#it tickeled my brain in a good way

[ovaryacted]

Ok so I’m gonna get mega-angsty. I also sent something similar to this to someone else, but I need to share my thoughts with ppl. (Tw: I see Leon as an extremely tough dad on his son)

I personally see Leon having a son and a daughter. We all know he’s wrapped around his daughter’s fingers. So I won’t go into detail with her. I love girl dad Leon. It gives me warm and fuzzy feelings.

But I see Leon being unintentionally very hard on his son. Leon’s a protector. A warrior. And he wants to instill that same ethic into his son.

Leon knows how fucked the world is. He knows just how dangerous everything is, and while he wants to protect his daughter from it, he wants to prepare his son to handle it.

He doesn’t do it out of misogyny. Not at all. He knows if she wanted to, his daughter could take on the world. But there’s just something different about his daughter facing such danger vs his son. Maybe it was how he himself was raised. Maybe it was just ‘the times’ he grew up in.

He’s not abusive. Not by a long shot. He’s just…hard. Leon himself sees it as ‘tough love.’

If his son is the oldest sibling, it’s even worse. Leon unintentionally goes damn near military on him. Leon sees it as making sure he’s disciplined, hardworking, and a good man. But at the cost of Leon’s son feeling like he’ll never be good enough in the eyes of his father.

Until it all explodes. Maybe it’s when his son is a teenager. His boy breaks down finally and Leon sees the worst thing he ever could. Leon sees himself in his son. The exhaustion. The depression. And Leon *hates* himself for what he did to his boy. His precious little boy that he pushed passed the breaking point.

Even taking the steps to undo what’s been done, with therapy and time, Leon despises himself for what he did. He cries one night after his son had a full on panic attack over a C on an exam.

Yea, his son has become hardworking, driven, intelligent…but his son also became anxious, depressed and exhausted.

Leon loves his kids. He loves his family with every fiber and cell in his body. So he puts in the work to change. He apologizes properly. Hugs his darling little boy and doesn’t let go. He changes his habits. His thought process. He does everything to help break his son out of his unintentional conditioning. It takes time, Leon isn’t perfect. But damnit, he tries his best.

Sorry I love Leon. I wanna tuck him into bed and kiss his forehead. I also wanna peg him. But I also wanna hurt him lol.

Anon...let me tell you something right now...put your phone on the damn dresser and walk away. But this was painful to read, as it was also interesting and entertaining.

Want to thank you in advance for the long-ass analysis I've conjured up, so hopefully you will like reading that over. :)

[leelesbo]

so this may be a bit of an odd request lol. im not personally into tickeling, but my partner is. i find it really attractive how into it he is, and am super willing to participate for him, but as hes into the lee and ler sides of it, sometimes when im taking the ler role, i sort of run out of ideas on what to say and do LOL. it doesnt come naturally to me like you all who actually Do have the fetish. i basically just picked your blog randomly cause we're the same age and you seem to have experience with it and i dont think he follows you already, but i was hoping you could offer some advice or ideas on good things to say and do that may not be obvious? i'd ask him but he gets so flustered over it that its basically impossible HDFJKGKDFHGL

this is the cutest sweetest ask omfg i would LOVE to help out. i love yapping about tickling you came to the right person (this turned out to be really long so it’s all under the cut LMFAO)

so for teasing, a lot of the times it really depends on Who you’re teasing!! for instance, im not personally a huge fan of the whole “coochie coochie coo” “tickle tickle tickle” thing bc its just Way too babyish and infantile for me, but ive found a lot of people in this community really like it and it flusters them a lot!!! if youre unsure, typical teases like that couldn’t hurt to try!

ok i said “tickle tickle tickle” didnt work on me but Actually in the right context that absolutely could work bc the simple act of Hearing The Word is insanely flustering. fr, if you just keep repeating how ticklish he is, asking if something tickles, maybe even figure out a way to force Him to say the word it should work. there’s smth about knismos where our brain overloads hearing that word and it’s even so hard to say, it’s extremely flustering being forced to say it!!

also, focusing on spots and Talking about how that particular spot is affecting them is killer. if you’re tickling his ribs and it’s making him giggle more than belly-laugh, point that out!!! “oh you really like the ribs, don’t you? you’re giggling so much you can’t even talk! try! go on, tell me how much it tickles!” for me and a lot of other knismos, tickling is a lot about feeling Analyzed. experiment with specific spots and see how differently it affects him. verbally take notes on the differences!

also, emphasize how much he’s enjoying it even if/when he’s Begging for you to stop or move spots. knismos love to pretend we hate it, it adds to the fun of the whole thing. but don’t ONLY emphasize that he’s enjoying it, also throw in how horrible it must be!! how he’s too ticklish to take it, how it must be so bad if he’s screaming for mercy.

(i literally keep thinking of new things to add this is going to be so long sorry)

AND AND AND!!! POINT OUT HOW FLUSTERED HE IS!! how red his face has gotten, how he keeps repeating the same thing over and over bc his brain is fuzzy and he can’t Speak Properly, maybe he can’t figure out what to do with his hands, or he keeps trying to hide his face! LET HIM KNOW U CAN SEE EVERY LITTLE REACTION!!! it’s about the attention to detail babyyyy

tickle teasing can also go beyond the actual Act of tickling. tease him when you aren’t even tickling him!! wiggle your fingers his way, throw the word in casual conversation (“what you said earlier really tickled me”), poke him when ur out in public!! little things :3

when you Are tickling him, make him tell you what spots tickle more. make him help you! maybe choose two spots at a time, tickle one spot and then the other, and make him tell you which was worse (this ofc will take Many trials and retests juuuust to be sure he was right the first time 😌). use different methods and make him choose which is worse! hands or teeth? feathers or raspberries? the list can go on and on and you’ll both be sure to have a lot of fun testing out the varieties of the game lol

okay so i could literally keep going FOREVER but ill stop here for now bc ive already written a fucking essay!!! if you want more i’d be elated to go again, my brain is constantly on Tickle Mode so im always happy to yap about it!!

anyway, hope this helped!! hope you guys have fun, im happy to be of service :3

[callmesel]

Your art tickels my brain in a good way

Pov: You find a really good song to draw to

And uh... Person who guesses the song gets a gold star- i guess...

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies,

I wrote a Dewey Finn/reader fanfic again.

Bare with me... its LONG. Also angst ahead, followed by our fluffy rock-god, who is too sweet for this world 😍.

The reader has a panic-attack and dewey is there to save the day.

Hope you enjoy. 💕 Lots of love.

High anxiety.

You sat on the floor of your living room. Shaking. Breathing heavily, said breath squeeking with each breath as you inhaled. Dread and panic settling in your chest as you wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to get your shit together. You felt your breaths getting shorter. Havier. And you felt the panic in your chest rising.

It had been a while since your last panic attack. A part of you was glad that your boyfriend wasnt home right now. It would be pathetic if Dewey saw you like this. Another part of you however, was getting even more fear since he wasnt home with you.

You knew Dewey for years, and since the years of friendship you two had shared, before tumbling into a relationship, he knew just what to do to help you calm down during said panic attacks.

You felt your heart clenching at the thought of him helping you each time you suffered like this, feeling even more helpless since he wasnt home with you.

Between shallow squeeking breaths and your racing heartbeat you sobbed. Tears streaming down your face in sheer panic. Feeling incredibly alone and scared you hyperventilated even more. Knowing it would be a while untill Dewey would come home, since it was only 12am. And he had to teach the kids untill 3.

"Wel... fuck fuck fuckerdy fuck..."

You felt so stupid, worthless, scared, sad and really REALLY anxious. You closed your eyes and pulled your knees towards your chest, as a pile of panic on the floor. Still crying and hyperventilating you managed to grab your phone as you texted Dewey, with shaking hands typing the message: 'panic' as you struggled to send the message through your blurred vision if tears and shaking nerves.

"Please read my text. Please read my text. I need you Dew-drop."

-----

Dewey drove so fast he just knew he was gonna get in trouble for it. However, he didn't have a single fuck to give right now. When he saw your text he practically ran out the classroom, shouting to the kids he had to go home and tell summer to get miss Mullens in the meantime.

Dewey's mind was clouded with worry as he raced home to you.

He was glad that you thought about texting him before your attack got worse... if you waited too long doing he knew you wouldnt be capable of doing so. He anxiously watched the time... still 3 more minutes. He hoped you were doing okay...

-----

It felt like you were sitting on the floor for hours. Sobbing violently, now full on hyperventilating. Your face wet from the tears. Your vision blurry from the tears and the hyperventilating was starting to make you see black spots everywhere you looked.

At this the heaviness of your chest only grew, and you felt your panic starting to rise even more.

You closed your eyes, pulling your head between your knees in a last attempt to make yourself calmer. The only thought repeating in your brain was: "deweydeweydeweydewey..."

As you sat at the floor, in full on panic mode you didnt realise Dewey rushing through the front door, his eyes growing wild in terror as he saw your helpless form sitting on the floor. He had to remind himself to breath calmly himself... deciding that he needed to be calm and assuring in this situation. Instead of stressing his ass off. He ran a hand trough his hair, collecting himself for your sake, as he walked calmly towards you.

Your had eyes still closed tightly, clinging your own knees so hard it turned your knuckels white, with your head still pressed firmly between them. Blocking the outside world. Your breathing was a mess, squeeking and uneven and all over the place.

Dewey was slowly coming closer to you, his worry grew each time you took in a high pitched fast breath. He was calculating every step he made towards you, the last thing he wanted was to scare you even more.

He figured sneaking up at you like this wouldnt do you any good, but you haven't seen or heard him approach you yet. So he decided that the first thing to do was to make you notice that he was there with you, that you didnt had to face this alone.

He started crouching down so he was leveling with you as he slowly started to hum a song.

Through your ragged short breaths you distantly heard someting, something other than your own sobs. Your ears perked up slightly, trying to focus on the sound instead of the feeling of panic that was heavy in your chest. You slowly started to recognise the song that you heard. It was the first song that Dewey ever played for you on his guitar.

You opened your eyes, your head hesitantly moving up. Anxiety and panic still as heavy as your breathing.

You looked upward and saw the concerned face of Dewey. Your Dewey. Your breath still squeaking, it took you a lot of efford to focus on him. But just seeing Dewey grounded you a bit.

He spoke with the softest calmest voice he could manage: "Hey sweetheart, you back with me? Keep your eyes on me, okay love? Can you do that for me? Just look at me and focus on my voice. Your doing great. Your gonna be fine sweetheart. Im here with you, your not alone."

You conintued to look at him. Relieved that Dewey was with you now.

"Thats it love. Keep those pretty eyes on me. I am gonna move closer to you, is that okay?" It took you all your willpower to nod once. He smiled at that, glad you showed him you heard him.

He scooted closer to you, as he kept lulling in his soft voice: "thats it sweetheart. Your doing great y/n, just focus on my voice. Keep looking at me sweetheart.

As he reached the point across you he carefully touched your knees, making sure you were okay with him doing so. Holding intense eye contact to notice the slightest bit of worry on your face as he touched you.The said worry on your face never came.

Still hyperventilating you noticed his hand laying sofly on your knee. He was still staring intently at you, his eyes were calm and assuring. He asked: "is this okay love? Is it okay if i touch you?" Again it took you all the willpower you had to nod at him. He smiled a bit at that. He knew from previous attacks that telling you what he was doing helped you with your anxiety.

Dewey very gently moved his other hand on your knee too. And started to move them up and down in a soothing way. All the while speaking: "Your doing great sweetheart. Im here with you. Just focus on the sound of my voice, keep your pretty eyes on me and feel my hands on your knees. Your gonna be okay. Breath with me love. Breath in. Breath out. Thats it, your rocking it. In with me. Out with me..."

You breathed in and out with dewey together. You felt the fog in your mind clearing at his voice and the pressure on your chest was becoming less heavy with each stroke on your knee. Your breathing gently slowing down bit by bit.

Dewey noticed this and beamed at you, moving closer untill he could properly hold you.

The sight alone made your heart flutter, and you managed to smile a tiny smile back at him, as you welcomed his embrace. Still unable to move you two sat on the floor for a while. Dewey proceeded to guide your breathing and his voice and presence literally banned your anxiety slowly. "Thats it love. In.... Out.... in.... out...."

As minutes had passed and your breathing was back to normal you managed to scoot even closer to him, cuddling in his safe embrace.

He hold you tight in his arms, humming as he did so. You sighed, as he rocked your body back and forward... his voice humming your thoughts away. You were surrounded by the comfort and love Dewey provided. You inhaled deeply trough your nose, the scent of dewey making you feel safe. He smelled like cinnamon, coffee, and a little bit of sweat combined with... tea tree oil...? He must have used your shampoo this morning. You couldnt supress a smile creeping up your face. Gosh, you loved that man.

Dewey noticed your slight smile appearing, followed by some tears rolling down your cheeck. Your emotions crashing in with full force, you just realized Dewey had come home early... just because you had a stupid panic attack. You mumbled in the crook of his neck: "im sorry Dew... im so sorry..."

Deweys mind worked fast at this. The chance of you panicking again closing in, and he knew he had to stop it. Fast.

You were in the middle of mumbling apologies as you felt a hand stroking your hair, and calloused fingers wiping your tears away as Dewey pecked every inch of your tear-stained face. He tried to speak while kissing you: "sweetheart *kiss* not *kiss* your *kiss* fault *kiss*...."

You chuckled at his attempt to kiss and talk at the same time. His scruff tickeling your face with each kiss.

He pulled away from pecking your face slighty to look you in the eyes and stroke your cheeck as he spoke:

"Y/n... love... dont say that. Its okay. Im here. I always will be here. Its not your fault, you did a good job texting me before it got worse. Your doing great. Your gonna be okay now. I love you SO much..." To prove his piont he kissed your nose.

You nodded. Smiling and knowing you had the BEST boyfriend ever.

He pulled you even closer to him, you were almost sitting on his lap now. His strong arms holding onto your waist, as he lulled in your ear:

"Should i draw you a bath, love? It might be good for your tense muscles... I'll even put your favorite oil in it for you..." he sing-songed the last scentence and you snorted at that.

He chuckled as well, glad he'd made you laugh.

You felt him moving to get up, but you tensed at this whispering: "Dew...."

His hand now slowly moving his way across your belly as he replied: "hmmm?"

You whispered with a shaky voice: "would you... do you mind... uhm..."

Deweys thumb moved tiny circles around your belly button as he kissed your neck softly: "I'm coming with you if you like that... you don't have to be alone now... no worries, okay?"

You nodded again. Dewey helped you on your feet and held your hand as you two walked the stairs.

You stripped down your clothes as Dewey prepared the perfect bath for you both. He slipped in first, and you rested against his torso in the tub. His chin resting on your head, and his armes wrapped around your waist. You felt the falling and rising of his chest behind you calming you even more. You closed your eyes, reveling in the moment before you broke the silence: "Thankyou Dewey.... i love you"

After pressing a kiss on the top of your hair he replied: "Anytime sweetheart, i love you too."

You shifted lightly is his grasp, turning so you were with your head on his chest now, his grip around you never leaving. He started to comb his hands trough your hair while humming softly into your ear.

And at that moment, you felt calm and safe in Dewey's embrace.

[elementric]

WAKE UP CALL

So I had a sit down with myself and was wondering and daydreaming as I always do.  Either I’m with my phone talking to my best friends, as I just have a few. I can literally count down all my friends on one hand, as I always think it is very unnecessary having lots of people or friends around. However, as I’m not right now on my phone, I most probably making or listening to music. My strange affection to music and the never-ending desire to listen to it - insanity.  Yes, I don’t watch movies nor I watch series if you ask yourself right now.  Neither, or less apart of proceeding with my normal daily routine due to the fucked up lockdown. I had an insight within me, I was wondering on this particular day;

Us as humans why are we constantly so sad and why don’t we refuse the sadness in order to be happy. As the clear opposite of sadness is happiness and so vice versa. 

So I dived deeper into the thought, I came to the conclusion that most of the time, it is a matter of being stuck in the past and considering that the future will be exactly the same without even realising the present. To be honest, in the time when I thought about it, I been again catching myself in the spam of going back into my depressive and suicidal behavior. Feeling worthless and ugly, feeling I would just deserve shit as I’m shit. 

So I lied down in bed, it felt as someone sat on my chest and someone else just squeezed my stomach, I was screaming internally at myself to shut up and moved around in bed. “Worthless, so worthless you are, never someone will love you, as you can’t even love yourself” my Ego shouted at me, as my ego is getting very satisfied when I’m down and depressed because then mostly I do very reckless things when this happens or better what my ego is used to be doing, for example begging for attention, begging for approval. I couldn’t feel anymore, numb everything around me was numb like me. I could just feel how everything turns darker around me in my head in my heart. Only my Soul, just my soul shacked me and tried to shut up my ego, like a mother protecting her child. 

Very important to understand, my soul is me, my soul is the being I am and I did so much hard work to clear Karma to clear old patterns and to clear pain within me and fall in love with the host my soul has decided for this lifetime. 

It sounds so strange when I say oh I’m not a body, I’m a soul. Which is totally a fact, how would you otherwise function, the body the material body has just what 02 chromosomes more as a potato so the physical body is nothing else as an upgraded potato if you ask me. So I would never want to consider me being some sort of a body, I consider me more as a soul which has a body.  

I’m a soul, hosted in a human body. 

Anyway, so what happened to me, of course, I was in pain with myself, suffering in my own safe place which is  my bed with all the demons around me laughing at me and my ego like the King of the world the king of my world laughing the hardest and loudest, of course.  I decided to stand up from bed it was 4 a.m in the morning and walked around in the apartment. I had to throw up as I felt so horrible, in one second I thought I die or something like that. I brushed my teeth and made myself a coffee.

 I sat down, took a deep breath and realized; 

All that I feel, all that is going on within me, is not me, it is not the present me. It is not the woman who fought herself to a self-confident, aware, beautiful creation of mother earth. I realised very quickly that what is bothering me is the past, the past is bothering me, understanding in this situation as well; I have met an incredible man, he is gold, gold is next to him worthless, that great he is. To add on back in 2017 - 2018 I was in an extremely abusive relationship where I got shattered in pieces, mid of 2018 I had the courage to leave this guy I left different as I entered. I was disturbed, scared and full of anxiety; Can someone just imagine how much strength it took to pull my shit together, while my parents separating, my sister in war with me and no real friends? But there I was again refusing to give up and fought myself and fixed myself to the point where I’m right now. Pretty obviously, I would never allow anything or anyone to break me down, because just I know what took to stand on both feet strong my ground. 

Ok, let me come to the point, I realised at this point while having my morning coffee that the past is what makes me feel like how I feel right now. Used to the idea that anyway - man ain't shit, man will hurt and all man are the same. But this time, I took myself together refusing my toxic experiences to take over me and stood up for myself and said;  Try me this time motherfucking Ego, try me this time motherfucking past. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely thankful for my past as the past made me be me and I would not change one single bit of it. So I left to my car and drove up to the mountains, I live in the land of the desert so it is piss hot! But I wanted to be around the mountains, I wanted nature because I know there I find my peace. So I reached the hidden place my best friend and I always go to, to chill and get drunk (FUCKING LOL). I walked up the about million stairs to reach the bridge which connects two mountains and to overlook this beautiful scenery of crystal blue water and sandy warm looking rocks. I set down and started to meditate, I knew I was not alone as the spirits which live there tried to connect to me, in some weird point, they wanted to calm me too, my soul was crying and begging me to pull myself together, so no wonder why those spirits tried to help.  After an hour of meditating, I left-back and then turned to see my best friend, because that mofucker is my best fucking friend he understands me. On the way to my best friend, I felt something tickeling my face and it was a spider. I freaked out for a second, but I realised this little thing is a sign from the universe, maybe from the mountain spirits? The spider is a sign to keep moving forward. Anyway, I reached my best friends place had a chittychat and left back home. 

What I want to say overall, it is ok to feel sad and it is totally ok to be a bit depressed and even more, it is ok to feel scared that might the entire world want to harm you. 

But you know what is not ok? Feeding your ego that this is the "only" truth,  numbing your soul that this is the only way. Depressions are hard to battle and just I know how long it took me to realise what is the best way out for me, first I always refused medications and I thank my Mom big time for it. So what helped me is to allow the feelings and just forcing myself to do tasks, getting a routine (It isn’t necessary working for everyone) 

Next thing panic attacks, good Lord somewhere above or beyond what all it took me to find the perfect way out of it. (Try to counting down all you are blessings or what you are thankful for even it is "I'm thankful for my shoe or sock", it helps, it helped me also the same method can be used for anxiety attacks). 

Overall the hardest of all ego demons are the suicide thoughts, the one which makes you think if I’m dead everything would be just better, but I kinda have really bad news overall your 02 more chromosome potato body dies but your soul is immortal and bad karma will be transferred into the next life, even if you don’t believe so but apparently that's a side fact. So basically to understand the soul is who you are, brain - ego - I am  - is not who you are. (Let this sink in and take your time for it)

We all got hurt so badly, we all experienced losses some of us might get bullied in school at work and some of us might live with different forms of harassment, assault, or even abusive. 

If you are in school and you know that those stupid fucks could not accept you because the way you are, trust me YOU ARE SPECIAL THOSE FUCKERS ARE JUST a copy past of the society expected from them. But once you are home dress up like you want, makeup yourself how you want don’t hesitate. I created a Tumblr block to live my true self and I prove you that not even one single follower knows me personally. I took the decision because, sister/brother same, I feel like you, not understood by the world who is close to me.

When you are in a work environment who is toxic then think of looking for a new job, no regrets, trust in the process - STRAIGHT TALK - If you want to find a new job you will find one. When you are suffering a toxic relationship and you can’t leave then breathe deep in and allow yourself to gather all the strength it needs to leave, I know how it feels and trust me your friends and/or family is there no matter what.  When you are sick then remember that you will be healthy again, when you are suffering a mental disorder understand that it is your ego ruling you and it is ok. I guess the worst thing nowadays what is happening in our society is that there is no more acknowledgement and just comperazim without realising the beauty within us. No one tells anybody anymore - WELL DONE -  I'M PROUD OF YOU - even if just a small baby steps forward. And trust me it makes me sick! Because I just can't understand what is so hard in order to acknowledge the great process, basically every step forward is a step in the right direction. So if no one acknowledge you, start acknowledge yourself. FUCK WHAT PEOPLE SAY. 

I just want to say that the way you are made is the way you supposed to be and there is no harm in embracing it. Just keep in front of you always; even if this seems the end but it isn't, trust the process and trust the inner voice inside you. Keep in your mind - this too shall pass.

I kinda just sank into my words and hope that some of you will be really inspired by it and seek out for help, not from me but maybe from friends and family. I just want every single person to understand that there is nothing wrong with you, you are unique the way you are. Numb yourself of the ego, numb yourself away from bad people and open your ears to the kind words of your soul. 

I hope that one day the light will shine through your eyes so bright that all that sickos out there will be blinded. 

If no one said that today, if I might don’t know you, the only answer in this life is Love. Not love from humans to human it is Love for everything. Being in Love with the world with the life and with your soul and 02 more chromosome potato body. 

Elementric - Mind 

[dongsooks]

Serendipity- Yeo One Angst

This was requested by the lovely @jessieb4893 after making you wait for so long here it finally is!

Word count: 3146 Warnings: strong language towards the end Summary: You get to study abroad for a year meaning you have to leave your friends, your family and your dream like boyfriend Changgu back. While fighting to keep the relationship strong at the beginning the interest becomes more and more one sided leaving you frustrated and seeking comfort in your best friend Hongseok.

Serendipity- Finding something pleasant while looking for something else.

The atmosphere in the room was thick enough to cut it. And a part of you wanted to cut through it,  to cut your way into his arms and stay in them forever. Both of you were silently crying and looking everywhere but at each other. You heard him take a deep breath and you were anxious to hear his words. „We will make it! It's going to be hard but I love you and I don't want you to miss a chance like this!“, he finally said. His voice was calm, though a little shaky. These were not the words you expected and you were not sure wether they filled you with joy or even more sadness. You looked at him, unable to speak through your sobs. But you didn't need words as he embraced you, which you returned. His arms felt save around your body, as a matter of fact, his presence did and it ripped you into pieces knowing you would have to go without him for a humiliating amount of time. „You can break up with me now Changgu, I would take it! I would understand!“, you managed to choke out. He shook his head energetically and pulled you closer. „Don't say such non sense!“, he whimpered into your ear before kissing your stained cheek and pulling you as close as possible.   Your university gave you a special scholarship. You were allowed to spend a year in another country. On the other side of the world. That meant leaving your family, your friends and your long term boyfriend back. It was a tough decision but you were intent on taking the chance. After all it was an amazing opportunity, a one in a million scenario. And it was painful, leaving your body feel sore and your chest aching. You dreaded the day you would have to actually say goodbye but you were certain you two could make it. His eyes told you so. You looked at him, unable to imagine not being able to trace the features of his admireable face. Tracing the curve of his lips that alwas left soft kisses on yours you were hit by the realisation they would not for an entire year. You burried your face in his chest as yet another wave of sadness washed over your body.    The first weeks were leaving you estatic. Staying in touch with all of your loved ones seemed to work out. You were making friends and experiences, you worked hard to achieve good results and you worked hard on maintaining your relationship. It was often times still filled with tears but also many reassurances. While timezones and schedules left little to no time for hour long phone calls and facetimes, you two would still manage it. Every even so short message was filled with love and every phonecall ended with the promise to make things work out. It was tiring and lonesome but you and Changgu were eager to make it work. „Look here Y/N!“, he called from your screen. You looked up from the clothes you were folding. Changgu was holding a calendar with red crossed on the days that have passed. He flipped a few pages and pointed at one day that was circled. „That's the day you come back. That's in...“,he stuck out his tounge while flipping back to the current date. „That's  in 229 days!“, he said brigthly while smiling at the screen. You frowned lightly at how many days were still left but shook it off quickly. „Are we counting down every single day now?“, you asked and smiled back at him. He nodded and looked at his phone. „Actually now it's only 228 days!“, he exclaimed exitedly. You chuckled lightly and took a look at your phone as well.  „It's two a.m already! I should go to bed my classes start at 9 tomorrow“, you informed him before you both exchanged goodbye's and goodnight's. Laying in bed that night you did really feel like you were meant to make it. You and- the sound of your phone interrupted your thoughts. You took a look at the screen an it was lit up by your best friend making a silly face. You smiled as the warm feeling of nostalgia flooded your body and you picked up. His voice let you hear his smile as he greeted you and you smiled back. As always he started  engaging an excited conversation and made you forget about how tired you were and your nine am classes. As you two joked and spoke to each other you felt your heart ache at how much you missed him. You dared to think you missed him as much as Changgu, if not even more. He regularly expressed his admiration for how commited you and your boyfriend were. In fact all your friends admired your relationship.It seemed as though your life was a fairytale. But life is no fairytale and things start so they can end again. It began with video dates he missed. Schedule was busy, that's what he said. And then the messages started to become more platonic, giving off a colder, more platonic vibe each day. And then before you could even take notice, you could go a week without contacting each other. At first you tried, you put all our rest energy into making things go back to how they were. You kept greeting him with the same warmth as the love in your heart stayed the same as it was before. And you kept telling yourself that it was the same for him. But just like that Hongseok too started to change. He gave you more attention and while your boyfriend ignored you your best friend tried to contact you more often. Seemingly he always tried to cheer you up but he notably also stopped to compliment your relationship and Changgus commitment. And times when you asked for your boyfriends well-being would often be answered shortly, deliberate to change the topic quickly. You were also not in need of much brain to look through some lies both sides told you. Like the „Schedule was tough. Going right to sleep“- message your boyfriend has sent you often enough by now to make you rich if you would earn a dollar each time. Because while he said it you were talking to Hongseok, seeing the other boys passing too. And while you tried to label it as a pipe dream you felt like the way the other boys looked at you carried some pity. The phone calls with your boyfriend became much less emotional, carrying little to no love anymore. It broke your heart with all inside of it. It was three months until you'd come back that you called Hongseok crying the first time. The stress of achieving good results and the loneliness and sadness about missing your home, your family and friends and your boyfriend treating you a though you were no more than a burden. Your fairytale had become a nightmare, a gore themed horror movie tearing you apart inside. But you kept on telling yourself that it would turn out okay once you were back home. That everything would turn back to being good. Because he hasn’t given up yet either, he hasn’t broken up yet and that had to mean something after all. Your insides tickeled and you were giddy like a small child on christmas eve. Your flight home took off a day earlier than planned, which allowed you to spend the first day just with your boyfriend. You arranged him to be in your appartment today, saying you were expecting a package. You quickly checked up on your makeup and hair while you sat in the taxi. Because everything else failed to capture your attention enough to not throw up of excitement you decided to let Hongseok in on your plan. But as he had told you earlier he was going to nap you did not expect nor receive an answer. Leaning back into your seat you tried to take deep breaths playing the scenario of being engulfed in your boyfriends arms for the thousandth time. The slow, quiet music the driver played was in contrast your loud thoughts. The closer you got to your apartment complex the louder but also happier they became. You could already feel the tears of joy in the corner of your eye and tried your very best to fight them back. The taxi driver helped you unload your suitcases and bags and wished you a good day. You took that as a sign. A good sign. Trying to shake off the tension one last time you stepped into the elevator that was full with all your baggage. You checked yourself out in the mirror again and searched for your appartment keys, getting them out for the first time in a year. After unloading and dragging all your things to the front of your appartment you quietly unlocked it. You could not suppress your smile as you heard his voice. It came from your room, he was probably on the phone. Carefully you pulled all your luggage into your home and closed the door. By now the excitement was about to make you explode, your eyes were teary and you knew once he would embrace you and your lips would meet again, that you would burst into tears of joy. You took slow, quiet steps through your living room and just as you were about to open your bedroom door you heard a woman's giggle. You rested your hand above the door knob while trying to shake off the thoughts creeping into your mind. While you remained in a trance-like state you heard sounds that were undeniably kissing. Your entire body felt cold, you were frozen in your spot. Only half aware of your actions you pushed the door open just to have your suspicion confirmed. The pair in front of you did not even notice a third person’s presence until you could no longer hold back a sob. Both their eyes widened in shock as they looked at you in disbelief. No one said anything and Changgu slowly removed himself from the girl so he was not touching her anymore. Not breaking eye contact with you for a single second. „So that's what I cried for?“, you managed to whisper. Barely audible but enough for him to hear it. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the girl storming out. You shook your head trying to get rid of the image. You could feel him stepping closer to you. „No. No, no, no. Stay where you are!“, you managed to get out sorely. „Y/N, I can explain it to you! I-“, he tried to excuse himself but you were in no way about to let him. It was as if your eyes had been opened. All the warning signs, as small as they were, they all lead up to this. The end of what has once been a love filled relationship admired by everyone around you was ineviatble.  „You what? You what Changgu? I cried so many times, thinking about how I can save this relationship, how I can support you better! I went through so much hardship and sadness and still tried so fucking hard to make things right again and what did you do? You decided to fuck around with some other girl? Weren't you the one always promising me we would make things work? Why couldn't you just break up with me and make things easier? No you decided to choose the pathetic way and cheat on me? In my own home? Lying to me all this time?! Why didn’t you just end it when I offered it to you before I left? Why didn't you just end it when you noticed you don't love me anymore Changgu?“, you screamed out at him, unable to control your emotions. He too started to cry now. „I didn't stop loving you! And I never said that I want this relationship to end Y/N I-“, you laughed bitterly at his words. „Oh so you cheat on me but don't want this relationship to end? Then let me tell you something. I do. I want this to end. In fact, I am ending it now!“, you hissed at him before storming out of your apartment. The cold air prickled against your wet face. But you could not care less. You did not even think of putting your jacket on. Hell, if you had taken off your shoes you would have probably ran out without them too. You earned concerned and confused looks by the people around you as you could not stop crying. But you barely took notice. You felt numb. You felt as though you were in a haze. It was not until you felt strong hands around your arms that you were shaken back to conciousness. You looked up slowly, making eye contact with a pair of warm, familiar eyes. It was Hongseok, his chest rising rapidly as he appeared to be out of breath. You couldn't think twice before burying yourself in his open arms. „I came as soon as I read the message. I didn't want you to see it. I wanted to tell you all along, he promised to stop and said he would break things off with her today. I'm so sorry Y/N“, he whispered while pulling you closer into his hug. You just shook your head. You didn't want to hear anything about the situation right now. You didn't care why he cheated on you, all that matters was that he did. „Come on, I came with the car. It's in front of your complex and I left it unlocked while I ran after you“, he stated and pulled you along. Your sobs kept rolling over you well into the ride to Hongseok's apartment. It wasn't until you arrived that you had calmed down enough to speak. „Can I stay at yours for now?“, you managed to ask. „Of course! That's needless to say! Should I get some of your stuff or-“, he inquired. You interrupted him by putting a hand on his arm and shaking your head slightly. „I would just like a shower and some sleep if that's okay“, you requested and he nodded. The months passed just like that and you moved on from the hurt you were done. You also moved out of your apartment as the emptiness and the memories kept reminding you of what had happened. Hongseok prove to be an angel throughout all of this. He kept you company, cheered you up and offered you to stay with him until you found your own place. As for Changgu. He called you once, asking you to meet up and talk it out, which you had polietly declined. From what Hongseok had told you, grudgingly and only on your repeated request, it seemed as though he gave it a shot with the girl he had kissed in your apartment that day. While it hurt you like alcohol poured into a fresh wound at first you now looked at it as something good as it meant that he too had moved on. It  wasn't until well after the events that he came to your new apartment. The door bell ringed, interrupting a gossip and tea session between you and Hongseok. Playfully rolling his eyes he got up to open the door, you could hear his voice become more quiet and you could still easily recognize Changgu's voice answering Hongseok's mumbled questions. Your body stiffened a bit as you got up too and made your way to the door. He still looked the same, his eyes weere a little sadder than they used to be, he also appeared to be in need of a good night of sleep. His hair fell slightly into his face, framing it. „Y/N“, he weakly called out your name. It felt as though it was not meant to be said by him anymore. Hongseok looked at you and you looked back at him smiling lightly. „Can you make another round of tea?“, you asked him, hoping he would catch the hint. Which he did as he nodded and clenched hisjaw lightly while walking into the kitchen. „Y/N“, Changgu muttered and placed one hand on your waist in an attempt to pull you close. But you coldly brushed it off. „What's the matter?“, you asked not even trying to hide your irritation. You could see he looked hurt but you weren't going to play empathatic after what he had done to you. „I-I can't stop thinking of you. Of us. I tried to move on but I can't and I don't want to“, he explained obviously remorsefull. But you remained unmoved. „There is no us anymore. And you already moved on, long before we broke up actually. And ou can't always get what you want so you will have to just learn how to move on. I could so you especially should be able to.“, you responed to him. He didn't say anything at your words. Maybe it was better that way too. „Move on and live your life. Learn from your mistakes but for now please leave and don't come back“, you commanded. He nodded with a sad expression on his face, slowly turning around and  making his way to the elevator. You closed the door and locked it behind you. Just as you entered the living room you were embraced by strong arms pulling you into a hug. You let yourself find comfort in your best friend's embrace. „Are you going to give him another chance?“, he asked with an undeniably gloomy. „No. I am long over him.“, you responded. „Good“, he seemed rejoiced to hear your words. „He'll be fine, won't he?“, you looked up into Hongseok's eyes. The man nodded giving you a reassuring smile. You stared into each other's eyes for a while before he leaned down to leave a peck on your forehead. Yes you were long over Changgu and it made you aware of a man ready to drop everything to hurry to your side, to save your day, who was ready to embrace you and dry your tears and most of all a man ready to love you. A man that has always been right there by your side. You were just to blind to see Hongseok's feelings for you. That's until he had told you a few night's ago and it wasn't until now that you realized: you felt the same way for him all along. And though he was not what you were looking for at the beginning of this journey, he was what you wanted to find.