#it started out funny like 'what if Billy was Five Hargreeves' and just got sad

[redrobin-detective]

I got off night shift and am running on 2 hours sleep so hear me out: Shazam AU where Billy acts like Five Hargreeves from the Umbrella Academy.

So let’s say 10 year old Billy Batson was blessed by the powers of the Wizard when he is a child in the 1940s. Either on purpose or do to some cosmic accident, this locks Billy permanently as a 10 year old despite the fact that he continues to learn and grow mentally. Flash forward to the 2010s, Billy is in his 70s mentally but still looks 10 years old. He’s not very happy about it.

- The League discovers Billy is a child and they freak out a little bit. “who let this BABY be a superhero” and Billy just kind of snaps. He’s been playing to people’s expectations for decades and, y’know what? he’s damn tired of it. He unleashes all his old man grievances, yes he’s the same Captain Marvel that’s been around since the 40s and he’s been fighting monsters as a pre-pubescent longer than you assholes have been alive so lay off. What do you even say to that.

- Billy lives by himself in a modest home he owns and paid for, he does online work, invests and stocks and has a pretty decent savings because, as a child, he can’t find real work. He has a bullshit ‘foster family’ who lives with him and “takes care of him”, he hires actors when he needs people to play the part. He makes claims to be homeschooled to avoid the horrors of public education but he still has to change names every now and again to avoid suspicion and do the whole thing over again.

- He is still is a genuinely kind, caring soul worthy of Shazam but MAN does it suck being a functionally immortal child in the real world. He curses a lot more, unconsciously tends to patronize other heroes who are babies compared to him, likes veing around older immortals (Diana) bc he likes feeling young and human as stupid and backwards as it sounds.

- Has mastered the cute little kid act, is 200% willing to lie and manipulate adults into doing what he wants with his cute dimples and sparkling blue eyes. The League watches with horror as he charms the pants off of someone for info then turns around with a blank expression like a wearied businessman and moves on with his life.

- Also technically CAN die, he’s just not aging and is kind of stuck as he is forever. Still bound by mortal laws and he’s got an impressive set of scars from nearly 7 decades of running around being a hero. He’s started to lose track of where he got some of those scars but it makes the League sick every time he’s seen without his concealing clothes on.

- Curses the Wizard. A lot. Almost every time he calls upon the Wizard’s name it’s proceeded by an excessive amount of swear words for intentionally or not, putting him in this situation. (You mother fucking bitch ass Shazam!) Is the old man still alive? Can he hear Billy tear him a new asshole every time he transforms? Who knows but it DOES give the League a small heart attack every time. 

- Gives lots of life advice, he’s still a good bean, he wants to help people. He calls Superman “son” and gives him pointers on how to make use of his ‘aw shucks’ charm that’s Captain Marvel’s staple. Will help you with anything, he’s been doing Hal’s taxes for years. Is especially protective of the kid sidekicks, he’s so so much older than him but he still remembers being a scared boy with too much power and would burn the whole world to keep them safe.

- Still a tiny boy with tiny boy needs, gets sleepy early, has a tiny bladder, sometimes has trouble with cognitive dissonance and other higher level brain functions because, physically, his brain is permanently 10. Every now and again will break into the League’s liquor cabinet and go to town because he is Very Tired of Existing thank you and he needs to take the edge off. Usually only gets through half a glass before he pukes and passes out.  

- Back when he was first Shazam, it took him a little while to realize he wasn’t growing like the other kids. It was around this time he met his foster family (the other Marvels) and fell so in love with them. He realized he could share his powers with him but refused because he was so scared they would become like him, forever children. He stays with them as long as he could until he couldn’t hide the fact from the adults that he wasn’t like the other kids. Still stays in contact with them now that they’re old. When the last of them die, he’ll have lost his last connection to the person he used to be before Shazam. He sometimes regrets not taking the chance and having them all be in same boat together but he also is happy they got to experience a full, real life

- Billy is a good person at heart, still a self-sacrificing idiot and still sees the good in people. He’s reserved, less open and less naive then canon Billy. He has a quiet maturity about him that sometimes boils over into curses and cutting sarcasm when he just gets too Tired. Overall he’s gotten used to his situation and accepts it as his lot in life but he’s much happier since officially joining the League, he feels like less of a freak surrounded by other heroes in equally weird situations. The League never knows what to make of this manchild and just settles on fond affection mixed with a bit of discomfort.