#it kills me that i've been saying image image description for years

[2boldlyqueer]

This has popped off more than most of my posts, so I want to add some resources for folks about IDs.

The number one thing that helped me start writing IDs was this image:

[ImageID: A guide to writing alt text, titled "Writing Alt Text". There are five bubbles of different colors underneath with writing in them. "Identify who" is in green, "expression" is in pink, "description" is in blue, "color" is in yellow, and "interesting features" is in orange. Beneath that is a photo of a capybara with an image description next to it that reads, "A capybara looking relaxed in a hot spa. Yellow yuzu fruits are floating in the water, and one is balanced on the top of the capybara's head. This text is marked with different colors that show what part of the ID describes which of the important components. At the bottom it says "Source: veroniiiica.com" and the word Puzzle as a stylized logo. /EndID]

After seeing that, I checked the source for the image, and found a very helpful website called Veroniiiica (Veronica with Four Eyes). It's a site by someone with low vision about all sorts of visual accessibility. I recommend exploring her posts to learn more about life with and accommodations for visually impaired folks, but if you only read one she's got the most comprehensive guide to IDs and alt text:

She also gets into the difference between alt text and image descriptions, which is important to understand, as they are different things! I find alt text much more difficult than image descriptions because they need to be as brief as possible.

Tumblr thankfully allows a longer alt text, so if I don't have the energy to be super concise I can still put something there. However, only the person who is uploading the image on Tumblr can add alt text, so it's better to put something there even if it doesn't hit every category in the image above.

For formatting, this is a good post talking about formatting of image descriptions and alt text. The rest of Lane's blog, @askablindperson, is full of helpful info about image descriptions and other blindness related resources! The OP, @normal-thoughts-official, also has a lot of great accessibility related stuff on their blog.

The very short summary of that post is that you should include alt text AND image descriptions whenever possible, try to keep the ID as close to the image itself as possible, make sure to put ID and End ID at the beginning and end, only use regular text (don't make it tiny, italic, a different color, or things like that), and that the very common practice of using brackets isn't necessary. Also, don't put them under a "keep reading"! Those often glitch or break, so you can't guarantee everyone who needs the ID will be able to get to it.

If you still want to read more about how to ID, this masterpost by @cepheusgalaxy is awesome (and helped me refind the specific resources I'm highlighting): https://www.tumblr.com/cepheusgalaxy/752115718263373824/image-descriptions-tips-tuts-masterpost

On a final note, the two best things for improving your IDs are to write a lot of them, and to read other people's! Many of us who do descriptions will tag the posts they ID with something like "described". In addition to anyone mentioned in this post already and anyone who made posts in the masterpost, I recommend looking at any of these blogs. Many have resources of their own on IDing, and some are just folks I've noticed are particularly good at IDs and could remember. @accessible-art @cannondisabledcharacters @can-i-make-image-descriptions @accessibleaesthetics @online-accessibility-sideblog @disabled-dragoon @disabledsun

Listen, I know we're all exhausted, but we gotta get better about adding image descriptions to disability related stuff. Everyone should be IDing everything anyways, but there's a particularly cruel irony in disability related stuff not being accessible to folks with low/no vision.

[thalassomania]

what is “what happens next” about if you don’t mind me asking? :)

i've been sitting on this ask for a while now because WHERE! DO I! BEGIN!!!!

ok. so. what happens next is a currently ongoing webcomic by max graves, beginning late in 2021. it is a story told in multiple chapters about multiple characters, but one could argue that its protagonist is milo holliday. milo is a trans man, pastel blogger, toy customizer... and accomplice to a murder.

one of the first panels of the comic is a screenshot of the dni page on milo's tumblr, which got me IMMEDIATELY interested in the comic because it's such a unique way of storytelling:

[image description available for the above]

and we get a lot more pages like this that are screenshots of websites, social media profiles, and the like. the comic is a mixture of in-person interactions, online communication, and occasional flashbacks, all of which are important pieces of the story.

so when they were teenagers, milo's best friend griffin petty killed two people, and milo helped mutilate one of the bodies. while griffin was sent to prison, milo spent years in a psychiatric institution that stunted his emotional growth and forever altered his view of the world. a drawing he makes while institutionalized provides a window into milo's perceptions of the event:

[image description available for the above]

the whole comic is an uncomfortably accurate reflection of mid-2010s tumblr culture, right down to the sanrio traumacore and crytyping. milo's suffering is multifaceted: in reference to the people harassing him online, he says "it doesn't feel like they hate me for what i did... it feels like they hate me for the way i am," referring to his being an autistic trans man. and given that many of his detractors seem to come from sites like kiwifarms (notorious for its transphobia and ableism), he isn't entirely wrong! but at the same time, his relentless depictions of himself as the victim erase his contributions to haylie's death and the ways he's made himself and others' problems worse.

not every part of the comic is about milo, though! i'm only scratching the surface of it here: all of those pages and links are for the first part, titled "dog names." in the second part, "someone else," we're introduced to gage ludemann, a gore blogger and true crime fan who has entered a long-distance relationship with griffin, and once again, screenshots are used to masterful effect:

[image description available for the above]

but screenshots and characters' drawings are one thing, and max's art is another. starting in the third part, "no matter what," panels are shown in full color, and his color choices are great. what i really love, though, is the amount of detail max puts into character design and facial expressions. i could show you so many different panels that i think show off max's art, but i'll try to narrow it down to one:

[image description available for the above]

soooo yeah!! i have SO MANY THOUGHTS about this webcomic and i keep trying to get close friends to read it, haha. i've read a lot of webcomics and i can say with certainty that there is NOTHING out there quite like what happens next. it's a story about true crime fanaticism, psychological trauma, social media presences, existing as a transgender person, and so much more. the comic is currently on its fifth part, "you'll all be sorry," which seems to be about the characters vikki escamilla and xandra blumberg. if you decide to check it out please feel free to tell me all about it! i'm not connected to the comic at all, but i really love it and i think everything about it is just fascinating.

and max graves, if you're somehow reading this... hiiiiii i'm a huge fan!!! love your work!!! i hope i've represented it at least somewhat accurately here!

@kukai

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #74: 2023

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Morgan Wallen, Miley Cyrus, SZA, Taylor Swift, Metro Boomin and 21 Savage, Rema and Selena Gomez, The Weeknd and Ariana Grande, Luke Combs, SZA, David Guetta and Bebe Rexha. End description]

More information about this blog here

Before getting into the ramble, I'm just going to get ahead of the responses and clarify that when I name a song on these polls, I use the official name of the song as it's listed on the Billboard charts (obviously unless the official title includes an uncensored slur or the song was credited to an artist's deadname, which I haven't had to deal with as of now.) Luke Comb's cover of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car is simply listed as "Fast Car - Luke Combs" on Billboard. Not "Luke Comb's cover of Fast Car" or "Fast Car by Tracy Chapman (Luke Combs version)."

Now that I got that out of the way. Hi. Good to see you all again. Welcome to the end of 2023. We made it.

This is going to be an interesting entry on this blog for me. Because not only is this the first time I posted a poll from the current chart, this is also the first time since 2009 when I have not been closely monitoring the charts all year. So right now, I feel like I'm trying to look back to figure out what happened.

So. What happened?

Ever since the streaming era began, it's been clear that pop success matters less and less, but that feeling was especially strong this year. I'm not saying any of these songs are bad (that's not the point of this blog). But streaming splintered people's listening habits so much that everyone is able to listen to their own thing. Before I got big into chart watching, I was not an avid pop listener. But I was still knew which songs were popular because they were so much harder to avoid.

As I'm writing this, I've been listening to various Top 40/100 stations on the radio. Even ignoring the number of Christmas songs, I have yet to hear a song that came out in 2023. It makes sense to hear songs from 2022, since songs often take a while to build momentum (such as the tracks from SZA's SOS), but I've heard songs from 2014, 2013, 2006, 1995, etc.

And that's not even touching the year-end chart itself which includes 1. songs from 2022 (Kill Bill, Anti-Hero, Snooze, Calm Down), 2. a remix of a song from 2016 (Die for You), 3. a cover/remake of a song from 1996 (Creepin), 4. a cover of a song from 1988 (Fast Car), and 5. a song with an interpolation of a song from 1998 (I'm Good (Blue)). There are only 2 songs on the top 10 that are from 2023.

This year's tendency to look back is emphasized further by the genre which had the largest presence: country music. Not just because country music tends to be more traditional, but country music hasn't had a presence this big on the top 100 since the 90s. The biggest song of the year is a country-pop track by Morgan Wallen, whose 36 track album debuted at number one on the Billboard album chart. Not the country album chart. The Billboard 200. Beyond that, we have Luke Combs, whose cover of Fast Car reached the top 10, but two other singles from his album Growin' Up reached the Billboard Year End 100 without relying on the usual techniques country songs often need to cross over to the pop charts. Additionally, each year as of late tends to have it's pick of "think-piecey songs," whether it's Blurred Lines in 2013, WAP in 2020, or [insert any Taylor Swift song here]. The two most controversial songs of the year also happened to be country, with Oliver Anthony's Rich Men North of Richmond and Jason Aldean's Try That in a Small Town.

Why was country so big this year? One of my theories is that with streaming splintering people's listening habits so much, chart metrics will tend to favor physical media. I don't think it's a coincidence that Taylor Swift tends to dominate the charts while also being one of the top-selling artists on vinyl. If people are willing to pay actual money for your music instead of letting it stream in the background, the charts are going to calculate that differently. Not only are country fans more likely to buy physical music, but the two previously mentioned controversial country songs were also helped by right-leaning listeners boosting their sales, resulting in the two songs receiving a 78 and a 66 position on the year-end chart respectively.

As I'm writing this, I'm worrying that I'm not giving country music its proper credit. "Why was country music so big?" is a question that doesn't need to have a deeper answer. "A lot of people liked it so it had a larger presence" is also a sufficient answer. Country music doesn't have to cheat to reach the charts. The reason I'm delving into this is not the mere fact that country was popular, but the fact that country was so popular and seemed to shape the pop landscape as a whole, while not having the usual staples of a country-pop crossover. Unlike previous crossovers, none of the songs I mentioned needed a pop star or a rap verse to break onto the pop charts.

But speaking of a genre requiring a pop star to find a mainstream chart presence, 2023 marks the year of the first afrobeats song to reach a billion streams on Spotify, with Rema and Selena Gomez's Calm Down. But even without the pop feature, afrobeats also had an explosive year in 2023, and it's possible we'll only see the genre grow more popularity, similar to how reggaeton took over the pop landscape after Despacito crossed over to the mainstream American charts in 2017. If you, like me, aren't that familiar with the history of this genre and you would like to learn more, please know that afrobeat and afrobeats are two distinct genres. This article also does a good rundown of the differences and their respective histories. Also, while the song itself isn't afrobeats, Unavailable by Davido came out this year and it's incredible. The full album is amazing too. It's dreamy and atmospheric with energetic drums and I need to find a slot for it in my favorite releases of the year.

For a year where pop music was widely considered to have a down year, I sure had a lot to talk about. I haven't even touched on the "decline of rap music" (especially sad since it's the 50th anniversary of the genre), Taylor Swift's dominance (I mentioned her twice though; she'll live), or delved deeper into the presence of older songs on the charts. It certainly was an interesting year in music to talk about. But listening to it? Well, I'll let you decide that.

But if you look past the top 10 (or even the top 100), this was an incredible year for music. I haven't had the time to listen to every new release (thanks law school), but I still listened to enough that I came out of this year with some of my favorite musical projects of all time. I plan on sharing my favorite songs/albums of the year in a later post.

Thank you for spending this year in music with me.

[awesomesauce2929]

Sorry :"D Oh shit, I was trying to think of and think through an extension of my thought [angels dbs "eldritch space creatures" that Zeno called Leviathans (that's not the biblical fire-breathing sea serpent that's usually in legends) just because it sounds cool and intimidating, also something rare and powerful] (although the leviathan form from Final Fantasy looks interesting, I admit) I mean the angels' actual cosmic form is an indescribable shit, galactic cosmic shadowy "mass"? It changes constantly (also at their will), can open a large number of eyes over on body and around body, forms the likeness of an animal's paws and tail??? A real brain and eye game. We need to think about this a little more so we don't turn the Angels into Marty Sue.

Gods of destruction sometimes see the true form of angels, and even if they've been familiar with it for a long time, somewhere deep inside themselves their brains react to it as an unholy creepy horror that transcends time and space and it all the same partially scares them

Perhaps I've taken too much for this, and should I just write "stellar shadow mass/stellar shadow body or astral mass" without details in my possible fanfic so readers can imagine for themselves what angels are?

lol, even I can't explain the visual appearance of angels properly, It seems that this is how it should be And lol, the 2Universe thinks the leviathan Daishinkan is very beautiful, it looks funny. It's literally Heles squinting at the GP's "form" trying to see the details, comparing it to Sour open form and just going: "well, I don't know what's in front of me now, but I'll admit that your father looks handsome and elegant"

What I would say that having some details revealed would be good to show more of the mystery of the Angels' appearances. So to introduce them as "stellar shadow mass/body or an astral body" with some details such as physical features (e.g. many eyes, many hands), an aura or how their eldritch form effect the environment for example, does their appearance make it much colder, the objects became blurrier, another dimension could be made so it does not damage parts of the universe? "It changes constantly (also at their will), can open a large number of eyes over on body and around body, forms the likeness of an animal's paws and tail??? A real brain and eye game." is a perfectly fine description of the angels' appearance, I got chills reading that, you got this.

Teasing the reader with an established base like this so their imaginations about the Angels' appearence can fly. If the destroyers/hakaishins could barely comphehend and handle the Eldritch form, it is beyond what a mortal could understand, their lifetime is not enough to understand the small percentage of it.

What could also help is to explore how their appearence impact others and what are the others' feelings about it. Like at least the destroyers won't go too mad with power over their universe and subjects in that universe/domain and don't get too far as the image of the angels true form in the back of the mind. It's perfect that is to prevent destroyers seriously fight to the death.

I believe the Angels can have multiple forms developed over millions of years and some, billions of years, perhaps they could still form their new ultimate form, hidden away unless ordered by Daishinkan and Zeno to reveal it or allow them to use it in some circumstances.

One of my idea of their true form is they are a host of multiple deities under their control, most of them are former destroyers when they retire from their duties. Longer the angel been in duty as a guide angel, more of the former destroyers they collect and inherit their abilities as well, as part of the ritual of how the mortals become the destroyer. The exception to that is when the destroyer gets killed or get erased by the Grand Minister/Zeno that is when the angels deactivated and will not able to collect any more destroyers, they keep what destroyers they have in their form. An interesting bond for an exchange for godhood. That explains we don't see any former destroyer around.

You are right it's hard to describe the visual appearance, it's truly beyond us hahaha. Oh yeah, Heles after meeting leviathan Daishinkan may or may not forget next time she sees him and her universe could adopted some leviathan elements in her universe, Sour approves xD

[letitrainathousandflames]

Omg thank you for saying it

Multiple times I've come across ppl literally sharing images of people who've been killed (in one case children what the fuck???) And even if its below a cut I still have to read the description of why they've put it under a cut. I know ppl have different opinions of this stuff but in my view that's so disrespectful of those who've lost their lives. The guilt trippy stuff (and I'm sorry but it's largely coming from people that don't know what they're talking about, as shown by the fact that there's literally no awareness that the stuff that's being said/shown untagged is hugely triggering for ppl who've lived through this stuff)

This is not a news site!!! People trying to avoid this stuff does not mean they don't have awareness of what's going on and aren't staying aware by getting their news from actual news sources???

I'm not against people talking about this stuff on here at all. It needs to be talked about. But for the love of God, making a post is not the same as taking to people in person. People do not have the option to walk away when you just send a post out in to the ether like that. Just tag things appropriately it's not that hard!!!

So yeah thank you for saying it. I always feel hugely guilty for trying to avoid certain things because of the guilt tripping that's so rife on this site but I really shouldn't cause half of what's coming up isn't even constructive (or true a lot of the time) and it just brings up a whole load of stuff that hits my mental health and makes it harder for me to actually campaign in a way that helps people

I always think of that one tweet that's like 'misery is not activism' making people feel shit isn't actually solving any of these issues or helping the world at all lol

When it comes to this topic, I always think of some articles I read about the human brain's capacity for processing bad news. One of them was titled something like "your brain can't handle the world".

Basically, it talked about how years ago (mind you, not that many years, given how fast modern technology evolved) you would get your handful of news, good and bad, on the newspaper or on TV and radio, and even that was already much more than a person in the 1800's would, given the slow pace of letters and how only vital info was able to fit into one. Newspapers would often only carry local news, and you could spend a whole lifetime without knowing what was happening in countries on the other side of the ocean.

Now, imagine that. A wedding would be the talk of the town for weeks. A funeral would be The Sad Event for your to grieve over for the following months. That is the amount of happy and sad (and playful, and contemplative, and other emotions) that one could experience and process in a healthy manner.

But nowadays, you get see the story of a family adopting their first puppy two continents away, and that's great and cool, but unfortunately that also means that you get the story of a bunch of children dying two continents away too, and the testimony of their families, and the overview of the political landscape that lead to this happening and the bleak understanding that that's not gonna change and it will happen again--

all that while you might be dealing yourself with a fascist government in your country, and your own bad news, and your own shitty economy, and laws that hurt a minority of which you are a part, and, and--

That is all too much. Literally too much for the mind of someone who is already tired of doing their own activism and surviving within the microcosm that is their town/community/country.

So you close CNN. You turn off the news livestream. You take a deep breath and you open tumblr because your mind is parched for dopamine and happiness you could use some cute fanart and compelling headcanons to relax.

You are two cute dog pics down when you scroll into graphic pictures of the latest massacre, paired with a detailed testemony of whatever horrific thing that happened. There isn't even a link for donations, or an e-mail you can reach to do anything remotely useful about it. It's just a spatter of misery smeared on your phone screen, quickly erasing all joy you might've gotten from the dog pics.

Your taglist is extensive, mind you, for the sake of keeping your dash a small safe haven from the dangers of doomscrolling - it's all there, blocked from sight: #negative, #current events, #death/, #child death/, #animal death/, #[insert current world tragedy], #[insert topic particularly triggering that could send you into a panic attack].

But people don't tag their shit. They say shit like "i don't care your blog theme, if you don't reblog this, you're a monster". They say "stop scrolling and look at this horrific thing". They say "why is no one talking about this"--

And don't realize, or don't care that some people are drowning in bills to pay and extra shifts to work and needing to double-think about wearing their pride pins because homophobia is getting worse in their country, and struggling with depression and anxiety, etc, etc.

I'm too adhd to make a concise text post ever, but if I can make any sort of point here, I guess that would be:

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to see, reblog or interact with negative posts about current events. This is not a news website. You did not come here for the news, and therefore is perfectly normal that you don't want to deal with them.

There is nothing wrong with making your dash a nice place curated with only the things you like. Block tags and blogs liberally. I know I do. This website is, to me, a source of memes, headcanons, jokes, character analysis and occasional useful knowledge. I don't get my news here. I don't engage in political/ideological debates here. I see a transphobe, I block them. I see a gun-freak bootlicker, I block them. This is my little garden, and goddamnit I will rip off all the weeds.

There is nothing wrong with not reblogging certain content, no matter what the guilt-trippy reblogs say. You don't owe anyone the space in your blog. This is your little garden, people don't get to tell you what to plant in it. You are one. Little. Person. You rebbloging something won't have the Big Worldly Impact they're making it out to be.

If you want to make room for the occasional activism in your blog, that's fine too. I make a point that everything I reblog that has a negative tone must be not only properly tagged but also have some kind of action attached to it - a donation link, a link for further reading in case of something raising awareness, a contact line for representatives to stop some dogshit law. I never reblog things that are just depressing and leave you feeling hopeless.

Please stay safe, drink water, be wary of doomscrolling, allow yourself not to be an activist 24/7, give yourself a safe space to decompress, take care, I love you <3

Before I go, I must leave fair warning to the piss-poor reading comprehension crowd: no, I am not advocating for toxic positivity or pretending that everything is fine, I just want the poor fuck juggling two jobs plus school while living in a political hellscape and managing depression and some other undiagnosed mental condition to be able to scroll the funny shitposting website without having to see triggering content that will send them into a panic attack.

Oh, and if you like my writing, here's my ko-fi for you to drop a lil coin <;3

[areweevercameraready]

a little snippet...

A/N: so....i actually have...... maybe 100,000k words unpublished with the boys in human au.,.... and since the human au infodump, i've been wondering if i should post things from the spinoff au. i asked a friend and she suggested i post at least a bit since there Were Folks who enjoyed these characters. im hugging everyone who has been keeping up :') thank you and i love you and you don't know how much this means to me, that people like my work.

i do plan on updating more than beliefs, though as you can probably tell, updates are pretty slow. i've had big weird life changes over the past three or so years, which is kinda sad, since i used to be able to update chivalry literally once a week :'D but thank you all for sticking with me through it!! i'm hoping, once i'm done writing my thesis, i can get back to updating MTB more often. i've had the whole thing plotted in my head for a while and you all deserve to see more of macbeth, along with where he was during like. all of chivalry.

heads up that this is NOT going on AO3 — it's a bit far from the actual fandom space so I'm really hesitant to put it up there. it'll only be here! somewhat related, but i might spruce up this blog layout. the banner image is kind of old/i don't like the anatomy, and same with the icon. and i just took a look at the blog and went "wow the text is smaller than i remember it being..." so that's a sign that it's Too Small! time for a change probably.

Words: 7,615

WARNINGS: descriptions of anxiety disorder, descriptions of past child abuse, suicidal/depressive thoughts, someone's ankle breaks (don't run in heels, kids!), alcohol and drunkenness

if i forgot anything, please let me know! this is only one chapter of a longer thing (i'm still on the fence about posting all of it but frankly, if i do revamp this blog, i straight fuckin might. i don't plan on publishing these novels for market consumption, but i would be happy to know if folks out there enjoyed them :') )

enjoy the snippet! <3

Eric Yuan hadn't considered himself lovable in a long, long time.

The anxiety disorder was just scraping the surface. There was the legal battle he'd gone into against his parents for custody over Gavin. He was so responsible it was irresponsible, sleeping odd hours, sometimes none at all, and living off of the cheapest coffee he could find to keep himself awake. There was the lack of time, the long hours of work to pay for the apartment and his and Gavin's lives, between working at the bar and at the restaurant, trying to pull together something to keep them afloat. He survived off of lunch and, when tips were good, the occasional dinner. 

Gavin had noticed, of course, but he was nice enough to not say anything. Eric tried to be as honest as he could about how sometimes they couldn't get new games or new things, how he would have to stay late at night at work. If Eric was thankful for anything, it was how understanding Gavin was. That kid rolled with as many punches as were thrown and while Eric knew he shouldn't have to, knew that his brother deserved a better upbringing than the shit that their parents and now the world were putting them through, he also recognized that this was the best he could do. 

He tried to hide himself in work, two jobs that provided enough money to keep them going. Honestly, if he’d talked with his managers and budgeted hours differently, he could get by with just the bartending job. But the days without work were spent taking Gavin to school, watching Gavin at home, laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He had to have something to bury himself in so he wouldn’t be stuck with his thoughts, the ones that promised danger, contempt, building paranoia and anxiety until he choked on his own breath. Thoughts that promised a kinder world. On the other side.

If he killed himself, Gavin would go right back to their parents, and Eric had to stay alive if only to prevent that. That was….that was the only reason. 

Sometimes, he wondered if Gavin knew, because on nights like that the kid always managed to find his way into Eric's bed. He'd crawl in and snuggle between Eric's arms and tell him he had a nightmare. Eric never knew how honest he was being, but he never turned the offer down.

He had to keep alive. So he did. 

And like, man worked a lot. Often, too much. How the fuck was he supposed to keep up with the world around him if he barely used his social media, didn't watch any of the new content put out in recent years, didn't engage with new platforms. Well, he had a Twitter, but that was just to look at funny memes. Those were his favorite development in recent years. Twitter also helped keep up with the news somewhat, but he didn’t exactly pay attention to that. Also, cat videos, those were important to him. 

Yeah, he was fairly disconnected, but what else was new and what could you do.

Eric Yuan's life flipped when he was opening the bar at 4 p.m. on a Wednesday. He wasn't an owner or manager, but he was a shift lead. The most dependable shift lead, if you asked his manager, and while he often told Eric that he was pretty reliable, it wasn’t as though Eric processed that kind of praise. He did know that he got the most done, and was the most efficient, because he could take that kind of metric comparison. But, like. Most reliable? He didn’t know how true that was. Eric liked to take the opening shifts, helped get home at a reasonable enough hour to see Gavin to sleep and for him to sleep enough to take the lunch shifts at his other job. 

The opening shift consisted of a few things. Making sure dishes were racked for the night, that the trash was all arranged and the bins were out in the alley, that bottles that looked like they were going to go empty had restocks close by. It was slow and quiet, for shift leads, but it was perfect for Eric. He liked to turn on some music and walk around, working efficient and quick enough usually to have a few minutes of quiet before the bartenders started showing up. 

The alley behind his bar was more like a driveway than anything, wide enough just for one car. Most of the time, the neighboring businesses would just put their bins back here during work hours. 

While opening on this day, though, Eric noticed a man running. He'd turned the sharp corner near the bar and hurried partway down the block, panting as if he'd been running a while. Eric actually pulled his own bins back as the man passed him. Then promptly tripped. What idiot runs in heels, anyway?

The man tried to get back up, but a few steps proved his ankle injured enough for him to collapse again. And that's when he looked up, frantically looking around for help, and his eyes locked with Eric's. 

Eric waved, ever so slightly. And, well. He's always been the type to help someone who needed it. He didn't know what the man was running from, but it seemed that time was of the essence. He jogged over and picked the man up easily, making sure he didn't grab the man's dreadlocks accidentally beneath his arm, and hurried him into the bar. At least the dude was pretty light, and he let Eric pick him up, wrapping his arms around Eric’s shoulders. 

The first and only real thing Eric noticed was that he smelt a little floral. Must have been perfume or something. The man wasn’t wearing clothes that Eric would have called casual, especially with the heels. A fall like that must have hurt his ankle.

"Thank you," the man whispered, and Eric noticed how gentle his voice was, how lofty and warm. "Close the door, please, they can't see me."

Eric didn't know who the fuck "They" was, but Eric kicked the door closed on his way in. Just as he did, too, he heard the sound of footsteps at the end of the alley. Eric helped the man hide behind the bar, out of view of the door, and shushed him quietly as a knock sounded on the door. 

He wiped his hands on his apron, stepping back towards the door. He paused before opening it only to prepare his face, so he could open it with the deadliest glare. And there were. People. There. Were many people. Many with cameras. All looking fairly out of breath. 

How did that guy outrun a whole ass crowd? 

The man who had knocked was haggard, taller than Eric but with an obviously lankier build, wheezing as he asked, “Have you seen anyone come up this road?”

He sounded kinda desperate. Eric shook his head slowly, cogs working in his head as he put together a cover story. “No, I’ve just been trying to open up shop. I took the bins out,” he gestured to the trash bins, set alongside the wall. “But I didn’t see anyone then. If someone was out there, they could have run past while I was stocking.”

The man nodded, either willing to accept that lie or too frantic to look too deep into it. Eric watched with sharp eyes as he and the group looked up and down the street. He didn’t think this concerned him, though, and he wanted to check back in on the absolute rando’ he’d just let into the bar. So he nudged the guy’s hand. 

“I think the candy shop over there’s open, around that corner.” Eric pointed to the end of the alley. “If someone ran past, they could have seen them. Other than that though, I don’t have anything, and I’ve gotta get back to opening.”

Just a few well-placed white lies. The man at the door nodded and motioned the group to leave without another word. Eric let the door slam behind them. 

Well. Then. He exhaled slow, a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, then turned to the bar counter. 

The way the bar was arranged was such that there was a peninsula counter, sticking out of the wall with seats arranged on all sides. On one side, too, was a small stage. Often, they would just play music. Sometimes they had performers, live musicians, and every Thursday was comedy night for local comedians. In June, they have a small drag show every Friday, and in December, they have a run of charity shows. There are still fliers and decorations up from the last one; Eric should take them down while he’s opening. 

The man who he’d snuck in slowly peeks his head around the counter. There was something awfully familiar about him, like Eric had definitely seen this dude before, but he isn’t attuned to the daily gossip. Maybe it was just because the man was pretty as could be, eyes a warm brown that lingered around Eric before darting back at the door. His brows were perfectly shaped. Eric could see a little heart on his cheek, too, and silver decorations in his dreadlocks. Very, very pretty.

The man scan the area, see Eric going around to take the chairs out from where they’ve been stacked in the corner. And he asks, in a voice almost more delicate than Eric could have imagined, “Are they gone?”

“Yeah,” Eric said, setting down the barstools as he went around the bar’s lounge area. “They stalkers or something?”

As soon as Eric said the people chasing him were gone, the man sighed, standing up all the way and cracking his neck. He scooted to the sink behind the counter to wash his hands, which was fair. It wasn’t like the bar ground was the cleanest, even just before opening. 

Someone like this dude, this put together and manicured and astoundingly beautiful, shouldn’t have had to put his hands on the bar’s fuckin’ ground.

“Basically stalkers. Paparazzi,” the man sighed. 

“Paparazzi?” Eric asked, looking back at the man.

Was this dude fucking famous? Eric couldn’t recognize him. Damn, he was that far removed from things, that he couldn’t recognize an entire celebrity.

The man must have realized now that Eric hadn’t known who he was, because his grin turned sheepish as he wiped his hands on a towel. “Yep! I’m, uh. Songbird? That’s my stage name. And my YouTube channel.” 

That name rang, like, literally no bells in Eric’s head. Figures, though. He rarely watched Youtube. 

They stood in relative silence for a few beats before the man tried again. “Cadence? Cadence Beaulieu?” 

“Oh,” Eric said, and it must have been obvious how he didn’t know who the fuck this Cadence dude was, because Cadence laughed a little in his face. 

“You’re cute,” Cadence said, limping out around the bar, holding onto the bar’s side. “I don’t get that much anymore.” 

“Cool.” Eric instinctually hurried over, holding Cadence’s arm and waist as he helped him onto one of the bar’s seats, but his head was reeling from the idea of a famous celebrity calling him cute. Like? That didn’t just happen. Did it? This guy was fucking famous? 

What the fuck was he supposed to say? How do you talk to famous people? Eric helped him settle into the seat before asking, “Do you want water or something?”

“No, I’m good,” Cadence smiled at him.

Eric was going to loose his mind, he got called cute by a famous dude and now he’s looking at the famous dude and realizing how cute the famous guy was. He hadn’t paid attention to that earlier, too preoccupied with getting the guys at the door to leave, but now that he was actually looking at this guy—his anxiety was about to start kicking in, hard, he could tell. What if he made an ass of himself in front of the famous dude? The incredibly pretty famous dude. 

“Cool,” Eric looked down, at the bar, and whistled a little. “If you want, you can, uh, stay here for a bit, until your car comes?”

He figured the famous dude isn’t driving around himself. 

Cadence nodded. “If that’s okay,” he murmured, taking out his phone. “I can stay outta your way, then.”

Slowly, Eric nodded, too. He had to get the extra drinks ready. Finish opening up. And. He couldn’t really. Process? What was happening. He just thought he was helping someone up off the street, having tripped, and….Wait.

“Wait, how’s your ankle?” he tried to swallow his anxiety, looking back at Cadence, who seemed to be idling on his phone. 

Cadence looked back up at him, then at his ankle. He was wearing strappy heels, flowy pants, a tight shirt, and an old oversized jacket, and none of these looked like clothes that were good to be running around in. Especially those heels. Eric didn’t know much about heels but he figured they might be an inch? And that was probably enough to fucking break a leg. Rude to stare, though. So he just. Averted his eyes back to the glasses he was stacking for later.

This guy was so fucking pretty. Eric was holding him earlier. He’d carried him—Eric had deadlift carried a whole ass celebrity. 

“Probably sprained,” Cadence said with a sigh. “When I get home, I can ice it. I don’t think it’s fully broken, though, I could put a little weight on it.”

Now, they had ice in the box. Eric grabbed one of the spare bags for their limes and filled one with ice, part of their protocol for when drunkards would hurt themselves. He wrapped it in one of the clean towels and, once the Grey Goose was restocked, brought it over to Cadence. Who took it. Gratefully. It seemed. 

“Thanks,” Cadence gave him a smile, which like. Eric still didn’t really know how to feel about this. 

“No problem,” he said. “Sorry, uh. For, uh, being quiet. And not knowing who you were.”

Because like, that felt like something he should apologize for, you know? If Cadence is used to people recognizing him on the streets and some level of respect because of it, then maybe Eric treating him like a regular person (maybe even ignoring him, since he’s just sitting in the corner) might be rude? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the fucking etiquette for talking to famous people, this isn’t a problem he’s ever had!

“It’s okay, no, don’t even worry,” Cadence giggled—that sound, that fucking sound was so soft, what the hell?—and waved his hand dismissively. 

“Okay,” Eric nodded. And he didn’t have much to. Like. Add? 

So he turned around and went back to restocking the bar. And he didn’t say anything about how he could feel Cadence watching him. He didn’t say anything, but he could feel Cadence’s eyes on his back every so often, when he’d look up from his phone. 

Maybe he was tweeting something about him. Eric didn’t know much about social media so if he did get tweeted about, he definitely wasn’t going to be able to find it. Or maybe he was texting his famous friends about the weirdo bartender who’s just ignoring him as he lifts the crates out of the storage room and cracks them open. 

There’s no way this dude would be bullying him over shit like this for no reason, right? 

Regardless, Eric wasn’t about to start a conversation and ask. He just knew that the guy was staring at him. For what felt like an hour. Realistically, only like, half an hour. But for fucking forever, man.

At some point, though, it had to end. After about twenty minutes, Cadence stood up, wobbling a little on his hurt ankle. Eric, who’d been restocking the limes, looked up, then stood up. 

“Your car here?” he asked. 

“Yep,” Cadence smiled a little at him. “When does this place open, anyway?”

“Uh,” Eric frowned, checking the clock on the wall. “In ten.”

Where the fuck are his bartenders, anyway? They’re supposed to get here at around now. Fuckers. 

Cadence nodded, though, noting the time. “Glad this all happened before hours, then. Wouldn’t want it to get too crazy in here for you,” he looked at the clock on the wall, then back at Eric, with a small smile that made Eric’s already quick-beating heart skip a beat thinking of how his eyes creased with gentle happiness. 

“Uh. Yeah,” Eric tried to smile, too, but something told him it looked a little more like a grimace. 

Cadence waved, Eric waved. Then Cadence left. And the door closed behind him.

And that was the that. On that. 

Eric was fairly zoned out for the whole shift. He was mixing drinks on autopilot, not so much as handling customers. Some drunkard got rowdy, Eric wasted no time to tell them to fuck off. His patience was zilch. 

He got home and Gavin’s already put himself to bed, tucked in and in his PJ’s, though Eric heard him get up when he closed the front door. Eric picked him up, tucked him back in again, and kissed him on the head. Poor kid hated being alone late at night, especially when he had to put himself to bed. Eric laid on the bed with him, one foot off to hold himself steady, and made sure Gavin was all the way asleep before he stood up to change his own clothes. 

Only once he was sure Gavin’s not getting out of bed again does he check his phone, too. 

“Cadence Beaulieu” had over four million followers on Twitter, over fifteen million subscribers on Youtube, and an Instagram account that makes Eric blush almost inappropriately. And this is the guy who was. In his bar. Talking to him. Eric picked this man up earlier and didn’t even notice that the heart on his face was made up of three moles. It looked like a tattoo almost, but no, apparently. 

He spent almost too much time binging Cadence’s content before he managed to pass out to the sound of one of his beauty tutorials. Interesting, that this is the guy he met. This is the guy who he picked up, carried into his bar, hid in the corner.

Interesting. 

But not every day is so interesting. So Eric goes back to work and expects nothing to change. He tries to put this rare celebrity encounter behind him. Tries not to think of how much of an idiot he must have been, seeming to just fade into the background and ignore what could have been a real moment had he asked more questions, became something more memorable perhaps. He could have asked Cadence how he was doing, at least. How his day had been. Anything, really. 

Instead, Eric just has the memory of the prettiest man on the planet sitting in the corner of the bar, of his bar. Alone together. A stranger, sure, and maybe Eric understood somewhere that that was part of why the anxiety was so strong? But c’mon. Man was pretty. Nice, too. 

Damn. This is why he’s single, he joked bitterly to himself. Lonely, the joke in his head twisted. He didn’t have the gall to actually talk to anyone, what was he supposed to do.

He had been cleaning out glasses at the bar, late one night. He’d picked up a later shift, after Gavin had already gone to sleep. Usually, Eric liked to be home while the kid slept, but sometimes the scheduling didn’t work out like that and he’d need to pick up extra hours for other bartenders who had to tap out. He was a very strong cover, apparently. And on the spectrum of “thank god that lucky ass thing happened,” this was right below Cadence’s accident. 

About two weeks after Eric meets a whole ass celebrity, two men sit down at the bar during one of the live musical performances. It was Eric’s time working behind the bar, and he saw the one with the eyepatch wave him over. Which, like. Okay, sure, he was getting there. But customer service and you never know how many drinks they’ve had before they walk in at one in the morning and you definitely don’t want to get mad at the dude giving you the tip and maybe this dude’s never been to a bar, who the fuck wears soft cashmere at a bar, and his buddy there was in a bowtie and suspenders like this was some kind of book club and not remarkably past midnight on a Thursday. 

Like, okay, nerds, maybe they’ve just never been to this kinda bar. Sure. Fine.

“What can I get started for you boys,” Eric said, slinging his washcloth over his shoulder on his approach. 

“Two cosmopolitans, please,” the one with the eyepatch said, giving Eric a smile that read polite. 

Eric looked at the one with curly hair and glasses, who nodded in confirmation. “One shot in both? You got any vodka preferences?” he asked, taking out the house vodka and two tumblers. 

Before the eyepatch’ed one could reply, the one with glasses butted in, saying, “One with one shot, a double in the other, please. And if you have Ketel One, that would be grand.”

“A double shot? Marlowe!”

“What, it’s been a good day! I think I deserve a double shot. And you know two shots isn’t enough to do much.” This Marlowe guy sounded pretty cocky, if you were to ask Eric, but no one ever asks the bartender. So he didn’t say anything about it. 

He tuned out of the argument there, as soft as it turned. Much less of an argument, more aggressive flirting, and that was something that was easy for him to zone out of until he set the two cocktails down. “Double shot,” he said, setting the double in front of Marlowe. “And a single. If you boys need anything else, my name’s Eric and I’ll be at the bar all night.” 

“Eric,” the one with the eyepatch smiled, and it was kind of pretty in that controlled, poised way that some models do. “Thank you. If we need anything, I’ll-I’ll call.”

“Thank you, Eric,” Marlowe said, raising his glass and taking a long sip. 

Eric just nodded and went around, checking on others. Earlier, he’d seen some dude try to roofie a girl, and had taken the drink back. She had left with a friend she trusted, and he’d kicked the guy out pretty forcefully, but the moment still left quite the imprint. He was always on edge whenever that happened, hoping to prevent it from happening again. 

He did a few rounds before he ended up in front of Marlowe and his friend again, maybe half an hour later. This friend was on his phone, typing something out, while Marlowe flagged Eric down, with an empty glass before him. 

“Hello, Eric,” Marlowe raised the glass. “Would you be a dime and make me a Long Island Iced Tea?” 

Okay. This dude had to be a heavier drinker, if he was going to be calling out drinks by name. And it wasn’t necessarily Eric’s job to know how much someone could drink, especially strangers. The guy didn’t, like….he didn’t look drunk just yet. You know? So Eric nodded. 

“Sure thing. You got any preferences?” he asked, taking the cup back and pulling out a tall glass. 

Now that seemed to be the right question, or at least one the man hadn’t thought of. Marlowe reached up, cupping his chin in thought, and spared a few glances at his friend still typing. Hopefully this wasn’t, like, for the friend. Eric would have to watch for that. But after a bit of time, Marlowe nods. “Yes. Ketel One again for the vodka.” 

“Sure.” They had Ketel One under the vodka cabinet, but people rarely ordered it. It was one of their premium vodka’s and house vodka was Smirnoff. 

“Do you have Patrón for tequila?” 

“Yeah, I’m….pretty sure,” Eric, before he could be made to swallow his words, took a stride to the tequila cabinet and checked. “Yep, I’ve got Patrón for you.” 

“Excellent. I don’t know enough about the other three alcohols to have preferences, but if you could tell me what you put in, I’d love to start learning.”

An….interesting request. But Eric knew the house drinks like the back of his hand (and he might not be able to hold his liquor like the best of them, but he’d still tried all of the standard drinks. For posterity.) so he pulled out the Bacardi first. “This’ the rum. In house, we use Bacardi. Pretty light for a rum, but it does have a better taste than Captain Morgan. A lot better to mix with,” he explained. 

Marlowe had turned himself toward the counter, watching Eric pour in the Bacardi first, then the Ketel One, then the Patrón. Then, he put those three down. The triple sec was all out on the shelf, since they were common enough and the bar stocked a small enough range to have the whole selection out for viewing. Eric pulled down a bottle of Bols to add, then Henrick’s gin from the shelf below. They were running out behind the bar anyways. “Bols is the triple sec,” Eric said as he poured. “It’s really good for mixing with multiple alcohols. Sometimes a drink’ll play nice with other alcohols and sometimes it’ll only play nice with, like. Coke.”

“That makes sense. The consistencies are very different,” Marlowe hummed. 

Sounded like this dude was the analytical type. Which might explain why he had some of his preferences on hand. If you don’t go to bars often, you’re going to be scared of the unknown. Eric was almost proud of the guy for that, if this was him trying new things. 

He just hoped Marlowe wouldn’t throw up in the bathroom or something. That would fuckin’ suck. Always a situation when the patrons didn’t know their own limits.

“Henrick’s is the gin, and it’s just a easy gin to use,” he said with a shrug. “And then we just….”

He pulled out the cola spritzer, topped the glass off with cola, and put the slice of lemon in. And then he slid it over to Marlowe, who took the drink in one hand with a fascinated look. Dude even pushed his glasses up. 

“Interesting. I’m excited to try it,” Marlowe said, glancing back up to Eric with a smile. 

And before Eric could even warn him about how strong of a gut punch it was about to be, Marlowe picked up the glass and took a swig about a third of the cup. “Woah, buddy,” Eric couldn’t stop himself from jumping at that. “You alright?”

“Marlowe, what the fuck are you doing?” dude’s friend finally looked up from his phone to see Marlowe slam the glass down and cough into his arm. 

“Holy shit,” Marlowe said, fixing his glasses with a smile that seemed a little too wide to be sober. “That’s quite strong, but very, very good. Thank you, Eric!” 

His glasses were still crooked. Eric almost leaned forward to fix them, before the guy’s friend got to it first, and that was all for the better. It’s not like Eric knew these people, after all. 

Marlowe took out his phone and Eric took the chance to lean towards his companion. “He asked for a pretty strong drink,” Eric warned. “If you need a hand taking care of him, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve held a dude’s hair back in the bathroom.”

His friend must have been surprised at the suggestion, but it can’t have been an uncommon thing considering how quickly he got over the possibility. “Thank you, that’s very k-very kind. He’s not usually one to drink a lot,” the friend sighed, then nodded to Eric. “Thank you for your service tonight, Eric. My name is Phillip.”

Phillip, alright. “Good to meet you, Phillip,” Eric said, and he went back around the bar to do rounds.

It was another hour and half before the bar closed, though. Eric wasn’t technically the shift lead for closing, but he was on the shift. When it got close enough to three, he turned on Semisonic’s song “Closing Time.” Most of the people had left by then, quick to leave on their rides or to new bars. 

But still sitting at the bar were the two people Eric had pegged as nerds earlier, Marlowe and Phillip. After Marlowe finished the Long Island Iced Tea, Eric had poured a water, but the man still ordered a margarita on top of it. And now it looked like he was paying for it, given how he was literally leaning on Phillip’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. Phillip didn’t look all too pleased, however. 

“David is going to be worried si-worried si-sick when we get home.” Eric could hear Phillip chide Marlowe as he got close.

“It’s-It’s all dandy. I love David,” Marlowe hiccupped into Phillip’s shoulder, then leaned around and pressed his face into the base of his neck. “I love YOU, Prince.”

Phillip tutted, reaching back to run his hand through Marlowe’s curled hair. “I love you-love you too, you idiot.”

Cute. Really gay, and cute. Eric put away the cups he’d just washed and approached the pair, noting how they’d slowly but surely become the last people at the bar. 

“Hey,” he said, waving slightly. “Phillip, right?”

“Mhm. Eric,” Phillip greeted. “Sorry to still be here. I can see you’re closing up.”

“Eh. Marlowe’s falling asleep on you, I get it. Do you two have a ride home?” 

At that, Phillip winced. And Eric could have guessed the follow up, honestly. “Actually, Marlowe was supposed to be the driver,” Phillip confessed, patting Marlowe’s hand. “I think he overshot how much he could drink, though. As per usual.”

“I only had three drinks!” Marlowe interrupted, all too proud of himself for having three drinks that had the alcoholic consistency of a freight train. 

Phillip and Eric both seemed to be on the same page, though, because neither acknowledged him. Save for a few gentle pats from Phillip as Marlowe buried himself more in Phillip’s back. 

“Okay. Do you need to call someone?” Eric asked. 

Phillip rubbed the back of his neck, thinking for a moment before nodding. “Yes. I know someone who’ll be awake who can come help, but….well. Marlowe’s car is still in the parking lot. It has a parking limit in the morning, which will quickly become an issue.”

Fuckin’ city parking. Eric had definitely gotten a ticket or two before, parking his motorcycle in the wrong place. He usually just walked to work, though, since he was two blocks away. So he didn’t have a vehicle to worry about….

A drunk man and a man with a cane could get picked up real easy this late at night by some unfavorable people. Maybe that worry was what made Eric offer. Maybe it was because Phillip and Marlowe had been fairly kind to him throughout the night. It could also have had something to do with how nice Phillip seemed to be taking it now, how calm he was handling the situation. And maybe, too, how Phillip himself didn’t ask. 

There was something nice about being able to offer help, rather than having it asked of him always. 

“If you want, I can drive you home,” Eric suggested. “I’ll catch an Uber back to my house from yours.”

Phillip blinked, and Marlowe giggled. Eric didn’t know what was so funny. He thought it was probably pretty shady to offer. He knew he wouldn’t let just any stranger drive his bike, after all. But he’d gotten to the point where he could do a solid vibe check just by looking and interacting with someone, and these two seemed nice. He could see himself accepting this kind offer, under similar circumstances, from either of them. 

Still, kinda scary to think he’d be driving someone else’s car to their own house. He wouldn’t know where it was, Phillip would have to direct him. But Phillip legally couldn’t drive, not with the one eye gone, and Marlowe definitely couldn’t drive if he tried. Which he shouldn’t. 

“That would be so-so lovely, thank you,” Phillip said. 

Getting clearance to drive some drunk patrons home was a breeze, knowing it was Eric “workaholic glad you’re getting out early” Yuan. Soon enough, he had his arm looped around Marlowe’s waist, helping him up as Phillip led them to the car, which was parked about half a block away. Phillip also used a cane, which would have been a pretty difficult thing to work around if he needed to carry Marlowe himself. All the more reason Eric was glad to help them home. 

They walked up to a nice sedan, likely a newer model judging by the built in navigation. Phillip helped Eric lay Marlowe in the back seat as he mumbled something about a pony, and Phillip himself climbed into the shotgun. The car wasn’t that hard to drive, now that Eric looked around at the controls. Same as any. The break was a little more tense than he was used to, but once he got it onto the road, he could manage. 

Phillip, in shotgun, turned on a jazzy, late night radio station. And directed Eric gently towards their home, probably. Neither of them made conversation much but, to some extent, it didn’t seem like it was necessary. And that was kind of nice, to Eric. He didn’t always like conversing, especially with patrons and folks who didn’t know him. Which accounted for most people. But Phillip’s presence was nice, calming almost, which was rich for a guy who Eric had just met. He was tense, like he usually was, but for a stranger? In this kind of precarious circumstance?

It’s when the drive took them onto a small, two-lane road at the edges of the city and beginnings of the forest that Eric starts to worry. Was Marlowe actually a heavy-weight? Maybe he was pretending to be drunk back there so they could mug him? Take his kindness for granted and leave him in a ditch? He didn’t think he looked like he was worth mugging, but like….maybe. Was that a necessary cane or was it a weapon?

“It’s this-this house here,” Phillip said, pointing to a gravel driveway, and Eric swallowed despite the dryness of his mouth. 

“Sure,” he murmured, pulling onto the gravel. 

As he did, the house’s porch light turned on, front door thrown open as someone else jogged out. Eric stopped, threw the car into park immediately, but Phillip didn’t seem too phased by the newcomer. Instead, he turned to Eric and held out a one hundred dollar bill. “Thank you so much for all your help this evening,” he said with a smile.

Eric looked at the bill, then up at Phillip. He hadn’t really expected to be tipped for this, in all honesty. But it made sense. You know, if he’s going to drive you home, tip him. He’s done over the top enough. But a hundred fucking dollars? This dude just whipped a hundred dollars out on a tip? How loaded were these gay dudes, and then they didn’t have someone to drive them home?

“That’s a hundred dollars,” he said, unthinking. 

He blushed a little, stuttering on words to add on and say he didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, but Phillip just laughed. His laugh was breezy, like leaves in the wind. “Yes, it’s a hundred dollars. I think it’s-it’s warranted, considering you drove me and my idiot home,” Phillip put the bill on Eric’s lap and undid his seatbelt. “It’s a hundred dollars plus something-something extra.”

Eric looked down at the bill, picked it up, and there was. A whole ass phone number written on the side. With the “Phillip & Marlowe” written on the side. 

Before he can ask what the fuck is happening and if he’s been dreaming this whole time, the backseat door opens. “Davy,” Marlowe’s voice is so slurred it’s almost incomprehensible, but the person who’d come out of the house, this “Davy,” unbuckles Marlowe swiftly. 

“Jesus, Marl’, how much did you drink?” Davy grumbles, pulling Marlowe out by his arms. 

Instead of setting him on the ground, though, Davy just wrapped them around his shoulders and then slowly, steadily, lifted Marlowe into his arms. Marlowe let him, swinging his own legs up to make it easier for Davy to catch them. Once he had some semblance of a grip, Marlowe leaned forward and pressed his face against Davy’s, kissing him rough enough for Phillip to laugh at, Eric to stare confusedly at. 

“He gets like this, when he’s-when he’s drunk,” Phillip leaned over to explain, though it does nothing to clear up Eric’s questions. 

At this point? He’s a lot more willing to walk home. Just get out of the car and walk. 

“Alright, y’ sap,” Davy grumbles, pulling Marlowe off of himself and nestling him into more of a hold. 

Eric was still sitting in the driver seat, just watching through the passenger window as Phillip opens his own door and climbs out. Davy leans his head towards Phillip, who pats his shoulder warmly and looks down at Eric. 

All three of them are looking at him now. 

The odd one out. 

And, like, fair. He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing here, either. 

“Uh,” he said. “I can just, uh. I can call myself an Uber now.”

“Who the fuck’re you?” Davy asked, almost at exactly the same time.

Eric put his hands up and slowly climbed out of the car. This Davy person didn’t really look mad—Phillip leaned over, whispering something to him, and Davy nodded along. And Eric didn’t know what the fuck that was about really, but he didn’t feel in the mood to test anything. Not at three in the morning, in someone else’s driveway. He had to get back home. 

“I can just….” Eric gestured to the road again, taking a few steps back. 

Davy shook his head. “No fuckin’ way, dude,” he was much more abrasive than the other two, and something in the sturdiness of his tone got Eric to shut up. “I’ll drive you.”

On literally any other day, Eric would probably have started running right then and there. His palms were sweaty still, from gripping the steering wheel tighter than ever and from the mounting panic of driving someone else’s car to a house he didn’t know. In a car with a bunch of strangers. 

But, to be frank, Eric was just starting to believe this wasn’t real. 

He was probably just tired. He didn’t usually work shifts this late, and this was a whirlwind of a night already, and he’d already swallowed whatever panic arose earlier, which usually left him without the energy to worry about semi-tense situations. It was a kinda numb feeling. Besides, what was the worst that could happen? He dies and Gavin goes back with their parents? Bit too late in the night for Eric to care about something as trivial as dying. 

So he nodded slowly to Davy’s suggestion. “That would be nice,” he said. 

Davy grinned. He lifted Marlowe a little and said, “I’ll put this one to bed and come back out, ‘ight?” 

Eric just nodded again, which must have been good enough for Davy, because he just turned around and marched himself back into the house. Phillip stayed outside, though, leaning on his cane with both of his hands. Eric shuffled around the car, now feeling a little more awkward, and Phillip gave him a small shrug as if to say he sympathized.

“I’m sure this is-this is strange,” Phillip added on. 

It sure as fuck was. But Eric was like, almost too out of it to properly acknowledge that. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “This’ gonna be one hell of a dream to wake up from.”

Phillip chuckled at that one, laugh light like air. He leaned over and rested a hand on Eric’s shoulder—Eric flinched, hands reaching up into a defensive stance, and Phillip pulled back quick. 

It was. A little out of his comfort zone. 

Just a little. He didn’t like people touching him, especially people he didn’t know, because for the longest time he’d been used to sudden motions as a threat. And while he used to take it, Eric had long since trained himself to fight over flight. So it did take self-control to not just deck this dude.

He turned back around to Phillip, shoulders hiked enough for his neck to stiffen just a bit, and he tried to lower his own hands. They were shaking, much to his chagrin, so he stuffed them into the pockets of his jeans. 

“Sorry,” he fumbled over his words. “Sorry, I, uh. I’m kinda...it’s late, and I don’t really like, uh. People touching me.”

“No need to apologize, that-that was on me,” Phillip responded. “No need at all. I should-I should have known better, but I’m ti-I guess I’m tired my-myself. I’m very sorry for touching.”

Eric smoothed himself out slowly, as best he could, and Phillip rested himself against the side of the car. He glanced over, watching Phillip as the man looked up at the tree line. In the moonlight, Eric could see him smile, ever so slightly. He looked weirdly regal, with how prim he was, even after being at a dive bar for three hours. His hair was still brushed to the side like it’d been gelled, though Eric had seen him run his hand through it a few times. And although it was dark, he could still make out the freckles that dotted Phillip’s face, like stars in their own right.

He turned away, looking at his feet, and hoped Phillip didn’t feel too badly. It wasn’t his fault Eric was a nervous fuckin’ wreck. But he didn’t say anything. Getting a little too tired to hold proper conversation.

They both look up as the front door opens and closes again, as that Davy guy jogs out. He’d changed out of his clothes into other pajama looking clothes, or maybe he’d just thrown on a jacket. 

“Alright, nerd’s been sung a lullaby and is all tucked into bed.” He clapped his hands, rubbing them together slowly. “You gonna be able to get yourself in bed okay, Princey?”

“Oh, I’ll be okay. Just-Just sad my favorite artist won’t be there to kiss me goodnight,” Phillip said, and Eric did a double take at how flippantly the flirt was doled out.

Wasn’t Phillip dating that Marlowe guy? Eric glanced between Davy and Phillip as Davy scoffed and grabbed Phillip by the shoulder of his sweater, yanking him close and kissing him for a second. Were they like, all dating? Was that what was happening here? 

Eric was more confused than anything else. He knew of polyamory. He’d just never seen it. Then again, he didn’t know about a lot in the queer community. Once, one of the queens who came in for drag night called him “gnc as hell” and he had to get an explanation from one of the girls sitting at the bar. Polyamory, though, was a new kind of fear for him. That was just more people to disappoint. 

He looked back at the car and climbed into the passenger seat while Davy pulled back from Phillip and mussed up his hair. Eric very intentionally ignored eye contact while Davy climbed into the driver’s seat and rolled down Eric’s window, though he did wave at Phillip while Davy pulled away.

“Drive safely, David!” Phillip called out, waving a hand. 

“Be back in a sec, baby!” David must have been his name proper, because he blew Phillip a kiss through the window and then rolled it back up. 

Eric just kept sitting. Quietly. He almost wanted to pull his knees up, but this was someone else’s car and he didn’t really want to put his shoes on the leather seats. He put his hands on his knees, though, and tensed his knuckles a little. 

Whereas the ride to the house was quiet in a calm manner, Eric felt a lot more tense now. He didn’t know this David. And this David dude seemed a lot less poised than Phillip or Marlowe, given how he just turned off the radio and mumbled music lyrics, off-key and without any actual tune. And Eric could recognize that only because, at some point, David was singing some Shinedown song he knew. “State of My Head?” Probably. 

Would David be mad? If this was a polyamory situation, would it be like encroaching on territory to have driven Phillip and Marlowe home? Eric didn’t know. He didn’t want it to seem like that; he just didn’t want them to have to call an Uber and get a ticket. Shit was expensive. 

At the first red light off the one-lane road, David glanced at him, and Eric caught the sight of a birthmark near his neck. It looked faded but it was still a recognizable shade of red. Eric looked away almost immediately, so David wouldn’t notice him staring. He must not have been too successful, though, because David chose that moment to start a conversation.

[matrixwhore]

.

k…so…hmm i don’t know if i’ll leave this up. im truly in a moment where i just wanna be lowkey. i don’t exactly want to be perceived too much rn. but this pride is really important to me. and i don’t really even know if this is worth anyone’s time, but i feel like i should say something...if only just to be able to look back and see that i did celebrate in my own way.

i don’t think i’ve had a pride where i’ve experienced it the way i would have liked, tho this is the year where i really feel whats at the heart of it the most. im queer and genderfluid/nonbinary. not just in how i love, but also how i live. i’ve had some recent revelations about all that that’s been really exciting, but a lot of figuring myself out happened in the midst of a great deal of crisis so there hasn’t been very much, joy or celebration these past few years. last year in particular was so hard i experience such a severe period of anhedonia and apathy i didn’t think i’d see the other side of it. iwtv was the first thing i was able to fully enjoy, and feel the enjoyment, and then coming on here and meeting so many amazing lgbtq+ people (espc. my black mutuals) has been mind altering. not even an exaggeration! talking and sharing ideas and laughing and just enjoying you guys has shifted my life experience in ways i wish you knew. i wish words could express it, but i don't think they really can. so i guess this is a thank you to my gay vampire show family as it is a very real celebration that i chose to watch it and that i'm still here.

there used to be a goal post for not being here. and wanting to see S2 shifted that. and then immersing myself within this fandom experience gave me reasons to push it further. and then suddenly i was being inspired to do things for me that i had given up on just bc connections i've made. and now i dont even know where that goal post is. it used to be so clear and in sight. i was almost a statistic in the worst way. one of the most effective way to erase us is by making us take ourselves out of life so they can say it was us all along. something was wrong within is. but nothing is wrong with all the beautifully complex and chaotic ways i exist. something is wrong with a society that doesn't want me in it when the world clearly does. when it keeps giving me reasons to keep going and keep fighting despite the opposition. even if i took myself out, i couldn't be erased anyways bc i’m so loved. as i am. im loved. and i love and that’s really untouchable. on the other side of not being able to feel, and not being able to care. im reminded im loved. and i feel it now. and i care so much about it that its given me fight. its given me the stubbornness and spite required to live in all this.

i think a lot about this.

[image description: a poem by Lucille Clifton titled - won’t you celebrate with me.

won’t you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

end image description]

i know theres a lot of pain. and grief and uncertainty that exists throughout this fandom. i know there’s a lot people are experiencing that they aren't sharing or getting into. if my life is anything to go by i know that suffering in this life can sometimes be so egregious you question what it’s all for. i question that a lot. even now. and i don't have an answer really. I don't think it’s my place to answer that for others anyways. but i’m celebrating you guys bc you’ve helped me feel. and care. and i attribute so much of the joys i’ve had these past several months to getting to experience you all. you were here when i came searching for something to connect to. even if i didn’t realize that’s what i was doing at the time. we’re here together now. and you may not know it or feel it. but just you being here ripples and reaches. so i really hope you’ll celebrate with me. they didn't kill us. and the ones that have passed live on in the ways we still love them. still grieve them. and honor them in everything we do. our lives are written in pen and permanent marker all over the world. they’ll tear off the flesh of their fingers, raw and bloody, before they ever succeed in wiping us away. we’re rooted in the core. the earth remembers us and keeps bringing us back. bc we belong here. happy pride.

[spearohero]

what are some of your favorite stories! yours, other people's, small, big, etc! that's probably a big thing to think about so if you want something specific ummm recommend me a writer or three!

man!!! okay excellent question. i think ill still do three but ill talk about different things with each one; bear in mind that this is like, off the top of my head, so its not Definitive (ill try to sneak em in as honorable mentions but even stuff with a huge impact on me is gonna be harder to think of/talk about if it was like ten years ago, yknow?)

oh, and if you want to read my stories, you can see those here =3c

Kill Six Billion Demons

this one probably has to be The Bar for quality in my mind, at least at the moment.

82 White Chain Born In Emptiness Returns To Subdue Evil (yes, full name) has maybe one of the most compelling character arcs i've ever read;

the art is stunning, and the worldbuilding incredibly thorough (in a way that makes the history of the world feel dynamic and relevant, rather than just being tons of lore to sift through);

the fights whip ass and the logic of the cool shit that the characters do is directly tied to the underlying view the story has about Power™, which directly influenced my thought process for a lot of the plot details of "Dawnsister";

and, sort of related to the two previous points, the entire thing is just so fucking coherent, thematically speaking. all the side stories and bits of hover text, all the bits of commentary and passages from fictional manuscripts in the image descriptions, weave together and do some really good allegorical storytelling for the messages Abaddon wants to send (and to underline/counterpoint whats happening in the comic itself), and the details tend to come back later to be relevant in a big way

its just. high marks on literally every metric i can think of. this is the kind of "every line (both kinds) is crammed with intent and nothing is wasted" stuff i wanna do with my writing

(honorable mention for this category: Everything Everywhere All At Once, for sheer quality of writing and similar levels of "god they planned this from the fucking start". one of the only films to make me cry)

Homestuck (im not linking it we all know this one)

i have less to say about this, but i think its one of the stories that's had the biggest stylistic impact on my writing. i was kind of doing it even before reading homestuck but it SUPER cemented it: the 2nd-person voice and the fuckery where a character's thoughts, the narrator's description of a scene, and instructions from the audience/in-universe sources of Brain Interference all blend together is something i keep coming back to in both 3rd-person limited perspective AND 2nd-person (typically transformation-related) work

it also takes all the "using every possible avenue for Additional Storytelling" thing that i was describing about KSBD and ratchets it the fuck up. like this comic is repeatedly the benchmark for "what kind of weird, media-mixing, format-breaking shit can i do with comic panels and text rendering", even if i dont plan to dabble in webpage shenanigans like Hussie did

(i cant think of an honorable mention here, but i liked the way Tyranny presented lore and history to you in hyperlinks in the text, so that you could just HAVE background information your character would have instead of having to Do Exposition. also check out Vast Error if you liked the shit homestuck was doing with multimedia storytelling)

Ascension: Tales of Twin Tails

this one is just one of my favorites. out of this list its for sure been the most impactful on me personally, in like an identity sense at least. this shit transed my gender and othered my kin. its one of the only OTHER pieces of media to ever make me teary-eyed. its about being transgender extremely literally but also in some really creative And Also Extremely Dope ways

the fight scenes are about as grand in scope as the ones in KSBD, and the way that magic works in the setting is just about as thematically-strong (and also offer lots of room for insight about the characters, as well as self-reflection for the reader to have fun with).

the relationships are really, really well-done, and there are scenes that stick with me two years later as just strikingly and stunningly tender and intimate and vulnerable; the characters are just as strong (Coyotl is like, Top Three with White Chain, and if you know anything about me at all you know that Cat Kitten became my entire identity for months after reading it)

read it please read it i will evangelize this novel until the end of time

(honorable mention as far as having an effect on Me As A Person is probably like..... Night in the Woods; super super natural dialogue, lots of compelling relationship turmoil and hit some fears that were Extremely Relevant to me at the time of my life that i played it)

ty for asking btw!! i hope you get around to enjoying one of these =^w^=

[shadowsong26fic]

So, for some reason, I got the little flag saying I had a message, and I got the email alert, but when I go to my inbox the ask doesn't actually show up??? Thanks, tumblr. Anyway, hence the screencap from my email because sure.

[image description: an ask from @blackdragonhellfire: I'd love to hear more about your Star Wars WIPS! Especially the 2023 Big Bang fic] [end ID]

So, the two I listed are our faces like a mirror, which is something I've been working on for. Many Years Now, lol, and SWBB 2023 [Anakin & Ahsoka AU], which did not actually come together for 2023 and should probably be renamed for 2024 but that's a future me problem, lol.

More details behind the cut because I get Wordy.

OFLAM is a story about Bo-Katan and Satine Kryze, and how the civil war when they were teens impacted them and radicalized them in opposite directions. The story is told entirely from Bo's point of view and covers a roughly ten-year period, from when Bo leaves Sundari a few months before Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon turn up to when she eventually joins Death Watch. The way I had it structured does ignore some later timeline revelations because insert Nick Fury gif here. I have Bo as two years younger than her sister; their father dies when she's sixteen and Satine is eighteen and the war starts in the aftermath; she's sent away into hiding on her own (with two allies/bodyguards) not long after that. A few months later, her bodyguards are killed, and she escapes alone. This is when Satine reaches out to the Republic/Jedi Order for help and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan get involved.

Bo does go back to Sundari when she hears her sister won the war and is more securely established as Duchess now, and the two of them try to make it work for a while (especially because Korkie is involved), but their different responses to the war just keep making that gap between them get wider and wider and eventually Bo leaves, about eight years after her return. This is a snippet from the epilogue but...well, foregone conclusion; we all know where Bo ends up:

“You think my sister’s beliefs define mine?” I asked. “I think I wonder if she sent you here.” “Why would she?” I asked. “Deception and subterfuge like that isn’t her style. If she knew what you were building here, she’d come after you directly. She’d come herself to get a look, if she wanted more proof. She wouldn’t send me. Not like this. If you think that, you don’t know my sister at all. You’re way off the mark.” “And what about you, Lady Kryze?” he asked, the title curling sarcastically through his helmet’s vocoder. Now I pulled my blaster, and fired one clean shot, cutting the antenna off his helmet. He, along with every other true Mandalorian gathered there, was less than a beat behind. I counted twelve guns pointed at me, and smiled. “I never miss my mark, Lord Viszla.”

The Anakin and Ahsoka AU was something I'd planned to write for SWBB this past year, but it didn't come together in time. I'm hoping to use it for next year (so there won't be any snippet shared like the last one).

Background:

This is an AU where Padme's ship went somewhere Not Tatooine for repairs; handwaving that the rest of TPM went Close Enough To The Same, even though that's not really the focus of the AU, but just to limit the fallout.

Anakin's background in this fic is--he and his mother were sold separately about two years after TPM takes place. Anakin connects with an underground movement and participates in what is ultimately a failed slave revolt. He's one of the few who manages to get away with his life, and realizes that an all-out revolt is not in the cards, with the resources/etc. available. So he spends his time smuggling supplies and people in and out of Hutt space, sometimes attacking known slavers when he thinks he has the resources. Always looking for his mom.

Fast forward to about halfway through the Clone Wars; by this point Anakin has a pretty hefty price on his head in Hutt space, but is only vaguely known to the Republic and the Separatists. Ahsoka, meanwhile, has been assigned as a Padawan about three to six months into the War (probably Obi-Wan; but I've also considered matching her up with Mace instead).

She ends up crashing on a planet where Anakin has stopped for a few weeks to restock on supplies/etc. They run into each other and pretty much immediately click; they stumble across a Separatist plot that will result in a Lot of civilian casualties and foil it, continuing to bond/adopt each other along the way.

And then the rest should be saved for when I actually write it, since unlike OFLAM, this is Not a Foregone Conclusion ending, lol.

[waifuofbath]

3 and 9, whichever fandom you prefer :3c

Ok so, let's go with Patho because we all know this is the fandom I've been moving the most in the last few years.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

Ok cannot remember exactly if it was on tumblr or on twitter, (I think it was on twitter) but I still feel like that reaction image of Michael Rodent gouging his eyes out when I think about it.

Which was a take that described Block as a fascist.

I'm sorry like... What??? Are we playing the same videogame???

Even if we disregard the context and the references (Hello, Russian-esque Army in a setting that looks vaguely early 20thC) , what in Block's whole character makes you think he is a fascist??? That he is part of the Army??? That he is wearing a long coat???

Seriously, he is trying to save the most people possible. Both in Classic and 2. IN 2 HE EVEN OPPOSES MARK DIRECTLY IN HIS PANTOMIME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE HAD BEEN SENT THERE TO SAVE PEOPLE AND SEES IT IS NOT SO, THAT HE MIGHT NEED TO KILL THOSE PEOPLE HE THOUGHT HE WOULD SAVE. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK A FASCIST WOULD DO THAT?

JUST WHAT?

9.worst part of canon

I'm gonna say it IMHO: The Kin being so underdeveloped, not even as characters but as a whole concept.

I get it might be out of certain monetary constraints or maybe other stuff that escapes me.

Still, IPL have a gold mine right there, conceptually speaking. And they have barely tapped onto it. I say this as a person who lists Nara as one of her favorite characters. (I think she actually has a depth a lot of people in the fandom seem to pass by.)

Where are my Kin Elders? Are there no companions of Taya's age that she could have around? I'm not even asking for more variety on the Herb Brides but... idk just tell me how their thing goes? What about those of the Kin who have been in close contact with the Town (Like the dancer in the Broken Heart or the Worms that work in Vladito's well)? Do they hate it or maybe have they grown to love it and they feel as displaced as the townspeople do in the Nocturnal Ending? WHAT IS THE HISTORY OF THE KIN? I WANT MORE ON BODDHO AND SUOK AND BOS TUROKH!!!

Thank goodness I wrote a lot about it (If anyone's interested I shall share links) but man. Something more in canon would have been so good.

[consistantly-changing]

[Image descriptions in order: a twitter thread by @/parsfarce "fungbunger" which says "bloke at work who's been here for like 6 years handed in 2 weeks notice last Friday & now he's done the old Harold Holt. completely AWOL. managers goin off their heads. ghosting close work mates' calls & texts. so fuckin good. the old scorched earth strategy for no fuckin reason

"great at his job, liked by all. then out of the blue for no apparent reason; here's me 2 hours notice, see ya later ya fuckin dog cunts. pours petrol on the bridge as he walks out the door and then just fuckin burns it. for all these years, i walked in the shadow of a Titan

"huge amount of yanks pouring forth from a wormhole in the algorithm to destroy the vibes. all commenting "oh my gOoOoOod labour conditions and republicans and bill 432, he's killed himself please delete this, he needs treatment for fentanyl addiction"

(Capitalized) no yanks on the thread!!! (End capitalization)]

["so many posts in the thread perfectly demonstrating the fact that Americans are fundamentally weird, unnaturally speaking dorks. a very straight-line form of thinking but the line goes in the complete wrong fucking direction. a universally cringe people. less than 1% are normal

"what manner of beast is this? what vile form of creature who plagues my thread? if such is to be my lot, an eternity of wrath, to slay the yank, to hunt its kin, then so be it. i shall walk into the darkness, and I shall cleanse it.

i am The Yank Hunter.

"Australian replies: yewwwww cunts a fuckin legend ha ha livin the dream Onya brother

American replies: this is a cry for help. he has always despised you but carried it deep within. it's too late to do anything, he's already killed himself. his blood is on your hands]

["*yanks stumbling upon this thread* oOoOoOoOh this looks like a good place to share my experience of trauma in the workplace

"yanks will find a post with 3 likes & 0 comments where a person mentions the metric system in some way and be like "sorry for cursing but what in the name of friggety HECK?? 3 kilometres?? ok Shakespeare! ha ha.....my son had a track meet 6 weeks ago at Eggington (go Devil Eggs!)

"(Capitalized) a message for yanks - I am trying to help you: (end capitalization)

can you please just fuckin slap the restless night of benzo-sleep from your eyes, have your morning line of fentanyl and read the fuckin thread. whatever dorky American shit you're about to post, a dozen yanks have already posted

"(Capitalized) yanks should only be allowed on a local area network covering no greater than 10 miles distance from their children's high school football field, from where they gague directions!! So many comments very specific to their random fuckin area. medieval peasant scale of world views (end capitalization)]

["average american Twitter bio is some shit like

father. brother. son. patriot. proud member of the 517th electoral district of Greater Eggington. Volunteer high school football coach for the Eggington Devils (let's go devil eggs!!!)

"yanks will literally SCREAM at you about how good America is, and then when they read a story about a bloke failing to work his two weeks notice period assume "ah yes, I've seen this many times myself. the poor fellow has killed himself"

"there is a battle every single yank in the comments is waging against each other right now; to be the dumbest, dorkiest biggest cunt of a yank on the thread. so many victors emerged already, seemingly impossible to best. Until an even greater champion emerges from the algorithm

"in awe of the absolutely maddening ability of The Common Yank (Yankalis Dogcuntis) to post an anecdotal experience they think is comparable but is instead just an example of them being The Workplace Cunt". End thread.]

[Three DMs, which say:

Brother Patrick

My account has been limited by the Yank Dog Cunts at Twitter dot com

Let the people know I shall return]

[A screenshot of two comments on this post, which say:

aeonknight: Imagine unitonically calling Americans "Yanks." Cringe. That's not America that's just Twitter

clipartcoverart: @ aeonknight We mean it as a slur if that helps]

this guy gets it

[boopernatural]

I'm reading alabaster fic and I have to say

I've seen other fics where sarah was murdered and all, but this one... The whole concept of her going to the movie theater with her friends and then being killed when going to the bathroom...and the details of the night... It gives me the creeps, it gives me chills and all because it's such a realistic concept. As someone who has watched a lot of true crime content, the story of sarah is like it came out of a real life case because you made it all seem a little too scary and real????? When the chapter of the footage came and you described that sarah went to the bathroom and a man came a little shortly after without no one noticing, I actually imagined the camera footage so well in my head that gave me goosebumps, like the footage exists. I also imagined those true crime youtubers talking about sarah as one of the cases I've watched before and God, it's all seems so real. Anyways, that might be the strangest compliment you will get tonight, but congrats!

Well firstly, thank you for reading! I’m so glad that you’re able to picture everything and that it’s feeling realistic. That is a very flattering and genuinely wonderful compliment to get. Thank you!!

Secondly, I just have to say, regarding the creepiness of the footage… I’m SO happy that all came across. The visuals of the man in the Members Only jacket are actually something that I find downright terrifying myself.

There is some true crime content about The Eastburn family, a really heartbreaking case that thankfully after many years did get solved. But I remember learning about that case and the description of the suspect creeping through the night in a Members Only jacket really stuck with me, really creeped me out? That image and just knowing what that man had done…

Anyway, small tidbit but that visual is definitely inspired by some real life criminals.

It’s been such an experience writing this fic because I love true crime, it has so much power when used well, so much awareness and so much capacity to actually get movement on cases that have been cold for years. I’ve been consuming true crime content for probably a decade now, documentaries, podcasts etc. and it really has changed me fundamentally. I think the most important thing you can take away from these stories is compassion and empathy for the victims and their families, which should drive a passion for change. I won’t get into all my opinions on the legal system, but knowing the way it so often lets down victims and their loved ones… well, it’s no wonder justice has become a crowd-funded phenomenon.

I didn’t mean to ramble- ahh. At the end of the day this is just a story I wrote because I got an idea and wanted to explore, obviously we’re not making an impact here, but I still wanted to make sure these themes are present throughout. I feel like that’s important to this story.

Thank you for reading the fic and I’m really glad you’re enjoying it!

[coldbloodedstrike]

Disclaimer: I just started Genshin Impact so I'm not familiar with every piece of lore. So this isn't going to cover everything about The Travelers and Venti's relationship. But I wanted to point out some very interesting details I've picked up on so far:

1.) "Beloved of the Anemo Archon" Achievement.

Beloved is a very interesting choice here. While beloved isn't exclusively romantic, it is often used in a romantic context. Beloved indicates that someone is deeply loved... and having the traveler sit in the hand of the statue is a really interesting choice.

2.) "The Outlander who caught the wind". Kind of losing my mind over this because it implies that The Traveler caught the god of Anemo - who is also the God of Freedom.

3.) Venti's association with birds [teaching the first birds that they only needed courage to fly] and the Travelers being winged beings who lost their powers. His association with birds is also consistent with his relationship with Xiao - as Xiao is based on the Golden-Winged Great Peng [which is a being that looks like a half man/half bird. But in Genshin Impact, Xiao is represented as a bird, rather than the bird/man hybrid depiction of the Golden-Winged Great Peng.]

Article about Xiao: here

4.) The very, very interesting pattern of having the Traveler be saved by anemo users during the final moments of major story arcs.

Xiao: saves the traveler from falling to their death. [ And Xiao sacrifices sacrifice himself to save the traveler and their friends in "At Tunnels End".]

Kazuha: saves the Traveler from getting killed by The Raiden Shogun.

The Wanderer: saves the traveler from getting beamed by the Everlasting Lord of Arcane Wisdom.

"May the wind protect you" indeed...

5.) Windwheel Asters, which are used to level up the Traveler, say:

"A plant that adores the wind. To the proud children of the wind, or the citizens of Mondstadt, the Windwheel Asters are "the visible winds".

Having Windwheel Asters be one of the materials to ascend the traveler is interesting... because the ascension materials didn't have to include this flower. It could have even been some made up flower related to the stars. Like a "Star Flower" or something... but it's a flower that "adores the wind"... Also this material could have been any random material.

6.) Venti's very suspicious piece of dialogue "Ah, Traveler! We meet again. What? You don't remember me? Aha, Well allow me to join you on your quest once again. I must see to it that the bards of the world tell the Travelers tale."

Ontop of this, Venti's Windblume poem implies a connection to the Traveler. The Windblume poem is about the Traveler because in the Chinese script "you" and "your" change depending on who you pick. Since Archons can enter peoples dreams and Venti went to sleep for a period of time - it's possible he could have met the Traveler while they were sleeping. And he kept them company during their 500 year sleep - a sleep which was implied to be full of nightmares in the trailer for the beta version of the game [which is voiced over by Venti jsyk].

The reason why I think he met the Traveler in their dreams is because of this line in Ventis Windblume poem:

Who was it that embraced your noble soul in dreams deep

Here's the full Windblume poem:

"Who was it that stroked your bloodied, determined visage By stream flowing small By boulder standing large Who was it that embraced your weary yet noble soul in dreams deep In skies soaring Dear friend I am leading you by the hand Into the night where lanterns shine bright To tell you a tale of freedom and dreams The tale of where this festival begins.”

I highlighted the "noble soul" part because of the description of the Anemo Archon statues:

A monumental stone statue that watches over Mondstadt. Legends say that it was sculpted in the image of the Anemo Archon. "Seeds brought by the wind will grow over time." The statue silently anticipates the arrival of a noble soul to arrive, while thousand winds of time will soon unfold a new story...

[Jsyk you get the "Beloved of the Anemo Archon" trophy by sitting on the hands of the Statue of Barbatos in Mondstadt.]

This is extra interesting when we take into account Venti's close association with The God of time and his roll of being the wind that brings the "seeds" to where they're meant to be. It's obvious that Venti is guiding the traveler to some kind of end goal we're not aware of. And thematically, he's protecting them even when he's not directly involved in their conflict through Anemo users.

Venti also says: "There is not a single song I do not know, whether it be the past, present, or future"

I'm not sure if this is supposed to mean he is ALSO the God of Time - like when "The Anemo Archon" goes to "sleep", "The God of Time" awakens. Or if Venti is given visions by the God of Time to carry out certain events - to be the wind that delivers the seeds to where they're meant to be. But the point is is that he obviously knows future events and he's intentionally keeping them from The Traveler, while guiding them along a certain path. He's not keeping secrets from The Traveler to be malicious, but to make sure they take a certain path to a specific end goal.

And again, he's also been waiting for them to come to Teyvat for an untold amount of time.

7.) When Venti is describing what a Windblume can mean the camera switches to Ventis POV, then it pans over to the Traveler when he says "flowers of love". This is very suspicious because the camera didn't need to pan over to the traveler at all nor did we need a perspective shift to begin with... but it does when Venti says "flowers of love"... how am I not supposed to interpret that as him being romantically interested in the traveler?

Yeah. "love" - at least in english - can mean any kind of love, but it's the choice to have the camera shift to Venti's perspective, then have the camera pan over to the traveler [while still in Venti's POV] as he's saying "flowers of love" is what has me thinking "love" is supposed to mean romantic love in this situation.

8.) Venti and the Traveler missing someone who shares the same face and grieving a time they can't return to.

9.) Traveler to Venti: "Your eyes are the color of the sky in my homeland"

10.) Venti calling the Traveler "My warrior". Again, this is really interesting to me because Venti has been waiting for the traveler to come to Teyvat. He needs the Traveler to be his warrior so that some kind of end goal can be obtained.

But honestly... his teapot dialogue is very sweet.

[seysei]

Who could touma be talking about here?

From the first time you read it, it's easy to assume that he is referring to Mikuni, because the memory that follows this, is one where touma extends his hands to younger Mikuni with the intention of "helping" him

A scene that we see again in chapter 125, this time showing you a clearer version of when touma first introduced himself to Mikuni, the same image of him smiling, but from Jeje's point of view.

(btw I say "helping" because it's clear Touma had malicious intentions)

However, when it was shown in those memories that touma was being jealous of a certain somebody and said the following-

"... Why? Why him and not me? I should have..

Even though my ability is much greater. Just because he was born in a well to do family...

I'll drag him down."

-Was it really Mikuni he was talking about? It's easy to think so, because those lines are followed by a memory of him extending his hand to a younger Mikuni as I've mentioned earlier, with malicious intentions saying he was just trying to "help" him, moreover Mikuni does fit the description of someone born in a well to do family. However if we put it all together, at that time, I don't recall anything special happening to Mikuni that could have made Touma envious of Him. At that time he introduces himself to Mikuni, whom is around 16 years old, Mikuni had literally just witnessed his mother try to kill herself before she got shot dead by Jeje whom he took as him own servamp. (crazy)

That is why, I think that the memory of touma being envious of someone isn't about Mikuni.

In short, I think that those pages are a bunch of different memories, events, that are fair to say happened far from each other, but in those panels Mahiru explores Touma's mind, they are put together in a way that makes it hard to tell which is linked to which.

(bear with me I'll tell you who I think touma was referring to soon. )

See this image, this memory, im sure it's of shuuhei's father's funeral. It looks exactly the same with what is written on the board and the people walking.

So I doubt that touma whom was at the funeral was jealous, of what? A dead person? (lol) therfore that little panel that you see underneath it where he starts his speech of "why him and not me?" must be at another event, an event unrelated to Mikuni, because time-line wise Mikuni should have been around the age of 5 at that event. (16 - 11)

The event I'm referring to is this.

Iori becoming the Head of his family and therfore getting a high status.

(Don't mind Kiriko, I just didn't wanna cut off her part because she's gorgeous and mesmerising--)

So to put it very simple and skip to the point, I think that this 'born in a well to do family' person, that touma was referring to, isn't Mikuni, but tsukimitsu Iori.

That is at least if my theory is right. So if my theory is right, this memory of Touma's speech "why him and not me?" happened about 11 years ago before he offered his "help" to Mikuni.

My theory is that Touma's envy we see in those memories is related to the event of Iori becoming the Head of the tsukimitsu family at the age of 18. Gaining that high status and authority, that Touma had wanted for himself since forever, making him envious of Iori that was born in a well to do family and this power, high status and authority is in his heritage.

After all, when Touma introduced himself to younger Mikuni as we saw in chapter 125, he didn't really introduce himself with his own name, rather he introduced himself as tsukimitsu Iori's friend. Perhaps believing it would be the appropriate introduction for Mikuni to trust him, since Iori was a man from a respectable and well to do family, became the head of the family at a young age yet those around him trusted him with that responsibility since he was a smart man, easily described as respectable and trustworthy.

Idk.

[royriza]

royai and their mental health

here’s my little contribution for September 10th: the World Suicide Prevention Day (x).

Mental health has always been my personal advocacy, as I've been studying psychology for almost four years. So I'm very happy to share this analysis. This was first published last year (link), but I've made necessary revisions and I've added a lot of additions to it.

FMA Manga, Volume 15 Cover

Please note that these are all assumptions and theories, so it’s not canonically announced, even if there are some that are heavily implied. Take it with a grain of salt.

It should also be noted that this analysis was never intended to romanticize war crimes, the trauma it brings, or any mental illness. This was solely meant to point out, triangulate canon information, and connect the dots between the behaviors that each character has shown in the canon series.

Trigger Warning: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Implied Suicidal Ideation

This is also in celebration of my first year in the fma fandom, which led us to a total of 1.6k+ followers on the fma blogs that I run (@hanamuri , @fullmetalanalyst , @hawkeyebullets). Thank you, everyone, it's so nice to be with people who love FMA and royai as much as I do! You help me cope with life.

(very long post. you have been warned)

Note: Tumblr has recently set a limit to the number of photos per post, so I am only allowed to upload 10 photos this time 🤧

If you wish to read it with all the photos, you could check this docs link (but it does not have the image descriptions).

In [FMAB Special Episode 4], it showcases a vulnerable moment for Roy. He ended the life of his friend back in his military days, and Hughes came to him as his emotional support.

He asks Hughes, "Why am I killing the people of my own country?"

Hughes answers his rhetorical question and says it’s because the Ishvalans started the war. Roy dismisses this by saying (non-verbatim) it's a lame excuse to disguise slaughter. Hughes attempts to change the subject, sharing his plans after the war and thus, what keeps him going. He tells Roy that he plans to propose to Gracia after the war. "Once this war is over and things have calmed down, I'm thinking about proposing to her"

Roy, stuck in his pessimism and grief, asks Hughes if he’s guilty of the things he’s done. "You'll embrace the woman you love with those hands covered in blood?"

Hughes reacted violently at this and pulled Roy by his collar. “Raising a family with the woman you love is a universal right.”

As such, Hughes believes he has to earn that right. This implies that he sees things he’s done in Ishval as the price for wanting to achieve a peaceful future with his wife. He tells Roy that it is the greatest happiness for him, and he’ll take all the burden to himself, and smile when he’s with Gracia.

This is also one reason why Hughes doesn’t share the same amount of guilt as Roy. Hughes had a reasonable vision for his future, one that motivates him to push through the war. But as for Roy, his very goal was at stake. It was ironic; he aims to protect the citizens of Amestris, but to do so, he’s killing a number of them.

Once they returned to Central, Hughes finally met with Gracia [FMAB Special Episode 04]. Roy then admits Hughes is a stronger man than he’ll ever be.

Roy looks wistfully at Hughes and Gracia hugging. "Hughes... you're strong..." He thinks to himself and gazes down at his hands. "I don't have your strength." [FMAB Special Episode 04]

With this, Roy must have felt like a fool for his naïve dream. Until Riza asks him the same question he asked Hughes [Episode 30].

Riza looks down at her trembling hands. "Soldiers are supposed to protect the people. Why are we killing them instead? Alchemy is supposed to bring people happiness. Why is it being used for murder?" [Episode 30].

Roy even says it’s terrible that Riza, too, has the eyes of a murderer. Unlike Hughes, Riza shares the same guilt as Roy, as they both share the same dream.

In the FMA Manga and in Brotherhood, there was a flashback of Roy and Riza in front of Berthold Hawkeye's grave. Roy tells Riza, "In this profession, you never know when you'll wind up dead in a ditch somewhere, like a piece of garbage. But if I can help strengthen the foundation of this country and protect its people with my hands... that would make me happy." Roy then becomes ashamed of telling her his naive dream, to which Riza dismisses by saying, "I think it's a wonderful dream." She then reveals that her father's secrets were hidden in a code that's indecipherable to the average alchemist. "That dream... can I trust you with my back so that I can help make it come true? Can I truly believe there will be a future where everyone can live happily?" [FMA Manga, Volume 15]

The weight of their dreams became heavy during the war.

When it was all over, Roy approached Riza, who was burying a grave for an Ishvalan child [Episode 54]. Riza then tells him that for her, the war will never be over. This implies she may have Post-Traumatic Stress from the war. She also felt that she was the reason why Roy had to go through all of this.

In [Episode 54], there was a flashback of Riza showing her bare back to Roy, and Riza narrates, "I'm the one who believed in you and entrusted you with my father's research. I'm also the one to enter a military academy, wishing for the well-being of the people."

She says even if the outcome wasn’t what she had in mind, she can’t escape the Truth— that it was all her doing and her choice to pull the trigger to attain their shared goal. It was the same ironic cycle Roy was in.

Riza believes the things she’s done were heavy, and that she couldn’t pay the price for it. At the very least, all she asks Roy to do is destroy the root of it all: the secrets of Flame Alchemy etched on her back.

Roy was mortified with this. No matter how much he wanted to scrap the horrors of Flame Alchemy from the world, he still hesitates as it would mean hurting a person he cares for. However, he must have understood Riza’s rhetoric, and promises he’ll grant her favor.

Given these facts, Riza seems to be exhibiting self-mutilating behavior to some degree, common to people with PTSD. However, she’s not the only one exhibiting these symptoms.

Throughout the different Media Types in FMA, it was evident that Roy also exhibits Post Traumatic Stress from the war.

In [FMA 2003 Episode 13 (Fullmetal Vs. Flame)], Roy hesitates on winning the battle against Ed as a memory flashed right before him.

In FMA: Brotherhood [EPISODE 30], Riza shares Roy’s plan after he becomes Fuhrer. She tells Ed that they will change the military government system and “make it democratic again”. But she claims that the country will only move forward if every hint of corruption is wiped out from the government, including branding the heroes during the Ishval campaign as “war criminals”.

This is further explained in the manga [VOLUME 16]. Riza tells Ed that once Roy becomes Fuhrer, they would "end up on trial for the injustices we committed in Ishval".

Ed noted that if Roy aims to be Fuhrer while knowing all this, he’s only on a path of self-destruction (or, as the English dub translates it, “Isn’t that the same as committing suicide?”)

Image Source: FMA Manga, Volume 16

However, the idea that Roy and Riza exhibit some degree of suicidal ideation should be taken with caution. There is an anomaly between the idea of getting hanged for their crimes and what Volume 15 is connoting.

In the manga [VOLUME 15], the highest-ranking priest in Ishval wanted to offer his life in exchange for the lives of thousands just to end the slaughter. But Bradley tells him that one life is still equal to one life no matter who that person is. (It makes sense, in a way, but then again they only need it for the transmutation circle).

Thus, it is uncertain whether Arakawa wants Roy and Riza to experience death by firing squad, a proper trial, or restorative justice. As such, it may depend on the way it is interpreted by the reader.

Given that they’re soldiers emotionally wounded by war, their approach to death isn’t uncommon. The gun weighs heavier for them than those who haven’t experienced war. After taking the lives of many, they acquired the guilt to continue their lives.

Nevertheless, as the story of FMA progresses, Roy and Riza’s ideas for self-destruction seem to have shifted, a change in perception, as one may call it.

After the war, Roy knows he must keep going, and reassures himself that he’ll pay the price once he’s Fuhrer. He thought he would be alone in this hefty goal until Riza approached him [EPISODE 30].

Roy asks her, his chin resting on his clasped hands, "So you decided to take this path, even after what you experienced in Ishval?" Riza affirms it and replies, "If this world is based on the concept of equivalent exchange, then we must carry corpses and cross the river of blood in exchange for the new generation to live in happiness."

Riza mentioned she decided to take this path— a river of blood, as she calls it— to pay the price for the promise of a future that will bring happiness to the next generation. If you look at it closely, it’s similar to Hughes’ motivation.

If Hughes’ and Gracia’s goal was to create their next generation in the future, Roy and Riza’s goal was to create a future for the next generation.

With her reason, Roy feels reassured that his goal isn’t only a childish dream. This is also in parallel to when he told Riza his “naive dream” back in Berthold Hawkeye’s funeral, and Riza grants him the power of Flame Alchemy. In a way, it can be said that despite everything they’ve been through in Ishval, this was still the path that they have chosen, and they need to pay the price for it. This can also be Riza’s subtle implication that their naive dream where “everyone lives in happiness” may still be fulfilled, even at the expense of their own.

Roy reciprocates Riza’s favor and gives her the right to end his life if he ever strayed away. Riza understands this and complies with being his assistant.

Riza salutes. "If you wish, I'll follow you to the depths of Hell if I have to."

With Roy scarring her tattoo, and Riza keeping him in line with his goal, they literally got each other’s backs. Riza became the reason why Roy still stays in the military. Without her, he might get demoted or killed.

But the first evidence of their slow shift away from suicidal ideation might have begun when they see the Elric brothers have committed a taboo, the human transmutation- bringing the life of another back to the world.

This was something Roy and Riza must have been tempted to think about for a long time, especially after the Ishval campaign. To bring back a single life would have lessened the burden they carry, but they both know this was just the easy way out. They both know that no matter what they do, they can’t take back any life once it was taken.

Upon seeing the transmutation circle, Roy initially became furious, pulling Ed— a grieving child with physical disabilities— until he realized the price they paid for what they had done. He saw Al, a hollow suit of armor, move and talk [FMAB Episode 2].

After a while, Roy had tried to negotiate with the Elrics and Pinako, telling them that he is not forcing them to join the military, he is merely offering an opportunity.

Roy tells Edward, “You can choose to live your days with self-pity and a suit of armor for a brother, or you can make a real contribution to alchemy and find a way to get your bodies back.” [Volume 6]

Interestingly, Roy and Riza were simultaneously conducting this speech about choice and moving forward.

Riza told Winry that Roy was the reason why she joined the military [EPISODE 2, FMAB SPECIAL 02, FMA Manga] and that she isn’t being forced to do this. On the other side of the Rockbell house, Roy was telling Ed that he wasn’t forcing him to do anything, that the choice will always be up to him. Riza tells the same to Winry and notes that if they do choose this path, they may have to cross a river of mud.

This was similar to what Riza had told Roy, which connotes that they were imparting their experiences to Ed, Al, and Winry.

In other words, Roy and Riza are telling them not to give up on their lives, which is the easy way to rid oneself of the guilt and the punishment for what they have done. They tell them to face it head-on and live to see the day that all their pain will finally pay off.

But they both know this was easier said than done.

Side note: Later in the story, Ed tells Rose the same thing: to continue walking forward. However, when battling Scar, Ed was tempted to sacrifice himself for as long as Scar promised not to touch Al. After the battle, Al reprimands him for not running away when he can. “When there’s a way to survive and then you choose death, that’s what idiots do!”, he tells him.

With this, it is interesting how Arakawa shows that sometimes the right things to do are easier said than done, so it’s important to have someone else to remind you and guide you to the right path.

Their perception of human lives made another gradual shift after the Nina and Tucker incident [FMA MANGA, VOLUME 2]. This was rather important since Nina and Tucker bear a striking resemblance to Riza and Berthold. Although it was not observed in canon that Riza had any thoughts on the matter, but since she did admit she had an estranged relationship with her father, this event might have affected her greatly. It may be up to the reader’s interpretation of how Riza might have taken this.

As for overt reactions, Roy told Riza that all state alchemists were nothing but human weapons, doing what they want, obeying orders even if their hands get dirty. But Roy noted that Tucker’s actions weren’t so different from their own. Roy must imply that even though they were ordered to do what the military wants, they always have the choice whether or not to commit them (Like how Alex Armstrong chose to run away from the immoral orders and was demoted because of it). Because just like Tucker, who wasn’t really ordered to transmute humans into chimeras, he still chose to do it with his own volition.

Roy and Riza walk out of Central HQ, rain falling from the sky. Riza (I assume it was her) breaks the silence. "If there ever truly was 'the work of the devil', then this was it." Roy replies, "'The Devil'? To put it bluntly, all state alchemists are nothing but the military's human weapons. We do what they want, we obey orders, and we don't complain if our hands get dirty in the process. My point is that when it comes to messing with human lives, Tucker's actions aren't so different from our own." (Volume 2)

Riza then noted that that was the logic of the adults, and told him that Ed was still just a child (she must be referring to Ed’s decision to join the military).

Roy, in turn, told her that it’s still the path that he’s chosen, that this was the route he deems as most feasible when it comes to getting their bodies back. "The path he's chosen will no doubt lead to hardships greater than he faced today. He has to move forward even if it means forcing himself to understand."

For a hefty and complicated goal, Roy must mean that precautions and more hardships will get in their way, yet he still has to move forward for his goal. (This may also imply both Roy and Riza’s goal as well).

Roy tells Ed that he shouldn’t be held back by something “so small”, which implies that Roy must have seen that the death of one person means nothing over the death of hundreds.

But Ed responds by mocking Roy for considering human life as something "so small". If that was the case, Ed tells him that they’re not the dogs of the military or devils.

"We're just humans, who can’t even save the life of one little girl," Ed yells to Roy.

This must have made Roy (and perhaps, Riza) reconsider their view on the worth of a single life.

Their perception toward a single human life has reached its pivotal point when Hughes had died.

At Hughes’ grave, Roy told Riza that alchemists are despicable creatures, and a part of him wanted to figure out how to commit human transmutation. He admits that it was only until then had he understood why the Elric brothers wanted to bring their mother back (VOLUME 4 and EPISODE 10)

In verbatim, Volume 4 shows us a vulnerable Roy and Riza, both standing in front of Hughes’ grave. “What despicable creatures we are, Lieutenant,” Roy tells Riza. “Right now, there’s a part of me that’s trying to figure out the details of transmuting human beings. Now I think I understand why those kids want to bring their mother back.”

Having one’s life taken may mean relieving oneself from pain and suffering, but it also means passing the pain to those who care most for them. This must have made them rethink their ideas about living. Although they are guilty of living for themselves, they might as well offer their lives, not to death, but for those they care about.

When Roy heard gunshots and silence from the other side of the telephone line, Roy risked his life and was impulsive enough to leave his post just to ensure Riza was safe and alive [EPISODE 18-19].

On that same day, Riza broke down in tears when Lust told her she killed Roy. She knows Lust was a homunculus, yet she fired numerous gunshots at her just to expel her anger, even if it’s futile. It was also the first time we see Riza's hand tremble while raising her gun. And as liberty-flight's post says, she might have left one bullet for herself.

After the fight, Roy reprimands Riza for losing her will to fight, calling her an idiot [FMAB, EPISODE 21]. It was so casual, he even took it as an opportunity to get back at her for calling him an idiot [EPISODE 19]. He then tells her not to lose her composure if she wants to continue being his aide. And even gave her an order: do not simply accept death.

Throughout the series, Roy was seen to persistently convince Riza to live to see the end of it all. This was a rather optimistic mindset toward living. Again, since this was easier said than done, they know they have to rely on each other to remind themselves not to run away from their responsibilities and continue to keep on living.

This was seen to be effective. When Roy had told Riza to run away when things get tough, she stubbornly disproves this order. Roy hadn’t taken her loyalty seriously, as he claims “she wouldn’t be foolish enough to wait around for an entire night”. Yet upon returning from Central Headquarters, Roy was surprised to find she did not run away this time (Volume 14).

"So you didn't flee?" Roy asked her, stunned. Riza simply responds, "Who do you think it was that told me "Don't give up, no matter what?" (Volume 14)

As such, Roy and Riza became one of the reasons and reminders why they choose to stay alive.

This theme of “running away” is frequent throughout FMA.

When they realized that the Fuhrer himself is a homunculus and that the military has ulterior motives, Roy asked Armstrong if he would run away from the military and at least save himself, the same way he did back in Ishval. But Armstrong told him he was ashamed of giving up from the Ishvalan front, that he should have remained and fought against the wrongs of the military (Volume 14).

After discussing the matter with Armstrong and Hawkeye, Roy finally understood what Ed told him back then (regarding the Nina and Tucker incident).

Even though he was called a “dog of the military”, a “human weapon”, a “monster”, Roy realized that there were real monsters behind all this, real monsters that he must fight against. At that moment, he realized that he was only human, not a god, not the devil, not the names that other people told him (Similar to what Ed had told him after Nina and Tucker were killed).

"I'm called many names— human weapon, monster— but it's only when I'm fighting a real monster that I truly feel human," Roy tells to himself.

There were other points in FMA where this concept of not running away was mentioned, such as Lan Fan to Ling while they were being chased by Bradley, May Chang’s decision not to flee back to her country, Kimblee asking why Al didn’t run away even though he has the Philosopher stone in his hands, Oliver Armstrong telling Karlee to run away when things get tough, but this will be discussed on a separate analysis.

With this, Arakawa further emphasized the importance of “things are easier said than done, so it’s important to have a support system to remind us”.

The story then comes to a point where Ed was now telling Roy not to run away from life (in contrast to when they first met). In the manga [VOLUME 16], it appears that Ed has his own way of telling Roy to "stay alive", especially after hearing about Roy's plan for "self-destruction".

When Ed told him "you won't go far in life being that petty", he decided not to pay Roy back until he became the Fuhrer. And when that time comes, he'll borrow some more and will pay it back when Amestris becomes a democracy. Roy tells him, "then I've got a long life ahead of me". Then Ed also tells him "not to worry the Lieutenant."

This theme is again revisited during The Promised Day, where Riza asks Roy for any other orders. Roy simply tells them, “Do not die, that is all.” (FMA manga, Volume 23).

This order was yet again challenged when Roy was tempted to kill Envy as his revenge for Hughes. Riza believed that this wouldn’t make him a great leader in the future, as he would only be consumed with revenge. Knowing that this isn’t the right path, she does what she was told, and pulls her gun to his head. This was also the second time that her hands were shaking while holding the gun.

Roy had dared Riza to shoot him. Based on the previous discussion, Roy had no interest in living solely for his own as he is driven to live for the sake of those he cares about. So he asks her what she would do after she kills him.

Little did he know, Riza responds with the truth, one thing he knows he cannot accept. Riza, who also has no plans on living for herself, tells him she’ll take the secrets of flame alchemy down to the grave along with her body.

Roy must have remembered how he felt after Hughes had died, and he wouldn’t want Riza, his most precious subordinate, to feel that kind of pain and suffering. As such, he released his anger in a snap and told her he can’t let that happen. “I can’t afford to lose you.”

This was the major turning point of their perceptions regarding their own lives. Later on, such change in perspective (a change away from suicidal ideation) was evident when they had witnessed Envy pulling his core out of him, killing himself.

Roy has vocally expressed his disgust in this action by saying, “He took the easy way out. What a cowardly bastard.” (Episode 54)

Roy now sees self-destruction as equal to running away from life and passing one’s suffering to those who cared for him.

Every single thing they’ve learned in this journey and on their perception of what a single life means was challenged the moment it was revealed that Roy was the fifth sacrifice.

The enemies were daring Roy to commit human transmutation, something he admitted he wanted to do when Hughes died [EPISODE 58-59]. But, this time he knows that running away from life, or even trying to bring it back, is futile and pointless.

With desperate volition, their enemies had slit Riza’s throat. Roy exhibits great distress over this, and @ borkthemork’s post has pointed out that there was a single teardrop at the corner of his eye. It's a parallelism to Riza breaking down in front of Lust.

But instead of yielding to death, Riza tells their enemies that she “wouldn’t die”, for she is “under strict orders not to die.” As discussed, it was Roy who ordered his subordinates not to die. Unlike the past events and in Episode 19, she has not given up her will this time. It’s because she has a reason to live, not necessarily for herself, but to those who care for her, and for the things she can do to make a future for the next generation.

Again, Arakawa is stressing the fact that the right things are easier said than done, but with the help and support from those whom one trusts, one can be guided to take a step to the right path.

Roy himself has mentioned this realization/lesson/insight. He admitted he’d commit human transmutation. But now, “luckily I have people by my side now who will stop me from being reckless, and keep me headed down the right path."

In conclusion, Roy and Riza were seen to lean on each other not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. They’ve dealt with the psychological burden of their crimes in a mature manner, always seeking better ways to improve the country. They might not be doing it solely to compensate for their guilt, because they know that they never can. Ending their lives would never be equal to the thousands of lives they have taken during the Ishval campaign. (Again, the same concept was raised in the manga [VOLUME 15], where Bradley tells the high-priest of Ishval that his life is still equal to one life, no matter what his status is).

As such, Roy and Riza would aim to reach for the top of the system and try to make a better future for the generations to come, even if it’s at the expense of their own happiness. For as long as they are alive and kicking, they try their best to avoid the same thing from happening again.

- END OF ANALYSIS -

Thank you for reaching the end of this lengthy analysis! September 10th is also my birthday, so World Suicide Prevention Day means a lot to me.

Should you wish to talk and connect, feel free to send an ask!

You can see more of my works on:

@hanamuri (fma blog, writing blog, personal blog)

@fullmetalanalyst (fma analysis blog) @hawkeyebullets (fma shtpost)

[undertale-data]

[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]