can grill the top, bottom and both sides of the middle of a Big Mac bun at the same time. Bet you'd never given it a second thought before, but there is a special bit of kit to do just that task. The double sided hot plates cook the burgers for just the right time and they have an illustration to remind you that the order you put the patties on is the order you need to take them off, so they are all on the heat for the same amount of time. And when you cook a burger at home and you do that thing with the spatula to push the meat down, yup these have an automatic function to push down and release when cooking, just to add a little tenderness…  The patty is pure beef, 100%, from British and Irish cows. Yes, its flank and forequarter, but it's being minced and shaped into a tasty burger, not served on a plate with a Diane sauce so that shouldn't worry you. Once cooked a no doubt carefully calibrated grind of salt and pepper is added and the burgers placed into hot storage. 

Because no fully prepared burgers are sitting waiting, everything is prepared to order, so this may take a little longer than simply handing you a lukewarm one that was prepared earlier. But, you know what, I'll wait thirty seconds longer for the freshness of a bespoke burger, thank you very much, and McDonald's believe that I'm not the only one. The patties may be grilled and kept hot, but when that order for a Big Mac hits the screens, (there's no shouting, not bits of paper, just a monitor detailing the personalised order), that's when the magic happens, and not a second before. A bun is toasted, onion, lettuce,two skooshes of special sauce, cheese, pickles added in just the correct quantities, before the meat is added, the two halves joined and voila your freshly made burger appears. 

And then it was my turn… After observing a slick professional turn one out in twenty seconds I had to bring my A game, and I'd like to think I didn't let myself down too badly. I managed to toast the right side of the bun, but then skimped too much on the lettuce and doubled up on the pickles.  When I turned it over and opened the box there was a vaguely Big Mac-esque creation inside. Admittedly it also took three times as long as my McDonald's Yoda to demonstrate the correct technique, but not a bad first try I thought, certainly tasted pretty darn good to me! 

And with that I was shown back out of the kitchen and into the by now slightly quieter restaurant. I polished off my handy work and thought about what had just happened and reconciled it with my initial thoughts. First off the old adage of “you get what you pay for” remains true enough. For the price of even the most expensive McDonald’s Signature meal, you wouldn't realistically expect hand ground wagyu in an artisan brioche bun, liberally dusted with unicorn tears, so guess what, you don't get that. What you do get is a freshly prepared, pure beef burger. If anything it makes the price of some of the ‘gourmet’ burger establishments look frankly ridiculous. Table service, easy ways to order freshly made food at a family friendly price, what's not to like?   Brave, not really. Daft, definitely not. Supremely confident, I guess so.  Because I could find no faults. It is not a kitchen - it’s a machine, a well orchestrated, minutely detailed series of processes that makes the act of preparing a burger appear effortlessly efficient. Sure what you have is more paint-by-numbers than Picasso. In all the kitchens I've ever worked each dish is unique, a splash of cream here, a variable spoon of butter there, a random sprinkle of spice, using my skill and judgement to create a meal. McDonald's don't want that variation, they want you to enjoy a Big Mac that is the same from Berwick to Motherwell and that's what you will get. Consistent, uniform, predictable, no surprises… 

Guess McDonald’s is perfect for me then.   

SPONSORED POST - Whilst I was invited to try out the new McDonald's,  the opinions within the post are still very much my own. Can't you tell...