#it seems her new content is actually working but i've already had to roll a few versions back to get the spider rescue mod going

[s1ithers]

did they really make minth recruitable on the good route.... man, they've got to learn to say no

[helloledena]

Uh-oh... I'm falling in love~

Synopsis: Kakashi though he had everything under control, especially his feelings. But one ninja from Village hidden in mist was enough to change that. Oh how wrong he was...

Pairing: Kakashi x Reader (but in Kakashi's pov 🙂‍↕️)

Content: fem! reader, slow burn, strangers to "something" to lovers, light smut, mention of depression, lot's of thoughts, lot's of confusion.

Word count: 8.3k (😬)

A/N: Kakashi's character is so complex and hot and hard to write and hot and tragic but hot, so yeah, love him so much *.*

pervert.

When the saleswoman at his favorite bookstore gave him a raised eyebrow, all Kakashi could do was smile while scratching the back of his head in a manner that reeked of humor.

"I understand why you wanted to read Make-out Paradise… but now even the other two books?"

"What can I say, it really drew me in."

"And.. you say you've read it..."

"Yes, I've read it three times already, I think it's time to find out what happens in the sequel, don't you think? Hahaha" he let his body wiggle a little, and his free eye rolled up into a smile.

"Pervert," the girl muttered as she slid off the counter and went to get more books.

The ninja tiredly scanned the other books on display on the counter. The well-known novel "Life of a shinobi: Honor or Death" caught his eye. With a soft sigh, he picked up the book, turned it upside down, and began to stare at the wall clock that didn't actually work.

He would never admit it out loud, but reading an erotic novel, in which the most exciting thing is actually the various lovemaking positions, had become his new favorite way to distract himself. The distraction from the dead bodies he was cleaning after massacre several months prior; from the feeling of total guilt of allowing Itachi, the boy with soft eyes and always a calm expression on his face Itachi, to go and slaughter everyone in his clan; from death of his friends..

Not to speak of it, he realized that nothing calmed him as much as re-reading the same book with the light and warm plot. The fact that he could relive what he knew would end well gave him a sense of comfort that he hadn't experienced in a long time. Life was bearable again. Just a bit. Just a little bit more, he didn't want to kill himself.

"Your books,"  mumbled the saleswoman into her chin, still clearly under the impression, as she quickly took the money from him "enjoy the rest of your day."

"Thank you. Be sure that I will. Ha! I mean... not in that way..." the now blushing girl looked at him as if he had gone completely mad. He felt his own cheeks slowly warming up "well, anyway... I'm going now. You! You have a nice day... really nice day..."

His smiling aura slid at a moment as he left the shop. He put the third part of “Make-Out” in his shoulder bag, while opening the second one as he walked slowly in an unknown direction. What is he gonna do now? Maybe he should go to get some ramen? But he failed to keep Obito's promise, he couldn't save Rin from death, his father wasn't there to see how much he had progressed. Perhaps he could go back to that cursed rock again. Yeah, that seems like better idea.

"Kakashi!!!" he heard Gai shouting for him from a distance "my eternal rival!!!! Come! Let’s see who can drink more sake before nightfall!!"

But he just continued walking, looking at the first page of the book. He reminded himself that if he does not get involved no one would die because of him. If he doesn't intervene, it wouldn't hurt as much if someone from them died. If he doesn't get involved, perhaps those damn stubborn people would finally realize how truly awful person he is.

When he reached the next corner between streets, he was about to run the rest of the way, but a melodic voice froze him in his tracks.

"Are ninjas in this silly village not taught manners?" He turned and saw a girl leaning against one of the buildings at the corner. How, in the hell, hadn't he noticed her presence before? He decided to let his visible eye wander into a something that seemed like smile.

"I really don’t know what you’re talking about…"

"Pfft" the girl continued to lean her head against the wall, staring at Kakashi with a smirk on her face; her relaxed body language contradicted the words she spoke to him, as if she wasn't intimidated in the slightest "The famous copy ninja Kakashi Hatake, known to all bounty hunters, his name written in more bingo books than can be counted... Yet, you appear to be even more of a creep than the old man who wrote that perversion you're reading"

Kakashi felt strange at her words, gripping his kunai knife tightly in the pocket of his pants. Was she an enemy? He quickly surveyed the area suspiciously as he seemed to be merely searching for a more comfortable way to stand. Hidden Mist Village headband... what the hell?

"Well.." now he was looking cautiously in the direction of the girl "you talk about manners, and you didn't introduced yourself... very hypocritical, don't you think?"

"Hmmm" the girl smiled again, and then pulled out a scroll from her pocket that opened in front of Kakashi "I have permission. And besides, I'm done with my work for now, so I’ll be leaving today. I was just wondering if you really are as cold hearted as everyone says..."

"And?" he looked away from the scroll, returning his gaze to the book that he still held open in his left hand "are they right?"

"I can only say that I'm disappointed" he felt the girl shrug her shoulders "well, see you next time, pervert."

He just hummed. Before he turned and continued walking towards that cursed, stupid rock, he heard the voice again.

"Oh, and did you hear," he looked and she was smiling very widely; something hot filled his stomach "that now the 4th part is being written? I mean, the creepy old man... you already know who I'm talking about."

She winked and disappeared from his sight as silently as she had come. As he continued to observe the now empty space where she had been a second ago, he felt feverishly lucky that he had not learned the girl's name. And if something happened to her, her name would not appear before his eyes in his nightmares.

mercy.

It was the 4th day of the chunin exams and Kakashi couldn't sit and wait any longer. The link with the birds that were relaying information about the happenings had been cut since Orochimaru had magically appeared, then disappeared. He felt nervous. He felt nervous and noticed that it came out in the way he peeled an orange, in the way he would grip the doorknob when he left the room to get some air, and in the way his leg bounced every now and then.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been so harsh with Iruka a few days earlier, saying that his students were now warriors. But he knew that if he had shown even a fraction of the insecurity he felt, his decision would not have carried the authority that now have. So because he wanted his ego to remain intact he left the company of the other jonin, who would probably feel his nervousness at any moment, then climbed onto the roof of the Hokage building and let the sun caress him.

They have the best chance to survive in the shinobi world if they ruthlessly face every obstacle. They have the best chance to survive in the shinobi world if they ruthlessly face every obstacle. I did not send them to their deaths. I did not send them to their deaths. Kakashi repeated those sentences to himself more than he would like to admit.

With big sigh he opened the 3rd book of Make-Out and stared blankly at the pages.

"Hahahaha, wait, wait, you're still reading that nonsense? How long has it been? 4 years?"

His smile curved beyond his will, though she didn't see it because of his mask. He didn't hear her when she got closer to him, like few years prior. How wonderful...

"And who are you?" he looked at her now with his head tilted to the side.

"Oh, that hurts, you know" said the girl with a sneer in her voice, sliding next to him "I know I'm not that *ultra famous* like you are, but we've already met. Plus even I have a target on my head now. These criminals' bingo books, blah blah" and Kakashi was aware of that. When he was in the Land of Waves on a mission with his team, about a month ago, he took Zabuza's bingo book with him. As he flipped through the pages he saw a familiar face, although for a moment he was slightly unsure if it was the girl he met a few years ago. The scar on her cheek was new...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: y/n

Rank: unknown, approach with caution

Village of Origin: A Hidden Mist village, Land of Water

Known Techniques: water manipulation, blood manipulation

Orders: wanted dead or alive

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, many new faces lately..." he cooed while watching over village in those quiet moments. How the hell she keep finding him when he is alone? And he didn’t have much alone time since becoming leader od Team 7.

"By the way, your kids are holding up well there, as far as I could see" - now he looked at her "if I hadn't seen other things in my life, I would say that they are very young. But we both know it could have been worse. They'll finish the obstacle... they had that crazy determined look in their eyes about half a day ago."

"Search birds are not working for 3 days now."

"Ah well, we "watermen" don't use birds for surveillance. That's what you should have learned at your sweet little academy."

"The fact that you're not on the organizing team for this exams and yet have your own means of monitoring shouldn't surprise me?" Kakashi knew more than he asked. The ninja of the Village Hidden in the Mist were not at all interested in the official ninja ranking that the other villages held so dearly. They were ruthless warriors, deadly as soon as they left the academy, probably even then at chunin level. Now this is simply gathering information… he was aware of that from the moment the first registration from that village for the chunin exams in the last 7 years came. Only Kakashi wanted to know why…

"You know" the girl now closed her eyes and laid so still for a few minutes that the copy ninja thought she fell asleep "even though the rest of the ninjas in my village are furious because of what happened to Zabuza, I'm very grateful to you. I mean, I really wasn't the least bit touched by anything that happened to that... that.. him. But the way you treated Haku's body…"

Kakashi felt his stomach acid rising in his throat. Haku... another mistake of his. Another victim of chidori that shouldn't have been. Haku had a soul as pure as snow, Haku should have escaped... Haku shouldn't have ended up like Rin.

"In any case" now she opened her eyes, slightly teary, keeping Kakashi rooted in place "you showed mercy that our village has not experienced in a long time. Thank you for that. Especially since it was a boy who was kind."

Kakashi let out a soft breath although to his ears it was almost as loud as a scream. No one had ever seen him that way. No one had ever called him merciful... He felt dizzy... what the hell was this woman doing to him...

"Didn't you say last time that you made sure I'm cold-blooded like everyone says?"

"I think I actually said that I was disappointed. And by disappointed, I meant that I was expecting someone with a dirty aura, and I got something completely opposite."

Kakashi hummed, now loking at the village. But still feeling her eyes on him.

"And didn't you say you don't remember me?"

"Huh. Tushe."

stupid distraction.

Ever since he saw y/n at the time of chunin exams, Kakashi actually, even 6 months later, hasn't stopped seeing her. It turns out that y/n has actually been in high demand in the Lands of Water since last January, with a huge bounty on her head. Words circulated that with her blood manipulation, she forced the Mizukage's own brother to cut himself bit by bit with his blade until he died by his own hand in a pool of blood. Rumor has it that she left a letter written in his blood which said that his death was compensation for the rape of the girls from the Village Hidden in the Mist, one of whom is her cousin. Since blood revenge is completely justified in the villages of more southern longitude, the Mizukage made all the criminals of those villages duty to kill y/n on the spot or bring her alive. That's why she is in all bingo books.

He hadn't heard much about on whose permission she was in Konoha before, but when Tsunade came back and became Hokage she gave y/n asylum and declared her an auxiliary force. It turns out that during the chunin exams, she helped the village a lot in monitoring the enemy even though she didn't have to and therefore Tsunade befriended her very quickly.

What Kakashi really couldn't understand at the begining was how everyone got close to her so quickly. He found himself pretty often following y/n as she moved around Konoha, looking for anything that would make his suspicion justified. He watched when she stops by the market for fresh fruits and veggies, or talks to Kurenai in the street with a big smile, or when she practices her water control by the stream next to half a kilometer from the memorial stone. He wished he could just stand next to her and feel the warmth radiating from her up close again as she squirmed when she talked.

Which was out of the question now, sure, because she didn't want to talk to him anymore. But it certainly didn't stop him from being attracted to her warmth. Of course, it wasn't like that for the whole 6 months, it even seemed to him that she enjoyed being in his company for the first month. She kept popping up, each time making no sound as usual and going on and on about how Naruto had gotten stronger, how Kakashi needed to be more gentle with Sasuke, how maybe it was better for Sakura to learn 1 on 1 new techniques to help her reach personal, not someone else's potential. She told him how in her village she liked to go to the banks of the harbor early in the morning and look for children who were fishing by themselves and to use her "magic" to pull out a few fish. They would laugh and call y/n princess of the sea. With a very serious expression on her face she listed endless crazy reasons why Kakashi could wear a mask and swore in front of everyone present (even though they were actually alone) that one day she would find out what his face looked like. And when she talked she was beautiful.. actually, she was always beautiful. He mostly listened in silence, allowing the warm feeling in his chest to grow little by little with each of their conversations. He realized that he began to take the path to the memorial stone more often where there was a better chance of her jumping out. Once, she even came along with him as far as the stone itself, bowed and stood quietly for a while before whispering "at least you have a place to mourn your loved ones."

 However, that huddled routine that Kakashi looked forward to more than he'd like to admit stopped 10 days after Sasuke disappeared, and he ran into her for the first time after the failed mission. "You shouldn't blame yourself, you did everything you could" she was silent for a few minutes "I don't think you really could have stopped him.. you said yourself that Sasuke was stubborn. If you managed to bring him home, the question is whether he would still want to be a part of the team...". When Kakashi was still silent and tried to turn and leave she spoke again "When I lost my cousin I couldn't sleep for days, I blamed myself and wanted to die. But I realized that what was happening to us was inevitable, if she had survived then maybe the Mizukage would have sent his guards and...” “You trying to cover your guilt with failed excuses shows what person you are like.. I will not live in such a miserable field” when the anger came out of him with that sentence Kakashi realized how wrong he was and tried to speak again, but a cold "I got it, go bathe in guilt if that's what you want" cut him off with eyes that glared at him. Y/n left after that and didn't speak to him again to this day.

So he was left to watch her from a distance. In moments when he felt lonely he blamed her. He often let his frustration get the better of him and then tried to talk to others about his doubts and pin his ugly feelings on y/n. Unfortunately for him, everyone loved her, starting with Gai who was finally getting a talkback about the flower of youth and someone with whom his passionate level would be similar.Kurenai finally felt close to a female ninja and laughter could always be heard from Tsunade's office when she was in. Genma showed a closeness to her like he hadn't with anyone in a long time... Kurenai even mentioned that they went on a date after some difficult mission. Which is perfectly fine and didn't leave Kakashi choking on a feeling he hadn't felt before at all. Hot again, but not in a nice way, it even felt a little like anger. And now he was standing in the Hokage's office wondering how a ninja with chakra that was impaled on a water core could cause so much fire.

"Well Kakashi, it's time for another S-rank mission" Tsunade smiled at him, holding sake in her left hand. It was already dusk and her paperwork work was due in about an hour, so her advisors weren't in the room "I hope you had enough time to rest."

"And if I said I didn't, it wouldn't change the situation much" he wasn't looking anywhere in particular while keeping his hands in his pockets. He was on the last mission for a full 3 weeks. Of course he was chakra exhausted. Of course he felt tired. Of course he wanted to do nothing but sleep, read Make-out, and visit the memorial stone. And check out what y/n is doing…

"You know yourself that the level of missions has increased since the death of the 3rd Hokage and the destruction of the village. All our enemies strike us now because they're hoping to catch us in weakness. Unfortunately we don't have enough jonin to cover the steady increase in S rank missions...so there is no time for long breaks. This one is especially hard, so you'll get an escort."

"Ah, escort..." now he was looking at the ceiling, how interesting tiles... "didn't you say that sending couple jonin rank ninjas on a mission is a waste of resources? That it should be done only in exceptional cases? Or you've actually started caring about me? In that case my heart is about to break…"

"This is an exceptional case, Kakashi" Tsunade got up from the chair and sat on the table directly observing Kakashi "the fact is that many jonin go on missions with their genin and chunin and they consider it a kind of vacation, because all those missions are B rank at worst. However, that privilege has been taken away from you since Sasuke escaped and Naruto went to train who knows where with Jiraiya" when she noticed that Kakashi would not respond to her remark she sighed deeply and continued "since this mission involves going into enemy territory you will take escort."

"Enemy territory?"

"Land of Waves to be precise. Y/n was already notified this morning that she has been assigned an S rank mission and will need to be your guide and support."

"Y/n?!" Kakashi felt his anger spreading through his body, so he tried with all his might, fists clenched in his pockets, to calm his breathing; he spoke very slowly and quietly "y/n has a huge bounty on her head in those villages. Or did you miss that? They will kill her as soon as she gets close."

"The scroll that was stolen is very important to Konoha, Kakashi " she held the tip of the nose with her eyes closed "y/n knows the risk and she accepted it. It was her duty at the end of the day" as she looked at him determinedly "as it was yours to take orders from the Hokage. You have a mission to complete, and for efficiency you'll bring a guide with you, who, if I must remind you, is also a jonin who does S-rank missions. You will take care of each other."

"You can't send her with me" he couldn't stop his legs from getting a little closer to her "you can't send her there, it will only be a big distraction."

"The decision has been made" she handed him the scroll looking at him resolutely "the deadline for the mission is 1 week. If you do not return by then, help will be sent to you. All the details are in the scroll, I expect a successful report when you return. That's it, you can go."

"But, Lady Tsunade –"

"That's it Kakashi" a small crack was heard from the wood of the table that cracked under Tsunade's pressure "you can go."

Damn it he thought.

i’m so sorry.

"Of course you're late" y/n looked at Kakashi leaning against the wall of village gate, her bag on the floor between her legs.

"You won't believe what an infestation of angry geese was in front of my house" he smiled at her, scratching the back of his head.

"Yes, yes. Move then..." she just walked away leaving him standing there for a few moments staring at her. He wondered if she knew where he was going before every mission. He wondered if she could see through his acting with that haunting gaze.

-

After few hours passed, in not so pleasant but endurable silence, air was getting colder. Kakashi felt his fingers slowly tingle, frantically trying to warm them in his pockets.

"Fuck.." muttered next to him y/n holding a finger in the air that was covered in water and her chakra "fuck, fuck."

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, observing their surroundings. They were around 25 kilometers away from Konoha for a pretty short time because they were running most of the way wanting to reach the border of Land of Water by evening. It's only about an hour to the small town. They were currently in an open area and Kakashi desperately wanted to get out of the way as soon as possible.

"Once every few years Land of Water gets a period of so-called „false winter“"y/n blurted out through her teeth, keeping her gaze still on the water that was wrapped around her finger "you see? There is a thin layer of hoarfrost gathering on the surface. It's not cold enough to freeze, but maybe, in 2 days, it will be enough."

"And what do those winters look like? Should we expect snow?"

"Probably not. The problem with this winters is that they are very cold and wet. On the other hand they never last more than a week. But people freeze to death because winters come so suddenly, so we have to be very careful. And of course, to return home as soon as possible."

"Clearly..." Kakashi spoke in a moment, swearing at his fate. This mission probably couldn't get any worse.

He watched y/n wipe hands on her pants, and warming the hand she had attached the water to by slowly blowing into it. He couldn't resist the urge and slowly put his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him with a look that almost brought him to his knees. Honest, clean, which allows the color of her eyes to completely come to the fore.

"Don't worry" he said quietly, now in some incomprehensible fear of not scaring her further, and with a huge desire to slowly dance his fingers on her face... to get rid of every concern "we will finish this mission successfully. Everything will be alright."

"Mhm" the girl in front of him uttered a falsely cheerful voice "and even if something happens, you won't have to swim in pool of pathetic excuses so I'm not even worried about you" she slipped out of his touch with the speed of an eye blink "it's time to go and find a room if we don't want to sleep in the cold."

"Y/n..." he tried

"Come on" she interrupted him already ready for a new round of running "don't lose sight of me."

-

When they arrived at the room they had barely rented as it was the last one in a shack at the very end of a famous town, within reach of a Village Hidden in Mist, Kakashi thanked every exalted being that existed for the 2 large separte beds in their room. As he made the beds, placed the maps on the floor of the room, took the food out of his bag, he listened to the sound of the shower coming out of the bathroom and suddenly he felt terribly hot. Although he had never been intimate with a woman... or anyone really, out of constant fear of getting hitched and that person dying, Kakashi actually often felt very lustful. It had appeared in flashbacks before, when he saw a pretty girl at one of his missions, when he passed a public women's bath, when he was reading his books... however he had never wanted something or someone so much that it made him act on that lust. The present moment, on the other hand, was driving him completely insane. Yes, he thought y/n was very very beautiful and her strong character was surprisingly attractive. He thought her smile was as sweet as honey and there was nothing warmer than her beautiful disposition. And yes, sure, one time when they happened to be together in a bar with mutual friends, not talking to each other of course, he got surprisingly turned on by one look at her bare legs. Although now he thought that that arousal could not even be considered arousal because what he was feeling right now was 10 times stronger. When he realized that if he continued like this he would either go crazy, or unwillingly go and do something.. with her, or cum within a full minute Kakashi went into deep concentration considering the mission.

After a few minutes y/n came out in a plain t-shirt and shorts, no bandages on her arms and legs so now he could see a lot of small cuts on the lenght of her arms. He felt that she could see that he was looking at her and he just kept his eyes on her waiting for her to speak.

"We have very hard endurance training as kids" y/n muttered noticing Kakashi is staring at her "they're not as gentle with us at the academy as they are with you. Especially if you are female."

"I understand" he looked at her with full attention "it must have been difficult for you."

"Of course it was" she threw herself on the bed with a sigh, letting her wet hair fall on the pillow "although we don't talk much about it. What happened happened."

"Does it bother you that I saw?" he left the question floating in the air. Her thighs were dripping with water that she hadn't wiped off. He wondered what it would feel like to run his lips over them.

"No" she fell silent a little and looked him directly in the eye "even though I don't agree with you about some things, I believe you. I've seen how you treat others. You always put someone else's life before your own and I really appreciate that. So the result is that I'm not ashamed of who I am right now. At least not in front of you."

Kakashi's legs walked on their own towards the bed where y/n lay. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to kiss every cut on her body, he wanted to show her that she can show her vulnerable side. When she saw him coming towards her y/n sat down in a meditation pose leaving room for the ninja to sit on the other end of the bed which he did. When some time had passed Kakashi removed the headband from his other eye and looked at her with both eyes open. He noticed how the girl in front of him was trying like hell not to stare at his sharingan now, her eyes darting left and right as she paid attention to both eyes.

"I'm so sorry" mumbled Kakashi "I'm so fucking sorry for what I said the last time we spoked. If I could, I would do everything differently."

She watched him quietly. Then uncertainly reached out a shaky hand and touched his scar just below his eye which made Kakashi wince. What the hell was he thinking?! If she wanted to, she could have dug out his eye and taken it to the enemy!

"Sleep. Tomorrow is a tough one" he spoke harshly when, without looking at her again, he stood up and went to take a shower. Then hating himself, he entered the room again and saw her pretending to sleep with slightly red eyes from crying.

regrets.

The next day, they were already passing few small communites, moving through the Land of Waves. They only had a few more hours of walking left before they entered the Village Hidden in the Mist, and darkness was already slowly falling. Both of them had bought long coats on their way out of the city, so that the cold, which was slowly but surely getting into their bones, could be endured. However, Kakashi was feverishly aware of one thing – this all seemed too easy. They hadn't encountered a single ninja so far, there was no sign of anyone noticing who y/n was and the road was passable without control.

"Probably because of the cold " y/n mumbled trying to gather the cold mist into droplets on her palm when Kakashi shared his worries with her "I told you people doesn't handle it well enough in these parts."

"Hmm" he watched as the mist and chakra slowly danced and merged at the tip of her palm, making water "it would certainly be good if we didn't linger here for much longer. Considering how in demand you are here and how cold it can be."

"It's good that we left most of the things in that hut" now she let the water slowly drip from her fingers "being overloaded would only slow us down. And since sleeping in any hut here is not an option because of our bountys, and sleeping outside is not because of the cold, we can only finish the mission tonight and return to the hut tomorrow night."

"Sure thing, lady" he hummed.

-

It was the dead of night when they were half a kilometer from the base, which did not seem protected. Guards were probably inside because of the cold, Kakashi thought. The fog enveloped them and honestly suffocated him slightly even with the mask he always wore. When the wind blew, it would whip his face and make him shake for a moment. It was very cold. He watched as y/n looked at the white rabbit with small cut on right ear in confusion, crouching. He took out his kunai sorry little guy.

"No" she spoke quietly next to him "white rabbits are not always a distraction... don't worry."

"I hope you didn't trick me...trust me i will find out and it won't end well for you."

She glared at him, tilting her head to the side... a sarcastic smile moved to adorn her lips.

"How are you not ashamed?" she whispered, but because of the silence of the night he heard her very well "I sacrificed myself for your village in this half year than for mine my whole fucking life" she poked him in the chest with her finger "I was more polite to you than you deserve. And I would have fucking killed you in your sleep last night if I wanted to."

"You remained as fiery and hot as the last time I saw you" spoke a voice from the shadows behind them. Kakashi lifted his headband and grabbed the shuriken in his pockets. However a stiff y/n caught his attention more.

"Y/n" the copy ninja cracked "y/n what's going on?!"

"Shino..." she whispered confusedly looking into the darkness. How the hell do these swamp ninjas manage to be so damn quiet??

"What's up beautiful," out of the darkness, where y/n was looking, a tall ninja came out with the band of the village hidden in the mist hanging around his neck. His entire body except face was covered in bandages and a blade similar to Zabuza's was attached to his back… this is not good "you know I missed you."

"You tried to kill me" Kakashi watched y/n holding outstretched hand in front of her, chakra on the surface of her palm trembled slightly "I trusted you and you tried to kill me."

"Princess" a sneer was heard in his voice, he raised both hands above his head as if he wanted to show her that he did not want to hurt her "business is business, nothing personal."

"I loved you and you tried to kill me" her voice trembled as she turned her hand upwards and the ninja fell to his knees still with a smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight

Kakashi tried to use the Sharingan to quickly assess the situation, but realized that there was nothing to be gained from it. The fog was too thick, the night was too dark and he didn't fucking know what to do. Should he summon Pakun? Should he kill the asshole on the spot?

"I see you still like bad boys, princess. But you yourself know that in the end you are regretted by everyone, in the end everyone sees how weak you are." Shino spoke with difficulty on his knees, a grimace on his face, probably due to blood manipulation "you still chose none other than Kakashi of sharingan. I'm impressed" he was looking at Kakashi now, a dirty smile returning to his lips "you know the redwater brothers want you dead ever since you killed Zabuza... that wasn't nice of you Kakashi."

"Ah, business is business, isn't it, nothing personal" Kakashi smiled with his eyes.

"Hah" Shino looked at y/n again "honestly, I never even loved you. What has to happen happens."

Then several things happens at once. Kakashi saw the ninja on his knees turning into water with his sharingan, and heard rustling behind them. Fucking water clone.

"Fucking shit -" Kakashi whispered furiously under his breath, quickly turning on his heels and activating chidori. A few seconds passed before he stood behind y/n shielding her back and pierced the spot where Shino's heart was with his chidori. The ninja fell from his hand, along with his blade with a dull thud. Kakashi turned to look at y/n who was looking at him with wide eyes and felt a searing pain in his chest. With a low curse he fell to his knees as he realised that he was almost cut open in half.

"No!" y/n shouted as she quickly knelt in front of him with her hands glowing with chakra "Kakashi, Kakashi, keep your eyes on mine."

Is this it? He thought as his head reeled. Although his eyes seemed to be open, he saw nothing. He only heard the soft sound of chakra vibrating somewhere nearby and shallow breats. Maybe some whimpers. But he wasn't sure.

"Kakashi! I will never talk to you again if you die now" a distant soft voice cracked "I can't lose you. I don't want to lose you."

"I l-lied" he spoke quietly, not sure if she heard him at all, but he tried anyway "you are very brave... so brave it scares me... So, of c-c-course you are not week. Of course you're not a dis-straction. Of course I don't regret going here with y-you."

"Look at me, I'm begging you."

The last atoms of power Kakashi focused on what appeared to be y/n's face. When his vision sharpened a little he saw a smile or a twitch, he wasn't quite sure, and the beautiful color of the eyes that he had come to love so much.

"You are so beautiful."

lavander.

When Kakashi woke up in a dark room that smelled of lavender he was sure he was dead. He tried to blink hard a few times and shake the sleep from his eyes before he managed to sit up. His mask was still there, though he was dressed in plain clothes and covered with a thick blanket. Although he was warm, the air in room was cold. He realized that he was in the hut where he and y/n had left their things before they went to the Land of Waves. When he turned to the right he saw lavender in a pot and a small letter. He took the letter and began to read.

By all accounts you should wake up before I’m back. I left medicinal herbs, tea and food on your table. Don't even think of touching the bandage. I managed to sew up the wound completely, but it's better that the bandage soaked with medicinal water stays until I return, just in case. Of the flowers in the local flower shop, there were only lavenders because of the winter, I hope you are not allergic. Hehe. I went to get that stupid scroll and finish the mission so I'll be back soon. Don't follow me. You lost a lot of blood and strength. Please wait. I'll be back, trust me.

P.S. I didn't peek under your mask. Pinky promise.

-

Those few hours in which Kakashi drank all the tea, ate all the food and thought about the best way to go after her, felt like days. He realized with great amazement that y/n had somehow managed to heal entire wound which now only itched, not hurt. He felt very exhausted as he looked out the window at the rain falling wrapped in a blanket. It must have been terribly cold outside. How many days did he sleep? How is y/n? Is she hurt? What if they catch her and kill her? What if she's already dead? How many days has she actually been out of the hut? If she is dead he will kill everyone who is responsible. But he is responsible... He let his guard down and let that jerk almost kill him and that's why y/n is out there alone now. He won't be able to live with himself if she's dead. He was too tired. He will rest for only half an hour more and then he will leave. Towards her. Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

Knock knock.

Kakashi stood up with his heart pounding. They found him. But if they found him that means they will wait there for y/n to come back and then kill her easily. He took the kunai, opened the sharingan eye and cautiously approached the door. He wouldn’t let that happen. When he flung open the door he saw y/n with gentle eyes watching him, a scroll in one hand, a Shino’s blade in the other. She was wearing a normal ninja uniform and was soaked to the core. Y/n smiled widely at him but fatigue was very visible on her face. Her body was shaking uncontrollably from the cold.

"Oh thank heavens, you're awake" it came as sigh from her lips "I didn't want to drop any of this on the floor. Sorry if you had to get up. Everything went smoothly. Mission is complete."

He quietly helped her inside, took the things from her hands and put them on the floor. When he went to turn on the shower so that somehow hot water would warm up y/n he realized that there was no use because the water had frozen in the pipes.

"The shower doesn't work" he rasped and realized that it was probably the first thing he had said in days "change into something dry. We need to warm you up."

Kakashi then placed 2 blankets over each other on his bed and pulled y/n who was now only in a t-shirt and shorts (because that was the only thing dry) into bed with him. He hugged her tightly, limbs completely intertwined, his hands rubbing hers, trying to bring some warmth back into her body. All this with full awareness of how she was lying next to him in just shorts and a t-shirt. He fought the growing erection in his underwear, thinking about anything but the woman in his arms that he wanted more than anything else.

"I thought you were going to die" she spoke quietly against his chest, probably more to herself than to him, but he certainly heard her very clearly.

"You saved my life, Thank you" he mumbled against her hair.

Now she cocked her head hard and fast locking her eyes with his, fire in them, just the way Kakashi loved it.

"If it wasn't for you, I would be dead" she snapped angrily, holding his gaze with hers, now he kept his sharingan eye open "I just did one tolerable, but miserable thing."

"You are extraordinary. Really. I’m all heald now thanks to you. When I woke up today I felt like whole new person. Thank you" he lightly touched her cheek with his hand "And I don't know if that went through your crazy little head, but the last thing I want is to let people I care about die while I'm just watching from the sidelines. That very much includes you."

As if momentarily embarrassed, she looked away from him and brought her head back to rest on his chest. She breathed deeply.

When he noticed that the normal temperature was slowly returning to her body and the shivers stopped being so strong Kakashi let out a soft laugh.

"I don’t believe a thing you say,"

"What?" y/n cocked her head again looking into Kakashi's one open eye with a confused expression. That made him grin even wider.

"I don't believe you didn't look under the mask."

The girl in his arms scoffed looking at him with mocking eyes "My curiosity is big, but not so much that I want to play dirty. If i really wanted to see what's underneath I'd make you show me yourself."

"And?" Kakashi felt his breath slowly run out of anticipation "do you want to see it that badly?"

She looked at his mask silently then studied his open eye.

"You want to show me?" she asked quietly, and he just continued to watch her, with an unknown glow. She slowly removed both hands from the blanket and ran her fingers to the top of his mask. Her hands were shaking slightly and Kakashi realized with something, ah here it is again, very warm in his stomach that she wasn't shaking from the cold this time. Y/n slowly removed the mask from his face as he watched her carefully. When the whole cloth was finally removed, she sighed deeply. A soft smile graced her lips.

"Ah, what a disappointment" her gaze circled all over his face "nothing of the huge lips and horse teeth."

Kakashi felt his lips curl into a smile. He hugged her a little tighter.

"You are so beautiful. Gorgeous even." she looked him in the eye and now he was terribly, terribly hot all over. No one ever addressed those words to him. His body just moved closer to her until her lips were only inches away from his. He felt her breath brush his lips. He was waiting for her to do something… anything.. to give him the green light. Because no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't move on his own. Such tender and fragile moments were not frequent in his life, and suddenly he was terribly afraid of breaking this too. However when y/n pressed her lips to his all worries were quickly erased from his mind.

They kissed deeply and slowly as he ran his hands all over her body. He made sounds he didn't know he was capable of, but realized that nothing compared to her sighs and moans from the kiss. He slowly moved from her lips to her neck which he had been watching for so long as they talked months from now, taking deep breaths.

"How perfect you are" he murmured as she melted in his arms. She ran her hands first over his shoulders, then his back, finally letting her hands go under his shirt. He moaned burying his head deeper into her neck.

"Kakashi..." came out of her mouth like a plea, as if it was too much for her.

"I know y/n, I know," he breathed a big, hard sigh as he held her hips tightly so she wouldn't move against him anymore. It was very clear to him that she felt how much he wanted her. And he now wanted her to show her how much he wanted her "can I touch you?"

She looked at him with a warm look and red cheeks, then nodded briskly.

He let his hand dance from her neck, over her stomach, down to her lower abdomen where he pressed his hand firmly.

He kissed all over her hands, all the little cuts he'd seen just a few days before.

"Perfect. So fucking perfect. Lift your hips for me pretty girl" he whispered softly.

When he took off her shorts and realized how wet she was, he almost cummed In his pants at that moment.

He just touched her enterance briefly and she moaned leaning into his touch. Nothing has happened yet and he was so fucking turned on. Turned on by her smooth skin, maddening smell, her sighs, moans... This is 100x better than any erotic novel. He slowly kissed her clit, than licked it experimentally. Y/n closed her eyes and left her hands flying to his hair, hips bucking up to meet his mouth.

'Look at me, let me see you" he darkly whispered against her pussy, looking at her with his both eyes. He then licked and sucked her swollen clit, eyes never leaving hers, making her moaning mess.

"Fuck Kakashi, fuck" she cried pressing one hand against her mouth, than changing mind and letting that hand grip on his hair too "i need you now. Please."

He stopped for a second watching her.

"Are you.. -"

"Yes, yes, and don’t you fucking dare to leave now."

"Sure thing pretty lady" he smiled against her heat.

He took his time, exploring every exposed piece of skin now that he took her t-shirt off too. He blinked open the sharingan again and he was so damn happy that he could predict how she would react to every touch. He looked at her; sprawled out underneath him, with her face flushed, lips swollen.

"Have I ever told you that you are perfect?" he had that boyish smile now, looking at her lovingly.

"Pervert" she grinned while kissing him quickly.

"Ah yes" he left few kisses to her neck again "I remember you calling me that a few times" he put his fingers on her clit making her to squirm with embarrassment.

"Please Kakashi" her voice was so fucking sweet "I need you. Please."

"Need you too" he mumbled against her lips "so much. My beautiful girl."

Then all he could feel was her. She clouded all five senses and he felt like he was going insane. It was over far too quickly.

"Madness" he whispered in her ear and nuzzled her neck, thrusting deep and steady "you are madness."

He gave a few last thrusts and reached down with his hand to help her finish. It wasn’t long until she was writhing and whimpering underneath him.

He kissed the top of her head before he pulled her into him protectively, feeling sleepy. Enjoying the feeling of her skin flush against his, her sweet smell and now steady breaths he felt his body completely relaxing.

As he slowly drifted off to sleep he asked quietly against her hair "do you want to go out sometime?"

[vintagevict0ria]

𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞

Chapter 2 "Ive been watching you for ages..."

pairing: Adam Driver x f!reader content: alcohol consumption, use of Y/n. a/n: oh gosh guys im so sorry this took SOOO LONG!! I have not had any motivation but i was determined to get this out! part 3 will not take as long!! Added a tag for all my works: #victoriassecrets!!

Endless scrolling turned into you following asleep. When you woke up, you found a pool of spit under your chin and your phone was dead. Rolling your eyes, you sat up stretching your arms before plugging your phone in and wiping your face. Today you had planned to get breakfast with Carolina today, to debrief from the past few days. It had caught you by surprise how much your co-star had been on your mind- an unhealthy amount you should say…

Hopefully this date would help clear your mind and focus on the actual movie and not Adam Driver. 

You arrived at the coffee shop shortly before Carolina did so you found a table by the window. When she arrived: she lit up instantly when her eyes met yours. “Hey girl!!!!” She let out a squeal of excitement as she frolicked over. Standing up, you embraced her in your arms. “Oh em gosh we have so much to talk about!!” Of course, Carolina couldn't wait to start talking. Sitting back down, you took a sip of hot coffee before speaking “So i want to discuss how JJ is planning on building and establishing me and- Sorry- Taylor and Johns (you and Adams characters) relationship”

“He wants you and Adam to get to know each other from the other side of the camera so that way we have something to build off of before we start filming.”  This caught you by surprise.In the past, no directors had asked you to have an actual connection that isn't just acting.

“We have 7 weeks till filming starts and I've already scheduled you and Adam a reservation at the restaurant down the road for tonight- lets get ahead yeah?” Dinner. Tonight. With Adam. It was hard to imagine what this could possibly mean. “So it's a date basically?”

“Oh gosh no silly!” She laughed, shaking her head. “Just think about it as a…” she paused. “Yeah it's basically a date.”

Oh Carolina, why would you do this to me!!

“No the red! No wait- the blue! wait - yes the red! Wait..” Holding up the two dresses and making Carolina pick was impossible. She was your hype woman and you looked good and anything but gosh this woman could not pick to save her life. “Girl, just pick! I'm going with the red-” before you could finish Adams manager walked in-”The cab will be here in an hour” she left quickly after dropping the news. Lovely, now I'm being rushed. 

“Ok pick a dress and i’ll get someone her to fix your hair and makeup-”

“No- I got this. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Carolina smiled, looking up from her phone and going over to hug you. “First impressions are everything” she whispered in your ear. All you could do was laugh.

Dress? Red(or blue?) No yeah red…

Hair? Down! No up!! Wait… Down!!

Makeup? Uhhhhhh…

“Ms. Y/L/N! The cab is here!!”

Crap! You quickly grabbed your purse and ran downstairs while still trying to put shoes on. After who knows how long, you finally got your shoes on and was greeted by Adam. 

“Evening.” He said, holding out his arm.

“Good evening.” You joyfully intertwined your arm around his elbow, letting him guide you into the cab. 

The flash of the cameras was bleeding. Being an actor in Hollywood meant stalkers, love letters, cat calls, and of course- paparazzis. Security did their best to quickly get you too into the car with little to no time for the cameras to catch a glance of you and your co-star. As soon as you entered the car- a woman- around the age of 20, started pounding at the window of the car. “Adam! You are so hot! Have my ba-” the car sped off before the woman had a chance to finish. You glazed over at Adam but he didn't seem fazed at all. Was he used to this? The ride was quiet. All that could be heard was the rolling on the car on the roads of LA and the faint playing of the radio. Before you could be relieved of the stress of this event, you stupidly went on instagram and your DM’s were full of pictures that the paparazzis had taken just minutes ago. The pictures were not as clear as expected considering you basically ran to the car. You could just faintly make out the scene of Adams' arm around yours. 

Once you arrived at the restaurant, the door swung open and a doorman held out his hand to you. You hesitantly grabbed it. Making sure your dress didn't get caught in the car door- you exited the vehicle and was once again escored beside Adam and security. Little to no paparazzis were around but somehow, many civilians knew you two were expected. Some profanities and obscure things were shouted but you too paid no attention to them. The restaurant lights were wildly contrasted with the dark outside. Adjusting to the lighting, you walked over to a table that was draped with a white cloth along with two wine glasses, silver wear, and a candle. Adam pulled out the seat, gesturing to you to sit down. Embarrassed, you smiled and whispered ‘thank you’ under your breath. Adam sat down across from you.

“So-” Adam began to speak, his brown eyes looked so whimsical in the lighting. Before speaking again, he cleared his voice. “Where are the menus?” He chuckled, looking around the restaurant. At Least he was trying to make this not awkward as possible.

“I was just thinking that! Have you ever been here before?” You scanned the room, it was quite empty- well entirely empty.

“No, you?” You shook your head. Right as you were going to say something, your waiter walked over, pen and paper in hand. “Apologies for the wait- what can I start you off to drink?” You both ordered a glass of red wine to start and shortly after receiving menus- ordered entries. Taking a sip of your drink, Adam asked “Thoughts on the film so far? Well, the script that is.” He brushed his hair back, still making eye contact with you. You couldn't believe you were having dinner with Adam Driver. He was so beautiful and there was something about him that wouldn't allow you to look away.

“I like it! Also- apologies for Carlonia setting this whole ‘date’ thing up- she can be really extra sometimes' ' putting date in quotes excentauted how awkward this dinner was. You hoped he would just laugh it off but- oh no.

“Carolina?” he laughed, shaking his head while looking down, “No, this wasn't JJs or Carolinas idea. It was mine.”

_________________________

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[ratcatcher0325]

Alexander I have a dare. While Natalie is busy cleaning in the kitchen. Walk over to a device. Go to youtube or spotify and play the the song 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley on FULL BLAST.

Wait and see her reaction

My, my, Anon. I LOVE the way your brain works. Now I have absolutely no idea why you recommended that seemingly very specific song... Is it particularly annoying? In any case, this sounds delightfully mischievous and I would love nothing more than to participate in these devilish schemes. I've happened to land on this ask in the perfect window of opportunity.

You see, as I write this, Natalie is prepping dinner and she's left me on the counter huddled up in one of her hoodies, with the phone propped up for my use, directly beside her (But at a far enough distance from the stove and its potentially dangerous overspill of hot oil and the like). Now. She just so happens to have a Bluetooth speaker which sits on the other side of the stove, to her right. All I have to do is connect to the speaker and follow your detailed instructions. Join me on this journey of wreaking havoc won’t you?

I shall have to go about this carefully. You see, Natalie has a propensity to drone on and on about banal things like what temperature to heat a pan at to brown butter and how a chef’s best tool is her sense of smell. I’m doing my level best to nod and murmur something often enough that she thinks I’m listening. As I’m sure you already know, she’s a very nosy creature and if I seem too preoccupied, she’ll just pluck up the phone from my grasp to see what’s holding my attention. I’m between snippets of feigned conversation, I’m searching for your suggested song…

… and I have it. This guy seems fond of unflattering beige trench coats , hm?

Alright now, final step, I must connect this device to the speaker across the counter. When it syncs with a new device, I’ve noticed it makes a short ping. Well, I don’t want to give myself away now do I? Ah, I see she’s bringing everything to a higher heat, the confection is boiling, now if I just time it with when she next tosses the contents of the pan, I think that’ll create enough sizzle to distract her…. Here we go…

And….It worked!! She just asked me what was making me smirk like that, “it can’t be anything good… you actually look happy!” Were her exact words. I dismissed her with a roll of my eyes. Alright now all I have to do is press play, yes? The volume is maximized. This has better be worth it Anon…. Three, two, one….

Ha ha ha ha!!!! Oh my god! Oh my god, Anon, I wish I could show you the pure bewilderment, the entire five stages of grief this woman experienced within seconds of each other!!! She keeps yelling “Who told you to do that??? Who taught you Rick rolling?!” She’s all flushed and utterly disgruntled! Oh, this made my day! This was priceless. She jumped when it came on! Nearly dropped the pan with all its contents and everything!! I’m actually tearing up, I’m laughing so hard. My ribs hurt! She keeps digging a finger into my chest and mussing my hair but it doesn’t even bother me! Oh, the pure delights of pranking a human!

She went so far as to pluck me up under my arms and pull me right before her eyes, staring me down, she warned me, “You watch yourself little man…. When you least expect it… expect it! I’m getting you back for this!” She’s since put me back down which gave me the chance to finish writing this to you.

Thank you for teaching me the wonders of “Rick rolling” as I believe you call it? That was a true delight. I’m off to have dinner now, while Nat mumbles to herself about her own disbelief in being had. I, myself, feel ten feet tall, at the moment!

Yours in Crime,

Alexander

[saltysaccharin]

Happiness

— [ELYSIUM] {SEMI-CANON}

• characters :: ryouga atsumu ft. the other ryougas

• content :: the family‼️, angst, sibling shenanigans, atsumu being lonely on his 22nd birthday because he's just like that

• warnings :: no comfort (kinda?)

prompt / synopsis :: a birthday

word count :: 1.1k

a/n :: THIS IS LATE ACTUALLY his birthday was on the 3rd but i fucking forgot like the dumbass i am but it's okay because i churned out this thing last night and am still working on art thing so HOORAY ATSUMU BDAY WEEK (accidental)‼️

HAPPY NEW YEAR‼️‼️

"Ugh, Atsu-nii, what's the matter with you?" Kairo huffed, propping his head up onto his palm, "Don't you ever stop working?"

Atsumu scoffed jovially and rolled his eyes, skimming over the stack of papers he held. "I started working when you were two, like hell I'd give up my momentum now— Hey! Teruko!"

Atsumu's frown went ignored by the young woman who'd snatched the documents out of her older brother's hands, simply sticking her tongue out childishly at him as she brandished her winnings.

"I need those. Give them back." The doctor glowered from the kitchen bar.

"Nope. You shouldn't be working today, and you won't be," Teruko replied with a sneer, "I'll give them back tomorrow! Don't be mad at me!" She hummed before sashaying away with the files.

The twitch of Atsumu's eye got a snicker from Kairo, further vexing the former. "Oh, fuck off. You guys have been in cahoots since forever."

Kairo shrugged, "So sorry, doctor, but I do hope you won't be using such vulgar language around Mama later." He jabbed, settling down not long after. After a moment, he tapped his fingers along the quartz finish of the table in thought as he turned back to Atsumu, "D'you think Dad'll come?" His voice significantly lowered in volume with the question.

With a heavy sigh, Atsumu rubbed his temples to dramatically emphasize his stance on the subject. "Who knows? Old man's too busy doing.. whatever he does to have time for his family. Guess I got that part right, at least," His jest fell a bit flat, only getting a disheartened nod from the brother. Atsumu shook his head, quickly changing the subject. "Where did the twins and Mito go off to? I haven't seen them since you five showed up on my doorstep."

"Oh, they went to the local minimart to get a couple things. Y'know, since you city folks have some real good stuff over here—"

"They went where? Kai, this building already has its own convenience store on the first floor."

"I knew that— Well..." An anxious chuckle left Kairo's lips as he scratched the back of his head, "I'm not sure if they did..."

Luckily for him, Teruko waltzed back into the kitchen, inadvertently saving her younger brother from the older's exasperation.

"Hey, Atsu-nii," She called out, pointing her thumb over her shoulder toward the corridor leading to the bedrooms, "Saw your room, saw the guest rooms — they're too good to be true by the way — but whose is the, uh..." Teruko trailed off, gently knocking on her forehead a few times to reorganize her thoughts. She snapped her fingers, "The room with the geeky stuff and the dog bed."

Kairo snorted, "The room with the geeky stuff?" He repeated in disbelief, straightening up in his seat before hopping off of the chair, "This, I've got to see!"

"HEY, NO NO NO—" Atsumu flushed, instantly chasing after his two siblings down the hall while they giggled mischievously. "That's not mine, stay out of there! Tch, you two never change!" He groaned, slowing down once they had already slipped past the door frame.

He put his hands on his hips in an attempt to look disappointed, imitating their mother subconsciously. The stupid grins on his sister and brother's faces warranted an irritated huff to come out of his nose.

"I didn't know you had a roommate," Kairo questioned, facing Atsumu suspiciously, "You definitely don't seem like the type..."

Meanwhile, Teruko deadpanned, "It is a mess in here. But Kairo's right; how come you've never let us stay for more than a couple weeks but then suddenly you just let some person actually live with you? Favoritism."

Rolling his eyes, Atsumu ushered them out of the room. "No need to be jealous of a complete stranger, my irreplaceable little sister," He muttered sarcastically, closing the door behind them, "Today, I've been reserved for my blood-related family, and so you guys will unfortunately not be meeting my boyfriend until much later. Thank you for understanding."

"Your HUH?" Both Teruko and Kairo exclaimed loudly, Atsumu making a displeased face in response.

"Jeez, if I didn't know any better I'd say you two were the twins in this family..."

As if speaking of the devils would summon them, the penthouse elevator dinged before the doors parted to reveal a duo of identical teenage girls with a smaller boy in tow. Behind them stood a woman well into her forties, her dark brown hair the closest shade to Atsumu's than those of the other Ryouga children.

One of the twins cheered, lifting a plastic bag to the air in celebration, "Guess who we ran into in the lobby!"

"You're back," Teruko observed, before lighting up upon seeing her mother accompanying them. "Ah, Mama! You made it!" She chirped merrily, skipping over to the group by the elevator, soon followed by Kairo.

Atsumu lagged behind, however, making no move to greet the rest of his family. He looked on with a soft, lopsided smile — they really did appear to be just an ordinary, happy.. well, family.

Eventually, the older woman approached him, an undeniable gentleness in her aura as she reached out to pat his head. Atsumu was taller than her, but he felt like a child in her bearings. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye for some reason, despite not having done anything worth a reprimanding.

The woman hummed, giving him a closed-eye smile, "Don't have anything to say to your mother, Atsumu?" Her question playful in nature.

"...Hi, Mama." Atsumu spoke, uncharacteristically timid.

"Unhappy to see me?"

"No, nothing like that, I'm just," He stammered, "Mm. Yeah."

His mother giggled, ruffling his hair. Normally, he'd snap and whine and do his best to salvage what little style was left of it, but he found himself to be suddenly eleven again. He did not spare a quiet groan, though, a smile creeping up toward his face.

"Happy birthday, my little doctor," She sighed contentedly, taking her son into a tender hug, "You did such a good job for yourself."

Ryouga blinked away the fantasy, shaking his head to rid of any leftover thoughts. The sigh he let out was nearly inaudible, yet the air still disturbed the small flame on the wick of a small candle placed into a small cupcake.

He hovered over it, a blank look in his eyes. What to wish for, he mused half-heartedly. It was rather absurd how he insisted on genuinely mulling it over, even though all of his wishes had already come true.

Well, a new one wouldn't hurt, right?

A single blow put out the only light in his ever-empty penthouse without much of a struggle.

[casspurrjoybell-27]

In a Heartbeat - Chapter 32 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Vince

Chase excused me from our therapy session early, insisting he had other things to discuss with Simon.

The look on Chase's face as I left sent a clear message 'don't fuck this up.'

'Yeah, if it was only that easy,' I thought.

There was still that looming question of why Simon seemed so willing to go through with this and how exactly we could coexist together, especially in the same room.

Either he was just that dumb enough to believe things would work out between us, or he had an ulterior motive.

My bet was on the latter but it still didn't make any sense.

What could he possibly gain by being close to someone who basically ruined his life?

But what Chase said did make some sense, even if it had sounded outrageous.

I hated to admit but these pills were taking a toll on my physical strength, including those migraines and painful shifts.

Getting off of them would in theory help but just the thought of its repercussions was terrifying.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't want my wolf to die, I know what that would imply and Chase's warnings couldn't hold any more truth but to hear my wolf's incessant yapping, to hear him yell and complain to me about what I've done, I didn't want any part of that.

I had already dealt with it when I first found out about Simon and when I dueled with Michael.

I didn't need another person to remind me of the wrongs I caused but what I feared most was how being off these pills would change me.

I was so used to not feeling anything, not caring about anything.

I needed to be stern, fearless and unfazed if I was to be Alpha.

I don't have time to let pesky feelings and emotions get to me.

I couldn't be an emotional bitch like Michael had been with David, that wasn't how Alphas were supposed to act.

That wasn't what our father wanted and if that's what being off those pills felt like, I didn't want any part in it.

*********

Before I could even make it up to the stair landing, there was Sarah, with her hands on her hips as she sent a glare from the top of the stairs.

Lately, she always wore that judgmental look when she looked at me.

It wasn't completely a new look but it hurt to see it directed at me after all those years.

Usually, she'd glare like that at the older stuck-up council members, especially those that opposed more progressive and extensive protocols we wanted to implement.

Now, she didn't even smile at me.

"Sarah," I greeted with a half-smile.

She pointed her thumb toward the conference room.

"We need to talk."

I scoffed.

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with me."

"Just get your ass in there, now," she sneered.

I brushed past her shoulder which earned a sharp slap on the shoulder from her as I walked in, leaning against the edge of the table with my arms crossed.

"Make it quick," I joked.

"Wouldn't want your boyfriend to find out."

She bit her bottom lip, holding in an insult most likely.

"I cared about you, Vince. I really did but..." she continued.

"I don't think you ever cared about me. About anyone, really."

I frowned.

"I do."

"Yeah, yourself," she scoffed.

"And now, I can truly see how self-centered you can be and I can't let you pull the same shit again. Not on Simon. He doesn't deserve that bullshit."

"The lying, the cheating," she rambled on.

"The pathetic excuses for your behavior. He deserves better than what you gave me."

"No. He may think you could change but I know you. You string people along, let them believe a side of yourself before tearing them apart. So unless you plan on giving it your all and actually appreciate your mate for once in your life, don't string him along. You've hurt him enough."

I rolled my eyes.

"You think it's a terrible idea too."

She sighed.

"I don't think I could ever forgive you for what you did to me and knowing what you did to him makes me question his sanity but I can commend him for wanting to see past your flaws, to understand you. Because at some point I wanted to too but it's a two-way street, you have to try to understand him too, Vince. He deserves that much. Try to understand his pain, the things he's gone through. I mean, haven't you had someone you loved hurt you? Betray you?"

I uncrossed my arms, thinking about what happened with David, how dad had seemed to go berserk on him and Michael.

How every night he'd warn me what would happen if I turned out like them, instead of the typical bedtime story or ruffle of the hair.

It had hurt to see him turn so aggressive so quickly.

Then I thought of how Sarah had walked out when she found out the truth about Simon leaving, that Simon and his family weren't actually traitors and as much as she disagreed, I did care about her, maybe even considered it love at some point and it did hurt.

She had been there the whole time, a constant and the next second she was out of my life.

Did I feel betrayed or did I perhaps assume it would've happened?

But there was one moment that I vowed to never talk about with anyone, not even Sarah knew about it.

The scariest moment of my life, one that had surpassed the night dad found out about David.

It was terrifying and probably the only thing I could really think of when Sarah mentioned betrayal.

Xavier had always been clingy as a child, looking up to the both of us, wanting to be a part of everything we did and when Michael and David had been disowned by our father, Xavier drifted apart too.

He didn't hang out with me or Michael, often hanging out with the kids his age and he only drifted further apart from me after Simon left, insisting he needed to find his mate.

I had Alpha duties and he was always busy with the Betas but it never occurred to me how focused he was on finding his mate and the day he turned eighteen left me petrified.

We never talked about our feelings, emotions or anything really, so when I had found him that morning in the bathroom, I didn't know what to think.

A part of me didn't believe it at first, maybe he had just fallen asleep with a razor after shaving.

Maybe he'd fainted after overworking himself agai and then I saw the blood underneath him.

I remember asking why, demanding what possessed him to do something that stupid and when he told me some sob story about his mate, I wondered how he could possibly think this would've done anything and in a way, I did feel betrayed.

I remembered feeling so hurt after, knowing that he'd rather do something like that than to come to his own brother.

Even though we hadn't been close, it hurt to know that he didn't want to come to me for help like he had all those years ago and when I kept asking, pushing for answers, he pretended it never happened.

'Have you had someone you loved hurt you? Betray you?'

Clenching my jaw at the memory, I looked at her firmly.

"Yes."

"That's what Simon has felt, every single day," she frowned.

"For twelve years, Vince."

There was an unsettling silence in the air, us staring at each other as her words hung in the air.

Twelve years was a long time to feel like that and sometimes I forgot how long it had been since Simon was here.

"Whether or not you want to make this work, be honest with yourself first, Vince."

She finally spoke in a softer tone.

"Be true to yourself for once in your life and figure out what you want. Don't just do something because your dad wanted it or Michael or anyone else but yourself."

Because that was totally easy.

My whole life felt like I was just trying to please someone.

"I'll try," I said finally.

It wasn't assuring but she took it, seeming to relax a bit since we first stepped in the room.

"Good. As much as I hate what you did, I still want you to be happy, Vince and Simon deserves happiness too. I hope you'll see that."

She patted my shoulder before heading toward the doors.

"Wait," I stopped her, the words she said lingering in my head.

She tilted her head like she always did when she was confused.

"How... What's he like? Your mate?"

She blinked before a soft smile spread across her face.

"He's good to me. He makes me happy."

I sucked in a breath.

"That's good. I'm uh... happy for you."

She smiled fully then, something I hadn't seen for quite some time.

[lady-azarashe]

Normally I'd rant on Reddit, or on my IG stories, or even on some random Chatterbox thread on Gaia Online so that I could scream into the void without actually bothering anyone. But I ran away from the former two and I've been trying to use Tumblr more since the Reddit migration, so I guess I'll rant here for a bit and delete it afterwards.

So... 2023 was one of the worst years of my life, a solid runner up for the top spot, in fact. I think it barely edges out the former champion of 2014 to take the podium, and that's because this year my grandma died.

Between getting fired from a decently enjoyable job, to landing on several other horrible jobs, lack of money due to my time unemployed in between said horrible jobs, having had to move back with my family because they needed someone to take care of my grandpa (poor man had a stroke and I was the only one who could drive him daily to the hospital), and having to deal with all this while people were still treating me like a child with no agency of her own... Well, shit got bad, and my head went to some very dark places. I got a bit better, but then my grandma died and I got very sick physically, so I've spent most of December and a good chunk of January on a fever-fueled daze.

In so far, this has been mostly rationalized already and I'm ok with it. Well, it's not like I'm really ok with it, you know, but I've gotta keep rolling with the punches and all that. I know sometimes life sucks, shit's whack, and you gotta play with the cards you've been dealt. Been doing that for a long time now, but there were certain things that never changed and I relied heavily on them to trudge along everyday.

It's always the little things, though, that drive me over the edge and into a puddle of despair. And it's today that I noticed something these little things seem to have in common lately, and why they hurt so much.

A bunch of YouTubers I follow have either given up and disappeared quietly, or they've announced that they're quitting due to burnout/wanting to take their lives back from YT/etc. I am incredibly happy for them and wish them the best, but I sadly spend a lot of time alone and relied a lot on other people's content to make my life less monotonous. It's not a worrying parasocial relationship, but they do feel like friendly familiar faces and knowing they're not going to stick around any longer kinda hurts a little.

In fact, it hurts just as much as when I got kicked out of Reddit. Deapite being mostly a lurker I was active on a few communities there, and I even managed to make a few friends. But I never really felt like part of the community, and after the whole API thing I felt pushed out even more than usual. I don't want to go back, things have changed quite a lot since my days, but I miss being able to talk about stuff with random people and get memes or advice in return. For some reason I'm not managing to do the same here on Tumblr. :(

And in the end, I think that's what's going on here. I feel incredibly lonely in my life these days. I can't reconnect with my friends because my life has spun out of control and I'm ashamed of it (plus, adulting makes it much more difficult). I can't connect with people online because I'm a terminal lurker and have trouble adapting to digital environments, and the few pillars of stability in my life seem to be twisting or crumbling right in front of me. And due to my new job I work as a retail clerk alone most of the time. No connections here either.

I'm scared, Tumblr. I still have friends and a partner, but I feel so alone. I am trying to fight against the existential dread that hunts me down relentlessly, but I am losing this fight. :(

[stjarnaloki]

in the montenegro sun (jonathan pine)

hi loves, I know a lot of you follow me for Loki content but I've had another muse lately, and that is Mr. Jonathan Pine from the Night Manager *crowd collectively creams*

This is one of my fav WIPs. not sure where it's going to end up but we will see. it has a slow start but I promise i'll make it worth it!

Summary: Rae Barlow befriended Simona Crawford in college, not knowing she was entangling herself with the daughter of one of the richest arms manufacturers in Europe. Whisked away to Montenegro on one of the many elaborate Crawford family vacations, Rae encounters Jonathan Pine, a soft-spoken, blue-eyed ex-soldier who Rae can’t seem to avoid. After a jarring encounter, Jonathan takes Rae under his wing, and undeniable sparks fly. Jonathan must figure out how to balance this romance with his undercover assignment: taking down Dex Crawford.

Read on AO3

TW: multiple scenes of SA. please do not read if this is triggering or disturbing to you in any way. this work is also 18+.

Petrovac Beach, Montenegro. Saturday.

“Pine!” Simona’s dad Dex called out, striding ahead of the two girls and holding out a hand in greeting.

“You’re shitting me,” Rae said to Simona, staring at the approaching man as the two trekked behind Dex.

“Try to keep your tongue in your mouth, love,” Simona said with a knowing glance as the man came into view.

He had caramel hair in a swoop along his forehead, with blonde strips that shone like hard candy as it caught the Montenegro sun. His linen trousers were starched into creases, neat enough to stand up on their own. The blue shirt he wore rolled at his sleeves exposed tanned forearms, veins and corded muscle that rippled as he held tight onto Pascoe’s leash as he pulled, eager to sniff the two newcomers.

“Rae, Simona, meet Jonathan Pine, he’s the night manager at our hotel,” Dex clapped a loving hand on Pine’s shoulder, beaming. “But to me, he will always be the brightest new recruit the British Army ever did see and might I say now that he’s not my subordinate, a dear friend,” Dex finished, leaving Pine embarrassed.

“You flatter me, Dex. It’s lovely to meet you both, Simona, Rae,” Pine said, all poise and cordiality as he addressed the two girls.

“Dex has told me lots about you, Simona.” He gave her a polite nod and tight-lipped smile. “And Rae, I expect to learn lots about you over the next week.”

Pine transferred the leash into his left hand and held out his right politely to the two girls, his blue eyes squinting in the sun. Simona clasped it, and then Rae, gingerly. She stepped back, one hand holding onto her sun hat, her disposition sour since learning of Pine’s military history.

“Still so young and already out of the army, Mr. Pine?” Rae couldn’t help herself. “I wonder what one would have to do to deserve such an honorable discharge in the eyes of the Crown.”

“Rae-” Simona said through gritted. Rae ignored her friend and smirked as she saw panic flitting over Dex’s face.

Pine pierced her with his blue eyes, her dislike for him registering in his face as his eyebrows raised. Rae braced herself for the confrontation she’d walked herself into, but it never came.

“Honor is a funny thing, Miss Barlow,” was all he said, not an ounce of composure sliding from his relaxed face.

Rae’s brow furrowed at his smugness. Before she could open her mouth to retort, Dex interrupted.

“She’s a fiery one, our Rae,” he said, laughing uncomfortably to force an end to the pair’s conversation. “You must forgive her…”

Rae shot a venomous glance in Dex’s direction, which Pine registered.

“Oh, nothing to forgive, Dex,” Pine said smoothly, handing Pascoe’s leash to Dex. “We walked nearly to Babac down the beach, so he should be knackered tonight.” Dex thanked him for taking care of him, grateful for the change in conversation.

“How on Earth are you awake, Mr. Pine?” Simona piped up. “Aren’t you exhausted all the time?”

Pine chuckled. “You won’t believe me, but you get used to the hours. I enjoy it a lot, actually. You get to experience a side of Montenegro that most people don’t see.”

“How so?” Simona pressed. Rae could tell she was nervous that she would open her mouth again and was doing everything in her power to prevent it.

“Well, I mean, to put it lightly,” Pine let another button loose on his button-down, flapping it slightly to fan himself. Sweat shone on his upper abdominals and clung to the patch of hair on his breastbone. “The people you see waltzing into the lobby at 4 a.m are much more interesting than the 4 p.m crowd.”

“Ahh, gangsters, riff raff,” Simona teased. “Mr. Pine, you have a taste for danger.” Pine said nothing, just smiled politely.

“Say, Pine, you must take some nights off this week to catch up,” Dex said urgently. “Cassandra is here too, she insists, she misses you dearly. Surely that won’t be too much of an issue?”

“Not at all, although I’m not sure I’m the one you should be asking for permission…” Pine trailed off and looked at Rae, a trace of a teasing smile curling his lips. Rae snorted to herself, trying her hardest to not notice how attractive that little lip twitch was.

“By all means, Mr. Pine, we’d be delighted. I’m sure we can find loads to discuss,” she added, a bit of sarcasm twinging the last sentence. He nodded and looked at Dex.

“Well, I will see you tonight, then. How’s eight?” Pine continued brusquely. “I’ll arrange a car for us.”

“Excellent.” Dex beamed. The four of them turned and began to trudge slowly through the sand, their shadows growing longer as they approached the Blue Serenity.

“Honestly, Rae, you’ve got to hold your tongue,” Simona scolded. “Dad could really get in trouble. Or at least get pissed at me.” Rae rolled her eyes.

“You know how I feel about his business,” she replied tiredly. “We’ve had this argument so many times. It’s not worth repeating.” Rae sighed, reminding herself of her position as family guest. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll try to shut up, at least for dinner.”

“Thank you,” Simona said, squeezing her wrist. It wasn’t Simona’s fault that she was born into one of the biggest gun manufacturing families in the world. It also wasn’t her fault that the two of them had been inseparable since college, back when neither of them knew anything about their families and never thought to ask.

“Dress nicely, girls, and be down at 7:45,” Dex called, pressing the button to the elevator. “I’m heading up for a nap.”

“God, he’s so old.” Simona giggled. “Drink before we get ready, darling?” Simona asked. “Please say yes.”

The night manager had lingered behind Dex, close enough to the girls to overhear. At Rae’s warning glance, however, he held back, starting a conversation with the bellman instead.

“Yes, I believe multiple drinks are in order,” Rae said, loud enough for Pine to hear. “I’m not to survive this dinner sober.”

---

depending on how well this does I'll post the rest of the chapters here, too. If you enjoyed it, please reblog or leave a comment here or on A03. it makes me so happy to read your feedback!

chapter 2

chapter 3

[bringmebackdude]

I Can't Quit You Baby

(gif not mine)

Pairing: Slash x fem!Reader

Concept: Slash has been hooking up with a rich girl, but this time "no ties" starts to bother him.

Word count: 1,454

A/N: Actually I've been thinking about making a fic out of this one, haven't read or seen one like this with the guys and mixing a rich girl with Slash seems very interesting...(if you have, please let me know, I'm not trying to steal any content by mistake!)

(light smut, fluff)

His agitated body dropped next to hers, both chests going up and down from exhaustion and the heat that filled the considerably small room. Their bodies still felt the shivers of pleasure, there was a comfortable silence during the recovery. (Y/N) sat on the edge of the bed looking for her bra, which she spotted right next to Pandora's tank, his snake, alongside her panties. It was a usual scavenger hunt for her clothes, she and Slash wouldn't care where they left their stuff when lust came between them. He lit a cigarette while watching his companion with a frown, slightly smirking seconds later when he laid eyes on the lightning-struck tattoo she had on her left buttock. "You're leaving already?"

"Wasn't two hours enough for you, big boy?" she chuckled, sliding her legs inside the pink skirt.

"It's just that you usually stay longer...y'know" shrugging and letting the smoke escape from his lips, he sat on the bed. Carefully pushing some of his rebel curls back, so he could give a better look to the girl's half-naked body. "And it isn't two hours if you count the smoke breaks."

"I have stuff to do, and I'm already late," her tone was calm, but she buttoned down her blouse in a rush, shoving her panties in her purse after.

"Daddy invited the president over tonight?" he asked mockingly.

"Ha-ha, very funny," she finished tying her boots and walked towards him, holding his face between her hands "You would love to go to one, wouldn't ya?"

"I'd die for," using his reliable sarcasm, he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I'll see you soon," always her same goodbye, not forgetting about the quick peck on the lips before taking her belongings and walking out of his room. "Bye, Pandora! Bye, Duff!" Slash heard the main door close, letting out a sigh, all the fun was over sooner than he thought. He was quite happy with the dynamic between him and (Y/N), no need for compromises, just sex whenever they were in need. She was funny, hot, friendly, listened to the same music as he did, and not to mention she was rich. Also, her dad hated Slash, which made the friendship more exciting for both of them. Two lovers of trouble, together, were no good. That's exactly what he wanted, a good fuck and then leave. But somehow, it slightly bothered him that she didn't ask for more. All the girls were looking for something serious with him, why not her?

"She left early, huh?" Duff's head poked out of his door before he made an entrance to the curly's bedroom. He shrugged again, taking a puff on his cigarette "Yeah." "Oh dude, I'm so jealous you can bang that anytime you want. Do you mind if I shoot my shot with her?" "It's not up to me. She's probably out of your league" Slash replied. The guys enjoyed having her around, she wasn't stuck up like other ones, but still, she had a very strong character, which would sometimes cause fights between her and Axl. Of course, she had developed quite the friendship with Duff. The blond giraffe was funny as hell. "If she's a Motley Crue girl, there will be no problem to get her" rested his body against the wall and crossed his arms with a smirk. He knew it was gonna piss the guitarist. "What do you mean?" "Izzy and I ran into her a couple of nights ago after a Motley Crue concert. No big deal." "What were you doing there?" Slash interest grew, he threw the cigarette to the floor and step on it. She goes to see Motley but not us? (Y/N) knew that they were making noise around Los Angeles, he talked endlessly to her about many gigs, still, she never attended one. The unusual feeling of resentment invaded him. He shrugged, making his way out of the room "Chicks are horny as fuck at the end of a rock concert, dude." Duff laughed walking through the hall, knowing the effect that his comment had caused on his friend. As much as Slash would deny it, everyone in the band knew there was something much more than just a friendship going between the two of them. Ever since the night they met her, the proprietorial side of the curly had shown. Besides (Y/N) being rad, she would sometimes arrive at their apartment with boxes of beer when she knew it was their rest day, lent them some clothes, or even offer transportation. Although she would disappear very often and for several days, it was a friendship worth keeping. At this point, the guys were just waiting for them to become something a bit more official, but the two lovers were too proud.

﹆

Her foot stomped on the floor when she tripped on the amp next to the sofa, the dark empty apartment echoed with giggles from the two of them, their mouths refusing to separate. Slash felt the doorknob of his room, quickly opening the door and pulling the girl inside, both wasting no time in starting to take their clothes off. She let her skirt slide down her legs, showing off her pink thong. He, on the other side, was almost naked when he took his pants off, the guy had no problem being commando most of his life. He laid her body delicately on the bed, sliding his mouth towards the female's jaw, where he left traces of saliva from his wet kisses along with a few bites. The rough touch of his blistered fingers running through her body, making her skin crawl as the touch entered between her legs, a smirk appeared in the guitarist's face when he felt how wet she was already, something he never got tired of. A moan escaped from her lips when his mouth positioned on one of her nipples, sucking hard. "Baby" her hands running through his curls, slightly pulling from these, "I need you," she whispered. Needless to say, that unleashed the lust he carried inside.

...

His tanned hand grabbed the delicate one, feeling his fingers locked with hers, a simple but cute thing that Slash usually didn't do. She bit her lip, hiding the smile that the sudden action had provoked on her. "So... Duff told me he saw you at a Motley concert." "Oh yeah, I think it was last weekend or something like that," she shrugged, peering up at him. "I didn't know you liked those types of bands..." trying hard to hide his jealousy, he kept an unworried face. "One of my girlfriends took me with her, and you know I like rock," covering her breasts with the blanket, she reached for a cigarette and took the lighter from the nightstand. "Why?" "Why what?" "Why is this whole interrogation happening, dumbass?" she chuckled, letting the smoke come out right in front of his face. Slash coughed, rolling his eyes before stealing the cigarette from her hand, to which she smiled. "I don't know, it's just that you never come to watch us perform." "So?"

"So? We are friends, and you've never attended one of our gigs, you just drop us off and we're way better than them," he scoffed irritated. The female looked at him with confusion, not understanding where this was all coming from. "Honey, you never invite me to any of your events, I thought this was only hooking up and hanging every now and then," she replied with furrowed brows. He never seemed to have a problem with that. "Well maybe I want more..." with his arms crossed on his chest, he avoided her fazed stare, the last thing he needed was for her to notice his cheeks blushing. The words slipped out of his mouth. Did he regret saying that? No, he didn't, all this time he had been craving more but his pride was too big to admit it. After a few seconds of letting all this new information sink in, slowly a mocking smile was drawn on her face, sliding in bed to be closer to him,"Why didn't you say anything before?" "Cause I guess I didn't realize it completely until a few days ago...whatever, this is stupid" his slight embarrassment was adorable for her, it was a completely new side of the tough carefree guy she knew. "No, it's not," she stopped him before he could get out of the bed."I think we could work something out," a shy smile was attached to the response that was going to change their path from now and on. "I'd like that" he pulled her closed, wrapping his arms around her waist as another round was waiting for them.

[shinonometrash]

Jasper Lane - Reimagined

Court of Darkness Fan Fiction - “Main Route” Rewrite

Jasper’s route, except he’s not a sex offender this time! :D A reimagined main route for Jasper Lane featuring a new plot, new drama, a smarter & bolder MC, + best of all: no sexual assault!

Rating: Teen and Up

Chapter 5

It’s time for the gala! However...Jasper wants you to dance with Guy? Yeah, no thanks.

| Title Page | Chapter 4 | >>Chapter 5<< | Chapter 6 | Other Works/Content |

Today is now the (not so) long awaited day of the gala.

I was thinking of going out to get my textbooks this morning, but when my alarm went off I promptly decided it could wait until the next day.

I open my closet to take another look at the dress that Jasper selected yesterday.

(I hate to admit it, but this is actually a really pretty gown…)

It’s an elegant, off-the-shoulder red gown. It's not super showy, but not super simplistic thanks to the black and silver beading on the bodice. There’s a black ribbon at the waist tied in a bow and the skirt is made with ruffles of tulle which adds the traditional ball gown volume to the dress without making it super heavy.

Paired with it are a simple pair of black stilettos, although you can’t really see them under the dress, and then some small earrings that match my choker.

Sherry is kind enough to come help me get ready.

Sherry: –and I believe that shall do it! You look absolutely lovely, MC!

MC: Thank you so much for helping me do my hair and makeup! This is my first time going to something like this, so I had no idea what I should do…

Sherry: Hehe, that is what friends are for!

MC: Seriously, thank you, I really appreciate it. Do you still have enough time to get ready, though?

It looks like she has yet to do her makeup, and she’s still in her normal clothes.

Sherry: Yes, do not worry about me! However, it seems it’s time for me to meet up with my brother right now, so I will have to go now…

MC: Wait, I thought we were gonna go together?

Sherry: Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier…! 

Sherry: Roy and I usually attend events together so that he is not politically pressured into bringing the daughter of one of the elders or noblemen…

MC: Oh, I see…

(Being royalty is hard, huh?)

MC: Can I just wait for you? I feel like I’m going to get totally lost…

I assume it’s somewhere on campus, but I don’t actually know where the gala is being held.

(I probably should have checked earlier…)

Sherry: Ah, Jasper said that he would escort you!

MC: …

(Ugh. Of course he did.)

Sherry: He should be waiting outside the girls’ dormitories right now-ah there he is!

Sherry opens the door to my room and, before I can protest, he appears in view wearing his usual unsettling “professional” smile.

Sherry: Jasper! I deliver her into your care!

Sherry giggles before pushing me towards Jasper.

Jasper: Thank you, Princess Sherry. I am honored to be entrusted with such a task.

Sherry: I must meet up with my brother now, but I shall see you at the gala!

Sherry: Make sure she stays safe, Jasper!

Sherry says this cheerfully before waving goodbye and disappearing from sight.

(Noooo, Sherry, don’t leave me!)

I sigh at this unfortunate turn of events before unenthusiastically turning to face Jasper.

Jasper: Right this way, miss. Thank you for allowing me to be your escort for the night.

I roll my eyes internally.

(Hmm. Strange how I don’t recall ever agreeing to that!)

(If it was up to me, I’d have him “escort” himself out of my life, not escort me to this gala!)

Jasper: You look quite beautiful in your attire tonight.

MC: …

Jasper: The dress I selected suits you better than I had expected.

MC: …

Jasper: I believe His Highness will be rather pleased with your appearance as well.

MC: …

I avoid responding to his attempts to start a conversation, already wishing this night was at its end.

Jasper: That hair clip you're wearing looks especially well on you. I don't believe I've seen you wear it previously. Is it new?

MC: Oh, no, it's actually a hair clip from my mom, I was keeping it in my room so I wouldn't lose it…

I’m lucky I was wearing it when I got transported to this world.

(...Oh crap! I responded!)

Realizing my mistake too late, Jasper continues.

Jasper: I see. So it's a special keepsake of yours, then?

(Man, it’d feel too rude to just stop talking to him now since I already answered one of his questions…)

MC: It’s the only thing I have to remember her by, so...

Jasper: Ah, I see. I suppose the academy is somewhat far from Avari, so it would make sense that you could easily become homesick. Are you and your mother close?

MC: Well, we were pretty close, yeah…

Jasper: Were? Did something happen between the two of you?

MC: ...

(How invasive. It’s none of your business, sir.)

This is hardly the first time something like this has happened, though. People always want to ask questions about things that have nothing to do with them.

MC: I guess if you count “death” as something happening between the two of us, then yeah.

Jasper's eyes widen slightly at my response.

Jasper: O-Oh, my condolences for your loss…

At this point I’m a pro at responding in ways that will make someone shut up.

MC: No, I'm used to it.

He glances away awkwardly for a moment before returning to his line of questioning.

Jasper: Then is it just you and your father, or do you have other siblings at home?

MC: …

(What the heck? Why is he suddenly so interested in my family?)

MC: Hmm, let's see...my dad’s also dead, and I've got no siblings nor living relatives to speak of. Thanks for asking! Anything else you'd like to know while we’re at it?

For some reason, he looks surprised at the sudden sharp tone in my voice.

Jasper: Ah, I apologize for my insensitivity in my questions. It was not my intention to be invasive.

(Yeah, sure, right…)

About that time I notice Jasper carrying a bottle of wine with him.

(Huh? Is this some sort of BYOB event? I can't imagine it would be. It seems too fancy.)

MC: Why do you have a bottle of wine?

Jasper: It's for Master Guy.

MC: But won't they already have drinks at the gala?

Jasper: Yes, however, this has been carefully hand-selected to suit His Highness’s palate.

MC: Is he really that picky about wine?

Jasper: His Highness is quite selective about what he consumes, yes.

Jasper: He will only consume things that have been prepared by me, specifically.

(Seriously? How snobby can he get?)

MC: Don’t tell me that Guy is one of those people who refuses to eat anything except chicken nuggets and pizza even as an adult…

(I mean he's pretty childish about getting his way from what it seems, so I guess it'd be fitting enough.)

Jasper: I am uncertain what these “chicken nuggets” and “pizza” are that you speak of, but it is for safety and convenience reasons, as well.

Jasper: The alternative would be that I sample everything he consumes to ensure it has not been poisoned.

(Oh yeah, I didn't even think about that…I guess royalty can't go out to eat then, huh? That sucks.)

MC: So you have to cook all his food and make everything he drinks…? Otherwise you or he might get poisoned and die? That sounds exhausting…

Jasper: It is simply part of my duties as a valet.

(Does Jasper ever get to take a break…?)

It seems like he’s working basically 24/7.

(I have no idea how he manages to do that. I mean, just being around Guy for any amount of time at all is kind of exhausting, let alone doing all the other tasks that Jasper has to do.)

(I almost feel a little bad for him…)

We’re approaching the giant wooden doors to the ballroom when Jasper changes the subject.

Jasper: I would not be incorrect in assuming you are not skilled in ballroom dancing, yes?

MC: Umm…yeah, I suppose I’ve never really specialized in it or anything…?

MC: I might vaguely recall how to do a waltz, but honestly not really…

Jasper: Yes, I had predicted as such.

Jasper: I’m certain His Highness is already aware of this, but as a precaution please be certain that you tell him. He will be able to use his magic to ensure that you do not show yourself to be an embarrassment on the dance floor.

MC: …

(Just kidding! I take it back! I don't feel bad for him at all.)

(In fact, Jasper can take that bottle of fancy wine and he can shove it u-)

(Wait.)

MC: Are you trying to say that you want me to dance with Guy?

Jasper: Naturally. This is a ball, after all.

MC: But didn’t you say just yesterday that you didn’t want me to be seen with Guy in public?

Jasper: I had stated that appearing as his date would certainly cause an uproar. However, a few dances should be manageable.

MC: Oh heck no, that is NOT happening.

Jasper: His Highness did purchase your gown for tonight, as I assume you are well aware.

MC: Yeah, but…I didn't ask him to! I don’t owe him because he did something that I never asked him to do! I'm not going to dance with him.

(I’ll just wait outside until Sherry gets here, or something. As long as it’s not dancing with Guy. Screw that.)

Jasper: Very well then…I shall keep you company until Princess Sherry arrives, in that case.

MC: –I said no! …Wait, what?

(That was oddly easy…)

I had been prepared to argue with him over dancing with Guy, but he doesn’t seem to be trying to convince me this time.

(Huh. Maybe he’s finally starting to listen.)

True to his word, Jasper waits for me until Sherry arrives and then leaves quietly.

A little while later, Aquia, Sherry, Rio, and I are all chatting together when I feel somebody tap on my shoulder.

I turn around and see, once again, Jasper.

(Wow. Who would’ve guessed! Can’t this man ever leave me alone?)

Jasper: Miss, one of the S-ranks has told me that they wish to speak with you.

(Huh? Where are they?)

I scan the room and Fenn, Toa, Roy, and Lynt standing together, surrounded by a giant crowd of fangirls.

MC: Ummm…is it really important? Can it wait til later?

The idea of trying to push my way through that crowd does not sound like an appealing one.

Jasper: No, I am afraid that it is an urgent matter.

(Maybe it’s something about one of my classes…)

Jasper follows my gaze to the mass of fangirls before realizing why I’m being hesitant.

Jasper: Ah, do not be concerned, I can ensure you reach your destination safely.

I glance over at Sherry and the others.

Sherry: If it is important, do not worry about us!

Rio: Yeah MC, we’ll just wait here for when you get back!

Aquia nods in agreement.

Sighing, I reluctantly agree to let Jasper help me through the throng of fangirls.

MC: Did they tell you what it was about?

Jasper: …

MC: Um, hello?

Jasper doesn’t respond as he quickly leads me towards the S-ranks–

–and then turns right past them.

MC: Wait, where are we going…?

MC: But the S-ranks are over there? I don’t unders-

Before I can finish my sentence, I notice Guy standing alone near one of the walls.

And we’re headed straight for him, naturally.

MC: Hey, you totally lied to me to get me to follow you again, didn’t you?!

Jasper: I have not deceived you. I simply stated that one of the S-ranks would like to speak with you. I did not indicate which S-rank.

(Aw, dammit. He’s right, technically. I really should’ve seen that one coming.)

MC: Yeah, no, I’m leaving.

Jasper: No, miss, please-

He grabs my arm in an attempt to stop me from completely noping out of the presented situation.

MC: Let go of my arm.

Jasper: Why?

(Did…he seriously just ask that??)

MC: Why??

MC: Because I told you to! And I never gave you consent to touch me in the first place!

I smack his hand away and turn to book it out of the ballroom.

Not used to walking in heels, I trip and nearly fall.

Jasper catches me before I hit the ground.

Jasper: Miss, are you alri-

MC: Let go of me.

Jasper: But-

MC: I told you to let go of me.

I know I should probably be thankful for him catching me, but I don't really care at the moment.

Jasper: You may have injured yourself, it's important that we-

MC: If you don't let go of me in the next five seconds I'm going to scream!

MC: One...two...

I start counting and Jasper sighs before releasing me.

Jasper: Very well then.

I start to stomp away from him (well, as close to angrily stomping as one can do while wearing four inch heels), when a pain shoots up my leg.

MC: Ow!

Jasper: Careful!

Jasper reaches out to steady me, but I yell at him before he’s able to.

MC: Do! Not! Touch me!

With a concerned and somewhat frustrated look on his face, he puts his hands up in the air before slowly backing away from me.

Jasper: I will refrain from making any further physical contact.

(Hmph, as you should’ve in the first place!)

Jasper: --however, I think it best that you seek medical attention for your ankle. I believe you twisted it when you fell earlier.

I huff and turn away from him.

Yeah, I know. I'm definitely being rude right now.

(But you know what else is rude?? Leading and locking a person in a room with someone using some weird mind control thing so he can use you for world domination!!)

Jasper watches as I limp away angrily before calling out to me.

Jasper: Please take care not to injure yourself further!

I ignore him and continue my mission to get as far away from him and Guy as possible.

-

When I reach the door of the ballroom, I turn around to make sure Jasper isn’t following me.

Thankfully, he isn’t and is instead pouring Guy a glass of wine while telling him something.

(Ugh, he’s probably telling him what just happened with me.)

(Well, whatever, as long as they leave me alone for now…)

I watch as Guy takes a sip of wine, waiting to see if they’re going to glance in my direction, and see Guy’s eyes go wide in surprise as he coughs.

He brings a handkerchief to his mouth and a crimson color spreads throughout the white fabric.

(Uh…what just happened? Did he just choke on the wine?)

(Did it taste super awful or something?)

Once recovered, Guy says something I can’t make out and Jasper nods.

Jasper promptly takes the bottle and remaining cup of wine and begins walking towards the hallway.

(But, wasn’t that the same bottle of wine that Jasper was just carrying earlier, though?)

(Seems strange that something hand-selected, specifically to match your preferences, would taste awful enough to make you choke and spit it out.)

(Who knows with these royal rich people, though. Maybe he’s just being dramatic.)

Jasper glances towards me and we briefly make eye contact.

His face looks incredibly serious as he walks out of the dance hall.

(What’s with that dark expression?)

MC: It’s just a bottle of wine, chill out guys…

I mutter quietly to myself and shrug before heading out onto the balcony for some fresh air.

-

MC: Ugh. I'm gonna need to ice this.

Outside on the balcony, I take a seat on the nearest bench and examine my ankle.

It seems to be a very minor sprain, but there still is some swelling.

(Ah, but if I wanted to get ice I’d have to go back in there…)

I momentarily consider it before realizing the likelihood is that I’d probably just run into Jasper or Guy again.

(Yeah, so that’s a nope.)

The most I can do at the moment is wrap it with a handkerchief.

???: MC? Are you alright?

I look up and notice Aquia standing there in front of me with a concerned expression on his face.

Aquia: When you didn’t come back earlier we got worried so I came to come find you…are you sure you are alright?

MC: Oh yeah, I’m fine. I just tripped earlier and hurt my ankle a little bit, that’s all.

Aquia: That’s not good, I think you should go to the infirmary…!

Aquia: Do you need help getting there? I can take you…

MC: No, I’m fine, thank you for the offer though!

Aquia: T-Then is there anything else I can do to help??

(Aww, he looks genuinely worried about me…)

MC: Well, I was going to get some ice from inside, but…

Aquia: Hm? Were you planning on asking Toa to make you some ice?

(Huh? Why would I do that?)

MC: No, I figured I could just get some from where they have the drinks…?

Aquia looks at me like I said something strange.

Aquia: They have ice?

MC: Um…why wouldn’t they?

He tilts his head in confusion, causing me to mirror his confused state.

(Do they just drink warm drinks here? I guess everywhere is different, but that seems pretty odd to me…)

Aquia: Ah! This is your first gala here, right? That’s probably why.

MC: Yes…?

(What does this being my first gala have to do with them not having ice?)

Aquia: They use magic to keep everything cold here.

MC: Ohhh, I see.

(Thank god I didn’t risk going back in there, then.)

Aquia: Sorry, I’m no good at using magic, so I can’t make ice like Toa…

Aquia looks down at the ground like he’s disappointed in himself over this fact.

MC: Hey, don’t worry about it! I can’t either, you know. No big deal. How about you just keep me company instead?

Aquia: But MC your ankl-oh! You need something cold for it right?

His face lights up with some sort of idea he just had.

MC: Well, yes, but-

Aquia: The water from the fountain at night is quite cold! It wouldn’t be as good as ice, but it could still help! I’ll go get some for you!

MC: No, that’s fine you really don’t need-

Aquia: I’ll be right back!

Aquia sprints off the balcony towards the fountain before I can try and stop him.

(Aquia seems so sweet compared to the other two Avarians I know. It's kind of hard to believe he and Guy come from the same family.)

He returns with a handkerchief soaked in the cold water and hands it out to me.

MC: Ah, thank you!

I notice he’s holding his right hand kind of strangely.

MC: Aquia, are you alright?

Aquia: I pricked my finger on a rose thorn by the fountain…b-but it’s fine!

MC: Aw, I’m sorry…

(He hurt his finger cause he was trying to help me…)

Aquia: No, no, it’s not your fault at all, please don’t be sorry. Your ankle is more important, and I’m the one who insisted on helping!

(I still feel bad though…)

I suddenly remember what my parents taught me to do when I got a paper cut or some other small wound on my fingers.

MC: It’s easier to stop the bleeding by just sucking the blood out. Here, like this.

With purely the intention of helping in mind, I grab Aquia’s and and put his finger in my mouth.

Aquia: Ahh! MC, y-you really don’t-, I assure you, I'm fine!

He starts panicking and tries to pull his hand away, his face turning nearly the same shade of red as his kingdom’s national color.

MC: Aquia, calm down! I’m just trying to help y-

???: What is all this fuss?

Aquia freezes.

MC: Hmn?

Jasper: Now, now, wouldn’t it be best we not intrude on their private moment?

(Crap. They found me again.)

I look up and see Aquia with a terrified expression on his face, along with Guy’s disapproving glare, which I’d gauge to be about 50% more harsh than usual.

Aquia: Brother! I-I’m sorry!! I've...overstepped.

(Why is he apologizing? He didn't do anything wrong.)

Letting go of Aquia’s hand, I sigh and glare back at Guy.

MC: Can I help you with something?

Guy just continues to glare at me, silent.

(So is this just a glaring match now? Is that what we’re doing again? Cause I can do this all day!)

Guy: Jasper.

Jasper: Yes, sir.

Jasper: Aquia, why are you out here?

(Oh, I see now, have your valet talk for you. One day you're gonna have to learn how to use your big boy words, you know!)

Aquia: I wanted some fresh air...I apolog-

Before he can apologize again, I interrupt.

MC: We were just tending to his injury. No need for the death glare or whatever it is you're doing right now.

Guy: Injury?

MC: Yes. He noticed that my ankle was hurt and pricked his finger on a rose thorn when he went to help me. So I was trying to stop the bleeding.

Jasper: With your mouth, miss?

MC: ...Don't make that sound so wrong, please.

(Although, in hindsight I guess that was pretty weird and kind of gross to do…sorry Aquia.)

Guy: I see no such injury.

MC: Well yeah because it stopped blee-

Aquia: Hm? It...it doesn't hurt at all anymore.

I turn to look at Aquia, who is now examining his finger in awe.

MC: See! I told you it works!

Aquia: No, but...the cut, it's vanished. There's no trace of it.

We all peer at his finger, and, surely enough, it's completely unblemished.

Guy: Would you say it is as though the injury never occurred?

Aquia: Yes, quite! How can this be…?

(That’s so weird...cuts don't just magically heal like that…I think.)

Guy’s gaze locks onto mine. It seems filled with a deeper meaning.

Guy: …

(He is aware that I'm not capable of telepathic communication, right? Pretty sure that's not a thing even in this world!)

MC: What?

He glances down at Aquia’s finger, and then back at me.

Guy: …

(Is he...trying to suggest this is my doing? Is this part of my power...?)

(I can heal people? That's so cool!)

I'm excited to discover more about my powers--or would be, at least.

Yet I can't help but feel unsettled at the way that Jasper is looking at me.

Even though it hasn't been very long, I've more or less gotten used to being stared at, or glared at, by Guy at this point.

(I have a working theory that the man has glared so much that his face is now stuck in that expression.)

But Jasper? His intense gaze is incredibly unnerving.

It feels as if he's trying to analyze me like some sort of rare specimen in a lab, thousands of thoughts and calculations running through his mind.

(It's like he's staring into my soul or something…)

???: Hmm what’s with all the tension over here~? Can I join in~?

Before anyone else is able to ask further questions, Fenn appears on the balcony.

Fenn: Halloa Treasure~! Guy, Jasper, and oh! Aquia is here too!

Fenn: Hm? What happened to your ankle, MC?

MC: I sprained it a little bit earlier, I’m not used to walking in heels like this haha…

I try to stand up and immediately regret it.

MC: Ow!

Aquia: Hey, MC, be careful!

Fenn: Oh dear! You know, if you spend tonight with me I can make the pain of your ankle go away~♡

He emphasizes his suggestion with an over exaggerated flirty wink.

(Never misses an opportunity, does he?)

MC: Yeah no thanks. I’ve got better things to do.

Fenn sighs dramatically at my rejection.

Fenn: What a shame…well, there’s always next time!

(It’s not happening next time, either, though.)

Fenn glances over at Aquia, who helped steady me from falling, before a mischievous grin spreads across his face.

Fenn: Is the “better thing” perhaps our dear Aquia here?

Aquia’s eyes widen and he turns red before stammering.

Aquia: W-What?? N-No, that’s not-!

Fenn: Oh, is that perhaps why everyone is gathered here? Are they vying for your attention, MC? Little brother vs big brother, how exciting~!

Guy watches our exchange up to this point with an entirely unimpressed expression.

Guy: I’m leaving.

Annoyed at Fenn’s presence, Guy stalks back into the ballroom with Jasper following behind him.

To be continued...

>>Chapter 6

| Title Page | Chapter 4 | >>Chapter 5<< | Chapter 6 | Other Works/Content |

Yeah this took forever lol. I wrote the scene with the wine and her yelling at Jasper months ago, it was like one of the first scenes I wrote, but for some reason it was difficult to finish the rest. I had told myself this chapter would be shorter than the previous ones, but it seems that it ended up just as long...Also! As a reference for the dress: Think of this dress for the top part and then this dress for the skirt part!

Feedback and comments are always appreciated!

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

Their Doll 8

Let me in

B.Barnes x Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader

series synopsis:  y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.

Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing

Chapter Summary: y/n gets emotional

Warnings: swearing, feelings

A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Life at the tower was...tiring, to say the least. During my free time I often found myself in the gym, lobbing knives at a target and trying my hardest not to biting one in Steve's chest every time he would correct my technique. When I wasn't trying to murder the avenger in cold blood, I was usually dragged into things by the other: briefings and debriefing for missions I'd never go on, my dad's parties, group training sessions and study periods with Bruce in his labs to name a few.

But for now, I was huddled in my rooms - fresh out of a hot shower after a brutal two hour training session and four mile run with Natasha - curled up on my bed and attempting to catch up on a few of the films I'd missed. But the exhaustion and drowsiness clouded my eyes, the noise from the TV merely in the background as I felt my eyes growing heavier by the second.

A sharp knock at the door snapped my out of my lowsey state, the people movie across the screen simple a blur of colour as my eyes darted past the tv and over to the door.

"Mr Stark is waiting at your door. Would you like me to let him in?" FRIDAY's evenly calm voice chimed, making me groan and mumble a 'no' into my pillows. The last person I wanted to see right now was my dad.

"Come on kid, let me in." My dad called from the other side of the door, and I could practically hear him roll his eyes and shake his head when I stayed silent. When he spoke again, it wasn't directed at me. "FRIDAY, override command and open the door."

"Wait! That's hardly fair!" I whined like a five year old, groaning again when the door swung open and my dad stood on the other side, quite clearly just as exhausted as I was.

"Get used to it, kiddo. Life isn't fair." Tony chided, walking over to my bed. I tried to shuffle away slightly when I felt the bed dip, my dad perching on the edge as his eyes scanned over the room. "I see you haven't decorated yet." He commented casually, as if nothing had ever happened between us.

"Yeah, well, I thought It'd be a shame to spend so much time on something when you're probably waiting to kick me out anyway." I mumbled, refusing to look at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, y/n? Ever since you got back you've been-"

"Acting different?" I cut in, and when Tony simply swallowed thickly I nodded. "Funny that, seeing as I was kidnapped and tortured for three years. Not to mention made to kill people for another year after that."

"Y/n I'm sorry..."

"But you're not! You can't be, otherwise you'd actually have tried to save me, rather than leaving me to rot!" My voice cracked, tears pricked at my eyes and I now sat up straight in my bed, facing my dad but not looking him in the eye. "And you can't change that, you can't go back in the past and fix your mistake. And trying to fix it now sure as hell won't work, so I suggest you leave before I'm tempted to use you as my target for my training session tomorrow." I raised my voice, eyes now keeping his captive as the tears rolled freely down my cheeks.

"Oh, kid, they broke you." Tony murmured, cupping my cheek with his hand, eyes swimming with sorrow. Sorrow that I didn't want.

"You can't fix me either, because I'm not broken!" I said harsher now, voice only getting louder. "I don't need to be fixed..." I trailed off, voice barely above a whisper Joe as my eyes broke the contact, averting to my lap as the tears dropped onto the bed sheets.

That's how I found myself in my fathers arms, face pressed against his shoulder as the sobs made my body shake, hiccups escaping me as I tried to speak.

"A-all I needed W-was my D-dad, and yo- you took him f-from me!" I wailed, hands clutching my dad's shirt and his arms wrapped protectively around my shoulder, hands rubbing circles over my back soothingly.

"I know, kiddo. I'm sorry."

...

"Who is that?" Clint frowned, staring at the pictures scattered over the table in front of Natasha and Steve as they studied them deeply,  brows creased in thought.

"Our newest pain in the ass." Tony answered for them, slapping a thick folder down in front of Clint as he said so. The marksman was quick to pick it up, flicking through the documents, news stories and information sheets greedily.

"The...winter soldier?" He asked, looking at the three superheroes in front of him as if they'd gone mad. "But he's a ghost story!"

"I've seen him. Been shot by him, actually." Nat said, an sadistically proud smirk forming on her lips with her last words, almost as if it were an achievement.

"We're trying to find out more about him, maybe that way we can beat him." Steve explained, sitting back in his chair with crossed arms as he huffed in defeat, sick to death with staring at the same five pictures all morning.

Y/n walked in, a skip in her step as she crossed the room to Tony.

"Morning, dad." She greeted, placing a quick kiss to his cheek and heading over to the cupboard to grab a mug. Clint and Natasha frowned in confusion, looking between the two as if they'd witnessed pigs fly.

Tony shrugged, y/n too preoccupied with making herself a coffee to notice the avengers' reactions. When her coffee was done, y/n swiped her mug from under the machine and sipped happily, letting out a content sigh before wandering over to stand behind Natasha.

"What are you working on?" She asked, peering over the spy's shoulder to get a glimpse of the pictures.

A loud smash crashed through the room, Tony's eyes widening in shock and Natasha jumping from her seat in order to not get covered in spilt coffee. Y/n stood paralysed, eyes never leaving the photo in front of her as she started at the Soldier. Steve frowned deeply, studying the girl as her eyes glossed over with with what seemed to be...sadness.

Clint was already at her side, a comforting hand on her shoulder as they all asked y/n what had happened and if she was alright. It was like a constant ringing in her ear interrupted their words before they reached her ears, and y/n suddenly felt nauseous as she starred at the bright red star on the soldier's arm, his long and messy dark hair shrouding his face and his leather clad, muscular body. Only his cerulean blue eyes could be seen, the rest of his face covered in a black mask she didn't usually see him in.

"I-I need some air." She stuttered, stumbling blindly out of the room and down the stairs, tipping over a few steps from the bottom and tumbling down the last few. She quickly pulled herself to her feet, hearing still ringing and vision offset, hazy, as she scrambled for the double glass doors. Luckily they already stood open, so she flew through them and out into the busy streets of New York.

Y/n found herself colliding will someone almost instantly, angry shouts of 'hey, watch it!' And 'look where the fuck you're going, kid!' Being called after her like a chorus as she pushed through the bustling people.

She finally stopped, dropping to her knees and simply staring straight ahead, no intended subject in her line of vision as she tried to comprehend the-the grief, at seeing the a soldier's face again.

It had only been two weeks, and yet two weeks without him, his touch, his scent - it felt like an eternity to y/n now. She hasn't registered what her feeling meant for him before, liking him beyond a source of comfort had just felt...wrong, after all he'd done, and yet y/n couldn't deny it.

She was in love with the Winter Soldier, and she didn't even know his name.

...

I wasn't aware of when someone had found me, nor of how they got me back to the tower or even how I was now stood staring blankly out of the window that stood next to my bed. I gazed longingly, almost as if I stared long enough, hard enough, he'd appear.

But of course he wouldn't, he was probably half way across the world, knowing HYDRA. A soft knock on my door and my head was turning, facing my visitor with a look of pure grief and want. Desperate, unhinged want that could eat you up from inside out and you'd still feel it.

"Hey, y/n. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Nat asked tentatively, clearing trying to to disturb my shaken up state. I nodded, offering a small smile which she returned as I now faced her. She walked up to me, talking my hands him hers and playing with the as she spoke, eyes kind and full of understanding.

"There's a mission, and we want you to go." She said calmly, almost as if the mere thought of it would send me into some kind of heart attack.

"Okay," I begun, eyes flitting down to the floor before back up again. "What is it? Aren't you scared that I'm still HYDRA and all I'd do is stab someone in the back?"

"Not exactly." Nat informed me with a smile, amusement glinting in her eyes at my assumption. "For starters, we all trust you, well maybe not steve - but everyone else does." Nat and I both laughed slightly. "And I think you wouldn't have it any other way it to go on the mission yourself." Nat finished.

"How come?" I asked, brow raised.

"There's been a lead..." she started. "On the winter soldier. We thought you might want to help check it out, possibly capture him. Your powers may be the best chance we have a detaining someone as strong as him." Nat spoke. "And if we can detain him.."

"We can save him." I finished.

"Exactly."

[kozu-chan]

synopsis: keeping up with a society that expects you to be perfect is exhausting in every way possible. you're lucky enough to have found someone who relates to navigate this brutal world with.

content warnings: fem! reader, cursing, insults, bullying if you squint, mentions of insecurity, a bit of fighting, mentions of mental health, and sakusa might be ooc but that's just to make the arguments a little more dramatic.

sour masterlist

growing up, you were a perfectionist. although this wasn't necessarily your fault, was it? at the young age of four, your parents discovered that you were, and maybe still are, gifted with talent for music. this led to years of guitar, piano, violin, flute, singing, and even harp lessons. throughout the years, you went through many concerts and hours upon hours of practicing your various instruments. this led you to attend the infamous itachiyama academy in high school and that was only the beginning of your troubles.

as a perfectionist, you dedicate yourself not only to your music, but to your studies as well. sadly, even you can't manage to balance school, music, sleep, and a social life and one of those things have to give due to your busy schedule, so you sacrifice your social life. sometimes you think that this was the wrong move because that just makes high school practically a living hell for you. that is, until about a week ago.

last week, you had a regular morning. you walk through the halls of your school and people do their best to avoid you, to not get in your way. however, that doesn't stop them from gossiping about you. "wow look at l/n. little miss perfect." "i dare you to talk to her!" "she's such an ice cold perfectionist." "i could never be friends with her. she's too serious." "does this bitch even have a life?" you ignore the comments as you make your way to your first class. sometimes you just want to yell at them to stop talking about you. to tell them how much it hurts you and how being such a perfectionist is exhausting. to let them know that their comments only add to how lowly you think of yourself. that you wish that you had even one friend because you feel so alone.

after school, you spend hours in the music room practicing a song you were thinking of performing, something self-written as a way of releasing your emotions. and once you think your practice is sufficient, you curl up against the wall and cry.

once your crying session is done, you get up and walk back to your dorm. on the way back, you see someone in the gym do an insane serve that slams down that just barely makes it in. you hear a groan of frustration followed by the oh so familiar sound of breath getting shaky due to crying. your gaze follows the sound to see the figure on the floor crying and your breath gets caught in your throat when you realize it's not just any player, but one of the top three aces in japan, sakusa kiyoomi.

"sakusa-san?" sakusa looks at you with what looks like a bit of fear but anger replaces his expression before you could confirm your suspicions. "what the fuck are you doing here? this is a private practice." his tone is cold, firm, and piercing. you could feel a chill run down your spine, but you ignore the feeling because other people, especially your parents, have been on the receiving end on your own tone that sounds just as menacing. the only indicator of crying being the red, slightly watery eyes that you can't help but sympathize with. "what are you staring at?" you snap out of your thoughts to respond to him. "i saw you on my way back to my room. i just happened to see you crying and i-"

sakusa sighs again in frustration. "and you what? just shut up and leave me alone!" "i just know what it's like, okay? you really think that you're the only one who's tired of not feeling good enough? the only one who's cried because you just want to get better but you don't see any improvement no matter how much you practice?" your voice is loud and yet on the verge of tears. you glace at sakusa, who now looks angrier but you don't care. "so sue me if i come off as a ice cold bitch who doesn't talk to anyone because i do anything and everything i can to be perfect even if i always fall short and sue me for sympathizing with you."

the room grows quiet, save for the sounds of your shaky breathing as you try your best to calm down before you actually start breaking down in front of him. it takes another few seconds before sakusa stands up and walks up to you. "l/n, right? yeah well you don't know me and you should just get out of my sight. you shouldn't be trying to get someone to stop crying if you're just going to cry yourself. just relax more." relax more? "that's rich coming from you." you're no longer crying and sakusa stops in his tracks.

"you're telling me to relax more when you don't seem to have any chill... ever. and let's not forget that your crying was what brought into the gym in the first place." you take a deep breath to calm yourself. "so... the gym is like your safe space, right?" sakusa doesn't answer, clearly exasperated and silently begging you to leave. "c'mon, sakusa-san! you can tell me!" you smile a little when he opens his mouth to talk, only to be disappointed by his response. "god, you're such an annoying bitch. go find someone else to bother!" you're disappointed but you're also persistent. after all, you are the one that figures out and teaches all the schoolwork you struggle with to yourself. "if it makes you feel better..." you sigh quietly and contemplate whether or not it was a good idea to expose yourself this much to someone you just started talking to. "if it makes you feel better, my room and the music rooms are my safe spaces." "it really doesn't. if anything, it just makes me feel even more pathetic!" a small smirk graces your features as you realize that you got him. "so this is your safe space? i didn't hear a denial!" sakusa rolls his eyes. "would you shut up already" "not until you admit it." he glares at you and you just look him dead in the eye, causing him to break (probably so you would shut up as he thinks you'll do if he admits it). "fine... the gym is my safe space... that you're encroaching on." you back away slightly because he was right. and you know that you would also be pissed as fuck if someone encroached on your safe space, especially while you were crying. "i'm sorry, i just wanted to help. but, maybe we could be each other's safe spaces?"

you mentally sigh in relief as sakusa looks just the slightest bit more comfortable upon hearing that. "i mean, you know what it's like so... i guess i wouldn't be opposed to that." the two of you give each other a small smile as you sit down a good length away from him. "god, it's brutal out here, huh?" sakusa lets out a small laugh and agrees.

"sakusa, are you really gonna go pro like they say you are?" sakusa looks at you for a second and nods. you even notice his eyes lighting up a little. "yeah, that's what i want. it's what i've wanted for as long as i could remember. i wouldn't work so hard for it and get so dirty if it wasn't my dream... what about you? are you going to become a musician?" now it's your turn to pause. you freeze up. it's been so long since someone's asked you what you wanted. "i... honestly? i don't know what i want anymore. it's been so long since i've been asked what i wanted. it's been so long since someone's seen me outside of the "little miss perfect" that everyone else sees... i don't know." you take a moment to recollect your thoughts. "i just hate the thought of disappointing people that i think i've lost myself in the process. i've been pursuing music for so long that it's familiar, it's instinct, and i can't see myself doing anything else because i haven't done anything else..." your voice gets quieter as you speak. this is the first time you've ever gotten a chance to voice out your thoughts to someone and your own revelations shock you.

"yeah, i think i'm getting there too. losing myself to satisfy everyone while trying to stay true to myself. after all, who am i if not exploited?" it takes a minute to digest the words that were so simple and yet so powerful, the six words that could be used to summarize your entire life. "it sucks, doesn't it? like all i did was try my best, and this is the kind of thanks i get? annoyance and isolation? awards and acknowledges of achievement but at what cost? my social life? my mental health? ... my identity?" sakusa looks like he's going to say something but you shoot him a look and his mouth closes to let you continue. "it's literally so fucking stupid! there's literally no actual reward for me anymore, nothing satisfying. it's all worthless - meaningless, even. sometimes i wish i could disappear..."

a small breath is sucked up and you turn to sakusa. "sorry that was heavy. i've just never had someone to talk to about this. at least not properly."

"i get it. i haven't really had a lot of people to talk to either. at least not that honestly. i'm glad we have each other now, because you were right. it is brutal out here and it's good that we can stick together now."

after that, no one really bothered you anymore and it was all thanks to your new friend and confidant.

a/n: sheesh this is one of the longest things i've written. i really hope you like it and i'm really sorry that i suck at endings!!

[giorno-plays-piano]

Can’t Take My Eyes Off You

Pairing: Dabi x villain!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, non-con, stalking, mentions of human experimentation, non-consensual drug use, lots of swearing.

Words: 1841.

Summary: Running away from the lab where you had been experimented on for years, you have no choice but to join the League of Villains to escape from the government. Of course, you don’t expect things to go smoothly, especially when one mutilated son of a bitch just can’t leave you alone.

P.S. I’ve suddenly remembered Rogue who had been my favorite character once; the heroine’s Quirk is partly based on her ability.

My dear @navegandoaciegas​, this is my first attempt at writing Dabi. Hope you’re going to enjoy reading it ❤

_________________

"Fuck, how much can you drink at once, birdie? Ain't you scared to pass out in a place full of men?"

Oh God, it was that smug bastard again. For the past couple of days Dabi couldn't get off your back for a full damn minute.

"Men? Here?" You opened your eyes and raised an eyebrow at the man whose face was right above yours as he leaned on the back of the couch where you laid. "I see just a couple of kids and one burnt corpse who can never fucking shut up."

"Oh? Wanna see how well can a burnt corpse fuck you up?"

Always up to a challenge. You rolled your eyes at his obvious display of hostility despite the fact he'd most definitely lose against you. Besides, Shigaraki would barely enjoy you two ruining the League's hideout, and upsetting that asshole ready to go berserk any moment certainly wasn't one of your priorities.

"Just go fuck yourself, would you? I'm not in the mood to bark at you."

"Well, then don't. I didn’t come here for that, actually."

This was something new. He suddenly became calm as you studied his grotesque mutilated face inches away from yours. Your expression didn’t betray any emotions either since you weren't shocked or disgusted by the way Dabi looked: you've seen worse in the laboratory, and repulsive things had long stopped looking repulsive to you.

"What are you here for, then?" You asked him, trying to remember if you finished that second bottle of sake or not. Since the time you accidentally got one of those useless Quirks, you couldn't get drunk anymore - now strong alcohol only made you sleepy.

"I've always wanted to ask why the fuck are you wearing these." Dabi pointed out to the black leather gloves laying on the coffee table in front of you, and you rolled your eyes again. One more useless question.

"In this team of no-brainers you're the last person I expected to ask me this question." Groaning, you moved up a little to take more comfortable position and stared at the man above you intensely.

"Don't you want to gather as many Quirks as possible? If so, why wearing gloves when you can only get a Quirk through touch?"

You were close to snapping at him, and it certainly made Dabi look even more smug.

"Who the fuck do you think I am, a garbage bin?" You barked wishing you could teleport the bastard somewhere to Hawaii. "I only take Quirks I need, and it isn't easy to find those in that damp of useless abilities regular citizens have. Besides, some Quirks are quite dangerous for their owners and I'd prefer them not existing at all. You, of all people, should already get that, Pretty Face."

He smiled at you, but you saw his hollow eyes sparkling dangerously at your last remark, and you felt his body emanating heat he could turn into his famous blue flames within a second. Nasty shit, that what's you thought of his Quirk. Who on Earth would want anything like that? You doubted anyone but a true psychopath could really appreciate something as fucked up as Dabi's ability to burn anything and anyone, himself including. You definitely didn't want to use his Quirk despite already taking it as almost all of those belonging to the League of Villains. It wasn't intentional, though.

"You'd better start watching your mouth, birdie. You ain't back in the lab." His smile grew wider as he saw your expression darkening at the mention of the lab.

Fucking son of a bitch. You bet he'd go insane during the first month being locked up there.

"Huh, calm down, dear. I think it's better we get along."

You sent him a glare wishing you could throw his overconfident ass out of the window. Dabi loved messing with fucking everyone, Shigaraki included, but he was still a valuable member of the team. Killing him would do you no good.

Showing him your middle finger, you put your head on the pillow and took the half-empty bottle of sake. Thank goodness you didn't finish it. You hoped Dabi would vanish by the time you were done.

You spent a few minutes in complete silence as the man kept leaning on the couch and watching you drinking while you did your best trying to relax. Why the Hell was Dabi stuck here with you? Didn't he have any other things he should be doing now? Was he here to get under your skin even more? Shit, you just wanted to be left alone. You wanted it since the time they brought you to the lab, but since then somebody had always been getting on your nerves one way or the other.

"Seriously, what do you want from me?" You grunted as you opened your eyes again and stared at Dabi's face. "You wanna take the couch or what? I ran out of sake if you're here for it."

There was that smug smile again. Saints, the guy had been creeping you out with his long intense stares for quite some time, but today he was even less bearable than usual. He definitely wanted something from you, and the feeling was making you uneasy.

"You wanna hook up, birdie?"

You thought you were gonna choke on air when you heard him saying that. What? Seriously? Did he hurt his head so bad last time heroes attacked? So, that was the meaning of those stares, then? He thought you were the one he could stick his dick in. Wincing from the thought like from a toothache, you squeezed your eyes shut. The guy was clearly mad.

"Are you out of your mind? Why would I want to hook up with anyone?" You huffed with irritation and realized Dabi was having way more fun than you.

"Don't tell me you're actually a virgin."

"You think I can be a virgin with the life I'm having?" You sounded more bitter than you thought you would, and the man above you chuckled. He was getting on your nerves more and more with each passing second.

"Then why not? Sex is a good way to relax. You certainly seem like you could let off some steam." You flinched when Dabi extended his hand to you, but he had only brushed of a lock of your hair out of your face. "I bet I can help you with that better than most of the team."

"Sex is painful, and I don't like pain. Go have fun with Toga, she seems more into that than me." You narrowed your eyes at him, your hand almost touching his neck if the villain decided he'd go further without your consent. His stupid grin going wider was making you more and more mad.

Of course, he wouldn't go to Himiko. That asshole had his own type, and she certainly didn't fall into that category. Why did you? You had no idea, but you doubted he would ever lay his hands on you. Yeah, you knew what sex was, and it had nothing to do with pleasure like in those stupid romantic novels you once bought. It was humiliating and painful. If you had a chance to get back to those who did it to you back in the lab, you'd rip their hearts out of their rib cages.

The expression on your face didn't seem to faze Dabi even the slightest bit, and you rolled your eyes in irritation. Apparently, he wouldn't give up unless you showed him you weren't some doll he could play with, and Shigaraki was probably going to get real mad at the both of you this evening.

All of a sudden you felt some strange tickling in your muscles you had never felt before. What was that? Confused, you quickly glanced over the room to see no one except Dabi still on his spot. What was that? Was it some hero's work? Had they found your hideout? No, it couldn’t be. You'd hear them, feel them before somebody even set their foot on your territory. It wasn't a hero.

Unwilling to wait for any surprises to happen, you used a regeneration Quirk, the one you were gifted on your 14th birthday so you could heal yourself after they ran the tests without troubling a healer too much. Strangely, the Quirk did nothing about the tickling, and you felt your legs getting weaker. What the fuck was that?

As you raised your head to ask Dabi for help, you suddenly realized he was eager to see what you were doing. He looked like he enjoyed watching you in such state, confused and even frightened, your knees slightly trembling as if you became weak within a couple of seconds.

It was him. He did something to you. The bastard had the nerve to do something to your body so it'd be easier to handle you.

"What have you done?" You hissed at him while he chuckled, pointing at the bottles of sake on the table. "Have you poisoned my drink?"

But the regeneration would work in that case. You knew for sure.

Running his finger around the shell of your ear, Dabi hummed with content, "Poisoned? Come on, who do you think I am, an Evil Queen? That's just a little handy potion that has a tendency to slowly accumulate in your body. Makes you a little softer, don't you think?"

Oh. Oh. That's why he was always watching you. He had no idea when the effects would start to show. Did he fucking realize it could happen in the heat of the battle when you needed your Quirks the most? Did Dabi have any idea what would happen if heroes managed to lock you away again?

"Seems like you planned to abandon me if heroes attacked, didn't you?" You gritted your teeth when Dabi got on top of you, his hands on your chest as he caressed your body like a lover would, his hot fingers getting under your clothes.

"Of course not. I'd play your personal hero and save your stubborn ass the trouble of murdering everyone."

While you desperately wanted to kick him off you came to realization you weren't able to even stand up, your arms and legs so weak you could barely move while Dabi had no problems stripping you out of your clothes, his hands on the your thighs as he took off your pants.

Shit, shit, shit. You couldn’t use any Quirks to hurt him, all of them barely responding to your call. What was that potion? Why nobody in the lab prepared you for this? How on Earth did that shithead obtain such a dangerous thing?

"If you hurt me, I'll rip your brain out of your skull and bring it to Shigaraki as a present."

His chapped, disfigured lips brushed against your neck almost gently when the man murmured, "It doesn't have to be painful, birdie. I'll show you how much fun we can have together."

___________________

Tags: @coolio-love @awesomerextyphoon​

[orime-stories]

*cough* You've mentioned Aurelle is 'someone who crushes on people at the drop of a hat' - does she ever act on those crushes and how awkward are they? Anything notable before she met the Ultimate Crush aka Aymeric? Asking for a fellow follower of Menphina *cue Helvi doing the moogle dance in the background*

Waking up to an unprompted question about one of my characters was such a lovely start to my day, thank you so much!! <3

Aurelle definitely gets awkward around people, but that's due to her shyness rather than anything her crushes are bringing to the mix. Sitting in floaty crushy feelings actually helps to steady and soothe her, if anything. And that's one reason she gleefully dives into the feelings wherever she finds them. Like swaddling yourself in a favourite blanket or listening to a favourite song.

She doesn't necessarily need or want to do anything with those feelings though. It's like how people might daydream about stuff like being rich or having magic powers or being famous or what have you. A fun fantasy but not something she's actually pursuing. So she's not feeling pressure towards securing any particular real life outcomes, or any of the worries or awkwardness that might come from that. And she's not bothered whether people reciprocate her feelings or not. She's already getting everything she's after out of the stories she's telling herself — stories she has absolute control over the narratives of, in a place no one can touch or see (fully understanding that it's all in her head and never a reflection of real life, of course). She'd totally be a fanfic writer in the modern day, though she'd be far too shy to share it with anyone.

As for examples, she definitely crushes on Thancred for a bit in the beginning (which you can see hints of here), and she recognises that she would normally be crushing on her new pal Marques (here), but since she's not in a good place mentally her brain just isn't playing. She also continues to have a few crushes here and there even after getting together with Aymeric (which she does briefly wonder if she should feel guilty about, but ultimately recognises as a completely seperate thing that she never has any actual interest in pursuing). One specific example I can think of there is the mind wanderings she has while stuck on a boat for ages on the way to Othard for the first time, where the Captain keeps catching her eye.

But all in all the crushes are generally just a bit of short-lived fun she's never expecting to actually stick around or lead anywhere. So she finds the fact that her crush on Aymeric just will not seem to ebb away a bit confusing and honestly uncomfortable at first. I've put a segment from an upcoming piece that looks at how she's feeling about all that below the cut for anyone interested (content warning for the strongly implied presence of sexual thoughts).

Her eyes snapped open when she realised where her mind had wandered, even as her legs began to fidget, hips rolling, toes curling. Her happy daydreams had certainly brought her to these waters before, but it felt vaguely inappropriate to continue having such thoughts about someone she'd genuinely come to know — a good friend at that. Her harmless little crushes usually flitted from person to person, inevitably fading the more she got to know someone and the further they strayed from her storybooks.

I have so. much. in the works behind the scenes for Aurelle, and I'm always happy to answer questions or share sneak peeks (or even entire mostly finished chapters honestly) with anyone that's interested!

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Behind The Fence

-8- Wanna get drunk with me?

Summary: Things with Craig are getting more and more shitty, but working with Deran offers some solace to you.... maybe he himself will make you feel better?

Pairing: Female!OFC × Deran Cody, but we have some Craig and Nicky in here as well!

Content warnings: SmUt (18+!), explicit language, explicit sexual content, a bit of angst, Alcohol, a hint of Deran fluff 'cus he's bae

A/N: I've warned you that Deran is kinda bi in my AU! So please just let this Cody thirsty girl have some fun, hmm kay?

You can read Part 7.3 here!

So gimme all your poison and gimme all your pills and gimme all your hopeless hearts to make me ill

The Drop was quite the place to be on this Saturday evening. The bar was buzzing like a hive, filled with laughter, booze and people willing to tip me very generously. It seems that the outfit I had picked for tonight's shift played out like I imagined it to. It was casual and yet alluring: A dark grey denim dress that was a bit shorter than knee length, a pair of loosely knitted fishnet tights with a snake motive embroidered on their back and dark red Van's to have a comfortable walk throughout the night. To finish that grungy skatergirl look I had taken one of Craig's flanell shirts which served me well as some kind of oversized wearable blanket. It also had a nice touch of his musky cologne on it, which apparently stopped some of the customers from getting all too touchy with me.

Working at Deran's bar really was the most chill job I've had in quite some time and D appeared to be throughly satisfied with my working moral as well.

The shift passed by in almost no time and was all fun and games until shortly before closing time. Just like it did every few minutes the door swung open and I examined the new customer with a quick look. It was a younger girl, almost appearing to still be underage. She seemed to be rather stressed out about something and frantically looked around the bar. Before I even had the chance to make my way towards this very lost looking girl, she stormed off towards Deran and shouted: "Deran?! Have you seen Craig? I REALLY need to so him! Now!"

Leaning forward with his elbows set on the counter Deran rolled his eyes and scoffed back at the girl: "Do I look like his fucking secretary, or what? Nicky...get your bum out of here or do you want me to get shut down because of you? Try calling him or whatever."

"I already did!", that young girl, apparently named Nicky sounded almost hysterical "Deran...I. NEED. TO. SEE. CRAIG. NOW!"

"Congrats! Why not shove a GPS up his ass the next time?" Overhearing this conversation made me chuckle a little, but at the same time made me wonder who that girl actually was and what someone like her wanted from someone like Craig. She had the looks of a nice, polite girl if you sat aside her devastated behaviour for a moment.

"Uhm...", I carefully chimed in from the side "As far as I know he's busy at the moment." Busy actually was an understatement, but I had no clue how much this Nicky girl knew about the family business so I kept it on the low.

"Who are you even and why are you wearing his clothes?!" Nicky now snapped in my direction.

"Uh...excuse me? I'm his...friend."

"Girlfriend?!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest after flicking her long, glossy brown hair over the shoulder. Instead of answering that one I just remained silent, a little awkwardly tugging on the shirt Nicky was staring at in pure hysteric anger.

"Ugh..whatever.", she rolled her eyes on me "Gotta call up someone else then."

Blazing back out of the bar just as fast as she had come in Nicky stomped off, leaving me with a bunch of questions.

Just as if this little intermezzo didn't even happen Deran went back to swiping the counter tiles.

"Geez...who's that chick?" I asked after having collected a few empty bottles and glasses that had been left at the tables.

Seemingly thinking about the right way to answer, Deran bit his lip.

"Uh...well...she's J's ex and now Craig's annoying shadow."

"Shadow?" I poked a little further.

"Ooof...you know...after J broke up with her she literally jumped at Craig. He got her high, he got her that nice, carefree party life and now she's all strung out on Coke. Probably looking for her fuck buddy to get a fix in trade for a blowie or whatever."

"My goodness..." I sighed in shock about how dark things actually got around Craig. It wasn't much of a surprise, honestly, but still I had thought of him to have at least a minimum of decency. Also the way Deran talked about it stuck with me and kept me thinking for the rest of my shift.

It just somehow struck me that I clearly wasn't the only woman Craig preferred to share his bed with and I felt stupid for assuming that I was in any way special to him. No, I was just part of his neat little collection and being reminded about that didn't feel good at all. The thought of it dragged me down more than I was willing to admit.

Rather upset and pensive I helped Deran clean up the bar. After we were done we took a seat behind the counter to treat ourselves to a well deserved cigarette.

"That thing with Nicky kinda rubbed you the wrong way, huh?" Deran asked, snipping off the ashes from the tip of his cigarette.

"Yeah...uhm...it's just.."

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

I just shrugged my shoulders as an answer.

"Is Renn also still around?"

With a concerned frown Deran arched his brows and threw me what should have been a smile, but was rather the mere idea of one.

"Oh...she's very much around...where do you think Craig's getting his shitloads of blow from?"

"Hmm... I see." I mumbled, jamming the smoked up stub in the ashtray.

"Do you wanna get drunk with me?"

I looked at Deran, a little taken aback by this question. It somehow made me smile, even chuckle a little, because this offer was a very Cody way of cheering someone up.

"After that strange something something? Hell yeah..."

"That's my girl!", Deran cheered and pointed at the shelf packed with liquor behind him "Go ahead and choose your poison."

****************

Without wasting a second thought on it, I'd went for the good stuff straightaway.

Treating myself to yet another big sip of Single Malt I smiled at Deran who was waiting on me to pass the bottle. We didn't even bother to use glasses that would've needed to be cleaned afterwards.

"I see you got lucky tonight?" He nodded towards a stack pile of bills.

"Indeed, some people around here just tip like crazy."

"I told you that a pretty face like yours would make a good deal working here. And I gotta say... you do be looking extra pretty today." Deran gulped down a few hefty drinks and placed the bottle onto the counter. His alcohol tolerance resided beyond my understanding, but I guess that's what came with being stuck with that family.

"Oh...uh...thanks." I blushed a little at his humble yet straightforward compliment. That's what I liked the most about spending time with Deran. He had his very own way of thinking, compared to his brothers and didn't lose no sleep about telling how he thought about things. He was such a chill guy that you couldn't help yourself but feel that calm wrapping you in, gently swiping away any sort of distortion. Unlike Craig he didn't throw a fit about every little thing that wasn't to his liking. Deran just dealt with and tried to make the best out of it. I appreciated that a lot and it was a welcome change to not be tip toeing around someone's temper tantrums. His presence just emitted a warm and fuzzy kind of solace I was starved of so much.

"To be quite frank, you too look like a total snack today. What's even up with you wearing a button up shirt?"

Deran smiled and let out a little laugh at me examining his clean, white shirt. It formed a nice contrast to his softly tanned skin and enhanced his sparkly blue eyes even more. In addition to that not so carefully put together top bun, that desperately tried to keep the upper half of his hair out of his face Deran almost looked professional.

"Before you came in today, I had an appointment with some liquor license dude. You know...to check if everything is set up accordingly to their standard and all that blah blah."

"That thing suits you, really."

"You think?"

I enthusiastically nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

"Huh....I'll think about it."

I knew that this was the best I could get him to do.

For the blink of an eye I just looked at him, trying to soak up all of the doubt free vibes that seemed to be oozing out of him just standing there. He made it all too easy for me to forget about my worries, about Craig being a total prick and about me gradually feeling more and more like shit since getting back in touch with the Cody family.

A bit sloppy I reached out to grab the collar of his shirt to pull him in. Confused at first Deran's eyes followed my movement, but he nonetheless gave in to my gentle tug.

Getting him closer to me I leaned in for a carefull kiss. I didn't really understand what got to me, but I could clearly tell that it felt good. His lips that softly pressed themselves onto mine tasted after the Whisky we were sharing. I felt the need of getting away from my self made misery growing stronger by the second and I almost shed a tear of relief as Deran reciprocated the kiss with another and yet another. The heat that was quickly engulfing the both of us was undeniable and neither of us had even the slightest intention of stopping that from happening.

In it's very own way it felt right, because it was such an alluringly wrong thing to do.

Not wasting a split second on anything else, Deran sternly pushed me towards the counter and grabbed me by the waist. In a effortlessly swift movement he lifted me up onto the tiles and pressed himself between my legs. With him being busy fondling around my tights I unbuttoned his not at all professional washed out pair of jeans just to pull them down alongside his shorts in one go.

"You're such a crazy rollercoaster, you know that?" Deran panted at me, grabbing his ass, drilling my nails into his delicate skin.

"That's what I'm all about, boy." I moaned in response while pulling him back in closer, feeling him inside of me within a rough thrust. Comfortably numb to anything else I buried my face in his shoulder and inhaled a deep drag of his smell. A hint of sweat mixed with an almost flowery cologne that got me high on the spot. The fabric of his shirt gently rubbed over my cheek as I felt him pounding into me with a firm and steady pace. He made me feel good for the first time in weeks and I didn't want this to ever be over. His warm body pressed against mine and the both of us panting and moaning away in the sheer pleasure of the moment made me feel whole again. Not to mention that just the act of having my senses fucked out of my body on top of a bar counter had it's very own charme.

Nevertheless it didn't feel like it just was about the sex. That was but a mere accessory to the whole situation Deran and I caught ourselves up in ,albeit a very pleasant one.

Clawing my hands onto his waist I lost myself in the sensation of him filling me up with every thrust. My body clenched around his I heard myself begging unto him to mess me up harder, to fuck every last shred of sanity out of me. Deran eagerly obliged to my demands as he pressed me in as close as he possibly could. If I hadn't been that close to cumming it would've hurt, feeling him so far up inside of me, but for that moment it was all I needed. In an agonisingly long instance I felt my orgasm working it's way up. I wanted that relief, craved it. Just as I was all too close to losing my mind, it hit me with full force. Screaming out Deran's name my entire body contracted in waves of pure pleasure, making me feel like levitating for a split second. Undisturbed by that Deran went on to pound further, seemingly very close as well. The thought of him blowing his load deep down inside of me almost had me hot and bothered all over again. And just as I started to regain my thoughts I felt him filling me up. Accompanied by an adorably vulnerable moan Deran's body tensed.

"Fuck..." he muttered under his breath, resting his hands onto the counter and slowly drawing himself out of me. As soon as he pulled himself out I felt his cum pouring out, dripping down and forming a milky puddle between my legs.

He smiled at me, little droplets of sweat all over his forehead. I wanted to smile too, but as soon as I got back in touch with reality the crushing weight of guilt hit me like a wrecking ball.

"Fuck, indeed..." I panted and opted for the bottle of Whisky.

Treating myself to an unnecessarily long sip I pulled my slip and tights back up and slid off the counter. I just had a fairly good time with Deran, no strings attached, and yet I felt terrible.

"Uhm.... you got some place to crash for me?" I asked, pulling down my dress.

"Sure...", Drean answered, occupied with pulling up his pants "Right next to the bureau there's a couch you can crash on."

"Thanks." I briefly said in return. Without really caring about Deran's view on it, I took the bottle with me, bearing the full intend of drinking myself to sleep.

Heading towards said sofa I sensed the guilt taking full hold on me. Shame, hatred and embarrassment all working together I just wished for it to wash over me for good.

Rather done with everything I threw myself onto the sleep promising furniture and took a drag out of the bottle. The alcohol lulled me in nicely, but my thoughts were racing still.

I was about setting the glas flask aside and tugging myself in Craig's shirt, as I heard a demanding, stern knock at the front door.

For a moment nothing happened. Another hammering knock followed.

"I know you are in there!"

It was Craig's muffled voice that got threw.

Jesus... fuck me, I thought to myself.

A lock clicked and a door was opened.

Oh please no...

I recognised Deran and his brother debating for a few muted down sentences with a stern few steps following.

I was about to drift off into a fairly drunk slumber as I felt another body pulling up to mine. Craig's huge build cramping up behind me, hugging me gently, almost needy.

"The job went well, babe." he uttered.

I just kept on acting as if I were asleep.

"I love you..." he kept on murmuring, wrapping his hands around my belly.

-----------

Taglist:

@ysmmsy

@demotalias

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Sixteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Fifteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Seventeen

Luke pov.

“Do it again.” Ashton asks, staring at me intently.

We were about to leave my house for my surprise party, which I discovered in less than an hour. I was rehearsing a face of surprise so as not to end the surprise, cause I know everyone worked hard for it.

I widen my eyes, breaking into a smile.

“I can't believe you deceived me.” I say with my voice altered by the ‘surprise’.

“Don't say that, it will be very obvious that you know. Says ‘I can't believe you threw a party for me’.” he suggests.

"I can't believe you threw a party for me." I redo the entire acting.

“Yep! Me either. But what doesn't M&Ms ask, that I don't do?” Ash dries the water bottle with a shrug. “I'm just kidding.” he laughs after seeing my face.

“Speaking of her…” I fill my glass with some more wine, since it's too early for us to go. “Something new?” Ashton denies, frustrated too.

“I commented that she was acting weird, but she just changed the conversation and said that she's been busy and that she was nervous about the party.” he sighs. I massage my forehead, annoyed.

"Am I going to have to put her against the wall to get something?" I look at him, not knowing what to do.

“You know this isn't going to work. She's going to run away, you're going to fight, she's going to walk away and you're going to be more annoying than you already are.” I appreciate my friend's attempt to change the mood with provocation, but it has no effect.

"I can't find any reason to give me any sign of what's going on. Was it my fault? I knew I shouldn't have stayed with her that Saturday, I pushed the situation too hard and now she's pulling away, avoiding me-”

“Oh shut up! Don't even start with that.” Irwin raises his voice, cutting mine off. "Marnie isn't like that, she doesn’t do these things. If she wasn't comfortable she was going to talk. You said yourself that she asked you to sleep there. She let you pick her up on Monday and asked you to take her home, even after you dedicated Best Years to her. She didn't run away there, because it was remarkable how much she liked the song. You should pay more attention to the way she looks at you.”

A silly laugh escapes my lips when I see Ashton imitate her looking at me and smiling. My heart warms at the possibility that she is actually falling in love with me, just as I already am with her.

"Luke, if she didn't want to get back together, she wouldn't open up so many gaps and opportunities for you to be together. She must just be confused about the feelings. That's how it looked for the first time. Look, let's analyze her behavior today, after all the stress of the party and then we get stressed.”

I agree with my friend. I'm freaking out over something that shouldn't be very important. Maybe it's all the pressure with finishing the album. The release date is approaching and sure enough, Jim freaking out in my ear for the publicity trip we were supposed to be doing, but we're still going against it due to Marnie's accident.

I don't know how many times I have to tell him I'm not leaving LA yet. This delay wasn't hindering anything, so I don't know why he makes such a point.

“Go, get rid of that dead face and let's enjoy your party.” Ash slaps my shoulder.

We left the house, heading to Jack's house, where the party would be. I've been training my face the entire way, wanting it to be as realistic as possible, even though everyone already suspects that I know.

Even if I didn't know it, the moment I see the street full of cars, I realize that I would find out there. Irwin tells them we're coming and I notice the noise of the music fade away. Discreet.

We entered the house, finding everything quiet and tidy. But when we turn to the kitchen and garden, a lot of people scream in surprise. I take a step back, like I'm really shocked.

"I can't believe you did that." I look at Ash, wanting to see that I did well. But his expression ‘so so’ disappoints me.

“In the car it was better.” he says before walking away and letting people get closer.

I don't know how many people I hugged, but I know the only one I wanted to see was the last one to arrive. I hold my breath, seeing her in a black leather skirt and a transparent black blouse, highlighting her tattoo between her breasts.

I swallow hard, cracking a nervous smile as she approaches with a huge grin, almost jumping into my lap. Unlike yesterday, where I just got a congratulations message, M&Ms hug me, leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek.

“Happy Birthday!” the gleam in her eyes proves to me she's already a little high.

I resist the urge to steal a kiss from her lips, just kissing her cheek back but giving her waist a squeeze, pressing her against my body. She seems to notice my intent, drastically changing her breathing.

"I wanted to talk to you later. If possible.” I say against her ear.

“About?” her eyes sweep me for any clues.

“Surprise.” I reveal, seeing her roll her eyes in agreement.

I watch her walk away with the girls, but she doesn't fully break eye contact with me, looking at me from afar. I let out a breath, realizing it's going to be a long night and another long battle to resist her and the urge to take her to a dark corner.

In the kitchen, where most of the drinks are, I start my work, drinking the alcohol, enjoying the burning sensation that the liquid leaves in my throat. I get distracted with video game conversation and allow my mind to relax with lighter, more relaxed topics.

The party had been going on for a few hours. My head is already light, due to the high alcohol content my body retains. I know I'm laughing at some bullshit Brian is talking about, even though his words don't make any sense in my mind. Maybe I've already had too much to drink and it's better to stop for a while. I don't want to be sick at my own party.

The term vibrates in my mind and I start searching the crowd for the cotton candy hair, worried about her condition. The feeling pulls my head out of the air, sobering me up for a few minutes.

I find her dancing hand in hand with Noah, laughing at the older man's exaggerated steps. I stare at the scene, happy that she is enjoying herself. Unlike at the beginning of the week, Marnie is now upbeat and not acting. Maybe Irwin is right and she was just stressed about the birthday party.

I push my thoughts away, concentrating on yet another beer pong game. I've played more times than I could count and I'm starting to doubt the two arms Jack has won since my last drink.

“Problems.” Michael sings beside me, pointing to the door. Pam walked in smiling excitedly, holding hands with a guy who sure as hell didn't want to be there. It's not possible…

Sobriety hits me like a cannon. All the alcohol and smoke that was in my body is gone and I am able to think clearly for the first time since I arrived.

I massage my forehead, bringing my gaze to Marnie, who's already staring at Pam without a specific expression. I cross the room with incredible ease, reaching for her, hugging her waist, pulling her to me.

“We can talk now?” Marnie didn't even seem to hear me, still staring at Pam, who was greeting some people. "M&Ms?" I call closer to her ear, but no effect. “Hey!” I drop a kiss to her temple, squeezing her waist.

Her green eyes cross mine and I can palpate the insecurity in them. Marnie just nodded, letting me lead her out of the room. We went up to a room, being alone. I look at her face, still half lost, and I approach slowly, feeling that little box weigh tons in my pocket.

“What do you want to talk about?” she gives a slight smile, turning her full attention to me.

“First I wanted to apologize for Pam. I didn't know what she was going to come.” Marnie rolls her eyes, shrugging.

“It’s OK! No need to apologize. My head is so full I don't even care about her anymore.” she sits up in bed, crossing her legs.

“And I believe she won't even mind us today, after all, she came with someone” I sat beside her.

“Yeah! Poor guy.” I let out a laugh at her pity for the poor boy. “It was just that?”

I lose myself in her eyes for a few seconds, wondering if that's all. I draw her face in my mind once more, recording every feature I fell in love with. My lips tingle as I landed my eyes on her mouth, slightly reddened by the drink.

At another time, right now she and I would be locked in some bathroom or bedroom, succumbing to desire and the alcohol in our blood. My fingertips ache amidst the memories of all the times I have run across her skin, feeling it burn under my touch.

My mind starts to cloud and the flashes of the two of us become more and more vivid. I try to push those thoughts away, but they seem to sink into my mind with force. My body heats up with every scene my mind plays. I feel the blood running the wrong way and I don't know how to stop it.

"Luke?" I'm startled by your touch on my hand. Marnie was looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Are you okay?” I watch her hand squeeze mine, like she always did when I was angry or upset.

And just with that touch, everything stops inside me. The fire is gone and now I'm seized by a gigantic pain and rage in my chest, a rage for her being ripped from me so abruptly. I stare at her fingers moving gently, transmitting a caress throughout my body.

"Luke?" now she was looking at me extremely worried.

“Sorry. I think the drink hit.” I open a smile, trying to calm her down. M&Ms don't seem to buy much, but she smiles smugly.

“I already told you you're drinking a lot. In a little while you'll be passed out and won't even enjoy your own birthday party.” my smile widens in the midst of her care. "Don't give me that smile." she pushes my face away. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

“No!” this time I answer faster. “Actually, I wanted to give you something.” I fish the little white box in my pocket, feeling my fingers as soft as jelly. What if she doesn't like it? What if she gets angry?

“You know it's your birthday, right? You're the one who should get presents, not give. Especially for me.” she looks at me angrily, not wanting to accept the box.

"Well, it's my birthday and I'll do what I want, in which case I give it to you." I place the object in her hands. “I wanted to wait until your birthday, but it's still far away and I can't take it.” I lift my shoulders quickly, making her laugh.

Taking advantage of the fact that she was involved with the present, slowly, I move closer to her body, contenting myself with the least contact we have. I notice Marnie hold her breath at the sight of the blue quartz necklace, just like the one she had.

With no more reaction than that, I start to convince myself that I've fucked up and she hated it. It wasn't the time yet, as much as everything was going well, it wasn't the time yet.

“I can't believe you did this.” her voice comes out in a breath in surprise. I let my mind race to our first Christmas, where she gave me my necklace and I gave that star to her.

“If you don't like it…” my voice trails off as I see her eyes watery and filled with joy. It was the right time.

I'm not afraid to advance towards her, covering your lips with mine in a short kiss. The cherry taste becomes my favorite for the rest of the night. Marnie wipes her tears as she calls herself pathetic for crying.

"I know we used it as a dating ring, but it doesn't have to be-”

"Could you put it on for me?" she interrupts me, not caring about my fear. With my hands still trembling and cold, I close the necklace around her neck, enjoying the scene of her smiling enchanted by that stone. “Thanks!”

This time it is she who steps forward, stealing a kiss. The mood changes drastically. The screams outside seem to die in my ears, leaving only silence. The music that used to burst had ceased to exist.

That little kiss breaks, but she doesn't pull away, keeping her forehead still glued to mine. I'm startled when her eyes return to mine, I can see her perfectly there, in front of me, in my arms. I recognize that glow, that look and what it wanted to convey.

It was her there. The reason I get up every morning. The reason that makes me want to be better and better. The person I always want to impress. My girl. My Marnie.

I bring my hand to the back of her neck, bringing our lips together once more. I feel goose bumps as our tongues touch and her hand cups my face, holding me there. If she knew the last thing I want is to run away…

I'm surprised I feel despair on her side. The urgency on her lips. The need for the touch of her hands, the way they ran through my hair, the back of my neck and chest.

Easily, I pull her onto my lap, moaning, feeling her body against mine after so long. The fire that had previously ceased inside me, runs again through my veins, making everything too cloudy. I can't reason whether this was right or not. We both drink too much. She still hasn't given me full openness to so much attitude, even though she's still here, kissing me.

I try for a few minutes to clear my mind, to be a little rational and not get carried away by emotion, but the sound her mouth makes when I touch her neck with my lips ruins whatever train of thought I was building.

I touch the exact spots that make her moan and scramble for more friction. I watch thirstily as her eyes roll back and her lip is bitten in an attempt to control the moans. Her nails scratch the back of my neck, releasing an electric current that migrates between my legs.

I gasp when I feel her rub against my groin, spreading a current throughout my body. I want to beg her to do it again, but it's not really necessary, she knows and she does. So excruciating, but so good. Again I am startled to find that glow that I knew so much. I wonder where this Marnie was all along.

I shove my hand inside her shirt, enjoying her burning skin. I stroke the spot below her bra with my thumb, wanting not to frighten her. I suck the skin under her ear, lapping it with my tongue. My body combusts as she stirs and presses her crotch harder against mine. I cup her breast with enjoyment, hearing her call my name the way I liked it best.

Her desperate hands run inside my jacket, wanting to throw it away. I was ready to help when a heavy knock on the door disrupts our moment.

"What the fuck is it?" anger rips up my throat, causing a very angry scream. So much time to interrupt.

"It's time to cut the cake." I hear Calum's voice and feel like throwing him from the second floor.

“Serious? Stick the cake in your-” two small hands cover my mouth, preventing me from continuing.

“We're on our way, Cal.” Marnie yells louder and breathless.

I watch your body soften, lost and, I fear, even regretful. She is no longer there. She avoids looking at me, perhaps out of shame.

“It was better this way.” her sweet voice comes closer to a whisper.

“Was?” I stare at her, not wanting to accept that I was the only one to feel it. I know I wasn't, because her expression tells me I'm right.

“Was! You know it was.” her tone is still sweet, but her gaze is hard. "I think we'd better go downstairs." she gets up carefully, getting out of bed. I throw my head against my hands, visibly frustrated.

"Go ahead, I need to get both heads in place." I throw my body against the mattress.

“Sorry, Luke.” I can't stand her feeling guilty when she's the biggest victim of all this.

"M&Ms?" I leap out of bed, grabbing her before disappearing through the door. “It's not your fault. I'm the one who lost control, I'm sorry. You didn't give me the opening to attack you like that and I let myself go…” her lips silence me.

“It wasn't anyone's fault, can we do that?” I nod, stealing the last kiss before I let her go. "I'll wait for you downstairs." she announce.

I turn around, heading back to bed, still feeling frustration coursing through my veins.

“Hey!” I turn to see her there, standing in the doorway. My chest races with yearning from the many times I've seen her do the same scene. My ears and heart ache wanting to hear those words that always came next. Those three words that were so beautiful in her mouth. “Thanks for this.” she smiles and leaves.

I stare at the wood, snapping back to reality. I'm such an idiot for thinking she was going to say she loves me. I hide my face, exhausted. I look across the bed, able to see the two of us there, so given to each other.

I replay the scene in my head, tasting her kiss on my lips. Feeling my body tingle, still wanting her touch. The pressure on my pants becomes bigger and more uncomfortable. I need to make this go away. I scramble my mind for many things to calm myself down, but I can't. I can still feel her hands running around the back of my neck and her groin against mine.

"Shit!" I give up, going to the bathroom and locking myself in there. I don't care if I'm late, or what they think. I won't be able to eliminate this with thoughts alone.

I lower my pants and underwear, releasing my already throbbing member. I run my hand over it, making my body vibrate in relief. I let my mind flood with all thoughts and memories with her, feeling my body inflate further.

I increase my speed, being able to feel her touch through my body. I punch the wall, feeling my stomach contract. I rest my forehead against the cool coating, letting out several sighs. Her eyes flash in my mind.

The many times I've seen her face twist in pure orgasm under my touch. That smirk and that vulgar glow she always lets off before pulling me aside. And I always did, like a puppy.

My breathing gets out of control as I reach my orgasm. A wave of relief and lightness overcomes me, along with a wave of guilt. It must have been the 15th time since it all happened.

I can't have her. I can't stand the idea of ​​looking for someone else, even though we are not officially together, so I have to get by with baths and my bare hands, but as a result I feel like the dirtiest human being, as she doesn't even suspect.

I walk down the stairs, not attracting any attention. I find her sitting on the couch, on Leah's lap, laughing at some imitation Ashton was doing. I approach the group, who make no fuss about my delay.

I pick up the bottle of white wine on the coffee table, flipping half the contents. I feel her green eyes burn on me and I don't even have the courage to reciprocate by ignoring her.

“Is everything OK? Sorry if I messed something up.” Hood says next.

“It's OK! In fact, it was better, if you didn't show up, we would have done something stupid.” I say dry.

"Is that why this sour face?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I'm feeling awful for almost bringing her to this and not having the conscience to stop." I reveal a part of the guilt that burns in me.

“Luke, you are not complete strangers. And maybe she really wanted to go further, she just didn't know how. After all, at that moment she was supposed to be your f-”

"I know!" I cut it off, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence.

For my salvation, someone starts to sing happy birthday and the matter is closed. I open a smile disguising the shit my head was on. Michael puts a little purple hat on my head, blowing a plastic horn, very excited.

The scene makes me laugh, relieving the stress. I watch Leah and Kyleen swing colorful pom poms behind Marnie, who is holding a small cake with several candles.

I look deep into her eyes, noticing her happiness to be there and somehow mine too. After all, she's here, even if she doesn't remember much, she's still here. The accident could have been a lot worse and I could have lost her forever.

I push the damn thoughts away, blowing out the candles and driving everyone crazy. I'm surprised when Marnie leans in, stealing a kiss, not caring that she's in front of everyone. Her rosy cheeks manage to steal a smile far bigger than Michael did.

In the back of the room, I notice Pam with her arms crossed and sulking. I don't know if Marnie did it on purpose, intent on teasing, but something she did, and if Pam is pissed off, we're happy.

The clock was already showing around 5:00 in the morning. I've already fluctuated my alcohol level more times than I can count. While the boys filled me with rum, M&Ms filled me with water and food, afraid I would go into an alcoholic coma or whatever. Of course I took advantage of her concern and all the attention she was giving me.

At some point during the party, Michael took over the DJ's table and there we were, jumping up behind him, singing I Want It That Way at the top of our lungs, with the lost girls trying to do the choreography. That was definitely the best thing about the party, right after my moment with Marnie in the bedroom.

Right after his moment commanding the party's playlist, Clifford decided to climb on the roof to jump into the pool. Something that was already taking a while to happen. What he and no one expected was Marnie yelling at him, worried.

“It's comical, because if it weren't for the amnesia and the lack of alcohol, she would be the one on the roof.” Irwin comments lying beside me, watching the scene of her yelling at Michael, asking him to come down.

“And we called the fire department because she got stuck again.” I shake my head, wanting not to laugh at the memories. “Good times.” I'm toasting my friend, still watching her worriedly behind the older one.

Sitting in the garden, talking to some friends, I watch the girl laughing in a circle with Noah and Calum. She gets up, walking into the house, returning in a few minutes. I watch her come around, stopping behind me.

“Now the one who needs to talk is me.” she whispers in my ear. I don't think twice about taking your hand and heading out of the wheel chat.

I can see a large package in her hands and the idea of ​​being my gift makes me anxious. A little farther away from the mess that remained, she hands me the black box with a gold bow on top. Before opening it, I take a look at her excited smile, letting out a laugh.

I find five rings and three necklaces arranged around the box. I can't hold back the smile, seeing what she's chosen. I know I might look like an idiot for some jewelry, but it's amazing jewelry she picked out.

“You liked?” she bites her lower lip, curious.

“I loved!” I hug your body, thanking her. I know she has no intentions other than to give me a birthday present, but of course I will wear these rings and necklaces with more affection than usual. “Thanks.” I mean, still ecstatic.

Hand in hand, we approached the crowd again, bumping into Kiki, Sophie and Michael.

“We were thinking about going to Michael's house. The party is already boring and I'm hungry.” Kiki comments. I look a little offended at her, after all, that was my birthday party. “Oh! Nothing personal.” she laughs, slapping me on the shoulder.

“What do you think?” I ask the M&Ms, who shrug their shoulders. "Have you talked to the rest?"

“Leah was going to call Noah and Ash, we were going to rescue Calum.”

“OK! We'll get our stuff and meet you at the door.” Marnie agrees and so we disperse.

Still holding hands, we walked back upstairs, looking for her bag. In the kitchen, I grab a bottle of vodka, a tequila, and a whiskey, trying to put everything in my bag, but it doesn't quite work.

“We should take advantage of the gathering and have your liver funeral.” I turn to Marnie who glares at me, seeing three bottles in my arm and me struggling to open one of beer.

Easily, we made our way to the front door, finding Kiki and Sophie. Gradually, everyone arrived and so we left the party, without saying goodbye to anyone.

“Uh, tequila?” Hood comes towards me, hugging the bottle.

Michael's house was the closest and, having drunk too much, we thought we'd better walk.

On the way, we stopped at a bakery, buying a bunch of things to eat. The day was already showing signs of life when we arrived at Mike's house. At the dinner table, we spread out the stolen drinks and food, starting our round table, as well as picking up several board games that Michael kept.

“I wanted to propose a toast to Mr. Luke Hemmings.” Noah draws the toast, making everyone raise their glasses and bottles. “One of the few people worth meeting in this hellish city where you can't trust anyone. The other people are unfortunately not present…”

A shower of paper balls and food flies towards the 20 minutes older twin. I'm surprised when I watch Marnie leave my arms, standing up.

“I also wanted to give a speech.”

“You didn't have to, babe.” I say, shaking her hand that still had our fingers intertwined.

“It's not about you.” she sticks out her tongue, causing everyone to scream.

“Ouch!” I put my hand to my chest, accepting the blow and still feeling my heart race.

“Shut up.” she screams, laughing. “Well, I wanted to make this toast in thanks to all of you. I know it's been three years of friendship, but for me it's only been a month and even with all the confusion and breakup.” her fingers squeeze mine and I move them, giving them a light caress. “You still took me in and took great care of me. I am eternally grateful for that. Leah doesn't even start crying, I need to get this over with and if I cry it's going to go wrong.” the mood breaks a little with the laughter. “Bottom line, I just want to say that whatever the future holds, I like you all a lot and that this isn't just a bunch of crazy friendship the universe threw at me, it's the family I've been looking for. As Noah said, you're the few people worth living in this hell of a city and I love you all so much. Cheers!”

Everyone raises their glasses once more, toasting her speech. I cross my gaze with Leah, who has also noticed something odd. She still hadn't commented on Monday's episode and I still had it hanging around in my mind.

It was very visible that something was troubling her. Her eyes wandering lost, her disappearance since Monday until today, claiming to be super busy and out of time. Everyone was sensing that something was wrong, but she wouldn't let go or comment on it.

“Especially you.” I focus my attention on her, who settles back into my arms. “Regardless of our future, I like you very much.” she whispers, before pressing her lips to mine. “Please never forget that. Promise?”

I get lost in her eyes, noticing a hint of fear and pain in them. It's horrible to see her like this and not know what to do. For nothing in this world I want her to feel unprotected or alone, she said herself that we are a family, so she wouldn't have to face anything alone.

“Only if you promise me you'll tell me what's going on.” I play hard, not caring if this becomes an issue between us, or if it pushes her away a little.

“Luke…” my name comes out in a painful sigh.

"Marnie." I say her name harshly, wanting her to understand that I won't change my mind.

“I'll tell. Just not today. Today is your day and that's what matters to me. So please let's enjoy?” she begs. As always, I surrender, nodding. I drop a kiss to her forehead, before pulling her to my chest again.

Hastings still looks at me suspiciously and unfortunately I only have reason to agree with her. Something was up with Marnie and she didn't want to tell us.

A minute of silence, our baby is turning 25 today and I am not knowing how to handle it.