#it may be the principled thing to care for elders but i'm not going to be insulted every day. nope nah i'll take the going hell instead

[comradecowplant]

fuck it, being a "good person" is not worth being treated like this.

[bu-blegh-ost]

Okay so this has been eating at me so much. That last scene between Gillion and Zamia in ep. 112.

-See? You didn't have anything to be worried about. Looks like you found yourself a new oath, paladin.

-How have you done it? Being so devoted to your oath?

-I think when things seem worse, when things seem dark, I...look around. And never far from me is someone to remind me what I'm fighting for. [looks at Chip and Jay]

-So your power comes from people you care for too, then?

And this is when Gillion starts stammering really hard and ends the conversation, as if something horrible were to happen if he admitted to it. Grizzly metions something about him almost becoming an Oath Breaker, and this makes me wonder what kind of oath Gillion is under to not be able to fight and draw courage and will to keep going from those he loves. And please mind, I do not have Patreron, so if more details were listed somewhere there, then I have no access to it, but the way I see it, whatever he was forced to swear that would make him react like that must have been an awfully cruel promise. To not be able to admit that other people give him strength, to have this burden of always distancing himself away from other's warmth. I don't think whatever oath Elders prepared for him all these years ago is worth keeping anymore, and it is inevitable for Gillion to realise it one day and finally break it. Break it, and make a new one, one that will allow him to devote himself to the ones who were always by his side, just like Zamia did.

Do you think he was thinking about it? About his own place in the world among the joy of celebration? He felt excitement and happiness for the girls of course, but maybe a pang of jealousy too? A pang of emptiness? When he said to them "May you both be each other's destinies," it felt...important. It felt like words that carried weight to them. Because Gillion doesn't say the word "destiny" lightly anymore. But he was sincere in it. There is nothing more beautiful than to dedicate one's destiny not to fate, or god, or a principle, but to a person. One you chose to walk the rest of your life with, one you chose on your own. I think about Gillion standing there between the two lovers, giving them a new beautiful purpose in life...and being left to wonder how ironic it is, that as the one standing here, making this possible, he feels like he has no purpose at all. That he is being led the path that slowly feels more and more meaningless, and that the only reason he does want to keep going is because of the people he is not allowed to love. How when he talks to Jay, he says he hopes that the two of them finding him was just a coincidence. How much he wants their love, and how much he wants to give back in return, but how he is so, SO afraid, that everything they've been through together is something he was forced into as well, that it's not real. But he wants it to be so bad. Because he loves them so much it hurts. Because he can't bear to carry this burden anymore without them. Because he's lost and all he wants is for them to reach for him and hug him and take his hand and walk gently with him through the path of their own making.

He wants to do all of that so bad, but he can't.

Somehow, he just can't.

Not yet.

But one day, he will.

[eimearkuopio]

😂😂😂😂😂

Okay so when I was 20 they finally diagnosed me with "Asperger's syndrome" because it was a long time ago. These days I go with autism. I can tell you it definitely came from my dad's side of the family.

When I was maybe 24 or 25 I participated in a research project that involved using fMRI on autistic individuals. They did make several loud and pointed comments about ADHD and my parents and I both did explain that I could focus on things very easily for a very long time, so I couldn't possibly have ADHD.

I have all nine inattentive-type ADHD traits but only two of the hyperactive-impulsive types. That for sure came from mum's side of the family. I was 33 when I finally got that diagnosis. Finally got medicated in October 2019.

As I get the impression some people may have noticed, my mental health is...iffy. But also, nobody is actually sure if "divine mania" is genuinely supernatural or not. I am also not sure! But based on how fucking weird my life has been this summer, I can only conclude that someone somewhere knows what the fuck is going on, and that things are going to get better.

I know we're in a story. That's not the question. I don't even think I'm the sole protagonist, which is a relief because... No thank you. I think we're in a video game and the Pauli Exclusion Principle is a way of storing two related pieces of information necessary for the simulation to arbitrary precision using finite memory somewhere, if anyone is curious. I also think we're going to get to run for as long as we keep from absolutely wiping ourselves out, and we are currently closer than we have ever been on that front but I think my player just completed a pacifist run (aside from unskippable cut scenes) and while that's not a sufficient condition to guarantee the "best" outcome, it IS a necessary one and the rest is up to the other PCs. I know enough about agent-based simulations and AI to think it's possible we can still pull this off. There are scripted events and everything in between is a best-fit approximation, probably using some kind of spline system.

I do think life is better when I have my own copy of the lid of the jigsaw. Some people tried to share theirs but they needed it too and they were working really hard to get their pieces in order. I have a lot of weird pieces that didn't seem to fit together at first, and I'm not going to claim the picture I seem to have constructed is the objective correct one, but I'm still proud enough of whatever I have figured out to be willing to share it. I don't know if it's a case of carcinogenesis resulting in convergent evolution of a new species of crab, or recessive genes reappearing unexpectedly, or the spirit of our century expressing itself as a kind of collective doomsayer weirdness, but I choose careful optimism every time. I might be wrong, but that's true anyway.

I have definitely had a rough summer of it. But basically, I'm autistic, and I have an overdeveloped sense of justice, and I am just about functional enough to be able to overrule that in favour of a clear written code of conduct; but after a lifetime of being told I had to follow other people's rules that went against my instincts, but also, they didn't and I just had to forgive them, I may have snapped and just let the ADHD heal whatever the autism was going through.

It definitely feels like I have become a lowercase-g god. I know a lot of people my age and younger who have similar issues to me. I think it's time we start a union and begin negotiating with the elders who keep telling us we're the problem. Even if that may result in becoming a new and different problem, that's the next generation's issue (and I truly hope it won't). We have enough to deal with. If they were waiting for a sign from God, I genuinely can't tell if this is an attempt to convince me to claim I'm God (I am not God), but apparently there's a nova and a comet and a second fucking moon? So. Y'all can figure it out. I need a nap. And a few more members for the union.

Side note: in Irish the term for disabled person is "duine le Dia". We usually translate this as "one whom God is with", but technically speaking, it would more accurately be translated as "a person who has a god".

I saw the reblog string about EGS and.

What is EGS and would you reccomend it?

El Goonish Shive is a webcomic that started back when webcomics were allowed to be fun little personal projects and not movie-quality art pieces made by already-successful professional artists. It's a fun lighthearted story of a bunch of teenagers having wacky magical adventures and solving mysteries. Like a lot of webcomics from its day, there's a lot of silly humour and genderbending shenanigans, and like a lot of webcomics from its day, it becomes significantly more complex and better made as the artist learns his craft.

The reason I'm pointing all of this out is because it's a really fun little time and I do recommend it, but I need to warn you that it starts like this:

because this is now teenagers learning their craft on the internet in 2002 wrote webcomics. I'm mentioning this because to younger readers who weren't there, I know this can be off-putting.

That out of the way, it's a fun adventure with a lot of magical transformation, young queer teens finding themselves and gaining the courage to be who they are, and alien/interdimensional politics. Watching the artist grow both politically and as an artist as he grows up is great. So if that's your bag, you'll have a lot of fun with egs. If it's not your bag, you won't.

The early years, being drawn by a teenager with internet access, also have a fair bit of not-very-disguised fetish material, so also be warned about that. (This was also the norm in this era of webcomic.)

[alexjcrowley]

Tag yourself "Ancient Rome main characters but it's just very violent personal attacks" - Pompeius-Ceasar Civil Wars edition + Cato The Elder because yes:

Marcus Tullius Cicero

you just can't shut the fuck up

that's lucky you're a silver tongue devil, though

always bringing up old merits

you love poetry, poetry just doesn't love you

somehow you always choose the worst side in any argument

you have a very unique way to tell a story- the way in which you look like the hero

I'm not saying you have a victimistic attitude, but-

Titus Pomponius Atticus

you may be pretty smart, and pretty kind, and very pretty, but you're constantly overshadowed by your more popular friends

you're the Benvolio of the group

can't you just, for once, pick a side in your life? Would it kill you?

I don't know what to tell you, bestie, there would be lots of things to tell, you're just not popular enough that people would actually know what I'm talking about

also stop giving your money away to your friends, I get it- you're a nice person, but they're going to drain you in the end

Cato Maior (Cato The Elder)

the grandpa friend

you just realized you're old and now you spend all your time hating on kids like 2 years younger than you saying stuff like all the new generations suck

Congratulations, you're a boomer on the inside

You didn't download tik tok because it's a matter of principle

🌌salty🌌

you complain about everything CAN YOU STOP COMPLAINING FOR FIVE MINUTES

People just turn off their attention when you talk for more than 5 minutes about how influencers ruined the world

Julius Caesar

you're a slut, both in a metaphorical and literal sense

you're competitive in a toxic way

you kin Regina George

you walk around like everybody wants to fuck you, both in a metaphorical and a literal sense

Main Character Syndrome alert

you think Patrick Bateman is a role model

Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (or Pompey The Great)

if Julius Caesar is Regina George, you're Gretchen Wieners

No, no, no, better: you're Heather Duke

walking second place medal

you're rich, you're clever, you're ambitious, just not enough

honestly I'm so sorry, you're great, you're just severely underrated

you're into pirates? Historically speaking, you should be

Marcus Licinius Crassus

who needs a personality when you're rich?

that's all you're ever going to be to people: rich and privileged, and therefore hated with the fiery of a thousand suns

you post Instagram stories with bags with Chanel/Louis Vuitton/Gucci logo

you drink Starbucks. In 2022.

it doesn't matter whether you say you support or you don't support Bezos and Musk: wake up, honey, your entire lifestyle is a hymn to capitalism

Gaius Valerius Catullus

ah! simp

they're never going to call you back, you need to understand this

you can passive aggressive vague post about them how much you want, they're never going to care and you're just making yourself a laughingstock to anybody else

you loooooved the tumblr girl culture

odi et amo is NOT making you look deep and intellectual, use literally any other latin quotation for your status, I'm begging you

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey! I just wanted to ask for advice for coming out as genderfluid to very Mormon, very conservative parents. They didn't react very well when I came out as gay, and I'm frankly terrified to come out as a different gender to them. Also, I want you to know that I love your blog and you and that you're an amazing person! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Thanks for the compliment!

If I’m understanding correctly, you’re not really asking for tips on how to come out, you’ve already been through that experience once before. You’re asking for how you can present the idea that you’re genderfluid in a way that your parents can understand and, hopefully, accept. 

Here’s some thoughts: 

1) Whether you’re going to speak to them in person, record a video or write a note, I think it’s important to include the idea that you love them and you want a close, honest, loving relationship with them. 

2) You’ll need to explain what it means to be “genderfluid.”

3) It would help if you could tie this into Church in a way that makes it not seem so outside their beliefs.

4) You could have some requests, like asking them to use your chosen name and pronouns. Be clear about with whom they can and cannot share this information about you.  

5) It probably would be helpful to provide some resources they can refer to. They will likely need some time to process all this, and hopefully the resources you provide will help them.

I’ll put some ways of saying these things below, but this is your coming out experience. Think about how you want to phrase things, how you want to describe the way you feel and the reality of your experience.

—————————     

One thing I keep learning is that God leads us down paths that we didn’t imagine, or expect, or even want. God leads us to paths so we can learn, grow, and move forward.

—————————   

Sex is the biology of your parts: physical anatomy, hormones, and chromosomes. All of these can be changed to the point a person can legally alter their sex from the one they were assigned at birth.

If sex is our biology, gender identity is how we perceive ourselves. Gender identity can align with our biological sex or can be in opposition to it. Most people are familiar with the binary system, meaning 2 distinct options: masculine/male/man or feminine/female/woman.

However, there are some identities that aren’t exclusively male or female. These individuals might identify themselves as “non-binary” because they feel a mix of both male & female, somewhere in between or something completely different. Some non-binary people feel that their gender isn’t fixed, that they shift between more than one gender. They might experience more “guy” days, “girl” days, “non-binary” days, “agender” days.

—————————   

None of us comes forth from the womb fully-formed—we are all grow, transform and become. Those of us who are non-binary get to do it in a unique way. I feel like God invites non-binary people to be co-creators, like the way God gives us wheat and we turn it into dough and then different sorts of bread.

—————————  

I have a few thoughts about the Family Proclamation. I like many of the ideas contained in that document. I like the idea that we’re each divine and are loved by Heavenly Parents, that loving family bonds will continue after mortality, children should be valued and loved and their physical and emotional needs cared for, and that spouses should help each other as equals. I like the importance of following the teachings of Jesus, including forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, and work.

The Family Proclamation is what our Church leaders think is the ideal family but it doesn’t mean there aren’t other types of realities. Elder Anderson pointed that out at last April’s General Conference.

“ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God… Gender is an essential characteristic” - it is interesting that these two statements are together. The first part seems to mean that God is both feminine and masculine. That actually fits the definition of nonbinary. And an essential characteristic of my gender is both that it’s nonbinary and it is fluid.

I like the statement that gender is eternal. My spirit’s gender and my body’s sex don’t align. Gender being eternal means we have gender and that can include the idea that it is not fixed and can change or progress.

“Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” - I suppose sexual orientation or gender identification would count as “other circumstances” and so I can adapt these principles to my individual situation.

Our Heavenly Parents don’t seem to fit into the roles that this document defines as what a male and what a female does. I feel like the Proclamation is focused on earthly cultural concerns.

—————————  

I don’t know what my relationship with the Church will be. Although it should be a place for all of God’s children, it doesn’t feel like it’s ready for someone like me. Both gay and genderfluid are challenges for the Church.

One thing is the Church’s handbook says is that undergoing “elective transsexual operation” “may be cause for formal church discipline.” That is the boundary of what the church thinks is unacceptable, that leaves a lot in bounds.

I could go by a different name. I can present myself in a masculine or feminine way. I can even choose non-surgical ways to alter myself, and it’s within the boundaries that the church provides.

One change the Church recently did that helps is we only split up by gender (for priesthood & relief society) every other week. Those weeks can be tough for someone who doesn’t feel like they belong in either group, but thankfully that’s not a weekly event anymore.

—————————  

I hope that you will accept & love me for who I am and not the version of a person that you wish I was.

I know that this is probably hard to understand. And I’m sure you have a lot of questions, or need some time to think about it.

Here’s some things you can read, and if you want to discuss them, I would like to talk with you again about this.

—————————  

And if you need to lighten the mood, here’s a joke that might help, “Gender was invented by bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.”

—————————  

1. Top Ten Tips from Parents from the mormonandgay website. Even though it’s about having a gay child, many of the same principles apply.

2. The Family Acceptance Project’s pamphlet for LDS families is excellent

3. This is a Facebook group for parents of transgender children.

4. Transactive LDS is a private group for transgender individuals or family members. 

———————————————————————   

I’m wishing you all the best. I hope this goes well. I will pray that your parents hearts will be softened and they’ll listen and ponder the things you share. And that their love for you will help them adjust to the changes they need to make in their understanding and acceptance of you.

[unsettlingcreature]

> how and when does the soul end up in the Soul Cairn?

It would happen immediately upon the soul being trapped within a gem since soul trapping is (in its simplest form) interrupting the natural cycle of souls going to aetherius, instead sending (part of) them to the Soul Cairn. ignore me, i literally contradicted myself in the next paragraph and was too sleepy to realise.

> would there be anything left of the soul to go to the Soul Cairn?

yes! Serana says that what goes to the soul cairn is the "remnants" of the soul that you trapped.

"When something is trapped in a soul gem, and then the energy is used for powering an enchantment, the remnants are sent here."

the majority of the soul's essence is used in the trapping/enchanting process, while a small amount of it is sent to the soul cairn. this is probably why all the souls there are so lost and confused.

> Is there anything that says you can't return a soul to its body if you have the gem with the soul in it?

disclaimer: books in the elder scrolls are not 100% fact. they're limited by the knowledge of their fictional authors, often being based on conjecture, personal bias or the current theories of the time. that said... I'd like to look at a book from ESO: "On Necromancy".

"Reanimation should not be taken lightly. Costs, both mundane and spiritual, can be very high. Intent is everything. Too much emotion may create a creature so consumed with anger and hate its every action is perverted by its pain. Too little creates a mindless husk with little more than the ability to follow the simplest of commands."

rather than resurrection, they first talk about reanimation, which if we view it as a precursor to resurrection (I'm going somewhere with this i swear) then we could assume the same principles apply.

casting such powerful magic would be difficult as it is but if the emotional state of the necromancer can have such an effect on the results, it would be a very careful balancing act. being overcome with grief could result in the reanimated person being twisted by the pain of that emotion. detached apathy would result in a mere shadow of who the person once was.

"The longer a body remains inanimate, the less hold its original owner has on the corpse."

this suggests that decomposition isn't the only thing you need to factor in when it comes to time. soul magic on the whole isn't very well-researched within the elder scrolls universe so there are a lot of unknown variables but we can kind of assume this means that while the soul is linked to the body, being separated from it for too long results in an incompatibility. I'd assume this is because ordinarily, souls shouldn't be returning to the body and trying to do so is a perversion of the natural order. there's probably only so much that you can do against the fundamental laws of the universe - at least unless you have an extreme amount of power.

"Raising the dead so recent that the soul has not yet fled is ill-advised, as true resurrection is not the purview of the necromancer, but something best left to gods and priests."

here's the kicker. all of this has been saying that simply returning a soul to the body is not enough - true resurrection is something that cannot be achieved without divine power/intervention.

A question of necromancy

All right, Elder Scrolls necromancers and deep thinkers. Riddle me this: if you trap a soul in a soul gem, and you use the soul gem to enchant something, how and when does the soul end up in the Soul Cairn?

Somehow, I thought the soul stayed in and powered the enchantment on the object you enchanted, but if that was the case, and the soul was depleted as you used the item, would there be anything left of the soul to go to the Soul Cairn?

Is there anything that says you can't return a soul to its body (within a reasonable time frame, of course, before decomposition takes hold) if you have the gem with the soul in it?

Asking for a friend. (and asking friends! @dirty-bosmer @gwilin-stay-winnin @mareenavee @skyrim-forever @thana-topsy @thechaosdragoness @thequeenofthewinter)

[visceralyouth-blog]

Tender Embrace

The reverberating sound of a fist hitting the table jolted Aurea back into reality from the trance she seemed to be in. 

 “I am so tired of your attitude, Aurea!”  

Aurea said nothing and just bowed her head to stare at her now cold breakfast. This was her morning routine. Being shouted, screamed and lashed at all done before 9 A.M. Being the eldest daughter and a student, Aurea had a lot on her shoulders. She is not the smartest of all students but she tries her very best to excel in school because it’s her payment for all the sacrifices her parents- especially her mom- has done for her. She was raised to always aim high and up until now, ithas become her principle in life. 

“Why do you never help around the house? You can’t even take care of your little sister! You only think of yourself!” Her mother spat out the words with much disdain that it took Aurea all of her remaining willpower not to break down and cry. Hearing her own mother say those words to her sent thousands of knives to her heart. It was as if her mother never saw her help around, although she admits that sometimes she forgets to take care of her little sister because she often gets caught up with homework. 

“If you don’t want to take care of your sister or even help with the chores then so be it! I’m so tired of constantly reminding you to help, if you don’t want to then don’t!” Those were the words her mother said before exiting the house. Aurea did everything to keep her tears at bay and quickly finished up before following her mother out an heading to school.

On the way to school, Aurea felt dejected as if her world was destroyed because of what her mother had said to her. She had a smile on her face as she greeted her teachers and friends but deep down, her mind was a mess; like a hurricane swept through it and sucked her in as well. As soon as she arrived at the classroom, she knew she had to clear her mind and focus on her upcoming quiz, but she couldn't do it, the hurtful words her mother said kept ringing inside her mind like a broken cassette tape. 

Her friends grew worried when they noticed that something was off about her so they tried to ask if she was okay.

"I’m fine, I swear, " she said but when they looked into her eyes, they saw the sadness that is slowly consuming her. Her friends said 

"Lying will get you nowhere, Aurea. We know you're not fine.” They took the empty chairs beside her and sat down. “You even failed your quiz which is odd. We know that something’s wrong, you don’t have to be afraid of telling us.” 

She quickly looked away, plastered her best attempt at a smile and said, "I'll make it through this, it’s just taking me a while.” Her friends exchanged worried glances because they knew she was hurting from a deep wound.

The walk en route home was short and quick. The cobble stones and the soil beneath them reminded her of the beach, the sand and the rocky paths. For a moment she forgot the sound of her mother reprimanding her, the sight of her test papers with a big, fat "F" for a score and the look at her friends' eyes when she said she'll be all right. For a moment, it felt like the world was against her and nobody was there to help her stand on the ground. But moments did not last long and soon after she reached the steps to her house's front porch. Little did she know, a huge surprise was there, waiting for her. 

"Aurea, go straight to your room," her mother said with a straight face. 

Aurea quickened her pace, never looking her mother in the eye. When she got to her room, a mess of hugs came spiraling down to her as her friends greeted her with sad smiles. "We knew something was up, Aurea, don't lie to us," one of her friends said. 

"Is this about the Maths quiz we took?" 

"Aurea, it's okay to fail exams. This isn't the end of the line, okay?" 

"Guys," Aurea whispered. "I'm sorry I've been acting weird. I'm just...really disappointed with myself these days."

 "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head. 

"What about we go get you some ice cream then we can teach a thing or two about Math! And of course, visit the Church to enlighten your mind with whatever's bugging you. Sounds good?" One of her friends suggested, triumph glistening in her eyes. 

"Hmm, not bad," was Aurea's short reply, but this time, she said it with a small bud of a smile.

When the sun had set and the sky had been splashed by the vibrant colors of the after glow, it was just then that Aurea's clothed foot stepped on the cracked tiles of her home. Aurea could hear the faint sounds of her sister singing to herself a familiar nursery rhyme . She dropped the 50-pound bag she carried in her back everyday to school and paced towards the little girl sprawled on the floor. The child tilted her head until their eyes met. In awhile, her little sister's lips was stretched into an innocent grin as Aurea took notice of the toys that were scattered here and there. 

"You're a little pain in the bum, you know?" spoke Aurea as she towered over the little girl. The little girl giggled in a soft melody, and Aurea was reminded of how she often thought that her sister's laughter was a song.

"Alright come on, kiddo. Help me pick up these toys of yours." She proceeded to tidy up the mess on the floor but while she picked the toys up, she heard footsteps that thumped behind her. The footsteps were from her mother.

"Mom," she began. "I'm sorry." Her mother shook her head in understanding with a vague smile on her lips. 

"No, Aurea. I am sorry. I know that being an adolescent is not easy especially when you are now facing a much higher level of responsibilities as an elder sister and as a student. I should have tried to understand your side about this and not just blow up every time." 

"It's okay, Mom. I promise that next time, I will really try my best to manage my responsibilities at school and here at home." They embraced in each other's warm arms and Aurea could feel the hand of her mother stroking against her back in a comforting motion. 

"Are you hungry?" her mother asked. 

"I am famished the moment I smelled your cooking from the kitchen. Is it chicken soup?" Aurea asked with an excited hint in her voice.

"Why don't you go upstairs and change, and meet me and your sister in the kitchen next? You'll find out." Her mother winked at her playfully.

Aurea jogged up the stairs, taking two steps at a time with a genuine smile on her face. Yes, she may have faced the hardships of the morning but at the end of the day, when the sun starts to sink in the ocean and resides by the shadow of the moon, she will always come running back into her safe haven- her mother’s tender embrace.