#it just means you'll get the next chapter real fast!

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Ill Tidings

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 3,893

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Chapter 1

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Summary: Our group of heroes makes their way to the Thorm mausoleum. Halsin is finally reunited with Thaniel. Part 34 of the slow burn fic. Tav and Halsin POVs.

Tags: Slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries, brief suicidal thoughts.

A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter to bridge some big events, but still some fun dialogue! I don't know about you, but I think Thaniel would be just a little bit of a shit (affectionate) ;) you'll get to see more of him (and Oliver) in upcoming chapters!!

Halsin awoke to find Tav still curled up against him. He guessed they had only been out for a couple of hours. At some point during their trance, she had moved into his lap and was now wrapped in his arms with her head on his chest. The sight made his heart race. Tentatively, he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on the top of her head.

He wanted nothing more than to sit there holding her for the rest of the day. But for now, he needed his focus to return to their shared goal of banishing the Absolute cult from these lands and driving the shadows away for good.

He jostled Tav awake. Her eyelids slowly opened, and she stretched in his arms. She smiled up at him as she shook off the last of her trance. It took her a moment to take in her surroundings, but once she did a familiar redness started to creep over her face. She jumped to her feet, tugging at her long, messy braid.

“Oh…uh…good morning…” She started to stammer. “I’m sorry I must have drifted off last night. I didn’t mean to trap you here…” Halsin chuckled in response.

“There is nothing to apologize for, believe me when I say there are worse traps that I have been caught in. But to wake up to such a lovely sight as you…” He held his hand out to her, trying to persuade her to come sit again. “I think I could be convinced to be trapped more often.”

She took his hand and let him lead her down to the ground next to him.

“I meant what I said the other night, Tav,��� he started, still holding her hand. “I care for you. My heart and mind have been closed off for so long, I don’t know when I’ll be able to open them again.” He let out a deep breath.

“I care for you too, Halsin. And I understand,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to open your heart to someone who could turn into a mind flayer without a moment’s notice.” Her lower lip was starting to quiver as she looked away from him.

He looked at her, confused. Did she think that was the problem?

“Tav…” He moved one hand to cradle her cheek. “The parasite has nothing to do with this. I…” He looked down at the ground.

“My mind has been walled off completely by this shadow curse since it was unleashed. Nothing has been able to break through that barrier. Not until you.”

She nuzzled her face further into the palm of his hand.

“I’m afraid I just need some more time before we can be anything more than this.” He looked down at the other hand that was now holding hers.

“But it’s as I told you before, you should follow your heart just as I follow mine. I would never dream of asking you to save yourself for me, it is not in my nature.” Halsin kept his eyes fixed on their hands.

“More than anything, I cherish your friendship, your company. And I do not wish to lose that.”

“You won’t,” Tav assured him as she squeezed his hand.

“I…I’m sorry I can’t be more for you right now.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, love. You’re more than enough as you are.”

“But I want to be more I just can’t seem to see past the shadows…past the guilt and the grief.” He let out a frustrated grunt. “I want so badly to be close to you, Tav, but every time I try, I feel something pull me back.”

“I like spending time with you. We can be as close as you like, Halsin. If that means we hold hands or share a hug every now and then, but nothing more, I’m happy to accept.”

“Perhaps more often than every now and then,” he teased back in a hopeful whisper.

She smiled before leaning forward and pulling him into a hug.

“I can be patient, Halsin. I can wait.”

I can wait.

The words brought tears to his eyes as he hugged her back, grateful that his face was hidden in her shoulder. Her soft strokes in his hair caused him to melt further into her embrace.

But why? Why would she want to wait for him?

“You just let me know when you’re ready,” she said as she released him. “You can set the pace, love.”

Gods, why can’t I be ready now?

“I will.”

She paused for a moment and took a shaky breath. “And should you decide it’s not something you want, then you’ll still have me as a friend.”

“Thank you,” he whispered back.

Halsin took one of her hands and gave her knuckles a light kiss.

“I should go and check on Thaniel.” He reluctantly pulled away from her. “He should be awake soon, or so I hope.”

“Of course. I’ll go check the torches around the perimeter.”

“Join us when you’re done?”

“I’ll be there shortly.” She squeezed his hand again as she stood up.

Halsin watched her walk away as he rose from his seat. She turned over her shoulder and caught him staring. Rather than quickly averting their gazes as they had so many times before, they locked eyes for a moment and smiled. A new kind of warmth spread through his chest as she turned away again.

I can wait.

For the first time in so long someone cared about him, not just because they needed something or looked up to him. Because they wanted to be with him, and they wanted to be with him so badly that they would wait for him to be ready.

He just hoped he wouldn’t have to keep her waiting for long.

In his tent, Thaniel still remained in a sound slumber. At least his breathing had calmed, and his face looked much more peaceful than it had last night.

“We did it, Thaniel,” he whispered as the small boy’s soft snores filled his tent. “Oliver will be returned to your side, you’ll be whole again. I have so much to tell you, my friend.”

He sat and talked to Thaniel as he slept, holding one of his small hands. Telling him of their journey so far, of all the nights he tried to speak with him. He apologized for not making it back to Moonrise sooner, for leaving him in the clutches of the Shadowfell for so long. He told him about Tav, how she saved them.

Over one hundred years had passed since he’d seen Thaniel last, and he still had not changed one bit. As he continued to sleep, Halsin closed his eyes and offered another prayer of thanks to Silvanus for helping him to be reunited with his oldest friend.

A small groan took his attention away from his prayers. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Thaniel’s fluttering open as well. Tears started pouring down his face as soon as he saw those eyes filled with the very essence of nature itself.

His irises started as a deep brown, as rich as the soil beneath them before shifting to green, the color of the forest canopy. Small, golden tendrils cut their way through as the sun pierced the leaves of the trees before fading to a soft blue, mirroring that of the sky.

“Thaniel?” he asked quietly.

“Halsin Silverbough…you returned. I felt it when you crossed into this land.”

He let out a loud, relieved laugh as Thaniel sat up next to him, it took a great effort from him to do so.

“Easy, my friend.” Halsin helped him up.

“I told the man who was trapped with me to find you. He was a good friend to me while we were prisoners in the Shadowfell.”

“He found us. He led me to you.” Halsin sniffled and wiped his face on the back of his arm. “Thaniel, I…I’m so sorry. I wanted to find you that day. I wanted to bring you with us, away from these wretched shadows.”

“If you would have stayed, you would have been consumed. I am glad you made it to safety. And I knew you would return.” He reached up to rest a hand on Halsin’s cheek. “You opened your heart, and nature listened.”

“Just as you taught me.”

Sobs took over his body at feeling Thaniel’s touch. He reached out and pulled his friend close. Knowing that he never lost faith in him soothed away the guilt that had clawed at his insides for decades.

“I sensed someone else return with you as well.”

“Yes, Tav. She’s the one I told you about while you slept.” He smiled at the sound of her name on his lips. “She was here all those years ago as well.”

“Can I meet her?”

“Of course! She should be making her way over here soon.”

Thaniel’s tired smile drew forth another laugh from him. The tremendous joy of seeing him alive and well again gave Halsin all the confirmation he needed that he had made the right decision to come back.

The grove and the druids who resided there would recover in his absence, but Thaniel could not have been saved without him. This land could not have been saved had he stayed at the Emerald Grove.

As he sat and talked with Thaniel for a while longer, the young boy suddenly perked up, staring past Halsin’s shoulder.

“Hey…” Tav was approaching his tent with a surprised look on her face. “You’re awake.”

“Is this her?” Thaniel turned to him to ask.

“Yes, this is Tav. Tav, this is Thaniel,” he could barely choke the words out he was so excited to introduce them.

Halsin beamed as she knelt down to take Thaniel’s outstretched hand.

“The druid Halsin spoke to me while I slept. He told me how you fought shadows and risked your life to save us. You have my thanks.” Thaniel’s voice was soft and hoarse, still weak from his time in the Shadowfell.

“Happy to help.” Tav smiled as she patted his hand.

“But there is one final task to be done. One final anchor that holds the curse to these lands. For my land to heal, Ketheric Thorm must die.”

“I understand,” she whispered back to him.

“I remember your face.” Thaniel’s other hand reached up to touch Tav’s cheek. “I saw it here the day I was whisked away to the Shadowfell. You were running.”

She nodded back at him.

“Thank you for coming back.”                                    

Tav smiled as Thaniel’s hands dropped back to his side.

“Get some rest, Thaniel. We’ll take it from here.” Tav brushed a few hairs from his forehead.

Halsin stood watching them, an overwhelming feeling of relief spreading throughout him. Seeing his two dear friends meet was more than he could have ever hoped to experience over the past century.

“You were right, Halsin,” Thaniel smiled up at him, “she is beautiful.”

His eyes went wide, and he immediately blushed at Thaniel’s words, even more so when he saw the way Tav bit down on her lips to keep from smirking.

“You’re too sweet, Thaniel.” Tav tapped his nose before standing back up.

“Yes, so sweet.” Halsin scolded him playfully through gritted teeth. Thaniel just grinned back at him with a smug twinkle in his eyes. Despite the teasing, he couldn’t help but feel thankful that Thaniel’s mischievous side had made it out of the Shadowfell unscathed.

Tav took his hand and ushered him back toward the fire. He turned to wave at Thaniel over his shoulder.

Everyone else was just waking for the day, taking sleepy strides toward the fire for their morning meal.

“Morning, soldier. What’s on the agenda today?” Karlach hopped up from her seat to greet them.

Tav looked back to his tent at Thaniel who had now been joined by Oliver. The two fey boys sat together playing a clapping game with their hands. The slow, owlish turn of her head as she faced them again revealed a darkened expression.

“We’re going to kill Ketheric Thorm.”

***

Tav had prepped her gear for the day, checking the tension in her bow, the clasps of her armor, her stock of potions. She went over everything twice, dragging her feet to keep her from her responsibilities this morning.

But Halsin was waiting for her when she emerged from her tent.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his voice low and solemn.

“I need to talk to Arabella before we do anything else,” she sighed.

“I’ll join you.”

Arabella was in her usual spot near Withers. Despite being in their camp for days, she still hadn’t exhausted her repertoire of questions. The sight threatened to break her resolve, she found herself not wanting to crush that curiosity today. How unlucky for her though that Halsin was there to make sure she saw it through.

“Hey, you,” Arabella greeted them in a cheery voice. “I don’t s’pose you found anything out about mum and pops, did you?”

Tav knelt down to her level. Dread maintained its clawed grip in her chest.

“Arabella,” she sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder, “there’s no easy way to say this, love. We found your parents, but they were already dead.”

“What?” Arabella’s smile faded away.

“I’m sorry, little one,” Halsin said from behind Tav.

“I…I don’t believe you.” She took a step back, causing her tail to curl loosely around her leg and Tav’s hand to drop.

Tav tried to reach out for her, but she stepped away again.

“No!” she sobbed. “Get away from me, go!”

“Arabella, I’m so–”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Arabella cut her off to scream before running away to the other side of the camp.

Tav’s shoulders slumped forward as she ran away. She wanted to chase after her, to tell her that everything would be okay in the end.  Arabella had already endured so much, Tav hated to be the one to deliver even more ill tidings. She leaned onto Halsin’s arm as soon as he knelt next to her.

“So much death in these few days. Tev, Arabella’s parents, so many refugees and Harpers…” Tav was still preoccupied watching Arabella from across camp. She had curled into a ball, still sobbing into her knees pulled tight against her chest. Any attempt to go comfort her had been unsuccessful, but Karlach had at least managed to leave a small bowl of food next to her.

Eventually, Scratch made his way over to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his fur, snuggling up against him in the dirt.

“It has been a difficult start to our time here, yes,” Halsin agreed, “but remember there has also been life flourishing even among the darkness.”

“I suppose.”

“Everyone at Last Light is alive because of you, my friend. You were able to save many of them from a terrible fate at Moonrise, you’ve given Arabella a safe place to stay, and you helped me bring Thaniel back.”

Tav wiped away the tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I do not know how many times I’ll have to say this, but it bears repeating until the sentiment sticks.” Halsin took both of her hands in his. “You are far too hard on yourself, Tav. Despite the incredible feats you’ve accomplished in such a short time you still don’t think you’ve done enough. I know there is still a long fight ahead of us, but do not downplay what you have achieved thus far.”

“You…you said ‘us’ just now,” she whispered.

“Of course,” he smiled back at her, “this is our fight, Tav. I promised you my aid, and you shall have it.”

“Then I guess we should get moving,” she sighed.

Halsin helped her to her feet, keeping a gentle hold on one of her hands as they walked out of camp.

The party started their day at Last Light Inn, checking in with the forces there for any potential updates.

Tav and Halsin informed Jaheira of their success with Thaniel as well as their intention to go to the mausoleum next. She let them know that the forces at Moonrise had been strangely quiet. They were no longer venturing out into the shadows, instead gathering their numbers at the towers.

Karlach and Wyll took on the unfortunate task of letting the other tieflings know of Komira and Locke’s fates. Arabella was still unwilling to talk with her this morning before they left, but she also didn’t seem willing to leave their camp.

Everyone else milled around the inn, trading and conversing with the others sheltering there. The Harpers and tieflings were generous enough to provide them with additional supplies for the upcoming fights. Special arrows, potions, and scrolls to get them through the next few days.

“Ah, there you are, I was wondering when you might make your way back here.” Tav heard a familiar voice call out to her.

She turned around to see Barcus Wroot standing behind her, a small package held in front of him.

“As promised, a small token of my appreciation for your efforts.” He held it out to Tav, who took it graciously.

“That’s kind of you Barcus, thank you. Something tells me we’ll need all the help we can get.”

She opened the small box to see a…bomb? There was also a small pile of gold.

“I call it the Brilliant Retort! A rather powerful explosive that would be sure to change the tide in any battle.”

She smiled back at him, but his face was distant.

“Is everything alright, Barcus? I thought you’d be happier now that Wulbren is back.”

“Ah, yes, well…” Barcus cleared his throat. “I’m afraid Wulbren isn’t much for speaking at this moment. Perhaps once we reach Baldur’s Gate, he’ll feel more inclined.”

“He won’t even speak with you? After you’ve travelled halfway across the godsdamned continent to find him? After you were enslaved in the Underdark on the way?!” Tav heard her voice rising.

She glanced around the inn, trying to catch a glimpse of him so she could give him a piece of her mind.

“Oh, it’s just Wulbren being well…Wulbren. He has been through a lot, after all. I’m sure everything will work itself out in the end.”

Unsuccessful in her search, Tav pursed her lips. “You know where to find me if it doesn’t.”

“That I do,” Barcus nodded, “I’m sure you’ll have the path forward cleared soon enough. I’ll wait here with the others for your next bout of heroics to come to an end.”

“Thank you, Barcus, for this.” Tav held up the small package before stashing it away as the rest of their adventuring party joined them. “We’ll talk soon.”

He turned to slink away, his shoulders slumped and his feet dragging across the floor.

“Alright, soldier, ready to get this show on the road?” Karlach bopped up next to her, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

“As I’ll ever be.”

***

Halsin shuddered as they made their way past the House of Healing. In this area of town, the shadows were especially dark and hungry. Despite the pixie blessing keeping them at bay, he could feel how they longed to seep into his very soul, to drag him down into the abyss with them.

Bones and armor littered the ground around them. Graves half-dug and empty lined every small plot of land. The bodies meant to fill them were likely among the scattered piles of bones, abandoned once that terrible darkness sprung forth from the tomb nearby.

The pathway leading up to the crypt was still familiar, even among the shadows. His last march here all those years ago came to the front of his mind. Members of Harpers and the Emerald Enclave working together to lay Ketheric Thorm to rest, to forever remove his blight from the world.

Halsin approached the opening to the mausoleum, his feet feeling heavier with each step. All along the outside were remnants of runes and glyphs, all meant to keep Thorm sealed away.

The door to the mausoleum had been obliterated when the curse was unleashed. The iron gates magically locked, bound by powerful rituals and spells to keep the entire resting place of the Thorm family isolated from the world. Seeing their state now, Halsin realized just how futile their attempt had been. The rungs of the gates were warped and twisted, poking out in every direction leaving a gaping hole in the entryway.

He ran his fingers along the rocky cliffside. They caught on the grooves that had been carved by him and his mentor. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel the approving pat on the shoulder he had given Halsin when he finished etching his piece of the sigil.

Tav stood nearby, studying a few Harper runes.

“Hard to believe these are still here,” she mused. “Especially with what little good they did.”

“I remember carving them, feeling satisfied. We were already mourning of course, so many lives had been lost before making our way here.” Halsin paused to take a deep breath. “But there was at least a happiness of knowing we had succeeded. That the remaining Dark Justiciars were being fought back as we sealed Ketheric Thorm away for good.”

“Yes, that’s unfortunately where my squad was fighting. I suppose the lucky part was that we were further from the strongest of the shadows.” She shuddered at the memory.

“Master Alwin fell quickly,” he said softly. “I had to…”

Halsin saw the understanding look in Tav’s eyes even through his tear-blurred vision.

“I had to cut down his corpse.”

He sighed as he felt Tav’s fingers intertwine with his own.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered back. “I don’t wish that on anyone.”

“This small area looks like a battlefield in its own right,” Wyll remarked as he studied the piles of bones and rusted armor around them.

“It was of sorts.” Halsin turned to face him, drying his eyes in the process. “The curse sprang forth from the mausoleum, decimating everything in its path. Those of us that survived the initial wave did so out of sheer luck.”

Gale whistled as he inspected the mangled iron gate. “If the state of that entryway is any indicator–”

A sudden smell of sulfur in the air caused them all to freeze.

“Our hero thought but of treasure ahead, did not consider the peace of the dead…”

The sound of weapons unsheathing echoed in the air at the unexpected intrusion. They whipped around to see Raphael standing behind them.

“Through the dark she went creeping, and awoke what was sleeping.”

“A warning? Oh, Raphael, don’t tell me you’re worried about us,” Tav shot back with a sweet smile.

“Merely protecting my assets, my dear,” he assured her with a shallow bow. “I will admit I’ve grown quite fond of you, in my own way. I thought it would be only fair to warn you about the dangers ahead.”

“Oh? And what would be the cost of this warning? Or are you just feeling particularly altruistic today?”

“No cost, just a simple proposition between friends. You help me…” Raphael turned his attention to Astarion.

“I help you.”

[prettylilyanime]

Blooming Hearts ♡ Chapter 02

˚✿˖ Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x fem reader

˚✿˖ Synopsis: All your life, you’ve had it all—wealth, beauty, and a quirk good enough to secure your spot at UA. But after three years, you still feel more like an outsider than a future hero. Social life? Barely existent. Friends? Who needs them? You’re ready to coast through your final year solo… until fate lands you squarely in the lap of a certain hot-headed blonde—literally.

˚✿˖ tags/warnings: 18+, smut in the later chapters, reader is spoiled, shy reader, they're all third years at UA, Fluff, strangers? to lovers trope, not really strangers, miscommunication, drama, y/n just wants to make friends, reader is canonically pretty, reader is a hero in training, whipped bakugou, she falls first but he falls harder

˚✿˖ Masterlist ♡ Previous ♡ Next

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“Alright, Y/n, you have a five-minute head start. You ready?” Aizawa asks, his tone as monotone as ever.

Your classmates stand around, watching with interest, some already whispering amongst themselves. It’s not just anticipation for their own upcoming matches—it’s curiosity about yours. After all, you and Bakugou couldn’t be more different, and it’s the first time you’ve ever been directly paired up like this. Naturally, that means everyone has something to say.

"Careful not to feel her up too much, you'll get her costume glitter all over you!" Mineta cackles from the sidelines, that little purple shit clearly thinking he’s hilarious.

Before you or anybody else can even react, you catch the satisfying sight of Momo stomping the little creep into the ground, hard enough to make Mineta scream out in pain. Mina and Ochako join with a mean glare, saying something to the little perv that you can't really hear, but has Mineta begging with tears in his eyes.

The sheer relief that washes over you is almost comical. God, maybe today won’t be so bad after all.

Still, you quickly snap back to attention. Aizawa is watching you, and you don’t want to look any more anxious than you already feel. So, you nod quietly, keeping your mouth shut. You don’t trust yourself to speak—not when your voice would probably betray you by cracking like glass.

It’s ridiculous, really. You shouldn’t be this nervous. You’ve faced real villains before. Life-threatening, terrifying opponents who didn’t care whether you lived or died. You’ve fought them and survived. All of you have. And yet, the thought of Bakugou—Bakugou Katsuki—chasing you down in this exercise like a predator hunting prey is somehow infinitely more nerve-wracking.

Because this isn’t just about surviving—it’s about surviving while being watched. While he watches. And something about that makes your heart race in ways it definitely shouldn’t.

Well...your grade surviving, really.

Aizawa watches you for a moment, then blows a small whistle—where did he even get that?

“Begin.”

You waste no time. The second the sound pierces the air, you bolt, sprinting as fast as you can into the maze-like cityscape before you.

UA’s training grounds are nothing short of insane, complete with entire faux cities built just for exercises like this. Lucky you—it’s a cityscape today. Mina had to face Tokoyami in a dense forest in the previous round, which looked like a total nightmare!

Your legs are already starting to burn by the time you decide to veer off and head up the stairs of a mid-sized building.

The plan is simple: climb high enough to stay out of immediate sight and buy some time to think. You hope—no, pray—that out of the hundreds of buildings making up this simulated city, Bakugou won’t be able to pinpoint the exact one you’ve chosen.

But who are you kidding? He’s Bakugou Katsuki. Not to inflate his already massive ego, but the guy’s a total force of nature. And a miracle of nature, ugh what an incredible face!

You reach a decent height and finally stop to catch your breath, chest heaving as you glance around the dimly lit room. It’s mostly empty, save for a few scattered crates and broken-down props designed to mimic an old, abandoned office.

Perfect! It’s not much, but it might just be enough to give you a fighting chance to regroup and strategize.

Crouching low behind one of the larger crates, you steady your breath, though the pounding in your chest doesn’t seem to let up. You strain your ears, listening carefully for any signs of movement below. The silence feels deafening, broken only by the distant hum of the cityscape simulation around you.

This is fine. You’ve got this. All you need to do is stay hidden and outlast him for the time limit. Easy… right?

You try to convince yourself, gaslighting your mind into thinking everything’s going smoothly, but then—

BOOM!

A distant explosion rattles the floor beneath you, reverberating through the walls like a low thunderclap. The sheer force of it sends chills racing up your spine, and for a split second, you freeze. You know that sound all too well—Bakugou’s quirk, crackling with relentless, destructive energy.

Oh god. You swallow hard, palms starting to sweat as your nerves ramp up. His quirk is terrifying, and he’s absolutely relentless when it comes to winning. You’ve seen it before—during training, during actual fights—and every time, you found yourself in awe of how powerful and unstoppable it made him. You even rooted for him on occasion, impressed by his sheer force.

But knowing he’s coming for you? Yeah… that changes everything!

Another explosion echoes through the building, this one louder, sharper. You swear you can feel the heat even from several floors up. He’s getting closer. Too close. The tension winds tighter in your chest, adrenaline flooding your veins as your mind races to make a decision. Stay hidden or run?

Neither option feels particularly great right now. Both seem like they end in you getting caught.

Before you can decide, a loud crack echoes from the hallway outside, and then—he’s in the room.

You shriek in surprise, instinctively scrambling back. Bakugou freezes, clearly more caught off guard by your reaction than by the fact that he’s actually found you. His crimson eyes widen slightly, and for a split second, you both just… stare.

It feels like one of those moments where a rabbit locks eyes with a wolf, frozen in place by fear and instinct. You know how this story ends if you don’t act fast. And oh, do your instincts kick in.

Without a second thought, you bolt—pushing off the floor and dashing out of the room. Your boots click loudly against the tile with every frantic step as you run for your life, heart pounding like a war drum in your chest. You hear Bakugou let out a low, frustrated “shit” under his breath, and a second later, the unmistakable sound of his heavy boots stomping after you.

But you’re smaller. You’re lighter. And somehow—just somehow—you manage to stay ahead of him, at least for now. Every breath burns in your lungs as you push yourself harder, rounding a sharp corner and sprinting down an empty hallway.

Don’t look back. Just keep running.

You don’t have time to think, only react—until you realize with growing dread that the hallway leads to a dead end. A large glass windowpane stretches across the wall in front of you, sunlight filtering through it, mocking you with its promise of freedom.

Your brain short-circuits under the pressure of Bakugou’s boots thundering closer behind you. Without a second thought—and maybe entirely out of panic—you do something completely mental.

Sharp, glowing pink petals swirl from your hands and shoot forward, shattering the glass into a cascade of shimmering shards. You barely have time to smile at your quick thinking, forcing your legs to make one final push toward escape—but then—

“EEK!” you shriek as something grabs your ankle, yanking you backward with enough force to slam you into the ground. The wind rushes out of your lungs, and for a moment, all you can do is gasp, eyes wide as your heart races in your chest.

Before you can even process what just happened, Bakugou is on top of you, pinning you down with one large hand still wrapped tightly around your ankle. He’s breathing heavily too, damn you pushed him into some heavy cardio, but his grin? It’s pure victory.

Not amused, not playful—just smug satisfaction from having won.

You lay there, completely frozen, and for a terrifying moment, you wonder if you might actually suffer from heart failure.

Not because you lost the exercise—that’s a given, and you’ll deal with the embarrassment later—but because this man—this giant (and unfairly gorgeous) behemoth of a man, who dwarfs you in both size and sheer presence—is sitting right on top of you.

He’s not pressing down hard enough to actually constrict your chest, so why, oh why can’t you breathe right now?

“Not even gonna fight back?” he asks, tilting his head slightly, his voice low and rough. And to your utter disbelief, you realize—this is probably the first time he’s spoken directly to you.

You quickly avert your gaze, unable to keep staring up at him in this position. “I... I don’t see the point, really,” you mutter, though your voice comes out more like a pout. You’re too embarrassed to look at him again, especially when you hear him snort in response.

“Don’t act like a baby. You’re a quick little thing.” His tone is teasing, but there’s a strange kind of respect laced into it.

Oh no. Oh no no no. This is where you die—right here, pinned beneath Bakugou Katsuki, heart racing uncontrollably while he casually throws out words that make your brain short-circuit.

“You ever notice that you bring up flowers wherever you go?” he says suddenly, loosening his grip just slightly as he nods toward the shattered windowpane.

“What?” you blurt out, blinking in confusion. You follow his line of sight and freeze.

Outside, in what should have been a lifeless, gray landscape, is a single, glaringly obvious path of vibrant pink blossoms, trailing directly toward the building. Everything else looks dead—withered and dry—but the path you took is marked by glowing sakura petals, mocking you in all their vivid glory.

You gape, horrified. Your quirk betrayed you. Of course, it did.

And to make things worse… you know exactly why.

None of your classmates—not even Aizawa—know that your quirk reacts whenever you lose control of your emotions. Fear, happiness, sadness, excitement… whenever any strong feeling overwhelms you, the pink sakura blossoms bloom uncontrollably around you.

Oh god. Were those flowers sprouting because you were scared? Or… excited? Please don’t be from excitement. Please don’t be from excitement.

Before you can spiral any further into your thoughts, you feel a tug at your waist. Startled, you glance down, only to see Bakugou holding up the yellow flag he’s snatched from your costume.

A shrill whistle echoes across the training grounds, signaling the end of the exercise—and Bakugou’s win.

You sigh heavily, slumping against the ground in defeat. Of course, he got the flag. Of course.

Bakugou stands, towering over you as he holds the flag lazily between his fingers, a smirk playing on his lips. “Gotta be faster next time princess.”

As if you hadn’t already felt your heart medically stop—this time, you freeze. Did he just call you… princess?

Your brain short-circuits. There’s no way you heard that right. No way.

Mina is raccoon eyes, and she's stunning. Ochako is cheeks, Momo is ponytail girl and you really can't get more gorgeous than her,

And you're princess?!

A heart attack doesn't begin to explain the medically concerning things happening to your body right now.

You blink up at him, mouth opening slightly as if to say something, but no words come out. What could you even say? Your heart is pounding so loudly in your ears it drowns out any coherent thought.

Meanwhile, Bakugou doesn’t seem phased at all. He twirls the flag once more, looking way too relaxed for someone who just rendered you a mess. “You gonna sit there all day or what?” he asks, his voice rough. “C’mon, get up.”

You’re still frozen in place, cheeks burning as you try to gather yourself. 

Why did he have to say it like that?

 You’ve always known Bakugou was intense—loud, brash, a force of nature—but you didn’t expect this. You didn’t expect him to pin you down in a sparring match, call you princess, and leave you feeling like your heart might actually explode.

“Oi.” His voice snaps you out of your spiraling thoughts, and you glance up at him again, only to find him staring down at you with an arched brow. “Did you hit your head that hard? Do we need to call recovery girl over here?"

It's enough to wake you up, the tips of your ears burning as you push yourself up and off the ground, body tense with lingering nerves. "I'm okay...I think" You mumble, again, that natural pouty look that has the blonde raising a brow.

The rest of the walk back to Aizawa is silent, and you can't help but mentally relive the moment in your head a million times. Princess?!

⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖°⋆˚✿˖

[genericpuff]

Hello! I'm someone with autism (and I'm suspecting ADHD too) who's planning multiple projects. Do you have any advice when it comes to overthinking a lot about decisions on a project? Be it the first step, planning, questioning if you're moving too fast, etc?

ouuuu I think the biggest thing I struggle with personally is just like... the overbearing weight of expectation that isn't necessarily even there. Like, expectation to do everything right all the time, to never make mistakes, to never fall through on promises, to never break any 'rules' (real or imaginary) and most of all, for everything I do to matter in some big, recognizable, memorable way - but the steps to that goal aren't defined, I just know what the goal looks like, with no clear path as to how to get there, and so it often results in me aiming at my own "best guess" and then beating myself up for not hitting the target LOL which is completely unfair to myself and my own work!

What I try to regularly remind myself of is that I am one person, who is only capable of what one person should reasonably be able to accomplish on their own, no matter how much my auDHD tries to convince me otherwise that I "should" be able to handle more than what's reasonable. And in that same sense, there isn't any more pressure on me to put out something perfect than there would be on any other person. I am not Atlas carrying the fate of the greatest work known to mankind on my shoulders - I'm a chronically online dweeb making stuff that's interesting to themselves and sharing it in the hopes that even just one other person will like it too. That isn't a diss on myself, that's me embracing what I am so that I can keep doing it better and more confidently each time.

Though I don't know if this exactly applies to you, I'm gonna say it just in case: I know when it comes to balancing multiple projects, it can be hard not to go "oh well I SHOULD be working on xyz!" but at the end of the day, you're not a failure for preferring to work on something else or needing space from projects that used to thrill you and have now become monotonous. In fact, it turns out that's how it is for most neurotypical people too! I know they make a lot of shit look easy, but even they have shit they loathe doing - they just don't have to deal with the unique hurdles of being neurodivergent.

Always remember to set boundaries with yourself and your work. Remember, just because you're really excited to work on something, doesn't mean you have to work on it all the time. I've learned to appreciate those moments when I'm stuck doing my day job and I'm excited to get home and work on my passion project, because it means I can actually look forward to it and it'll feel all the more rewarding when I finally get to do it! Pushing yourself too hard to fulfill that excitement all at once right off the bat often just means you're gonna spend it all way too quick, and that won't feel good because then you'll be left wondering where all the love went.

Set little goals for yourself. Stuff that's manageable and achievable within a reasonable amount of time. I know we tend to dive into thinking huge right off the bat, because that's what's exciting to us, but when it comes time to actually do the work, those smaller goals can keep us moving forward far better than the big, far off, ambiguous goal hiding somewhere off in the horizon. While it's good to plan ahead, not setting smaller milestones for yourself can burn you out faster because it's really hard to work towards an "end goal" that might be too far away for us to even conceptualize. The small goals allow us to reward ourselves along the way, and they do ultimately still build up to the bigger picture in the end, even if it feels like we're "not doing much". It can be anything like "get to this chapter that I can finish in the next few weeks" or "fully write out this scene that's been living in my head rent-free".

As for the overthinking... yeah, I wish I had some magic solution to that, but it's really just about learning what you enjoy doing vs. what you don't, so that you can have confidence in knowing when your creative decisions suit the project you're working on. This is something that gets better with practice and experience, but I feel like it's better tackled by reminding yourself that any project, no matter the outcome of how popular it gets or whether or not it "takes off", is an opportunity to learn and grow. Treat every project as a learning experience and you'll hopefully find the process itself more enjoyable, which will subsequently buff up your confidence. It's all a process of honing in on what works for you, what you excel at, and what you enjoy doing; while learning what doesn't work for you, what you could improve at, and what you don't enjoy doing.

Finding a writing buddy or someone who's willing to read your work and give you feedback is super helpful for this, too, because sometimes it takes another perspective to help us navigate the fog of indecision and find a solution.

And again, remember - you are one person, and you are under no obligation for any of your projects to be some perfect, infallible holy grail. You will write stuff that you will inevitably look back on with disgust and cringe. You will create projects that you will eventually outgrow or move on from. That does not invalidate the time and effort you put into those projects - it's proof of experience and growth. Embrace the growing pains, find peace in the process in whatever way you can.

It's not a question of right or wrong - it's asking yourself what feels true to you and your voice, and finding out along the way.

[goldsbitch]

Twelve grapes

chapter 1 -he'll be passionate...

Max is stuck at an uneventful party, a spell so bad only Charles can break it. Rage meets awkward.

words: 3k warning: alcohol mentioned, other than that nothing

Max shifts in his chair for what feels like the fiftieth time. He wishes he could be anywhere else in the world than this random apartment in Monaco, stuck in pointless conversations with useless people.

He has no idea who decided this evening’s gathering was a good idea. A comical event "F2 and F3 drivers dinner" - cheap copy of the thing F1 does. Surely they'd invited more people who were actual F1 drivers, like himself, but nobody else showed up. Max vows not to make this mistake ever again.

His mom wants him to make some friends at the paddock ("You never know when you're gonna need a friendly face"), his father would probably be the happiest if he managed to blow up the whole room ("You can't trust anyone, Max. Crush them before they crush you"). It was only recently that his mom started to have inputs into how he approached the world of racing. Confusing times. But Max knows his father is right. He isn't here to make friends.

He doesn't speak much, but he also does not listen to the conversation other are involved in.

Topics involved so far: models of Monte Carlo every team they are "talking to and it's looking promising" the latest trick their trainer taught them rent and real state prices going up (most of these people are teenagers struggling with budgets for their racing, so this was a particularly baffling topic for Max to wrap his head around)

They are all stupid. Little boys who care too much for the glam, and not enough for the work. Two of them already earned a middle finger from Max when they asked him to recommend them to F1 teams. Pathetic. He gets involved in slightly more interesting debate about the set up of F2 engines for the next seasons. Ideas to be pitched for approval. But his inputs are washed over, because one quickly gets used to having thirty engineers around all the time and where the limits of the lesser championships lie.

He knows well enough he is an anomaly. However condescending it might have sounded, nobody in that room put as much into racing as he had. It feels like visiting a kindergarten as a proud fourth grader.

The mood shifts immediately as the one and only, Charles Leclerc, waltzes in. Forever smiling, albeit a bit shyly at first. Max watches him, as he goes and makes rounds. Greats everyone, hands out smiles, like it isn't an absolute dread to spend time in the presence of these people. Max figures Charles doesn't know that he already knows. He wasn't expecting him to show up at all, when he didn't see him in the room already upon his own arrival. God boy Charles, always first everywhere, ever so polite. Where he finds the energy to do, Max will never understand. Max is at least clear about who he is. You'll get the same person on and off track. The polar opposite of whatever game the Monegasque is playing. Menace on track, annoyingly sweet in real life.

Charles is soon to be announced as an F1 driver. Christian Horner makes sure to have all the intel. One of the advice Max actually took to heart from him. Max is sure nobody in this room has any idea. Perhaps not even Charles's best friends. He feels a weird sense of pride, knowing something other people don't. Normally, he'd just pass Charles by and try to ignore him, perhaps more than he would with other people. Out of all those drivers, he was the one that Max somewhat feared. Little too fast, bit reckless and not afraid to send it in. They'd already had their fair share of battles and now he would join on the grid once again. Max had a hard time figuring out how he felt about that. This night, he felt a desperate need to let Charles know that he knows. But, he's never going to be the one approaching Charles. Even if that means not talking to him at all. Max is a proud young man. Leclerc is too, but in a different way.

"Well, look who we have here, the young talent himself," Charles greets Max with slightly sour and sarcastic undertone. Max takes it as a compliment, happy to be speared of the fake pleasantries.

He nods back at him. "Charles." Max doesn't know what else to say. The boy should be glad he used his first name anyway. Soon, they'll be rivals again. The idea of beating him on track again is thrilling.

To his surprise, Charles sits down on the empty chair next to him. "I see you got a haircut," he proclaims casually and observes Max's head a little too much to his liking. He can't help himself but run his fingers on the short pointy hairs on the side of his head. Charles chuckles and somehow manages to sip on a drink in the most condescending way known to man. "It looks ugly. I'll give you my mother's number, she'll take you in with a discount."

Max couldn't give two shits about what Leclerc thinks. He might as well call him a frog, he'll still be a better racer. And that's the only thing that matters. He spends a little too long on crafting a response.

"I imagine you'll need one soon, something more aerodynamic," he blurbs out just before Leclerc's smug breaks his face. Max is proud he did not stutter. Baby steps.

He must have understood what he's hinting at, so clumsily, but chooses not to play along. "I don't need it, I look fabulous, as always," he says and dramatically runs fingers through his hair.

"If you say so. Can't wait until we test it out on a track," Max replies and sips his beer, so that he has something to do with his hands.

Both of them know, that there will be no real fight next year. Charles will be in Sauber, or as it's often referred to - shitbox. Max is in one of the top teams. Charles stays silent for few moments, perhaps taking it in.

"Nobody knows yet. How do you know?" he asks finally, breaking his façade. Not really ready to reveal his sources, he panics and winks at the brown haired man. He follows this up by a loud gulp and a wish for this interaction to be over as soon as possible. His goal is achieved and anything beyond this point is a risky situation.

With all the audacity of the world, Charles pauses for a mere second and then laughs. "Okay, okay. I understand. You'd have to kill me if you tell me."

"Something like that," Max responds and remembers back those days when he thought that the F1 paddock was a serious place and not a literal sieve, where nothing could stay a secret for a long time. For some reason, he enjoys the fact he knows more than Leclerc. For now at least.

"I've just come back from the first photoshoot with Sauber," Charles whispers and out of nowhere whips out his phone, leans in and starts showing Max some pictures on his phone. Baffled Max does not know what do with Leclerc going so deep into his personal space. His first reaction is to pull away and shove his back.

"Mate, I don't care about your photos," he says a little too loudly and defensively. Few people glance at them, but this incident is not as attention-grabbing as one would expect. Charles, retreats and does his best to hide hints of embarrassment.

Max would never admit that it makes him feel bad. Never. "I am more interested in your test times." This time he is the one to lean in closer. Only so that others don't hear him, of course.

Charles's confidence bounces back, him seemingly recovering to his usual cocky level pretty quickly. Max remembers how great it felt when he first got his seat in F1. To be honest, he finds it surprising Charles isn't dancing on the table.

"You know I would never tell you that," he replies and only now is Max noticing that Charles is dressed in the ugly colors of his new team. He almost asks him if that is on purpose.

"Shame. Racing is the main thing. Nothing else is important to me," he hints back at the photos. Charles shoots back without missing a beat.

"Interesting. I always dreamed of being a model and I decided to go the most unconventional and impractical way," he snaps sarcastically. He stays still for a moment and then breaks into a smile. "See you on track, Verstappen," he says quietly, pats him on his shoulder, gets up and walks away to continue his rounds around the room.

Max sits and wonders why this was the most vexing interaction he had this whole evening.

It's like Leclerc has some sort of light following him everywhere he goes. Max can't help, but be hyperaware of where he is, almost all the time. He soon gets real tired of just sitting around, looking unapproachable, and decides to change his strategy for the evening. And he tries. He really does. It's looking better, he is tuning into his more chatty and fun part of personality.

That is until one of the useless F2 rookies decides to "accidentally" spill a drink on him. Quickly back where he started, annoyed Max is drying his t-shirt, dark colored stain unwilling to go away. He does not know when it happens, but suddenly, Charles is next to him once again.

"You’ve really warmed up to this party, haven’t you?" he observes Max, who is frantically trying to dry his t-shirt. It's not like he cares about clothes. He just wants to go home. The decision to finish this drink, end the conversation and finally get away is made fast.

"I'm not here to make friends, Charles," he says, shooting arrows at the guy from Sweden, who ruined his t-shirt, and has moved on on nagging someone else, finally.

Charles positively laughs. "Oh, good thing. You're terrible at it."

Should Max punch him? Is that an appropriate response? Out of nowhere, Charles, reaches for Max's hand and stops his frantic movements.

"Screw this, some people are gonna go and play darts," he hints over to the other side of the room. "Come join. You good at it?"

It comes as a natural reflex to say it. "Better than you."

Charles puts his hand on Max's bicep, making him tense up a bit. "Glad to hear that, come on then," he says as he starts dragging him away.

Max decides not to waste energy on protesting. One game and then he's gone.

Two other people are already waiting, with spare darts in their hands.

"Oh good, you found an interesting opponent," comes from one of them. Max knows him, Ralph from somewhere, with some surname and most importantly, driver in F2. The second guy, he does not know, nor does he care about getting to know him. He hears the name and immediately forgets it. He tries to avoid staring at Charles, who is working the room again, having the two guys glued at him from the moment they'd showed up. He throws around light-hearted jokes and angelic smiles. While Max is standing next to him, big stain on his chest and gripping a bottle of beer so tightly his fingers are almost numb.

"Are we here to play or is this a chat room?" he blurts out, mainly just to join the conversation really. He is unable to find any other way how apart from snarky comments.

Max watches Charles pick up a dart, his movements annoyingly casual, like this is just another photo op.

"You sure you’ve done this before?" Max mutters, arms crossed.

Charles grins. "I’m a natural at everything." He lines up the shot, pausing dramatically. "Want to make it interesting?"

Max narrows his eyes. "What did you have in mind?"

"Loser buys drinks at the next Monaco party."

"Boring," he reacts with obvious disappointment.

"Fine, what about this. The ultimate loser has to compliment the winner, here, in front of everyone. How about that?" suggests Ralph and something about the way how he pronounced the word champion makes Max twitch. It just sounds wrong.

"Fine," says Charles before anyone has time to object and throws his first dart, only just missing the bullseye. He smirks. "Not bad for a warm-up."

Max steps up, his expression unreadable. His throw hits closer to the center, and he allows himself a small, smug smile.

"Beginner’s luck," Charles says, reaching for another dart, almost forgetting there are other people involved in their game.

As the game progresses, it becomes painfully obvious that Ralph missed his calling and should have competed in darts professionally, instead of racing. And that the other guy is about as bad as one can get in darts. Max only feels challenged by Charles, in fact, he does not care how the other two do. Him and Charles are only few point from each other, every turn the other one leading.

It is frustrating to end up third, but it stings to end up behind Charles. The angelic man does not seem bothered by losing as he grins at Max when the last round is finished. They ignore the scene happening next to them, Ralph teasing the other guy and gathering a crowd to hear his compliment.

"You know, in a few years, maybe months, I’ll be your biggest problem on the grid," Max hears Charles whisper, still riding the high of beating him.

Bickering with Charles comes naturally to the Dutch driver. "Maybe once you get to drive a car that actually has all eight gears."

"Once I do, that's when you'll really need to start trying." Max knows he is right and it makes his throat tight.

Charles seems to be genuinely interest in the scene happening in front of them and Max misses the joke everyone suddenly laughs to.

"So tell me, if you had to compliment me, what would you say?" he hears Charles once again.

Max glares at him with thinly veiled ridicule before rolling his eyes.

Charles is relentless. "Come on, you'll tell me mine and I'll tell you yours..."

It is an intriguing thought, to know what this pseudo-French model-driver thinks of him. It's not like this wasn't the main thing occupying Max's brain the whole game - what in hell would he say to Charles anyway? How he admires his dedication? How nonchalantly he seems to deal with anything thrown at him? The kindness that fuels him? In the end, when he saw himself almost losing the game, he decided against anything that might embarrass himself. Playing it safe.

"You have a nice face," he blunts out, using his tone to make it sound as casual as possible. It still makes his stomach turn. He avoids looking at Charles, in order to keep his composure.

Charles chuckles, once again. "Ah, come on. That's boring. True! But boring," he shakes his head, further giving away his disapproval.

Max sighs. There is never a calm moment with this man. "Fine, what about you? What's your genius compliment?"

The man standing next to him, close enough so that nobody else hears them, stares into the crowd of people. After few moments of scanning them, he finally speaks.

"One thing that I can't shake...I think people don't give you enough credit. Everyone talks about your talent, how your dad pushed you to the limit, but I’ve seen how hard you work—like, really work. Most of us, we dream about F1, but you… you live it. You're hard on yourself, but in a weird productive way. It’s impressive. And lonely I imagine."

His words ring in Max's ears, like a song that is too loud. The fact Charles casually throws his dad into the conversation, as if that wasn't a total dealbreaker for him. The fact he dares to brush on the one feeling Max has had push down for months now.

"Soon you won't have to imagine," he says through gritted teeth, because he does not know how to deal with a compliment that actually reaches something within him.

There is a silence for a moment, Max looking for anything to fill it with, anything that would wash away the reminder of the ever-present loneliness he feels everyday. But, for second time today, Charles beats him.

"I'm nervous, Max. Excited, of course. But what, if I fuck it up, that's it. Years of work, not only mine, down the drain. I'm just...I don't know, have you ever felt like that?"

Max, already on edge, does not understand why is Charles filling him up with information he might use against him. Is he completely stupid? They are rivals. And they are going to be for a long time, Max is sure of that, more than anything. Unlike the soon-to-be-rookie driver in front of him, Max calculates his response. No matter how true and relatable he finds everything that Charles is saying. Of course he knows what that feels like. He does not have it in his heart to reveal that this fear does not go away with time. There are two things he decides to tell him. Giving out as much sincere advice as his brain allows him.

"Firstly. Don't ever tell any other driver, especially your teammate that. They will, and trust me, use it against you. Clear on that?" he scolds him like a school boy, but tries to keep it kind. Not like when his father was giving out advice. Charles seems to understand, biting his cheek nervously.

"Are you going to do that?" he asks without blinking.

Max does not have to think twice. Almost finds it insulting that Charles would suggest that. "No. I can beat you on track, I don't need politics."

This answer seems to satisfy Charles. "Deal," he says, implying he is not going to lower to that himself when he has the chance one day. Max finds it hilarious that he would immediately think of that. But also a bit calming. If there is one thing he hates about F1, it's the gray morality behind closed doors.

He continues, before it gets awkward. "Secondly. No, I don't think that. I am good, really good. Doubting myself will not lead to winning."

If there ever was a time Max has told a big, fat lie, it was this one. There are days where he walks around the factory, thinking they'd hired him by accident. Moments, when he fucks up so bad, he actually fears Helmut Marko's disappointed sighs. But he has to defend from Charles, who seems to somehow see through him more than other people. There is a glint in Charles's eyes, a strange spark max does not how to decipher.

"Got it" Charles finished their debate, his unreadable expression staying on. Right after he speaks, some random guy decides to interrupt their conversation. Max takes this as an opportunity to finally call it a day. He leaves with a stained shirt and a cloudy mind.

chapter 2

[imaginebeautifulworlds]

Loved By Seven | Chapter 5

Genre: Hybrid!AU, Poly!AU, Mate!AU, romance, fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Human!Reader, Peacock!Seokjin, Serpent!Yoongi, Hawk!Hoseok, White Tiger!Namjoon, Merman!Jimin, Leopard!Taehyung, Wolf!Jungkook

Summary: Hiking was just an activity to get you out of the apartment, the last thing you imagined was ending in a whole different world by touching a jewel. That not being enough you end up meeting seven hybrids, and they all claim you shared the Connection with each of them making you their partner for life.

Notes: Hi! This is the first part of the 200 followers celebration, the fifth chapter of this story; the second part is a one shot from my masterlist, I already have one in mind that I hope you'll like it. If you have any idea for what I should do when we hit 300 followers you can leave an ask. Thank you so much for the love the seires has been receiving, I'll try to mantain the same rhythm for the updates. Likes, reblogs, comments are always appreciated. English is not my first language so pardon me if anything is misspelled or grammatically incorrect. Also the main idea came from a webtoon but I can’t remember it’s name. Enjoy!

Masterlist | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Support me?

With Taehyung at work and full from breakfast, you and Jiwoo explore the apartment and now you know it's way bigger than you imagine it; which makes you think that here getting a place to live is cheaper than in your world or Taehyung makes a lot of money What can be his job? I mean it definitely allows him to live quite well. You find out there are four rooms, the main one (the one you basically throw him out of), two guest rooms (with a bathroom each) and a huge library; aside from a big kitchen, the dining room, a grand living room and a laundry room. "Wow you're boyfriend lives quite good N/N" "He's not my boyfriend!" "Yet" Jiwoo chuckles at your bright face "But I do wonder what his job is" "Or the real state here is better than ours" Jiwoo adds.

Checking exploring the apartment on your list, you guys go back to the main room to take a shower "Hey Ji, can you help me unwrap this? So I can take a shower" "Sure" she sits down on the bed next to your ankle and starts taking off the bandage. With the bandage off, she goes to the drawer your clothes are in and takes the only stuff you have left "Well, we should use that washing machine we found otherwise we won't have anything to wear" Jiwoo says, taking out her clothes, and you nod at her words. Before going to get you, she puts your clothes on top of, what she thinks is, a shelf to organize your clothes to put them on after a shower or a bath Damn this is rich people type of stuff; and takes out a towel from a drawer in front of the sink.

"Let's go" Jiwoo exits the bathroom and helps you up, to hop to the bathroom; once inside you take oof your clothes, relive yourself on the toilet and enter the shower It would be nice to take a bath but I don't want to impose more than I already have. I'm sorry Taehyung I'm using your stuff again you think when you pick up a bottle of shampoo and start massaging your scalp, rinsing it out, you pick up a gel shower bottle and start spreading it on your body, but by doing that your thoughts go to the fact that you're in the same place where Taehyung's been naked just like you're now No no no no F/N don't think stuff like that, you're taking advantage of his kindness by thinking that you cover your red face with your face, and rinse all soap as fast as you can, with cold water.

With your feet really dry, to prevent more sprained ankles, you hop to where your clothes are and hop again towards the toilet to sit and dress yourself like you undressed the night before, sited. Already dressed, you hop to the sink and wash your face with Taehyung's face soap, rinse it and apply his moisturizer. You open the door and Jiwoo's waiting for you at the end of the bed to help you hop to the bed. She sit next to you to help you bandage your walk but you say with a smile "Jiwoo go wash yourself up, I got this" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, go" you point with your head towards the bathroom "Okay". By yourself, you apply the ointment and try to wrap up your ankle, it's not as good as how the doctor did but it's tight That's the important thing right? For the bandage to be tight no matter how it's wrapped up.

A few minutes later, Jiwoo's done with showering and asks, "Well, what we do now? There's nothing to eat, and there's nothing to do" "Well, we can't go out. We don't have keys, we don't know this city. As for food, we'll just have to wait until he comes back. He must have a TV somewhere, and we have to wash our clothes and the dishes from breakfast. " You two exit the room with your clothes on hand "Okay. I'll leave you at the laundry room and I'll go to wash the dishes" Jiwoo says "Deal" and you hop to the laundry room.

Jiwoo leaves you, and now you're in front of two very advanced machines Okay, I can do this, if I cracked the old washing machine at our place I can figure this ones out. You read what it says on the buttons, and look around in hopes to find a manual, which luckily you do Oh well, it's definitely easier than ours you also spot a laundry basket kinda full I should also wash his clothes, as a thank you for all the troubles you smile when picking out his clothes and putting them inside, by doing it you smell something delicious, curious by the source of the smell you bring a t-shirt to your nose it smells like white chocolate Maybe he ate something covered in white chocolate and the shirt got impregnated with the smell leaving it at that you finish with the clothes and start the machine, the cycle spends an hour washing the clothes.

Knowing it would be better to wait for Jiwoo you sit on the floor, trying not to put pressure on your ankle. After another 10 minutes Jiwoo makes an appearance "Ooohhh, you made it work" "Yeah, Taehyung left the manual handy and it was very easy, at least easier than the one at home" you chuckle "That darn thing" she grumbles "How about I leave you at the living room and when this is done I come and pass the clothes to the dryer" "I'm gonna take the offer for the lift but I want to finish the entire chore, otherwise I'll die from boredom" you pout at her "Okay" she chuckles.

Hopping to the living you still don't see anything to entertain yourselves with, not even a TV "Does he not have a TV here? Are there no TVs in this world?" Jiwoo asks scared "I don't think there aren't any TVs here I mean our worlds are pretty identical so maybe he doesn't have one because he doesn't like it" you conclude. Sitting on the couch looking at ceiling, an idea popped on your mind "Can you help me get to the library? Maybe I can find an interesting book there" "Okay, let's go", you support one of your arms around her shoulder and her towards said room.

Inside, you find a comfortable egg chair next to a large window with a beautiful city view and a big comfortable sofa which Jiwoo has already eyes on it. She plops down on the sofa "Don't you want a book?" you ask her "No, I think I'll just let dreamland call me" "Okay" you answer looking through the shelves Maybe we do have things in common, he has rows and rows of fantasy and sci-fi books you smile passing your fingers through the books' spines Apparently he also likes photography maybe it's a hobby of his you think when you see a few books on that subject.

With a book on hand, you sit on the egg chair and start reading. You're so engrossed in the story you almost didn't hear an alarm going off Wow the hour is already up you turn the chair to look at Jiwoo, but find her asleep so soundly she's snoring a little bit. Not wanting to wake her up you decide to hop by yourself to the laundry room. You support yourself with the hall walls, and hop by hop you get to your destination. Pulling out you girl's clothes and his clothes from the washing machine, without paying much attention at the white chocolate smell, you put them inside the dryer, you read the labels on it and a some information from the manual and turn it on Okay another two hours of waiting you think, leaving everything set you hop back to the library.

Inside the library, you see Jiwoo still sleeping and hop back to the comfy chair you were in. The book in your hands has you really engrossed This book is really good, I mean for obvious reasons I've never heard about the author nor the plot, but if this is a series and it's not finished and I leave miraculously back to my world I'll cry you almost hug the book from your thoughts. You keep on reading until that faint alarm is on again. Knowing is from the dryer you get up, hop to see Jiwoo This girl is sleeping way too much…or maybe she's faking it you touch her shoulder with tiny force but that only makes her turn around and wave her hand at you She's so cute you chuckle. Hopping to the library you see a watch on the wall Wow it's almost noon, I'm gonna feel hunger in any moment you pout but continue hoping to the laundry room.

You take out all the clothes and put them in a basket labeled "Clean" with coffee dots around the letters Cute you smile at the mental image of a Taehyung labeling baskets. With basket in hand, you decide it's way too far for you to hop to the library, besides your foot's been hurting a little bit from all the hopping around, so you settle for the living room. You sit on the biggest sofa, from the three available, and pull the table on the center towards you so you could have a place to elevate your foot, already settled you start folding the clothes and putting them in piles next to you on the sofa Ignore Taehyung's underwear, just ignore it, just like you've been ignoring the white chocolate smell all morning. Folding the last shirt you hear ruckus on the door and suddenly a Taehyung filled with bags comes into view once the door is open "I'm home".

"OMG Taehyung, let me help you" you try to rush, but accidentally you stand up with both feet and winced Well if it wasn't hurting before now it definitely is and quickly sit down again. Taehyung watching this closes the door as fast as he can, and runs to you leaving the bags in the sofa next to where you are, and one in particular he leaves it on top of the table "Beautiful you can't do that, you'll hurt your ankle more" he crouches next to you, only the point of his tail moving slowly "Did Jiwoo bandage you? Because it got loose" he looks up at you, with those big brown eyes of him leaving you breathless for a moment, and starts wrapping your foot  "Mmm, no, I did it myself…I swear it was tight but with all the hopping I guess it got loose" you say with red ears feeling a little embarrassed, about the bandage but also about your reaction at him. Then he notices the folded clothes next to you "Did you do the laundry?" "Yeah" you smile at him "Why didn't Jiwoo do it? You know you can't move much" your smile faded "Well, she did the dishes and she was gonna do the laundry but I told her not to because we couldn't find something to entertain ourselves with and I didn't want to feel useless " he finishes bandaging you, but you continue "So I washed the clothes while she washed the dishes and the hopped to the library, because we reckoned your apartment…it's really nice" he smiles at you at that, however you continue "And while the clothes were washing I picked one of your books and started reading, by the way I'm sorry that I've been using your stuff without asking for your permission like your shampoo, body wash, face soap, moisturizer, cooking utensils and now your books" you looked at your hands ashamed, Taehyung almost coos at this and brings his hand to your face, grabs softly your chin and lifts it up "But Beautiful…Well, first, I have a TV is right there" he points at a blank space "You just have to lift it up" you look at him confused, he chuckles "I'll show you later. Second, you're not useless you're hurt, once you're on top shape you can do anything you want" he gives you a boxy smile "And third, you can use anything you want, everything I have here is yours too" you light up like Christmas tree after he says that.

"Let's go eat now, I bet you're hungry" as soon as he says that your stomach rumbles and he laughs "I guess I'm getting to know you better, at least your eating habit" "Shut up" you mumble dreading the embarrassment you're feeling right now. He picks you up bridal style making yell a little bit "H-h-hey I can hop to the kitchen" "Nu-uh, while I'm here you won't be doing that" he sits you down in a stool and exits the kitchen. Now that he's not next to you, you feel how the white chocolate smell has increased since he got home Does it come from him? But I didn't smell this yesterday…ugh, I don't understand and even if I don't want to ask him because this makes me feel like a crazy person, he maybe knows what and why is happening.

He comes back with the bag he left at the table in the living room, and puts it on the island "Where's Jiwoo?" "She's sleeping in the library" "I'll bring her" he turns "Mmm…Taehyung?" "Yes Beautiful?" he faces you again "Can I take out what's inside the bag?" you look at him with bright hopeful eyes "Sure" he chuckles. You open the bag and take out three smaller bags, you open them and take out from each a plate with what looks like lasagna, tiny bags with bread and three bottles with what looks like the soda Taehyung gave you yesterday. You wait sited moving the leg, with the good foot, like a little kid; Taehyung watches this, walking towards you with Jiwoo beside him, and falls for you even more.

Inside the kitchen, Jiwoo sits next to you, rubbing her eyes, and Taehyung, with a pout, sits in front of you "This is one has meat, this one has chicken and this one has meat again but has extra cheese in it" he explains each plate "Can I have the cheesy one?" you ask excitedly "Sure" he takes off the wrap and passes it to you with a fork, he also opens the soda for you "Thank you" you give him a tiny smile, you've read enough romantic books to know these kind of gestures are when the person has a romantic interest in other "I'll take the one with chicken, Taehyung" Jiwoo says "Sure" he passes her the plate, the bottle and the fork. The both take off the wrap from the plate, and all three of you start eating "Wow, this lasagna is so good" you say "Yes, I'll even say it's better than yours" Jiwoo slightly punches you, joking with you "Do you know how to make lasagna Beautiful?" "Yes, sometimes" you smile at him "Then I can't to try it" he smiles at you. You're eating in silence when something pops in your mind "Taehyung, do you work nearby? I mean otherwise how can you be eating lunch with us" "I left early" he answers with mouth half full "Oh, are you sick?" you say worriedly "No? I feel fine" he answers with his head tilted to the side and animal ears standing up "Then if you're not sick how did you get permission?" Jiwoo adds "I just didn't want to be without for too long" he answers so truthfully, you can see it in his eyes, that you almost choke up with what was in your mouth "What is your job?" you finally ask, after drinking a sip of soda "I'm a model" you open your eyes as much as you can when the leopard reveals this "You're a m-mo-model?" you can't believe it, Jiwoo chuckles at this "I knew, someone as handsome as you can't have a desk job" "What kind of modeling you do?" you ask him softly "Mostly photography, sometimes runways" he answers like he's talking about the weather Well, he does it for a living so he must be comfortable talking about it "I had more shoots after the one in the morning but I told my manager to cancel the ones in the afternoon so I could be here with you" he answers before you can make the question "Are you famous? I mean you have a very nice apartment, not to mention big" Jiwoo asks "Maybe? I mean some people think I'm famous" he touches his neck in embarrassment.

You're in shock at what this man does for a living so you just keep eating the lasagna until there is nothing more to eat, not even the bread "Are you okay Beautiful? You stop talking" Taehyung asks, he's nervous because you haven't said anything since he said he's a model Does she not like it? Because I can quit and find another job more to her liking "Do you not like my job? Because I can quit and find something you like" he quickly voices his thoughts "What?!" you almost scream "You can't quit because of me…It's just that I know you're handsome" "You think I'm handsome" he smiles sheepishly, but you don't hear him because you continue your rant "Bu-but I never thought you would be a model and I'm just surprised that's all…Besides you said like we're destined or something and I'm definitely way too normal to be with someone like you" you close your mouth with your hand to stop you from saying anything else, surprised at what you just said "Are you accepting me?" he says with a big smile "I don't know" you answer truthfully "Ohh" he mumbles, a sad expression makes its way to his face, his animal ears also lose their perkiness But she said it, maybe she's just scared of accepting her feelings, I can wait for her. Jiwoo knows she has to intervene now "Uh, Taehyung, what are those bags outside?" "Let's go see what I brought you" he stands up and goes for you to lift you up "Don't say anything Beautiful, I'm not letting you hop" he says seeing how you're about to protest, so you just shut your open mouth.

He leaves you on the couch in the most possible delicate way, and sits down next to you. To leave the two love birds together, Jiwoo sits in the other couch. The first thing he takes out of one of the bags is two boxes "First, I bought the groceries so" he turns to Jiwoo "Jiwoo, can you help me accommodate them" "Sure" she answers "Now, this one is for you Beautiful" he gives you one of the boxes and you notice is a phone "and this one is for you Jiwoo" he gives her the other box "Taehyung, you shouldn't have" you gasp "Of course I had to, besides I wanted to" he smiles at you "Please open it" you do as he says, and gasp once again "It's pink, look Ji it's pink!" you show her "Mine is white" she now shows you her new phone "It already has the most important apps, and it also has my phone number" you notice he put himself in as "Tae " Cute, does he want me to call him like that? I'll have to ask Jiwoo what's his name in her phone…What if I'm imagining things and it's not something special. "I also bought you clothes, it's just a few we can go in a few days again when you're ankle is better" he looks at you, and you nod at him. "Thank you so much Taehyung, you didn't have to" you impulsively hug him, he's shocked but gets out of it fast to return the embrace Wow, hugging her like this I can smell the white chocolate even more he closes his eyes and inhales more, after a while you let each other go at the same time, and smile at each other for a few seconds He's so handsome She's so beautiful.

Jiwoo interrupts the moment to talk about something more serious than groceries, clothes o phones "Taehyung" he looks at her "he have to talk about something" he frowns but doesn't say anything "I think you've noticed how we know almost nothing about, hybrids or technology. It's not because he have amnesia or something like that" At first I did think that, but I guess it's something more he thinks "It's because we're not from this world" he open his eyes, absorbing the new information "But before we explain that to you, we would like to know about your world first and how hybrids came to be" you look at him nodding "Can you tell us, please?".

Taglist: @lovely247 @apathina @kalala22 @singukieee @tinyoonsblog @arantxaglezz @btsiguess-kpop @lachimolala22019 @goldeneclipsedragon @sophiaj650 @sukunasstomachtongue @djodjom1 @uarmyhore @to-see-without-eyyes @chatsgotmytongue @kyuupidwrites @thebisexualonesworld @minjianhyung if you don’t want to be on this taglist anymore let me know :), and if you want to be just leave a comment saying so :)

[rindragon-from-twewy]

Swap au character intros part 4!!!

Spoilers for specifically Raincode Chapter 0 ahead!

Let's start with Zilch! In this au his forte becomes Audial Aptitude - thanks in part to his animal ears. If you've seen my art of Zilch before, you'll probably have noticed I like drawing him with his animal ears as his actual ears and not on top of his hat. It's cuz I generally just hate the ambiguity of it. Are the animal ears real? Are they just on his hat? Why do they move? Why does he have 4 ears? So I just like making his animal ears his only set of ears. That being said, apparently they're fox ears??? I always assumed wolf??? But I digress- His uniform has been changed up to be reminiscent of an orchestra conductor cuz hahah audio. His face tattoos are meant to be those spotify code scanners - the right cheek leading to It's All So Incredibly Loud by Glass Animals and We Own The Night by Chandler Kinney on the left (cuz I think it's funny!) As for his last name change, "Allegro" in musical terms means "to be played very quickly" which I thought would suit him quite well as someone who can solve cases really fast. His personality is basically the same, the only alteration being that he carries around a notepad and pen in order to help keep track of all the hundreds of things he's constantly hearing all the time.

Next is Pucci. She's received Spectal Projection from Melami and if you thought being good at hearing made her existential then BOY HOWDY does being able to use her body as a vessel for spirits fuck her up even more! Originally I was going for a classic "fortune teller" look for her but I instead went with a cute seamstress-y sort of look instead cuz I couldn't really get what I had in mind initially to look good. She wears a tape measure like a scarf and a thimble as a necklace charm. Her eyes, while cute, have a sort of dead look in them that make others wonder if she's even alive at all. Her last name has been changed from Lavmin to Lavender because in flower language, they're representive of purity, serenity, grace and calmness - all traits she seems to exhibit until she actually starts talking and you realise she's just sort of awkward and shy. She finds it easier to talk to ghosts/spirits then living creatures and honestly probably gets along reeeaaally well with this AU's version of Vivia.

Now, you may be looking at Aphex and going "Rindude! You changed fuck all about him!" And yeah, you're right... The only major changes I made was switching out his coat, boots and like doubling his muscle mass. He's strong. He could beat you up, no questions asked and it definitely shows! His forte is now Thoughtography but he's just as angry as ever - originating from the "front lines" that canon Zange mentioned in his own backstory. For that reason, his coat is inspired by WW2 trenchcoats and while my art doesn't show it very well, everything he's wearing looks and smells like he's crawled straight out of a dumpster. Originally I was going to change his last name to Harkness as an homage to Captain Jack Harkness, a WW2 soldier inspired character from (surprise, surprise) Doctor Who but considering the fact I did that exact same thing with an oc of mine for my A levels earlier this year... I instead went with Tyler; an homage to another Doctor Who character called Rose Tyler who is also a badass blonde <3

And that's all the details I'm sharing for now! It's a little strange considering I've written the Storm Cypher fanfic about half way through its chapter 0 already so I have a lot more to say about the train gang then I did anyone else - since they've already had stuff actually written for them. Melami and Zange's swap au designs will drop like... as soon as I figure out how to draw elderly people. So soon, hopefully! But yeah, I'm cooking super good atm I just can't really share much due to the nature of writing lol. I've been loving getting asks about it though! Deadass, it makes me kick my legs and giggle to know people are crazy enough to care about this AU- >w<

[slimybeth69]

Venus in Furs

Summary: After saving your life and getting you back to Jackson, things with you and Joel feel different. While navigating this new life, raising a teenager with a man you think you know-- you run into someone unexpected.

WARNINGS: This story contains DARK themes, HIGHLY dubious consent in early chapters. Pregnancy. Pregnancy loss. talks of child abuse. therapy speak. mean!joel, dark!joel, liar!joel. unreliable narration. multiple povs. cheating. mental health- PTSD, PPD. mentions of suicide attempts. highly adult sexual themes.

I'm not kidding when I say that this shit gets dark. I try and keep this as real as fucking possible.

Please be aware of the things you consume and if none of those themes are for you, please think twice about checking this story out.

Before you read this, I recommend reading Crybaby and Such Small Hands. You don't have to, but you'll probably be confused.

unbeta'd- poorly proofread

w/c- ~24k

Part 1

Joel and Ellie both sat outside of the car crying. You had just died twice in Ellie’s arms, but Joel somehow…somehow by the grace of God brought you back both times. You have a tourniquet on your leg and your neck isn’t bleeding anymore. You seemed pretty stable now but the car was broken down and it was still a five hour hike back to Jackson. If Joel left right now, he’d get Tommy to use the horses. Get you back to the colony in another six or seven hours. Joel knew you didn’t have it in you to wait that long but he couldn’t just sit here and let you die. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m sorry-- I don't wanna leave you—” Joel kisses the top of Ellie’s head quickly but she stops him from speaking.

“I wouldn’t leave her even if you wanted me to. I’ll stay right here. I promise.” She watches as Joel takes off running. Running with everything he has left in him which isn’t much but he’s going to shave off as much time off this hike as he can. 

Ellie lays down next to you in the trunk. She watches your shallow breathing carefully to make sure that you are in fact still alive. She places one hand in yours and looks at your swollen, bruised jaw. The puncture wound behind your ear is still bloody. Ellie does her best to clean you up with what water she had left. She never slept even though she was still tired herself. She wanted to but her eyes would snap awake the minute they closed to make sure you hadn’t passed in the two seconds she had fallen asleep.

The man Joel used to be is running through these woods. The man who dealt with the beginning of the outbreak. Not a man aged by time and stress and burdens. He was just a carpenter and in decent shape. Joel was running like him right now. He didn’t even bring his backpack, it would have just slowed him down. Just a map and a compass but he ran. Fast. Branches would scratch at his hands and face because he just didn't care about finding a path. He took the fastest route whether it was up or down or through trees or water or mud. It did not matter, nothing could stop this man. He ran like that for almost an hour before his body screamed at him to stop. He had traveled a decent distance in that hour. 

Another hour off his time and he was still moving, his sides cramped and he was slowing down. He had to breathe. Joel had been starting back up the second he felt like he could breathe. But now he needed to regather his strength. This was bad. You were going to die while Joel was hiking in the woods. Poor Ellie was going to have to sit with your dead body for hours. Joel felt so stupid. He should have stopped before he did to give you a tourniquet. He waited too long. Forty minutes of speeding out of the city and getting stuck at barricades and having to backtrack killed you. 

Joel would never forgive himself if you died. He asked you to come! He’s the one who really killed you and that was going to haunt him forever because he was looking forward to being gentle to you for a change. Didn’t think you liked it. Never asked for it. Never complained when he smacked you around and called you names. Joel liked that. Killed you over it. Running again. As fast as he fucking can.

Joel is pounding on Tommy’s door like it’s the end of the word all over again. 

“Joel it’s good to see you—” Tommy looks exhausted when he opens the door. So tired. Like Joel had just woken him up pounding on the door. He had. Tommy had been dead asleep. 

“I need your help, man. Real bad. So bad. Please can we just—” Joel is already down the steps of the porch heading in the direction of the stables. Tommy is so confused but puts his boots on and grabs his jacket. 

“What’s going on man? It’s the girl?” Tommy rushed to Joel’s side as he slipped the jacket over his arms. Joel shakes his head. 

“Different girl. My girl. She’s dyin’, Tommy. Might be dead when we get back there.” Joel sounds like he might cry. It’s a desperate plea for help and he’s only ever heard Joel speak like this once in his life. The night of the outbreak. “She’s all shot up. She’s bleedin’ real bad. I need to get her back here. I need you to help her.” Joel is still running to the stables. He knows where to go. 

“Okay man, we’ll get there. Calm down. You ain’t doin’ her no good if you keel over dead from a heart attack.” Tommy is trying to keep up with Joel. Trying so hard, but Joel is too fast. 

It takes them three and a half hours to get back to the car.

When you are able to finally open your eyes again. It’s four weeks later, but you don’t know that. Everything about you feels like you’re being torn apart from the seams. Your eyes don’t even really open. They just flutter. But then there are hands on yours. From both sides. Who is touching you? Why are they touching you in your sleep? Voices. Muffled ones are speaking to you rapidly and it sounds all jumbled up together. 

In your head you wanted to tell them to please stop speaking to you in Mandarin, because that’s not a language you understand and you needed assistance opening your eyes. Nothing came out though because your mouth feels like someone shoved a cactus down there while you slept. 

Joel did this to you! Joel ruined your throat with his going deepest contest or whatever he did to you in the bedroom yesterday! You should have bit it off of him. If you knew it was going to cause you this kind of pain? No. That was not fair or nice of Joel. Didn’t even give you any possible side effects of going deeper. Not even a cactus in the throat! Why did everything else hurt?. What the fuck. Your eyes do open at this new and sharp pain in your throat. All the other pain is dull and constant and this is sharp and new and only when you try to speak or swallow. Joel is there and you could throttle him for putting you in the hospital! How did an innocent blowjob turn into you being in the hospital? You just wanted to lick a penis for the first time in however many years and now look at you. Hospitalized. 

“Birdie.” Joel’s voice is soothing to you. Very soothing and calming and sweet and you’re not mad at this man. He could go as deep as he wanted. You’d let him. He’s fuzzy. Blurry like maybe you were underwater. “Shhh stop trying to talk. You’re intubated.” 

What is intubated!? What does that mean? You start to panic but everything hurts. Every joint and ligament. Every single fiber of your being aches. Joel leaves your side and now you’re even more scared. You just got here, why is he rushing to be away from you? Ellie’s sweet girl voice is in your ear and also very calming. 

“You need to relax. Just shhh and calm your body. Joel is going to get a Doctor to get the tube out.” What tube!? What is she talking about? Her words do little to calm you now that you have to worry about a tube in you somewhere. What the fuck is going on? The room your in is very similar to that of a hospital—

Ellie is by your side. Ellie is here! And she’s safe and talking to you in your ear and now you are calm because you didn’t have Ellie the last you remember. It’s coming back to you. Joel was walking beside you…touching your pinky with his because he thought that was the last time he was ever going to touch you again while you were still breathing. Ellie places a gentle hand on your upper arm and her warm touch is so comforting. You wish Ellie could crawl into this bed and just wrap you up in her warmth because you are so cold. You did not realize how cold you were. Now you’re shivering. Shivering so bad you think you might actually vibrate off the bed. 

Joel returns with a man in a white coat. 

Judas ! Get this coated man away from you! White coats are bad! Such bad people! They were standing over Ellie’s little frame and now you have to look at Ellie to make sure that she is in fact actually beside you and she is. Her cute face looks worried. Very worried. 

“He’s going to help.” Ellie whispers down to you. 

Then it goes black again.

“Hey, little bird.” Joel’s deep voice fills your small room. He holds flowers out to you. They bring a smile to your face, and now it doesn’t hurt to smile anymore. It does still hurt to talk though. Joel sets them down on the table next to you and sits down in the chair beside your bed. “You feelin’ better today?” He kisses your knuckles softly. You nod, still smiling at him. 

“Yeah.” Your voice is hoarse and croaky from the tube you had been intubated with. Not Joel’s cock like you thought. “Even better now that you’re here.” Joel smiles at this like he’s a young boy and not a fifty-something year old man. 

“We’ve been workin’ real hard to get the house ready for you. Our room is on the first floor so you won’t gotta deal with the stairs.” Joel holds your hand in his gently as he speaks to you, sounding excited. His eyes look excited too. 

Our room.

“I bet Ellie is excited to have the whole upstairs to herself.” You croak. Joel chuckles and nods. “She doin’ alright?” Joel nods and squeezes your hand. 

“Yeah she’s good. Just doesn’t really like comin’ up here— to the hospital. It’s got nothin’ to do with you, Birdie.” You nod in understanding because you don’t even like being here. “She told me to tell you that she misses you. You get to come home tomorrow though.” 

Home. You get to go home tomorrow. With Joel. And Ellie. 

“I know. I don’t blame her. I would have snuck out of here but sneaking is hard when you cannot walk.” Joel smiles as he continues to kiss your knuckles. 

“Birdie—” Joel cuts himself off when he sees the way that you’re looking at him through your eyelashes. “What? What I’d do? I just got here. You were just fine.” He’s worried, he doesn’t know what he’s done to make you upset or…whatever emotion you’re feeling while you look at him distrustfully. 

“Where did Birdie come from? When did you start calling me that all the time? You only ever used to call me crybaby .” You mock the old nickname you used to have. It’s not that you don’t like Birdie. Just curious as to where the fuck he pulled it from. Joel chuckles to himself and kisses your hand once more before letting it rest by your side again.

“I was cleanin’ ya' leg one night and you just kept whimperin’ and chirpin’ out. Sounded like a little birdie.” Joel’s smile is infectious and now you’re smiling back at him as he tells you the rest. “Then I’d make you sing like a lil bird.” His eyebrows flick up and now he’s smiling at you devilishly. “Miss hearin’ you sing for me.” 

Your stomach flutters at his words. Something about his body language too, it’s making between your legs tingle and that feels good . His legs are spread wide in the chair next to your bed, he’s leaning back. He’s relaxed. Joel index finger and thumb tug at the fabric between his legs and he lifts his hips slightly to adjust himself. Your eyes had watched for the whole four seconds it took for him to do that and then you flick your gaze up to Joel’s face.

“Been missin’ ya'. Gonna have to be real gentle with ya'.” He speaks low, almost a growl but it’s hushed. “Be real careful with my little bird.” He’s still leaned back in the chair, relaxed and with his knees as far apart as he can get them in the chair. Now his hands rubbing himself over the front of his jeans gently. You wish you didn’t have this forsaken hospital gown on and tied around the back of your neck because you’d pull it down for him and show him anything. “Say somethin’.” Joel whispers. You had just been watching, wishing you could participate. 

“I need you inside me.” You whisper back to him. Your hand reaches for him but he nods to your chest. 

“Touch ‘em. Squeeze those perfect tits f'me.” Joel’s own hand is now rubbing hard down into the crotch of his jeans. You can see the outline of him growing harder beneath the unforgiving fabric. You bring your one hand up to your chest through the gown and grope yourself in a similar fashion to what he’s doing. He lets out a sigh and his hips start to move slowly against his hand.

Your heart is pounding in your chest beneath your hand. There are people right outside that closed door and any of them could walk in at any minute to come check your vitals and then your temperature. If they do that right now they won’t let you go home tomorrow because you’re surely have high blood pressure and a fever because you’re sweating. You wish you could touch yourself like Joel but your leg is still to swollen and this bed is too small to stretch out the way you need to. 

“I can't wait to taste that fuckin’ pussy. I’ve been dreamin’ about it.” Joel groans softly. “Can’t wait to get my tongue deep inside that tight lil’ hole.” Joel’s words makes your walls contract and nothing is even inside of you yet. Your jaw falls open slightly. 

You’re still a little hesitant with dirty talk yourself. Usually Joel prompts you with things to speak back to him. The way he talks to you makes you blush. Especially now in public! It was never a problem back in the woods which funny enough was only a couple miles from where you lay right now. 

“Where else you want me to lick ya'?” Joel gives you a prompt right now but they’re so hard to think about when all you want to do is get touched! You want to go home right now. This is the first time you and Joel have had a real moment together without doctors and his brother Tommy and Tommy’s pregnant wife Maria. Or people from the town coming to offer support to Joel on the house he was fixing up. You’ve been awake a week and this is your first real uninterrupted moment with him. 

“Everywhere.” You whisper because it’s all you can muster. All of your energy is buzzing between your legs and in your lower belly. It’s almost too much, it feels like you’re too turned on and you’re going to float away with your pelvis leading you upwards. 

“Tell me where.” Joel is leading you, helping you figure out how to talk dirty to him. “Where else do you want my tongue besides your perfect lil cunt?” The words drip off his tongue like molasses. 

The door opens and your hand falls to your side. Joel’s hand moves to the armrest of the chair and he pulls himself into a sitting up position instead of his relaxed, almost laying down prone pose he had just been in quickly. Now he’s sitting, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his index finger curled over his smirking lips. Your face is red. Redder than you can even imagine. 

“So how are you feel—” The nurse stops and looks at you and cocks her head to the side. “You feelin’ alright, hun? You look a little flushed?” She had not seen what was going on in the room before she walked in so she did not know the reason for all of the blood behind your cheeks. 

You go to speak but just a weak croaking sound comes out. It makes her look more worried and Joel has to stifle a chuckle from beside your bed. You shoot him a glance while you clear your throat.

“I’m fine. Just a little warm in here.” You lie because you had been cold before Joel got in here and steamed the room all up with his sexy words and forceful massages on his hard cock below his jeans. You steal another glance at him and now his eyes are closed and his shoulders are moving up and down softly– he’s laughing! This is funny to him! 

“Aww, well lemme open a window in here for you, sweetheart.” The nurse is so nice and trying so hard to be helpful in your fevered state. You’re so embarrassed. Your nipples are rock hard under your hospital gown and they prove you're lying! It’s an obvious giveaway at your lack of being warm and your current state of arousal. The nurse opens the window and chilled spring air rushes in and makes your nipples even harder! Goosebumps rise on your flesh and you wish she would shut it. You’re no longer a little warm. 

The nurse— her name is Shannon, goes by Shan– takes your vitals and writes everything down on a chart at the end of your bed. 

“Are you excited to go home tomorrow? Been here for almost six weeks. You gotta be ready to sleep in your own bed and be in your own house for the first time!” She’s so excited for you. She’s been your nurse for the entire time and she’s been watching all of this fall into place for you, for the four and a half weeks you were in a coma and then the last week and couple days while you’ve been conscious. She might be as excited as you are. 

“I…cannot wait.” You sigh as she places your chart back in the holder at the end of your bed. “What time do I get to leave?” You’re anxious though, you’d rather just go home right now and don’t understand what a couple hours difference makes. It’s not even a real hospital. It’s a refurbished elementary school that they use in place of a hospital so why can’t you leave now? 

“As soon as you get your last round of antibiotics in the morning after breakfast.” Shan smiles down at you. “You been here longer than any of my other patients, I’ll miss you.” She frowns dramatically. ���But now we can go drink at the bar together.” She flicks her eyebrows up once. She was a year younger than you and grew up in Southern California. You have a lot in common with her, she’s fun and is easy to talk to. You have a friend that wants to get drinks with you. 

Shan leaves and Joel is on your mouth before you can look over at him. His tongue is swirling around yours and his hand is on your chest, groping you the way you had been touching yourself but harder, with more aggression behind his hand. He’s moaning into your mouth as your hand finds his still hard cock under his jeans as he leans over you in your hospital bed. Your other hand reaches around the back of his neck and pulls you into him tighter. 

“You’re mine.” Joel whispers against your lips as he pulls away. “Don’t go gettin’ any fuckin’ ideas at that bar. You come home to me. Because you belong to me, understood?” Joel’s words are firm. A verbal declaration of his ownership of you. It makes you feel…uneasy the way he says it like he might actually believe it, and it’s not just bedroom talk. 

“Okay.” You whisper back to him, regardless of that uneasy feeling in your stomach because he’s not…wrong in a sense. You don’t want to be with anyone else. You are his. He is yours. What’s there to feel uneasy about? Joel pulls his head from yours and looks into your eyes.

“Say it.” He’s so serious. 

“I belong to you.” It comes out of you before you can question him, or hesitate at all because the way he’s looking at you is making you a little nervous. “I belong to you.” You say it again after a moment because he doesn’t look away. This time he must believe you because he kisses you again and then sighs softly. 

“Good.” 

Joel says his goodbyes because it’s late. He shuts the window for you first and tucks you into bed. He touches your mound softly over the blankets while he kisses you goodbye. 

Now you’re alone with this new thought in your head of what Joel means by that. It felt like much more than just an admittance of love— that’s actually not what it felt like at all. It was like he was speaking a rule into the universe and now you had to follow it. This felt different than the time he had said it in the bedroom or when you walked out of that abandoned cabin so long ago. Sexy and jokes those felt like. You realize that this is the first time you’ve ever been around other people with Joel who weren’t trying to kill you. 

Oh. 

The next morning your unease is not forgotten but it is overlooked by your excitement to get out of the hospital and sleep in a real bed and to see Ellie. Joel and Tommy ended up going back for the car and fixing it up on the side of the road so that he could drive it back. Now it’s a community car for moments like this. When someone who is unable to walk needs to get around for a longer distance. The whole colony is small but you cannot walk. Not yet. 

“Ellie is so excited to see you.” Joel holds your hand as he drives you to your new house. “I’m glad you’re comin’ home. Been empty there without you.” His words make you smile because you have missed him. So very much. 

“I’m excited to see how you two decorated. It’s probably very interesting.” You smirk at him. You are pleasantly surprised when you walk in and it’s perfect. Nice chairs in the living room and a couch. There are three bedrooms. Two upstairs and one on the first floor. Three bathrooms. You and Joel have your own and there is running water. 

Ellie is at school. Which is weird. School. You’ll have to see if they have classes for people like you who never got to graduate. You missed out on some things and don’t want to be behind when Ellie needs help. 

“Easy, birdie.” Joel eases you down into the large bed, topped with nice soft sheets and a comforter. No more sleepers. “Do you need anything before I go?” Joel asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. You raise your eyebrows.

“Go? Where are you going?” You guys just got here. What is so important? 

“Gotta take the car back. I’ve been helpin’ Tommy around town. Time doesn’t stop just cause you came home today.” He kisses your forehead and you frown. 

“I thought you’d at least stay for a little bit.” You roll your eyes at him. “I get it though. Go be Mr. Carpenter man. Go build buildings and whatever else it is you do.” You smirk. Joel smirks back at you. “Won’t even make me come first.” You playfully turn your nose up at him. 

“And you better not touch it until I come back. I mean it.” He narrows his eyes at you when you turn to look at him. “I’ll know.” 

“How would you know?” You have a snide tone like how is that something he could possibly figure out. Joel doesn’t say anything, he just leans down and kisses you gently on the lips.

“Don’t touch it. Or you get punished.” Another small kiss before he pulls away and is gone before you can ask him what ‘ punished’ means. Punished? Like spanking because you like those. He’d have to wait for another one of his go-as-deep-as-you-can contests or whatever the fuck that was!

Punishment. You had never received one you don’t think. Maybe the spanks but those were not uncommon. The whip had been new and forgotten about in the house. 

That had been a punishment. 

It stung so good though. Was punishment supposed to be bad? Unenjoyable? You don’t know if you’d like to find out. The doctors don’t have pain pills. That’s not a thing. But was is a thing from the past is medical marijuana. The doctor gave you pain management in the form of ten little rolled cigarettes and three brownies. He said do not eat the brownies all at once. They should be cut into eighths. Little small pieces. You have not touched them. You are too scared, that was never something you did before the end of the world! You sucks dicks and snuck out and then also got drunk one time with your friends. You ended up throwing up. 

Smoking weed. No. You will suffer. 

You do suffer until Ellie gets home. 

“Hi!” She runs into your room and hugs you tightly. “I’ve been thinking about you all day! I ran home from school! I have so much to tell you!” 

Ellie tells you that she likes school because now she has friends and people besides you and Joel to hang out with— ouch what the fuck? That is heartbreaking but carry on— there is a girl that Ellie thinks is cute and she has two classes with her. Gym and Old World History. 

“Do you offer to walk her home from school?” You ask, leaning in with your eyebrows raised. “Because you should. Girls like that kind of stuff.” Ellie widens her eyes and takes mental notes. 

“What else?” She asks curiously. 

The next hour is spent explaining how to win over a girl's heart in very specific detail. You go on until the pain in your leg is too much. 

“Okay. I need you to please go to the freezer and can you please cut up one of those brownies into like a million little pieces— actually bring it in here so I can do it.” You do not trust a fourteen year old girl who is probably sneaky! 

Joel walks in the room just as Ellie leaves. He already has a brownie piece in his hand for you. 

“Where are you goin’? You do your homework yet?” He looks down at Ellie who had just stopped herself from bumping into his chest. She shakes her head from side to side and points back to you. 

“I’ve been with her. I was just about to go get her whatever that is.” She points to the square in his hand. 

“It’s her medicine. You stay out of it. Homework before dinner, please?” He is still looking down at her. She nods and grabs her backpack off the floor near your bed. She smiles at you and then her eyes go wide for a moment. 

“We can all eat in here, right? With her? She can’t sit at the table!” Ellie exclaims at Joel, pointing to your leg. He chuckles and takes two more steps in the room. 

“Yes. We can. Go do homework and then start dinner. I’ll come help you in a little bit.” Joel messes with her hair and pushes her head softly. “Go, punk. I’ll be out soon. Shut the door.” Ellie wrinkles her nose at the two of you. 

“Disgusting. You can’t wait until I’m gone!? Or asl—” Joel points with his free hand out the door. 

“Go. Now.” He’s firm with her. She rolls her eyes and marches out the door noisily. 

“Fine. Still gross.” She announces before she shuts the door. 

Joel turns to look at you before he sighs loudly and holds his hand with the brownie in it for you. 

“Doctor said this is pretty potent so you’ll be giggling soon.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and looks at you with big brown eyes. “I got the day off tomorrow. All day. Jus’ me and you. In bed. Bein’ gentle. I’mma wait on you hand and foot and do whatever you ask of me, lil’ bird.” Joel’s country drawl comes out as he speaks and it makes your lower stomach do flips inside of you. “My lil bird.” This really does something to your hips for some reason now because now they’re moving gently against the bed. You still haven’t even taken the brownie from him because you have been hypnotized by his words and his eyes. Joel takes the piece of brownie in between his fingers and reaches towards your opening mouth. He places it on your tongue gently while he looks into your eyes. “Swallow it up, birdie.” He coos softly. You chew quickly. 

It does not taste like any brownie you’ve ever had before! It tastes like a skunk got in here and left a bunch of grass and plants! Barely a treat! You almost spit it out and Joel is laughing at you. With tears in his eyes at your reaction. He can barely look at you, he has to hold his hand up and cover your face with it. 

“Stop.” He laughs. “It’s not–” More choked on laughter. He cannot even speak. “Stop’it. You’re too much.” He’s cracking up! It’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen, apparently. 

“You stop it. That was awful! Where was the brownie!? Where was the chocolate?! It tastes like it grew out of the ground and got sprayed by a skunk!” Joel has bursted out into another fit of laugher, this time tears coming to his eyes while you speak. 

“I’m gonna go take a lil square. You’re hilarious. I can’t imagine you when I’m stoned. Jesus. We’ll be laughin’ all night.” Joel gets up from the bed and gives you a small kiss. “I’ll send her in here to do homework while I get dinner started.” 

Okay! You had nothing to worry about yesterday at the hospital. Joel was just lust filled and let a little of his bedroom voice and words get lost in the real life. It’s fine. It happens sometimes. You are his little bird and he is your… you don’t know. What would you call him? Your boyfriend? You two are grown. That feels so immature but he is not your husband…he has also not even asked you to be his girlfriend…not officially so stop thinking about this nonsense. You will call him Joel as always. 

Ellie skids into the room like she owns the place and falls to her knees on the floor and starts to talk. About everything. Doesn’t stop until Joel comes in with bowls that are steaming with white trails coming off the top. 

He sets a tray down in front of you. You did not realize how hungry you were. This looks amazing. It’s a soup of some kind, maybe a stew. You do not care. Hunger. Hunger has never pandered you in this way before. But your mouth is too dry it will not even open. The room is so quiet too. Joel has given you water on your little tray so you try to drink some. It’s so good. So refreshing. Joel has to get you two more glasses before you even start to eat. 

“Thirsty much? Jeeze.” Ellie judges you but she doesn’t know what condition you’re in. You’re high for the first time. It’s horrifying. 

“Leave her alone. She’s goin’ through it right now. Her medicine is strong.” Joel look at you from the chair he’s sitting in. You start giggling because you are going through it. Your heart is racing and everything feels like it’s moving too slow. 

“What is this?” You ask Joel holding the soup up in your spoon. Your eyes feel so heavy but you are not tired. Not even in pain anymore, really. Your whole body just…doesn’t. It doesn’t feel like anything. 

“Soup?” Joel gives you a worried look but you look into the bowl in awe. 

“No, what kind of soup.” You ask, looking back up at him now. Joel chuckles and shakes his head. 

“Venison.” He explains as he takes his own spoonful. Ellie pipes up from the floor beside you. It startles you because you forgot she was here. You almost drop your spoon of soup. You look down at her in fear.

“It’s good. Try some.” She sounds so innocent and here you are. High and dying in bed. Unable to swallow the soup you’ve up in your mouth because you forgot how to swallow. 

What had Joel given you? What was in that horrible brownie!? 

“Is she going to be okay?” Ellie asks, and you had once again forgotten she was there and it scares you. 

“I have to go to bed.” You sigh and lay back against the pillows.

“Nope. We should go. C’mon. Let’s go eat at the table. Crybaby here can’t handle her shit.” Joel jokes. You do not see what happens next because your eyes are closed and your trying to remember if you breath from your left or right lung first…you cannot remember having to worry about this before but it has become the biggest issue in your brain right now. “C’mon. She’s gonna need to take a long nap.”

Everything feels so warm and so good. Your eyes are still closed and breathing is no longer an issue, it’s on automatic again and you can rest, not having to worry about shifting the gears of your body any longer. Everything is good and warm and wet and between your legs is throbbing in the best way. Your hips move slowly for some reason. It’s unknown to you why they’re doing that. Your hand is gripping something. Hair maybe. You don’t know. 

“Such a good little girl for not touching her pussy.” The voice is deep and not coming from beside you. “So obedient.” It sounds like it’s close, the voice. Joel's voice. Your hand pushes back against the hair and you feel his head between your legs. “Oh do you want Daddy to stop?” Your walls clench around nothing when he speaks to you, and now your hand is pulling his hair closer to your middle again. He wraps his lips around you and presses his flat tongue against your clit. He moves it up and down slowly against the swollen nub he had been working on for the last forty minutes while you slept. 

“Keep going, Daddy.” You whisper softly in your half-asleep state. This sends a shock to Joel’s system. He’s pressing his mouth harder against you, his two fingers that had been playing with your slit push inside of you.

“Say it again.” He growls against your cunt. 

“Keep going, Daddy.” You repeat yourself, but it’s moaned now at the feeling of his fingers inside of you. 

“You love when Daddy touches his little princess? ” He whispers as his fingers curl inside of you. You nod and moan quietly, arching your back at his touch “Say it to me then.” His country drawl between your legs vibrates something inside of you.

“I love when Daddy touches me.” These are not words you speak! You do not say things like that but they’re coming out of your mouth. Your brain still feels so fuzzy. But everything else feels so good. Waves of pleasure wash over you as Joel goes back to swirling large circles around your clit, his fingers still moving inside of you. But now your body moves with each thrust of them into your cunt. 

“I love your lil pussy, baby.” Joel whispers softly. It makes your already dizzy and foggy brain spins more when he talks low like that against you. “I wanna feel baby come on Daddy’s fingers.” Now he’s curling them against you now but now slowly. Quickly. It makes your breath hitch in your throat. You haven’t been able to open your eyes, it’s like they’re glued shut. “Then Daddy is going to get you pregnant.” 

Your hips move wildly against his fingers and tongue. It’s so fucking hot to be spoken to that way and you’ve never been spoken to like this. It makes your slickness leak out against Joel’ fingers. He curls his two fingers inside you quicker as his tongue tightens around your clit into those good circles. Those movements with meaning. 

“Come for Daddy.” Then his tongue is back on you. You obey him because why would you not? It’s been building inside of you since you woke up, or maybe this was a dream in your influenced state. You gush, that good feeling. Joel is between your legs when you open your eyes and look down at him. He’s got your good leg up on his shoulder and he’s still making you come.

Your head falls back into the pillows and your grip in his hair tightens. His naughty words, taboo words do something to you. Make you come harder than you ever have. The drugs make everything feel better too. 

“Daddy’s gonna fuck his princess now.” He leans up and your good leg stays on his shoulder. 

“Okay, Daddy.” You whisper, your hand finds the back of his neck. You can feel him pressing the head of his cock into your entrance and you almost want to go back to sleep. Your head is so heavy.

“Shhhh baby, go back to sleep. Let Daddy do all the work.” He whispers into your ear as he thrusts himself into you. It jolts you, eyes open again and now your gripping on to Joel as he fucks you, short gentle bursts to not hurt your other leg. “You like getting fucked like this?” He growls down to you.

“Yes.” You respond, still groggy and fuzzy headed. “I do.” 

“Yes, I do… what ?” He licks the arch of your ear gently as he speaks. His moves inside of you are calibrated. He knows exactly what to do to make you tremble below him. Make you say anything he wants. 

“Yes, I do. Daddy.” You please him when you speak because he lets out a guttural moan and now he thrusts inside you deeply, pulling his hips back far until just the tip of him is inside of you. 

“That’s a good girl. I love fucking this perfect slutty cunt. I love it so fucking much. So fucking flthy and perfect.” He groans as he holds onto one of your hips, the other is holding your ankle up to his shoulder. “You have to ask to come from now on, you better fuckin’ ask you you’ll get punished, okay, baby?” You nod, listening to his words. They're almost drown out by the feeling building inside of you. 

“O-o-ookay.” You whimper. Joel laughs at you! Laughs into your ear and mocks you. 

“Oo-okay.” He keeps laughing. “Sound fuckin’ stupid. My cock make you stupid? Huh?” You don’t know what to say because you’re not stupid just getting fucked and you’re stoned. “Open up.” Joel speaks before you can and you open your mouth. He moves his head and looks down at you, spitting into the back of your throat. Before you can close and swallow, one hand comes to grip your face, forcing your mouth back open. Joel does it again, leans in until his mouth is almost on yours and spits onto your tongue. “Stupid slutty baby.” Joel whsipers into your saliva filled mouth. “Stupid as the day I met you.”

You come. Hard all over Joel’s cock. He laughs again because you already forgot the rule he just gave you. You couldn’t help it. He just made you feel so good with his dirty fucking words and the way he was thrusting inside of you. 

“Oh, just wait for Daddy to think up a punishment for his girl. He didn’t think it’d happen so fast.” Joel coos down to you lovingly. “Love feeling you fucking come on my cock though. You better do it again before the night is over, babygirl. My sweet little girl.” He’s still holding your face with his hands while he fucks you and talks down to you this way. You’re soaked between your legs and so is he while he slams himself inside of you.

“C-can I come again, Daddy?” You purr up to him as he drives another powerful forced thrust into your hips. 

“No.” It’s short and with no explanation of why. You assume this is punishment. Joel moves his hips in short, speedy bursts. “Say you love Daddy and that you like— fuckin’ hell you’re so god damnned tight— tell Daddy you love him and that you like his cock in you like this.” Joel snaps it out quickly at you. “Then you can come. With me. You fucking whore.” You are so desperate for release and so high still that you just repeat what he told you to say. They flow out of your mouth effortlessly.

“I love you, Daddy. I love your c-cock in my pussy like this. Love when you lick my cunt, Daddy.” You throw in your own little flavor, see if it makes him happy and it does because he gives you the command, gives you release as he drives into you faster now.

“Come. Come for Daddy. You’re such a filthy whore. I love your stupid fucking cunt so god damned much, Jesus Christ.” Joel groans all those words out as he continues to thrust. You can feel his cock throb inside of you as he does it. He’s filling you. Another orgasm, your second or third. You cannot remember. As soon as it leaves your body you are asleep in the sheets and the pillows below Joel.

When you wake up it’s light outside and Joel is still in bed next to you, also asleep. Everything feels…strange. Like you’re still in a dream somehow. 

You need less fucking medcine that for fucking sure. What the hell happened to you last night? Couldn’t eat dinner? Had the weirdest fucking dream… the weirdest fucking dream you’ve ever had. You’ve never said the words you spoke in that dream before. It’s yucky and weird and you do not like it. Not really…you don’t think. The dream has thoughts racing through your head. Joel was penetrating you between your legs in this dream! Maybe that won’t bother you so much when your able anymore. You don’t know when your leg stops hurtin’ so fuckin’ bad you wanna try!

“You awake, lil bird?” Joel asks groggily from behind you. You wrap one hand around his wrist to keep it from moving. He’s wrapped around your waist and you’re not ready for him to get up yet. “Okay…jeez. Don’t gotta squeeze so hard.” He teases, pressing gentle kisses behind your ear. You hold him to you and take in the fact that you don’t have to leave. No traveling. No running. No quests. Just you and Joel in this bed until Ellie got home and then you could be a normal family but right now you were going to be with this man for as long as you could.

“You really get to stay all day?” You turn your head to look at him. He nods and kisses your lips softly. 

“All day.” Joel's voice is so deep. It reminds you of the dream you had.

“I had the weirdest dream last night.” You chuckle softly. “So weird. Might even be too weird for you.” You look flick your eyebrows at him. He narrows his eyes onto yours.

“Tell me.” He growls it, like he’s so excited he cannot wait to hear this dream you had. 

You replay the whole thing. Say all the words and Joel watches and smirks. You’re shocked because he looks like he likes this. 

“Did you like that dream?” Joel asks, once your finished. You think for a minute and nod. You remember the dream pretty well for it being a dream…and you being higher than a kite for the first time. 

“I’ve never called anyone one that before. It sounds so weird.” You blush because it is…very naughty. Joel tips its head from one side and then to the other slowly, like he’s thinking. His finger traces along your bellybutton.

“It is a little weird. But it’s just cause you haven’t said it before.” Joel looks down into your eyes, he’s resting on his elbow. “Different things feel weird sometimes. Remember when I put it in your ass?” He raises his eyebrows at you and smirks. You blush again and nod. “I think it’s hot as hell. You should start calling me that when I fuck you.” Joel leans down and kisses you gently. You expect more, for things to go somewhere because of this sexy conversation but he pulls away. “Will you?” He’s looking for an answer right now.

“I guess. I don’t know. Let’s try it out soon and see how it goes?” You look up at him with your big eyes and he nods again. 

“Yeah, we’ll see, Princess.” Joel leans down and kisses your temple softly and gets up to leave to go to the attached bathroom. 

You think for a moment and try to remember if you told him about the part when he called you princess and you don’t think you did. You focused mainly on the fact that you were calling him daddy. You rack your brain and try to remember but you cannot. How can you remember a dream so well that happened while you were under the influence but not something you said four seconds ago? Strange. Blame it on the weed and the titillating dream you had last night. 

Joel brings you coffee and you ask him what compelled him to call you princess. His eye do something…strange. Like…maybe flash to the side quickly before he gives you his very loving and caring response.

“Because that’s what you are today. A princess. My Princess.” Joel sips his own coffee and sits back next to you in bed. “Gonna treat you like one all day. How’s your leg feeling?” He nods down to it with his head. You shrug. Something about this whole princess thing has you feeling a little on edge.

“Fine.” You say, looking down into your cup of instant black coffee that tastes like soy sauce but it does perk you up a little. Just a little as you drink it. Joel pushes some hair behind your ear and calls you like a cat. 

“Pst.” It’s quick but it does what he wanted, it makes you look at him. “Wanna smoke a joint with me?” He has another devilish grin on his face but this one is far more innocent then the last time he did it in the hospital room. You nod because now that Joel is with you, it doesn’t seem so scary to be high. He goes to the top drawer of his dresser and brings out one of those rolled cigarettes and a lighter. He lights it for you and then hands it to you after puffing softly. 

“So we’re gonna get high and what? Struggle to breathe again? Because I struggled for a while last night before I fell asleep.” You hand the joint back to him after hitting it twice. It makes you cough but you sip your soy-sauce-coffee and it helps a little. Joel chuckles as he hits the joint a couple times and opens the window of the room. The breeze feels nice.

“You can struggle to breath and I can lick that perfect cunt. If you want me to?” Joel leans against the wall beside the window and you sigh. You want him too but you’re sore. Your leg and your whole middle just aches. 

“I don’t know. I think it might be too soon? Hurts today. Worse than it did yesterday.” You take the joint from Joel’s outstretched hand. “Weird. Must be from all the moving around. Getting into the house and everything.” Joel nods in agreement and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Do you want a couple extra pillows? More blankets? Anything for you, crybaby.” Joel takes the joint from your outstretched hand and you wave your hand at him after. 

“No more.” You cough softly. “Can’t do it anymore.” You wheeze. Joel chuckles and pinches the cherry with his fingertips after he licks them. “Yes to pillows. No more blankets. I’m sweating. Joel places the joint on the window sill and pulls the sheets back. You have no shorts or underwear on. You cannot remember if you put them on when you got home…no. Joel didn’t put any on after he gave you a little thorough sponge bath. Just the nightgown. 

“You alright?” Joel asks, noticing you looking into your lap. 

“Just wonderin’ where my panties are.” You smirk up at him. He smirks back at you. 

“I never put ‘em back on you after the hospital. Easier access.” He kisses your forhead and leaves the room to go shower.

When would he have needed access? And easily?

Joel comes back from the bathroom and you are giggly. 

“Come snuggle with me.” You hold your arms out to him and smile up at him with hooded, bloodshot eyes. Your arms feel like they weigh 4 billion pounds. Joel looks down at you from the side of the bed and crawls over to you. 

“Oh, Birdie wants me to hold her? Pet her real gently ?” He coos into your ear as he takes you into his arms. You nod and close your eyes, pressing the uninjured side of your body into him. “I love taking care of you. I love protecting you.” Joel kisses the side of your face gently. 

“Keep talkin’.” You murmur softly as you snuggle back down into bed. All anxieties you ever had are gone. This is much better than the brownie, if you could even call it that. Joel chuckles as he kisses across your face all over gently and slowly. 

“I was scared I was gonna lose you. I ran so fast to get here so I could bring you home.” Joel whispers sweet words against your skin. “My whole world is here now. In this bed. At school. Right here and I don’t have to move mountains or kill people to keep them safe anymore.” Joel’s voice is making your body buzz. “I would though. I’d kill anyone who ever touched you.” He goes back to kissing your cheeks and now your eyelids and forehead. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” You open your eyes as much as you can in your state and smile up at him because he is…technically…already your boyfriend? You think? You do not know. Joel looks down at you now, also with hooded bloodshot eyes and nods slowly. 

“I do, baby. I thought I already was.” He leans down and kisses your lips softly. You giggle against his mouth and close your eyes again because it’s too much work to keep them open. 

“I thought that too! I was just thinking about it, but we never talked about it. And I like to talk about things. I do.” You nod up at him with your eyes still closed. “I can’t stop thinking about that dream, Joel.” You whisper up to him. He leans down and breathes softly against your mouth. 

“Call me Daddy, I like hearing you say it.” 

“Okay, Daddy.” You murmur and he kisses you softly after the words leave your mouth. He sighs loudly from his nose as he does it, the hot air expelled against your lips and cheeks. It makes you dizzy knowing you do that to him. 

It feels good to make him do stuff like that. Moan and groan and sigh like he is. You want to keep him making those sounds so you’ll do as he says. Because you like being a princess and you like being a good girl. Pleasing Joel makes you happy. You know it in your heart. Joel pulls away from you now. 

“Gonna teach you how to use that mouth. Make it filthy like mine.” Joel draws it out in his Texas accent. “You wanna learn how to talk like a slut since I fuck you like one?” 

“Yes, Daddy.” You nod your head. He holds your face in his hand and presses on your cheeks with his fingers where your teeth meet, forcing it open. He spits into it, twice. He holds your mouth open like that. 

“Speak more. Say more than two fuckin’ words.” He spits into your mouth again and lets it go with a soft push. “Swallow.” You obey and open your eyes to look up at him. He’s looking down at you with his brown eyes and they’re so dark. You love them. His graying facial hair, his dark, thick messy mane. Love everything about him. 

“Yes, Daddy. I’ll use m-my filthy mouth— just like you want me to. Like a g-good g-girl.” You look up at him and he shakes his head from side to side like he's disappointed. Your heart shatters.

“G-g-good g-girl.” He mocks you gently. “Lose the fuckin’ stammer unless I got my hands on you. It makes you sound stupid. I only want you cock stupid. Come stupid. Be confident in yourself, baby. You can do it. ” He presses the back of his fingers to your cheek gently and drags them down to your jaw.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m just nervous.” You whisper up to him honestly. Joel growls lowly from his throat and presses his forehead to yours. “Don’t be mad at me, Daddy.” Joel presses his forehead against yours tighter after you speak like he’s frustrated with you, trying to hold back something. When he speaks it’s like he’s snarling.

“That is fucking perfect." Joel is so proud of you somewhere in that deep snarl of approval. His voice quickly changes to very sweet and comforting. "Have to just be confident, baby girl.” Joel is rocking his hips against the side of your good thigh, you can feel his length against your skin, he’s ten thousand degrees and it’s making your head spin. “Talk about your cunt, sweetie. Daddy loves hearing you talk about it.” You want words to come out of your mouth but it feels like you have literal charcoal dust in your mouth. It’s sucked all the moisture out and now, you’re tongue is stuck to the roof of your mouth. “Awwww, cat got your tongue, lil girl?” He whispers into your ear.

“Water.” You gasp. Joel shoots out of bed and into the bathroom, he returns with a glass of water and a throbbing erection right at face level. Your bloodshot eyes stare at it as he hands you the glass of water. You try to take it from him but your eyes are not looking for water now, they’re glued to his cock and you’re just reaching for air—near the glass but not even touching it. Your hand opens and closes around nothing as he makes it flex and jump in front of your face. 

“Cock stupid. That’s how I like you. Look’it you. Can’t take your eyes off it.” Joel pushes his hips forward towards you. You reach out with your other hand and try to touch him but he pulls away. “No.” It’s stern and makes you look up at him, now his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s pressing the glass of water into your outstretched hands. “Nope. Not for you. Not today or tomorrow or the next.” You bring the glass to your lips and gulp as your eyes go wide in a lack of understanding. “Punishment. You don’t get to touch. You don’t get to come. You don’t get to do nothin’ but talk. And swallow. ‘Cause Daddy still has to come, right baby?” He nods down at you as you drink the entire glass of water. “Say it.” You hold the empty glass in your lap. 

“You’re right, Daddy.” You gasp, looking up at him now and he presses his thumb against your bottom lip, drags it down and then releases it. It snaps back up to your upper lip with a small, hollow popping sound. He grins down at you. 

“You’re so fuckin’ good. God damn. I got fuckin’ lucky.” His voice is so deep. “Princess hungry? I’ll make us eggs. Got some fresh bread from the neighbor so I can make toast too.” You nod silently. 

In your high…paranoid state maybe something is telling you that this doesn’t feel…normal. This isn’t how a boyfriend spoke to their girlfriends…right? You don’t know. You only had one when you were fifteen and he used to call you ‘shorty’, so baby girl and princess and… cock stupid are better than that? Yes? You don’t fucking know. What even is a boyfriend? A man who loves you and cares for you and protects you and Joel does all those things. What’s the issue? He was in your kitchen, making you eggs naked. With his big fucking cock swinging between his legs and you LOVE that. So much. It’s the most amazing experience you’ve ever had. Want to continue to have it. 

You think.

You don’t know! It was fun— so much fucking fun, trekking through the woods every four nights a couple months ago. Sneakin’ around. Bein’ disgusting in that cabin together. Now he’s speaking to you in this way and it makes you feel so many different things. Disgusting still, yes–absolutely. You love it but now you…care for him? But he also makes you…nervous? The man sprinted through the cocksuckin’ woods for five hours to get you to safety. Rode all the way back to you on horseback and then held you on his horse the entire way back. Your cold and almost dead body. He must care for you. Has to. Who would do that for someone they just wanted to fuck and call names? Who?!

“Why you lookin’ so fretful?” Joel asks as he walks in with a plate of food for you. You can eat this time. The eggs and toast go down so easily. You look around the room like there is a buffet in here you can go up and get seconds at but there is just dressers and wood. No more food. You whine quietly in frustration when you realize there is not even a crumb left for you to lick off the plate. Joel looks at your empty plate and swaps with you, giving you the last half of his breakfast. “For Princess. Hurry up and finish though. You gotta shower and try to get up and move. Doctors orders.” 

The shower is fuckin’ cold—what the fuck? You’re not a stranger to a cold dip in the river or a bird bath in the sink but a whole shower of freezing cold water felt more like a punishment than not being able to come for three whole days. You could do it. You had just gone however many fucking weeks without it. What’s three more days? 

“Put your leg up here.” Joel taps the calf of your bad leg and then points to the edge of the tub. You carefully rest your foot up on it and keep all your weight on your good leg. Joel washes you with soap. He gets into every crevice and fold you have and then he rinses. He does that with the rest of you. Then he shuts the water off and looks at you, shivering, leaving up against the wall of the shower. “Keep your leg up there.” He rests one hand on the side of your head and leans into you while looking into your eyes his other hand pressed tightly against your cunt. He starts to rub. "Let Daddy touch that pussy."

You didn’t think he was going to let you and now you’re hips are working against his fingers, pushing into his hand harder. He lets you and chuckles against your cheek as he kisses you.

“Yeah baby, move those hips. Get yourself nice and wet for Daddy.” His voice grumbles so deeply. You moan softly as he stiffens his hands and quickens his movement against you. Fast, back and forth against your clit. You’re still shivering and now, sliding up and down slightly on the slick wall behind you. “Fuck yeah.” Deep gravel country drawl in your ear as he slips two fingers into your folds and up inside of you. He curls them, fast and aggressive like he’s trying to pull you closer to him from inside of you. It's so intense and almost feels like it's too much. It makes you moan loudly. Joel sighs and works his fingers faster. 

“Oh, fuck. Yes, Daddy. Can I please come?” It brings you there so fast, your good knee starts to buckle and he pulls his fingers away at just the last moment, you were just about to release all over him. Your eyes open in horror as you watch him suck his two fingers clean. Entirely. Joel shakes his head no, down at you. 

“Nope. Did you forget? You come stup– you didn’t even come. You just actin’ stupid. Knock it off.” Joel leans in and kisses your forehead. “C’mon. You’re chitterin’ and shivering like crazy.” 

Joel dries you. Changes your bandage after he cleans your gunshot wound. Puts you in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Comfy clothes. The first comfy clothes you’ve worn in years. You can put a small amount of weight on your leg. It hurts with each step but you can do it, Joel holds on to your arm on your weak side to give you some support. 

“Perfect. You got it.” Joel kisses the side of your head as you sit gingerly at the kitchen table. You watch him as he goes into the kitchen and looks in all the cupboards. 

Denying you a good come. How dare he? You didn’t think he’d be bringing you right there, point to it and say ‘hey, you see that right there? Put your hand on it, touch it’ and then the minute you fucking reach for it, he pulls you away and goes ‘hahahaha you’re so dumb, idiot’. What the fuck was that? Come denial!? Is that even a thing?

Joel returns with more toast but this time it has jam of some sort on it. 

“I got the jam from the neighbor woman as well. Her name is Ava.” Joel sits down at the table with you. “She’s nice. Lil bit older than you maybe. Just her in the house. She’s two doors over. Nice lady.” Joel watches you eat. 

Who the fuck is Ava? And why does Joel know so much about her? Hmph. You do not like this Ava even though she makes great bread and good jam. It’s not very sweet but whatever. Neither was the brownie. Sugar must be scarce. Stop making sweets then and try to pass them off as sweets! 

“It’s good.” You say, holding up the jammed toast. “I’ll have to go thank her myself.” You say this but you do not mean it. You will thank her but mostly you’ll limp over there in your best sweat pants and your best t-shirt and you’ll eye up the competition. Because why is she giving your boyfriend jams and bread? This is all coming from nowhere, because you have been hospitalized, in a literal coma. She was probably just being nice but look at Joel! Look’it him! He’s handsome and he’s King Swinging Fuckin’ Big Dong and you can see it. Even when he’s not excited it just sits there in his jeans. You have to tell Joel to get less tight jeans! Oh no! There are other women with eyes around now and they can see it too and this terrifies you. You start to sweat.

“What are you fuckin’ thinkin’ about? Your eyes are movin’ ten million miles a minute, birdie.” Joel sounds concerned about you.

“Do you see Ava often?” You look at him now and take another bite of your toast which you now feel is suddenly too dry. Ava is the worst. Can’t bake for shit. The worst. Joel drops his chin to his chest and looks at you through his thick, beautiful eyelashes. “What!? I can’t ask questions?” You avoid his beautiful eyes now. They’re judging you.

“What if I did?” Joel asks suddenly. You almost drop your toast, you fumble it around between your hands for two seconds before you look at him. 

“Do you?” How dare he tell you not to get ideas while potentially going out with your friend, but he gets to go over to Ava’s house whenever he wants? What was he doing with Ava while you were in the hospital? 

“Maybe.” Joel smirks. “Why?” He’s enjoying this. Enjoy seeing you jealous over him. “She’s a baker. I like baked goods. So do you, apparently. She is also one of Ellie’s teachers at school.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Is all you say. That’s it. Jealousy and anger and now sadness wash over you. 

“Oh stop’it.” Joel bats at your hand gently. “She ain’t as fun as—”

“How would you know how much fun she is or isn’t!?” You exclaim, now tossing the piece of toast in your hand on the plate in front of Joel. “How would you even know that?” Joel is laughing. 

“Someone is jealous. A jealous lil bird.” You give him the finger and rest your head on your fist. “Put that bird away before I punish you again. Did you forget our chat about bein’ disrespectful that one time, baby?” He leans in and gives you a lashed, chin-in-his-chest look. “I’ll give it to you this time cause I was eggin’ you on but don’t forget your place.” 

“And what’s my place?” You look at him seriously. Joel sits up, slides the plate in front of him out of the way, folds his hands in front of himwhere the plate had been and looks at you just as seriously. 

“Below me.” Joe is stern. Serious. Not bedroom talk. “You’re my woman. My bird. My slut. That’s my pussy. You. Are. Mine.” He’s growling at you. “You want to be here? You have a choice. I won’t hold you fuckin’ hostage. But if you stay, there’s gonna be rules and you’ll follow them.” His eyes are locked on to yours. “This ain’t no fun game out in the woods, Birdie. This is real life now.”

“What rules?” You ask, not taking your eyes off him either. Your heart is pounding in your chest. You swallow hard as Joel leans into the table. 

“Whatever I say, Birdie.” He whispers. “I don’t ever want to hurt you. I like to bring you pleasure. I like making you happy. Seeing you smile.” He smirks at you and reaches for your hand with one of his hands. You don’t take it yet, he has more to say. “I’ll give you everything. A house. A husband. I’ll put a fuckin’ baby or two into you. You just gotta do as I say. Love me. Be a good mom. I’ll give you the whole fuckin’ world, babygirl. You just gotta follow the rules.” His hand on the table urges for yours softly. You place your hand in his because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Doesn’t want you to come for three days but that’s fine. “You saved me. I owe you my whole life, Bird.” His eyes soften and he squeezes your hand gently. You sigh before you respond to him, because he’s right. And so do you.

“I owe you mine.”

Joel made himself come twice into your open mouth before it was no longer just the two of you home alone. Jerking himself off with your help as he stood over you on the bed. You talked dirty up to him and touched his balls for him. The sound and faces he made...you've never gotten so wet before watching him do that to himself.

“It stinks in here; like a skunk.” Ellie wrinkles her nose as she walks into your room and sits on the bed next to you. “Did you shower today?” She teases and rests her head on your shoulder. You rest your head on hers. 

“I did shower. It’s my medicine for my leg. Stinky. Gross.” You wrinkle your nose even though she can’t see you.

“Makes you fucking act weird.” She laughs softly. “You almost fell asleep in your soup last night. Laughing! You were laughing in your sleep too!” She is accusing. “Never seen any kind of medicine like that before.” She murmurs. 

“Me either, kid. It’s all brand new to me. Do you have homework? You know Joel is going to get on you about it.” She leaves your bed for a moment and then grabs her book bag to bring back to you. 

She does homework sprawled out on yours and Joel’s bed for the next hour while you watch her and answer questions she has about Old World History. 

“No. Osama Bin Ladin. Sadam Hussein is a different guy. I think. Yeah, they’re different.” You point to something on a piece of paper she has. “I was there that day. The day the towers fell. My family had been in the city. We weren’t supposed to be but damn. It was fuckin’ crazy.” You whisper to her. 

“Worse than the outbreak?” She looks over to you as you stare into space and remember something from so long ago that you haven’t thought of in so long. 

“No. Just different.”

The night of the outbreak had been…chaotic to say the least. Your dad had been well armed and had already packed the car. After the first gunshot your dad said it was time to go. Couldn’t wait for your sister. You and your mom left a note on the counter in the kitchen in case she showed up and told her where you were going but you didn’t ever make it to your final destination. You had driven through the state of New York and into Ohio. You had planned on going to California because that's where your brother said things were looking good. Like they had things under control but once the gas ran out and you could no longer stop and get more… You had to walk. 

Your mom died almost immediately. She had not been ready for all of this. She was scared and jumpy and couldn’t keep her big, New Jersey mouth shut. Ever. It felt like three minutes you were out of the car and she was gone. You and your dad walked, ran, survived together for so fucking long. You remember when Ellie asked if he was nice. He was not. He was mean. Didn’t understand why you couldn’t shoot a gun right away. Didn’t understand why you were scared. Pushed you around while you hiked through the Canadian wilderness. You crossed the border in Minnesota somewhere and then dropped back down into the states somewhere in Montana. You dad fell, stabbed himself in the leg with his own knife and died, septic while you sat by and watched, unable to help. You walked and walked for so fucking long. You had been traveling for twelve years. Camping in colonies peppered all over. You always move after a while though. Finally settled in Wyoming. Found this colony a while before Joel showed up but liked being on your own.

That wasn’t like the day the towers fell. Not even a little bit. 

Ellie and you sat like that for another hour until Joel came in with dinner. You wanted to ask if he got that from Ava too, but with Ellie right here, you don’t. Ellie talks about her day at school while you all eat. 

A game of Sorry! is played on the bed after dinner. You give Ellie a kiss on the cheek before she goes to bed.

You and Joel smoke the rest of the joint from earlier before he crawls into bed with you. 

“Let Daddy suck your tits, baby girl.” He’s pushing your shirt up but you fight him softly. 

“You’re not going to let me come, so why torture me?” You whine as he licks from your belly button up to your sternum. 

“Cause I want to. Simple.” Joel forces your shirt up over your chest and takes the hard peak of your breast into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the bud quickly. 

“Joel, it’s to—”

“What’d you call me?” He snaps his head up to look at you, his eyes focused on yours. It’s almost alarming. “You just call me by my name?” 

“I’m s-sorry, Daddy.” You look down at him as he resumes his lapping and sucking of your tits. 

“Talk dirty to me babygirl, like Daddy showed you earlier.” Joel says this with your nipple between his teeth. It makes you groan softly. This is the first time that he’s ever put his mouth on you like this. It’s fucking exhilarating You’ve never had a mans mouth on your nipples like this before. It feels so fucking incredible. 

“Suck on my tits, Daddy. I like w-when you bite them.” You whimper softly as he bites down on the other nipple, now with a little more force at your words. He pulls his head back and lets your bud slip from within his teeth, they rake against your sensitive peak. It draws a whine from your throat. 

“Fuckin’ Jesus. Keep fuckin’ talkin, baby.” Joel’s straddling your good thigh, thrusting against your skin, you can feel him again. His screaming hot length against your upper thigh. Something comes over you. You want to see if you can get him to forget punishment. Forget all about it like you forget things when you’re pleasure filled.

“I want you to fuck me, Daddy. I want your cock in every single one of my holes.” You whisper up into his ear. Joel grips your hip with one of his hands and looks down into your eyes. 

“Don’t stop.” He murmurs softly, his hips thrusting faster now. 

“Put it inside me, please. I’ll be a good girl.” You speak softly…innocently, up to him. Joel has to clench his eyes shut and press his forehead against yours. “Please, Daddy?” Joel lets out a guttural moan before he opens his eyes and looks down into yours. “Please. You can get me pregnant.” You whimper again, batting your eyelashes softly. He groans from deep in his chest.

“Fuuuck.” Joel rips his head away from yours and moves his other knee to between yours and throws your good leg up onto his shoulder and holds your ankle there as he places himself at your entrance while he strokes himself with his fist. “ You’re fuckin’ naughty. ” Joel growls as he pushes just his hips forward, driving himself into you quickly. It jolts you and suddenly…you have a flash of deja vu. This was in your dream you had the other night. 

“Joel—” He puts his fingers into your mouth to quiet you. 

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that in here- not in the bedroom. I’m your fuckin’ Daddy in here, do you understand me?” Joel is harsh with you as he continues to thrust into you vigorously. “Suck.” He coos now, down to you as you wrap your lips around his fingers, swirling your tongue. “Good fuckin’ Princess.” He grips your ankle tighter as he fucks you.

You’re walking this threshold of being scared and also very turned on. You think you’re in love with Joel. You don’t know why. Something about being with him all the time and how good he is to you outweighs the fear of the things he says and does to you in the bedroom because he’s not really ever hurting you. Never. If he did it was always consensual and it ended when you spoke up about it. You don’t think that is his ever his intention.

But something about all of this, being high and so fucked up while he touches you…feels good but it doesn’t necessarily feel nice. It feels like you’re being…used. Or taken advantage of! That's it! Taken advantage of in your high state. Even though you begged for this- were you really the one begging for it? You’re so high you don’t fucking know and the weed makes you so paranoid. So fearful for some reason…but you had been afraid in the hospital too. Everything was so confusing and maybe you just wouldn't smoke anymore weed. You’d just be in pain but clear headed from now on. 

“Fuck baby girl. Yes. Let Daddy come inside you.” Joel groans loudly. You feel his cock twinge inside of you. This orgasm is long and he moans and thrusts himself inside of you the entire time. You feel like he comes forever. Where does he get it all? 

He came while you were lost in thought! You hadn’t even been focused on coming! Jesus Christ. Your own plan— foiled with dumb thoughts!

“And she followed her punishment. Good fuckin’ girl.” He growls, kissing your forehead before withdrawing from you with the squelch-iest wet noise you’ve ever heard come from between your legs. It even grabs Joel’s attention and his eyes fall to your middle as he crawls out of bed. “Fuckin’ shop vac. It’s a vacuum. A wet one.” Joel smirks down at you. This makes you smile because you like when he compliments you. A lot. You love praise and being called a good girl and a princess and a fuckin’ filthy slut. You do love it. But… you still feel so uneasy with him right now. 

Joel walks into the bathroom, comes back with a cloth and is wiping himself down. Then he wipes you down while kissing your forehead. 

“You can come tomorrow. I was harsh. I like when you come with me.” Joel walks back into the bathroom before you can say anything. You’re left alone feeling frustrated and annoyed and horny still. High as fucking shit right now too. 

“Water. Please.” You croak out before he can leave the bathroom. He brings you back a glass and holds it out. His flaccid cock is still so god damned big- it's literally swinging between his legs. It’s still awe inducing even not throbbing. Joel sees you looking and covers it with one hand. 

“Always starin’ at it. You make me self conscious.” He teases as you take the water from him. 

“It’s fuckin’ perfect.” You say after taking a sip. “And all mine.” You flick your eyes up to him. “I mean it. Mine.” Joel smiles now, a big wide one and leans in. "That big dick is mine."

“That’s it baby. Claim me. What else?” You've awakened something within Joel. You can see it flash behind his eyes.

“I’ll knock that fuckin’ Ava bitch and you both the fuck out if I ever find out something happened or happens between you two. Understand me?” You lean in and kiss his lips. He nods. Big happy nods of understanding. “Good. Get into bed with me.” You demand it from him. 

“Jesus H Christ. Who the fuck is this? I love her! God damn,” He crawls into bed excitedly and pulls you into him after you set the water on the night stand. “I’m all turned on again. Keep going.” Joel is giggling. Like a little kid. It makes you laugh and sink down into the mattress with him. 

“Nothin’ happened while I was in the hospital, right? Between you and Ava?” Joel gives you a look of shock. 

“Baby. I would never. I promise. I’m not that kinda guy. You’re my ol’lady. You and you alone.” He kisses your lips softly. This eases fears and worries in your heart. “I’m yours and only yours.” Joel lays you back down onto the bed with him. “What’ll calm your mind, Birdie?” He whispers softly.

“I’m fine. I mean it. Just a lil jealous.” You whisper against his parted lips. “Mine.” You nip at his bottom lip and now he smiles. 

“Soon as you’re good enough to walk…” He whispers. You give him a confused look. He says nothing and just smiles.

What does that mean? He’s going to fuck you into oblivion? Fine with you. He doesn't respond. 

Joel holds you close to him until the both of you fall asleep.

You sit with Ellie in the kitchen, helping her with her math homework. She’s stuck and you are no help to her. It’s the worst. Joel comes in with more of Ava’s bread and her nasty jam. It’s not nasty it’s good but you dislike Ava. You watch as Joel helps her much more easily than you could and it makes you feel dumb. You should know these things like Joel does but your education was stolen from you and these things you had barely learned were pushed out of your head with things like how to shoot and how to skin animals and how to know what direction you’re going in without a compass. 

Joel kisses Ellie's forehead when she’s done and you all sit at the table and look at each other quietly. 

“There’s a boy at school. Real fuckin’ dick.” Ellie says over a mouthful of bread. It makes both Joel and yourself chuckle. 

“What’s he do?” You ask, taking a bite of your own bread. She shakes her head and sighs. 

“Trips me in the halls. Calls me Smelly Ellie. He likes the girl I like.” She rolls her eyes and this makes you hold back a smirk. “Jerk-off.” Now you laugh.

“How do you know he doesn’t like you?” Joel asks and you wrinkle your nose.

“Ew. No. Boys or girls who like you, Ellie, will not be mean to you. They might tease you a lil, try and make you smile! It wont be mean! And they won’t call you names…” You look at Ellie and she’s hanging on your words. “..they’ll be nice to you. Call you sweet things and make you feel good. Don’t let mean people trick you into thinking they’re nice.” Your eyes flick up to Joel’s, he’s looking right at you. Big dark eyes staring right into yours like he had been waiting for you to look at him. You look back to Ellie quickly. “You’ll know when someone likes you, babe.” You reach out and rub your hand against hers. 

Bedtime. 

Life is boring when you can’t fuckin’ do shit. Jesus. Can’t leave the house. Can’t walk up or down the stairs yet. Boring. 

Joel hands you a joint. You shake your head from side to side. 

“I don’t know. I feel weird when I’m high.” You look up at him but he urges you to take it. This makes you feel uneasy again. Why does he want you to be high so badly. 

“Baby, it’s gonna help. It’s been helpin’ right? He gives you sympathetic eyes. 

“I have weird dreams and I don’t think straight when I smoke that. Or eat those brownies.” You look up at him, trying to make him put it away with your eyes. He does not. He lights it, puffs on it twice and hands it to you. 

“Smoke it, baby. You get so giggly. It helps. You're so fun, too.” You take it from him as he speaks, looking at him caution in your eyes. “Stop lookin’ at me like that. Smoke it.” Joel nods his chin up at you. You hit it a couple times and hand it back to him. “Good girl.” It makes your stomach flutter when he calls you that. 

“You gonna make me laugh tonight?” You look up at him and suck on your bottom lip gently. He nods at you slowly as he puffs on the joint with you. “Oh yeah? Mr. Big Carpenter guy has jokes?” He smirks at you and passes the joint back. 

“Whatever it takes to make you laugh the way you did when I whooped your ass that one night. Cryin, snortin’ or whatever that sound was.” Joel chuckles at the memory. You laugh too now because you remember him sounding so downtrodden in the dark that he didn’t make you come. Then he whooped you with an old TV cable, and you liked it, dirty birdie. “C’mon. Get up.” Joel helps you out of bed. He stands in front of you and holds one of your hands up in his, near both of yours shoulders and the other on your waist. “Put’it up here.” Joel elbows your limp lazy hand at your side and nods to his shoulder. You do and then he sways you gently from side to side. 

Joel is slow dancing with you in your bedroom and it’s so fucking cute. Who is this man? 

“You wanted to dance with me?” You ask softly, looking up at him. His eyebrows flick up once and he nods, pressing his lips to your forehead. You never got to slow dance with anyone. You hadn't gone to prom yet. Hadn't been to a single school dance because your dad always said no. Now Joel was fulfilling a long lost dream of yours.

“Sure did, sweetness. Love being close to you.” Joel makes sure to not sway you to far on your bad leg but he does that and slowly, very slowly moves you around the bedroom. Sometimes he hums to you, other times he’s just kissing you gently. “I’m gonna marry you.” He whispers gently in between kisses. “I will.” Joel dances you slowly back to bed as you stare up at him with hooded, bloodshot eyes again.

“Really?” It’s been several minutes since he said that and he had since taken off his clothes except for his boxers and crawled into bed next to you. Joel nods and sighs softly. 

“Unless you don’t wanna. I want to. I want to marry you. Give you my last name. Give Ellie my last name if she wants it. Be a family. A real one. You can give her a sibling or two. Stay here forever with me?” Joel looks over at you with big, brown eyes and a small smile. You nod at him sleepily. 

“Yes. Forever.” You whisper up to him as he now rolls onto his side to look down at you. 

“You’ll be mine…forever?” He whispers softly. You nod up at him. He raises his eyebrow and gives you a knowing look. “You know better than that, Princess. Use your words.” 

“I’ll be yours. Forever, Daddy.” You look up at him and now Joel is the one sucking on his bottom lip; the words you just said gave him some sort of satisfaction. He loved it. He leans down and whispers in your ear. It tickles and makes you giggle in your influenced state. You feel weightless right now and his words do nothing to help that dizzy feeling inside of you.

“I love you, baby girl.” 

“I love you too, Daddy.” 

What the fuck happened last night? It definitely was not a dream. Not at all. It felt like one though. You’re up before Joel again and everything inside of you is telling him to wake his ass up and talk about what happened because you two just officially started dating. You thought you’d do that for a while before he proposed! And then you guys had sex! It was good sex but…you didn’t have sex. That part was a dream. For sure. You were on punishment. Who knows? You’re too worried about Joel proposing to also worry about dreams you have when you’re higher than the fucking Eifflel Tower! If that’s even what he did last night–propose! You don’t fucking remember! This is so scary. What the fuck is going on? You purposefully stir next to Joel with some oomph so he wakes up. It works.

“Mornin’.” He grumbles. His deep sleep filled voice gives you butterflies. You forgot what you were going to say. “Pretty.” He murmurs before closing his eyes again and touching your belly gently. His tongue touched just behind his slightly parted lips and now all you want to do is kiss him but you don’t! You remember why you woke him up.

“Did you propose to me last night?” You’re eyeing him suspiciously. Joel’s eyes snap open and they look at you curiously. 

“More– more like a promise. I don’t even— we didn’t— You don’t got a ring on your finger yet. Slow down.” Joel takes his rough calloused hand and tries to closes your eyes gently and pushes your head back to the pillows. “Go back to bed. Damn. Actin’ like we still gotta run somewhere. Where we runnin’ to? Back to bed. That’s where. Close your damn eyes, woman.” He grumbles into your ear sleepily.

A huge sigh of relief comes over you because yes. That was fine. A promise. You could make promises. You can keep a promise too. 

Your leg healed a lot while you were in a coma. It wasn’t a serious gunshot wound. It didn’t hit any bones or any major arteries. It did go deep into your muscle though and the doctors and nurses had taken it out. The stitches came out while you were unconscious. Now, you just have to get your body back to the way it was before. 

Within three days you were up, limping around the house with Joel when he was home. It was wet and rainy today so he was off and following you around with his hands on your ass. Being silly. Sweet. Goofy. It was fun. He was so different now than he was before and out on the road. 

“Cheeks for fuckin’ days. Lemme put my face between ‘em. C’mon, lean right on the counter.” Joel teases as he grips your ass in his hands and jiggles it gently. He hasn’t touched it in almost seven weeks. He missed it. 

“Leave me alone you horny animal. Are you in rut?” You chuckle at him as you do some dishes. It felt good to get back to the normal flow of a regular life. Dinner was on the woodstove. You cooked today and wanted to have food almost ready for when Ellie got home from studying with her friends. 

“For you? Yes.” He leans in and kisses your shoulder gently through your sweater. “Only you.” Now he presses his hips against yours from the back. “Love giving you this hard cock.” 

“Joel!” You swat him away from you. You are sore. You had wanted to wait a couple days to get your leg back in normal, working order but he couldn’t wait. You kinda couldn’t wait either. Things just happened. Almost every night except your first night home from the hospital when you ate that brownie and the other night when you slow danced.

“Okay! I’m sorry I can’t help it. You’re too fuckin’ sexy and I missed you .” He coos the last part into your ear. It makes you shiver. 

“Missed me. Ha! You’ve had me almost every night, Mister.” You push your hips back against his gently but his hands shoot to your waist and hold you there. He grinds against you, up and down, roughly. You can feel his length through his jeans and he’s exhaling so hard through his nose every time he moves his hips like it feels so good. 

The front door opens and you both hear Ellie’s heavy, running footsteps into the kitchen. You have never seen Joel move so fast out of a room in your life. He’s down the hallway before Ellie can run in and see him in his aroused state. You both hear the bathroom door close loudly from down the hall. You chuckle.

“He must’a had to go real bad. I heard him running to the bathroom. Jeez.” Ellie hugs you tight. Not a day has gone by since you’ve been home that she doesn’t hug you first thing when she gets home from school. In the mornings…different story. She’s grumpy. You give her breakfast and talk to her as little as you can because she’s frightening. Not fun. 

“Yeah he was just telling me how bad he had to go.” You lie and kiss the top of her head. “Missed you at school. Glad tomorrow is Saturday. We can walk around town together if it’s not too wet.” She looks up at you, arms still around your waist and nods happily. 

“Yes please. Yes. Yes. I want to show you all the cool stuff and where me and my friends have been hanging out and everything!” She is so excited. And literally the most perfect child. You and Joel did the right thing. You’re so glad you didn’t go back to Jackson after the argument with Joel in the driveway after she had been taken. 

“I love you.” It comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. Her arms drop and she looks at you with wide eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t m—” Before you can finish she hugs you tighter, squeezes you and presses her head into your shoulder. She doesn’t say it back. That’s okay. But you’re glad she knows how much you care for her. Almost died for her, would have– easily. 

“You’re the best. I’m glad Joel brought you with us. I wasn’t at first but…I’m glad you came. Glad you said yes to him.” She looks up at you now, with her own big brown eyes and smiles. “I really am. You’re gonna make a great mom.” Her smile softens drastically but it’s still there and she hugs you tight, resting her head on your shoulder again. 

You are speechless. You just hold her one arm against your waist and smile. 

“I have homework to do. Do you think you could help me?” She asks as she pulls away from you. You’re now peeling potatoes into the sink for dinner. 

“Can you ask Joel when he comes out of the bathroom? Go wash. Change. Stop stinkin’ the place up and maybe we can all work on it together before dinner is done.” She nods and runs upstairs with her book bag. 

Joel comes out of the bathroom a couple minutes later and checks if the coast is clear. 

“Wanna know what I did just now?” Joel whispers into your ear, his tongue teases your earlobe when he's finished speaking. You look over your shoulder at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“I don’t know…do I?” You ask with a lip curled in distaste. Joel nods at you slowly. “Okay. Tell me. Weirdo.” 

“I sucked on a pair of ya' panties and jerked off into another pair. Covered them in my fuckin’ come. You taste so fucking good, lil' girl.” He growls it lowly into your ear and you drop the potato you have in your hand. 

“You sucked on my panties?” You blink at him. He nods and does the little flick of his eyebrow. His tongue dances slowly behind his lips. You fucking love when he does that. You can see just the tip of it behind his teeth and his slightly parted mouth. Fuck. Joel is so hot. You do kiss him now, quickly. 

“Do you like that?” He gives you his big beautiful, brown eyed look he’s so fucking good at. You do like it. It made your fucking pussy twinge when he said that. Unsure as to why it turns you on so much. You nod. 

“Next time jerk off into the panties I have on. Make me wear it.” You said it like it’s a challenge for him. Joel nearly falls over. Actually has to grab onto the counter and hold onto it because his knees buckle. “Are you okay, old man? What happened?” You tease him. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. That’s so hot. I’m gon' pass away.” Joel covers his eyes with the hand that isn’t supporting him. He makes you laugh. A real laugh and you like that. “Yer' bad. A real bad girl.” 

“What’d she do?” Ellie asks, her once loud footsteps are now silent because she doesn’t have her big clunky shoes on. Joel’s head whips to her and he points with his index finger. She gets ready to run.

“She’s bein’ too nice to you. That’s what. Where’s your homework?” Ellie takes off and Joel takes off after her, quickly. It makes your apron sway in the gust of wind he created when he ran away. She took off back up the stairs. Joel followed, he took the stairs two at a time behind her. “Jesus Ellie, it’s fuckin' disgusting up here. We’ve been here for two months. How did it get so messy? Where did y'even get all these clothes? Whose stuff is this?”

It’s all muffled because they’re upstairs but you hear his dismayed voice at her messiness. Neither one of you goes upstairs. There isn't a reason to. But now you’ll have to start checking. 

“Bring all your dirty laundry down! I’ll wash it all tomorrow!” You shout at them from your place at the sink. You throw all your taters in a pot and add water. Mashed potatoes, stew and bread. Perfect. You bake bread now. Ava can eat her bread and your family will eat your bread, thankyouverymuch,Ava.” 

Ellie runs back downstairs with Joel right behind her. 

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” She laughs as she runs and tucks herself into the corner of the counter beside you. Joel places either hand on the counter beside her. 

“Y'stop running...I’ll stop chasing.” He quickly grabs at her side to tickle her and she flinches and scream softly. “Stop screamin’.” He does it on her other side. She laughs so hard and fights him off. “It’s not that funny.” Now he gets her on both sides and she’s nearly on the floor with laughter. 

“He’s ticklish too, ya know.” You whisper down to Ellie over her laughter. Joel shoots you a narrowed eye look and Ellie’s hands move to his side with more speed than you could ever imagine and now Joel is the one giggling, trying to fight off her quick little hands. 

“He– hey. Sto– Ellie. Stop.” Joel is laughing like you’ve never heard him laugh before and this is everything you could have ever imagined your life to be. Perfect. Laughter in the house. Food on the stove. Happy family to wake up to every morning. What are you so scared of?

Ellie and you walk arm in arm around town slowly. She knows everyone. They’re all so nice. It’s so weird. You hate it. You’re used to people trying to kill you. Makes you uneasy at everyones niceness. Ellie shows you all the things– it’s not much but it does resemble a town– a movie theater, a jail, a town hall. There is her school, the house of worship and you knew the medical center already. This was nice. The town hall was new and there wasn’t anything inside of it. No mayor would be elected. Just there in case meetings or other important events needed to take place, there would be a spot for it. 

“That's her house.” Ellie whispers softly as you pass a light blue house with two stories. It looks exactly like yours but your house is dark gray. You love it. It’s like storm clouds. Thunder. “Her name is Dina.” She whispers so low that you have to strain to hear her actual name. You don’t even really hear it but you know better than to ask right in front of her house. 

Ellie had to bring you that way to get back home. Everything in a giant circle basically and so she just took you around the whole colony. This was just a convenient trip to her loves home. A desperate attempt at a glimpse or maybe even a hello if Dina had been outside. But she hadn’t been and Ellie didn't see her. 

“You’ll see her Monday.” You whisper, well enough distance to be out of earshot but you still whisper, just in case. “Have you walked her home yet?” You don’t whisper this part and Ellie nearly dies right on the sidewalk. Hands on your arm and she almost falls down dramatically.

“Oh my God. Stop. Don’t talk so loud.” She’s red in the face and looking around to see if anyone is outside. “She lives right there, oh my God.” You could tell she could pass away from embarrassment right now. “No. I get too nervous every time I try.” She whispers harshly at you. 

“Okokokok. Sorry. I thought we were far enough away.” You wrap your arm around her neck. It’s just you and her today. Joel is working on getting your backyard ready. Cleaning up bullshit that had been in the house before, fixing the deck. Building a fire pit. Making the house a real home. 

“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” Ellie looks up at you and her eyes scan your face as you nod down to her. “Why?” You have to think about what to tell her… not what but how. It takes you a minute as you look down at the sidewalk below your feet. Her eyes never leave the side of your face. 

“This is gonna be weird. Kinda hard for me maybe, okay?” She nods up at you, eyes softening tremendously as they look into yours. “I’ve always wanted a kid of my own. I thought that opportunity got taken away from me when this outbreak happened. I never thought…I never expected to have a child dropped into my lap when I least expected it.” You smile now while she listens, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. “I know that I am not your mom. I’ll never try to be, unless you want me to. But I’m excited that I get to watch you grow. That I get to help you. Protect you. I didn’t know if I’d get the chance when Joel was trying to get us out of that hospital. If I ever do have my own kid someday, you’ll always be my first baby.” You lean down and kiss her on the top of the head with a loud smack. “Always.” You kiss the top of her head ten million times and she’s laughing. 

“I like it. I like that you–you know…wanna…take care of me.” She looks up at you now with her big brown eyes that look like Joel’s somehow. “I didn’t get taken care of before this. Just raised. Barely.” Ellie’s voice is steady and she’s confident in herself. You’re a mess. About to sob and fall down on the sidewalk and roll around crying because you love her so much. “You and Joel are good at it." She hesitates for a moment and then speaks again, quietly. "This is what a family feels like?” She asks, so innocently and so genuinely that it actually hurts your heart. She doesn’t know or have anything to compare it to. 

“I think so. My family wasn’t like this.” You both stop walking and she looks up at you with confusion in her big brown eyes. “My dad was an asshole. Mean. Nasty. Spoke badly to me and my mom and sister. He didn’t respect us.” Ellie’s eyes are sad now. Big and sad. 

“Why?” She asks curiously. You shrug.

“I dunno. Just was. Always was. I was scared to come home from school most days, cause I didn’t wanna get screamed at for nothin’.” You start walking her back towards home. “I’m telling you this because I don’t ever want you to take Joel for granted. He and I are always just trying to keep you safe. Don’t ever hate us for that, okay?” She nods up at you but you don’t know if she really understands. Having parents isn’t always fun. 

When you get home Joel is waiting for you guys but he wants to talk to you. You can tell. It’s written all over his face. 

“My girls.” Joel smiles through his worried eyes and slaps Ellie up like they’re best friends. You shake your head. “It’s Saturday. Chores. Make lunch. Then we’ll eat and you can go do whatever it is you do up in your room. Clean it this time , maybe. Something.” Joel pushes her into the kitchen. “I gotta take Bird for another walk. We’ll be back.” 

“My leg aches.” You whine once you get outside. You didn’t wanna fight with him inside in front of Ellie, because he was basically waiting for you at the door. 

“I know, baby. I know. I brought this for us.” Joel holds a joint up and lights it as you walk towards the driveway and back down to the sidewalk. Joel puffs on the joint for a while and you watch him from the corner of your eye.

“So you just smoke my medicine like it’s recreational?” You tease, you don’t really mind. It’s a fun thing you do together; that makes you fearful of him and also paranoid and you forgot how to swallow and breathe that one time, but it’s fun. 

“Here, baby.” Joel holds the joint to your lips so you can keep your hands in your pockets. You puff twice, too big, cough and choke for a minute. You have to stop and bend at the waist and you almost throw up. “Ok. Not that much. Cheech and Chong over here.” He laughs as he pats your back. 

“I’m Cheech Marin. I’m one hundred percent Cheech.” You wheeze and pant as you stand up straight. Joel belly laughs when you say this. You look up at him red-faced and teary eyed.

“Sure are, babe.” You walk like that until you get to the park just outside of the medical center. It’s just a small playground but there is a bench and you guys sit. “What’d you and Ellie talk about today?” He asks nervously. You give him a suspicious look. 

“Why? You don’t want her to tell me something?” You take the joint from Joel and hit it very carefully because your lungs feel like raisins. Joel is hiding something. What is it?

“Did she ask you about what happened at the hospital? Do you even remember? ” He asks, taking your free hand. You nod slowly. Neither one of you talked about it at all yet. “I didn’t tell her the truth.” Joel tells you this freely. 

“Why? Why didn’t you tell her that Marlene did that to her?” You get a little angry but you kinda think you know where Joel is coming from. “Ugh. Nevermind. I know. What did you tell her?” 

“They did the tests. Those doctors stopped looking for a cure.” Joel gives you big brown eyes again. Always. “I said raiders attacked. I told her Marlene didn’t make it.” 

“Did she make it? I don’t…” You trail off because you had basically already lost almost all of the blood inside of you at that point. The whole elevator ride down to the parking garage was a little fuzzy and gray. Hard to remember exactly what was said and what happened. Joel shakes his head. 

“I told Ellie that the raiders got Marlene.” Joel whispers softly. “I killed her, though. I was going to let her go but then she went for the car. She went for you and Ellie. I shot her.” Joel sighs it out like he had been needing to tell someone. You press your free hand to the side of his face. The joint has gone out. Neither one of you need anymore. Looking at each other with red, squinting eyes. In public! “I told her that there were a lot more people like her. That they didn’t need her anymore so we could all go home.” 

“And that’s what you want me to tell her if she ever asks?” You look into those big eyes and get lost in them. 

“That. You could say you don’t remember. I just don’t want her to hate us for taking away her choice.” Joel looks like he could cry.

“We gave her a choice, Joel. I told her what could happen, in front of the RV that day you found the game. I warned her of what might happen. She had a choice and she made it. Those doctors lied to her. We didn’t lie. I understand why you did and I respect you and I won’t tell her but don’t feel guilty, baby. You did the right thing. We did the right thing.” Joel nods his head quickly and leans into your hand.

“Thank you. I didn’t even think of it until you and her went off on your own today. I thought for sure she was going to pry you for info.” Joel smiles know. 

“Can I ask you something?” You’re nervous. You’re going to tell Joel about your paranoia and fears and it’s making your legs shiver and tense up. 

“Anything.” 

“Why do you treat me like that…in the bedroom? You’re so… aggressive all the time. You speak down to me. Even at the table the other day you said I was below you.” You speak fast because you’re scared. Holy shit you’re so scared. Joel’s eyes haven’t left yours. “It makes me nervous. It makes me feel like… your property. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. ” 

Joel’s eyes soften immediately and he holds your face in his hands now. 

“I thought… I thought you liked that?” Joel looks at you confused. “We haven’t done anything we didn’t do back in the cabin besides the dirty talk. We did that too, it’s just different.” Joel shrugs his shoulders.

“And the being below you comment? The punishment ?” You’re confused. Just as confused as he is, apparently. 

“Did you not like being punished? On the road? I thought that was like, something we’re exploring.” Joel has his hand on your good leg and is squeezing gently. “I don’t understand. When I told you I would be gentle with you, you basically told me to scram.” Joel chuckles nervously. 

What the shit? Is he right? 

“What about my dream the other night? I don’t think it was a high brownie dream…I think you fucked me. Without my permission.” 

“You gave me permission ten thousand times! I asked so many times!” Joel exclaims, holding both hands out to you like he’s showing you off to someone who isn’t there. “Then you wake up talkin’ about it’s a dream and start callin’ me daddy again—”

“I didn’t call you daddy. I said in my dream you told me to call you daddy–” You’re leering at him and he’s leering right back at you.

“You called me that shit first! I didn’t like it the first time you said it but you kept moaning it over and over and I got rock fuckin’ hard eatin’ your pussy while you called me daddy. I was ashamed !” Joel is mad at you now. “You’re right. You shouldn’t smoke anymore weed. Accusing me of what— raping you?” Joel stands up from the bench. “I like it rough. I like to dominate the hell out of you and talk real dirty to you in the bedroom. I’d never do that , though, Jesus. If I thought you didn’t want it I’d never take it from you—get outta here.” Joel waves his hand at you dismissively. 

“The below you comment?” You’re unwavering, even with his behavior. Joel snorts and shoves his hands into his jacket pocket. 

“I’m sorry. I was an ass for that. I’m hot headed sometimes.” Joel kicks at the ground with his boot. “Shit, s’why I was a single dad.” Joel’s eyes meet yours for a moment but then he looks away. “I am sorry. I get carried away.” 

“I didn’t like it. I’ve been terrified at night because I don’t know what’s real and what’s a dream. That comment didn’t ease any anxiety I had.” You huff softly when you’re done talking because now you are confused if this is all something your weird, blood denied and weed filled brain came up with. You do not know.

“Terrified? Of me? Like I’m the boogie man?” Joel kicks at the ground again. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you or hurt you. Nothin’ like that.” Joel walks back to you now and sits where he had been before. “Don’t want you scared of me. Ever. I wanna be your husband one day. Not someone you think you’re forced to be with. If you think that, tell me.” 

“I don’t feel forced. I just want you to respect me. Treat me good. I think I just had time before, when we didn’t see each other in between— but when someone calls you stupid and a slut every fucking day even if it’s sexy…I don’t know. Maybe I’m starting to believe I’m only good for one thing.” Words you didn’t even know to be true are coming out of your mouth but those words sounded productive to your stoned ears. 

“Bird. Look’it me.” Joel’s stern voice pulls your eyes from the grass in front of you. He’s staring at you. “ Smartest , most incredibly strong woman I ever met. I mean it. You blew me away on the road. Every single day. You still do.” Joel grabs both of your hands in his. “Ellie made me want to be a parent again. You make me wanna have another baby. I want a family with both of you and being safe here, in Jackson— it just makes sense.” Joel squeezes your hands now. “I see Tommy and Maria getting their house ready for their kid and, I dunno. There is that extra bedroom upstairs .” 

You want kids. You want ‘em bad. You’ve been thinking about it since Joel said it at the table that same day he said you were below him. Neither of those things have left your brain. 

“You’re serious?” You ask him, dropping your eyes to your lap because this sucks. Your brain is still telling you something is not right. “I’d wanna wait.”

“Lil’ late for that, Bird. We been tryin’ since basically you got home. Started on the road, really. Stopped thinking with my big brain.” Joel taps his head with his finger. Your heart starts to race in your chest because he is not wrong. He’s come inside you almost everyday. 

“Stop. Don’t do it again until I’m really ready. I don’t think it’ll take me long. I jus— I need to wrap my head around that.” You’re sweating even in the cool spring air. “I mean it. Pull out for a while.” You’re looking up at Joel now and he must see the fear in your eyes because he pulls you in for a big hug. A good hug. It makes you feel safe.

“Whatever you need, Bird. I’ll do anything to make you happy. I mean it.” 

Joel walks home with you hand in hand, right past Ava’s house so if she is home and watching get a good look, lady! He’s taken! Him and his big ole weiner! You don’t know why you’re so nervous about Ava. She just gives him bread and jam. Soon you’ll know how to make jam too and you and Joel and Ellie will need nothing from her but her schooling. That’s it. 

Ellie had cleaned the house a little and made sandwiches for lunch. Which were actually not bad. You liked that they had fresh meat and veggies at the little market down in the town. Joel picked up some turkey there and it’s actually better than you ever remember turkey being. 

“Do you pay for any of this stuff? How do you even do that?” You look at Joel after taking a bite of your sandwich. He shakes his head. 

“It’s all communal. Everyone gets a share of everything unless they don’t want it.” Joel starts to explain and Ellie pipes in.

“Like Miss. Ava is a vegetarian so she gave her share to him this week.” Ellie nods her head at Joel. You raise an eyebrow at Ellie and do not meet Joel’s staring eyes. They’re boring holes in the side of your face. 

“How nice of Miss. Ava.” You go back to your sandwich and look out the window. The ceiling is so nice. And so is this beautiful table. Wow. Holy smokes, the floors are incredible. Joel clears his throat but you still don’t look at him. You look at Ellie again and admire her cheek bones and nice nose. Joel clears his throat again, louder and Ellie looks at him, sees him staring at you and then looks at you, staring at her. 

“What is going on?” She asks innocently. You shake your head and look down at your plate.

“Nothing. I was just thinkin’ about how pretty you are.” You smile, looking up at her again. “Do you have a lot of kids at your school?” You ask curiously, you never have asked before.

“There are thirteen of us teenagers. The oldest is seventeen. The youngest is twelve. There are a lot of younger kids though. Younger than ten I think. They’re on a different level of the school.” You’re so interested. You can see Joel still looking at you out of the corner of your eye. 

“Do you guys all ever see each other or do they keep you separate all day? You know, from the littler kids.” Ellie nods as she swallows a bite of her sandwich. 

“We all get lunch at the same time. The little kids are pretty cute. ‘Cept when they cry. Then they’re annoying.” She takes another bite. 

You do look at Joel now and he’s got his big brown eyes on the apology setting. You eat the rest of your lunch in silence and when everyone is done Ellie clears the table and brings everything into the kitchen and washes up. Joel leans in and puts his elbows on the table. 

“It’s not whatever you’re thinkin’.” Joel whispers. You shrug. 

“Does she even know about me?” You ask just as quietly as he had spoken. Joel nods enthusiastically. 

“Of course. We talk about you all the time.” He motions to himself and Ellie in the kitchen. “Stop bein’ jealous. Ain’t nothin’ to be jealous of. I’m yours, baby. All of me. I promise.” Joel gets up from his chair and walks to you at the other end, kissing the top of your head. “Do you wanna get out of the house again? We can go do something? Go to the bar?” Joel grips your chin and makes you look up at him. You shake your head no.

“I’m tired. Leg hurts. I think I need a nap.” Joel leans down and kisses your lips when you’re done speaking. 

“Do you want to take a cold shower together— a gentle one– and then we can nap?” Joel looks down into your eyes as he rests his forehead on yours. “A nice one. I’ll wash you. Kiss you real nice. Won’t touch you funny or nothing. Just be gentle.” The words are whispered against your lips and you do want a cold shower with Joel. Real bad. A gentle one.

You stand up as he’s kissing you and his tongue teases your bottom lip as he pulls away. Joel’s hand finds yours and he’s gently pulling you into the kitchen, he calls to Ellie as she finishes the dishes. 

“Hey, she’s gonna nap. I’m showering. Prolly gonna nap too. Stay home.You can go with your friends tomorrow, okay?” Joel pauses with you at his side. Ellie nods and wipes her hands on her jeans. “Maybe go clean your room.” Joel eyes her and points a finger. Ellie rolls her eyes and heads upstairs. Joel watches, making sure she goes up there and once her door shuts, Joel leads you to the bedroom and into your attached bathroom.

“I love you.” Joel’s whispering against your lips as he unbuttons the flannel shirt you have on. “I do. It breaks my heart that you’re scared of me.” He pushes the shirt off your shoulders and down your arms. “Don’t be scared, baby girl.” His hands are working on the buttons of your jeans and he's pushing them down your thighs carefully. “My lil bird, scared. Frightened.” He’s kissing you while speaking, desperately . Gently, yes. But it’s like he cannot get enough of you.

You lean against the wall as Joel undresses quickly in front of you, unbuttoning his own flannel shirt quickly. You watch but you’re getting nervous for the shower. It’s so cold but when he pushes his pants down and he swings freely between his legs you forget all fears of the shower and wonder how he gets that thing inside of you. 

“Starin’ at it!” Joel covers it with one hand. “Stop it.” He holds the other hand over what the first hand doesn’t cover. 

“How can I not! Look’it the thing. Jesus. It’s huge.” You have never really seen Joel’s flaccid dick this much before. It was always hard and big, yes, but it’s big when it’s soft too! What the hell!? “That thing really does make me stupid, holy shit.” You give him a big, stupid smile and he laughs at you and kisses your forehead.

“I don’t think you're stupid. I don’t. Really.” Joel feels bad. You can hear it in his voice. 

“Hey, I like it. Sometimes. Every four days I like it. Everyday is too much. I’m sorry.” You look up at him as he starts the shower. 

“Don’t be sorry, Bird.” He steps in immediately because it’s not going to warm up. Joel doesn’t even react. “I’m sorry. We should have talked more. I’m just aggressive. With everything. ‘Specially you. I’ll be better.” Joel holds his hand out for you to take so he can help you in. 

Joel holds you under the cold water, despite your giggling protests so that you can get used to it. He giggles with you and kisses your lips softly as the water stops being freezing and just is cold now. Once nice and wet, Joel wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him.

“Sorry for accusing you of anything. My brain’s been all foggy. Weird this last week.” You apologize to his chest because you do feel bad. This good man wouldn’t hurt you. You can tell in his touches. 

“Bird, stop apologizing. I never should have assumed you were good to sleep with when you were high. I fucked up. That was wrong of me and I won’t do it again. I won’t do nothin’ you don’t wanna do, okay baby girl?” 

Joel plants gentle kisses across your collarbones and shoulders. He turns you and kisses every inch of your back. Doesn’t miss a spot as his hands move up and down your sides and front as he does it. His hands and lips never stray past your waist or to your chest. His tongue dips out and tastes your skin sometimes, and his warm breath is inviting on your cool flesh. You rest your forehead on the wall of the shower as he kisses across the small of your back. His hands grip your lower stomach gently like he worships the little extra flesh you carry there. He does. He holds onto it and pushes you back against his mouth as he kisses and nips up your spine. 

“You’re so pretty, baby.” He whispers in your ear as he stands up behind you. You can feel his erection pressed into you from behind but he doesn’t try or do anything with it. It’s just pressed against your ass as he grabs a bar of soap. He washes you gently. So carefully. Joel washes your hair and kisses along your neck after he rinses you. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers into your ear. “So sorry.” His deep voice travels slowly in your ear canal as he shuts the water off. “C’mon. Let’s go nap, tired bird.” Joel dries you off and gets you into a long t-shirt to sleep in. 

“I’m sorry. I feel like I made a big deal out of nothing.” You whisper into his chest as he wraps you up in his arms. “I love you, too. I do. You’re very good to me. You took good care of me. Saved my life.” You’re teeth are chittering because you’re so cold but he presses his already warm body against yours tightly, feelings your body shivering against his. 

“It is a big deal. Your happiness and your safety are my biggest concerns. If you don’t feel neither of those things then I’m doin’ something wrong.” Joel sighs and rests his chin on the top of your head. “I’m bad at this. Bein’ a boyfriend. A husband. Been single for so fuckin’ long.” He sighs again and runs his fingers across your back. “I’ll be better. I’ll try. Talk to me though. You ain’t got nothin’ to be scared of.” 

Joel’s words and his calming touches do make you feel better. A lot better. 

“Okay.” You whisper sleepily. 

“We’re goin’ to Tommy and Maria’s tonight for dinner and a fire outside. Rest up. We’ll have a good time. Get to show off my girlfriend. ” Joel yawns and pulls the blankets up over your shoulders. “I’m sorry again, baby. I love you.” 

Dinner was good. Maria is a good cook and Tommy knows how to smoke meats very well. The weather was cool but the big fire the four of you sat around was nice. Joel held your hand in his while drinking something Tommy had given him. You drank wine and Maria had water. She was close to giving birth soon. 

“Are you excited?” You ask, leaning over to talk to her while the brothers talked about buildings and things they needed for around town. She nods excitedly. 

“We just finished his room. Tommy went and found a crib that’s really nice. It’s so clean and perfect.” She rubs her belly gently and looks at Tommy who is sitting across the fire. “He’s going to be such a good dad.” 

“His room? How do you know it’s a boy?” You ask, a smile creeping onto your face as her own smile grows. She shrugs and cradles her unborn baby inside of her. 

“I don’t know for sure. I just hope it’s a boy– I’ll be happy either way, really. But I want a boy so bad. I wanna name him after my brother.” She looks sadly at the fire now right in front of her. “I lost him pretty early in the outbreak.” She looks over to you now and flushes the sadness from her eyes and smiles. 

“No kids of your own?” She asks, eyes flicking between you and Joel quickly. You shake your head. 

“Not yet. We been thinking about it since we came back, though.” You explain, taking a sip of your wine. Maria’s eyes light up. 

“You should! They could grow up together. It would be so nice to have another first time mom around.” She sounds excited but her eyes keep flicking between you and Joel. You look over your shoulder at him and he’s looking at you with a smile on his face, then he turns back to Tommy. 

“I want to. I think about it a lot.” You turn back to Maria who has turned her whole pregnant body towards you. You let go of Joel’s hand finally and turn to face her also. “I never thought I’d get to. It’s almost like my brain accepted that I wouldn’t have my own kids so now I can’t accept the fact that it’s an option now.” You try to explain the best you can but Maria is nodding and has her hand on your forearm.

“I know. I know exactly what you mean. Those two just want to…fuck. Spread their seed. A mother’s instinct runs so much deeper than just a need to procreate. I thought Tommy was so dumb for wanting to have a baby in a place like this.” She looks around their backyard. “But it’s so safe. It took me a while to warm up to the idea.” Her eyes soften as they look at you. “C’mon. I’ll take you to get more wine.” She grabs your hand and leads you into their house. 

It’s beautiful and nicely decorated. Maria keeps a clean home and it’s inspiring. 

“Thanks for having us over tonight. We’ll have you over as soon as our backyard is cleaned up. Joel works on it everyday.” You look out at him through the window above their sink. Joel is so fucking handsome. It literally pains you. He’s all yours, too. 

“He good to you?” Maria asks as she fills your wine glass. You honestly don’t need anymore but you feel too good to tell her to stop. 

“What do you mean?” You turn to eye her suspiciously and lean against the island she’s setting the wine bottle down on. 

“Is Joel good to you?” She’s serious. Much more serious than she had sounded outside. She had a tone of freaking wonder or something when she had been outside talking about babies and Tommy. Talking about Joel… she sounds…nervous? What the fuck?

“Yeah. He’s really good to me.” You look into her eyes and she’s moving them from you to the door that leads outside then back to you. “Why?” Now you’re fuckin’ nervous. What the actual fuck does she mean and why are her eyes doing that?

“Tommy has just told me some things. I worry for you and Ellie.” She leans on her elbows like you are. “He’s a dangerous guy.” You know this. You’ve seen him in action, but he’s not dangerous to you. No. He protects you. 

“Yeah. Gotta be out here, to survive. If he wasn’t dangerous I wouldn’t have made it back here alive.” You defend him because was Tommy not dangerous at one point either? Joel told you about what he and Tommy did. You’re not blind to his past. Not really, you don’t think. “Tommy should know all about being dangerous. Right?” Your eyes scan her face. 

“Tommy didn’t have an ex-wife who fled in the middle of the night to never be heard from ever again.” She whispers this. “Gone. In the wind. Didn’t call the kid. Didn’t come to visit.” This is all news to you. Joel had told you she left him, yes, but he didn’t tell you that she disappeared.

“He do something to her?” You ask nervously. Maria shakes her head. You let out a sigh of relief. 

“Tommy just said that Joel can be controlling. Domineering. Possessive.” She says the words slowly. “Tommy doesn’t think Joel would ever put his hands on a woman. But Joel did or said something to make his ex run away. Far away. So far she never wanted to talk to her kid again.” 

“Tommy told you that? That Joel did something?” You raise one eyebrow. Maria shakes her head from side to side again. 

“Just my assumption.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Could have been an affair too, who knows. Just weird she didn’t wanna see her daughter after. I can’t imagine not seeing him and I don’t even know him yet.” She leans back and rubs her stomach. “I just want you to be careful.” She looks down at you seriously. 

Maria! You are drunk and maybe still a little high from earlier! You had just gotten a lot of the fear and worry and doubt out of your heart and now you sleep next to a stranger again! Maria! Why!? You liked it better when you didn’t know any of that stuff and now you wish you could go back in time and politely decline her offer for more wine. You’re drinking it now too and it’s just going to make you more drunk. You set it down and push it away from you. 

“I shouldn’t. I still have to take my medicine tonight.” You’re fucking nervous now because you’ve only been drunk the one other time when you were fifteen and you’re legs feel like they have no bones in them. “And walk home.” You sigh. 

Joel and you say your goodbyes. Hugs and thank yous. We’ll do this again soon is said several times by all four of you. Joel grabs your hand and holds it tightly in his, interlacing his fingers into yours. 

“Did you have fun?” Joel looks down at you with his perfect brown eyes and you wanna sit on his face. You nod up at him. 

“I did. I like do– doing stuff like that.” You hiccup and wish you were home already. “I don’t wanna waaalk.” You whine as you guys get into the street. 

“Hop up.” Joel kneels in front of you and holds his arms out at his sides. “Your leg should be good? Doesn’t hurt to bad?” You’re stopped behind him because he wants you to what? Play leap frog with him? 

“What? You want me to jump over you?” You’re teetering to one side. “I can– barely stand up.” You almost fall and Joel has to jump up to catch you. “I’m drunk f’the first time in m-my adult life. I don’t—” Joel takes one of your hands and places it on his shoulder as he turns around. “I can’t jump over you!” You exclaim as he kneels again. 

“Will you climb onto my back? I’m gonna piggy back you home, Jesus Christ.” He chuckles as you place your knees on sides. He holds you and lifts. There is a small dull pain in your leg but it feels better than walking with no bones. 

“Weed and wine!” You exclaim as he carries you on his back. “I don’t like them, Joel Miller. I hate ‘em.” You rest your head on his shoulder. “What happened to your wife? Why did she leave you?” You slur against his jacket. Joel doesn’t stop walking. 

“Unhappy. I worked a lot. We fought when I was home. Real bad. Really bad.” Joel whispers as you listen, your head still resting against his shoulder. “She’d hit me sometimes. I’d call her terrible things. She left in the middle of the night. Never heard from her again until I got divorce papers in the mail.” Joel looks back at your sleepy, drunk eyes. “Why you askin’ now, babe?” 

“Been thinkin’ ‘bout it.” You lie through a whispered croak. “Don’t fight with me. Don— Don’t call me terrible things.” You continue to croak drunkenly. 

“Don’t hit me.” Joel teases softly. 

“Lemme ssspank you.” You close your eyes and he shifts you, lifting you up higher onto his back. You’re doing almost nothing to hold on besides the one shoulder you hold onto and the other you're resting on. Joel has to hunch to keep you up there. 

“You can spank me, hell yeah. Fuckin’ teach me a lesson, Bird. I was bad. I need to be punished.” Joel laughs as you guys make your way up your own driveway and into the house. Ellie is making a snack in the kitchen when you get in. 

“Oh no. She took too much medicine again?” She asks sarcastically. You think this is hilarious. Joel laughs too and shakes his head. 

“Nope. Just had too much fun at Uncle Tommy’s house with Maria.” Joel kicks his boots off in the doorway and leaves them on the porch. “Come shut this door for me, El. I gotta put her to bed. We’re both goin’ to bed. You should too. You’re making breakfast in the morning.” Joel carries you to Ellie. You and her smile at each other and exchange a soft forehead touch while you cling to his shoulders. 

“Love you, sssweet girl. G’night.” You sigh and rest your head on Joel’s shoulder again. 

“Night! Love you guys. See you in the morning.” Ellie takes off up the stairs. Joel stands in the kitchen, not moving. The door to her bedroom slams shut. 

“Did she just say she loves us?” Joel asks quietly. You nod sleepily against his shoulder. 

“Yeah. I think so. I might’a jus’ said it to her. I dunno.” You’re so tired. Your mouth feels like it’s got weights inside of it. It’s so hard to talk. Oh my, God what is happening. You need to be laying down. 

Joel gets you into bed and pulls your jeans off slowly. 

“C’mon. Lemme put a baby into you. You’re gonna look so fucking sexy with my kid inside you.” Joel growls playfully and kisses from your lower stomach up to your chest, pushing your shirt up as he does it. 

“I’d have a baby w– with you.” You hiccup again. You’re so drunk. 

“I’ll put one in you when you're sober, baby girl. Joel kisses between your breasts and up your neck as he pulls your shirt up over your head for you. “I want to. So fucking bad.” Joel continues to kiss up your neck and towards your ear as he tosses your shirt to the floor behind him. 

“Joel, do it.” You whisper up to him. He licks your jaw from your ear to your lips and he kisses you. 

“I’m Daddy in here still. One of the rules now.” Joel kisses you again and then kisses back down your jaw on the other side. 

“Daddy, please.” You want him inside of you so badly. The alcohol and his kisses have you wriggling underneath him.

“No.” Joel growls softly. “I’ll do it in the morning if you still feel the same.” He presses his erection against you through his jeans. “You feel how fuckin’ hard you make me? You feel how badly I want to? How bad I wanna claim that pussy forever. Cause you are mine. My baby, my sweet girl. Not below me. You’re right here with me, baby.” Joel’s whispering into your ear as he rocks his hips against your good thigh. 

“Fuck, Daddy.” You moan softly at his words and his erection against you. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Joel says suddenly. Your eyes shoot open. 

“I congress–I cosign– I c-c-consent! Daddy please.” You’re begging him, drunkenly. Joel shakes his head no and gets off the bed to turn the light off. 

“You’re drunk. I’m not. It feels weird now, after our talk in the park. C’mon. Let’s go to sleep.” 

“Okay yes. Drunk. But still horny now. Cosigning. I wanna.” You look up at Joel as he crawls over you. “Please.” You look into his eyes and he’s still shaking his head no. 

“Get yourself off. I’ll watch. I know you want it. I just can’t. Not tonight, babe.” Joel leans in and kisses you softly on the cheek, you pull away in frustration. “Awww, don’t be mad at me. Want me to suck those perfect fuckin’ tits while you touch yourself?” Joel offers some support in this whole denial of sex. 

“No. I want to fuck.” Now you’re mad. You just wanna go to bed. You turn over and roll the opposite way from him, facing the wall. Joel laughs from behind you and pulls you in close to him. 

“I wanna fuck you, too. ‘Nother rule is I don’t touch you while you’re intoxicated. Until you feel better about all of this at least.” Joel grinds himself into you from the back. “You feel that? It’s all yours, first thing in the morning if you still want it.” 

if there are any tags you think I should add let me know.

[not-a-space-alien]

K&J x MMSS 4: Valen & Jim Part 5B

Part 5 of the "B side" universe for AU4. You can check chapter 4B for clarification on what this means if you're lost, lol.

K&J masterlist

MMSS masterlist

K&J x MMSS crossover masterlist

To be added to the taglist, contact @whumpsday

Warnings: Blood, aftermath of torture, suicide attempt

***

Jim comes down the next day with a light knock on the wall. "Valen? How're you doing?" He hopes Valen's healed some. That maybe the blood that's made him such a desirable victim finally did some good. "You sleep well?"

Valen pokes his head out from under the blanket sleepily.  He is starting to look a bit better.  He nods fuzzily, not coming out from his nest.

"Good, good. I'm real glad. Lookin' better, too. You'll be all better in no time. So, my sister and her friend are both coming over today to give you some more blood, do you remember them? From when you dropped me off?" Jim's hoping the fact that Valen knows they're hunters won't scare him, but he's met them before and they didn't hurt him, so hopefully it'll be okay.

Valen perks up.  More blood?  Truthfully, no, he doesn't remember them, but he's so excited about getting more blood.  He nods, eyes shining.  Yes, more blood, please.

"Great! How about in the meantime, you can grab a bath, and I'll bandage up whatever's still not feeling great. Liz is also gonna take all the silver shit and the outside lock off the door, so you won't have to worry about that while you're staying here. You wanna grab your other clothes and come upstairs? I already closed all the blinds and curtains last night." Jim informs him.

Valen is feeling so much more hopeful than last night.  He's rested, and fed--even if he probably shouldn't have done that part, and he has clothes, and oh, he gets to take a bath.  He still can't move very fast, but he excitedly gets up to follow Jim upstairs.

Jim makes sure to grab the writing things before leading Valen up to the bathroom. "Alright, here we are. I'm leaving your writing stuff right out here so you can grab it on your way out. Come out to the living room whenever you're done." He's so glad Valen seems to be in better spirits today.

Valen has a real bath, his first in years.  Not a freezing cold spraydown with a hose.  It's wonderful and warm, and he gets himself clean.  He's starting to let himself believe that maybe good things can happen to him again.  He washes his raw face and bloody, skinned wrists gently.

When he's done, he steps out of the tub and pats himself dry with the towel provided, then dresses himself.  They're his clothes.  It's grounding and humanizing in a way he hadn't thought of.  They're his clothes, from the before times, being given back to him, to pull him back up to earth.  These are Valen's clothes, and he's wearing them, so he must be Valen.

Valen combs his wet hair with his fingers, looking at himself in the mirror, and goes out into the living room.

"Looking awesome, bud. C'mon and let's get you wrapped up." Jim pats the couch, gauze already in hand. "Just your face and your wrists, or anything else too?"

Valen pats himself down, but they'd been leaving him fresh for his new warden, so his wrists and face are pretty much the only things that need to be wrapped up.  The only other thing that hurts currently is his stomach, still far too hungry to be comfortable, but even that's lessening.

Valen sits down on the couch, touching his face, his wrists, and then giving a thumbs up.  He wants to smile, but with the state of his face, that would probably just look worse, if anything.

"Gotcha." Jim gently bandages both, making sure to leave an opening for Valen's mouth so he can eat later. When was the last time Valen was touched gently? He knows how it feels to ache for the kind touch of another person. "Do you think you could handle a hug?" he asks when he's done, knowing it might be pushing it in his starved state.

Valen's watery eyes light up.  A hug, a hug, yes, yes, yes.  He wants one so bad.  He can't bite if he wants the muzzle to stay off, he has to not bite.  He vibrates on the couch, extending his arms feebly.  Yes, yes, please, hug, hug.

Jim is scared. Valen may mean well, but he's also a vampire, and being bitten on the wrist was bad enough. But he needs to give his guy a hug so bad. He reminds himself he can always push Valen away if he needs to, like he did yesterday. This isn't Kane. He's had 10 years to get over it, he should be better by now.

He enters Valen's arms, wrapping his own around his thin frame in a warm embrace. "I've got you. Everything's gonna be okay. Promise."

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  He leans into the hug, vibrating, excited.  Jim is so warm, and so welcoming, and so soft, and so vulnerable, and so, so, so delicious-smelling-

Before he even realizes what he's doing, he's bitten down in the crook of Jim's neck.  As soon as his mouth floods with the taste of blood once again, he remembers he has to not bite and pulls away, falling off the couch and to the floor, whining.

Jim freezes up and goes quiet again. It's on the wrong side, because he would never let anyone's face get close to his scar, and the fabric of his turtleneck wets with blood. He trembles and cries, sitting there on the couch completely tense, letting out soft sobs.

Valen sobs too.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  He'd even fed already, yesterday, and he still hadn't been able to resist biting.  He's ruined it, and maybe he'll be punished, but even worse, he probably won't be hugged again.  He half-stumbles, half-crawls over to where the writing materials are and quickly scribbles out I'm sorry, and holds it up to Jim.  He stays on his knees, holding it in front of his face with trembling hands.

Jim takes a good minute to get to a state where he can respond. It helps that he was expecting this might be a possibility, it's not out of the blue like the first one. He took a risk and it failed.

He reminds himself he's okay. He's not very hurt. He's not food, Valen stopped, he's not being taken back. It was just a bite. He used to do this every day and it was worse, then.

He takes a deep breath and looks over to Valen, crying holding up a sign reading I'm sorry with shaking hands.

"It's- it's not your fault." Jim says quietly. "B-bad call. On me. I'm just gonna change shirts and take a breather real quick, okay?" He grabs the medical supplies he'd just used on Valen and scurries away to his bedroom.

Valen watches him go with despair.  Everything had been going so well.  Jim said it's not his fault, but his sister is coming over, and maybe she and her friend won't be so nonchalant.  And he wouldn't get any more hugs, now.

Still crying, he pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and pulls it over himself, curling up in a ball and hiding himself under a nearby chair.

Jim dresses the wound, changes his shirt, and tries his best to calm down. He returns downstairs about 10 minutes later, much more calm. He got bit and everything's still okay.

It's apparent that Valen has not spent their time apart calming down. Jim sits back on the couch. "Hey, you're okay, Valen. Everything's still okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. You can stay there if it makes you feel safer, but nothing bad's gonna happen if you come out. We're all good. More than good."

Valen peeks out from the blanket.  Jim looks okay.  He crawls over to the coffee table, taking his pencil in an unsteady hand and writing Thank you for the hug I hope we can hug again sometime when it's safe and then sliding it over to Jim.  He then crawls back under the chair, not panicking or trembling, but still feeling more secure balled up and tucked away

"Yeah. Yeah, man, just, I'm gonna need a little. You know what, though? Laken loves hugs. Maybe you can ask them for one after you feed from them." Jim suggests. "Sorry for freaking out. I've just got baggage about bites."

He smiles a little, remembering something. "You know, when you picked me up that day, I thought for a minute you were gonna make me your bloodbag. Y'know, before that was cleared up. And you know what I thought about it? Honest to god? 'Oh, this won't be so bad.' You were so nice that was what I thought about potentially being kidnapped a second time."

Valen lowers the blanket from his head, eyebrows raised.  Really?  Maybe Valen really had used to be a really nice person, one who could hug people without biting.  He mourns the loss, averting his eyes, keeping them on Jim's feet.

Valen hears them approaching before Jim does, two humans. There's a knock.

"That's gotta be them." Jim says as he gets up to answer the door. He makes sure the sun won't shine near Valen before opening it all the way.

After they all exchange greetings, Liz asks, "Where is he?"

"Hiding under the chair. He's real easily spooked. Be gentle with him." Jim says. "C'mon in. Valen, you wanna come out? Liz and Laken are gonna give you some blood."

Valen crawls out tentatively.  There being multiple humans in the room is scary, and he barely remembers these new ones.  He'd been scared of Jim before, but now that he's more scared of the newcomers, Jim feels very safe.  Valen kneels behind Jim's calves, poking his head out from behind the human to look at Liz and Laken.  But not making eye contact.  No, never eye contact.

"Hi, Valen." Liz says softly, heartbroken by the sight before her. Hunters did this. To Valen, of all vampires. The one who gave her her brother back. She speaks as if Valen will break if she talks too loudly. "I'm Liz, if you remember. It's nice to see you again. I wish it were under better circumstances. How are you feeling?"

"Sup." Laken adds with a friendly wave. "I'm Laken, Liz's hunting partner. You ready to get your blood on?"

Valen looks at Liz's hands, which is as close as he dares get to the face, and nods when she asks him how he's feeling.

You ready to get your blood on?  Why can't these humans just talk normally, so he doesn't have to anxiously second-guess what they mean?  Laken means they're going to feed him, right?  That's right, they'd said they were going to give him more blood, right?

He moves himself up into a crouching position, daring to look a little excited.

Wait, back up.  His sluggish brain hadn’t processed what they were saying.

A haze falls over Valen's brain as he looks at Laken again, processing what they’re saying.  Hunting partner, they'd said hunting partner, right?  Are...Are Liz and Laken vampire hunters?

Then he does remember that, fuzzily, that when he'd come to hand Jim off, Liz and Laken and two other vampire hunters had been there.  Hunters, hunters, hunters, that's right, they're hunters.

He drops back down onto all fours, cowering behind Jim and whining in fear.  Jim will protect him, right?  Jim said he wouldn't hurt him.

"Oh, hey, Valen, you're okay. You already knew that, you said you remembered them?" Jim says, confused.

Liz goes to step forward, but Laken grabs her hand and shakes their head. "Space."

Liz nods, staying where she is as she speaks to Valen. "We're not going to hurt you. You- I owe you everything, Valen. You gave me my family back. Plus, what those sorry excuses for hunters did would be fucked up either way. You're safe here."

"It's all good, man. You seemed pretty excited about blood, right? I'll go first." Laken offers, crouching and holding their arm out to Valen. "Don't even worry about it."

Is Laken telling him to bite them?  That can't be right.  They're hunters.  Hunters, hunters, hunters.  He tries to listen to what Liz is kindly saying about owing him, but it feels like he's scrambling to try and climb a slippery staircase to fight upstream and internalize what she's saying.  His eyes dilate with fear as Laken holds their arm out to him, and he shuffles backwards a little bit.

He gropes at the table for his notepad and pen, and he quickly scribbles out Biting is bad I won't bite again I'm sorry I won't bite again Im sorry I know better, underlining and circling words and phrases seemingly randomly to emphasize.

"No, Valen, it's okay. You've got permission this time, it's fine." Jim assures.

Liz puts 2 and 2 together from the this time, her eyebrows raising. "He bit you?"

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. He's trying his best." Jim smiles down at Valen. "No one's mad at you."

"Yeah, c'mon. I wouldn't pull the rug out from under you like that. You can go ahead." Laken encourages.

"It's allowed." Jim adds.

Valen presses himself into the wall away from Laken, shaking with terror, still looking at Liz, that surprised He bit you? still hanging threateningly in the air in his mind.

"Why don't you guys give us a minute? Maybe you can go work on the door?" Jim suggests.

"Alright." Liz agrees, looking at Valen sadly. "Whenever you're ready. None of us are gonna hurt you."

The two of them head to the basement to start removing all the silver from the door.

Jim crouches by Valen. "What do you want, bud? You're not a prisoner anymore, it's up to you now. How can we help?"

He fumbles with the pen, picks it back up, and writes.  Liz is angry at me for biting you?

"No, she's not angry. She was just surprised. She knows you didn't mean to. Do you want me to check?" Jim asks. He'd been lying about it being not a big deal, but he's sure Liz got the message: act like it's not a big deal. It was an accident, after all.

Valen shakes in a heap on the ground.  No way, there's no way a hunter would see what Valen did to Jim, biting him so severely he almost fainted, and think it wasn't a big deal.  Why wouldn't Liz be angry?  She must be angry.  He's going to be punished, he always is.  He's going to fuck up badly enough to be sent back to that hell eventually, he knows he will, no, he already did, he's just waiting for them to realize, realize he deserves pain and pain and pain, never ending ever ever.

He grasps the notepad firmly and writes Please kill me, fat tears rolling down his cheeks and wetting the bandages.

Jim reads the note and gives a heavy exhale, sitting next to Valen so he's against the wall, too. "No, man. I'm not gonna kill you. You wanna die 'cause you're scared? Is that it?"

He whimpers and writes:  I can't take any more pain.

"No more pain. How about that? It's over. It's really, really over, I promise. I'm not gonna hurt you, Liz and Laken aren't either. All we wanna do is see you safe and healthy. No pain." Jim says.

Maybe Valen will believe this eventually, if Jim just repeats it enough, but he can't right now.  He just can't.  His imagination races.  He can picture so, so many ways this could go wrong.  He can't do this anymore.  He can't keep worrying and trying to figure out how to handle things, how to help himself.  Jim and Liz and Laken are telling him they're trying to help him, but all he can feel is the dread of being the center of attention of a group of humans, of hunters.  What hope does he have?

Jim's not going to kill him.  He has to do it himself.  He drags himself over to the chair he'd been hiding under before, wrapping his weak hands around the leg to try and snap it off to fashion a wooden stake, still weeping.

"Hey, fuck, nonono don't." Jim removes Valen's hands from the chair, holding them gently in his own. "How about this. Give it one month." By that time, Valen will have been back home in vampire territory for weeks. He'll probably feel a lot safer, and Jim won't be able to stop him anyway. "Can you do that, you think? Give life as a free man a shot for one month?"

Valen keeps his eyes on the wooden chair.  How does Jim expect him to believe he's a free man?  How does Jim expect him to believe he'll be able to last an entire month without pain, without messing up, without biting, without getting trapped back somewhere where he won't get this opportunity again?  He tries to go for the chair again, more feebly this time, knowing he can't really fight Jim off.  Why hadn't he just waited until later when he was alone and could get away with it?

"Valen, please." Jim doesn't let go of Valen's hands. "Just, just give it a shot. Please? I promise nothing bad's gonna happen. I won't let anyone hurt you, swear on my life. I know you've been through hell, but it's really, really over, I promise. I can't- you know I can't watch you every second, so just, please. It'll be okay, I'll make sure."

Valen shakes in Jim's hands, hanging his head and letting his hair fall in his face.

"I bet you'll feel a lot better with some food in you. It's not gonna fix everything, but everyone feels better after eating. Nothing bad happened to you when you bit me, right? And this is with permission. Or if you want, maybe they can get the blood in a cup or bowl or something for you? What sounds good?" Jim asks, releasing Valen's hands so he can write.

Valen wipes his eye, trying to make his swimming brain comprehend what Jim is saying.  A cup, a cup is good, yes.  This way he doesn't bite.  He writes down, Biting is bad.  A cup sounds good.

"Cup it is, then. You're gonna be just fine." Jim doesn't want to leave Valen alone after his very recent suicide attempt, so instead of going to get Liz and Laken, he calls out. "Hey guys! Valen's ready to eat!"

Laken appears out of the hall. "Alright! Order up."

"Can you try and get it in a cup for him? He's nervous about biting." Jim says.

"Sure thing." Laken gives Valen a thumbs-up.

Valen is starting to come down from the despair a little.  He's getting a thumbs-up.  That's good.  He gives a little whine and lowers himself down, his head on Jim's leg.

Jim cards a hand through Valen's hair while Laken goes to the kitchen. "You're okay. Everything's gonna be fine."

After about a minute, the smell of blood emanates from the kitchen.

Valen perks up at the smell, shaking like an excited dog.  He crawls forward, wringing his hands and leaning towards the kitchen door expectantly.

Jim follows behind him a bit nervously, but looks away from where Laken is draining blood into a mug.

Laken smiles. "Just got started getting this for you. If you changed your mind and wanna nibble, that's cool too." they say, letting their blood trickle into the mug.

Valen stays kneeling on the floor, clearly trying to wrangle the excitement off his face, trying not to hope, but he's aimlessly flapping his hands with excitement, trying to stay still, trying to stay on the floor and wait for Laken to bring it over, trying to control himself.

Laken keeps going until the cup's got a good amount in it, then slaps a large band-aid they had ready over their arm and brings the mug over. "Cuppa Laken, hope you enjoy." they say with a grin.

Valen stands and holds his hands out eagerly to take the cup from Laken as soon as it's within grabbing range, whining as he downs the cup.  He keeps it over his mouth as the remnants dribble down, then he eagerly lowers it down and swipes his finger on the inside of the cup to lick off the remaining blood.  He holds the cup when he's done, not daring to look at Laken, just looking down into the cup.

"Yay, I'm delicious." Laken says with a lighthearted laugh.

Jim rubs Valen's back. He's glad Valen is finally feeding, and that he doesn't have to be the one to provide it. Hopefully he'll be well again soon. "You feel a little better now? Still got a refill waiting, too."

Valen's gaze snaps back up, excitement returning, vibrating.  A refill, he gets a refill?

He looks to Laken, then to Jim, and accidentally makes eye contact, then whines and lowers his eyes back down to Jim's feet.

"I'll go get Liz." Laken says, patting Valen on the shoulder and heading off.

"You're doing great. See, this isn't so bad, right? Everything's okay now." Jim knows full well that everything doesn't just become okay after you escape. But it definitely gets a hell of a lot better.

Liz joins them. "Door's about halfway done. Stuff's easier to take off than to put on. Sorry if we scared you earlier, Valen."

Valen nods, eyes wide.  She's apologizing to him.  That seems wrong.  He should always be apologizing to everyone else ever, for existing.

Liz takes the mug, drains blood into it in a similar fashion, and hands it back. Jim is tenser this time. This entire feeding endeavor is a little much for him, but he doesn't want to leave Valen alone, since Valen seems comforted by his presence.

"Here you go. Hope this is enough." Liz says, pressing the mug back into his hands.

Valen squirms excitedly while Liz prepares the blood for him.  He downs the second mug the same way as the first, licking the inside clean.  He retrieves his writing utensils and writes Thank you, showing it to Liz and Laken.

"You're welcome." Liz says with a smile, while Laken gives a "No problem."

"You still want a hug?" Jim asks quietly. "I'm still uh, taking a break from 'em, but Liz and Laken would probably both be down."

Just as Valen had started to calm down again, his interest is once again piqued, giving an excited little jump, starting forward towards them then stepping back, rocking from foot to foot, nodding vigorously.

"Aw, c'mere!" Laken wraps their arms around him in a warm embrace. Liz laughs and joins in, giving him a group hug. Jim declines to join in, but he does ruffle Valen's hair.Valen starts crying again, and for the first time in forever, they're happy tears.  He holds the hug for an absurdly long time.  It's okay, he's okay, there are people who care about him and want him to feel okay and will hug him.  It's almost inconceivable.

***

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@emcscared-whumps

@gt-daboss

@hurtpluscomfort

@jakersdaboss

@lolrpop

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@pigeonwhumps

@secretwhumplair

@some-thrilling-heroics

@starfields08000

@t0rture-me

@thecyrulik

@thejinglingcourtjester

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff

@whuarri

@whump-cravings

@whump-my-heart-away

@whumpycries

@wolfeyedwitch

@whump-addict

@why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

[princess-dirt]

Dan Da Dan is going to be a complete paradigm shift in Shonen manga/anime.

TL:DR ~ Shonen was too slow, then it was too fast and never slowed down, Dan Da Dan let itself slow down, and it's the biggest anime of the season.

For the longest time, Shonen anime was dominated by long-running manga with extended fights, long often drawn out training arcs. This alongside filler made the anime adaptations of shonen manga to be comically long and often painfully slow. This paired with Jump Magazine often pressuring their successful mangaka to write a series as long as possible while dumping dozens of mangaka less than 10 chapters into their run led to intense burnout for some authors and diminished product for others.

Naruto spent 50% of its run time in a long boring war. Kishimoto brought back literally every character from the grave to pad the run time. This intense bloat eventually led to several twist villains at the end, each meaning less than the other. Bleach kept reusing the same plot line with diminishing returns.

Then the Big 3 all but ended in the mid-2010s, and there was this insane vacuum of content alongside anime studios dying one after the other. Until My Hero season 1 dropped. Ik it's not exactly the most popular anime ever or even the best of its generation, but MHA saved shonen anime. The seasonal format, alongside the constant and quick pace of the action and story beats, literally changed how shonen anime were adapted. Black Clover and Boruto became the outliers and essentially misfits with boruto suffering from being 95% filler.

MHA was big. Each season was more popular than the one before it. Season 3 airing when tik tok was the single biggest app in the world and cosplays were becoming massive on it. It was a perfect storm. From MHA came other seasonal shonen, none bigger than Demon Slayer. Suddenly, a wave of fast-paced high action shonen started coming out and then soon airing. Look at the most popular shows of each of the last 6 years, and you'll see at least one seasonal shonen in the top 3. There was a real discussion online in the mid-2010s if shonen would accept the seasonal anime format that had become the norm for airing more than a decade ago or continue with long-running series.

We got our answer. MHA then Demon Slayer were proof the landscape of shonen manga had changed completely. There were seasonal shonen shows like Kuroko who were massively popular inside Japan, but it didn't change much.

Also, the advent of streaming services was also big. Suddenly, anime was more accessible than ever. Everyone had watched Attack on Titan by that point. But it was the streaming contracts that really saved the anime industry. Suddenly, these studios no longer had to rely on ads, blu-ray, and merch sales to fund their anime. Now, they could get these lump sums every year to license out their shows.

Another tangent, but the real indicator that anime had survived the mid-2010s and was on the up was Your Name. The single biggest movie from Japan at the time. My mom went and saw it when I told her about it. An anime original movie was successful in US theaters.

Shonen manga/anime eventually got to the point where slice of life moments were barely any more than gags or one to two chapter things in between arcs. The plot and action was just constant with no break to let us experience characters or their dynamics outside of serious situations. Jujutsu Kaisen is the clearest example of this issue. While super hyped in both of its seasons, one of the best episodes of season 2 was the one where nothing insane happened, where our main cast hung out like teenagers.

This type of atmosphere ends in the next episode, where it is then nearly non-stop drama and action the entire show. This can be fine, but a lot of people have turned on the manga for reasons relating to characters dying. They will die, and readers will reflect on them and realize they never really knew the character outside fighting.

I love every manga/anime I've mentioned. I think they are all great, but it's clear, at least to me, that shonen has almost over corrected itself in terms of pacing. MHA got backlash for having a calm mini school festival arc because some fans had become conditioned to expect nonstop plot beats and action. These manga and shows in pursuit of faster pacing speed ran character development and depth. So many side characters in these shows will get cast off or stay one note. Limited screen time means some characters get more time than others.

But seeing Dan Da Dan focus on this teen romance equally to the main plot has been so refreshing. Seeing each of the two leads sit and worry and overthink. Seeing them be awkward with each other and casually talking, it's all just so fun to watch. It feels like the mangaka themselves doesn't feel pressured to skip over stuff in favor of moving the plot along faster.

This, combined with the other biggest show of the year, Frieren, convinces me that anime will begin to slow down once again. Frieren wasn't supposed to blow up. It was not supposed to be as big as it was. It's a classic high fantasy where the big adventure ended 80 years ago. It's about an immortal elf walking around this world with her new party, and there really isn't much else happening in the grand scheme of things. It's a show where the characters often just find a place to stay and then stay there often not doing much of note.

It just speaks to the confidence of the writer to be able to stick their cast in a room and just have them talk. Tensura (the slime isekai) did a similar thing where season 3 spent about 40% of its runtime focused on characters sitting around a table talking about politics of this fantasy world. The anime could've just skipped the cabin scenes in Freiren, and they could've condensed all of the talks in Tensura, but the original writers and the studio writers recognized not doing that, was in service to the overall story and characters.

I think and hope anime studios and mangaka will see the reaction to Dan Da Dan and come away knowing that you don't need to always be going a mile a minute.

[immoralimmortals]

A Song With Ten Names

Chapter 1: Take Me To Church

AO3 link

Playlist of all songs

next chapter

Summary: A traveler arrives in a land of hidden villages and even deeper mysteries. But to the Akatsuki, she's a secret herself. A multichapter songfic about a strange, soft, "real world" musician who wins a stranger group over. She'll use the only thing she's got- her whimsy- to survive, but what does that mean to the charter of villains who survived by throwing pure mirth away? Maybe her head is stuck in the clouds.

Author's notes: I have been hyperfixated off and on by the Akatsuki alone (less Naruto the show) for about ten-so years of my life. At this point, they are dolls to me. They listen to my silly little songs and agree if I say "lmao that you". If the canon is king then I am God and what is God to a king. I don't care if Hidan knows what a keyboard is, I don't CARE, NO HE DON'T.

(Clearly cares a lot)

Anyhow. Combination OC-self insert-reader insert character is soft, musical, secretly from the "real world", and wins people over. I have a sociology degree with a focus on religion so I like musings about that sort of thing. Philosophical thoughts about murder, suicidality abound. I don't plan on any SA or anything majorly sexual, but I'm mulling over some pretty fucked up (erotic?) moments so 18+ interaction only, please. Partial songfic as I associate songs with anytthing that has an imaginary pulse, have different songs planned out to reference. If you like Will Wood, you'll have fun. Title is a reference to The Song With Five names by Will Wood and acts as scene breaks in this post. Perhaps obviously, Take Me To Church by Hozier is in this chapter. Lyrics not necessarily in order every time.

I'm writing this to get it out of my system but more than happy if it's for you too.

Edit 9/27/24: I lied about the not being sexual thing

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Never trust in yourself Or anyone else We’ve always all been wrong

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

He likes the way boiling water stings at his skin. It’s not quite as hot as that, but hot enough to make him feel something. A small comfort, a reminder from Jashin. Hidan, lamenting as he slips into the spring, contemplates on a comparison between this and being clothed by the lord himself as it washes upon him inch by inch, popping and sizzling until it makes his hairs stand on end. It hurts-- not quite enough, but it hurts.

Good.

Prayer fills the back of his mouth, thick enough to choke on, as he remembers pain means he is alive. He wrings out a small cloth in a bucket besides him and places it over his forehead and eyes.

Darkness. Steam fills his nose; he breathes deep...and he listens to his god.

…

…

It sure sounds a lot like someone yelling a room or two away.

A dull smack happens somewhere else in the inn. A woman begins to run. She has no fucking idea where she’s going-- how, where, who-- just that HERE and with THEM is going to SHIT. Adrenaline is the only thing keeping her eyes open and feet moving. She’s so thirsty she could drink the clouds of steam as she unwittingly approaches the men’s bath. So tired that she hardly recognizes three red prongs as a weapon as it’s propped against the stone. So scared she sees only one choice:

“Hey!”

Surely that wasn’t a voice talking to Hidan, right?

“I- I need to—” She’s out of breath already and she’s hardly lifted his scythe. “I need to borrow this! You’ll get it back-- I promise!” He lifts up one edge of the wet cloth, heel-turning from annoyed to pissed.

“EH?!” Hidan shrieks. “What the FUCK-” He’s cut off as the woman screams herself and backs just out of view from the bath entrance. “SHIT!” He didn’t pray nearly long enough to not fall headfirst into magma-hot testiness. Who the hell sees THOSE robes and fucks with his shit?! Who sees those BLADES and fucks with him?!

He probably doesn’t leave the bath as fast as is really warranted, stumbling out with the knot of his larger bath towel so loose he needs to hold it at his waist to keep it up. Through the hot fog of this dark hallway, his chin tilts up in intrigue. “Eh--?”

Hidan sees her face first. A brow is furrowed, a thousand horrible emotions weighing it down. She’s afraid-- that’s what’s most readily apparent. There’s a blotch of red and blue on her cheek and her mouth gapes with heavy breath.

“Stay away!”

She looks like she’s never held a weapon in her life. Goddammit, she’s holding it with all of her life, though.

He decides just to watch as she begins to address the most forgettable thing in the room.

“Cute.” A man snides at her. Ah...Hidan had seen him check in. His cologne smelled like ass. Now that it’s mentioned...he guess he did see someone else trail behind him-- close enough to be his shadow. Didn’t really set his alarms off then. But then again, till his scythe got involved, he didn’t really care. Hidan’s eyes flicker.

“Not a couple, huh?” he mutters. Although uncaring if he was heard or not, the former possibility occurs.

“Hey! Either get your pants back on or mind your own business! You don’t know us.” This approach is not reciprocated by her, shaky hands pushing the crimson steel further into his space. At first the man cringes, but the bluff is called. “Come on, now…” The guy’s smile is soft, like he knows her better than she herself. Hidan doesn’t miss how she flinches. It’s impossible to when there’s five more feet attached to her arm of cold hard metal. Knuckles brush almost lovingly against her new, sharp fingers.

“You don’t have it in you, duckling. Fluffy and soft, all squawk with no teeth.”

“I said NO!”

He steps forward. She panics.

He cuts like butter.

All three of them briefly share the same expression. Wide eyes, shock. However, each births something much more complicated in the seconds following.

While her stomach flips, Hidan’s feel butterflies. The whelp's blood splatters in all directions, just as it was meant to with such a swipe. It flutters through the air, settling on their faces as gentle as a whisper, while the rest swim around the still-pulsating eviscerations of a soul worth less than a rat. She watches the body sink to the ground, a human heart gush its contents into a dark, glistening puddle closer and closer to her feet. Just as it’s about to touch, her gaze raises and meets another’s. The reverence in his eyes is lost upon her.

The silence is peaceful to him as he studies the stranger-- stilling, like his lord laid a hand on his shoulder and beseech he witness. At this point the thoughts and emotions that she’s gripping in her stare even more pure and divine than the blooming rose shedding its petals before him; that sort of thing is expected-- wet blood as ordinary as dew on grass in the morning. But this… He’s never seen a civilian kill before, he’s beginning to ponder...

This revelation, too, goes unappreciated, but the upcoming perhaps is even more delicious than the taste of iron in the air for Jashin’s priest. The woman’s breath hurries, the blade drops to her feet, and her arms raise at her sides.

Three expressions are in this hall: Addicted. Afflicted. And dead.

“JESUS FUCK!” she screams in horror.

Hidan grins wider than he has in ages. This is the beginning of something beautiful.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yes or no isn't null Yes it is, no, I don't know Yes or no, isn't that a silly question? Ask it anyway

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Being isekai-ed into another world isn’t nearly as convenient as it’s cracked up to be, you know?

The traveler’s body is tensed tighter than tightrope, her teeth in a perpetual grit and brow hurting from being furrowed so hard for this long. She killed a man. She utters this out loud to process the fact.

“And it was GREAT, right?” This guy is more than a little too eager for all of this. Fuckin’ shit, that doesn’t bode well for her. She reflexively scream/shouts at nothing in response, gaze unflinching at empty air… No, that sort of volume isn’t going to cut it. A floor cushion is snatched up from besides Hidan and she belts face first into it until she can’t breathe, and then she goes for a few seconds longer so her insides burn.

The silver-hair demon, however, is having the time of his life. The great Jashin himself drops this poor little idiot straight from his palm to drench in blood till white becomes red. He leans into his own palm, amused smirk across his face as they bide their time in this inn’s bedroom. They’ll be kicked out eventually, dead body and all, but he’ll deal with that when they get there! Just break the news to Kakuzu that he lost the deposit. An amputation or two will be worth the trouble.

“Ahh, so this is your first?” he hums almost sensually. The tears well in her eyes.

“Yes!”

“And? How was it?! The weight of the blade in your hands, the way he ripped in half, how his chest cavity just DID THAT?” He pinches his fingers and “explodes” them in a quick stretch.

“It was BAD!” the woman agonizes, still needing a paper bag to breathe into.

He shrugs nonchalantly. “You get used to it.”

“Eeeughhhhhhhh….!”

Hidan sighs. Of course she doesn’t get it yet. Where would the fun in that be? “So, figures if that shithead had kidnapped you...you don’t really have a place now, huh?”

The pinpoint precision breaks her attention like glass, and she can tell where this is going. It wasn’t like she had anywhere to belong to in the first place!

“How about we hang out? I don’t have anywhere to be till my mandated jackass is back around.”

She squints. “M...mandated?” Like an...officer? “...Are you on parole?” she prods gently. He looks more confused than anything, though. Is that more or less relieving?

“The hell? You mean patrol?”

“...Yes,” she decides to lie. Her eyes shift finally, looking to the side to avoid his gaze. Constant reminders are about that she’s way down the rabbit hole. Or...bottom of the sea? That’s probably more accurate, going unconscious. The waking up part hasn’t come yet and hunger, thirst, and being punched do hurt a lot, and so she has no choice but to either survive or kill herself on the spot to save the trouble.

Hidan, unwitting, knocks the side of his head like he’s shaking water out of his ears. “Damn, you really ARE a dumbfuck civilian, mispronouncing that bad. Never heard the word before?” Just as the woman’s mouth opens, he interrupts. “Anyhow. No. Just biding my precious time till my partner comes back from whatever heathen nonsense dragged him away.”

She blinks. These words mean nothing to her. The whole murder thing makes simple conversation hard to keep up, and she’s already trying not to worry about pissing a guy off who thinks killing people is fine.

“Oi!” Hidan waves his hand like an impatient child. “Don’t leave me hangin’!” The stranger can only fold her hands in front of her lap and stammer.

“I-- I—”

There’s no clue what he really wants out of this. She’s 100% fucked if she doesn’t accept. Only 99% fucked if she does. Good odds.

“OKAY!” There’s no idea to her if he takes this as enthusiasm or as the duress it’s really under.

“That’s the fuckin’ spirit!” He sounds nearly sarcastic as he flings his head back and praises towards the ceiling. An ear-piercing scream brings him back down to earth. “Ahhh, yeah. Well, maybe now’s a good time to go. Don’t shit where we sleep n’ all.” With a swoosh, a black robe is taken off the floor and is swung around Hidan. “Normally I wouldn’t give a shit. But the virgin killer probably needs her time to relish this moment.”

A rock drops in her stomach. The man casually passes her and starts walking out the door, the bloodcurdling screaming continues as if it’s only as annoying as a car alarm in the parking lot. She swallows, and he stops past the doorway. Purple pools under a silver hairline look through her, over his shoulder. “Comin’?”

1%, she repeats in her mind.

Hopefully she’ll get the opportunity to kill herself later, without any help, if need be. There’s a hunch that dying by his hand wouldn’t be so pleasant.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Even I might defy, won't deny That I'm trying while my eyes do defy And belie quiet liars as I Say what I say, any way, I might be saying it But I've been wrong before

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Despite being a city girl, since she’s dropped in, the hustle and bustle of this society sure does overwhelm. The bargaining, the wagons, the bells-- and that’s only sound! Wafts of street food make her stomach hurt. The flags, statues, and other decor all clearly have a story behind them; she purses her lips trying to imagine--

“Oi!”

The woman knocks into his back and nearly falls over, him having nothing to offer but disdain as she regains balance. “How about this joint?” Clearly this is less of a suggestion and more of a certainty as he meanders into the doorway he suggests. A tapestry overhangs the darkness the cloaked man slips into, a single symbol printed so large and intimidating, despite not knowing what it means. She gulps.

Recompose. As best as you can.

She glimpses a ring as he sets his glass down, it only briefly distracting from the menu in her hands. “I’ll...get whatever you’re getting,” she compromises softly, hoping everyone gets the hint when she sets the list down. The man shrugs.

“Make it two, yeah?!” The server slips away, leaving the awkwardness as an appetizer. Anything besides the guy ahead of her is what her eyes go to, shoulders tilting back and head cocked enough every which way that it’ll get sore. The way people dressed. Laughed. Gossiped.

“Hoshigakure!” lips speak in the dim light. “That’s where it’ll be.” A snarl meets this, an old time friend with her doubts.

“You’re sure ‘bout this? That’s awfully far—”

“Yeah, but he’s worth it! Wouldn’t you? For the chance at true love?!”

“Get your head out of the goddamn clouds…”

A literal snap in her ear brings her back. “Oi!” the man repeats, forcing her attention back to him. “What are you, high or somethin’? Where. Are. You. From.” He’s not the type to repeat himself twice.

“...Hoshi-- gakure.” The unintended stammer makes her heart race, and the way he hums loud and long doesn’t help.

“Never been! Heard it’s a shithole. Probably why you left!”

The other conversation still fills her desperate ear, leaving her clues:

“The Kage is an idiot, isn’t he?! All that power means nothing with no respect. What’s a land without a leader?”

“We’re rendezvousing there, not living there.”

“The way you describe his passion for his homeland says otherwise, you know…”

“He likes the stargazing!”

The friend sighs. “Hopeless,” she murmurs.

The woman mentally returns to the table she’s seated at, briefly biting her bottom lip as she forces a face-to-face conversation. “It’s hopeless there,” she weaves. She may not be a good liar, but she used to have fun performing, pouring one’s self into the story being told. A grain of truth makes it all more believable, and so she rolls back her shoulders, swallows her pride, and thinks about being gone. “I didn’t belong anymore. Politically, it’s in the shit, obviously… Not even the stars could hold me in place.”

A palm holds his cheek in place, violet stare unflinching as hands drop steaming plates and bowls in the small gap between them. “So it started by leaving on yer on volition?” She nods, honestly. “Kidnappin’ came later,” he assumes. “Don’t take this the hard way but you’re not pretty or anything. Not like yer meant for sellin’… Any idea what he wanted you for? Did you have money? Don’t fucking tell me your family was loaded.”

Redness pinpricks her cheeks but she still manages to shake her head no. “I think he just...recognized someone was lost and thought he could make something out of it.” She rakes her mind, trying to think of the guy more alive than when he was dead. You know. By her hands. “Can’t really ask him why now…” the woman surmises.

“Ahh…” the man replies simply, conveying what seems to be the barest threads of interest in her actual words. “So. Alone. Broke. N’ lost.”

The scent of seared meat in front of her compounds the suffocation of this observation. “Yeah.”

The man once again snaps, though less in her face and more in front of the scratch on the table she had glued her eyes to. After her attention is caught, he uses two fingers to point to himself. His own eyes are hooded, far too calm, and his smirk is lopsided.

“Sounds like a perfect time for a change of pace, yeah?!” Instead of knocking his glass into hers, he bumps it against her forehead, chuckling at the noise that escapes her mouth. “Jashin will set ya straight.”

Her eyelids flutter. “Jashin?” He raises the cup to his lips at a bad time. “Is that your name?”

He spit-takes.

“Fuckin’—NO! No! Hell, no!” There’s a solidness conveyed to her as the ceramic is set down, a change of tone. “I can only aspire to the name,” he muses, leaning philosophically all of a sudden. “Study the scripture… Follow his ways…”

“Jashin…” the woman echoes, delicate on her tongue. A major religion, perhaps? Or a cult leader? Or-- as history has taught, maybe both! How exciting. “Tell me about it?”

Oh she has no idea how abruptly she had just changed her life--

That’s what he thinks just as he gets shoved out of his chair.

“Eh?! The hell?!”

The friend she was spying on suddenly towers over the not-Jashin, clenching her fist. “You fucking SPAT on me!” Only a long, drawn out question-shaped breath returns from his lips. The man planning to run away throws a warning shot with his own glass, squarely breaking besides Hidan’s ear. “Get on your knees and beg, or get the fuck out!”

While it isn’t lost on her that several others in the candlelight are matching her horror, she’s unaware their reasons don’t match too. She’s just mortified there’s fighting at all! Holy SHIT she hates fighting! Someone could get hurt!But to the locals...Hidan’s cloak gave a glimpse of the bloodbath to come.

He hums, oh how smoothly he hums. It’s almost a purr. Slowly, his head turns to the traveler. “Seems like we’ve been blessed a first hand opportunity.” The way the woman screeches likely bothers him more than what initiated it-- another attack attempted, a cling of metal as a knife is blocked by a scythe. After that, it only hits the friend and the runaway that they’re in deep water, teasing a piranha ravenous. It’s a thing of beauty straight from the river Styx or the fires of Hell, those blades, bisecting a man like you can blow puffs off a dandelion.

“Wait- WAIT-” the traveler beseeches just as the Jashinist enters a fighting stance. He considers the plea, nodding in agreement.

“Ah, yeah.”

She nearly falls down again with the force of the scythe finding her hands.

“Lesson one: grave sin to start a fight that doesn’t end in slaughter.”

“WHAT!”

Suddenly she is the grim reaper to these people, awestruck in fear. “Please, hey-- HEY! WE will leave, okay?! Don’t hurt anyone!”

“I don’t WANT to hurt anyone!” she begs to ears deaf with their pounding hearts. No, wait, NO! everyone prays in turn. Hidan reads her expression intimately; how does it taste, to make others see what they have to lose? She’s full to the brim of whatever Jashin has bestowed upon her soul, arms and lungs trembling with the weight of mortality. It’s like a kitten scared of her own claws. His teeth can feel the pulse of his lip as he bites in anticipation.

It’s just about when someone in the crowd is about to act on her hesitation that a familiar voice growls from behind.

“HIDAN.”

Two chilled hands grab the man by the collar and the woman by the scythe. Kakuzu wasn’t intending on dragging her over; her fault she won’t let go for dear life. She gasps, abruptly across the entire length of the room in a snap, shaky eyes meeting emeralds. They literally see right through her. Immediately she can see she is an object. A hindrance. If Hidan is the grim reaper then Kakuzu is cold uncaring death itself. And death is already tired of this bullshit playing around.

The tall newcomer sighs, gravelly in his throat. “What,” he more states than asks, “Are you doing.”

“Proselytizing, cocksucker!” Kakuzu repeats the first word under his mask, eyes returning to the girl while saying nothing directly to her.

“And this?”

“My disciple!”

He studies her. It’s like if a mouse that hides in the wall became a person.

“...You can’t be serious.” Guy and gal are simultaneously dropped to the floor, all threat forgotten in the crowd as they witness the bizarre show. The masked one starts to leave, and much to her dismay, the prophet takes her by the wrist and follows.

“Can you not respect my fucking beliefs for ONCE!” Hidan shouts at the back of his head as they go under a sunset sky.

“No.”

“KAKUZU!” Okay, so that’s both of their names now, she manages to note. “If you get your pointless bounties then I get this!”

“The hell you do!”

“Fucker!” Hidan spits back. “I saw it in her! This is something Jashin MEANT for me!” He grits his teeth, rationalizing the irrational. “We are all subject to Lord Jashin’s will! Even SHE can kill!”

The traveler only now recognizes how close to the outskirts they were, how if she screamed now, they’re so deep in the trees that the forest floor would dampen the sound. The red sclera stands out on Kakuzu’s face as he turns slowly-- too slowly-- to glare at the two behind them. She is in deep shit.

“I-I-I don’t mean to be trouble! I’ll just—” Politeness be damned, there’s no way out of a zombie’s grasp. Again, Kakuzu glares at her while addressing someone else.

“No expense,” he demands, curdling anger on his tongue. “No slowing us. She needs to do less than exist around me. If I feel a single iota of air shift around her, we are leaving her behind.”

In the woods. To die.

A lot of this comes back to killing or dying, doesn’t it?

She can’t even dare to swallow, while Hidan nonchalantly- roughly- yanks the woman from Kakuzu’s iron hold. “And you call me dramatic.”

Kakuzu doesn’t even have it in him to roll his eyes. He just turns back around, grips his fists to his sides, and walks once again. Hidan lets out a “pfff” in her ear.

“Old bitch.”

This traveler is fully aware she is just a goldfish in a plastic bag from this second on.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Why, I can't see That I am the "me" That I was born into And what's the source of you?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Her tired heart won’t even stop pounding now that they’ve settled for the night; in fact, it made this worse. Idleness could mean anything to these people. For sure, at least for one it means that injuring others is entertaining. The other guy feeling at best contempt for her causes the woman to take Kakuzu’s threat very seriously. That’s why it’s such a surprise when a half hour or so into Hidan’s prayers, the masked man speaks to her for the first time.

“How’d he get you into this?”

She gasps lightly, as if any request of her will weigh the worth of her existence. As she hesitates, Kakuzu dips his head, light of the fire slicking over his slashed headband and ghostly gemstone eyes. Thinking better of it, she blinks away the fear and tries to reply.

“He...helped me get out of a bad situation.”

Rustling grass and crickets. She’s guessing if he wants more.

“He...saw me kill someone to get away. And. I guess he liked it.” Her voice is so soft, words not thick like honey but like tar.

“So he didn’t help you at all.”

“It was his weapon,” she states as defense. He murmurs in response. The pages of Kakuzu’s book finish flipping between his fingers, and he’s satisfied that at least as of this moment, she has no price.

“So you don’t want this.”

“I—” the woman holds herself tighter, hands in her lap and flames flickering, leaving as fast as they come. “I don’t. Know.”

“So you don’t.”

“I can HEAR, you bastards.” She suppresses a yelp but not a shiver. Kakuzu only sighs.

“She’s taking you for a ride, Hidan. Know that underneath all of your pointless sentimentality.”

“TCH!”

The silence fills the space between them, suffocating. Is she? Is she taking him for a ride? It never crossed her that way, but it was true. Just sticking around to whatever- whoever- offers a place to cling to. And how did it end up with the first guy? She was lucky that a sore face is the worst she got out of it. So what about this?

They sit in a triangle, both staring at the fire as a glow washes the fronts of midnight-soaked garb. One holds a book in front of his hearts and the other has a pendant to his lips. No one is really happy about all this. What’s the point?

Bravely, gently, the woman shifts up and wanders slowly enough that it’s known she’s not running away. She gets far enough away she believes no one can hear her, if she just speaks under her breath. A cliff is ahead, a clearing of stars over a pit of lush, deep greens stories below and miles beyond. The little noise there is becomes so much louder. Rustling leaves in the wind surely will keep her secret. You can taste the oxygen from so many trees; maybe they will satiate the hunger. Her own heart is sore from racing. Wistfully, she needs peace now, in this quiet, uncaring world that won’t let her rest.

My lover’s got humor

She whispers melodically.

She's the giggle at a funeral

Knows everybody's disapproval

I should've worshiped her sooner

If the Heavens ever did speak

She's the last true mouthpiece

Every Sunday's getting more bleak

A fresh poison each week

Hidan breathes in.

We were born sick

You heard them say it

Hidan breathes out.

My church offers no absolutes

She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom"

The only Heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick, but I love it

Command me to be well

Amen

Kakuzu doesn't acknowledge, but he does listen.

Amen

Hidan doesn’t know what it means, but he feels the veneration it carries. Her white-toned dress is spectral in the moonlight, curls of hair played with by the wind.

Amen

She prays for something she doesn’t know.

Amen

[s1eep-o]

savior.

parining: bodyguard! john wick x mafia daughter! oc

chapter: 1 of ???

warnings: shooting , fighting?, i mean it's john wick so.. lmk if i missed any though!! implied lowercase, srry.

i sigh while i continue to paint my nails, i could die for you by the red hot chili peppers playing in the background, waiting for my father to get out of and 'important' meeting. i thought i was going to go crazy until i heard a loud knock on my door. ''coming!'' i shout, screwing the cap on the nail polish bottle and turning down the music. i open the door to see my father and a tall man behind him with his back facing to me. ''sweetheart, i would like you to meet your bodyguard.'' my father says with a smile. a bodygaurd, are you kidding me right now? i've been doing perfectly fine for how long? practically my whol- my thoughts get cut off when i hear my dad clearing his throat. ''oh yes! of course father." i say with a sweet smile opening my door wider to invite them inside, turning away before i was able to see the face of the man.

as we sit in the seats around a small coffee table i finally look up after pouring everyone some tea. i thought i was going to faint, ''father. what is he doing here.'' i ask with a stern voice. ''sweetheart, he is here to protect you..'' he says quietly. i lock eyes with him.. the babayaga. ''but father.. the table is after him, no?'' i ask shakily, but my father puts a hand on my shoulder, ''you'll be fine. now get ready we are attending a party soon.'' he says sternly. ''jonathan, let's go.'' my father says walking out of my room. i made eye contact that was quickly cut off as he got up to follow my father out of the room. i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding and fall onto my bed. oh my god...the john wick is my bodyguard..?

timeskip to party.

i was standing in between my father and.. jonathan. we were attending some business party, my father insisted i come along saying that i had to ''put jonathan to good use''... who says that? ''ah, mr. romano!'' someone approached with open arms. ''excuse me, sweetheart'' he says to me as he walks away to talk to his ''work friend''. i take a small glance at the man next to me. what is he doing here being my bodyguard? what happened to being excommunicado and hiding from the table? it was to early to ask, ''i'm going to find something to eat.'' i mutter walking towards the large tables.

i grab a plate and place some crackers and cheese. that's it.. you're telling me these people have millions of dollars, but they serve crackers and cheese? whatever. i walk towards a small table and sit down, john takes a seat across from me. i start to eat my crackers and they are gone very fast. i look up from my plate to see him looking off into the party.. now that i see him in person.. he's not so bad- ''ms.romano?'' i hear johnathans voice and i get cut out of my haze, realizing i was staring at him. ''is everything alright?'' he asks ''oh yeah, i was just thinking... want to leave? this place is boring and i want some real food. and just call me arabella, yeah?” i ask.

we’re now sitting in some dingy fast food restaurant eating greasy burgers. well i was eating one, he just sat there quietly sipping on a black coffee. finishing my last fry i get up and excuse my self to the restroom. “mr.wick it is just a quick bathroom break.” he just lets out a gruff, “your father has assigned me to be by your side twenty four seven.” i give him the blankest stare “just wait outside the door, okay?” i groan.

we arrived at the house and we’re currently sitting in the garden, the sound of the small fountain in the background along with a cool breeze. i finally chose to speak up, “why are you really here..?” i ask looking up at the man who was towering over me as i sat on the cold marble bench. he gave me a small glance and opened his mouth, “let’s just say i owe your father a favor.” he answers in that deep voice. oh that voice it really just makes a woman want to-. my thoughts are interrupted again as my father walk into the garden, drunk. “ah, there you are! what are you two doing out here?” he slurs waving his arms around. i just roll my eyes and walk back into the manor to get ready for bed.

i wake up to the smell of sweet strawberries and fresh coffee. going down the stairs and through the corridor into the kitchen i see that maria has cooked breakfast. “oh maria darling, you are so sweet.” i say as i walk towards her and embrace her. i take a seat on one of the stools on the island and start to fill my plate. lost in the amazing food i didn’t notice the man next to me. “well good morning sleeping beauty.” i tell him, sending a small nudge. he just responds with a harsh side eye as he continues to drink his coffee. “get ready we’re going out!” my father shouts from the top of the stairs. “how are you not hungover?” i asked with a fake shocked tone, “plus we already went out last night.” i groan. “oh no you’re going out, i have a meeting to attend to and i don’t want you locked up in the house all day.”

i was browsing the clothing racks when i heard a blood curdling scream, before i could even look up johnathan pulls me down by my wrist. “stay low, okay?” i answer with a quick nod. i was following him closely and holding onto his sleeve for the life of me. “what’s happening?” i whisper, and he just shushes me. “there!” a man shouts causing the both of us to turn around, a bullet flying by. johnathan pulls the both of us up off the ground and pulls a gun out as we start to run towards an exit. the exit quickly gets blocked by another man who starts to fire, but john puts his jacket up stopping the bullets. he has his arm around my waist now as he’s dragging me along with him. should i be getting butterflies right now? i’m literally close to death and this is what i’m feeling? more gunshots go off and john pulls me into his chest as we take cover behind a collum. he peaks over the collum and takes two guys down. we find an exit and leave quickly and quietly.

“what just happened?!” i shout as we’re running through the parking garage getting into the car. “long story short,your dad pissed someone off and wants you dead.” he says as we start to drive out of the garage. pulling my seatbelt the car takes a hard turn, gunshots getting fired at the car. “oh my god. can i at least put my seatbelt on!” i exclaim. my palms are sweating and i’m stressing, i look over to john to see him shooting at the cars behind us. “john look out!” i scream.

A/N

so guys this is what i have so far.. let me know if i should continue it! i don’t know about it so with your guys feedback i’ll know if i should. have an amazing day/night/afternoon. xoxo ◡̈ EDIT: i changed a little bit of the story so uhh yeah sorry!!

chapter two is out!!

[hannawinchester03]

IN ANOTHER GALAXY..

This is a regular imagine, as if you're part of the guardians of the galaxy! Mostly backstory but pt2 coming soon with more romantic and erotic scenes for sure!

Enjoy!

Here is the part 2!

Chapter contains: some flirtation, baby groot (obviously) , mom figure, death, family loss, drunk father, childhood trauma, and sarcasm

Word count: 1587

The year was 1989, Chicago Illinois. (Y/N) was 9 years old, she already was learning how to drive. "You gotta know your way around, who knows when you'll get lost, you always gotta find your way home." Her dad always told her, meaning this meant learning to drive earlier than most people and take care of what needed to be done.

(Y/N) didn't have much of a childhood, grew up faster than she would have liked but hey stuff happens.

It was a casual Friday night for (Y/N) same routine as usual, her dad goes out drinking and partying it up with his friends at the local bar. (Y/N) was used to it by now, it's been 3 years since her aunt passed away, her aunt was like a mother to her, her real mother passed away in child birth, but her dying wish was that her sister took care of (Y/N) like she was her own. Which she did, she took care of (Y/N) while her father drank to get over her mothers passing, but to them it seems he has never gotten over it, probably didn't help the fact that (Y/N) looked exactly like her mother.

(Y/N) remembers her aunt telling her stories of how the two sisters were thick as thieves together, always going out exploring the abandon houses, going to the woods, running through malls together when they were younger, even doing normal things like spending time with each other, like listening to music while they watched their parents dance. (Y/N) always wished that she had a sister or another sibling to play with and share memories with like her mother and aunt did.

"Your mom always wanted to have twins, she'd tell us she has a feeling that you were gonna be a twin, like Luke and leia.." (Y/N) was always told which made her sad at times that she was her mothers one and only child. There was a lot on the 9 year olds shoulders to say the least. (Y/N) always had vivid dreams of what is would be like to in space watching down on the world, making sure every child didn't need to go through what she did, it could have been much worse she always thought but the last 3 years for sure proved her wrong. It was worse, eating only once a week or not for weeks at a time.

It was around 10 pm on Friday, she was waiting for the house phone to ring, and hear the same words she heard every Friday night, the way the bartender would always call her asking to pick up her dad or call him a cab, they had little to no money so the only option was to learn to drive and pick him up herself. Little 9 year old (Y/N) who could barely see over the steering wheel driving at night listening to "my sweet lord- by George Harrison" was the last thing she remembered of her past life.

That was 15 years ago, "I really wanna see you, I really wanna be with you.." was the last thing she heard from the radio before the disaster struck, she watched as a child not much older then she was running through the main Street, then the child was gone only a light shinning down where they were last seen, causing (Y/N) to slam on the brakes and get out running after the light.

15 years later here she stood in the middle of platform floating the in the middle of the sky, standing next to a talking raccoon, a miniature tree that somehow talks but only could speak the three words "I am groot"and the only other person she knew of who was also from earth. A place she once knew so well and now it was just a fuzzy memory.

"Okay we gotta work fast, the others are going to meet us with the other materials. We just need that things heart.." Quill spoke as he looked around at the group mainly looking at (y/n) making her raise an eyebrow at him about to say something back but she was distracted as she heard a small. "I am groot" making her look down and smile softly as her attention was then quickly pulled away as rocket spoke up translating for them. "He says '(y/n) knows what she's doing' he's right, she wasn't born yesterday..like some people." Rocket stated as he lightly nudged (y/n) leg and gave her a small wink with the wrong eye as usual making her chuckle.

Quill rolled his eyes and was about to speak up but quickly got interrupted by the smaller aliens started bursting through a door running in their direction, He quickly stood in position in front of (y/n) to protect her making her roll her eyes as she moves around him grabbing groot propping him up on her shoulder so he wouldn't get stepped on as she held up the gun rocket had given her quickly shooting as many aliens as she could, as she reloaded she took over watching as the others took turns killing the monsters as they seems to keep coming.

"Look out, here comes the big one!" Quill shouted as he was reloading his weapon, (y/n) watched as an alien got to close to him so she quickly shot it and turned her attention to the bigger alien, she couldn't help but stare as it was almost double the side of the other aliens taking a step back as she focused on the multiple arms and hands the monster has, and how it had multiple eyes, she couldn't help but think about how she got into the situation.

"(y/n) just distract it! Whatever you do don't shoot its heart." Rocket called out as (y/n) nodded quickly running towards one of the higher platforms standing on top of it watching as it tried to grab her, shooting its hands away every-time watching as it stumbled back and quill got behind it shooting its head making the monster stumble back falling onto its back crying out in pain.

(y/n) watched as rocket threw a shock wave close to it stunning the alien so it would be in place for a minute or two, she nodded her head at rocket as she jumped down off the platform knowing the plan from here. She got out the laser that rocket has gived to her, she always though it looked kind of like a light saber, but always thought to herself since no one's from earth and they'll know what Star Wars is, she always told herself.

She got next to the beast and sliced clean across the aliens torso watching as it stopped breathing from the clean cut she had made, she watched as rocket climbed on top of the beast slicing its flesh and reached his hand in ripping out the heart. (y/n) couldn't help but stumble backwards as she could smelt a awful smell coming from monster as rocket held the heart up in the air.

(y/n)'s eyes lit up a bit as she now was able to see the heart, the thing they were going after. She could help but stare at it as it looked breath taking, it looked like a solid chunk of gold making her eyebrow go up as rocked stood up holding it proudly. "Great now we have the final part, let's go the others are probably already there." Rocket stated as he began walking back to the ship.

(y/n) let out a small huff still shocked, not that they had killed the monsters, she's used to that by now, considering she's been around it for the last 15 years. She snapped out of her thoughts as she still felt groot on the shoulder playing with some of her hair making her glance down at him.

"I am groot". He hummed out making her chuckle softly and toss some hair over his small head. "Maybe you need to grow out some hair. A nice green to brighten you up." she said back to the small plant making him smile and reply with a simple nod.

"I don't understand how you understand him.. doesn't it freak you out? A talking tree." Quill spoke up as he followed next to (y/n), she let out a small chuckle as groot continued to play with her hair wrapping small vines around her hair and she shrugged. "I mean he's still a person, he talks and has feelings why would it freak me out.." She stated back.

"Well maybe because you're from earth, how is this all normal to you." Quill responded as he walked up onto the space ships loading ramp. "Maybe it's because i wasn't born yesterday, after 15 years you learn to accept everything." She says as she followed behind him, once on the ship she sets groot down and smiles softly at him.

"We're in another galaxy, nothing surprises me anymore Peter." (y/n) states as she passed by quill heading to the main control room to meet up with rocket. "It's Star lord!" He cries out behind (y/n) making her and rocket laugh as they settle into their seats buckling up and (y/n) hums happily as groot comes and sit on her lap for the ride.

Hope y’all enjoyed, please feel free to leave comments, like and share with your friends!

I’m always open for suggestions or ideas so feel free to comment!

[nyehilismwriting]

oh no i'm really sorry for my message! i didn't mean at all to disparage your writing or your process. i hadn't thought that maybe you had gotten people complaining about the pacing or anything but i am very sorry if i came off that way. i meant more to express anticipation and excitement, since my operatives "canon" route is more friendly with nash i think but i was exploring other paths and was so excited and surprised about how intense the rivalry route was 😈 but i've been really melting over the friendship-path scenes and the sort of awkward tense tenderness between two people who don't know how to be gentle. your writing is incredible to read! i do have a question though: even if we go the friendmancer route, will there be some way for our operative to have been "bottling things up" or hiding their resentment behind humour to keep the peace? like, will there be a chance for things to "bubble over" for some of that delicious tension and arguments too? or does a friendmancie route imply your operative is generally less angry or upset than in a rivalmancie route? also, will there be chances to spend time with and befriend other characters like skylar or non-romanced npcs too some time down the line? anyway thank you so much for making all this superb content available to us (for free!!!!!) it's so cool and even aside from your amazing characters i'm always swept away with your worldbuilding and dialogue and cool story. i can't wait to see what happens next after the cliffhanger..!!! i hope youre having fun writing it too!!!

nono you're okay!! it's just something i got a few non-joking messages about after last chapter lmao, I'm sorry for being snippy😔

i'm glad you're enjoying the friendship route, and to answer your question: yes, absolutely. your relationship with nash is characterised by lots of resentment on both sides, regardless of route, and you'll have plenty to resolve with them as the relationship develops. you'll definitely have the chance to argue with them about certain things, as well😇

i'm hoping to put some real bonding time with skye and joia into the next few chapters - things have been a bit fast-paced up till now, but you'll get some breathing room soon, and once you and nash get some things off your chest, the operative will have more time to think about and talk to everyone else in a (slightly) less manic, trauma-driven way, so yeah, you'll get more time with them, probably in chapter six<3

[canirove]

The Princess & the Football Player | Chapter 20

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Masterlist

"You are going to spend Christmas in Portsmouth with his family, then?"

"And the new year in Italy with mine" Roberta says. "I know you think we are going too fast, but it just feels... Right."

"I know I said that at first, but if I'm being honest… I've never seen you this happy and excited with any of the other guys you've dated."

"Because I've never felt what I feel for Mason" she sighs. "And I think you understand the feeling. I've never seen you smile the way you do when you are with Declan or simply texting him."

"Yeah" I say, my cheeks get a bit warm. Because she's right. These feelings I have for him... They are something new. Something I've never felt for anyone before. And they are very real.

"Are you seeing him before you leave for Scotland?"

"I am, yes. We are having dinner at his place and exchanging Christmas gifts."

"Oh... You mean it's time for the birthday dress to come out and play?" Roberta says with a mischievous smile.

"Yep."

"Perfect timing for my present, then. I know we said years ago that we didn't need to do anything for Christmas, but this is a special occasion."

"Thank you" I say, before looking inside the bag she's given me. "Oh, no. No, no, no."

"C'mon, it'll be fun!"

"Roberta... No."

"Think about it as a game. You take the photos, have fun with them, and then burn them or whatever you prefer."

"You are crazy" I chuckle, looking at the Polaroid camera.

"But you'll thank me later. You'll see" she grins.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

"Merry early Christmas, your Royal Highness."

"Merry early Christmas, Declan Rice" I giggle.

"Ready to go pick up your present?"

"Ready. But can you give me a clue or something?" I ask as he starts the car's engine. 

"Your present is something I can't give you myself because it is very special, and we need the help of someone who knows what they are doing."

"That is so... Weird" I laugh.

"You'll understand it when you see it."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

We've parked in a small street in centre London, and even though there is no one around, we still need to wear the wig and the hat so we go as unnoticed as we can.

"Can I get another clue?" I ask while we walk.

"We are going to a shop" he says, David walking in front of us, another of my security members behind.

"And what do they sell?"

"Jewelry."

"What?" 

"I'm not getting you an engagement ring, don't worry" he laughs. "Besides, I don't know if I'm allowed to do it since you are the heir and all that."

"There hasn't been a female heir in generations, I'm not sure about the rules. But maybe we can skip them."

"Which means?"

"That we can choose to not ask my father for permission, I can be the one asking you to marry me, we can use a ring that isn't part of the crown's jewels... Those things."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now we are doing something smaller but still very important."

"Ok..."

"Do you always give me your right hand when we are holding them?" he asks, looking down.

"I think I do, yes. Why?"

"Because that's important for your present."

"Now I am completely lost" I laugh.

"You'll understand it soon" he says, lifting our hands and kissing mine.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

"Ma'am. Mr. Rice" David says, opening the door of a small jewelry shop. There are no other customers inside, just us and the shop assistant.

"Welcome, your Royal Highness" she says with a little curtsey. "Please follow me."

"Where are we going?" I whisper.

"To the back of the shop. We'll have the privacy we need there."

"Everything is ready" the shop assistant says, nodding towards a table. "Call me when you have decided and are ready."

"Thank you" Declan smiles as she leaves and closes the door behind her. 

"Are you going to tell me now what the hell is this?" I ask with a nervous laugh.

"Have you ever heard about forever bracelets?"

"Like those you get in the summer?"

"No, not like those" Declan chuckles. "These are made of gold or silver, and attached in a way that doesn't allow you to take them off. You are meant to wear them forever, and many people get them with their partners as a sign of commitment. As a sign of their love, that will last forever."

"That's... Beautiful, Declan." 

"I'm glad you think that. Because Eleanor, I... I want to gift you one of these bracelets because I... Because..."

"Because?" I ask, giving his hand an encouraging squeeze. We haven't stopped holding them since we left the car. 

"I want to get you one of these bracelets because I want to be with you, Eleanor. Forever."

"I also want to be with you, Declan. Forever."

"Then... Will you be my girlfriend?" he says, finally looking up from the floor and meeting my eyes.

"Yes. I will be your girlfriend."

"Great! That's... Amazing. Like... Wow" he laughs. "I was so nervous."

"I can tell" I smile.

"Eleanor..." he says, cupping my face with his free hand, his thumb caressing my cheek. "Eleanor, I love you." 

"And I love you too, Declan" I say before closing the little space that was between us and kissing him.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          

"I love it" I say while I move my arm, the thin silver bracelet catching the light and making reflections inside the car.

"Best present ever?"

"One of them, yes" I say, kissing Declan's cheek. "I just wish you were able to wear one too."

"So do I. But West Ham has a no jewelry rule" he shrugs.

"Shame. Now I hope my present is as good."

"I'm sure it will be. Can I get a clue?"

"Nope. You'll have to wait until dinner to see it."

"Rude" he laughs. "I still love you, tho."

"I love you too" I smile.

"By the way, you better be ready to hear me say that I love you all day every day. I'm gonna be super annoying and cheesy."

"I think I'll survive" I laugh, my eyes fixed on him, on his profile. How can he be this handsome?

"You are staring."

"I know. You look so beautiful on this light, Dec. Like, you always look beautiful, but right now, your profile is just... Wait."

"What?"

"Just focus on the road, don't mind me."

"Eleanor..."

"Drive, Declan" I say, taking a photo of him and managing to do it when he smirks. "Perfect."

"Did you just take a photo of me?" he chuckles.

"I did. The first of many tonight."

"Is that part of my present? Taking photos?"

"It's gonna be an extra" I say, praying that everything goes well, and Roberta's idea doesn't backfire.

[wetcatspellcaster]

Ok now that I’ve read chapter 19 three times here are some things:

1. Thank you so much for the author note regarding the flashback ritual scene not being canon for Honest Lie. Because when I first read it before getting to the notes I was like ouch, lemme go sob real fast before I continue, then prayed silently to myself that you would mention it and you did ❤️

2. Will Astarion tell her about the drunk dial sending spell that reached him or the beach scene?? The beach dream scene has had such a chokehold on me, it was so emotional and I’m not sure I have ever moved on from it. Mentally I am still on that beach in the dream.

3. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST GO ABOUT MY NORMAL LIFE AS I WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER????? *lays on the floor staring at the ceiling*

Thank you I love your writing and Rosalie is amazing

PS Rosalie’s thought about not losing concentration through dragons breath let alone domestic abuse had me falling in love with her more and also cackling

hi lovely, thank you for your message and your rereads! :)

I honestly nearly took the domestic abuse line out of the chapter bc that was an word for word quote from the outline that I kept in-draft for my own entertainment... but then I just decided I wanted to stay saying the quiet part out loud :') As to your question... I can't say, in this case not bc of spoilers but bc of where I am in drafting. There are conversations the characters have had and haven't quite yet - this final act is still very much in the process of being baked! This is also why I ask for patience with updates, as shifting gears is HARD!

What I can say, is if you like the beach scene then... this is both reassuring for me... and it probably means you'll like Act 3. The beach scene was designed to foreshadow the romance dynamic of Act 3, and so more of that kind of soft angst/"we've both changed in ways we didn't expect"/"love is still there but it's almost painful to say" vibe is incoming!!

[bassettmemes]

BIG DUMB HEART, CHAPTER ONE ↳ a collection of lyrics from jenna raine's big dumb heart, chapter one ep.

CRICKETS.

"I know I made it weird the second I said those eight letters."

"You kinda disappeared so fast your silence made my head hurt."

"I take it back and honestly, I probably didn't mean it."

"Is there a way that you can turn this off?"

"I used to hear your voice every night."

"Every single sound, I miss it, cause now all I hear is crickets."

"I'm sorry if I'm having trouble following your logic."

"You got this funny way of keeping things purely platonic."

"I'm not delusional, I'm not the only one who sees it."

"You could hold my hand and rest your head to keep your heart real busy."

"You could tuck me in and play pretend, but you just couldn't kiss me."

STUPID CUPID.

"Here come the nights, the losing sleep. You're out with people I won't ever meet, instead of me."

"I can't decide on which is worse: the moving on or staying in the hurt."

"I wanna hold on tighter, that's just the way I'm wired."

"I wanna hold you like this, don't wanna say goodbye yet."

"Stupid cupid really hit me hard with a love that could've gone real far."

"Stupid cupid when you crossed our stars, you broke my heart."

"Here comes the distance sinking in, the paranoia wonder where you been."

"Sometimes I wish we never started. Loves a moving target, and the next part is the hardest."

"Stupid cupid, why'd you do me like that? Why'd you send me someone I can't have?"

FADE AWAY.

"I looked in your eyes and I didn't see the same you."

"You were just going through the motions. You didn't care at all."

"You watched me fade away and left me with your ghost."

"You just faded away and left us in the smoke."

"I tried to defend you, but all of my friends just shut me up."

"Maybe I was never enough."

"Watch me take back all the love you don't deserve."

"You lost me baby and I know you'll start to hurt."

"I won't be there when you need somebody like I needed you."

SHE'S THERE.

"If I got a dollar every time I let you back in, boy, I'd be richer than any doctor, could you imagine?"

"I'm tired of giving and giving and giving 'til I'm out of battery."

"Little Miss forgives too easily."

"Little Miss walk all over me."

"Little Miss never gets checked up on."

"A therapist for everyone."

"Little Miss tryin' to do her best."

"Little Miss needs more hours of rest."

"Little miss running on a tightrope in thin air, just to show she's there."

"Night of your birthday, I made a big deal. I bought you flowers."

"Mine three weeks later, you didn't text me. How hard is two words?"

"I'm never the voice who disappoints you, and I show up every time. When you don't, then it's fine."

BAD HEARTS.

"You were my everything, my here goes nothing."

"Thought you were chasing me, but you were runnin'."

"I did nothing wrong, was perfect as perfect can be."

"You didn't shed a tear cause you've got this down to a t."

"I was crying, and you kept lying, saying you're sorry for the thousandth time."

"Bad hearts don't break when they say goodbye."

"So, I hope one day, I'll cross your mind, and you'll realize you ruined the girl who could make you better."

"if you're still okay, it's 'cause bad hearts don't break."

"You walk away and you shrug your shoulders."

"You were over us before we were over."

"Barely been a week, and there you go again."

"I already know how that love will end."

"I always wondered how they do it. Hurt someone like there's nothing to it?"