#it sounds silly but i find his canon verse too intimidating to write in so i'm afraid to follow other j.jk muses over there

[polishedforsurvival]

[despairforme]

What drew you to nnoitra? I would love to know what it is that attracted you to his character and made you choose him as a muse, since you always speak of your love for him c:

     [ BLESS YOU ANON THIS IS THE BEST OOC QUESTION TO RECEIVE! I never get tired of talking about Nnoitra and how much I love him. I guess that’s what it’s like being passionate about someone or something? Anyways! Lemme talk about Nnoitra!

     I must confess, that when I first watched Bleach, I didn’t pay much attention to Nnoitra. My favourite characters were Gin and Mayuri, and Byakuya. But then, in April 2013, I drew Nnoitra. I don’t remember why I did that ( and the drawing was so bad i cry ), but THAT was when I started loving him. Drawing him gave me inspiration. I had literally found my MUSE. ( muse, noun, definition: a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist. ). After I started drawing Nnoitra, I got more inspired to do different poses, and to just generally draw more. Drawing him came ‘ easy ‘ to me. I never had to feel like I was ‘ uninspired ‘ to draw. By drawing more, I ended up improving a lot, which helped my confidence a lot. Since drawing Nnoitra had become such an important thing for my overall creativity, it was only natural that I wanted to know more about him, as a character. So when I rewatched Bleach, he was my main focus, and this time around, since I paid so much attention to him, I got a grip of his character, and since I’ve always had a thing for ‘ villains ‘, I ended up adoring him. He became my all-time favourite character.

     Then, I started roleplaying on tumblr. I was in the One Piece fandom for about a year, but I always wanted to roleplay Nnoitra. However, the Bleach fandom looked really intimidating to me, and since I was so new to rping in general, I didn’t know how to go about changing fandoms. Finally, I decided to make my Nnoitra roleplay blog, but since all my rp partners were in the One Piece fandom, I gave Nnoitra a One Piece verse, with no intentions of bringing him into a Bleach setting.

     Just like drawing Nnoitra had boosted my creativity, writing him did too. Actually, writing him had a much greater impact on pretty much my whole life. I used to be really insecure, and scared of approaching people, but when Nnoitra became my muse, I didn’t feel like this anymore. I didn’t question whether or not I was doing a good job with the muse or wonder if people wanted to interact with me or not. I was just at ease. Not only that, but I had SO much fun. Doing drafts wasn’t a struggle anymore, and I literally got up at 5:55 every day to get to write with some of my favourite partners ( timezones yo ), just because I was having such a great time with Nnoitra ( I had rped with the same partners on my previous blogs ). Rping had always been ‘ fun ‘, sure, but not like this.

     Then came the whole ride with making the modern!AU for him, where I got a lot of creative liberty, and, of course, coming up with all the little quirks and details about his backstory was a blast. It was easy too, because Nnoitra is so inspiring to me.

     With Nnoitra, I have been allowed to meet so many great people, and write good threads that have developed my writing skills. I never would’ve had such a good time if I was writing another muse. There is no other character who can be for me what Nnoitra is. Literally - MY MUSE.

     Now, I’ve been writing him for about three years, which doesn’t sound like much ( I know people who have been with their characters for like 10 years? ), but considering how much I’ve been writing, I dare say I know him really well by now. There was a time when I wrote 55k words per month. I would love to do that now too, but I can’t. Which brings me to the next thing -

     My health is not good. I have a very rare illness that gives me a lot of pain, especially in my fingers and right wrist. This, of course, means that I can draw less, and write less than I used to. But, since Nnoitra is such an important person to me, I always push myself a little harder so that I can give him some attention ( I try to do a little bit every day ). Not just because he deserves it, but because writing him is my favourite thing in the whole world. It’s not just a ‘ hobby ‘, but it’s a way for me to feel like I’m doing something I’m good at. To feel accomplished and happy. I also feel like I have a ‘ purpose ‘, if that makes sense. Without me, there would be nobody to write my Nnoitra. Because I’ve worked so closely with him these past three years, I feel like he deserves a life. I, myself, don’t really have much of a ‘ life ‘, since I’m sick, have no real life friends and can’t get a job. So, I really want to see how Nnoitra’s life progresses. His life is pretty much the only thing I’m ‘ creating ‘ ( I’ve always loved making things, like stories or drawings ). Without Nnoitra I would feel totally useless.

     So, Nnoitra has given me inspiration, creativity, motivation, confidence, friends, a purpose. Like, if I have a really bad pain day and I don’t even wanna get out of bed, I’m like: come on toby at least give Nnoitra some love, he deserves it. Another VERY important thing that he has given me is gratitude. Because of my illness, it’s easy to think that life sucks and that it’s unfair or whatever, but because I have Nnoitra, an actual muse - a source of inspiration, a life, I feel LUCKY. I feel blessed. I have no right to complain when I have such an amazing character with me. So basically, Nnoitra allows me to stay positive, even on bad days.

     I also wanna make a quick note about how many FRIENDS Nnoitra has given me. Without the confidence that he gives me, I would’ve been missing out on so much. I never feel stressed out about popping into people’s askboxes or chatting them up on IMs/Skype. Nnoitra is my ‘ safe place ‘, so there is nothing for me to be scared of. I don’t have any real life friends, so my online friends mean a lot to me. I’m so glad that I’m a confident roleplayer. This has also given me a lot more interactions than I would’ve gotten if I had been too scared to approach ( maybe the ship with Lexie’s Grimmjow never would’ve happened ). 

     How much he has done for me isn’t the only reason why I love him though. I also love every single thing about his character. I love his looks. I love that he’s skinny and tall ( I’ve always loved bones and visible veins ). I love his long, straight black hair that perfectly frames his face. I love his sharp chin and HUGE teeth that makes him look like a fucking piano when he grins. I love the fact that he only has one eye. I love the design of his canon uniform, and especially his high-heeled boots. I love Santa Teresa. I love how pale he is. I love how he wears bracelets around those skinny wrists.

     Then, his personality. I love the fact that he’s suicidal, but doesn’t kill himself. I relate to the fact that he’s depressed. Him being sexist makes him even more interesting, since it’s a trait that’s pretty rare in characters (especially ocs, I find). I love his accent ( even if I gave it to him, mostly ). I love how ‘ simple ‘ he is when it comes to certain things, and how badly he feels that he’ unloveable. I love (and relate) to how he feels like a failure in everything but one thing (in his human!au anyway). I love how DEDICATED he is to Grimmjow, and how important it is for him to be recognized and appreciated. To me, he is a deep character with several aspects. I don’t like it when people call my Nnoitra ‘ the depressed one ‘, or ‘ the despairing one ‘. There is more to him than that. He has good days. He has ambitions. He had dreams and nightmares. He’s got silly quirks ( being allergic to bugspray, loving watermelon, having a fidget spinner, etc ). Calling him ‘ the depressed one ‘ kind of undermines the effort I’ve made to build a character. Speaking of -

     I also love what I have made him. I don’t think my Nnoitra is ‘ ooc ‘ at all, and I won’t have my portrayal questioned. I write a good Nnoitra, I’m not afraid to say that. I put as much effort into him as I’m physically able to. I see people throw around the word ‘ love ‘ a lot. I don’t have many things in my life that I truly love. The only people on that list are my family members, and Nnoitra. 

     Maybe some think it’s ‘ sad ‘ that writing Nnoitra is my life. But, I don’t think so. Like I said - I feel blessed. I don’t think it’s given that an artist ( if one can call me that ) or an author ( can I even be called that… ) even finds their real muse ( as in, the definition of it ). So of course I feel lucky to have been blessed with Nnoitra. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I wouldn’t trade the hours I’ve spend working on him for anything. 

     I love him so much. Everything that reminds me of him makes me happy. For example, when my mother asks me if I can give her a spoon, I laugh and go; HELL YEAH, SPOONS ARE THE SUPERIOR CUTLERY! I take care of insects and spiders ( and I forbid anyone in the family to kill any ), because Nnoitra is a mantis. I have SO much Nnoitra art in my room ( all drawn by me, how lame ), and the bleach cover where Nnoitra appears is placed right above my computer, so that I can look at it all the time. When I watch a movie and a character says something that Nnoitra would say, I go: Nnoitra, it’s you! I always pick five of everything. The fifth seat in the cinema, on the fifth row, for example. Even our address is ‘ nr 5 ‘. I go out at night if there is a pretty moon, because Nnoitra loves the stars and the moon. Oh, and I have a moon lamp in my room too! If there is something new on the Nnoitra tag on tumblr, or new art of him on deviantart or pixiv, that literally makes my day. Nnoitra is MY ENTIRE WORLD.

     So, since he is my life, what will happen when I lose the muse? Seems like that happens to a lot of rp-blogs, right? Well, it’s not going to happen to me. Because Nnoitra IS my inspiration. I don’t have to be inspired to write him, I get inspired by writing him. He doesn’t TAKE AWAY motivation from me, he gives me motivation. I wouldn’t say I ‘ chose him ‘ as a muse. It’s stupid to say that he chose me, but - we were introduced to each other by mere chance. Just because I was sketching some random bleach characters one day! Who would’ve known that my life would change from that. I know I say I love Nnoitra on a lot of my posts, and that’s because I really do. I want to share my love for him and show him off. Because I am proud of him, and he is everything to me. 

     … Talking about him like this makes me emotional— aaaaaaaaa. Anyway, thank you so much for this question anon! I always enjoy talking about Nnoitra. I could talk about him for days. Talking about him makes me happy! I will continue to post stuff about how much I love him. So yes, thank you anon! ]