#it looks like im going out of 2018 with writing this

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

[lovelookspretty]

lover of mine

drew starkey x actress!reader au

— in which drew and y/n, secretly exes, must fake date in order to keep the peace at a mutual friend’s wedding, but the forced proximity makes them question whether they ever truly moved on.

warnings: cute little way to end the night .. OR SO U THINK

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authors note: 😋😋 dont be mad guys im writing the next part asap. if you arent already part of the tag list, let me know in the replies, anons, or dms !! notifications are always on <3

(pretend he’s wearing the same clothes stop)

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dstarkeynews Drew and Y/N’s first appearance in a year on September 30th in Santa Barbara, California!

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user1 i haven’t heard about them in forever

user2 ALMOST HAD HIM

user3 I thought they broke up 😭😭

↳ user4 i think they’re on and off

user5 I remember them from 2018 they’re so cute!

user6 tbh i’m happy for them !!

↳ user6 i’m crying .

user7 y’all don’t love them like i do

user8 i was really hoping they didn’t break up omg

user9 they thought they could keep it a secret 😒

user10 WERE THOSE FLOWERS FOR Y/N ????!?$:!:! OMGMGF 😭

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you’re carrying a basket of groceries as you walk with leila through the area. there’s not much on your mind besides checking items off of leila’s list. and it feels nice not having to worry about anything because leila makes you feel normal, makes you and drew feel normal.

speaking of, drew’s just trailing behind you both, though he checks out a few things whenever he sees something he wants to try.

eventually he comes up from your left side and places something he’s bought into your basket, then takes it from you so he can hold your hand with his opposite hand. it feels so natural that you don’t even react, and even if you did acknowledge it, you don’t care.

“it’s so nice to just be out here like regular human beings,” you say, though you note that there’s always a few following behind you three but keep their distance to be a little respectful of your space.

you can hear them giggling every now and then or saying ‘hi’ to their videos that they capture you in, but you don’t think much of it. you think it’s adorable.

drew, however, is itching to get to the car and go home already. leila’s complained twice already that they haven’t completed her list but you’ve already bought everything important for tonight, so you just suggest you go home so both parties still benefit.

leila’s a stubborn one but she gives in when drew is pleading with his palms together. you laugh when she says she can’t stand seeing his “stupid fucking puppy dog eyes”.

when you’re done with your little mini-trip, you return to the car. leila is skipping over with two bags of things while you and drew walk together behind her, swinging your hands back and forth.

he opens your door for you and takes the basket from you so he can keep it in the backseat with leila who happily takes it, and you slide into the passenger’s seat without a thought.

“come on,” his voice pulls you out of the tiktok you’re watching, and you switch your phone off, leaving it on the bed as you drag a blanket with you.

drew’s heading downstairs and he dives right into the sofa, awaiting for everyone to come down already. you wrap the blanket around your body as you shuffle over, seating yourself by his legs.

he sits up instinctively and wraps his arms around you, the side of his head resting on your shoulder as you look around. only a few of you are there—you’re just missing gia and libby who, you guess, are getting the snacks and drinks. and you’re right.

“incoming everyone! don’t be alarmed,” libby says as she and gia make way with the food, and you’re in awe at the spread they’re providing.

“you have your homemade sandwiches—”

“that leila bought from the store,” libby is playing gia’s truth echo that makes you and the others laugh.

“assortment of chips!”

“that i got carried away with and ate half of!”

“can’t go wrong with your candies!”

“theo you owe me fifteen dollars!”

“what?”

“and lastly,” gia closes it out as libby runs back to the kitchen to bring over the tray of cups and drinks. you see oscar rub his hands together mischievously as leila practically drools at the sight. “our drinks!”

libby holds up a cup, “with your name on this complimentary glass that you get to take home after the trip.”

you woo as the glass cups get passed down, and you compare yours with drews while giggling about the free gift. you reach for one of the bottles and fill your glass with it, then take a sip.

“this is what you were working all day on while we were away?” leila asks the girls, extremely impressed by how much dedication they had to providing everyone snacks for her movie night. it essentially is just putting the items into cute bowls and calling it a day, but still. it made her heart warm.

you reach forward and grab a few of the candies and hand one to drew, hinting that you want to try it together. these were purchased by you because you were curious about the taste earlier while you were out.

“ready?” you ask him quickly as he already knows the drill, getting prepared to try it as you count it off. “one, two—” you lean your head back to let the multiple candies you have slide into your mouth while drew just pops his one into his mouth.

as you chew, you raise your eyebrows in surprise. they're really good, and he nods, a small ‘oh yeah’ escaping his lips as he sucks some of the chocolate off of his fingers. you reach over to grab the small bowl, then keep it for yourself without saying anything.

you and drew share a blanket so you’re able to hide the bowl on your lap while he reaches to fill his glass with a drink. oscar hits play on the first movie and you lean into drew’s side to watch the movie this way.

you fall asleep during the second movie, long story short. you can’t help it. but at least you last longer than leila, who fell asleep toward the end of the first one. she was the first one to fall asleep during her own movie night.

drew’s arm tightens around you for a moment, and he shifts to look down at you, finally noticing you’ve completely drifted off.

with a sigh, he decides to call it a night and he rises, sliding out from under you. you stir but don’t fully wake, instinctively curling into the empty spot left by his body.

he hesitates, but then scoops you up gently. you don’t wake up even a bit while your head rests against his chest and he carries you upstairs to the guest room.

the room is already dimly lit by the moonlight filtering in through the windows. he carefully lays you down on the bed, your body finding the most comfortable position as he covers you with the blanket. your breathing is steady as you fall deeper into sleep, and he stands there for a moment, watching you in the soft light, before he moves to sit at the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing against your leg as he retrieves his phone from his back pocket.

for the first time all day, drew unlocks his phone, the screen lighting up with a shit ton of notifications. missed calls, texts, and a few unread emails flash across the screen, and he scrolls through them with a frown, trying to catch up.

as he gets back up to return to his side of the bed, he swipes through several messages, most of them from his close friends—some teasing, some concerned—before he pauses on one that makes his heart sink.

his eyes narrow, his thumb hovering over the text as his mind races. he was expecting a couple of messages, but not this. not this many. his phone buzzes again, a few more messages lighting up the screen, and he rubs a hand across his face, letting out a quiet, frustrated breath.

his gaze flickers to you again, making sure you’re still fast asleep. the last thing he wants is to wake you up with this, but he glances back down at his phone.

he presses the power button on his phone with a little more force than necessary, the screen going black, then he tosses the phone onto the nightstand with a dull thud. he quickly winces when the sound is a little louder than he expected.

his heart skips a beat when you stir, your eyes fluttering open just slightly, still half-asleep.

“star?” you mumble softly, the name slipping out instinctively.

drew freezes, his gaze immediately shifting to you as you shift under the covers. he forces a smile, leaning forward a little, his voice low and soothing. “sorry,” he murmurs. “just dropped my phone. go back to sleep, okay?”

you blink at him, your eyes barely open, but you manage a small nod, already too drowsy to fully process what’s going on. you can’t read that he’s just lied to you.

“mmf, okay…” you mumble, your body curling into the pillow as you drift back into sleep.

he lets out a quiet sigh of relief, watching as your breathing evens out again. for a moment, the tension in his chest eases, but only just. he leans back, letting his head rest against the headboard, staring up at the ceiling for a few moments before turning off the bedside lamp.

as the darkness settles around him, the weight of everything presses down harder, and he turns onto his side, facing you. the soft glow of moonlight still filters through the window, and you look so . . . peaceful.

he stays like that for a while, watching you sleep, his mind swirling with thoughts he can’t quiet.

but eventually, drew pulls the blanket up over his shoulder and closes his eyes, trying to shut out the noise in his head and go to sleep.

@rubixgsworld @itgirlbrina @thepopcultureaddict @samsmelodrama @kissfinalgirl @itsamegazaddysworld @willowpains @toterry @wearemadeofstardust0 @maybankslover @itneverendshere @httpsdrewstarkey

[imaslutforwritingshit]

Things Ethan Landry would text- (Fem Friend Reader) PART 3

Warnings- mentions of smut, knifeplay, sexting, fearplay, confessions to murder.

If you guys like this, I’ll make an extended version, where I write a story in Y/n’s pov that happens after this texting story:)

The Ballad Of Terror

Y/n: hey loser

Ethan: Loser? that’s new.

Y/n: but true

Ethan: no good night text, bunny?

Y/n: ugh stop calling me that. I promise I don’t jump that weird.

Ethan: in PE class you look like a rodent

Y/n: shut up

Y/n: I want something else first before you get your good night text

Ethan: let me guess. You need homework answers?

Y/n: I don’t get anything in science. I don’t even know what a molecule is.

Ethan: luckily I’m smart.

Y/n: luckily.

Ethan: click to view

Y/n: thank u <3

Ethan: np.

Ethan: hey, how are you and David doing together?

Y/n: why?

Ethan: I’m just curious

Y/n: maybe being curious isn’t always the right thing to be

Ethan: I’m your friend who wants you to be happy.

Y/n: I am happy

Ethan: with David?

Y/n: why are you asking that like david can’t make me happy?

Ethan: because I don’t think he could

Y/n: he does.

Ethan: oh, yeah?

Y/n: yes.

Ethan: as in, present tense?

Y/n omg yes

Y/n: why do you care so much?

Ethan: you broke up with him last night.

Y/n: how did you know that?

Y/n: Ethan??

Y/n: who told you

Ethan: no one told me.

Y/n: then why the fuck do you know?

Ethan: I watched you get that text. You cried over your bedside table.

Ethan: don’t leave me on read

Ethan: cmon

Y/n: how do you know

Ethan: I watched you through the window.

Y/n: you’re my friend

Y/n: this is scaring me

Ethan: Don’t be scared. Remember when you told me that you loved the real me?

Y/n: yes.

Ethan: this is the real me.

Y/n: a stalker?

Ethan: For you,

Ethan: Yes.

Y/n: if you were watching me, what was I wearing?

Ethan: That Ivy League shirt I bought for you in 2018.

Y/n: what pants, then ??

Ethan: oh, that’s the best part.

Y/n: please

Ethan: you weren’t wearing any

Ethan: you hiked your thighs to your chest

Ethan: you were wearing black panties

Y/n: you’re a fucking creep

Ethan: don’t be like that.

Y/n: how long has this been going on?

Ethan: How long have I been in love with you?

Ethan: or watching you sleep

Ethan: ?

Y/n: i should call the police. do you stalk other girls?

Ethan: you’re the only one for me

Ethan: nobody makes me feel the way you make me feel

Ethan: All those girls meant nothing to me. They couldn’t replace you.

Y/n: what girls?

Y/n: you’re a manwhore now?

Ethan: don’t be stupid. I didn’t fuck anyone

Ethan: I killed them

Y/n: im calling the police

Ethan: I disconnected the system from your number

Ethan: you can’t call anyone for help

Y/n: what do you want from me?

Ethan: Don’t you want to know?

Ethan: Why I did it?

Y/n: no

Ethan: I want to hurt you. Is that bad?

Ethan: it just turns me on so much

Ethan: to imagine you begging for me

Ethan: begging me not to slice you open

Ethan: fuck your brains out until your screaming my name

Ethan: i want to use you

Ethan: and you and I both know you would enjoy it

Y/n: you’re ghostface

Ethan: oh

Ethan: what gave it away ?

Y/n: you piece of shit.

Ethan: I don’t think you should insult me right now

Y/n: why? you gonna kill me??

Ethan: don’t tempt me.

Y/n: but apparently I already am. I’m basically asking for a knife to my throat, aren’t I?

Y/n: to watch your cock enter me as you choke me

Y/n: god, it would turn me on so much!!!

Ethan: I don’t take sarcasm too well

Ethan: if your asking for it, I’ll give it to you.

Y/n: im blocking you

Ethan: you can’t hide

Y/n: I’ll lock my doors. Get my parents to call the cops when they come back.

Ethan: your parents aren’t home?

Ethan: That changes things.

Y/n: I locked everything

Y/n: leave me alone

Ethan: why did you assume I was outside your house?

Y/n: please leave me alone

Ethan: let’s play a game of hide and seek, y/n.

Ethan: you run

Ethan: you hide

Ethan: and we’ll see if I can catch you.

Ethan: and if I do…

Ethan: god, I love making you my victim.

Y/n: Ethan please

Ethan: 3

Ethan: 2

Ethan: 1

Ethan: time to run, bunny.

🩷

[adoregojo]

valentines - sae itoshi x reader

yayyyyy I finished it, im free :3 im so freaking sleepy rn warnings: angst, very happy ending the chap before: one

2017

it's been years since you last saw sae.

those 3 years without the elder itoshi felt unfilled, missing it familiar spark. visiting the sea doesn't feel the same without the reddish-brown boy alongside with you. his endless grumbles about how luck keeps running the opposite direction and it's always loss in the in of his road were now just a remains echoing inside your head.

it's not that his face wasn't rememberable anymore, in fact, his face was glued on every bug screen around japan. under the name of the japan prodigy himself. however his face was blurry and those big-screens always do him unjustifiably. pictures were good, but sae grew. oh how you wished you could have grew together again.

you missed his actual face, when he would reveal his rare unseen smile to you. even when he didn't smile, there was something there, your grandma always said that his eyes would go soft under the mention of your name. when actual emotions were still swirling in his heartland. now you looking at his face, his slime teal eyes were so..bleary.. sae looked like he lost all his colours.

you wished you could embrace him, just like you used to when you two were kids after he flunked his math test and the first thing he does is let you hug him and play with his hair, sae told you that he would never let someone else do that to him yet the word shameless was unfound beside you.

but now you were helpless. thinking about the great distance itself between you two was crushing.

you kept writing, and sae promised to write back. at least he did at first, within the next months his letters and calls were fading, draining each day, they were getting awfully dry to the point you felt he was just saying anything to make shut you down. but in the end he stopped completely. no matter how much you texted or called they were never answered.

yet you kept on writing, even when he didn't reply. you sent him birthday cards on his, remained him of yours as well. however he never responded. you write and send, write and send, write and send damn letters nonstop. at some stage you didn't know where to send them anymore. they were never replied to, never seen nor read.

soon your texts became green. and it felt like a door was slammed on your face.

you felt desperate, like a dog waiting for it owner returned. and you could feel the pity glimpses in everyone's faces, in school, neighbourhood, sometimes even your own grandma, except that she held more sympathy with it.

perhaps, the younger itoshi was the only one who didn't change much. just like you, sae stopped his communication with him as well. but he handled it way better than you did, the letters 'big brother will come back, he's just busy' fell out rin's mouth every time he senses you unhidden soreness.

you should believe in what he says, it's literally his brother. his own flesh and blood, his family. yet you didn't ease up under his words, if anything it worried you even more. you felt it, the wave screaming back at you that something bad will happen, something that'll change everything forever.

and you knew you were right when opened the door revealing rin with tears running down his reddened cheeks.

2018

rin never told you what happened that tragic snowy night.

all you could remember was him shedding tears like there was no tomorrow, they were silent yet so painful that you felt sorry for the boy. you always took rin as an unbending person, he was like sae but much more chill and dare you say more friendly?

you warped a blanket around him when he slept in the guest room, you never pressured him. never pushed him, thinking about it now, you should probably have. because you woke up to that bed soothed back all clean and empty the next morning.

and it felt like rin last strike of humanity was left dead under your roof.

rin changed, and everything changed with him. maybe you didn't, perhaps you grew doleful, dejected. waiting was hard, pouring down your soul. it felt like the sky was telling you that you were waiting for nothing, but to be truthful, not only the sky was implying that.

you saw how the younger itoshi would look at you when he saw you writing letters to sae. he said nothing and stood silent, yet his eyes were pleading with you to stop, to give up on his brother before he curses you for good. however, you were already cursed by sae a long time ago.

even when he left for that project, deep inside. he wanted to say something, to speak up. the words were on the tip of his tongue yet he kept on opening his mouth and closing it like a lost fish. then rin left without a word, leaving you to face the truth by yourself.

you found it strange when every time you were present in the tv room, the first thing your grandmother dose is close the tv or change the channel. it was weird, you never remembered her being a big fan of national animals shows. she always liked the news which was what she kept avoiding for a while for some reason. her protection wouldn't last forever.

a secret kept swimming around you, just walking around in the hallways was enough for everyone to either laugh or look at you with such pity. even the teachers? what was going on, what kind of secret could it be to impair you this much?

you wished to stay curious, to stay lost in your little circle of agony but not to witness the man that planted dead hopes within you was now cutting your roots of holden on faith.

you saw a picture of sae kissing another girl, and you felt your soul getting toured up by him.

like the world itself was laughing at you naiveness, how stupid you were. you felt used, the wasted years you spent waiting on someone who didn't even care felt like a pure burning betrayal. you got that light message, sae was basically telling you to get off his back, you were no longer needed.

you meant nothing that anyone could possibly overshadow you. you got tossed aside, a dusty memory that was never worth holding in the first place.

you stopped writing letters after that day.

2021

"nice having you back in japan, genius boy."

aiku laughed, but the man ahead of him didn't even spare a smile at him. instead he found the glass of drink in front of him more interested. the black head let out a sigh, he guessed that sae isn't exactly a man of change, he needs to stop letting his hopes up for nothing.

it's an understatement to say that aiku was surprised that the elder itoshi would even acknowledge his invitation for a night out at what he called a fancy bar. hell, sae probably didn't even like wine in the first place. yet he was here, looking around with his boredom eyes that never opened fully.

"soo, you finally opened your heart for your dear home?." aiku asked, taking a sip of his own drink. through the transparent glass, he could see the slim teal eyes peeking at him.

"what's up with that interview question? don't say you invited me for this." sae spat out, the place was awfully packed despite it being the middle of the night. and he would lie if he said he wanted to spend another second here.

"haha, once a stiff always a stiff. thought i would get a thank you for getting you out of your forlorn shell for awhile. i mean, look at those chicks, you sure you don't wanna catch yourself a little fun? heard you were left out on valentines eve."

the elder itoshi frown a brow, "you think you're my wingman or some shit? don't get too high of yourself just 'cause i went out here with you." scoffing, the reddish head crossed his arms.

before aiku could get a chance to reply, a sultry voice called. "you boys would like a refill?" the suffocating smell of her perfume was pocking sae's nose, which made him hard grimace in disgust. while on the other hand, the shaggy head threw a sly smile at him for some reason, he better not do anything stupid.

"not me, hun. but my friend over there would definitely like to. right, sae?" he should've knew better. he knew this fucker was trying to set him up with some, it didn't even need a rethink when his glass wasn't even half way empty.

sae could feel a vine running through his head when the high heels sound was lifted to his side. his personal space was getting tackled when the woman bend over with her breath that reeked of unhidden smoke and alcohol was tickling his ear.

"Oh? you must be a new one. we got specials for those." she breath out, her hand running down sae's arm. he had to stop himself from getting defensive at her sharp nails stabbing him through the fabric of his clothes. "you can request anything you please, even these lewd things going on your head."

her flirting was on death ears, he didn't even take a glimpse at her. nudging that man was like trying to punch a wall. sae told himself to ignore and she'll get the message and leave him alone already.

"c'mon now, whatever little sweetheart you clinging onto doesn't have to know."

and that hits a nerve, "anything you say? than I request you to step the fuck back you good for nothing tart creature." as soon as these harsh words come out, a loud gasp was heard. and sae couldn't find it in himself to stop the next words of coming out. "I came here for someone, not some harlot woman wiggling over me. go throw yourself on some pimp maybe you'll find a purpose inside their pants or something."

soon, it turns into a crying mess. and sae remains stiff. the only reaction he could give was sipping on his drink, he saw aiku trying to stop the women from running before stroking the bridge of his nose is disbelief.

"what the hell man.. you could've just told her to leave you alone."

"I don't like pushy people."

he hears a scoff, then aiku swaying after the other woman. sae could feel the eyes of strangers staring him down, not that he cares, not even about that woman who he sent crying, she can collect what's left from her dignity, if there was any in the first place. he was too busy rethinking why did he speak those words.

and why did was your face the first thing to pop up his mind when he said that.

it's been years, and he couldn't believe that he agreed to aiku's request, yet he'll never admit that he wanted any reason to step here again. any reason to see you again, he never thought he still had it in his heart to miss you. to be eager for you, he found himself bubbling with excitement like a little kid again.

sae can't figure why are you suddenly so heavy on his mind, was it the years of pushing you to the corner of his mind was paying off? even the tiniest things were enough to makeshift you in a way. it felt like he couldn't escape you, you were in everything and everyone. in the side planted flowers, in the little kids laughs, in the bright colours of the sun.

he wondered if you still think of him, if you still hold on him after seven years of being absent in every way possible. you turned eighteen without him, you probably had much more friends by now, maybe even changed your haircut, he remembers you rambling about how your grandma wouldn't let you change the same haircut for years now. sae himself doesn't notice the smile forming on his lips.

"wash that sappy face off, doesn't suit you." a firm voice stated, he didn't even have to turn around and see when he knew this tone like the back of his hand. lo and behold, his younger brother standing there.

"rin."

"shitty brother."

rin walked up to the table, his hands deep in his pockets. standing in such a filthy place made shift disgustingly. not even trying to hide his displeasure staring at both his brother and whoever walks by like a walking foul trash bags. or maybe that's just his natural face.

he didn't take the obvious abandon seat, instead he stood like he just needed a minute before taking his leave. "didn't expect you to be back, though you called this place unworthy of your presence." said rin, his eyes doesn't held them loathing anymore. but still a hint of unbearableness was there, that'll take some time to wash away.

"i have my reasons." he simply replied, he was never releasing his feelings.

"plus, what the hell are you doing here? and don't lie to me when you look like seconds away from throwing up." sae question,

"you need to get a assertive manager next time." rin shrugged, he wasn't planning on lying. the guy almost shat himself at the sight of rin alone. maybe he should work in his face expression.

"well, I know you aren't here for a heartwarming family reunion. so spit it out already." rude as ever, but the younger itoshi learned to not raise his hopes too much when it came to his brother.

rin doesn't reply to that, instead he reaches for his black coat pocket. lifting out some designed letter, leaned it carefully over the table for him to take. so sae does, playing around with the object, he sided eye his brother.

"a wedding invitation." rin answered before he could question.

"yours?" he asked in disbelief, that was not a face of a man getting married.

his younger brother started at him like he grew another head, "no?" he almost gagged, narrowing his eyes.

"then i have no interest in wasting my time."

"just read it you damn slacker." rin demand, he did not come all the way here for his older brother to act like a spoiled brat. he swore he's gonna shove that letter down his throat if don't stop yapping.

finally sae let out a dramatic sigh before opening the letter, whatever name it was, it better be worth it. and part of him wished he never opened it.

because his eyes uncontrollably traveled to your name, not even that he read the start nor the beginning. he wished it was a mistake, maybe someone else's name and it was all pure coincidence. his eyelids flicker open, he read it once, twice, and the world felt like it stopped.

"..it's in two days by the way.. and stop looking at the letter like that, your gonna burn it." rin words went from ear to ear. but sae managed to catch something in the lines 'in two days'

"two days?.. why am i getting an invitation now?" words came out mindlessly, he wanted to ask more, who, how and when. his mind was on track. sae never wished for something to be a sick joke like now.

"are you serious? be grateful you were even in the list." nevertheless, rin didn't like his question. is that really what he asked? not even about you? however, his brother colourless face spoke more.

sae didn't reply, he looked at the letter in his hand like it was his worst enemy. rin wished his brother wasn't a damn block headed maybe then he'll get his fingers on what's running inside his mind. so rin takes his leave, letting his brother handle the news by himself.

"woah, man. that girl just wouldn't stop crying. I'm starting to believe you're truly heartless." aiku let out breathlessly, but he was met of a new face of sae, it was the first time he say any other expression on his face. especially something..this emotional..

"dude, you okay? looks like you've seen a ghost."

maybe even someone as cold as sae could carry a fragile heart.

2021 February 18

it felt like the universe was laughing at him.

fate was truly the cruelest, out of any other day. it had to day, the day that was meant for you and him, just fir another guy to snatch his place like a piece of candy. he wished it was him, he wished he didn't come here in the first place. yet he was, surrounded with unfamiliar faces chit chatting around.

sae regrets stepping in here, he wanted to leave. to runaway. he doesn't want to face it, to face you walking down with another man that is not him. but he wanted to see you so bad, why did this feel like this is his only chance to see you ever again?

he felt aimless, and the people talking wasn't helping him either.

"did you hear? they're gonna rent a house on a beach!"

"oh my, they're so lucky. wished mine would have the same mindset."

fucking kill him.

"you actually came? thought you'd leave like the spineless coward you are." the voice of rin was merciless. and most of all brutally honest.

"shut up. I don't wanna hear it." sae waved him off, he didn't wanna hear it. especially his little brother berating him senselessly. deep down, he knew he deserved it. he was the one that stepped over your heart when he promised to take care of it. maybe he is a coward.

after he followed after rin, which took to long for his liking, he had to complain. "fuck you taking me to?" he spat out.

"be patient, don't you wanna talk to them?"

that somehow shuts down any chance of any other objection, it felt like ages before they got to the meant room. and for some reason, sae doesn't enter yet, he doesn't find the guts to.

"why did you even invite me to this?"

"me? invite you? you wish." rin jeered, his brother was definitely not in the right mindset to think such thing. "they invited you, if anything i thought it was better not to."

"I didn't even think you'd come, looks like you still got something in that frigid heart of yours. but it's already too late to come over your fears."

a ghost smile form on sae's face, at his own stupidity, at rin's truthful manner. at himself,

"i know that."

he closed the door behind, and slowly walked into the room. his steps were heavy they kept on echoing through the walls. announcing to the world what he was doing. it was a miracle he didn't fumble his feet on the way, and more of a miracle when he didn't faint at how beautifully you shone.

you quickly stood up, the white dress mimicking your movements. he was right, you did change your hairstyle after all, and oh, how you good you made it look.

"sae? you actually came.." you exclaimed. examining him from head to toe, he did change, more like he grew. he wasn't the same height as you anymore, his bangs were long gone. and he refused to meet your eyes. looking at everything but your gaze.

"yeah." he pushed out his lips.

it was strange, seeing the one he promised to marry get married to another one. his first crush, first crush, his first heartbreak, the first heart he shattered. all the memories of childhood came like a rush wave of air, and what lingered was your face at the airport, the day you said goodbye. the day he heard you sniffing behind him, yet he didn't turn.

perhaps because he knew out everyone, he would've gave up everything just to not see you a tear run down your face. or it would be him crying with and be a couple of crying mess. yes you got him warped your finger like that.

sae only knew a world with you, and he knew his soul stayed with you the day he left.

"it's been a while,"

"seven years, it's been seven years." the male corrected

"i know." you giggle bitterly. he knew you knew. you both knew but none spoke or mentioned anything.

"how have you been?" he had now idea of what to say or ask of you, that was your fucking weeding of course you're happy. damn, even his younger self wasn't that clueless.

"I'm good. you?"

I'm missing you terribly.

"good."

"that's good.." you shifted awkwardly, like you wanted to hide from him. was he making you that uncomfortable?

"can i?" stretching out his arms slightly, he was ready for you reject it, to punch him, to scream at him. but you nodded instead.

you lean right on his chest, his hesitate arm on the small of your back. when was the last he hugged someone? it was much easier when you two were kids. it sure felt warm, your cologne taking over his senses. he just didn't feel like fits the puzzle anymore. and it fucking hurt.

it didn't last long sadly, taking yourself out of his embrace. he doesn't want to let go, if he let go, you'll disappear. despite that he looked into your eyes, and suddenly he doesn't feel only half alive. you still got him warped around your finger like that.

"i need to go, it was nice seeing you again, sae."

he could only nodded, every step he took away from you felt like the world was draining it colors again, the universe was punishing him, because seeing you not sparing a glance back was truly painful.

the evening felt timeless, it skips to where he sat looking heedlessly at the ground. he didn't want to meant anyone's face nor attention. he bet that his was gloomy enough to scare off anyone who walks by.

one's begs to differ.

"well, well. if that ain't a face I haven't seen in a long time." an elderly woman said, the same old sly smile still glued to her face. she takes a seat beside sae, fearlessly nudging him to look at her.

"it's you."

"it's me, that old granny you used to call a hag." your grandma said.

"That was one time, and you spanked me for it."

"i sure did, always been a badass." she laughed, and sae found the invisible beam draw in it way to her face.

"look at you, you grew to a fine young man." he hissed when she pinched his cheek, almost as if she meant for it to hurt. he had rub the spot with a grunt.

"despite that, it's sad to say you disappointed me, itoshi sae." she spoke in a straightforward manner. almost like she was scolding him. and when say nothing she continues.

"I would've given you another spank but my grandchild would be mad, they still cares for you. always been." the lady sighed, "they never gave up on you, four years is a real challenge. every day they kept on writing to you, did you perhaps read them."

"every singer night."

"but you didn't respond to a single one?"

he doesn't replay to that.

"don't prove me wrong again. that girl you put your mouth on, why?"

sae's hand travel down his neck, trying to find the right answer. as if there was one. "i wanted them to give up on me. i just felt pushing them and everyone away was the right thing."

"so you became a selfish bastard that kills everything he touches? i knew you were dumb but not that dumb." she shook her head, he had concerned her swinging her cane over his head.

"it doesn't matter, it was already done." lies sliding down his throat. and he knew even a strong face wasn't enough to hide the truth. she could see him bare.

"maybe if you weren't that stupid, you'd have managed to keep the only person that could handle you. but I'm never wrong so i guess you two did end up together in another lifetime."

"but i wanted them in this one."

"too bad, too late." it felt like a sucker punch, he wished for her to actually beat him with that cane at least it'd be less hurtful and heavy. again the urge to leave was strong. and it was getting stronger when that man stood there, and when you walked he couldn't take his eyes off, he couldn't even blink. you never looked so breathtaking. and there he knew that his place didn't get stolen, but earned by someone else. someone better than him. someone that could make you happy and wouldn't make you hold on to a forsaken promise.

yesterday it was him proposing to you with his dead grandparents ring, today it was another one warping it around your finger. the image will hunt him to his death.

the him that promised, the him who kisses you injures, the him who saw you in sunset above the sea. was still there, that version was still swirling within him somehow. and it only shon with your light only. the light that will never be his anymore.

to sae you'll forever be his everlasting one in the stars.

"goodbye." he hopped he chose you in another life.

lmao this is trash mb yall

[svmjaeyvn]

love maze, s.jy.

chapter nine pairing: jake x afab!reader word count: tbd (series)

masterlist

genre: college!au, mutual friends, fake dating, smut.

synopsis: an unfortunate encounter, drunken mistakes, and a sort of (definitely) stalker leads jake sim ‘dating’ his best friend’s childhood crush.

or, your life gets intertwined with a rich boy’s in attempt to not get sued by his crazy personal fangirl and like with all good cliches, sex overcomplicates things.

contents: smut, sort of strangers to fuck buddies to lovers pipeline, childhood best friend!jay, mentions of best friend! yunjin, curly haired & mixed reader, uni!au, rich nepo baby!jake, enha frat boys, lots of kissing, fake dating turning into fwb real quick, totally way too into it for it to be fake early on, big booty reader that’s jake’s obsessed with, partying and alcohol use, slight violence, he fell first and harder trope, stem bf & writer gf, (kinda overly) possessive jake, some angst to spice things up, daddy issues, hyper independent reader who struggles with her feelings, fluff and happy ending!!

a/n: hello~ i’ve never been a tumblr girly but i have went through my w*ttpad era back in 2018 so bare with me y’all. this will be a series but not that long (i hope) so pls look forward to it. warning tags will be placed before each “chapter” to specify what to expect. pls pls reblog and interact, i’d love to have feedback and see what your thoughts are. okay! yay, for now enjoy and thank you sm :D

MDNI, 18+

tap below to continue

CHAPTER NINE: JEALOUSY

previous masterlist next

word count: 4.1k

warnings: minjun is being a stalker, that’s sort of it??

a/n: IM SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG. i’m working + doing an internship at the same time so im exhausted everyday since being an adult SUCKS so i’ve neglected writing (though i have a new idea for a smau lol) and this not that great but i wanted to provide something for you guys </3 jake is down horrendous and not even hiding it now it’s crazy

"PLEASE STOP STARING," Ni-ki whined, throwing an ice cube in Jake's direction who was perched at the counter with a giddy smile. You were on the other side of the store, in the midst of barring out drinks before turning to help your coworker with a unsatisfied customer.

It was different to see you in your element, of course to you it being a mere barista job but Jake couldn't deny how much a leadership position suited you. You were good at quite literally everything, barely paying him mind when he waltzed in 20 minutes ago due to the afternoon rush but seeming calm and collected as you handled the line of drinks that seemed never ending. You looked as pretty as ever in his eyes, your haired pulled up by the clip in your hair and bare skin that seemed to be glowing.

You were called in last minute by a fellow shift as they weren't able to come in due to an emergency. Knowing Ms. Cho would've been the one to cover, something you couldn't bare to make her do as she was meant to take the week off due to spraining her wrist, and not wanting to leave Ni-ki hanging you canceled on the previous study-date you had scheduled with Jake much to his disappointment.

Lo and behold though, said boy decided that he had all the time in the world to wait for you. After you called him on your break, excited that a coworker would be coming in to do the closing tasks, telling him you'd be off at 6:30 instead of 10, Jake stopped by an hour before your shift would end deeming that allowing him to treat you to dinner would make up for the raincheck.

"Bro honestly, I know she's your girlfriend but can't you go sit down at least," Ni-ki's voice breaks his thoughts once more. Jake merely rolled his eyes, waving off the boy who looked exasperated by his presence.

"Yah, whatever. You're just bitter 'cause you’re bitchless," Jake began to tease, watching as the younger boy rolled his eyes and discretely flipped him off without the other customers taking note.

There was a familiar jingle from the door, Ni-ki's eyes looking past him to greet whoever walked in but his face turned into one of visible disgust. Immediately making his way in your direction without a word, Jake curiously turned around with his brows frowned to see what caused such a reaction.

A small scoff left Jake's lips, watching Minjun b-line to where you were behind the bar with Ni-ki glued to your side and staring him down like a guard dog. A small smirk picks at his lips, Jake waiting patiently, watching from afar to see what he planned on saying as you'd be able to handle it yourself.

"___," Minjun spoke, attempting to gain your attention but you merely lifted your gaze for a second as you focused on the drinks you had sequenced. "Can we talk?"

"I'm busy," You said dryly, sending him a pointed look as you were on shift quite literally in the middle of working. "If you need something you can ask my other staff to help you,"

"Are you seriously going to ignore me?"

"Are you seriously showing up to my job when I told you to leave me alone?" You shot back, brow raising in disbelief. "It's harassment, do you want me to call the cops?"

Minjun bit his lip, seemingly collecting his thoughts to carefully piece what he intended to say next. "You're ignoring my texts, how else am I supposed to talk to you?"

"I blocked you," You answer with a small shrug. "I don't want to talk to you. We have no reason to either way, it was your idea to move on with our lives in the first place so I don't see what you need from me now,"

"It was a mistake," Minjun attempts but a loud scoff comes from your end at his words. Feeling yourself grow more and more annoyed, you take a second to collect your thoughts, having to silently remind yourself that there were a handful of other customers that you still needed to be portrayed to in a professional light.

Your eyes flickered to the left, feeling the familiar gaze boring into your side. You met Jake's look, his brows slightly pinched as he held an unreadable expression glancing over Minjun. His arms were crossed against his chest, leaned against the front counter while his head tilted in the smallest of ways meeting your eyes. Silently indicating whether of not you wanted him to intervene, you shook your head, turning over to Ni-ki who was still on gaurd just a step behind you.

"Can you take over for me?" You ask the younger boy, his eyes softening as he glanced down to you with a small nod. Telling Sooyun the same, you leave the two on the floor to handle the customer flow and walk away from Minjun without a word. He attempted to follow along the counter that kept you separated, only to stop short noting how you met Jake at the break that separated the workers and customer side.

"You okay?" Jake asks softly, his hand finding its place in your own as he traced his thumb over your palm in attempt to offer some ease to your mind.

"I don't know why he keeps trying," You mumble out, swallowing the lump in your throat while Jake pursed his lips. You had to admit, no matter how unaffected you attempted to seem, having Minjun back and weaseling his way into your life was slowly opening up old wounds that never fully healed. It felt exhausting seeing his face, much less feeling trapped in your own workplace since that seemed to be his resort to finding you no matter how many hints you've given to leave you be.

"You want me to call the guys and we can jump him out back?" Jake offers, the teasing in his voice caused you to laugh though the glint in his eyes made it hard for you to tell if he was entirely joking. "I could take him on my own but I'm sure Jay wants a few hits at him anyway,"

"So does Ni-ki," You snicker, glancing over to the boy who had his eyes trained on Minjun with a menacing glare. "I don't have the money to bail all seven of you out though so let's not do that,"

A cocky smile fell upon Jake's lips knowing well enough his next words would cause you to grimace. "It's okay baby, I'm rich remember?"

You roll your eyes but couldn't refrain from the small laugh that fell from your lips. "You're annoying," You huff, though the giggle that filtered through your words had Jake smiling from ear to ear. Leaning closer, he's quick to place a kiss to your lips, your eyes widening as you pulled away with a tsk. "I'm on the clock, stop making me look like a bad worker,"

"No one's looking," Jake reassures, not even sparing a glance around the room but he's sure of himself. His hands fell to your hips, pulling you in closer and technically he was right, the large pastry case and stack of boxes that you had yet to be able to put away had blocked a significant amount of view of where you two stood, someone would have had to come around the corner to see you two if they really wanted to.

A clear of someone's throat caused the two of you to pull away from the giddy bubble you were in. Your annoyance flooded back in a second while Jake lazily looked over his shoulder, his eyes lighting up taking note of Minjun who stood with a dark expression.

"What's up man?" Jake smiled, turning as he said so but still keeping one arm draped around your waist though you shifted slightly in your spot. His grip tightened feeling how you attempted to move, squeezing your hip as a silent way to tell you to stay in place at his side. "You need something?"

"Can you give us a minute?" Minjun's words were short and clipped, the visible annoyance dripping from his persona.

"Don't think so," He hummed with the click of his tongue. "M'names Jake," Holding out his hand with a cheeky smile, Jake waited for Minjun to introduce himself. You had to refrain from the laugh that wanted to spill from your lips, the obviously annoying but polite tactic one you wouldn't have guessed he'd play but it seemed to work better than being possessive or immediately hostile.

"Minjun," Was all he replied with, not bothering to complete the handshake Jake intended. Turning his gaze to you, he near pleaded in a softer tone. "Can we just talk?"

Jake let out a loud sigh, dropping his hand with the shake of his head. "You know, man, I wouldn't have held nothing against you but you're really making my girl uncomfortable," His previous bubbly expression was gone, now replaced with a bored one that shamelessly glanced over Minjun. "You know me personally, I don't go for girls I broke up with, especially after she told me to leave her alone and she has a new man. That's just me though,"

"No offense man, but I know you two just got together. Your new relationship doesn't compare to us," Minjun shrugs while you let out a laugh of disbelief. You and Jake were more comfortable together, by miles, in a short amount of time even if your relationship was based on a facade. After the first two months with Minjun, it felt as though you were walking on eggshells everyday to keep him around, a feeling you remember all too well and ridicule yourself for staying in for so long.

"I mean, you're the ex for a reason right? Our relationship s’not supposed to be like yours," Jake shrugs, a humorless laugh left his lips.

"You guys don't even make sense together!" Minjun was now speaking to you, gesturing between you both with an exasperated expression. "His life is completely different from yours and you know it, why waste time now when it won't even work out,"

You frowned yours brows, not knowing how much he had looked into Jake but either way, being so ambient on your differences seemed to rub you the wrong way. What exactly was he entailing? The fact that Jake was a party guy or he was rich? You grew up attached to the hip with Jay, sure you weren't directly apart of that life but you did know how to act with a cocktail dress and dinning etiquette when you needed to. You truly lacked nothing if the relationship was real and so far, Jake didn't either.

"It's cute to know you've been thinking about me," Before you were able to voice your thoughts, Jake beat you to it. His tone was teasing, though there was a slight edge to it indicating that the cat and mouse play going back and forth was something he began to grow tired of. His had squeezed your hip, somehow subconsciously knowing that your agitation grew as well, it a silent reminder that he was there for you.

Minjun scoffed, seemingly ready to retort but Jake shook his head. "You know, I don't really like being a dick and all," He starts, a small huff of air leaving his lips as if it pained him to continue. Jake's eyes flickered to you, he winked before the bored look was sent back toward Minjun. "But I do take advantage of the benefits that come from my family. Let's just make it easier on all of us since getting the lawyers involved is always so messy, yeah?"

Your eyes widened slightly, certainly not having any thought of any legal precedent but the threat should've been more than enough to get his point across. You felt a shiver run up your spine, thinking back to weeks ago when you got yourself into the situation you were now. She totally would've sued me.

There was a clear of the throat that broke the tension between you three. Ni-ki making his presence known as he sends Minjun a rather large, but most obviously fake, smile.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave since I've had a few customer complaints from the situation that's occurring," He says in his peppy customer service voice, the faux sympathy in his tone adding salt to the wound. Looking around, you take note of the lie considering the lobby had cleared out significantly and not a single person in sight was paying any mind to what was occurring in the corner but you were certainly thankful for the deescalation.

Minjun doesn't say a word. His eyes lock with yours, the silent communication causing you to feel uneasy. For a split second, you almost felt bad for him seeing the look of pleading sincerity, for a second he seemed like the boy you once knew and you couldn't deny the slight tug in your heart that longed for the past. But as Jakes’ hand made its presences know on your back, you shook out of the temporary daze, you subtly moved behind him, using Jake as a shield of sorts and looking away.

You weren't naive enough to fall for that. And your thoughts proved right as Minjun's expression changed in an instant, the look of anger and annoyance familiar but he merely turned and made his way out of the shop without hesitation.

The bitter feeling caused your stomach to turn, picking at the skin of your fingers as you pulled out your phone to check the time.

"You okay noona?" Ni-ki carefully asked, His brows were pinched, a slight frown at his lips taking note of your visibly discomfort.

You nod, placing a smile on your features but it didn't quite reach your eyes. You looked behind him, seeing Sooyun working by herself. "I'm alright, I need to finish my pull before Hejin comes in so support where you can for now," You delegate, already heading toward the back room while footsteps followed soon after.

Jake sighed watching you walk away. He didn't know the full story, certainly didn't want to know the details of how in love you were, but he did know that Minjun was important enough to still bother you after some time apart. A small part of him was selfish, never wanting you to think of anyone like that but him, even though your relationship wasn't even real in the first place, but he knew that was his own jealousy.

The larger part of him felt upset for you though, the crestfallen expression you held more than enough for him to want to hold you and wash all your worries away. In a perfect world, Jake would make sure you'd never feel sad again. He vows to never be the one responsible for your tears, and if he were he'd kick himself and beg for the room in your heart to forgive him.

You stopped by the back freezer, facing the stainless steel doors and you could see Jake's reflection behind you. "I'm alright," You repeat, not having the confidence to turn around knowing your eyes were glossing over and the lump in your throat grew.

Jake hummed, watching you from afar. He watched as you began to count the frozen pastries, having to go over twice losing your train of thought and seemingly looking around aimlessly. You let out a sigh, leaning your head against the frozen rack as you shut your eyes, the cold air that wrapped around your body caused goosebumps to form along your arms, though it did well in stopping the tears that were built up to the brim.

"You know, you're technically not supposed to be back here," You mumble, a hint of amusement in your words though you were rather dejected.

Jake chuckled, shaking his head while you couldn't see it. The two of you stood in silence, not knowing what to say that would make it better. Heavy footsteps sounded as someone entered the back of the house, you peaking from behind the freezer door while Jake straightened up.

Hejin pointed a finger at you as she pulled her apron over her head. Your brows frowned, clicking on the tablet that was stuck to the door to see it only be 5:50. Her keys jangled in her pocket, the lollipop in her mouth muffling her words. "Go home,"

"What?" You let out a small laugh, amused by the loud groan she let out upon her apron getting stuck while pulling it down. "It's not 6:30,"

"I'm here now so go," Hejin huffs, pulling at her ponytail as she nods towards Jake, a silent acknowledgment to his presence but not bothering to ask why he was beside you. "I saw creeps-a-lot in the parking lot. The kid and Sooyun were blowing up my phone to get me here so I chased him away. Go home and relax, I'll make a incident report to let everyone and Mama Cho know to not talk about you and refuse him service from now on,"

Your lips pull into a frown, the tears once again welding up in your eyes. You covered your face out of embarrassment, Hejin clicking her tongue as she waved you off.

"Ay, don't cry," She tuts. "He's not worth it, new boyfriend hug her!" Hejin directs, gesturing between you and Jake causing you to let out a laugh. Jake tilted his head, his arms open as you reluctantly stepped into his embrace. You refused to look at him directly, hiding behind your hands though you could see the fondness in his expression as he stared down at you. "Good, now get out of here. Pretty girls should never cry over ugly men,"

With that, Hejin was out onto the floor. You stifled your laughter, heart pulling at the thought of your work family. She, in particular, was known to be rough around the edges, not one to show praise or direct affection but small acts like these were truly the most meaningful. You made a mental note to treat them in the future, thankful for the saving grace.

Jake pulled away from the hug slight, a small smile perking at his lips as he tilted his head. He gently pulled away your hands from your face, wiping away the few stray tears with the same fond look.

"You know, I don't know how to feel about you crying over another man," He teased causing you to roll your eyes. "Guess I have a lot of work to do to make you forgive him,"

"Forgive?" You echo, raising a brow not following his words.

Jake nods. "You know, for being an idiot but at least it allowed for me and you which is like, a million times better," He says in the most obvious voice causing you to snicker. "Forgive but not forget, or whatever it is that people say,"

"Have you been looking at pinterest quotes?" You laugh while Jake begins to nod wholeheartedly.

"You put me on, it's honestly so chill scrolling. I have like, five different boards I've made so far,"

"Rookie numbers," You tease causing him to mock offense.

"They all have certain aesthetics and are listed in order," He offers causing you to hum.

You nod in approval. "Better,"

Noting that your mood had seem to raise, Jake leans in, placing a small peck to the tip of your nose causing you to let out a small squeal. Your face scrunches up, pulling away from him while he lets out a laugh.

"C'mon, you owe me your time and I think I have the perfect idea to get your pretty little mind off everything,"

"YOU’RE JOKING?"

"What?"

You sent Jake a pointed look, smiling down at the excited animal that jumped into your arms, licking the skin of your cheek while your heart nearly bursted at the sight of her tail wagging so happily. "We've been faking it for over a month and you decided to just tell me you had a dog?"

"Her name's Layla," He laughs, crouching down to the level which you were sat on the floor. As soon as you walked into the door of the unfamiliar apartment, you were greeted by soft paws jumping at your leg along with excited barks for attention. "This is my brother's place, she's a family dog but he has her most of the time since my parents are always out of town. He's on a trip with his friends so he asked me to watch her for the week," Jake cooed as he pet Laylas fur, eyes full of affection and love as she leaned into his touch.

“I’ll watch her for the week,” You smile, gaining her attention once more as you scratched at the spot just behind Laylas’ ears. Her eyes shut as you did so, a small giggle leaving your lips as the dog visibly relaxed to your petting. “I’ll keep her company while you party or whatever you do in that frat house,”

Jake rolled his eyes, his view set on you but you were far too focused on Layla to care. “I haven’t gone to a party in weeks, and if I do you’re with me,” He says pointedly as you merely hum.

“Exactly, you can go do what you want. I’ll stay here with the cutest little puppy I’ve ever seen,” The latter half of your sentence was spoken in a high voice, cooing at Layla who seemed to be happily responsive to it.

Though he liked seeing how well you got along with his childhood pet, Jake tsked. Maybe it was a bad idea bringing you to see her, all of your attention would go to the little border collie instead of him which, admittedly, he couldn’t have.

“What I want,” Jake starts, leaning over to flood your view. “Is for you to not love my dog more than me,” He finished, dangerous close to your lips as you blinked, a small snort leaving your lips.

“Well for one, I barely tolerate you so Layla wins by a long shot,” You tease causing his lips to pout. Lightly pushing Jake away, he ends up sitting directly in front of you, Layla happily pouncing into his lap but still begging for you to provide her with scratches as she rolled over onto her back to expose her stomach. “And two, you can’t be jealous over your own dog. She’s just too cute,”

Jake sighed half heartedly. “You kicking me to the curb now for my dog?”

“Precisely,” You nod, a wide grin playing at your lips that you were unable to resist. It was still between the two of you for a moment, Jake taking the silence to gently place Layla down onto the ground beside you. You rose a brow, noting how he inched closer causing you to move back. “Hey~”

His arms were suddenly thrown around your body, one around your waist while the other was behind your head, blocking the impact of him suddenly tackling you to the hardwood floor. Your laughter filled the air, arms stuck under the weight of his chest and your faces inches apart.

“Too bad, you’re not allowed to get rid of me,” Jake huffs though there was an amused smile playing at his lips. “Say you like me more,”

You gaped in disbelief. “Are you serious?” The response to your question ended up with Jake’s fingers dancing along the skin of your waist, your shirt riding up and him knowing how ticklish you were as you began to squirm beneath him. “H-hey! Okay, s-stop—”

“Say it,” Jake taunts, his laughter mixing with yours.

“O-okay—”

Layla’s loud barks suddenly broke the air before the view of her jumping onto Jake’s head was seen. Your laughs were now from seeing how he yelped at the sudden help you received, rolling off of your body and with Layla still attacking his face with an abundance of kisses, you sat up. Now straddling Jake’s waist, you returned the favor of poking your fingers into his side, moving until you found a spot by his ribs that caused him to squirm around.

“Hey! You can’t team up against me,” Jake called out, unable to move either of you due to the way you sat and how Layla was now perched on his chest to get a better angle of sloppy kisses that he attempted to block. “She’s trying to lick my nose! Baby please—”

“What? I’m giving you attention like you wanted,”

my tags!! @slutforsjy @jaklvbub @whowantshota @addictedtohobi @coolwitu @simjyunnie @kgneptun @graythecoffeebean @143ikeu @zyvlxqht @tesywesy @nxzz-skz @aishisgrey @enczen @vanvity @dreamiestay @caitysdelusions @ikkeumyluv @v3lv3tsin

[andhumanslovedstories]

Hi Sarah (or Sara? I remember you discussing the h but don't remember which way it's spelled). I hope you're doing well on your break and enjoying September. I have a question - how much schooling did you have to do to become a nurse? I'm considering becoming an elementary school teacher in Norway, which would require me to go back to school for 5 (additional) years. Seems like a long fucking time and i didnt do great the first run tbh. It would be free though. Investment in the future seems like it could pay off, so i guess im looking for inspiration from other ppl who have perhaps made a similar plunge

Hi, anon! I wish I could give you some straight up inspo. Instead, I navel-gazed for a while. Schooling-wise, I already had a (completely unrelated) bachelor's degree so I was able to do an accelerated nursing program after two semesters of community college doing the prereqs. I did struggle in nursing school. College has always been brutal on my mental health and nursing is a hard pivot from my original degree (double major history and english w a concentration in creative writing) (you cannot imagine how many books I read and essays I wrote). It took a little over two years in total.

You don't have to don't have to worry about student debt which is so so wonderful. I didn't have to either, and that's let me be way more adventurous with my life choices. The cost of your education would just ("just") be your time, energy, and the potential money that you could earn by focusing on work instead. I had to stick around in my hometown instead of going traveling with Cyrus. I worked a lot fewer hours than I would if I'd not been in school. I had to miss the live airing of the Jesus Christ Superstar on NBC in order to study for an anatomy test which was genuinely so distressing to me. 2018 was a hell of a year for me. (I aced that test btw. It was such an improvement over my previous test my teacher emailed me a congratulations note with twelve exclamation points.)

All of this while people were constantly talking about how shitty it is to be a nurse and how so many of them leave the field within six months. (Similar to teaching in that way, at least in America.) I was doing work I didn't enjoy for a job I might not stick with. There were a lot of times I resented nursing school for interfering with my life.

I'm still very glad I did it. My degree gave me a lot. On the very practical side, my degree has given me more financial freedom and a much higher earning potential. On the idealistic level, my degree has enabled me to do work that I find meaningful. The work touches a lot of things that I find interesting. My nursing degree has benefited my life, regardless of if I stay in nursing for the rest of my career or move on to something new. I didn't like getting my degree, but I don't regret that I got it.

Maybe it'll go way easier for you, maybe it won't be worth it. When I thought about becoming a nurse, it felt like my life plan clicked into place because it ticked every single need I had for a job. I didn't know if it would work out, but the rewards outweighed the risks. More than that, it was the first plan I had for my future that made me excited. I liked the life I pictured if I was a nurse. I've found that excitement to be rare and precious. If teaching gives you that, I'd strongly consider pursuing it.

Besides, you can always use my last-line defense against school despair: being like "fuck it I'm gonna drop out after this semester" and then keep not doing that. You can bail on stuff! It's rad.

[boydepartment]

enhypen as things from 2014 tumblr

a/n: i am literally frothing at the mouth that 2014 tumblr is coming back. around 2016-2018 this aesthetic and mentality was my EVERYTHING. now in 2024 the mentality and aesthetic is still there just a lil more.... um flavorful for me 😋😋 but it’s okay! i also had to go on my LAPTOP to lay this out so please like this post... my ass worked hard on this- i also dont know if heeseung's aesthetic photo for his headcanons is messed up?? if it is i am so sorry

warnings- 2014 tumblr was a lil cray cray, but i worked my hardest to make sure none of the photos or themes would be triggering :) if you felt anything negative during reading these headcanons- tell me and i will add it to the warnings. but as far as i know and with my own experiences/disorder everything is pretty good and non triggering! :)

MASTERLIST

🕰️jungwon- specifically that one brand of music

okay let me elaborate: out of my league by the fitz and the tantrums

tongue tied by grouplove

electric love by børns

the really like happy yet sad songs??? he’s very like HES SO TONGUE TIED BY GROUPLOVE IM SORRY???? listen to the song that is jungwon he is that song. he is def like that summer romance who you never speak to again and it’s so sad because you loved him so much but now you’re like strangers. just wait till next summer tho, he’ll make you fall in love with him all over again. it’s bittersweet

⚰️heeseung- knee socks

okay me being out of pocket for a sec

heeseung is absolutely fucking insane and drives me nuts. and so do knee socks. any socks that go above the shin drive me fucking insane because they don’t sit properly ever, no matter the size the sock or the size i am they FALL. but i own like 4-6 pairs, because they look nice and make me feel pretty when they sit properly. heeseung drives me insane but i want to be his gf ☹️☹️

he’s def the type of guy to fix your socks too when he notices they’re shifting

🎥jay- the wallpaper quotes

like the sad ones everyone had EVERYWHERE. i was on quotev during this time around 2015?? and they were EVERYWHERE. bangchans wallpaper from 2018 core

these aesthetic quotes just remind me of jay. music is everything to him so he’s the mf to reblog this being like

“this resonates with me.”

he’s also very arctic monkeys coded but do what you will with that 😋😋HE WOULD SO POST HIS OWN WRITINGS AND AESTHETIC GUITAR PHOTOS. HES LIKE THE TUMBLR HOT GUY. imagine while he’s like super popular on tumblr ur like the actual “rockstar’s gf” aesthetic. LIKE THAT ONE FUCKING PHOTO OF THE 1975 ROBBERS MUSIC VIDEO??? I THINK IT WAS THAT ONE RIGHT??? i’m attaching it rn

💋jake- the bold lip makeup + messy photos

dayum let me get out of pocket rq again

that really specific dark aesthetic where it’s in parking lots and blurry and you can make out the dark lip makeup, bleached damaged platinum blonde hair, and the makeup is messy. everything is messy

HEUWBDJBFJAVSHDBBD that is jake :) he’s def the type of guy to be like “wait let’s take a cool photo.” then kisses you to smudge your lipstick then snaps a photo with the flash so when you’re alarmed by the flash you move and it makes the photo all cool looking bc it’s blurry.

👓sunghoon- the john green obsession

i’ve read every john green book pre 2016

i hated looking for alaska it was fucking insane. however sunghoon is like the good part about the paper towns book. like the fun road trip part. that happened right? or did i imagine that? NO IT DID. sunghoon very like curl up bbg im gonna read this book to you and make little stupid comments during it. def the type to have you in his arms while he reads, you hold the book and he has his hands over yours, softly rubbing circles.

💍sunoo- the victorias secret aesthetic

this is actually me rn sorry, all my clothes come from there pretty much. if it’s not thrifted it’s from victoria’s secret. it’s not just lingerie, they have like everything there. NONETHELESS it also screams sunoo. a lot of it is very like chic in a way and it just fits him perfectly. the black and pink colors, the small pops. it just really fits him. the aesthetic is just chefs kiss. especially since i feel like he’d be obsessed with the lotions (i own the mint chocolate lotion and wear it)

def the type of bf to come home with new body sprays for both of you. probably mixing scents too. MATCHING JACKETS AS WELL

📸riki- the electra heart album

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS. god everything abt this album screams riki.

me relistening to this album and realizing how much it did effect me😨😨😨😨 maybe i’m just projecting now but besides the point

that album is so like riki coded let me get quotes

“I think I want your, your American tan- I think you're gonna be my biggest fan”

“The pretty lies, the ugly truth”

“All I ever wanted was the world- I can't help that I need it all”

“Rule number three, wear your heart on your cheek- But never on your sleeve, unless you wanna taste defeat”

“You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?”

“you don’t love me- big fucking deal”

"question good and question bad."

okay i’m GONNA BE WRITING A BOOK I HAVE TO STOP. he’s def the type of bf where if he hears you listening to this album he’s like “wtf…” then finds himself humming to it. he’d be like that with all your music taste too. riki with black chipped nailpolish OKAY I WILL SHUT UP ABT HIM NOW

[someghostwriter]

VOICE

shoto todoroki x fem idol!reader

tags: slowburn, singer!reader, pre-ua for a bit, angst, pining, complex family dynamics

a/n: i havent written todoroki before, actually ive only ever written bakugo but that was in 2018 so this may not be good!! Im bad at writing, but i feel like im slowly getting better! please let me know if you want more of this!!

prolouge // 1

PROLOUGE

You wish you could have become a hero. Instead, here you were, stuck in a different career path: to become a teen idol.

When your family found out your quirk had no real potential to be a hero, they chose to turn you into a star. Your quirk allowed your voice to hypnotize. Not to an insanely high degree, it just made anyone who heard your voice obsessed with it- You called it Voice, to make things simple. It came from your mom's siren quirk- one she used to become a hero. Your dad's quirk was to make people crazy, so that's probably where you got the obsessive part of your voice.

It didn't mean much. It just meant that since you were young, your parents forced you to take many voice lessons. To teach you how to sing, even if your quirk was activated constantly with no off switch. Just to make sure that one day, when you became a star, there would be no way that people wouldn't love you. 

You were 15, sitting on a park bench, realizing that your dream of being a hero would never come true. That your only realistic option was to be a star.

You waited there. as if someone was to come along, give you a better quirk, and tell you that you could be a hero. Someone to scoop you up and free you, not from being an idol, from being disappointed that you would never be able to save someone's life. not directly.

Tears welled up, and you were quick to look at the sky. You couldn't ruin your makeup, no way, your father would get on you for it. That you need to keep appearances proper and fresh. They loved you, that you knew. But they couldn't help but be harsh on you sometimes, to the point that it hurt your hopes. Especially with the idea of becoming a hero.

They were so quick to say that you'd never be a hero, why?

You sighed, knowing that this second-best option wasn't horrible. No, it was pretty awesome. You loved singing, and you knew you enjoyed your performances. But you could never get over your first dream. Someday you'd adjust to singing, and you'd be famous. You were sure of it.

Opening your phone camera to check and see that there was no makeup running down your face, you stood and began walking towards the studio that you were expected to be at soon. It might have been the middle of summer, but now that you got taken out of school to focus on becoming a teen idol, you were busy- a lot. The 15 minutes you sat in that park, debating your life choices was probably the most free time you had. The rest of it was spent recording songs and doing things with the public to increase your following. You were slowly but steadily gaining more followers and listeners since your first performance, which you hyped up a lot.

Your end goal was to become #1, which was going to be a challenge knowing that you were aiming that before high school even started you'd be high-ranked as an artist, but you didn't mind too much. It was ambitious, sure, but you had confidence in your voice. Even if it meant wearing outfits that you had no real opinion on but it wasn't your vibe. Even if it meant singing on a stage with eyes on you, so many eyes watching your every move. You could make enough money to have a stable life, you hoped. You hoped that you would have the break through every artist had.

if you didn't embarrass yourself first.

You sighed, picking up the pace to your studio, hoping that you wouldn't end up being late again. It was just around the corner, sure, but you knew there was a lot of leg traffic in this specific area. It made everything a lot harder, especially if one person ended up recognizing you. While good for publicity, it was awkward to be confronted- something you were yet to get use to.

Except, running into some guy in the less crowded area wasn't on your bucket list. You were too in your own world to see the guy in front of you, on the wrong side of the pathway and staring at the ground, and ran right into him. Embarrassing. You immediately backed up, spilling apologies that probably made zero sense with how quickly you were saying it. You looked at the boy in front of you, spurring one last apology before you realized how pretty this boy was.

Half red, half white hair. It wasn't a combo you usually saw, but you were curious about the idea of what quirk it might be related to, as it wasn't very normal to have dual-colored hair. Or maybe he dyed his hair. He was staring at you, too, but with more of a worried yet cold expression. It was intimidating, how pretty yet stone-cold he was. 

"Uh, hello?" 

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you realized you were staring for a little bit too long. Where did the time go? No idea. You sputtered more apologies, awkwardly fidgeting with your hands as you did.

"It's- I'm sorry I ran into you. Are you hurt?" He spoke with some kind of sincerity, but a lot more confusion than anything. Were you speaking that fast? You chuckled, fidgeting with your outfit a little.

"I'm okay, just caught off guard. Sorry, I didn't mean to run into you." You bowed your head a little, just to show that you were sorry. You looked back at the boy, swaying side to side, awkward silence ensuing, only showing the awkwardness between you two.

"Um, I need to go, but uh, nice meeting you?? Have a good day!" You spoke quickly, ducking around him and moving forward, leaving the boy confused in the middle of the walkway. That was embarrassing. You continued towards your studio, finally making it inside. You ushered yourself towards the lady at the front desk, checking yourself in before moving towards the back where the recording studio that you and your father were renting out for you.

Opening the door, you readied yourself for the sting of your father scolding you for being late- and the performance of the song you recently wrote. 

[sunnys-out]

Welcome Home | Katrina Gorry

A/N: Hello, I'm alive. Sorry, I have been busy again with LSAT prep, work, and all that good stuff. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I had writing it.

(20. And I… I still love you, even after all of this time) from here

Warnings: familial death, panic attack symptoms, mentions of homophobia from family

WC: 2551

November 2023 Sweden

The cold air nipped at my nose as I stood still in front of the gate leading to the home. 

My feet shifted in the snow with a crunch. My hands shook, from nerves, as I move to cover my chest more to protect her from the cold. The home in front of me was familiar yet so new to me. 

I look down at the door to the once loose gate.

“Huh…she did end up remembering how to fix the gate” I thought.

______________________________________________________________

February 2018, Utah

The bags of groceries hit the counter top with a thud as I yelled toward Katrina, who remained struggling to lock the front door.

“You know this wasn’t what I had planned for us for Valentine’s Day you know…but hey we can celebrate you finally joining me here!” 

The smile on my face remained as I started unpacking the groceries.

Katrina moved through the maze of boxes that littered her apartment before stopping to look into one.

“Yeah unpacking as much as possible and then dinner…has the announcement already been posted?” she started removing framed photos from the box.

I nod and follow with, “Yup, they shot down my suggestion for the caption…“Katrina ‘Mini’ Gorry to join Utah Royals FC to join her amazingly charming and beautiful partner, y/n l/n” 

My hand gestures exaggerating the sentence to get a laugh from Katrina as I carried on.

“Plus, this absolutely beats just a Facetime call date so I don’t mind doing this with you, cariño (dear)” 

Katrina puts down the photo frame of us together when we won the NWSL championship with FC Kansas City and heads to the kitchen and leans on the counter.

“I meant to ask, how’s your sister doing? She doin’ alright?” the question gently leaving her mouth as if preparing for any sort of bad news.

I snort, “Mariana is doing great, surprisingly. She’s back in Mexico and just taking some time off. She met someone and it seems like it’s going well. She said ‘hi’ by the way”. 

My little sister, Mariana, played for the Houston Dash until she had sustained an injury that completely took her out of the sport the last year. Her body was not responding to the treatments or physical therapy and, ultimately, she decided to retire. Mariana elected to go live in Mexico and stay with our grand parents now that she “had all the time in the world for the first time in her life”. 

Katrina looks at me confused but shakes it away, “Your sister is really something, toughest girl I’ve ever met”.

I laugh, “Yeah and me the complete opposite, which is why you are the bug killer in this relationship”. I say talking out the vegetables from the bag and placing it amongst the rest. 

With a shrug Katrina said, “Well, you pay me back in fixing things around the places I’ve lived in…by the way can you do me a favor? I, may have made the latch loose on backyard gate…again…can you tell me how to fix it…again?”

My eyes meet hers as I feign frustration…”Cariño, you’re going to have to remember because what if it breaks…again and Im not around. I don’t want creeps coming into your backyard because you can’t fix it…just this once I’ll do it for you ok”. 

I sigh and leave the groceries on the dinner table and head out the back but not before I lean down and give her a quick kiss on the lips…”God, what would you do without me?” I joke.

______________________________________________________________________

The gate quietly locks behind me with a click. I feel a stir under the rebozo (thick shawl) on my chest, I gently caress the top of her head through the shawl and the movement stops. I lift the top of the rebozo and see that she did remain asleep. 

I smile softly down and whisper. “She’ll be so excited to meet you”.

 I look back at the house and see the lights on within giving off a warm glow. I begin walking and look over at the, now, empty, painted pots that line the wall underneath the window. 

I frown a bit, “damn, guess the roses didn’t make it did they?” I thought. 

As I continued closer to the door I notice several more “artistic” looking pots with doodles and little H’s adorning each and every one of them. 

A smile returned to my face as the memory came back to me.

______________________________________________________________

February 2020, Norway

The sun peaked through the clouds as Katrina and I sat looking outside the window of her home in Norway. A small heater directed at me as I meticulously continued to paint a medium sized pot. 

I hadn’t noticed that Katrina had stopped painting her own and just watched me as I seemed lost in what I was doing. My tongue sticking out of the side of my mouth as my attention was fully on the project in front of me.

“You not worried about getting paint on your ring, darling?” she said gesturing her paintbrush towards my left hand.

I finish up one little detail on the sun that I had just painted before I looked over to the ring in question.

“Oh shit…totally forgot to take it off.” my hands wiping off any paint before delicately taking off the ring from my finger and handing it to Katrina.

“Hold it for me?” I quietly ask before she silently takes the ring and places in her front pocket joining hers. 

Katrina caught my attention before I could find myself back to painting the pot in front of me.

“How’s Mariana doing?” the tone still careful.

I nod, “Uh she is pregnant actually, set to get married soon. She said that she wasn’t going to have a big thing and just get married at the courthouse…she’s still sad she couldn't make it out to our wedding last Fall ”

Katrina’s eyes widen at the mention of pregnancy, “Oh she’s pregnant? Congratulations to her then…can I ask?”. I notice that she starts to fiddle with her paintbrush as I continued painting with mine.

“What’s on your mind cariño?” my attention fully on her as she sighs softly.

She puts down her brush and takes one of my hands in hers. 

“Remember when talked about kids?...I know that you didn’t want to carry because of fear and I said I would be happy to just only when I feel ready to…(y/n), I’ve been thinking and I think I’m ready to do it, there’s a lot of support with IVF here in Norway and I’ve done the research because I know that you worry and-” she stops once I squeeze her hand. She hadn’t noticed that my eyes were already filled with tears. 

“Cariño, there is absolutely nothing I would want more. I will try to be there for you as much as I can even if it means taking time off with Chelsea” I say now holding her hands tightly in mine.

Katrina, immediately, shakes her head, “hey you have been dreaming of playing for Chelsea since you were young…I can’t ask for you to leave in your first season with them”. 

I laugh a little as I clean my eyes and nose with a leftover napkin “fine you win…well I should buy more pots when our kid is around I want to make sure they have one too.”

We had started our lives together and we were making the step to make it bigger. I had intended, no matter how much money it was going to cost me, to fly to Norway on my free weekends to see Katrina through her pregnancy. 

However, COVID completely shut me off and away from Katrina. Through facetimes filled with my constant worrying of her getting sick while she was pregnant were frequent but not enough to sustain me. 

I had only seen her once or twice after following the strict travel restrictions and I was nothing but elated. 

Katrina had asked how my sister was doing. I had shared with her that Mariana delivered a healthy baby girl, Corey. However, the news did not carry the same lightness as before, the father of the child had left Mariana before Corey was born.

Disregarding Katrina’s protests, I took a bit of time off with Chelsea to just be with her when she finally gave birth to our little Harper. Mariana, joined me in crying over our little addition to the family telling Katrina that “Corey, can’t wait to meet her”. 

Katrina would go to the Brisbane Roar for a time, while I remained in England. Katrina and I were experts in the aspects of a long distance relationship, that didn’t stop my heart from aching from not seeing Harper.  Mariana would fill in those gaps as she would send video after video of her and Corey. Katrina would also fill my phone with pictures of our little Harper…

I wish I could just live in that moment again when my only worry was when would be the time I would see either of them.

______________________________________________________________

As I moved quietly to the front door, I stopped myself from knocking. I couldn’t just yet…I missed Katrina and I knew she missed me but it had been so long since I had seen her. I plopped down on the steps away from the door. 

I pulled Corey closer to me, and she, in turn, buried herself even more into my chest…I just needed a moment to myself. I was early so Katrina wouldn’t be expecting me and plus I was hidden away from the windows; away from any curious eyes.

My breath came out white as I sighed looking towards the gate in front of me. The last time I was here I was leaving…leaving for Mexico as soon as I heard the news. Chelsea received a rushed email stating that I would be unavailable until further notice and Katrina saw me frantically packing.

I, absentmindly, started to play with my ring finger always forgetting that there was no ring there to play with. Katrina should have been madder at me then.

______________________________________________________________

February 2022, Sweden

The soft glow of my phone filled the room before the default ringtone woke me up. I carefully reached over trying not to move Katrina as much as she was asleep against my chest. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I look and see my grandmother was on the other line. 

My grandmother never called without notice opting to only call when she knew that I would be awake. I answer and interrupt her before she starts asking her to just give me a minute in as soft of whisper I could muster.

I quietly leave Katrina’s side, walk by Harper’s bed by our and into the corridor. A yawn escapes me as I finally prompt my abuela to continue with what she was calling about.

“Ah mi niña, tu hermana esta muy mala, le encontramos en el piso desmayada y quieria avisar le,creo que tu necesitas a venir a vistar la…no sabemos cuanto le falta” (Ah, my daughter, your sister is not doing well, we found her passed out and we wanted to let you know, I think that you need to come and visit her, we don’t know how much time she has left). 

I do not remember what I responded but it must have been something akin to “I’m headed there now” as I immediately went to my laptop and bought the first ticket there. I moved through our home with complete disregard of the noise I was making at 3:30 am nor I didn’t know I was crying until I felt Katrina’s arms around me, calmly, saying my name to bring me out of my panicked state. 

The clothes still bunched up in my hands as I broke down. “It’s Mariana” was all I could hiccup. Katrina rubbing my back as she led me out of the room to not wake Harper. 

“How is Mariana?” she whispered the careful tone still there. 

I shook my head as I continued, “she’s dying, I have to go to see her…I can’t be here…I-” I start breathing slowly to calm my self as Katrina held me, I hadn’t even noticed that we were sat on the ground, her hand running up and down my back.

She smiles and nods as she herself tries to keep the tears from falling, “You go, I will be ok with Harper here, I know how much Mariana means to you…she means a lot to me too. Go take care of her…just know that I will be here for you and I… I still love you, even after all of this time…all the times we have been apart…I love you. Mariana is lucky to have you as an older sister as I am to have you as my wife”

______________________________________________________________

November 2023, Sweden

I was gone more than a year, Mariana had passed a month after I had arrived in our parent’s small home town. My parents, estranged, would not be there. Definitely not for the daughter they thought would defend their homophobia when I came out to them but defended me fiercely to her last breath.

I handled everything from the funeral, looking after my grandparents and the caring of little Corey. I watched the world cup from the bar counter of little restaurant on the corner. Bouncing Corey on me knee as I watched my wife make history. 

Katrina kept my ring safe with her, I do not trust my aunts at all especially after the fall out I had with my mother. The final check off of my list was preparing for the adoption of Corey. Once she was, in all eyes of the law, my own daughter we said our goodbyes and headed back to Sweden...back to Katrina and Harper…back home.

I sighed as I rubbed my eyes when the cold breeze hit me. The door behind me opened and enveloped me in a warm glow. It took me a few moments to register Katrina’s arms around my neck as she nuzzled her way into hair whispering, “Welcome home”.

I leaned back into her still holding Corey ahead of me as I then heard the pitter patter of little feet and a little “Mama” was heard as another weight was added on my back.

I laughed for the first time in a while, “Hey you two, careful don’t want to crush Harper’s new big sister” I say getting up. 

The sleeping bundle now with open eyes was let loose and with renewed energy hugged Harper and ran into the home pulling her in to play leaving me with Katrina. 

She grabbed me and kissed me like it was the first time and grabbed my hand as we separated. 

“I think this belongs to you, darling” She said slipping the wedding ring onto my finger as I clasped her hand once she did. 

I bring her in close, “of course it does…I love you, cariño” her lips capturing mine. 

Now two little voices came from within the home, “Mama!”. We enter hand in hand with our new favorite little distractions.

[arsonkoobi]

taekooker to jikooker: my personal experience.

this is merely how i felt and all the things i saw while being a hardcore taekooker for almost a year and a half. if you get offended, im sorry but the unfollow and block button is right there, i dont mind. i love taekook themselves, but i can no longer look at them in the way i used to. now they genuinely look like best friends to me. people change, and their perceptions and views on different aspects of life change. thats what happened to me.

I first joined this fandom 5 years ago in mid january 2018 through my friends. taehyung was my first ever bias, so most of the bts related yt recs i had were mostly of taehyung and ot7, and occasional ship videos among which taekook was the most prominent. me being a curious lil unsuspecting lamb, clicked on one, it also helped that my friends were taekookers as well so i dived pretty deep into the rabbit hole of taekook. im gonna be writing my thoughts and experiences on shipping taekook at different times of the year. i dont remember every single detail clearly (like this was 5 years ago) so forgive me if i sound vague at times plus this will only be a summary. without further ado, lets start, shall we?

february-march, 2018

by this time, i already watched quite a few taekook analysis videos, i also came across a few tkk_lives' videos(i think i came across her vids like much later but i just included it here) as well as other deluded channels. i fell even deeper into the rabbit hole. i thought taekook were the epitome of boyfriends silly in love, i felt like they had the best chemistry and that they were the ones whose ship actually made sense. i feel so embarrassed to admit this but one of my rather major reasons for shipping them was how good they looked tgthr🤦‍♀️(im a changed person now i promise). now i realise many tkk analysis channels tend to heavily edit things to make it look like theres something going on, overanalysing things to no end, it made me see them as if they were closer than they actually are, and as if theyre hiding something, but it was really just heavy and clever editing that forces your mind to get convinced. it was quite literally manipulative. plus back then, i was rather immature and hadnt even been in a rltnshp yet, so i blindly believed whatever they said. i believed every narrative and every theory they put out even if i knew lots of them didnt even make sense. they constantly also put out the jealous jungkook/taehyung whenever the other breathes next to another member..as i now realise, thats one of the biggest toxic traits a person can have. they were always pushing tkk as a toxic relationship without even knowing it(or just ignoring it). i also do not like jikook analysis vids where they are portrayed as the same territorial mfs who cant stand the other interacting with anyone else but himself. bc thats literally pushing their relationship as a toxic one and making them look toxic, and i would rather not do that.

march/april-september, 2018

i only watched taekook vids and funny bts moments for a long while as a baby army. i didnt watch official content very much, i ddint even know how to watch official content..i didnt know bangtantv existed yet💀 this tkk analysis watching continued for around 4 or so months after i became an army before i took an unintentional break from them(analysis vids) and i went on twitter. twitter, was so much worse(as i now realise). i didnt have an account at that time and learnt to browse on twt without one(it doesnt really let you do that anymore). at first, i found nothing weird or unusual and i enjoyed lurking on twitter, but slowly i started to see the ugly side of the community. i found multiple accounts directly or indirectly hating on jimin. i was weirded out. very weirded out. i was quite conflicted but..i only thought of it as jimin haters who were coincidentally tkkrs, maybe i refused to see tkk shippers in a bad light? probably, unfortunately i cant remember much and as i said, i was immature.

october-december, 2018

i stumbled across gcf in tokyo somewhere in october, i think it was in a fanwar on twitter and a jkkr said "at least we have this" or sumn along that line and put a link to gcft . idek how i didnt see it earlier. immediately after watching it, i felt..weird, conflicted, insecure. insecure about my ship. it seemed so romantic to me even then. but ofc i didnt let myself give up immediately, and i searched interviews + info about it, i found tkkrs saying vminkook were supposed to go tgthr and jikook only went bc they had a few days off and tae didnt. that gave me a lil bit of security and i held onto that thread of security and refused to believe or even hear out the actual fact(which i will come to later). as you can see, i was a stubborn mf. inside i knew that even if tae not having time off was the "only" reason behind jikook's japan trip, it was still unusual and suspicious to go on a trip with only your "bro" when said "bro" has told you and the world multiple times that they wanna go on a trip alone with you, when the hotel room you're staying at with your "bro" has a see-through glass wall for the bathroom and when you make a whole love confession in the guise of a travel log for your "bro" while your boyfie is waiting for you at home.

in conclusion, i was very insecure.

did i give up? no, not yet. we're getting there.

so as a masochist and out of curiosity caused by insecurity, i searched up jikook videos on yt, thinking "there's no way they could ever have more chemistry than taekook 🙄" - when i tell you i was wrong as fuck, i mean it. i was HUMBLED. the chemistry and tension between jungkook and jimin was undeniable. i felt uncomfortable watching some certain moments, felt things that i didnt feel while shipping taekook, saw things i didnt see in taekook.

i was confused plus the sinking feeling you get when you've been too loud about what you think and your opinions but then it turns out you were a stupid ass bitch.

there was a plethora of jikook vids, and i think my first jikook video was from Made in Busan, ig it was the "serendipity" analysis? back then it made lots of sense to me, but now it looks slightly overanalyzed (i still believe "serendipity" is very much connected to jikook tho). i slowly got more introduced to jikook in general. this mainly occured in like the first week of october and december as i had my boards in november.

december/january-february, 2019

so its been more or less of a year since ive become a tkkr, gcft is still in the back of my head screaming at me. and then jikook drop another bomb. that is, 2018 MMA.

this..was just, just..i cant explain it in words. jungkook had every bit of his attention directed towards jimin, they were giving each other loving glances, jimin giving jungkook a flying kiss, jungkook giving jimin a finger heart, jungkook subconsciously massaging jimins nape..it was just so domestic and coupley. i've never third wheeled so bad in my life. i felt like i was interrupting something by watching them. imagine how hyunjae next to them felt😔✊not to mention how it very much looked like jungkook was saying "남편"[ nampyeon] meaning "husband" and "형의 남친"[ hyung-ui namchin ] meaning " hyung's boyfriend" in their conversation after jimin pointed to himself and jungkook (forgive me if the spellings/romanizations are not accurate enough, im not fully fluent in korean). plus, after jungkook said it, jimin smiles and shyly looks down..LIKE??

watch from 31:00 to see for yourself. im not kidding.(p.s i love this video so much)

i was bamboozled. i was shocked. i was frustrated. i was feeling stupid. i was begging for taekook to drop something mindblowing or sumn that would regain my secuity in the ship and i found some moments during other award shows but, it didnt feel the same. to me it was really looking like taekook had boundaries and limits between each other, the limits that apply when you're good friends. but with jikook, i couldnt see how their gazes towards each other could be passed off as anything platonic, how their actions+body language could ever be seen as platonic.

so what did i do? did i give up? oh hell no im stubborn as fuck. but we're getting there.

i ignored every jikook moment and brought my focus back on taekook, i started watching analysis and moments again. in a span of a few weeks, the security around my ship had improved after pretending that i didnt feel like a stupid mf after MMA 2018. haha. it sorta worked lol. sorta.

march-may, 2019

these were my last months as a taekooker.

after all that shit, all i wanted was more taekook moments to make me feel better about myself. and i did get quite a few. however, as i said before, they looked like they had boundaries. i couldnt look at them exactly the same.

i was busy in april with my class tests, i doubt i had much time to catch up with the boys. so when the tests ended, it was most likely in the last week of april or the first few days of may.

we all know what happened in the first few days of may, don't we? in case you don't, this is what happened.

surprisingly, i clearly remember the first time i got to know about it.

it was in class, i just arrived and then one of my friends and i start talking and she goes [this convo is all translated from bengali]

"hey did you see what jungkook did at the latest concert?"

"no, i didn’t, what did he do?"

"he went and literally sucked on jimins ear!"

i was shocked once again, my eyes went wide, my heart did a backflip..all that shit. i didnt believe it at first.

"don't joke around like that, you're being absurd" i said.

"im not kidding bro, he sucked jimins ear in the rosebowl concert last week, ill send you a link too"

when i got back home, sure enough, the link was there and i saw jungkooks ear nibbling in all its glory, albeit a bit low quality. but no doubt he took that ear into his mouth and i knew it.

surely i must've given up now? no, but im this🤏 close we're almost there i promise

i went online and found lots of tkkrs denying that jungkook ever took jimin's ear into his mouth and that jimin's ear only got caught on jk's chin. but..if it got caught on jk's chin then that means his chin was behind jimin's ear, and his lips must have been at least kissing jimin's ear, given that we couldnt see them very well. the lip we could see was the upper lip, which again lead me to be believe that jungkook did indeed, suck jimin's ear.

yeah, my faith in tkk was crumbling into millions of pieces. because i couldnt see how jungkook, being in a supposed relationship with taehyung, could do that with tae's best friend. i sure as hell wouldnt let my partner get away with that, nor would i ever do that myself with someone else other than my partner. even if its to comfort them. it just goes way over platonic boundaries.

i was seriously considering shifting over to jikook by now. but before that, i searched lots of shit up abt jikook.

there i saw an interview where jimin talked about the tokyo trip with jungkook. what i believed until now was that vminkook were supposed to go tgthr but jikook were the ones with time off, and tae didnt have time off. jimin said he told taehyung and jungkook that he wants to go on a trip to Japan. he didnt say he wanted to go on a trip WITH taehyung and jungkook. yall, ive told my wishes to go to japan and turkey multiple times to my friends, does that mean im taking their asses with me? no. mind you, jimin has said he wanted to go on a trip alone with jungkook multiple times in their rookie era. on jimin's bday of 2017, jungkook tweeted a pic of him(jimin) with the caption "Its not over yet.." and shortly after, we find out jikook went on a tokyo trip by THEMSELVES with no staff, no managers and no other members. dropped off at the airport by jungkook's dad and brother and jimin's dad. jungkook paid for everything and put a hell lot of time into making the masterpiece that is gcf in tokyo WITH a bgm of a gay fucking song by a queer fucking artist and showed the fucking rainbow colored ferris wheel at the line "love is a road that goes both ways".

also

its clear who the main model of gcf is.

you can deny the trip being only for jikook, but you can not deny the symbolism and significance shown in gcf in tokyo. saying "jungkook didnt understand the song, hes not fluent in english" - is so small minded and belittling.

saying he didnt show jimin on the parts "boy, im holding onto something, wont let go of you for nothing, im running, running just to keep my hands on you" on purpose is not only straight up denial but also understimating jungkook's intelligence and artistic capabilities, saying that jungkook isnt smart enough to get the meaning behind these words. and just because hes korean. thats fucking racist if you ask me.

then i discovered the iconic osaka vlives, i was convinced. it was my last straw along with rosebowl.

alas, after around a week of denial, i gave up and became a jikooker in mid may of 2019. ive never looked back. over the years they've only given us more and more evidence and i doubt my beliefs will ever change soon.

i hope this was kinda fun to read, i had been planning to do this for a long time. im glad i finally got to say my thoughts out here. thank you for taking the time to read this<3

[batsplat]

Oh im obses whit your blog like you are such a great historian on vale and love the way you analys stuff admire the way of writing all of your toughs in such a corent way 🩷🩷🐹

this is so nice, thank you!! okay so this ask was initially sent in response to this post about how marc knew what a dick valentino was to his rivals and appreciated/wished to emulate that side of him, in particular in the context of copying the jerez pass. and... well, there is one more follow-up post to that I did want to make. it didn't really work within that post because it's pretty speculative, but I think it's fun! here goes

so you know argentina 2018, right, big drama, reconciliation over, bla bla (I promise this is going in a more fun direction, stick with me here). there's a bit of marc's post-race media scrum that I am a wee bit obsessed with. or well, two specific lines, one in english (0:00) and one in spanish (1:02) - I've included the full responses for context, but in this post I'm really only interested in those two lines

in english:

But he was in the past also 25 years old, and will remember, everybody.

and in spanish:

He has also been 25 years old and, well, I hope that people also remember.

... 25 years old, did you say?

okay, look, fair warning. the rest of this post is going to be reading too much into what was probably an off-handed comment - even if, I'd just like to point out, it is something he felt the need to say twice. but let's just have some fun here, and read too much into it. as a treat

so obviously the most generic way to read this is him saying 'well valentino used to be really aggressive on-track too, so people shouldn't be criticising me more than they did him'. thing is, I wouldn't say there was that much of a noticeable decline in how aggressive valentino was being, and 2017 did still feature some major scraps where valentino very much got his elbows out (cf assen and phillip island, I included a bit more detail on this in the marc race rec post). sure, valentino did increasingly have his reservations about some of the behaviour of younger riders, so maybe he was less aggressive now relative to the field... but I just don't feel like that's quite what this line is implying. it's also not about valentino making 'mistakes' in general, because there would have been no reason to refer back to past-valentino in that regard... the 25 year old version of valentino was considerably more error-free than the 39 year old

so then, my theory is that it's about valentino's controversies! that's what people "will remember", right - it's not the general style of riding, not just innocent mistakes, it's the times when valentino caused a bit of a stir on and off the race track. now, again, you could go the generic route here and say 'ah well maybe marc is just thinking of all the mess valentino got himself involved in when he was younger, from getting into a fist fight with max biaggi at age 22 to pissing off casey stoner through his aggressive riding at laguna at age 29'. but let's say for a moment that marc was thinking a bit more specifically than that... after all, if we're just talking about valentino controversies in general, surely marc should be able to think of a rather more recent example where valentino, like marc at argentina 2018, caused another rider to crash and was subsequently penalised for his riding? of course, marc probably didn't want to bring up that particular controversy - but it's still interesting he feels the need to refer back to a younger version of valentino at all, the fact that this crossed his mind in the first place to make him bring it up unprompted while making his case. so maybe when marc, who is after all a known valentino rossi fan, refers twice to what valentino was like at "25 years old"... he is in fact thinking of what valentino was like when he was 25 years old. and in what year would that be? well, here's the thing. it would be 2004

readers of the sete post can probably guess where I'm going with this, but let's just take a moment to review what specific on-track incidents marc could be thinking of here. let's give him a little bit of extra leeway in terms of the age, even though I trust marc to be more on top of the exact age gap than valentino was in times past. let's throw in one year either way, so 2003 to 2005, and draw up a list of any particularly controversial races valentino was involved in. here's what I've got:

assen 2004 - valentino executed a hard overtake for the win on the last lap on sete gibernau. he's not in complete control and almost loses the front at the next corner, which would have taken them both out

qatar 2004 - after his team rubber up his grid slot the night before, valentino gets slapped with a back-of-the-grid penalty. he ends up crashing out of the race and burns his relationship with sete in the aftermath

jerez 2005 - at a time when their relationship is already very chilly, valentino and sete engage in another duel. valentino executes a block pass with contact at the final corner and is booed by the crowd

motegi 2005 - the first chance to seal that year's title, and one valentino would very much have liked to take to spite honda. an unwise overtaking attempt on melandri leaves both on the ground

so, my guess is that neither assen nor motegi were really big enough controversies to fit the bill, though maybe they stuck in marc's mind as instances of 'reckless riding' that he includes in a more generic internal understanding of young valentino rossi. we do of course know for a fact that marc was more than aware of what happened at jerez 2005, not least because he, you know, directly copied that move twelve years later (again, link to the relevant post). like marc in argentina 2018, valentino barged into a rival in rather controversial fashion, and obviously it also made the relationship between him and said rival deteriorate still further. sure, you can't really argue the move was 'as bad' as argentina 2018, but as far as I'm concerned it has the same general vibe

you know what else has the same general vibe? here's a race description for you:

a 25 year old rider is sent to the back of the grid for a reason they consider unfair

they proceed to deliver a phenomenal performance even by their lofty standards, quickly working their way up to a position that seemed unattainable to them

they barge a rival out of the way in their impatience, reaching back to apologise for the move

the race ends poorly for them and they fail to score any points

afterwards, their relationship with a rival is ruined as a result of the events of the race, and the whole thing remains a lingering controversy for years to come

one race that fits this description is, of course, argentina 2018. the other is qatar 2004. there's obviously plenty of details that are significantly different - valentino's move on barros is less egregious and far less controversial, and his race ends in the gravel rather than with a post-race time penalty. still, that start of valentino's? the impatience? the post-race fury? the repercussions this race had? come on, look at the race footage I included in the qatar post and tell me there's not a little bit of a shadow of that qatar fury to the argentina recklessness

this is a point I snuck into the marc race recs post, where I included this excerpt from a post-argentina 2018 write-up:

phillip island 2003, hm? as it happens, in the qatar post, I did include a bit of the autobiography that compares those two specific races:

so, phillip island 2003: a performance that made everyone wonder just how much valentino had left in reserve to draw on whenever he needed it. what valentino is saying here is that this performance wasn't a result of him holding back in all the other races that year - this was speed that was accessible to him only in that moment because he was so angry. so yes, maybe it's a valid question to wonder what would have happened at phillip island 2003 if it hadn't just been the ghost of his bike that had to pick its way through the stragglers. then again, valentino says it's not just rage that does the trick for him - it's controlled rage... which is all well and good, except when you lose control

and see also:

that's what argentina 2018 is all about, isn't it? it's a performance that's rooted in impatience, in restlessness, in frustration - where marc tuns his "rage into pure speed", as valentino would put it, in a hubristic dismissal of the rest of the field. ideally, the two of them channel those emotions to spur themselves on to special, signature performances... but sometimes, it gets the better of them. it got the better of marc that day in argentina and cost him the tentative peace with valentino. at qatar, it could have cost valentino the title

(also shades of this in jerez 2020 - an error sets the stage for some extraordinary pace before it all goes wrong) (catalunya 2003 is a fun more compact nephew to that race without the unhappy ending)

now, look, am I saying that marc was really referring back to qatar 2004 specifically, a race that had happened fourteen years earlier, when making an off-hand remark in a post-race media scrum as he tried to do some damage control in the wake of one of the most controversial races of his career? well, no. he could have been! but it's unlikely. maybe he's shit at maths and was actually thinking about laguna 2008 after all. still, I would like to once again point out that he felt the need to mention valentino's behaviour at age twenty five not once but twice. he's telling us that he wants people to remember what valentino was like at that age, and in the most literal sense I am doing what he's asking for. surely it's worth at least noting that there just happens to be a race where valentino was at that exact age and his temper overcame his rationality, leading to him making a costly error... surely it's worth acknowledging this...

even if marc wasn't actually obliquely referring back to that race or indeed any of the races I mentioned above, of course the parallels between valentino's foibles and marc's are in any case interesting. it speaks to how they get those special performances out of themselves, the similarities in how they operate in that regard... but of course also in how they both sometimes stray rather close to the limit, how they repeatedly flirt with crossing the line. a stubbornness and a hubris and a rage that can sometimes lead to disaster for the both of them. and another thing - who knows if marc was thinking about qatar 2004, but he must have been thinking about something. that's the point of that jerez post, right... marc is valentino's successor in so many ways, he has fashioned himself in valentino's image - and he keenly grasps and remains aware of all the different aspects of that legacy. he's the most accomplished of valentino's students and he felt strongly that what he did in that race in argentina was in some way comparable to what valentino himself had been doing at his age, part of the same tradition even. yes, to some extent marc is obviously accusing valentino of hypocrisy here: how can you judge me when you were once young and foolish too? his tone isn't exactly filled with remorse either, is it, he's pretty feisty in that media scrum! still, there's something more to it... something almost poetic to the whole thing, wouldn't you say? valentino had just accused marc of ruining the sport - and in response marc wants people to remember that they are just the same

[youkaigakkou-tl]

hiii im here to outsource work 🎉

SO. the yohaji wiki. u may have heard of it. u may have even seen it and thought "wow what the fuck this is totally empty what piece of shit wiki editors" well its me. the piece of shit wiki editor who made it back in 2018 and never did much with it.

long story short (mostly bc impending anime) i wanted to actually work on filling out the wiki finally and while i was at it moved the wiki to miraheze bc of a variety of reasons. (its still very much a wip i only started working on it 4 days ago)

anyway. preamble over

i need YOUR help

to get nice images for the wiki, specifically good fullbody ones (or good halfbody ones), heres sort of a visual guide ⬇️

and upload them to this google drive! (more than one image per character is okay, in fact its very welcome)

how else can i help?

and im so glad you're so eager to help! nothing much else right now since i still have to iron out all the css and html, but i do have the characters page done, you can take a look through that and add or improve to the descriptions there (try to go for a more objective tone, look at other wikis to see how their character descriptions are like)

and if you know your way around wikitext, you could also copy the preexisting characters' templates and make pages for the characters who dont have pages yet

also, if you want to write chapter summaries for the volume pages, that's also very welcome!

[portals-posts]

Bad influence

2018!billie eilish x fem!"nepobaby" reader (their the same age! About 17yo?)

Angst?

a/n: My first angst work hope you like it! (border cred is : mmadeinheavenn) (also I dont know anything about doing your own tattos or (i litteraly have none 💀) and smoking weed or at all, I just know what about bongs cause my older sister smoke weed so... I tried🫣

Summary: Billie's mom, Maggie and her brother Finneas think Nepobaby reader, Y/n is a bad influence.

Warnings?: mention of someone underage with tattos(reader), weed , and controling stepdad(moms boyfriend)

As the girls were on a facetime call, Billie could hear Y/n and her stepdad not loudly arguing about Y/n and her "bad behavior" with the press, paparazzi, and her attitdue at home. " Like dude, I-i don't know what you want me to do about it." Y/n studder out of anger as she set up her bong before her stepdad snatched it away along with her lighter. " Dude what the fu-" Y/n yelled before she muted herself on the call. As Y/n was on mute Finneas came into frame. "Yo what going on billie?" Finneas asked, poking his head in to see more of the phone screen. "Y/n and her stepdad are arguing", "About what?" He asked with a slight concern on his face. "Mm" Billie shrugged in response. "OK WHATEVER MAN!" Y/n yelled after unmuting herself as she ran outside to her forest/backyard. "You good mama?" Billie asked getting up from her couch to head to her red LED filled room. "Yeah my step"dad"s just being a dick." She replied setting her phone on a rock facing her as she took off her shoes. "Oh im sorry babygirl" Billie said looking away from her phone for a second before she heard a splash coming from her phone. "Yo baby!" Billie yelled with a laugh leaving her mouth at the end. Y/n swam back to the egde of the lake to re-adjust her phone yo face the lake she was swiming in. "My mascaras fucked" Y/n giggled before pouting into the camera.

The girlfriends love each other.

Part 1 ?

a/n : I know to summary doesnt really match the writing but I think i want to make it a multi part writing(like chapters)? Hope you liked it🥰🫀

[g0ldenbritney]

TODD ANDERSON HEADCANONS (+blurbs) ༄

a/n: it’s officially fall in my town, that means its time to be fixated on dead poets society so be ready ;3 (ps. Anything I write is usually for all genders💕)

DATING HEADCANONS (50s-60s)

- actually so sweet

- big on words of affirmation, mostly when you say it to him. But I feel like everyone says thats “so him” so im gonna be different and say he loves gift giving. Not talking about him spoiling or anything but it would be cute if you made you bracelets all the time <33!!

- his love language might be gift giving but DO NOT. Give him gifts. (You will anyways.) because he doesn’t know how to react when he gets them. He gives off that energy who awkwardly opens birthday presents and doesn’t know whether to say thank you or not.

Todd has been making you so many things lately, poems, bracelets, flowers he made with paper. Really anything he could craft, you knew you had to get him something to just to be nice.

So you went into town and bought a sweater you thought would fit him nicely and waited until after school and he was studying in his dorm room to give it to him. You swing open the door without knocking

“Ohh Todd~” you say in a somewhat sing-song voice.

He looks up from his notebook, you can see that little nervous smile appear on his lips, even more so when he sees a box in your hand

“Whats that?”

You hand the box to him and immediately he looks nervous, he looks up at you, then the box, then at you, then finally opens it and pulls out the sweater

“Uhh..”

“Do you like it?” You ask.

“Uhm, ah, yeah. I-I do. I really do I just..how do I prove to you that I like it?”

- boy is definitely a cuddler, maybe not so much when hes awake but as soon as he falls asleep he is clinging onto you like he will fall off a cliff if he lets go.

- if you have younger siblings you would be more than happy to watch them for you, well, if they’re toddlers or babies. He would never babysit someone over the age of 10..worried they’ll be mean or something!

- give him a stuffed animal, he deserves it.

You walk into his dorm room holding onto your older stuffed animal, you dont even say anything you just hand it to him

“Whats thi-“ you cut him off

“I have to go on a field trip this week so you better take care of him!”

Todd nods quickly

“Trust me I will.”

HEADCANONS (modern au)

- read somewhere that he would totally play animal crossing and havent thought of anything else since

(taking you back to 2020 for this, so sorry😔)

Todd sat in your office chair, all curled up with his knees to his chin. He was holding his switch in his hands that you unsurprisingly got him for his birthday.

“What are ya doin?” You ask, leaning on his shoulder

“Animal Crossing.” He mumbles, almost like he was talking to himself. Damn that boy was FOCUSED.

- definitely had an “art ho” phase in 2018 dont come at me

- All these like headcanons say he would listen to really cool music but I feel like he would want to but doesn’t know how find cool artists (so me) so he would have to ask around😔

- definitely has a letterboxd

- I see him as a gossiper, dont come for me but if someone was caught vaping in the bathrooms he would definitely be the one to spread the info around (with the help of Neil because he told Neil first)

- WEARS CLAW CLIPS. Dont play w me rn. If it was a modern au i imagine his hair to be just a little longer, maybe surfacing to a wolf cut but just a lot shorter. Long enough where you could put half up in a claw clip (JUST IMAGINE IT)

- was a victim of the 2021 ed Sheeran jokes

[starvels]

starvels’ Smut Recs for @cap-ironman Steve/Tony Fic Rec Week 2024

For Smut Recs, enjoy these resplendent, juicy berries. May they burst rich upon thy tongue. Please remember to leave a hollering comment, add a busty, blushing kudos, or hit a reblog on a fic post in order to show your gleeful appreciation of such delicious goods.

Check out all of starvels’ Cap-IM 2024 Rec Lists [here].

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(touch me) at the seams by welcoming_disaster @welcomingdisaster

Tags: Established Relationship, Avengers Vol. 8 (2018), BDSM, Bondage, Impact Play, Smut, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Gags, Mild Angst, Painplay, Tony Stark's General Control Issues, Dom Steve Rogers, Sub Tony Stark, with a hint of switching, Solid B+ BDSM etiquette, Enthusiastic Consent, Mild Breathplay, Subspace Summary: Tony wants more out of his relationship with Steve and gets it. Notes: A bruise-beautiful exploration of BDSM realism and messy love in-between Steve and Tony, interwoven in the context of their superhero lives.

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down the rabbit hole by starvels

Tags: Iron Man Armor/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Plot What Plot, Implied Consent, Armor Kink, Sparring, Superpower Sex, Heavy BDSM, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Masochism, Dom/sub, Sub Steve Rogers, Dom Iron Man, Dom Tony Stark, Anal Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Deepthroating, Ass to Mouth, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Leashes, Collars, Bondage, deep penetration, Large insertions, Size Kink, Strength Kink, Blood Kink, Spanking, Slapping, Nipple Torture, Humiliation, Technological Kink, Power Dynamics, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Open Relationships, Somnophilia (Referenced), Come as Lube Summary: Steve spends an entire afternoon at the mercy of the Iron Man armor. He gets exactly what he asks for, and then some. Notes: 25k of intense RACK Iron Man armor kink. You already know if this is your meal ticket. Punch it in, bud.

-↘↘↘-

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Whole Lotta Love by lomku @oluka

Tags: Bodyswap, Sparring, Established Relationship, Porn with a little bit of Plot, BDSM, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Dom Steve Rogers, Sub Tony Stark, Bottom Steve Rogers, Dirty Talk, Tenderness, Avengers Vol. 8 (2018), Iron Man Vol. 6 (2020), Rough Sex, Topping from the Bottom Summary: Tony and Steve get hit by a spell that makes them switch bodies. They decide to make use of the opportunity to play out one of Steve's kinks. Notes: THIS! is! the body swapping power dynamics exploration you have been looking for. Beautiful hot steam, thoughtfully sculpted into a one interchangeable form.

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Wishing You'd Dreamt Me by Kiyaar @kiyaar

Tags: hickmanvengers, Mindwipe, PWP, Angst, Secrets, BDSM, Gags, Guilt, incursions, Bondage, Messy Power Dynamics, Established Relationship, Betrayal Summary: Steve keeps enforcing his own silence, keeps parcelling himself up to give to Tony, for Tony's enjoyment at Steve’s expense. Keeps writing blank emotional checks. Notes: Slide yourself riiiight into this mess and immerse yourself in Steve and Tony and the heaving guilt and sweltering heat between them like a happy lil gator going to swamp town.

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Deep In the Woods by dirigibleplumbing @dirigibleplumbing

Tags: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Sexual Fantasy, Oral Sex, Dubious Consent, Rape/Non-con Elements, Face-Fucking, Facials, Begging, Choking, Tony talks about Civil War but don't expect a conversation between two people meeting each other as equals lol, Not A Fix-It, Not A Happy Ending, Avengers: Prime (2010), Avengers Vol. 4 (2010) Summary: In the aftermath of an argument that ended with Steve yelling that Tony was off the Avengers, Tony comes to find out if Steve still means it. What can Steve say? There’s a war between them, one Tony erased from his memory. Tony’s still a traitor and a liar. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. And Steve needs to stop fantasizing about how he saw Tony violated in Jotunheim. Notes: Raise your glass to toast this Messy Possessive Visceral Consent-Fucky SteveTony Banger Of A Jam with me, altogether now.

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make the most of my own surrender by fuckofdaedalus @the-faultofdaedalus

Tags: Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Impact Play, Whipping, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Extremis, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Safety Goggles Summary: They both had a thing for it, both ways round, being marked up by eachother, but before now, it was mostly just fantasy, when it came to Steve. He healed too quickly for that, for any marks Tony put on him to last longer than an hour or two. After Extremis, Steve had thought I’d be the same for Tony, and had both mourned the lost of being able to mark him up and had felt privately relieved that they would be on more equal ground, now. And then Tony had revealed that he could actually control how fast he healed. And that had been. Well. That’d done a lot for Steve. That he could mark Tony up with a crop or a switch or just his bare hand, and that not only would he keep those marks, but that if he did, he was choosing to, actively, keep them. Because it also did it for him, and because he knew how much it did it for Steve. And then Tony had suggested that he could give other people Extremis. And that he could probably whip up a version that could control Steve’s healing. And. Well. Here they were. Notes: This fic shouts SWITCH RIGHTS loud and clear and we must all tune in to hear the gorgeous bill of those rights! Some transhumanism w your kink?? Yessir !

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give you everything by tinystark616 @tinystark616

Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Bottom Steve Rogers, Top Tony Stark, Anal Fingering, Riding, Armor Kink Summary: Steve really likes how Tony looks in the Iron Man armor. Notes: Author says, "I may have been looking for an excuse to write Tony fingering Steve while wearing the gauntlet," and honestly we all have been looking for an excuse to READ this, as well.

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to pleat light by starvels

Tags: Established Relationship, Sparring, Semi-Public Sex, BDSM, Trans Tony Stark, Sub Tony Stark, Dom Steve Rogers, Humiliation, Dirty Talk, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Vaginal Fingering, Exhibitionism, Mirror Sex, Sex Positions, Self-Bondage, Slapping, genital slapping, Spanking, Biting, Painplay, Scent Kink, Spit As Lube, Come as Lube, Wet & Messy, Barebacking, Puppy Play, Breathplay, Choking, Blood Kink, Overstimulation, Objectification, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Bruises Summary: “Be sure, Tony. I won’t stop once I start,” Steve says. “Oh yeah?” Tony cranes his neck around to follow Steve. Blond hair is tickling Steve’s brow and his body is tensed up, muscles bulging against his shirt. Anticipation whets Tony’s tongue; his body as impatient as his mind for Steve, always for whatever Steve has planned for them. It mixes with the sumptuous shame of potentially being discovered out here in the gym. “That a promise, tough guy? Gonna give it to me so good that I won’t be able to get away? Won’t even want to —” like he ever does, “won’t think to tap out?” “Sure,” Steve says. Notes: Sparring turned into kinky horizontal athletic barebacking -- what's more of a classic than this? Tune in for the next episode of Tony's face meets the mat, here.

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Black or White? by goresmores

Tags: Cunnilingus, Frottage, Tiddy Suckin, First Time, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes Summary: Tony needs help getting ready for an event and sensual dress zipping leads to a whole lot more when Stevie comes to help. Notes: Everyone has a tit-spectacularly good time here for sure and so should you!

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For your eyes only by S_Horne @s-horne

Tags: Female Steve Rogers, Female Tony Stark, Period Sex, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Genderswap, Blood, Period Cunnilingus, Established Relationship, Fluff Summary: Toni was laid back on the bed, hair fanned out on the pillow beneath her and already tangled in messy knots. Her legs were spread wide, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she stared at Steph through half-lidded eyes. That would have been gorgeous in itself, but what was making Steph’s mouth water was the way that Toni’s pussy was positively shining. Toni was soaking already, juices slowly dripping out of her and pooling in a wet spot on the towel they’d laid out. Steph licked her lips and squeezed her thighs together when a bubble of blood slid out of Toni’s hole. Because that’s what the towel was for. That’s why Toni was laid out bare. Bright red blood was slipping out of Toni steadily, labia already coated with the thinner liquid that would have caught in her panties. Notes: IF we are truly to unravel the sticky, iridescent, blood-filled center of superheroes lives, we MUST also lean our lips into the blood in their sex lives. This is thus.

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Slick Moves by Loran_Arameri @loraneldin

Tags: Tony's armor goo, Pre-Slash, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Misuse of SHIELD supplies, Ambiguous/Open Ending Summary: Steve has developed a fascination for the Iron Man Armor, especially for the flight-gel that covers Tony whenever he pilots the suit. In an attempt to satisfy his curiosity, he steals a bucket of it with no plans for what to do with it. After bringing it home, one thing leads to another. Notes: We should and in fact MUST support Steve's nasty fascination with all things regarding the Iron Man Armor, particularly Ultimates' IM's armor flight gel. It is categorically Essential and you are Legally Obligated.

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slow fire by welcoming_disaster @welcomingdisaster

Tags: Bittersweet, Established Relationship, Banter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Explicit Sexual Content, Hopeful Ending, Slice of Life, Mentions of Cancer, very boring established relationship sex, cannot overstate the extent to which these people are lazy about fucking, Holidays, Feelings Realization Summary: Steve spends Christmas at Tony's. Notes: Set this in your gums and suck on it like a nice ginger snack, let it melt over your tongue so good.

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forecheck by starvels

Tags: Avengers Team, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Sports, Rivals With Benefits, Queer Themes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, Smoking, Flirting, Banter, Getting Together, Switching, Rough Sex, Biting, Oral Sex, Face-Fucking, Dirty Talk, Scent Kink, Bruises, Frottage, Anal Sex, Spit As Lube, Nipple Play, Nipple Piercings, Come Shot, Casual Sex, Trans Tony Stark, Power Dynamics, Partial Nudity, Deepthroating, Roughhousing Summary: On the first day of the All Star Games, Steve loses the shooting skill challenge, chain-smokes three cigarettes as a reward for doing a half-naked photoshoot, and sleeps with Natasha Stark. All in all, it’s not a bad start to the weekend. Notes: Muscular bodies dealing with the spectre of publicity, the serious slickness of sweat against sweat, and intricate, nasty power dynamics; it's not 3490 canon but it's not not 3490 canon.

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bear my soul and breathe by fuckofdaedalus @the-faultofdaedalus

Tags: Breathplay, Hand Jobs, Established Relationship, Kink Discovery, Under-negotiated Kink, Fluff and Smut Summary: practicing pins in the avengers gym gets a little rowdy. just some simple s/t breathplay. Notes: A juicy slice of domestic life that tastes really classically trope baked and deliciously endearment sweet.

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Something fell from the sky. by jayjayverse @jayjayverse

Tags: Fanart, Tentacles, Explicit Sexual Content Summary: When Tony is missing in action. Steve starts looking for him right away and when he finally finds him, it's nothing like he thought it would be. Notes: Steve, too, longs for those comic tentacles to finally have their way with Tony and we are so lucky to be able to see it in such detail here.

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Time, Space, Flesh by veryvincible @cassabi

Tags: Getting Together, lots and lots of banter, wistfulness, Bittersweet Ending, Happy Ending, It's BOTH it depends on how you look at it… but it's both, Canon Divergence, Oral Sex, Gentle Sex, handjobs, Steve Rogers is a Little Shit (affectionate), Pre-Serum Steve Rogers Summary: “I’ve got a hotel room,” Tony said. “And if we’re seen?” Tony’s response came quick, too confident. He’d given the same spiel many times before. “Oh, you know. Good friends. Had a bit to drink. Maybe we’re French— you know how it is. Besides, we’ve been here for how long, now? If anyone was going to notice you, you’d think they’d have done it by now.” Notes: Bullet Points of this Bullet Points fic: - compelling concept - affectionate articulation - great pacing and tone - a tart lil cherry of longing for the road to finish it off.

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Game Over by swtalmnd @amysnotdeadyet

Tags: 8-bit art, Digital Art, using my skills for evil Summary: I learned pixel art yesterday, and today I am using it for evil. Notes: Clue into this screen to see these adorable and fun pixels that will definitely makes you wonder what 616 in-universe fanart and erotic games would take the form of.

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[RBB Art] All Dolled Up and Nowhere To Be by isomer (isozyme) and phoenixmetaphor @isozyme @phoenixmetaphor

Tags: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Crossdressing Summary: Tony cleans up nice. Notes: So many lovely pieces in this, with great details on the lingerie and expressions and makeup. Time to admire them all!

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stars glued to our thighs by starvels

Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Established Relationship, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Control, Overstimulation, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex, Cunnilingus, Tony Stark's Red Thong of Justice, Body Worship, Light Masochism, Nipple Play, Trans Character, Trans Steve Rogers, Trans Tony Stark, Domestic Fluff, Banter, Tony Stark's Workshop Summary: Steve’s been out of town for a few weeks, doing the superhero thing. To welcome Steve back home properly, Tony clears some space for Steve to slide right into. Notes: Blares those Trans4Trans Tit4Tit Tat4Tat and Wink4Wonk HonkHonks in this cozey, bantering established relationship piece.

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how he got here by Areiton @areiton

Tags: Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Soft Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, POV Steve Rogers, Fluff and Smut, Domestic Fluff Summary: Tony had said, “Do you know how pretty you look, when you’re stuffed full of my cock, Steven?” Notes: A sumptuous scene of Ults S/T lingering in each other, craving more and more from each other and actually allowing themselves to have it.

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Bruised Fruit Bleeds Sweeter by ghosthan @ghosthan

Tags: Civil War, Mildly Dubious Consent, Under-negotiated Kink, Light BDSM, Extremis, Avengers Disassembled, Canon Compliant, Civil War: Casualties of War, Implied/Referenced, Child Abuse, Not A Fix-It, Angst, Bittersweet Summary: Steve and Tony meet privately to talk. It would figure that Steve’s idea of compromise amounts to Steve giving nothing, and Tony losing everything. (Or, talking turns into fighting, and fighting turns into fucking.) Notes: Gritty and grimy under your nails, rucking up desire and regret and all the things that should have been, right in the remains of the things that were.

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fine as cream gravy by starvels

Tags: Marvel 1872, Established Relationship, Casual Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Original Male Character(s), Sexual Experimentation, Oral Sex, Deepthroating, Cock Worship, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Open Relationships, Multiple Partners, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexual Steve Rogers, the complexity and simplicity of being gay in the marvel wild west, an illustrious cocksucker steve rogers agenda, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Summary: Tony’s an old hat at sucking cock. Steve himself ain’t nowhere near as talented. But luckily, Tony seems to enjoy both giving Steve tips on how to suck proper, and bringing amenable fellers home to give Steve plenty of opportunities to practice honing his craft. Steve likes to think of it as a solid goshdarn win for everyone involved. Notes: A dirty little ditty about the depth and breadth of Steve Rogers' love for deepthroating and his continuing efforts to explore strange new cocks, which we obvs all support whole-throatedly.

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Laid Low [the Fall Backwards Remix] by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes) @hollyandvice

Tags: Original Male Character(s), Gangbang, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Anal Sex, Spanking, Face-Sitting, Gags, Miscommunication, Getting Together Summary: Steve doesn't expect Tony's enthusiastic support when he offers up the idea. Not that he was expecting ridicule, but this is much more than he could have anticipated. Notes: An alt POV remix piece that lays out sensation and motivation neatly like spice shakers laid out in a tasty, tasty row. Gobble one smackerel after another.

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That’s all folks!

Thanks for reading and make sure to kudos and comments the fics you explore! Fandom is a circle and we are all passing it forward. 😜

[digi-log-conversation]

1: does the brainrot memes have signifigance (i feel like there is a plotline developing around them)

2: where the hell do the halloween specials take place

1:

i think most of the lore around the brainrot trio is pretty spontaneous but it may go somewhere. i reckon it'd be pretty disconnected from most siivagunner lore. what's interesting is that there has been an effort to keep lore around them somewhat consistent unlike the halloween specials lol

2:

2016 - main universe (reboot, ccc). wood man takes over the channel while siivagunner is asleep. 2017 - main universe (reboot, ccc). wood man pitches a movie he came up with to haltmann during the events of the ccc 2018/2019 - so... idk. maybe its own "halloween universe". it really doesn't check out with any of the established universes. back when i was trying to create a consensus on continuities some time around 2021, this is where i got stuck, because it calls back to both kfad and ccc, and includes jerome and reader... it's kind of a mess. i consider it a pocket dimension at this point, but maybe i'll try to rationalize it in the future. 2020 - main universe in illucidity. the ai runs this event, i dont remember there being a lore angle to this so it's pretty clear cut. unless im stupid and forgort somethng 2021 - i wasn't really involved in the making of the audio dramas at all, but i reckon they fit into their own little universe. dramaverse. idk. one could argue that they continue on from the 2018/2019 halloween universe due to some of the returning characters but i don't really wanna touch that shit right now. grr. 2022 - yeah. so the.. th... it's uhh. they're having a fun time okay. it's fun. dont think about it too much. look the siiva ai wasnt very good at continuity clearly okay. it had a small context window. leave it alone maybe 2023 - crying

it's fine. the halloween stories exist to let the team have fun writing whatever they want with any and all characters they like to write about :) yay