#it just makes makes me uhggggggggfghb

[themeraldee]

I already sent this to @blindmagdalena already, but I like how both of you characterize homelander. So I wanted to know you thoughts too, HEAR ME OUT. Desperate homelander having a hallucination of an uninterested reader. Think, the scene in "the great" where peter hallucinates Catherine. I just love the ideal of him hallucinating y/n as a much different version of themselves, one that's as cruel as he is, and while his heart breaks a little more at the idea of y/n hating him, can't help but also feel an intense drive to earn their favor, while reader is just. Not that. Like he sees them in such an intense way that the idea of them eating a literal heart at dinner while giggling menacingly about how they are going to make him suffer, is more realistic them then finally accepting his intense version of love. The fic POTENTIALLLL

(not me being mentioned alongside the queen herself, I have PEAKED)

I am giving everyone a heads-up that I am insanely culturally inept. Mention a movie, tv show, play, song, album and there's a 99% chance that I haven't consumed said media. For someone who's chronically online I am somehow consuming the same content over and over again instead of anything new lol.

The reason I'm saying that is because I've missed any reference you mentioned in your ask 😂

Anyway!!! Onto your ask. I can't particularly decipher whether you meant that this is a budding or already developed relationship that Homelander just has a skewed idea of or if it's more someone he's pursuing and the idea of them rejecting him and his love is so terrible he'd rather they show any care at all?

I do often think about how messed up his idea of what a genuine relationship really is. All the relationships in the past have always had some caveat. So really, if the most powerful man in the world gets to experience love as this heinous thing that comes with terms and conditions from every love interest he's ever had then....that's what it's gotta be, right?

After all the previous experiences I wonder whether he'd be able to genuinely look at the person he loves and believe with his whole heart that they love him back. Or would he forever have the voice in his head saying that they're scared of him? Only just playing along because it's convenient or because he's handy to have around? The thought of that would be so heart-wrenching that's it's easier to spare yourself the pain.

Like a victim would avoid the potential chance of reliving what they've been through just for the lucky odd chance that this time it's gonna be right.