#it might be partly the psychiatry stuff since side effects include appetite increase and weight gain
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#was getting ready to shower and I looked myself in the mirror and guess what!! I'm gaining weight.#I thought it was a measuring instrument mistake since I never gain weight ever. but I am! I'm almost 10lb/4.5kg above my normal weight#someone else might be horrified but long time fans of the show might remember that I want to not be a thin stick of a man#it might be partly the psychiatry stuff since side effects include appetite increase and weight gain#but it looks a bit like I'm accumulating fat around the waist/hips/thighs so I think it's the hrt more than the mood meds#which... HELL YEAH!!! I'm finally getting the curves I deserve#I've also been gaining leg muscle since I'm biking more again so there's that. prolly thighs and glutes benefiting there too.#but like. I'm gaining weight. and I'm so fucking stoked!#yesterday I didn't even do anything to “pass” and I got a few guys call me miss and ma'am which was cool.#like. it's coming together without me needing to put so much effort in that I feel like I'm pretending or faking.#I think that's the core fear that keeps me from trying gender further and instead keeps me waiting for hrt to do the heavy lifting#I don't ever want to feel like I'm pretending to be a woman. classic man in a dress fear. I don't ever want to feel like I'm faking it.#I will let my body make its changes and I will slip comfortably into my skin as it becomes ready for me.#I do not want to cover up my face with makeup. to hide my face with hair. I want to be honestly myself and take whatever that gets me.
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