#it might be 1:30am but i couldn’t resist doing it immediately

[paintinganangel]

Please Please Please (Music Video) by Sabrina Carpenter

[bwbatta]

blush

Abstract: Aaron Hotchner makes you blush. You just so happen to have the same reaction on him. 

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: some swearing, some teasing from the BAU, mentions of sexy times, death by fluff, get ready for some blushing red cheeks gang

Word count: 2455

A/N: the super cute dividers are by @firefly-graphics!

You’d never thought you’d be dating someone from your team let alone it being Aaron, aka, your boss.

The two of you gave into your feelings for each other after one angsty night when a case went wrong and you ending up in the hospital. 

Admissions of love were shared between the two of you and by any definition you were now together, however deciding to keep it to yourselves for now.

Though hiding your new relationship from a team of profilers was difficult, especially as Aaron thought it funny to use it to his advantage.

“Delivery for Y/N” a voice was heard through the office as your head shot up and mouth fell open slightly at the display of red and white roses held by the delivery man.

“Over here!” Garcia’s excitable voice was heard and you can tell she was just brimming with questions along with Emily and JJ who had also caught sight of the amass of flowers heading your way.

The man popped the vase down on your desk and held out a keypad for you to sign for them. 

Scribbling your signature down, you were half in slight shock and half in awe of the floral arrangement in front of you.

“Who are these from?!” Penelope gushed “you never said you were seeing anyone!”

Plucking the small note from the top of the bunch, you flipped open the small envelope and pulled out the card.

“Just to see if I can make you blush. I love you -A “

Immediately your face flushed.

Damn you, Aaron.

“You’ve been holding out on us” JJ grinned at hot cheeks as you resisted the urge to look up at the window of Aaron’s office, knowing he was already probably watching.

“They’re just from someone” you said offhandedly like it wasn’t a big deal 

“Just someone?!” Derek’s voice was heard from behind you now “I’m guessing it was a guy who sent you these and he’s ‘just someone’ to you?!”

The gathering of the girls around your desk now had caught the attention of the rest of your team, all eager to find out who the flowers were from.

“So, who’s the lucky guy?” Emily grinned leaning against your desk as she admired the flowers “you’ve got to tell us something about him”

“He’s just a guy I’ve been seeing” you could help the smile which appeared across your face 

“A guy who likes to send our Y/N flowers” Derek teased 

It was slow day in the office and the arrival of your delivery was enough to make the team grasp the excuse of a break. Rossi had wandered down from his office and so had Hotch, the latter concealing the smile he wanted to show. 

“Who’s sent Y/N flowers?!” Rossi’s teasing tone was heard as everyone was now gathered 

“A mysterious boyfriend” JJ answered as you bit the inside of your cheek 

“He’s kind of a dick to be honest” you shrugged catching Aaron’s eye “sending me flowers knowing all of you will bombard me with questions”

“So he knows about us?” Emily’s eyebrow shot up 

“Mmm, told him everything about you lot” you mused “it’s almost as if he already knows you guys” 

You held back the chuckle that desperately wanted to escape your lips. 

“Seems like he obviously cares about you. The red roses are typical signs to show romance and love as well as commitment where as the white is traditionally about a new beginning or loyalty” Reid rambled off about the roses to the team as Hotch had raised an eyebrow at you as if to tease you.

Not trusting yourself to not expose the both of you, you dropped your eyes to the roses again as you felt the slight grin on your lips.

“So this guy loves you?!” Derek teased wiggling his eyebrows 

“Alright that’s it” you rolled your eyes with a smile “you all know too much now, I’m not saying anything else”

“You should know better than lying to a bunch of profilers, Y/N” Aaron’s voice was heard humorously 

“Exactly” Penelope grinned “Now of you could just tell me his first and last name along with his date of birth and blood type that would be great”

“I can’t believe you” was the first thing to come out of your mouth as Aaron opened the door to his apartment that night. 

A grin sat on his face as he took in your exasperated look

“I don’t know what you mean” 

“Don’t know what I mean?! I mean you delivering flowers to me which was obviously going to cause an avalanche of questions”

“Ohh, that”

With a look through narrowed eyes you passed him, walking further into the room, expression changing as soon as you and Jack both spotted each other.

“Y/N!” 

“Jack buddy! Hi!” 

Leaping off the seat he was on, his little legs sprinted over to you as you caught him and lifted him onto your hip with arms right around him in a hug. 

“Are we having another sleepover tonight?!” He asked excited 

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask your dad” you said as immediately you both turned to Aaron with matching puppy eyes 

“Please, Daddy!” Jack asked as he wrapped his arms around your neck tighter “can Y/N stay over?”

“Yes please, Daddy” you smiled at your boyfriend who’s neck has grown a little redder at your teasing tone, knowing exactly what you did to him

“If Y/N wants to stay over, then yes” he grinned, face falling into a genuine smile as his son’s eyes lit up, though he remembered your teasing tone and stored it in his mind for later.

The evening consisted of building with Lego’s, followed by a meal made by Aaron who had happily watched on with genuine heart eyes as his two favourite people bounced off each other’s energy.

Before long a large yawn escaped the boy’s lips as he was snuggled in between you both, his head just dropping onto your shoulder, a key sign he was growing tired. 

Picking up his son, Jack waved a sleepy goodnight to you before Aaron placed him in bed and the boy was out like a light. 

“All the excitement of creating a huge Lego truck must’ve knocked him out” you chuckled as Aaron settled beside you, pulling you into his chest. 

Tugging your legs over his own, you cuddled into his chest as you both relaxed into each other.

“He adores you” Aaron kissed the crown of your head “as do I” 

“He’s my favourite Hotchner man” you shrugged with a slight smile on your face acutely aware of the narrowed eyes you now had staring down at you

“So, it’s not your wonderful boyfriend who sent you flowers at work today?” 

“He’s a close second” 

“Not even when you call him, Daddy?”

“You little-“

Feeling Aaron’s fingers immediately tickle your side your whole body blushed and convulsed trying to get away from the offending action of his hands.

With a bubble of laughter escaping your lips, Aaron immediately covered your lips with his own as you laughed into his mouth still. 

His hand wound through your hair pulling you ever closer as if he couldn’t get enough of you as his other hand wrapped firmly around your waist pulling you into his lap. 

His assault on your mouth lessened slightly until small sweet kisses were shared and you pulled back slightly to just take him in.

“I love you” he whispered leaning downward to find your lips again 

“I love you too” you smiled running your thumb over the bridge of his nose “more than you know”

No other words were said as Aaron lifted you up, you wrapping you legs around his waist in second nature as he wandered down the hallway to the master bedroom, closing the door behind you as you went.

“Holy hell, you obviously had a good night” came Dereks teasing tone as he took the seat next to you on the jet.

“What?”

“Well, as much as I can tell you’ve tried to hide the immense hickey on your neck, it’s still pretty obvious” he snickered 

A hand immediately went to your neck as you narrowed your eyes at him as he just continued to laugh 

“Hey, Em, check this out” he called as you slapped his arm, cheeks flushing 

“Nope, no, nothing to see” you shook your head trying to downplay your colleagues teasing 

“See what?” Emily grinned taking the seat opposite the two of you 

“Take a good look at our Y/N’s neck and tell me a good night was not had by this one?”

“Oh wow” the girl opposite grinned at you “is that from your boyfriend who you’ve told us absolutely nothing about?”

“...might be”

“What about Y/N’s boyfriend?” JJ took the other seat in the pod

“Well considering the damage done to Y/N’s neck...” Emily snickered 

“Oh my god you guys, stop it” you rolled your eyes as you could see Aaron trying to hide a smile as he took the couple seats opposite with Rossi

“Come on, tell us something else about this guy?” Rossi grinned “When are we going to meet him? Invite him to pasta night!”

“It’s still very new and as much as I love you guys, if you were to find out who he was, you’re guaranteed to overload the poor man”

“Overload the- are you kidding?” Derek shot you a look “when would we ever do that?!”

“Greetings my fine furry friends!” The bubbly voice of Garcia popped up “what are we talking about?”

“Y/N’s man” JJ snickered as you shot her a look

“Ooh has anything else been mentioned?”

“Not yet!” 

“As much as I love talking about my love life could we, I don’t know, focus on the case?”

The snickers came from the two females opposite you as everyone began to settle in as the briefing begun. 

“If you need to borrow some concealer, let me know” Emily whispered as you shot her an unamused look 

The gentle knock was heard on your hotel door at around 1:30am. Knowing exactly who it was, you didn’t bother to grab a jumper or anything as you opened the door in just your underwear.

“Well, hello” 

“Hello to you too” you grinned at his slightly stunned expression 

“Want some company?” 

Holding the door open further as an invitation for him to enter, Aaron slipped past you into your room, stealing a kiss from you in the process.

The door shut behind you as the two of you made your way over to the bed you had just come from.

Making yourselves comfortable, you curled into his chest, your favourite place, as he ran his hands up and down your sides.

“As funny as it is seeing the team joke about your neck, I didn’t mean for it to be that bruised” he said running his fingers over the large hickey he had created only the night before.

“I’m not complaining, the others are just joking anyway, though you leaving me out to dry isn’t so much fun”

He snickered into your hair, completely unapologetic 

“Would you want me to intervene?”

“I’d want you to stop egging them on!”

Aaron grinned at the thought of the teasing throughout the day which he had unashamedly taken apart in. 

“Even when they asked about our sex life?”

You groaned remembering Emily cornering you to ask about the mystery man who was currently in your bed. You didn’t give her any answers until JJ showed up and the two started pressuring you with more questions. 

When Aaron had entered the room you were never more grateful, thinking the two would stop interrogating you but when JJ had asked about where he ranked in regards to how good he was in bed, the man couldn’t help but involve himself in this interrogation.

“He’s the best you’ve ever had?” He questioned eyebrows raising “he must be smug about that? I know I would be”

Aaron had supplied the two women with even more questions after that, leaving the room shortly after with a fiery glare from you.

“You just threw me to the lions” you rolled you eyes at the memory 

“But how could I not after knowing I’m the best you’ve ever had?” He grinned 

Your cheeks flushed again wishing you’d never said anything with him being in hearing distance. 

“Smug bastard” you muttered burying yourself into his chest further 

“Aw, come on Sweetheart” he lifted your chin with two fingers to meet your eyes “don’t you want some of the best sex you’ve ever had?”

Your remaining underwear hit the floor not to long after that.

“I swear I didn’t get any sleep last night” Derek complained to Reid at breakfast the next morning as you joined the two along with Aaron and JJ.

“What do you mean?” Spencer asked eyebrows furrowing together 

“I mean there was a couple on our floor last night who were going at it like animals” the man rolled his eyes “Weren’t quiet about it either. Didn’t you hear them Y/N, your room was only a few down from mine”

You just held back the snicker that threatened to escape your lips as you nodded in agreement.

“Yeah I heard them, it was so loud, almost like they were in the same room as me” you shrugged

“You guys just got unlucky with your rooms this time then. On our last case, there was a couple a few doors down from me with the same thing. What is it with hotels and people acting like rabbits?” JJ questioned

That time you were both definitely in Aaron’s room which was near JJ’s.

“Anyway, hopefully you’ll be able to go wild with your man when we land Y/N?” JJ teased “Add a few more hickeys to the collection?”

Aaron thought you’d blush and shoot her teasing questions down but was surprised when you just laughed and shot her a smirk.

“Oh definitely” you grinned “to be honest though I bought this little red number I can’t wait to try out, hopefully he’ll be the one with a couple hickeys next time”

The man next to you nearly choked on his coffee at the thought of you in a red number.

Trying to flush the idea from his mind, it did nothing as the red blush grew on his cheeks slightly not being able to think of anything else other than what he’d do to you when you got home. 

Seeing the slight blush on his cheeks, you grinned slightly, thoroughly happy you had the same reaction on him as you knew he did on you.

[lyricfulloflight]

Random Encounters: Part 3

Part 1& 2:

��https://lyricfulloflight.tumblr.com/post/611328294123651072/random-encounter-part-2

Part 3

“I was starting to worry about you.”  Kitty looked at him from across her desk. “But then you sent me this manuscript...”

“You liked it?” Charles asked tentatively.

“I loved it.” Kitty smiled. “And I figured it explained why I hadn’t heard from you in three months.  You must have been huddle over your computer every day to produce something of this quality so quickly.”

“I… thank you. I may have sequestered myself slightly.”  Charles admitted, cheeks flushing.

“Well, I had to get you out of the house for this.”  Kitty grinned broadly. “I have excellent news. The novella you wrote – about the dancer and the business man – was picked up almost immediately. Freedom Press is interested in publishing it in a collection of modern gay erotic fiction.  But the novel, well we’ve had an offer – from Eisenhardt Publishing.”

“I wasn’t aware they published romantic fiction.”  Charles replied, puzzled.

As far as he could remember – and he had an excellent memory for publishers – Eisenhardt Publishing was known for promoting mostly non-fiction, with forays into fiction in the last decade, but only in the historic and literary genres.

“Apparently they’re expanding their horizons.  I received a notice several weeks ago that they’re interested in ‘Queer Fiction’.  I sent your manuscript in right away.  The regency setting wasn’t going to appeal to Freedom Press, they’re all about contemporary, modern settings, pushing the envelope and shocking readers.  Your manuscript – as wonderful as it is – is a departure for you and doesn’t fit their mandate.”

Charles frowned and looked down at his hands.

“I didn’t mean that as an insult, Charles.”  Kitty said softly. “You are an amazing writer.  You’re ability to write an erotic scene is second to none.  This latest novel is sexy as hell, but its romantic.  Its full of longing, overcoming barriers, and, well, love. It’s refreshing to see you try something different.  Eisenhardt Publishing clearly agrees.  We have a meeting with them two weeks from now.”

“They can’t just send an offer over?”  

“Have you become a recluse in the last few months?”  Kitty arched a brow. “They hinted they wanted to offer you a multiple book deal – you’re meeting with them in person.  Understood?”

“Yes, yes of course. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful.  A multi-book deal is… I’m quite astounded.” Charles babbled out, excitement mixed with trepidation swirling in his belly.

“Good.  We’re meeting at their office, Thursday next week at 9:30am.  I’ll meet you there.”  

Charles promised he would be there, and made a mental noted to set his alarm and plan to arrive early (which tended to be the only way he ended up anywhere on time).  He paused at the door to give Kitty a wave goodbye, only to find he giving him a thorough once over.

“Maybe wear something more… youthful?”  She suggested.

Charles gave Kitty his best reassuring smile and scooted out of the office.

***

Charles sighed in relief when he reached his perfect little terraced house in Hampstead, collapsing in a heap onto his bed.

The past three months had been… trying to say the least.

All those months ago, he had had every intention of waking up on Monday morning and pathetically walking to the tube and hoping to see The Man again. He was half terrified at the prospect of encountering him again, now that it seemed The Man had noticed Charles.  But he couldn’t resist the chance to see him again.

Except on that glowing Monday morning, when the sun peaked in through his window, Charles hadn’t gotten out of bed.  He’d barely gotten out of bed for the rest of the week he was so sick.  A very aggressive strain of the flu had knocked him right out and he became so ill, his friend Moira had dragged him to the hospital after she’d stopped over for a visit and Charles couldn’t hold a coherent conversation.

He’d spent a couple days in the hospital, hooked up to monitors and being pumped full of fluids until he was finally coherent and keeping food down.  

When he’d gotten back home, all he’d wanted to do was write.  During his illness he’d been filled with  detailed dreams about The Man; always dressed in a waistcoat, perfectly gorgeous and staring at him with those steely eyes.

Oh, how Charles wanted him.  He wanted The Man above him, covering every inch of him with his lean body.  He wanted to slip his hand into The Man jeans and stroke his cock until he was hard and ready. He wanted to ride him, sinking down and taking every inch of him, straddling his lap so he could watch those mysterious eyes on him the whole time they fucked.

Charles knew it would never happen.  If he’d been unimpressive before his illness, he was even less so now.  When he’d returned from the hospital, his ribs had stuck out and he had somehow become even paler.  Moira had been so concerned she’d come over every other day for two weeks, bringing him take out, or cooking him meals.

Even Raven had stopped by, which was both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because he seldom had the chance to see his sister and a curse because she’d wrung his secret out of him (he’d never been able to keep a thing from her), and then laughed uproariously at the very idea of Charles’ crush on a random man on the tube.

“It’s ridiculous Charles!  You’ve never even spoken to him!  He’s probably straight, or taken, or both.”  Raven had scoffed. “Your overactive imagination is impossible.  If you want a date, let me set you up or download a dating app!”

Charles had spent the rest of the night plying Raven with pizza and ice cream and distracting her by having a sing-a-long movie marathon to the Pitch Perfect movies, all in the name of deterring her from asking more about his crush or, god forbid, signing him up for a dating app.

He’d never bothered to take the morning tube into the city after that.

But then, he’d also written an entire novel in two months. One so good, a new publisher was interested in his work. He certainly couldn’t mope about after that bit of good news, could he?

Charles woke up bright and early on Thursday morning.  He showered and shaved and made a valiant effort to tame his unruly hair.  He stared into his closet and wish in vain that hip, modern and fashionable clothes might suddenly appear.  In the end, he settled on wearing a suit, but skipped the tie, hoping it might make him seem more… well, more like someone who could pull off a casually professionals vibe.

By 9:10am, he was pacing in front of the British Museum, clutching a travel mug of Earl Grey in his hand, wondering if he would arrive too early if he started walking to the Eisenhardt Publishing office just a few blocks away.

“Charles!” Charles turned to find Kitty hurrying across the street in his direction. “I cannot believe we managed to meet like this, but its absolutely perfect.  Walk with me.”  

Kitty linked her arm into his and they set off together.  Charles let Kitty talk excitedly and found himself easily swept away by her enthusiasm.  If they could make this deal happen today, it would be, by far, the biggest success of his career.  Kitty’s energy was contagious and Charles quickly found himself sitting in the waiting area at the Eisenhardt main office, smiling at Kitty as her knee bounced up and down rhythmically beside him.

In fact, Charles was beginning to feel quite positive about the upcoming meeting.  He could do this.  If anyone could talk with genuine passion about the novel it was him – the novel was (not that Charles would ever, ever tell a soul) basically a fantasy of his own creation where a bastard son of Duke, known for his wild ways and hatred of the peerage, feel in love in an unassuming, rule governed young man who’d unexpectedly inherited an Earldom after being groomed his whole life to join the clergy.  It was a story of opposites attract, of love overcoming all obstacles.  Charles had spent the last three months totally engrossed in the tale, surely he could sell the idea to someone else.

Walking with his head held high and his shoulders back, Charles was determined to put his best foot forward.  That determination lasted until he and Kitty waked into the office of the head editor and Charles laid eyes on the man standing behind the desk waiting to greet them.

It was him.

[god217]

Hi! I'm, sending in a request on Ray getting taken care of while he sick?? He tries to be so good to MC and deserves to be loved and cared for back!!!

Yessss he is such a good boy omg and tysm for the request 💕

It kinda got both longer and more sad than intended but I mean what did you expect from me lmao

Also I didn’t fully proofread this bc it’s 1:30am I hope it’s fine, my brain is too dead to think pfft idek how I’m still writing-

… … … … … … … … … … … … .

Ray was more than used to being sick, it happened more often than he could even count.

His body had always been weak like that, too useless to handle any kind of work. And somehow the elixir always made it worse, even though he knew that it was helping him and he was just too stupid to get it right.

But even he wasn’t used to being /that/ sick, to get to the point where he could barely keep himself in his chair, the room spinning around him at a pace he didn’t even want to focus on.

He wanted so bad to just lie down on the floor but he couldn’t possibly do that.

He had to keep working…

He couldn’t just slack off.

He never did.

If he couldn’t even work anymore, what purpose would he have? The savior would throw him out, and he’d deserve it.

He owed her so much, and he couldn’t possibly disappoint her.

But he couldn’t even see the code on his screen, his head aching too much for him to focus, and his vision blurring to the point that he was certain he’d pass out again.

As hard as he tried, eventually he had to admit defeat.

Using the walls of the hallway to support himself, the boy somehow managed to drag himself through the castle, his feet carrying him without his mind even realizing. Only when he was in front of her door did he notice that he’d gone to see MC.

No.

He couldn’t possibly… she shouldn’t have to see him like that.

Surely she already knew how pathetic he was, but he didn’t have to show her any more.

She’d hate him for certain if she saw that he couldn’t even take care of himself.

But just as he was turning, trying to hurry away, another bolt of excruciating pain shot through his head and his knees gave in. His body practically collapsed, sliding down the wall until he was half-lying on the ground, slightly leaning against it.

Deep breaths.

Ray closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing like he’d learned, holding back tears both from the pain and from the knowledge that once again, he wasn’t even strong enough to control his own body.

At least nobody had seen him.

Perhaps… perhaps if he just rested for a little bit, he’d be okay again. He could just stay there for a few minutes, the cold floor would be enough for him.

He’d just have to wait for a moment until he was alright to get up again.

Then he could go for some fresh air and go back to work.

He wasn’t even strong enough to move, let alone open his eyes, so he just resorted to curling up into a ball and waiting for it all to pass.

The next thing he knew was a hand on his shoulder, a voice calling his name.

Had he fallen asleep?

He must’ve, otherwise he’d have heard her coming.

His eyes blinked open, his face immediately grimacing at the pain returning to him all at once, before registering the girl leaning over him with a worried expression.

Oh no, now he’d made her see him. And how much time had he even wasted sleeping? God, he’d made her worry…

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice coming out much weaker than he’d intended, the mere act of speaking immediately proving to be a bad idea as he had to pause for a moment to collect himself.

He definitely wouldn’t do /that/ in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to continue as he struggled back to his feet.

“Please just… pretend you didn’t see me. Please.”

He didn’t have the energy to say much else, standing as straight as he could, just hoping he’d manage to make it out of her line of sight before collapsing again, praying she’d go back to her room and just not look at him.

Just please don’t look at him.

Yet, he longed so much for her touch, regretting even pulling away from her softly shaking him awake. If only he could curl up next to her instead, have her comfort him… he’d instantly feel better, he knew it.

But such things weren’t his to wish for, they’d never been and never would be. He wasn’t born to be loved. He wasn’t worth it.

She deserved so much better than him, and he didn’t want her to have to feel bad for rejecting him, so he should just leave.

He didn’t get far, though.

It was surprise that caused him to almost fall over this time, because the last thing he’d expected was for her to reach out to him, to ask him to wait.

Unable to deny her of anything, Ray turned, hiding his face in his hands so she wouldn’t see how his eyes were tearing up again, and how pathetic he must’ve been looking in general.

Before he could even react, he found himself being pulled into her room, unable to resist. His mind was too dazed to really understand what was going on, all that he knew was that, all of a sudden, it was… soft.

He was in a bed?

Confused, he blinked up at her, his aching head in too much pain to come up with an explanation for what was happening.

Why was he in a bed? Why was he in… her bed..?

She was at his side after seconds, a glass of water in her hand, helping him up before handing it to him.

He hadn’t even realized how thirsty he’d been, when was the last time he’d had a drink? Had to have been… yesterday, perhaps. He hadn’t paid much attention to the time while he’d been working.

But why was she doing this?

She didn’t have to take care of him, she certainly had other things to do than that! He hadn’t meant to ruin her day like that, to force her to give up her plans just for him.

This time he didn’t manage to stop the tears, his shoulders shaking as he quickly turned away from her, burying his face in the pillows.

Her pillows.

They even smelled like her, and it only made things worse.

Every single time something good happened in his life…

Why did he always have to ruin it?

Why did he always have to sabotage every ounce of happiness he might’ve had a chance of grasping?

His arms moved around the soft pillow, holding it close as he curled around it, pressing his eyes shut as if he’d disappear if he didn’t look.

He wished he could just disappear, he truly did.

He just wanted to pretend that she wasn’t there, that she didn’t see him like that. Didn’t see him sobbing into her pillows.

She’d probably left already anyway.

There was no way she’d stay with him like this, nobody would.

And there was no way that she’d… climb in the bed with him?

Although he didn’t dare to look, Ray stopped crying and held his breath the second he felt the mattress shift. The weight of something - somebody - being next to him was unmistakable, and there was only one person that it could possibly be.

Still, he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that she’d actually be willing to lie with him, even when he was like that.

Did she not think he was disgusting? Pathetic?

She didn’t seem to at least, not when she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

She didn’t seem to hate him when she began stroking his hair, paying no mind to how sweaty it had gotten from his fever.

Ray was frozen in shock when he felt her face nuzzle against his neck, so unbelievably close to her that he thought he was dreaming.

He probably was still in the hallway, sleeping on his own. But oh please, he begged he wouldn’t be woken up.

He’d never really had a good dream before, especially not like that.

It all felt so real, yet at the same time it couldn’t possibly be!

She couldn’t possibly want to be close to him, especially not when he was sick like that.

Ah, right.

For a moment he’d actually forgotten about his headache, as if just her touch had healed him somehow.

It was still there, but it felt much more bearable. Everything felt more bearable with her holding him like that.

Slowly, reluctantly, he shifted a bit, turning his face towards her. He was afraid she’d disappear as soon as he tried to look at her, but he just had to see her, he had to make sure that this moment was real.

All he could do was stare when his eyes truly did meet hers, a warm smile answering his baffled gaze.

She was real.

Swallowing, Ray reached up to wipe his tears, not daring to even blink in fear that she might still disappear, turn out to be nothing but an illusion.

But she didn’t.

“It’s okay.”

Her words were but a small whisper, barely audible and undoubtedly meant for him. Only two words, but they spoke more than he could ever describe.

They were all she had to say to him.

Finally giving in to himself, he turned towards her fully, burying his face in her arms. Allowing himself to wrap his arms around her like he’d always wanted to, holding her close to make sure she was there.

She didn’t pull away.

As Ray’s tears began welling up again, she resumed stroking his hair, softly pushing the strands out of his face. She paid no mind to the small whimpers that involuntarily left him, gently shushing him until eventually he could feel himself drifting off to sleep.

Perhaps if he could sleep close to her like that, he truly would have a good dream for once.

And maybe once he woke up he’d feel better already.

He was certain he would, for once in his life, he was absolutely sure of it. Because she’d said it was okay, and she wouldn’t lie to him, ever.

Still praying he’d really be allowed to, Ray eventually fell asleep, her calm breathing the last thing he was still aware of before dozing off in her arms.

She stayed.

[nyrator]

I survived NYCcccccc

somehowwwww

I am still half dead and completely tired (to the point I was almost falling asleep standing up that my coworkers were like “take the rest of the day off and sleep”)

this trip was a gongshow and a trip and went about as well as I anticipated it would, but it was still fun overall minus body pain, blisters, and the sleep deprivation

kinokuniya is wonderful

OKAY WHERE TO START...

okay. So, yeah. Let’s start with the beginning. Friend T wanted to go to NYC for someone’s birthday, we settled on mine. Original plan was on my birthday, just five people: me, three guys, one girl, but the girl had just started a new job so we figured we better not interrupt. So four, but then Friend C (the driver) was all “we should have five people to get the most out of it” and I was like “yeah I could see us all splitting gas that way okay that works”, then towards the scheduled date we realized “wait C you have to work this day because it’s like your black friday” “... oh.” and of course they wouldn’t give him this off so we had no driver so we rescheduled for the 20th because we remembered Zelda Symphony was on the 20th in that month and most people were okay with Zelda.

Of course, ordered five tickets, got replacement for girl (A), people were like “we can’t be roaming around during rush hour what do we do” and I was like “mute girl anime movie?” “no” “blah blah blah?” “no” “escape room” “... yeah okay I guess that’s cool”, so escape room it was (came to roughly 57 dollars a Zelda ticket and 37 dollars for Escape Room, per person).

Then one friend had to cancel because his job wouldn’t let him, and we had no other replacements, so yeah we went with four people (he still paid me back half the money and promised the rest later and I feel really bad about that especially since I figured he’d probably be the best at the escape room out of all of us and would appreciate a lot of these places we went to)

also before that the driver C’s car broke down, was expensive and he wouldn’t come (but would DRIVE us still which is like at that point come along and don’t waste the ticket), so I convinced him by paying for his NYC things, then A was getting sick, then two days T who was super into this trip lost his wallet with his ID (and he wanted to go barhopping a bit and other things), and yeah it was a trainwreck from start to finish.

anyway yeah, so in the end it was me, T (friend I usually hang out with who has similar tastes to me, aka likes anime), C (big luff of a strange creature, also the driver), and A (friend I didn’t go to high school with but knew C and is a big NYC and movie buff but barely into anime at all), and plan was:

Go to NYC and survive

Be ready by 7:30AM and on the road by 8AM

explore a list of locations in two sections of NYC, at 1:30 we’d go to the southern part

go to Escape Room and Zelda Symphony

survive and be home by like 2AM latest

so yeah, let’s see

We were originally going to eat breakfast at home, but then two friends who cancelled wanted to have breakfast at McDonalds before we left (I already ate so yeah) Wait until like 8:30AM, then C finally calls and is like “I got into a car accident”, thankfully he was okay but he had to file a police report and yeahh it was just a fender bender thankfully.

Anyway, picked up at 9AM, hang out with two friends (turns out Girl totally could have come but she didn’t know what was going on and so didn’t get a chance to put in for the day off so I was stuck with those other three losers instead and was sad)

so probably by like 9:30-10AM we head off to the wonderful world of NYC (it’s like a 2-3 hour drive) and yeah pretty normal drive (I SAW A HUGE FIELD OF DYING SUNFLOWERS (first pic) AND IT WAS SAD BUT NEAT BUT SAD, never saw a dead sunflower and disappointing I missed them when they were alive but fascinating to see them all dead)

so yeah we parked in NJ, got on the subway for about a half hour, and then made our way to first stop: Image Anime! (second pic). I was gonna take pictures of all the stores we went to, but NYC is fast and people move fast so I was like “yeah no way am I going to have an opportunity for that”.

It was a neat little store, full of nice anime figures. I was on their website before and was disappointed that they sold out of all the figures I would’ve bought (Kaiji... nendoroids like SZS Nozomu, Nichijou Nano/Hakase, Etna/Flonne...), but yeah friends mostly saved money here and waited (though T who is the most figure-focused of us bought a Satsuki figma)

Anyway, we left this store around 1:30PM (!), so yeah a liiittle behind schedule.

Next stop was J&L Game, nicer than I thought it’d be (I should’ve taken a picture for Girl because it had a nice Pikachu in the front but yeahh), not a very focused GameCube selection (I know their online store had Cubivore for like 700 dollars and cheaper games like Metroid Prime for like 40, whaaat), but mann they had a lot of retro games and collectibles, T was impressed at all the sealed copies they had and A bought an N64 game (Body Harvest I think)

anyway, yeah, nothing that caught my eye immediately so we mostly waited for C and A to be done shopping in a gift shop next store, then headed off to my main attraction- Kirokuniya.

And boy, it did not disappoint. I can’t describe how amazing this place was- From the outside, it’s a typical skyscraper-y building, with Kirokuniya in silver letters. Inside was a giant Japanese-based selection of books- my eye immediately saw the Hello Kitty 2018 diary near the front, and since I’ve been in dire need of a dream-diary, I snatched it up.

But man, it was amazing- We were running low on time, so I didn’t explore nearly as much as I would’ve wanted to, but mannn it was fantastic. Probably got there around 2PM-ish if not earlier, but boy it was something to explore. T really wants to learn Japanese with me, so we glimpsed at educational books, but didn’t get anything

Then we went upstairs- oh boy. All manga- mostly Japanese. AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE THIRD PICTURE, THEY HAD ODETTE AND I WAS THIS CLOSE TO PICKING IT UP, until I saw it was the fourth volume and didn’t have a chance to glimpse over for the others since we were leaving when I saw it

First thing I saw was a My Private Report advertisement which also made me go “aaaaaaa”, I only browsed shortly so couldn’t find signs of the other manga she made, but yesss. Also a nice figure selection over there, not Image Anime level but still good size. ALSO I FOUND THE ASANO INIO SECTION and I almost bought everything there, I could’ve had the rainbow Punpun collection in Japanese and also DDDD WAS THERE WITH THE SHIRT AND EVERYTHING but I bit my tongue and held back, but mannn I should’ve gotten that shirt edition in hindsight.

Went to the information desk looking for CTRL+T, guy there was pretty rude-ish but yeah, told me “You know this has been out of print for seven years, right?” And I was like “well I knew it existed seven years ago but I figured I might as well ask since I thought a ton of stuff in here would be out of print by now”, at least internally, so online it is for that then

Ended up picking up the Satoshi Kon artbook instead as an excuse to say I got something, also because y’know Satoshi Kon art. I forget if I went to the basement before or after the cafe, but there was a basement too that we were like “okay we have no time to explore anymore, let’s just glimpse at it” and so me and T did and right on the stairwell he’s like “look, I’ve found your section” or something like that, and I’m like ???, looking at some makeup or something and like “okayy” but then I get closer to the bottom and through the stairs I see what he saw

a line of My Melody plushes

I mostly stuttered and did a bunch of “a- mmmm, ahhuh, hm ah” grunts and looked at them and there was like pajama Melody and normal Melody (A GIANT ONE AT 55 USD, the smaller one at 22 USD) so T reached up and grabbed it for me and so I bought myself a My Melody plush finally (we ignored the rest of the basement before we got too carried away, but I’m glad we checked it out)

ALSO, as I was checking out a girl had to stop me and was like “I just want you to know, you look so cute! I’m sorry, I just had to let you know that!” and it made my day thank you random stranger

then back upstairs we went to the cafe to eat, and I got a cream puff! For those who don’t know me this is a pretty big deal because I hate food with a passion and don’t like trying foods ESPECIALLY in public but like, cream puff, cream, how could I resist

it was decent, wasn’t a fan of the cherry flavor or whatever in the bread, but the cream was delicious. Only ate just over half of it though, I cannot eat a lot at one time and so C finished it (my remains were the fourth picture, ate a liiittle bit more after taking it). Also T admired the amount of Green Tea flavored things there were.

Anyway, then we fiiinally left. We ended up skipping BookOff, I wanted to check it out but yeahhhh low on time (and C and A were like “let’s go to Nintendoooooo are we going to Nintendoooo” and I’m like “yes kids don’t worry we’re going to Nintendo like I kept saying we’re definitely doing”) So at 3:30PM ish, we finally reached Nintendo NY. There was a guy throwing Cappy in front of the store on camera, so that was neat.

Anyway, yeah, not gonna lie Nintendo was the weakest of the places we visited for me but I expected that- Like I know most of what Nintendo merch exists in the US that I’d be interested in already, so yeah, but it was a lot smaller than I expected (mostly because C and A kept calling it the Pokemon Center and I kept thinking of the ones in Japan that are like huge white displays of Pokemans), but yeah.

First floor was mostly Mario, so we went upstairs pretty quickly and browsed around. Amiibo display, clothes, and a museum (with that Fire Emblem Warriors on screen- I legit thought it was Hyrule Warriors for a while because it looked just like that desert stage in Hyrule Warriors and yeah, not interested enough in FE to care unfortunately). But yeah, museum was nice- I also remembered I had a camera at this point and started taking pictures. I was kind of hoping they’d have like every unique model of every system, but still nice display of what they had, just felt really bare after coming from Kinokuniya.

Of course, still bought Splatoon pajamas and a hat (T wanted the green one and I wanted the pink one so T bought them both and gave me one as a birthday present, but then I used the money he gave me to buy it to also buy the pajamas so I still owe him money for that but he be a good guy), C bought a bunch of Pokemon stuff (he’s a pokemon junkie always playing Pokemon Go, something something witch pikachu)

alsooo took an exclusive picture of me sitting down on the first floor as we rested a bit and checked our street passes (I only had 6 ACNL ones at the time and two were from T and A and I’ll have to check what they were after the Zelda Symphony) with my androgynous short hair and bad fashion sense, but not sure if I should post it even though I know my face is somewhere on my blog anyway (I don’t like pictures of myself and not a fan of how short my hair came honestly)

Anyway yeah, we were going to leave at 4PM, but we didn’t want to stand afterwards, finally at like 4:20PM we got up and headed for the escape room at 5PM.

Now, this is when things fall apart.

See, Escape Room starts at 5PM sharp, wants you to be there ten minutes early. So, uh, yeah. Google maps is like “your destination is 32 minutes away on foot”, and I’m like, “cool, yeah, we can make it”, not realizing how slow we were leaving the Nintendo Store to risk it. But hey, I’m like, “well, we should arrive right on time if we leave now, ten minutes early, bam, plus like NY walk speed is probably faster than google walk speed.” Then it’s like “do we take the subway there, and possibly deal with rush hour, or do we walk it...” So of course we decide to walk it.

For reference.

it was hell in those Vans shoes (I knew it would be but yeahhh)

my pinkie toes are covered in giant blisters from it, we pretty much jogged all the way there, and still arrived late. It was like “aaghhh it’s 5PM, wait we’re on the street now” but of course somehow I got turned around thinking we were on sixth ave, but no, we were on fifth I guess, so ended up making a wrong turn, doubling back, and arriving there (the place texted me and I was like “oh we’re right outside” when we were on the wrong direction, aghh (I still have no idea how we did that looking at the map I posted, we went right from leaving Nintendo, left, then allll the way down, then left, but somehow we were on 5th?)

luckily they let us in still, got there probably 8 minutes after it started, and yeah. My mind wasn’t in the right thinky mind thing and also escape rooms are harder than I thought. Also yeah not gonna lie a lot of me was like “aghhh just give me all the pieces so I can solve everything”, I was amazed at how people didn’t understand how a push lock worked (the TV instructions even told us “it’s a push lock, push it down to open it”) but still it was fun

we got to the bathroom when we ended up running out of time, the one we were stuck on still doesn’t make a lot of sense to me but it was some kind of math problem with dots I guess. There was an entire third room anyway that led back to the first one, so yeahhh we didn’t get this (apparently the success rate is 15 percent and people usually come in parties of 12-15).

Anyway, we decided we were going to get on the subway to the Zelda Symphony (escape room ended at 6PM), and away went. It was now I noticed how pained my feet were from walking, so yeahhh, walked to the subway in lots of pain.

NOW HERE’S WHERE MORE PAIN BEGINS...

the Zelda Symphony...

See, subways are subways, and I forgot 6PM is still technically rush hour. So, getting on the subway to go uptown, trying to get everything straight in my head like “okay yeah uptown train is the right one, there’s only updown and downtown even though the map doesn’t say anything about it being uptown just inwood or something”

so finally I’m convinced, yeah, we’re good, tell everyone a few times what stop we’re getting off on, yeah.

of course, the doors open, and it’s jam packed, as people rush in ahead of us. T manages to squeeze in but no one else can, so we rush to the next car. Of course I’m like “okay, we’ll just wait and be the first ones on the next-” and then C (who is a giant of a boy) crams me into the subway and tries running to another door with A.

Needless to say, we were all separated (and it was jam packed, I held onto my bags for dear life). So yeah, ride the subway for about a half hour, crushed and shoved around, eventually managing to reach a poll from where I am (a nice classy-looking Asian lady grabbed my arm and helped me stay steady for a while, any time it rocked she’d grab my arm again thinking I’d go flying even when I was already holding onto something)

there were also a ton of people in Zelda clothes, so I’d say about half the car (quarter at least) was going to the symphony. Anyway, I finally get off, try getting in contact with people (getting people to answer their phones is the most infuriating thing, even after waiting for two trains to go by first). Finally T contacts me, said he could see me on the train, but then couldn’t any more and had to get off at one stop to get composed and figure out what’s going on, then got back on the next train. Told him we’d meet at where I am since it’s the end of the staircase of subways, waited, waited, nothing. Finally A and C get back to me (I didn’t have A’s number and C never picked up his phone, eventually A called me), they’re quite the pair is all I’ll say, but yeah trying to find them was a pain too. In the meantime I finally contacted T and he was pretty stressed out by the whole subway ordeal and yeahh, he somehow walked past me and was down a few blocks.

Eventually I told everyone to just go outside, we’ll meet at the street corner I’m on (which was right in front of the symphony), waited, waited, waited, finally got in contact with them again, A and C were on the street but not the corner, but they could see the Symphony. More waiting, more waiting, T finally gets back to me, on the street, not sure where to go to get to the corner I’m on- turns out we were on opposite sides of the Symphony, but he couldn’t see it from where he was. So I guided him via my map, managed to get everyone to meet in line at the symphony, which we did, and boyyyyyy that was a fiasco.

Also let’s just say we didn’t have time to eat before the concert- we sat down around 8:15-8:20PM? The intro just ended and Miyamoto was talking. Anyway, yeah, then we sat down, my left thigh was in pain for some reason the entire time so that was super uncomfortable, but yeah. Interesting music choices, feels like I got spoiled on some games I haven’t played (but then again it’s Zelda so it’s not really spoilers), kinda wished they used something other than the Goron theme of BotW for the finale, but oh welll.

T really enjoyed it which made me glad, we both wanted to go back and replay all the old games afterwards (I own every console Zelda, beat or came close to beating all of them except 2, ALttP, and Four Swords Adventure), while never played a handheld Zelda (though I own the old ones via VC).

I liked the Awakening part, didn’t expect the older games to get music done, was nice. Also liked Ghirahim’s part in the SS section because he is the best. Also, the architecture for the United Palace was super nice, having just beaten KH1 again it felt like a place from Hollow Bastion (especially the ceiling colors)

Anyway, yeah, headed home, got on the subway (much less crowded this time), switched to the subway to NJ (which was pain in walking, I almost blacked out a few times, and for reference C if you’re reading this you’re still very stubborn, Mr. “it’s not proper train etiquette for more than one person to hold a pole at a time” aka mr “giant man tries not crushing smaller passengers on sharp turns, results vary” (but we still love you)

Anyway, yeah. Got to the parking garage (thankfully there was an elevator, stairs were super duper pain), got into the car, and drove home~ (we left just after midnight)

... and thennn C manages to take a wrong turn and detours us, and in trying to get back on the road, a train comes down the tracks murdering us all

it was very long and after like five-ten minutes of waiting, the train slows to a stop, with the last train car parked right in front of us, for about fifteen minutes (There was a cat though and I wanted it it was black and white and cat), that picture was taken at like 1AM and shortly after it started moving again

so after that fun detour we were back on the road, mumbling and being incoherent and half dead (I had to stay awake to read road signs and C had to stay awake to drive, T drifted off a lot and A mostly stayed up I think)

then they decided to go eat before going home, so at like 3AM we got to home-ish and went to a local-ish diner and I had fries and kept trying not to black out

note also that I went the whole day having only eaten a peanut butter sandwich and going to the bathroom at 7AM, I had like some mini hershey bars, half a cream puff, a bottle of water, and some gatorade, and yet I did not feel super hungry or super desire to use the bathroom at all and I’m kind of concerned but I remedied that at the diner (aka half a bowl of french fries and using their bathroom before my body muscles died too much like they felt like they were starting to when I almost blacked out a few times)

listen food is gross and public bathrooms are scary and gross

needless to say I am the epitome of perfect health

SO YEAH UH

we left the diner at like

4AM, I got home at 4:17AM, went upstairs, slowly peeled off my clothing, admired everything I bought, and then went to bed cuddling with my new best friend

by 4:30 I was in bed and by 8AM my alarm went off and I went to workkk

(I was half dead working and we were slow so my coworkers sent me home at like 3:30PM)

so far I feel dead still, but the rest of the pieces for my Halloween costume came in today so that was nice. Then early dinner, then internet, felt extremely dizzy typing this out, took a nap for an hour or so with my new Melody friend (she’s so softttttttt), woke up, finished typing this out, feeling dizzy again but not as bad and not as tired, not sure what to do now

also here be a list of places we (aka I since everyone else was like “Pokemon Center!” and I’m like “well there’s Nintendo NY” “Yeah!” “but that was the first thing I added anything else” “...Pokemon Center!” (okay T who helped me plan this trip talked with me and we managed to agree on some locations like Barcade and stuff, and A recommended Battery Park)... places we wanted to check out with bolded being the ones we did check out

there was a whole section of NYC we still have to explore as you can see

like I didn’t expect to visit half of these places honestly but yeah that two hour delay didn’t help much, on the brightside T losing his ID didn’t affect anything (I just had to help pay for a few things), honestly the only thing we really cut out from the delay was Bookoff.

I’m really interested in what the heck Babycastles is still, it was close to the Escape Room but no time to explore and see. I recommend googling it and trying to figure it out yourself.

I spent a lot less than I expected to on myself (20 dollars on pajamas and ~70 at a bookstore including the cream puff and My Melody ain’t bad), so yeah I spent more on tickets (and other people’s tickets and stuff, and gas, and parking...~) than I did on myself and I’m proud (though if I knew that I totally would’ve caved and bought something at the figure store probably)

I had fun and pain, T seemed like he really enjoyed everywhere we went which made me happy (T has a hard life and was the one who really wanted this trip to happen), C and A weren’t as big as nerds as we were (well okay they’re worse but on a different nerd spectrum, at least T and I have taste) but I think they enjoyed themselves and at least one them is probably reading this and feeling irrationally guilty for some reason (because they both do that wayyy too much) and what I have to say to that is- Hello!

(you’re good no worries it was fun)

tl;dr

manga store was fun, walking is pain, many delays and rushing

we’re going back after Christmas maybe when we I have money and we’re just going to shop at kinokuniya all day and maybe bring the two engaged peoples who couldn’t make it and treat them to nice things (and also take taxis, who cares if it’s five dollars more than a subway at this point)

also so disappointed we never really had a chance to take photos because I had an outfit I was proud(?) of and someone called me cute but here have this (still hate my face for some reason)

light purple cardigan and pastel game tee and pink booty shorts and black leggings and Little Twin Star socks and lavender Vans all while clutching a My Melody tote bag because I am Sanrio-loving low-key-fairy-kei trash, what a mess of an outfit

(I had my haircut the day before and it was okay but now once again it is a sad mess and also I’m a little sad that my yarn bangs already disappeared) also I knew I wasn’t crazy when I designed Yarn’s hair I knew I used to have bangs like hers and this proves it’s possible

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

(Ice) Princess, Part 3

Title: (Ice) Princess, Part 3.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Type: Fluff/ Angst (this one is pretty angsty, but I promise it will get fluffier soon!)

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2,915

Link to:  Part 1, Part 2

A/N:  It’s 12:30AM on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but I wanted to get this up on schedule for you, dear readers!  I wrote this in two hours with minimal editing time, so please let me know if you see anything I should change or have feedback. I had no idea which direction the story was going to go in until I actually sat down and wrote it. As of right now, I’m thinking there will be two more parts! As always, thanks for reading 💝

Your head drooped forward as the stylist did your hair for the day. You had thought that you had been tired when working the grueling hours you put into the family business, but that was nothing compared to the schedule you kept now. In an attempt to protect Tae’s image after your “sort of” date, you had used all your family and business connections possible. While you were able to keep the photos of your and Tae’s outing out of the press (though every now and then, speculation would pop back up from the fan blogs), it had come at a cost. One of the biggest media conglomerates in South Korea (name redacted for legal purposes) offered you an exchange: the disappearance of the photos in exchange for unprecedented access to one of the wealthiest  (and most reclusive, or so they marketed you) young heiresses in the country. Nothing in this world was free, as you had quickly come to realize.  

The price you paid was this: a reality TV show. The show followed you around to different meetings and work trips, presenting you as a high flying, 21st century woman. But when that proved not “exciting” enough, the directors had scripted additional outings, shopping sprees and brunches. At first you had been hesitant to present an image that wasn’t your reality, but the producers assuaged your guilt by reminding you that “no reality TV was really reality.” You knew it was pure justification, but what could you do? You didn’t really have control over your image, what with the photos that the company still had filed somewhere. You now had more Gucci, and every other designer brand, than your closet could hold, but you had never felt more trapped or unfulfilled than at any other time of your life.

In a mere six months, you had become one of the most recognized faces in South Korea, with your show garnering record viewership in the 18-25 category, a number of sponsorship deals, and a spinoff was being planned (though your down-to-earth parents were strongly resisting, trying to protect the family’s privacy). It had also garnered cameos on variety shows, though this was the first series where you would be a recurring guest. The show basically paired up celebrities and simulated what it would be like if they were married. It was to be your most intensive filming yet, but it was this or live in the jungle for two weeks. You couldn’t afford (literally or metaphorically) to be gone from the family business for so long. Despite your filming, you were still responsible for running the business. You had never slept less, or felt so worn around the edges, but your public image, and that of the family business, had never been better. 

You were nervous about who you might be paired up with, hoping for someone laid-back. You knew that the producers would find ways to create drama somehow, but you didn’t want this to be too much additional stress. In order to make the reactions as authentic as possible, they weren’t going to tell you who your “husband” was until the cameras were rolling. You sighed and lifted your head back up as the stylist finished your hair. For this first episode, they had everyone at the studio to reveal the pairs, and then they would give you the first mission for the week.

As you were guided to your studio chair, the crew was checking the lighting, and stylists were doing last minute adjustments to wardrobes and hair. In going with your public image as Korea’s young, trendy professional woman, they had put you in a classic black dress, spike heels, a blazer, and a silver statement necklace. A few weeks ago on your show, the producers had mandated that you get a haircut, so you ended up with a super sleek, asymmetrical bob. Looking around though, it could have been much worse. Another woman had hair down to her butt, which the stylist was still desperately trying to finish curling, and another was in a skirt so short that you were grateful for the business concept. You would never have been able to sit comfortably in that.  Your hair and wardrobe weren’t low maintenance compared to your life before, but it struck you that it was all relative. One of the guys had so many gold chains, you thought he might topple over, and another had guyliner that would give Marilyn Manson a run for his money.

As your eyes wandered around the studio, you noticed only one empty chair, directly across from you in the semi-circle. You wondered who would cut it that close to a filming. Before you could even finish the thought, a familiar face plopped down. Tae. You felt a blush immediately form on your cheeks and neck. You were feeling a weird mix of nostalgia, yearning, and….anger. You hadn’t heard from him since that eventful day six months ago. You knew he had been touring internationally, but it wasn’t THAT hard to send a text, or grab a coffee in between concert obligations. Did he even realize how much your life had changed because of him, and what you had traded for him to get off scot-free? You could feel your pulse in your neck, and took a few calming breaths. You had learned how to suppress your emotions and control your facial expressions for the camera. He was looking at his phone, while his stylist fixed his hair. Everyone was fawning over him, as BTS had just won a Billboard award. You were proud and happy, but it was always bittersweet to see him on TV. You wondered if he ever watched your show or other appearances. Would he even recognize you? Here you were sitting across from him, but he hadn’t even acknowledged your existence.

Before you could descend further into self-pity, the camera crew gave the countdown and you were recording. You were having a sort of out of body experience, where you were physically present, but your mind was elsewhere. Before you knew it, the other couples were paired up, and the MC was calling your name.

“And for the final couple this season, we have Y/L/N Y/N and…..Kim Taehyung!” The MC was drawing it out for maximum drama, but you felt time stop as his gaze locked with yours. If you were having an out of body experience before, you didn’t have words for what this was. Your face remained impassive, but on the inside, the same hurt and anger were surging. You guys were given the concept of “power couple” (whatever that meant). Were you being subtly bullied by the media company? The first mission was to get to know more about each other by “scheduling” time for an elegant dinner. Since their was an airdate though, the production crew of course scheduled things between his team and yours. You were whisked away for individual filming, where you gushed (appropriately) about how excited you were, how attractive Tae was, and how you were looking forward to getting to know him more. God knew what he was saying about you.  It wrapped up quickly, and you were herded by your manager back to your house, where your show would be filming a “spa-day” with all the best aestheticians in the city. Hopefully it was a fraction as relaxing as they would make it out to be on TV.

To film the first mission, you found yourself back at the French restaurant where you and Tae had quite literally run into each other at your mother’s birthday celebration. You rolled your eyes that this was the place your staff had chosen. You were pretty sure it was bullying now. You were in a red turtleneck sweater dress and nude heels. You opened the door, cameras following you, and smiled to them.

“I can’t believe he chose this place-it’s like he already knows me,” you beamed. “I have so many good memories here, like my mother’s birthday party.” You always tried to put a grain of truth into your lines for the show, hoping it felt more real. You felt like an imposter, but Tae played the role perfectly. He briefly hugged you, pulled out your chair, and was charming the entire time, keeping the conversation going. You felt yourself smiling more naturally than you had in months, and had to remind yourself to keep your walls up. There were cameras here, and it was all an act. Hadn’t that been the reason your mother had liked him to begin with? His acting skills? And you weren’t the type of person to let yourself make the same mistake twice. So you tried to deflect the charm back to him, leaning in close, laughing at his and making your own jokes,  and sharing your hopes for the program. With both of you on your best behavior, the filming sped by, and the meal was over before you knew it. The crews then separated you to get the “behind-the-scenes” commentary, and asked what you thought.

You looked “nervously” into the camera. “I hope the whole show can be like this,” you murmured. “I knew he was talented at singing, dancing, and acting, but who knew he was so charming!” You felt bile rise in the back of your throat at that one. You had pushed the truth a little too far, there. “I hope we can spend more time together!” you said, trying to redirect to safer, more generic commentary that wouldn’t test your emotional control. The crew adjusted the lighting, got a few more angles, and you repeated your lines with more or less enthusiasm. After what felt like ten years, your car arrived and you excused yourself. You had actual business to attend to at the company, and you were grateful for the excuse. Managing the company, and knowing that your parents, brothers, (future) children and grandchildren were provided for was one of the few things that gave you genuine happiness anymore.

A few days later, as you were looking through the dividends paid to investors and the residual earnings you had left to put back into the company, your phone began to ring. It was your manager- the footage of you and Tae and the restaurant had been the most popular of any of the new couples, and garnered the highest viewership of any episode that season. People on social media were speculating about “the chemistry” the two of you supposedly shared, and the “tension” between you. If only they knew what that tension was really comprised of. Due to this, the producers were working on a “special surprise” (you cringed at this) for the next episode. Your manager told you to clear your schedule for the following week, and when you protested, she negotiated that you could keep your phone with you to take business calls. You knew this was as much as she would budge, without bringing up “the collateral.” She wasn’t a bad person, per se, just one trying to protect her own cash flow.

An hour later, you found yourself in a coffee shop, sitting across from Tae. He was in full on-charm mode, and you again found yourself fortifying yourself with your anger. You were both there to learn about the next mission. The staff handed you a piece of paper, which you unfolded and promptly dropped to the floor. No amount of anger could have prepared you for this. The producers were sending the two of you to his hometown, where you would meet his parents and family, and work for a week on their farm. The idea was to see how the modern professional woman would cope with small-town values and expectations. On Tae’s side, it would allow him to show you his upbringing and to show you the ropes of rural life. It was clearly meant to be a touching moment, but you were in shock, and there was no way for you to cover it.

“Look, she’s so excited, she’s speechless!” Tae bubbled, buying you some time. When it was clear that they weren’t going to get any better reaction from you, they cut and suggested that they follow you as you packed and prepared for farm life.  You knew they would dub that section over later and play up your shock. You numbly agreed to let them follow you around, still not processing anything. Only when Tae gave you a goodbye hug did a little color return to your cheeks. You actually did have a lot to do, as you had to get everything ready to go by tomorrow (since BigHit had cleared Tae’s schedule only for the following week, just for this show. You rolled your eyes-had anyone thought to consult your schedule?) and take care of as much business-related stuff as possible before leaving. Your mother looked concerned when she saw that you were still up at 3AM. She had come down for a glass of water, and the glow from your computer reflected throughout the cavernous white and silver kitchen, casting the space in an eerie, artificial blue glow.

“What are you still doing up?” she tsked her tongue.

“Trying to get these reports done before I leave for Daegu at six,” you muttered.

“Daegu? Why?”

“Well, not even Daegu, if we’re being specific, but a farm outside of it.”

“My daughter? On a farm? You’ve never worked in manual labor or lived outside Seoul,” she chuckled. “You’re the brains of this family, not the brawn.”

“Tell that to the producers, please,” you replied acerbically.

She came around the island you were seated at, and gave you a warm hug. It was the most comforting thing you had experienced all day, and before you knew it you found yourself crying into her shoulder, explaining everything about the new show you were on, and your partner. She already knew why you had your own show in the first place (nothing was a secret between you), but she still sighed as she rubbed soothing circles in your back.

“You’ve given up so much to protect someone who hasn’t given you anything in return. For a supposed ‘ice princess,’ you’re going to awfully long lengths to help someone else. Are you sure that you want to keep up with all of these filming and shows? You were never a person who wanted the spotlight.”

“I know. And I feel like the more they pile onto me, the more I resent it, and him. I just want to run the family business and spend time with you all,” you sniffed.

“Is there a way you can turn them down? Say no and stand up for yourself! The daughter I know wasn’t scared to speak her mind or to negotiate,” your mother countered, trying to give you a pep talk.

“Not without hurting his image and our business.”

“The business isn’t everything,” she replied, pulling you tighter. “You’ve done more than enough for this family.”

It had been too long since the two of you had sat down and spent time together. You were normally so composed- you rarely cried, and didn’t want to burden her. But it was the best feeling in the world to know that you had someone in your corner no matter what. She made you feel strong and brave, and you decided then that whatever happened on this trip, you were going to be your truest self. If you and Tae had a second away from the cameras, you would maybe even be honest with him about how you were feeling. While you guys hadn’t had anything serious, it still hurt that he had dropped you without a word and no inkling of what you had done to protect his career.

You stayed in her arms awhile longer, before you sent her back up to bed. At some point around 5, you woke up with a keyboard imprint on your face.  You knew that it was as much sleep as you would be getting, and got ready for the train ride to Daegu. You had to be at the station by 7. Though you knew there would be cameras, you decided you didn’t care. To test how much “reality” they actually wanted, you slipped on your favorite oversized hoodie, yoga pants, and a pair of bright New Balance sneakers.  You grabbed your duffle and were out the door. As your driver sped expertly through the early morning streets, you messaged your manager that you were on your way to the station, where the camera crews and staff would meet you. Your trip to Daegu had officially started.

[embracetheapocalypsewithme]

Embracing the Apocalypse, Part 13: Gimme Danger

It’s Tuesday and the news is kind of making me feel depressed, so here’s some smut. Maybe that’ll cheer us all up! Let’s party!

Summary: Rebecca preps for her first outing with the scavengers and Negan helps her get warmed up.  

Word Count: 2,960

Content Warnings (or selling points?): Smut, Negan, Negan being Negan, nudity, another goddam dream sequence, and fooling around.

Part 1: The Tale of Thelma Facefuck

Part 2: What’s Up, Doc?

Part 3: A Successful Job Interview Begins with a Firm Handshake and Ends with a Salty Surprise

Part 4: A Crack in Everything

Part 5: Sorting Duty Sucks

Part 6: A Faint Whiff of Bullshit in the Air

Part 7: Turn and Face the Strange

Part 8: Poor Life Choices

Part 9: In Which Negan is a Total Jerk

Part 10: No Plan

Part 11: Negan Settles Rebecca’s Hash

Part 12: I know Where That Hand Has Been, Negan

Part 13: Gimme Danger

Part 14: The Loneliest Hours of the Morning

Part 15: Well, Fuck You Too, Kitty!

Tag List Roll Call: @negans-network @unicorn-blood-splatter @lucifers-trash-stash @opheliadawnwalker3 @ali-pennell @thedeadwalks @negans-dirty-girl @grab-my-boner

Read on A03: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8807527/chapters/21560210

Part 13: Gimme Danger

The remainder of Rebecca’s day was spent preparing for her first assignment with the group. Although no one had confirmed that it would actually happen yet, she picked out the clothing she would wear, set her alarm for 6am so that she would have enough time to shower before leaving, and studied the map Chris had given her until she could re-draw the thing from memory. 

The only time she took a break from her preparations was to swing by the cafeteria and grab her dinner. Tonight’s delicacies consisted of instant mashed potatoes and some kind of chunky brown slop from a can that claimed to be “beef stew”, which she grudgingly ate alone in her room.

A few hours after dinner saw her still hunched over the map, her fingers tracing along the routes between the communities and outposts with admiration. Even though it was somewhat sketchy, the people who had created it had clearly put in a lot of time and effort when they created it. 

Furthermore, she knew that if she was going to hang onto this position, she would have to go above and beyond what was expected of her to really impress the others on her team. Rote memorization of the surrounding landscape might prove to be the best way to achieve this, so she studied the map for as long as she could.

There came a knock at her door around 9pm. 

Rebecca had been expecting that someone would eventually come to inform her that they were still on for the next morning, or to let her know that there weren’t enough men to make the journey so soon. As she reached out to pull the door open, her stomach tightened with anticipation of the news that waited for her on the other side. The hinges creaked and Chris’s face came into view, looming before her in the doorway. She fought her face’s natural urge to showcase her disappointment at the fact that it wasn’t Negan who would deliver the verdict to her.

“Well,” Chris began, “I’ve got some bad news for you.”

Her stomach dropped at his words, “Oh, were there not enough men?”

“No, no. We have plenty of men. The bad news is that you have to get your ass to bed ASAP because you’ll be getting up at the crack of dawn to be on the road.”

“Don’t do that to me!” she laughed and heaved a sigh of relief, “You had me for a second.”

“Sorry, but it was hard to resist,” he said chuckling at her widened eyes and flushed face.

“So you do have a sense of humour then!” she said, her heart rate still climbing down after the scare he had given her.

“From time to time, I’ve been known to crack a joke,” he replied, turning to leave, “Meet us tomorrow morning at Negan’s office. 7:30am sharp. Don’t be late.”

“Got it!”

Closing the door, she allowed herself to drop to the bed, heaving a sigh of relief. Chris was right: she would have to get her ass to bed soon or else she would be dragging herself along behind the group like one of those dead things outside the next morning. Rebecca climbed beneath her sheets, fully clothed, too exhausted from her day of studying to even bother getting undressed. The last thing she did before closing her eyes was to check that her alarm was set for 6am the next morning. Once she was confident that everything was in order, she allowed herself to be taken down into the darkness of sleep.

***

This dream was different than the others. There was no forest, only the dimly lit halls of an abandoned building. Her footfalls were gritty against the cracked tiles that had been stained with rust and grime. A fluorescent bulb flickered in the distance like a dying star, hurting her eyes. Everything smelled of sourness and death. This place was spoiled and rank with death.

Behind her came a long and mournful moan. She whirled around to investigate its origin in time to see a large figure step out of a doorway at the end of the hall and begin dragging itself toward her as if its body was no longer its own. From the gait, she knew immediately that it was a dead thing, and that it knew exactly where she was. It was coming for her.

(there's nothing in my dreams. just some ugly memories)

Her body felt as if it were paralyzed. She wanted to run and scream, to leave this terrible place, but she couldn’t. As the figure neared her, passing under a barely-functioning light, she saw the facial features emerge from the shadows. It was Negan. His arms hung limply at his sides and his eyes were glazed over and milky in death. A large wound wrapped itself around his neck, the blood long since congealed around it. He was dead.

She had to go on.

She had to move.

She couldn’t move.

As the dead thing walked along the corridor, passing open doorways, other figures joined it, dragging their feet along the surface of the floor. She saw Chris, the side of his face ripped open, mouth chopping hungrily at the air as he neared her. There were other men that she recognized from the Sanctuary with them. They were all dead. All coming toward her, reaching out with cracked fingernails caked with gore.

At the back of the undead mob, she noticed a figure with wavy, light brown hair. It stood shorter than most of the other figures, but she knew it instantly. She had spent years studying and adoring its face. The eyes were dead now, not the deep green she had loved to look into every morning. She hadn’t seen him since the forest. She had killed him there, after he had turned, and yet here he was. They were all here, and they were all going to drag her down with them.

Rebecca was still frozen in place as the first one grabbed at her, pulling her toward its mouth. A scream was torn from her throat as it sank its teeth into her face. They were all on her now, ripping and biting at her flesh. Another scream was raked through her throat, piercing the air.

The pain was unimaginable, yet in her dying moments she thought that maybe it was good. This is what she deserved. She had gotten them all killed. This was her fault, so death was her fate.

(what can i do about my dreams?)

***

Her eyes sprang open in the darkness of her room. The first thing she noticed was that the air no longer smelled of death and rot. Her sheets were soaked with sweat and her heart thudded in her chest. She was alive. Bit by bit, she came back to herself. She was in her dorm room in the Sanctuary. She was safe.

Her breathing and heart rate slowed as she tried to calm herself after the nightmare. She told herself that it had only been her brain trying to work out her anxieties about the next day while she slept. That was all. Nothing bad would happen on the road. Dreams did not determine the future.

Looking at her watch she saw that it was only 3am; still a few hours before she needed to be up. She attempted to slow her breathing down further, closing her eyes and forcing her head back to the pillow as her inner monologue attempted to placate her irrational thoughts:

(you’ll get them all killed, just like you got him killed!)

(it wasn’t your fault. it was no one’s fault.)

(everything will be fine. it was just a dream. go the fuck to sleep)

She allowed the darkness to swallow her conscious thoughts once more.

(just a dream. just a dream. go the fuck to sleep. it was no one’s fault)

Before fully losing consciousness, she silently wished for a dreamless sleep.

***

The alarm sounded at 6am, jarring Rebecca awake. Her wish for a dreamless sleep had thankfully come true, and she woke up feeling rested and ready for the day. Brushing away memories of the previous night’s bad dreams, she went about her typical morning routine of showering and grabbing a quick breakfast before going to meet the rest of her team in the hallway outside of Negan’s office.

Her footfalls reverberated as she rounded the corner that marked Negan’s wing of the building. Assembled in the corridor was a cluster of six men and women, joking and chatting casually to one another. As Rebecca approached, the conversation fizzled out and heads turned toward her.

Chris stepped forward to greet her, “Good morning, Rebecca. It’s good to see you again.”

“Good morning! Nice to see you too,” and then to the larger group, “I’m Rebecca. I guess I’m the new girl.”

The others mumbled their greetings, and Chris asked them all to introduce themselves to her. She learned that the group mainly consisted of ex-military and law enforcement employees. They also counted among their ranks a former military history teacher and a young man who had been a lifeguard before the world ended, which made her feel slightly less out of place amongst the gaggle of bad-asses and hard-looking characters.

As the introductions finished up, the door to Negan’s office swung open, hitting the wall beside it with a loud bang and silencing all conversation. Rebecca tried to keep a straight face as her brain summoned up an image of him on the other side of the door, listening to them and waiting for just the right moment to shove the door open and make his entrance as dramatic as possible.

The man himself swaggered into the hallway.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” he began in his typical boisterous manner, which felt wholly unnatural given the early hour, “Let’s all wake the fuck up and hit the road! It’s gonna be a long one.”

He inspected the group, looking to see if he approved of their equipment and attire. Rebecca’s heart jumped into her throat as he stopped just in front of her and stared her down. Unsure of how friendly to act toward him, or if she should even make eye contact, she squeaked out a simple “Hello!”, keeping her eyes on the floor.

“You!” he barked at her, sending her hair on end and causing her head to jerk up and her eyes to widen. His gaze was dark, showing none of the warmth she had become accustomed to with him.

“Yes, sir?” she replied.

“You are not dressed for this shit at all. Seriously?” he brought an index finger out to hook under the strap of her tank top, snapping it against her shoulder, “Shorts and a tank top? You want to slather yourself in BBQ sauce to invite some walker bites too?”

“It- it’s all I have. I don’t have any other clothes,” she murmured, feeling sudden, hot anger toward the man. He had to know that she had basically nothing in this world now. How dare he embarrass her in front of her new colleagues.

“Come with me. We’ll fix this and then get on the road,” he said flatly before walking briskly down the hall. Rebecca struggled to keep up with his pace as she jogged beside him.

They remained silent until they came to stop at the commissary’s storage closet where Negan pulled a key from his pocket, unlocking the door and stepping inside the darkened room. Rebecca followed. It was still too early for any staff to be there, so they were alone amongst the shelves of goods and racks of clothing.

“Thanks a lot, asshole!” she hissed at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What? You are dressed utterly fucking ridiculously for what we’re doing.”

“Is that so? And you couldn’t have given me a fucking heads up yesterday?”

“It slipped my mind,” his voice was still flat, but a devious look had taken over his eyes, “Plus, if I had done that, I wouldn’t get to watch you strip for me now, would I?”

Rebecca shook her head, sighing in annoyance at his antics, “Ok, what am I going to wear then?”

Negan scanned the racks, seeming to look for something specific. Once his eyes found what he was searching for, he grabbed a hanger off of the rack and held it out to her, “Ideally, this, but I don’t think it’ll be much better than what you have on,” he said grinning. A very tight, skimpy cocktail dress hung from the hanger, looking to be at least two sizes too small for the curvy woman.

“As if that would even fit over my ass! Get real!”

“Ok, maybe another time. Here!” he replaced the dress and grabbed a pair of thick khaki pants and a long-sleeved grey shirt, “This that’ll work?”

Rebecca nodded and took the garments from his hands, “Where do I change?”

“Oh come on, Fuckface! You’re not getting all shy on me, are you? Change right here. For me?” he wiggled his eyebrows at her in what she assumed was supposed to be a seductive look, but which just came across as goofy, “It’s gonna be hard enough not ravaging you while we’re out there on the road together. Can’t I at least get a little show to jerk off to in my sleeping bag?”

“You are not being very charming this morning,” she said with a laugh, “But I’ll do it anyway. Out of pragmatism, you see,” she said as she pulled her tank top up over her head revealing her ratty, old bra before removing her shorts.

“Mmmm-hmmm. Sure. That looks pragmatic,” he said, licking his lips at the sight of her body before grabbing a sports bra from a shelf to his right, “Here, try this. That bra looks like it’s about to bite the dust and it’s totally killing my boner.”

“Thanks. You know how to make a girl feel special,” she said dryly, unlatching the clasps on her bra before letting it drop.

Negan’s grin widened at the sight of her now fully naked before him in the storage room. Taking a step forward so that their bodies nearly touched, he reached out to caress her shoulder and down her arm before cupping one leather-clad hand over a breast. Goosebumps rose along her arms as she inhaled deeply, allowing him to touch her.

“These are fucking lovely, if you don’t mind me saying so,” he said, his voice dropping to a low growl.

“I don’t mind at all,” she said as she tilted her face up so that their lips touched in a deep kiss. A groan escaped Negan’s mouth as she brought a hand down to feel the front of his pants, which were beginning to tighten around his hardening cock.

“And that feels magnificent, if you don’t mind me saying so,” she giggled.

Emitting a low growl, he pushed her against a nearby wall, and began to plant kisses along her neck and collarbones before moving lower. Rebecca gasped at the dissonance between the cold concrete against her back and his warm mouth meeting her nipples. He allowed his tongue to swirl around her and she could feel arousal begin to spread throughout her body.

Negan began to move his face lower, trailing his tongue down her stomach as he got on his knees before grabbing her right leg and throwing it over his shoulder. He began to kiss her inner thighs, nipping at the delicate flesh and teasing her while planting his gaze firmly on her eyes, appearing to enjoy the flush that had spread across her cheeks.

Without warning, the door to the commissary creaked open, splitting the darkness with a beam of light from the hallway to illuminate their forms. For the second time in 24 hours, Rebecca froze like a deer in headlights, caught in the act. This time, however, she was completely exposed. Negan jerked his head away from her and stood quickly to shield her from the eyes of the person entering the room.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Can’t I walk into a room without finding you two going at it?” the voice was female and filled with contempt.

“Fuck, Julie!” Negan sounded annoyed, “What the fucking fuck are you doing here anyway?”

“I’m opening today, idiot,” she placed a hand on her hip, “You know, the job I have to do because you got your ass thrown in jail a few years ago.”

“Well, can you give us a minute? I was just getting Rebecca here some clothes for work.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what it looked like you were doing,” Julie rolled her eyes at the lame excuse, “I’ll be back in five minutes. Please be gone when I get back,” she said before shutting the door a little bit too hard and rattling some of the items on the shelves nearby.

Rebecca scurried toward the pile of clothing on the floor, hurriedly pulling the bra and shirt on before the pants, “So, I guess we suck at being careful and discreet.”

“We’re just lucky that it was Julie and not someone else who barged in here,” said Negan thoughtfully, “At least Julie knows how to keep her mouth shut.”

“You feel pretty confident about that, huh? I hope you aren’t wrong.”

“Nah, I think we’re ok. Let’s get the fuck out of here before people start looking for us,” he said, patting her ass as she exited the room in front of him. They walked back to his office in silence to rejoin the group.

[aboutamandasadventures-blog]

T-Minus 13 days until lift off!

I cannot believe that it is already almost here. The next time I write you I will be in Costa Rica! While I never stopped trusting God’s plan, it sometimes felt like this day would never come. Now that it is just around the corner, there is much to do and so little time!

However, my time at the Center for Intercultural Training here in North Carolina has been so good. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to come and learn from all of these wonderful people. 

 First of all, it has been incredibly life-giving to simply be around so many people who are going through the same things: support raising, saying goodbye, learning languages, entering new cultures, occasionally feeling inadequate yet still trusting that “God equips the called; he doesn’t call the equipped,” and so much more.  Sitting in a classroom from 8:30am to 3:30pm (with a few breaks) has been a bit of a difficult transition. I haven’t done that for seven years! It has been so worth it. I wish I could tell you about everything we have been learning, but I don’t think you nor I have enough time for that, so I will just pick out a couple of the ones that have been the most impactful.

We have two classes every day: 1) Heart of the Missionary and 2) Equipping for Cross Cultural Life & Ministry. The first class focuses on what you would expect from the name: the heart of the missionary (us!). We have discussed things like: Idolatry, repentance, our tendency to rely on ourselves, and one of my favorite lessons was about the, “Hazards of Being a Mature Christian”. When I first ready that title, I was a little skeptical. As class went on I realized that it made total sense! In our binders I saw a list of things that could happen as we grow in our faith. There could be more opportunity for:

1. An unteachable spirit, because we know a lot (1 Corinthians 8:1)

2. Self-reliant ministry, because we have strengths, gifts and wisdom.

3. Self-deception, since we are more able to hide behind religious truth and religious knowledge, and avoid our own critical heart issues.

4. Self-righteousness, because we are doing better and make fewer BIG mistakes.

5. A critical and judgmental spirit, because we are more sensitive about sin.

6. Defensiveness, because there is more reputation and appearance to protect.

7. Pride, due to the greater blessings that may come to us and through us.

8. Resistance to suffering, since we have less reason to believe we “deserve” it.

Here is where I get to be real and open with y’all. So, no judgment zone, right? (I love the word y’all and I feel justified using it because I’m in the south!) The two “hazards of being a mature Christian” that I felt applied to me the most are and “unteachable spirit” and “self-deception”. Before I arrived and CIT (Center for Intercultural Training), I was really bummed about the idea of having homework. I started venting to myself about how this class is probably going to be more like a refresher course for me anyhow and I didn’t want to read these books we were supposed to read before we arrived. Because I know it all, right? Yikes. God heard this and showed me grace. Within the first couple pages of “The 3D Gospel” my mind was blown. “I have never thought of the Gospel like that before!” I thought.

I immediately realized that I needed to ask God for a more teachable spirit, because as it turns out, I don’t know everything!

Humbling, I know. No judgment zone, remember?

The description of the hazard of self-deception was cool to read actually because it put words to a feeling that I had been experiencing for a little while, but couldn’t quite describe. It has become too easy for me at times to fight lies or hardships with scripture that I know in my mind to be true, but then not actually get to why I am believing the lie or thinking the things in the first place.

The second class, Cross Cultural Life and Ministry, has made me aware of so many cultural differences that I would never have thought of otherwise. Some topic are: transitions, ethnocentrism, folk religion (how culture impacts religions), cross cultural communication, and how to present the Gospel cross culturally. An example of this that they had us do in class was to present the Gospel to a partner as if you were sharing with an eight year old. We all simplified and used verbiage that a child would understand, while not changing the truths that are in the Bible. The same goes for different cultures! I don’t mean that we need to simplify  the gospel, rather put it in terms that would make the most sense to them! Kind of like how Pual says it in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23:

“Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.”

Here in the United States we respond to restoration through justification: Jesus died to pay for my sins. In other cultures though, they would respond better to restoration through restoration of shame: humans, having shamed God by wanting to be all-knowing like him and eating the fruit from the forbidden tree, need to restore honor in their relationship with God. That is what Jesus did by humbling himself by coming to the earth to live as a needy human baby and dying on the cross even though he was perfect. All of the cultures in the word represent God in different ways because all humans are made in God’s image. How beautiful is that!? I have also been able to take advantage of our free time on the weekends. Every Saturday and sometimes Sunday a group of us have taken to the mountains for some hiking. Those hikes have included new friends, old friends, solo hiking, some of the tallest peaks east of the Mississippi, and even bits of the Appalachian Trail.

This was the trail head to the Appalachian Trail we started at; it’s right on the Tennessee/ North Carolina border.  

Below is the highest peak I hiked on the Grassy Ridge (about 6200 ft.). I was in the clouds/fog so there wasn’t much of a view, but what I could see what beautiful! I started running because it looked like it was going to rain. At one point the wind was so strong that it made me loose my footing and I totally wiped out! It was a gift from God, which sounds silly, but I have always felt that wind was so wild and exhilarating!

Prayer Requests:  - Get all paperwork needed for visa  - Use the 13 days I have left wisely  - God would help me leave well so I can adjust well when I get there. 

Praises:  - CIT has been so rewarding and eye opening - New friendships made here at the training - Only 13 days until I’m in Costa Rica!