#it just contrasts better w the blue i think. maybe ill do both but i doubt it

[cxffncase]

Forgot to upload this here. Another character and outfit ref, this time for Juliette, someone who isn’t part of the same universe as my monster characters. The story she’s a part of is called THE ANDROID AGE (aka with all my retro future ocs). It’s something I’m putting on the back burner for now so I can really crank out.. whatever I have going with my other story

Juliette’s full bio is available on toyhouse too

[thej13579]

Prince Kai (KH/TPTAF F2M TG/TF)

Kairi set out to save Sora and Riku, only to find herself becoming the prince of Sora's dreams.

Two weeks.

   It’s been two weeks since Riku was sent to rescue Sora and he hasn’t come back. Kairi knew that this was her turn to rescue them.

   After Riku’s failure to return with Sora, she knew better than to just go charging off without a plan. She had arranged other Keyblade wielders such as Mickey, Roxas, Xion, Lea, Aqua, Ventus and Terra. She asked them to do a simple task. If she doesn’t return with Riku and Sora within a week, they are to follow her into the forbidden world together and fight off whatever force is keeping her friends trapped there. Kairi was confident that they could do this.

   And so with the power of the Keyblade, Kairi accessed the forbidden world and dived into it, ready to save her friends.

       It wasn’t long before Kairi ended up in New Orleans. She could see people walking down the sidewalks and cars driving through the streets. Somehow, in spite of all the bright lights and the people running around, the place felt cold and sterile to Kairi. Like something wasn’t right.

   “I told you he’s the one for you.”

   Kairi turned to see two girls walking down the sidewalk. One had light brown hair and was wearing a bright pink flapper dress and the other had silver hair and was wearing the same dress with a baby blue shade to it.

   “Yeah. Thank you for helping me get together with Bruce.”

   “You’re welcome.”

   At first glance, they looked like average teenage girls, but as she used her powers… She couldn’t believe it.

   Those girls were Sora and Riku. With their girlish bodies, feminine attire and faces full of makeup, it was all but impossible for Kairi to recognize them without her powers. How could this have happened to them?

   “Maybe tomorrow afternoon we can go to that new salon together so we can get all dolled up for our events. I heard the employees there can make anyone feel like a princess.”

   She can hear their voices getting quieter and quieter as they went further away from her. She had to catch them.

   “Sora! Riku!”

   The two girls turned to see Kairi running up to them. They looked confused at first, but as she got closer, their eyes widened in shock.

   “Kairi?”

   They actually recognized her. Maybe she could actually free them and get out of here before something terrible happens.

   Sora and Riku shook their heads as the initial shock wore off. They ran up to Kairi.

   “Hey there, I’m Sora and this is my best friend, Rachel.”

   “Yeah,” Riku tossed his hair. “I never heard of anyone named Riku.”

   “I just love your outfit,” Sora giggled. “Not the most appropriate for a place like this, but I think it looks rather stylish.”

   “Um… thanks,” Kairi said. “Now, I-”

   “And that hair, it looks so cute on you. You know, there’s just something about you that makes you look so pretty and cute and attractive and...”

   Sora stopped and Kairi noticed that the former began to stare into her eyes. She had the strong feeling that her friend’s heart was racing.

   Kairi shook her head. What is she doing? She’s here to save her friends.

   “Come on,” Kairi grabbed Sora and Riku’s arms. “We need to get you guys out of here before-”

   “Hey there!”

   Kairi turned to see a blonde-haired woman running up towards the three. Her outfit is exactly like Sora’s, bright pink color and everything. If it wasn’t for her hair and increased height, Kairi would’ve thought that the two were twins.

   “Hey, sis,” Sora broke out of Kairi’s arms and pulled the woman into a hug. “This is Kairi. Kairi, this is my big sister, Charlotte.”

   “Hey there, Kairi,” Charlotte shook the young girl’s hand. I see you are already good friends with my little sister. Did you two meet before?”

   “Yeah.”

   It was technically true, though not in the way that Charlotte believed.

   “How about you come over to our place?” Sora suggested. “I bet you’ll love what we got.”

   “That’s a great idea. Come on, girls!”

   “Wait…” Kairi says desperately. “Wait!”

   Without warning, Charlotte grabbed Kairi’s hand and dragged her down the street.

   “Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!”

   Kairi had to admit that the La Bouff estate was quite impressive. It was big, expansive and quite fancy. She can barely recall a place like this from a time long long ago.

   Rachel is currently off powdering her nose in the ladies room, leaving Kairi alone with Sora and Charlotte.

   “Lottie?”

   Charlotte turned to Sora.

   “Yes, sis?”

   “I want to talk to you about Kairi.”

   Kairi turned towards the duo. Curiosity took her.

   “What about her?” Charlotte asked.

   “It’s just that around her, I get this warm and fuzzy feeling,” Sora explained. “It’s like whenever I see a prince from one of those storybooks that we both love, but with her, well…”

   “She’s a girl.”

   “But I love her,” Sora said. “It’s so weird to have these feelings for a girl.”

   “Hmm…” Charlotte examined Kairi, eyeing her top to bottom like a model. “I think I know why you feel this way.”

   “You do?”

   “Yes, Sora,” Charlotte nodded. “This girl here might actually be the prince you were looking for.”

   “P-prince? What?”

   Before Kairi could object any further, Charlotte took a cup of blue liquid and poured the contents down her throat. By the time she realized what happened, all the liquid went right down her throat.

   “What did you make me drink?”

   “Just a potion to give you a little much-needed masculinity. That’s all.”

   “Masculinity?”

   It was then Kairi’s body began tingling. She looked towards her arms to find them gaining actual muscles. Gone were the slender and dainty arms and in their place were fairly muscular arms, just like Sora’s.

   “H-Huh!” Kairi looked down only to see her legs undergoing the same process. Well-toned legs with quite a bit of muscle to them. She could also swore they grew a bit longer as well, pushing her height up a couple feet.

   The process was going far too fast for comfort. As much as she wanted to run, Kairi could feel herself getting disoriented. She sat down on the nearby couch, trying to regain her senses.

   She ran her hand through her hair. It was a lot shorter than she remembered. It shouldn’t be. In fact, she could feel it receding back into her head, the process going so far that her new hairstyle resembled that of the average teenage boy.

   Kairi pressed her hand to her chest only to find a flat feeling to it.

   Kairi knew she wasn’t the most endowed girl around, sure, but she still had visible breasts. Now her chest is completely flat. Budding breasts completely replaced by rock-hard abs.

   “Sora, what… my voice!”

   Kairi clutched her throat only to find an Adam’s apple forming on it. Her voice was far deeper too. It sounded less high-pitched and more among the lines of a brave and dashing hero. The kind Sora and Charlotte wanted her to be.

   Not helping Kairi’s discomfort at the changes was how her new masculine body was completely ill-fitted for her outfit, about two sizes too small for her. She had an awkward feeling that her dress was about ready to rip itself in half.

   “You’re really helping her,” Sora said. “Thank you sis.”

   “You’re welcome, Sora,” Charlotte responded. “I’m sure by the time we’re done, Kairi would be quite the prince charming.”

   The garish contrast of Kairi’s girlish outfit on top of her new masculinized bod did not go unnoticed by the two.

   “Of course, that outfit won’t do for a dashing prince like you at all. Here…”

   Charlotte threw a bunch of powder onto Kairi, causing the increasingly masculinized girl to cough up a fit. When the powder dissipated, Kairi’s dress was replaced by a royal white and blue suit with a black belt with a gold buckle at the midriff; gold buttons; red lining the collar, down the chest, and cuffs along with red epaulettes; her bottom half is now in a matching pair of dark blue trousers with red lining and black shoes.

   Kairi had to admit it was a rather stylish outfit and it would definitely look good on someone like Sora or Riku. The problem was that it was meant for her, or rather her new body.

   She examined her new body. Strong muscular body, taller height, shorter hair, deep voice. Every single thing about her body has changed to fit the fairy-tale esque prince stereotype. That is… with the exception of one part and she was not looking forward to it being taken away in the slightest.

   Kairi could feel something extending out of her vagina. A long thing that she does not want to mention the name of.

   This was it.

   That penis confirmed the horrifying truth: that she was no longer Kairi.

   That she now harbored the body of a man.

   That she now resembles, for all intents and purposes, a prince… at least in body.

   She is still Kairi inside. She is still a Princess of Heart, a Keyblade wielder.

   For a moment, she thought they couldn’t take that away from her. But, upon looking at what happened to Sora and Riku, the latter just entering the room, Kairi wasn’t so sure. She knew that Charlotte must’ve been the one who turned her friends into ditzy girly-girls. But she had no idea how it’ll affect her personality.

   It was then her eyes laid on Sora.

   Sora.

   She can remember when she fought alongside Sora during the final battle with Xehanort, how he slain countless Heartless with a second thought, and heard of his adventures through countless worlds. Now… he looked so sweet, so demure, so innocent, like he couldn’t hurt a fly. If Sora ever got himself in danger as he is now, he’ll be completely helpless. The thought of defending himself would never even cross his mind. Kairi knew she had to protect him.

   It was then she felt a weight in her pocket that wasn’t there before. She pauses, confused, and reaches into her pocket.

   A white box.

   Kairi opened it to reveal a diamond ring. Why was this in her pocket? It was obviously for the one she was supposed to be engaged to.

   Her eyes leaned to Sora again, who is currently giggling with Charlotte and Riku over something she couldn’t hear. She was too far away.

   One thing that Kairi noticed was that, even with their three-inch heels, she dwarfed her Sora and Riku in size by probably a foot and a half. She was even taller than Charlotte by a couple of inches.  

   She closed the box. Was she supposed to ask Sora for his hand in marriage? They’re both sixteen years old and probably not legally able to marry even if Kairi genuinely wanted to. But there was something in her heart compelling her to propose such a thing, that she had to marry Sora.

   As if by instinct, she approached the trio and turned towards the one she loved dearly.

   “Sora!”

   The feminized Keyblade Master turned to Kairi. She kneeled to Sora and opened the tiny box, revealing the diamond ring to him.

   “Will you marry me?”

   Sora looked down at the ring and then looked up at Kairi. His mouth briefly incapable of forming words.

   “Yes! Oh, yes yes yes yes! A thousand times yes!”

   Kairi quickly found herself with Sora jumping right into her arms, covering her face with kiss after red lipstick laced kiss.

   Sora wasn’t the only one celebrating as both Charlotte and Rachel were clapping their hands, giggling in pure glee.

   “Oh, I so want to marry you, Kai!” Sora squealed. “You’re the prince of my dreams!”

   “K-Kai?”

   Kairi knew that was her new name. It seemed… natural. Not too dissimilar from her old name, but it was more masculine than it. It felt so right.

   She shutted her eyes. What the hell was she thinking? She’s Kairi, not some prince from a faraway kingdom she knew nothing about.

   New images began to flow into her mind. Images of armors, castles and princes. It was getting hard for her to remember all the good times she had with her friends amongst the masculine imagery clouding her mind. The most vivid image by far was one of a brave prince with an appearance not too dissimilar from Kairi’s new look, slaying a monstrous dragon while a princess screams for the prince’s help behind the dragon.

   New memories also took place in her mind. Gone were memories of watching Sora and Riku spar alongside their friends and in their place were memories of nobility lessons from tutors and falling in love with Sora upon first sight.

   She could hear the bells ring… bells? There were no bells in the La Bouff house.

   As she opened her eyes, Kairi noticed that she was no longer in New Orleans, but in a church.

   Behind her were several men, none of which she recognized. Though she did notice Riku smiling whenever his eyes were on the blonde-haired boy right across him.

   Speaking of Riku, the women are a different story. There was Charlotte La Bouff alongside several other women, obviously bridesmaids. She could also see Riku right in front of them. It was obvious to Kairi that he’s the maid of honor in this wedding.

   Music echoed through the building. Kairi could recognize the bridal chorus anywhere. She turned to see the church doors slowly open.

   There, being escorted by a portly figure she never met, was Sora. All dolled up in a lovely pink and white wedding gown with puffy sleeves, embroidered flowers, layers upon layers of petticoats and a veil to complete her bridal attire. She marched down the aisle, carrying a bouquet of flowers with two flower girls skipping behind, throwing flowers onto the aisle.

    As Sora walked up to the altar and turned to face her, Kairi noticed how happy he looked. Not even the veil could hide the smile on his face. He made quite the lovely bride, Kairi admitted. It was getting harder for Kairi to see her best friend as a boy. He… no, she looked perfect.

   “It is here we are to see the marriage between a prince and his lovely bride, we-”

   As the priest droned on, any attention that Kairi had for the wedding ritual was taken away to focus on Sora herself.

   Kairi knew this was wrong. Under normal circumstances, the wedding between the two should’ve had Sora as the groom and Kairi as the bride. Not the other way around. Not this magical trap that she and her friends had stumbled into.

   At the same time though, it felt so right. She still loved Sora and she knew that she still loved her in turn, even if Kairi’s mind is still being corrupted by masculine thoughts and Sora’s mind had long been corrupted by whatever girlish thoughts this place had drilled into her head.

   “Sora, do you take Prince Kai as your lawfully wedded husband till death do you part?”

   “I do.”

   Sora didn’t even hesitate at the chance to be Kairi’s wife.

   Kairi knew that Sora was no longer capable of protecting herself in his newly feminized state let alone anyone else. Maybe it’s time for her to protect him. She failed him as Kairi. She couldn’t protect anyone, but as Prince Kai… maybe things could be different?

   “Prince Kai, would you take this woman before you as your lawfully wedded wife till death do you part?

   It was her turn and she knew what she had to do.

   “I do.”

   “Then you may kiss the bride.”

   Kairi took Sora’s hands into hers and pulled her friend into a long, loving kiss. As the two kissed, Kairi could feel the last twinges of her old self slowly faded into oblivion. Kairi, the seventh Princess of Heart is now gone. In her place is Prince Kai; a brave young man who has sworn to protect his friends, his kingdom, and the ones he loves.

   Sora quickly tossed the bouquet of flowers into the crowd. It didn’t take long for the bouquet to end in Rachel’s hands, the young woman giggling incessantly. It is a wedding convention that the woman who catches the bridal bouquet will be the next to be married and Rachel’s eyes turned towards her true love, Bruce. She couldn’t wait for the day when she’s walking down that aisle.

   Kai swept Sora off of her feet, the girl wrapping her arms around her dashing prince. He left the church and as the door magically swung open on its own, Kai could see two servants opening the door to a majestic white carriage. He quickly dashed in and placed Sora down next to him.

   As the carriage began to ride away from the church, Kai took a look at Sora. She was so beautiful, even someone like Kai couldn’t describe it with words. Of course, beauty on its own wouldn’t make Sora a good queen. She had to be caring and compassionate towards others and she was more than capable of it.

   Sadly, as sweet and kind as Sora is, Kai knew that she couldn’t defend herself in any way. She’s far too dainty, delicate and the thought of fighting simply disgusts her. Kai knew that he had to protect her from any danger. Luckily for her, Kai was more than willing to be her protector.

   He gently grabbed Sora and placed her on his lap. The young woman gasped as her new husband held her tightly.

   “I can’t wait for our honeymoon,” Sora giggled incessantly. “I know you’ll really make me feel like a princess.”

   “I can’t wait too,” Kai looked out the window to see a castle on the horizon. His castle.

   “Oh my god,” Pete laughed. Only the bare amount of restraint prevented him from rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. “This is too good.”

   “I certainly agree with you on that,” Maleficent chuckled. “Two of my greatest enemies and one of the Princesses of Heart currently in my clutches.”

   Maleficent looked into her crystal ball, only to see several forces of light slowly approaching the world that she trapped her foes in.

   “Who are they?” Pete asked.

   “Old foes,” Maleficent shrugged. “No need to worry. After all, if the world I created could restrain several of our most powerful foes, there’s no way they could save themselves as well. They’ll be completely trapped in our clutches and they might be reforged to serve our own goals.”

   The two evildoers proceeded to laugh as their foes slowly moved towards Maleficent’s created world, unaware of the trap that was set for them.

[sunsetscurving]

CHASING STARS

Ch. 12

ao3 link

In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.

But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.

Something. Or someone.

TW: mental illness/mental health

The sun was slowly setting over their beautiful city and Lucas was truly and utterly happy. His arms were wrapped around his legs which he drew to his chest, his chin resting on his knees and a small smile danced around on his lips.

This was a perfect date.

With a perfect boy.

Lucas slowly turned his head to the left side, watching the last sunlight of the day shining into the other boy’s face, illuminating his eyes so that they seemed like a dark blue. He seemed to realize Lucas staring and usually, Lucas would turn away his head by now, his cheeks blushing.

But not this time.

This time, Lucas held his gaze and they slowly moved towards each other as if their bodies were magically drawn to each other. Lucas’ hand wandered into the messy hair of the other boy, making his opposite sigh with a smile on his face while closing his eyes.

And this was the second he did it.

Lucas leaned in, slowly covering the other boy’s lips with his own. Lucas shivered, the other one slightly gasping on Lucas’ lips, being surprised that Lucas took this important and long overdue step.

But this was the right thing to do.

And Eliott Demaury was the right boy for him.

.

Lucas gasped, pulling away from Eliott. He suddenly felt so dizzy, everything, his whole world, seemed to shift out of his place into a totally different direction.

Which actually was the case.

Him.

“Lucas?”

Lucas couldn’t focus on Eliott who caught him before he fell down, his legs giving up on their own. So many pictures flooded his mind, playing in front of his eyes like a movie in the cinema. Only that this was not a movie. These were memories. Memories from another time.

Memories from another life.

Lucas knew it. He knew it all along. The vivid dreams and the flashbacks… they all made sense now and he was kind of glad that he wasn’t going mad, that all these strange events had a reason.

This was not his first life and now he was hundred percent sure of it.

Moment after moment, different parts of his past life came back in a flood, nearly drowning Lucas who hadn’t seen this coming at all.

And it all came back because of this kiss.

“Lucas? What is it?”

Eliott’s concerned voice pulled him out of his trance for a second, the pictures stopping for a second so Lucas could focus on Eliott, breathing heavily. He looked worried. He surely thought that he did something wrong, that Lucas did something wrong in kissing him, that it was a mistake.

But Lucas didn’t regret a single second.

It was just that all the pictures, all the moments in his mind where connected to Eliott.

“You”, whispered Lucas simply.

And he remembered it all.

Their dates, their time together.

Eliott drawing Lucas, Eliott taking Lucas out, Eliott cuddling with Lucas, Eliott holding Lucas, Eliott walking hand in hand with Lucas, Eliott kissing Lucas, Eliott making Lucas laugh, Eliott drying his tears whenever he broke down. Eliott always being there whenever Lucas needed him.

Eliott, Eliott, Eliott, Eli—

“What? I’m—have you hurt yourself on the track? Do you need anything? I—”

And suddenly, Eliott stopped while speaking, realization dawning on his face. His eyes slowly widened, the raindrops dripping from the hair in his face which brought another moment to the surface of Lucas’ mind, both of them running through the rain, hand in hand, trying to catch the bus while laughing and…

This never happened.

But it did happen.

Just not in this life.

Eliott was still staring at Lucas, his lips slightly parted, breathing faster as if he was afraid by Lucas’ reaction. And Lucas was actually afraid too. Eliott, in contrast to Lucas knew everything about his past life, he knew how he died and he found him again despite all the years that have passed and…

Suddenly, a frown was fighting its way on Lucas’ still shocked face.

If Eliott had been with Lucas twenty fucking years ago, he would be an adult now, not recognizable for Lucas.

And yet…

“You remember, right?”

Eliott’s voice was shaking slightly, his eyes slowly filling with water. Lucas couldn’t tell if it were tears of joy or sadness or sorrow or… The rain was still pouring down from the sky, their clothes already sticking to their skin. And Lucas could do nothing else than staring at the boy in front of him who was even more a mystery to him now after some higher force decided it would be good for Lucas to know about his former life. He didn’t know how to react around Eliott now. He didn’t know what to think or what to do or…

Slowly but surely, the stream of pictures were shifting into the background and the thousand questions Lucas had were literally screaming inside of his head now, occupying Lucas’ whole being, his whole consciousness.

Why did I found Eliott again? Can love beat even death? Was our love that strong? Why am I back? Is Eliott the reason why I’m reincarnated, the reason I so long searched for? Is Eliott also reincarnated? Is this some sick game fate decided to play?

And one question seemed to be louder than anything else.

How and why did I die?

“Lucas, say something”, said Eliott quietly after Lucas had been silent for a long time after his question. But Lucas couldn’t. He didn’t trust his voice anymore, he didn’t even trust his body anymore. He was not sure who he was and what he was and why of millions of people he was reincarnated, finding the love of his former life again.

“I—”

Eliott was just about to grab Lucas’ hands but he couldn’t. He pulled his hands away, surely regretting this movement after some of his first confusion faded away, but Lucas needed space right now. It was nothing directed against Eliott personally but he was the one who triggered everything of this. Although Lucas always knew that he was special, that a reincarnation was quiet possible in his case, the naked truth, the confirmation was something different. Lucas couldn’t properly breath and he was sure that he would break in thousand pieces with someone touching him right now. Also if this someone was Eliott Demaury, the man who could maybe help him solve all of this. The man he had feelings for, strong feelings and who looked at him with so much worry in his eyes, probably afraid that Lucas would reject him anytime soon. The man Lucas would, in fact, probably reject now without even wanting to.

The man who maybe was even the reason why he was here on this planet again.

Maybe he was the one who killed me and now I’m back so he can do it again.

This thought sent shivers down his spine, Lucas getting sick of his own thoughts right now. How could his fucking stupid head even think of anything like this? And could the pictures and moments and memories please stop running through his head like a fucking picture show? Lucas was laying his hands on the side of his head now, pressing his hands over his ears like he always did when his phonophobia kicked in. And to be honest, this was also a kind of phonophobia for Lucas right now: The voices in his head wouldn’t shut up for one fucking second and he was already so tired and overwhelmed with everything that he just wanted to lay down, fall asleep and never wake up again.

Eliott was moving his lips, still looking unbelievable worried while the rain slowly stopped. Which Lucas didn’t even realize.

“Please, Lucas. Talk with me. I’m afraid.”

Not only you.

“I can’t”, whispered Lucas now, his eyes darting around, never really fixing on a point, “I’m sorry.”

And with that, he stumbled into the night, his feet running faster and faster and faster till the night passed by him in a blur, his sight blurry too from the tears of exhaustion which were now running down his face.

“Lucas!”

He needed space.

“Lucas, please come back!”

He needed a quiet place.

“It’s too dangerous to be alone right now!”

He needed rest.

He was hurting Eliott.

I’m gonna be okay, I’m gonna be okay.

But would he really be?

.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Eliott stared at the place where Lucas just disappeared, fear being one of so many emotions which had been dancing on his face.

He remembered.

He remembered his past life and he remembered Eliott and everything that happened.

Does he also remember how he died…?

Eliott felt panic rising in his throat. He never thought that Lucas would be able to remember his past life, he never thought that their first kiss in Lucas’ second lifetime would trigger every memory of his past. Eliott had been so happy some minutes ago when he finally felt Lucas’ lips on his own, something inside him loosening what has been tense for so long. Eliott thought that he finally had his boy back, that everything would be better after all of the shit which happened.

And now…

Now he lost him.

Again.

And Eliott felt like dying.

After Lucas parted from him, staring at Eliott with his big, blue eyes, Eliott knew that something was wrong. And when he realized that the memories from his past life came back, he regretted everything he did or said in the past days. He shouldn’t have played with fate this much. Eliott was some supernatural being and wrong and unknown things shouldn’t even be alive in a world like this, beings like him shouldn’t intervene in the course of life.

And yet he did.

Because he loved Lucas too much.

Maybe Lucas hated him now. Maybe Lucas thought that Eliott played some sick game with him, finding him again and again in every lifetime of Lucas’. Maybe Lucas’ mind had twisted memories of his past life, every positive moment turned into a negative one by some cruel higher force.

Eliott didn’t know.

All he did know was that Lucas was gone, without any explanation.

He couldn’t breathe properly and started to shake, everything around him slowly blurring together till he couldn’t focus on anything anymore. His legs started to shake and he had the feeling to hyperventilate any second from now on.

An episode was starting.

All of that triggered his mental health.

I lost him.

Eliott tried to fish out his phone with shake fingers, tears slowly streaming down his face.

I should have never approached him.

Eliott unlocked his phone, dialing a phone number as familiar as his own heartbeat.

This was all a big mistake.

“Hello?”

“Idriss?”

“Fuck, Eliott. It’s in the middle of the night. Where are you even?”

Eliott felt like throwing up. He sank down to his knees, still wet and shaking uncontrollable. The whole twenty years, he waited for this moment to happen. He waited for Lucas, swearing to himself that he would get things right, that he would find his hedgehog again.

And now, after his dream finally came true, the one thing he still lived for, was being ripped away from him.

“I— He remembers, Idriss.”

There was some silence on the other end of the line.

“Everything?”, asked Idriss silently, his voice suddenly hoarse.

“I— I don’t fucking know. But he went away and I—”

Eliott took a shaky breath, a sob escaping his mouth without him wanting to.

“He’s gone. He’s gone, Idriss. And he’ll never be back.”

“Okay, where are you, Eli? I’ll pick you up.”

Eliott started to look around, the tears in his eyes making it difficult for him to see. The night was pitch black, only the light from the street lantern illuminated the otherwise dark street. Eliott was kneeling on the ground, the gravel from the street burying itself in his skin where his jeans was ripped. He actually didn’t know where he was. He was somewhere and nowhere to the same time.

“Okay, I got your location. Wait there for me, I’ll be there in some minutes.”

“Idriss, don’t hang—”

But the sound of the ended call ringed in Eliott’s ears, the silence slowly folding around Eliott again. He was laid his head on his knees now, arms wrapped around his legs. He didn’t tried to stop the tears from escaping his eyes.

All his waiting had been worthless.

All his praying had been useless.

All his dreams had been crushed within a second.

Happiness and absolutely sadness lay so close to each other.

“I fucked up”, whispered Eliott to himself, his voice broken and hoarse and quiet in his own ears.

Eliott felt like destroying himself. He felt like screaming so loud that his world would eventually combust from all the pain laying in his scream. He felt like ripping apart everything which came to his hands, he felt like blaming everything and no one at once for playing foul games with his heart and his being.

He felt like his world shattered around him.

A world without Lucas in it.

Eliott didn’t hear the car, he just felt some kind of light on him. And he wasn’t even strong enough to lift his head to see where this light came from. And he couldn’t give a fuck, to be honest.

“Eliott!”

As someone suddenly screamed his name, Eliott lifted his head slowly nevertheless. He saw  a shadow running towards him, squinting against the bright light which was blinding him.

“Fuck, Eliott. Get off of the ground. You’re getting sick.”

He finally recognized the voice.

Idriss came.

How much time did pass till I phoned him?

Idriss was now next to him, kneeling down and taking his arms, wanting to pull him up. But Eliott didn’t feel like getting up. He didn’t feel like doing anything at all.

“I don’t fucking care”, mumbled Eliott quietly to himself

“Oh, but I do fucking care. And Lucas does too.”

“Lucas doesn’t give a fuck about me.”

“Lucas just found out that he was being reincarnated. How would you have reacted?”

Eliott stayed silent.

“Exactly”, said Idriss with a strong voice and pulled Eliott now up, regardless of his light protests, “And I won’t accept you pitying yourself now. You fought for Lucas all these years and now you will just give up?”

“Idriss”, said Eliott now, focusing on his best friend who still had his hands on his arms, “Lucas seems to hate me. You should’ve seen him. How he looked at me. He fucking loathes me. It’s over, Idriss.”

“Fuck it, Eliott. As if something like this had stopped you before.”

Eliott stared at Lucas and was still shaking.

“We’re going home now and Lucas loves you. He will come back eventually, I promise.”

“How can you promise anything like this?”, asked Eliott quietly, his voice weak now and hoarse from all the quiet crying.

“Because I have been living for some years now. I have some experience.”

And Eliott couldn’t even argue against that argument.

[the90dayfianceblog-blog]

season 7, episode 2

The episode begins with Tania continuing to panic in the taxi, with her entourage. “THERE’S TRAFFIC!,” she says about New York City. We are not from NYC and yet, even we know you should probably leave 5 minutes earlier than you think. Because city traffic.  The three friends finally arrive at the airport, where they proceed to drop rose petals all over the floor. Of the airport. A janitor comes behind them to sweep up the obvious slip hazard they have created, and they proceed to yell at him. Tania continues to describe her mild stress in wildly dramatic ways. “I’m having a panic attack,” she says. (She isn’t.) Finally, the man of the hour arrives. The three women erupt into…maniacal laughter? Really, though – Tania cannot stop laughing. “Yo yo yo,” Syngin decides is a good greeting. They embrace, and it’s briefly cute until she opens her mouth to hyena-laugh again. Syngin admits to the camera he thought they’d be a one-night stand. One point given for honesty. We have 90 days to figure out if our future is a lie, he continues. He is maybe ¼ joking. Finally, he addresses her friends. “It’s nice to meet everybody,” he says, laughing nervously. Tania sort of introduces them. They do not shake hands but awkwardly wave at each other instead.

They all (yes, all) head back to the hotel, and he is touched by Tania’s effort with the rose petals and sex toys. She instructs her friends to come back in exactly two hours so that they can have some alone time. He is confused, as are we all, about the friends being there, as he just wants a shower and some sex. He mentions to Tania that her friends being there is weird, and he asks if this is something he should expect going forward. Conveniently, the two hours elapse right at that moment, marked by the return of her friends. “LET’S TAKE SOME SHOTS!” Tania says, rather than answering his question. They proceed to take shots of gin with a Red Bull chaser, because evidently they are drinking for the very first time. At least it is decent gin. Syngin is up for it, which seems to be his nature, and then out they go into the “concrete jungle.” He is mesmerized by it all. Golly gee I’m just a guy from the bush, he says about the very large, modern city of Cape Town. They put a blindfold on him – again, he is shockingly compliant – and drag him out into some public square to reveal a banner (this couldn’t have occurred at the airport?) that says “thanks for moving around the world for me, love, your suger.” No one notices or cares that a 29-year-old spelled sugar wrong, and I briefly wonder about the butchered contents of her democracy protest signs. Tania has since said she knows it was spelled wrong and that is how Syngin spells it. This may be a viewpoint on their relationship. We end their segment with more of the same concern from Syngin that perhaps 90 days is not enough time. “There’s some nitty gritty niggles to sort out,” he says, and shame on TLC for not using this as the name of the episode.

Alyssa predicts: I still don't think they end up married. I actually kind of like Syngin because he wants to make Tania happy right now, even if he is a bit uncomfortable. Tania is presently insufferable.

Laura predicts: Agreed - I still think they won’t get married. They’ve got way more than nitty-gritty niggles to sort out (recall the “kids freak him out” issue), and I don’t see her as the master of compromise or conflict resolution.

Michael and Juliana

These two get the most airtime this week, because the BIG VISA INTERVIEW is upon us. Michael is preparing to go to Brazil. But not without first taking a trip to the jewelry store to buy a $4,000 custom necklace that is red, white, blue, green, and gold, to represent America and Brazil, because all of those colors definitely go together. We hear him continue to defend his relationship to no one in particular, including a discussion how modest Juliana is, layered over a gratuitous shot of Juliana in a string bikini. (I see you, TLC.) Juliana calls him while he is at the jewelry store. There’s an issue with a credit card. “You probably maxed out the card,” we hear him say. “Oh, shit,” says the jewelry store clerk, all judgment. Ah yes, the money. We begin to learn the extent of it. He won’t say how much he’s spent on her, or whether it’s more than $150,000. She bought a car with the credit card, despite her apparent plans to move to the US in a few weeks. “I want her to respect the value of things,” he says about his teenage daughter adult girlfriend.

He arrives in Rio, visibly stressed. He arrives at a hotel, where Juliana is waiting. They both seem genuinely happy to see the other, which is a surprise on her end. She is beautiful, but I would believe she was 16. You look skinny, he tells her, and he chalks it up to their lack of recent extravagant vacations. Somehow the next words out of his mouth are “You’re a poor Brazilian when I’m not here and a rich American when I am.” This appalling statement has no effect on her, but I imagine she’s heard worse. She’s nervous about the interview but is determined to go to America to work…oh yeah, and live with Michael. Work consistently comes first in her stated “why America” priorities. She’s using him, clearly, but he is a negging paternalistic asshole, so I support her choice.

They’re on their way to the interview. She’s in a sexy outfit; he’s in an ill-fitting suit. For someone who is "rich," you think he could find a decent tailor. “Ready to rock and roll?” he asks, as every dad asks his daughter before taking her to school, err, to her visa interview. We meet them on the other side of said interview. It was “very bad,” she says. They wanted to know whether she’d been working as a prostitute, as we already know from the promo that has aired 900 times. Plenty of girls in my position do it, she says, but not me. She says this very matter-of-factly, almost rehearsed. Maybe it’s just her nature, but she doesn’t seem particularly bothered. Michael is more visibly affronted: “WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME? A PIMP? A JOHN?” He’s quick to let us know he’s never had to pay for sex, as though this were somehow about him. It’s increasingly clear that he is obsessed with his own status and others’ perception of him. They need to produce a police report on Juliana for the consulate’s consideration, so something – maybe not capital P prostitution, but something – definitely happened. Now he has doubts. I’ve been naïve with women my whole life, he says, and I wonder who that’s about…probably not Sarah, the stable mother of his children. He is afraid of what they’ll find on that police report, and he decides there’s about a 50% chance that Juliana will get the visa. She suggests they move to London instead, but oh that’s right, you have kids. She admits to the camera that she’s worried he will give up on her and doesn’t know if she’s important enough to him. She starts to cry about this. This, but not the prostitute accusation. Again, let is remind everyone that Michael claims he and his ex-wife married too young, but his relationship with a 23 year old is different. Anyway, they’re still a better couple than Big Ang and Mai-kuhl. It bears mentioning we’re so glad they haven’t shown up yet.

Alyssa predicts: they end up married, but Michael continues to be patronizing and Juilana uses the show as a stepping stone to a model career. They do not stay married.

Laura predicts: they end up married. She’s in it for money, he’s in it for arm candy, and they’re both getting what they want. Seems like he has enough money to throw at the visa problem.

Emily and Sasha

The happy couple heads off to dinner with Masha, Sasha’s first ex-wife. (The rhyming names would be cute if she didn’t so clearly resent him and his life choices.) She looks quite a bit like Emily – blonde, fair, and waifish. The purpose of the dinner is to convince Masha to let Daniel visit them in the US. In all honesty, it may also be a way for Emily to convince herself that Sasha is the "good guy" and the other wives were "mistakes."  But first, we recount Sasha’s history: he married Masha at 22 and left her for his second wife a few years later. The second wife and second kid remain anonymous, and good on them for staying away from this dumpster fire. Sasha says that he became more muscular and his second wife didn’t like it, because that’s definitely how marriages end. Emily loudly mentions how much she, in contrast, appreciates his physique, and much more quietly mentions that she and Sasha were “talking as friends” while he was married to his second wife. Sure you were. Anyway, the dinner. No one’s particularly thrilled to be there. Emily says beforehand that she’s going to fake being nice to Masha, but she doesn’t fake it well. They don’t even communicate directly or even look at each other. They rely on Sasha to translate, and he takes some liberties. I’m tired, says Emily eventually. “She’s tired of this situation,” Sasha (correctly) translates. Masha, it turns out, doesn’t have a strong opinion on the Daniel question. Daniel can choose whether he’d like to visit or not. File this dinner under “could have been accomplished in a text message.” Emily insists once again that she isn’t feeling well and promptly leaves. Masha then gets a bit more friendly with Sasha, reaching over and touching his arm and telling him she doesn’t want to leave. Her post-dinner thoughts are more critical, however. “Where the wind blows, there a man flies,” she says of Sasha, and I am definitely saving that phrase for a rainy day. Masha puts herself and the second wife in the same category – “good, kind, calm” – and sees Emily as nothing more than an excuse for Sasha to get to America. At this point, doesn’t seem like an unfair assessment. I would prefer more of Masha and less of Emily at this point.

Alyssa predicts: they get married, and Sasha finds wife number 4 at a crossfit class. He seems like he'd get into crossfit here.

Laura predicts: they won’t get married and agrees with Masha that Emily is Sasha’s easy ticket to the US. We know that kids aren’t a compelling enough reason for him to stay with her.

Robert and Anny

Robert goes for a beer with his friend Juan, who is Dominican. I know Dominican girls, says Juan, and they’re all just out for your money. Robert makes a valid point that this is an awfully sweeping generalization about an entire country, but he does not really have the high ground considering the circumstances of his own relationship. They end up having a very adult conversation about it; Robert says he respects Juan’s opinion, and Juan says he’ll feel stupid if he ends up being wrong about Anny.

Later, it’s airport time. Bryson is very excited. It’s clear that Robert really wants a mother figure in this kid’s life, which is a veritable crapload of pressure for an eight-hour relationship. Bryson is similarly invested. “I love Anny,” he says. They wait at the airport long enough for Bryson to get cranky, and then here she comes, somehow pulling off a denim jumpsuit. Bryson sprints towards her, and she’s genuinely happy to see him. She’s very put-together (which is always impressive post-airplane) and family-oriented. “Bryson is my new kid,” she says. She wants a big family with Robert. She loves how funny and hardworking he is, and how much he loves his son. I didn’t expect this affection from Miss Angry Emojis. She admits she has a temper, but we don’t see it this week. There is a moment in the car where Anny looks at Robert and seems to be a genuine look of love.

They head back home. Their rapport is shockingly natural for only having spent 8 hours together. Things sour a bit when we learn the house contains only one bed that they’ll all be sharing. Where exactly was that lingerie meant to be used? Robert admits he didn’t get around to getting a bed for Bryson, and Anny is understandably displeased. Robert tries to put Bryson to bed, to no avail. Bryson really wants to show off for Anny in the form of climbing all over her. She is increasingly less thrilled. She’s sexually frustrated, which she tells us in so many words. There’s some metaphor about a lion. Do lions have a lot of sex?

Alyssa predicts: I have more hope for them this episode. I think they'll get married. I also hope Juan shows up more, because he seems sensible.

Laura predicts: they will get married. This is not a well-thought-out relationship, but they’re both clearly motivated to build some kind of family unit.

Mursel and Anna

Mursel and Anna head off to Anna’s house from the hotel. They had sex, which I find hard to imagine. Mursel, like anyone who has ever driven through Nebraska, is unpleasantly surprised at the lack of mountains and the surplus of corn. He decides, rather quickly, that he is no longer excited and misses Turkey. He starts playing some Turkish music and his mood turns back around just as quickly – he begins dancing as passionately as one can dance in a car. There's something...endearing about this. Anna is uncomfortable with the dancing and says she’ll just have to learn to live with it. (Again, back to the disbelief at the sex.) They’re both nervous about meeting her sons. Mursel decides he wants to be a brother to the older two and a father to the youngest one, which is some interesting line-drawing. The meeting of the kids is a bundle of awkward. They try to ask about his trip and ask if he likes pizza (the answers are “good” and “yes,” respectively). The pizza that arrives is inferior to Turkish pizza, Mursel decides, and won’t eat it. I’m not sure if he’s jet-lagged, culture-shocked, or just naïve, or maybe all of it, but in any case his behavior is strange and borderline rude. Her kids are offended that he doesn’t like the pizza or their house. “It was really awkward,” Anna summarizes. Yeah, no shit.

Mursel, Anna, and Gino (the middle kid) head out to dinner with Anna’s mom. It’s suggested that the mom might have some negative views of Turkish people. In reality, she is an absolute racist nightmare. She asks her actual grandchild to type “Don’t stone Anna” into the translator app. Seriously, if there isn’t a GoFundMe for these kids’ extensive therapy, now is the time. Mursel is confused and offended, which is appropriate. He says to the camera that he wants to protect Anna, not hurt her. The dinner goes on, though, and Mursel doesn’t want Anna to have a beer, but she needs one. We all need one from watching this go down.  Anna should have been far more nervous about this encounter than the meeting with her kids. Mursel reveals to everyone that his family doesn’t know about Anna’s kids, he doesn’t plan to tell them, and if they find out, he might go back to Turkey. It’s a blow to everyone. Anna starts crying. Gino now has even more doubts. It is not a pleasant outing.

Alyssa predicts: they do not get married. Mursel returns to Turkey and Anna is devastated.

Laura predicts: they will get married and said marriage will swiftly end in divorce. This divorce will almost certainly include some Mursel family drama. Seriously, what is the long-term strategy there?