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septembersghost · 2 years ago

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I understand the desire to not support problematic or worse, abusive celebrities, but sometimes I wish we could go back to not knowing much about these their lives. Listening to their music or watching their movies doesn’t necessarily mean you support every thing they do.

it's funny - if i may share some levity in this situation - because i saw a post about a band i adore two days ago, and the op was annoyed about fans misattributing songs to certain muses or trying to figure out who they were ~about~, and the tone was like, "can't you all just stop and focus on the music and the lyricism?" and op was well within their rights to say that, but i was laughing because...i've followed the band for as long as i've followed taylor, and somehow, not once, have i thought or wondered about or investigated who the actual subjects of their songs are. this is, imho, a neutral statement, it's totally fine that other fans do that, heaven knows i get it, but it's not how i engage with them specifically, and it hit me like, oh wow, every fandom is like this, if you get deep enough. because people are curious, and people are interested in others' stories, and fans want to feel included in that, and art (music especially) speaks so directly to us that we enjoy feeling an insightful connection to it when we're super attached to the artist. i'd never thought about it, because even though their music is profoundly important to me, my engagement level is different. it kind of gave me a perspective on how and why certain things affect us all in unique ways. and we could get into diaristic writing and the specific personality of that and the intentional creation of an invested fandom, but it's ultimately up to us how we relate to things. there are beautiful and awful aspects about many of us being very tuned in and online, and thus having a lot more access to gossip and to knowing details.

anyway, human nature is nosy lol and we also tend to hope that the artists we love align with us in some way, so it can hurt when they don't, but celebrities fundamentally can't line up with us due to the world in which they exist, which is vastly apart from our own. pedestals don't do anyone any good, and it's always a long way to fall. :( that said, there's a reason we do tackle things like abuse, misogyny, racism, prejudice, etc, and some of that is a reckoning because we've only begun to call people on it in recent memory. the entertainment industry ran unchecked on these issues for a long time. some things do indeed change with time - social mores of past decades, or centuries!, cannot be expected to match or be upheld to our own - so a lot of the question becomes, is there ongoing harm (or threat of harm) to other individuals or to vulnerable groups? if so, what can we accomplish by confronting that? can we work to break those barriers down, show that those behaviors are unacceptable, and uplift people hurt by it in the meantime? and we try to do what we can. for example, the #metoo movement is still basically a nascent thing, and we're still struggling every day to reconcile all of this and figure out how to change for the better. the fact of the matter is, we as fans are consumers with very little power to affect that. we can decide who to support and how to spend our energy/time/money, but our reach will always be limited. nothing is perfect or unproblematic. we can't expect that, but we try to keep improving.

i've said this repeatedly now, but if i needed people or art to be morally pure, there's absolutely nothing i could love and engage with ever. we read poetry and it moves us, quite often we don't know its personal inspiration. there are poems i cherish from poets who were definitely not great people. do i stop reading them, quoting them? there are films i love with actors i know weren't unimpeachable either, songs i love created by musicians with troubled pasts - should i never watch or listen to that again? is it a sin that i already have? (no.) my room is filled with items from things i'm passionate about, should i be canceled for my old hollywood movies and my cds and my disney princess figurines and my barbie dolls? (granted these are relatively tame things because of the person i am lmao. but you know what i mean?) i'm typing this on an electronic device that makes my life easier for me in my chronic illness, so does my comfort in using it make me a bad person because it comes from a bad company? like it's all so tangled and complex we'd lose our minds if we demanded complete purity at every moment. that doesn't mean we can't be very hurt by harm and bigotry, and it doesn't mean we shouldn't call things out or sit by while marginalized people are upset in our communities. again, it's all very personal boundaries and decisions of what to support and what we care about, even what we feel comfortable/safe speaking about - and a lot of the time those decisions are selfish (not a negative thing, necessarily, just true), because we care more about things that personally impact us. i try to be kind and aware and thoughtful, but i mess up or inelegantly handle things or act contradictorily too, because i'm a human.

i got off-topic, but i'm firmly of the belief that you can enjoy someone's work and artistry without condoning all of their decisions and actions, because people are always going to make mistakes or do things you disagree with. you have to draw your own lines. if i tell someone i won't engage with an artist's work because they're prejudiced or abusive, they have no right to tell me that i'm too sensitive or wrong for that, but i also can't dictate that they shouldn't do it either, that's their choice and anything else would be censorship. really horrific abuse and bigotry needs to be accounted for and stopped whenever possible, but i do wish we knew less about famous people's private lives and (often banal) commentary, and i REALLY wish we knew less about their sex lives (like nothing. i get other people like this, this is my demi self talking because i never understand the intense interest in this topic!), except that's hard to separate out when quite a lot of art is romantic and revolves around love (and i'm such a romantic, so see my conundrum here?). regardless, i do often wish there was a clearer border line between some art and artists. i do wish we could hold certain things on our own, with our individual experience and perspective, even though there's a richness and value in experiencing it as a community and in relation to an artist too.

sondheim said art isn't easy, and meant it as a creator (advancing art is easy, financing it is not, another inherent problem with art and capitalism being intertwined), but it isn't always easy for us either. he also said the art of making art is putting it together, that's what counts, and i feel we do that as individuals embracing it too.

just thinking about how blissfully happy i am not knowing a damn thing about that band because their music has unique personal meaning to me makes me wish i could magically erase a lot of information from my brain, and tbh there's a degree of privilege in that (the luxury to not know and not care isn't afforded to everyone), but it does make the experience of enjoyment much more fun and peaceful. sometimes we just want to explore art and be touched or comforted or surprised etc by it, and sometimes we just want to vibe, and sometimes we just want to love things. that's not a moral indictment, it's not a political praxis, it's not absolute agreement or condemnation of a creator. it simply is. we do need to allow ourselves more grace to enjoy art for art's sake. there is so little time or true pleasure in life. it's good to let the light in when we can.

#anonymous #letterbox #fandom discourse #sorry this became an essay

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theblogtini · 2 years ago

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I was kinda excited about Serena's post tennis plans and how she is coping with that huge life change. I'm genuinely in awe of her career, drive, grit and even her personality (which is something she has been constantly criticised for on the court -being too aggressive). So when the Vogue cover happened I wanted to grab my hands on it asap. I was a bit let down because it seemed all about how glamorous she is and her fashion icon status. But I get it, it's Vogue. And every girl absolutely deserves to be treated like a fashion goddess if that's what she wants and Anna being her friend gave her what she wanted as she wanted.

But a podcast is different. It's not an interview, where much of the topics are predecided. It's supposed to be candid. Unscripted. And well researched. And Serena could finally be herself, let guard down. And truly talk about the price of her ambition. How her parents vision, dream, ambition for her and her sister eventually became her ambition. How bittersweet it must have to follow that and see it to fruition. How she handled being labeled a trailblazer, being different from such a young age. Did she ever really even understand what her achievements meant for little girls like me world over??

I was and still am looking forward to listen to her being candid and raw about her life. And Meghan's podcast was such a huge opportunity for Meghan to present Serena as we have never seen, heard, known before. Meghan being her friend (as she now claims) has had an insight into her psyche. She is so different from Meghan - a girly girl, feminine, actress, known for her looks, has had to probably curb her own personality time and time again - first for her acting career where she is required to play another character for a good 7/8 years. And then as a royal wife. So they are comete opposites in how they are supposed to present themselves to the world. And yet they bonded as human beings. And are privy to what lies beneath the glamour. (All assuming they are decent human beings who are best friends for years).

So for Meghan, to miss this opportunity and come in with zero research about Serena's life and how her fans look up to her is a big disappointment. Serena's life may well be all about being a mom and being a relaxed LA girl now... But she is the GOAT! and us fans can't separate her tennis career, her struggles, her extraordinary achievements from the person we see. We do want that.

Serena's team should definitely look into why and how this podcast failed for her. It did absolutely nothing to her brand, her image, her story in a positive way. And infact, it made her come across as a stupid person who was subtle being shaded by Meghan. Meghan seemed to be taking backhanded digs at her - mentioning South Africa because Serena is black and supposed to understand? Bringing up Compton and how it was meant to be racist towards Meghan but not to Serena? And comments about her hair being a vibe? Really? Is this all supposed to be ok just HnM are her friends and Meghan is biraciat so they can't possibly be racist towards Serena, right?

I don't care that Archie's nursery heater started smoking while Archie was with his nanny in the kitchen. I do however care that Olympia fell off her chair and broke her arm, that she was in the ER and Serena and Alexis were probably shitting bricks but she still palyed the next day, won the match while her husband had to be with their daughter. Now that is a couple dynamic I want to know more about.

Shame on Meghan for wasting this opportunity and using Serena. And shame on Serena's team for letting this happen.

Absolutely 100% all of this to my CORE!

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senacal · 4 years ago

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hi hi hi i LOOOOOVE your erik stuff and i hope u don’t mind me requesting and requesting because i think you’re an amazing writer! i was hoping to see a erik x female reader fluff:) i’ve always wanted to read a jealous erik fic when he has a crush on the reader ya know! i’ve always pictured her to be a mutant professor at school and all:)

Exceptional

Request: By malfoys-demigod

Pairing: Erik Lehnsherr x Fem Reader

Prompt: hi hi hi I LOOOOOVE your Erik stuff and I hope u don’t mind me requesting and requesting because I think you’re an amazing writer! I was hoping to see an Erik x female reader fluff:) I’ve always wanted to read a jealous Erik fic when he has a crush on the reader ya know! I’ve always pictured her to be a mutant professor at school and all:)

Warnings: Is jealousy really a warning? IDK but jealousy

Author’s Note: I won’t mind you requesting lol, I love getting requests 😊 Thank you so much for enjoying my writing 💖 Again, I am so sorry for how long this took for me to write 😬

Erik always prided himself on how well he was able to control his feelings. Sure, he used to let them control him; however, he always hid them well. One look at him, and no one could tell how he was truly feeling. The only people able to read his feelings were empaths, or Charles (but Charles used his telepathy, so that was cheating).

When Erik had met (Y/N), he wasn’t sure what to expect. At first, he thought of her as any other person, irrelevant. He didn’t know her, so why should he care for her? But then she was always there. He later found out that Charles had employed her at his school for the gifted. It was with a great obligation that made him get to know her. Charles liked to hold dinner parties for the staff and his friends to mingle outside of school hours. Erik would always try to get out of it, but, he always manages to get roped into those engagements no matter what he said or lied about. It was as though Charles would use his powers to get Erik to attend. It tempted him to use his helmet again to block him out, but maybe he’s just overthinking it.

It was at one of these events that Erik first spoke to (Y/N). She was standing near the refreshments, so really, it wasn’t like it was completely out of his way to talk to her. She had smiled kindly at him, the first person to do so. It was no secret that he had a troubled past and many of the professors employed under Charles never seemed to let him forget. So it was refreshing to know that someone wasn’t holding his faults over him. He was immediately enthralled by her. They spoke nearly the whole night. He found himself enjoying the sound of her laugh and the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about the things she was passionate about. Erik never believed in love at first sight, and really he didn’t think this applied either, but he knew from that moment on, he would make it his duty to keep the smile in her eyes and that laugh in place.

From then on, Erik didn’t argue with Charles over attending the dinner parties, and he didn’t bother making excuses when (Y/N) needed his help with her class. Whatever she wanted, he made sure she would get without any troubles. They soon became best friends within no time. He was fine with that too because then he knew he would always be in her life. He was the one she went to when she had a problem, and the one she went to when she had good news. Life was suddenly going his way and he had no fucking clue what to do from there. He supposed he could continue like normal, talk to her, laugh with her, but there was a part of him that wanted more. She was an amazing girl. Who wouldn’t want to be with her?

Which was the problem. He knew there were people interested in her, he wasn’t completely oblivious. He would usually spot them from the distance whenever he wasn’t with her. There would be another professor talking to her, trying to get her to laugh at some stupid joke he made. Erik would clench his jaw, and he swore one of the metal benches was crushed near him. He couldn’t be too sure that was him though. He brushed it off at the time as a fluke. There was no way she’d fall for that cheap trick. So the next day when it happened again, Erik couldn’t help but insert himself between (Y/N) and the other guy.

(Y/N) instantly lit up in his presence. Erik was a great guy and anyone who didn’t see that was an absolute idiot. Getting to know Erik was her favorite thing to do. Being a part of the school gave her insight into his past, sure, but that didn’t mean she knew who Erik actually was. If growing up in a half mutant, half-human family taught her anything, it was that people can change. She found out that her mother was taught to hate mutants but then she met her father. So no, (Y/N) wasn’t going to let Erik’s past block her judgment. Erik turned out to be the most genuine man she has had the pleasure to meet. Sometimes he would show off his powers to her, so she would talk him into demonstrating for her classes. She always looked forward to the days he would help her with the younger mutants.

Sometimes she could swear that Erik might like her back, but who was she kidding? She wasn’t anything spectacular. Her powers weren’t anything extraordinary compared to her co-workers, her powers were rather boring. (Y/N) used to enjoy the fact that her powers were quite mundane, she could easily manipulate a person’s choice, but it would only last a moment. Now she wished she had a power that was worthy of Erik. She knew he had a hatred towards humans at one point, so she was nervous that maybe he would be appalled about her half-human family.

(Y/N)’s thoughts were once again interrupted when she felt someone touching her arm. She looked up to see Professor Cassidy smiling at her. He had a boyish charm to him and she knew that he liked her, but she didn’t feel the same way. She was finding it harder to let him down gently.

“So? What do you say?” He asked nervously.

“Uh, about?” (Y/N) furrowed her brows.

“A date? With me?” Sean ran his hand through his hair nervously. This was not turning out how he imagined. For one, Erik wasn’t there glaring at him when he imagined asking (Y/N) on a date.

“I…” (Y/N) glanced from Erik’s stone expression and back to Sean’s nervous smile, “I uh, I have plans, I’m sorry Sean.” (Y/N) lied, “Erik promised to help me with uh, a thing,” She winced internally at her crappy excuse.

Erik smirked, happy to hear her turn Sean down. Sure, Sean wasn’t a bad guy, but he’d be damned if he started dating (Y/N). She was too good for him, She was too good for anyone.

“Oh, uh, okay, no worries,” Sean looked back at Erik one last time before leaving the two mutants alone.

“So I’m helping you with a thing?” Erik asked smugly.

“Oh shut up, I panicked, okay?” (Y/N) bumped her shoulder against his side, “He’s a nice guy, but I only think of him as a friend.”

“Ouch, even that hurts me,” he laughed despite his words.

“Hmm, so what brings you by?” (Y/N) wondered.

“What do you mean?” Erik avoided her gaze.

“I think you know,” She raised her brow, she was tempted to ‘persuade’ him to tell her the truth, but Charles made a rule not to use their powers against anyone’s will unless absolutely necessary.

“Nothing, I just saw you over here and thought I’d say hello,” He shrugged.

“Okay… now that you’ve said hello, what now?” (Y/N) leaned against the wall beside her.

“Maybe we could do a thing?” Erik smiled.

“Haha, very funny,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes. She may have liked Erik but she didn’t appreciate being teased.

“I’m serious,” Erik lifted her chin so their eyes could meet, “Let’s do something together.”

(Y/N) stared into his eyes, looking for any hints of insincerity, “Like what?”

Erik shrugged, “anything you’d like.”

“As friends?”

“Well I- I was hoping maybe as more than friends?” Erik cleared his throat. He hasn’t felt this nervous in… ever. He has never felt nervous like this before.

“Okay,” (Y/N) grinned, “But don’t tell Sean just yet.”

Erik’s eyes narrowed, “Why not?”

“I just turned him down, I don’t think he’d be too pleased to hear that I’ve agreed to go out with you,” (Y/N) tucked a strand of her (H/C) behind her ear.

“So?” Erik couldn’t help but scoff.

(Y/N) tilted her head, looking at him quizically. “You were jealous,” She laughed.

“What? No, I wasn’t! I was the opposite of jealous. Why would I be-” Erik looked at the amusement clearly written in her eyes, “Don’t tell anyone.” He begged.

“Only if you don’t say anything to Sean, at least not yet.” (Y/N) bribed.

Erik sighed heavily, “Fine.”

“Awe, such a romantic,” (Y/N) laughed. She kissed Erik’s cheek softly, “Now about that thing we’ll be doing?”

Erik’s heart fluttered in his chest. This was all new to him, but as long as (Y/N) was by his side, he would do whatever he could to keep her happy. It was also nice knowing no other guy would be able to take her out on a date now that she agreed to be with him.

#sabrina writes #erik lehnsherr #erik lehnsherr imagine #erik lehnsherr x y/n #erik lehnsherr x reader #fem reader #jealousy #mutant reader #ask

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karezzasstuff · 4 years ago

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From the project of interviewing Stanley S. Bass about his experiences with Karezza techniques, The Life Science Publishing created the 2008 book Energy-Karezza. Here Dr. Bass tells the story of how, in his 30’s, he was on his way to become a celibate yogi through Brahmacharya, when he learned about reaching the same spiritual goal via Karezza & Tantra. He decided to try Karezza instead.

Even though his personal goal was spiritual, Dr. Bass soon discovered that women loved Karezza, and couldn’t get enough. When he started teaching the improved Energy-Karezza method to couples with marital problems, the results were astounding. Usually, within weeks, the couple had fallen in love again. Problematic marriages healed, becoming more and more harmonious and stronger with time.

Over time, over 50+ years, he not only gained experience concerning every aspect of Karezza/Tantra, but also – thanks to his energy-understanding, being an orthopathic doctor – developed an improved, more powerful & easy-to-learn, version. Traditional “Karezza/Tantra” can be difficult for men, but “Energy-Karezza/Tantra” is easy, and also gives more pleasure & prolongation..

INTRODUCING OTHERS TO KAREZZA

youtube

Karezza is about one thing, the man has to control himself. It is so easy. I got so good at this control that I soon was able to go almost a whole year with no accidents. With very heavy sex - three times a week, four hours each session. It didn't take long to get to a high level of proficiency.

In a few months I was very good at it already.

It is very simple, it is natural. It is not difficult. Prove it for yourself, don't take my word for it. Try it out. The first time I heard about it, it was strange to me, so I tried it. It didn't take me long to get good at it. It was easier than I thought. In fact, I taught Karezza to a lot of friends, and everyone had success.

If one of them asked me, "how do I know if it will work?", I gave him a simple method of trying it. I usually said, "why don't you first try:

1. Don't have an orgasm quickly, but wait until the woman is finished, until she has had her enjoyment. Practice holding back for half an hour, for an hour, for several hours, if you can.

2. Then you'll see that your own orgasms are better; they are more enjoyable.

3. Also try having an orgasm only every other time you have sex.

Skipping one time. Every other time, try without orgasm. See how you feel."

With my sex students, those were my instructions, to begin with. These instructions summarize basic traditional Karezza. But these simple instructions could still be difficult for some men. They lost control (ejaculated) early, and were never able to do Karezza for a full hour.

Therefore, to make it easier, I gave my students some Energy-Karezza secrets. I asked them to improve their diet, and to avoid alcohol and all drugs. I told them not to eat before sex, because a man can not control himself after he has eaten. Why? Because then too much blood goes to the stomach.

Also, I gave very detailed instructions on the best movements in sex. I told them to move slowly, and explained how to move, so they wouldn't get too excited, e.g. sideways, in semicircles, avoiding the in-out moves.

For the premature ejaculators, I told them to give up salt, and to not use anything spicy hot, avoid hot peppers, stay away from spices, because this throws them out of control. And then I told them to use certain motions, slow motions, that makes it easy to control oneself. That's all.

Then the women will get the pleasure, because the men are controlling themselves.

For some men the pleasure was so overwhelming that they were still unable to control themselves very long, more than perhaps 45 minutes, even if their diet was good and they had high vitality. In these cases I think the solution is just doing it over and over. Sometimes men, just like women, may need saturation with lots of high-pleasure peak orgasms, before they can start with serious self-control and higher-pleasure valley orgasms. It may take months, but in the end they will get there.

I myself was never overly concerned with the clitoris or the G-spot, because the Karezza was so enjoyable and I was so good at it that a woman couldn't hold out long. If they wanted to have an orgasm, they could have it quick. Women enjoyed it.

The women were very happy. After beginning Karezza, it became unnecessary to calculate all this stuff. I never had to actually figure it out.

All I did was to function naturally, the way I felt like, without thinking about it. And it was right, for every woman. If one gets too mechanical about it, one becomes a dud. Then it is not real. Real sex has nothing to do with the brain, it has to do with feelings, true feelings and movement.

That's all. The brain is not needed.

From page 45 the Technique to Paradise.

🍎🐍🏖️

YAB YUM

What are you experiencing?

~ by yab yum

Be patient. At first you can't experience the orgasmic part of this process. Some get it on their first try and for some it can take years. Keep practicing with the exercise your teacher gives you. Even if you don't experience the orgasm, just the breath and energy circling alone is of great value. It will clear blocks so that eventually the orgasm can pass through you. Blocks can be experienced in many ways – crying, gagging, getting frustrated, resurfacing old memories. Just keep breathing. Visualize letting go of the "old" on the exhale, ringing out the "new" on the inhale. Energy levels will most likely rise and fall, like mercury in a thermometer. Tell your partner where it slipped. Your partner will encourage you to tap into your sexual center when energy is slipping. One of the main keys to learning this technique is KNOWING that it is possible.

(When asked if she had an orgasm, Sara responded 🙂

It was uninterrupted, uninterrupted… This was definitely something else, which I have never experienced so fully.

(Sara was then asked if there were any psychological changes.)

Oh yes, sure. From the point of view of spiritual practice it is always full of insight, a kind of insight that comes after, about how I am in ecstasy in my usual state, because it is obvious that the ecstasy is inherent in the body (level), of my being… and also of course this would affect my meditation. I am much more relaxed and receptive physically, emotionally and psychologically when I sit down to meditate…. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but meditation becomes very sexual, very physical, playing with all these hormones. Very often in my meditation there is a stage like deepening where it goes through something like lovemaking in a hormonal sense. I feel the heat and change of energy and so forth, and then it just cools down. That is when deep meditation begins.

It is absolutely blissful in ecstasy because the bliss is something I feel in the body. The ecstasy is something where the body is no longer. Energy goes up. His community. It is love. The transcendent, the energy feeling, transcends even the light that I'm talking about in meditation, and just went into the light.

One tree merges with another tree, the earth merges with the trees, the trees merge with the sky, the sky merges with the unknown...you merge with me, I merge with you...everything merges...differences lost, melting and merging as waves into other waves…an enormous unity vibrating, alive, without limits, without definitions, without distinction…the sage melting into the sinner, the sinner flowing together in the sage…becoming good becoming bad, becoming bad…the night turning into the day, day turning into night… life melts into death, death plunges into life again – then everything has become one.

This has changed my experience with sexuality forever… It has blown up things like this what you have about sex, the good feeling you get from sexual experience or trying to get. It broke that because it was so obviously about submission. It wasn't about me trying to do something. It was about not doing something, but rather receiving or allowing it, rather than doing and creating and making.

This is the most profound healing practice I have ever encountered. It has awakened me to realize that my body is often shut off from the bliss and ecstasy it might be experiencing. Through this practice I have come to learn that emotional pain occurs when orgasmic energy does not flow freely through my body and that there is an infinite flow of orgasmic energy available to me. It has taken me years to gradually release the tension and pain in my body and I still have areas of tension to unblock. The sensations can be different each time depending on my condition, sometimes there is a pulsating vibration and sometimes it feels like some kind of electrical current circulating through my genitals throughout my body. There may be tears of joy. My mind can be perfectly clear and it can seem like everything I feared has been resolved. When a certain area of tension is unblocked and the orgasmic energy circulates, there is always an amazing sense of oneness with the life being awakened.

Mel 40 Auckland

My teacher knew how to touch – and where to make contact – He knew places to touch that I didn't know about – and soon I was on my way to another place in another universe. I was in a trance of breathing and sweat and pleasure that so long and so dead do had gone – that I traveled through light and sound. I never knew that such an experience could be had without actually making love. When I finally climaxed and climaxed and climaxed, I couldn't believe I was having a sexual climax in the presence of someone other than my husband. I felt both excitement and a little embarrassment. Looking back at this moment, I would never have thought that having an orgasm for another man would actually be the "beginning" of this whole journey in Tantra

Emma S 35

Auckland

And this is the joy of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm, because you disappear for a moment. That moment is very small, but its impact is immense. For a moment you are no longer the ego, you do not think in terms of 'I', for a moment you dissolve into the oneness of the all, you become one with the whole, you pulsate with the whole. You are no longer an individual… you are no longer limited to your body. You have no limitations, for a moment you are unlimited, infinite.

That is the meaning of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm – that your frozen energy melts, becoming one with this universe, with the trees and the stars, and the woman and the man, and the rocks – for a single moment, of course. But in THAT moment you have a kind of consciousness that is religious, that is sacred, that is one with all things. – OSHO

Unbelievable! Some are very strong and some are wonderfully subtle. In general, the more time you spend building up the energy, the more powerful the sensations. You experience “electricity” throughout your body, hands, feet and lips tingle, and there is a sense of letting go and receiving at the same time. You will feel high, euphoric and light-headed. It feels very different from a clitoral orgasm (but it can happen at the same time as a clitoral orgasm). You see a seed sprout, flowers appear on a tree somewhere, the birds are singing – the whole phenomenon is sexual. It is life manifesting in many ways. When the bird sings, it is a sexual call, an invitation. When the flower attracts butterflies and bees, it is an invitation, because the bees and butterflies bear the seeds of reproduction. Everything seems to be divided into these two polarities. And life is a rhythm between these two opposites. Repulsion and attraction, coming closer and getting far… these are the rhythms.

#awakening #tantra #unconditionallove #karezza #nirvana #moksha #yabyum #freedom #liberty #hypocrisy #john lennon #the beatles #Youtube

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poohkeepsee · 3 years ago

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I was going through my AO3 bookmarks, and I wanted to organize them a little bit. These are my Dean/Cas canon-ish fic recs.

season 5

canticles by 2street2car Words: 10,311 Chapters: 1

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

FTBYAM MY BELOVED

post season 6

Someone Who's Feeling For Me by ellispark Words: 45,876 Chapters: 1

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

post bunker

Sun Can't Set Until Nine by LeverDrift Words: 67,939 Chapters: 16

Cas moves into the bunker as his powers start to fail. Dean doesn’t know if the arrangement is as permanent as he wants it to be. He's also not sure why he keeps dreaming about his friend. All he knows is that he wants Cas to stay. Overall warnings: canon-typical miscommunication & Dean having self-hatred issues.

Life Skills by ilovehowyouletmefall Words: 26,052 Chapters: 3

After Metatron steals Castiel's grace, and Cas comes to live in the bunker, Dean spends a lot of time with him, sharing all of his favourite things. Dean can't help it if sharing things with Cas just makes everything better. Besides, it's Dean's job as Cas' friend to introduce him to the joys of human life. To teach him how to be human. And if one of the experiences they end up sharing is sex with women, well... that's just part of Dean's job as Cas' friend too, right? The desire is triangulated, the rituals are intricate.

Sam Stole My Boyfriend by sobsicles Words: 8,445 Chapters: 1

“Dude, you’ve been staring at me a lot lately, like even enough that Sam noticed. More than usual. So, like, what’s up?” Dean pauses, purses his lips and reconsiders. “What did I do?”

Cas knows that would be a perfect time to confess to Dean what exactly happened and what he was thinking. Maybe, Dean had some insight into the situation or even some kind of comfort to offer. But, the longer that he sat there, he realized that he could not tell Dean absolutely anything. So instead, for the first time, Cas fumbled.

“Um,” Cas mutters and abruptly stands. “Freckles?”

Dean blinked up at him as Cas pivoted and left the room. There was only one remaining option he had and unfortunately, it involved Sam.

Aching in the Absence of You by sobsicles Words: 95,090 Chapters: 10

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back.

He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales.

"Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time.

By nightfall, Cas is gone.

'Communication' by JustAnotherSamlicker Words: 11,656

The same story told from two perspectives.

Dean bought a house and he and Cas fix it up.

Is Dean moving out? Is Cas moving in?

Should they just talk to each other already? (Yes they should)

Build a Home by domesticadventures Words: 20,102

After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them.

He doesn't

season 10

The Most Important Thing by NorthernSparrow Words: 94,462 Chapters: 14

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

season 12

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord Words: 42,922 Chapters: 7

Canon-divergent from 12.08

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

season 13

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) by sobsicles Words: 74,173 Chapters: 8

Dean keeps going back.

When he arrives, it's always to blooming flowers and a windmill in the background, not too far from a brook, the sun painting the plains.

He likes it there. He likes to stand in front of the makeshift urn and check that it's still where he put it, switching out the flowers when they wilt. He likes to listen to the sound of birds chirping, insects singing, the faint sound of water trickling in the distance. He likes to turn his face up and feel the sun on his skin, wondering if Cas would do the same if he were here, somehow knowing that he would.

He likes to talk.

There's never a response, but Dean feels the breeze rustle through his hair and watches the flowers bob when bees come to them and stares as the windmill keeps turning, turning, turning. And he imagines that Cas is replying—the windmill is the tilted head, the bobbing flowers are a gentle smile, the breeze is whatever words Dean wants to hear at the time.

Sometimes, it's almost like he's there.

Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim by Sickandtiredofyou Words: 14,910 Chapters: 6

Dean has far too much on his plate, losing his mom, his best friend and now being a single parent to a newborn nephilim.

In which Jack is an actual newborn instead of a teenager.

post season 13

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination) by sobsicles Words: 108,427 Chapters: 4

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.

Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want."

"What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before."

"Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out."

"Easier said than done."

Reasons to read this:

Dean reads a story that ends like despair and his reaction is FUCK THAT

Cas wears Dean's hoodie

Jack is a toddler

The Jack and Claire sibling energy we deserve

Eileen being awesome and pulling pranks with Dean while Sam thinks she's an angel

Sam knows

YOUR HONOR THEY'RE IN LOVE

First Date by aeli_kindara Words: 8,968 Chapters: 1

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

Also known as the Dean Winchester makes the first move fic.

season 14

Broken Road by thegeminisage Words: 109,629 Chapters: 7

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

post season 15

fools and pilgrims by lagaudiere Words: 31,904 Chapters: 2

Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage. Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.

Dean-Claire mirror fic post Despair

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles Words: 27,403

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

canon(?) au (Hunters and Men of Letters)

Dean Winchester's Secret (Angel) Boyfriend by reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent Words: 11,191 Chapters: 1

Dean Winchester isn't exactly a team player. So when he starts mentioning a new Hunting partner, Ellen and Jo Harvelle aren't sure whether they should be worried or relieved.

But they're starting to get the feeling there's something important Dean's not telling them about Cas...

Shot Through The Heart by peanutbutterjelly-pie (Aleakim) Words: 11,191 Chapters: 1

Dean is a hunter.

Castiel is a Man of Letters.

And even though they have to work together on a regular basis, there is not much sympathy between them. Castiel thinks Dean too brash and reckless while Dean in return sees nothing more in the other man than a rude asshole with an obsessive love for books and a truly terrible fashion sense.

But fate clearly has a funny way of throwing those two together over and over again.

And somewhere along the way feelings change into something neither of them would have expected.

#destiel #deancas #fic recs

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honkster · 4 years ago

Text

Why the Dream SMP’s way of storytelling is IMPOSSIBLE to recreate in any other medium.

This has been in the back of my mind for the longest time. I think I finally got it.

People have talked about this before, and they’ve put forward some good points, and good for them – most of them are correct. It’s the way the ccs interact with each other, it’s how plot is mixed in with banter, that’s all good! I wanna put more out there.

So you know how you open a book to read, you start a new show, you sit down to watch a movie – that’s all produced by some sort of company, someone who made it specifically for you to enjoy. You expect a certain dramatic flair to it, certain cinematic choices, certain ways of writing, certain camera angles, certain reactions to things. That’s just ingrained expectations of things now.

The DSMP? Doesn’t have that.

The low expectations work very much in its favor. It’s a Minecraft role-playing server with a bunch of famous youtubers/streamers, who are all good friends and have great dynamics with each other. So when you expect “just another Minecraft video” but in stream form, or you watch the videos because there are certain people in them, you don’t expect to be dropped into extreme lore and sensitive topics, realistic situations proposed in game form, a combination of serious stuff and just fun times with friends goofing around – and you’re pleasantly surprised.

We, the fandom, are used to it a bit more now. How excellently they manage to make a serious story in such a “ridiculous” medium, how much it affects us all and gets our creative juices flowing. But even the ccs can’t predict some of the things that happen. And that’s fun.

The whole election ending the way it has? That was on us. And it made some of the most angsty content there has been in the DSMP. People still theorize about the arc and make connections to now – that’s pog!

Fundy being adopted by Eret – that sparked the whole “Fundy just wants a dad – let’s get him some love” thing that made FundyWasTaken and other Fundy+someone ships happen. I see a different person paired with Fundy every week, and somehow, I agree with all of them. I really got into Fundy because of that stream where Eret “slept through the adoption” and Fundy confronted his real dad and spent time with his granddad. That little stream gave us more insight into Fundy’s whole character (Nevermind Fundy showing off his acting skills – you go you funky little fox), but also justifies some of his actions now. DryWaters? Wanting to kill Technoblade? Fucked up reasons, but we still love him.

Phil being broken out of house arrest ahead of time – still made a great stream and Phil agreeing with Techno’s want for revenge – that made us all very happy. The SBI!!! The AE! And that’s also a thing!

That even if we do know or have predicted what’s going to happen, begged it out of the ccs basically, it is still incredibly fun to watch. Where some books/shows/movies fall short and reveal too much and end up being “too predictable”, they’re not fun anymore. I read this somewhere before, that sometimes holding back EVERYTHING from the reader, and relying on shock value to make a good story is just bad. Whereas if you progress the story naturally and let the reader make some predictions of their own and then they end up being right – that’s a lot of serotonin right there. It’s the re-readability that makes it slightly better the second time.

The DSMP takes this concept and fucking yeets with it. Letting fans engage in the story, letting them theorize and then be right, even acknowledging the fanart that was made, just engaging with the community that their roleplay created – that makes it so much more fun. I bet that even if the whole script was revealed to the fandom we would still watch every plot stream. Even if we knew vaguely what happens in the stream, we would tune in and enjoy every second of it. Because the ccs are just that good, we love them that much, we love this plot that much.

Oh and the unpredictability helps too. Tommy in exile was the vague concept of a lot of the streams – it’s taken that and ran with it in a lot of different directions. All quite enjoyable.

Having said all of that… The fact that this type of telling a story is impossible to recreate in any other medium is… kinda saddening? It is incredibly unique, and I’d say has things that not a lot of the people that produce mainstream media would even consider. “Just friends hanging out” – how would that make the script progress? “Engagement with the fandom, even considering their wishes for the characters” – but we’re telling a story here!

The only thing I can think of that would come close to the vibe, would be just a bunch of writer friends coming together, thinking up a universe and general plot, and then each deciding to write a few of their own characters in that universe. When one author focuses on their main characters, the side ones can feel left in the dust, or not fleshed out. The DSMP is just “every character can write their own story”, which takes a lot of the strain from the “main writers”. But the general thing of “just friends hanging out” would be taken away from it. We’re being serious here, why would we change the tone so quick?

With all of that in mind… I kinda wanna make some predictions? And I don’t know if they’re correct, but it’s fun to theorize. See?

1. L’manburg will die.

And not just because Techno has 54 withers. The country is cursed – it definitely is. There is little sentimental value that can be felt for a few flimsy stilts built on top of a crater. It might go out in a blaze of glory, with the withers (Is history repeating itself an interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?), but it might just be forgotten. Yeah there have been some angsty headcanons about how “no one cares about L’manburg anymore, save for two people” and it just gets abandoned, but how about it just becoming irrelevant?

This all comes back to Dream, it always does! His want, need for the server to be “one happy family again”, it just means one thing. He wants the server to return to the peaceful anarchy that it was before L’manburg. No rulers, no factions, no nothing.

That’s never going to happen.

Try as he might, Dream cannot affect that change that L’manburg did to the server. The introduction of a faction, one that can exist without the interference of a higher power – why do you think so many factions have sprouted up since? And it’s not even serious factions a lot of the time, it’s just a few friends deciding to build their bases on a plot of land that they claim is a nation now. L’manburg has changed the mindset of these people, now an alliance with somebody is a political move. An alliance doesn’t exist if it doesn’t have a faction, and that faction can remain neutral for only so long.

Basically, L’manburg introduced the factions mod into the server.

And the fact that every faction now has enough relevance to hold weight in a war also means that every nation on the server is doomed to follow the downfall of L’manburg. Eventually, they will get into a fight they can’t win, go up against the wrong people, anger someone they shouldn’t have. All factions will either be destroyed, or lose relevance, until their creators, residents and such just… move on.

(And really you can go into meta and talk about real governments and compare them, but it’s far more simple than that. The server isn’t built for peace, it isn’t meant to be a relaxing place where you can just vibe, it may have been made for a few friends to play Minecraft together, but it has turned into An Author’s Curse. The curse that follows any kind of story being told – the fact that peace is boring. People watched the first streams of the DSMP because they liked the ccs, and that’s valid. But how many more people tuned in to watch the war streams because there was PLOT and there was CHAOS and there WASN’T CALM PEACE ANYMORE – that’s the curse of every writer. That you can write about someone just living their life drama-free, you can make interesting peace with characters or circumstances, but it’s always leading to one inevitable conclusion – war, drama, because people read that. And at this point, it’s just a predictable outcome. No matter how much you say that you are retired, that you’re done with violence (Technoblade), something will happen that will prove to you that you believed in people too much. No matter how “neutral” you may be in the matter, no matter how much you claim that you have no allegiance (Philza), you will be forced to pick one, because out of all the bad things, you pick the least worst one, the most appealing to you, the one that can benefit your want of revenge.

And I can go on, but this is far too deep for one simple reason – The Author’s Curse is so prevalent here because THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO STAKES. It’s a video game – you die? You respawn. Something gets destroyed? You can just rebuild. Sure, you’ll want to kill the person who did wrong to you, but whatever they did wrong can just be replaced, remade, recreated. So why not have wars? Why not cause massive amounts of destruction “for the plot”?

It’s literally a playground. How all authors have their little playground with their characters that they meticulously plan out, the DSMP is that playground for all of these people.

And it’s fun! Sure! I like it! I’m just really skeptical whenever someone in character says that they “just want peace”, “are retired”, “swear off violence”, “are building just a little city for themselves”. Because you can do that, nothing wrong. But eventually, no matter how much you distance yourself from all of the chaos happening, all of the wars, you will return.

Because it is just much more fun.

It’s the curse. A cursed cycle.

And everyone is in it.)

2. The prison.

I don’t have anything on the prison because I don’t have anything on the book. Yeah I’ve done a whole post where I overanalyze what it could be, but it doesn’t make it any clearer. Whatever it is, it’s made out to be a huge plot point, something that can only be revealed when the prison is finished.

Cursed. The prison’s reason for being constructed is the book, but the book is only relevant when the prison is finished. We can only wait, and theorize, as we do.

(My only theory is that the book is information about another op on the server. Or at least something related to op or creative mode. Dream only fears one thing on this server, and that’s Technoblade, so if his one fear is the most skilled player on the server, what else could give him existential fear?)

3. The SBI.

Again, I don’t have anything! Yeah the reunion seems to be going smoothly, one member at a time, but there is already conflict in their beliefs among each other. And all that’s happened is a vague “maybe one day we’ll strike”.

Is history repeating itself an interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?

Is L’manburg’s destruction AGAIN really necessary to hammer home the idea that no one likes that place anymore?

I don’t know. Whatever happens, no one’s in the right. No one’s in the wrong either. They’re all not good people and that’s that on that.

4. The Clingy Duo.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

That’s all.

(Okay seriously? All of these arcs are connected. You know what happens when everything seems to be connected to one another?

A giant, dramatic final showdown between the two opposing sides.

Cause it’s just Chaos vs L’manburg. Those are the sides. People that want L’manburg to exist and people that want it gone. There are no other sides, there isn’t someone who’s like “Well maybe it can exist if we do this and this” cause no one wants to put in anymore effort into this cursed country. The only people were the clingy duo and now they’re separated and everyone is just leaving and Tommy is on the Chaos side like at this point he doesn’t care about L’manburg he just cares about Tubbo but he has to convince Tubbo to leave L’manburg but will Tubbo be convinced but will Tommy even consider leaving L’manburg and breaking free from its curse AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Goddamit.)

5. The Egg?

Dunno shit about it. Like the prison – it seems important, but we’re just not being given enough information. Is it a coincidence that the moment Dream commissioned the prison the Egg popped up? Or are the two directly related?

I don’t know. But as long as someone is finding ways to fight the Egg, that’s fantastic. Bad juju indeed.

6. Oh the Butcher Army want to kill Dream!

Hah.

Okay I’ve seen people make the case that the Army is just a bunch of people with trauma repeating the cycle of ab*se that they went through and yes.

Just yes.

And the fact that no one is actually looking at it that way and no one is there to like.. help them or even help them understand that what they are doing is just irrational, even though their reason for doing it and the result they hope to achieve is YES and the only thing that a lot of the people of the server who want peace should try to go for as well, they cannot stand up to Dream on their own. They just can’t, they will get punted into exile. They need allies, and they need powerful ones, people that have also been wronged by Dream and want him gone.

But the cycle continues, and no one knows where it ends.

(Okay but from a writing perspective? Getting rid of Dream is the end goal. It is the be all end all of all conflict, well… most of it, at least most that’s related to the supposed “good side”, or “the side that’s been most victimized”. But from the same perspective, that side is just… no longer. It has proven that is just as bad, if not worse than the final boss. I have to agree that Techno has to pay for his crimes, even though I like him a lot, but Techno did in fact cause insane damage. Yeah L’manburg rebuilt, yeah Wilbur probably caused more – still he isn’t completely free.

But that’s a discussion on morality more than laws.

L’manburg is doomed to die. Dream is doomed to be fought, and probably won against (simply because he has won far too many times already, you know how everyone seems to hate OP characters…). But the Butcher Army is doomed to fail against Dream. So how does that work?

Welp.

Is history repeating itself and interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?

The answer is no.

I’ve repeated that question three times now, and the answer to it is no. No it is not. L’manburg can be destroyed again, and it can be rebuilt again, but the sentimentality that people feel for it will not remain. The cycle of history ends somewhere, and it’s not too far a fetch that it ends here.

So what happens when Technoblade, Philza and Tommy roll up to L’manburg with withers and a destruction wish, only to be met with a bunch of traumatized children with axes and a death wish?

Well, I’ll spare the details, but from a purely writing standpoint…

The two sides team up.

Think about it – The Butcher Army doesn’t care about Technoblade anymore. They’ve seen that Dream is the one pulling the strings, they know that even if they do care about trying to eliminate Technoblade again, they have to get rid of his strongest ally – Dream. But through their anger, they’ve lost their fear. You should fear Dream, he’s a fuckin op. Techno is correct in not wanting to go against him.

But after Tommy? After seeing the Butcher Army at their lowest, screeching about Dream being the villain?

Will Techno finally go past his thinking of “government is evil, always government is source of problem” and realize that Dream has the most evil government in mind for his rule?

I’m still kinda sad that Techno isn’t making the conclusions he should about Dream. But he’s starting to – and really, the SBI-Butcher Army team up is the most logical thing that could happen.

Watch me be completely wrong or miss something and I’ve got ALL of it wrong. I would love that.)

(Also it’s very funny to me that Dream is literally simping for Techno while he’s just here like “Listen bud I would stab you on sight if you didn’t have creative mode”. Dream KNOWS that Techno can and will kill him given the opportunity. Techno knows that that opportunity may never arise.

It’s a weird type of stalemate, to be sure. But goddamn is it interesting.)

Anyway... if you read through all of this... I could bake you a cookie? Thank you! I like to ramble.

#dream smp #gooood its just a block game #ITS JUST A BLOCK GAME #...dammit #anyway #debate me #on everything please

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supernaturalfreewill · 4 years ago

Photo

Words: 5,103 Gabriel x Reader Warnings: none! A/N: This is part of a series! Read Part 1 first!

Your name: submit What is this?

The first door standing open down the long hallway was obviously your bedroom, and Gabriel wasn’t shy about stepping inside. At first, he simply stood in the center and glanced around eagerly, bouncing a little on his feet as he surveyed the space.

Cas followed him in much more tentatively, but curious as to what his purpose was.

“This is it, huh?” He strolled over to the small desk in one corner and picked up an open notebook and some loose papers, studying them closely. Apparently, nothing there really held his interest because he abandoned them quickly and started sliding open desk drawers.

“This is—I think this is what humans would call an ‘invasion of privacy,’” Cas said.

“Gabriel, I really don’t think you should—” Cas tried to argue, but the archangel simply shushed him and opened the cover. He ran his fingers over your handwriting—the impressions were deep on the page and he liked the slanting, hurried cursive. “Ghouls in Minnesota, Vampire in New York, Werewolf in Arkansas… This is nothing but hunting notes,” he said with disappointment, flipping through the pages.

“What did you expect?” Cas asked him.

“Something with a little more insight into who Y/N is, perhaps,” Gabriel said, shutting and typing the journal closed again and replacing it in the false bottom of your drawer, kicking it closed with his boot. “Hopes, dreams, roots, deepest secrets… that sort of thing,” he said.

Cas’s brow drew down low over his eyes again. “Knowing Y/N, I seriously doubt you will find any of that in writing in here…”

“Well, that’s just wishful thinking. Best case scenario. I will just have to get creative,” he said. Gabriel spun and looked at the small bedside table. There was a novel sitting on it and he grabbed it, opening it to the bookmark. “Y/N is an avid reader, hmm?” he said, more to himself than to Cas. “This is an ambitious read.” He studied the bookmark which was a folded piece of paper. When he opened it, it was a printed photo of you, Sam and Dean, and Cas. Sam had his arm draped over your shoulders and all of you were smiling for once. Gabriel stared at it for a long moment and Cas watched his expression soften into a thoughtful, faraway look. Finally, he folded it up again gently and replaced it in the novel, leaving it on your side table just the way he had found it.

Next, Gabriel went over to the dresser and glanced at Cas with a smirk on his face. “You know, it’s strange but most humans keep their delicate underthings in the exact same place—top drawer—” he said, grasping the handle.

Cas slammed his hand into the drawer keeping it closed and Gabriel looked at him in surprise. “I really think you’ve done enough spying.” Cas’s voice and expression were stern now, but it only elicited a mischievous glint in Gabriel’s golden eyes.

“Spying? I’m just trying to get to know this Y/N better,” Gabriel argued, doing his best to sound innocent. “I mean, so far all I know is she’s related to the two meatheads and hangs around with you. And, though it may be a surprise to you, that doesn’t actually tell me anything I’d like to know.”

“If you want to get to know her, why don’t you just go visit her now? Or wait and meet her when she’s back.”

Gabriel gave Cas a skeptical look. “Oh, yes. I’m sure Sam and Dean will have no problem with me sniffing around their Baby Sister. They’re not known to be particularly suspicious or protective.” His tone was dripping with sarcasm. “Especially after all those Dead Dean Days…”

Cas grimaced a little at the thought. “Well… you also saved them by facing Lucifer. They will not have forgotten that. You redeemed yourself, at least in part,” Cas said, tilting his head in his familiar habit.

The archangel looked surprisingly uncomfortable with Cas’s sincerity. “Fine. Enough snooping. Come on, brother,” he said, laying a heavy hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Let’s grab a drink and you can tell me all about losing your grace and what mortality feels like.”

Cas frowned, but he didn’t object. He was glad just to get Gabriel out of your room…

_ _ _ _ _ _

Several weeks later

You leaned your head back on the pillows and let out a frustrated groan. “UGH! Where is this doctor?!” you demanded.

Sam gave you a look. “I’m sure he’s on his way,” he said gently, trying to placate you.

You threw off your blankets and climbed out of the hospital bed onto your feet, moving a little hunched over as you rolled your IV stand with you.

“Whoa, whoa! Hey!” Dean jumped up and stopped you. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I can’t stay in that bed another minute or I’m gonna lose it!”

“We’re not even sure if you’re going to get released today, so you might as well get used to the idea that you may have to stay in that bed for a couple more days,” he retorted. “So, get back in bed!”

You vehemently pointed a finger in his face. “HEY. You’re not my doctor! You don’t get to boss me around!”

Dean drew himself up to his full height and gave you a severe look.

You didn’t waver. “I’m not scared of you!”

This drew a laugh from Sam and when you glanced over he was shaking his head. “Y/N, please just at least sit down. I’m sure the doctor—”

“—is in!” As if on cue your doctor strolled through the door, you chart in his hand. He gave you a big smile. “Alright, Y/N. Hop back up on the bed again, would you? Let’s see how you’re doing.”

He hadn’t even examined your incision yet and the words were spilling out of you. “Can I go home today?” you asked urgently.

This elicited a laugh from him and he gave you an appraising look. “As soon as I know, you’ll know,” he said diplomatically.

You tried to be a good patient and sit perfectly still as he checked your incision but you couldn’t help fidgeting and chewing your bottom lip. The doctor straightened back up and crossed his arms. “Well, no sign of infection. Incision seems to be healing nicely, so—” “YES!” you exclaimed.

“SO,” he continued through a smile, “I’m going to release you but with very strict instructions. I need you to really hear me right now, Y/N. Okay?”

You nodded eagerly. “Yes. I’m listening.”

“NO lifting anything heavier than a few pounds—you know what, no lifting anything, okay? Absolutes seem safer with you. And you are NOT to be doing anything physical for 3 more weeks, at which time you can start with some easy physical activity. Long walks, some stretching, that kind of stuff. And you will need to get another post-op check-up around then too.”

You nodded. “Okay. I got it.”

“Now, your brothers here ARE now in charge since I can’t be there to keep you in line,” he said, a knowing smile on his face. He must have overheard you and Dean from the hallway.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you argued.

“I’m not kidding. You need to let them take care of you. And you two,” he said, pointing at Sam and Dean in turn, “need to make sure she rests.”

A gruff laugh escaped Dean. “Easier said than done.”

“I know,” the doctor said. “I’ve been dealing with her for only about a month. You two have been dealing with her for a lifetime,” he joked, shooting you a glance.

“I’m right here, you know!” you burst out. “I can hear everything you’re saying!”

The doctor laughed and held out a hand to you. “Y/N, it’s been a pleasure to watch you recover. Now be well, and rest.”

This time you didn’t have anything snarky to say and just grasped his hand in yours and shook it. “Thank you. For… not letting me die and stuff.”

He laughed and shook his head. “You’re welcome. Gentleman,” he turned to Sam and Dean who both shook his hand and thanked him repeatedly. “The nurse will be in shortly to take care of that IV and check you out. Take care.”

You watched him go with a triumphant smile on your face. Sam and Dean both looked a little anxious, however. “Oh, come on, guys! He said I’m fine. We can go home!”

“You heard the doctor though. Seriously, Y/N. You’re on house arrest,” Dean said forcefully.

“Whatever. I don’t even care. Just get me out of here,” you said climbing down to your feet again. Soon a nurse came in and removed your IV. You kicked Sam and Dean out of the room so you could change out of your hospital gown for the first time in what felt like years. Another few minutes and you were stepping into the hallway, a huge grin on your face.

Sam shouldered your bag and gave you an appraising look. “You alright?” You were still a little hunched over. Straightening up completely still made you sore.

“I’m great,” you said. “Look! I’m wearing actual clothes!” You glanced down at the sweatpants and t-shirt you had pulled on. “Sort of.”

Dean couldn’t help smiling at you fondly while shaking his head. “You sure you don’t want me to go grab a wheelchair? It’s a bit of a walk.”

You scowled at him.

“I’m being serious, Y/N,” Dean said, the gravel in his voice deepening. “You’ve only done short walks around the floor.”

“There is no way in hell you’re getting me in a wheelchair.”

You managed to make it out to the Impala, though Dean had insisted on driving right up to the exit to pick you up. You slid into the back seat and sighed. “Oh, I missed you, Baby,” you said out loud, sinking in to the familiar seat and breathing in that particular smell that always made you remember road trips and hunts and late-night cheeseburgers.

Dean smiled at you in the rearview mirror. He lowered his voice and turned to Sam. “You talk to Cas?” he asked in an undertone.

“No. It still just keeps going straight to voicemail,” Sam said. “But he texted me again… to explain the origins of pineapple,” Sam said, a tight smile on his face. “It took like 30 texts.”

“What the hell is going on with him? He’s been weirder than usual.”

“Well, he has been trapped at the bunker alone for kind of a long time…” Sam said.

“He could have talked with us if he would ever answer his goddamn phone,” Dean countered, turning onto the highway. “Maybe he’s finally cracked.”

“Who?” you asked, leaning forward and resting your hands on the back of the front seat.

“Nobody,” Dean said. You scoffed.

“That’s convincing…” you said under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

“Why don’t you just focus on getting all healed up and let Sammy and me worry about everything else, alright?”

“You know, it’s weird, but my cells do that part pretty much on their own. It doesn’t require much conscious thought on my part. So, if someone has cracked—”

“Nobody’s cracked,” Dean said gruffly, hands steady on the wheel.

“You just said—"

“I just said nothing for you to worry about,” Dean said finally.

You let out a frustrated growl and changed tactics. “Fine. I’ll change the subject,” you said smugly.

“Thank you…”

“Any news on Gabriel?” you asked loudly, sinking back into your seat comfortably.

There was a long, silent pause from the front seat and you could see that Dean’s grip on the steering wheel had tightened.

Sam turned partially around, one arm on the seat back and looked at you. “You know there isn’t.” “No, I don’t know that. You two are obviously keeping something from me, so I think it is fair to assume you’re keeping other stuff from me too.”

“We really don’t know anything about Gabriel,” Sam said, sincerity written all over his face.

You chewed your bottom lip anxiously. Sam took in your expression. “Have you—seen him again?” he asked.

“No. No, nothing like that but since that happened, I just have this feeling—he said we would be seeing each other again and it’s like, in my core, I know that’s true.” You looked up and caught Sam’s eyes, they were steady on your face and narrowed slightly in concern. “I know that doesn’t make any sense and I know you and Dean said he’s gone but it’s such a strong feeling. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“I believe you,” Sam said. “For now, I guess we just have to wait…”

Many hours later, Dean finally pulled the Impala into the underground garage at the bunker and opened the door for you. Inside, an archangel and a graceless angel perked up as they heard noise in the garage. Cas shot upright and glanced over at Gabriel, who only smiled serenely back at him.

“Showtime!”

Cas gave him an apprehensive look and started off in the direction of the garage immediately. Gabriel followed, but at a leisurely pace, seemingly completely unconcerned.

But Cas didn’t know that this was mostly an act. There was a strange sensation in Gabriel’s chest and it was growing the closer he came to the moment when he would see you—meet you—for real this time, not in some mind dreamscape. He couldn’t even explain to himself why but he felt that this moment was going to change everything for him in some way—he knew no reason why that would be true. He had been fascinated with you since he first became aware again and had been thrust into some role connected with you… but he had this feeling, like a heavy block of cement in the middle of his chest sitting on top of his heart which was maddening in its oddity. It was like expectation and something more had solidified and despite all his trying he couldn’t shift it.

Dean pushed through the door into the bunker trailed closely by you, and then Sam hauling your bag and his own. “Cas?!” Dean roared. “Are you alive in here?”

Cas came hurrying around a corner in the hallway and his expression stopped all of you dead in your tracks. His blue eyes were wide and his face was quite pale, further making the shocking blue stand out.

“…what’s going on?” Dean asked. He was immediately reaching for his pistol.

“Don’t panic, but there’s someone here—”

“How is that supposed to make me not panic?!”

“Cas, do I need to get Y/N out of here?” Sam demanded over your shoulder, already trying to move around you to shield you protectively.

You were surprisingly quiet and Dean looked over his shoulder at you. Your heart was pounding in your chest. “Cas, who is it?” you asked quietly.

He only swallowed at the tightness in his throat and opened his mouth to offer some kind of explanation, but no sound came out. You felt like you didn’t really need him to answer anyway. You already knew.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

A second figure now came around the corner and Dean dropped his duffel bag where he stood, his fists clenched.

“Welcome home, Winchester Clan!” Gabriel said cheerfully, his arms spread wide.

There was just a stretch of tense silence between all of you which the archangel finally broke again. “Dean, if you wouldn’t mind just stepping a liiiittle bit to your right so I can—”

“What the hell are you doing here? How are you here?!” Dean demanded, his jaw tensing.

“That’s how you want to start this?” Gabriel asked, a grimace on his face. “Come on, Dean. I’m here to help. I’m not here to kill you over and over again. Not this time. I promise. Scout’s honor.” He made a small cross over his heart with one finger. Gabriel tilted his head, trying to look around Dean to get a better view of you, but it wasn’t necessary because the next moment you stepped around him slowly.

He couldn’t help the small smile that grew on his face. You found the golden light in his eyes staggering, just as you remembered it from your vision.

“…you,” was all you could get out. Sam and Dean exchanged a tense glance.

He bounced a little on the balls of his feet and slipped his hands into his pockets, actually the result of nerves, but he was hoping it just made him look nonchalant and nonplussed. “Me.”

“You’re—but you’re… What are you doing here?” you asked quietly.

“I told you we’d be seeing each other again, didn’t I? You didn’t believe me?” he asked, cocking one eyebrow at you. You didn’t answer, just peered at him intensely.

He inclined his chin a little as he studied you. “Here—” he said. He moved around Cas and started toward you but was immediately met with loud yells and threats from the Sam and Dean causing him to stop abruptly and raise his hands, palms out. “Guys, guys, guys! Would you two just chill? Really! After all we’ve been through… I’d like to heal what’s left of that nasty gunshot wound if Y/N will let me. Or are you opposed to that? Because she’s in a lot more pain than she’s letting on. I’m guessing she’s hiding it so you two won’t go all crazy protective over her for the rest of her life.”

“No, I’m not!” you argued. Gabriel gave you a skeptical look.

“I can feel it,” he said. When he spoke those words there was something almost desperate in them. “Let me heal you. Please.”

You swallowed hard at the nervous lump in your throat and stepped around Dean again, giving him a small glance. “It’s okay,” you said.

Gabriel stopped right in front of you and gently touched two fingers to your forehead.

You straightened up immediately and breathed in a deep breath, completely filling your lungs, something you hadn’t been able to do without pangs of pain since you’d been shot. Your shoulders relaxed and you gave him a grateful but perplexed look. “Thanks.”

“Welcome home,” he said again, but this time it was quiet, like it was only for your ears. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over the fingertips that had just touched your skin. They felt strange, almost like the sensation when your foot falls asleep.

Dean suddenly interrupted the moment by pushing past Gabriel and heading toward the front of the bunker at high speed. Cas turned and jogged to catch up with him, wilting a little under the scowl Dean sent his way.

“Cas, you couldn’t have given us a heads up?” Dean asked angrily.

“You don’t think I tried? He broke every single phone I had and all the new ones I managed to get a hold of. And it’s not exactly like I could just fly over, is it?” he finished bitterly.

Sam stopped next to the two of them and dropped his duffel bag. “So… all those weird texts weren’t from you,” he said with sudden understanding.

Cas looked confused. “What? Weird texts? No. What weird texts?”

The Winchesters and Cas suddenly heard laughter behind them and turned to see Gabriel standing in the doorway with a satisfied smirk. Their expressions were stern.

“Oh, come on! That series of texts about the fuzzy toilet seat lid covers? The ‘bedtime thoughts’ texts? Pure genius on my part. You have to see the humor in this!” Gabriel simply watched as the muscles in their jaws twitched.

Dean rubbed a hand over the stubble on his chin. “Goddammit. What the hell is going on?” He turned and looked to Sam who was still just staring in Gabriel’s direction with somewhat wide eyes.

“It’s really not that complicated, Dean. I was sent back to watch out for Y/N. And that’s really all I know.”

This caused deep wrinkles in both Sam and Dean’s foreheads. “Okay, first of all, your definition of ‘not complicated’ could use some adjustment. I would say a DEAD archangel coming back to life is pretty complicated. Second, why does she need anyone more than us watching out for her?” Dean growled.

“Well, seeing as she was just shot and almost died I don’t think I need to really answer that question,” Gabriel snarked back.

Dean’s jaw and fists tensed and Cas stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from attempting to throttle the archangel. Gabriel only smiled serenely.

“That wasn’t their fault,” you argued, having just appeared behind Gabriel in the doorway, feeling sick again because you knew your brothers were already blaming themselves. “It could have been any one of us.”

“But it wasn’t,” Gabriel pointed out.

You looked suddenly weary. “I don’t know why we’re still talking about this at all. I’m completely fine. Better than fine now that I’m magically healed me up. I feel like there are more important things we should be discussing.”

Gabriel raised a finger, like he had a sudden idea. “You’re right. Chiefly, I need to know everything about you. Your likes, your dislikes, formative childhood experiences, deepest darkest secrets—”

You crossed your arms over your chest and were about to snark something back at the archangel but Dean beat you to it. “Alright. That’s enough!” he growled. “You were supposedly sent here to protect her, not be a total creep. You’ve just met her and you’re already trying to invade her privacy,” he said gruffly, his green eyes piercing on the angel’s face.

“Well, technically I think he already—” Cas tried to stop himself but it was too late and your eyes snapped over to Gabriel as he winced and anxiously ran a hand through his hair. Your mouth was hanging partially open and your expression was incredulous.

“What the hell did you do?” you demanded. When he didn’t answer and only shrugged vaguely, the corners of his mouth pulling down in a frown, you turned to Cas again who was doing his best to look anywhere but in your direction. “Cas… Cas! Look at me!”

Gabriel spun and locked his eyes on Cas as well. “Brother, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll be quiet…” he said through his teeth, keeping a forced smile fixed on his face.

“We all know you aren’t good at lying, Cas. Even a lie of omission. Are you really going to lie to me? After everything I’ve just been through?” You purposely tugged on his heartstrings and walked toward him so he had no choice but to glance at you as you moved closer. “Cas, I almost died. And you’re not going to tell me what this archangel who is supposedly here to watch out for me was up to?”

Gabriel shot you a look that was both a little stunned and impressed. “That’s low,” he said. You raised your eyebrows at him and then turned back to Cas again.

You could see the internal turmoil crescendoing until it finally burst out of him. “He went through some of your things in your room. I tried to stop him but—”

“Dude!” Sam exclaimed, his jaw clenching with anger. Dean shut his eyes against the rising tide of rage and his fists tightened. `

Your jaw dropped open again and you turned back to Gabriel and away from a very conflicted-looking Castiel. “What the hell!?” you demanded angrily. “Haven’t you heard of privacy? What exactly gave you the right to go through my room?”

He looked a tinge guilty for a moment before rearranging his features into a questioning expression. “Well, I think I should know a little about my charge—”

You shot a glare at him that was piercing and Gabriel felt his throat tighten. “Your charge? Let’s get one thing straight right now… I’m not your ‘charge’. You do not get to boss me around or make decisions for me.”

Gabriel tilted his head and gave you a peculiar look. “Well… strictly speaking I don’t think that’s true… You see, I’m supposed to protect you which means that I get to decide—”

You interrupted him angrily. “No. No, you don’t get to decide.” You looked at Cas and your brothers who all looked pretty unhappy about what had just played out. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” As you started down the hall, you heard his footsteps following behind you and as you reached the door to your room you spun to face him. “What do you think you’re doing?” you demanded.

Gabriel looked around as if he was expecting you to be talking to someone other than him, but he saw no one else. “Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“I’m just doing my job. You said you’re going to bed so I’m going to watch over you and—”

You angrily bit the inside of your cheek. “No. You’re not. You can stay the hell away from me while I sleep. You’re not setting foot in my room again.”

“Oh, come on! Y/N, please. You’re not really mad about—”

You turned abruptly and slammed the door in his face. Okay, so maybe you were really mad… “You know I can just appear in your room! I’m an archangel. An oak door isn’t—” The door whipped open again and you stood there fuming.

“Go away.” Your voice was quiet but Gabriel could easily hear the anger in it and for now he decided just to back off. You slammed the door in his face again and he sighed heavily, running a hand back through his hair.

Sometime later, Cas wandered down the hall and found Gabriel sitting on the floor, his back up against the wall just beside your shut door, his legs stretched out in front of him. Gabriel looked at him as he approached.

Cas didn’t say anything, just took a seat beside the archangel on the floor, stretching his legs out in front of him and staring at his shoes. Gabriel broke the silence first. “Look how far I’ve come,” he said, his tone clearly sarcastic. “I used to lead legions and now I’ve been assigned as some kind of glorified babysitter and here I am, a fallen archangel, sitting on the floor outside her door.”

“You probably wouldn’t be sitting here on the floor if you hadn’t botched that meeting with Y/N so spectacularly,” Cas mused. To his surprise the archangel actually laughed and glanced over at him.

“Yeah, I think you’re right about that, Castiel.” Gabriel sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. “I have a tendency toward self-destructive behavior.”

“When I was an angel, I mean—with my grace, so did I,” Cas said. “Perhaps there is something about being so-called ‘immortal’ that makes us reckless with our own lives.”

Gabriel sighed again heavily. “Perhaps.”

Cas looked over at him and he could see genuine worry on his brother’s face. “Don’t worry. She’ll be fine in the morning. She’s tough. Strong. But kind-hearted. She’ll let you make up for it.” Cas fiddled with the hem of his sleeve. “I see such a mixture of Sam and Dean in her.”

This only drew Gabriel’s brow down more deeply. “That’s what I’m worried about,” he said thoughtfully. “I don’t know why I was sent to protect her, but I do know how reckless the Winchesters are with their lives. And all without a single drop of grace.”

Cas’s lips curved ever so slightly in a thoughtful smile. “Yes. But selfless.”

Gabriel glanced over at his brother and felt a pang in his heart for his graceless friend. “Do you miss your trench coat and suit?” he asked him.

Cas’s eyes lifted in surprise at the question and he glanced down at his sweatshirt, picking a piece of lint off the sleeve. “I do. But… it felt wrong wearing it somehow. Like being in a suit of armor while not on the battlefield.”

Gabriel nodded and leaned his head back against the wall. A few moments of comfortable silence passed before he broke it. “I’m sorry for being such a dick since I arrived. All the phones… all the lying… all the snooping. It’s strange to say but I had a level of-—anxiety,” he tilted his head in a question, not even entirely sure that was the right word for what he had been feeling, “about meeting Y/N. And I still messed it up.”

Cas sighed again and patted a gentle hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Tomorrow is a new day.” He climbed to his feet and looked down at the archangel, a strange sight sitting like a child on the floor during time-out. “Tomorrow. Goodnight, brother.”

#gabriel fanfics #gabe x reader #gabriel one shots #archangel #gabriel series #supernatural #spn fics #spn fanfiction

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inkweaver22-blr · 4 years ago

Text

Phew! This one gave me a bit of trouble to get out! Here we have our second big reveal of the story! Let’s see what happens.

AO3 Link

Scattered Cicadas - Chapter Five: Timely Assumptions

Tang gets more than he expects at the start of one cycle. This leads to a few startling realizations.

----------

Tang looked up into the frightened expressions of the much younger Sun Wukong and Macaque as his body continued to disappear.

“I-” Being erased scared him. Would he wake up in a new cycle or simply cease to be?

Tang weakly lifted his hand, desperate to do something, grab something to ground him. Anything. Anyone!

“I don't w-want to go-”

He faded out of existence, not hearing anything else they might have said after. The last thing he saw were their horrified faces.

----------

The cave. The voices. The light.

----------

Tang woke with a gasp, his heart racing.

He had died before, but accidentally erasing yourself using a time-traveling peanut cactus was a new and terrifying experience.

The scholar took a few deep breaths, grounding himself with the fact that he was still here and hadn’t been deleted entirely. He had never been so relieved to be stuck jumping between timelines before now.

Tang winced as he remembered the anguish on the faces of the two monkeys he had befriended. He hoped his vanishing hadn’t traumatized them too much. If they were lucky they wouldn’t even remember anything now that the version of himself that had gone back in time had never existed in the first place.

God, time travel was confusing.

He glanced around his room and noticed a book on his nightstand. Picking it up, he was slightly disappointed to find it wasn’t the one on constellations he had used to teach the younger Macaque how to read.

With a sigh, Tang got up and prepared for the day. There was no point dwelling too much on what couldn’t be changed. Once dressed he stood in front of the mirror and began his little remembering ritual.

He first checked the date on his phone. It was still a few days before MK would get the staff so nothing of real consequence should be too different yet.

Taking a deep breath the scholar began reciting what he remembered about himself this time.

“I am the immortal monk Tang Sanzang-”

Tang choked as he doubled over in pain.

Hundreds of years of memories flooded through him. He collapsed to the ground and clutched at his head as it pounded in agony from the onslaught of innumerable experiences.

Tang crawled over to his bed and leaned back against it, his eyes shut tight and hands over his ears in a vain attempt to block out the rushing thoughts.

Living humbly as a monk. Being chosen by Guanyin. The journey. Sun Wukong. Bai Long Ma. Zhu Bajie. Sha Wujing. The many, many demons they encountered.

(How had he ever been so naive?)

Completing the journey. Becoming immortal. He, Bajie, and Wujing choosing to live on Earth instead of in Heaven.

(Pigsy was Zhu Bajie and Sandy was Sha Wujing!)

Wukong sealing away the Demon Bull King and vanishing. The three of them searching for him tirelessly. Never finding him. Giving up and living the next five hundred years without him.

(He should have never given up. He should have kept looking until he found his beloved disciple.)

It was all too much to handle. Tang needed time to process everything.

He called in sick to work, which with his short breath and trembling voice wasn’t questioned too closely. After sending a text to Pigsy (Zhu Bajie!) so he wouldn’t wonder about his absence at the shop, Tang pulled himself onto the bed and pressed his face into the pillows.

The headache and whirling memories prevented him from falling asleep, so he tried to focus on one thing at a time.

In this cycle he was the immortal monk Tang Sanzang, sometimes also referred to as Tripitaka.

There was still just so much to unpack in that single thought it made him a bit dizzy.

Tang had never been anyone other than himself in all the timelines he’d been in. His roles may sometimes be a bit different but he had always been Tang. He had theorized once that it had something to do with how every soul was unique so he literally couldn’t be anyone else.

His breath caught as he realized the implication that brought.

Tang’s soul was unique and thus he couldn’t be anyone other than himself in the various timelines.

In this timeline, he was the monk Sanzang.

In order for him to be both himself and the famous monk simultaneously, their souls had to be exactly the same.

That meant he wasn’t the monk in just this timeline, but in all of them, including his original time.

Oh Heavens, he was the reincarnation of Tang Sanzang.

Tang gulped in several breaths of air as his mind blanked out. He needed to focus. One thing at a time.

Pigsy was Zhu Bajie and Sandy was Sha Wujing in this timeline.

After the previous revelation, this one was much less earth-shattering.

He had always known that his group of friends mirrored the original journey’s group closely. Pigsy and Sandy also being reincarnations of their historical counterparts in his own time wasn’t much of a stretch.

Tang’s breath slowed as he began to calm. What was next?

Wukong disappeared and the trio searched for him. They never found him and gave up, assuming the monkey to be dead.

This was upsetting in an entirely different way. Tang knew Wukong was still alive thanks to the events of the original timeline, and that made the guilt of giving up even worse. He’d have to fix that.

Tang sighed in relief as his thoughts finally slowed and the pain ebbed. He still had a lot to work through, but that could wait for later. Going back to sleep sounded heavenly at the moment.

He had just started to doze off when an errant fact suddenly popped into his head.

Wasn’t Tang Sanzang already a reincarnation of one of the Buddha’s original disciples, the Golden Cicada?

With a groan Tang shoved a pillow over his head and attempted to beat back the thoughts from whatever that implied about him.

He didn’t sleep very well.

----------

“So what’s this all about Tang,” Pigsy asked grumpily as he accepted a mug of tea from Sandy. It was late at night, a few days after the release of the Demon Bull King, and the three of them were meeting privately at Sandy’s ship on the scholar’s request.

Tang took a sip from his own mug as he studied the two other immortals. Had it not been for his own memories on the matter, he would have never guessed that they were two of the five companions of the legendary Journey to the West.

Zhu Bajie had been, no pun intended, pigheaded, crass, and ornery. He seemed to be contrarian whenever he felt like it and relished in trying to get one over on Sun Wukong. Tang couldn’t deny the pig demon’s ability to rise to the occasion when the chips were down however. For as much trouble Zhu Bajie seemed to cause, he’d been invaluable a fair number of times as well.

Sha Wujing lived to fight. His rage and battle-lust had definitely caused their own share of problems. Other than that, the large river demon tended to be the quiet one of the group and didn’t open up until the latter half of their journey.

Tang wasn’t blind to his own faults though.

Tripitaka, (after some meditation, Tang had decided to refer to his past self as such to avoid confusion with the name Tang Sanzang), had not been ready for such a perilous adventure. He had been too trusting of strangers, too proud to believe Wukong’s warnings. It was his own incredible naivety and insistence that he knew better that had led to the vast majority of the dangers they had found themselves in.

It was hard to reconcile who the three of them had been with who they were today, but Tang supposed five hundred years would change most people.

Pigsy still had a gruff exterior, but his desire to start trouble had long since faded. His discovery of a love for cooking had unlocked a surprising work ethic within the pig demon as well as a silent form of affection that he treated any he cared for with.

Sandy had sought out a therapist and took anger management classes. His love for battle long since extinguished, the river demon now spent his time taking care of his cats, making tea, and being supportive of his friends.

Tang was certainly not naive to the ways of the world any longer. He still did his best to treat any strangers he met with kindness and respect, but he never fully believed anyone new to be trustworthy until they showed themselves to be. He always listened to the advice of his friends as well, knowing that he didn’t know everything and those around him might have insights he did not.

Tang placed his mug down and steepled his fingers together.

“We need to tell MK, Mei, and Wukong who we really are.”

“What?!” Pigsy's angry reaction hadn’t been unexpected. They had made an agreement some time back to not reveal themselves to anyone. It was less to do with having to deal with annoying fans and more with avoiding the painful memories their identities brought with them.

If it wasn’t for the fact he had been hopping through timelines and saw first hand how hiding things from people hurt them, Tang was certain he wouldn’t have been making this decision.

“I said we-”

“I heard what you said,” Pigsy interrupted. “No way! Nuh-uh! Not happening!”

“Now hold on brother,” Sandy soothed, placing a comforting hand on the chef’s shoulder. “Let’s hear him out first.”

“This better be good,” Pigsy grumbled and slouched back into his chair.

“Which do you think will go over better? Us being honest with them about our pasts, or them discovering the truth on their own?”

“They won’t find out if we’re careful about it,” Pigsy countered.

“They will find out,” Tang stated with absolute certainty. “Whether it’s the kids putting the pieces together themselves or Wukong recognizing us, there is no doubt that this isn’t going to stay a secret for long.”

Sandy seemed thoughtful but the pig demon simply huffed and crossed his arms stubbornly.

Tang stared directly into Pigsy’s defiant eyes. Looks like he’d have to pull out the big guns.

“How do you think MK will react once he finds out that we, that you, have been keeping something this important from him?”

With a sharp intake of air Pigsy froze, his expression changing from defiance to horror. He leaned over, placing his face in his hands and groaned.

“Oh god. He’d- he’d feel like I didn’t trust him. Like I didn’t care about him enough to tell him.” The chef seemed miserable at the thought as he looked up. “Okay, we can tell the kid. Mei too, I guess.”

Tang shared a glance with Sandy. Neither had missed the exclusion of Wukong from Pigsy’s concession.

(When did he stop being the Monkey King to Tang?)

“So, uh, will we tell big brother before or after we tell MK and Mei,” Sandy asked, eyeing the pig demon warily.

Like a switch had been flipped, Pigsy’s anger returned in full force, his face twisting into a hateful scowl.

“We ain’t telling that bastard nothing,” he snarled.

“Pigsy,” Tang scolded, shocked at the amount of venom in his voice.

“No! He doesn't deserve it! Not after letting us think he was dead-” Pigsy’s voice broke slightly as he continued his rant. “Not after avoiding us for five hundred years!”

Tang took a steadying breath and pushed down the irrational emotions and hurt that wanted to agree with Pigsy’s stance. He needed to be calm if he was to convince one of his oldest friends to go through with this.

“Assumptions, my dear friend, are very dangerous things,” Tang said.

“Huh?” Pigsy looked confused at the seeming change in subject. Good, that meant he was paying attention.

“We never found Wukong after he disappeared, so we assumed he was dead. We continued to assume such for five hundred years,” Tang began, speaking clearly and with emphasis to be sure he was understood. “We now know our assumptions were wrong. Now you are falling back into the same mistake.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“You are assuming that Wukong knew we were looking for him. You are assuming he hid from us intentionally. You are assuming that he knows we’re still alive.”

“Wait, what,” Sandy exclaimed. He had seemed to be following along with the conversation up until that point and now looked alarmed.

“How do we know Wukong didn’t fall into the same trap we have,” Tang explained. “That he didn’t just assume we were gone, either through death or reincarnation? With that assumption in mind, why would he ever think to go looking for us?”

There was a tense silence as Tang let his point sink in before finishing his argument.

“We can no longer assume things. That only leads to misunderstanding and hurt feelings. If we are to learn the truth we must actively look for it. To do that we must be honest with Wukong.”

Pigsy stared at him for a few moments before sagging and plopping down into his chair.

“I’m not drunk enough for this.”

Tang breathed a sigh of relief as Sandy chided their friend about drowning your feelings in alcohol. That was the first hurdle down.

Now for the hard part.

----------

In the end they decided to tell all three of them at the same time. Just to rip the whole band-aid off in one go so to speak.

It hadn't been too hard to convince MK to get Wukong to invite them to his island. He hadn’t welcomed them into his sanctum however, so they had a picnic on the shore near the waterfall curtain instead.

The food had been quickly forgotten once they began their explanation.

MK was upset at first at having the truth withheld from him, but some heartfelt reassurances and a teary hug from Pigsy had earned them his forgiveness. He bounced back rather quickly and immediately began launching questions excitedly at the trio.

Mei had simply accepted the revelation with great enthusiasm. She had pulled her phone and began live streaming a “Q&A WITH THE JOURNEY TO THE WEST CREW!!!”. So much for anonymity.

Tang gave an amused chuckle as the young adults pestered Pigsy and Sandy as he glanced at the uncharacteristically silent Wukong.

The Monkey King could have been carved from stone with how still he was, his expression frighteningly blank.

“Wukong?” Tang swallowed nervously as his first disciple turned to him with that empty look. “Do you want to say something?”

That had apparently been the wrong thing to ask.

“Do I want to say something? Do I want to say something?!” The empty stillness was immediately replaced with restless agitation as Wukong leapt to his feet and began to pace back and forth angrily. “Oh there are a lot of somethings I want to say to you three!”

“Hey Mei? Stop streaming for a bit,” MK said quietly as he pulled her a little ways away from the group. Tang would have been extremely proud of the emotional maturity the kid was showing, but he currently had a very pissed off monkey taking up most of his attention.

“How could you do this to me?! How could you even think of leaving me to be alone for five hundred years,” Wukong shouted at them, confusion and anger and hurt pouring from every word.

“Big brother, we-” Sandy tried.

“Don’t you ‘Big Brother’ me, Sha Wujing!” The way he spat out the name like a curse made the river demon flinch. “You all abandoned me! I thought I was never going to see any of you again! Yet here you all are!” Wukong clenched his fists as he glared at the three immortals. “WHERE WERE YOU?!”

“Where were we? Where were you,” Pigsy threw the question right back angrily. “We looked for you! For a century we searched! That’s more than what you can say!”

“And then when you got tired of it you gave up! You gave up on me!”

“WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!”

“I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN!”

The anger bled out from the air at that confession and Wukong seemed to crumble into himself. Pigsy looked stunned, Sandy was nervously wringing his hands, and Tang’s stomach was twisting itself into a painful knot.

“I was alone, Bajie. My brothers were gone and I was left by myself,” Wukong trembled as he hugged himself. Tang had never seen the proud warrior look so small before. “For centuries I had nothing but my memories and grief. Sometimes I wanted to be dead. Maybe then I’d see you again.” Wukong fell to his knees as he looked up at them with tears running down his face. “I missed you all so much.”

Tang felt his own tears falling as he rushed over to embrace Wukong who began to openly sob. Sandy and Pigsy soon joined in and the four of them simply held each other as they let their pain free.

“We’re so, so sorry Wukong,” Tang said. “I promise you we would have never hurt you like this intentionally.”

“I- I know,” Wukong hiccuped, clutching to the three of them tightly.

“We won’t ever leave you alone again big brother,” Sandy vowed.

“We’re stuck with each other from now on, no matter how much we may get on each other's nerves.” Pigsy’s joke earned a choked laugh from Wukong.

Two more pairs of arms entered into their group hug as MK and Mei joined them on the ground.

“Please don’t be sad Monkey King,” MK said. “You have Mei and I now too. You aren’t alone anymore.”

Wukong just began to cry a little harder and held on a bit tighter at that.

The six of them stayed like that for some time, holding each other up in silent support and comfort.

As they sat there, Tang was a little overwhelmed by how right it felt to be holding onto the others. Love burned in his chest as he enjoyed the warmth of being this close to his family.

Oh.

They were his family, weren’t they?

That wasn’t just another assumption. These five, across any timeline, were family to him, and he would always care for them as such.

Any lingering doubts about being Tripitaka melted away. It didn’t really matter who he was or had been in the past. All that mattered was the real love he felt for these people that were precious to him.

As long as he had that, he could overcome anything else that came his way.

----------

You didn’t think I would write a Tang-centric fic and NOT have him be Tripitaka did you? It was inevitable honestly.

I'm not sure if I characterized Sha Wujing correctly here, but Sandy canonically went to anger management so I made some (hehe) assumptions.

Speaking of! Count how many assumptions are made in this chapter! There might be more than you think~

The story referenced in this chapter is Tang’s Time Adventure by Poddlebud. It’s a fun little romp with a unique ship. It’s a shame we didn’t get to see the conclusion played out here…

Until next time!

#Ink Writes #Monkie Kid #Scattered Cicadas #Tang #Tang Monkie KId #Tang Sanzang #Tripitaka #Pigsy #Zhu Bajie #Sandy #Sha Wujing #Sun Wukong #MK #Mei #Macaque #LEGO Monkie Kid

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lamortexiii · 3 years ago

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Cryptic Mystic: We Are the Mask

The things you like, how you socialize, your reactions - all make up parts of your personality. Deciphering the truth from the lies; we possess the ability to morph who we are. How much/what do we mask, and what purpose does “masking” serve? This month’s blog dives deep into a few topics that all tie together to create one collective theme. As most things in life, these topics are intertwined. You’ll likely take something different from this blog than the next person, but that’s how my blogs are, as you probably well know… Now, without further adieu, let’s jump into this one.

To start, I’d like to take a moment to ask that you visit the website 16personalities.com and take their personality test. I guarantee you’ll gain valuable insight into your personality, and how you compare with others. It may even help you to better understand yourself or others. I always get the result of “Protagonist: ENFJ-A”. This result hasn’t changed in the last 5 years, however, psychologists and layperson test-takers alike will let you know that throughout life the results can change. So, on a scale of 1-100, here are my detailed results:

MIND (Introversion VS extroversion): 89% extroverted

ENERGY (intuitive VS observant): 79% intuitive

NATURE (thinking VS feeling): 53% feeling

TACTICS (judging VS prospecting): 94% judging

IDENTITY (assertive VS turbulent): 56% assertive

Personality is a somewhat stable thing but has the potential to change over time in certain ways. There are some parts of us that I fully believe will never change. I term those the “concrete personality factors.” However, there are plenty of things about our personality that we can change if we try. Strong willpower and mind can aid in changing one's personality traits that are malleable. The not-so-malleable personality traits are much harder to change (if changing them is even possible) and would take a great amount of self-discipline and maybe even some serious professional therapy. My perspective: embrace who you are! If there is something about yourself that you would like to change because it is harmful to yourself or others, then work towards that change. At the end of the day, you are the only person who holds the key to changing who YOU are. The choice is ultimately yours. I tell people, no amount of therapy can change a person unless they truly want to change in the first place. Just like no one else can force you to change. Changing requires work and effort on YOUR part.

So how do masks tie into all of this? People hide who they are behind metaphorical masks all of the time. We see this in several realms, however not all always apply in this context to everyone. We see examples of people “masking” who they really are through makeup, clothing, behaviors, and actions on a daily basis. Some are better at hiding who they are than others, and some of these folks you likely believe that you know who they are, but in reality, you have no idea. That’s one of the interesting things about the internet - you can be whoever you want to be. Whether that is your true self or a figment of who you are, the internet is a place where we see the most “masking.” Deciphering the truth from the lies in this digital world can be challenging.

I’ll tell you a story about an encounter I had early on in the age of technology and computers. Back in the olden days of dial-up internet, we had these things called chat rooms. Haha. Okay, I’ll stop acting like most of you don’t know what the hell dial-up and that whole era of technology looked like because I’m sure that a majority of you experienced it firsthand like me. Anyway, so I was in a chat room talking with random strangers. I really hit it off with this one guy. We liked a lot of the same music and had a similar style. He sent me some pictures and I thought he was attractive. We had good conversations. It was a good friendship so far, so after talking with him for a few months I decided to set up a meeting. I decided to be on the safe side just in case and take a friend with me to meet him for the first time. A friend of mine needed to go visit her boyfriend so she agreed to give me a ride to the location and agreed to leave me there while she ran to her boyfriend’s house only if I was comfortable. If I wanted her to stay she agreed that she would stay with me. We drove the 30 minutes into town and approached the location in her pickup truck. As we came closer to the building I could see a guy standing outside of the building (it was a bar) and he was smoking a cigarette. He was wearing all black, chains hanging off of his pants, and a front-facing black baseball-style cap. I knew that had to be him. We stopped in front of the building and he walked towards the truck on the driver's side where my friend was sitting. Upon reaching the window, he looked absolutely nothing like the picture he had sent me. In fact, he was much older than the picture he had sent me. Yes, you can laugh, your friendly neighborhood witch Kavita was officially catfished before catfishing was a thing. *cue laughter* He had an extremely creepy energy coming off of him (and not the good kind). He asked what we were up to, and I told him we had some errands to run, but that I just wanted to stop by and say hi. He was eyeballing me like a piece of meat. I grew intensely uncomfortable. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. My friend sensed that this was not the meeting I had intended and explained to him that we had to go, but that it was good meeting him and quickly drove away. She began laughing, looked over at me with a sheepish smile, and said, “what in the fuck was that?!”

Oh, the early days of the internet. It was the wild west. It still is to a certain extent, but back then it was a much different time. My story paints an important picture about how people can easily put on a mask to impress others or to lure in their prey. I’ll never be certain of that man’s intention, but he lied about many things for one reason or another and that’s not cool.

Looking at masks from a literal perspective and their origin, the first masks are from at least 9000 years ago. They were thought to have been used for occult rituals in countries like China and Africa. Some masks were to ward off evil spirits, while others were used for disguise, entertainment, or even for religious worship. The earliest masks were made from tree bark and leather. Some of these masks were in the shape of a human face, however, some were shaped like animal faces. Animal face masks often symbolized the connection between native people and nature. Many tribes and ancient cultures (some of which still exist today) gave utmost importance to nature, animals, and the world around them. As time went on, sometimes animal masks were used in sync with someone’s zodiac as a form of personal representation.

Masks have come a long way since their invention. Today masks can be used for protection (as we know all too well in this day and age), as well as to supply oxygen and other drugs during procedures or in life-threatening situations. We see people wear masks on Halloween (counting the days over here!) as well as for social gatherings, such as a masquerade-themed party or on New Year’s Eve.

So, we’ve talked about metaphorical masks as well as masks in the literal sense. I hope that you were able to take something from this blog. Whether you learned something new that you found interesting or maybe you even learned something about yourself through that personality quiz. Until next month, be easy and stay safe out there my fellow earth wanderers.

<3 - K

Cryptic Mystic Blog by PsychVVitch @psychvvitch

www.LaMorteXiii.com

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alexalbonbon · 4 years ago

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Drive to Survive is less documentary and more Keeping Up With The Formula 1 Drivers. And that needs to change

When Netflix first announced Drive To Survive in March 2018, the show was promoted as an “attempt to immerse the audience inside the cockpits, the paddock, and the lives of the key players in Formula 1 racing. The series will have exclusive access to the world’s fastest drivers, team principals and owners, as well as Formula 1’s own management team.”

The announcement was a clear statement from new owners Liberty Media: attract new fans to Formula 1. And what better way to do this than by collaborating with the biggest streaming platform in the world? Drive To Survive was supposed to become a 10-episode documentary series for both new and established Formula 1 fans and would cover the 2018 season.

The show did a decent job in its first season, it did give a fresh look behind the scenes of the sport, with some drivers also allowing the camera crews in their personal lives. It introduced us to (most of) the teams, drivers, and team principals and gave an insight into the traveling, multi million dollar circus that is Formula 1.

But how are you going to cover a racing championship if you’re not allowed access to the two major teams fighting for that championship? You can’t, and the producers decided to take a page out of the Keeping Up With The Kardashians manual and thought it would be fun to give a show that was supposed to be a documentary show about the pinnacle of motorsport a reality series makeover in post production instead.

While we did see some of Daniel Ricciardo’s family and life off-track, this was completely overshadowed by the producers’ excessive need to dramatize his inter-team rivalry with then-teammate Max Verstappen. Any person who followed Formula 1 and especially Red Bull at the time knew that, although Daniel indeed was struggling with his position within the team, the two were not the enemies the show makes them out to be and are actually good friends. And rather than learn from the first season and the feedback given by both fans and drivers, the producers decided to up the drama even more for the next two seasons. Meanwhile, all of us are sitting here wondering why. If you spend some time following the sport, there’s plenty of drama already.

Going forward with seasons two and three, it was apparently decided that the show needed more of a Hollywood feeling and plenty of episodes were given the hero versus villain treatment. This reached its peak in the Red Bull focused episodes in both seasons two and three. Take the difficult (to say the least) work environment of the “big” team, mix it with some weird crap said by Christian Horner and top it off with the commentary by Will Buxton literally nobody asked for and you have yourself a Pierre Gasly versus Alex Albon rivalry. Where in season two Gasly was portrayed as the person keeping Red Bull back in the World Championship and Albon came in to save the day, season three decided to reverse Uno that narrative and made Albon (one of the only three people of color on the grid) the one in this role, while Gasly thrives at AlphaTauri. Albon is made look weak, stupid and slow. All things people who have looked beyond his Red Bull stint know are not true. Not once is it suggested that Albon was put under immense pressure by being moved to the “big team” in what was only his first season of Formula 1. Nor would Horner ever take responsibility for the clear favouritism shown to Verstappen.

And then there is what might be the biggest crime in the entire show: the lack of presence of record race winner, seven-time World Champion Lewis Hamilton in season three. There are no good words for whoever was in charge of production and decided that this man, one of the greatest, if not the greatest, Formula 1 drivers of all time, was not worthy of an entire episode dedicated to his story, his racecraft, and his activism. The only black driver on the grid, Drive To Survive gave him five minutes at the end of the very last episode to touch on the Black Lives Matter movement Hamilton has been a vocal supporter of for years. His record equalling 91st win at the Eifel Grand Prix was briefly touched upon, but his record equalling seventh World Championship in Turkey was apparently too much of an effort to include. It only enhances the fact that the We Race As One campaign Formula One Management ran last year was nothing more than a PR stunt. It is time to take Lewis Hamilton seriously, he has a platform and he wants to use it and Netflix not giving him that opportunity is shameful. Yes, a big part of the demographic of Formula 1 consists of straight, white men who absolutely refuse to look at the world outside of their bubble. But Netflix promotes inclusivity, so why should this show be any different? It is a Netflix original show, which gives them no way to point at anyone else being the final part of production responsible. By showing the (graphic) clip of George Floyd’s death and letting Hamilton say three sentences about the BLM movement, you’re not promoting the inclusivity the streaming service wants to stand for. Formula 1, Netflix, and Box To Box Productions all need to do better, and they need to start doing better now.

So how does the show move forward? Let’s start by throwing out the terrible “scripts”, including those terrible one-liners Lance Stroll throws out in the first couple of season three episodes (I like Lance, but this made me cringe so hard, my eye is still twitching). Several drivers, including Max Verstappen, and more recently George Russell have spoken out against the framing the show chooses. This should be a clear sign that things need to change, especially if one of the drivers above called the show “cringey” in front of the Netflix cameras. Is there absolutely nobody in the producing team who has any real knowledge of the sport and the regulations itself? We need less Christian Horner, less Will Buxton and less forced drama and rivalry. If you put twenty men who get paid hundreds of thousands of euros in a paddock and drive around the fastest cars in the world for a living, the drama will write itself.

Formula 1 loves reminding people that it’s the “pinnacle of motorsport”, so why not show that? Why not show that the world of Formula 1 has some of the brightest minds out there that came together in the fight against COVID-19 in Project Pitlane? Or how they were one of the first major sports that returned to their competition, setting up a huge logistical challenge and managing to create a calendar with seventeen races in twelve different countries, while keeping COVID infections to a relative low? But they also should focus on the parts the teams may not always want to show. Why does Red Bull seem to have a curse on that second seat? Why does Haas have to take on a driver who didn’t manage to finish in the top 3 of the Formula 2 championship, while the vice-champion was left without a seat? Why did we have to say goodbye to the Williams family and why weren’t they given a proper sendoff in the show? Especially with Williams having the only female team principal in the paddock. And why aren’t we shining a light on what’s important: a black man standing alone in his fight for equality.

Drive to Survive should give us what it promised: an exclusive behind the scenes look of one of the most exciting sports out there. The drama will write itself, we just want the good, the bad, and the ugly. And these are things the Netflix crew can achieve, even with the current COVID restrictions still in place in the paddock.

#i kinda started rage writing this last night and ended up with 1300+ words #danielle writes stuff #f1 #formula 1

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dexi-green · 4 years ago

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Okay so wrap up thoughts for ep. 4:

Where is Zemo? Do not let this man loose. Also bless marvel for releasing the longer cut of Zemo dancing earlier 🙏🏽

We love the Dora. However I wonder if the arm thing was a gag or if it’s going to come back. I could definitely see Buck having some questions and beginning to wonder whether they actually freed them or just put him under Wakanda’s control with a longer leash. He obviously has reason to be skeptical about people’s intention with him (see; how Zemo used him) I can definitely imagine them explaining that it was impossible to wipe out the WS controls but rather they just changed them and just never intended to use them, making him a sort of unintentional sleeper agent White Wolf for Wakanda. He is clearly very thankful and grateful to them, and is very close to the Dora, especially Ayo, so I could see that distrust being a good future character arc. But I stand by that with T’Challa in charge they would never seek to take advantage of Buck in that way. Also I was never a HUGE fan of Stan’s acting, I felt he got too hyped up for just brooding, like he was good but not Oscar worthy as some on here tried to say (you can just say you think he’s hot, you don’t have to lie about his acting to justify your adoration of him and watching his whole filmography, it’s okay I promise), but that scene at the beginning was actually amazing. I love the change between fear to relief and realization. Chef’s kiss.

As I mentioned several times, I love that this show is carefully exploring warring ideals, and actually saying them pretty plainly. It’s giving me what Civil War could’ve been. In Civil War there was just too many blatant misunderstandings and things that could’ve been cleared up if the Avenger’s didn’t share one (1) brain cell and it somehow ended up with Peter Parker who had homework to do. In this show, the ideals come from very understandable different perspectives, different lives lived. I know I want a conversation, but that alone won’t truly solve this like it would’ve in Civil War. It comes from very real criticism of our very real govt and society which I thinks helps cement this so much more in reality in a way that isn’t boring to watch like some other comic things that try to be gritty and realistic. The only part that has taken me out so far was the so very subtle cop scene in the second episode, which leads me into my next point

ISAIAH BRADLEY! Loop his story back in, let’s get some backstory and information and all that good stuff. Obviously Isaiah has made it pretty dang clear he wants nothing to do with any of this but obviously that’s not gonna happen, and it’ll be a tremendous waste of an absolute amazing and groundbreaking story to just bring Eli in at the end in some shoehorned way or something. Isaiah needs to be a part of whatever solution this story/season comes to. I’ve seen a theory floating around about either Isaiah being Wakandan (either like killmonger with one or both of his parents being from Wakanda, or more distantly) or perhaps Erskine’s secret ingredient for his serum was derived from the heart shaped herb (which would’ve made Cap White Panther 😬) which I think would be an interesting way to completely tie in Wakanda but perhaps a little unnecessary, specifically the first theory, we don’t need every future black person in the MCU to be secretly Wakandan. I just need his story to be more prominent then it has so far. It’s very important and not something that should just be a basically D grade side plot at this point.

I feel like we have shifted away from much focus on Sam. But I feel like the focus has pulled more on Zemo, Karli, Walker and Buck. Like Sam is doing what he needs but we aren’t getting as much insight into him as we did in the first episode. Which is why I think I liked his talk so much with Karli. We went back to his history of counseling and got to see how it uses it, how he calms down a situation, and his own insight into Karli’s ideals, he agrees but wants to go about it in a different way. We have constantly seen him offering help to others, but hasn’t really received much in return. I feel like now every time the shield comes up it’s just Bucky being all pissy that Sam gave it away which really turns me off his character. Sam already explained that maybe he made a mistake, but also Buck is so set in his way and his ideation of Steve that he can’t for a second consider Sam’s side. Like at this point it’s getting kind of annoying how Buck is being with Sam about it. I want more insight into Sam’s feelings about Steve, and Cap, and all that. Hopefully these last couple episodes with shift the focus back. At this point I feel I know more about Karli and John as people than I do Sam and that’s not great considering the title of the show. This was one of my earliest concerns for the series when it was announced, that it was going to focus too much on Bucky who has had his story almost front and center for almost all of the Cap films, they almost all in some part revolve around Bucky. Perhaps I need to rewatch and there has been some bits of Sam’s I haven’t appreciated enough, but it feels unbalanced, not in favor of him.

Sharon is being sketchy I fear. I do kind of like the idea that she is the power broker, but it’s hard to wrap my head around her threatening Karli like she has been. I mean she obviously has changed a lot, but if she is the power broker her motives have to be something different than what she is trying to lead people to believe. I think what’s more possible is her working for the power broker or perhaps working for/as the power broker as a cover for Fury or some other person/organization. She’s worked undercover for Fury before, she is obviously loyal to him, which might’ve changed since she talks to much about being abandoned by everyone, but I don’t know. It’s obvious something else is going on with her character, and while I love if she had just pivoted to this crime lord role, I just think of her speech at Peggy’s funeral and her loyalty to Cap and Fury in TWS. It’s possible she flipped on a dime like that because everything done to her and what she’s been through, and it may be too predictable for her to have the exact same storyline as TWS but who knows... that or she’s a skrull, always a possibility, can’t be too careful.

John Walker is clearly becoming the actual Anti-Cap. They are getting storybeats to line up. A ‘good’ soldier, turned propaganda tool, turned govt lap dog, serumed up, best friend dies, then what? Switched on by society? I love the moment with him and the flag smasher. It brought me back to when I was in the theater watching Civil War and I swore Steve was going to chop Tony’s head off with the shield. Steve just smashes the arc reactor of course, but John straight up murders this guy. And people are watching, the world is, people were recording. Definitely some purposeful similarities to our very real recording of police brutality irl. Which makes me think what will the govt response be? Will they spin it and try to get him out of this (which will feel really...weird? With the trial going on rn) or maybe will they abandon him completely and leave him high and dry? Hopefully we will see whoever the current MCU president is (prolly maybe Thaddeus Ross??) speak on it as well as the flag smashers and GRC. Walker is obviously not a good person at heart. I theorized before that he had already been given the serum, which clearly isn’t true so he has just taken it but there is something about his background that needs to be revealed. It has to be more than just “‘we did bad stuff while we were deployed” like... yeah it has a profound and damaging effect on people, but I feel like when he was talking to Hoskins it felt like they were remembering what went down slightly differently. I don’t know why, I’ll have to rewatch the scene. Either way, I think there is some stuff we still don’t know about Walker, something so terrible about him that made the serum change him like that. He was already clearly on edge, feeling insecure about people not giving him the respect he thought he deserved just from putting on the suit and carrying the shield, feeling that same imposter syndrome Sam did/does, and his pride was clearly DECIMATED by the Dora. He has this seeming obsession with super soldiers... he’s just giving weirdo vibes.

One thing I noted is that I think this series is taking apart Steve/Cap and spreading him out over several different people, and having them all pick at and dissect what makes/made Captain America the symbol he was, and what happens when you dig a little deeper. Karli seems to be the embodiment of the kindness/concern for others. She is fighting for the people, to protect them, as Cap was. But she is not holding back and is willing to put everything on the line, but where Cap was putting himself in the line of fire to protect people, Karli is putting others. Buck may be the classic idealism and Steve himself, I’m not 100 sure, but he seems to embody the kind of idea that people need something to put hope in, something to lean on, the idea of true good. He always brings up what the shield means and represents, doesn’t ever actually get specific though which is interesting. This may be because Bucky has a hard time separating Steve from Cap, since he saw the two grow up, when he talks about the shield and Cap he IS talking about Steve, there is no symbol or hidden meaning, just the Steve he knew. He conflates it all together. So I guess he represents whether or not the classic ideals can survive, the idea of hope, and Young Steve. Sam I think could be change. Where change is unwavering, like Cap’s fight for freedom never changed, but also where it is inevitable, in Steve and Cap’s place in a time that isn’t their own. How the idea of Captain America needs to be updated for modern times, or whether it should be thrown out altogether. I don’t know this is all ramblings. I though I had something but it’s almost 5am 😩

I believe we have 2 more episodes left so it’ll being interesting to see what they do with it. Fingers crossed 🤞

#tfatws spoilers #tfatws #tfatws liveblog #marvel #mcu #captain America #Bucky Barnes #Sam Wilson #Zemo #dora milaje #Karli morgenthau #Sharon carter #agent 13 #powerbroker #spoilers #episode 4

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lucisfavoritedemon · 3 years ago

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Waiting For Forever Chapter 10

Pairing: Bucky x reader, Sam x platonic!reader

Summary: You met Bucky for a brief second at a fair him and Steve attended. Little did you know you would run into him again as you assist Peggy with Steve. There was just something about the sadness in Bucky’s eyes that night that captured your soul, and he was all you could think about. You have a secret though. You aren’t exactly who he thinks you are. This is a story of love, loss, and overcoming any obstacle thrown your way.

Warnings: fluff, slight angst, Bucky being the cutest dad ever, cursing, reader really despising Walker, violence, talks of sexual actions

Word Count: 6467

A/N: This is my thoughts on what happens to reader During The Falcon and The Winter Soldier: Episode Four (roughly). It is not 100% accurate, but I wanted to put a little twist to it. This gives you a glimpse at how the reader and Bucky are balancing work life and keeping their relationship some what professional. I added in some 3rd person POV to get insight on what Bucky’s thoughts are in a certain part. That will be in italics. It is kind of a long one, but there was a lot of detail I wanted to add. There also is something mentioned that I may consider doing a What If...? twist with. Y’all let me know what you think, would that be something you’d be interested in? All mistakes are mine. TFATWS SPOILERS!!!!!

Enjoy!

Of course that’s what Ayo wanted. I didn’t blame her either, Zemo killed their king. Of course Bucky and Sam just had to break him out of jail, and here we are about to feel the wrath of the Wakandans.

“Why did you free Zemo?”

“We need him.” Bucky responded.

“In all honesty, I agree with you Ayo. I wish he would have left well enough alone.”

“We freed you of everything that went back to the Winter Soldier.”

“And I’m grateful for that.”

“Have you forgotten that he killed King T’Chaka at the U.N.?”

“Of course not.”

“My people, those men put me in charge of watching over him, protecting him.”

“I understand that.”

“Maybe we should give him back to them.” Bucky starts to speak Wakandan, “he’s a means to an end.”

I roll my eyes at this. This was absolutely unbelievable, I agreed that Zemo needed to go back. He was going to stop at nothing till he had manipulated us into letting him go free. It would be an endless cycle, a loop that never ended.

“You have 8 hours. Then we come for Zemo.”

Ayo walked away. She didn’t look happy at all, and frankly, I didn’t blame her. I turned around and started heading back to the place Zemo had for us to stay. Bucky grabbed my wrist making me face him. He gave this pleading look, and I knew he was either asking for forgiveness, or to talk.

“I understand your frustration. I do. He’s the last chance we have at finding Karli. Once we’re done, I’ll give him back to the Wakandans. They can do what they will with him.”

“I don’t need you to explain your reasoning. I just knew having Zemo around was a bad idea.”

“I get that. I just need you to trust me. When we’re done with him, I’ll give him back to them.”

“Fine. I’m giving you 6 hours. They’re a little more generous than I am.”

“Fine.”

We walked back to the house in silence. I hated being the bad guy in this, but I believe someone had to be. We walked back in as Zemo stepped out of the bathroom, presumably after a shower. I went and sat down on the couch as Bucky walked to the island in the kitchen. He glanced down at his phone, and his face went sour.

“What’s wrong Buck?” I asked, concerned.

“Karli blew up one of the GRC warehouses. 11 injured, 3 dead.”

“It seems I may be the only one here who is brave enough to finish this mission.”

“We aren’t going to kill her.” Sam stated.

“If it came to that, would you be strong enough to do it?”

“No one is killing anyone, besides me killing you Zemo.” I glared in his direction.

“It’s people with her ideals that have formed the Nazis, Ultron, the Avengers.”

“Those are our friends you’re talking about.” Sam snapped.

“The Avengers, not the Nazis.” Bucky added, for clarification of course.

Zemo started to go on about supremacy, and how Karli is a supremacist. Then he started to talk about super soldiers, and it really got my blood boiling.

“What about Steve?”

“There has yet to be another Steve Rodgers.”

“You wanna know why that is Zemo?” I looked at him seriously this time.

“Why would that be?”

“Because Erskine hand picked Steve. All he ever wanted was to prove to the world that the person who is the most underestimated, can come out on top. It’s why so many people looked up to him. He was part of the minority group. He wasn’t meant to be a good soldier, but a good man.”

I looked away from the group as I recall Erskine's huge speech to Steve. He always knew exactly what to say to people. It’s how he gained my trust so quickly. He treated me like his own flesh and blood when others wanted to use me for my powers. He protected me from Schmidt in Germany before we moved to America, and he continued to do so even after his death.

“When I was young my TT passed away.” Sam started.

“Your, your TT?” Bucky interrupted

"Yeah, my TT."

"Wh-who is your TT?" Bucky questioned, sounding a little annoyed and confused.

“Okay when I was younger, my aunt passed away. The whole community came together. It was a week long thing. Maybe they’re doing the same thing for Donya Madani.”

“That’s actually not a bad thought. A lot of cultures do it.” I agreed.

Zemo goes to one of the cupboards and grabs a container, dumping it out, and tossing something from it to Sam. “Turkish Delight. Irresistible.”

We all decided to go and ask around to see if we could figure out whether we could find out where her funeral was. Zemo of course started to go off about how so much has changed since he was younger. We decided to split up, I was with Sam, and Bucky got stuck with Zemo.

Sam and I walked up to the upper level, and began to ask around. Everyone ran away from us though, and didn’t want to speak with us. They all looked scared and very weary. We walked into a room where it looked like a lesson was taking place.

“We’re looking for Donya Madani, she was a refugee here.” Sam spoke up.

“We are not refugees. We have nothing to seek refuge from. We are just displaced people. We don’t trust outsiders.”

“We want to help out.”

“We have heard that so many times. People have promised more teachers, supplies. That was 6 months ago.”

I was starting to understand Karli better. Before Erskine I was alone in a world that didn’t care about me. Erskine was the person who took me in and gave me food and shelter. He was the only person who seemed to care. So, I guess I could understand Karli a bit better.

“What’s your name, I can make a few calls.” Sam tried to fight.

“I know who you are, but I don’t trust you. I’m sorry.” The man picks up a child and walks off.

“Well that didn’t go to plan.” “No, but it gave us a better idea as to why Karli is doing what she’s doing. Her people are suffering because the government won’t meet their needs. Her cause is good, but the way she is going about it is wrong.”

“Then we need to find Donya and find Karli. The sooner we can get her to stop this the better off we’ll be.”

“The thing is Sam, I don’t think we’ll be able to. Her ideals, they are just too strong to stop. Not without going into war that is. Trust me. I know how this ends, and it ends in bloodshed, as much as I hate to admit it.”

Sam nods in agreement as we walk down to meet up with the other two. As we approach we notice Zemo talking to a group of kids. I notice the Turkish Delight laid out on a little stool. I notice a little girl walk up to him, and whisper in his ear.

“What is he doing?” Sam asked.

“I have no idea.” Bucky responded.

“This is why I’m going to be a helicopter parent when we get home.” I add in, watching with a look of shock and horror on my face.

Zemo walks back over to us, and we all head back to his place. He was keeping us in the dark about something, and I did not like this one bit. Once back at the house, we settled in and started to question Zemo.

“That little girl, what did she tell you?” Sam questioned first.

“The funeral is this afternoon.”

“Where is it?” I asked, hoping he would tell us.

“That is classified.”

“Of course it is. No matter, wherever it is, I want to talk to Karli.”

“Absolutely not.” Bucky protested.

“I’m going with you Y/N.” Sam stated.

“Fine with me, but I feel like maybe talking to someone who knows exactly what she is going through may help her.”

“And you think you can stop her?” Zemo almost laughed.

“I’ve been in her shoes. I know what it’s like to feel all alone. To want the world to pay attention to the minority. I used to be her.”

“But you’re not.” Bucky added.

“Not anymore, but had Erskine not found me when he did, I could have ended up exactly like her.”

“I don’t think you’re going to convince her.” Zemo butted in.

“I don’t care, if I even make her question whether this is the right thing, then I’ve done something right.”

“You know the Dora will be here for you any minute, so keep talking.” Bucky threatened.

“What, so you can turn me over? I prefer to keep my leverage.” Zemo retorts.

Bucky stands up quickly, grabs the cup Zemo is holding, and throws it at the wall, “you wanna see what someone can do with leverage?”

“Bucky, calm down. It’s okay.” I say walking over to him.

“I’m going to make a call.” Sam said walking off.

I went and sat back down on the couch. I pulled Bucky over to sit next to me to get him to calm down so he didn't kill Zemo. I wanted to bring up the fact it was his idea to break Zemo out of prison.

“Have you checked in on Jamie?” Bucky asked as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“I haven't. I didn't want to, not with mister creeper around.”

Bucky chuckled some, "that's fair. I just worry about him without us around. D-does he have any powers or weird abilities?”

“He's started to develop some, but that all comes from my side. You'd be surprised how much he reminds me a lot of Steve, but he really is just like you. He has your charm and Steve's spirit. God, that boy is going to be a lady killer.” I giggle some.

Bucky smiles at me, but it fades fast, "I hope nobody has teased him about who his dad is. I hope they don't ruin the picture you've painted of me in his mind.”

“I hope not either, but if that does happen, we'll handle it. Together, I fear nothing as long as we do it together, as a family.” I squeezed Bucky's hand tightly. He was part of my family now. He was the father of my child, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Bucky squeezed my hand back, “as a family.” He smiled, and my heart skipped a beat when those words came out of his mouth.

“Okay you two love birds, let's get going.” Sam said, interrupting our moment.

Bucky and I stood up, and we walked out heading to the celebration of life for Donya Madani. Bucky took my hand, intertwining our fingers. The metal felt nice and cool against my hand, and I was relishing in the fact that he felt comfortable with me holding his metal hand.

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit.” John Walker spoke as he and his sidekick walked towards us.

“Ah! How'd you find us now?” Bucky sounded annoyed and pissed.

“Come on, man. You really think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?” Battlestar spoke up.

“No more keeping us in the dark. You could start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.” Walker demanded.

“He did that himself technically.” Bucky said, making me roll my eyes.

“This better be an unbelievable explana…”

“Hey! Take it easy before it gets weird.” Sam said, breaking things up between Walker and Bucky.

“I know where Karlie is.” Zemo announced.

“Well, where?”

“All we know is that it's a memorial.’

“So we're going to intercept her there.” Sam stated trying to stop Walker from following us.

“That means civilians, high risk of casualties.” Battlestar stated.

“Alright, good, we'll move in fast.” Walker ordered, moving around Sam.

“No. Sam and I are going to talk to her, civilly. I'm not sure if you know what that means, do you want me to give you the definition?”

“We want to talk to her alone.”

“Don't be smart with me bitch!”

“What did you call me!?” I went to charge him, but Bucky grabbed my arm to stop me.

“I'm not losing her again!” Walker shouted.

“Look, the person closest to her died, she's vulnerable. If there's any time to reason with her, it's now.”

“What? No, no! No, no, no, stop!” Walker tried to get us to stop walking.

“I know you think you can't reason with people like her, Walker, but I used to be in her shoes. I know what it's like to feel like the world doesn't care about you. I was that girl almost 90 years ago. Abraham was my Donya, and I lost him. If anything, she needs someone who knows what it's like, not someone who got handed everything.” I attempted to walk around him, but he shoved me back.

“I think we're way past reasoning with her, unless you forgot the fact that she blew up a building with people still in it.”

“You two walk in there cold, she could kill you.”

“If we go in hot, and the op goes wrong, more people could die." Sam tried to reason.

“I believe that Sam and I can reason with her.” I tried to explain.

“You're gonna let them do this?” Walker turned to Bucky.

Bucky had a look of confidence and confusion. I know he hated the thought of me going in there, but he also knew I was right. He knew Sam and I both had a good chance of convincing her to stand down.

“You're going to let your partners walk into a room with a super soldier alone?" Walker tried to contort his thoughts into not letting me walk in.

I locked eyes with Bucky, begging him to not listen to Walker. That he wasn't the voice of reason, that I was. I begged him to trust me with this mission, that I could do this. I knew I could defend myself if it came to that, so could Sam. I could see the war going on in his head though, and I was almost convinced he was going to pull me out.

“They've dealt with worse. And Sam isn't my partner.” Bucky responded, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay? This is right in my wheelhouse.” Sam tried to convince Walker more.

“Yeah, I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I believe this is a bad idea.”

“Wait, John. If they can talk her down it might be worth a try.”

Walker scoffs, “fine," he turns to Zemo, "we'll deal with you later.”

“I'm sure you all will come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.” Zemo gestures to a little girl and we start walking again, “hello my friend,” he pulls some money out of his pocket, “this is for your family. Can you show us the way?”

The little girl nods and starts walking ahead. I looked to Bucky, reminding him this is why I haven't called to check up on Jamie with Zemo around.

“What the hell?”

“For once I agree with you.” I mumble to myself, staying close to Bucky.

The little girl leads us to what appears to be the back entrance to where this gathering is happening. She stops, opens the door and nods. She starts to walk in gesturing us to follow her.

“This is the place.” Zemo stated.

Sam and I get in front of the group, and go to follow the little girl. Walker grabs Zemo quickly, and I thought a fight was going to break out. Walker cuffs Zemo to a boiler looking thing, and pins him there.

“You two have 10 minutes, then we’re doing things my way.” Walker states.

Sam and I rush in to find time for us to talk to Karli before Walker can get to her. As we walk around, we notice the building we’re in is two levels. Sam and I watch Karli’s speech from the upper level. Hearing her talk about Donya reminded me a lot of how I would have talked about Dr. Erskine. The more she talked, the more I felt connected to her.

After everyone left, Sam and I decided to go down, and talk with her. I had a feeling this was gonna be both easy and challenging. I had faith that we were going to be able to talk her down. I was confident Sam felt the exact same way I did.

“I saw you two back there.” Karli spoke, her back turned to us.

“We came alone.” Sam spoke.

“We just want to talk, Karli.” I tried to speak as softly as I could to her, I didn’t want to scare her off, and blow our chance.

“We’re sorry for your loss.” Sam spoke genuinely.

“Don’t condescend to me, I’m not a child.”

“We’re not condescending. I know what it’s like to lose some, believe me.”

“No you don’t, not like this.”

“I do.” I spoke up.

Karli turned to me, then looked at Sam. I wanted her to know I had once come from where she is. I knew what it was like to be someone the government mistreated. I had to get those words out. Maybe then she would stop all this, and everything could go back to normal. No more people would get hurt.

“It doesn’t have to be a war, Karli.”

“They started a war as soon as they kicked us out of our homes and onto the streets. People all around the world need me. Millions of them.”

“We can’t speak for millions, but we understand you, Y/n especially. She came from the same situation you’re facing right now.” Sam mentioned. He had to say anything to gain her attention.

“I understand your frustration, and I understand your helplessness.” I interjected.

Karli stood there for a second before she finally spoke, “so you want me to stop because people are gettin’ hurt, right? But what if I’m making the world a better place?”

“It’s not a better place if you’re killing people, it’s just different.”

“I used to think that fighting back was the only thing, the only way you could get people to listen.”

“You both are either brilliant, or just hopelessly optimistic.” Karli smiles.

“Can’t we be a little bit of both?” Sam chuckled.

“No.”

“Y/n, she knows more about Super Soldiers than anyone on this planet. She was Erskine’s protégé back in the 1930s and 40s."

"It's true. Erskine was my Donya. He saved me from the streets of Germany. He gave me a home, clothes, and food. Everything I could have needed. When things got bad in Germany, he smuggled me away to America. He only wanted what was best for me. I fought back against those who killed him, but I also rebelled against the government back in Germany. Trust me, it got me nowhere fast. It changed nothing, loads of people still died, and I didn’t help.”

“This guy we know who knows a lot about Super Soldiers too, he says you’re a supremacist.”

“Me?” Karli asked as Sam went to sit next to her.

“Yeah.” Sam responded.

“That’s ridiculous. Everything I do is to end supremacy. These corporations and the beasts who run them, they’re the supremacists.”

“So, let us ask you, you have more serum right?” Sam asked, standing up.

“So?”

“Are you going to increase your army? You’re killin’ innocent people.”

“They’re not innocent. They’re roadblocks in my journey, and I’d kill them again if I had to.”

“Wow.” Sam and I were both shocked at what just came out of her mouth.

“No, no I didn’t mean it like that. You tricked me into sounding like…”

“Like what?”

“The people I’m fightin’ are trying to take your home, Sam. Why are you here instead of stopping them?”

“You know, my sister is waiting for that exact same answer.”

“We’re not your enemy, Karli. We agree with your fight.”

“We just can’t get with the way you’re fightin’ it.”

“And I’m sure she wouldn’t either.” I look at Donya, hoping Karli would agree.

Meanwhile:

“No, no, no, no. This is a bad idea.” Walker started speaking aggressively as he paced the small room.

“It hasn’t been 10 minutes, John. Just sit tight.” Bucky spoke up as he leaned against the door frame. He wanted to block the way to give Sam and Y/n time to talk to Karli, though Walker was convinced it was already taking too long.

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.”

“They know what they’re doing, especially Y/n. She’s done this dance before. Give them the time.” Bucky kept trying to convince him.

Bucky couldn’t tell at what point he was convincing John, or still convincing himself. He trusted Y/n and Sam, he knew in his head they could do it. His heart was the one screaming at him to just let John go after them. All Bucky wanted was his girl safe, that’s it.

“I’m goin’ in.” Walker started walking quickly towards the doorway.

Bucky immediately stopped him. If anything, now he was going to risk their lives rather than save them. That was something Bucky couldn’t have. His girl was in there with someone who could easily kill them, and he didn’t want that.

“This is all really easy for you isn't it? All that serum runnin’ through your veins. Barnes, your partners need backup in there. You really want their blood on your hands?”

Bucky is lost for words. He was staring at John to intimidate him, but now, he was frozen in fear. John knew just what to say to get Bucky to do as he said. The last thing he wanted to do was be the reason for Y/n’s death. That was his biggest fear, to come home to their son without his mom.

“Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest.” Walker announced, walking in.

Karli looked between Sam and I. This son of a bitch just ruined any chance we had of getting her to back down. From the looks of it, Bucky didn’t put up a fight either.

“So this is what that was?”

“Karli wait…” I stepped closer to her, I needed her to see where this could end. Her fight was going to lead to devastation, and this asshole Walker just ruined everything.

“Tricking me till your backup arrived?” Karli backed away.

“We had enough time to talk.”

By now Bucky and Walker’s partner in crime had walked in. Bucky was trying to get to Walker, but his buddy wouldn’t let him get close. Karli started yelling, and John was trying to grab her. Chaos had broken out in just a few short seconds. It took all I had not to knock Walker on his ass right then and there.

Karli pushed John into a table before taking off. Bucky had shoved the sidekick back, and started going after her. I followed suit hoping I could touch Karli, just so she could feel that I was telling the truth.

We were stopped by a whole group of her allies and fights started breaking out, but I continued to follow her. She was my target, my mission, and I couldn’t let her get away. I didn’t get far though when I met back up with Sam and Bucky.

“I lost her.” Bucky announced.

“I swear to god, next time I see Walker’s face, I’m gonna kill him! Why the hell did you let him get through!” I charged at Bucky.

“Y/n, wait a minute! We don’t know that Bucky let him through.” Sam tried to reason.

“Walker didn’t have a damn scratch on him. If Bucky fought back, he would have been on the ground in 2 seconds flat.”

Bucky stayed quiet because he knew I was right. I was so frustrated that we got so close, and now we are right back to where we started. I was so angry I punched one of the walls in the room we were in.

“Y/n, doll, calm down.”

“No! Because Walker got in, people are going to die. You could have prevented that if you just put up a fight.”

“Are you saying that blood is going to be on my hands?”

“Well you certainly aren’t helping your case here.”

“Y/n! Knock it off. I get you’re frustrated, but take a walk before you say something you can’t take back.” Sam yelled.

I knew he was right. I was about to tell Bucky that the blood of everyone who could die at Karli’s hands was going to be because of him. He already struggles enough with that. I stood there and took a deep breath in to calm myself as Bucky started talking.

“You wanna know what really happened back there? He used you against me. Saying if Karli turned on you, your blood would be on my hands. That would be something I couldn’t live with knowing.”

“Walker plays mind games huh? I’m really gonna kill him this time. So, I suggest you keep us as far apart as possible.”

We started to walk around to see if we could find Walker, when Bucky pulled me aside. I was shocked at how aggressively he grabbed me, but was even more shocked when a rough kiss was what I was met with rather than yelling. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. After a few seconds he pulled away.

“The last thing I want to do is lose you. I’m sorry I let John get past me like that, but…”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated at the situation. Had John not got between Karli and I, I would have been able to show her I wasn’t lying. That Sam and I were really there to show her we agree with her ideals. That I once was just like her. That Erskine was my Donya.”

“I’m glad he rescued you. He brought you to me.”

I giggle, “don’t get sappy on me Buck. I could have easily ended up in a completely different scenario. I could have ended up as Schmidt’s protégé.”

“We would have never met then. I wouldn’t know where I would be without you.”

“Okay, come on lover boy. Let’s get back before Sam gets worried we ran out on him or something.”

We ran to catch up with Sam who had found a door leading to a staircase. We ran in, and saw Walker with a knocked out Zemo on the ground. Walker’s sidekick came running in a few seconds behind us. We looked at each other, then back to Walker. I felt Bucky grab my arm to let me know not to murder him here, no matter how badly I wanted to.

‘What did we miss?” Sam asked, hoping someone could explain the passed out Zemo.

No one said a word as Bucky walked down and picked Zemo up. We walked off back to his place leaving Walker behind. I was so glad Bucky and Sam were there to stop me because I really just wanted to knock Walker out.

When we got into the house, Bucky laid Zemo on the couch. Then, Bucky grabbed my arm and dragged me to one of the bedrooms, slamming the door shut. I was shocked at his bold moves, but I knew we couldn’t do anything with these thin walls, and Sam sitting in the other room.

When Walker played mind games with him, it unlocked something in Bucky. A side I had not seen in a very long time, a side of him I hadn’t seen since the war. Bucky pulled me close after shrugging off his jacket, kissing me passionately, his hands trailing my body. He attempted to start to undress me before I pulled away slowly.

“Everything okay, doll?”

“Not here Bucky. Not when it’s so quiet.”

“You said when we got a vacation.”

“Not with Sam on the other side of the door. He’ll hear everything. I promise, I will find us some alone time, but not right now.”

“Okay,” Bucky grabbed his jacket, putting it back on, “I’m going out for a walk. I’ll be back.” He kissed me gently before walking out.

I sat in the room trying to gather my own thoughts as to what just happened. I started hearing talking from the living room. Zemo was awake now, and he was asking Sam about being offered the super soldier serum. He then asked Sam if he would ever take it. I started to think about Bucky, how he never got the choice. He was a lab rat for HYDRA, and didn’t get a say on the matter.

“Super Soldiers should be allowed to exist.” Zemo spoke.

“Isn’t that how gods talk? And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky?”

“You know Zemo, Bucky didn’t get a choice,” I could feel the tears already coming, “and if that’s how you think, then Erskine should have been thrown in jail before he was able to give Steve the serum. Let HYDRA and the Nazis control the world.” I could feel my voice crack.

Right on queue Bucky walked through the doors, “something’s not right about Walker.” He announced.

“You don’t say.”

“Well, I know crazy when I see one because I am crazy.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Sam!” I glare at him, and he puts his hands up in defense.

“You shouldn’t have given him the shield.” Bucky stated, pouring himself a drink.

“I didn’t give him the shield.” Sam protested.

“Here we go again.” I roll my eyes.

“Well Steve definitely didn’t.” Bucky looks at Sam as he takes a drink.

Suddenly the doors burst open, “All right that’s it let’s go. I’m ordering you to turn him over.”

“Oh Walker, I've been waiting for you to walk through those doors.” I walk over to him ready to fight.

“I’m flattered, sweetheart, but Lemar is the one interested in you.”

“Hey, just slow your roll,” Sam said, getting between Walker, and me and Zemo, “let’s be clear, shield or no shield, the only thing you’re runnin’ in here is your mouth. Now, we had Karli there, and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today. We’re gonna need all hands on deck for whatever’s comin’ next.”

“How do you want the rest of this conversation to go, huh?”

“I know how I want it to go.” I raise my hand. Sam glares at me and I put it down.

“Should I put down the shield? Make it fair?”

“Oh yeah, bring it Walker.” I say gathering all my strength to knock him out in one shot.

Walker puts the shield up against one of the columns, but as he goes to stand up, a spear aims right for his head. Too bad he moved out of the way quickly. Then the other two walked in and started speaking Wakandan to Bucky and I.

“Even if he is a means to your end. Time’s up,” Ayo starts speaking English, “release him to us now.”

“More than happy to Ayo. Was willing to when we met up the first time.”

“Hi, John Walker, Captain America.” John reached his hand out to shake Ayo’s, and all I could do was laugh. “Well, let’s, uh, put down the pointy sticks and we can talk this through, huh?”

“Hey John, take it easy,” Sam smiled to himself, “you might want to fight Bucky before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.”

“Hear how he said Bucky, and not me. I’m just as tough to fight as the Dora. They may be a little harder than me, by a little.” I said, kind of bragging.

“The Dora Milaje don’t have jurisdiction here…”

“The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.” Ayo spoke, sounding very annoyed, and very angry.

“Okay, look I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot…” Walker put his hand on Ayo’s shoulder, and the fight broke out.

I couldn’t help, but sit on the counter to watch. This was better than I thought. Walker kept trying to fight back, but they kept putting him on his ass.

“We should do something.” Sam tried to reason with Bucky.

Bucky crossed his arms, “looking strong John.”

“Bucky…” Sam warned.

He rolled his eyes, and stopped Ayo from stabbing Walker, “Ayo, let’s talk about this.”

I happened to look over my shoulder as Zemo slipped into the bathroom. I shot up from my spot, and ran to the door, “don’t you dare, Zemo!” I banged on the door. I tried to open it, but he had locked it. I used the force of the wind to knock it open, but he had already slipped into the sewer system.

I turn around as I hear the action from behind me stop, “I’m sorry Ayo. I tried to stop him as soon as I saw what he was doing.” She placed a hand on my shoulder before standing back up. I turned around to see Bucky’s arm on the floor as the Dora headed out.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked as Bucky went to pick up his arm to put it back on.

“No.” Bucky swung his arm around once it was back in place.

Bucky and Sam walked over to the opened sewer drain, “I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo.” Sam gazed down.

“I can.” Bucky said, annoyed, “come on.” Bucky started to walk out.

We wander the streets for a bit. Sam’s phone starts going off, and he picks it up quickly. Whoever is on the other end sounds panicked. By how quickly Sam is answering them, it’s pretty concerning to Bucky and I.

“”Pack an overnight bag, take the boys somewhere.”

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked, concerned.

Sam pulls the phone from his ear for a second, “Karli called my sister. She threatened my nephews,” he goes back to talking to Sarah, “wherever you go only pay cash. Let me know when you get there. I love you. You know I would never let anything happen to you or the boys. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I begin to panic about Jamie, and I can tell the same fear has rushed over Bucky. “I’ll call Miranda once we meet with Karli.”

“Maybe you should check on him now.” Bucky sounded worried, and I nodded.

Just as I went to call Miranda I got a text from her, “she just texted me saying that she is taking Jamie somewhere. She got a call, probably similar to Sarah.”

“Tell her to contact Sarah and meet up. That way they’re together, and safe.” Sam suggested.

“I agree.” I sent the sitter a text with Sarah’s contact information, and told her to stay with them till we get state side.

At that point Sam got a message with the coordinates we were to meet Karli, “she said come alone.”

“I’m going with you.” Bucky stated, rubbing my back to soothe me.

I nodded in agreement as we headed to suit up. We then headed to where Karli asked us to meet. It was in the same area where the gathering for Madani was, which made it easy for us I guess. We knew if she took off though, we wouldn’t be able to find her again.

“Karli!” Sam yelled, announcing our presence. She then peeked her head out, and we ascended the stairs nearby.

“You called my sister, and her babysitter. Is that how we’re going to play this?” Sam asked, angry as hell.

“I would never hurt them. I just wanted to understand the two of you better,” she looks over, seeing Bucky, “I see you, um, didn’t come alone.”

“You have to end this now.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, either of you. You both are tools in the regimes I want to destroy. You’re not hiding behind a shield.” Karli started.

“Yeah Walker doesn’t exactly know how to properly fight it seems.” I chuckled, earring me a glare from Sam.

“If I were to kill you, it’d be meaningless. I was going to ask you to join me. Or do the world a favor and let me go.” Karli continued, practically begging.

Sam then looked down at his arm piece. He seemed to zoom in as panic sunk in his face. He then looked up and over to Bucky, “it’s Walker.”

Bucky jumped down, but Karli followed, and knocked him into a column. Sam and I jumped down after, so Karli didn’t hurt him. I ran over to help Bucky up as Sam and Karli fought. Once Bucky was on his feet, I helped Sam out by knocking her into one of the columns behind her.

“I’ll send you the two of you the coordinates, go.” Sam ordered before taking off.

Bucky and I took off after Karli. We chased her through the streets before she dipped back into the building. We went to head up the stairs, but Bucky was knocked down by one of the Flagsmashers. Bucky shoved them down the stairs, but they got right back up. He then kicked them into a wall, and they fell through.

We went back to chasing up the stairs after her. At the top of the stairs there was a doorway that led to a huge room. Sam and Walker were fighting off Flagsmashers left and right. I groaned knowing we had to help Walker. Bucky ran up and punched one in the face that was about to take Sam out from behind.

“You’re welcome.” Bucky said, going back to fighting.

I kept shoving them into each other, then pushing them towards Bucky or Sam to take care of. It was working well to start, then things went south when Lemar was kicked into column at full speed by Karli. He was dead on impact, though Walker begged for him not to be.

Sam, Bucky, and I took off after Karli. The chase led to the streets, and we were met with a horrible, gruesome scene. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. Steve’s shield was used as a weapon for the first time. I was disgusted, angry, and numb all at once. All I could do was cling to Bucky to keep me standing straight.

“What has he done?”

TAGLIST (OPEN):

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @soccer1000

#bucky x reader #sam wilson x platonic!reader #Bucky Barnes #sam wilson #john walker #baron zemo #waiting for forever

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ssaalexblake · 4 years ago

Note

for the meme: thasmin or book/burnham (is the ship name burnbook?)

(Okay this turned into a thasmin meta essay with Opinions so i only did Thasmin in the end lol)

thasmin: I want to give thasmin an award for making me interested in a companion/doctor ship because honestly All of the doctor’s companions deserve so much better than the doctor, but they’ve made thasmin so thematically interesting to think about that i actually kind of don’t care? An Achievement. It is Interesting. It’s a good interpersonal plot. I want to see how they’re going to go.

I was with the people in s11 who were like ‘wow okay Yaz is Really into her’ because they’ve been putting in Yaz’s Thing for 13 in as early as the spider episode, Yaz’s comments to Claire about ‘her person’ were of exactly No surprise from a narrative stand point, admittedly i was very surprised from the standpoint where they were explicitly comparing 13′s relationship with Yaz to an actual legit romantic and sexual relationship (i... don’t think the sexual part was a Thing here but i am reticent to describe byron’s behaviour as anything But merely sexual so it gets included) because... That’s a big thing? While i wasn’t shocked narratively, i Was kind of shocked from a real world perspective and the politics of the bbc that that bit made it to air.

(also though. BURN. 13 got compared to the ultimate fuckboy and it was justified)

Which is Nothing compared to how far my eyebrows got up my forhead @ Jack explicitly relating his feelings for the doctor to Yaz’s feelings for the Doctor. Jack is like... In Love With The Doctor. They put them in the same boat. That’s a lot.

As far as i’m concerned, it might not be a canon Relationship, but it’s at the very least a canon Ship at this point. Even if not requited. That is canon.

That said, had you asked me about 13′s feelings towards Yaz in the first half of season 12 i’d have very much said it was definitely unrequited, but then Praxeus happened. That look 13 gives Yaz as she asks to go off on her own to investigate that alien base sure as hell was something!

Those aren’t the best caps of this whole exchange, but this is the first and arguably Only time i’ve seen a sign that 13 may actually have some reciprocal feelings here. The only part doesn’t Really matter, imo, because 13 has been actively trying to Avoid becoming too attached to her companions, has had other more pressing matters to deal with and Really won’t want to deal with the idea of Yaz having feelings for her (think Ten Casually doing his very best to ignore Martha’s feelings for him, except 13 isn’t being a jerk about it). Her hiding her feelings apart from the odd slip up? Would very much be in character.

(also... they did that comparing of 13 to Byron who was kind of... Ignoring Claire’s feelings for him So I feel like i have some ground to stand on here when i say 13 is knowingly not acknowledging this all)

But here’s the thing, take that whole exchange above out of context of dw and shove it in a blockbuster and it’s the hero and the romantic lead separating knowing one of them is off to do something dangerous and wondering if they’ll ever see each other alive again. The whole scene was played out, and s/o to the pink/purple romantic lighting, like a love scene? I was Very intrigued by this. Especially with 13 proclaiming at the end of the episode with a kind of wistful smile that she’s a romantic.

But This was 13 Before the s12 finale, though. How will she interact with Yaz now? The doctor’s Not stupid, she knows Yaz has feelings for her. She’s evidently been content to ignore that (that’s not really even a Bad thing, to be honest, Yaz may not have hidden it well but she’s also never acknowledged it or in any way Asked the doctor if she does reciprocate... She may not Want to do anything about it and 13 following her lead isn’t bad)... But will 13 still be content with this as their relationship with where she is Now?

Her forced solitary confinement of an unstated number of years had quite obviously removed her weariness of physically embracing the people she loves and allowing them to also touch her, she was Gripping onto the guys in the special, but perhaps more importantly she was letting them in emotionally as well. She may not have filled Jack in on all the context, but she was actually very honest about her feelings and such with him, she had an emotionally open conversation with Ryan and conceded their close relationship, a parallel with how she rejected the very same thing in fugitive of the judoon.

(she didn’t have Much of a moment with Graham, but i kind of like it... Graham wasn’t ready to leave but did to stay with Ryan.. To him And the doctor this is almost unfinished business).

The point is, 13 may have lost her sense of identity and feels lost, but she’s also fundamentally kind of changed how she’s interacting with her companions. Now i Know there was consternation that Yaz and her got next to nothing in that episode, but it was pure logistics imo. They have all next season to go into their relationship, they had 75 minutes to wrap up hers with Ryan and Graham, no point wasting their dwindling time to focus on what can be addressed later.

So... If she follows her pattern... She’ll probably be more open with and To Yaz next season. In which case, we’ll now see 13 play Her hand on how she views the two of them. I’m interested.

I want to see 13 grab onto what she Knows in the face of her identity issues. She knows her relationship with Yaz.

That said, i feel like Yaz’s relationship with 13 Is all tied in with her low sense of self-esteem. She’s mimicking 13 because she thinks 13 is a good, useful and helpful person scoring Big Victories and she thinks that’s better than what she herself manages. From a storytelling standpoint, Yaz’s less favourable feelings towards 13 now, evolved from the kind of crushing hero worship of s11, was Very necessary to her as a person, and i’m Very convinced they will have at least one big fall out next season because, well, their personalities are just Like that but also Yaz needs to twig that the small victories matter. That people like her matter and are just as useful as The Doctor.

I personally would like maybe something along the lines of them having a huge explosive argument that Totally removes even the doctor’s Function off the pedestal it’s been put on by Yaz. I think yaz already took 13 off the pedestal as a person but she still views 13 running around saving the universe as a much Better version of helpful and good than anything a regular human Yaz can do. In the words of Rory Williams ‘the small victories matter’. Yaz has forgotten, this, or maybe never realised it to start with, but she needs to and 13 needs to be the vehicle for Yaz to realise that.

That said, 13 and Yaz have never had much luck with Touch. When 13 grabbed her hand in it takes you away, Yaz is so surprised you can see it in her face and body language. The only time Yaz reaches out for 13 she is physically shoved away. Their next touch is Yaz shoving 13. They are leading up to something here. What’s it going to be?

They should kiss, basically.

Yaz deserves to live out those gay ‘hot for teacher’ vibes. Let 13 snog Yaz’s socks off.

But if i have to choose between them kissing Or Yaz getting personal character development through the doctor being absolutely shoved off her pedestal? I’d pick the latter any day. But i want Both of those things and don’t feel it’s impossible because the Yaz self-esteem plot is inherently linked with the doctor idolization plot. Yaz is still too good for the doctor in every way, but Yaz deserves Some culmination for her feelings. We all know it can’t end well, she’s immortal and she’s not... But i’d like her to get some closure for her feelings for the Doctor before she leaves.

But also my most cutting edge thasmin insight is that 13 totally by accident gave Yaz a Massive praise kin/k.

Thank you for the ask!!!!

#meme thingy #dw shit #littleironi #this got loooooong #and i had to end it on a low note yes i Did #how long this is speaks to how interesting and deep this relationship is tbh #also i left stuff off

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the-girl-in-the-box · 4 years ago

Text

Not Today III

A/N: Hello everyone! So, a little bit of foreshadowing has begun, and we have a brief insight into the relationship Aethelind has with Alfred! I really wanted to be sure to explore that relationship, since it will be so integral to the plot later on. So, a smaller chapter, focused on a smaller scene, but no less important to the plot! Next week, much of our cast will return for the feast. Skål!

Summary: When Ivar takes the throne of Kattegat, Lagertha flees to Wessex along with Björn, Ubbe, Torvi, and the Bishop Heahmund. There, they seek the aid of King Alfred. This aid comes in the form of his sister, Aethelind, who agrees to travel to Kattegat and try to reason Ivar, who she spent some time with during their youth, when her grandfather King Ecbert hosted Ragnar Lothbrok in their castle. Now, she is the only hope for Lagertha and her supporters to retake Kattegat from Ivar the Boneless.

Masterlist

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The servants all knew to stay away when Aethelind and Alfred were having one of their disagreements. That, or they knew if it went on for too long, to go get their mother. The struggle with these two was found in the conflicting parts of their father they each embodied. And, truthfully, Alfred did want to help the Vikings who had turned up on his and Aethelind’s door. He just…

He knew what they were capable of. He knew the destruction brought to the shores of Wessex by these Northmen. They weren’t safe, and couldn’t be trusted. But at the same time, he remembered the kind eyes of his grandfather’s close friend, the curiosity in the eyes of that man’s son. He couldn’t quite make the two go together, sometimes, in his mind. Perhaps that was why his sister was now pleading with him to assist the Vikings. She had gotten it all straight.

But then, he realized the same men in her villa, Björn and Ubbe Ragnarsson, had killed both his grandfathers, and he suddenly couldn’t bring himself to see them the way she apparently did. He couldn’t understand her heart for them. They had betrayed their grandfather, Ecbert. How could she know they wouldn’t betray her, too?

He had voiced that question, and that, he knew, was the cause of her absolutely bewildered look. Clearly, he’d messed up in asking that. He could tell by her expression exactly what was going through her mind.

“You let fear control you too much,” she finally said, after a few moments of simply staring at him. Perhaps he hadn’t known exactly what, then. “Our father would be absolutely appalled at this. There shouldn’t even be any discussion. You and I both know he’d jump to assist them.”

"Our father destroyed their settlement, Aethelind,” he countered, and then her expression turned pointed, unimpressed. He’d known what she meant, and dodged it, not wanting to admit she was right.

“Our true father,” she said lowly. “Athelstan.”

Ah, yes, thought Alfred. The closest friend of Ragnar Lothbrok. And what good did that friendship do him?

“He was betrayed by the Vikings,” Alfred pointed out. “We know one of them killed him. Grandfather told us this before he was killed by them, too.”

“Grandfather was found dead in his bath, you don’t know the Vikings killed him,” Aethelind argued.

“I know they brought their Great Heathen Army here, and when we returned, Grandfather was dead. Don’t be naïve, Aethelind. He turned Ragnar Lothbrok over to Grandfather Aelle. The Heathens came, went to Northumbria, came here to Wessex, and both our grandfathers died while they were here. What else can be assumed by this?”

“They never came here on that trip.”

Alfred sighed. He should have known that would have been kept from her. The truth of these sorts of matters could be jarring, he knew that, and so he understood why she wouldn’t have been told- especially as she’d continued speaking of that boy, even as he helped lead the army that killed their grandfathers.

“They did,” he confessed. “It’s why we left, right before Grandfather Ecbert passed. He knew they would come, and sent us away for safety. They killed him in his bath, and that’s why we returned to find him gone.”

Alfred watched as she seemed to grow cold, distant from him. That was never good. She was angry. Her brows creased together, her eyes hardened, and she let out a slightly bitter laugh.

“And no one saw fit to tell me of this?” she questioned, voice low. “No one thought I should know that Vikings came and killed both our grandfathers? Why? Was I deemed to be too fond of one of them to be trusted with this information?” Even though her voice hadn’t changed overly much, wasn’t too hostile in nature, Alfred flinched. This was almost worse than when she yelled. “You didn’t even see fit to tell me this, Alfred?”

“You… were too close to both sides of the conflict,” he said, and from the way he spoke, it sounded to her as if he were trying to soothe her. The idea was like salt in the wound he’d just reopened. “And it was difficult news to bear anyway. I thought to protect you by never saying-”

“No, you betrayed me by never saying,” she interrupted. “All this talk of how the Northmen will betray me, and you already have. And what harm could have been done anyway? I already sympathized with the Northmen. The worst case already was the case. If anything, you might have won my sympathies back! Yet now all you have done is solidified my convictions.

“And if nothing else, I know our father would have helped them. Our father left Wessex to be with them in Kattegat. He loved Ragnar Lothbrok. Despite all their differences, even when it came to faith, our father was the one at his right hand, even until his death. If he were here, he would advise that we send aid at once. I, for one, wish to uphold his legacy. I wish to be friends to these people, even if you find it ill-advised.”

Alfred regarded her with a very interested expression. He knew, of course, that she was right, but the way she was talking… “You sound just like him,” he said. “At least, how Mother says he sounded. His love for the Vikings… It’s as if you have inherited it from him.”

His comment seemed to lighten things a bit, though the mood became heavier in other ways, and she smiled a little. “Perhaps you have too,” she suggested. “You simply need to see them in a better light.”

“A better light?” Alfred asked. “What other way is there to see them?”

“Spend some time with them,” she suggested. “And perhaps, speak with our mother about them, and about our father’s relationship with them. She’s told me much of how it used to be, how they helped our grandfather take Mercia. How he, in turn, gave them land here to settle on to farm. How they lived there peacefully. All stories have more than one side to them, Alfred. Perhaps you should learn theirs.”

“Is that what you’ve just done? Spent time learning their story?”

Aethelind nodded, and sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose. “It’s terrible. What’s happened to them… It’s nothing I would wish on anyone. Björn and Ubbe’s brothers have betrayed them- Hvitserk and Ivar. They took Kattegat from under Lagertha, who was apparently its rightful ruler. He murdered their other brother, Sigurd. And even more, Lagertha and Björn knew our father, very well. They loved him, and were loved by him. If you don’t want to help the others… can we at least agree to help them, Alfred? They are no ordinary Northmen. They were friends of our father’s.”

He sighed once more, his brows drawing together thoughtfully as he looked to the table. “Alright,” he eventually agreed. “Lagertha and Björn… I will agree to help, though I cannot say yet in what way. The others are your guests, and I will not take ask you to turn them away. In the meantime, while we work on a plan to offer them aid, I will order a feast to be held to welcome them tonight. Hopefully, this will ensure them of our good faith. And, in accordance with your request, I will… spend some more time with those who our father did not know- Ubbe and… what is the other’s name? The woman with him?”

"Torvi,” Aethelind supplied. “She’s his wife, yes. She seems to be very sweet so far. I wasn’t sure she trusted me overly much, when we first met, but multiple times throughout their explanation, she advised them to go more slowly, to give me time to process what I was learning. I like her.”

Alfred nodded a little, and smiled. “Ubbe and Torvi, then. I will try to know them better, to please you, dear sister.”

Aethelind smiled at her brother, and nodded. “Thank you,” she said. “I will be trying to know them all well, especially in the event we must work more closely with them toward anything. It is imperative that they be able to trust us, not only that we be able to trust them. If we’re to accomplish anything, we must trust each other. We must become with them how our father was with theirs.”

Alfred chuckled softly, an amused smile on his face. “You are very passionate,” he commented affectionately. “They are blessed to have you on their side. I might have turned them away, otherwise. And yet, here you are, arguing for their good. I wonder what else you may try to talk me into, the longer they’re here?”

“Nothing too drastic, I shouldn’t imagine,” she teased. “Though, I’m not sure… Björn may be unmarried.”

Alfred nearly choked, his eyes widening exponentially. “That will not be happening. I am saying no to that right now. You will not be the wife of Björn Ironside. No.”

Aethelind giggled at how easily Alfred had fallen for her joke, a wide grin splitting her face, and he sighed. He should known better by now than to take such a comment seriously. As all their family were rather serious, he couldn’t be sure where she’d gotten such a penchant for mischief. But, it was amusing, and it broke the common monotony of daily life around the castle. He couldn’t be too upset about that, could he?

“One of these days I’ll learn to stop falling for your little tricks,” he told her, and she only laughed more.

“Oh, where would be the fun in that?” she asked. “No, if there’s something I can always rely on you for, Alfred, it’s falling for my ‘little tricks’. And, for coming around to the right way of thinking about things.”

“Or, more accurately, for supporting you. Even in the strangest of your endeavors- of which I’m sure this is one. Helping Vikings reclaim their village. Grandfather Aelle must be turning in his grave, right now.”

The smirk Aethelind wore made Alfred realize that didn’t upset her in the slightest, as did the comment she made.

“I don’t quite see the harm in that.”

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius, @wilhelmyna, @katfett, @fangirl-nonsense, @zuzus-sun, @heavenly1927

If you want to be added to the taglist, feel free to reach out either by commenting, reblogging, DMing me, or sending an ask, and I’ll be more than happy to add you!

#ivar the boneless #ivar x oc #vikings #vikings history #history channel vikings #not today #chapter three #ivar's heathen army #ivar fanfic #ivar ragnarsson #alex hogh andersen #ivar x ofc #ivar x original female character #ivar x christian!oc

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