#it really boosted me a lot because I've been feeling kind of bummed that I haven't been to write much of anything lately

[fonulyn]

I've been rereading "and each one of us is a path somewhere" since I was lucky enough to have the page loaded before AO3 was DDOS'd. And I am really glad because I love that fic! I'm not sure if I've commented on it before to say that (and I don't wanna risk loading anything just yet to check/send a comment lol ^>^”) but I still wanted to say that. It's a really good fic! It made the two bus rides I took in the last two days much better, and I could, for a second, pretend that the Residen Evil World still had an alive Piers which is the best part of fics XD

Also I really love the concept in general. Piers time travelling for Leon Specifically (which. I would be inclined to believe that he was only visible to him + zombies if not for Ada talking at him lmao, if only because of the gun shop scene). Though I do love that, in this fic, Ada either just Magic Science Forgot Piers was there (maybe the memories transfer through a kiss lol) or just straight up gaslit Leon about it for no reason other than "I don't want to deal with this," or at least I assume that was her reason. Like. I love Ada to bits and would forgive her most wrongs, but that is still extremely funny to me. Ada, girl, what are you doing.

Anyway, aside from that, I just really love it all. The banter, the soft relationship and how it's building up. And I love the thought that Leon had to internally accept Piers time travelled to him and he wouldn't remember Leon on his own. Can't help but imagine the mix of worry and relief he felt about the whole thing :'3

So yeah, leaving this here to tell you I love that fic and I am very glad you wrote and shared it. Thank you so much for that! <3

so first of all, most importantly: THANK YOU for such a lovely long message!! truly was the highlight of my day. I read it in the morning and kept thinking of it throughout the day, even though I just now got the chance to respond :3 I'm glad hte fic helped entertain you through bus rides too! (and shhhh I don't know why you say ''pretend'' he's alive and well and happy with his boyfriend Leon)

you know I never even thought that Piers could be only visible to Leon and now I'm kinda bummed I didn't because that would've been sorta fun :'D but alas, too late haha. as for Ada, I honestly think she 100% lied to Leon because she didn't want to deal with that pining shit lol. she had a job to do, a mission to focus on, and that crap? not helpful. so forgetting it we are! she 100% didn't even think she was ever gonna see Leon (or Piers) again ever again at that point so who cares if she twists the truth a little bit :'D

ahhh and I'm so happy you enjoyed the buildup! Leon did go through a lot while waiting for Piers to get those memories 😅 but hey at least he wasn't alone in RC, that has to count for something, and they did get their happy ending eventually! even if it took twenty years :'D

I hope you don't mind I published this ask but I really just want to keep it forever 💖 and come back to it when I'm struggling with writing and feeling like none of it makes sense. I have no words to even convey how much kind comments like this mean to me! and help with motivation issues too! hearing specifics what you enjoyed and thought made my entire day :D

(sidenote; this is why comments on ao3 are so important, too, because they're easy to find for a motivation boost! I've had 'friends' who staunchly refused to comment there and just sent me a quick pm somewhere, and the thing about pms is that they get lost :( they won't be findable at one point. on ao3, they'll always remain!) (this is 100% not applicaple here i was just reminded of it 😅 no shade to this absolutely lovely and wonderful ask!!!)

[queenmagnusao3]

AO3 Link

She was so tired.

Not just from the day she just had. Not because her week had seemed as if it would never end. She was tired to her very soul.

She hadn’t always been so cold. She was always guarded, yes. She kept her walls high and strong but there was a time when she had let a small circle of people inside those walls. But then something shifted and everything changed. She threw everyone out and decided it was safer to keep them that way. Letting people in would always eventually lead to her getting hurt again.

This served her well for many years. She had relationships here and there but they never meant anything, not really. And she was content enough. Or at least that’s what she told herself at night when the unwanted, traitorous thoughts plagued her.

She knew some of those people who had once been allowed past her defenses wanted to be let in again. They would try every once in a while, acting as if no time had passed from when they were younger. But even they gave up eventually. She couldn’t blame them. Marriages, babies, and careers were all very important things of value.

They all moved on from her.

But then everything changed again.

In more ways than she realized, the Avatar changed Lin’s life in ways she never expected. She had spent decades keeping everyone she knew at an arm’s length but then Korra blazed into her city and she suddenly found herself being forced to face her own past.

She wasn’t sure when it happened but she was actually friends with Tenzin again. There was still a dull ache in her heart if she thought too much about things that would never be, but they were different people than they were all those years ago. And she was loathe to admit it, but she would go the ends of the earth for his children. Even Meelo.

She was actually on speaking terms with Su. Su. She not only had her sister back but she had relationships with her niece and nephews. Things were still complicated with her mother but they had made progress and if Lin didn’t screw everything up again maybe they could move on from their past.

Bumi was the only one who ever seemed to truly understand Lin. It was nice to have him as a more active part of her life again. Even if he was an insufferable idiot most of the time.

And then there was Kya.

 Her Kya.

Lin wasn’t sure if it was because she was older and more mature or if she just had been so fixated on Tenzin and the thought of failing Aang, that she just didn’t notice how amazing Kya truly was. Kya had breezed through Republic City many times over the years, often causing some sort of scene that created more work for Lin. But Kya always checked in on Lin. No matter what.

Lin didn’t even realize this until years later. Kya was the only one who actually asked how Lin was doing. No ulterior motives, not out of obligation, but because she sincerely cared about her. She was the only constant in Lin’s life that wasn’t tainted by the memories of her past.

It had happened rather subtly, their relationship. Well, subtly enough after Lin stammered through an exhaustion induced declaration of love for Kya at her bedside when Zaheer had nearly killed them both. Lin had thought Kya was unconscious for her little confession until the waterbender showed up in Republic City 6 months later to tell Lin she felt the same way.

It was awkward and sometimes tense at first as Lin learned to let someone get close to her again and Kya worked through her reflex of running away when things got serious. The fact that they had known each other since childhood didn’t help either, because it was impossible to hide your past from someone who lived it with you.

And now she was here. Walking up the stairs of her apartment knowing there was someone waiting for her there that loved her. As Lin walked through the door to the apartment, her exhaustion and tension cloying in her gut, she decided to let her walls down completely for the woman she loved. It was time to move on from the past.

Kya was on the couch, reading a letter from her mother by the looks of the handwriting. Lin went through her usual routine, walking to the bedroom to take off her uniform and change into clean clothes.

But instead of going to the kitchen for food, she quietly walked around the couch and sat down next to Kya, pulling her legs up and resting her head against Kya’s warm shoulder. She felt the shift in Kya’s demeanor as she stopped reading the letter.

“Everything okay, Lin?”

Her voice had a twinge of concern in it and Lin could feel her face reddening with mild embarrassment.

“Yeah.”

Kya’s silence was louder than anything else she could have said.  Lin let out a slight sigh, pulling Kya’s arm up and draping it around her as she nestled closer.

“Just hold me, Kya.”

Kya still didn’t speak but she did shift her position so they were both more comfortable, her arm pulling Lin closer.

“You’re making me nervous, Lin. What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong… it echoed through Lin as she went over everything that had ever gone wrong in her life, everything that lead to the person she was now. What a loaded question. She sighed again and pulled away enough to look Kya in the eye.

“I promise nothing’s wrong. I just… I… I’ve decided I want to hug you more.”

Her cheeks got warm again at the way the absurd sounding sentence managed to weasel its way from her mouth. She pulled away from Kya completely and buried her face in her hands. She had always been lousy at discussing her own feelings but this was just sad. Kya, to her testament, didn’t burst out laughing but Lin didn’t miss the slight twitch of the corners of her mouth as her face softened.

She didn’t say anything which was a small blessing as Lin slowly lowered her hands. Kya lifted her arm and made a small movement with her head, beckoning Lin to come closer.

And she did.

Putting aside any sense of discomfort, Lin allowed herself to melt into Kya’s side, letting out a long breath and closing her eyes.

“I thought you weren’t a cuddler.”

Lin smiled, flicking her wrist so a small piece of stone she had brought in on her boots hit Kya in the back of the head. She let out a small, indignant yelp, but before she could retaliate Lin wrapped her arms around her middle and squeezed her gently.

“People can change, Kya.”

Kya kissed the top of Lin’s head, resting her cheek against her. She started to hum softly, a gentle tune Lin recognized but couldn’t quite place. She felt her body relax, the steady beating of Kya’s heart syncing with her own.

 People can change.

 I can change.

[lovemesomesurveys]

[brelee @ bzoink]

Do you like McDonald's sprite? I couldn't even tell you the last time I had a MdDonald's Sprite, so I don't recall. I'm not really a Sprite/7-Up/Sierra Mist type of gal. Their Coke is good, though.

What age did you start becoming more independent? Well, I'm 32 and can't say that I am to be honest. My health has really taken a toll and over the past 6 years now, especially the past few recent years when I experienced a lot of setbacks, so I've become a lot more dependent on my family and requiring a lot more help. Now with this brain fog shit and other setbacks, I feel completely useless right now. I could not do this on my own, there's no way.

How do you like your oatmeal? Butter, cinnamon, condensed milk, brown sugar.

Do you ever just dance around the house? Sure.

List 5 things you need to do soon. --There's some things I'd like to go shopping for at a few different places.

-- I'd like to try and do more to miraculously put on a little more weight before my doctor visit Thursday (I lost more weight this past month since I last saw my doctor from being sick and other health reasons and I'm scared about what she'll say), but that's obviously not happening....

-- I need to get my laptop checked out because I, the biggest dumb ass, dozed off one night while sitting up on my laptop with a cup of hot Sleepy Time tea and it ended up tipping over and spilling onto my keyboard D; I thought I had cleaned it up quickly and I had a cover over my keyboard, but when I tried to use it later on the keyboard wouldn't work at all and my laptop is stuck in recovery mode or something. I'm so grateful my brother has let me borrow his for the time being since he doesn't really use it, otherwise I'd really be going insane.

-- I have a couple bills I need to pay. -- I need another vacation.

What do you do when you start to feel sad? I'm always sad.

Have you ever been to a metal concert? No.

Do you like metal? No.

What's your favorite Christmas movie? I have many favorites. I love Christmas movies.

What about Halloween movie? I have a lot of those as well, but the Scream, Halloween, and It movies are amongst the top. I've been really into Jordan Peele's movies and he has a new one coming out soon I'm looking forward to.

Do you like the taste of cilantro? Love it.

Have you ever busted a window accidentally? No.

Do you remember those Bratz dolls? What were your favorite dolls? Yes. *shrug* I liked 'em all.

What was the last thing to bum you out? Life.

What is your summer anthem? I don't have one.

Do you enjoy apples? I like them, but I couldn't tell you the last time I had one though. It's been a long time.

Have you ever made apple butter? Do you like it? I've never had it.

Do you own any pocket knives? No.

On a scale of 1-10.. How happy are you and why? Ya'll should know by now.

Do you think diamonds are overrated? I'm not obsessed, but they're definitely pretty.

How many languages can you greet somebody in? Like 3.

Do you have a favorite planet? Earth is cool.

Do you know how to play the flute? No.

What do you enjoy putting in your smoothies? I don't make smoothies. <<< Same. It's rare for me to even get a smoothie, but I actually had a blueberry acai one a few weeks ago because it was just after a brain fog incident and I thought something like that with added antioxidants, vitamins, and energy boost would be good. In high school I used to go to Jamba Juice more often and get like a raspberry or strawberry banana smoothie.

What's a medication that has really helped you? My pain medication.

Do you forgive easily? Yes. Not always a good thing.

Have you ever broken up with somebody? Yes.

What was the biggest phase you went through when you were younger? I was thinking about my environmentalist phase today because it's Earth Day. I was really into that sort of thing for a while in around seventh and eighth grade.

Is there something you've been hiding from someone? Kind of. And perhaps downplaying some things.

Do you believe in demons? Yes.

Have you ever seen a spider consume another spider? Ewwww, no.

What's your favorite fruit? Bananas.

Do you ever go clubbing? No. Definitely not my thing.

Have you ever been to a church camp? No.

Have you ever accidentally swallowed something you shouldn't have? Not anything dangerous, just like… a hard candy that I was sucking on but accidentally swallowed or something. <<<<

Last book you remember enjoying? All the books I've read just in the past few years alone, including the current one I'm reading. I've discovered authors and various series that I've been really into.

When was the last time you got scared? That's a recurring, constant feeling I experience nowadays due to health reasons.

Have you ever seen a boy band live? Yes.

When was the last time you drank water? Like 20 minutes or so ago.

Have you ever been dehydrated? Yes. That was part of the brain fog situation. My mom was like pumping me with water and other drinks full of electrolytes.

Have you ever shot a gun? Yes, once. I went to a shooting range with some friends and gave it, well, a shot. *ba dum tss*

Do you use Facebook? Yeah.

Would you say you're well educated on religious topics? No.

What's the longest you have walked at once? A former friend and I walked all over a big, touristy city that included a lot up and downhill walking. It was insane. I can't believe I used to be able to do that and now I need help out of bed and someone to push me in my chair most of the time. I used to have really good upper body strength and now I'm just so weak. It's sad.

Do you ever take those Buzzfeed quizzes? Yeah, I've take several. It's been awhile since I've last done one, though.

How long was your last phone call? *shrug* Just a few minutes, probably.

Are there a box of tissues on your bedside table? No.

Have you cut your hair here recently? I chopped it pixie cut short last summer and it's still short and choppy and ugly. I don't even care, I just couldn't do the long hair anymore. Not right now anyway. I didn't have the motivation or energy to keep up with it and it would get so knotted and it was just a major pain. It's been nice not having to deal with it right now. I do miss it, though... it took so long to get as long as it was, which was past my butt. I reallyyy miss the red coloring.

Do you like skittles? Nah.

What is your favorite kind of cheeto? (spicy, regular, puffs.. etc. I loved the Flamin' Hot Cheetos, especially the puffs, but I can't eat spicy food anymore. D;

Do you have a skin care routine? No.

Do you know how to write in cursive? Yes.

What's the closest thing to you that is pink? A blanket.

Have you ever watched a black and white film? Yeah, several. TV shows as well.

Did you used to read Dr. Seuss books as a kid? Yes.

What's the longest you've had to wait in line for something? A few hours.

What's the sickest you've ever been? I feel like these past few years, especially as of late, have been the worst.

If you had to be named after an inanimate object, what would you choose? Uhhh.

What is one food you would not like to give up? I'll always miss being able to have spicy food.

Would you ever donate a kidney to a stranger if applicable? Mine probably are the best.

How many scars do you have? A lot.

Do you have any unusual things wrong with your body? (I have different length arms and hands for example) Yes.

What did you last have to eat? So far I've just had chicken broth and a protein shake, which is how I've been starting every morning for the past few weeks. I also had a mini blueberry muffin.

When was the last time you visited a carnival? It was one my high school did every year.

Do you own a pair of those socks with toes? No.

What age did you stop trick or treating? that is if you celebrate Halloween at all.. Ha, I still went sometimes in high school.

What's the best flavor of popsicle? The banana chocolate one.

Are you caught up on laundry? For the most part.

Does your car tend to get super messy like mine? 😅 I don't have a car, I don't drive.

What search engine do you use? Google, of course.

Have you ever had a flat tire? I don't drive.

Do you know what ginseng looks like? Uhh. I don't think so.

When is the next time you have to go grocery shopping? Soon.

[cancerbiophd]

Hiya! I've been following you for some years and I have to say I love your science-dedicated Tumblr! I'm a biochemistry bachelor student in my last semester, and I don't know what to do next with my life. I hope you don't mind I came here for advice. I'm now on the nice period of life that I have to apply for Master's degrees, and I do not know how to format my CV for that 😑 any ideas or personal advice? Thanks a lot, keep on rocking science!

hello!!

oh aahhhh thank you! 

firstly, congrats on your final stretch of undergrad! 

secondly, come come, sit down next to me and have your beverage of choice (i’m feeling very.. ice-tea today). let’s just chat for a bit. it’s ok to feel nervous about what to do next, because it really is a big step! 

so for CVs, what you put in it is literally in the name: curriculum vitae = “the course of my life”. In the US, Canada, and some other countries, that means you put literally everyyyyything that has to do with your education and work (from college-onwards degrees, publications, posters, students mentored, memberships of societies, grants, awards, etc). I’ve seen CVs of super old and super accomplished professors that are like 50 pages long (and they have their own table of contents). However! In the UK, I think it’s limited to 2 pages. I live in the US, and am familiar with US CV’s. If you’d like to get a UK or international perspective, let me know, and I can signal boost. 

I have 2 posts talking about CVs here. 

(Just for clarification purposes, a resume is not the same thing as a CV. A resume is a 1-page tl;dr of your CV and summarizes the important aspects that are specially tailored towards whatever/whoever you’re sending it to. Here’s a nice article talking about the difference between a CV and a resume, and also has some awesome tips too.)

As for your first part about what to do with your life… you are still in the “early life” of your wikipedia page. You have time to poke around and figure things out. Get to know yourself! Do you like lab research? Or working with patients? Or science writing? Or perhaps you’re passionate about science policy and changing things in the government regarding science? Degrees in science are quite versatile; you don’t have to be stuck in a lab if you don’t want to. Here’s a (not complete at all of course) list I made of different types of jobs you can hold with a bachelors, masters, or PhD in life sciences. 

In general, I like to tell people that the best way to see if a career path is for you is to experience “a day in the life”, be it from an entry-level job, internship, volunteering, shadowing, or even in-detail conversations with an employee willing to share their experience. Sometimes careers that sound good on paper won’t necessarily mesh well with your personality/career goals in person, and vice versa. (Exhibit A: I thought I wanted to be a medical doctor my entire life, and then I volunteered at a hospital and realized I wasn’t too fond of interacting with patients. There goes that track!)

Most (if not all) universities will have some sort of Career Service/Development Program for current students and alumni. You can use it to network, get advice (eg. meeting with an alumnus in a career path you’re interested in and talking to them, or getting feedback on your CVs), and maybe even find jobs (alumni love to help other alumni). I highly recommend seeing if your university has something like that. 

Related, talking to your academic advisor/counselor is a good idea too. They can point you in the right directions, and give feedback more tailored towards your goals. They’ll also have more information on what kinds of career help your university offers. 

I was at a loss on what to do after I graduated college with my degree in microbiology too. After 5 months of searching for jobs, figuring life out, and being bummed out in general, I ended up working as a lab tech in a cancer research lab at my alma mater, and it was absolutely life-changing. It allowed me to a) figure out that I loved research and wanted to pursue a PhD, b) have the time to then study for my GREs and work on applications, c) form networks with other PIs and grad students, d) catch up on sleep/life, and e) meet my future husband lol. In short, taking a gap year (or 2.5 years in my case) between college and then grad school was just the best decision ever. I have a post where I talk about things to do during a gap year here if you’re interested. 

Hope that helped a bit! If there’s something specific you’re interested in, let me know! I’m also available on chat, so feel free to hit me up there if you’d like.  

Congrats and best of luck

[masslessobtrusion]

This was the last conversation I had with Lauren before she passed away...

It’s unedited besides some names and cities. Lauren It hurts me and stresses me out and triggers me to know you're high right now and I just celebrated my 90 days completely sober from everything yesterday and I want to cry and because of that i can't talk to you for my sake and well-being because this is the first time in my life I have put myself first and I feel great except I'm stressed out now. It's nice to have a sober support group to help, but still ?? Lauren I can't talk to you because I cry and it threatens this great thing I have right now and want to hold on to Ryan I've actually been clean. I'd rather have you as a friend than be high. Lauren That's fucking awesome!! But I need time still and I'm learning patience too Ryan No one talks to me, everyone cancels their plans on me, just because I told them about it. I really need a friend. Lauren It's hard to see you and very confusing and uncomfortable I can't talk to you. Ryan what if I flew you to ****on august 26th. no access to anything and the maywether/McGregor fight is on. the pool is heated, it feels awesome I'll do anything to have you as a friend. Going to home was a nice change in my routine. rollcall is banned forever, markets went down. There's no getting anything. Lauren All I can say is if you want people in your life, open yourself to the idea of AA and get yourself a sponsor and find a way to see what the program is all about past the God stuff. Because what it's really all about is a bunch of fucked up people who have lost everybody and everything getting together and making friends and supporting each other. You will find friends and support through AA. Lauren That's all I have to say. Bye. Ryan Hey, please don't do this. I'm totally good. So many people cut me out of their life. I stopped benzos and kratom is down to one small spoon in the morning. i'm lifting weights. I'm feeling good about uber. Lauren Join AA. Ryan ok Lauren not that you join. Just go. Every day. Ryan if that's what you want me to do to be friends with you. I'll do it. Lauren You will find people. Ryan I don't really want people like that. Just my old friends who don't use. Lauren That's what it will take. AA. Just keep going. Ryan I'm glad it's helping you. It is, right? Lauren More than anything. I have legit friends now and most of all I have support for anything that's bothering me Ryan I figured this would happen. But was hoping that you could not cut me out your life. I won't do anything to hurt you or your sobriety. I promise. Keep me at a distance for a while. But please don't cut me out. Lauren I stay away from guys like they suggest because of 13th stepping Ryan I saw your new fetlife. ?? Lauren AA has changed my life. And no, I don't believe in God. Ryan But I'm glad you're not getting 13th stepped. Lauren I have to until you're completely sober and have a sober support network through either smart recovery, na, or aa Ryan Could you be my support if I need it? I don't care about drugs. I just want a friend to bullshit with. Lauren I can't because men stick with men and women with women for distraction purposes Ryan and you've been my best friend for a long time now. I don't care if you have a boyfriend or you're getting tied up and stuff. Lauren Do AA. You'll meet people and see them everyday at meetings. Its nice Ryan I like you so much. It would be devastating. I'll do it. I have a pinball tournament tonight and am possibly meeting up with arielle, her boyfriend, and ashley. But feel like they'll flake. But I'm still playing pinball. I'll go to a meeting ASAP. I promise. I mean it. Lauren It would seriously be the best thing you ever do. You'll thank me, I promise. But you have to keep going even if you think it's a crock of shit at first. People start off going in pissed off all the time until they start to realize it helps. Ryan I'll probably do NA though. The way you're talking feels like you've be indoctrinated into something that excludes people. I'm glad that you're safe and being healthy though. but i want your friendship. It's pretty much the most meaningful thing to me. and to lose that. I would have nothing. I've been hanging on, waiting for you all of this time. I want to be a positive influence for you Lauren I wouldn't say that. I would say check out both. I've found the people in AA are better but na is more relatable People in na tell more war stories so it might be a better place to start off because you'll have stuff to talk about. Thing is though more people go to meetings high than in aa Ryan I met a new girl too. Nothing serious. But it's a confidence boost. And you're still #1 to me. Lauren All I can tell you is that If you keep going every day you will meet people you can relate to and who will be there for you Ryan actually, I probably won't see her for a long time, because she's moving. okay, I love you though and want you to be my best friend. What's the word? Standard? Just, no matter what. Always be available to me. This attitude that you have is good. You're in control and you set the rules. I'm okay with that. I don't want to be abandoned again. It's the shittiest feeling. and I don't want you to say it's selfish. Lauren I'm available if you get sober because once you're sober, in order to stay sober it's a good idea to avoid people who are using or drinking. It makes sense... Ryan Because you're the only person that really knows me and one of the very few humans that will talk to me. Lauren sober Ryan would be like the Ryan I first met biking... trail running... Ryan I didn't do anything bad. I won't in the future either. Lauren POSITIVE. http://www.*****.org/meetings Meetings | ***** Area of Narcotics Anonymous The 8888Area is part of the *** Region of NA with meetings in ***, Brighton, Longmont, and Louisville, Nederland, and Westminster. ********.org Ryan guhhhh, my cardio sucks, but I've been lifting dumb bells and push ups and I gained some weight. I'm like 155-160 Lauren it sucked when you first started doing it years ago but you got past it and felt great! I remember. You were so confident! it's such a relief to hear you're on the right path Ryan shoulder pain still controls me. Lauren really. Ryan yes. Would you want to go to STL with me next month, get an airbnb? or I could fly out there? Lauren Here. Go to the Longmont one at 7pm tonight while it's still fresh from talking to me http://www.*******.org/meetings/wednsday Ryan and you can see me being healthy and sober. I have plans tonight. Pinball and possibly friends. But definitely pinball. Lauren I'm going to be at the halfway house next month. I'm staying with my uncle until a space is available it's a tournament? Ryan yeah Lauren then go tomorrow http://www.*******.org/meetings/thursday Ryan and i wanted to see if arielle and her bf wanted to get happy hour sushi before. Lauren seriously, ignore everything "god" and just meet people Ryan and ashley said she would hang out and smoke weed with me from a guy she knows that grows and she bought a bunch. but everyone flakes out. Even Robin did for camp dick, planned it 2 weeks ahead. Then he tells me his friend is having a going away party that weekend a few days before. Lauren well I hope everything works out Ryan I'll go tomorrow. Lauren let me know how it goes otherwise don't message me because it'll just make me sad ?? Ryan cool well, not the sad part but yeah, i'll do anything to keep our friendship going. Lauren you're going to meet people. that's what I think is going to be the best and when they ask if anyone's there for the first time... introduce yourself as Ryan and say it's your first na meeting ever Ryan okay thanks for the tips, anything else? Lauren people will come find you and introduce themselves. it's cool how friendly people there are. because they remember what it was like yeah... hang around awkwardly afterwards or bum a cigarette from someone and talk to them if no one comes to you lol Ryan If I do well and meet your expectations, can we hang out? people don't even talk to me at pinball. i hate it. sooooo many times, i start talking to someone and they just start talking to someone else Lauren maybe once you have some clean/sober time under your belt Ryan 15 days so far Lauren that's what's so cool! addicts love to talk to other addicts because they're blacksheep too no alcohol? Ryan i drank at my parents less than they did Lauren dude I found not drinking at all has helped with my mood SO much. just saying for me. Ryan I don't really drink alcohol though. Lauren i know you're going to meet people who are a lot like you I think you'll be surprised Ryan that's a possibility, but really. I'd rather just not have anything drug related in my life. Lauren "hey I'm Ryan. I'm an addict. It's my first time at any kind of meeting like this" Ryan I'm going to check it out though. Lauren thanks Ryan You'll be safe in St. Louis. Lauren it's going to be a while Ryan and we could watch the fights Lauren one step at a time. Ryan well, should I sell my vouchers then? Lauren yeah Ryan :( Lauren or find someone else because i can't go Ryan that was a little dramatic of an emoji Lauren oh lol Ryan but i just wanted a sad face Lauren got it Ryan so, how is fetlife? Lauren I have to go but I'll let you know I just chat with people and still haven't met up with anyone Ryan it kind of worries me. Lauren the tail pic is from my friend Richie who we webcammed with the one time (first kiss/high school friend) it was casual. Ryan doesn't seem like a sober living thing to do. But I suppose it's your rules. Lauren yeah, I'm more looking for a girl Ryan nice want to see the girl I've been hanging out with? Lauren no dude! Ryan ok Lauren hah ouch. talking to you hurts me enough Ryan oh Lauren but anyway I have to go Ryan I didn't mean to do that. I got the feeling that you didn't care. Ok, so, can I still talk to you and stuff. I'm so lonely. Lauren I just can't help but want to help you feel like you used to and find friends shit i'm so fucking up you really can't ?? Ryan I don't want rehab friends. I want hobby friends. Lauren it's part of my treatment plan and stuff that's not even AA related Ryan cool, I like hearing that you have a plan. Lauren yeah. i'm just doing what they tell me because i don't ever want to go back to drinking like i was a couple months ago or shooting dope obviously my decisions don't exactly work so i'm letting them make decisions for me... weird as that sounds. but it's working well so far ?? Ryan then don't talk about it until you're good at it. awesome I just hope you don't get taken advantage of mentally or physically. Lauren nah, i'm still ultimately in control of my life Ryan you're my #1 human. I don't want to lose you. I'll go tomorrow. Let you know about it. Lauren anyway, i can't talk to you for a while. but do the na/aa thing to make sure you stay sober (the counting days part is kind of cool too) and then we'll talk in a couple of months. but go everyday as something to do and a way to socialize and get out of that apartment Ryan a couple of months? why? I would never do that to someone. Lauren because i'm still fresh and easily stressed and because i want to make sure you're committed to this sobreity thing Ryan who is asking for help and it's me Lauren i'm letting you know it's what I feel is best for me it's a couple of months. it's not a couple years. Ryan okay, but I'll support you too. Lauren you can randomly message me with how many days you have Ryan I feel like, just empty. i knew this would happen. Lauren if I don't respond don't think I don't care... know that I'm seriously smiling Ryan my intuition, you know it's legit. Lauren you've got this . Ryan we're no different than the hundreds of stories I've read Lauren now go out and meet people! *hug* Ryan I'm willing to support and help you with whatever you want. Lauren bye Ryan You're giving me a "god bless" like southern women do when they really mean something else. it's not necessary. fuck now I have absolutely zero people who I thought care about me. I've reached out to so many people. This isn't helping anything. If it were, I would tell you. You're super hot too. I don't think you realize how much of a difference that makes. Why not make me go to a reddit meetup or something, maybe I could network instead of focusing on drugs with current and former addicts. I've always disliked other users. You know this. Just bringing up counter arguments. annnnd Ashley just flaked out, didn't see that coming. Arielle flaking out should happen in about an hour. I may go camping by myself, just not ask anyone to go, because they just flake out 9/10 times. Dude, I have no one to talk to. and I want to talk to you. I'm going to go crazy talking to myself, without you responding. Can we set up a schedule to talk? Ryan I'm telling you that this hurts me. It does. I hate being abandoned, not invited and flaked out on more than anything. I feel kind of used too. I was there for you all of this time. All of the phone calls. And then I'm abandoned when I'm doing what I consider good. Those people are going to tell you to tell me to fuck off. That's what makes me think about cults and seperation. It's black and white. And I'm not black and white. so, i'm begging you, whatever is in your head. Just treat me like you used to. Please, I'm desperate as can be. So, can we set a scheduled time, so there isn't random ghostings. annnnnd Arielle just cancelled. Lauren And this is why I fucked up in talking to you. Now I feel guilty and stresses out. Learn patience. Good. Bye. Ryan What did I do? I'm asking for help and friendship. I'm being nice as can be. Am I not? Tell me what I'm doing wrong, so I can learn from mistakes. and im blocked wtf, you really just unfriended me? Lauren? please I would never do this to you. You don't feel like it's wrong at all? i'm just going to cry and remember that everyone treats me like shit. I'm some worthless piece of shit. So I deserve to be treated like one. I would never ever treat you or anyone like this. Lauren I blocked you then realized there was a take a break option then unblocked to do that but realized,you can still message me and now I have to wait 48 hours to block you So please let me take a break! Ryan Don't block me Lauren For my Fucking sobriety This is why they tell me not to talk to you! Ryan why, even think about it. I want you to be sober. I'm being supportive. Lauren I'm stressed as fuck now You're NOT! Ryan Yeah, they do that to everyone. It's like a cult. Like I said earlier. I've read hundreds of stories. But you can make exceptions. If you have a friend in need of help. Lauren You're making me feel guilty and stresses and cry because you're not letting me go for a while Ryan I'm not asking for much. I said I would go to an NA meeting tomorrow. Lauren Just PLEASE stop messaging me For me. Ahhhhhhh! PLEASE. Ryan I just want you to respond or have a certain timeframe of when you can respond to me. Otherwise I get upset. Lauren I. don't. Know. Ryan because I have NO ONE to talk to. absolutely no one. Lauren When you're 90 days clean and sober from everything, ok? Use meetings to help Now please Let me go This is killing me Ryan It doesn't have to be so black and white. I'm on your side and you're treating me like an enemy. I've always been on your side. I want to help you. Lauren Because you're being an enemy to my sobriety and my well being and it's selfish. Ryan I didn't do anything. I sent you pictures of a dog and told you77777 that I'm sober. I was being happy and stuff Lauren Leave me alone!!!!!! Don't talk to me. Ryan ok9 Get some sober time and then talk to me. But don't talk to me now. Thank you Ryan I'm fine and the most sober I've been in a long time. it's not a competition. but i will look elsewhere for friendship, or just cut myself or something. This sucks either way. I'm not going to be your enemy. Because I'm not and never will be. I just lost my best friend of 3-4 years. The closest friend I've ever had.