#it really said it's just gonna construct an entirely new being

[cherubchoirs]

oughhg. this is a little out there but its a fun scenario imo. my gabe and v2 eventually also face that hardware deterioration problem as well (after a LONG ass time at least) and since those two hang out on the surface, it's a little more difficult to deal with but i like to imagine v2 goes the more proactive route. over time v2 started studying the corpses of angels (mostly consisting of council-sympathizers or individuals with something to gain from trying to go after gabriel) and uses what it learns from that to engineer some kind of esoteric replacement for its failing processors derived from how angels seem to function. its like less a life extention or revival and more like creating a whole new replacement ai that carries some of its old memories and archived information which also has its own distinct quirks that set it apart from the original v2. the whole reason it does this is because once it noticed its systems beginning to deteriorate its objective basically became 'make sure my friend wont be alone in an otherwise empty world' and it drives me fucking crazy thinking about it

THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS BC I GENUINELY WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT THIS....and i can absolutely see the parallels between this version of v2 and v1 as it is resurrected in heaven. i do really like v2 taking a practical approach and deconstructing the anatomy of angels in order to reverse-engineer something that may preserve it (SUCH a neat idea, absolutely in love with it), as well as this being an interesting way that it may emotionally and mentally deal with its decay - work on it, fix it, remember why it's doing it in the first place. and it's a good contrast to me because v1 is acutely aware that its death means a distinct loss and isolation for gabriel, yet its mind has so thoroughly protected against it as a way to prevent locking it into an existential dread it could loop on indefinitely, to the point where every processor it has is consumed by it...and that would be leaving gabriel too. so ultimately it does die, the half-measures they were able to discuss before v1's mind had to detach from the conversation proving to not be enough to save it, and gabriel instead must put into motion a plan he couldn't previously articulate.

BUT either through looting god or his own light (MAN....i like both too much), v1 is brought back to honestly be in much the same position as v2 is for you - both mechanical and divine, it now inhabits a life state nothing before it has achieved. i haven't fully determined what this means for v1, but the transition is an uneasy one as code rewrites into esoteric languages and divine mathematics command its logic to impossibilities. additionally, i can't pass up on the idea of quantum ghosts and v1's consciousness coming back from vast, unfathomable reaches that registered only as strange impressions it can barely call senses or even now memories. it gets fucked up basically!! and now gabriel essentially needs to return the favor it gave him eons ago when it helped him through his fall. SO i am curious how it compares with this v2, since like you mentioned, v2 is more creating something entirely new to be carried over into while v1 is essentially god being shoved into the machine. also need to know gabriel's thoughts on v2's plans as it executes them and the results that come of it....ouuuughhh wait hold on a minute let me formulate thoughts for an ask.........

[lime-bloods]

I honestly didn't ever expect that I'd be in the position where I'd be using this blog not just to analyse what has come before in Homestuck, but to look toward the comic's future and do some real old-fashioned theorycrafting. but the time has come. so here goes; lime-bloods' Beyond Canon theories as of the July 6th 2024 update:

Vriska's Going to Hell

were all gonna help you! / whether you like it or not

a select few eagle-eyed readers already noticed that the sound used in last month's (Vriska: Figure shit out yourself.) is called "hell_tierwav". while it was easy to dismiss this as irrelevant composer shenanigans at the time, it's now become clear exactly what this was foreshadowing. whether it would be more apt to call this "Hell" or "Purrgatory" is probably up for debate - but whatever you call it, Vriska's been placed in a dimension seemingly tailored specifically for her personal torment.

while Vriska characteristically interprets the recreation of her childhood home as a symbol of how badass she was, the ghosts of her past - both literal, as the shades of the trolls she killed as Mindfang, and figurative, in the form of sprites wearing the faces of her dead friends - show us in no uncertain terms that Vriska's childhood home is the stage where traumas play out.

Erisolsprite puts it succinctly with his welcome to hell, but pay close attention to what exactly we're being welcomed to: this update ends on page 665. so as of this next update, we'll be starting on page 666.

Does Homestuck Have Hell?

the exact bubble of reality Vriska's currently found herself in seems to be an entirely new construction of the likes we've not yet seen in Homestuck - but that doesn't mean this kind of cosmic torment is without precedent. because while 666 is a number with Satanic connotations in the broader cultural context, it also has a very particular meaning of its own within the world of Homestuck. indeed, the latter half of the comic almost revolves around it, culminating in a climax in Act 6 Act 6 Act 6.

specifically, this repetition of a single digit is emblematic of recursive storytelling. to summarise what you can already read about in detail in my essay The World / The Wheel: when Caliborn is 'gifted' the Act 6 Act 6 supercartridge, which he is told is an "expansion" of Homestuck, it's a trick. there is no "expansion"; he's going to be trapped in a story that never ends because it keeps dividing into smaller and smaller versions of itself forever. the only way to truly beat the devil who trapped the heroes within a story is to trap him in his own story.

that's what Caliborn's "Hell" is, and that's also exactly what the Alternate Calliope achieved in Act 7 by creating the black hole which Vriska knocked Lord English into, ending Homestuck's story - something that Calliope even hints at in this very update, when she refers to the black hole as "containment"; not an accident, but a deliberately crafted prison. black holes are a symbol of recursion and regression; being sucked into one means being forced to live out your whole life over and over again, forever. so really, this is all we ever could have expected to happen when Vriska stepped into a black hole within a black hole! the presentation of the narrative even subtly hints at this; events in Beyond Canon that take place in the black hole are enclosed (in brackets), and now events that take place in a black hole-within-a-black-hole are contained within {curly brackets}, because you should always use a different kind of brackets to differentiate nested parenthesis from each other!

it is absolutely no coincidence that when Caliborn closes the curtains on his appearances in Homestuck, thinking he's won when really he's been condemned to a hell of his own making forever more, it's with a tribute to this exact same Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff strip.

IF YOU REMEMBER JUST ONE THING I SAY, OF SO MANY GREAT THINGS SAID BY ME, THEN PLEASE REMEMBER THIS. I WANTED TO PLAY A GAME.

So What Does That Mean?

one of Beyond Canon's central missions is expanding upon Homestuck's exploration of the relationships between author, text, and audience. as discussed above, a large part of Homestuck's thesis is the evil of forcing characters to live the same lives and the same stories over and over without the chance to grow or move on, and Beyond Canon picks up on this by placing Dirk in the position of trying to keep Homestuck going forever purely to appease its fans, while the Alternate Calliope continues to oppose this ideology. and while the alpha Calliope outwardly seems not to have taken a hard position on where she stands in this cosmic battle, the question posed by her device seems to be an entirely new one: can it actually be a good thing to regress, to return to ground that the story has already covered? can this path lead to something new, rather than merely stagnation?

it's so relevant that Vriska is being confronted with the crimes of her past, not only in the form of all the trolls she was personally responsible for killing but also in the form of the exact same punishment she condemned Lord English to with her heroism - complete with the herd of horses that are always present at Caliborn's demise! but where being condemned to an eternal cycle was fitting punishment for Caliborn, someone who refuses to break free of cycles of abuse and instead chooses to enact that same abuse on the world around him... if Vriska is someone who can break free of these cycles, who can change and become a better person despite what happened to her, will this punishment have the same effect? or, as Davepeta seems to believe, is forcing Vriska to reckon with her own past and traumas exactly what will allow her to break free of that cycle?

DAVE: [...] ill just be over here in the hyper gravity chamber training to beat lord english KARKAT: WE HAVE A HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER???

it's hard not to be struck by the parallels in design and purpose between the Plot Point and Dragon Ball's Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and not just because of the Dragon Ball enthusiasts present on Beyond Canon's writing and art teams: albeit in typically Strider-bastardised form, the Time Chamber got a shoutout in Andrew Hussie's own Homestuck (see quote above), in a reference that was even picked up on by prolific theorist bladekindeyewear at the time. for the uninitiated: the Hyperbolic Time Chamber allowed its users to train for extended stretches of time, sometimes even spanning years, while a significantly smaller time period passed in the world outside - something that is actually true of real-life black holes! and with the Plot Point's own emphasis on time, represented by the hourglass included among its mechanisms, it seems to me that an essential part of making the 16-year-old Vriska ready for the trials ahead will be giving her the time to undergo the same growth her adult friends have experienced.

considering that Beyond Canon is already playing in the Ultimate Self space, where there are levels of power beyond merely the "god tiers", it also doesn't seem too farfetched to speculate that Vriska, forced to reckon with the fact that becoming a powerful Thief of Light isn't the be-all and end-all of personal growth, will take another leaf out of Dragon Ball's book here and ascend "beyond Super Saiyan". perhaps this is even the "hell tier" so cheekily alluded to in the Plot Point flash? certainly this kind of evolution would be the perfect way to challenge Dirk's belief that the Ultimate Self is the only logical final step for a character's development.

whatever the case, I believe we can take Davepeta at their word here. I don't think it's just a joke that by the end of this ordeal Vriska Serket is going to be fucking RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPED!

[weirdsht]

Die With A Smile - Cale/Reader

a/n: yes it's from the new lady gaga and bruno mars song. I noticed how reader always seems to be on the dying side in my fics so...

oh and I cried to the point of dehydration when I wrote this lol

tags: reader gender not specified, angst, tragedy, injuries, possibility of death, open ending

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read pinned)

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Cale Henituse is such a selfish person. 

He continues to make unreasonable demands even when in this crucial moment.

Can’t he see the tears streaming down your face? Can’t he feel the sadness and grief overtaking your entire being?

Can’t he tell that his the reason why you’re in this state?

He probably could. His Cale Henituse after all, the ever so intelligent commander. The young master that can ensure everyone’s survival even in the direst situations.

Everyone but his.

And that’s why his so so selfish.

“Are you really telling me what to do after you’re gone?”

You cried as you felt his weak hand caress your cheeks. His hands are soft, pampered. Unlike his hands when he was Kim Rok Soo; rough and calloused. Not that it mattered much.

As long as it was him, the man you loved, it didn’t matter what his hand felt on your skin.

Cale Henituse chuckled lightly as if nothing was wrong. As if it was just a normal day in the underground villa where the two of you are lazing around.

It made you wish that Raon was here to smack some sense into him.

But alas he wasn’t. In fact, no one was around. It was just the two of you. No Raon, no Choi Han, no Eruhaben, no Rosalyn.

No way out of this damned cave.

“Stop laughing! I’m not joking!”

You couldn’t help but shout at him. You’re hands working hard to wipe every blood that comes out of his mouth, his eyes, his ears, his… 

His…

You can’t tell where the blood is coming from anymore. 

His blood-soaked hand continued to caress your cheek. Blood smearing everywhere, but you didn’t care. You can’t when you can feel his hand growing colder with each stroke.

Your lover was so selfish.

Oh so so so selfish.

“We’re both injured you dipshit.”

“You have a higher chance of survival than me. I made sure of it.”

Despite everything, he still thought of you. Yet he failed to think of what you would be if he were gone. Never considered how grey your world would become without his unprompted snarky remarks.

“Is this your payback for me dying back on Earth?”

You laid down beside him. The ground was hard as you already sacrificed every piece of clothing you both had to make Cale comfortable. Everything was quiet and peaceful. If it weren’t for the fact that both of you were injured you would have relished in it.

“Maybe… perhaps I wanted you to know how I felt that day– Agh! Fuck it hurts!”

Cale tried to joke but was cut off because his entire body shook with pain once more.

Trying to ease his pain, you held his hand. Squeezing it as you felt your own injuries hurt and throb. Both of you found solace in each other in this dark cave.

“How are your injuries? Especially the one on your side?”

The redhead inquired as he felt your hold tightened. He was probably in so much more pain than you are. But still… still, he insists on prioritizing you.

“Better than your plate could ever be.”

You omitted the part where your side is still profusely bleeding. He didn’t need another stressor when he was already one foot on death’s door.

Turning over to your side hurt, especially since you’re now crushing your wound. But you did it, just so you could stare at his face for probably the last time in this life.

“I know that it’s bleeding. I’m not dumb, lie on your back.”

Silence lingered in the cave as you said nothing. It was enough to tell Cale that you’re not gonna follow.

For what felt like hours, the two of you simply held each other’s hand. Racing to see who will give in the their injuries first.

Cale rested his forehead on yours. It felt magnetic, or maybe that was just the sticky blood. You aren’t so sure, but it felt comforting.

That was until he opened his mouth once more.

“Hey what if I pass over my ancient powers—”

“Don't you fucking dare.”

Both of you could barely speak, yet here you are still arguing.

It reminded you of all the times the two of you bickered over the smallest things.

Then it reminded you of how this was probably the last time you would be able to do so.

Cale seems to have a similar line of thoughts as he shuts up once more. A faint smile was visible on his face, probably remembering the times you spent together.

You squeezed his arm as black spots began dancing around your vision. They looked tempting, they looked like they could relieve the pain you were feeling.

But you resisted, if Cale was fighting then you’re fighting too.

“Hey…”

Cale Henituse started again after a few minutes.

“I don’t like this pain anymore…”

“You never liked pain…”

The love of your life chuckled because it was true. His chuckle was weak, almost lifeless. You tried to laugh too but couldn’t for you know the implication of those words.

Cale Henituse is reaching his limits.

And honestly, you were reaching yours too.

But you didn’t like that. You want for the both of you to live, to get out of this hellish place together.

“...I don’t like this pain anymore too.”

“See… I told you haha…”

You had no choice but to admit it. You don’t know what will happen after this. Cale said he ensured for you to have a higher chance of survival but it’s been hours. It’s a miracle none of you have dropped dead yet.

Removing your forehead from Cale’s you lifted yourself a little. It was so that you could kiss him.

Again, for possibly the last time in this lifetime.

You used the strength you didn’t have to land that one last kiss. Both of you are weak, but passion dominates the kiss. As if each of you were trying to put in the last of your vitality in this kiss. Trying to give it to the other person so they can live longer.

“I love you.”

“You’re my everything.”

Cale and you simultaneously muttered as the kiss broke. You laid back down once more to try and ease the pain that flared up over your little stunt.

Everything hurts, there’s a puddle of blood underneath the two of you, Cale was slowly losing consciousness.

But the two of you had smiles on your faces.

Because the two of you got to experience your last moments in each other's arms.

That was better than dying alone in this cold and dark cave that held you hostage.

However, tears fell from your eyes as you witnessed Cale desperately blinking to stay awake. It was finally sinking in that at least one of you might die here.

Both of you might die here.

There were still so many things the two of you didn’t do. Both of you had promised to take the children on another shopping spree next week. You promised Lock and the other wolf children that you would teach them some martial arts you learned back on Earth. Cale promised Choi Han that they would replenish the flowers in the cemetery in Harris Village.

Though that last one might turn into Choi Han having to lower flowers for both of you.

“My love… my dearest…”

You were so weak that you couldn’t continue your words. But Cale didn’t need words for he could understand you from your breath alone, and you from his.

“Don’t… cry…”

How dare he have the nerve to say that when there are tears streaming down his face too?

Cale used the very last of his strength to bring your joined hands towards his lips. It was his last act of comfort. His last act of love.

“I love… y ou… I’ll… al way s  will…”

With that Cale Henituse’s eyes closed. His hand still holding onto yours. Still pressed against his almost blue lips.

“I… I lo ve… you too…”

Then you followed suit.

As you closed your eyes you think you could hear desperate screams break the silence in the cave. Desperate and anxious screams that oddly sounded like Eruhaben. Then mixed in it are tensed orders from someone who sounded similar to Alberu.

But you didn’t have any strength left to check if you were hallucinating. So you closed you eyes and gave into the abyss waiting to comfortably embrace you.

“...CALE!”

You shouted the moment you woke up. You think you sat up but you weren’t sure. Too disoriented from your injuries and painkillers. 

You think you could feel hands trying to make you lie back down again but you weren’t sure. Even if you were, you didn’t care.

Ignoring the hands trying to subdue you, you tried to feel around for Cale. There were bandages covering your eyes, you realise just now. It seemed like you’re lying down on a bed as it felt soft.

But those weren’t the things you were looking for.

“Cale!? Where’s Cale!?”

You shouted, despair and anguish evident in your voice. There’s a bunch of textures you can feel. Lots of scents you could smell. Tons of voices you could hear.

However, none of them were Cale’s.

Not a single one of them felt like your lover’s.

[waterrunner]

SDV Bachelors headcanons

how each bachelor acts around the new farmer/crush

Sebastian+Sam+Alex

Sebastian

He is 100% an introvert and a more “cold” type of guy but I feel he would a a special soft spot for his crush, you.

He first met you when you came to robins house after finding her lost axe. He had been out of his room to get something to drink and was heading back to his room when you walked in.

He had heard of the new farmer in town but had no interest in them, but now… his interest was peaked.

After that day he found himself getting out more and actively trying to find you, especially during festivals and special events. He really enjoys showing off his pool skills when you’re in the saloon at the same time he’s playing pool with Sam. He goes red in the face if you compliment his amazing skills too- Sam and Abigail won’t ever let him live it down either.

If/when you catch him smoking he becomes sorta embarrassed. He doesn’t necessarily want you knowing he does something deemed “bad”. But if you smoke too, he’ll be less embarrassed- but he will then be concerned for you.

Sam

He first met you when you were walking out in the town trying to meet everyone. He was skateboarding and almost ran straight into you. He of course apologized- or well, tried too. Your beauty, and the fact he had never seen you before, caught him off guard and left him sorta speechless.

“Oh shit- am so sorry, I didn’t.. see… wow” is all he sorta got out before just sorta staring at you. It took a moment for him to snap out of it and realize you were talking to him

“Oh, right. I’m Sam” he had quickly said while sticking his hand out for you to shake. “Your must be the new farmer, huh? Well nice to meet you” he said with a sorta dazed look. He even kept staring as you walked off and out of his sign(bro was entranced).

After that he’s normally a flustered mess around you, but he is trying to act cool the entire time. It gives Abigail and Sebastian second hand embarrassment the stuff he says/does in front of you to try and impress you.

He one time tried doing a skateboard move in front of you, he move he had never done before. Long story short he landed right on his face and gained a bloody nose, you did However run over to him and make sure he was ok and helped him back to his house. Abigail and Sebastian NEVER let him live it down…

Alex

He had came home after going to the beach one day and you were in his house giving his grandma some fresh fruits and vegetables.

He immediately noticed your bright and dazzling smile and the way you seemed genuinely happy to help someone.

Before you left he had came up and introduced himself and got your name. He was sorta being a jerk without realizing it tho…. But it’s ok because he’ll get better the more you get to know him.

That night he sorta just laid in bed and kept picturing your smiling face and how happy you were to meet him. He didn’t realized you liked you tho… he just thought he really wanted to be your friend…

After that He constantly ask if you wanna play some sort of sport with him or workout with him, which you often have to decline because of how demanding working on the farm is. The few times you have accepted were quite fun tho.

He is constantly boasting about how strong and athletic he is, how he’s gonna go pro one day, and how he’s a ladies man…. He does like hearing about your work on the farm tho. He believes it would be a good workout for him to come help you some days(totally not because he wanna hangout with you).

I hope this wasn’t toooo bad for my first actual post lol. If there’s any critiques or constructive criticisms am completely ok with it, just please be nice about it.

[enemyoflactose]

To start this off, I want to mention the extremely weird obsession you have with watering Ryou down to this dumb Femboy for having feminine characteristics. God forbid a boy- yes, a BOY, a 16 year old, anorexic and confused guy to not be the manliest guy alive. Also all the overly sexual things directed to him or in relation to him? They are just downright revolting and can be in no way justified. You wonder why people can’t recognize your Ryou art when you dumb him down to a fucking femboy. Ryou bakura is based off many other characters and is supposed to be ANDROGYNOUS. (hence his Female VA and overall appearance.) he is NOT a girl. Also, stop making him to look really fucking dumbed down. If you even read the manga, ryou is actually really fucking smart. He isn’t a bimbo, he isn’t some kind of fucking stupid silly uwu boy. HES A TEENAGER GOD FORBID HE EVEN EXISTS

The next thing I wanted to allude on, Marik's mischaracterization, oversexualization (again) and woobification? How are you gonna dismiss one of the best written Characters in the entire show just for a few petty arguments, rude and impolite at that too. You’re also a giant hypocrite. Being as Yami Bakura (your favorite character) is a bad person AND I WOULD EVEN SAY, HES AN AWFUL PERSON. more so compared to Marik. His redemption arc i can get as to why you’re so pissy about it but you need to realize that this is also a kids show with limited writing due to 4KIDS, manga is more well constructed. Honestly i just have a giant problem with your Marik. I’m not even gonna talk about the thiefshipping, angstshipping, and opinions abt YM..why is Marik in your head like a fuckass. Like, your perception of him is so weird. Marik is equally as bad as every villain in Yugioh, you constantly make him out to be a hypersexual sex craved MANIAC. Also not to mention the blatant racism on your blog (it’s self explanatory.) I don’t understand all the hate, from his arc to the character design…pick a side, do you hate him or do you only like him because he pounds ryou in your head :T

Also the pure, unadulterated watering down of SA in your "crimes of marik/yami marik" post? I can't put into words how extremely shameful it is, to disregard such an important and scary topic and to make a joke of it honestly. IT WAS NOT SA? the scene was ryou bakura about to FALL OVER because he is INJURED. Marik isn’t trying to do anything to him. Thanks for dumbing down real life situations you’re an awesome person

Where did you get that Ryou was anorexic? Being thin and not really eating a lot doesn't make you anorexic. I would know, I was almost diagnosed with it.

I head cannon Ryou as a femboy not because I'm sexualizing him, but because I want to draw a character that I like and relate to in outfits that I just want to see him in.

Do I end up drawing Ryou in sexual outfits? Yes. I'm sorry this upsets you, but I find certain typically sexual outfits such as maid outfits and MEIKO's Blue Crystal model to be very pretty and cute. Not to mention they're just fun to draw.

I have plans to draw Ryou in other dresses and skirts that aren't sexual, I wouldn't have this head cannon if I didn't.

I'm well aware that looking androgynous doesn't automatically make someone a femboy or tomboy. I may be dumb, but I'm not an idiot.

The kind of stupid that I think Ryou is, is the kind that makes you unable to see certain social cues or just be ignorant about a lot of things. I give him the same stupid that I have because I'm projected on to a character that I like and relate to.

I'm also still new to writing, so the way I characterize Ryou hasn't been shown to its fullest. I write him and acknowledge him how he's already written, but I add things to make myself happy. That's how fanfiction works.

I never said that Ryou was a bimbo, I said that he's stupid because he makes objectively dumb choices like keeping the millennium ring and not telling his friends about it. Also, yes I do know that he's being abused. From an outsiders perspective however, his choices just come across as looking stupid.

I am making light hearted jokes about a fictional character and projecting myself on to that same fictional character, and you have a problem with that?

And to talk about your insults to my art, I know that the reason I'm scared people won't recognize Ryou is because I draw him to like this:

Instead of this:

I'm well aware of that because despite my low intelligence, I can understand that he doesn't really look like Ryou.

Also, why are you so intent on telling me that Ryou is a boy? I know he's a boy. I constantly say that he's a boy and acknowledge that he's a boy. You need to identify as a boy to be a femboy 💀.

For your Marik takes, I have no clue what woobafication is. I also don't hate Marik because he's a bad person, I "hate" him (it's fucking theatrical you dumbass) because he has a poor redemption that needed to be explored more. Marik is a character that I genuinely like and I think he's fun and hilarious, I just have problems with how he was redeemed since in my eyes, he did nothing to deserve it.

Yami Bakura is also not my favorite character. Weevil and Joey are. I just talk about Yami Bakura way more because there's more for me to say. I like Ryou more than him as well because Ryou is my projection character.

I'm well aware that Yami Bakura is a worse person than Marik, he did almost kill all of Egypt is I'm remembering things right, but that doesn't mean that Marik isn't also a bad person.

Just because someone is worse than another, doesn't mean that that person's sins are cleaned completely.

Of course you don't wanna talk about the angstshipping thiefshipping discourse you little pussy.

Marik is objectively worse than Pegasus, Noah, Gozuburo, and the Douma trio. He kidnaps, brainwashes, steals, kills, abuses his brother, and all the while he still blames Yami Yugi for how he is.

Marik being hypersexual is just a fandom trop. That's why I think he is, because a pretty big number of people also think that way.

Where is the racism? I'm genuinely concerned about this one it is not self explanatory.

I do actually like Marik as a character, it's not because he pounds Ryou in my head, it's because he's entertaining. He's fun, I like fun villains. (His purple shirt is ugly as hell tho)

Now to talk about my biggest issue with you. You think I can afford to just read the manga and watch the sub, don't you?

Well guess what chuckle nuts, I'M FUCKING POOR

I don't have the money to buy more of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga or to pay for a Crunchyroll subscription.

I'm broke, no money, poor, jobless.

You're making the assumption that I can fucking afford to buy the manga. I have to ask my family to buy it for me as gifts for birthdays and shit. I literally have no money.

So let me put everything you need to know in a little list so you, and anyone else, can understand things about me.

I project onto Ryou

I think pretty boys in pretty dresses is cool

I actually really like Marik

My favorite character is Weevil

I happen to like angstshipping

I happen to not like thiefshipping

I think certain sexualized outfits are pretty or look fun to draw

I have media literacy

Fuckass is not a word in my vocabulary and I don't know what that means

Please block me 💕

[demonsfate]

maybe somewhat controversial but saw somethin on a confessions blog saying this and i guess i do kinda miss when rping felt... sillier at times? like with both the existence of magic anons & dash commentaries. things just feel Stricter or More Serious now? not sure how to put it. dash commentaries do still happen, but not as frequently as i used to. like GOSH, i remember 5+ years ago, i'd have my character saying something bizarre and it would BLOW the entire dashboard up. like almost all my mutuals would be commenting on it, a lot of "silly drama" would happen because of it. some would agree with my muse, some would prosecute them. that doesn't really happen anymore. though, i also understand. i get that ppl have boundaries, but sometimes it really feels like you have to walk on eggshells lest you upset somebody.

i recalled one time this character was just being AWFUL to mine (mine who has done nothing wrong lol) just hurling insults, mistreating them, whateves. so y'know, there were dash commentaries about this and it eventually lead to the other mun getting very upset that their character was being "villainized". and it's like ... don't ... write an antagonistic muse if you don't want that? or the very least, don't write them BEING antagonistic toward innocent people? i mean, when ppl's muses & anons used to bully abaddon, i actually loved it. because indeed deserved it, he's a horrible horrible person who mistreats and kills the innocents. and plus it's just fun ok? i love conflict - regardless if it's angsty, serious, or silly conflict.

and magic anons... i get it can be a flawed concept. (ppl can send their Thinly Disguised Fetishes in it - not that i care but obvs other ppl would rightfully care) but i still thought it was very fun because it's like temporary or mini aus. it plunges characters into otherwise impossible scenarios and then give you new thread concepts based on those scenarios. i'd say even to this day, i still accept magic anons. but that feels pointless to say because they're virtually nonexistent anymore.

this was all i was gonna discuss in this post, but i can also understand why the rpc is often... less engaging anymore? why we have a problem with communication, why we have a problem with less anons being sent out. this isn't a generalization, of course - there are other reasons why this happens. but this is something i've personally experienced in the past, and it makes me think it could be the same for other people. it's just the fear of being blown up at, again - upsetting somebody.

i've seen people be legit hateful towards the anons they get A LOT. like an old rper i've stopped writing with would literally call the anons "assholes" and trying to "ruin fun" because the anons would just comment on the threads or ask questions regarding the threads? and it's like i thought that was supposed to be a common thing... anons like that just help add insight to how the muse is feeling regarding a thread or somethin. but the way they reacted was so unnecessary hostile? when they could've politely told anons to stop or just... fucking deleted the anons like lmao. and it's not just this too but i've seen other people just react bitterly to certain anons they get. or this one time where somebody REQUESTED for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM and i sent an anon giving my criticism, can't remember quite what it was but obvs i said nothing mean or insulting - i just told them a problem i noticed and gave tips on how they could possibly improve (AGAIN, THEY ASKED FOR THIS) and they later went on their blog talking about how they got ANON HATE???? HELLO????? so yeah, i understand not liking certain anons you get or whatever. but ppl react to them with so much hostility, that it makes everyone else afraid to send anons anymore because they'd rather say nothing than upset the user, especially if they're gonna be potentially villainized for something that is virtually harmless.

then there is just talking to people ooc. hell, i've had somebody who followed one of my old blogs (this was like a few years ago iirc?) and their rules had that blood was one of their triggers. so i told them that i tag that so they don't have to worry and they literally said something like "I didn't ask you to :/" and that's it??? and then they were just rude to me the entire convo until we eventually unfollowed lol. not to mention all the skype & discord contacts i add over the years and then we just stop talking in no time...

anyway, i'm not saying everyone is like this at all! there are MANY super cool people in the rpc, many people i have a lotta fun writing with here. but when you look back at all the bad experiences, or even looking at the bad experiences at are currently unfolding, it makes more and more sense why a lotta the "silly" rp aspects that ceased to exist. why there are no more magic anons, and why dash commentary & anons in general are becoming more and more scarce.

it was this post that inspired me to talk about this. which i actually don't agree with everything op said. in fact, i wouldn't even say the primary issue of current threads is romance or smut. more so, i noticed that fluff / slice of life threads with no conflict is what makes up for most threads nowadays it seems lmao. which is also understandable, because again - it's a popular known issue within the rpc that it's hard to have conflict in threads, lest somebody legit gets their feelings hurt OOC!!! hell, this has happened to me a few times because i often play antagonistic muses. which again, is another issue that makes people feel like they're constantly walking on eggshells. but anyway, it just inspired me to think about and discuss this.

[blindtaleteller]

Just out of curiosity... Is it really in character of Loki to replace Odin with magic like he does at the end of TDW?.. A part of me feels like it is tainted with hasty writing (which fits the narrative regarding how this was a change mid-production). If Loki truly survived the attack by the Cursed, what seems most in character for him to do? Getting on the throne of Asgard doesn't seem that likely to me, to be honest..

This one is gonna be long I think, because asking that particular question, tells me you've missed a few things. Nothing wrong with that; it happens. (I do know a lot but even I forget to add or remind myself of certain bits too now and again: which is yet another reason why I do watch and re-watch the content over and again, and seek out creators and actors interviews from the era from varied angles.)

I wish the current creators paid a decent fraction as much attention mind you, but that' as whole other thing and annoyance.

Anyway! Here we go again~

It does make the most sense choice wise, actually; that Loki would take the throne in 2013: and it has nothing to do with wanting the throne itself as implied and said outright repeatedly by current creators and their "scripts."

While there are a LOT of reasons to do so with what's going on in the story both immediate in Thor the Dark World itself and otherwise? Most of them, and the reason why Loki absolutely would keep the throne for the next five years boils down to the same reason used to attempt to execute him on his return, and ultimately put him in the dungeon to end up as the major reason Asgard's people were spared a prolonged siege at a time when their defenses had been almost entirely decimated.

The ultimate answer boils down to the not-so-hidden Chekhov's Gun for the overall story of the first sequence/series of MCU films.

I say it that way in particular, because in this case.. they started setting up for it back in 2009-11 with Captain America the First Avenger and the first Thor movie as well. Iron Man 2 released in 2010, had some part setting up details for Avengers 2012 as well; though some of them are mostly less important in regards to this particular ask, for the era and subject we're talking about here.

They did this incredibly well though, when you look at the way the set up was constructed.

Basically, there are two layers of story being told in most Marvel Cinematic Universe Movies of the era; if you didn't notice.

1. Local Story, the story that wholly belongs to the title; era and or immediate characters.

2. Universal and or Overall Story belonging to the universe in which those local stories are taking place.

Remember this guy? I'm pretty sure you do but..

One of the things that people love to forget (or more often pass over as taken for granted) is that Thanos is the person who ultimately snatched Loki up, purely with the intent of getting another stone (Tesseract) into his hands. (Of course there was never any promise Loki would rule over 8 billion rather than 4 billion either, and well. That kind of action; taking half the population then rather than 2018: is established repeatedly as being very much in Thanos' character too.)

I say one of though, because the fact that the Mind Stone (Scepter) was in Thanos hands well before that was established in the very first scenes of Avengers 2012.. before they even put a single character on screen.

In a scene that, tells the viewer outright why Loki was the one chosen; and what they want. This scene is a lot more than just a foreword to catch up viewers who hadn't seen Captain America or Thor at the time. This is also the first not-so-subtle mention of their Universal Story Chekhov's Gun, Thanos.

To break it down for you real quick:

------pre-Universal story set up.

1 - (2010) Tony Stark creates a new-to-earth element (Badassium.. lol I didn't name it, they did) replacing the palladium in the reactor in his chest with this element. Black Widow (Natasha Romanov) is introduced.

----this sets up in minor ways for the Mind Stone: a more believable reason and mechanic for Stark being immune to the Scepter being used on him at the top of the tower at the beginning of the Battle for New York. (There are other mechanics like this set up in the previous IM movies as well: including his brief float in space otherwise ignoring physics of human body and suit versus a lack of atmosphere, gravity or air pressure. [IM1]) But it also introduces Nat and her position in SHIELD into the Universe, rather than just throwing her on screen in A1.

2 - (R May 2011)This film is the heavy lifter as far as Universal story goes. It doesn't just introduce one or two major characters in the Avengers; but THREE of next movie's three major, main characters and their place in the universe are introduced and built: As well as giving the first glimpses of the Universe at large.

There is a reason why Loki and especially Asgard where he is after Thor's banishment, has more screen time than Thor in the opening title film, and the Universal Story is that reason.

(This one is going to be among the largest, because it contains some of the intent behind the character as he is in the MCU.)

FEIGE: "The movie, very much, is an origin of Loki, almost as much as it is an origin of Thor. We had to ride that balance." BRANNAGH: " I think the connection, if there is one, is that the stakes are high. So, in something like Henry IV or Henry V, where you’re wondering if that young prince could be the king and whether he’s the right man for the job. That story arc of the flawed hero who must earn the right to be king is in our piece, but what’s key is the stakes. There, it’s Europe and England, and here, it’s the universe. When that family has problems, everybody else is affected. If Thor throws a fit and is yelling at his father and is banished, suddenly the worlds are unstable." I: Can you talk about casting Tom Hiddleston for Loki? BRANNAGH: "From the performance point of view, we needed somebody who was complex and could convey intelligence. There was a constant conversation between us all about whether it was a good thing to keep the question mark over the character of Loki throughout. Is he bad? Does he have a plan? Does he love his brother? Does he hate his brother? Does he hate his father? Is this happening before our very eyes? How does he truly react to the secrets and lies that emerge, in the course of the story? So, you needed someone who could be adept at putting on all those masks and making it seem seamless." [Link to the full Interview HERE.]

Granted Brannagh summarized Thor's part IN throwing that Universe into chaos more than a bit, but yeah. (his shit fit from a less personal view included breaking peace treaty with a no border crossing agreement between two entire worlds, threatening and then killing the residents in the process, and then throwing another fit in defense of that TO get banished: and furthering that later on as the source of that problem through the extra treason of ignoring his very and repeatedly stated light punishment for that first set of acts of treason: by attempting to return from that punishment against the order of not one but two kings [interim and prior] to have the Destroyer sent after him only then.)

As you can see through Brannagh's words in particular though; Thor as a movie (and Asgard in particular) was aimed as one of the major contributing factors and powers in the MCU Universe and Universal Story from concept one.

Asgard (and T1 as a result) as a power and society was set up and built as a major pivoting point and joint for the Universal Story, with all the power, knowledge, flaws, limitations societal and otherwise needed to forward that story.

Brannagh was not just and only aware of that and the scope to which a universal monarchy and having that monarchy including Thor and Loki as main characters would stretch: he and the creators of Thor and the Universe including Feige were VERY aware of it.

And it kept all the way through to IW and EndGame, and would have even if Loki had not kept the throne.. if at a much higher cost. (We'll get to that; though I'm betting with this taken into account you can figure out some of why.)

All that kept to one side, this film introduced Asgard's current ability as a technologically advanced Conquerer-type Imperialist society, rather than gods; but also and temporarily disabled the Bifrost as their most used and fastest known means to deliver larger numbers to Earth, at the time of the movie's release. It likewise released Loki for his role in the Avengers 2012 and in their Universe at large: and set up for Guardians of the Galaxy in subtler ways to start off the Other and Thanos as the ones conducting the Invasion and looking for the Infinity Stones.

Needless to say, juggling all that in one film before the Universal Story hit, made giving their other introduction and Universal story mechanic on the Earthen end a little hard to squeeze in; but they did manage to introduce both Hawkeye and Selvig in the same movie setting on top of that: and added the end credit scene to establish further connection during Thor's banishment: by further involving SHIELD in his and especially Mjolnir's arrival.

Like I said.. heavy lifter of a film. Brannagh did a beyond amazing job with everything he was made to juggle both in film and setting up for the next two: one of which was in production at the same time as the one he was chosen to direct.

3. (R July 2011 [1940s]) Coming out later that year, CA:tFA took the next (and the one at the time unknown previous) page that the end credit scene showed us in that set up, to establish how the cube and Stone got there, a feel for it's danger in the wrong hands and how it ended up on Earth still in 2012 at all: again tying to SHIELD as Earth's portion of that Universal Story, using Asgard's pivot point to advance the plot and add the final Avenger (which lol at the title 'The First Avenger' for that reason and others: someone had a giggle at the name I'm sure). The Tesseract first seen in the end credit scene of Thor; is properly introduced immediately, as A. having been in Asgard's hands before leaving it in the charge of humans, and B. Stolen by Schmidt who knows and tells us this as he's stealing it from it's guardians descendants (right out of their ancestor's grave and dead hands) for Nazi/Hydra gain. The Tesseract (along with Schmidt and Rogers) is lost somewhere over the Atlantic.

----this movie sets up quite a few more things, and uses that gap in time to do so without need for a whole other movie. Cap's presence in 2012. What's really fun and interesting though, is just how afr ahead this one was running it's projected Universal Story aim: even if only in The Tesseract being reclaimed by SHIELD and Hydra sometime between 1945 and 1970 just before Tony's birth in that same year of 1970 (remember, Hydra were unidentified as being in SHIELD all the way up to 2014.)

Hydra's existence, threat, and eventual reveal in CA:TWS resulting in the Mind Stone they stole* while within SHIELD after 2012 to only be recovered three years after that in 2015. Bucky Barnes was introduced in this first film; and while his character on it's own doesn't do a whole lot for the Universal story.. where and what organization he's found in that he resurfaces as forced a part of, does: as the Universal Story in CAtWS connects from CAtFA and Avengers, to GoTG; and leads straight to Ultron where it's finally recovered, and more importantly to revealing the Infinity Stones for what they are.. as well as telling the viewer outright that of the six stones as of Age of Ultron?

We have already seen four of those six stones on screen.. and, three of them have been in Loki's presence if not directly in his hands as of 2013 the year after 2012. (Tesseract twice, Scepter, and Ather: and in that chronological order.)

(*Side note: Errrr, is it stealing when Hydra were running SHIELD more than Fury at that stage after Howard Stark's death: and they just kinda handed it to Rumlow and Pierce without question for two years? idk, that's more than a little iffy in a lot of ways lol!)

Anyway, again that pivoting point is straight-away Asgard, and Odin in particular. Though they make when it arrived on Earth ambiguous in CA:TFA, the Other's dialogue from that opening Avengers 2012 scene mentioned way up there at the top? Tells us outright that the Tesseract was left there AFTER the war with Jotunheim.

The line among the few I'm talking about in particular is:

" The Tesseract has awakened. [...] But our ally [Loki] knows it's workings as they never will. " - The Other, Avengers 2012, Opening Scene

(Another set of side notes: the inflection and especially emphasis being where it is in that dialogue was pretty interesting and a bit odd back then, prior to Thanos being properly unveiled as the Other's keeper two years later. Right away that opener tells you outright what they want from Earth at that moment[tesseract & the stones], the fact that the one speaking isn't in charge either [Thanos being behind the Other and Chitauri], that they are not the only army available to them [he says our Chitauri, not our army or armies: see Ronan the Accuser] and that they're willing to go war and kill on an interstellar level to get it [self explanatory].)

(There's also how Schmidt disappears as shown in this film. Reminder: while we generally know that Asgard put the Tesseract on Earth sometime during Loki & Thor's adult lifetime, we don't know when Asgard got it. BUT. The visuals alone at the end of CAtFA have some pretty big implications in that direction. More so as TDW shows us that there's a certain technology in play as far back as Bor's time. Here's a gif.. Look kinda familiar, Thor fans..?)

Here's one I've shared before, from TDW itself to visually remind us where we've seen that kind of things repeatedly:

(Yep. That's the Bifrost being used 5,000 years ago to bring in Bor's army and steal the Aether, y'all. It also shows us something else: that the Bifrost can be held in long spurts without destroying the planet it's pointed at becoming an immediate thing. Combine this with Loki's knowledge and hm... that raises some other interesting facts and extra questions about the Bifrost scene at the end of Thor 2011 too, doesn't it.)

Okay so! Some who see this might ask 'Why is all that important?'

Welp.. the answer is in the question at the very top of this ask.

Asking about Loki, and his taking Asgard's throne at the end of Thor the Dark World...

The answers are yes, especially because motivation, all that backstory (both directly on screen and what was established and cemented as canon even off it for years by the creators, for that story to work [yes click that link if you haven't seen the breakdown of the year between Thor 2011 and Avengers 2012],) and more pointedly the fact that Loki by that point after the end of The Dark World: not only knows someone is pursuing the Infinity Stones, and knows very well how the Tesseract in Asgard's vault at this stage would help Thanos collect the rest.. but!

Loki has also up close and personal just been introduced to a third, formerly lost/hidden Infinity Stone being revealed and claimed in a very loud, very public way, by a just as universally known power he himself has intimate knowledge of... Asgard [if through Jane/Earth: and gawds but Bor was just as bad about hiding vital and fatal info as Odin turned out to be, sheesh.]

And here's the extra addition to that motivation to stay and take that throne in a way that also knocks out all threat FROM Asgard and it's allies: the person who tortured him and is seeking those stones has already threatened his life more than once in pursuit of them, and promised to hunt him down if he didn't get what he wanted then in 2012.

(If you missed it by the way? The dialogue, inflection and expressions there both show and tell us right away that they don't trust him NOT to keep the Tesseract from them: even if Loki doesn't fail in 2012. There's no reason to use up the extra airtime, or hit him with pain immediately after, to triple down on it otherwise. The Other, and Thanos by extension; do not trust their hold on Loki: or that he will give them what they want in other words. They don't trust him to succeed [purposely or not] and they don't trust him not to gank both Stones completely out of their already distant reach. (Which and lol he absolutely does manage to do anyway, by putting up neon info signs, really gone-ham public and personal displays, riling the trashed initiative team up left and right, leaving Barton behind on purpose knowing he was coming, and definitely missing the slant of a sloped sky scraper AND the landing pad loop when he tosses Stark into account? It was brilliantly done as was and without that examination, but when you take all that into account too.. oof..! The higher probability that the plan was internally wrecked by the underlying knife of absolute spite for his torturers this character likely pulled off; was just plain beautiful, and clean AF. Just sayin'.)

But and no, Thanos didn't get what he wanted in gambling even the one stone he did have in 2012 in order to try and pick up that second stone.

Obviously.

So they (and we) had more than enough of the potential motivation put down both on screen and off it, over the course of four years (including IM2 production preparing for it in that foundation) but is that still enough to take the risk, and go for the throne?

( ⬆️ Loki's appearance on arrival in Avengers 2012 after his time with Thanos as originally intended; prior to toning it down in order to fit the PG-13 rating the studios were aiming for to increase audience.)

YES, it was.

Even if only temporarily at first, taking Odin off his throne insures Loki's freedom from pursuit on Asgard's end: as he is now king of those pursuers, and a great deal more overall autonomy even outside of Asgard.

This puts him in direct control of the King's Vault, in which the Tesseract [possible means of escape, while within the reach of that greater tech level etc] is being held: and which again.. Thanos [again threatened & tortured him] still wants, and he knows this.

(⬆️ On-screen Example 1 of what it was like even to be claimed as family, by Thanos. Loki was not, family.)

On top of that, in the long term; his position as King allows him to have a broader sight that running or hiding would not: thanks to Asgard's position as a Known-Universe-sized Imperial Protectorate encompassing multiple Worlds and or Galaxies .. including Earth where the Mind Stone (and Time) is, Xandar (Power shows up just a little under a single year later during his reign,) the Kree (same.) And a much greater ability to prepare (keeping those stones as separate as possible, as he does as the King on the throne who sends Reality to the Collector) and see Thanos coming when he does as a result.

Ultimately, even if temporarily: taking the throne at this stage and in this situation is absolutely within his character, even not wanting it. The massive tactical and personal advantages with Thanos alone, which that position with his knowledge; would provide him with a great deal of capability and reach for a very minimal amount of effort, and especially lives and time lost going the other route..? Were not only on display for two years worth of films to call on, but are pretty hard to excuse passing on in his situation at that time, for any reason.

(⬆️ On-screen Example 2)

There are and were other routes available yes: quite a few of them being he was and likely still is a hero everywhere BUT Earth*. But each and every one of them was that much more dangerous, and lacking in protection both for himself personally and for anything left of what he might have wanted to save of any of those also involved: including Asgard.

(*And yes some of those civilizations might maybe question him and that bad guy status a little: but let's be honest. Confronted with the facts of how all that and Thor's mess ups with Jotunheim actually went down, which Loki also knows about both first hand and in depth, and could easily call out just as publicly [and has in some of my fics]... it's not incredibly likely other societies and especially their leaders responsible for their lives, would choose to indulge Asgard's pride and arrogance at the risk of something like Thanos being allowed to continue to run loose after at least decades of halving populations like Gamora's, Drax's through Ronan, and possibly Nebula's [unconfirmed]. There would be a process to that too though; and time spent correcting all the messes that would cause for him to clean up in order to move forward with fewer obstacles as a result, possibly years if not centuries depending on location and how little they know.)

Taking Asgard's throne (even temporarily) while the majority of big players were either dead at that point[Frigga], weakened [Odin was putting Thor up for king in T1 to take his place & putting off Odinsleep at least 2 years prior to TDW] or occupied/distracted with the final death throes of the Dark Elves [Thor, pretty much everyone else] was the cleanest and safest way to ensure his life, his safety, and his freedom.

Even if, only short term.

Add on the other bonuses being in that seat "wearing the old goat's face" (yeah I borrowed that line from GROUNDED's Tony muse) and well.. there are too many more reasons to do it than not.

The other option has him either trying to escape Darkalfheim to a planet NOT Earth or Asgard to keep from being noted or picked up, before he's found first and knowing Asgard is and has been pursuing him (and Thor) since Thor broke him out of the dungeon: or trying to escape Asgard itself: with very little influence or power to do anything about both the person who tortured him coming after him as promised.. OR Asgard coming after him.

Because there is another thing that would have come out, with Odin still on the throne: is the fact that the body there [if he used a decoy, like one of the elves corpses left behind, or even the guard sent] was not his. Which would have led to immediate search and pursuit, and likely Thor being part of it after dealing with Malekith.

In these scenarios, Loki would have to pursue a counter to not only Asgard itself or Earth's established [and re-established through Jane's reaction] perceptions of him; but also Asgard's political reach as well in order to maintain his freedom, and actually start to counter Thanos before the slurpee stain could reach either, and potentially reclaim if not claim the stones: because they WOULD become an obstacle.. if not because of Odin and Thor [both of whose positions are made blatantly and glaringly clear where Loki is concerned in that same film, repeatedly and reflected on top of that in the entire scene with Thor's friends threatening him, as well as Frigga's own gaslighting scenes prior to her death as the Queen who should have taken her throne in T1 and in the dungeon in TDW.] then definitely because of the Other and Thanos, both of whom were very much alive and still running around the outer edges of the Galaxy until the Other was killed by Ronan in 2014.

Whether he's solely protecting himself, or looking to set up revenge, Loki, Thor, and Asgard's Local story in the MCU was designed to be part of if not heavily intertwined with the Universal Story before we saw any of them on our screens. And, if you're picking up a crafting story any time after 2011 in canon in that Universe.. that's gonna, and should be a thing.

Sad (and more than a little pitiful) that current creators ignore and mock all that and more, along with the efforts of over a decade of that work and hundreds of creators before them, especially in what they're passing for Thor since Gagnarok, or calling the "Loki" series (aka Bob: The Accountant/The Not-Enchantress Show) today*.. but I suppose that's what you get when you pay a bunch of clueless and Odin/Thor-level-arrogant cartoon creators for a twice rejected, unfinished script as the knock-off and fill in for crafting the next part of that story: and then hire their friends to do the next part even worse than the first?

(*Just sayin'. lol! Also yes those are both separate links to just a few examples of what's been going wrong since.)

So.. TLDR...

Yes, it's actually very in-character for Loki to have taken the throne; as a proven and intentionally crafted intelligent and tactically-minded character,* who was raised knowing Asgard's reach and power when a King who uses it properly is seated in that throne.

(*Regardless of what the series tries to tell you to mock viewers otherwise.. those scenes stating otherwise about Loki's character in S1 and now in S2 still makes me laugh my ass off at the stupidity and ignorance on display in this regard especially: as they tell you outright that absolutely no one who might have cared on the BTS team watched an ounce of the Avengers movie they want you believe the character came directly from, any of Thor 2011 before it, and definitely not TDW or Guardians to guess never mind know even remotely accurately as to the TITLE CHARACTER's characterization or motivations, of their own series; to get it THAT wrong on purpose... to the extent that, they have to put those kinds of words in his and other characters' mouths through the "scripts" they wrote and put on screen.)

I do however and as an addition: think Loki probably hated it from day to day.

After all, everything he did to stop if not pause Thanos and buy time; was done so with Odin's face.. and as a result was credited to Odin, who reminder.. by the time GotG and then Ragnarok ended, we knew was aware of Thanos at the very least (if not through Asgard then through other huge powers in the universe like Xandar and the Kree [Ronan was killing on Thanos behalf, Gamora's planet was halved decades prior]) and sat on his hands rather than face the largest army in the known universe, as it's proclaimed protector.

The leader for which being let run loose like that [Thanos].. was able to snatch Loki up, and the New York Invasion to happen as a result of Odin and Asgard's complacency.

Loki would have been stuck with the prospect of revealing himself and slowing down his potential progress and preparation (including restoring Asgard and it's defenses around the Tesseract in it's vault) over the course of those five years, being pursued for likely execution or maybe the rest of those 3,500 years of solitary confinement Frigga had to beg for as a sitting duck in a literal gilded cage again, running and attempting to keep his autonomy while doing all of that anyway, or ... just taking the throne and keeping his face hidden in order to avoid almost all of any of that and the many variations possible there that would have wasted months if not years of very precious time.

Ultimately, avoiding these things would have cost him in another way too, if he did manage and he knew that; because and again, Loki knew Thanos' game and purpose much earlier than we the viewers did. Sitting aside and hiding was not going to exclude him from the gamble of the snap even if Thanos did not find him, and took the stones without his interference.

Without his interference (and especially after Hydra stealing it in the 40's, and Thanos' first attempt to take the Tesseract from Earth as one very near example of why not to: especially from the outside looking in at that) it remains very probable that Odin would not have moved the Aether at all; as Loki did, wearing his face. Which means that, regardless of whether or not he returned for Ragnarok (which was established even in it's own plot-hole ridden mess of a story) as happening anyway: Thanos still would have collected Space and Reality after Power.. and he would have been able to do so far more quickly with them both in one place.. whether that place was floating space with Loki not there to collect either, or in their hands after the fact because he did think not to leave them in the open and undefended.

There are some ways around this (I've done some and planned out more,) but they're very tricky to do believably: and they still take time, allies, and correcting at least some things (especially perceptions and the break in trust worsened majorly by Odin and Thor) to manage. Sometimes a LOT of all of the above.

What's more, when taking him out into the open after the part he played in saving not only Jane, but also Asgard from Odin's rage filled dumb in TDW?

It's pretty likely that revealing himself on the throne and explaining this shit would have wasted even more time in various ways. But the very first and most obvious thing to become a problem in the realm of big-picture no-nos he definitely would have been aware of is this:

Asgard as a whole at that point and likely after having the story confirmed by Thor, would likely fall into a state of even more chaos in civil war if not a war of succession afterwards: further screwing over their ability to recover their defensive capabilities due to fighting themselves.

Other societies becoming aware could spark the same reaction, if a little later and cause Asgard's reputation, standing and overall influence to crumble as the facts came out. While some of these are avoidable or made less in certain situations: the fact remains that is what Odin set himself and Asgard up for by sitting to the side rather than doing everything in his power as King of an advanced space-faring society in contact with numerous others capable of moving them even without the Bifrost in effect.

It's very likely that, some of those external (and maybe some internal like Vanaheim) would use the very good examples of Odin and Thor's incompetence when dealing with things like Jotunheim (oh wow lets not get into that long list of treason and kid-glove handling of prince raised as genocidal traitor yet again), and Vanaheim (Asgardian colony with no Asgardian defense cannons or ships ..hm that reeks of some serious issues and bigotry too: especially seen in the very same film as those cannons, AND the fact they could transport whole armies via Bifrost 5,000 years prior?) alone, as a springboard to either GTFO Odin's alliance party, or support the idea of Loki being crowned instead of Thor.. if not both.

Anyway. This was really long and I have pulled this whole thing apart so many times in so many different ways that I could definitely keep going.. but I think that's a good enough view of the whys it's very much in character.. and some of what likely would have happened if he hadn't. And yes that emphasis in bold is very much needed.

There are other factors to take into account alongside of all this, including (aka not only) the fact his actual species (yep, don't forget: he's not Asgardian either) is both known at this point, and absolutely despised by Asgardians in particular on top of all that. And, at least some of the generation that hates his kind most --Odin and Frigga's-- are still around to keep carrying that on and attempt to pass it to their kids of the same generation. A thing we know they did already, through the dialogue, responses and and actions of every single member of the Royal family, including Loki's, starting with the very first film.

Remember.. this was the entire reason Thor thought it was completely okay to rack up multiple charges of treason, trespass on a completely different world he was forbidden by both sides from even setting foot on, and then insulting and killing them on the home planet he invaded, in the first place...

..and that fact it was still present, and was in action, was ultimately the root of the reasoning for that banishment.

Incidentally, and as final set of side notes?

This another example of why world building and sticking to the rules of that world/universe as established is necessary, and only serves to make the world and universe the characters are supposed be part of that much stronger and more interesting when done correctly.

Limitations (physical, social, psychological and more) exist in story and in those universes not just as near-laws-of-physics, but sometimes as an obstacle themselves to overcome, or more importantly and most often forgotten?

To work with, rather than around or over; in order to actually accomplish something, or at least give the sense of that accomplishment.

This is at the heart of what it means for a character to earn what they're given and show that, rather than simply getting it for free.

Ultimately I see that choice as Loki exchanging his name and identity, along with recognition for having put Thanos off of killing half the universe with him in it for five years; for the ability to better and more quickly protect himself and the things around him from those threats, not only from Thanos.. but also those threats posed and put into word by Odin, Thor, Sif, and the Yes-men Three.

And he was only able to to that without interruption, because he did make that sacrifice in hand for five solid years by taking Odin's throne and face.

It does fit that Loki absolutely did and as Tom Hiddleston and creators have said: at least try let go of Asgard, Thor, Odin and the rest when he let go at the end of Thor 2011...

..However. It's also very clear even if he hadn't; that Thanos' actions and Odin's and Asgard's inaction, ended up forcing him right back in front of them, whether his remaining anger re-igniited by the Scepter during that missing year had been bolstered as it was, played the part it did on screen or not.

All that said.. it was quite a long way away from hasty or lazy writing. If anything, that would have been true for going through with Loki's death at the end of TDW instead: as the next set in line would have been entirely excused from putting him or any of that story into focus on screen at all, even in what little they did pay attention to it during and after Gagnarok.

The TDW creators simply chose the most obvious path the previous creators had already crafted in their foundations, and laid down the path for them to take in crafting the next with TDW to set up for hte next even after it.

Sucks that it took getting that big an audience reaction in that direction to do so and not be that lazy about it.. but it is what it is.

-

Post-Script and For faster reference and in order from Captain America 2011 on, Loki did/was subject to, the following:

[Pre-1940s: unknown era] Had enough definitive exposure to the Tesseract as prince of Asgard, to be referred to as the equivalent of an expert on the Tesseract. (Given his discovery of the doorways between worlds as put on display in TDW, this makes even more sense than it already did in 2012.)

[2011]Was tortured and influenced both emotionally and mentally by the Other and gifted the Scepter with the intent of further riling and amplifying [that's what fueling means in this instance] his anger towards Thor and Earth's part in helping to release him from his banishment: in return, he's offered rule over Earth and more importantly his freedom from all of the above in that rule after.

[2012] The Mind Stone is used long distance in conjunction with the Tesseract to watch and torture him at a distance on screen as well. It's only functions used on screen otherwise is as a projectile weapon and device to spread that mind control to serve the deal made.

[2013]Helped save Jane & the Reality Stone.

[2013]Helped save an otherwise defenseless Asgard from another siege & Odin's stated intent to die to the last man, woman and child in that fight: at the same time.

[2013]Killed Algrim/Kurse in defense of Thor and Jane; an individual who was so powerful as enhanced by the Reality Stone: that he batted Mjolnir aside like it was a nerf toy.

[2013]Sent the Reality Stone to the Collector, separating what stones he had.

[2013]Kept the Space Stone in it's place in the vault ..and it stayed there for the 5 years of his rule.

[2014] Between Asgard proper as a political and protective power, and his connections to the Collector himself: clearly knew about and did not claim the Power stone, or put it in Asgard's vault either, after it's use there.

[2015] The Mind Stone being removed from Earth, was stated as being Thor's purpose, as directed by the King [Loki.] No intended ending destination was given.

[2017-2018]Rebuilt Asgard, it's homes and it's defenses: well enough that even in and by Gagnarok they were building theaters and statues, and enjoying plays.

( ⬆️ Yeah I wasn't kidding: that's the Kurse nerf-toy mjolnir sequence in TDW, if you missed it.)

[ssreeder]

HI HELLO!! I JUST FINISHED “Into the Fire” A COUPLE DAYS AGO!!

I would say my thoughts about it but I have too many thoughts but I also don’t wanna fill your asks with 20 million anons so,

after I finished it I decided to re-read from LIAB and bro…

That shit broke me.

The way you perfectly constructed sokka’s arc, like I swear everything was intentional

He literally went from “it took years for him to get comfortable killing” to “he was always so good with people, that’s was before he started killing them” and from “if he felt a way about something he would most definitely share it” to literally hiding everything that happened to him from people he trusts. Wow.

Once again, absolutely amazed by your incredible writing skills, like actually impeccable.

Enough of me being philosophical,

YOU GAVE BATO A BF!!! HE CAN FINALLY GET OVER HIS HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH!!! AND JEE GETS TO BE HAPPY!!! AAAAHHH!! I’m so happy for them (ik they aren’t even an item yet but still, super happy for them)

Hooray for Ara!! She got her closure, and now she can start a new, healthier, happier lifestyle. Congratulations to my favorite violent dog!! May she get what she deserves (ominous)

But the way she just.. told Katara about zukka being together?? Like, no hesitation.

“Whoops, thought you were banging my brother. Sorry lol.”

“No lmao it’s okay. Zuko’s deff banging him though”

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah lol. Toodles!!”

And then she just- LEAVES?? honestly mood though.

i liked how sweet and genuine she sounded when explaining zukka’s love story though, that was so good of her, she didn’t even talk them down or anything. It was actually so nice.

Can’t wait to see what you do for Jet, really really hope my little street rat gets better. on agni we gonna get you some will to live!!

So many exciting things happening I can’t wait!!

-suki closure!!

-TOPH AND SOKKA BONDING!!!

-IROH AND SOKKA’S TEA TALK!!!!!

literally have said this a million times but actually super scared for sokka for the last bit (zhao tea talks usually didn’t go well)

But I also feel like ur gonna make that an iroh pov… (I’m an empath) so I’ll stay tuned!!

Yue and La bless my favorite water tribe man Hakoda! He loves his kids so much I hope nothing bad happens to them (this is gonna be foreshadowing isn’t it?)

But anyways!!

I wanted to finally tell you about music!!

It’s gonna be a lot of mitski cus she’s one of my main artists I listen to but still,

I thought about “once more to see you” by mitski A LOT throughout RIA and a little bit now through ITF, it fits this part of the story perfectly (in my opinion). It’s literally just zukka through sokka’s pov.

Another one is “Christmas Kids” by ROAR, this one is more for LIAB, and a little bit of RIA, (can you tell I make the edits in my head?) But this time the choruses/verses change pov or can just be seen as multiple characters.

“First Love/Late Spring” by mitski fits zukka through zuko’s pov

And “I bet on loosing dogs” by mitski is Ara with zhao/shen

Now this one is very specific:

“Vampire Empire” by Big Thief

The first verse to the first chorus is LIAB-RIA kataang through aang’s thoughts about katara,

the second verse to the second chorus is zukka LIAB-RIA (and now more recently the current ITF situation) told as per sokka’s pov

And the third verse to the final chorus is how Ara feels about zhao. Like their entire history.

Okay that’s it sorry for bombarding you with my random ass disorganized ask 😭 I’ve been yapping too much, I know, I sound like Reho. Sorry if I said anything disrespectful!!

Anyway!! Can’t wait for the next update!! STAY SUPER DUPER AMAZING SSREEDER!!!

HI ANON WHO I ADORE & LOVE SO MUCH I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING 10000 YEARS TO ANSWER THIS. (In my defense it’s a perfect 10/10 ask and I couldnt let it go right away<3)

I AM SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOO happy you enjoyed sokkas arc because damn, I really dismantled him throughout the series and the way you highlighted some of the details about sokka pre prison and how he did a drastic 180 is *CHEFS KISS* yeahhhhhh it was a long process but I’m glad you noticed the intentional dedication I had to ruining our boy sokka <3 (i know I know he’s not ruined but he’s not in a great spot mentally but he’s getting better but hell regress and progress and regress and yeah sokkas just not the same I mean but we will love him and he’s still our SOKKA)

JEE DID GET HIMSELF A BOY FRAND… He is smitten with our boy Bato it’s cute.

Ara is hilarious that’s all I gotta say about her haha.

JET!!!!! I love him!!! He’s not the besttttt influence on Suki but FUCK IT JET IS AWESOME (don’t expect any life changing shit from him but I’m excited that he’ll stay a part of the story) sorry Jet haters he’s staying in LIAB till death does us part of the story ends haha.

oh shit you sent this ask before the last chapter was dropped so now you know ITS AN IROH AND ZUKO TEA TALK (& let me tell you HAAAAA… they’re wonderful in a room together haha)

I was trying to listen to all your songs before I answered your ask but I couldn’t get through all of them, but I will!! I love that you are so passionate about music and the scenes and characters I feel the same way and that’s why I always try to give you songs I’m vibing with lol.

THANK YOU AGAIN ANON AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT BE SHY COME BACK ANY TIME I LOVE YOUR ASK!!!!

[sxtvrns]

pre-release benefits

🎶 now playing: kiss - nct dojaejung

P: Choi Soobin x Fem!Idol!Reader

S: A collaboration announced with a dear friend of yours seems to go down the one path you didn’t expect. You weren’t complaining.

C: LOTS of tension, soobin duality, fluff, y/n in denial, kinda dirty makeout scene, rushed, soobin a lil ooc?

N: i wanted to start writing something new so bad but im running out of plot ideas send help UNTIL i remembered i had a soobin thing in my drafts that absolutely sucked ass so i deleted it and this is… im hoping this one is better and i dont delete it this time <3

view the full perfume collection.

please interact if you enjoy!

Everyone knew you and Soobin were best friends. The closest. You shared everything with each other. Someone told you a secret that you weren’t supposed to tell anyone? You immediately go tell Soobin. He gets very much classified information regarding the release of their new album? He goes and tells you.

See, you two were good at keeping each other’s secrets. You were 90% sure Soobin has blackmail on almost every single popular group in the industry at this point.

What led you two to be this close in the first place? Well, you were a producer and a music artist yourself under Big Hit. You helped produce some of their music, recorded them in the studio, and assisted in releasing some of their greatest hits.

Soobin took a liking to you, and your nice but strong constructive criticism. You let them have their freedom but in a way that the song would sound exactly how you wanted it to come out. The more he ran into you, the more you talked. The more you talked, the closer you became. The closer you became, the more you began to see each other as friends.

And that’s how it all started. Soobin saw himself lucky since he didn’t share a room with anyone, meaning no one had to hear him laugh or giggle under his covers whenever you texted him something humorous. Unless his groupmates hear him through the walls, they haven’t given him any noise complaints.

You didn’t perform on music shows often, so being seen on the big screen by fans sometimes came as a surprise. You were more laid back than elaborate, but still enticing and entertaining, which is why people loved you so much. You were the perfect balance of talent and performer, enthusiasm and technique.

Since you were always in the studio, assisting with editing and recording after your own promotions and such, you didn’t really have the time to attend shows even if you ended up winning. But your workload begun to slowdown since it was promotion season, meaning you had time to work on projects of your own and your own wellbeing.

You met up with your manager in their office regarding your next comeback. “Bang wants you to do a collaborative album. All the songs have features.”

“With more than one artist?”

“Just one. He’s suggesting Soobin, since he, quote: ‘notices their chemistry in the studio and how well their voices blend together’. He’s endorsing it since he knows your close friendship with each other as well.”

“Isn’t Soobin still on tour? He’s gonna be tired once he gets back.”

“After or during his days off, he’ll work with you.”

“I don’t wanna overwork him…”

“The boy will do anything for you, Y/N. But yeah, check up on him every once in a while.”

You ponder for a moment, silently agreeing. “Does he know?”

“I emailed his manager, so I’m assuming so. Could’ve been with anyone else under HYBE, but we listen to the man.” The man being Producer Bang. He wasn’t entirely wrong. You two worked extremely well together, Soobin somehow being able to tolerate your nitpicking, and you figured that working with someone you were already familiar with would make the process more enjoyable.

Your phone buzzed, revealing a notification from Soobin himself.

my manager said we’re collaborating???

i mean… do u want to?

isn’t this an idea we’ve been having for a while

okay i thought you were joking when you said that

this is a legitimate thing? not a prank

no its not a prank

lets do it by the time i step foot in korea i will be sprinting to your studio

u need to REST my guy ur literally on tour and travelling 24/7

i am holding onto the opportunity for the rest of this trip u better not be contacting anyone else

wasn’t planning to 👍

You showed your manager the brief conversation, hearing the clicking of their keyboard right after. “I suggest you start brainstorming. They want it published by the beginning of next year.” You can see there’s something more behind their expression that they aren’t telling you, but you don’t pry. “Are they suggesting a concept?”

“You haven’t done a sexy concept yet.”

“A sexy concept. With Soobin.” Your managed nods. “Are you not seeing the setbacks here? You’re setting me up, aren’t you?”

“Do something you haven’t done before! Step out of your comfort zone; I’ve heard your demos, Y/N. Don’t tell me they don’t give you the urge to make out with someone.”

“You are so unprofessional.”

“As unprofessional as you.”

“I’m not fit for sexy, Jung-Hwa. Have you seen me?”

“I’m seeing you right now. I see the potential if you just put yourself out there. Isn’t that what everyone’s into these days?”

“Only if it’s executed well.”

“And you don’t settle for less, so get to work. Work off your demos; edit them, compose, do whatever you need to. I know there’s a fire inside consisting of your desires that just hasn’t been lit yet.”

“You’re a madman but you just gave me an idea.”

“Don’t say I didn’t help you!” They yell as you leave the room.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Soobin listened to the edited demos you sent him over and over again. It was like an entire album of Tinnitus back to back, and God, it was so good. No wonder why you forced yourself to sit in during the recording for that song.

Y/NNN

soobinnn

ITS SO GOOD

IM ASCENDING

I CANT WAIT TO COME BACK AND RECORD THIS WITH YOU

what was the concept for this???

sexy

…

…what

dont kill me my manager told me to

y/n…

are you trying to make moves on me with ur music

cuz honestly thats the hottest fucking thing ever

what the fuck

im working off old demos i had

should i add more

were you horny while making these

these sound like actual songs you’d have sex to

you are the most unprofessional person i have ever met in my life

i am speaking to you as a friend

assuming i like u thru my music does not sound very friend like 🤨

i didnt wanna do the sexy concept either okay i am not suitable for the role

y/n ur hot and u make music that is the sexiest thing that a person could ever do

im collabing with someone else

is it because u saw me shirtless while doing tinnitus

did that get u into a mood and you started writing these songs

ur actually obsessed with me its insane

soobin are you drunk?

what

i have taehyun’s live up rn i can hear you in the background

ur music got me acting up

oh my god ur horny for me thats crazyyy

only for you

woah

lets calm down a little here

dont want u saying things ur gonna regret

im completely sober

i can see u looking at ur phone in disgust rn

is that what ur doing

yes

how tf did u know

i always know

you’re so predictable its honestly adorable

okay maybe you should get some rest

ur enjoying this i bet

i am tired and do not have enough energy to keep up with this

goodnight stupid

goodnight cutie

never call me that again

cutie

choi soobin go to sleep or im gonna do this album with someone else

u wouldnt

ill ask yeonjun

goodnight y/n

Soobin had to admit, you were cute. Scratch that, you were fucking sexy in his eyes.

Your maturity, your art, your precision, God, he was obsessed with you. He always jokes about it when talking to you, but the fact he does it so often sometimes makes you think that he does actually have some sort of attraction to you.

You didn’t mean to insinuate some sort of move on him during your songwriting, but he was making it really damn hard in making it seem like you were. This tour was really getting to him. He might be going a little insane.

He did have a point, though. All of your songs were a little… erotic. The way he was texting you was not helping.

He was driving you crazy. Flirting with you while you had no knowledge if he meant what he said at all. And the only time you could ever check in with him or he could check in with you was after his concerts, meaning he was exhausted and ready to hit the sheets when you were ready to talk business plans.

You envied those at his concerts. You planned to go to the one in Korea, but tickets were sold out and you ended up being busy that day anyways. Soobin wanted to see you there too. He wondered if you’ve seen those pictures of him showing his abs off to the audience. Given you spend so much time on the internet, you probably have.

One day of rest was enough for him already. Every night he went back to his hotel room he was always reminded that he had to record with you by the time they stopped back in Korea for their temporary break after the first part of their tour. Maybe it was the relaxing environment, or his earbuds, or the freshly made bed, but something always kept him eager for your collaboration.

He texted you every single night, as he usually did, jokingly flirting and saying how much better it would’ve been if you were there, or how you should’ve been a guest performer out of nowhere. But he always gushed about how much he loved your music before anything else.

The minute he stepped foot into the airport, he immediately thought of you, and how you’d execute the album’s production perfectly, in a way that both of you would be proud of. He just couldn’t wait to see you in the studio again.

y/nnie

hello soobin

i’ll be in the studio tomorrow

already? i just finished making the instrumentals LOL

ive been looking forward to this ever since i came back

you know how much i love doing these things with you

you made that sound way more dirty than it should’ve been

maybe you’re just dirty minded

do you want to record or not

i’ll be there at 10 sharp ma’am

He wasn’t lying. When you saw him seated outside the recording booth with an ice americano, you merely stood there and stared at him until he noticed. When he finally did, his eyes lit up and he nearly dropped his drink, jumping up from his seat to hug you.

“How was your tour?”

“It was really fun! Wish you’d been there for at least one of the dates. How did you manage to miss both of them?”

“Shut up, I’m busy.”

“Busy making demos for songs to have sex to?”

“You are so unprofessional. How do people love you so much?”

“Because I’m charming and very handsome.”

You scoff. “Yeah. Charming, for sure.”

“You’ll fall for my charms eventually, Y/N.”

“Just get in the booth.” You part ways as he obliges, meeting him separated by glass in the control room. “I’ve coloured your parts green and mine blue.”

“Why couldn’t I be blue?”

“Why does it matter to you? Should I play you the demo or have you listened to it 500 times already that I don’t need to?” Sarcasm drips off your tongue and pierces Soobin with your stare, waiting for his answer. “I got it, princess, don’t worry.”

You know he’s mocking you with that nickname. Then how come your heart fluttered at the sound of it?

God, you were lucky that you never called Yeonjun to replace him. You never wanted to in the first place. You knew he’d fit the concept having done it before, you just never thought he’d fit it that well. His voice blended so well and it fit the vibe you were going for. The hour long session passed by like minutes.

“Love it, love it, love it!” You cheer giddily with small claps. “I’ll go in now, switch with me.” You take your headphones off, leaving the control room. Soobin meets you outside the booth, his glance lasting longer than it should have.

Recording your parts took a few tries with the excuse of ‘messing up’ when you knew damn well you wouldn’t mess up your own song. You were too focused on Soobin’s voice that you forgot to come in at times; it was hypnotizing, siren like that it had you so distracted.

His stare was not helping.

“Again.” You groan.

“It sounded fine to me.”

“Everything sounds fine to you, Soobin.”

“I think you can trust my opinion. Play it back for her.” He tells the supervisor in the control room. That underlying nauseating feeling when you hear your own voice bites at you like a hawk, but it only lasts for a second as you tell yourself that listening to your voice is how you keep a roof over your head.

After the section finishes playing, you bite your finger, hating to agree that he was right. “So?” Soobin looks at you with an all-knowing stare, a sure smile on his face. “It’s good.” You mutter. “What was that, hon?”

“It’s good.” You sneer. “Now can we finish recording this? We’re almost done.” You hear Soobin chuckle in your hear but pay no mind to it, though you could feel your face heating up by the second.

You go back to the control room and listen over it, satisfied with the results and saving your work to come back to later.

“Y/N.”

“Hm?”

“Come eat with me.”

You tilt your head. “What’s with the sudden offer? Are you making moves on me?”

“Thought you might be hungry. You’ve been surviving on an iced caramel macchiato and a single triangle gimbap this entire day and I know you’re notorious for overworking yourself without any fuel.” Is this his way of saying he cares about you? “Aw, so you do care about me and aren’t just a horny fuck.”

“Compassion before the passion.”

“That was the worse attempt at poetry I’ve ever heard in my life, and I’ve heard a lot of things.”

Of course, the joke about him being horny wasn’t entirely true. He just seemed to be all over you and flirty so often that led you to make such an accusation against him. You’d get weird stares when you called him that in public or around other people, but it was a revolving inside joke between you two that both of you took pride in.

“I’ll go. Because yes, I’m starving, and two, I did not work hours on these demos just for me to fuck up what’s gonna be released to the public.”

“So it’s a date?”

“I’d rather get a black ocean than go on a date with you.” He stares at you, waiting for an answer as your stomach rumbles. “Okay, fine, call it whatever you want because I’m so fucking hungry right now so wherever you’re taking me better be good.” He smiles and continues walking.

“Y/N’s first date.”

“I’m calling Yeonjun.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

For the next few days of recording sessions, all goes well as it usually does, and Soobin takes you out on the occasional hang out right afterwards. You called them hang outs, he called them dates. Going out with no supervisors was obviously a big risk thing, but you weren’t kids. You knew how to handle yourselves and how to get out of certain situations.

“Are you sure you can really spend on me every single day? Seems like a lot.”

“We’re famous, honey, I think money’s the least of our concerns.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I know you like it.”

You roll your eyes, Soobin putting on his mask as fast as he took it off. You follow him, walking up to the counter nervously as he takes both your orders, and after bickering, putting it under your card instead.

“So what was going through your mind making those demos?” He suddenly asks as you two wait side by side for your order. “What do you mean?”

“Sexy thoughts make sexy songs.”

“I can’t believe you just said that out loud. Everyone is looking at us right now.”

“I’m still waiting for my answer.”

“They were old, okay? I think I started working on them after your second album but never finished.”

“But what were you thinking of?”

You hesitate, biting down on your lip and avoiding eye contact with him. You can feel him staring at you, and you knew he wouldn’t break easy. You take a deep breath, ready for what’s to come. “I was thinking of–“

“Order for Soobin!” The barista calls, setting down a fruit tea and a coffee down on the counter. Everyone’s eyes were on him this time, and eventually you, taking the cup from his hand. “Why didn’t you use an alias?”

“I forgot.”

“You’ve been ordering for me the entire week and your excuse is that ‘you forgot’? You used an alias name the last time and somehow you just magically–“

“Is it actually Soobin?”

“Soobin! Can we get a photo?”

“Soobin, I love you!”

“I wish you’d say that to me.” He suddenly whispers into your ear, smacking away his face. There’s a bunch of people crowded around both of you, the feeling of claustrophobia kicking in as Soobin continues to smile through his mask.

“Is that Y/N?” You’re surprised at the mention of your own name, not thinking you’d be recognized like usual. “Y/N! I love your music– could I get a photo with you?” The one girl moves from Soobin’s crowd to in front of you, with a genuine, pleading smile on her face.

This was the only time you’d agree. “Sure.” You nod. She takes out her phone, taking a quick selfie with you. For some reason, you seem to admire her respect for your personal space, though she doesn’t see it fully, she can see and feel your sincerity with your eyes squinted as you smile. “Thank you so much! I’m looking forward to your future work!”

Your heart melts as she walks away, the sudden reminder that you’re with Soobin coming back to you, seeing as he’s crowded by all those girls and more people lining up out the door. “Soobin, are you on a date?” Rhetorical questions begin to come from the fans as some of them laugh along. “I’m treating my friend. She’s been working hard, and she deserves it.”

“Can we go?” You mutter, tapping his arm. He looks down at you for a moment before looking back at the crowd. “If you could excuse us, we should get going now.” He announces, the people making way for both of you to leave freely.

Soobin’s hand rests on your back the whole way, guiding you out and simply acknowledging the respectful goodbyes of the patrons, none of them following you out and simply letting you go.

There were more people outside, leaving the side walk empty as you both walked by, Soobin sending them waves. He still kept his hand on your back the entire time.

There were more people outside, leaving the sidewalk empty as you both walked by, Soobin sending them waves. He still kept his hand on your back the entire time.

He never takes it off.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You looked a little overwhelmed.”

“How could you tell?”

“You were tense. Was it the crowd or was it my hand?”

“Both. Don’t you think this could get us into a scandal?”

“Media already knows we’re nothing more but close friends.”

“Well, the media likes to assume, too. They’ve been on our backs about it.”

“If we did get into a scandal, you wouldn’t mind it, would you?”

“A little bit.”

“Why?”

“We’re best friends, Soobin! Doesn’t it make you at least a little uncomfortable having people assume something they have no business being in?”

“It does. But you have to get used to it.”

“How did you do that?”

He pauses. “I didn’t. And I’ve never been in a situation where people do so yet. Until now. But those rumours have been existing for a while already. If anything, I’ll take the blame.”

“But your group. You’d jeopardize a lot! I should take the blame, less people know who I am.”

“That girl in there knew who you were. Besides, I’m the one that’s been asking you all week.”

“Soobin…”

“Y/N, I’d risk so much for you. We never talk all sappy like this since you always like to shut me down, but being your friend has helped me strengthen my values, even if all I do is go crazy about you.” He seems genuine, words true to his heart as you both stop outside your dorm. “I know you’re the type to worry about this stuff. Honestly, this’ll brush over before you know it. And if it doesn’t, just leave it to me.”

You’re suddenly wrapping your arms around him, taking a deep breath as you feel him hug you back. “Thank you. And I’m sorry if… I’ve been so pessimistic.”

“Honey, you were just being realistic. I completely understand that.”

You don’t know what else to say, simply resorting to a smile. “Goodnight, Soobin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You shut the door, dumping out the ice in your drink into the sink and throwing away the cup.

When you go to sleep that night, you think of a few things. That girl who took a photo with you. Her consideration and awareness. And the feeling of Soobin’s hand on your back.

You wished it was still there.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You felt like reeling.

You were already in a spiral, contemplating if those pitter-patters in your heart was because you were having medical problems or if you truly had a thing for your friend. Guess which one you’d rather figure out.

He was handsome. You always knew he was handsome. No matter what colour they decided to dye his hair, or however they styled it, it always looked good, and you hated it.

You hated how your excuse for being so cold to him was because ‘his beauty was bothering you’. It was foolish, stupid— if he ever found out, he would never let you live it down. You could hear his teasing remarks already.

It didn’t help that his eyes were so focused on you during the recording of your solo song. You say him out of the corner of your eye, staring at you intensely with his head resting on his hand. And he smirked when your eyes met. He fucking smirked.

You almost messed up your best take because of it.

Since when have you been so distracted by him? You figured it was just best to sing with your eyes closed the entire time rather than risking getting even a glimpse of him. Even if you kept your eyes on the lyric sheet, you could always feel his eyes on you.

Yet you refused to accept the fact you were at least a little bit attracted to him.

“Good job, Y/N.” He’d say, and the heat would rush straight to your cheeks.

Your hands rest on your waist, contemplating the section you just finished recording. “What do you think?” You finally look straight at Soobin, who seems to be thinking as hard as you were. “Redo it. It doesn’t… sound as sad as it did in the demo.”

“Shit, what should I do? I don’t get so emotional very often and when I do I get too sad to function.”

“Imagine I just rejected you.” You look at him, rolling your eyes, the supervisor in there obviously very confused at the unexplained statement. The inside joke was prominent, and though you knew he was joking around, it worked.

You thought of what would happen if he ever denied your advances like you did to his. Ironic, but heartbreaking. You swore you actually felt it wrench in you.

When you look at him again, his face is molded into a pleasantly surprised, ‘I knew it would work’ expression. Listening back on it, you were proud of the final result and finished recording for the day. You partially gave credit to Soobin’s outrageous suggestion.

“It worked, didn’t it?” He meets up with you outside the studio. “Maybe I’m just such a great actor.” You jokingly reply, lighting nudging his arm with your shoulder. “If you could hear it from the control room, honey, you’d be impressed. That was true heartbreak.”

“And we’re doing your song tomorrow.”

“I’ll be thinking of you when I record it.”

He’s saying that because he knows how it sounds, the composition and the overall vibe that comes from it. He knows damn well that it’s nothing short of sexy, and it’s the one that he’s been ranting to you so much about how much he loves it and how it’s his favourite. It also happens to be the last song you’d be recording before editing and sending off.

“I don’t know whether to feel flattered or objectified.”

“Sweetie, Choi Soobin just said he’s gonna think of you when recording one of the most suave songs in his entire life. You know him well enough to know he isn’t a pervert.”

“You really aren’t…” You have to admit it to yourself. Despite his snarky, flirtatious responses, he’s never called you anything beyond hot, cute, or… sexy. He’s the only person that can joke around with you like that. If anyone else did it, you wouldn’t speak to anyone for the next few days.

Anyone but him.

Soobin was always there for you during your lows. Whether you have been objectified while at work or on set, you come home with a nauseating feeling in your stomach and an urge to tell him all about it, because you know that he would understand. He’d offer you support, he’d check up on you in between his breaks, sometimes he’d even put in the effort to visit and bring you something or even just give you a hug.

He was a knack for being a sweetheart during times like that.

Yet he still continues to make your heart flutter with those names. You know it and damn well he knows that you secretly don’t mind being called those things at all. What you’ve noticed is that you’re the only one that he calls those things. Maybe it’s because you’re close, and you’re probably one of his only female friends that he is close with, but something is telling you there’s more than the eye can see.

And you wanted to find out what that was.

“I think you should be flattered, nonetheless. You are all can think of when I listen to the song.” He responds. “Is it because I’m the one singing it?” You snarkily reply, thinking nothing of it. “I know what was going through your mind writing that, Y/N. You probably imagined making out with someone and just put that into a tune.”

You say nothing.

“Really?! Is that what you’ve been thinking of!?”

“Don’t judge me, I write what I feel! And sometimes I feel… very interesting things.”

“So dirty. But I don’t blame you. You should’ve heard the demo for Tinnitus.”

“I did hear the demo for Tinnitus and honestly I am so pissed off you guys made the lyrics so depressing. That’s literally the horniest song and you chose to write about being a rock.”

“Hey, maybe when we’re done with this album, I can record it with you.”

“And publish it?”

“If the man agrees. I’d need a little help with the english, but I know you’re good at it.”

“I’m good at everything, honey.” You say, mocking him. “I think I’m gonna have a heart attack from that alone.” He says, his hand resting on his chest. “You know I’m just acting, right?”

“You called me it either way.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Soobin had been nagging to take you out for bingsu the whole week. You always pushed it for after recording every single song, and now was finally the time. You figured it was best and only fair to treat him this way.

He entered with a pep in his step, looking at the menu above while you stared at him the whole time, noticing how innocent and gleeful his eyes were. He really was looking forward to this all week. “Y/N, what do you want?” You glare at him for using your real name since it was also your stage name, but the man at the register didn’t seem to react anyway, so you relax.

“I like injeolmi… but you can choose what you want.” And he orders just that, losing the argument over who would pay for it. At first, when you sat yourselves at a table, you were confused. “I thought you liked pat?”

“So sweet of you to remember. But you’ve been working hard for the past few weeks, and since I’ve been nagging you about this, I figured it’s only fair we get what you want.”

“But–“

“Y/N, I’m okay with anything. Seriously. Except mint chocolate. And we’re sharing.”

…

“What.”

“You can finish a small but not a large… so I thought this was a good idea. Were you not paying attention?”

Truth is you spaced out while looking at him.

“I spaced out.” You half-lie, breaking eye contact. He gets up from his chair, walking past the table after saying he had to use the bathroom. A group of girls walk in, the bell above the door ringing to notify their presence. They all crowd at the counter, another employee coming from behind.

“Order for Y/N?” Your head perks up at the mention of your name, slightly embarrassed he ended up using it, but you go to pick up the order, noticing one of the girls looking oddly familiar. You can’t help but look at her, head tilted, and she can’t help but look at you. “You’re…” You mutter.

“Am I really seeing you again? Am I dreaming?” She rapidly says under her breath, surprising that she managed to recognize you with the mask again.

“You’re the girl from the café.”

“You remember me?” She’s equally as shocked. “I think you’re one of the few people that’s come up to me to ask me for a photo, so yes, I do remember you.” She smiles and squeals as softly as she can, realizing her group of friends saved a table for them and grabbed an extra chair for her. “Are you with…” You find it funny you both know who she’s talking about.

“I am. He’s in the bathroom.”

“I saw him through the window when we were coming here. It was nice seeing you again!”

“You too.” You reply as she walks off to join her friends. You go back to your table, placing the tray down and seeing Soobin go back to his seat. “I saw you talking with that girl. Wasn’t she the one who–“

“Yes, she’s the one that asked me for the photo. Honestly a coincidence. She’s really nice.”

“You think they’ll recognize me if I take off my mask?”

“Definitely.”

He does just that, while you do the same, taking one of the spoons. You check your phone quickly after feeling it buzz in your pocket, looking up to see a spoonful of bingsu facing you and being held by Soobin.

“What are you doing?” You know what he’s doing.

“I’m not moving until you eat.”

You roll your eyes and accept his attempt at spoon feeding you, just so he wouldn’t have to stay in the awkward position the entire time.

You’re sure those girls are looking over at you, because you can barely hear their squeals at the sight. One of them was scolding the group, as you could barely make out what she was saying, hearing their excited greetings right after.

Soobin turns to wave and say hello before his attention is back on you. “That girl didn’t want them taking pictures. The one who knows who you are.”

“You’re starting to like her, aren’t you?”

“Maybe we should hire her as our bodyguard.”

“Open.”

You mimic his action from earlier, holding a spoonful towards him. He simply smirks before accepting your offer with no retort or reply, the expression on his face enough to tell you what he was thinking.

“The real Y/N wouldn’t feed me at all. Who are you?”

“The Y/N that’s… doing her best to resist the urge to cuss you out right now.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s very out of character for you.”

‘Because I think I may or may not have a thing for you.’

“Let me be nice for once, okay? Otherwise I’m gonna throw this in your face.”

“There she is. I thought I lost you.”

You chuckle. “You like it when I’m mean?”

“Being mean is the only side I ever get out of you.”

“That’s because you flirt with me. I’m nice otherwise, and you know that.”

“You aren’t wrong. Y/N, what will it take for you to fall victim to my charms?”

“You’re weird.” I think I already have.

“Answer the question.”

You ponder for a moment, Soobin’s hard gaze almost stopping you from thinking straight. “If you can fufill my wildest fantasies, maybe I will.”

“And does wild mean… intimate, perhaps?”

“You’re so loud! At least be cautious when you know what you’re talking about…”

“Is that a yes?”

You don’t respond, beginning to finish off the bingsu in front of you. “I’ll ask Jung-Hwa, then.” You scoff. “Good luck trying to get anything out of her.”

“I’ll just have to guess.”

Soobin couldn’t deny it. You were so extremely astonishing and he was starting to have a thing for you too.

Thinking your friend is hot is one thing. It could just be admiring how they manage to be so perfect all the time and nothing beyond it. Thinking your friend is hot and being attracted to them is another.

How was he gonna be nice enough for you to actually take his compliments seriously? If he tried, you wouldn’t believe him. He’s flirted with you enough that you had a valid reason to refuse that he actually meant anything he was saying.

So while you giddily continued eating, stealing all the rice cakes off the shaved ice, he tried his best to hide the blush that was slowly rising onto his face, the dessert in front of him doing nothing to cool him down.

“Ready to go?” You ask, snapping him out of his own thoughts. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

His eyes are on you, moving up and down your body attentively, but sly enough for others to not notice. But you just had to notice.

You notice everything.

“Choi Soobin, what were you just looking at?”

“You.”

“Did I have something on my face? Or were you looking at something you shouldn’t have?”

“You are so astonishingly attractive, honey, I’m sorry that I can’t help myself.”

“Put your mask on. There’s already a group of people following us.” He turns around, only to see nobody there. “Made you look.”

“Is this your way of getting out of sweet talk?”

“What else am I supposed to say? ‘Thank you’, ‘you too’?”

“I’d love to hear that second option.”

“In your dreams.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You spent almost all your time in the studio for the next few days, most of the times getting out to use the bathroom or pick up a drink from the 19th floor. But it was your day to add any instruments, beats, and overall touch ups.

You were kept sane by conversations during breaks with Soobin and your manager. Mostly Soobin, since he was notorious for staying up later than his bandmates and always replying to you the minute you send a text. He checked up on you, asked if you needed anything, even if it was well past working hours and he needed to be asleep.

There’s a knock on the door while you’re just about to finish for the day. You get up to answer, greeted by a smiling Soobin holding a box in a plastic bag. “Can I come in?” You sigh with a smile, too mentally tired to argue and let him in, closing the door behind him.

He claims the chair beside yours, placing the bag down and taking the box out of it. This time your food was being delivered in person. “How’s it going so far?”

“Almost done for the day. I’m quite literally on the last song nearing the last second and I’ve had every single track on repeat that I might get sick of it.”

“You say that for every track you produce and you end up loving it.”

You stretch and feel as though your entire body has been resurrected again, making you question how bad your posture was and how long you were sitting for. You turned around to see Soobin standing in front of you. “So… I just remembered you haven’t answered my question I asked a week ago.”

“How do you still– nevermind.”

“What were you thinking of when you were working on the tracks? The concept? Honey, I’ve seen your texts to your manager over your shoulder and it makes me wonder what led you to approve of such explicit designs?”

At first, you don’t remember him asking the question at all. Then it hits you like a ton of bricks. The answer he never got was an answer not permitted to be shared with him. He’d never let you live it down.

“I imagined making out with someone for that one song. Don’t you remember me saying that?”

“Oh, honey, I remember that very well. But I know there’s something more behind that you aren’t telling me. And as your collaborative artist and very, very good friend… I feel I should deserve to know.”

He inched closer to you, leaning in with that sweet but mischievous smile he always had on whenever he was around you. “You wanna know what I was thinking of?” You retort, immediately getting embarrassed and hiding your face in your shoulder.

“I was thinking of you…”

He leans in closer, his hand cupping his ear. “What was that?”

“I was thinking of you.” This time you face him, watching that stupid smirk you hated seeing grow right in front of you. “Me?”

“You and your concept photos, how good you looked in them… how you’d look when recording them, when we recorded Tinnitus…”

“You were thinking of my abs?”

“Yes, I was thinking of your abs, okay, you got your answer for the sake of my own dignity.”

“Wow, Y/N, I am honoured to be so inspiring and being able to fufill your erotic fantasies in order for you to create the hottest album of all time.”

“If you say a word of this to anyone, I’m never producing for your group ever again.”

“I think it’s funny how you’re obsessed with me as much as I am obsessed with you.”

“What?”

“You’re beautiful, honey. You are so incredibly talented with a knack for everything and you manage to look fucking breathtaking while doing so. If you could see what I’m seeing right now, my God. You are so alluring, Y/N.”

You stay silent as he comes closer, eye contact not breaking and tension hot and heavy. “You really mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“That. And every single time you’ve flirted with me.”

“I meant every single word I’ve said to you. I always have. The question is… do you mean every insult you call me? Every threat you send my way?” Your face goes warm, and he can see you blush, but your expression doesn’t change at all. He walks towards you, making you stop at the edge of the table as he continues to move closer. “No.”

“Did you imagine me being this close to you for your music?”

“Maybe.”

“I just poured my heart out for you, Y/N, you can just tell me the truth.” He smiles, hands on either side of you gripping the table, trapping you. “I did.”

“And what else did you imagine? What other dirty fantasies have been going through your head that caused you to produce such amorous melodies?”

You feel your ego climb through the roof. “I imagined what it would feel like to kiss you.”

“There you go, telling the truth for me. Now, I’ve made this fantasy of being so close to you a reality… why not make that other one come true?”

At this point, you’ve lost your patience.

You hold both sides of his head, pulling him in to kiss you messily. It’s sloppy at first, given your aggressive approach, but the minute his hands rest on your waist, everything else doesn’t matter. You just needed to have his lips on yours because God knows how desperate you have gotten ever since you’ve been in the studio, away from him.

It felt empty, lonely, uneasy when he wasn’t there. Maybe you just spent so much time with him that it felt unusual to be alone. And you preferred being alone, so why did it matter so much? That Soobin wasn’t there?

But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was kissing you so passionately, you felt his hands slowly move down to rest over your ass as he began to kiss you deeper, his tongue somehow slipping into your mouth without you noticing.

His lips were as soft as you saw them on the screen, his efforts to kiss you aggressive and contrasting. They were so pink when you pulled away, glistening with a mix of your spit. You messed up his hair and he messed up yours, but he still managed to look so good. “I’m so in love with you.” He whispers before he kisses you again, this time softer and more gently than before.

The post makeout haze is silent, slightly awkward, but fulfilling. At this point you two are merely staring at each other, breaking eye contact at times but finding you just couldn’t help but bring your gaze back to him.

“I don’t know if we can do this. Us, I mean.” You say.

“I know. But I want to.”

“How long? How long have you liked me like this?”

“When we went out for food after the Blue Hour promotions were over and Yeonjun invited you.”

“Jesus, that’s… a long time.”

“Do you like me the way I like you, Y/N? ‘Cause honestly, it’d be a little embarrassing if I just said it to your face only to find out you don’t see me the same way.”

“I literally just made out with you for five minutes straight and admitted to thinking of your six-pack while making this album.”

“…So you do?”

“Yes, I do. I really like you. A lot. And… I’m sorry for all the times I’ve friendzoned you.”

“You do what you gotta do in this industry. I don’t blame you. But… I really want to be your boyfriend.”

“And I wanna be your girlfriend.”

You both sit in silence for a moment as Soobin turns his chair to fully face you. “So what will we do?” You ask, breaking the ice that was beginning to freeze again. “I’ll take you on a date. After this and before our photoshoots.”

“And our company?”

Soobin ponders. “I’ll do my best to refrain from kissing you in public.”

“You’d fail immediately.”

“I would. That’s why I said I’ll try.”

Your eyes dart to the box left unattended and forgotten. “What is that, anyways?” You look at the box behind him, Soobin turning to open it and revealing fried chicken, boneless and split into two flavours. His sentimentality makes you chuckle, and how he remembered exactly what you liked.

You go to grab a piece from the box, but he pulls it away before you can even touch it.

“Give me a kiss first.”

You stare at him, not taking him seriously. “If I can’t kiss you in public, at least let me kiss you when we’re alone. Please?” You smile at his pleading, giving him what he wants just so you could start eating.

“I think the security cameras caught enough intimacy for tonight.” You say, stealing a piece of yangnyeom from the box.

“So much for trying to not kiss you in public, then.”

“We tried. Now eat, or I’ll finish it myself.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He tried. He really did try not to kiss you anywhere in the public eye.

But you always looked so damn good that he wanted to pull you aside and kiss you just to show the public out of spite. And after many, many long months of you ignoring him in public, you decided to change something when you went on tour.

Though you rejected his advances in the open, you two had hefty make out sessions in private to make up for it.

Your North American tour would start in Canada and end in the U.S., the last city on your list being Los Angeles, where you’d become one of the many artists that performed there.

You’ve been on smaller tours in the region of Asia. Anywhere beyond that was new to you. Soobin had to show you the ropes. Along with being one sweet piece of eye candy on stage, he was also really helpful and surprisingly didn’t tease you so much whenever you asked for something.

Your company knew. Your staff knew. But no one outside knew that you and Soobin were in a relationship. It wasn’t unusual for a makeup artist to walk in on you giving him a kiss on the cheek or for stylists to witness him peppering kisses along your neck.

Venue staff didn’t seem to care either.

Being able to be intimate while rehearsing is the closest you’ve ever gotten to revealing your relationship status to the general public. But in this sense, it was more comfortable. More comfortable that it ever would be if netizens found out. You didn’t let that distract you.

You had one goal: to leave an impact through your performances.

It honestly surprised you how much you were globally renowned. A lot, but not all of your venues were sold out, and seeing them all seated there was a rush of adrenaline you’ve never felt before. Unlike Soobin, this was all new to you. And you loved it.

You loved that you were loved by many overseas, and that they recognized you for your production skills and professionalism alongside your energy when performing. It was like a whole stage play, the way your concert played out.

You had a little surprise for the California crowd.

Surprise as in, Soobin didn’t know about it, the staff didn’t know about it, nobody. Okay, maybe the staff did know because you were scared you were gonna get in trouble if you didn’t tell them beforehand. You didn’t do this for any other city, and you didn’t rehearse it. This was gonna be spontaneous. Usually you stuck to a plan, but sometimes you can squeeze a little something extra within, can’t you?

At the end of the last song of the night, you were put into a particular pose with Soobin where his face was in close proximity with yours. And you finally gave into the urge.

On the large, lit up stage, surrounded by thousands of people, you kissed him. It showed on the screens behind you, and you swore you could hear screams even with the in-ear monitor.

As the light turned off and only displayed your silhouettes, you rest your forehead against his.

“I love you, Soobin.”

He’s obviously very surprised, but plays along with it.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

And somehow the screams get even louder.

It was probably your favourite concert of the entire tour. You revealed what felt like a part of your world to the public. It felt… freeing.

Your phone buzzed against your nightstand, putting it on silent mode as Soobin joins you in the hotel bed.

“Hi.” He smiles tiredly.

“Hi.” You return, moving closer to him.

“I didn’t know you were gonna do that tonight.”

“I did. I liked it. Did you?”

“Oh, I loved it. Never thought you could be such a troublemaker.”

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“Oh? That is?”

“…I don’t like injeolmi bingsu that much.”

He gasps. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Ah, you really changed.”

“I am always changing, Soobin. It’s a matter of growth.”

“Then, when we go back to Korea, we’ll get pat bingsu. As a celebratory gift.”

“For what?”

“For working your ass off on this album and tour, Y/N. I’m so unbelievably proud of you and all that you’ve done to get this approved and popular.”

“You’re gonna make me fall in love again.”

“I certainly wouldn’t mind that.”

kiss, far from reason, throw it all. i wanna kiss your lips. 🎧

[phoenixyfriend]

❤ for the ships ask game :) chewku please!

Or, alternatively, rexani/rexanidala if you've been pursued far enough by the former. Thank you! Love your writing, it always makes my day when you update on AO3, and the snippets of aus here are always so fun and well constructed!

Send me a ღ and I’ll fill this out about a ship

This ask meme is from a year ago. Please don't send new prompts.

Gonna do this for Rexanidala

Who’s the first to wake up in the morning: Rex, like clockwork.

Who’s the one to make breakfast: Usually Padme, but they all take turns, I think.

Who’s the one to serve the other breakfast in bed: They would all do it, but I think Anakin would be the most excited to do it, then Rex. Padme does it casually but the boys... the boys are really into it.

Who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work: Anakin, sometimes Padme. Canon tells us they are horny idiots. (It's okay, we love them. They can be smart when they're not being led around by the hormones.) Meanwhile Rex is just like. Why are you guys like this. Date night is literally today. Just wait a few hours? We're gonna be late to work? Come on.

Who suggests they both ditch work to lay around all day: Like the above, Anakin, sometimes Padme. They both judge the other when they do it, too. Rex is so tired of them being like this. The war is over, you guys, we are not on a deadline!

Who chooses the movies: They cycle through. Anakin's got a thing for old romances, like Shakespearean stuff or full-on operas. Padme's into more modern musicals and romcoms. Rex is willing to try just about anything, but usually picks mysteries or action adventure or something when it's his turn, just to mix things up from the romances the other two pick. (That said, he keeps the horror and thrillers for movie nights with the 501st.)

Who initiates kissing during the moving, thus distracting the other from the movie all together: Padme, I think. Anakin may be on Team Horny, but he's also the kind to get really invested in whatever he's watching, while Rex isn't very 'spontaneous kisses during another activity' unless there's a big shift (e.g. kissing during a spar isn't expected, but if you grapple your way into your lips being an inch apart, it' snot abnormal to just do a quick peck).

Who orders lunch: Rex. Anakin tends to hyperfocus on whatever he's doing, and Padme's often busy in meetings or on calls. Rex is more than happy to pick something up and swing by for a throuple's lunch.

Who steals food from the other’s plate without asking: Mostly Anakin, but nobody's immune to this urge.

Who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy: Still on team 'Padme likes kittenplay, put her in a collar and pet her.' Anakin and Padme are both prone to this. Rex is just happy to have people treating him like a pillow, it makes him feel loved.

Who distracts the other from trying to work at home: ...again, this is just canon for Anakin, and even a little bit for Padme. They drag each other down. If they try to do it to Rex, he suffers through it. (After a few incidents, though, Cody or another clone takes them aside and tells them to knock it off, because Rex still isn't entirely comfortable telling them to stop bothering him while he's working, just out of habit from the war when Anakin would bug him while on shift, and if they keep doing it, Rex might call off the relationship before he tries just telling them to stop.)

Who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old: Mostly Anakin, but the other two are willing to stoop to this level.

Who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream: Padme.

Who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face: Rex is more than eager to whip out "I was in the army for several years" levels of dirty joke to see if he can get Padme to blush. (Anakin, despite also spending three years in the army, is very easy to make blush. No challenge there.)

Who cooks dinner: Padme likes making breads and other baked goods, but Anakin's a stovetop guy (fried foods, soups, etc). Rex is learning new recipes here and there, and has decided he's really into foods that can be made in a casserole dish, like musaka and pilav.

Who cleans up the kitchen afterwards: Whoever didn't cook... unless they're at Padme's place (which they usually are), where cleaning droids take care of it.

Who stays up until 2 reading: They're all prone to this. Rex is the most consistent about getting to bed, but Anakin (hyperfocus, time blindness) and Padme (overdeveloped sense of responsibility and 'just one more thing' about work) are both liable to stay up waaaaay too late.

Who stares at their partner while their sleeping: Anakin. Sometimes Padme.

Who kisses their partner while they sleep: All of them, but it's usually the boys.

[piningbuddies]

hiiieeee first and foremost…I love your blog! I just recently found/followed it and I can tell how invested and passionate you are about 9-1-1 and the fandom 🫶🏽 I just wanted to ask about something you answered in regard to your last ask— where you said “bucktommy isn't the intended end-goal” and that that’s pretty widely accepted within the fandom. which I can also see! I see that a lot of the fans are CONVINCED that this all leads to buddie in the end…

I guess I just wanna know…how are you SO confident that all of this is leading to buddie? I’ve read a few answers to asks on other blogs that briefly touch on this, and more than anything I want to believe it wholeheartedly (trust me!) but I feel like…idk part of me can’t help feeling they’re gonna pull the rug from under us and have it NOT lead to buddie. what has you so confident about this (and how can I be this confident lmao bc I really hate the doubt i’m feeling)?

hello!

first of all, i'm not sure if you're new to watching the show alltogether or just the tumblr fandom, but welcome! we're quite tight knit here but i'm sure you'll have a great time! <333

as to your question: there's a lot of reasons i'm confident that this is leading to buddie; honestly, there's been a lot of evidence over the years which tells us what's happening, and it could be an essay in and of itself. i'll try and summarise a few of the key points of evidence that, in my opinion, tell us where things are going (this will contain spoilers for any new fans of the show!!):

in eddie's very first episode (2x01), we see him for the first time on-screen through buck's pov. here, as we see eddie on screen, the son whatta man plays as eddie pulls his shirt on in slow-motion. to a lot of us, this is indicative of instant attraction/interest on buck's part, and gives us a major clue that something is happening here

in buck, actually (2x08), one of the main calls we see on the episode involves a gay couple, thomas and mitchell. when mitchell is pronounced dead, thomas and buck are sat on the ambulance and having a conversation, which goes as follows:

thomas: we only ever wanted to...to go together. that's love. buck: i'm sorry. i really am. i guess i can only hope to find something that good. thomas: you don't find it, son. you make it.

the idea that you don't find your love story, you have to put in the effort and make it becomes a recurring theme between buck and eddie. they manage to construct their own family unit consisting of themselves and chris over the years. the idea that they are a family already feeds into several different plot-lines over the years, perhaps most notably eddie's issues with ana and their eventual break up:

in episode 1 of season 5, eddie has a panic attack over a shop assistant thinking that ana was chris' mom. later, when he's talking to buck about it, he mentions how they became a ready made family...i'm not sure if i'm ready for that. when buck and eddie have been making their family for years now

eddie's entire breakup with ana was very queer-coded. honestly, watch the scene here, but ryan acted his absolute ass off and the entire thing reeks of eddie being a queer man at his core

honestly, one of the biggest bits of evidence we got in the first place was buck being confirmed as bisexual canonically. this allows us to thoroughly go back through and recontextualise a lot of interactions between buck and eddie over the years. two key scenes are the will scene (4x14 survivors) and the well scene (3x15 eddie begins). both of these scenes show buck and eddie in moments of vulnerability with one another, and show that their connection surpasses the connection which they have with anyone else

side note - i watched eddie begins yesterday, and the entire time eddie is drowning at the end of the episode, his life flashes before his eyes. all of this is chris, but a good chunk of the scenes also have buck in them.

again, there's a lot more i could point to, but these are the main things which stick out to me right now! i hope this answers your question!

[thenixkat]

Huh, the This Land is Our Land graphic novel is on my normal comic pirating site. It's a Jaime Reyes story. I assume there will be immigration themes based on the title

Jaime you live in the DC universe, i hope, aliens have been a known factor for decades (if it's not set in the DC universe it should have established that fact)

like its hard to keep aliens a secret if Earth's being invaded every other week yeah ok. immigration is a major part of the story

damn if only there were superheroes who are billionaires who could do shit about US policies and also house all the homeless with their pocket change

like the richest superheroes in the world do have more money the the USA's entire national budget and could flex if they gave a fuck about poor people don't tell me this is gonna do the bullshit of Jaime being the first Blue Beetle and erase everything great about him being a legacy character… I'd really hate that. Even his fucking movie managed to keep the legacy thing

is that supposed to be Brenda??? Yeah I noticed that Jaime seems kinda pale in this but why is Brenda darker than him??

or maybe it's the more yellow undertones? instead of the more red but still why is Jaime lighter than Brenda? why does Brenda have no freckles?

did we just slap the name Brenda on an entirely new character?

Jaime I know yer a teen and just got singled out by the teacher but pls have a stronger stance against racism aimed at your demographic

I'm not vibing with this comic thus far

Xiomara exists in this timeline but she's …. in the same school as these guys…

no that actually is supposed to be Brenda ok she could be not half white but still a redhead with freckles like yall can put freckles on a browner character

also pls don't tell me part of this story is Jaime feeling responsible for reaching out to a racist white boy to get him to not be racist cause that's annoying but also why couldn't yall have had half-white Brenda arguing with the racist white boy? the white teacher might not have been as quick to shut her down if she wasn't visibly brown and angry and its not like being mixed makes her any less indigenous if she's actually participating in her culture why the fuck does this Jaime keep trying to give this blatently racist kid the benefit of a doubt. I hate this

ok at least Jaime randomly finds Khaji Da in the dirt of a construction site and not like found a meteor with it in it.

true it isnt that hard to trick racists online

just found out that a new chap of Kaiju no. 8 dropped that might finally have the mysterious larva's backstory and i'm more invested in that than this Jaime origin story retelling so

ok back to the Blue Beetle graphic novel that i wasnt enjoying i'm not going to sympathize with white teenagers getting radicalized into being racist pieces of shit.

fuck em just I dont like how much of a benefit of a doubt Jaime keeps giving this racist fuckhead and I will assume the story is gonna try to reach out to and reform the racist and ugh

why does Jaime know so little about racism? Sir, yer Mexican-American and live in Texas how have you not had the racism talk with yer parents? or experienced shit firsthand

huh Jaime finally gets a Khaji Da human sona hallucination

its honestly underwhelming compared to the other Khaji Da human sonas I've seen

shoutout to Dan seeing Khaji Da in his mind as a whole ass bedazzled Pharoah

they should have hired a furry to make an anthro sona design for Khaji Da cause this is not doing it for me

i just dont think i'm the right audience for this comic ok so that's just what the Reach look like in this timeline. It's not hitting. But I see what that person said about in this comic the Reach trying that 'yer the chosen one' shit on Jaime

Khaji Da said wild animals are dangerous and is throwing down with a bobcat and then a random hawk passing overhead

Khaji Da: I'm giving you superstrength but pls practice safe lifting techniques

i cant relate, shooting at white supremacists aiming weapons at yer friend is ok

like yes this Khaji Da is trying to manipulate Jaime into being a Reach puppet but there's legit nothing wrong with shooting white supremacists aiming weapons at yer friend

hell white supremacists are cowards, threaten their lives enough and they'll fucking leave town or shut up with the hate speech

it does sound like we're just erasing the whole Blue Beetle legacy for this even if Jaime found Khaji Da in the dirt

I'm with Brenda use those powers on some white supremacists

ya dont have to kill them, just scare the shit out of them and they will show their selves out

just i dont think i'm the audience for this story

i'm not the kind of bastich that goes for talk a bitch out of being racist stories, I'm a bastich that goes 'ya wanna be racist? die then'

again Jaime get with the program and scare the shit out of some white supremacists

dont be a fucking coward like they targeted yer family my guy

and yet Jaime's bitch ass is still against doing anything even just leaking names of the fucking racists attacking people

this is making me dislike Jaime Reyes yay! Go Brenda

Jaime the white supremacists are gonna do shit regardless and are less likely to do shit if you make them fear for their fucking lives

man I hate this version of Jaime as a person

i have zero sympathy for this white boy. But like of fucking course the actively violent white supremacist would attack an anti-racism protest what fucking world do you live in where that wouldn't be fucking obvious

again i have zero fucking sympathy for this racist white boy who decided to back out of a hate group b/c he's scared for his own safety story, I am not going to fucking sympathize with the racist white boy just cause he got scared and decided to switch sides.

shoulda had some deep insights b4 he started spewing racist shit in class and then joined a fucking hate group

disgusting

yeah i fucking hate this version of Jaime Reyes trying to fucking appeal to the humanity of white supremacists and get them to see the error of their ways? what kind of fucking dangerous ass preschool shit is that?

that is the emptiest fucking threat i've ever seen

again who gives a shit if aliens shoot up some actively physically violent white supremacists that came out to hate crime people?

just this story is way too fucking sympathetic to racists like oh no they chose to be bigots to make themselves feel better the poor babies yeah def no legacy here for the Blue Beetle its just a name that some random kid comes up with ok i finished it went where i thought it would. Very much didn't like this story. It's way too sympathetic to racists and I'm def not the target audience for it

[sirowsky]

Part 25 - Developments

Pero Tovar and Female Reader (nicknamed Bee) Modern AU

Things are a bit tense still, as you're refusing to give up on William, despite having much bigger concerns baring down on you.

Creator chooses not to use Warnings! This is 18+ONLY!

Word Count: 5986 Masterlist(this story) Author’s Masterlist

<><><><><><><><><><>

   Pero remained guarded around you in the following weeks, refusing to let you wander off on your own or be without some form of supervision as much as possible, to make sure that you didn’t stray towards the bunker alone again.    He knew that at some point, you’d find a way to circumvent his efforts, but he was damned well gonna try and keep you out of there for as long as he could.

   You still kept to your normal routine of visiting William every day, bringing him food and attempting to converse with him. But as you repeatedly emphasized, the man refused to speak whenever Pero was there.    He didn’t really care that much if Will spoke or not, for the time being, because he had been serious when he’d said that the two of you had more important things to worry about.

   Your due date was approaching fast and there was still so much that you hadn’t figured out about your future.    The studio was still just an empty lot, you hadn’t put any new construction in motion there yet. And while you were living on the ranch in order to keep working on de-conditioning your captive, your own home was still where you were supposed to be nesting.

   There was so much that was just sort of hanging in the air, and it made him anxious.    Because Pero wanted to do all the normal things. He wanted to make a crib and a rocking chair, he wanted to outfit the house so that it would be safe for a toddler, finish redecorating the guest room into a nursery…    Everything that had been put on hold when he’d had to send you away still needed to be done, and it saddened him that you didn’t seem to care all that much about those things.

   Happily, however, he had an ally in your best friend.    Abby was every bit as excited as he was for the new arrival, and took every opportunity to remind you that you needed to take care of yourself first and that everything else was secondary for the time being.    And while you tried to ignore her just as you did with your partner, she was well and truly inoculated against your stubbornness, and would force you to listen to her.

   When you were just two weeks away from full term, Pero overheard a conversation between the two of you while Abby was helping you change the sheets in the bed one afternoon.    He heard that you were talking before he reached the room, so he stopped just outside the door and lurked and eavesdropped, already smiling as conversations between you two were almost always amusing.

   “What do you mean?” he heard you question, but in a light-hearted manner.

   “I mean that you’re not exactly nimble at the moment. You’re a minor house walking around, it’s not like you’re gonna be doing any gymnastics in the near future,” Abby explained, so Pero guessed that the topic concerned sex, which made sense given that you were working with the bed.

   “I am not a fucking house,” you countered, slightly less humorous in your tone, but still not quite offended by the comment.

   “You’re home to an entire little person, that’s the definition of a house, Bee.”

   “Be that as it may, I’ll be doing whatever gymnastics I want,” you petulantly insisted, and Pero had to stifle a laugh.

   Because even at nearly nine months pregnant, there was absolutely nothing wrong with your libido, which was why you’d been riding him like a cowgirl earlier that morning.    Something which Abby absolutely did not want to picture or imagine but was also too curious not to further explore.

   “No way. You’re not still…?” she trailed off, clearly uncomfortable with the subject, but unable to leave it be.

   “Of course, we are,” you flippantly answered, obviously pleased to have gotten her off balance. “Just this morning, actually.”

   There was a pause then, during which he couldn’t hear any sound from the sheets that you were working with, so Abby had probably been brought to a halt hearing that.

   “But… how does that even work? How does he… get there?” she finally asked, sounding morbidly curious.

   “The same way he always does, how else would it work?” you replied, but there was a chuckle in your throat then. “Sure, we can’t do that many positions, but it’s far from impossible.”

   “Okay, that’s enough information, thank you,” Abby halted, having finally regained her senses, making you laugh.

   “You asked…”

   “Yeah, I know. Sorry.    To tell you the truth, seeing you like this, glowing and all… It’s making me think about my mom,” she confessed, which surprised Pero.

   He’d never heard her speak of her family, and you had never mentioned them either. He’d assumed that they’d died or that she just didn’t have any relationship with them, but he’d never wanted to bring it up, in case it went unmentioned for a reason.

   “Oh,” you breathed, sounding sad now, which seemed to confirm his suspicions. “I haven’t heard you mention her in a long while.”

   “Well, you know me. I run from everything serious,” Abby admitted.

   “Yeah, except you haven’t been doing that lately. You’ve lost your home and your old life is all but gone, yet here you are, taking care of me and helping my dad about the house and being a friend to Pero when he’s struggling.    This is as well adjusted as I’ve ever seen you be,” you said softly, and he heard your friend sigh heavily.

   “I’m really just putting one foot in front of the other, because I just don’t know what else to do. But all those things are easy to me. I’ve always been a people-person and happy to help others, that stuff comes naturally.    What’s hard is not having a job to go to, a purpose beyond being a friend, and no money of my own to spend as I please,” she elaborated, sounding sad now too.

   “You could always help me get the studio up and running again,” you suggested, with a carefully hopeful undertone.

   “Sure, but you’re the one in charge, so I can’t make any creative decisions for you. I wouldn’t be much help.”

   “Abs, you’re practically my twin, and one of the most artistically talented people I know, in so many different fields that I couldn’t even name them all,” you exclaimed, sounding almost shocked that this wasn’t already obvious to her. “Of course, I trust you with creative decisions… You’d probably make the new place look twice as good as the old one, with minimal effort and a fraction of the cost.    And with everything that I’ll be dealing with over the coming months, I’d happily put you in charge of everything business related. It would take so much pressure off of me.”

   There was a pause then, and Pero held his breath in anticipation, because he really wanted Abby to agree to this. It would help so much more than she could imagine.

   “You’re gonna be an amazing mother,” she said after another beat, and he thought that she was side-stepping the question, but then she continued. “You’re so good at making me feel like any problem isn’t actually that bad, or that whatever crap I’m dealing with is completely manageable if I just take a breath and think about it.    I know that I mostly haven’t listened whenever you’ve done that for me, but I’ve always heard you and I’ve always been amazed by how tolerant you’ve been with me.”

   She paused then, but you didn’t respond, and a moment later, she added:

   “If my mother had been half as good at that as you are, I probably would’ve been a much better person from the start.”

   “Hey, don’t talk like that. You’ve always been a good person, and you know it,” you countered. “Sharon was a broken and cruel woman and if you’d stayed there any longer, she would’ve broken you too.”

   “Yeah, I know. It’s just… most of us only get one mother, and as much as I knew that mine was shit, she was still my mom and I loved her. I wanted her to be better and I was always so disappointed every time that she reminded me that she just wasn’t.    Anyway, my point is that I love you for being everything that she wasn’t, because I know that your little girl is gonna be so loved and cherished and that you’re both gonna protect her the way that I should’ve been protected.”

   Pero suddenly felt bad for eavesdropping, because this was clearly something that Abby would only speak to you about. But just as he was about to step through the door and reveal himself, you made a surprised and slightly pained sound.

   “Pintora?” he called as he hastily entered the room, startling you both and making you yelp.

   “Jesus, Pero… where’d you come from? Were you lurking out there?” you gasped, but he was already kneeling in front of you where you sat next to Abby on the edge of the finished bed.

   “Where does it hurt?” he asked, completely ignoring your questions, putting his hands on top of yours on the sides of your belly.

   “It was just a tinge, nothing to worry about. I probably just over-worked some muscle while we made the bed,” you brushed it off, but he wasn’t convinced.

   “It didn’t sound like muscle ache, it sounded like sharp pain.”

   “It was, but it vanished as quickly as it appeared, so clearly, it wasn’t anything labour-related.    Breathe and relax, honey, she’s still two weeks away,” you soothed, and the reminder did help him to unclench his own tense muscles.

   “Sorry… you scared me,” he admitted, as if that wasn’t already perfectly obvious.

   “It’s okay, love. I’d rather see you jump into action than just shrug.    But seriously, were you eavesdropping just now?” you pressed, and he looked apologetically at Abby.

   “I apologize if I overheard something that you were not willing to share,” he confessed, but she offered a warm smile in return.

   “Thanks for coming clean, but don’t worry about it. I don’t much like to talk about my mom, but not because I don’t want people to know. Just because it’s fucking hard to talk about someone that hurt you when they should’ve cared for you.    Which I’m sure you know all about,” she finished with a meaningful tilt of her head, and as much as he might’ve wanted to, he couldn’t disagree with her.

   She slipped off the bed and leaned down to give him a hug, which he gratefully reciprocated because it was her way of saying that he was forgiven and that they were still good, and then she turned back to you but began moving towards the door.

   “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a studio to build,” she said, winked at you and then slipped out of the room.

   That made Pero smile.

   “Good. You need to get your life back on track, mi amor. I’m happy that you have set things in motion and that you are ready to start looking ahead.”

   “I have been looking ahead all along, Pero, it’s just that I also see Will in our future, not just Abby, Dean and the baby,” you replied, and he sighed.

   While he tried to gather his thoughts on that subject, he felt your right hand begin to rub the side of your belly, a movement so common to you now that you weren’t even aware that you were doing it anymore.    But he knew that it meant that the baby was kicking, causing you some discomfort, so he gently pushed your hand away and replaced it with his own.

   Slipping under your shirt, he started to rub large circles over the area where he felt the tiny foot patter against the inside of his hand. And when that didn’t work, he began to sing a little Spanish lullaby for her.    If nothing else, his singing always helped to soothe you, which was sometimes enough to make the baby relax along with you.

   “I want that too. You know that, right?” he asked once the song ended, and the baby had calmed.

   “Yeah, I do. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have made much sense to spare his life. But you don’t seem to believe that it’s even possible that he might get to that point.”

   “Because so far, I’ve seen nothing to give me confidence in such beliefs.    He might improve, and you might be right about you being the one that can bring him back, but even then, how could I ever trust him with you?” he questioned, meeting your eyes and seeing how you slumped hearing that. “How can I ever trust that he’s not just waiting for us to begin letting our guard down before he completes his mission?    Tell me how I’m supposed to trust him with my family, ever again?”

   You didn’t have any of those answers, and it saddened you more than he’d thought that it would.

   “Why is this so important to you, pintora?” he carefully prodded, and you exhaled tiredly.

   “Because I wasn’t playing him when I said that I love him. I really do,” you declared, which puzzled him, but you were quick to explain yourself. “He’s my brother as much as he is yours, and I hate that there doesn’t seem to be any way for us to just be together and be a family.    I refuse to believe that that’s impossible. Especially now that he’s started talking and I can hear how desperate and frightened he is.”

   “I do understand that, my love. But the problem that you can’t see, specifically because you didn’t know him before this, is that he was a master at putting people at ease. He had such a genuine way about him that even when he lied through his teeth, no one could tell.”

   “Not even you?” you challenged, and he frowned.

   “Yes, but I don’t trust that I still can.”

   “Why not?”

   “Because I don’t recognize the man in that cell as the same man that I knew. I see bits of him, but not enough to trust even my own perception.”

   “So, that’s it then? We just give up and let him rot down there?”

   Pero sighed in frustration and got up to start pacing around the room.    This was the exact same argument that he’d been having with himself on a daily basis ever since Will turned up, and there was still no answer in sight.

   “You can’t do that either, because you still love him too,” you continued when you saw that he wasn’t offering any further thoughts. “So, if you can’t trust him and you can’t let him go or end him, then how about trying something new.”

   “Like what?”

   “Trusting me,” you said firmly, and before he could object to the idea that he didn’t already trust you, you got up and took his hands to stop his pacing. “You’re right, I don’t know him like you do, but what if that’s precisely why I can reach him?    What if the fact that I don’t have all those memories and history with him to interfere with my perception, is exactly why I can meet him where he is right now, without judging him based on previous behaviour.”

   He hated how sensible that sounded, because he still didn’t want to admit that you were probably right about everything. He simply didn’t dare to.    But maybe, he could find some manner of middle ground.

   “If you swear to me that you will remain out of his reach at all times… not giving him the benefit of the doubt just because you feel sorry or bad about chaining him up… then maybe I can agree to ten minutes alone time per day,” he suggested, feeling dangerously generous.

   “Ten minutes won’t be enough, it took forty minutes just to get a word out of him last time,” you protested, but he just glared at you.

   This was already a stretch for him to even consider, and if you pushed it, he’d take that offer off the table in a fucking heartbeat.    Which you could see in his eyes even though he didn’t answer you.

   “Okay. I’ll make it work,” you wisely conceded, looking oddly defeated, even though he’d just taken a huge leap for your sake.

   “You are quite impossible, sometimes,” he said with a soft smile, while leaning forwards to rest his forehead against yours.

   “Only in response to pig-headedness,” you joked, making him snort.

   “You’re the one with the pig.”

   “Oh, right,” you recalled, and then started looking around the room. “Where’d I put it?”

   “You’ve really gotten attached to that little toy…” he said, laughing a little at you as you began to rummage around the room.

   “It’s comforting,” you shot back over your shoulder, without stopping in your search. “And it smells like you.”

   “Then you should not leave it in the kitchen, or the dogs might steal it,” he told you, holding his hand out to you in a silent invitation to accompany you downstairs where he knew the toy to be, to retrieve it.

   You chuckled at yourself, but also seemed to make a mental note that he was right about that and that you should be more careful with it.

<><><><><><><> 

   Pero could be quite infuriating at times, and the closer your due date got, the more impossible he became.    The ten minute limit that he’d put on your solo time with Will got shorter and shorter, hampering your chances of progress, and annoying you to no end.    But in his reactions, you also began to wonder if perhaps your judgement really wasn’t all that reliable at the time.

   Because you really were putting yourself in grave danger, and yet it seemed perfectly safe to you. Not even worthy of worrying about.    You wondered if hormones had something to do with it, making you feel invincible or indestructible somehow.    But whatever the case, when you were just three days away from popping, you decided to stop torturing your partner.

   You told him that you weren’t going to see Will at all for a while, which seemed to make a giant boulder fall from his shoulders.    He hugged you for a good five minutes, whispering repeated thanks in your ear and promising to look after him until you’d be able to start working on him again.    So, from that moment on, you were singularly focused on becoming a mom.

   You went shopping with Abby, letting her pick out all the ridiculously cute miniature outfits that she wanted, adding a few of your own to the pile as well.    And stocking up on diapers and pacifiers, wet wipes and towels, bibs and bottles, and all the little bits and pieces you could think of that you might need, finally made everything hit home for you.

   The child inside of you was baked and ready and could come into this world at any moment, and suddenly you didn’t feel at all ready.    Suddenly all the potential complications of childbirth were swirling through your head, making you terrified for Pero’s sake, because if anything happened to you, he’d be completely heartbroken.

   “Wait…” you said to Abby, who was carrying all the bags for you through the mall. “I need to sit down.”

   “Sure,” she agreed, and you turned to a bench on your right and sat down, spreading your legs wide to accommodate the belly as you leaned forwards to try and calm yourself with a few deep breaths.

   “You okay?” she asked, and you could hear worry in her voice. “Dizzy spell? Or sore feet?”

   “Anxiety,” you answered, and felt her hand begin to rub slow circles on your upper back.

   “What’s on your mind, Boo?”

   “Uh… I think that I just kinda realized the real gravity of all this. The stakes, you know?” you tried to explain, struggling to speak with the aching pain in your chest.

   “I can only imagine,” she admitted. “But as your sister, I need to remind you of the rewards that you stand to gain.”

   “Yeah, I know that. It’s just so scary to think that it could all go horribly wrong, even if we do everything right,” you said, leaning back to try and open up your airways a bit more. “It’s not like a whole lot of these nine months have been relaxing.”

   “True. But even though you’ve been under almost constant stress and fear, your pregnancy has still been pretty much textbook. Even that little scare a few months ago never repeated itself or caused any further reason for concern.    You’re a superwoman, in so many ways, and I truly believe that everything is going to go smoothly,” she soothed, having moved her hand to hold yours instead.

   Her words helped, but more than that, it was her genuine positivity that crept inside your brain and eased your worries, letting your chest relax and the pain fade away.

   “Thank you,” you offered while leaning into her side and resting your head on her shoulder for a moment.

   “Anytime, my darling.”

-=¤=-

   Back at your father’s house, Pero met you at the door with a big smile and a kiss, happy to have you home but also glad that you’d taken some time for yourself and done something normal for once.

   “I will carry the bags,” he insisted when Abby went to the trunk to start unloading it, and she was only all too happy to not have to haul the giant harvest of stuff inside.

   “In that case, I’m gonna go see if Dean needs any help with dinner,” she said, and then skipped off into the house.

   “Are you sure you’re alright with all that?” you asked, watching Pero try and get as many bags with him as he could.

   “Of course!” he enthusiastically chuckled. “I will have to make two trips, but this is good, Pintora. I like this very much!”

   You laughed at his childishly happy grin as he passed through the front door while you held it open for him.    Once inside, you found both your father and bestie by the stove, lovingly bickering about which seasoning worked best for whatever dish that they were preparing, and smiled to yourself as you slipped past them and followed your partner up the stairs.    Groot was in the kitchen too, and fell in beside you as you passed him.

   “Take a seat, amor, and don’t start unpacking anything until I get back, I want to see everything,” he said, planting a sweet kiss on your forehead once you’d plopped down on the bed, before rushing out of the room to get the remaining bags.

   “Oh, you don’t have to ask me twice,” you called after him and then kicked your shoes off to let your swollen feet have some air.

   Groot thought that that was a game, and kindly retrieved the footwear for you before he sat down beside your left leg and stuck his tongue out to grin at you.    Smiling back at him, you stroked the top of his head and told him what a good boy he was, even though you didn’t need the shoes, because he was so proud of himself.

   You’d resorted to using crocs, as they were the only type of shoes that didn’t give you blisters, even though you’d never liked them before.    But around the house, and even outside, you walked barefoot all the time. It was by far the most comfortable, but obviously not advisable when moving around town, where you never knew who might’ve thrown a glass bottle on the sidewalk. Or just gum.

   “There, that’s all of it,” Pero grinned as he returned with the last of the stuff, dropping another six bags on the bed and then clapping his hands together. “Where should we start?”

   You spent a good hour sitting on the bed, letting him organize and hand you things while you unpacked everything together. And you grinned the whole time as you watched him carefully inspecting every item and making sure that he knew what every last thing was and what it was for.    He was like a kid in a candy-store, which made Groot excited as well.

   The dog mimicked the human, sniffing all the items after Pero had looked at them, wagging his tail the whole time, which amused your partner and made him start handing the canine each item once he was done with it.    The two of them even had their own little commentary, with the human assessing and offering his thoughts to the dog, who would answer him with unintelligible (and adorable) babblings and then the two of them would agree that whatever the item was, it was good.

   “Ay, mi amor, this makes me so happy. Look at all these baby things!” Pero eventually bubbled, not bothering to hold back any bit of the joy and excitement that he felt, as he came to sit beside you and planted a big kiss on your lips. “We’re so close, pintora, she’s almost here!”

   Infected by both of their happiness, you laughed with your partner and just sat there, enjoying the simplicity and complexity of that moment, allowing it to cleanse your mind of the fears you’d had earlier.    It seemed almost silly in hindsight, because while there certainly were risks, there was no reason to think that anything bad would happen to you or the child. And even if something did go wrong, your beloved Pero would be there with you through all of it.

   And if, stars forbid, something terrible should happen to you, your family would take care of him and your little girl. They would never abandon or refuse to help him, nor would they allow him to destroy himself.    One way or another, everything would be okay.

-=¤=-

   The next morning, you were in the stables, giving Ike a little well deserved pampering when Dean came back from a ride with Happy and all the dogs.    Groot immediately bounced over to you for pets and scratches, when he noticed you in the rear half of the corridor between the stalls, and you greeted him with happy nonsensical ramblings about what a good boy he was, which made him even bouncier.

   “Morning, Bumblebee. You’re up early,” your father greeted as he led Happy into her stall and started taking her gear off.

   “Morning, dad. Yeah, I couldn’t sleep, I’ve been up since four,” you explained, and he hummed thoughtfully.

   “Feeling okay?” he prodded, and you knew from his tone that he was really asking about the baby.

   “Unfortunately, I don’t think today’s the day,” you replied, annoyance making you scrunch up your nose, which he noticed.

   “Well, don’t try to rush it, honey. The first time is almost always a bit too long, because it just takes a minute for the body to figure it all out.    She’ll come only when you’re good and ready.”

   “I know, but I really do feel very ready. It seems like every day that passes now is just more time for my body to discover another thing to torture me with,” you complained, because sometimes whining for a bit did actually make you feel better.

   “At least you only had the one nightmare, and no hallucinations,” he reminded you, trying to put things in a bigger perspective, because your pregnancy had been pretty easy, all things considered.

   Then again, you hadn’t been mentally present for the first few months of it.

   “True enough, but believe it or not, that doesn’t make my back or ankles feel any better,” you persisted, and he smiled in an empathetic sort of way, so you sighed and continued. “All my joints feel off, like they’re full of jelly, which makes me feel unsteady. And my hands hurt for seemingly no reason.    My neck is under so much strain that I get headaches and even toothache from it, which I didn’t know was possible. And the heartburn is unbelievable, it’s completely robbed me of all appetite, so then I don’t have enough energy for anything, but I also can’t get comfortable enough to really sleep… it’s fucking endless.”

   “No, not endless. Just very uncomfortable,” he reminded you, making you sigh.

   “There’s not much distinction between those two words for me right now.    Especially since just this morning, my body decided to hit me with a brand new discomfort, out of nowhere, in the form of mild constipation. As if I nee-…” you grumbled, but then Dean cut you off.

   “Wait, wait… how does it feel?” he asked, which left you scratching your head for a second, just from the apparent uselessness of the question.

   “Like I wanna take a dump, but I can’t, how else would it feel?”

   But then a peculiar little smile came over him, and your annoyance abruptly vanished.

   “Here, let me take the horses outside while you go and wake Pero,” he suggested, stopping to kiss your temple and give you a quick hug, before he untied Ike and started leading him away.

   “Yeah… okay,” you answered almost in a daze, suddenly struggling to grasp that it might actually be happening. “Do you really think it’s…”

   “Yes, sweetheart, I do. Because you’ve never had those kinds of problems before. It’s probably unlikely that you’ll see any major developments for several hours yet, but I’m sure that you’re in the early stages of labour. It can masquerade as bowel discomfort at first.    And if I’m wrong, then at least you get a thorough check-up.”

   You nodded, still not fully understanding what was happening, but you did as you were told, because your father was not only 100% more experienced than you on this matter, he was also a trained army medic.

   Walking into the kitchen and heading over to the stairs, you were suddenly worried about tripping or falling, so you grabbed the handrail tightly and moved with exaggerated caution as you took one step at a time.    Meanwhile, Groot was confused by your slow advancement, repeatedly skipping up a few steps, only to immediately turn around and come back down, when he noticed that you weren’t catching up.

   Once you reached the bedroom, you found Pero on his stomach, hugging your pillow and snoring lightly in the dim light of the still closed blinds.    He’d woken up when you’d left the bed hours earlier, but you’d assured him that you were just uncomfortable in the bed, which was entirely true, and he’d asked you to let him know if you needed anything, before falling right back asleep.

   “Honey, wake up,” you gently whispered, but despite the soft tone of your voice, he sprung to action before he’d fully woken up, fumbling around among the sheets until he remembered which way was up and what part of his body needed to move to get him to sit.

   “Wha-I’m up! I’m awake, whas-goin-on?” he spluttered with a half-asleep tongue, making you smile.

   “It’s hospital time, apparently,” you answered, and it took him about one and a half seconds to realize what that meant.

   His gaze darted down to your belly and back up to your eyes, before popping wide… and then he panicked.    He bounced out of the bed and was by the closet a second later, ripping out clothes and pulling them on without even checking that they were the right way around, pulling on his t-shirt backwards.

   “Pero…” you calmly interrupted after another few moments. “Those are my jeans, they won’t fit you.”

   Confused, he looked down at the pair that he was attempting to pull his leg through, staring at the garment for a solid two seconds before it sunk in.

   “Calm down, there’s no rush,” you said while moving around the bed to reach him, taking his hands once you got to him. “Nothing’s happened yet, it might even be a false alarm, but we’re gonna go and check.    The go-bag is packed and ready and waiting in the front hall, remember? So, all you need to do is your morning toilet, get dressed, and walk out to the car. Dad’s gonna drive us.”

   He seemed to regain most of his sanity as he listened to you, but he was trembling with adrenaline.

   “Are you sure that you’re okay?” he asked in a whisper, probably because that was as much as he could manage.

   “I feel fine, I promise,” you assured him, pulling him in for a hug. “Now, go brush your teeth and splash some cold water on your face, while I prepare some clothes for you.”

   He pulled back, placing a sweet kiss on your lips along the way, and then hurried past you to the bathroom, still very much stressed out, but in control of himself at least.    And a few minutes later, he re-emerged looking fresh and much more relaxed, smiling at the comfy, but still appropriate outfit that you’d prepared for him, in the form of his favourite jeans, a grey t-shirt and a red flannel shirt.

   “How are you so calm?” he asked while sitting down on the bed to pull the pants on.

   “Because I don’t feel anything alarming yet,” you explained, but that didn’t make sense to him.

   “But then, how do you know that it’s time?”

   “I don’t, but Dean thinks it is.”

   Pero trusted your father perhaps even more than he trusted you, so just hearing that made him feel more at ease about all this.    He nodded and gave you a small smile, pulling his socks on and then coming to your side as he slipped the red shirt onto his shoulders and adjusted the collar.

   “Alright. Then let’s go,” he said, offering you his arm to support your waddling while you made your way to the stairs.

   Like before, you were still scared of tripping, so you were grateful to have his strong frame to hold on to on your one side, and the railing on the other, as you carefully stepped down to the ground floor.    He picked up the large duffel bag that was waiting inside the front door, and then you walked out to your father’s car.

   For some reason, it was heartbreaking to have to tell Groot to stay inside and then leave him behind, but there was no choice. He wouldn’t be welcome in the maternity ward, no matter how good he was for your emotional strength and overall sense of security.    He whined unhappily after you’d closed the door, and suddenly you were fighting tears.

   Dean wasn’t by the car yet, so Pero helped you get in and get buckled up while you waited, and just as he was done, a large hand came to rest on his shoulder.    He turned to find the older man standing behind him, and suddenly Pero looked so small and worried. Because in front of you he was trying to be strong and brave, while your dad’s experience and calmness made him feel safe enough to let his emotions show.

   “Everything’s gonna be fine, son. I’m gonna be there with you the whole time. We’re gonna do this as a family, right?”

   Just as he said that, Abby hopped into the car in the front passenger seat, leaving the backseat for you and your partner.

   “Damned right we are,” she said with a smile, turning back to hold out a closed fist at you, which you bumped with a chuckle.

   “Damned right we are,” you mirrored, winking at your partner and father, which made them both smile too.

   They hopped into the car, buckled up, and then you set off to find out if today was the day you’d get to meet your little piglet.

===============

Link to Part 26

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging, I would dearly appreciate it.

@idreamofboobear @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @sjdraws-00 @shsoba05 @radiowallet @thisshipwillsail316 @myfavpedrothings @cannedsoupsucks @bluegalaxyprime @tintinn16 @winter-fox-queen @shadesofnerdlygrace @tanzthompson @little-mrs-morales @hotchlover @gallowsjoker @cosmicbreathe @criminalmind1927 @harriedandharassed @bilibiche @anditsmywholeheart

[soupsspoons]

13. All Smiles

"This is--" Carol said softly, with an air of ingenuine hesitance, "Well, there's no other word for it, this is terrifying. All of it."

Her eyes were wide as she spoke, looking around the living room where most of Alexandria's residents stood. By now, Hannah had been able to pick up on Carol's game, the act of innocence she had put on. Ever since their conversation about Pete, Hannah knew there was more to the woman than anyone knew. She didn't blame her though, it made sense to pretend. By acting as though she knew nothing, she ensured that she could know everything.

Rick and Deanna told everyone to meet at her house in order to discuss what to do about the horde of walkers. Hannah was always confused when they called the creatures walkers. She liked her word, roamers, but they were all saying the same thing in the end. Walkers. Roamers. Creatures. It didn't matter, because either way, they were all running from the same evil.

Hannah wasn't technically supposed to be at the meeting, it's not like she could have helped them, but after begging Deanna, she was allowed to listen in. Things like this had always interested Hannah, she wanted to know what it was like to lead. As Carol spoke, she noticed Carter, a taller, balding man, silently disagreeing with everything that was said.

"But it doesn't sound like there's any other way." Carol finished speaking.

Carter immediately spoke when the woman went silent, "Maybe there is." He seemed nervous to speak, "I mean, couldn't we just build up the weak spots? I--I could write up the plan. I worked on the wall with Reg." He glanced over to Deanna. "The construction crew-- We could all try to make it safe." He spoke with desperation in his voice.

"Even if we could, the sound of those walkers is drawing more and more every day." Rick cut him off, shaking his head, "Building up the exits can't change that."

The room was silent, no one quite sure who to listen to.

"We're gonna do what Rick says, the plan he's laid out." Deanna finally added, keeping her eyes glued to the window she stood in front of.

And so, they began to assemble a group of volunteers.

---

Part of the plan that Rick had come up with was to build a wall. Hannah, Carl, Enid, and Ron had all been dispersed throughout the area, only allowed to help with simple tasks. Hannah didn't necessarily mind the restriction, at least she was doing something. But, she could see in Carl's face that he wanted to be more helpful, he wanted to take action.

Hannah was helping to lean sheets of metal against their posts, readying them to be nailed in. She and Rosita carried a sheet from the truck, each one taking a different side. Hannah hadn't talked to Rosita much, but she had always been intrigued by the woman. She was so strong and so smart. She was fearless.

As the two carried the sheets, Hannah glanced toward Carl, who was helping another group dig up the dirt surrounding the new wall. She hadn't spoken to him since everything happened with his dad. She didn't want to overstep anything, so she decided to give him space. But as they worked, Hannah couldn't help but watch the boy. He was talking with Enid, both smiling at whatever they had said. Carl was so good at confusing Hannah. She couldn't tell what his feelings for Enid were. Did he like her? Did she like him? And how did that make Hannah feel? Hannah knew Ron and Enid were together, but what does it mean to date in the apocalypse?

She didn't want to think about it anymore.

Hannah turned back to her work. Rosita had left to help Maggie with something, so she was left on her own. Hannah really wanted to help the community, but she wasn't entirely sure how. Hannah guessed that working on the wall was good, but was it good enough?

"Hey, kid" A low, gruff voice spoke from behind Hannah. She turned, startled by the noise, to see Daryl standing across from her. He held a box of nails in his hand, his bow slung over his back. Hannah didn't know what to say. If being around Rosita made her nervous, she couldn't imagine having a conversation with Daryl.

Hannah knew the man wasn't dangerous, the was apparent early on. However, he would always intimidate her.

"Hi," she said.

"Uh, Rosita sent me over to see if ya'll needed some help with the wall."

"Oh, well I'm sure we could use it," Hannah told the man. She expected him to leave her, most likely going off to work with someone from his group. However, he dropped the box to the ground and began to pick up a sheet of metal. Hannah looked at him, silently asking what he was doing. Daryl didn't look at the girl, but simply said, "We gotta build this up higher, who knows if them things can climb."

Hannah and Daryl worked for about twenty minutes in comfortable silence. They had built up about six feet of the wall, moving over slowly as they went. Carol had come around, passing out small styrofoam cups of water to each of the workers. Once Hannah grabbed her drink, she immediately sat on the grass, leaning against the wall they had just put up. She was exhausted from the work, even if it didn't feel like enough. The sun had been out all day, unhindered by clouds. Hannah sipped the water, tasting the plastic materials from the cup swim over her tongue. The water wasn't cold, but she didn't expect it to be. It was simply refreshing.

Soon after she sat, Daryl slowly crouched to the ground. Hannah didn't say anything as he pulled off his bow, placing it to the side farthest from her. They both sat, quietly sipping their water.

"You nervous?" Daryl asked randomly. He didn't look at Hannah, only staring ahead of him as he spoke. Everyone in his group loved to do that.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you nervous about the horde? I know some of the other kids are." Hannah once again didn't know how to respond. Apparently everyone, Maggie, Carl, and now Daryl, thought she was incredibly weak.

"I mean, I guess," Hannah shrugged, "Are you?"

"I guess" Daryl copied her words. This took Hannah by surprise. How was Daryl, the man who walked around with a crossbow and a scowl, scared?

"Really?" Hannah asked, unable to stop herself.

"Yeah." Daryl turned to Hannah, who looked at him with confusion, "What? You don't think I could be scared?" Daryl laughed lightly.

"I don't know" Hannah laughed with him. " You guys are all just— well I don't know." Hannah thought for a moment, unsure of how to describe the group. Daryl stayed quiet, letting her figure out what to say. "I just can't imagine you scared"

"We all get scared sometimes"

---

Eventually, Hannah became much too tired to continue working on the wall, and although she insisted she could stay, Maggie wouldn't take no for an answer. As she packed up her things, Hannah looked around the lot, wondering who else was left. Carol had gone home about an hour ago, and Daryl had left to talk to Rick not long after. She also noticed that Carl had slipped away a while ago, leaving Enid to talk with Maggie.

Hannah made her way home, carrying a light sweater that she had brought to the sight in case it got cold. She was only walking for a couple of minutes before the wind began to pick up and she was forced to put on the sweater. It was a blue knit cardigan, something Aaron had brought back from a run. The heat from the sweater helped her stay warm, but she was excited to get home and into bed. Hannah passed by the Grimes' house, only glancing at it as she walked. On the porch, Hannah could see Carl sitting on the wooden bench, a baby tucked into his arms. Judith was wrapped in a fuzzy blue blanket, her head completely covered by the fabric.

Hannah stopped walking. It was the blanket she had given the family when they first came to Alexandria. Carl was using her blanket.

"Hey."

Hannah looked up to see Carl waving softly at her. She hadn't realized he could see her.

"Hi"

Carl watched her for a moment, and he seemed to be mulling something over in his mind.

"It's cold tonight," Was all he said.

Hannah nodded at the boy. In an act of courage, she moved closer to the porch, now leaning on the rail in front of Carl. He didn't seem to mind. Carl noticed her movement and slowly moved over on the bench, creating a space for her to sit.

Hannah smiled, climbing up the steps onto the porch.

When she sat down, Hannah noticed Judith stir in her sleep, most likely annoyed at the new movement. Hannah's body went stiff, hoping not to wake the baby.

"She really likes the blanket," Carl spoke, ignoring the movements from Judith.

"I'm glad," Hannah told him.

"The whole thing was pretty cool, the basket."

Hannah chuckled lightly, "Really?"

"Oh yeah, it's really the only reason we stayed," Carl over-exaggerated. He smiled at Hannah as he spoke, waiting for her to catch on.

Hannah laughed harder than she meant to, quickly quieting herself so as not to wake Judith. She watched her in Carl's hands, delighted by the way she was snuggled into the blue blanket.

"Well, I got one when I first got here, so, you know." Hannah trailed off.

Carl rocked slightly on the bench, his arm brushing slightly against Hannah's own. He was warm, Hannah noticed, and she could feel him even through her sweater. She was comfortable next to him.

"Thank you," Carl told Hannah, though he was looking at Judith.

"For what?" Hannah asked.

"Just for everything, I guess." Carl looked at Hannah now. His dark eyes were soft as they looked into hers and there was a wonderful cool breeze that rushed over the two of them.

"You don't need to say 'thank you'." Hannah spoke without looking away, "We're friends, that's what friends do"

Carl's smile grew and he looked down at Judith in his arms.

"I'm glad to have a friend here."

---

The next day, Hannah saw Carl talking to Gabriel. She didn't want to eavesdrop on their conversation, but she couldn't help but wonder why they would be talking, especially after everything that had happened. She watched for a moment as Carl pulled a machete off of a table next to them, moving it around as if to show Gabriel something. Hannah realized, Carl was showing Gabriel how to use it. He was helping him. The sight made Hannah smile. She watched Carl explain different movements with the weapon, and then, she saw him very carefully hand it to the man.

Hannah didn't like Gabriel, and yet she was happy about what Carl was doing. The only reason Gabriel said what he did was because he was scared. He is scared. But rather than continue to shun him, Carl decided to help him learn how not to be scared.

Hannah thought back to the night before. He was so kind to her, so happy. She almost laughed at how much he had changed, how they all had changed.

All of this reminded Hannah of her plan, her 'learn how to be strong' plan. The next step would be to actually learn, and there was only one person she trusted to teach her that.

"I want you to teach me how to use your bow," Hannah said to Daryl, her voice unwavering. They were standing by the fence, Daryl looking down at her with a blank stare, showing no sign of what his answer might be. Hannah had found him working by the fence and knew this was her chance.

"Why?" He asked curtly.

"I want to protect myself." Hannah continued, matching his tone. He seemed to think about her request, considering what it would mean for him. His face was still bare and Hannah shuffled back and forth on her feet, waiting for Daryl's answer.

She began to doubt her decision to ask. Sure they had talked at the wall, but that didn't make them friends. She let her eyes fall to the ground as she waited for the response.

"When I get back. When the horde is gone." Daryl said simply.

Hannah's head shot up. Daryl gave her a small yet genuine nod before walking away and Hannah smiled bigger than she had all day. She was going to learn to be strong.

---

Hannah needed to walk after her conversation with Daryl. She didn't know why, but she knew she needed to move. Hannah walked to the gazebo, then to the infirmary, and then back to the center of town. She was too happy to care how late it was. As Hannah walked, the sun began to set around her, leaving the sky a beautiful pinkish orange, speckled with smudges of purple.

As she finally reached her house, Hannah was met with a man. He was standing by her door, his back facing her. He was hunched and she couldn't see his face, but Hannah smiled, knowing it was Ron.

"What are you doing?" Hannah asked, walking up to the boy. It was odd for him to be here this late, but Hannah wasn't going to turn him away.

Ron quickly turned, as if he didn't expect her to be anywhere near her own home. When he fully turned, Hannah could see his face was pink and his cheeks were stained with tears. Quickly, she moved closer to him, her face turning concerned.

"Ron, what happened?" Hannah asked, "What are you doing?"

But Ron didn't look her in the eye.

"I saw you with Carl."

Hannah stopped.

"What?"

"I saw you talking to Carl earlier," Ron said it like it was obvious.

"Yeah?" Hannah still didn't understand what the boy meant. She stepped closer to him, reaching her arm out slightly. He moved back, pulling his arm out of reach. Hannah's face fell deeper.

Ron's eyes met hers, "How could you do that?"

"Do what, Ron? Me and Carl?" Ron said nothing, "We were talking about Judith, Ron."

"His dad killed my dad!" Ron screamed at her and Hannah could see the tears forming back in his eyes. She gasped and stepped back, stumbling on the step of her porch.

"Ron--" Hannah tried.

"No, Hannah, forget it. You don't get it."

"Ron, it's not Carl's fault. It's not anyone's fault." Hannah knew that was a lie.

Ron's nose flared and he looked away from Hannah. It was like he couldn't even look at her.

"Of course, you take his side," Ron mumbled.

"His side-- Ron!" she stepped closer again, "Pete was hurting you. He was hurting all of you!" Hannah snapped and Ron turned back to her. Hannah could feel her eyes become glossy, and she balled her fists, begging the tears not to fall. She had cried in front of Ron before, but never because of him.

Ron's face was hard as he spoke, "It doesn't matter."

"It does," She spoke softly.

Before Hannah could stop him, Ron left his spot on the porch, leaving her alone.

Hannah took in a deep breath, unable to comprehend what has just happened. She leaned against her door taking in shaky breaths.

What just happened?

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Hiiiii Loveliesssss! omg I kinda love and hate this chapter, idk? But either way, it's definitely one of my longer chapters so yayy. I'm so happy with the Carl moment and I've literally been planning it for so long. I'm still kind of worried that Hannah and Ron's relationship might be coming off differently than I want but oh well. I'm also so happy we finally got a Daryl and Hannah scene!! If you couldn't tell I've been planning that too. I hope you all enjoyed!!

p.s I'm sorry this is coming out so late in the day I was busy watching The Last Vampire On Earth (You have to watch it it's so funny)

Thanks for Reading!

[placeinthisworld]

i am relating to SO much of what im reading on ur blog rn. do not get me wrong - i LOVE ttpd and love taylor. it's kind of one of those things that's like "always have, always will." im always going to be so grateful for her work and this community, and as i said - i AM loving the music rn!

BUT. she feels different, and feels so far away. i know we are not owed her time or attention, but when you've built your entire brand on fan connection and being "different" than any other celebrity in that regards, it's going to feel off and unexpected when it suddenly stops with no explanation. most of her little interaction is on tiktok, which is half the time not with actual fans, but rather anyone who uses her song in the background (which a lot of times is influencers!) ppl say "yeah but now she does so much more for us" .... yeah... so many new THINGS to buy.

i also think she's at a place where she KNOWS she is on top of the world rn (good for her!) but it has come with a complex - she knows now she doesnt NEED to be close with her fans, doesnt NEED to use her platform for good, doesnt NEED to take constructive criticism - because the gp likes her enough to where she doesn't even need a strong centralized fanbase. as of rn, no opposition can make a dent in her fame or income and she knows it. and it feels icky, and honestly makes her feel less human (which is interesting, because the ttpd is imo some of the most raw humanlike work)

the new social circle is off too. i dont hate travis, and i was happy for her, but have come to like him less and less since realizing he's a bit sleazy and is kind of only liberal for pay. he's publicly made r*pe jokes and xenophobic comments in the past couple years (NOT from 15 year old tweets! recent!) his dad is also super transphobic and mahomes brother is a charged SAer yet taylor gallavants w both of them. travis just seems like an oaf and while im glad she had something more easy and fun, it's telling that there's been a lack of backlash towards him when he's exhibited the same behavior as matty and the only things taylor could write ab him were sports and high school references. i hate to even touch on her personal life like this but god forbid this is a forever thing :/ omg this is a lot but yeah im glad we're having this convo

yup!! bestie your feelings are so valid and i feel very very similarly about everything!!

she knows she doesn’t need to appeal to a niche audience of tween girls anymore. she knows she’s beyond that. fate worked its magic and now she’s america’s it girl without any of drama of having to censor her work. and while yes i’m very proud and happy for her, you’re exactly right, she’s more than happy to continue to push things for us to buy in order to feel close to her. she’s already established a group of life long fans by those who she’s interacted with, invited to things, sent money too etc. so she really doesn’t have to do anything else besides make more music and have the world speculate about her personal life. at the end of the day she just feels sooooo disconnected to us now, compared to how we used to have it at least.

ugh i knew icky meathead was sleazy without even needing taylor to bring him into the limelight but now everyone and their mom is obsessed and up his ass too. EVEN with all those gross things about him (we all saw the recent commencement speech excuse 🤢) he’s definitely democratic for pay. i definitely don’t think he’s gonna stick around forever, either he’ll fuck up and get caught w another girl or she’ll get bored of his ass (speculating that this is a legit relationship and not PR at least lol) she’s a girl that needs a new boy every now and then i fear.

generally i’m just disappointed in her now in a lot of aspects. but completely disconnecting from the world, acting like a whole ass genocide is not actively happening, only ever promoting of talking about herself or her own work just seems so bland and selfish. she’s mentioned voting like what, twice this year? in generic ghost written sentences on an IG story?

[withacapitalp]

i’m gonna be real here, and i mean this in the kindest way - i loved your wayne & steve series so much when i first read it, and i just stumbled on it again and saw it was still updating and thought ‘now why didn’t i subscribe???’ and then went back to reread and catch up, and then i got to the end of the fifth fic and remembered why - it seemed like you were turning it into one of those fics where billy is a rapist, who abused & assaulted steve, & you didn’t tag that you would be using him as a villain, and in your end notes you said that arc would feature heavily in your next fic, but then i go to that fic and i don’t see any relevant tags or warnings and i didn’t want to read and get even more attached and then be caught off guard, again, by such a harsh depiction of one of the characters without any warning.

idk. i get that a lot of people don’t like billy, and that’s fair and it’s up to everybody which characters they do and don’t jive with. it’s not even like i haven’t read and enjoyed fics where billy is set firmly as a villain or presented in a really 2 dimensional way, because i have. but it’s different when you go into a fic, wanting to read about a certain dynamic and certain characters, and are blind-sided with hate towards another character that you like - especially when the author has decided to depict that character sexually assaulting somebody and implies that the character is a repeat sexual predator. that’s really heavy to be sort of thrown into on a fic where you’re not expecting to see that character at all, you know?

like i said, i really enjoy most of your fics and i think you’re a great writer. i guess i’m just disappointed that i’ve now TWICE had the experience of happily reading your fic and then being blindsided by such a dark depiction of a character who wasn’t even tagged. it’s really disconcerting and upsetting. ao3 has a great tagging system and i wish you’d chosen to use it a bit more effectively, i guess.

looking at your sixth fic in that series, it’s not tagged for domestic violence, sexual assault, anything like that, and it also has no tags for billy, a past steve/billy relationship, or even just a general ‘this fic is not billy friendly’ tag. looking at it i’d never think you’d have any of that sort of content in it, especially because you DID tag for /other/ potentially triggering content, but then in the end notes of the fifth fic you said that the sixth fic would deal very much so with that introduced plot line. it just sucks because i’d probably read it if i didn’t feel so much like i was clicking on a youtube jump scare video.

Long ask and long reply so I'm going to put my thoughts under a read more but TL:DR This is the kind of constructive criticism that is incredibly valid, and I appreciate your courage and energy that you put into writing all this. Also I'm going to get slightly personal here so if you don't want to read that just continue on

This is like, strangely, the fourth or fifth ask I've gotten about A New Perspective today, which has forced me to look at it again and admit to myself why I stepped away from it.

I use my fics to work through a lot of my own personal things. This fic series and the relationship that Billy and Steve have in it is based entirely on a real life relationship I had with an ex. They have an incredibly complicated sexual relationship that is inherently unhealthy for both of them. Not just Steve. Not just Billy. Steve does not think of himself as a victim, he sees himself as the problem. In reality it's both of them. I think Billy Hargrove is a really interesting character, I don't talk about him a lot here because he's really divisive in the fandom, and I don't need to get involved in Billy drama tbh.

For this fic he isn't the villain to Steve, even if he might seem like a monster, and I hope that gets across when I eventually come back to this series. I took a break from it for a lot of reasons, but part of it is needing to reevaluate what I'm getting out of writing it, and if it's healthy for me. I don't know if this is an exceptionally harsh depiction of Billy, it's not necessarily positive, but it does have a lot of different layers. Finding a nuanced way to portray that relationship (and a way to work through my own thoughts and feelings about mine) isn't easy, but I don't really think I write it in a two-dimensional way. I'm not sure if you were saying I did, but if you were, I'll just have to respectfully disagree and leave it at that.

As for tags, well this one I just have to own up and say I'm sorry. I didn't really know how to tag it, because I still didn't know what to consider for them. I don't really know how to consider my own relationship, which is what this is based on. So tagging it with things like sexual abuse or with things like SA...I don't know I just haven't worked through if it would even be considered that?

Regardless of my personal journey with my writing though, there's outside readers who have their own journeys. It's something that you explained in a really clear way, so I appreciate that you took the time to make me see where I was leaving a gap. I don't want people to think it was intentional? I don't think of my fics as a 'YouTube jumpscares' but more as a complicated web of a lot of things I work through in my own mind.

I put the note on my fifth fic to let people know that there would be a lot of complicated stuff going on, and so they could choose to opt out or not, but I understand that wasn't enough. If anyone got triggered or upset by what I wrote, then I do sincerely apologize for that. We talk a lot about curating your own online experience, but to do that you also have to be properly prepared for the experiences you go into. Where I didn't help contribute to that is on me.

As for people who might be worried about the series mentioning this a lot after this? It won't. I work through things in my own way, and I knew I wanted to make this part of Steve's journey, but it's not his entire journey. After this there's just a lot of fluffy parts like the first few one shots again. This was just something I needed for myself.

It's funny, I owe that series a lot, but I honestly just kind of hate it right now.

I don't really know if 'being blinded by hate' is really fair to say about the relationship I'm trying to portray, because I don't hate Billy and neither does Steve. There's love there, and a wish for something better that they'll never get to have, and I hope that you can stick with it to see how it all plays out. I like to think I'm writing for more than just bashing on a character. As for just dropping it in, well I've known what I want to do this entire time, but I can understand where people would come from thinking it was just dropped in.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but don't forget, writers are just humans too. We do things and we make mistakes, and this was just one of mine. I think I have everything properly tagged on the series now? If you feel differently though, you're welcome to DM me. I don't bite. I struggle with ao3 tagging in general, so I'm always grateful when anyone suggests tags I should be adding. Someone told me today I should add a genderfluid Steve tag to my latest fic, and I didn't even realize I forgot to.

Anyways. Long and probably too personal, but I figured I wanted to explain best I could. If you don't care about any of that, well, the tags got added.