#it makes me emotional to think my writing can bring out so many thoughts đ©·đ
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NOT THAT YEE-HAW CAT đđ Makes me want to cry from laughter every. single. time.
I loved it all, like Nari is so sweet and I loved that we do get to follow her growing up throughout the story! Like if anything happens to her itâs on sightđ€đ€đ€đ€
To be honest, I was scared to add an OC in the story (I didn't know how it would be received by the public), but Iâm so happy to see that Nari has been welcomed with open arms đđ©· I thought it would be interesting to see the dynamic between a carefree child and overly protective adult (very much inspired from every zombie movie/game out there)
And yes, that first meeting with Yunho was such a pivotal moment as MC got to see what lengths he would go for loyalty even though they were basically strangers. Itâs safe to say the person who was shooting a them got ran over and either died instantly or was torn to bits by the infected lmaooo đ (no one touches yuyu).
Not Hongjoong finding her and Nari amusing like when hes questioning her and she's being all snarky Joong is there like "ah! I like you, you got spunk." Lol I just found that so amusing and I pictured him with a super fond smile as Nari spoke about Heartđ„ș
Being a hongsami, I just had to give Hongjoong a little more scene time. Like, even in the middle of an apocalypse, I canât imagine him to be stern all the time and I like to think Nari brought back childish memories before the outbreak started, as well that they want to protect her innocence from the scarring world of zombies. Sheâs got her very own protection squad of eight men đđ By the way, IDK if anyone noticed, but Heart is 110% inspired by TYUdeongi đ„č
the part where they are in the mall scavenging for things to bring back made me have a pit in my stomach all the time.
WRITING THAT MALL SCENE WAS SOOOO NERVE WRECKING AS I KNEW WHAT WAS WAITING, but that donât I do for angst, huh? It was quite funny tho, that a little squeaky toy nearly cost them their lives like out of everything you survived, you nearly die to THAT?
The whole scene when Angel tells him to leave and all broke my heart like it's obviously crushing Yunho to agree to this and she thinks it's better if she dies than him and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Funfact: That scene was written WAY before majority of the fanfic was done and lemme tell you, it was soooo âboringâ having to write up to it, but SO worth it in the end. Like thereâs no better angst than the one involving death and sacrifice đ especially when they havenât even moved past the friendship stage but are so very obviously in love with each other hahaha send me to therapy, yes?
Yeah Nari, tell her what an idiot she was for doing that and for scaring you so much. You have all the rights to be so angry at her right now!!Â
The MC was going to feel how it is to be on the receiving end of being scolded đ but I agree with you, Nari had every right to be mad at the MC, like if anyone was going to lose something with the MCâs passing it would be her.Â
Thank you so much for reading and your kind words Esther! Itâs always fun to read what you have to say and what parts of the story stood out! đ„čđ©·Â (your memes always give me a good laugh too, they reflect my thoughts during the writing process perfectly.) I'm not entirely set on writing a sequel, but if I do, it will be more hectic and heartbreaking than this one đđ
Bones, Blood and Teeth Erode | Jeong Yunho
â ïž Summary: Taking a child under your wing, tackling complex feelings for a man who didn't make your life easier, and waking up to the entire world wanting to sink their teeth into your skin would make for one hell of a college essay. Too bad you were already done with your studies and working a full time job kicking rotten ass.
â ïž Pairing(s): Jeong Yunho x F!Reader
â ïž Genres/Tropes: non-idol AU, zombie apocalypse AU, horror, romance, hurt/comfort, a lot of action, a lil comedy, golden retriever x black cat (kinda, not really)
â ïž Warnings/Tags: female reader, no use of (Y/N), explicit language, reader has a panic attack, derogatory words (bitch), use of weapons (guns, knives), blood and gore (quite descriptive), (probably inaccurate) gun wounds, losing consciousness, petnames (flower, angel, darling, sweetie), zombies, murder, reader is a badass, attempted murder by strangulation, brief allude to suicide and hanging (just a quick mention), medical needles, disagreements, Wooyoung is a menace, jealous!Yunho
â ïž Wordcount: 39.3K
â ïž Author's note: This work has been a fun challenge as it's my first time writing a zombie AU. With that, I'll kindly ask you to please be nice if the gore and action doesn't live up to your expectations! I'm also thinking of making a "sequel" as everything I planned couldn't fit here, but I don't know... I'll leave that for future me to decide. Until then, I'm going to focus on finishing Cold Hands, Warm Heart. Plus, who was going to tell me there was a limit to Tumblr?? Wdym I can't exceed 1000 paragraphs? đ
This is all fiction and not meant to represent the idols involved in any way or form. This work is NSFW and not appropriate for minors as it contains explicit scenes, not necessarily sexual content, but descriptions of both physical and verbal fights, as well as adult language and gore. Minors and ageless blogs, please, refrain from reading or interacting with this work or my blog!!!
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The most memorable moments of life were limited and a majority of them werenât even stored in the humanâs hippocampus until the ages three or four. First words, first steps, first birthday, first time using the potty amongst other things werenât memories, but rather snippets of stories retold by parents or other significant individuals. With the years passing and flowers withering as snow spread through the country, the less memorable things became. Birthdays were celebrated every three hundred and sixty-fifth day, but were only really a big deal if it was a big number or when the line of adolescence and adulthood was crossed. After that, no one was eager enough to celebrate the less time they harbored in the world.
Then â in some random order â your wallet would be updated with a shiny driverâs license accompanying your credit card, a few pennies and other meaningless receipts you couldnât bother throwing out. The desk in your childhood bedroom was cleared of coloring books, instead proudly displaying the evidence of graduating college that would eventually be framed and nailed to the newly painted walls of your first apartment. Those were the more memorable milestones youâd think back to in your senior years while relaxing on your porch with a cup of freshly brewed tea. By that point in life, youâd be free of school, work and other duties. The only worry was when your next doctorâs appointment was or if the neighborhood kids were stealing apples from your garden again.
The universe was known for throwing curveballs when one least expected and no one could foresee the bombshell of death and despair exploding on the green earth, altering everyoneâs hopes and dreams to dust. Within hours, the vision of spending your last years alive tending to your garden flowers and watching the sun go to sleep was erased from existence along with your cherished memories, because there was no moment in life youâd remember more than the day the world went to shit.
âHowâs little Nari doing? Have you checked the locks?â
âSheâs good, as much as a seven-year-old could be. Iâve already put her to bed like half an hour ago. We ate some fruit snacks and watched an episode of Bluey, and poof, she was out like a light,â you chuckled gently. âAnd yes, I already checked, I double checked even.â
This was your new nightly routine ever since moving miles across the country for more opportunities in the big city. Your mom had yet to accept the fact her baby girl (and only child) wasnât a baby anymore, but a grown woman with adult responsibilities. Nonetheless, she still called you at least once a day, and as much as you loved her, she sure was getting on your nerves.
âTriple check it⊠Oh! And see if your windows are locked too. Sheâs such a sweet little girl. Speaking of, how are the Kangs?â
Leave it to your mom to ask about everyoneâs and everythingâs wellbeing. It was no wonder she had trouble sleeping at night, the constant worry gnawing on her brain like a mouse with a stolen piece of cheese.Â
Rolling your eyes, you refrained from chastising her for staying up late watching one too many criminal documentaries. You lived on the fifth floor; what did it matter if your windows were locked or not?
âThe Kangs are good too, I believe. Theyâll be her first thing in the morning to get Nari.â
âThey are good people, those Kangs. Iâm happy you have normal neighbors and not some weirdos. Especially when they know thereâs a girl living alone, it makes you vulnerable.â
âBecause a couple in their early thirties definitely canât be perpetrators. Bonus points if they have a daughter.â
âIâm just concerned for my little baby girl. You know itâs difficult for us now that youâve moved out. Your father doesnât say much, but he hasnât stepped foot in your bedroom after the last box was carried out.â
And as much as you wanted to tell her, âMom, Iâm not your little baby girl anymoreâ, the words wouldnât roll off your tongue. Perhaps it was the mention of your fatherâs somber behavior â someone you never saw without a smile on his face â or you were missing them equally as much as they missed you.
âI know, mom. But it was a question of when Iâd move out, I mean, it would happen eventually and here we are.â
âWell, I donât care. Youâll be my baby until they stuff me down below.â
âMom!â
âItâs true! Adult or not, Iâm still your mother and will always be. Doesnât matter if youâre five, fifty or five hundred. Now, I donât want to hold you off any longer, itâs quite late and you have an early start tomorrow. I love you, my sweet girl.â
âI love you too, mom. Hug dad for me, would you?â
âOf course. Good night, sweetie.â
âGoodnight.â
Plopping down on the sofa barely big enough for three, your phone lightened with a gentle tap of your thumb. The wallpaper was a picture of you standing behind your parents with the family cat seated on your momâs lap. It was taken days before youâd leave for Seoul (your mom insisted you take another family portrait to match the collection of the already existing thirty something photos). Your two hours were spent aimlessly scrolling through various social media apps, seeing what news and events you missed out on while entertaining the previously energetic seven-year-old. Amidst your scrolling, the three full bars of the Wi-F emoticon turned transparent. Not thinking much of it, you opted for resetting your router, but nothing changed. Even your data roaming wasnât working.
âHuh? Thatâs weird,â you mumbled to yourself.
The device quickly lost its value and was forgotten on the coffee table as you reached for the TV remote. That proved to be useless too as a multitude of colors covered the screen with the words âNo Signalâ staring right back at you. Growing up in the countryside, you werenât all too shaken over the loss of Wi-Fi, but considering you were now residing in the heart of South Korea, where everything was supposed to be ten times better and faster, you were left with a queasy feeling. Giving the government â or whoever was in charge of these operators â the benefit of the doubt, you decided to get ready for bed. The internet would be back sooner or later, thatâs how it was in your hometown at least.
You gently peeked inside your bedroom and with the reassuring sight of Nari still in a deep slumber, you resumed to the bathroom.Â
âMaybe itâs a sign to tune in for the night.â
Watching yourself in the bathroom mirror, you shrugged and got to washing up. As you completed the long list of your skincare routine and dried your face with a towel, you didnât expect to be met with sudden darkness and nearly fell into the bathtub. Regaining your composure, your feet were glued to the floor and ars extra sharp, listening for anything suspicious on the other side of the door. You couldnât help but think someone had broken into your flat. To your fear, a silent creak echoed throughout the apartment followed by rapid pattering of feet. A whimper â you wouldâve missed it if it werenât for the complete silence â slipped through the tight space between the door and threshold.Â
âAuntie?â
The speed you unlocked the door at should be studied by a group of scientists. You wasted no time crouching before Nari which she saw as an invitation to sling herself in your embrace. The few solar sticks shoved into your window baskets provided your apartment with enough light to avoid bumping into furniture as you entered the living room. The TV had gone from a bright rainbow to a void of nothing, enveloping you in complete darkness. A simple fuse going out wouldnât turn off the power in your entire apartment and you wondered if the whole building was without electricity.Â
ïżœïżœïżœWhy is it dark?â She whispered against your shoulder.
âI donât know, sweetie. I think the power went out. Wanna see if there are any candles laying around?â
Grabbing your phone from its place, you quickly put on the flashlight and rummaged through your cabinets for anything useful. If you knew your mother at all, you were certain she snuck in some candles or a real flashlight while you were busy carrying boxes with your dad. Opening the second-to-last drawer, you found what you were looking for and in that moment it was a treasure bigger than gold.
âLooks like auntie had some candles after all.âÂ
With the help of Nari â who actually just watched you scatter the candles everywhere â you managed to bring more light into the apartment.
âIsnât this much better?â You asked and Nari nodded while shuffling to one end of the sofa, her knees brought up to her chest and her hair a mess from the short nap.
âWhen will the lights be back?â
Honestly, you didnât know, but sensing it would spread more worry than comfort, you werenât about to let her know that. She was already spooked from the sudden blackout and you werenât all that keen on consoling a distressed child a quarter to midnight.Â
âSoon. Iâm sure of it. In the meantime, how about you go bring me your pretty pink hairbrush and Iâll fix your pigtails for you?â
You watched Nari run off into your bedroom and gave yourself a pat on the back for handling the situation quite smoothly. With the power out, you had no option but to save the battery on your phone, thus turning off the flashlight and relying on the candles for guidance. Not to sound entitled, but you truly thought the outages would be left in your hometown and wouldnât follow you all the way to Seoul. Trying to go against the odds, you checked your phone again and noticed the service was completely wiped out. The top of your screen looked rather naked as the battery percentage glared at you tauntingly.
Now would be a good time to worry. Water seeped through the ventilations in your flat and hastily rose upwards. Parts of your body turned numb at immediate contact and your nightgown stuck to your cold skin. You looked around. Your living room was flooding, but no one did anything. No one came to help. The world was still spinning and you were slowly drowning. As your view was obscured by a beautiful hue of blue everything stopped.Â
It was quiet, but your thoughts were loud. Submerging underwater was supposed to give a sense of tranquility yet there you were, struggling to tame the voices in your mind. It was first when you parted your lips for an intake of air that they simmered out and a wave of panic washed over you as water gushed down your throat and into your lungs. Your mouth clamped shut and you made grabby motions as if youâd latch onto a plug and the water would magically go down a drain. The lack of oxygen caused darkness to cloud your sight and a force so tight wrapped around your head you thought it was going to explode. Fire burned your lungs and something clawed at your throat, but you refused to inhale again. It was scary. The fight was slowly leaving your body and right when you heard death calling for you, a bubbly call of your name brought you back to reality and suddenly there was no evidence of the translucent liquid ever being in your living room.Â
âHere you go, auntie.âÂ
Nari reclaimed her seat on the couch, the only difference being her back turned toward you. Releasing a shuddering breath, you took the brush from her and tried to differentiate between reality and imagination. This seemed to be real, you thought and got to work, despite your heart banging against your chest. With gentle touches, you removed the ties from her hair and combed it until silky smooth. To your relief and her luck, the strands werenât tangled together and allowed the brush to run freely. Deeming her hair neat enough, you parted it down the middle and into two sections, and redid her pigtails from earlier. It was an easy hairstyle and suited her pretty face. You looped both your index fingers through each tail and giggled at the cuteness.
âThere you go. All done, little flower.â
âThank you, auntie!âÂ
Nari turned around and wrapped her arms around your waist, her cheek mushed against your stomach and your heart soared with joy. The display of affection was enough to keep your head on and not worry about all the connected dots seemingly leading back to the power outage. Besides, you couldnât act recklessly. If Nari caught wind of your unease, you could confidently say sheâd spiral into a panic of her own.
âOf course⊠Now I was thinking with the power out, how would it sound if we raided my freezer for some ice cream? I mean, it will turn bad otherwise.â
The Kangs were quite strict with Nari and sweets, in the sense that they didnât want her over consuming before bed or on weekdays. Something about having a balanced diet. It wasnât anything you had a say in and if you wanted to be paid at the end of the day as well as avoid a lawsuit, you were going to ensure Nari followed those rules. But considering something was out of the ordinary and with your endless supply of ice cream, you couldnât bother with what her parents had to say.Â
While she was shifting between eating the flavors of strawberry, chocolate, banana, raspberry and vanilla ice cream, you pondered over the elephant in the room. Knowing now it wasnât something solely affecting your apartment complex, but the whole city, you were trying your hardest not to freak out. Perhaps some vigilante had hacked into the government and planned on leaking some top secret files? Were you going to war? A sign of an earthquake?
âAuntie?â
âYes, Nari?âÂ
âIâm sleepy. Iâm sorry your ice cream will go bad.â
âDonât worry about that. It was too much for just the two of us anyway.â You patted the top of her head and she childishly beamed at you, immediately illuminating the room better than any light source created. âWanna get ready for bed again?â
As you stood up, you expected Nari to follow, but the child was still seated. Her feet brushed against each other while she picked around her fingernails. She avoided your eyes, her gaze trained on her fiddling hands.Â
âIs something wrong?âÂ
The mumbled words were far too quiet for you to make sense of and with a polite request to repeat herself, Nari spoke again, a tad bit louder than before. âI donât wanna sleep in the dark.â
A crack went down the middle of your heart and echoed loudly in your eardrums. Her sullen attitude caught you off guard, but knowing the reason behind it, you now wondered if she was used to being chastised or mocked for her fear in the walls of her home. Whatever it was, you werenât going to endorse that behavior.Â
âWe couldâŠâ You began and waited for her to meet your gaze. Her little eyes carried a plethora of stars and you had to hold back from pinching her chubby cheeks. âHave a sleepover, right here.â
The stars in her eyes grew in size and twinkled brighter than any night sky. Her previously pouty lips curled in a sugary smile that cured any type of sadness. The child was up in seconds, already rearranging the pillow to her liking and claiming her side of the sofa.
âOkay, flower. Itâs time for another brushing session.âÂ
Luckily, Nari didnât appear like a kicked puppy and happily skipped to the bathroom instead. Your phone in her hands lit up her path despite the candles burning for the same purpose. You released a breath of relief and whisked out two blankets from your bedroom as well as one of Nariâs stuffed toys. She had spent enough nights under your watch to know sheâd ask for either Sir Fluffington (a rabbit with one of its ears ripped off) or Spiderfrog (a purple ladybug). Coming out of your bedroom, you were surprised to see Nari sitting on the sofa, legs tucked beneath her bum and arms hidden underneath her shirt making her look armless.
âOh, youâre done already?âÂ
âThe water is not working.â
Dropping the soft objects on the couch, your brows scrunched together. âWhat?â
âI opened the sink and the water didnât come. It was first brown, like poopy water and then it disappeared.â
Disregarding her easy mix up between a tap and a sink, you flew across the room to the kitchen and as feared, no water came out. Something was wrong. How big of a coincidence would it be that the electricity, internet and water were out of function?Â
Swallowing the lump growing in your dry throat â a placebo created by the knowledge you had no running water â you faced Nari and ushered her under the covers.
âIâm positive itâs nothing. The water and power will be back when we wake up.â Shuffling beside her, you handed her both Sir Fluffington and Spiderfrog, an easy distraction from the weird occurrences.
âCan we sleep with the lights on?â
âYeah, I wonât blow out all the candles until youâre asleep. Is that alright?â
Nari nodded and tucked both of her stuffies beneath the blanket then brought it up to her chin. You gave your phone one last glance, sighing at the red battery and lack of a signal. Just your luck, you thought and let it back down.Â
âGood night, auntie.â
Nariâs breaths evened quicker than you could reply back and soon you too struggled with keeping your eyes open. As promised, you blew out the candles â starting a building fire was not a part of your bucket list â and came back to bed. Fatigue weighing more than three bags of flour tugged on your eyelids and it was easier to give into the darkness than fight it. Besides, youâd rather not stay awake and theorize over all the possibilities as to why the country seemed to be out of function.
âNight, flower.â
The trip to dreamland was short and didnât last for longer than two hours. You woke with a startle, your body covered in a sheen of sweat and heart loud in your ears. It wasnât because of your neighborâs early shenanigans of rearranging furniture or a fast food delivery guy knocking on the wrong door, but people talking, or rather screaming, in the corridor of the apartment building. Nari was still sleeping soundly next to you, seeming nothing in the world was able to disturb her. It wasnât because of your neighborâs early shenanigans of rearranging furniture or a fast food delivery guy knocking on the wrong door. Still surrounded by darkness, you hastily grabbed your phone and blinded yourself as â what felt like â a hundred suns appeared right before your eyes. The numbers showed it was a little past two in the morning.
A commotion of multiple bodies running and sharp tones turning into faint screams, had you standing on your feet. The walls of the apartment were thin, but not enough for you to make out what was being said. It couldnât be a normal argument between neighbors if the shouting went from anger to fear, hands pounding against doors with pleas of being let inside. You didnât move until a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the stairwell. In all your years on this earth, you never heard a being make such painful and horrifying sounds. Not even movies portraying the most gruesome torture scene could be compared to what your ears were witnessing. You couldnât describe it even if you wanted to. All you knew was that it touched your core, nearly cutting all mobility in your legs. The screaming didnât stop for a while, but when it did everything turned silent. The silence in the dead of a night with everyone asleep; no engine rumbling, no people talking and no animals wandering around. Complete and utter silence.
By some miracle, you managed to get closer to your door without stumbling into something and for once in your life you were grateful for your motherâs nagging about checking the locks. Something was wrong. Really, really wrong. You could feel it in your bones, like birds sensing the beginning of a natural hazard. It wasnât something you could explain either and if you tried, whoever was on the receiving end would probably call you crazy, but it didnât matter because there was no one to convince of said feeling. Nari was too young to indulge in and she was at the age where children questioned everything. Giving her one last glance, reassuring yourself she was still asleep, you stepped closer to the door and prepared yourself to look through the peephole. It was first then you felt the side effects of not having water as your throat was uncomfortably dry and your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. Whatever you were going to see â hopefully nothing â on the other side of the door, you werenât sure if you were mentally prepared for it.Â
âAuntie?â
Like the hands of a grandfather clock reaching an hour, your heart chimed loudly in your ears, pushing all the air out from your lungs and freezing the blood in your veins. The childish voice didnât ease your worries and for a moment you thought a scene from the movie Orphan played out in your life. The crazy thought lasted for a split second until you remembered why there was a child in your flat to begin with.Â
âWhat are you doing?â
Facing Nari, you exhaled and mustered up a gentle smile. âI thought I⊠Nothing. Iâm not doing anything.â
As you stepped away from the door, an internal battle broke out in your head. The logic in you argued it was nothing but a speck of your imagination while your gut feeling threw all sense out of the window and was ready to die on the hill that something wasnât quite right.
âDid you hear it too?â
That was all the reason your gut needed to push logic out of the window. Swallowing dry air, your tongue darted out over your bottom lip. Inhaling a shaky breath which was a failed attempt at calming your nerves, you decided to see where the conversation would go.
âHear what, flower?â
What Nari said next confirmed you werenât crazy.
âThe screaming,â she emphasized, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
âI⊠uhâŠâ
As you parted your lips to say something â what, you didnât know â a faint scratching noise sounded from behind your door. The best way to describe it would be a fingernail being dragged along the wooden surface. It was nearly undetectable, but with the silence in the apartment the sound was loud enough to interrupt your conversation and spread another wave of fear through your body. Nari whimpered, obviously still affected by the screaming from before, and quickly threw the blanket over her head. Sir Fluffington and Spiderfrog squished under each of her armpits.
Hanging onto the thin rope of sanity left in your body, you coaxed yourself into believing it wasnât anything to be frightened over. The whistling wind could be heard every once in a while, right?Â
âDonât go,â Nari squeaked. She was clearly scared of you going out into the hallway and while you admired her thoughtfulness, you had to remind her you didnât have a single brave bone in your body.
âI wonât,â you whispered back. âI just want to see.âÂ
If the situation wasnât so eerie, youâd be laughing at her concern. Nari acted as if whoever was out there would grab you through the keyhole and youâd disappear somewhere akin to Raccoon City or The Upside Down. But you didnât laugh because the possibility of that happening scared even you, a grown adult with her frontal lobe fully developed.
Exhaling, you flicked the metallic cover of the peephole and stared into an abyss of darkness. The green flickering light of an exit sign illuminated the hallway for a split second before everything turned black again. It continued on like that for a moment and each time the light came back on, you expected something grotesque to stare right back at you, but there was nothing.Â
âHa, like I thought. Thereâs no one theââ
Your voice died in your throat as the lightbulb died only to be brought back to life. The only difference being a figure standing in your line of sight. The green light was gone in a second, not allowing you to see who it was, but when one sense was diluted, the remaining four heightened.Â
âHelp.â
The voice, if you could call it that, sounded like it belonged to a chainsmoker of fifty years. Raspy â not in a sexy way â and weak. They were wheezing for air and almost choked on their own saliva. It wasnât until the hallway lit up again that you could make out what was presented before you. Mr. Shin from the level below you with ears that were good for nothing and his obnoxiously loud Yorkshire terrier. However, you couldnât recall him being a smoker or having a gruff voice. Thinking about it, the elder hated anything to do with cigarettes. The smell, the long list of side effects and not to mention the higher risk of being prone to lung cancer.Â
None of those facts were important though, because what you were seeing nearly sent you on your backside.Â
Mr. Shinâs head was abnormally tilted to the right and something sharp, and white, boney, stuck out of his neck. The liquid he was choking on was in fact not his saliva, but buckets of blood. Dark, thick, blood seeping out of his neck and mouth, making it hard for him to speak.
âOpen⊠Help me.â
Lights off. Lights on.
A big chunk of skin and meat was torn right out of his shoulder, coating his arm in a wine-red liquid nearly having you spilling your guts out. Clamping a hand over your mouth, both to keep your food inside and not to let out a scream of terror, you moved backwards. You felt sick. Your stomach was up to your chest and your pulse was so quick the beats per minute were impossible to count. The few words leaving Mr. Shin became a jumbled mess of groans and growls. His pleas for help and demands of you opening the door were indistinguishable, something not even an aggravated dog would let out. The scratching turned into slamming fists and jerks of the handle.Â
Your phone was useless and there was no other way to get hold of an emergency service. Mr. Shin obviously needed help. He had always been kind to you; he bought you a fresh basket of peaches each month and collected the morning mail for you. There was yet a moment for you to repay him and now would be the perfect chance to give back for all his numerous favors. Not thinking much, you turned the lock west and the door opened on its own as a stumbling Mr. Shin entered your apartment.
âMr. Shin what happenââ
It was as if he was possessed. The man old enough to be your grandfather staggered over the threshold and grabbed onto your shoulders, forcefully pulling you towards him. Your left hand pushed against his ribcage as you simultaneously pressed your other hand against his throat, your fingers digging into the open wound and getting coated in red. As the lights seeped into your apartment, you saw his lifeless eyes, red mouth and pale face. Your scream was loud enough to wake the whole of Seoul.
Still struck by the image of your kind neighbor looking like the upper part of him was put through a rusty meat grinder, you stumbled over your own feet and fell flat on your rear with Mr. Shin following in tow. Your throat was turning sore from all the screaming that didnât reach your own ears. He didnât stop his advances and his mouth was opening and closing in a biting manner, his rotten teeth loudly chomping against each other snapping you in and out of your screams.
âStop! Mr. Shin!â
It was as if you said the complete opposite as he fought against your pushing hands. Your hand which was previously on his ribs jumped up to his shoulder and gradually slid further up his neck. In the midst of your fright and panic, you latched onto the bone sticking out of his body. It was cold and sturdy, and so incredibly nasty that you nearly puked all over yourself like a wasted teenager coming home from a night out in the club. The friendly face of Mr. Shin with deep dimples and moon creasing eyes was void of any happiness.Â
âPlease, stop,â you cried out. Hot tears kissing your cheeks and lips wobbly.
You were left with no choice. Using all the strength you could muster, you dragged both hands in opposite directions. Like opening a newspaper with force and not stopping until it tore in half, his skin parted in the middle with more blood and tissue seeped out of him and straight down on you, coating your pink nightgown and bare skin. A modern version of Carrie.
A whispered apology left your mouth and what was once whole was split into two. The body of Mr. Shin slumped down over you while his groaning head rolled across your living room floor. You scrambled away from the corpse and didnât stop until your back was against the couch, where a crying Nari loomed over you.Â
âWhat the fuck? What. The. Fuck!â
Your hands shook uncontrollably. In an attempt to calm down, you weaved them into your hair, gently tugging at the strands while trying to arrange your fleeting thoughts into something rational. It was impossible. There were so many questions and not one answer. You didnât know how long you sat there for. Maybe ten minutes? Twenty? An hour? Everything blurred together, but it were the wails of Nari that cleared up the mist you found yourself in.Â
Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you saw her on the complete opposite end of the sofa. The blanket you provided her with was brought up to her chin. She was red as a cherry tomato, presumably from all the crying. As you somehow got up on your feet, her crying turned up in volume and you realized she was afraid of you. Thanks to the red smeared all over your body, that little mind of hers couldnât differentiate between you and Mr. Shin. Probably assuming what happened to him got you too.
âNari, little flower.â She peeked between her fingers obscuring her view. âIâm alright. Iâm notâŠâ
Iâm not like him. Iâm safe. Iâm well.
âIâm okay.â
Three years had passed since the outbreak started. One thousand and something-something days of moving from location to location, clearing rundown gas stations and seven-elevens, surviving on canned food and dried fruits and nuts. It wasnât particularly easy surviving an apocalypse with a child. The first month was spent shifting between crying for her parents and then mentally aging half a year every day. You, on the other hand, promised no more tears would be shed ever since you decapitated your sweet grandpa of a neighbor. A decision made for the safety of both yourself and Nari. The girl that was thrust into your care for a few hours turned into a lifelong partner, however long that would be.
Perched on the roof of an apartment building you spent the past month temporarily residing in, you thoroughly examined all the stuff you needed for the long journey waiting ahead. With the little resources you had left, it was safe to say your time in the capital was coming to an end. Every store in a one-mile radius had been emptied and those that were still full of necessities were in the red zone, also labeled a suicide mission.
A shadow loomed over you, obscuring the sun from your view and providing you with a cooling shade. âYou tell me not to sit in the sun, but youâre doing the complete opposite?â
You looked up at Nari, your brows scrunched together and mouth pressed into a straight line. It was a poor attempt at a joke, Nari knew that much, but it didnât stop her from sharing her lame humor with you even if it didnât go far. Glancing between a packet of bandages and the bottle of alcohol, you weighed your options before throwing in the alcohol. If either of you got hurt, itâd be better to clean the wound with alcohol than to plaster on a bandage and call it a day.Â
Zipping up your backpack, you got on your feet and threw it around your shoulder. âDo as I say, not as I do.â
âThatâs no fun.â She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. The oversized cap you found in a local store shop was one or two sizes too big for her head, but would fit right in about a year.
âBecause fun gets you killed.âÂ
You pushed the cap further down on her head and headed for the stairway. The sun was high in the sky and while it would be best to wait for the heat to pass, it would leave you with a lot of walking in the dark. Not the most ideal time to be outside as the biters were more active during the night.
âOkay, so when can I get a weapon? Like a gun-gun. Not a sharp stick.â
âWeâve already talked about this, Nari. The adult has the gun and the child keeps the map.â
âThe map wonât help me fight bad guys.â
You clicked your tongue and patted yourself down. The knife was in the holder attached to your hip and your gun was loaded with the safety lock on, resting against your other hip.
âNo, but it will help you find safety which means no bad guys to encounter.â You unclasped the big chains looped through the metal handles of the roof entrance and opened the doors. âReady?â
âAs long as we find anything besides chips. Like was there an overconsumption of the salty potatoes in twenty-twenty four or what? Why are the stores full of them? I donât get it. They taste like eating a handful of salt.â
Inheriting the guardian role of a child wasnât something you planned to do until much later on in life. You werenât prepared to take care of another being, let alone be responsible for their growth and not let them take on the personality of a psychopath. Through the long year of parenting and providing shelter and safety, you had a hard time finding the perfect balance between a strict and laid back aunt. While Nari still deserved to experience the life of a normal child, you were aware normal in a world full of rotting cannibals wasnât the same as a year ago. Instead of playing with dolls and cars, children were taught how to work a gun and where to aim for a hundred percent kill.
Nari knew the theoristics. Their senses were diluted in the day and heightened at night, but a speck of blood would leave you vulnerable at any hour. The heart and brain were the weak points. For absolute certainty it was best to aim for the head even if a bullet was already lodged through their hearts. She knew all these facts, but had yet to take on a biter. Her kill count was a zero whilst you stopped counting after double digits. It was another thing you had taken upon your shoulders. As long as you were breathing and capable of clearing the path off obstacles, Nariâs hands would remain clean.
Before she could walk through the doors and take the lead, your arm shot out and halted her in place. A serious expression took over your features as you held Nariâs gaze.
âRemember; I need to see you and hear you at all times. Donât stray from my line of vision, donât just walk away and in case of an emergencyââ
âHide, sit and wait it out or run until my lungs are about to explode and my feet are covered in blisters.â
You inhaled deeply. Future you would either come to regret this decision or thank the heavens. From the pouch wrapped around your thigh, you took out a small switchblade.Â
âGood. Thatâs good.âÂ
You flipped open the blade and wiped it against your thigh before folding it again. The switchblade wasnât much of a use to you, ever since you found the combat knife hidden in the armory of some old manâs apartment. It was your companion for a little more than a year and saved you from a lot of trouble, but it was time to pass it on.
âIâm thinkingâŠâ
âIs that for me? Am I finally getting a weapon?!â
âAs I was saying before being rudely interrupted, I was thinking of giving you my old switchblade.â You could practically see stars light up in her eyes. âBut with the promise you wonât use it unless absolutely necessary, okay? That means itâs in your pockets and I only want to see it in your hand if itâs a life-or-death situation.â
âYes, yes, yes!â Nari shuffled excitedly on her feet and if you didnât know any better, youâd say your persistent rant entered through one ear and out the other.Â
Sighing again, you handed it over and watched with attentive eyes as she tested its functions. Then, as ordered, she stuffed it in her back pocket and gave you a determined nod. Leading the way down the long flight of stairs, you shared the plan you put together over the span of three days while Nari was asleep and you kept watch.Â
âI think itâs best if we head south. Most of the infected have probably been drawn by the loud sounds in the big cities, leaving the countryside vulnerable. The only thing Iâm worried about is coming across other humans.â
âSounds good. We can maybe grow crops and have cows or pigs? Aw, man, now Iâm hungry for some pork belly.â
It was in these moments you were grateful for Nariâs presence. Her childish takes and questions were what kept your sanity intact. If it werenât for her, youâd probably be roaming the infected streets like a lifeless monster gnawing at other humans.
âSure. Weâll see what we can find, but ideally itâd be best to find shelter and then animals.â
âAs long as I get to own a fluffy cow, I donât care when or where. Donât you think itâd be cool if I put a saddle on it and killed biters while riding her?â
The glare she received was hotter than the scorching sun and sharper than your knife. It was enough to keep her quiet for the majority of the journey, but it could only last for so long before she started firing questions again.
âCan I make a birthday wish this year? I promise to keep it realistic.â
You spotted a secluded shop that was yet to be raided for its goods. The windows were covered by planks â they seemed to be placed in a hurry â placed askew and barely shielding the glass panes behind the wood. The door was untouched, not a scratch on it besides the color chipping away and rust collecting on the chain tied around the handles. Nari was a smart kid. For her seventh birthday she didnât ask for anything extravagant. A new pair of clothes, preferably a pink shirt and shoes. Because of safety reasons, the shoes were out of the picture unless you wanted to be an easy target. Itâd be like spotting a Christmas tree in the middle of July. It wasnât until her ninth year came around that she asked for the impossible; a dog. You couldnât find a group of people that weren't out to kill you, let alone a creature with the appetite of a starving jaguar.Â
âOkay, letâs hear it.â
âTeach me how to use a gun?â
The four cans of peaches were placed close at hand and you quickly scooped them into your bag as the question looped in your mind. In a perfect world where people didnât turn into rotting cannibalistic creatures, youâd never entertain the idea of a ten-year-old handling a weapon. But the world wasnât perfect and her birthday wish was more logical than her wanting a Barbie doll. You really wanted to say no. Use the excuse of wanting to protect her innocence for a few more years, but what good would that bring her in a moment of desperation? What would be worse, a longer life haunted by nightmares or a short one full of flowers and bees?
âIf we find a little one,â you muttered lowly and handed her a pack of sealed batteries.Â
She squealed and you masked your own smile with a scowl that immediately had her pressing a hand up to her mouth, a futile attempt to suppress the gleeful noise.
âGotta make sure we donât die before that though. You keep watch while I scavenge the place for anything useful. Weâre leaving in five.â
The shelves were full. It was harder to pick things when you had more to choose from. You wanted nothing more than to stuff everything into two duffel bags and be on your merry way, but it would get you nowhere. The five minutes were spent choosing between bandages and medicine or extra food and nutrition. As you gave in and stuffed the two sealed medkits, the sharp whistle of a bird sounded through the store. Your head snapped up as cans clattered to the ground. Forgetting about the other necessities, you zipped up your bag and hid behind the shelves in the back where Nari too had taken shelter.
âWhat did you see?â
âA car. It stopped right out front, but I didnât see who came out.â
The sound of the door opening killed the hushed conversation. Quite some time passed since you encountered other people, but each run-in was always more unpleasant than the previous and it left a sour taste in your mouth. Avoiding biters was easy â the creatures had rotting brains with no critical thinking â it was dealing with other humans that gave you a fright. There were already psychos in the normal world and you didnât want to imagine what demons youâd be dealing with now.
Nari quietly slid down and sat on the floor, knees pressed up to her chest and a hand over her mouth, while you pulled out your gun and knife. Your wrists connected, making a human cross and the hand holding your gun rested on top of the one clutching the blade. Your finger was on the trigger with no fear of firing a bullet or two; anything to secure your survival.
The footsteps belonged to one person and you hoped whoever it was didnât bring a friend. In a circumstance with the dead youâd throw something sturdy in the opposite direction of you, but dealing with other humans would take more than some trick. The best would be to avoid any bloodshed, take the car and leave fast as fuck.Â
As the walking ceased so did your thoughts and you were certain your heart could be heard all through Seoul. A can of pears rolled by, passing your hiding forms and stopped as it hit the wall opposite. Whoever was there seemed to have found the tumbled cans, a give-away that they werenât alone.Â
âCome out,â they said calmly. The voice was deep and belonged to a man.
A curse died in your throat. Weighing your options, you glanced down at Nari and signaled for her to stay put. The man was obviously aware of your presence and with you as a distraction, Nari could get out. You werenât worried about yourself more so over her safety. You could cut and swing and shoot, but Nari could only run and slash, and even that wouldnât get her far. Left with no choice, you stepped out of your hiding with your arms locked and gun poised straight at the man.Â
Yeah, Nari would have a zero percent chance of outrunning this guy. He was taller than the shelves and the majority of his body consisted of legs and muscle. Not only that, but his arms were long too and heâd probably get to you in three steps or less, hands quick to grasp at your shoulders and neck. Hand-to-hand combat would leave you with a guaranteed loss and the safest bet would be to keep him at three arms lengths. Speaking of arms, he wore a black leather jacket. In fact, he as a whole was covered in black clothing â except for the white cap on his head â even his hands were adorned with fingerless gloves. Quite strange as you were in the middle of summer, but you had seen stranger things. Trailing downwards, you noticed a gun was semi-hiding beneath his jacket and you wondered what else dangerous he kept out of view.
The cock of a gun snatched your attention. A gun â much bigger than yours â was in one of his hands and he made it out to be the size of a teaspoon. It looked ridiculous. Not only was this man tall as a skyscraper, but his hands were big enough to crush your head in.
Appearance wise â besides the overly traumatic analytic of his body proportions â he was quite handsome for living in an apocalypse, and clean too. Dark brown hair that tickled his nape and a fringe which nearly fell in front of his eyes. A long nose and round, but serious eyes which didnât leave your figure since stepping in his line of vision. His lips, formed with a cupidâs bow, were pressed together and quite dry. If it werenât for your unfortunate situation and the fact you didnât care about him, youâd maybe offer him one of the hundred lip balms hanging by the cash register.
âWho are you?âÂ
It must have been the dumbest question to date. What value did your identity have in a fucked up world?Â
âI could ask you the same thing.â
âAnd I asked first.â
Youâve held more mature conversations with Nari than this guy.Â
Sensing you werenât willing to give up any personal information, he tried approaching the situation in a different manner. âAre you alone?âÂ
âYes,â you answered without skipping a beat. Your eyes were locked on his, refusing to glance in Nariâs direction.Â
The silent battle of not moving lasted for a few more seconds until he decided to break it.Â
âIâm Yunho.âÂ
The muscles of your mouth twitched downward and you tightened the hold on your gun, the trigger still being hugged by your pointer finger. You couldnât give less of a fuck if his name was Yunho, Bruno or Minho.Â
âIâm not here to cause trouble, Iâm just looking for supplies. Thereâs a group of us, all very hungry and tired. We could use some of the food in here.â
âBeggars canât be choosers.â
The corners of his lips curled in an amused grin. âNo, they canât, but all Iâm asking for is a bit of compassion. Youâre one person. We are a group of thirty-forty people. You surely donât need all the food in here?â
A silly question. Everyone was either starving or injured, not to speak of completely sleep-deprived. Of course you needed everything. From the smallest piece of crumb to the most out of date canned fruit.
âCompassion flew out the window the moment I was attacked by other people. Whoâs to say you wonât do the same?â
âIf I wanted you dead, youâd have a bullet lodged between your eyes by now.â
Fuck this guy, you were not giving him shit.Â
âThat was the wrong thing to say, wasnât it? However, I donât think youâd let me leave with anything to be honest,â he chuckled and lowered his gun. A bold move for a guy who was deliberately pissing you off.
âYouâre finally getting the hang of things around here. I advise you to leave while Iâm still being civil. Itâd be a shame to end the life of someone so brave. Risking your life for thirty-something people. Thatâs hard to find nowadays.â
âDoesnât take much. Maybe you should try it sometime.â
A comeback rested on the tip of your tongue, but was swallowed with a startle as vehicle lights seeped through the sealed windows and the squealing sound of tires coming to a stop outside. You slid back behind the shelf where Nari was still seated on the dirty floor, but shimmied more over to the left so you could fit better. Both flinched as Yunho rounded the same corner. His eyes grew comically in size at the sight of Nari and if it werenât for the newcomers, you were confident heâd make a comment about her presence. Probably something about honesty getting you far, which you clearly lacked, and youâd argue it left you with nothing but a broken nose.Â
As the door opened and multiple footsteps echoed through the store, Yunho stepped closer to you. His right hand came up next to your face as the other raised his gun, ready to attack if given the chance. His right hand was tense against the shelf and the only reason he wasnât completely pressed up against you. The position was uncomfortable and you could smell a faint fragrance of lavender and some other herb emitting from his wrist next to your face. His other hand was raised up to his cheek, the pointer finger on the trigger and his face turned sideways as if to work out when would be the best time to attack.Â
âBe careful, that engine was still hot. They couldnât have gone very far,â a gruff voice exploded through the store. Great more men.
âLooks like this one wasnât raided, Boss,â another man announced, his voice squeaky and unpleasant for the ears, as a third guy whooped in delight.
Light as a feather, your fingers brushed against his elbow closest to your head and the brief contact was enough for him to find your eyes. You nodded to something behind him and Yunho held your gaze before slightly turning sideways. A door was left ajar. Usually, youâd never enter a space without checking it free from infected or traps, but it was either meeting these strangers head on with a guy you were ready to blow the head off a few seconds ago or going head on into danger.Â
Yunho prodded the side of his cheek with his tongue and pointed at Nari. He wanted her to go first, but you were quick to shut the thought down. As much as it drove you crazy to leave Nari in his wake for a moment or two, it was safer than having her deal with biters alone. Your pointer finger was driven into his peck and Yunho shook his head. What a gentleman. There was no time to argue so you pointed at yourself, then at Nari and lastly at Yunho. He wordlessly agreed and you gave a quick pat to the top of Nariâs head. As you pushed off the shelf, Yunho grabbed your bicep and it took everything in you not to drive your knife in the side of his torso. It was then you discovered one of the men standing in your blindspot and had you stepped out he wouldâve definitely seen you. The man turned around and Yunhoâs fingers were off you in seconds, giving you the green light to go. Stealthy as a cat and quick as a bunny, you disappeared behind the door without alerting the men.
You found yourself in a passageway leading to a bigger space which you recognized as a storage room. The rest of the room was bigger than the front of the store and somewhere in the far back, behind stacks of prepackaged foods and other goods, you could see a green emergency sign, probably a door leading to the outside world. Your only concern being if something was against it on the other side. Seconds later, Nari came through and the world spun faster than itâs normal at a thousand miles per hour.
âWe have to help him!â She hissed and pulled at your wrist back to where you came from.
âHelp who?â
âYunho! Theyâve spotted him or, no, they saw me, but he went out of hiding so they wouldnât go after me.â
âNari, stop. We have to go.â
âWhat!? We canât just leave him.âÂ
You tore your wrist out of her grip and latched onto her shoulders in return. âThe fuck we canât. Heâs not my priority. You are.â
âHe tried to help us and even got us both to safety! Please, auntie, itâs the right thing to do.â
âWhat did I tell you about playing the hero? Weâre not in some video game, Nari. Itâs the real world. Just because itâs right doesnât mean youâll get out of there alive and Iâve done a lot to ensure our safety. I wonât let some stupid men be the reason I lose you, do you hear me?â
She shook out of your embrace and pushed you back. Tears littered her waterline and lips wobbled from holding back sobs. âWhy are you so mean?â
No punch to the gut would make you lose your breath the way those five words did. How would you explain to a child that the last years were all for her own good at the same time as you were letting someone else die?
âFuck,â you whispered and clutched the roots of your hair. âFuck, fuck, fuck!âÂ
You checked the magazine of your gun and counted six bullets. All you needed was three.
âOkay, fuck. Hereâs what weâll do. You clear this area. Take anything thatâs useful and not heavy, okay? Iâll go check the situation outside. Whatever happens, donât fucking think of coming for us. Do you understand?â
âButââ
âI said, do you understand?â
Hesitation swirled in Nariâs eyes and she gnawed on her lower lip. Agreeing with your conditions meant she was practically leaving you for the dead and while you always returned, safe and untouched, it made her more aware of this being real with no take-backs. Remembering the kindness Yunho showed within the second he met you, Nari couldnât take it for granted and be selfish.Â
âI understand.â
Slamming the magazine back in your gun, you nodded. âGood. If Iâm not back in a few, get out and run.â
First, you were unofficially tasked with guarding a literal child, and now you were sent on a rescue mission for a literal stranger.
The door was still not entirely closed and before you dared to peek your head out, a couple voices along with Yunhoâs filled the silence. âIâm telling you, I came alone.â
âAnd Iâm supposed to believe that the Wrangler outside is driven by one man only? Be honest, how many people do you have hiding in the storage room?âÂ
Yunho sighed exasperatedly. âFour less than whatâs out here, so you do the math.â
âBoss, this guy thinks heâs funny. Want me to take him out or leave him to suffer?â The pipsqueak asked and by his voice alone you could guess he wasnât much taller than a fifth grader.
âDonât do shit, Mouse. I want to find that lil girl first.â
The blood in your veins ran cold at the mention of Nari. Now you had to kill them or theyâd circle back to you.Â
âSay less, Boss.â
âLizard, keep your eye on him and Mouse? Go check that room.â
Changing positions, you hid behind the door, handgun exchanged with your combat knife and raised up in front of you. The heartbeats were loud in your ears and mouth dry from nervousness. All you had to do was catch him off guard and the rest would fall into place.Â
The door opened inward and you pressed further into the wall, completely disappearing from his line of sight. Gently, you nudged it back in place and stalked behind the supposed Mouse. You were right, the man wasnât tall and Yunho put him to shame with those long legs of his. Light on your feet almost as if floating through the air, you inched closer to him and advanced. Your hand went over his mouth, index finger and thumb pinching his nose shut, and the knife plunged hard into his back. Mouse barely struggled, which was a given, and you gently let him down. To guarantee he wouldnât come back and bite you in the ass, quite literally, you allowed the blade to go through his skull, ending any chance of possessed resurrection.
One down. Two to go.
It would only be a question of time until their boss sent out the second guy to look for Mr. Pipsqueak over here and it wasnât like you could dispose of the body and clean up all the blood. Whatever youâd do next would catch the attention of the leader and you hoped Yunhoâs height wasnât just a show off, but that he could actually take him on. For all you know they could be from the same community. Yunho did mention they were thirty to forty people.
Taking Mouse by his armpits, you dragged the body away from the door and hid it behind some crates. There was still a track of blood smeared all over the tiles leading straight to the body. It was how you wanted it to be. Mouse wasnât completely useless. A flashlight was attached to his hip along with a fairly bigger gun than your own â you recognized it as a glock â and a taser. These guys were either a part of previous law enforcement or raided the place. You tore the bag off his shoulders and flung it over your own, it wasnât heavy at all and you hoped he at least had some extra bullets. Feeling like you wasted enough time you hid behind two boxes stacked on top of each other on the opposite side of Mouse. Whoever entered would react to his body first before theyâd catch a whiff of you.
Any time now, you thought and crouched into position. As if speaking into existence, the door swung violently and collided with the wall behind, and your muscles tensed. The grip on your knife tightened and you refrained from breathing too loud. You refrained from breathing at all.Â
âWhat the fuck?â
Your plan was in motion as Lizard immediately noticed the blood. Anyone cautious enough would think of it as a biter attack and not something created by a pair of human hands. As thought, the man crossed the nonexistent threshold into the actual storage room and immediately saw his comrade in a forever slumber. He hastily turned around, gun up in the air and eyes wide, a wildfire spread in them as he locked gazes with you. His open mouth formed into a mean scowl and as his finger hugged the trigger, you lunged forward with your arms out. They pushed against his and â to your favor â changed the trajectory of his gun. The bullet was fired up in the sky, marking the start of your fight.Â
Lizard shook you off himself and you fell with a roll landing behind more crates and boxes. As you got up on your feet, a pair of hands grabbed you by the collar of your shirt and smashed you back down. The air was knocked out of you and the telltales of a concussion quickly flooded your body. Your brain wasnât getting enough oxygen and the world was spinning faster than a thousand miles per hour. Lizard threw a knee over each side of your hips and grasped a firmer hold around your neck. The air you were craving didnât enter your lungs. Panic and the instinct to survive seeped in your veins as you desperately clawed at his hands.Â
âYou fucking bitch. Think you could take us out, huh?â He hauled you off the floor only to slam you back down. âCâmon, do something now. You canât, can you? You bitches are good for nothing.â He chucked sinisterly. âDonât worry, Iâll make it so you feel everything before I let you turn into those devil spawns.â
It felt disgusting. His rough hands on your skin and spit flying in your face. Tears clouded your eyes and the more he squeezed, the more it felt like they were going to pop out of your skull. It wouldnât surprise you if veins were prominent on your head and neck or your nails turned a creepy shade of blue. You wondered if you looked as scary as the rotten biters.Â
Lizard was staring into your soul. He made it his life mission to take you out. To see the life slip from you. If you werenât on the verge of death with hands restricting your vocal chord, youâd ask him what woman rejected him to be calling you a bitch every five seconds. Too caught up with seeing you die, he was completely unaware of anything else. Eyes crazy and mouth pulled upwards, the happy expression scared you more than anything else and perhaps it was what still kept you going. Your arm was extended, fingers fighting to grasp the knife which was just about out of your reach. Black spots appeared in the air and it was getting harder and harder to stay conscious.
âDumb bitch, do you think Iâm fucking blind?â
Your combat knife landed in his hand â the other still pushing at your neck â and came up against your cheek. The sharp point rested against your delicate skin.
âI should leave a mark. What do you think? Youâre quite pretty for a bitch.â
Garbled words were whispered out in the open. Realizing you wanted to say something, he let up on his hold. The inhale of oxygen was sharp and hurt more than it did soothe your lungs.Â
âWhat did you say, scum?â
âI said,â you inhaled deeply and raspily exclaimed, âgo fuck yourself!â
Your thick spit mixed with blood launched and landed straight in his eye. The knife was temporarily off your face as he wiped the saliva off his own.
âShould have picked a better choice of last words.â
A gun went off and your heart stopped. When did Lizard get a hold of his gun?
Warm, sticky blood splattered all over your face and your skin beneath the thick liquid burned. Lizard went limp and fell forward, and you wasted no time pushing him off you. He landed with a thud. The crazy from his eyes was gone and now he was left to stare lifelessly at the ceiling of a random storage room. More blood pooled on the floor and you stared at him, chest heaving and oxygen slowly getting back in your system. Your hearing was overtaken by a buzzing sound, like the whistle of a kettle or the harsh wind of a storm, and didnât fully return until a few minutes later.Â
Noticing a figure, you tore your gaze away from the body and it landed on something more lively. In front of you â not a scratch to his face and a few splatters of red adorning his cheeks and forehead â stood Yunho, one hand holding his gun and the other stuffed in the front pocket of his pants. His eyes trailed all over you, but lingered longer at the area around your neck, for what reason you couldnât bother grasping as you were too busy catching your breath. Done ogling you, Yunho stuffed the gun in the holster attached to his hip and waited for you to accept his hand.
âIs your compassion back now?â
âAuntie!âÂ
The familiar voice of Nari snapped you out of the pain. You whipped your head around and were met with a flash of black hair and thin arms circling around you, pulling you closer to a shuddering body. The smell of rose petals and dirt wrapped around you in a secure blanket.
âNari,â you croaked out.Â
âYou scared me.â
No words could relay how sorry you were and instead you embraced her in a hug, your hand coming to caress the back of her head as the other was gently laid on her back. Something wet hit your shoulder and seeped into your bloodied shirt.Â
âItâs okay.â
You didnât sound okay and your throat may have hurt, and youâd just gotten the cloud of darkness out of your view, but none of it mattered. Having Nari in your arms unharmed meant you were well too. Yunho silently stared at the intimate moment unraveling before his eyes. The forty people waiting for him back at camp were the equivalent of your one niece and he understood that. Everyone had people theyâd do anything for, someone keeping them going in this living hell. Nari was your person. She helped you back on your legs. A bit shaky, but up nonetheless. With the back of your hand, you wiped away as much blood off your face as possible, but it felt like you were smearing it around.
âHere.â
You jumped at the four-letter-word and pushed Nari behind you. Yunho, who was holding your knife, gun and a rag you hadnât seen before, didnât take offense to your heightened protectiveness. You nearly died at the hands of another man, heâd be worried if you werenât cautious of him. He gingerly held out your things and planted them in the palms of your hands.Â
âI didnât think youâd wait around.â
âI wasnât,â you confessed and cleaned your face. The rag smelled of oil and tires. âBut she talked me into it so if youâre going to thank someone, thank the kid.âÂ
At the mention of her doing, Nari peeked over your shoulder only to retreat as Yunhoâs eyes found hers. Cute, he thought and smiled at her timidity.
âI know she makes the last calls, but thanks, kiddo. Iâd probably be in a lot of trouble if it werenât for you.â
A long silence settled over you. The fingers of Lizard still ghosted over your neck, an imaginary pressure squeezing your tendons and making you fight for air. With the expectation to touch the digits of someone else, your fingers ran alongside the tender area and the suffocating feeling disappeared. Yunho followed your movements, jaw clenched and eyes darkening at the sight of gradually growing blue and purple bruises on your skin.Â
âWe part ways here,â you declared and returned the cloth.Â
âYou think thatâs a good idea?â
Yunho didnât mean for it to come out as a threat and he backtracked when your stance grew defensive, your hand armed with the knife and the other thrown protectively in front of Nari.Â
âItâs dangerous at night and youâre hurt. Come back to camp with me. My people, we could patch you up and give you food and medicine until youâre good enough to go out on your own.â
âNot a chance in hell.â
âLook, I know youâre suspicious of me. I get that, but I wonât hurt you. If I wanted you deadââ
âIâd have a bullet lodged between my eyes. I know, but I could also get a knife lodged through my back or neck snapped when least expected.â
Yunho sighed. âIf you donât think you need the help, at least think of your niece. A week or two where she doesnât have to wake up wondering if youâll have enough food and water to last you for the day. Donât you think she deserves to have a break too? Where she can act her age and not be alert every waking hour of the day?â
What kind of question was that? Of course you wanted Nari to have a normal life. Where she could meet friends, go to the mall after school, have boyfriends and girlfriends â whichever she was into â experience her first heartbreak whether it be romantic or platonic. You wanted it all for her. Youâd hand pluck each and every star in the sky if she asked you to. What you werenât going to do, was put her in harm's way.Â
âYouâre asking me to do the impossible⊠Choosing between living and surviving.â
A small hand came to rest on your lower back, fingers weaving into your shirt and anchoring you. It didnât make you flinch, the contact was an all too familiar occurrence by now. A wordless reminder to take a breather and actually think things through. To not make decisions based on what was right or wrong, safe or dangerous, life or death. Throwing a glance over your shoulder and seeing the sullen expression on Nariâs face was enough of a reason to accept Yunhoâs offer.Â
This girl would be the death of you and youâd have it no other way.
The ride to Yunhoâs camp lasted for well over a day, but you didnât set off until the sun peeked over the tall buildings of Seoul. You were already taking a risk trusting Yunho, the last thing you needed was a run in with the biters at night. On the bright side, it gave you more than enough time to search the store for necessities. There was little to no space left in Yunhoâs Jeep and you were assured, if rationed sparingly, the supplies would last his group for a week or two.Â
Beautiful scenery of abandoned farms and vibrant, lively forests passed in blurs. You couldnât remember the last time you were out of the city. Away from skyscrapers, ditched vehicles and hoards of biters. At some point you passed a group of horses that once belonged to humans, but turned wild. Yunho switched the blinker to the left before turning, a built-in reflex from years of driving in normal traffic. He glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled. Nari was sprawled out in the backseat, her bag sufficed as a pillow and a purple stuffie â which Yunho had a hard time figuring out the species of â was trapped in her arms. He wondered how a girl seemingly his age and a child lasted so long without a network to lean back on.
âWhat did you do? You know, before everything went to shit?âÂ
The greenery was replaced with Yunhoâs profile. You lingered a little, taking in the slope of his nose, pouty lips and pinkish ears. The ends of his hair curled, tickling his nape and falling over his eyes. As he averted his gaze for a split second, you hastily looked back out the window.
âNothing. I had recently moved to Seoul with a fresh diploma. The plan was to find a job and save up for traveling and other shit, but job hunting didnât go as expected so I worked part time babysitting my neighbor's daughter until an opportunity would present itself. The outbreak happened before I could put my education to use.â
âSheâs not your niece?â
âNot by blood, no, but sheâs the closest thing to a family I have left.â
It took a while until Yunho said something else. The running engine and the crunch of tires on gravel mixed with the stillness of the countryside. The conversation sent you down memory lane. Images of your dad teaching you how to ride a back and then a car popped up like an ad that shifted to one of your many girlâs days with your mom. Not bearing the cumbersome memories, you rolled down the window and aired the car out.Â
âWhat about you? What were you doing?â
Yunho jolted and the car swirled left then right until it was back to driving in a straight line. A loud groan came from the back. Nari sat up, eyes squinted and lips pouting as a hand came up to rub against the back of her head. The driver offered her a sheepish smile and a whispered apology. He cleared his throat and pressed on the pedal, the car accelerated and with enough speed he shifted his right foot on the clutch and changed into a higher gear.
âI was working in a repair shop. School wasnât it for me and I knew a dude whose father worked with cars so he pulled some strings and before I knew it, boom, I was seventeen and employed.â
For a second, you imagined him in blue working pants, a white tank top and smudges of oil on his fingers and cheeks. Maybe far in the future when you bought a car and it eventually broke down or needed an oil change, youâd stumble into his workplace and meet him there. No threat of having your brains blown out or body gnawed out by the infected, but be welcomed by his cheeky smile and the question of what needed to be fixed today.Â
âSo you can teach me how to drive?â Nari burst your bubble. Her head peeked out between the two front seats, one arm latched onto the headrest of Yunhoâs seat and her upper body completely crossed over to the front.Â
âCar rule, kiddo.â
An annoyed sigh left her lips as she dramatically flung back in her spot. With no hurry behind her moves, she buckled the seatbelt and crossed her arms over her chest.Â
âAnd no, he can't teach you how to drive.â
Nari snapped her mouth shut and sank further down in her seat. Youâd reconsider if she asked for it as a gift for her birthday, but that wish was already decided. While it could be necessary for survival, most of the cars you found were already emptied of gas and what good would it bring her if she couldnât see over the wheel? She was already pushing it with wanting to handle a gun.
âI mean, I donât mind going through the basicsââ
Much like Nari, Yunho sealed his mouth shut at the scorching heat of your glare. No more words were exchanged apart from Nari asking Yunho about this supposed camp. Questions about how big it was, were there animals, were there dogs, what kind of rooms they had and other questions reminding you she was just a kid.
âWe have a dog.â
âA dog! Whatâs its name?!â
Yunho hummed, âHis name is Heart.â
As the two got into a nice conversation about the dog, stars glimmering in their eyes and hearts overflowing with joy, you caught wind of movement in the distance. A singular figure stopped in the middle of the road and at first glance it was almost mistaken for a biter, but as they raised their arms up and took on the stance of a man you realized you werenât dealing with the infected. Eyes widening and brain not functioning to produce the words, you rapidly started hitting the dashboard.
âWhat?â Yunho glanced over at you and then back through the windshield, still not seeing anything alarming.
âStop the fucking car!â
The bullets moved faster than Yunho could slam down on the brakes and tore right through the glass, piercing him in the shoulder. Nari screamed and Yunho tried avoiding the shooter, but the pain made it hard to maneuver the wheel and he drove into the person, killing them right on the spot. You turned around to check on Nari, hoping not one of the three bullets grazed her skin and as the car swiveled to the sides, you faced the front again. View obscured by cracks in the glass and shards flying everywhere, it was hard to make out the road and it wasnât until you got closer to the other vehicles that you screamed.
âWatch out!â
The collision sent you into a deep sleep that would last until the sun kissed the horizon and greeted the moon on her way out. Stars twinkled in the sky, no city lights or air pollution there to dim the pretty view. You woke up with a stir. A heavy ache spread through the back of your head and spread to the front. Chirping of crickets and raspy groans filled the silence. You put a hand up to your head, feeling for a cut or blood or any injury to have you lightheaded, but there was nothing.
âFuck,â you managed to get out through a dry mouth.
Unbuckling the belt, you turned around and were met with a switchblade in your face and Nariâs teary eyes staring at you. Furrowing your brows, a noise akin to a confused hum left you and your gaze ventured to a passed-out Yunho.Â
âPlease, please, please donât be one of them. Please, donât make me do this. Anyone but you.â
You glanced back at Nari and saw big, fat tears running down her cheeks. The knife in her hand was shaking and her breathing was unstable. Images of the incident flashed in your mind; the shooting, Yunhoâs shoulder, the collision, you losing consciousness.Â
âNari, are you alright? Are you hurt?â
As you moved further over the console to see her better, she shimmied backwards and yelped.
âDonât touch me! Please.â
You werenât scared of the weapon, but of the one behind it. However, in this situation, you knew Nari wasnât capable of hurting a fly let alone the one person who cared for her. The knowledge didnât soothe your mind. Clasping your hands around her shaking ones, you took the switchblade out of her hold and ran your thumb soothingly over her skin.Â
âItâs okay. Weâre okay.â
âYunho,â she started and wiped her nose. âHeâs hurt. There was so much blood and, andââ
You couldnât fathom how you didnât notice his bare body, the bloodied bandage going around his shoulder and chest, or his faint breathing as if barely there.Â
âIâ I tried fixing it. I used one of our medkits to stop the bleeding, but I didnât know how.â
Your fingers gently pressed on his bandage and then you hovered them beneath his nose. âNo, itâs good, I think you've stopped the bleeding. Itâs his breathing Iâm concerned about.â
âWhy?â
âItâs weak. We have to get him to that camp.âÂ
You unbuckled his seatbelt and moved his chair further back. With gentle slaps to his face, you called his name. God knows what youâd do if he didnât wake up. There was no way youâd be able to carry him out of the car and into the backseat.
âCome on, wake up!â You hissed and started pulling at his eyelids. It was after the fifth repeat of his name that he fluttered them open.Â
âAngel?â
âWhoâs Angel?â Nari asked.
Disregarding her question, you gave him one more chaste slap to the cheek. âAre you with me?â
Yunho nodded and tried to sit up, only to groan in pain and fall back.
âYeah, buddy. I donât know if you remember, but you got shot. It looks pretty bad and we need to get you help.âÂ
âIt hurts.âÂ
âI can imagine. Can you hold out until youâre in the back?â
With a determined nod and sigh of exasperation the plan was in motion. Before jumping out into the dark, you scoped out the area and spotted a handful of biters standing quite far from the car.Â
âWe gotta be quick,â you warned and ran over to Yunhoâs side.Â
Throwing open the door and placing his uninjured arm over your shoulders, you helped him â more like pulled him â out of the car. Nari was quick to open the backdoor from inside and move away. Blood drew from how hard you were biting your tongue. He was making quite a fuss and the last thing you needed was to gather the attention of the biters. By the time you were behind the wheel, Nari had jumped to the front from between the seats.Â
âWill you be able to see?â Nari gestured to the broken windshield.Â
By some miracle, the whole glass was still intact except for the one hole created by the bullet currently inside Yunhoâs shoulder. The other shots probably hit something less vital or completely missed the vehicle.
âYeah, itâs not that bad. Annoying? Definitely, but manageable. Just put on the seatbelt and give me your map.â
Doing as told, you unfolded the paper and turned to Yunho. âOkay, hey. Hey! Are you with me? Good. Now, point out where weâre going.â
Slow as ever and shaking like a baby foal, he managed to press his finger on the paper and you were quick to mark it down with a pen.Â
âGood, thatâs good. Nari, you keep an eye on him. If he falls asleep, wake him. We donât want him sleeping for more than a few minutes at a time. If he shows any sign of turning, and I mean any sign, you tell me or weâre all as good as screwed.â
âGot it.â
The most recent time you handled a car, you were still living with your parents and only really used the family car for when going somewhere out of town. Driving was like walking. Once you got it down it was a part of your nervous system. Sure, your skills could get rusty the longer you went without driving, but they sat in the back of your mind like the multiplication table.Â
You were an hour into the drive and by your calculations, you wouldnât reach the spot for another two.
âWho do you think Angel is?â
âItâs none of my concern, Nari.â
âNo, but Iâm curious. Do you think itâs a friend?â Your silence spurred her on. âOr a girlfriend?â She tauntingly wiggled her brows and you had half a mind not to steer the car into a tree.
âAgain, it really isnât my or your business.â
âWhat Korean person is named Angel though? Isnât that, like, really foreign?â Nari gasped dramatically. âWhat if itâs his child? People are more modern with names these days, but he does look a bit too young to be a dadâŠâ
âNari,â you said, a sternness to your tone.
âOkay, okay⊠But what if he thought you were an angel?â
It was going to be a long two hours.Â
Multiple signs with poor writing were stationed with a distance of ten miles between each board. The words were in black â whether it be by paint, a marker or a spraycan, you didnât know â with an arrow showing what direction to follow.
âSector one, all survivors are welcome. Doesnât sound that bad, right?â
You scratched the side of your neck. The consistent position of sitting with your arms stretched out and feet on the pedals was giving you an ache in your back.
âI guess weâll just have to see. Howâs he holding up?â
Nari wiped sweat off Yunho's forehead. âHeâs still breathing. A bit sweaty, but heâs not burning up.â
âWeâll be there soon enough. Letâs hope at least one of these forty people is a doctor or something. Thereâs only so much a medkit can do.â
Noticing another sign, you flashed the high beams and lit up the whole road. The only difference about this poster was the additional wooden plank beneath reading, five kilometers away and an arrow showing left. Doing as the sign read, you turned left and came off the street into a secluded path obscured by trees and bushes. It was big enough for three mid-sized cars, but it was still suffocating. If anything jumped out, youâd only have the option to run them over.
âThis is scary,â Nari whispered from the back as if a louder volume would draw an army of people or biters from nowhere.
âAgreed.â You stepped on the gas and advised Nari to hold on as the road was getting bumpier the faster you went. Yunhoâs head bobbed to the side and hit the window multiple times until Nari placed Spiderfrog between them.
The forest gradually grew further and further away from the road until a chain-linked fence came into view. What came next was like something taken out of a fairy tale. On the other side stood big cement walls with barbed wire continuing all around the top edge. It was already impossible to climb them due to their height, but the steel spikes made it abundantly clear to not even try. Each corner of the walls had a little house, like a treehouse created out of stone, with a perfect sight miles away. The greenery separated the remaining world from the castle-like building and you wondered where in hell you had arrived. As the magic of a fairy tale evaporated into thin air, it dawned on you where Yunhoâs group had taken shelter.Â
At a prison.
âLook.â Nariâs arm came through the middle and her index finger raised at something so obvious it shouldâve been the first thing to catch your eye.Â
The Jeep slowed down as you lightly pressed on the brakes and shifted down until in the first gear. A sign bigger than all of the previous ones youâd seen combined was nailed to the gates of the chain fence. There were actually two signs, one nailed to each door.Â
Welcome to Sector One.
Pulling on the handbrake and turning the keys sideways, you breathed out as the vibrations of the car came to a stop. The keys were left in the ignition. You werenât going to take chances on an ambush happening and you panicking with finding the right key, inserting it and starting the car without stalling it.
Checking your gun and reloading it with the bullets you found in Mouseâs bag, you turned to Nari. âIâll go first. Donât get out until I give a signal that itâs clear, alright?â
âYes.â
You gave them one last glance. Yunho looked peaceful, but lacked the warmness he greeted you with and although you didnât know him well enough, it was still weird seeing him like that. Treading on the thin line between sleep and death. Then there was Nari. The girl had grown⊠you wouldnât say attached, but rather fond of him and his kindness. There werenât a lot of people who offered you a roof over your heads and food in your tummies, besides, she was still young when the breakdown happened. Not nearly enough time spent in this world to create bonds with more people, especially kids her age. Yunho was â other than you â her closest thing to a friend, someone she deliberately chose to befriend and stand up for. Something was telling you he wasnât about to leave your lives any time soon and if this place proved to be as good as he was making it to be, you'd be forever in his debt.
You stepped out of the car and quickly surveyed the area. It was still dark out and the moon was high up in the sky. Staying on alert with your gun ready, you stalked closer to the gates. The towers seemed to be empty of watchers and you didnât know whether to feel happy or wary of it. If the place was safe, shouldnât someone be on the lookout? The sound breaching your ears seconds before Yunho was upgraded with a new wound to his body went off again and a bullet â you couldnât see, but feel â skimmed past your toes. If you had a penny for every time you were shot at, youâd have two. Not the biggest number in town, but it sure was crazy considering it all happened in the span of two days.
Clasping your gun between both of your hands, you aimed it high and looked around. The bullet came from a place where the shooter had a perfect view of everything. Your eyes widened as a body that wasnât there seconds ago stood in the tower closest to the gate. No wonder you didnât see them, they blended perfectly in with the dark swirls of the sky. Youâd argue their black clothes â a hoodie pulled over their head and swallowing them completely â were darker than the background. However, it wasnât their sudden appearance that had you frozen in place, it was the rifle resting in their embrace.
âDrop the gun and step back,â they shouted and when you didnât comply, they continued. âDrop the gun or have your brains blown out. Itâs your decision, sweetheart.â
Cursing the mysterious person didnât feel like it would give you free entry into Sector One. Then again, if it meant dealing with armed people shooting without a thought behind their heads then you didnât want in. For the sake of Nari though, you did as the guy ordered and raised your hands in a mocking gesture.
âKick it away from you!â
âAre you serious?â You mumbled beneath your breath. The guy was really testing your patience. Playing the part of an obedient dog, you sent your handgun hurling toward the gates.
âNice Jeep you have there. Whereâd you get it?â
âA friend of mine.âÂ
In any other circumstance Yunho wouldnât be described as your friend. Heck, you couldnât even call him an acquaintance. The guy was still a stranger in your eyes, but you wouldnât test your luck with the rifle-guy.Â
He chuckled â dare you say charmingly â and lowered the rifle so it was resting on the rails of the tower.Â
âThatâs funny because my friend has the exact same car with the exact same logo on the front and last time I checked, my friend went out alone for some dog food and not with some girl. So, letâs try this again⊠Nice Jeep you have there. Whereâd you get it?â
âYunho. His name is Yunho. A funny guy, quite tall too.â
Rifle-guy moved with such speed that the hood slid off his head. The weapon was raised again and you were certain he was a millimeter away from shooting you dead.Â
âWhat did you do to him? You better answer fast or Iâll send so many bullets through you, weâll alert every biter in a ten mile radius.â
âHeâs in the back. Breathing, but barely. He offered me a place to stay and we got attacked on our way here⊠I stopped the bleeding, but thereâs no guarantee of his survival.â
Time seemed to stop as the guy didnât move. You didnât dare breathe louder and tensed your whole body from moving an inch. Anyone with a weapon aimed at you and their finger on the trigger wasnât to be trusted. A bullet could be fired with the slightest of movement and you werenât about to suffer the same fate as Yunho for breathing a little harder or accidentally losing your footing.
Feeling impatient you cleared your throat and spoke up. âI can show you⊠Yunho. I can show you heâs in the backseat.â
âHow do I know you wonât get something to shoot me with?â
âBecause people who have something to lose wonât act so recklessly.â
âAnd, do pray tell, what is it that you value so highly?â
Letting out a shaky sigh, you slowly turned your head sideways and looked through the cracked windshield. The guy couldnât see her, but you and Nari made immediate eye contact. You flickered your right hand forward slowly and she caught onto what you were trying to convey. The backdoor opened and with a copy of your stance, Nari exited the car, arms high and vacant of the switchblade you gifted her. She came up to stand beside you, a tight-lipped smile on her face. The guard was taken back as a literal child appeared. Of all the people he encountered over the wall, not once had he aimed the muzzle at a kid. It was usually Yunho or some of the others who brought them in. He dealt with strangers who were lost or searched for cover. Rifle-guy closed his gaping mouth and lowered his weapon again.Â
âStay there. I donât want either of you to move,â he explained and proceeded to talk into a device.
A lamp on the other side of the fence lit up and two figures appeared from a door leading into the building. They were heavily armed, so much you could see, and were of a great build. One was challenging the other with his height â he even gave Yunho a run for it â but the other made up with his broad shoulders. Both carried a rifle each and had thick vests going over their chests, leaving you wondering what kind of camp this was. Were all newcomers welcomed with a rifle straight out of the military embassy and a one-month training program to become ripped?
The pair stopped and just stared at you through the fence. The headlights of Yunhoâs Jeep reached to their knees, but made their faces more visible. The first thing catching your attention was the freshly bleached hair on the tall one. It looked ridiculous, but his serious expression scared you into being quiet. Not to mention his sharp yet round eyes which told you he wasnât amused by your presence. He stuck out like a sore thumb. His companion was more subtle, with parted black hair and a short fringe falling in front of his eyes, but in a fashionable way and not the my-hair-is-a-mess way. Speaking of his eyes, they were sharper than Mr. Snow White over there, but held the heat of a bored tiger. He had very prominent cheekbones and naturally styled brows every model dreamed of having. The sleeveless shirt he was wearing gave a beautiful view of his thick arms, youâd argue his one bicep was the size of your head.Â
The men were as handsome as they were dangerous and you first realized how unfortunate of a situation you were in. Yunho was a nice guy, but his actions didnât seem to reflect those of his friends. The sound of the gates opening by a mechanic whirring snapped you out of your worrisome thoughts.Â
âDonât move,â said the white-haired one. His voice was deeper than the ocean and struck you to the core.Â
You wanted to let him know you werenât planning on it, the threat of rifle-guy hanging over your head. As Snow White advanced to the car and picked up your abandoned gun on his way, his friend held you at gunpoint. You cast a quick glance to the watchtower and saw rifle-guy doing the same thing, his weapon supposedly aimed at Nari. Their positions didnât change, not even when the car door opened and Yunho was carefully thrown over his friendâs shoulder. The pair shared a look and you were ushered back in the car before you could ask about Yunhoâs well-being. Nari followed shortly and it confused you as to why she sat in the passenger seat. When the black haired guy sat right behind you, gun positioned toward Nari, you understood.
âDrive up to the door. Donât think of doing anything funny and I wonât hurt the kid.â
Through the rear-view mirror you held his heated gaze and he raised a perfectly arched brow as if daring you to disobey. Giving up, you started the car and did as ordered. If you had known youâd be rewarded with your heroism by having a gun presented to Nariâs head, you'd have taken the Jeep and left Yunho on the side of the road. Instead, you listened to a freshly turned ten-year-old and got thrown into a jail cell, all for trying to help a guy not die. It could have been worse, you tried convincing yourself. The guards â is what you decided to call them â could have separated you and Nari.Â
You didnât expect much of a prison. The most you knew was from textbooks and documentaries online, and the material didnât give you the best image of the place. You expected dirt, filth and wickedness everywhere. The prisons you heard of gave nothing to the prisoners, they treated them like animals with shitty food and equally shitty sleeping arrangements. To see your cell furnished with a bunk bed, a table in the corner and blankets, you were bewildered. San â the shorter guy with broad shoulders and a tiny waist â locked you in with the promise of returning shortly. Staying true to his words he came back, but with the company of Mr. Snow White. The only real bad side to this arrangement was them taking away all your weapons. Nariâs switchblade, and your combat knife and handgun were all in the possession of San.
âUp to the wall,â he ordered and didnât lock up the door until your backs were one with the wall.
Mr. Snow White entered first with two trays in hand. Your eyes quickly scanned what he was holding. It was food and water. You werenât going to lie, the food looked appetizing and you hadnât eaten a warm meal in a good while, but you knew better than to accept food from strangers. Mr. Snow White placed the trays on the table and straightened back up.
He cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back. âIâm Mingi.â
Your eyes didnât leave his and the neutral expression on your face didnât falter. He didnât move and you realized he was waiting to hear your names. You licked your dry lips and glared harder at him. You werenât going to tell him anyâ
âNari. Iâm Nari,â she spoke up from beside you.
You whipped your head toward her and she was purposefully avoiding your gaze. You couldnât believe your ears. There wasnât a critical thought behind that head of hers. Glancing back at Mingi, he raised a brow and tilted his head sideways. Being left with no other choice, you gave up your name. Just because you were exchanging pleasantries didnât mean you were going to be all friendly with them though. They literally took you hostage after you helped one of theirs.Â
âOkay⊠Uh, eat.â
As San fiddled with the jail doors, you coughed up the courage to ask about Yunho.
The jingling of his keys stopped and San looked up at you. The fierce aura from when he held you at gunpoint and growled threats in your ears was replaced by an unexpected softness. His eyes didnât send blades your way and the corners of his mouth weren't pulled in a scowl. Everything about him was completely different and for a flicker of a second you could see the same compassion lit in his soul as well as Yunhoâs.
âHeâs okay. Heâs better. You did a good job stopping the bleeding. Heâs still⊠Unconscious, but his breathing is more stable now.â San sighed and stuffed the key back in his pocket. âIâd like to ask what happened, but itâs not⊠Our Captain wants to talk to you first thing in the morning.â
You werenât surprised at the alias for their leader, it seemed like a lot of people had a knack for weird names.
âI want to talk to Yunho. Heâs the only face I can somewhat trust.â
âAnd you will, but first youâve got to talk to the captain and then as soon as Yunho wakes up weâll bring you to him, so eat and rest.â
Neither of you moved toward the food. It smelled delicious though and your stomach was turning in on itself from hunger. Seasoned chicken and potatoes. How theyâd acquire that you had no idea. It didnât matter though. Everything came with a price, before it was actual money, but now you could be forced to pay in numerous ways. Some which you didnât want to imagine.
âAnd the food? What do you want for it?â
âWant for it?â His dark brows scrunched together and a little wrinkle appeared on the surface between them.Â
âWhat do you want in exchange for the food?â
As if a light switch went off in his head, he waved his hands around. âNothing? Nothing! Itâs free, I mean, itâs leftovers from dinner⊠Weâre not like that. The thing out front was just a precaution. I promise.âÂ
His gaze shifted from you to Nari and his expression softened into that of pity. You both kept quiet as his somber eyes trailed over her lean body and you were a toothpick away from pushing her behind you.
âYouâre too thin for a kid⊠Please, eat⊠And when youâre done, Iâllâ Iâll, uh, bring you something sweet, okay?â
âI like chocolate,â Nari whispered.
âWell, I hope you like pudding because we have lots of it.â As San closed the last big door separating you from the rest of the camp with the reminder to eat, you wasted no time chastising Nari for her lack of critical thinking.
âYou canât go around and trust people like that. This,â you gestured toward the area outside the cell, âisnât permanent. We donât know what they want or what they do to newcomers like us. Not to mention they think we hurt Yunho.â
âBut we canât always expect the worst to happen. They could help, Yunho said they would help.â
âYunho isnât here! Itâs just you and me locked up. Out there we could at least roam free, but now, we donât even know if weâll ever see daylight again.â
Fatigue tugged at your eyelids and all the muscles in your body burned from overexhaustion. You plopped down on the bottom bunk, arms propped on your knees and head in your hands, as you tried assessing the situation. However you looked at it, you were at a disadvantage. Your only hope would be Yunho waking up and even then you werenât entirely free from harm. The tall man could still lie and put the blame for his wound on you.
The bubble of darkness burst as keys clashed together and the cell door was harshly opened. You didnât remember falling asleep or laying down in bed, or the feel of your head hitting the plush pillow. It just happened. Rolling off the bed, you took on a defensive stance with your hands coming up to your face. You were ready to pounce at anyone daring to come inside.
âI thought I told you guys to eat?â
Blinking your weary eyes awake, you took in the disappointed look of San. This guy apparently had a thing for promises because he was standing there with a chocolate flavored pudding in hand. The two trays on the side were once filled with warm food and had turned cold from being out in the open for long. Your stomach growled in retaliation and you tried pushing back the thought of regret.
Regret for not eating. Regret for yelling at Nari. Regret for helping Yunho.
âAnd I told you I wanted to speak with Yunho.â
Additional shuffling footsteps echoed in the empty block and the familiar head of black locks peeking from around the side of your cell grabbed your attention.
âCalm down now.â
âYunho!â Nari wasted no time climbing down the ladder. Her imaginary tail wagged violently as if an excited dog reuniting with her friend from the park. Thinking about it, you werenât that far off with the visual imagination. They got into a small conversation about his shoulder that quickly shifted to questions about Heart. You breathed out and slumped down on the chair behind you. Yunho was alright. He was breathing and talking and walking just fine. The chances of your and Nariâs survival skyrocketed by fifty percent. He gently patted the top of her head and a dimple you hadnât paid attention to earlier formed on his cheek. The ripped pieces of fabric from last night were replaced by a white loose-fitting t-shirt and â instead of wearing his black jeans â a pair of gray sweatpants covered his long legs.Â
âYouâre okay.â
Yunho hummed. âOf course. It takes more than a measly bullet to get rid of me.â
âYou were closer to death than life,â was what you wanted to say, but held back. It wasnât your place to remind him of his state. Besides, he wasn't anyone of importance. Yunho was your ticket to safety until you decided to move along somewhere else.
âNot to interrupt your lovely reunion, but Captain wants to see you soooo,â San interrupted. âLetâs go.â
He proceeded to sheepishly smile as you raised a brow at the loaded rifle in his hands. âIâm sorry, but itâs just a precaution.â
A precaution for what? They already took all of your things. How big of a threat could you pose with your bare hands and a kid against a mountain-shaped guy and his skyscraper of a friend? There was nothing you could do to put a scratch on either of them and you were certain youâd get an arm, if not both, broken in return.
âCan we see Heart after this?âÂ
Sanâs brows flew up at the question and he turned toward Yunho who was still sporting a bright smile. âThey know about Heart?â
The taller of the two men only shrugged, but the gleeful expression gave him away. You didnât have enough energy to reprimand Nari for her nonchalant behavior. The girl was doing whatever she wanted and you didnât deem the situation dangerous enough to land either of you in trouble, unless the dog was rabid and attacked at first sight.
âLetâs see what their leader wants first, okay?â You put a hand on her shoulder and guided her out of the cage.
Nothing prepared you for the walk from one empty cell block to another full of people gauging you like circus freaks. It wasnât that weird considering you and Nari looked to be taking daily baths in the sewers and voluntarily gave each other body altercating wounds, but it annoyed you nonetheless. Fear pooled in their eyes, young as old, and you wondered how out of touch with reality they really were. July turned into August three times since the outbreak started. What kind of rules was Sector One built upon if their people couldnât hold their own?Â
It made your blood boil. You wanted to give them a reason to be scared. Bare your teeth at them and ask what they had been doing while you were fighting for your life day by day.Â
âThis is where I stop. Yunho will be with you, so just follow him,â San said from behind you. âCaptainâs already waiting inside, Yun.â
âRoger that soldier⊠Come on, letâs not keep him waiting.â
The room they labeled the âCaptainâs headquartersâ was probably where the previous warden spent most of their time while working. It looked nice. Classy. You could argue it was a different world than the rest of the jail. There was actual furniture inside, two leather sofas facing each other with an expensive looking table in the middle. To your left was a little window looking out on the common room; the area where people ogled you like nothing. Behind the leather set up was a mahogany desk where a man much shorter than Yunho, Mingi and San sat. Two pairs of chairs were placed across from him, letting you know he was expecting your and Nariâs presence.
The most outstanding detail of his was the white bandage wrapped around his forehead and slightly over his right eye. Captain â as they called him â stood up, a smile taking over his features and his eye creasing from cheesing too much. He had quite a peculiar look to himself; short black hair in the front that grew more at the back and covered his nape like a semi-mullet with the sides freshly shaved. His nose was charming and pointed, quite small too and the lone eye reminded you of a catâs. Mischievous and cunning.Â
Unlike the rest of the people youâd met, this guy wasnât wearing plain clothing. A white button-up shirt clung to his thin frame and a pair of black slacks actuated his well-formed legs. It wasnât something people wore in the apocalyptic setting as they opted for clothes allowing them more movement. To top it off, a green military jacket reaching above his ankles hid the fancy outfit underneath.Â
âTake a seat, please.â
While you and Nari did as told, Yunho cleared his throat from behind and the leaderâs eyes (or well, eye) lit up with a particular glow.
âItâs nice to see you back on your feet, Yunho, but try not to die when you go out on a mission next time, hm?âÂ
Said man mockingly saluted and leaned against the wall beside the door.Â
âWant anything to drink? Water, tea, juice?â
Your stone cold expression conveyed your answer and the silence from Nari wasnât hard to decipher either.Â
âThe offer still stands if you change your mind⊠Anyways, welcome to Sector One. Iâm Hongjoong or as the people call me, Captain.â
You didnât put up a fight to keep your names a secret. Mingi, San and Yunho already knew of them and it wouldnât take long until one of the three whispered it in their leaderâs ears.Â
âI already know of you. I talked to San, Mingi and Wooyoung about it and the guys told me fairly the same things, but Iâm still curious about what you have to say.â
âDoes it make a difference?â You asked and parted your legs, leaning comfortably against the backrest and your arms coming up to cover your chest. âYouâre obviously going to believe your little soldiers before even taking into account what I have to say.â
Hongjoong smiled even wider, not taking his lone eye off you and it was slowly starting to bug you out. Especially when he didnât blink and just continued holding your gaze.Â
âThatâs valid, but Iâd rather hear your side before I decide on anything. Think of Yunho as an alibi, plus you look quite young to be fending for your life. For both of your lives, so Iâm feeling a bit sentimental.â
The insult of him shoving his dick up his own ass didnât get to be flung out in the open as Nari took the lead of the conversation. She spilled everything from your first encounter with Yunho to your near-death experience as a person appeared out of thin air and unloaded rapid shots.
âAnd Yunho said you had a dog named Heart and promised me Iâd get to meet him!â
Hongjoong, who was resting his arms on the desk with his fingers intertwined and lips touching the skin, sighed and gently sank in his chair. His arms fell on each armrest and his head lolled to the side as if in deep thought.
âWe do have a dog named Heart and that does sound like something Yunho would say⊠Tell me more.â
Always eager to humiliate you, Nari jumped straight into action. âHe called auntie Angel⊠When he went in and out of consciousness.â
Your body heated at the memory and Yunhoâs eyes widened. He had no recollection of that happening. A pink hue which rapidly changed to a darker red settled over his ears and he hastily avoided the curious eye of Hongjoong, much like you. The short man couldnât hold himself from laughing and you were a molecule away from threatening him.
âWho is Angel?â Nari turned in her seat and stared at Yunho with a curious gaze. She was dead set on figuring out this mysterious person.Â
Hongjoong recovered, but the yellow glow of happiness didnât dim from his face.
âOh, little one. Thereâs no one named Angel at camp.â He glanced over at you who glared daggers at the pristine white wall. âIâm almost a hundred percent convinced Yunho thought your auntie was an angel coming to save him and I canât say I blame him for mixing them up.â
âWill you shut up?â You snarled.
âNo. I donât think I will.â He smirked while standing up and averting his attention to Yunho, who wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole. âDoes that sound familiar to you?âÂ
âUh⊠Yeâ Yeah.â Yunho scratched the lobe of his ear, growing uncomfortable as they burned more.Â
âGood⊠Now, Iâll consider keeping quiet if you tell me what it is you want. Why did you come here?â
âYunho offered us a place to rest until we headed back out on the road.â
âSo you wanna stay, is that it?âÂ
Hongjoong didnât like when people circled around things, you mentally noted. He wanted it served straight to the point and you understood; he was a leader with people to look out for, but it didnât make it less embarrassing asking for help. For the sake of Nari, you swallowed your pride, albeit with difficulty, and nodded.
âThen enlighten me. How many infected have you killed?â
The dumbest thing to come out of this apocalypse â after the biters â would be these questions. You didnât survive this long by hiding and outrunning the dead, it was a common fact and as far as you knew, Hongjoong couldnât have talked his way out of an encounter with biters. As for other humans, you didnât doubt his sharp tongue and talent for outsmarting them in getting what he wanted. It was no wonder Sector One was functioning, the whole organization was under his care.
âCould you answer how many breaths youâve taken since birth? Exactly. Itâs too many to count, but itâs well over a hundred.â
A tense silence spread through the room. You couldnât decipher the look on his face. He would be an infuriating opponent in a game of poker.
âHow many people have you killed?â
âFiveâŠâ You exhaled a big gust of air and kept your eyes trained on your shoes.Â
The memories of each person at the end of your knife or gun werenât pleasant. They were locked in a chest in the back of your head with no intention to be let out. It took you far too long to get used to their faces appearing in your sleep. Waking up from a rapidly beating heart and heaving chest became a part of your routine until it suddenly stopped. It didnât mean you werenât thinking of them whenever you were stuck in a silence too loud for your own inner voice.
âWhy?â
Curse Hongjoongâs curious mind and soft spoken tone. You really didnât want to talk about it, but you also didnât want to risk being thrown out of the prison â every convicted person was probably turning in their graves â as it was currently the safest place for Nari.
âThe first one⊠It was a mercy kill and the only life I took without the intent of surviving,â you began and avoided Nariâs eyes. No one knew of this. Only you, the victim and whoever was watching above.
âIt was still early on in the apocalypse and Nari hadnât even turned double digits so I rarely ever brought her with me. This was one of the times she stayed in our old base while I went out looking for food. Back then I was scared of searching through stores and my biter kill count hadnât even gone over five, so I stuck to clearing houses and small corner shopsâŠÂ
âThe house was relatively empty and it didnât take me longer than three minutes to continue upstairs. It was a boy, maybe around Nariâs age now. I found him hiding in his parentsâ bedroom, blanket up to his chin and face entirely wet and red from crying. He was bit and yeah⊠There wasnât much I could do.â
Casting upwards, you locked gazes with Hongjoong. The stone-hard expression was still there, but a twinkle of sympathy flickered in his brown eyes.
âThe most recent one was when Yunho found us,â you continued. âA group of men wanted to raid the same store as us and well⊠they werenât the kindest of guys. It was either kill or be killed. Yunho can vouch for that.â
It was quiet after that. You could faintly hear the people going on about their day in the cell blocks and the small details of life around you. Yunhoâs shifting in place. Nari picking on the skin around her thumb. The clock ticking above the doorway.
âYou mentioned five people, but weâve only heard about two.â
You shouldâve known better than to think Hongjoong wouldnât ask about the remaining three. It wasnât something you were proud of, but it needed to happen or everything youâve based your new life around would go to waste.
Sensing Nari move in her seat, you decided to keep the explanation brief. âSome men⊠attacked Nari.â
âThatâs all?â Hongjoong asked, curious as to why they werenât getting a lengthy story.
âThatâs all you need to know. They put her in danger and I put them six feet under⊠I protected my own. Wouldnât you do the same?â
âI have. We all have.â
The reply was instant. So he did kill someone. Not that heâd ever know, but you were intrigued. How? When? Why? In this time and day itâd be more concerning if he hadnât killed someone.
âIâm willing to let you stay on one condition.â
He brought you out of your bubble. You squinted and folded your arms. âWhich is?â
Hongjoong rounded the desk and leaned back on it. Legs crossed and hands coming back to rest on the edge of the surface. âYou may stay in Sector One⊠but because of Yunhoâs injury, one of you will have to look for resources in his place.â
To be frank, the offer wasnât bad. You were already in charge of scavenging and finding safety over your heads. It was a no-brainer Nari would stay inside the four walls of Sector One and youâd take Yunhoâs responsibility while he recovered. It would only be for a few days, you reasoned with yourself, and then youâd take Nari by the hand and leave to a new destination.
âHongjoong! Iâm perfectly fine going on my ownââ Yunho was interrupted and stopped advancing forward, his hands hovering in the air as your voice overpowered his.
âIâll do it, but I have a requirement of my own.â
âGo ahead.â
âIâll do the scavenging, clearing areas and helping around the prison if Nari stays out of it all.â
âAuntie!â
âButt out.â You threw her a look and she sank back in her seat, an angry pout taking over her lips. âDo we have a deal?â
Hongjoong smiled and held out his hand that you shook with strength.Â
âDeal⊠Yunho, fill her in on how things work around here, would ya?â
â...Yes, Captain.â
The agreement to stay a week or two in exchange for risking your life prolonged to a month. But with a little persuasion from Wooyoung â the guy who nearly shot your toes off â and Yunho, you came to the realization that staying in Sector One until further notice was a better option for Nari than living on the streets.Â
Week three of temporarily living in the prison was inaugurated by another run for supplies and you were meeting Hogjoongâs demands by going alone. San offered to come with â something he had been every single time â but you told him you could hold your own and that the prison needed him more than you would. He didnât fight your decision and also refrain from hiding the concern on his face. San was like that, you realized. If he wasnât planted on the post or following Hongjoongâs orders, then heâd be doing rounds asking everyone if there was anything they needed.Â
Another sweet guy who wasnât all content with you venturing outside the prison walls on your own was Yunho. It was his fault you were doing so in the first place, of course he wouldnât be happy with you doing runs in his stead. He didnât want to entertain the possibility of you getting hurt or â even worse â bit. Yunho would never forgive himself. You didnât have time to reassure either of them youâd be fine. They were both old enough to know such promises wouldnât hold longer than a goldfish out of its tank. You simply collected requests of the people inside and tried to cross out as many things on the list as possible. To keep everything under control, you made up the rule that everyone could wish for one thing each and it had to be bearable otherwise it would be impossible to shorten the list.Â
Today was a successful day. A toothpick wouldn't fit in your bag from how packed it was. Batteries, hard soap, pads, cigarettes, crayons, dog treats, books, pacifiers, chocolate bars, you had it all and headed home. A blue collar with a silver heart attached to it was stuffed in the back pocket of your jeans. It was dirty, the color barely distinguishable from the dust and stains, and the heart locket started taking on a green hue. It was perfect for Heart and would be a shame to leave it behind. You were usually strict with your rules and rarely brought back things people didnât ask for or were deemed unnecessary. The only exception was if it were something for Nari (you had to get better with that, but honestly speaking, you couldnât care less). Back at the prison â one hour earlier than scheduled â you circled cell block two and handed out the goods to the respective person. Soon enough you were left with an empty bag and an unsolicited bag of chips in your hands, the extra salty type that made your mouth shrink and turn back in on itself. There was only one person you knew who was dying to eat these.
âOh, youâre back already?â Mingi greeted you with a smile as you entered block one.Â
The giant got up from his seat in one of the round tables and you met him in the middle. âYeah. I underestimate how fast I actually am on my own.âÂ
âBetter that than to have us running around like headless hens thinking somethingâs happened⊠Whatchu got there?â
âSnacks⊠For Nari. She really loves chips.â
âCool. Ay, donât let Yunho see you with that, itâs his favorite flavor,â Mingi chuckled and his boxy smile appeared, and as did his dimples.
âWhat a coincidence,â you murmured and cleared your throat. âWhere is he anyways? Shouldnât he be on⊠like, some duty?â
âNah or well⊠yeah, but nah?â
You tilted your head quizzically and your eyebrows scrunched together like two furry caterpillars. Mingi waved you away as if you were the one spewing nonsense. Was he or was he not on duty?
âYouâll get what I mean when you see him. Heâs in his cell doing nothing⊠something. No-so-thing?â
Twenty-one days. You had known Mingi for twenty-one days and each time you conversed, he didnât fail to leave you more perplexed than the last time. His white hair should have been enough of a warning he was somewhat weird or at the very least confusing, but the equal amount of kind.
As you were told, Yunho was in his cell. You moved the white sheet that was covering his cell and admired his peaceful form laying in bed. Arms bent at the elbows and fingers intertwined beneath the back of his head while his ankles crossed over each other. The bed wasnât quite fit for his tall figure making his feet stick out over the edge. You understood what Mingi meant now. Yunho was put on duty⊠a duty to rest until healed. Although that didnât stop him from keeping the positive spirits up in the place. The first few days spent around him and his happy-go-lucky demeanor were enough for you to believe he was putting up a facade. You refused to believe the constant happiness he spread around was genuine. Witnessing even a quarter of the apocalypse was enough to tarnish any positive emotion inside a person and Yunho surely couldnât be immune to that. But the more you lingered around him, the more you realized he was being himself. His curled up lips and squinted eyes, and a dimple popping out even when sleeping proved to be his true self.
âAre you just going to stare at me or?â
The fabric slipped from your fingers and shielded you from him and his chuckle. Of course he was awake. Everyone who was a part of Hongjoongâs patrol and resource squads was basically walking on eggshells. Slipping in his room, you were greeted with an overly joyous Yunho. A shit eating grin on his face and cheeks puffy and round from the smiling. His brown eyes carried a twinkle of mischief that had you frowning. Not bothering to entertain his poor taste in harmless jokes, you tossed the snacks over to him and plopped on the vacant seat opposite of his bed. A pair of comics were stacked in non-chronical order on the desk â some of which you recognized as Spiderman comics â along with scattered polaroids of him and people from camp, a bag of dog treats and his gun.Â
âWhatâs this?â He asked and immediately sat up. The bag was intensely inspected as if he couldnât believe his eyes. The gasp that left his mouth upon realization told you he knew exactly what it was you tossed him.
You werenât prepared for his gaze to find yours. A look of gratitude painted his face and a wave of warmth welled over your body and sent your heart into palpitations. The attention was suddenly too much to bear and you averted your focus on the boring cement walls that were much easier to look at. You grabbed the comic at the top of the stack and aimlessly flipped through it, the colorful pages doing little to calm your heated thoughts.
âThey are Nariâs favorite,â you began and stopped on a random page. âI found two and she told me to give you the other one.â
âThey are my favorite too,â he whispered as if admitting a sin in a confessional.
There was no reason for you to lie, but the emotion in his eyes sent you into panic and it was like he could see right through you. It was embarrassing to admit, but you didnât want him to think⊠You didnât want him to know what you thought about him. Heck, you were still trying to accept the fact Yunho was slowly infiltrating your mind let alone giving him his favorite things like a poor attempt at a courting offer which it wasnât!
For such a long time, you were only thinking about yourself and Nari. You never thought to fit a third personâ scratch that. You never thought thereâd be a third person to fit in your already busy mind. Getting attached to people was dangerous, it made you vulnerable and an easy target. The quickest route to your heart would be through Nari and you didnât need to involve romance in that mess. Love was the greatest weakness of humans after all. Despite that, you couldnât help but disguise your worry through acts and harsh words. Giving him painkillers in the dead of night, purposely moving peas from his plate to yours as you heard him complain about them once (without anyone seeing you, of course), or keeping an eye out for those comic books heâs into. Instead of asking how his recovery was going, youâd say, âYou canât be in that much pain if youâre laughing.â
Yunho opened the bag and wasted no time stuffing his cheeks with potato chips. The need to chastise him for eating too fast rolled on your tongue. Feeling like itâd be crossing the line of friendship and acquaintances, you hastily stood up and feigned stretching your back. Yunho peered up at you with his round eyes, pouty lips and puffed-up cheeks, and you nearly stumbled over your own feet. It was⊠so different having to look up at him and having him stare at you from below. He looked so pliant and what would be your drunken mistake after too many drinks on a night out with your friends.Â
âIâm out,â you announced before you could do something youâd regret and ran to the safety of your cell.Â
One thing youâd rather do than admit that Yunho made the apocalypse bearable was to take a screwdriver through your eye. Since meeting him, the world splattered in black and white for three-and-something-years was slowly getting back its colors. Perhaps it was his abnormal humor keeping you up way past the curfew set by Hongjoong or his weird faces having you burst out in laughter at the most inappropriate moments. It could also be his natural leadership, taking control over situations and coming up with plans when you were too tired to function. It made you feel taken care of, like you could slow down and breathe once in a while without worrying about what the next move should be.Â
It was nice. It was good. It also meant your plan of shielding your heart from intruders failed miserably as Yunho slowly, but progressively, wiggled his way through the five hundred locks surrounding your beating organ. The thought hit you on a random night as the leaves changed into an array of more depressing colors and daylight didnât last longer than until the afternoon for the second time since passing the gates of Sector One. You were used to a vicious cycle of waking up, operating on survival mode and going back to bed with no anticipation for tomorrow. Yunho, with his small talk and respectfully prying questions, changed that and you found him in your thoughts before sleep, during dinner, when washing up and whenever your mind wasnât occupied with tactics of survival. You wouldnât say you yearned for his presence, but you looked forward to seeing him, to hear him talk about the newest car parts he found on his latest run or to play another round of twenty questions (which you answered as nonchalantly as possible and asked the most boring questions known to mankind).
For a little less than two years, you worked on gradually welcoming more people into your life. You didnât feel the need to hide yourself behind brick walls for protection anymore. Youâd always be wary of newcomers â that was understandable â but you were done thinking Hongjoong and his crew had ulterior motives resulting in your demise. You could actually fall asleep around them without a knife tucked beneath your pillow and stopped offering to keep watch during supply runs â the fear of being killed in your sleep was built on the lack of trust â as the moon and sun exchanged places. There was still a long way to go until you could call Sector One a home, but at least it was safe and it was mainly thanks to Yunho.
As you loaded the last bags in the backseat of Yunhoâs Jeep, he refilled washer fluid in the designated reservoir while shielded by the bonnet.Â
âAuntie, wait! Donât leave yet!â
Nari came running down the path, doing nothing to keep her volume down with Heart hot on her heels and his joyful barks mixing in the autumn breeze. Closing the doors, you leaned against them and patiently did as requested. She caught up to you and rested her hands on her knees, air heaved in and out of her chest as she tried catching her breath. She raised a hand, asking for a moment to not sound like she climbed multiple stairs.
âOkay,â she started and straightened. âI have something for you guys. Yunho! Come over here and close your eyes! You too, auntie.â
âComing,â Yunho muttered and screwed the cap back on and closed the front surface of the Jeep. He did the thing you couldnât call jogging or walking which did nothing to pick up his pace and came to stand beside you while simultaneously wiping grime off his fingers. He shot you a glance as if to ask what was happening, but you shrugged, knowing as much as he did.Â
âClose them! And palms up.â She placed something tiny and light in your hands. âAnd open!â
A smile graced your face. In the palm of your hand was a bracelet. It wasnât flashy or made out of silver or gold, on the contrary, it was created using two things; a piece of colored garn and the tab of a soda can. Your string was a vibrant red while Yunho got a pastel green. The ends of the garn were tied to each side of the tab thus creating a loop that would go around your wrist. It was simple and probably didnât take longer than five minutes to create, but it was a gift nonetheless.
âItâs beautiful, flower.â You immediately put it on and showed her.Â
Nari clapped her hands enthusiastically and squealed. âIt looks so good and now you have a piece of me with you wherever you go!â
âThat was sweet of you, Nari,â Yunho said, admiring the poor trinket on his wrist. âIâve always wanted a good luck charm and now I got it so, thanks a lot, kiddo.â
The grin she sported grew bigger at the praise and Yunho couldnât refrain from ruffling her hair. His attention was suddenly on you.
âYou ready?â
âAs ready as one can be.â
âPlease be careful.â Nari engulfed you in a hug, and you immediately reciprocated.
âWhen am I not?â
âDonât worry about her, Nari. Sheâll be under my protection.â Yunhoâs chest puffed up and he placed a hand over his heart. His lips did that upside down triangle shape making his cheeks look extra squishy while his eyes tingled in the sunlight.
âShe better! Itâs my family weâre talking about.â
âOkay, Rambo, calm down before you blow a vessel⊠And who is taking care of who? Last time I checked, I was the one protecting the both of us,â you trailed off and rolled your eyes.
âAre you two leaving soon or are you going to chit-chat the day away?!â The high-pitched voice of the one and only, Jung Wooyoung, came from the tower closest to the gate.Â
âThat would be our cue to get rolling. Weâll see you in a few days, kiddo.â Yunho ruffled her hair again, just because, and hoped in the driverâs seat.
Searching for food and other necessities had become a part of your life long before you joined Sector One, the only difference was leaving Nari behind while you stepped out into the danger zone, not knowing if youâd get to see each other again. You wanted to say it was easier leaving with time, that every departure wasnât as heavyhearted as the previous, but youâd be lying to yourself.Â
âListen to Seonghwa and Yeosang while Iâm away. Donât do anything I wouldnât do and if anything happens to the place, and I mean anything, you take your things and you run. Iâll find you wherever you go, okay?â
Nari didnât reply. Instead, she wrapped her arms around you and hid her face in the crook of your neck. Thinking back to it, three years ago she could barely reach up to your neck, let alone tuck her head into it.
âIâll miss you.âÂ
You sighed and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of her head. âIâll miss you more. Iâm going to try and see if I can bring you more of those pictures that fit your camera.â
Yunho gifted her a Polaroid camera for her eleventh birthday. It was a present that started her obsession with photography, the downside being the films were hard to find and were almost rarer than medical kits and unexpired condoms. This year he promised her driving lessons, however, they would have to wait until he was back from the mission.Â
âThank you.â
Two quick beeps was your signal to go.
âSeonghwa and Yeosang will help you with anything you need. Weâll be back in a few days, behave till then.â
âI always do,â she retorted, brows coming together and nose scrunching cutely.
You smiled slyly. âI know⊠Oh, and Nari?â She hummed and looked up at you through her lashes. âTell that Eunwoo kid I have eyes everywhere even when Iâm out of camp.â
Blush attacked her cheeks and she pushed you away with a noise of embarrassment. The words âweâre just friendsâ tumbled out of her mouth faster than lightning.
The engine was warm and rumbling when you got inside. A water bottle rested in the cupholder closest to you along with a granola bar. Having spent a lot of time with Yunho, you grew accustomed to his silent checkups. It was his way of giving you comfort without putting it into words or asking aggravating questions that would have you exploding in his face.
âReady?â
Singing, you clicked the seatbelt in place and nodded. âLetâs get this over with.â
The idea of raiding a mall in central Seoul was suggested by one of the civilians in charge of the prisonâs crops. With the years, the member count in Sector One gradually grew. You went from thirty people to fifty in a month and it nearly doubled until the next summer. The number was now close to one hundred and ten. Paracetamol and other medical supplies were starting to run short and it wasnât such a problem until the stores nearby had all been cleared, one after another the shelves were emptied. It was then that the first meeting took place, followed by multiple others to make up the perfect plan on how, who and when.
What was supposed to be a mission of twenty people was cut down to two. Initially, you told Hongjoong to count you out. You werenât comfortable with doing runs bigger than a local grocery store or gas station, besides, Hongjoong was bound to give you a pass. It was the least he could do, especially as you searched for resources almost weekly, even going out of your way to take up others' scheduled runs. When the time came to decide who the two (un)lucky participants would be, Yunho took the initiative and your choice to sit on the sidelines was forgotten as you raised your hand up and volunteered. It benefited everyone because, honestly speaking, no one really wanted to put their own life on the line.Â
The first step of the plan was to find a secure and easy access to the car if in need of a quick getaway. The amount of vehicles aimlessly left by the entrance of the mall clogged up the path. It was best to park the Jeep further away and Yunho contemplated whether to leave it on the road connecting the parking lot to the highway and as you weighed your options, it turned out that would be for the best. The handbrake was pulled up and in a previous life, heâd return to his car already towed away with a ticket waiting for him in his mailbox.
âYou nervous?â Yunho asked as he strapped the high-quality vest provided by the prison to his body.
You huffed in reply and did the same. It wasnât affordable to feel anything beside confidence and even too much of that could get you killed. The best emotion to describe you would be exhaustion. Tired of doing your utmost to survive day by day.Â
The thick texture of the vest was uncomfortable and quite tight all over, however, youâd rather wear it than take the chances of being bit. âI donât even know what Iâm feeling anymore. I just⊠want to get the things we came for and go back.â
Yunho checked his gun, although everything was thoroughly looked at back in the base. A small walkie-talkie was attached to his right peck while yours was hanging on the waistband of your pants. It was a precaution if you were to lose each other in the mall or needed to contact Hongjoong back at the prison. Your hair was tied back with the purpose of not falling in your face during hectic situations, but also so it wouldnât be easy to grab. You had heard too many stories of women dying because perpetrators used their hair against them, latching onto it when they least expected it, not to mention many of the high school fights you witnessed where girls weaved their fingers into each otherâs roots, pulling until chunks of hair fell out.
âTo be honest, I think Iâd get more bored of guarding the post all day. I canât fathom how Wooyoung does it. Like donât the trees eventually bleed into each other?â
âProbably. Then again, itâs Wooyoung weâre talking about. He has a freakishly good eye when it comes to intruders so I wouldnât be too worried, besides, Mingi and San are quick to follow up if he does miss anything. Although itâs highly unlikely.â
Yunho unrolled a map portraying the inside of the mall on the hood of the Wrangler as you brought two empty backpacks from the trunk.Â
âRemember the first step?â
âTechnically, weâre already on step two.â
You rolled your eyes and muttered, âSmartass.â
The remark had his dimple popping out as a cheeky smile stretched across his face.Â
âSo we enter through here.â He pointed at a makeup store. âItâs the only shop we can enter through the backdoor without gathering much attention and the pharmacy is on the same floor. We can look through the salon first and see if thereâs useful stuff in there.â
âLike what? I doubt anyone wants cosmetics in a time like these.â
âNo, but Iâm pretty sure thereâs like sunscreen, stuff for the hair and body, shaving things. You know, necessities.â Yunho folded the map back together and slipped it into the back pocket of his pants. âWhat? Why are you looking at me like that?â
âNothing, I justâŠâ You averted your gaze, but the amused smile was still here. âDidnât know you were into cosmetics.âÂ
The pink hue of roses didnât attack his ears, but his contagious chuckle reached yours and a smug smirk crossed his face. âYeah? I thought it was a given, like, Iâm a sucker for blush if you haven't noticed.â
âOh, shut up.â You shoved him and he flew sideways as if weighing nothing. Trust Yunho into over exaggerating and making the situation look worse than it was. You didnât wait for him to catch up â not that it would take him long â and immediately headed for the backdoor entrance.Â
âThis should be easy.â Yunho tied a black bandana around his mouth and nose to keep dust and bacteria from entering his system while you pulled up the neck tube gifted by Mingi a while back.Â
The two of you shared a look and as Yunho nodded, gun in hand and flashlight in the other, you worked the door open and let the darkness of the mall swallow you whole. The storage room was like any other. Full of boxes and crates, and even a few shopping carts containing various make-up products. The layers of thick clothes did little to hold your warmth against the freezing temperature of the storage. Words were exchanged through your eyes, neither taking the risk of alerting potential resting biters or raiders, and Yunhoâs light flickered to life.Â
You sneaked around the space and took time clearing the area of threats. Confirm there wasnât an unwanted presence with an urge to pierce your skin and feed on your insides, you could breathe a tad bit heavier and relax your rigid posture. Sweat coated your body and your pulse was loud in your ears. However many looting rounds youâd do, youâd never adjust to the adrenaline and fear that came with as a plus two.Â
A faint whistle traveled through the air and your head whizzed up to see Yunho standing by a door, presumably leading to the actual store. He called you over with a nudge of his head and you tightened the grip around your gun and knife. He put off his torch and raised a finger to his covered lips, and you nodded. Taking a step back and planting your feet wider apart to get a sturdier stance, you raised your gun and used your other arm to support it underneath. It wouldnât be ideal to fire off bullets inside, but if it came down to it, youâd be left with no choice.
Yunho hugged the handle and held up three fingers â his hand big enough to hold the gun with just his thumb and pinky â and began counting down. With his fingers gone, he gently opened the door and you stuck your head out, coming face first with the register. A big table shielded your view of the complete store and you immediately dropped to a crouch and waddled out, Yunho following close behind. It was much brighter out there than in the storage room courtesy of the light coming from the corridor of the mall, most likely from the windows on the ceiling. As you moved to round the corner of the cashier register, Yunho roughly grabbed your shoulder and nearly sent you stumbling backwards. Throwing him a questioning glance, he pointed to his ear.Â
Moans and grunts in various tones vibrated through the building. Some were faint, barely there, and others were alarmingly loud. The weight of Yunhoâs hand was still there and a soft squeeze of said man was enough to bring you back. He gave you all of three seconds to get your head out of your ass and follow his lead.Â
Yunho weaved between the aisles â still crouched down â and as you peeked around him, you quickly realized the make-up store was untouched. All the products were in their designated place and it was abnormally tidy inside. No blood coating the white tiled floor or decomposing corpses laying around. The only thing you could think of was that the workers quickly rolled down the sliding grilles before any of the infected could enter and made their escape through the back. The longer you stared at the shutters, the clearer it became how tilted it was. One side wasnât completely flat with the ground, you presumed it had something to do with one of the cogs being stuck. If it came down to it, the barrier would only hold so long against a horde of biters.
âHow are we getting through that?â You whispered and wiped your clammy palms off your pants.
Yunho plopped down on his rear and moved into a comfortable position; his legs were propped up, creating a triangle passageway, and his elbows came to rest on his knees. You were in a similar stance, but with one of your legs flat against the ground and hands on your stomach. The sides of your thighs touched, but neither were distraught by the display of (accidental) skinship. Stealing a glance, you nearly jumped out of your skin as he hastily turned toward you.
âOkay, I got an ideaâŠâ
You swallowed thickly and nodded.
âSo⊠I think I could raise the bar high enough for us to squeeze out. Youâd go first and keep it up until I pass. The thing is, we need to have an emergency exit if everything goes to shit and I donât wanna take the risk of us having to pry it open again and getting caught.â
âYeah, no, that sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen honestly⊠Iâm thinking we can find something sturdy that will hold it for us and we can just slide through if weâre being chased.â
âLetâs hurry.â
You got up and quickly scanned the store for something useful, but all you could see were make-up products, perfume, brushes and other miniature things that weren't good for your issue. You needed something easy to move that wouldnât make too much noise and cave in under pressure. Looking around, you lingered on the door you came from and everything lit up as if a lightbulb appeared over your head. A whistling tune cut through the store and Yunhoâs head popped up from behind a rack, one of his brows raised and you waved him over.Â
âA shopping cart,â you murmured, a high tilt to your voice. âThere are plenty in the storage room, they are easy to handle and wonât falter.â
The smile he showed you could easily be mistaken for his natural cheery persona and you convinced yourself it was just that. Yunho smiled at everyone, especially with those glistening eyes of his as if a brush coated in glitter went over them. You were the first to spring into action and it had nothing to do with the clump of nerves gathering in your abdomen from his soft gaze. It wasnât the time nor place for confusing feelings, you thought as you grabbed the cart and pushed it out. Coming the closest youâd been to the grilles, you hid behind the trolley and looked through the small holes to assess the situation. Chaos was the first term to appear in your mind.Â
Broken glass shards littered the previously white tiled floor. It was currently covered in muddy water leaking from the roof, dried blood and weeds sprouting from between the cracks. Rotten meat and rusty metal lingered in the air and it was disgusting, you had never smelled anything like that before. These biters had been there for quite some time, judging by the lack of skin on their decaying bodies and bony figures. They hadnât feasted in a while and that scared you. Shaking your head clear of such thoughts, you looked in the direction of the apothecary and deflated. A big island of trees, plants and bushes was the first thing you saw. The decorations stood tall and wild, spilling over the fence so you couldnât see the pharmacy that was supposedly on the other side. The run from point A to B suddenly got overcomplicated.
How would you know if the apothecary was open? And if it was, how many infected were there inside? What if everything was already taken? Then the whole mission was a fail. A waste of time, a waste of gas, a waste ofâ
âEverything okay?â
You could feel the heat emanating from his body and the aroma of his detergent and pine needle-like scent as he got near. In fact, you could feel him too, where his chest pressed up against your back and his left hand weaved into the grid of the cart, wrist centimeters from touching the top of your head. His close presence was dizzying and attacked your senses at the worst possible time, but at least it overpowered the stench of death. Compelling yourself to get over his spell, you explained the situation and Yunho, ever the optimistic, pointed out the positives.
âAt least it isnât teeming with biters as we thought. Look.â He gestured to the biters. âThey are just standing there like statues so we can easily sneak past, plus, we have a few hours until the sun sets, meaning?â
âThey are slow as fuck.â
âBingo. We should be fine as long as we donât set off a chain reaction and wake the whole building. Otherwise, weâre pretty fucked.â
âItâs risky,â you stated the obvious.
âEverything is nowadays, but donât worry your pretty little head about that because Iâve got a plan.â
He thought your head was prettyâ
âWe can use that forest thingy as cover. The bushes and leaves are big enough to cover us completely. I say we use that to check the situation and see where we go from there.â
âIâve got a better idea.â
âWhich is?â
âI can use the bushes to check the situation and then call you over depending on the situation. Both of us shouldnât throw ourselves out there. Itâs dumb, what if itâs locked? Itâd be a waste of energy.â
âOkay, Iâll do it.
âNo, I just said Iâd do it. Yunho, think about it. Iâm quicker, harder to notice and thereâs more things I can hide behind. Youâre freakishly tall, where would you hide?â
He pondered for a moment and agreed in the end, but not before voicing his distaste for the idea. âI donât like it when youâre right.â
âI donât really care, just get the shutters would you?â
You positioned yourself behind the cart and watched as he rolled up the security shutters just enough for you to slip the metal hunk on wheels underneath. Still crouched down, you waited to see if the biters were drawn to the light clinking noises, but â much to your pleasure â it didnât attract any. Before you could cross over to the danger zone, Yunho grabbed your bicep.Â
âBe careful,â he whispered tenderly, like talking to a distressed dog. His hand remained until you nodded, but even when he drew back, the warmth spread out through your chest to the very tips of your toes and lingered to what felt like an eternity.Â
It was pleasant. Safe. Yunhoâs arms were safe, you concluded and wished to feel more of. Both his touch and the protection he provided.
âYou too.â
You didnât wait, wholeheartedly believing youâd stay back if you looked at his doleful expression for a second longer, and slid out. The biters were oblivious to your presence, but you werenât about to abuse that privilege until it had run its final course. Like the existence of a ghost, you floated through the mall on your tippy toes, knife trembling in your tight hold and eyes frantically searching for trouble waiting to pounce out of nowhere. Considering you were always reaching for the short end of the stick or possessed more bad than good luck, it was no surprise you were constantly thinking five steps ahead. There was no need for that now though because you made it to the decorations without getting your knife bloodied. The greenery was bigger than what could be seen from the make-up store, a result of constant sunlight, water dripping out of a broken pipe and no one there to keep it tidy. You just hoped you were alone in the idea of hiding there.Â
The pharmacy was open to the public. You didnât know whether to deem it a win or a loss. Easier access was always good, but that included everyone and a bigger chance of the place already being looted. Not much more thinking and strategizing had to be done though, and you immediately signaled Yunho over. The inside wasnât completely trashed either. It wasnât as neat as the make-up store, but from what you could see, there were still things that could be of use or it was your wishful thinking kicking in.
âThis is good⊠right?â It was so quiet that you nearly missed it.
âItâs less of a hassle getting in, so Iâd say so. Our best bet would be that one keeps watch while the other gathers as much shit as possible, unless we want an early date with death.â
âThereâs a pet store behind us too, maybe we can pick something for Heart on our way back.â
âWeâll sââ
A growl was quick to shut you up. The sound sent unsettling vibrations down your spine and you snapped your lips together as a biter staggered right past you. Its sudden appearance reminded you to get your asses moving. Neither breathed until its figure was far, far away from you.Â
âFuckâŠâ Yunho exhaled. âOkay, you keep watch and Iâll look around, you know, see if thereâs stuff on the higher shelves or something.â
He handed you one of the baseball-sized rocks strewn across the dirt on the island â the kind youâd find at the beach â and snagged one for himself too. In a previous life they were used to make things prettier for the eye, but now it was something you bashed rotten heads in with or threw across the room to distract the biters.
Of everything you've done so far, getting into the cursed pharmacy was by far the easiest and least nerve-wracking.Â
âGo, be quick!â You hissed and crouched behind a table closest to the entrance while Yunho zoomed past you, hastily unzipping his bag and filling it with things. You had half a mind to chastise him for the rattle of bottles and rustling sounds, but withheld. Your voice would reach farther than objects clashing in his backpack.Â
Your hyper-focus was glued to the front. You were nothing better than a dog waiting to attack, body stiff and on high alert. Adrenaline coursed your veins and it was hard keeping still, head jerking in every direction and your hand frozen around the hilt of your knife it sent tremors up your arm. Teetering on the edge of control, you struggled not to slash at the slightest of movements and sound. Yunhoâs request for your empty bag breached your concentration and the breath you inhaled was like waking up in the middle of the night and clenching your thirst with the glass of water you set on the bedside table hours prior. It didnât take long before the other backpack was filled too and the curse of being stupid not to bring a third fell from his lips.Â
âYou got everything?â
âNot even close. Come over here.âÂ
And like the good guard dog you were, you heeded his command, leaving the post unattended despite the turmoil in your abdomen.Â
âPut as much stuff as you can in your pockets. I wonât sleep at night if we leave all this behind.â
The amount of money worth of drugs you had in your pants right now was beyond your comprehension, but you knew the bidding between a local druggie and vitamin obsessed grandmother would be hectic. Glancing in Yunhoâs direction, you did a double take at the blue tinfoil packages in his hands and grew hot from embarrassment. Your look was all it took for Yunho to defend himself.
âWhat? I doubt people want to reciprocate at this time.â
He wasnât wrong, but it didnât make you feel any better or stop the sensual image of Yunho. His naked body tangled in sheets looming over you and the very same condom you just saw in his hands, now stuck between his lips. Then you shook your head, as if to make the thought disappear before it could delve into an even more lustful scenario. The naked Yunho was gone, but the heat burned your cheeks worse than the sun on a summer day.
âLetâs get the fuck out of here.âÂ
If he noticed your flustered state, he didnât mention it. With bags on your backs and weapons at the ready, you found yourselves in the bushes again.
âDonât you think itâs weird?â
âWhat?â
Yunho scratched the spot behind his ear. âThat everything is going⊠smoothly? Like itâs too easy?â
âWhat?â Your brows drew together. âDo you want it to be difficult?â
âObviously not. Iâm just⊠pointing out the obvious. Itâs never been this easy.â
He had a way with words because not even a fraction of a second after, he jumped out of the bushes and evoked a high-pitched, squeaky noise that reached every nook and cranny of the mall. He breathed out a soft âfuckâ, the tone dripping with disbelief. Beneath him, squished and still peeping the more Yunho raised his foot, was a blue, rubber pig. Its mouth pulled in an open smile and snout scrunched.
Fucking petstore. Fucking pig. Fucking Yunho.Â
You popped out of hiding, knife pulled out but violently trembling in your hold under the gaze of what felt like a thousand translucent eyes peering at your warm bodies. The one watching your life through a squared screen pressed pause on the remote and then when it was resumed, everything went to shit. The biters lunged for the first piece of meat theyâd seen in months while you stood rooted to the ground, legs refusing to cooperate with your nervous system.
âGo, go, go! Fucking move!âÂ
You did, in fact, not fucking move. You watched him drive his blade into the head of a biter, blood dripping everywhere as the rotten body slumped down and you fell with it, ass bruised and brain too scrambled to understand what was happening. You were going to die. You were never going to see Nari again. You going to turn into aâ
Yunho was there in seconds to haul you off the ground, his hand grabbing the back of your shirt, shouting at you to run. âAre you deaf?! Go!âÂ
It was the harsh push to your shoulder that finally got you moving. Slow and uncertain steps, but moving nonetheless thanks to Yunho barking orders behind you. One would think you had never stepped foot outside the prison walls, let alone gone on numerous resource runs. Everything between his push and you reaching the make-up store was a blur. The blood covering your knife and hands â along with the trail of corpses left behind you â being the only proof you had been involved in the massacre.Â
âI told you to get inside!âÂ
You jumped as Yunhoâs hand landed on your forearm, tugging you toward the store. Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you counted over a hundred rotting heads. The shutters would only hold a dozen until it broke and they tore you apart.Â
Yunho watched the gears turn in your head and got a whiff of what you planned to do. âDonât.â
The foreign depth in his voice did nothing to change your mind and he noticed it too, thus holding onto you until his fingers turned white and the veins of his hands protruded. You snapped out of the haze as another forceful tug bruised your arm. Determined to see your plan till the end, you used the element of surprise to your advantage and bore your teeth into his wrist, just enough for him to loosen his hold on you and give you the chance to step back. You ripped your bag off your shoulders and slung it at Yunho, who caught it with an âoomphâ, successfully keeping him down on his rear for a few extra seconds. His raspy call of your name clawed at your heart. Something was eating you from the inside, but you ignored the wails of your soul and kicked the cart with all your might, allowing the shutters to fall with a bang. Your stubbornness wasnât the sole thing to stand between the two of you anymore.
âWhat the fuck are you doing?!â
You paid little attention to the burning feeling in your chest and the flame dancing across his features. Leaving him there would hurt, but it would be hell to see him get ripped to shreds knowing he had a chance of surviving. Back at the prison, you only had one person to look out for while Yunho was a pillar for many. You couldnât do that to them. To Hongjoong, Mingi, Wooyoung⊠Heck, you couldnât do it to yourself. Angry Yunho was a fleeting image. It would pass, but the Yunho with cheesing eyes and heart-shaped lips pulled in a joyous smile was forever engraved in your memory.Â
âItâs not going to hold,â you gestured to the stupid shutter. âGet home and make sure the stuff gets to Hongjoong.âÂ
âYouâre crazy if you think Iâm leaving without you!â
âTell Nari I love herââ
His fist slammed against the metal cover and for a moment you thought it would crumble beneath his touch. âDonât you dare finish that sentence. Youâre going to tell her yourself because weâre going back together!â
There was so much on your mind. What to say, what message to leave the others; apologies and closure or a last round of advice? What would Nari think? There was no doubt in mind sheâd be heartbroken. You were the last piece of family she had left and it would be downright evil of you to make her lose another parental figure.
âIâll find you. Outside, Iâll find you. Iâm not dyi⊠â Your throat tightened at the empty promise. You didnât know if you said that to reassure him or yourself. âTen minutes. If Iâm not outside in ten minutes, youâll leave. Yunho, promise me youâll leave.â
If only you knew what you were doing to his poor soul. Asking him of the impossible. He could promise you anything you wantedâanything in this cursed worldâand heâd hand it to you on a silver platter. Anything, but that. Leaving you behind was like signing his own death sentence. Heâd be nothing, but the shell of a man. An empty, hollow, useless shell with the bitter taste of resentment for both your selfless and selfish sacrifice. Yunho knew agreeing to keep the promise would give you peace of mind, yet if anything happened to you, heâd be haunted by the memories of you until his very last breath.Â
Across from him, you waited as if time wasnât about the most sacred thing you could have. A mix of concern and determination wedged in your beautiful features and Yunho knew he had to speak, although he didnât want to because the words rolling off his dry tongue would be some kind of agreement to your request.Â
âYunho, please.â
The burning fire in his eyes dimmed as a wave of tears washed over them. They looked magical, even when obscured by grief and longing for the one still alive. His bottom lip formed into a pout to keep from trembling just as his hands balled into fists for that same reason. The sand continued seeping out of the imaginary hourglass, no matter how much Yunho tried scooping it back inside, the universal clock wouldnât stop ticking.Â
With great effort â his lips parted and the shaky breath released aimed straight at your heart as did the tears brimming his red eyes which were a reflection of your own â he nodded. âI promise⊠but donât make me fulfill it.â
In another life, the vow would be exchanged in a happier setting, surrounded by friends and family. Vacant of gloomy clouds and death knocking at your door, and filled with belly laughter and tears of joy instead. A time where the promise of sacrifice was made out of love and not for survival.
âYunho, Iââ
The remaining seven letters died in your throat as cold and wrinkly fingers sank into your shoulder. Yunho watched you scramble from the touch, his heart pounding for your safety, and felt completely useless. He couldnât breathe until your blade was driven into the side of the biterâs head and the creature landed with a thud, blood pooling at your feet. The growling worsened and you needed to get a move on if you ever planned on seeing another shift between the sun and moon.Â
âCome back to me, do you understand?âÂ
Your eyes met for what could be the last time and you drank him in like he was a part of the seven wonders of the world. His messy charcoal strands falling over his equally dark brows, knitted together with a crease in the middle that you wanted to smooth out. Trailing down to his naturally puffy eyes reflecting a storm of emotions â thundering anger and heavy anguish â threatening to spill over with tears. Your throat tightened. You couldnât bear seeing the pain you inflicted upon him and hastily followed the slope of his pretty nose, red as a ripe strawberry. A beautiful blush, probably stemming from his anger, kissed his round cheeks and spread to his ears. The need to reach out and touch him, caress him with reassurances that everything would be fine grew at the sight of his trembling lips.
The angel on your shoulder whispered for you to run. Another whisper â this time from the devil â tingled your ears with the statement to stay a little longer. You wanted to heed the little red fella, but what you wanted wasnât what you needed, so with a final nod, you tore away from his painful gaze and willed yourself not to turn back around because if you did, you wouldnât be able to leave.Â
With fear and adrenaline pumping through your veins and the promise of returning alive, you slipped on the mask of a soldier â putting a pause to the war in your head â and faced the army of the dead.Â
âCome get me, fucking assholes!â
Hungry groans and aggravated snarls echoed loudly around the mall, each vibration reaching your bones, but your loud whoops and hollers didnât waver. Not even when one of the infected got dangerously close to you, its teeth making a loud chopping sound like a knife violently smashing against a cutting board. You grabbed a chunk of its hair, guiding the monster as close to your skin as possible without it getting to sink its teeth into your neck. You were done being the prey. It was time for a change of roles. The taunting click of your tongue colliding with the roof of your mouth launched into the open as you sinisterly smiled at the biter.
âGo to hell.âÂ
The sharp point of your knife pierced the underside of its jaw until the whole blade could be seen through its open mouth. Your hand, covered in red and wrapped around the hilt, was flat against the jaw and continued pushing upward. The anger, hurt and worry mixed into a new emotion that took over all of your senses. Revenge. With a new force of purpose, you pushed and pushed until the lower half of its face and jawbone ripped from the body like pieces of fabric. There was so much blood, tissue, and muscle beneath. .Â
Bile crawled up your throat as the corpse stared at you with an open mouth, if you could even call it that considering the nose and jaw were somewhere on the floor. The sight wasnât for the weak and you were anything but that, yet the amount of blood gushing down and coating both you and the biter would follow you into the grave. It was an exact replica of the oral cavity poster in your local dentistâs office; the tongue, uvula, and tonsils were all in their righteous place. You forced down what was once your breakfast and wiped the blood, or sweat, maybe both, off your face and let the body fall.
The next kills were faster and less gruesome. There were a bunch of them after all and if you did a little show of each and every one, you wouldnât return home until late into the night. Throwing a quick glance at the cosmetics shop, you relaxed at the empty spot that was once occupied by Yunho. He listened. He kept his promise and now it was your turn. Running for a brief escape, you whipped out your gun â the magazine full and waiting to be used â as you climbed the escalator â taking two steps at a time â just enough to get some space between you and the human eaters. You had both hands on the firearm to keep it steady and fired in quick succession. The first shot was loud and foreign, and the hairs on your body stood up, but you kept hugging the trigger as if it were your one purpose in life. Your ears got used to the deafening crack of thunder after the third round.Â
You counted five, ten, fifteen, twenty shots before you slipped the hot gun back in your holster. Always keep one bullet for emergencies, you used to tell Nari. Going out with a bullet piercing your brain was less painful than being shredded to death was what you liked to think. A bonus point if you do it correctly; you donât come back as one of them.
The number was still high and if you were to count, youâd reach at least somewhere up to fifty biters. You didnât even want to think of those unintentionally hiding or stuck in a store. It didnât matter though, because you werenât leaving until every infected was put to rest. For that to happen, you needed to stay alive and from the rapid speed the biters were going up the stairs (one would think theyâd lost all sense of coordination when their brains turned into purĂ©e), it didnât look so bright for you.Â
âFuck,â you whispered and continued up to the second floor.Â
It was significantly darker and vacant, but you didnât want to take your chances of getting cornered in a random shop. Although killing your way out of the mall was taking a toll on your body and sanity, that was something you already lost. The second floor was a completely different world than what was going on downstairs. The windows were intact, not a single speck of blood coated the walls and everything was in its place. It was like the disease stopped spreading after coming in touch with the escalators. A glass railing went around the whole second floor, giving you a perfect view of the chaos downstairs. The height difference wasnât too big and a jump down wouldnât cause you any harm, unless you fell unexpectedly. That would be a different story.
Pushing that to the back of your head, you passed a hardware store with a bunch of crowbars set on a display outside. Grinning to yourself like a child on Christmas Eve, you grabbed one of the many crowbars and gave it a swing. Itâd be far easier welding a long piece of metal than your four-inch knife. Plus, it wouldnât just be used to smash the heads in on biters, but to pull shit apart. Like doors.
âI think Iâll call you Maneater.âÂ
The rustle of clothes worked as an alert. Right on cue, an infected staggered out of the very same store you got Maneater from.
âAnd youâre going to be my guinea pig.â
The loud, sickening crunch of bones breaking was eerily loud as the curved end of the crowbar met with the side of the biterâs head. Now, the second floor was tainted with a splatter of brains, and blood and everything in between. It didnât disturb you anymore. How could it when the majority of you was drenched in a rotten, red liquid?
Some of the biters that followed you from the first floor had finally caught up. Their spine shaking groans announced their arrival and you gave one more twirl to Maneater.
âIâve always wanted to try out for the baseball team,â you admitted and swung it again. âBut mom said sport wasnât for girls.âÂ
Another biter fell limply. Its skull cracked open and one eye squeezed out of the socket at collision with the metal rod. You grunted and raised it high above your head. âThis is as close to baseball as Iâll get.âÂ
Swinging it down, you screwed your eyes shut to keep the grime and blood from splashing into them. The feel of Maneater plunging into the meat of the biter didnât vibrate up your arms, but the sharp inhale of air getting caught in your throat did as you were pushed off balance. Tripping over your own feet, you crashed into the delicate railing which broke at immediate contact. Shards descended like snow around you and shimmered like thousands of miniature diamonds. The crowbar slipped out of your hold as you tried grabbing the air for support, but in the end, all you could do was watch the ceiling of the mall shrink while your arms and legs flailed out of your control.
Time slowed down as the realization set in. You were going to die. You didnât keep your end of the promise and Yunho would return alone.You wouldnât be there to teach Nari how to use a gun.
As you were falling to your death, a bitter smile took over your lips. You really had no regrets. And it seemed that even with one foot in your grave, you couldnât stop lying to yourself. There were no regrets when it came to Nari, that much was true. Everything you did was for her safety; the murders, the running, the fights, everything was for her. But what about you?Â
Did you have any regrets for yourself? The answer was simple and short, only needing five letters to spell it out. Three vowels and two consonants to be exact. Yunho.
A sharp prick seared through your shoulder followed by the ground kissing your back. The pain was unlike any before and you immediately felt yourself losing consciousness. Everything hurt. The sudden headache was worse than any hangover you experienced in your college days and your shoulder burned with the slightest of movements. Lying there unable to move, you fought diligently to stay awake, eventually succumbing to the tired voice lulling you to sleep with the whisper to just close your eyes.
The fog surrounding you was thick and cold to the touch. Wetness seeped into your clothes and hair, and droplets echoed around you, but you couldnât see a water source anywhere. Just a black void, much like space, that seemed to go on forever.Â
âHello?â Your voice traveled through the vast darkness and no reply came back.
You didnât understand. Where were you? What was this place?
âAuntie⊠wake up.â
Your head jolted to where the sound came from and your body followed. It was distant, but youâd recognize that voice any time of the day.
âNari?â You cupped your hands around your mouth. âNari!?â
âAuntie!â Her childish giggles swirled around you, once coming from your left and then the right. You turned in every direction, but the little girl wasnât with you.
âWhere are you?!â
âYou need to wake up.âÂ
âWhat?â
âWake up, auntie. They are coming.â
Your brows scrunched together as you tried making sense of her words. âWho is?â
âThe monsters. They are coming for you⊠You need to wake up. Wake up!âÂ
An invisible force with a presence so heavy ran through your body and threw you off your feet. A scream of sheer surprise and fright crawled out of your throat as you fell backwards, the faint presence of Nari standing before you â a dull expression painted on her features â as she did nothing to help you. It was unsettling. Landing in the water again with the darkness wrapping around you like a silk sheet, you woke up with a startle. You felt everything at once. The pain of the sharp object lodged in your shoulder blade and heat attacked your feet while your head was cool. Your throat was parched and hurt as you swallowed to soothe the itch, but it only made you taste dry blood.
Managing to turn your head sideways, you were greeted with a biter and the events from you didnât know how long ago came surging back. It was the biter that caused all of this, lying face down beside you with parts of its body scattered all over the place. If the situation were different, you wouldâve hung the fucker using its own intestines, but it wasnât and all you could do was give it a glare and send your wish of it going to hell. Sluggishly slapping along your chest, you hoped to grasp the walkie-talkie that was supposed to be attached to you, but the little device wasnât in its usual place and you cursed at your bad luck. Through your blurry vision, you could see shuffling further in the distance. The imaginary weight resting on your chest suddenly lifted and small gasps of air finally entered your lungs.Â
Muffled moans, something akin to being underwater, were the string pulling you back to reality. The eerie warning of your subconsciousness played in your mind. Grinding your teeth together, you mustered up little of the strength you had left and rolled over on your stomach. Your hands lay flat against the tile, the broken glass cutting into your skin as you lay in a pool of your own blood. Something shifted in your shoulder blade, and a cry of pain and desperation erupted from deep within.
âFuck!â
Death wouldâve been a better outcome than this.
Opening your eyes â that closed without you noticing â and blinking back tears, a laugh of disbelief almost slipped out at the object before you.Â
A blue piggy.Â
The blue piggy was staring at you. Its happy expression irked you beyond belief. It was all its fault. The biter and this stupid pig were to blame for everything. Your upper lip curled in a snark as you squeezed the living shit out of the toy and pushed to sit back up on your knees. Heart was getting a gift and you hoped to see the toy shred into pieces.
Commanding your body to stand up was harder than expected and your legs nearly gave out. The searing burn of agony spread like a wildfire all the way down to the tip of your toes. There was no point in trying to feel around as it would only hurt more with every twist and turn of your torso. The exit sign in the far back of the pet store flickered violently, as if it were trying to get your attention, and even though you didn't believe in miracles, you reconsidered your values then and there.Â
âItâs the only shop we can enter through the backdoor without gathering much attention andâŠâ
Hours later and you still remembered his words. It wasnât like you had much of a choice. The make-up store was a no-go and you didnât have the energy to prance around and look for a safer exit. Who even knew how much time you had before your body would give out? The shuffling in the distance paired up with hungry grunts was getting louder, and with your condition, theyâd reach you in no time. You had played it safe so far and received nothing but near-death experiences, what was one risk against ten precautions?
You bit into the material of your neck tube to stifle the cries made with each step. Staggering up to the emergency door, you leaned your forehead against the cool metal and jerked the handle, but it wouldnât budge.Â
âOf course.â
The one thing you saved for yourself had to be used on something else. Letting the almost empty gun rest in your hand, you stepped back and aimed the muzzle straight at the lock. You had to make this count. You inhaled, exhaled, and pulled the trigger. A loud blaring alarm sounded through the whole mall and you had no need nor obligation to linger around until every biter in a mile radius crowded the area. With the piggy in hand and your other gripping the side of your torso, you limped out of the cursed place.
The weather was dull and gray, but brighter than inside the shopping center and it took a while for you to adjust to the light. Heavy rain pelted from the sky yet, the reason behind your wet clothes wasnât to be blamed on nature. Standing in the middle of the parking lot, a trail of bloodied footsteps followed you only to be washed away as if they never existed in the first place. Raindrops trickled down your red-smeared face, revealing streaks of your skin beneath. The freezing temperature sweeped over your body, cooling off your muscles and rewarding you with the possibility of a cold which didnât sound too bad. Glancing up at the gloomy clouds, your hand came to shield your eyes from the rain slapping harshly at your cheeks. It was impossible to tell if the moisture on your cheeks came from tears or the rain.
Your ten minutes were up. Yunho was gone and the weather portrayed your inner turmoil. The emotions you suppressed while on survival mode hit you fast and hard. You were happy he stayed true to his words, but the little part deep in your heart, cried and trashed around, disappointed he didnât wait for you. At least you were alive. Dirty and hurt, but alive.Â
The storm would clean you up by the time you got home anyway, if you didnât die from hypothermia that was. With a weight on your chest, a knife carrying the deaths of many and the will to see your family again, you headed home.Â
You werenât angry with Yunho. How could you when it was you who made him promise to leave? When it was you who threw yourself to the wolves, better yet, to the brain-eating corpses and â more or less â locked him in a shop with no way out besides the backdoor. If anything, he had every right to be angry with you.Â
What if you died in front of his eyes? Or got seriously hurt?Â
There was no coming back from that, you knew that much yourself. The memory of putting that poor boy out of his misery resurfaced every time your eyes shut. Every thump reminded you of striking his head with the butt of your knife. You still remembered driving that same blade deep through his stomach until your hand touched his shirt, a dog taking up the majority of his tee. It was the first time you felt actual blood. Not the three drops from a paper cut or a harmless sample, but the slimy and warm kind that came in buckets. It was everywhere too; your hands, your clothes, his bedding covered in happy dinosaurs and rainbows. Days passed until your hands returned to their natural hue, but the nightmares never ceased. It was quite funny. You had seen a lot of fucked up shit, but the least violent death was still looming over your head.
Bright yellow lights blinded you. Throwing up a hand to reduce the damage and get a better look at what was happening, you peered between your fingers and saw the shape of a car slowing down. You couldn't find it in you to run. Everything hurt everywhere and your muscles ached with as little as a breath. The emergency alarm hadnât stopped and hoards of infected would turn up any minute. The rain â which you already thought was heavy â turned harsher and bounced off the pavements like small shining diamonds. The sound of the car door opening and slamming against the metal hunk followed by rushing footsteps frightened you into a defensive stance.Â
You were tired of death. You were so tired of killing things, but the universe didnât seem to care as she continued sending you threat after threat. The rope wrapped around your emotions slowly slipped out of your grip. Its rough texture grated along the skin of your palms and frustrated tears coated your waterline. The sob â a wail of utter fatigue â that slipped out was smothered by the rain and ear-piercing siren. You really tried holding on, but you could only suppress your hectic emotions for so long until your hands went limp and everything came crashing down. A tear streaked down your cheek, followed by another and another.Â
The figure ran head first at you and as you waited for a hard impact to plummet you to the ground, a pair of warm arms wrapped around you instead. Clean clothes and wet trees filled your senses.
âI got you.â
âYuhnâYunho?â You sluggishly asked, making sure it wasnât another trick of your mind.
âYeah, Yunhoâs got you, angel. Iâm here.â
You buried your nose in his shoulder and inhaled his comforting scent. Shutting your eyes and curling your fingers in the fabric on his back, holding onto every piece of him for dear life. You released a shuddering breath. The shirt smelled like him and his body was very real beneath your fingertips. That alone proved your subconsciousness wasnât deceiving you. This was Yunho. The real Yunho. Your Yunho.
âIâm going to pick you up now, alright darling?âÂ
His arms were gentle just like his soul and he handled you with absolute care. It made you feel warm despite the weather only Zeus himself could inflict upon the world, and you were oh-so-tired. Your empty stomach wasnât a match against your full heart as it was all you needed to fall asleep. The last noise entering your consciousness was Yunhoâs frantic voice.
âHey, hey, hey! Stay with me. Come on, just stay with me!â
Yunho stood his ground as you went limp in his hold and his face paled at what he saw. A shard â not shorter than his palm â protruded out of your shoulder, somehow managing to diagonally cut into your skin and avoid the bulletproof vest. Just your luck. He wasted no time scooping you up bridal style, as if you weighed nothing more than a sack of potatoes, and thanked the heavens your head found his shoulder instead of lolling to the side in sync to his fast legs. His mechanic's heart hurt at leaving the engine running, but on second thought after feeling the warmth on his face, Yunho almost praised himself for his unintentional thinking. Despite that, he still stripped you off the first layer of clothing â cutting the shirt right in the middle â and decided to leave your tights on. The heat was as good as useless if you were completely wet. He maneuvered you to the side and covered you with the soft quilt he stored in the vehicle for emergencies like getting stuck in a storm or something.
The ride back home was done in silence minus the rapid patter of the rain and squelching of tires on asphalt. Much against his wishes, Yunho was plagued by the brief image of your bare torso, the black bra that left little to the imagination as well as his concern for your state. The glass was bloody and looked uncomfortably lodged in your shoulder blade. Shaking the beautiful and horrid image of you out of his head, he remembered why you passed out on him in the first place and the anger that disappeared at seeing you emerge from the mall resurfaced. A flurry of emotions swirled in his mind; concern, anger, sadness, relief⊠He couldnât pinpoint if his heart beat erratically out of rage or desire.Â
Glancing in the rearview mirror, Yunho sighed as your chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. As long as you were breathing everything would be fine. Going under a surgical blade in the hands of Jeong Yunho would do you no good, unless your insides consisted of automotive parts. Spoiler; they didnât. Pressing his foot flat on the pedal, he broke a handful of traffic rules holding as much significance as the first man on the moon in this time of day.
The next time you opened your eyes wasnât in the backseat of the familiar Jeep Wrangler, but in the medical wing which was technically just a room not much bigger than Hongjoogâs office, but illusioned to be smaller because of the multiple lined-up beds. Turning your head to the right, you stared confusedly at the IV bag connected to your arm. A sudden coldness swept over you and you instinctively pressed your free hand to your stomach, expecting to meet with a blanket and not goosebump-covered skin. Distraught, you glanced down. Your shirt was missing â that alone shouldâve had you on high alert â and in its place was a gauze going around your chest and over your right shoulder. A delicate feel kissed your fingertips as you gently ghosted it over the bandages. The tenderness quickly changed into harsh bites stemming from your back and erupting all over like fireworks.
The mall. The Apothecary. The hoard of biters. Yunho. The piggy. Leaving Yunho. Man-eater. Falling. The rain. Finding Yunho. Safety. Darkness.
It was too much information at once and your back pain was accompanied by a headache growing rapidly. It didnât help that your mouth was unbelievably dry. The IV-bag seemed to be doing an awful job of keeping you hydrated. Feeling sluggish, but determined to get answers, you freed yourself of bedrest and ventured out in the hallway. Yeosang turned the corner and stopped abruptly. His stoic face fell into an expression of utter panic seeing you out of bed. A chart of some kind and a pencil clattered to the ground as he crossed the distance between you, gentle hands cupping your arm and elbow.
âWhen did you wake up?â
And when you couldnât form a response because of your dry throat, he immediately steered you back into the room with strict orders to stay and not move until he was to return. What he failed to mention was the ten-something people heâd bring along, all equally happy to see you awake, but some more furious than others. To his credit, they were forced to wait outside as you got the chance to drink water and change into something more comfortable. The excuse of you needing rest could only hold them off for so long until Wooyoung barged through the doors, an accusing finger finding you like a moth being drawn to a flame. The threats spilling out of his mouth faster than the shots of a machine gun were excused as a waterfall of tears sprung down his cheeks.Â
The words of malice came from a place of worry and love, and if you reciprocated that by masking your discomfort as he tightly hugged you â nearly opening the wound Yeosang diligently stitched together â no one had to know besides you. The reunion didnât last long, all thanks to Yeosangâs strict orders that you needed a quiet recovery and Hongjoongâs authoritative voice backing him up. Being left alone with your thoughts was worse than having a group of chatterboxes asking you the same five questions every ten seconds. Because out of everyone there, out of everyone who came to see you, the two faces you searched for werenât there and you didnât know how to take that.
You expected it from Yunho. The radio silence and cold shoulder served as a punishment for your careless and considerate acts of heroism. Nari surprised you. More so the lack of her. Youâd be lying if you said it didnât sting a little. In other words, it hurt a tenfold of the stabbing pain coming from your shoulder. You missed her. A lot.Â
But like Yeosang said â hours after he came to drop off dinner and medicine â there was nothing you could do but wait her out, quite literally as you were trapped inside the makeshift hospital room. If it werenât for his unmatched beauty and pleasantly calm demeanor, you wouldâve sent him to hell a long time ago. Not only was he forcing pills down your throat and feeding you disgusting celery soup, now he was giving you unwanted advice concerning a child you raised since the stone age. Your agitation went up in smoke as the doors opened and a blur of black strands strode inside instead of Yeosangâs exasperating chestnut hair announcing dinner time in a sing-song voice.
Perhaps Nari missed you too and perhaps Yeosang was right, and perhaps you were imagining things as the girl stopped in front of your bed, both arms crossed over her chest and eyes cutting yours like she wanted you dead. Her sour frown left a bitter taste in your mouth. Soft taps filled the heavy silence and Heart â her true companion â sat down on his rear beside Nari. The blue piggy was caught between his teeth. It was good to know not all of your doing was in vain.Â
âYouâre angry.â
The annoyed scoff and roll of her eyes was the second surprise.
âNo, Iâm so clearly happy.â
You heard the false chirp in her voice and scrunched the sheet in your hand to keep from snapping at her sudden bratty attitude. Itâs justified, you told yourself and let her have her moment.
âI am so happy that the only person I care about nearly died. I am so happy my best friend sacrificed herself without a thought of what it may do to the people around her. I am so happy I almost became an orphan for the second time in my life! I am so happy, happy, happy!â
âNariââ
âNo! Juâuhâ just listen to me! Be quiet and let me speak!â She left no room for negotiation and snapped your mouth shut. The same shame of being reprimanded by your parents settled into your every bone.
âJust so you know, Iâm only speaking to you because Yunho forced me to or heâd take away my Heart privilegesâŠâ She heaved in a breath of suffocating air and her voice cracked just as the next words separated your heart into two. âIâm so angry with you.â
Staring at Nari was like looking in a mirror. Your lips trembled and cheeks were wet from the salty tears slipping down to your chin and dropping on the pristine covers. You imagined your eyes to be red and irritated from the crying and it was a miracle you could produce more tears.
âI told you to be careful, right before you left. I said, be careful and you said, when am I not? Never! Youâre never careful. I ask you to do one thing and you do the exact opposite. How come I have to act like the adult and you the kid? Youâre the grown up, not me! Iâm not supposed to see you bloody and barely breathing.â Â
âNari, Iâm sorryââ
âYou donât get to be sorry, okay?! A sorry wonât make things right again. What you did wasnât fair. Not to me, not to you and definitely not to Yunho. Sacrificing yourself? For what? For who?â
âYou,â you wanted to scream at her. Everything was about her. Everything you did was for her. For her chance of living longer, living better.
âDo you know how it felt to see you so, so, so⊠close to death? Donât answer that, of course you donât. I couldnât breathe. I was in hysterics and it hurt. Everything fucking hurt. I thought I lost you. And I canât get it out of my head; Yunho screaming and crying, carrying your lifeless body in his arms and that shit lodged in your back⊠Itâsâ Youâreââ
âIâm alive. Iâm breathing. Iâm okay, weâre okay.â
âExcept weâre not! You donât get to do fucked up shit and just say, âOh, weâre goodâ when giving us a scare. Giving me a scare! Are you fucking dumb?â
âHey, watch your mouth!â
âI will when you start acting like an adult. So do the adult thing and stop sacrificing yourself for others! I need you, okay? I donât care about the others. I donât even care about myself. I need you and only you.
âIâ I donât know what to say to make that go through your head. What? You want to hear about my parents? Do you think I remember my mom? My dad? Youâre the closest thing to a family I have left. You are my mom and my dad. I canât lose my family again. Please, donât make me loseââ
Nari hid her face behind her hands and let the thundering sobs wreck through her body. Heart whined and nudged his snout against her thigh in consolation. It wasnât enough. Nothing could be of comfort enough to erase the gut-wrenching image of your limp body or mend her inner wound. Not even when you got out of bed and guided her head into the crook of your neck did she feel better.
âIâm sorry, flower. So, so sorry.â You kissed the crown of her head. âYouâre right. It wasnât⊠I was in the wrong and Iâll do better. Iâll be better. Not just for you, but for me too, alright? You wonât ever have to worry about being the adult again⊠Can you forgive me?â
The little nod against your shoulder was delayed, but you didnât care. Youâd wait years if it meant her forgiveness.
The next time Yeosang came to check up on you â a tray of dinner in his hands â he silently backed out of the room as if never entering in the first place. On the hospital bed lay you and Nari, her nose hidden in the crook of your neck and a ticklish trail of air loomed across the exposed skin. Your chin nuzzled her forehead and your hands were light against her head. Nariâs arms were loosely stretched around your waist and would grow numb from the awkward position. Your legs wove into each other like a pretzel. The human-sized golden retriever was also there. His head a dead weight on your calf and the rest of his body pressed up against your back, tail tickling the exposed skin on your bicep. It was cramped and sweaty, but you wouldnât change it, not even if the world went back to normal.
Disappointment. The bitter reaction of not getting what you expected and hoped for. If green was used to describe jealousy and yellow stood for happiness, then gray would be the color representing disappointment.Â
The reason for your disappointment? A man with brown hair, warm eyes and a laugh contagious enough to heal a wounded soul. Yunho didnât visit you for the remaining time you were under Yeosangâs care. He came through stories told by the others, always hovering over whoever was your latest visitor and asking questions regarding your recovery, but never doing more than that. Never actually stepped foot inside the room. The week after you were discharged wasnât any better. Hongjoong put you under strict orders to not go out on runs until you could move your arm without as much as flinching from pain and everyone walked around you on eggshells. As if you were a delicate piece of glass just waiting to break at the slightest inconvenience. At the news of your freedom, Yunho vanished into thin air. It was quite amusing how he was both the yellow you desperately wanted to see and the gray standing (figuratively) in your way.Â
The loud clanking against your cell diverted your attention from the cement ceiling to whoever felt the need to disturb your peace.Â
âHe still hasnât talked to you?â Wooyoung asked and sat down beside your feet, which you kindly shuffled more to the left.Â
âTalked? I havenât seen him since I passed out in his arms. I donât think talking is an option considering heâs a walking ghost.â
Wooyoung moved further up your bed. His back pressing up against the wall as his hands weaved together over his stomach. You laid your legs over his lap and breathed out a frustrated gust of air.
âIâd say give him time, but it has been, what? Two, three weeks since you got back. Heâs just being petty at this point. Wasnât it him who forced Nari to speak with you again?â
You nodded and Wooyoung huffed out a dry chuckle. âVery mature, Yunho⊠So whatâs the plan?â
âThere is no plan.â
âOh, come on! You both canât be self-deprecating, itâs only somewhat alright if one of you is being stupid, but both! Nuh-uh!â Wooyoung flopped beside you. His chin rested against the palms of his hands with his fingers squishing his cheeks and making them really pop.
âWhat do you want me to do, Woo? Yunho obviously doesnât want anything to do with me. If you havenât noticed, heâs avoiding me like the plague. The least I can do is stay out of his way if it means heâll hang around everyone more. He was here before me, after all. His family before mine, no?â
âWe both know thatâs not true and if Yunho heard you speak like that, heck, if anyone heard you say shit like that theyâd give you hell for it. Youâre family as much as anyone else is, old as new members. So stop thinking like that⊠As for what you can do, how about you just, oh, I donât know⊠Talk to him!âÂ
You averted your gaze as the words wrapped around you like a hug. The rational part of your brain knew Wooyoung was right. That you werenât intruding on anything. It was your family, your friends and your space as much as Yunho, Wooyoung and everyone elseâs. However, the stubborn part of your brain feasted on your self-deprecating thoughts. It was why you didnât fight Wooyoung on these matters because somewhere down the line of getting to know everyone, you realized Wooyoung wasnât just a package of teasing and mischievous remarks. When he wanted to, he could say the things one needed to hear the most.
âWeâve already ruled that one out. The talking wonât happen until he wants it to.â
âWell, heâs acting like a loser, a really sore one at that.â
And as much as you wanted to agree with Wooyoung, to call Yunho a few mean words of your own, you couldnât find it in you to voice those thoughts because they didnât exist in the first place. All you saw was Yunho who took on the qualities of a golden retriever. The Yunho who would go up and beyond to turn a frown into a smile. The Yunho who would adopt every dog he came across and name them something sweet like Cheesecake or Muffin.
âI donât care. Everyone has a right to process things in their own way, even Yunho.â
âI wish he didnât. Itâs dumb. Yes, you kind of messed up by putting yourself in danger and whatnot, but it wasnât like you did it for shits and giggles! If it wasnât you, then itâd be him. Trust me, I know that guy better than myself.â
You kicked Wooyoungâs thigh and sent him a teasing smile. âYeah, because youâre always in everyoneâs business but your own.â
The dramatic gasp filling the room was followed by your laugh.Â
âDo you want me to talk to him?â You knew Wooyoung only meant well, but his well wouldnât bring anything good to the situation. Yunho wouldnât give in and thereâd be just one extra person involved in the war of cold shoulders and purposeful absences.
âDonât bother. Heâll seek me out when heâs ready to hear what I have to say. Iâll just⊠lay low and give him space.â
âYou do know you donât have to sit here and hide all day, right? You can always come and hang out with me or San at the towers. Jongho could use some help in the weaponry, counting bullets and other boring shit if thatâs more to your liking.â
âI know, WooâŠâ
As the silence took over, Wooyoung patted your calf and got up on his feet, simultaneously throwing a finger gun in your direction. âWell, duty calls. You know where to find me if you change your mind.â
âHey,â you called out after a second of contemplation and he arched a brow in question. âThank you⊠Umm, for being there⊠For being my friend, I mean.â
âBrother would be more fitting. Weâre way past being friends, but I get what you mean and donât mention it. Weâre family, thatâs what family does.â
Damn Wooyoung and his heartfelt words. The tears made an appearance as soon as he disappeared behind the corner and you wiped them away, not up to explaining why you were crying if someone were to pop out of nowhere. For so long, Nari was the only person you could call family. She was your home, your rock and your will to move forward. Your new family expanded to a little more than a handful of people ready to help you in their own peculiar ways. Your home still didnât take on the form of a place or a building, but another person. Someone who couldnât stand in the same room as you for the time being.
Turning over, you buried your nose â much like Wooyoung did with othersâ businesses â in the pillow and threw the thin blanket over your head. Sleep was a great activity to make time pass faster, something you discovered while being chained to the hospital bed in Yeosangâs unit. For what you didnât know, it didnât seem like Yunho would search you out in the near future and it was alright. You had plenty of time to think over what to say. Until the options became too many and you couldnât decide which was the best one. Apologize and admit your mistakes or reason for your actions and die before you ask for forgiveness. It was like Wooyoung said, Yunho would have done the same thing if you hadnât beaten him to it. Then what? Would you treat him with the same coldness he showed you or would you stick to him like the gum on school desks?Â
The question was constantly on your mind and you were at war with yourself. In this moment, you liked to believe youâd forgive him, but there was no saying you wouldnât be absolutely furious with him either. It was better to sleep on it, you consoled yourself and you closed your eyes.Â
Your dreams were scary and although that wasnât anything new, it was unsettling. Instead of reliving the day you took an innocent life, you watched the mall mission like a movie. The only difference was you never made it back alive. Everything was the same up until the fall, because the moment you landed on your back, you startled back to consciousness. Drenched in cold sweat and a concerningly fast beating heart, youâd use the first few seconds awake to take in your surroundings. To remind yourself you were very much alive and in the safety of your room. It had been your routine for, give or take, two weeks. Sleeping was both a blessing and a curse. Escaping one reality for another â arguably one of the worst coping strategies you could choose from â wasn't something youâd ever get used to, and if it was your way of punishing yourself for hurting Yunho so much that he couldnât stand breathing the same air as you, then so be it. Wooyoung called it self-deprecating, you saw it more as reaping what you sowed.
The moon was halfway up in the sky when you awoke from your rather restless sleep. Swirls of purple, yellow and orange mixed beautifully on the baby blue canvas wrapping around the earth. It was Wooyoung who, once again, came to check on you with the news that Mingi and Yunho were back from their weekly hunt and had actually managed to bring something back. A stew of deer meat cooked over the fire outside and the whole prison stood in line waiting for their share of the food. You soon joined them with a bowl of your own.
âNext!â
You shuffled over, your gaze unfocused and glued to the ground as you handed over the bowl. When they still hadnât taken it out of your hands, you looked up with furrowed brows and a questioning tilt in your eyes only for it to be replaced with pure chock. Yunho looked as pretty as the day you last saw him.Â
You were just staring at each other, both surprised by the sudden encounter that neither showed signs of sweeping the awkward tension under the rug and getting on with the day. The people around you grew irritated at the uphold, the hunger and standing in the cold weather getting to their heads, and you â wanting to get out of there as soon as possible â literally pushed the plastic bowl in his hands so that he was left with no choice but to pour the stew and watch you disappear somewhere far out of his reach. If Yunho wanted space then space was what heâd get, you thought as you spotted the familiar head of Yeosang sitting around a fire. Hauling your ass over there, you occupied the empty spot beside the self designated nurse. He was startled at your sudden appearance and took in your disheveled state.
âWhy does it look like youâve seen something you shouldnât have?â Yeosang asked hesitantly and sipped on his water.
To put it bluntly, Yeosang was very observative and a great friend of Wooyoung. Whatever Wooyoung knew, Yeosang did too, including your and Yunhoâs feud. Trying to stall for more time, you scooped up a mouthful of deer stew. What you didnât take into account was that Yunho served it straight out of a boiling pot. It burned your tongue and all of your tastebuds. Acting on pain and panic to stop the fire in your mouth, you snatched the paper cup right beneath Yeosangâs nose and downed the whole thing. Yeosang, being an angel in disguise, gave you his second glass too.
âYou want more?â
You shook your head and set down the stew, deciding it was better to let it cool off first.
âSo⊠What happened?â He tried his luck again.
âWhat do you mean, âWhat happenedâ? I just burned my tongue off!â
âNot that, you idiot. Iâm talking about you running here like your ass caught fire.â
The glare you scrutinized him with did nothing to change the topic, instead he challenged you with a quirk of his brow.
âI saw Yunho.â The words were barely audible.Â
âWhat did you say?âÂ
You leaned over to land a punch on his shoulder, but missed with a narrow distance as he moved.
âThink of your stitches, think of your stitches!â
âWhateverâŠâ
Yeosang sheepishly smiled. âIâm just messing with you. So you finally met the guy and⊠how was it?â
âGood, we were actually talking about the rising economy. How do you think it was?â
âAwkward, probably.â
âBullseye. I ran away after.â
âI noticed.â
âYou know, for being a nurse whoâs supposed to have some therapy knowledge, you really do suck.â
âThanks, Iâll jot that down for our future sessions.â
Your next punch wasnât futile.
As the sun gradually descended and a darker quilt laid over the green earth, more people joined you around the fire. You saw Nari and Eunwoo share a blanket further away from the group, pointing toward the sky full of stars as their sweet giggles weaved through the talking voices of the adults. They did sit a little too close for your liking, but you let it be. She couldnât experience the normal sneaking around with a boy phase and that would be the closest sheâd get to it.
Some time between the laughter and conversations shared with Yeosang and the other people, Yunho was added to the mix. He sat right across from you between the broad shoulders belonging to Mingi and San. You didnât utter a single word in his presence and moved in on yourself to appear smaller, an attempt at going unnoticed by him. He sipped on the whiskey bottle being passed around the circle while giving Seonghwa his full attention and you took the chance to stare at the side of his face. He was absolutely ethereal. The orange glow of the fire kissed his cheeks and his eyes were even warmer, more inviting.Â
He looked happy.
Your eyes went wide as he suddenly turned to you. The smile fitting him perfectly dimmed and was replaced by a neutral expression. You pictured yourself reflecting that same blankness. He was the first to break contact and the corners of his mouth went up again as he re-entered the previous conversation. You let out an anxious breath, wondering if you really brought him that much misery. An arm laid over the bridge of your shoulders, the palm attached cupped your bicep and pulled you toward them. Glancing up, you were met with the side profile of Wooyoung. You mustâve been too caught up in your own thoughts to notice him slipping in beside you. The faint, barely-there squeeze was him letting you know he bore witness to the wordless exchange between you and Yunho. The top of your head touched his neck and he nuzzled his cheek against your hair, soft puffs of air going over your strands. And while you were usually opposed to skinship, you let Wooyoung spoil you with it, not having the mental energy to push him away as well as you found it to be quite comforting.
âYou alright?â
âItâll pass. Just like it always has.â
Although Wooyoung wasnât really in tune with what you were referring to, he still nodded and gave you another supportive squeeze. Sadness, grief and anguish. All the emotions belonging to the color blue would resurface every now and then. The last memory of your parents, failing your math tests in high school, breaking up with your first serious boyfriend⊠Those were all sad occurrences in life that left a scar in your heart, but were somewhat mended with the essence of time. Some took longer than others and some never really healed, but either way, they passed. The brief moments of blue passed. Thus, you were certain this thing with Yunho would pass too. The question of whether youâd remain friends or go back to strangers wasnât something you wanted to entertain with the heat of the flames caressing your cold skin so you left it for the future you to mull over.Â
The warm meal and nice company completely drained everyone as they just sat and enjoyed the stillness of the night.
Hongjoong, always having everyoneâs best in mind, clapped his hands together. âWe should call it a night.âÂ
Albeit everyone would rather stay out more and bask in the comforting atmosphere, Hongjoongâs words were law and no one wanted to disobey the law, not even in a raging apocalypse. You took it upon yourself to collect the quilts while someone else put out the fire or cleaned up the stray dishes. A bunch of knitted quilts were swung over your left arm and as you bent down to pick up another one, your knee buckled making you lose your footing and head into the blazing fire.Â
Yunho scooped you up, his arm circling around your waist and flinging you off the ground to face away from the fire. Your back was pressed to his front and the rapid pounding of your hearts synced. Yunhoâs hot breath curling over your ears and the sudden close proximity sent your body into overdrive. The autumn wind was useless against your burning skin. Your chest deflated in disappointment as he let you down, not a word of worry or comfort leaving his lips. Desperate and tired, you swung around and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, stopping him in his fleeting movement.
âYunho, wait!â
Perhaps it was the honey dripping of your plea or the soft and delicate touch of your skin (that he missed so much, but would never admit) or it was simply him being curious as to what you had to stay. Whatever the reason, Yunho did as told and maybe, just maybe, he wouldnât come to regret it for the second time around. But now, with his eyes on you and his pretty lips pressed in a determined line, you forgot what you wanted to say.Â
Hearing Wooyoungâs half-hearted advice from that evening echo in your mind, you cleared your throat andâ
âYou know, if you wanted to talk you couldâve just done so. Thereâs no need to bring a third party into,â he gestured between you, âthis.â
âWhat?â
âWooyoung.â
You kept replaying his words in your mind, dissecting each term, putting them together and so forth until they lost their meaning and you were back to the start trying to figure out what he meant.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âNothing, forget I said anything.âÂ
Seeing him roll his eyes and hear his tongue click the roof of his mouth was your breaking point. Smoke huffed out of your nostrils as you grabbed the blankets from the ground, marched in front of him and stopped him right in his tracks with a hand on his chest. It was one thing to ignore you for weeks, but it was a whole other pain to hear him say demeaning shit to your face.
âYou donât get to do that,â you furiously spat. âYou donât get to disappear and then tell me I should have just talked to you. Yunho, I couldnât find you even if I turned the whole prison inside out! Anâ andâ and Wooyoung?! What the hell?!â
Your emotions were a tangled mess that not even the most talented hairdresser could unknot. Hurt, sadness, anger, disbelief, everything bled into each other until you couldnât put a name to them anymore.
âListen here. I donât know what you think you saw, but itâs not like that and even if it was, why the fuck do you care?âÂ
Your question was met with silence, but a wave of fury swayed in his eyes and you wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. You expected to hear a lot of things the day either of you confronted each other, but nothing couldâve prepared you for that wild and disrespectful assumption.
âI wanted to apologize for my selfish actions back in the mall, but I donât think Iâm sorry at all⊠Actually, Iâm sorry I wasted my blood on you. Iâm sorry I sacrificed myself for a guy who canât bring himself to check up on me while bedridden orâ or that the first thing he says to me is that Iâm making âmovesâ on his friend, on his brother! From the bottom of my heart, Yunho, go fuck yourself.â
You threw the blankets at him and walked off. Your job there was done. You heeded Wooyoung's advice only to have it all blow up in your face, although you werenât going to fault him for the loose mouth of Jeong Yunho. The roles reversed as your wrist was trapped between Yunhoâs slender fingers and the roots of the grass twined around your ankles keeping you in place. The grip tightened as a result of you fighting back, yanking and shaking as if touched by something poisonous.Â
âDonât⊠Donât go,â he pleaded. âThat was stupid of me. I didnât mean it. I justâŠâ
Lost my cool. Got jealous. Missed you.
âYou just what?â
You spun around and a fuming swirl of wind slapped him in the face. The growl ripped out of you drilled shame and guilt into his bones, and although the angry load Yunho carried for weeks evened it out, he couldnât feel his blood boiling without red tinting his ears.
âIâm talking to you now, am I not? Are you going to answer me or stand there doing nothing, because I really have no issue with going back to you forgetting about my existence. I know I sure wonât have a problem with it.â
âYou think I forgot about your existence?â He asked in disbelief, a broken expression lacing his features. âIt was the only thing I couldnât do. I could blame you and think of you as selfish, stupid, reckless, immature, irrational, anything, but you were still there. You occupied my mind every hour of the day, every dream and every nightmare⊠And when I wasnât busyâŠâ Yunho paused, seemingly searching for the right word. âBlaming you, I was turning gray from worry. So no, I canât go back to âforgetting about your existenceâ because I never did nor could forget about you!â
âThen what was it? You were too busy worrying about me to take a quick peek in the hospital wing? You couldnât put your hatred aside to ask Nari, Yeosang, Wooyoung or whoever the fuck about my well being? You think Iâm going to believe you cared when you couldnât even show it? That on our first encounter since a month ago you couldnât even say something simple as âHiâ without looking absolutely shell shocked at my presence. I havenât forgotten about you my ass, your face told me everything I needed to know.â
âIf I fucking forgot about you, would I be dying to do this?â
Yunho stepped forward, determined to show you just how wrong you were. The feel of his hands â large, warm and slightly callused â cupping your cheeks was unexpected. The yelp of surprise died in your throat as he forced your face up to his and slothed his lips against yours. They were as chapped as they usually looked, but soft and carrying a hint of chocolate and whiskey. Your own arms hung limp by your sides, eyes wide and heart thumping against your ribcage. There was nothing besides Yunho, no anger baiting you to clamp down on his lip or a spiral of sadness telling you to push him away. You were completely consumed by him. His scent, touch and taste. It was all just Yunho.
As you failed to respond, he slid his thumb over your cheek and drew back. Before he could get as much as a centimeter of air between your mouths, you latched onto his wrists and lifted your chin to properly meet his lips, and closed your eyes. It was the most beautiful and tender first kiss you had ever shared with anyone before. It was innocent and sweet, a bit rough as you pushed your heads as close to one another until you were on the brink of hurting. You poured your all into it and broke it off as the need for air somehow grew bigger than your need to feel him on you. Chests heaving and lungs burning from the oxygen shortage, you didnât dare to look away, afraid either of you would disappear.
âI could never forget about you,â Yunho breathed out, his hands gliding down to adorn your neck like a 24-karat gold necklace. His thumbs found your pulse point while his pointer finger caressed your nape in a slow manner, treading lightly on the strand between teasing and adoring.Â
Words failed you in the moment you needed them the most and to add fuel to the fire, your internal thoughts were a jumbled mess of nothing. You kept replaying the feeling of Yunhoâs lips on yours, the heat that prickled your mouth after and how you wanted nothing more than to do it over and over again.
âPlease say something.â
Realizing Yunho was as far gone as you was the push of confidence you needed to fulfill your wish. Using more force than intended, you tangled your fingers in the front of his shirt and pulled him into another kiss with mouths smashing and teeth clicking together. It was a stark contrast to the first one; needy, searing and desperate to reciprocate Yunhoâs cryptic confession. You took Yunho's bottom lip between yours and worshiped him as if your life depended on it. His hands trailed gently all over you; waist, hips, even daring to give squeezes to your ass. You didnât know how long you stood there, exploring each other like horny teenagers, but by the time you parted for air â hair messy, lips swollen and glossy, eyes intense with a burning desire â everyone had escaped inside.Â
The fire was long extinguished, but you were still warm all over and a different kind of flame ignited inside of you, born in your core and pulsed harder each second you werenât touched by Yunho. The scorching hot butterflies fluttered more violently as his thumb swatted over your bottom lip, spreading the spit â his or yours, it didnât matter â more, but he stopped as the weight of the situation dawned on him. Jumping right into bed after the agonizingly long weeks of ignoring each other and brewing an irritation that could only be cured by talking didnât sit right with him.Â
A pregnant pause filled the space between your spit-swapping action and the beginning of Yunhoâs next words.Â
âI really need you to say something or Iâll go crazy. I donât think you understand how much you mean to me, so please, say something. Anything.â
âI⊠Youâ uhâŠâÂ
It was so much easier to act than to speak. Why must he torture you? Wasnât the kiss enough? Didnât he feel your desperation seeping into his bone and very being? What more did you have to say for him to get it through his head that you were honestly, truly, completely in love with him?Â
You grabbed his amusingly large hand and placed it on your chest, right over your beating heart. As if feeling Yunhoâs touch, the thumps came stronger and quicker. The chance to explain yourself wouldnât come at a better time than this.
âYou mean everything to me, Yunho. That thing back there in the mall? I did it becauseâŠâ
âBecause what?â His whisper was delicate like a summer breeze filtering through your hair and swooshing the seam of your sundress.
âBecause I didnât want you to die. Fuck, I didnât even care what would happen to me, I just needed you to be safe andâ andââ
âWhat about me?â He interrupted. âDid you even think what it would be like for me if you wouldnât have made it out of there alive? Watching you hobble out, bloodied and looking more dead than alive hurt like a blade through the heart. I thought I lost youâŠâ
âYou didnât though. I came back. Barely, but I did come back⊠To be honest with you, I didnât think Iâd affect anyone with my passing. Nari is an exception, but thatâs about it. Youâve known them for longer than I have and⊠I thought it would hurt less if I was the one to go and not you.â
Tears filled his eyes and grew red at the saltiness. Yunho pressed his palms against them and breathed irregularly. Through his soft sobbing, his words came out drenched with disbelief. âHow could you say that?! How could youââ
âIâm sorry,â you whispered.
âYou canât say sorry. Thatâs so fucked, why would you even think like that? Fuck, I felt like dying just looking at your limp body in my arms and you were the one on the verge of death, not me. Yet I couldnât breathe until I got you to Yeosang.â
Yunhoâs cries were loud and it was getting harder to understand him. You think you understood what he meant by feeling the pain of a blade through the heart. You closed the gap and circled your arms around him. He fell into you, his tears soaked through your shirt and his fingers almost tore holes into the material from how hard he was holding on. You rubbed soothing patterns into his back and patiently waited for his crying to subdue with a few reassuring pecks left along his shoulder and collarbone. When the silence was filled with his light sniffles and shuddering breaths, you continued from where you last left off.
âIs that why you didnât come to visit?â
Yunho nodded and cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy and muffled from crying and being pressed against your skin.Â
âI did come. I stayed the whole time you were unconscious, I was right there. That chair might have fucked my back forever, but I vowed not to move until you were stableâŠâ
âI didnât know,â you lamely admitted.
âIâd kill them. I said, if word got out that I was there, theyâd wish a biter got to them before me.â
You cradled Yunhoâs face and firmly pried him out from the comfort of your shoulder and directed his focus to your eyes. A watery smile curled your lips as the threat sounded so foreign coming from him. The Yunho who wouldnât dream of hurting a fly, and who the children adorned and pets seeked out for comfort. Then a snippet of your first encounter flashed before your eyes and you remembered it to be the same Yunho who didnât think twice when putting a bullet through the head of your perpetrator. Suddenly, the threat sounded more promising.
Yunho grew shy at the intense eye contact and enveloped your hands in his. He ran his thumbs over your knuckles in various patterns to divert the attention elsewhere, a coy trick to easier say what was on his mind without having your beautiful eyes dissecting him for his thoughts.
âI wasnât angry then either. For those two weeks I felt nothing but fear for your life and it wasnât until you came back that I let everything wash over me. Thatâs why I didnât come after. Because I was so angry with you, but I need you to know I never, never, hated you⊠Thereâs another thing too, but itâs stupid.â
âTell me,â you demanded.Â
It took a while. He managed to circle a couple of figure eights on the brass skin of your hands before revealing the embarrassing secret that tugged at his heart every night prior to falling asleep.Â
âYou got hurt because you were trying to protect me so I thought, if I wasnât thereâ if I wasnât in your life anymore, you wouldnât have the need to put yourself at risk for me ever again.â
âYouâre so stupid, Yunho. That would never work. You could literally hate me, wish me deadââ You ignored the glare he sent you, âBut it wouldnât matter because Iâd do it again, over and over again if it meant youâd be alright.âÂ
Yunho deeply sighed. Your words made him hot and he was trying hard to ignore the heat fluttering inside of him. âDon't say stuff like that, it makes me want to kiss you.â
Always putting others' needs before yours was the path you molded for yourself and reaching for what you wanted wasnât something that came naturally. But as the stars cheered you on with their soft twinkles of encouragement, you did the unimaginable and connected your souls for the third time that evening. The hour long nights spent talking about one another with the moon as your only witness paid off as she lovingly gazed down on your beautiful rendezvous.
âI guess thereâs going to be a lot of kissing then,â you breathed out and moved a few stray hairs out of his eyes.Â
Since the outbreak started, you never once entertained the idea of finding a romantic connection. Your main focus was providing Nari with a safe future ensuring her a life where she could at least live past the age of thirty. Even if it meant sacrificing a few things. You didnât realize how miserable you were until you crossed through the gates of Sector One. There was only so much you and Nari could do to quelch each otherâs needs. Your start at the new camp was rocky. It was tough, yet you broke through everyoneâs prejudice and showed them you werenât just a suicidal bastard, but a woman with interests and feelings like everyone else. The apocalypse hadnât erased the person you were before, it just took soft spoken words, gentle touches and a whole lot of understanding for you to come out of hiding.Â
In the meantime, youâd patiently wait. Maybe the world wouldnât ever return to what it once was and maybe it would only go further down hill from there, but standing in front of Yunho as his eyes darted all over your face â the challenge of trying to figure out what part of you he wanted to admire the most was impossible to solve â melted away those worries. As long as you were surrounded by people keeping the flame of survival alive, youâd be fine.Â
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#feedback: bbate#my lovely moots đ©·#I am a bit late with replying but#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING#when I opened the reblog I literally gasped at how long it was#in a GOOD WAY of course#it makes me emotional to think my writing can bring out so many thoughts đ©·đ#thank youđ©·#ateez x reader#jeong yunho x reader
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