#it means nothing that the title is tbd surely… UNLESS

[tommystummy]

Wait so the episode with the mystery title is 8x02 right? The one slated to air on October 3rd… the day before the 6 month anniversary of The Kiss? I’m thinking..,

[tinyboxxtink]

Okay SO--

Since nobody wanted to answer me right now and I was dying to write, I wrote beginning's for BOTH of my ideas. God almighty I really hope I didn't just start two different stories running at the same time.....NO. NO I WILL NOT. You have to CHOOSE which one you get now, and which one you get later.

The first one is called "Caught In The Storm" and the second one.....I can't think of a pithy title right now.

So...yeah. CHOOSE.

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@wanniiieeee

@aprildecker-blog

@milkshqke

@lolliepopsicle

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

PS- For the first one, you really need to have heard or listen to "Caught In The Storm" By Katherine McPhee as heard on SMASH.

"Caught In The Storm"

“Okay I want you guys to be COMPLETELY honest, be brutally honest,” You instructed the group as Kelsey sat at the piano. They all agreed and yelled cheers as you began to sing:

You can push me away

I can take it

I can make you a promise

and break it

We know the way it goes by now

Running off just to see

if I chase you

I pretend I know how to replace you

Still we get tangled up somehow

You danced around the stage, singing happily to your “family”, that basically consisted to the entire NYC SVU squad and your two best friends, Kenneth and Kelsey.

Hear it thunder

And I wonder

How long can I hang on

I'm caught in the storm

I'm caught in the rain

I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

I'm ready to drown

But it's coming down

But I feel so alive

Just let me go

Just walk away

If you love someone you never let them stay

Caught in the storm

You didn’t have the best family life growing up. Your dad was out of the picture, your mom worked 3 jobs just to keep a roof over your head, so you were alone a LOT of the time. You and your next door neighbor Kenny had become fast friends, and often his dad Fin would let you stay for dinner, even sometimes overnight if your mom was going to be really late.

As the bars on The Bowery are closing

You arrive at the door standing frozen

You say you thought you'd find me here

Tell me how I begin to forget you

When you keep coming back and I let you

Love me until you disappear

From then on, even when you went through high school and college, Fin was your “dad”. And when he became a detective at SVU, you’d often visit him because you didn’t live next door to him anymore and he seemed to ALWAYS be working.

I'm caught in the storm

I'm caught in the rain

I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

You had quickly been “adopted” by Olivia Benson, and the other members of the squad. However, people began to shuffle in and out of the unit, the only consistency being your “mom” and “dad”. Currently, your “extended family” consisted of Nick Amaro, Sonny Carisi, Amanda Rollins and Rafael Barba, the ADA that often worked the SVU cases in court.

I'm ready to drown

But it's coming down

But I feel so alive

It had always been your dream to be a famous singer, but so far the closest thing you had to fame was being adored at Karaoke Nights at every club and bar you could find. But now, this was your big break. Someone at one of those karaoke nights owned a small up and coming bar/club, real nice and classy, and he wanted live music. A house singer, to be exact. Someone to sing there EVERY night, be adored ALL the time. Your big audition was tomorrow morning, and the “gang” had all agreed to come down and listen to your audition song at the club.

Just let me go

Just walk away

If you love someone

You never let them stay

Caught in the storm

You had been making sure you made eye contact with everyone during the song, dancing and twirling on the stage gleefully. You were losing yourself in the song, the lyrics speaking to you, as the bridge came up.

Let me wash away

You can find me after the flood

Let me wash away

The piano cut out for a moment after the crescendo, lightly dancing notes out of it now, leaving you in your head about the song’s meaning.

Caught in the storm

Caught in the rain

Caught in the rush that hides this pain

You didn’t even think, you just sang the last lines looking STRAIGHT into Rafael Barba’s eyes.

If you love someone

You find a way to stay

Caught in the storm

Suddenly you heard Kelsey clear her throat VERY loudly as she played the end of the song and you realized what you had been doing. You quickly looked down at the floor, praying to God no one noticed it.

Hmmm…..

You sang the last note to the floor, then looked up with the biggest fake smile you could and curtsied awkwardly while you turned to Kelsey and nodded for her to follow you as you bolted backstage.

“Tell me you didn’t notice anything at the end,”

“Oh you mean when you basically stared holes into the ADA’s eyes when you sang YOU LOVE SOMEONE?” She asked. “Oh yeah no, totally unnoticeable,” she added sarcastically.

“Fuuuuccccccccckkkkkkk…..”

“Y’all, WHAT was that?!” Kenny suddenly came from offstage to join the conversation. “Y/N, Girl were you drinking before this or just taking stupid pills?”

“I can’t...I’m not going to deal with this right now,” You waved them both away and walked out to face your “family”.

“Oooookay well, it’s totally getting late and I appreciate you guys hearing me out, get home safe!” You awkwardly spit out a million words a minute, looking around the room above everyone’s eyelines. It was like Stevie Wonder was giving them a goodbye spiel.

You quickly turned on your heels to bolt backstage and wait it out until they left, but the last voice you wanted to hear spoke up.

“Don’t you wanna hear our opinions, baby girl?”

You sighed and turned slowly to face all of them, their faces mostly super uncomfortable. You looked to Fin, who had made you stay.

“Yeah, sure-- go for it,” You threw your hand up dejectedly and waited for the drop.

“Well I’d say it was excellent, except for the part where you were eye fucking Barba,”

And there it was.

“FIN!” Olivia hit him, the rest of the squad squirming uncomfortably. You didn’t dare to see what Rafael was doing.

“Yep, there it is,” You rolled your eyes, starting to walk away.

“Where are you going Y/N, we’re gonna talk about this!” He started angrily walking after you.

“Talk about WHAT, Fin?” You spun around.

“Have you been screwing Barba behind my back?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“WHAT?! NO!” You gasped in horror.

“NO,” Rafael added almost on top of you.

“He has nothing to do with it, Fin,” You assured him.

“Good because you and him, NEVER gonna happen,” He gestured between the two of you.

“Okay FIRST of all, I love you Fin but I’m a grown woman and you can’t tell me who to date!” You scoffed.

“Oh please Y/N you’re 22, you’re still my baby--”

“And SECONDLY,” You interrupted him. “I’m not ACTUALLY your daughter, so you don’t get an opinion,”

“And THIRDLY, I really, REALLY don’t want to have a long conversation with ANY of you about how I just professed my love for Rafael on--”

“Love? You’re in love with him now?” Fin interjected again, turning to Rafael. “What did you do?!”

“Oh my god, FIN,” You stood in between them. “He didn’t do anything, this is all on me,”

“This is insane, you are NOT--” Fin tried to start bitching at you once again, but Kenny came to the rescue.

“Dad, just let them be. She’s right this ain’t any of our business, no matter how angry you are right now okay? Just...let’s go, yeah?”

“Yeah alright…” Fin nodded to Kenny, then turned to you. “We’re going to talk tomorrow,”

“Can’t wait,” You muttered under your breath as they walked outside. Finally over that little debacle you started to make a beeline for the backdoor when you heard another voice you really didn’t want to.

“Y/N….Don’t you think we need to talk?”

You turned back to see Rafael standing there with a concerned look on his face. Awesome. You looked behind him noticing the rest of the squad waving goodbye at you and excusing themselves, leaving you and him alone.

“You know I really need to get some sleep before tomorrow, and--” You started to walk away, but Rafael grabbed your hand.

“Y/N…”

“What?!” You spun around again, now angry and tears in your eyes.

“What, Rafael? Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘Gee you know what Y/N I didn’t realize it until this very second, but I’m in love with you too!’, then I REALLY don’t need to hear it, trust me,”

“Y/N come on, just talk to me,”

“Rafael I get it,” You bit back tears.

“You’re too old, or Fin’s too much of your friend, and I never should have said anything, but I did. But I’ve got the biggest audition of my LIFE tomorrow. So what I’d really like to do right now is go home, cry, drink and forget this night ever happened so that I can just focus on that, can I do that? Please?”

“I…” Rafael dropped your hand, but still looked at you with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, I guess so,”

“Thank you,” You nodded to Kelsey who followed you out the back door, leaving Rafael alone in the dark and empty club.

----------

"Role Model" or TBD

“Shit, he’s going to kill me,” You muttered as you glanced at your phone. You were already twenty minutes late to Kenneth's party, and you were still stuck in traffic about a block away.

“You know what, I can walk from here,” You nodded to your UBER driver and exited the car, running down to the bar. You finally made it, glancing at the neon sign: BUDDY’S. It was you and your best friend’s favorite bar, and now you were late for his party.

You quickly gave the doorman your name and he nodded you in. The place was packed, per usual. You didn’t see anyone you recognized so you headed up to the bar and ordered a Porn Star Martini while you texted Kenny to see where he was.

“Oh my God do you think she knows?”

“She showed up so I’m guessing not,”

You glanced over to see two classmates from your law school a few feet away. They were clearly drunk and speaking louder than they believed they were.

“I can hear you, morons,” You rolled your eyes as the bartender handed you your drink.

“Oh! Y/N,” The first one giggled as they both stumbled over. “Sorry, we didn’t see you there,”

“Right,” You gave them a sarcastic smile. “And what exactly don’t I know?”

“That--” The other one started, but someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Kenneth! Happy birthday! I’m so sorry I’m late it’s--”

“Please don’t kill me,” He cut you off.

“...Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

“No, I’m saying it to you, and I’m saying it again. Please don’t kill me, and I’d like to add I had NO idea this was going to happen,”

“What are you talking about?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I, um-- I invited my dad,”

“You invited your dad, to a gay club?” You sipped your drink with a skeptical look.

“I mean I mentioned it to him, I didn’t think he’d actually show up,”

“Okay so, what? You think your dad’s gonna cramp our style or--”

“He brought his friends,” He added with a very serious tone.

“...What do you mean, he brought his friends?” Your heart started racing.

“What do you think I mean?”

“Hey Hey party people-- OH. Y/N! You came!” Your other best friend Gabi walked up with shots.

“Give me that,” You stole the shot and took it immediately, the familiar burn of vodka travelled down your throat.

“Nice to see you too,” She snorted, then noticed Kenneth’s face. “Oh you told her, didn’t you?”

“Told me what?” You asked, praying to God you didn’t know the answer already.

“I think you know,” Kenneth gave you another apologetic look.

“We’re in the back,” Gabi grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

“Who’s we--” You started to ask, but then you saw them. At the back of the club, in a small secluded area with plush couches and a table sat a couple of your mutual friends, his dad Fin Tutola, and the entire squad of NYC SVU.

“I’m going to--” You growled under your breath.

“Please don’t kill me,” He whispered back.

“I won’t if you tell me tweedle dee and tweedle ditz haven’t been running their mouths off back here,”

“NO,” Kenneth almost yelled. “I have kept those vultures away from here all night, but--” He glanced over at the two girls who were obviously failing at flirting with the very gay men at the bar. “You know they’re just waiting to take you down,”

“So we’ll just wait them out,” Gabi shrugged as she came back from the bar with more shots. “Or, y’know shuffle him out the back door,”

“Shut up,” You took another shot from the tray and downed it.

“Are you really sure you wanna--?” Kenneth asked as you downed a second one.

“If I’m about to come face to face with the man of my dreams for the first time ever, YEAH Kenny, I’m pretty sure I do,”

“Man of your dreams,” Gabi scoffed playfully behind you.

“Shut up!” You hit her again. “He’s beautiful, he’s perfect, he’s--”

“Sitting RIGHT there,” Ken gestured to the group of “adults” now very much staring at your trio.

“Show time,” Gabi giggled as you nervously followed Ken to their group.

“Dad, you remember Y/N,” Ken nodded to you.

“Yeah, the lawyer right?” Fin asked, making Rafael’s ears perk up; he stared right into your eyes while you swore up and down you would NOT pass out in front of a whole club full of people.

“Law student,” You nervously responded, trying to keep your eyes on Fin.

“Well this is Rafael, Barba, our ADA. Maybe you’ve heard of him?” As soon as Fin introduced Rafael to your group, Gabi let out a very loud laugh. You elbowed her so hard she almost fell over back into the crowd.

“Sorry…” She made a face at you.

“...Is that a yes?” Fin asked in confusion.

“Nick, Sonny!” Ken suddenly yelled at the two men sitting next to Fin and Barba. “This is my best friend Y/N!”

They both waved politely, but you caught them scanning your body up and down with approving smiles. Had Rafael done that? You had been too embarrassed to look. Did he approve?

“Boy you are so rude, we were in the middle of a--” Fin started again.

“This is Olivia and Amanda, our partners,” Nick suddenly interjected. “Just so you know, they’re not our girlfriends,” He emphasized.

“Subtle, Amaro,” Sonny snickered. “You’ll have to excuse him miss, he’s already had a few,”

“Are we all introduced now? Are we good?” Fin looked at each of his compadres who nodded and went back to their conversation, but you noticed Olivia looking between you and Barba.

“So I’m guessing you do know--”

“Y’know Fin, I think it’s pretty obvious she knows who he is,”

“Liv!” Rafael looked over at her with his mouth agape, shocked she was being so aggressive. “Annnnddd no more drinks for you,” He took the wine out of her hand.

“This cannot be happening…” You looked up at the sky and muttered to no one in particular.

“I’m going to get a refill,” You suddenly excused yourself, having downed your beverage in 2.5 seconds. As soon as you were gone, Kenneth hit his dad.

“Really, dad?”

“What? Does she not like him or something?” Fin was completely obtuse.

“Oh no she REALLY likes him--” Gabi started to laugh again but stopped immediately when she saw Kenneth’s death stare.

“I don’t understand how she even knows who I am?” Rafael looked between the two of them.

“Law school, term papers, I don’t know,” Kenneth shrugged, not entirely sure how you got your obsession with Rafael Barba started. “All I know is that she has a huge thing for you, and she told me that in confidence,”

“Barba?” Nick suddenly yelled, only hearing the last part of the conversation.

“She has a thing for Barba?!”

Were the first words to greet you as you rejoined the group, new drink in hand.

“Oh my GOD, Kenny?!” You screeched. “You--You TOLD them?”

Your eyes darted between Kenny, Amaro and Barba. You didn’t know what to do, or say. You wanted to scream, throw up and run away all at the same time.

“NO!!! No, Y/N look I--”

“Save it,” You threw your fresh drink in Kenny’s face and stormed back into the crowd.

“Thanks, Amaro,” Kenny sighed as he grabbed napkins to dry his face. Rafael looked to where you had run off to, then to Kenny, then to Fin.

“Should I--?”

“Oh good GOD no, please don’t,” Kenny assured him. “I’ll go get her, it’s my fault,” He sighed and ran through the crowd after you.

[arnoldjaime13]

Blog Tour- BETRAYER by @ANConway With An Excerpt & #Giveaway! @RockstarBkTours

 I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the BETRAYER by Nicole Conway Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

 About The Book:

Title: BETRAYER (The Dragonrider Heritage #2)

Author: Nicole Conway

Pub. Date: February 23, 2020

Publisher: Broadfeather Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 352

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

The darkest secrets of Murdoc’s violent past may be their last hope.

As pressure mounts to find the Tibran witch, Devana, Thatcher and his companions struggle to regroup after discovering Phillip’s bitter betrayal. Forced into hiding while they await a new plan of attack from Prince Judan's network of spies, tensions rise and threaten to tear their company apart. Murdoc knows every second they linger risks another attack from the vicious Ulfrangar Assassins or Phillip, but Reigh is determined to stay and await new instructions.

With two of his closest friends now locked in a battle of wills, Thatcher is caught in the middle—until a surprise assault by the Ulfrangar drags him into the darkest depths of their brutal order. Faced with a life-and-death race against time, Murdoc is the only one who might be able to save him now. But for Murdoc, taking up an assassin’s blade again to fight the same order that trained him will also mean facing the worst demons of his past.

Can Murdoc finally rise above his bloody past and save his only friend? Or does destiny have a new path in store for an assassin-turned-hero?

 About Book 1:

Title: HUNTER (The Dragonrider Heritage #1)

Author: Nicole Conway

Pub. Date: November 24, 2020

Publisher: Broadfeather Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 352

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, Audible, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

One boy must earn the trust of a blind dragon and hunt down an elusive sorceress before she can rekindle the war that nearly destroyed their world.

As the Kingdom of Maldobar emerges victorious from the brutal invasion of the Tibran Empire, much of the land is left in utter ruin. With his home destroyed and family gone, 16-year-old Thatcher Renley has no one left to turn to. And when he’s mistaken for a Tibran soldier and banished to a wartime prison camp, Thatcher knows his only hope for freedom lies in appealing to Queen Jenna directly.

But getting out of the prison camp might be the least of his worries— especially after he stumbles across a feral dragon locked in an iron cell.

As far as dragons go, Fornax is a lost cause. The battle that killed his rider also left him blind and too aggressive for any knight to control. But Thatcher can’t deny feeling drawn to the beast. Does he have what it takes to calm Fornax and join the proud ranks of Maldobar’s dragonriders? Only time will tell. And with a bloodthirsty Tibran witch threatening to rekindle the chaos of war, everyone’s time may be running out.

 Excerpt

PART ONE

Murdoc

Chapter One

Thatcher Renley was, by far, the biggest idiot I had ever met in my entire life—and that’s saying something, because I’d also met Prince Reigh Farrow. He was in a close second. But at least he had enough common sense to know that this so-called hunt Queen Jenna and Jaevid Broadfeather had sent us on was essentially a glorified suicide mission. We were charging straight into a fight with a largely unknown Tibran witch, armed with only fragments of information about her abilities and location. And if that weren’t enough, there were only three competent fighters among our group—dragons included.

Granted, Reigh could manage decently against common enemies. He’d apparently been trained in combat by the Gray Elves, and their scouts had recently improved in their fighting ability. They must’ve stumbled across someone with an actual brain who was now training their scouts and warriors. Knowing that, Reigh had probably held his own fairly well in Luntharda. But we were a long way from the wild jungle, and sooner or later, that temper of his was going to cost him.

Phoebe was … well. Hmm. Perplexing, I guess. She fluttered around with her mad storm of red curls flying, bubbling like an excited child about the projects she was working on, and radiating a relentless optimism that sort of made me sick to my stomach after a while. Not that she annoyed me, really. It was just strange to be around someone that persistently happy all the time. Happiness wasn’t something I’d had much experience with.

Which brings me back to the biggest moron of them all who, unfortunately, was now both my primary concern and the bane of my existence. Thatcher was astronomically stupid. Honestly, it was staggering he’d survived as long as he had without someone following him around, smacking his hand whenever he was about to try something dangerous. He’d volunteered for this mission without having any combat training of any kind. He was a farrier’s son, for crying out loud, and was essentially the human personification of a dandelion puff. Short, scrawny, wide-eyed, and baby-faced—he didn’t have a prayer of surviving this mess unless someone watched over him constantly.

How, by all the Gods and Fates, I had wound up being that person was still beyond my understanding.

Ugh. Fine, fine. I’d done it by choice, I suppose. Sort of, anyway. I mean, sure, I could have left him there in that alleyway in Thornbend to die along with most of the other peasants and villagers. Maybe that would’ve been kinder in the long run—especially if we were all soaring toward a gruesome death right now. Still, in that moment, with all the world swallowed up in flames and that pitiful kid on the ground at my feet, I’d looked into his eyes as he spoke to me, offering me a different path I’d craved for so long. And I’d realized … no one had ever talked to me that way before. Like I was someone and not something. No one had ever treated me that way. No one had ever looked at me and regarded me like … a person.

So, I’d made a rash and irrevocable decision. A mistake, probably. But then again, I’d been swallowing back hopes of escaping that life—the life of an Ulfrangar assassin—for as long as I could remember. That night in Thornbend had been my first real opportunity. The only catch was, of course, keeping the baby-faced kid who kept calling me “friend” alive, too.

Thatcher treated everyone that way, though. It’s like there was no room in his mind for the possibility that a person really could be evil. Shocking, considering the vacant way he stared at me sometimes—like you could pass a twig through his ear and it would come out the other side and not hit anything in between.

At first, I’d just assumed he was incredibly sheltered or naïve. Maybe he was. But after our experience with Phoebe, finding out that she had been a Tibran, I’d expected him to reject her entirely. Anyone else probably would have. Whether out of shame or fear, she’d kept that information from everyone.

But Thatcher had insisted on helping her. He’d forgiven her without a second thought. He was stupid, yes. But he was also far kinder than anyone could ever deserve.

Least of all me.

He still called me his friend like it was nothing. He laughed and chatted with me as though he genuinely enjoyed my company and wanted me around. He kept chasing after me whenever I tried to put some safe distance between us. Didn’t he get it? Couldn’t he sense it at all? I was not a good person. I never had been. I’d accepted a long time ago that no matter where I went or what I did, the pack—the Ulfrangar—would always own me. They’d carved their mark upon my soul from the very beginning and nothing could erase it. Deep down, I would always be one of them.

Even now, sitting behind Reigh astride his lithe green dragon, the weight of their presence crushed down over my body from every side. They were everywhere and nowhere. They moved in shadow, lived in anonymity, and thrived on the constant stream of the world’s darkest secrets. There was no place I could hide, nowhere I could go that they wouldn’t be able to reach.

The more I thought about it, the harder it was to justify why I’d let Jaevid set me free—even if I knew the answer already. Because of Thatcher, the idiot. No one seemed to know what he’d done to provoke Devana and her new monstrous minion, Phillip. Maybe nothing. And honestly, I didn’t care. It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t put a hand on him if I had anything to say about it. He’d called me a friend—someone who was like a brother to him—and that was enough. It was more than anyone else had ever done for me my entire life.

We cruised, riding the strong winds coming in from the sea along the eastern coastline. The tower of Eastwatch faded behind us, and far below, small villages and towns dotted the hills. Most were a safe distance from the steep cliffs that dropped into the toiling dark ocean—places where wild dragons liked to nest. But the farther we flew to the north, the more the cliffs gave way to rocky beaches. Fishing towns were built right up against the banks amidst the clusters of odd, hexagonal basalt columns and massive trunks of washed-up driftwood from Luntharda’s giant trees.

Dayrise stood just a few miles inland, stretching all the way to the sea where a large port was packed tight with big merchant ships. The vessels cruised in from the open sea, white sails puffed and banners fluttering high as flocks of seagulls chased them in. Most were probably owned by merchants happy to be sailing their trade routes again now that the Tibran war was over.

Not that I’d ever been to Dayrise myself, honestly. The Ulfrangar network spanned far beyond Maldobar’s borders, but the territory I’d been assigned to work was back down on the southern tip of the kingdom. I’d never had any reason to journey this far north.

Too bad it didn’t make me feel the least bit more secure.

A glimmer caught my eye far in the distance off our right side—the tell-tale flash of sunlight over glossy scales. A dragon. He was far off, maybe three miles on our tail, and had been since we left Eastwatch. From so far away, I couldn’t tell much else. Maybe it was just a security escort from the dragonriders keeping an eye on us from afar. Maybe it was a curious wild drake that’d caught wind of the dragoness in our group and was interested in her. I didn’t know.

And when it came to being followed, I hated not knowing.

The sight of those faraway scale flashes and the faint shape of great dark wings flapping put a pang of dread like a cold iron spike in my gut. I looked away and set my teeth against the rush of adrenaline that made my skin tingle and my heart pound like mad. I’d have to mention it to the others eventually. But not yet. I needed more information, first. To be sure this wasn’t some arrangement Jaevid had put in place because, well, he now knew what I was. He had every reason to be concerned and to want to keep a close eye on things.

Or on me, rather.

Reigh started our descent as we neared the city’s outer limits. I had no idea where we were supposed to go or who Jaevid Broadfeather had waiting for us. Hopefully not another noble with an estate we might accidentally burn down. Well, sort of accidentally, anyway. And technically we hadn’t been the one doing the burning, but I digress. Whatever. Burned is burned, I suppose.

Unlike Eastwatch, the city of Dayrise wasn’t one visited by dragonriders on military orders on a regular basis. There was no towering spire meant to house soldiers and mounts looming over the rooftops, and no high city walls topped with battlements. Not that we got any strange looks as our dragons circled outside the city’s outer limits. In fact, there were more than a dozen sizable inns crowded around the main roads leading in and out of the city’s tightly packed streets. Many of them were flanked by massive barns two or three stories tall intended to house dragons.

Reigh chose one closer to the port on the western side of the city and guided his green dragoness into a smooth landing. She cupped her wings and stretched out her hind legs, landing on the grass as elegantly as a swan on a pond.

Thatcher’s much larger orange drake landed next to us, shaking his black-horned head and puffing unhappy snorts through his nose. The dragon curled his long, striped tail around his legs and bristled, small ears turned back as those milky green eyes darted around.

I frowned. Thatcher trusted that beast wholeheartedly. But I’d seen it drag him across the horizon like caught prey once already. Thatcher had been lucky to walk away from that ordeal—luckier than anyone else seemed to want to acknowledge.

“Let’s get Vexi and Fornax settled here and find our contact,” Reigh called back to me as he straightened in the saddle. He pulled off his helmet, nearly slapping me in the face with the end of his long, sweaty braid in the process.

“This is an old city,” I muttered as I studied the road ahead that led into the narrow cobblestone streets. “Places like this tend to be dangerous after dark, and there’s only a few hours of daylight left. We should go quickly.”

He unbuckled and dismounted first, then stood sorting through his saddlebags while I climbed down. “I agree. Which is why I’m leaving you in charge of this.” Reigh took out a small drawstring purse, poured a few gold coins into his palm then tied it shut again and tossed it in my direction. “Our contact is supposed to meet us at the sign for the Crosswall Docks. They’re probably already waiting on us. Think you can find it? Taverns with dragon accommodations are harder to come by here, and we need to keep a low profile—meaning, we stay away from the ones farther into the city. So, I’ll settle up for the dragons here and meet you there.”

The purse jangled when I caught it, as though there were still quite a few coins tucked away inside. “You expect that to take a while? We need to stay together.” It wouldn’t take that long, of course. I knew that as well as he did—meaning he had another motive for wanting a few minutes alone.

“I’ve got some letters to send back to Luntharda. Shouldn’t take me more than an hour,” he replied, bowing his head to hide his face as he crammed the handful of coins into his pocket. Reigh’s emotions ran so close to the surface, it was ridiculously easy to read him even with his face angled away. Judging by the scarlet color his ears were turning, these must have been personal letters. Letters to a girl, most likely. Love letters. Ugh.

He would’ve made a terrible assassin.

“And who is it that I’m supposedly looking for at the docks?” I pocketed the bag of coins and ran a hand through my hair, trying in vain to get it out of my eyes. Months away from my former life had allowed it to grow out longer than it’d ever been before. I’d have to fix that soon.

Reigh’s expression scrunched as though he were trying to think—emphasis on trying. Complex thought didn’t seem to be one of his stronger qualities. “He didn’t say specifically. Just that we’re looking for another Broadfeather. His brother, probably. I can’t recall his first name, but I met him briefly after the war ended.”

“If we go on ahead, how do you intend to find us later?” I arched an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “Looking for someone named Broadfeather at Crosswall Docks? That’s plenty to go on. I’m sure someone can point me in the right direction.”

Fair point. A last name like that was one people generally remembered, after all.

“Did you see all the ships?” a sing-song voice chimed suddenly. Phoebe practically fluttered over to stand beside me, her red curls bobbing around her and her big, blue eyes shimmering with excitement. “Aren’t they beautiful? Can we go see them up close?”

Reigh’s entire demeanor soured as he stood straighter. “Didn’t see enough of them while you were sailing around with the Tibrans, conquering other kingdoms and slaughtering their people?” He growled every word through his teeth as he leered down at her.

She shrank back some, almost like she might duck behind me if he made a move toward her. “O-Oh, um, well, no. I mean, yes, I did have to sail with them. But Lord Argonox didn’t allow me to leave my cell or go up onto the deck during—” She stopped short and went quiet. Her brows drew together as she flicked speedy, nervous glances around everyone. “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered at last, as though she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Reigh didn’t respond. Instead, he glowered down at her with his mouth mashed into a tight frown. His light amber eyes flashed with a mixture of wrath and what I could only guess was withheld terror.

I’d seen that look before from my Ulfrangar handler whenever I’d challenged or defied him, as though for the briefest instant he wasn’t sure if he should hold his ground or flee. And while I could sympathize to a degree—after all, Phoebe had apparently been the one in charge of all the magical experimentation for the Tibran Empire—she was about as threatening as a freshly-cut daisy on her own. She probably weighed seventy pounds to his one hundred and fifty or so.

Awkward silence hung in the air until Thatcher drifted over to join us, sporting his usual, blissfully vacant grin. “Are we staying here for the night?” he asked cheerily. “I’ve never stayed at an inn before. I thought Jaevid had arranged for us to stay with someone in the city?”

With a tight sigh, Reigh spun on a heel and gestured for Thatcher to follow him. “He did, but we’ve got to get the dragons settled and I’m betting yours will need extra assistance. So, come with me. Murdoc, you can take her and find our host. We’ll catch up.”

     Phoebe didn’t say a word for a long time as she followed along close beside me. Lugging her bag of gear over my shoulder, I tried not to look her way more than necessary. According to Thatcher, I gave the impression that I was glaring whenever I stared at someone for too long. No need to make it worse.

Besides, one glance was all it took. The distant fogginess in her eyes as she stared down at the sidewalk put an uncomfortable tightness in my chest. I should say something, right? That was the normal thing to do. Wasn’t it? Gods and Fates, how was I supposed to know what normal was?

“You should stop apologizing,” I blurted before I could change my mind. My tone came out much harsher than I intended, as usual. Curse it all. I should have kept my mouth shut. Silence was always safer.

Phoebe tripped over an uneven stone. She staggered, and I snapped my free hand out. I seized her arm to hold her steady.

She let out a scream. Not a surprised little yelp—a real, primal, utterly terrified scream. Phoebe went completely stiff in my grasp, blinking up at me with her entire body trembling.

What? Why would she look at me like that—like I was about to do something terrible to her? I’d never raised a hand to her. Was it because she knew I was an Ulfrangar now?

Before I could ask or even say a word, her entire expression suddenly went blank again. Her body relaxed and she glanced around, seeming confused for a moment. “O-Oh! Murdoc! I-I guess you startled me.” She blinked up at me, face flushing almost as red as her hair. The forced, twitchy smile on her lips looked almost painful. “I’m so sor—um, I mean, thank you.”

I slowly let her go. “I … I didn’t mean stop apologizing in general. I meant stop apologizing to Reigh.”

Phoebe swallowed hard. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she fidgeted with the embroidered hem of her long tunic as her mouth scrunched up. “I, um, well, I mean he is right to hate me. I did—”

“I know what you did,” I interrupted as I began walking again. “Most everyone does now, right? But Queen Jenna forgave you. The Court of Crowns absolved you. You’ve apologized to everyone over and over, including Reigh. You’ve made changes to your life to become something better now. No one can ask any more of you than that.”

“But he still hates me, doesn’t he? He’d probably kill me if you and Thatcher weren’t here.” She trotted to catch up and fall in step next to me like before.

“There’s nothing you can do about that. You can’t change your past or erase what you’ve done. And because of that, some people will always hate you. Even if you do everything right from now on, it still won’t matter to them. They will never be able to see you as anything more than what you were,” I tried to explain without biting every bitter word through my teeth. “But that doesn’t mean you should go on groveling for forgiveness. You’ve done your part. Forgiving you is Reigh’s problem now. So let it go.”

She didn’t respond right away. For a few more blocks, she followed along in total silence while we wound our way through the city’s narrow streets toward the sea. Then I felt the pressure of her wide, blue-eyed gaze on me again. It hit me like the glare of the sun, making my skin tingle. “Aren’t you afraid that people won’t forgive you for being an Ulfrangar?”

I paused at a corner before a broad, open square. In the center, a white stone fountain sprayed ribbons of water around the bust of a man in battle armor. He stood tall and proud, his eyes seemingly focused right on me, with a helmet under his arm while his other hand rested on the pommel of the sword belted at his hip. A dragonrider, most likely. But not one I recognized.

“That’s different. I don’t expect them to forgive me, so it would be pointless to ask for it,” I confessed as I held the statue’s frozen gaze. “The people who know what I’ve done could never truly forgive me. Like King Jace. And the ones who don’t understand only offer their forgiveness because they don’t know any better.” I flicked a look down at her. “Like Thatcher.”

Her mouth scrunched into a dissatisfied little frown. “What about Lord Jaevid, then? He knows, doesn’t he?”

I couldn’t keep the irony from my tone. “No. Not really. He’s gotten a small taste of it, so now he’s suspicious. But he doesn’t understand the extent of what I am.”

“Well, I forgive you, Murdoc,” Phoebe announced, a rebellious crease in her brow. “So which am I, then? Someone who understands? Or someone who doesn’t?”

I had to think about that.

The Tibran Empire had paid hefty sums to hire out Ulfrangar assassins and spies throughout the war. Phoebe had probably seen others like me before, if only in passing. She’d certainly seen all of the evil and unbridled cruelty that could come from a man like Argonox. In fact, she had probably witnessed and experienced more of it than even she could remember. But did she really comprehend what I was? What I’d done to survive up to this point?

“Could you forgive Argonox?” I countered. “Or any of the soldiers who were in charge of keeping you obedient? What about the ones who put those marks on your skin?”

Her face slowly drained of color. “B-But you didn’t do tha—”

“I’m no different from them,” I cut her off quickly. “You strip away the emblems and the banners, the flags and the creeds, and you’re left with the same thing. At its roots, evil is evil, and it doesn’t matter what you dress it up in. That’s why deep down, I’ll always be what the Ulfrangar made me. I’ll carry their darkness in me until the day I die.”

“You really think that?” Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. “You truly believe you’re evil like Lord Argonox was?”

I set my jaw and looked away. No matter how I turned the words in my head, none of them sounded right. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Clearly, she couldn’t understand. We were nothing alike. Phoebe hadn’t chosen to become a Tibran. She hadn’t chosen to do all of the things Argonox had forced her to do. But there had been moments in my life, a few vile moments steeped in malice and blood, when I had. I could have rebelled then. I could have let the Ulfrangar kill me for my defiance and ended it there. But instead … I’d accepted that fate. Wanted it. Thrived on it.

Sometimes, I’d even enjoyed it.

That was the part of myself King Jace would never trust—the part Reigh, Thatcher, Jaevid, and Phoebe should have been disgusted by. But they didn’t know.

And I had no idea how to tell them.

  About Nicole:

Nicole is an award-winning, #1 international bestselling author from North Alabama. With a passion for relatable, authentic characters and exciting, fast-paced plots, Nicole is best known for her series, THE DRAGONRIDER CHRONICLES. Other published works include THE DRAGONRIDER LEGACY SERIES, SPIRITS OF CHAOS SERIES, MAD MAGIC SAGA, and THE DRAGONRIDER HERITAGE SERIES (Coming Winter 2020).

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Tour Schedule:

Week One:

2/22/2021

Jaime's World

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2/23/2021

Two Chicks on Books

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2/24/2021

Westveil Publishing

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2/25/2021

BookHounds YA

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2/26/2021

Lady Hawkeye

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Week Two:

3/1/2021

A Dream Within A Dream

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3/2/2021

Declarations of a Fangirl

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3/3/2021

Jazzy Book Reviews

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3/4/2021

Books A-Brewin'

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3/5/2021

Lifestyle of Me

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3/5/2021

Hurn Publications

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[18814dieahappy-blog]

I have 2 options… Get mad or Try to figure this out. And I definitely feel it’s a test that I’m going to fail either way So i making a couple possible conclusions 1. I am just being messed with, either by you or others still. 2. You have heard me over and over about the guys and you dont care, you are going to do what you want. Funny that three or four of them that I have questions about all in the last week. 3. Nothing has happened with the guys in question in the timeframe that has been laid out. Why i said my birthday i have no idea. Instead of faster horses or July 30th. A. If that is the case i was lied to again. B. I guess that is best case scenerio…well best case would be nothing happened with anyone. C. 2nd best case would be nothing happened with any guys…just lesbians…Sarah? I noticed both your profile pictures with her . . Could mean several things or Ellie? D. 3rd best case would be the lesbian sex with guys watching or participating… which still means they saw you naked or you saw them naked which means if it was on or after 8/13/16 then i dont want you seeing/partying/drinking/riding in a car/siting in a tent/ by them at a campfire/ in Canada with ect ect ect. AND I DEF DONT WANT TO SEE THEIR NAME ON TWITTER OR HEARTS ON INSTAGRAM. That is how I’m supposed to be able to tell who . I want to know what guys you’ve been involved with since we’ve been. E. If it was before 8/13/16 and after 4/1/16 then i still dont like them. Like that guy Nick Todero, if any of the senerios have happened with that guy, like the kissing at my concert or all the things i have believed, the handjob,blowjob,sex,sex show watching ect.. F. I do not like him, but i have no power now…but someday i will or i will not. If i am around and you have (history see above) between those dates i will not be good with him at all. It would be best if he just went away. The number of times ive thought of putting a .45 in the base of his skull or just bloodying him beyond recognition. Clearly neither one are great options for my future but IF/THEN. I DO NOT LIKE HIM AND UNLESS THERE IS NOTHING WITH HIM🤛👈🖕👋👀💚…between 4/1/16 and now i do not want him around. Idgaf. I am going through too much 💩 to put up with a situation with someone who i clearly want gone. Sad but true. G. All goes back to not knowing the truth. So all i have if /then, so many things anger me about him and this. And im sure i also angered people by acting on my liking you. And i shouldnt have. Maybe they want me dead too. But that is your choice im here. I can promise you i wont be okay with him or them or whatever. And if you are not going to side with me on this situation, we will have problems that i wont overcome. You should feel my heart just talking about and thinking about and seeing his (their) name. Which is why i need to see you and talk to you. I am not making these decisions because i dont know anything but they are being made for me. Like im taking the house…so refinancing to clear her name from the title and giving her half the equity and like 55k a year for alimony and child support to start. Friend of the Court the beginning of August . That is crazy but i am not fighting this BECAUSE I STILL DONT KNOW WHEN I CAN SEE YOU, AND WHAT YOUR FAMILY IS GOING TO BE LIKE AND WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL/WHEN CAN WE SEE EACH OTHER AND WHAT/WHO ARE YOU…ARE YOU PARTY PARTY PARTY TILL YOU HAVE NO CONTROL? IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED ON YOUR BDAY? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WITH ANYONE? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOUCHED ANOTHER GIRL? All important…all need to be answered so i can decide. Is it bad i have to decide?????? Maybe.. but did you get hammered drunk on you bday IN CANADA and fuck one of your girls? Well that could be a problem? Are you going to Canada this weekend? Are Sarah and Ellie lesbians and they are always going to want to lick you? That could be a problem? If/then Nick Todero (any guys) and you refuse to stop………seeing/partying/etc. Then i have a definite problem with that and 5/14/17 pisses me off. And i should be about working things out with her. I’m not happy. but if these things are going to make me not happy… my logic tells me well be not happy with your kids and ( money) I honestly think I’m relatively easy going . But this has made me very uptight and questioning and jealous and possessive and fearful and not trusting . What do you want to know about me? Will I cook you breakfast yes will I cook you lunch yes will I cook you dinner yes will I make the cakes yes will I do anything that I can for you yes Have i kissed anyone? No Have i had any kind of sex? No Have i wanted to? Yes Do i flirt too much? Yes Has that risen comparable to how much i thought you were cheating? Yes The summer was rough, fall was rough, winter was rough, spring was HELL. Summer tbd…the day i stopped contact was nice, i felt you. I am not lying when i say i think this is pretty ridiculous. What is next? Something good has to happen soon because at this exact moment I’m definitely wondering worrying thinking about all these things and if it’s worth it. Not wanting to go through what I’m going through and what I will continue to go through if it’s not😍I LOVE YOU