#it really is just the fucking text box that fucking is so slow and laggy

[lapeaudelamemoire]

It's Monday again and the dread 'I want to die' is back; and the weight, and the guilt.

Again, I don't think this is normal, and I don't think this is okay.

Thoughts are messy and this fucking text box is slow and it's annoying the fuck out of me but -

So I'm supposedly in the mental health sector, right. But no one is talking about Gaza and Palestine. Where do we go to talk about what we're witnessing in the world, mass death and genocide going on in real time? Why are we not talking about it? Why are we supposed to just turn up to work and school and somehow... not talk about it?

And then there's the utter and absolute anxiety because going to work (placement supposedly, but it is work) or any social event means no one is bloody wearing a mask, and I fucking know that they haven't been wearing one at any time outside. And I still have to drink water and eat, at least. I've been dehydrated for most of the last week because I've had to be outside, which means I don't drink water while I'm walking around.

And the community health place - ironic, I know - I'm on placement at has the fucking open office cubicles set-up, and that means I can not only hear everyone all of the fucking time, and people are on video calls at their desks, and also what the fuck what about client notes and privacy?, but also that that means everyone is fucking breathing into the same space, and no one is wearing a mask. So I can't drink water because that would mean having to take my mask off, and since we don't get to just have a room to ourselves the whole day, I guess I won't be drinking water the whole day somehow either.

I'm so fucking tired.

And I got a new laptop because my old one was whining - literally making a high-pitched whine when it was plugged in and charging and on at the same time - but this new one I got off Marketplace (FB) I don't seem to have taken to quite as well, I have to press hard to type and I keep missing keys, and the keys are spaced further away than before, and the keyboard layout is a little different, and so it's not as good for me to type and frustrating too, and also, well,

I got given a work laptop tablet thing so now I have to carry both of them around because even the cubicles are technically ones you need to book for the days you're there, like the rooms you have to individually book each time for each individual session with clients, so I can't leave the work laptop there,

and I don't have Microsoft Office on this laptop, and so I'm trying to learn how to use LibreOffice finally, but some of the formatting doesn't translate, and

even backspacing on this fucking text box is so fucking slow and it's driving me insane, and

remember when technology was fun?

I think my brain is shutting down a little.

It's Monday and I haven't heard back from any of the places I sent an application to and frankly it's not like I was expecting to hear back I guess, but more importantly

it's Monday and that means the workweek is started again and that means I have to Get Things Done today and that includes stuff like thinking about what I need to do about the rent increase which, when I rang the rental agent to ask something about, they answered me with an immediate 'So you're moving out?'

but really what I wanted to say is - and here is another tangent because I'm definitely going crazy, this text box isn't keeping up with my typing speed so it's slow and lagging and that means that I can't see mistakes and typos as they happen and letters keep dropping and there are so many mistakes my g-d and I have to type so hard and I'm going insane, I'm going insane, I'm going ins-

what I really wanted to say is - actually maybe I should just go back to using my old laptop oh my g-d this is all too much trouble and too much change to handle all at once and I'm tired and my hands are tired and my wrists are tired and my fingers are tired and I -

Well. What I really wanted to say is that. It's Monday and I am being crushed by the weight on my chest that is the thing that says "You have to email the place today and call the organisation today and respond to the conversation thing today and get back in touch with that friend you said you would catch up with last Thursday or Friday but then you got busy and didn't hear from each other and -"

but instead I am going to fucking play some FF.

[yoongis-chubby-cheeks]

Heyyyyy how would bts react to you getting hurt while they’re on your and not telling them

sorry i havent done a reaction in a while lmao… this might be really bad since im out of practice, sorry for taking so damn long …

Namjoon:‘So call me tomorrow?’ Namjoon asked as you smiled at his face on your phone screen. You were video calling just before you went to bed, as you did most days when he was away on tour.‘Mm, it might be a bit later though and i dont want you staying up too late.’ You said fondly.‘No, I can stay awake to see you. Why will you be later?’ He tilted his head sleepily.‘I just have to go to the hospital for a check up on my leg-‘‘The hospital?!’ Namjoon suddenly looked completely awake. ‘What happened?’‘It’s nothing too serious,’ you shook your head. ‘It was just I tripped on the stairs and um, broke my leg.’‘And didn’t tell me?!’ His eyes were wide with concern. ‘Are you okay? Do you need me to come home?’‘No, babe, you know you couldn’t come home anyway. I’m fine, don’t worry about me.’Namjoon rubbed his temple as he sighed. ‘Ah, you stress me out babe, but if you say you’re okay then I’ll believe you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, tell me how the appointment goes?’You nodded, smiling widely. ‘I’ll let you know. Goodnight babe, I love youu.’Namjoon chuckled. ‘I love you too, sleep well.’

Seokjin:You hadn’t even told your boyfriend about your broken arm, and it wasn’t until you were facetiming the next day that he found out.‘Princess, what’s that on your arm?’ His face was pixelated and his voice laggy, but his worry was evident.You held up your arm, showing the cast on it with a sheepish look on your face. You saw his eyes go shocked, and the cogs turning in his head as he tried to figure out what happened. ‘I fell over in the bathroom..’ ‘Why-what-how come you didn’t say anything?’You shrugged. ‘I didn’t want you to get stressed over it. You kinda overreact whenever i get hu-‘‘Overreact?!’ Seokjin shook his head, an incredulous look on his face. ‘I ought to be coming home right now, what if you need help with something? What if you need to get to the hospital quickly?’‘Seokjinnie, dont be so worried. Everything is fine. F/N’s helping me out with stuff.’Seokjin narrowed his eyes. ‘You’re worse than our Namjoonie, even he hasn’t slipped and broke a-‘ He stopped speaking as soon as you pouted. ‘Ah, seriously.’ He chuckled.‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Seokjinnie.’ You said cutely with a wide smile. ‘I love you.’‘Goodnight princess.’ He sighed. ‘I love you more.’

Yoongi:‘facetime me?’ Yoongi’s text came onto your phone screen and you tutted, typing out a reply.‘I cant rn, im sorry :(‘ Your phone then ding-ed immediately.‘oh really? ;)’ You chuckled at your boyfriend’s dirty mind. ‘did someone get lonely..?’‘min yoongi, you are a dirty man. its nothing like what you’re thinking, theres just something on my face..’ ‘what? whyyyy, i dont care what you look like i just want to see my sweet baby and hear her voice~’ ‘sweet-talking wont help you XD if you call i wont pick up’ you replied quickly. Nevertheless, your phone began to ring and Yoongi’s contact popped up. You clicked decline immediately, and the ringing stopped, before it began to ring again… and again. Frustrated, you decided to pick it up to get him to shut up. ’I knew it would work.’ Yoongi smirked as his face came into view.‘You little shit.’ You laughed. You saw Yoongi’s expression go dark when you flipped the camera button to make it face you.‘What the hell is that? Did you fight someone? Who do i need to murder? How-‘‘Yoongi!’ You had to interrupt the bombardment of questions. “I literally dropped a box on my face, that’s why there’s a bruise. I was getting it down from a shelf.‘Ah, you little… you stress me out, Y/N.’ he exhaled loudly. ‘I hate you.’‘You love me.’ you teased. ‘Damnit, you’re right.’ Yoongi smiled back.

Hoseok:Hoseok was ravenously eating noodles when he picked up your call, but when he saw the cast covering your wrist, he almost choked.‘Angel! What happened to your wrist?! Do you need me to come and take care of you? Are you-’‘Babe, babe, slow down! It’s not that bad, I promise. I just kinda…’ you paused, fiddling with your sleeve. ‘It was really icy outside, and i tried to ice skate. Long story short, I fell over, as you might be able to tell.’Hoseok’s expression had turned from one of extreme concern to one of fond amusement. ‘I leave you alone for a week…’‘It wasn’t my fault, okay!’ You pretended to whine, but ended up laughing at your boyfriend’s expression.‘You tell yourself that.’ Hoseok grinned. ‘Have you eaten yet? I left some of your favourite in the freezer.’You smiled at his caring nature, but tilted your head. ‘Can i have some of your stash of-‘‘Absolutely not.’ he cut you off. ‘If I come home and even one of my snacks is missing, there is going to be hell to pay for you, missy.’You suddenly put on a pained expression. “Ah, I think my wrist-‘After a moment of worry, Hoseok sighed. ‘You’re a devil, but i still love you.’You beamed. ‘I love you too, Hobi.’

Jimin:You were having your daily conversation over text with your boyfriend Jimin who was away on tour.‘so, anything new princess??’‘not really, except from i sprained my ankle in the gym.’‘YOU WHAT’Immediately, your phone began to buzz, and you sighed, knowing how worked up Jimin was going to get about it. As soon as you clicked accept, your boyfriend’s voice blasted through your earphones.‘Baby what the hell why wouldnt you tell me?? How bad is it- oh my god, did it hurt? Do you need me? Literally on my way home now, dont even-‘‘JIMIN!’ He paused. ‘Babe, i only made a sound just then cause my volume was so damn loud and it hurt my ears. Im fine, i promise!’There was a silence as Jimin tried to evaluate your tone and figure out if you were being truthful. He must have decided you weren’t lying, and he sighed quietly in relief.‘I swear to god, one day you’re gonna give me a fricking heart attack.’You giggled softly, and from Jimin’s slow exhale of breathe you could tell that the sound of your laughter had put him at ease.‘Princess, won’t you tell me next time you hurt yourself? You know i’ll never be too busy to care, i love you alright?’‘Thank you Jiminie.’ You smiled, even though Jimin couldn’t see you. ‘I love you too.’

Taehyung:Taehyung’s icon popped up on your phone screen as it rang, and you grinned with excitement, knowing that this was going to be the last time you would call your boyfriend while he was away on tour, since he was returning the next day.‘Taehyungie!’‘Baby! How have you been today?’ Taehyung’s expression mirrored your own as you brought the phone up to your face. Suddenly, his eyes widened in shock, and you remembered the bruise on your cheek.‘I’m fine baby, and so happy to see you tomorrow!’‘What’s that bruise from?’ He tilted his head. ‘Not that I care about you or anything, i’m just wondering.’You scoffed. ‘Okay, don’t laugh at me.’ A teasing smile began to creep onto Taehyung’s face. ‘What did you do, was it really dramatic?’‘I fell out of bed.’ You interrupted him with a sigh. There was silence, then your boyfriend’s laughter was filling the room from your phone speaker. ‘You’re so mean.’ You complained, but Taehyung was too busy facepalming.‘You are an actual idiot. Try not to get any more injured tonight before i get home you dork.’‘You’re a bully, but a cute bully.’ You shook your head fondly. ‘I’ll see you soon.’

Jungkook:It was the day that your boyfriend was finally returning from a long time away at tour, and you couldn’t wait to finally hug him again. You might have a bit of trouble re-enacting the cheesy airport reunition scene though, since you had recently broke your foot after tripping in a dent in the road and you were on crutches. As soon as Jungkook emerged from the crowd of security and fans, his eyes shot open, no longer looking jetlagged. He rushed over to you and dropped his bag on the floor before engulfing you in a hug.‘Jungkookie!’ You grinned at him as he pulled away from you, but he still looked worried.‘What happened baby? Are you okay? How come you didn’t tell me?’ he questioned.You shook your head. ‘It’s nothing to worry about, I just kinda tripped and fell. It’s only a little break.’‘A break? You broke your leg and didn’t think to let me know?’ Jungkook seemed exasperated as he picked up his bag again and the two of you began to walk.‘I didn’t want to stress you Kookiee. I didn’t want you to get distracted, its not like im the main priority in your life-‘‘Um, one, what the fuck. Two, what the fuck? Yes you are.’ Jungkook reached over and booped your nose. ‘You always will be you idiot.’You smiled brightly. You had sure missed your boyfriends presence in your life.‘What are you smiling about? We still have to sit in the car for another hour back home.’‘I know.’ You looked over at him. ‘I’m just happy to have you back.’

-admin e (thank you all for sticking by me even when i havent been posting, you guys actually mean the world to me, i love you all so so so so so so so much)