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nanawritesit · 2 years ago

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Wonho x Fem!Barista!Reader (Fluff to Smut) *18+ Only, Minors DNI!*

Summary: Wonho has been trying to ask you out at the coffee shop you work at, but you're convinced he only wants something physical. After a while, he convinces you, and you end up seeing each other for a whole month before you let him hit. You were so glad that you did, because now you might have the hottest boyfriend in the world.

Trigger Warnings: Slight cursing. Reader being thirsty af over Wonho. Reader w/ she/her pronouns and female anatomy. Mentions of making out and dry humping.

*There will be a separate warning before the smut scene if you want to skip over it. Overall it’s pretty vanilla but it includes: Dom!Wonho, oral sex (female receiving,) groping, nipple sucking, slight fingering, hair pulling, praising, and protected intercourse.*

A/N: Literally no one requested this, but while I was working at the coffee shop today I literally started daydreaming about Wonho coming in, so here is my maladaptive daydream copied and pasted to Tumblr :)

This is also my first attempt at writing smut so I apologize if it’s awkward :p

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You sighed as you slung on your apron for the fifth morning in a row. It was 10 AM, and the coffee shop you worked at was already packed. You huffed over to the mirror in the break room to put on your hat, hair pulled back into a low bun. Your t-shirt and jeans combo was practically a second skin, and your beat up old sneakers completed the look. You wore a few pieces of jewelry that made the day a bit brighter and easier to get through, but that was about as hard as you tried. It wasn't like you had anyone to impress, right?

"Thank god, she's here!" your coworker Elodie sighed, struggling to make three drinks at once.

"Barely." you replied, patting her on the shoulder. "Need me to start taking orders?"

"Yes, please!" your other coworker Bella pleaded. She was rapidly restocking the bakery case, throwing in muffin after muffin.

You nodded before approaching the register. After pushing a few buttons, you were ready to start yet another shift.

"Good morning, how can I-" you stopped in the middle of your sentence as you met the eyes of the customer in front of you. God, he was so fine. He had a face that looked like it was carved by angels, and a body sculpted by god herself. You had never seen a guy like that in real life, you thought to yourself.

He chuckled at your blank expression, his smile making you melt. "Hi, can I get a large iced dirty chai with oat milk?" His voice was so deep and rich, you thought you could listen to him talk all day.

"Yeah, of course." you shook your head at how stupid you were, and quickly typed in his order. "Anything else?"

"Hm..." he hummed, leaning over to look at the bakery case. He tapped his finger to is chin, and the way his eyes raked over those muffins made you wish that you were one of them.

"Mmh, can I get a chocolate zucchini muffin too please?" he asked with a cute smile.

"You sure can." you chuckled, losing yourself in his eyes. "Okay, here's your total..."

He swiped his card, and after he had paid, he slid a whole twenty dollar bill into the tip box. Your jaw dropped at the amount alone... the most generous people only tipped five dollars, and the stingiest just dumped their change in.

Bella, who had been watching closely, handed him his muffin and coffee. "Is that just for her, or can we split it?"

"Oh the money is for all of you, but the number is only for her." he smirked, then walked out of the shop. God damn, he had such a nice ass.

You were standing there like a dolt, when Elodie leapt over the counter and practically tore open the tip box to pull out the piece of paper that he had hidden in the dollar bill. The three of you just sat there staring at it, not caring about the line of impatient customers in front of you.

"Dude, that guy just asked you out!" Bella exclaimed.

You swiped the paper out of Elodie's hand and stuffed it in your pocket. "No, he probably just wants a hook up." You walked back over to the register and greeted the lady in front of you to take her order.

"Who cares, did you see how gorgeous he was?" Elodie interrupted the poor customer while she was ordering. You ignored her and got down the entire order, then huffed over to the espresso machine.

"I'm not taking orders anymore." you grumbled.

"Y/N, how often does something like that happen to people like us? We work in a coffee shop for crying out loud!" Bella argued, throwing her arms in the air.

You whipped around to shoot an angry look at both of them. "There is no way a guy that hot actually wants a relationship with me! Now can we please get back to our minimum wage duties?"

"You're so weird." Elodie sighed. "I know you're afraid of being taken advantage of, but this is just punishing yourself." Bella nodded in agreement, laughing a bit. They both turned back around to return to work, leaving you to your thoughts.

Maybe you were being silly... I mean, he was the most beautiful man you'd ever seen in your life. He made your heart race, made you feel things with just a simple smile, and melted you with just a few short words. It could be fun...

But you decided that one night of fun wasn't what you wanted from him. You knew deep down that if you fooled around with a guy that pretty, you were going to fall in love big time. And if he broke your heart, you'd be irreparable.

As you were steaming the milk, you found yourself thinking about what being with him would be like. Him pinning you down with those big strong arms, kissing you all over your body, what he'd whisper in your ear as he...

"Y/N, you're gonna burn yourself!" Bella shouted, pushing the spout away from you. You jumped, shocked at how easily you were distracted. Yeah, this guy would be way too much for you.

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Your boss insisted on giving you two days off, to "recover" from working five full shifts in a row. You were appreciative, taking your time off as a chance to engage in some much needed self care. However, you couldn't stop thinking about the absolute beefcake that walked into the shop and gave you his number. The paper with his number on it was sitting on your dresser, and every so often you thought about texting him. You couldn't bring yourself to, that is, until after your next shift.

"Your hunk-sickle came in twice while you were gone." your best friend and coworker Sam teased as you entered the kitchen.

"Oh god, you told her Elodie?" you groaned, slumping your shoulders defeatedly.

"Of course, and I told her how stupid you are for not taking him right then and there." Elodie replied from the counter, rolling her eyes. "You know he asked if you were here both times he came in? Would someone who just wants a hook up do that?"

"So he goes to a new coffee shop everyday, that's not much of a commitment." you argued, crossing your arms over your chest.

The shop was completely dead, so you all just talked in the kitchen for a while. It was mostly just you yelling at Elodie and Sam laughing at the both of you. That is, until you heard the bell of the front door signal that a customer had arrived. The three of you peaked around the corner at the same time, only to see the hunk-sickle himself. Your heart stopped.

"You're here!" he beamed when his eyes met yours.

"I-" you were cut off as your best friend shoved you out of the doorway. You turned around to jump back in the kitchen, but Elodie had already slammed the door in your face. You collapsed against the door, mumbling to yourself that you needed to get new friends, and a new job while you were at it.

You got up and gave him a weak smile, slowly approaching the counter. "You found me."

He leaned forward onto the counter, his huge, toned arms stretching out in front of him, making you gulp.

"You can reject me if you want." he chuckled, "I know slipping my number in the tip jar is a pretty sketchy way of asking you out."

"Maybe, but it's a totally acceptable way of asking for a one night stand." you teased him, resting your hands on your hips.

"What makes you think that's what I want?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. You tried your best to maintain your composure at how hot he looked while questioning you.

"Well for one, we don't even know each others' names." you retorted, letting yourself relax a bit against the counter.

"I'm Wonho." he told you. "May I ask what your name is?"

"Y/N." you told him.

"What a pretty sounding name." He smiled at you, then pressed his elbows against the counter to rest his jaw in his hands. His eyes didn't leave yours for a second as he adjusted his hips to the new center of gravity. His shoulder muscles were bulging against his black t-shirt, and his strong, thick legs were propped out behind him. "Can I take you out on a date, Y/N?"

You laughed anxiously, putting your face in your hands. God, you were heating up like a furnace. You were so embarrassed at how easily he flustered you. You couldn't see it, but he was holding back his smile at how adorable you were.

"I'm still not sure..." you confessed once you looked back up at him. Your hands were on your cheeks, desperately trying to hide how red they were.

"Please?" he asked, looking up at you with his pretty brown doe eyes. "I promise I have good intentions. And if I disappoint you, you have the right to hate me for the rest of your life."

You took one last look at his cute smile before you broke. A girl could only take so much.

"Okay, I guess I'll go out with you then?" you laughed with your arms out in a shrug, not believing this was really happening to you.

"Great!” he grinned at you, straightening up with his large, veiny hands back flat against the counter. "What time do you get off?"

"You want to take me out after I work a shift at a coffee shop?" you scoffed.

"Is that a problem?" he asked, genuinely concerned that he had done something wrong. He looked so cute when he was worried.

"Well, it's just... I don't look the best after working all day..." you mumbled nervously.

"Is that it?" he chuckled, placing his hands on his hips to mirror you. His trim waist was even more prominent now, and you could see one of his abdominal muscles poking through the fabric of his shirt. You had to stop yourself from drooling over him... after all, you were the one worried about him taking advantage of you. "You look gorgeous."

"I would just feel better if I had the chance to get ready beforehand!" you exclaimed, dragging your feet as you turned away from him playfully.

"It's alright, we don't have to go out today. I want you to be as happy as possible with me. When's your next day off?"

You sighed, thinking about your jam packed schedule. "Well, I work the next three days in a row..."

"I'll cover your shift tomorrow!" Sam shouted, quickly poking her head out from behind the door and then slamming the door shut again.

Wonho snickered at your friend and you gave him an apologetic look. "I guess I'm free tomorrow."

"Perfect." His lips curled up into a smirk as he ran his nimble fingers through his dark hair. "You can text me wherever you want me to pick you up. I'll take you to dinner around 5 if that's okay?"

"That works!" you shrugged, still in disbelief that you had agreed to go out with him.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then Y/N." he grinned contentedly, backing away. He waved goodbye with a bright smile, and he was so cute that you couldn't help but wave back at him with a giggle.

In half a second, Sam and Elodie had bursted out from behind the kitchen door and were at your sides.

"Oh my god, you're going out with the hunk-sickle!" Sam exclaimed.

"It's all thanks to you two dorks." you laughed, putting an arm around each of them. "And his name is Wonho."

"I'm still gonna call him hunk-sickle." Elodie declared.

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You had been seeing Wonho for a month now, and he had taken you on four official dates. Right now, you were getting ready for your fifth date. You guys hung out casually between official dates, and he visited you at work almost everyday to get his coffee. You guys were actually getting quite comfortable with each other, texting all throughout the day and having a phone call almost every night. You guys hadn’t gotten further than making out and dry humping, but he seemed perfectly content with that. You started letting your guard down, and if you were honest with yourself, you were starting to really like him and see a relationship with him.

Sam was there "helping you,” which really meant she was demanding all the details of your previous dates and eating all your snacks.

"Wait, he took you where last week?" she asked from her place on your bed, plopping her phone down in disbelief.

“He took me to this rooftop restaurant, and there was no one else there. We were leaning against the railing and I could see the entire city!” you recalled while doing your hair at your dresser.

“Ugh that’s so romantic!” she cried out, slapping her hand down on the bed dramatically. You laughed at her antics before she continued. “How about the first kiss? When was that?”

“That was after the first date.” you explained while putting on some lip balm. “He had walked me home, and I said I had a really great time, and when he asked if he could take me out again I said yes, and then he put a hand to my cheek and looked in my eyes with this adorable little smile, and I met him halfway and we kissed!”

“Ah that’s awesome!” Sam exclaimed, rolling around the bed dramatically. “When do you think you’ll sleep with him? Because I’ll be honest, I’m dying to know how that goes.”

You sighed and set your hands down in your lap, thinking for a moment. “I don’t know. I really want to, but I just want to be sure he really likes me first.”

“I think the fifth date is an appropriate amount of time, as long as you feel ready.” she suggested after downing another handful of chips. “It seems like he’s really smitten for you.”

You giggled, setting down your perfume bottle. “Then I’ll do it tonight, if it feels right.”

———————

“Do you wanna come inside for a bit?” you asked Wonho as you fiddled with your keys. It was late, and you guys had just gotten back from your date at the movies. He had walked you up to your apartment when you asked.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.” He asked, giving you a genuine look of concern.

“Nonsense, I’m inviting you into my space.” you laughed, unlocking the door and gesturing for him to follow you in.

“Make yourself comfortable!” you told him, making your way into the kitchen to pour two glasses of wine. You came back to him sitting on the sofa and looking at your records.

“These are really nice.” he told you, taking one of the glasses from your hand. “Thank you, by the way.”

“No problem, wine makes everything better.” you mused, sitting down next to him. “I’ve been collecting records for a while now. There’s just something about them that’s so cozy.”

“Can we listen to one? What’s your favorite?” he asked, leaning toward you with a smile of anticipation.

“Hm…” you thought, reaching over him to grab an album. “This one will do.” You set it up on the record player and then leaned back against the couch and took a sip of wine. “This is nice.” you sighed in contentment.

“It is. Thank you for going out with me tonight.” he said with a small smile, leaning back to look you in the eye.

“You’re welcome, I really enjoyed myself.” you laughed, putting a hand on his thigh. “You really know how to show a girl a good time Wonho.”

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*NSFW FROM THIS POINT ON! SKIP DOWN TO THE OTHER CUT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THIS PART*

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“Only for you.” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss you. You put your hand against the back of his neck to deepen the kiss, and after a while his tongue pressed against your lips. You parted your lips to let him in, wrapping both your arms around the back of his neck. His large hands were running up and down your waist, until eventually they were both grabbing ahold of it to gently push you down against the couch. He was still being gentle as you guys made out, not wanting to overstep your boundaries.

“You can touch me.” you told him while you were taking a breather. He nodded, chest heaving up and down heavily, then went back to kissing you ravenously. His hands started trailing up to cup your breasts, giving them firm squeezes.

He moved his lips down to your neck, lightly running his hot tongue along your cold skin while his hands went down to your hips, groping at your thighs and ass. You let out little whines when his teeth nipped at your sensitive neck, and you felt him smirk as you did so.

“Did you like that?” he whispered in your ear with a low chuckle. You nodded quickly, throwing a hand up into his thick dark hair. You tugged on it while he continued to go at your neck. Soon he started moving his kisses down to your chest, your low cut top giving him access to more skin. With one hand over your breast, the other stopped at the hem of your top. He looked you in the eye before he moved again. “Do you want me to take your top off?”

“Only if you take yours off too.” you smirked up at him before sitting up.

He chuckled at your cheekiness, then crossed his arms to grip the bottom of his black tshirt. He whipped it off quickly, tousling his hair a bit. You took in his perfect physique for a minute. His enourmous shoulders and biceps, rock hard pecs, that trim waist, and the hard, flat muscles of his abdomen that led down to his defined hip bones.

“Silly girl, didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s impolite to stare?” he laughed, putting an arm down on each side of your lap to look down at you. He captured your lips in another kiss, bringing your hands up to run along his back and shoulders. He pulled back to whisper in your ear, “Though I can’t say I’ll be any better when I get to see you.”

You pushed him back onto the back of his legs gently, then took off your top and unhooked your bra. He was right, he wasn’t much better than you at all. His eyes were wide and his expression was blank at first, but he eventually bit his lip and grinned at the sight of you. “You’re so beautiful Y/N.”

He pushed you back down onto the couch, engaging in your previous make out position. The skin to skin contact was absolutely incredible… he was so warm and soft pressed flush against you. He began gripping one of your breasts, pinching your nipple between two of his fingers and making you whine into his mouth. After playing with each breast in his hand for a while, he stopped kissing your lips and dropped his head down to your chest. He left kisses between the valley of your breasts, then took one hard nipple into his mouth. He licked around it in a circle, then began sucking on it.

“Wonho…” you sighed, tugging on his hair once again. After a good amount of you moaning softly above him, he switched to the other breast, giving it just as much attention as the other.

“Do you want me to touch you anywhere else?” he asked once he had released your bud from his mouth.

You nodded, then grabbed his hand to put it against your core under your skirt. You had purposely not worn shorts underneath so he could have easy access. Once he started rubbing his two forefingers against your clit through your panties, your head immediately fell back as you let out a strangled moan. It had been so long since anyone touched you there.

“You sound so pretty.” he told you, continuing to massage the sensitive bud. “Can I please taste you?”

“Of course you can.” you nodded with a smile, helping him remove your skirt and panties. You threw your legs over his shoulders and he instantly shoved his face between your legs as if he couldn’t wait a second longer. Your eyes rolled back in your head when he licked a long, flat stripe against your pussy.

“Oh my, you taste even sweeter than I imagined…” He began devouring you as soon as you were used to the feeling of his tongue, going back and forth between sucking on your clit and darting his tongue up your tight hole. You were a whining mess, getting your hair all tangled up against the couch and jutting your hips up at his face… he was very good at this, and you could feel yourself getting close to an orgasm. But you still weren’t satisfied.

“Ugh, Wonho, this feels so good…” you whined, gripping both hands into his hair. “But I want more.”

His head darted up. He looked so pretty with your slick all over his cheeks. “Y/N, are you sure? We don’t have to go all the way tonight if you don’t want to. I’m perfectly content just eating you out tonight.”

“Yes, I’m sure.” you told him, looking straight into his eyes. “I want you to fuck me.”

He grinned, then sat up to undo his belt. Once his jeans were unbuttoned, he brought his dick out from the top his tight black boxers. It was already rock hard, and it looked perfect for you. Not too big, not too thick, but just enough to rock your shit.

He pumped it in his hand a few times before kicking off his pants and boxers, reaching down to grab the condom out of his back pocket. After slipping it on, he lined himself up with your entrance, holding himself up with one arm. “Are you sure you wanna do this? Because I don’t know if I can hold back when it comes to you.”

“I want you, Wonho.” you told him, wrapping your arms around his neck and playing with the nape of his hair. “I’ll tell you if I want you to stop.”

He nodded, then pushed his tip into you. You hissed at the feeling, digging your nails into his back.

“Fuuuck Y/N…” he groaned into the crook of your neck when he felt you clamp around him. “You feel incredible… can I keep going?”

You nodded, and he continued thrusting up slowly, allowing you to adjust and stretch until he was completely inside of you. His dick hit all the right spots just sitting there, but he was prepared to give you so much more than that.

He began thrusting his hips harder, hitting your g spot each time. His pelvis was pressed flush against yours, stimulating your clit as well. He looked absolutely heavenly overtop of you, strands of his black hair flopping over his forehead, plump lips parted as he grunted breathlessly, and veins pressing out against the skin of his neck as he held himself up effortlessly by his own arms. The sight of him alone could’ve made you finish.

“Wonho… Ugh, yes, harder, please!” you encouraged him, and he happily obliged.

“You look so pretty like this… laid out underneath me so I can fuck you nice and hard. Do you like it like this?”

You tried nodding, but he stopped all movement in his hips impatiently. “Use your words princess.” he demanded, smirking down at you.

“Yes! I love you fucking me like this, just please don’t stop again…” you begged, desperately rubbing your hips against his in an attempt to regain some friction.

“That’s my girl.” he chuckled, catching you off guard when he started ramming his hips up into yours again. “So good for me. So nice and tight….”

You moaned as you felt your orgasm coming on. You were already close to the edge when he started fucking you, so you knew you wouldn’t last long. “Wonho, I’m so close I can feel it…”

“Go ahead baby, cum for me.” he whispered into your ear before biting the lobe, his hot breath steaming up your neck. With his blessing, you let your orgasm wash over you, crying out as he continued thrusting into you. You were practically ripping his hair out, but he loved the feeling.

“That’s right, who makes you feel this good?” he asked, grabbing one of your breasts in his hand.

“You do, Wonho. Only you.” you told him as you came down from your high.

“Fuck baby, that was so hot…. I’m gonna finish soon, where should I put it?”

“I’m on the pill, so you can cum inside.” you whispered in his ear.

That was all he needed to hear before his pace started going faster and harder than ever. He was fucking you straight into the couch, grunting with each thrust.

“F-fuuuck I can’t, I’m gonna-ugh!” he cried out before he came, continuing to ride out his high until all of it was emptied out inside of you. He collapsed against your chest, then crawled up to place a soft kiss on your lips. “That was wonderful Y/N.”

“You’re telling me.” you sighed, throwing your arms up above your head in fatigue. You couldn’t stop the smile that crept onto your face as he loomed overtop of you.

“What?” he asked, propping his face up on his elbows and mirroring your grin.

You brought a hand up to fix his hair, then let it rest on his cheek before explaining. “I just can’t believe this is all real. It feels too good to be true.”

He chuckled, placing his hand over yours and linking your fingers through each other’s. “I promise you that it is.”

“Do you wanna stay the night?” you asked. He nodded enthusiastically, then hopped up from the couch to scoop you up in his arms, bridal style.

“Where’s the bedroom?” he laughed, charging down the hallway while you held onto him for dear life. This man was either going to be the death of you or your salvation, and you couldn’t quite tell yet as he threw you down on your bed. He quickly put you under the blankets and curled up next to you. He seemed more excited for the after sex cuddles than the sex itself, you thought as he wrapped his arms around you. With you facing him, he relaxed with you in his embrace. You guys talked for hours, until you both fell asleep holding each other.

——————

*NSFW CONTENT ENDS HERE! WE NOW RETURN TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED FLUFF*

——————

The next morning, you rolled over to wake up as you normally did, bumping right into the huge man that you forgot had stayed the night with you. He stirred from his position on his stomach, clutching the pillow to his face.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up!” you giggled, switching to your side to face him.

“It’s alright,” he reassured you with a small smile, stretching out a bit before also flipping around to lay on his side. He was truly a vision first thing in the morning. His hair was messy, his eyes were dark, and his cheeks were lightly tinted a warm shade of pink.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I did actually, thank you for asking.” you chirped. “Did you?”

“Mm-hm.” he nodded contentedly. He was looking into your eyes as if you were the most important thing in the world to him at that moment. Suddenly, he leaned down to kiss your forehead. Before he could pull back all the way, you put a hand to his jaw and stole a quick kiss on the lips. He leaned forward to get more of you after you had already pulled away, making you laugh.

“Get back here.” he groaned playfully, grabbing you and pulling you back towards him. You pressed your hands to his chest and gave him a deeper, more passionate kiss.

“You make me so happy Y/N.” he told you after you were back to cuddling.

“You make me feel a lot of things, Wonho.” you chuckled, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers. You guys fiddled with each others’ hand while the conversation went on.

“Is one of those things… that you’d like to have me as your boyfriend?” he asked, a hopeful glint in his eye.

You pretended to think it over for a minute. You put your finger to your chin and furrowed your brow comically, humming to yourself over and over as you feigned contemplation.

“Y/N, please, I’m dying over here!” he pleaded, shaking your shoulders a bit. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“I would love to.” you finally answered.

His face broke out into such a big, happy smile before he kissed you again. He then leaned back to look at you, running a thumb along your cheek. “I am gonna make you so happy. I promise.”

“I’m looking forward to it, hunk-sickle.” you replied, placing your forehead against his. You couldn’t be more happy that you got over your fears and let him convince you to go out with him. Your friends were right, it really would have been like punishing yourself if you didn’t.

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years ago

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bucky’s bluetooth blues (one shot)

pairing: bucky barnes x gn! reader

summary: bucky just tore his last pair of earbuds trying to untangle them. when tony brings home airpods for the avengers, he’s faced with problem number two

W/C: 1.4k

A/N: i’ve never written for bucky before i feel like in different fics he’s always got such different personalities so i guess this is grumpy! technologically incompetent! bucky

“goddamnit, these stupid electrostrings-” the wires of bucky’s brand new earbuds were tangled around his flesh fingers, tightening as he attempted to detangle them. his teeth were gritted with impatience.

“the fuck, man? you look like you’re stuck in one of those chinese finger traps,” sam threw himself onto the couch beside bucky, arm slouching over the cushion behind the super soldier’s back.

“leave me alone, sam.” bucky was very focused on his electrostrings. yesterday was his ma’s birthday, and he didn’t have anything to remember her by except her favorite songs, which is how he ended up in this predicament. last time he tried listening to 40s music in the compound, tony and sam ridiculed him until he gave up trying to fiddle with the volume buttons and just tossed his phone into a corner, where it cracked and went silent. tony stopped commenting on bucky’s music after that.

thus, bucky walked to the corner store this morning and bought himself a pair of electrostrings earbuds. now, here he was, back in sam’s firing range—the very place he had done all this to avoid.

bucky groaned, tossing his head back as his adam’s apple bobbed in frustration. he tugged a little harder. snap! there, in his metal hand, was a singular earbud with a cord hanging loosely from its end, like some fucked up electrical tampon. the exposed wires against bucky’s metal arm made him flinch.

“hey birdie,” you rounded the corner, giving sam a nod in greeting. “hey bu- woah, what happened here?” you rushed to bucky’s side, kneeling between his open legs. you couldn’t help the snort that escaped your mouth as you admired the mess he’d made.

“i don’t want to hear anything,” bucky grumbled. he was shrinking into himself, slouching, with his bottom lip jutting out just a tiny bit, you had to bite down a smile at the sight of him. you sat yourself down on bucky’s other side, stretching yourself out to sprawl over bucky’s legs and resting your head on sam’s lap.

“someone’s being a real sourpuss today, huh?” you raised your eyebrows at sam. he quirked one in return.

“how ever will we improve his highness’ mood?” sam tapped his chin thoughtfully. “ben and jerry’s americone dream?”

“we could take him to see his exhibit in the smithsonian and talk about how handsome he was in his youth,” you piped in. “or… you could wait for tony to come back in like-” you tapped the screen of your phone to check the time. bucky looked up in surprise, still used to reading wristwatches. “-two minutes. he just did a little photoshoot or dress-up play date or techie collab or something with apple and they’re giving him a bunch of airpods. it’s not like he needed them to be free anyway, but you know how tony is. the stingiest billionaire i’ve ever met… also the only billionaire i’ve ever met.”

tony sauntered in, swinging a plastic yellow baggie with a smiley face, shoes clicking on the polished tile. “hey bitches,” he announced, looking over his sunglasses to examine the tangle of limbs that had made a home on his very expensive white leather couch. you could hear the clinking of what you presumed to be airpod cases as he dug his hands into the goodies, trying to collect a generous handful. then, he tore his hand out of the bag and flung the airpods in the air at you, in the same fashion you’d “make it rain” with dollar bills for a stripper.

you scrambled into a seated position. bucky immediately adjusted himself to shield your body from the torrent of airpods, one hand coming up to cover his face while the other instinctively wrapped a protective arm around your waist. you noticed it was his metal one.

sam was the only one to leap out of his seat, hands cupped to catch one of the cases before they hit the floor. he held it up in a fist triumphantly, much to tony’s satisfaction.

“now that’s what i’m talking about! c’mon guys, your favorite billionaire brings you some toys and he doesn’t get a thank you?” bucky rolled his eyes, but you grinned, biting your lip to hide your amusement at the eccentric genius’ enthusiasm.

“thank youuuu, tony,” you drawled, extending each vowel out sarcastically. he seemed satisfied.

you reached to pick up one of the cases off the ground, presenting it to bucky. you were pleasantly surprised to see they were the unreleased airpod pro 2s—maybe tony cared more than he let on. he caught your eye, the tips of his ears tinging pink as he quickly unraveled his arm from around you, realizing he had been enjoying your comfort for far too long.

“so, bucko. do you know what bluetooth is?” he shook his head, lips pursed. you extended a hand. “can i see your phone?” from in between the couch cushions, bucky wrangled his phone—caseless and littered with screen fractures—into your hands. you were about to ask for his password when you realized he didn’t have one. we’ll get to that problem later, you thought.

“do you use spotify or apple music?” bucky looked at you as if you had grown a second head.

“that’s okay!” you smiled reassuringly as you looked up at him, peering from beneath your eyelashes with doe-like softness. his heart pounded as he glowed under your gaze—technology always did make him nervous.

“hm, it looks like you don’t have an account on either. i can help you set up a spotify account super quickly; you just need to sign in with your apple id!” there is was, the third head. you grimaced, realizing you had been severely overestimating bucky’s understanding of the modern world.

“you know what? let me just log into my own account. it was your ma’s birthday yesterday, right? are you trying to find 40s music? spotify has some pre-curated playlists…” you trailed off, tapping with technological prowess bucky couldn’t help but marvel at.

you had remembered his ma’s birthday, he realized. even steve hadn’t said something. not only that, but you had known exactly why he was trying to listen to music, and now you were finding him the songs from his childhood, and you were doing it because you were, well, you. kind, thoughtful, nurturing you. he barely registered himself as he tucked a lock of hair that had fallen into your eyes behind your ear. you met his eye once more and flashed him another dazzling smile.

“sorry. you looked so focused, i- i didn’t want to disturb you,” he smiled back sheepishly, blue eyes flickering down with hesitation. you brushed your hand over his, which had frozen midair after he had caught himself in the act, running your thumb up and down the side of one of his fingers. he was so glad for his flesh hand at that moment, relishing the feel of your warm, soothing touches against his dangerous hand.

“s’okay, buck. i appreciate it. here, all you have to do is put the airpod in your ear and press the big button on your screen, like this.” you wiggled one of the airpods into his ear and guided his finger towards the play button. his eyes widened as golden brass began playing.

he tore the airpod out of his ear. put it back in. he repeated the cycle a few times, baffled. “how does the sound get there? there’s no wire… but how does nobody else hear anything? where is the music coming from?” he held his phone up in bewilderment. “from here?”

you laughed, pushing the hand clutching his phone back into his lap. “i’ll explain everything to you some time. but you just enjoy your mom’s birthday, alright?” with one last look, you shifted your weight as you began to stand. bucky grabbed your forearm, eyebrows furrowed.

“wait…” he took the other airpod out of its case and held it out to you, almost like an olive branch. “listen with me?” your face lit as you accepted the airpod and settled back to where you were sitting before. struck with a burst of courage—perhaps a gift from his late mother as she smiled down at him—he wrapped his metal arm around your waist once more, and the two of you settled between the couch cushions, lost in the romantic tunes of the 40s.

#bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes self insert #marvel imagine

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thessalian · 2 years ago

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Thess vs Talking Points

I know that the UK doesn’t get all that much play in international news. I don’t blame anybody. The US tends to dominate, and for international news there’s generally Ukraine to focus on. So I don’t go running around screaming WHY ISN’T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?

I just talk about it.

I talk about how much profit the electric companies are raking in while we try to set up ‘warmth banks’ in libraries and the like but can’t because over a decad of Tory austerity is making it impossible for those libraries to stay open under normal circumstances, never mind get enough funding to have the heating on. How food banks are shutting down not because they’re not needed but because people can’t afford to donate to them, and how those that are open are having to turn away donations of far too many things (root vegetables, in the main - some of the cheapest healthiest ways to eat) because people turn them down for not being able to afford the energy needed to cook them. About how PM-to-be Truss keeps saying that corporate tax cuts will benefit everyone by encouraging corporations to keep their prices low, when we all see how they use tax cuts not to make their goods or services more affordable but to do stock buy-backs and enrich themselves at our expense.

Speaking of PM-to-be Truss, I talk about how she’s not exactly giving specifics about how she wants to scrap labour laws, but has stated that she plans to “deregulate aspects of the economy” because she insists that “UK workers are the laziest in the world” and “we need to be competitive in the global market”. When you consider that we already have the stingiest workers’ rights in Europe, you can imagine how much worse it can get. I see scrapping the 48-hour work week and holiday entitlement, because she’s already hinted as much. I see further reduction of maternity and paternity leave, and even stingier rules about paid sick leave, and probably stingier statutory sick pay too. I also see a crackdown on the labour unions, because she’s outright said that’s what she wants to do. While she says it’s all about “not disrupting things for normal people”, what she means is “people being unable to get to work costs our rich corporate donors money and meeting the strikers’ demands would cost them more money so let’s shut this shit down so that the plebs will sit down, shut up, and eat the shit we’ve given them”. Given that Truss has literally said that it’s entirely fair to prioritise the most well-off in society when it comes to tax cuts and economic graces ... you can see where the people rate in her view.

I talk about the Elections Bill. I talk about how we’re going to have voter ID introduced, and yet we still have heard nothing about how to apply for the free voter card we’ve been told we can have. About how senior railcards are seen as valid photo ID but student railcards are not. About how expensive passports are and how slow and backlogged the passport office has been since the end of the Brexit transition period - not to mention how they’re using the state of the passport office to insist on it needing to be privatised.

I also talk about the Elections Bill in the context of “it puts the Elections Commission more closely under government control”. Presumably because the Tories watched Trump try to get people to throw the election in his favour and were smart enough to set the legal procedures in place to do it properly.

I talk about the Police, Crime, Sentencing, and Courts Act. About how most forms of protest have been outright criminalised. About how they can legally shut down protests for any reason, up to and including, “You’re annoying someone”. Which is, the last time I checked, the point of a protest. It also ignores data protection and confidentiality rules by demanding information about everyone (including victims and children) from whatever sources they deem fit, whether or not it’s applicable. Also gives the police greater stop and search powers - anywhere they want, any time they want, for whatever reason they want to make up. Also basically makes Gypsy, Roma, and Traveller encampments illegal. Not to mention the whole thing about forcing trans women to be incarcerated in men’s prisons, and vice versa.

I talk about the treatment of trans people in general. While a lot of people are pretty much okay with the whole concept, the government is not. The government that more or less controls our access to trans-affirming healthcare (and are behaving a lot like some US states about it). The government that insists so strongly that “biological sex is all-important” that they argue with the phrasing of “people who have ovaries” on a piece of advice about diagnosing and treating ovarian cancer. The government whose prime minister at the time (and technically still is, the rumpled pile of medical waste that he is) was proud to go on record as saying that trans women shouldn’t compete in women’s sport, and was backed by most of his government. This is the country that shaped JK Rowling; do not forget that. (Let’s face it, however much a poor single mother she was when she wrote the first Harry Potter book, she went high-octane Tory the red-hot minute she had enough money to sit on like a dragon on its hoard.)

Now, a lot of this goes against international human rights law. So I talk about the fact that the UK wants to entirely quit the European Court of Human Rights and make its own human rights laws. Given the above, how do you think that bill of human rights is going to look? We’ve already had our rights whittled down to the point where more than a few organisations are looking our way and going, “Um ... you know this is bad, right?” If we’re ever in a position where the ECHR doesn’t apply, everyone but the very rich in this country is fucking doomed.

Not that we aren’t already.

This is the country in which I now live. It terrifies me a little more every day. I don’t expect everybody to be talking about it. It’s not like anyone who doesn’t live here can do anything about it anyway. But I talk about it. I have to talk about it. I know it’s bad in other countries. I know that the US varies from state to state in how much bullshit they’re forced to eat regularly. I know Canada has its problems and Alberta’s the worst of a bad lot. I know the situation in Ukraine, and brewing issues in Taiwan, and Argentina, and Somalia, and... You get the idea. I do not diminish any of their situations. Thing is ... sometimes I just need to talk about mine. Because honestly I don’t know what else to do.

I am femme nonbinary in a country where the gender binary is all, so I’m afraid to come out. I remain in the closet about that, and about my sexuality or lack thereof, because it doesn’t feel safe. I am disabled in a country whose health service is being deliberately eroded to encourage a sell-off and turn to an insurance-based US-ish model. I have dietary restrictions that make cheap food literally impossible for me to eat, since they thicken everything with wheat flour and the last time I did a personal gluten challenge, I ended up with an upset stomach for a month and dangerously low vitamin D levels. (I must actually have coeliac, given that one of the things coeliac does is interfere with vitamin D uptake). It is only my insane pain tolerance (which allows me to work at least part-time) and the support of my parentals that allows me to survive, and also to not completely lose my shit.

This country hates me. This country hates me and everyone like me. And the Conservative party have stacked the deck so much in their favour that I have a horrible feeling that this is only going to get worse, because they’re not going away. We’ll try - gods, how we’ll try - but when they make it so hard for those without money to vote, and have the Electoral Commission in their hands ... I struggle to see how we’re going to succeed. And with protest largely off the table, I look to the future and see riots. Then again, is that really worse than the alternative - which at the moment is apathy and terror?

I’ve talked about this as much as I can, I think. Sometimes it has to be said. It just can’t be dwelled upon either. I can’t take to the streets with a Molotov cocktail and a brick. All I can do is talk. And when it gets to the point where I feel the tears threatening, I have to step away. I am of no help to myself or anyone else if I am a sobbing ball of nervous breakdown in a corner.

Just ... if you have a spare second, please send kind thoughts to the people of the UK. It isn’t a major talking point, I know, but there are a lot of tired, angry, terrified, drained, and miserable people on this little spit of land in the North Sea. They could all probably use a virtual hug. I know I could.

#Thess on politics #Thess on economics

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tabloidtoc · 5 years ago

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Globe, March 16

Cover: Coronavirus Destorying the World

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Liev Schreiber on a scooter, Salma Hayek smoking a cigarette, Jon Voight

Page 3: Carnie Wilson, Vinny Guadagnino, Busy Philipps

Page 4: Angelina Jolie may be worth millions on paper but she is struggling to pay her bills despite wringing every penny she can from ex Brad Pitt, desperate Ben Affleck begs Jennifer Garner to reunite

Page 5: Cash-strapped American Chopper star Paul Teutul Sr.’s bank account has taken another hit after he’s been ordered to pay $260,000 to a photographer for using his artwork without permission, John Oates of Hall & Oates says he bedded thousands of women in the ‘70s

Page 6: Rolling Stones super groupie Anita Pallenberg held seances to contact the dead and was crazy for vampires and spells and dark arts, Jane Seymour plans to wed for the fifth time to her beau of six years British director David Green before she turns 70 next year

Page 7: Engelbert Humperdinck is happy after a cutting-edge acupuncture treatment miraculously sparked his Alzheimer’s-stricken wife into remembering and speaking again, Lee Majors has zero sympathy for ailing home-wrecker Ryan O’Neal and Lee will never forgive Ryan for stealing Farrah Fawcett, freaked-out fans are slamming a hologram of Whitney Houston that is hitting the road for an international tour

Page 8: Disgraced Prince Andrew’s feeble denials about bedding one of pedophile pal Jeffrey Epstein’s underage sex slaves are crumbling as new witnesses and explosive tapes surface blasting his alibi to bits

Page 10: U.S. planes battle UFO invaders -- the U.S. Navy is covering up a secret shooting war with UFOs that an expert claims has led to no-holds-barred air battles with casualties on both sides

Page 11: John Tesh nearly pulled the plug on himself while he battled cancer but his wife Connie Sellecca saved him, after barely cheating death in a terrifying fireball crash that some experts thought would end his racing career gutsy NASCAR star Ryan Newman has vowed to drive again

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Adam Sandler walks his dog, Carrie Ann Inaba was raised in the paradise of Hawaii but she says her childhood was straight out of hell, Pete Davidson got the last laugh on comic Louis C.K. after Louis ratted him out to SNL boss Lorne Michaels about his pot smoking but then news broke of Louis’ sexual misconduct, Amy Schumer is determined to give son Gene a sibling despite the odds, Mandy Moore is tuning up a TV series about her teen queen years as a pop star

Page 13: Jenna Bush Hager lost her phone on the subway and it was returned, David Letterman gives $20 to a homeless man, Rachael Ray at a Miami food fest, Meg Ryan grocery shopping

Page 14: Margot Robbie uses a simple no-nonsense approach to landing her Once Upon a Time in Hollywood role as Sharon Tate -- she just wrote to Quentin Tarantino and asked, Rainn Wilson has landed a role in the new Amazon series The Power based on the novel by Naomi Alderman, Fashion Verdict -- Brie Larson 4/10, Meghan Trainor 1/10, Janelle Monae 3/10, Linda Thompson 8/10, Jaimie Alexander 2/10

Page 16: Martha Stewart packs on 47 lbs. after dating disasters, Placido Domingo whines he’s truly sorry for his pervy antics as a serial sex harasser and abuser

Page 17: Convicted rape fiend Harvey Weinstein to die in jail hell in Rikers Island

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Aaron Paul, Kelly Ripa says she and husband Mark Consuelos will be totally naked at all times after their youngest kid leaves for college, singing as a kid helped Mary J. Blige survive tough times

Page 20: True Crime

Page 24: Cover Story -- Doomsday is here -- coronavirus creating chaos as plague races around the world -- financial markets in ruins as nations close borders and ban public events

Page 27: Health Report

Page 38: Rod Stewart is the world’s stingiest person according to a British TV broadcaster

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Face it, Wendy Williams -- you’ve become a nip/tuck nut

Page 45: Brad Pitt’s mom keeps nagging him to reunite with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston, The Flash hunk Rick Cosnett has come out of the closet, Hugh Jackman is close to sealing a $15 million deal to play disco icon Barry Gibb in an upcoming Bee Gees biopic and he sees it as the role of a lifetime

#tabloid #tabloid toc #grain of salt #coronavirus #prince andrew #martha stewart #harvey weinstein

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junker-town · 4 years ago

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NFL expert picks for the Divisional Playoff round

Photo by Cliff Welch/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Tom Brady versus Drew Brees. Lamar Jackson versus Josh Allen. It’s going to be a great weekend

The first NFL Super Wild Card Weekend was a total blast. The only game that wasn’t close was Bears vs. Saints, and that had Nickelodeon to entertain us. The rest came down to the fourth quarter, with numerous games turning on a single play.

If last weekend was anything to go off, this one should be an absolute blast. There’s an argument for any of the eight remaining teams to make a run to the Super Bowl, and we saw that this week in the expert picks. There isn’t a single unanimous pick across the board, with at least one member of the panel picking against the rest in our four games.

We start the week in the NFC with the Rams traveling to Lambeau Field to take on the Packers. Only one member of the panel is picking against Green Bay, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a chance. This is the matchup of the NFL’s No. 1 ranked scoring offense, against the stingiest defense. Last week the Seahawks learned just how smothering the Rams’ defense could be, with Russell Wilson proving to be utterly ineffective against Aaron Donald and co.

From there we have the Ravens facing the Bills, in yet another game where the majority of the panel has a clear pick. Lamar Jackson was ludicrously critiqued as being a player who couldn’t win in the playoffs, and shut up the inane argument last weekend with a stunning performance against the Titans. However, there was more to the game than Jackson. Baltimore shut down Derrick Henry and turned the Titans into a passing team, which wasn’t enough to get them through. It remains to be seen if that strategy can work against Buffalo, however. Josh Allen is playing phenomenal football, and Stefon Diggs eats secondary’s alive.

The most emotional game of the weekend will be Browns vs. Chiefs. All logic says the Chiefs will win this one, but goodness it would be a phenomenal story if the Browns go further. This would be one the best sports stories of the year, and no offense to Kansas City, but I think everyone wants to see the Browns pull this one out.

Finally we have an old man fight, which I mean in the nicest possible way. The NFC South showdown between the Buccaneers and Saints. This game is really distilled to Tom Brady vs. Drew Brees. The Saints won both of their regular season matchups, but we know everything changes in the playoffs. Brady always rises to the occasion, and there’s so much more on the line now. Tampa Bay is hoping it can return to the Super Bowl for the first time since 2002, in a game that will be played in their home stadium. Meanwhile there are reports Brees could retire after the 2020 season, making this is last run at a title.

It’s going to be a fascinating weekend of football, for sure.

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virgogear0-blog · 5 years ago

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Pickups of the Week: Rashaad Penny demands fantasy attention

Rashaad Penny finally breaks out

Penny certainly had the look of a first-round running back on Sunday, piling up 108 yards and one score on a dozen carries against the Rams. Check his highlight reel and you’ll see quick feet, excellent decision-making and powerful finishes. Veteran Mike Davis got the start for Seattle in relief of the injured Chris Carson (quad, hip). He out-snapped Penny, 39 to 27, but the rookie was a revelation.

Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll was clearly pleased:

“Today [Penny] busted out,’’ Carroll said. “We’ve been challenging him to get right and to work at the right tempo and find what it’s like to be a pro, just teaching a young guy trying to figure it out. … I thought today he needed it so badly. He knows he’s a great player. He just hasn’t been able to demonstrate it.’’

You shouldn’t need an expert to tell you that a talented rusher coming off a 100-yard performance is a priority fantasy add. Penny is available at the moment in over 85 percent of Yahoo leagues, and he should have a meaningful role in Thursday night’s home matchup with Green Bay. Go get him. Carson is expected to return this week, if Carroll can be believed, but Penny has earned a share of the backfield touches.

Schedule, next three weeks: GB, at Car, SF

FAAB bid ($100 budget): $16

Seattle Seahawks rookie Rashaad Penny delivered his first NFL touchdown and first 100-yard rushing performance in Week 10. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Theo Riddick keeps PPRing, hauls in another six passes

Riddick has caught 13 balls for 96 yards over Detroit’s last two games, emerging as perhaps the biggest statistical winner following the Golden Tate trade. He has almost no role as a rusher — in fact, he hasn’t received a carry since Week 5 — but the PPR managers among you don’t really care. Riddick has a well-understood role in the Lions’ offense; he’s likely to see 6-10 targets per week moving forward. If you play in a full-point per reception fantasy format, he’s clearly on the radar.

Schedule, next three weeks: Car, Chi, LAR

FAAB bid: $4

Anthony Miller makes another house call

Miller has feasted over the past five weeks, reaching the end-zone three times while catching 16 passes on 30 targets. He’s coming off a season-best 122-yard effort versus the Lions, a performance that included this long score against remarkably poor defense:

With six teams on bye in the week ahead, Miller should be considered a viable WR3 for fantasy purposes. Add as needed.

Schedule, next three weeks: Min, at Det, at NYG

FAAB bid: $10

Josh Adams can expect an uptick in touches

To be clear, we aren’t simply speculating about an increase in usage for Adams. Philadelphia’s head coach says it’s happening:

Adams has rushed for 108 yards on just 16 carries over Philly’s last two games and he’s averaging 5.7 YPC for the season. He’s not the flashiest runner, but he’s a large human (6-foot-2, 225) who makes good decisions and generally gains every inch that’s blocked. He was plenty effective at the collegiate level for Notre Dame, rushing for 1430 yards (6.9 YPC) and nine scores last year. Next week’s matchup with New Orleans isn’t at all appealing, as the Saints have the league’s stingiest run defense (3.7 YPC, 80.1 rush YPG). But the schedule takes a friendly turn in Week 12 when the Eagles host the Giants.

Schedule, next three weeks: at NO, NYG, Was

FAAB bid: $9

Suddenly, Marcus Mariota can’t be stopped

Mariota opened his season by throwing just two touchdown passes in his first five games, a rare level of ineffectiveness in the modern NFL. But he’s directed wins over Dallas and New England over the past two weeks, delivering a pair of TD tosses in each game and rushing for another score. Over the last four weeks, he’s averaged 8.2 yards per attempt. We’re beginning to see the sort of efficiency for which OC Matt LaFleur is known.

Story Continues

Tennessee has been a Jekyll/Hyde team so far this season, knocking off the Patriots and Eagles yet losing games to the Bills and Dolphins. The offense is rolling in recent weeks and next Sunday’s matchup with the Colts isn’t too intimidating. Indy ranks in the bottom-third of the league in both yards and points allowed. If you’re looking for a bye-week placeholder at QB, Mariota can help.

Schedule, next three weeks: at Ind, at Hou, NYJ

FAAB bid: $8

Marcus Mariota is coming off his second straight multi-touchdown game, and he has an appealing matchup ahead in Week 11. (AP Photo/James Kenney)

Lamar Jackson, high-upside fantasy stash

Joe Flacco is dealing with a hip injury of as-yet-unknown severity, raising the possibility that Jackson could soon make his first pro start. He’s a thrilling runner who was simply unfair at Louisville. Jackson isn’t a particularly accurate passer by NFL standards, but his rare rushing ability is enough to vault him into the starting conversation in fantasy. Think of him as something like a combination of a QB2 and RB2. Baltimore’s rest-of-season schedule is loaded with stellar matchups, including four of the league’s five worst pass defenses. Get Jackson wherever you can, even if it’s just to keep him away from a future opponent.

Schedule, next three weeks: Cin, Oak, at Atl

FAAB bid: $12

Arizona Cardinals to host the tanking Raiders

OK, so Jon Gruden might still be insisting that Oakland is not, in fact, aggressively tanking in 2018. But c’mon. The Raiders have been a mostly brutal watch. The team ranks No. 30 in scoring (16.3 PPG) and is tied for tenth in giveaways (13). Derek Carr has been sacked 28 times, the sixth highest total in the NFL. Arizona’s defense has been something less than dominant this season, but Oakland is an unusually inept opponent. Expect 8-12 fantasy points from the Cards in Week 11.

Schedule, next three weeks: Oak, at LAC, at GB

FAAB bid: $2

Also recommended: QB Dak Prescott, RB Derrick Henry, RB Frank Gore, RB Elijah McGuire, WR Chris Godwin, WR Josh Doctson, WR Keke Coutee, WR Josh Reynolds, TE Ricky Seals-Jones, TE Jeff Heuerman, TE Jonnu Smith, TE Nick Vannett, TE Gerald Everett

Follow the Yahoo fantasy football crew on Twitter: Andy Behrens, Dalton Del Don, Brad Evans, Matt Harmon, Liz Loza, Scott Pianowski and Tank Williams

Listen to the Yahoo Sports Fantasy Podcast

Source: https://sports.yahoo.com/pickups-week-rashaad-penny-demands-fantasy-attention-202924895.html?src=rss

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cover32-yahoopartner-blog · 8 years ago

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Ranking the NFL’s Top 10 greatest upsets in Super Bowl history

The Super Bowl is unique among the championships of the four major North American sports.

Unlike the World Series, NBA Finals, and Stanley Cup Finals, the Super Bowl is a one-time, winner-take-all contest. The single game format lends itself to high drama and drawing in viewers who don’t watch the National Football League in the 21 regular season and postseason weeks preceding Super Bowl Sunday.

The drama created by the format of the NFL’s league championship round doesn’t always translate to the play on the field.

AROUND COVER32

Super Bowl Top 10’s: All-time best Super Bowl MVPs

NFL Mailbag: What questions remain before Super Bowl LI?

cover32 Exclusive: Super Bowl LI round-table preview

Trivia Blitz: More Super Bowl love in this week football’s quiz

The Nickel: Super Bowl LI coin flip picks

2017 NFL Draft: Exclusive interview with prospect Forrest Lamp

Joe Montana led the San Francisco 49ers to a 55-10 rout of the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXIV. Three years later, Troy Aikman threw for four touchdowns and Emmitt Smith gained 108 yards on 22 carries in a 52-17 drubbing of the Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl XXVII.

The Super Bowl blowouts are not as memorable as the games in which an underdog David slays a favored Goliath. They serve as a reminder that odds can be defied by force of willpower and ability to do the impossible.

Without further adieu, here are the top 10 Super Bowl upsets of all time:

10. Super Bowl XXXVII: January 26, 2003, Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego, California Tampa Bay Buccaneers 48; Oakland Raiders 21

This Super Bowl was an example of unstoppable force meets immovable object. The unstoppable force was the Raiders offense, who led the NFL in total passing yards (4,689) and was second in total yards gained (6,451). The immovable object was the Buccaneers defense, who led the league in total defense (252.8 yards per game), pass defense (155.6 yards per game), points allowed (12.3 per game), passing touchdowns allowed (10), interceptions (31), and opponents passer rating (48.4).

The number one offense facing the number one defense was an afterthought. Super Bowl XXXVII’s predominant theme was Jon Gruden. Gruden was Raiders head coach from 1998-2001. Raiders owner Al Davis famously didn’t want to open up the piggy bank for his head coaches. Rather than pay Gruden, Davis “traded” him to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Buccaneers had fired Tony Dungy and hoped Gruden could build their offense into one that could win a championship.

Oakland entered their first Super Bowl in 19 years as four-point favorites. Tampa Bay dominated the game, out gaining Oakland in total yards (365 to 269), rushing yards (150 to 19), and first downs (24 to 11). Gannon threw a Super Bowl record five interceptions, three of them returned for touchdowns. Tampa Bay scored 34 unanswered points to capture their first and only Super Bowl.

NFL Films later revealed incompetence on the part of Gruden’s Raiders successor, Bill Callahan. The Raiders hadn’t changed the audible-calling system installed by Gruden. Furthermore, defensive back John Lynch told his teammates during the game virtually all the plays Oakland ran were plays Gruden specifically told them watch out for.

9. Super Bowl XVIII: January 22, 1984, Tampa Stadium, Tampa, Florida Los Angeles Raiders 38; Washington Redskins 9

The first Super Bowl played in Tampa featured two teams that already hoisted the Lombardi Trophy. Washington was the defending Super Bowl champions while the Raiders (who relocated from Oakland in May 1982) won Super Bowl XV three years earlier.

Washington entered Super Bowl XVIII as a three-point favorites. They had the best offense, best defense against the run, best regular season record, and were defending Super Bowl champs. In Week 5, Washington beat Oakland 37-35 by scoring 17 points in the final six minutes of the game.

The Raiders began their day with a blocked Redskins punt recovered for a touchdown. This was followed by a pair of touchdowns. Oakland put up 21 points in the first half while Washington only managed a field goal. Marcus Allen scored two touchdowns in the third quarter: a five-yard run and a then record 74-yard run to end the quarter and Washington’s hopes for a repeat.

Allen, the Super Bowl MVP, carried the ball 20 times for 191 yards and the two touchdowns. The Raiders were the first team to score an offensive, defensive, and special teams touchdown in the same Super Bowl.

Allen’s supremacy was immortalized in two ways. The first by President Ronald Reagan, who famously said in a telephone call with Raiders head coach Tom Flores, “I already had a call from Moscow. They think Marcus Allen is a new secret weapon and they insist that we dismantle it.”

The second was by John Facenda, the voice of NFL Films, in his final voice-over work. Facenda summed up Allen’s historic run with one of his most memorable quotes, “As Washington’s hopes faded into the dying daylight, on came Marcus Allen, running with the night.”

8. Super Bowl XLVIII: February 2, 2014, MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey Seattle Seahawks 43; Denver Broncos 8

Super Bowl XLVIII was the first to be played in an outdoor stadium in a cold weather city. Seattle was in the Super Bowl for the second time in franchise history while Denver was making its seventh Super Bowl appearance. Both teams boasted a 13-3 record, tops in their respective conferences.

Denver had the league’s best offense. Quarterback Peyton Manning set records for passing yards (5,477) and touchdowns (55). Seattle had the NFL’s top defense. They allowed the fewest yards per game (273.6) and fewest points (231) with the most takeaways (39), becoming the first team since the 1985 Chicago Bears to lead the NFL in all three categories.

Denver were two-point favorites and had the ball first. Seattle scored a safety on the first play from scrimmage with 14:48 left in the first quarter, the quickest score in Super Bowl history. At halftime, Seattle had a 22-0 lead. Denver didn’t get on the scoreboard until the end of the third quarter, making the score 36-8. Manning, a five-time league MVP, threw two interceptions in the first half. One of them was returned by Super Bowl MVP Malcolm Smith for a 69-yard touchdown.

This was the first Super Bowl in which the winner scored more than 40 points while holding their opponent to less than 10. The 35-point margin of victory is the largest for an underdog and tied for third largest overall in Super Bowl history. Seattle was the first team since the Baltimore Ravens in Super Bowl XXXV to score touchdowns on offense, defense, and special teams. The 59 minutes and 48 seconds Seattle continuously held the lead is also a Super Bowl record.

Denver lost their NFL-record fifth Super Bowl. Their loss ensured that each of the eight-highest scoring teams in league history failed to win a Super Bowl in the same season. In addition, the four teams that entered the Super Bowl with the NFL’s leading passer failed to win the game.

Denver joined the New York Giants in Super Bowl XXXV as the only teams to score less than 10 points in the previous 30 years. The Broncos loss is especially biting considering Manning set a Super Bowl record for completions (34) and wide receiver Demaryius Thomas for receptions (13).

7. Super Bowl XXV: January 27, 1991, Tampa Stadium, Tampa, Florida New York Giants 20; Buffalo Bills 19

The opponents were examples of contrasting strengths. Buffalo featured an explosive, no-huddle offense that scored the most points in the league (428). The Giants boasted the NFL’s stingiest defense, allowing a league-low 211 points. Their contrasting strengths yielded the same result: a record of 13-3.

They met Week 15 at the Meadowlands. Buffalo won 17-13 in inclement weather. The game was memorable because the two starting quarterbacks, the Giants’ Phil Simms and the Bills’ Jim Kelly, were both injured. Kelly returned for the Divisional Playoffs but Simms was replaced by Jeff Hostetler.

Buffalo entered their first Super Bowl as seven-point favorites. They were a deep talented team with nine Pro Bowl players, five future Hall of Fame players, and a future Hall of Fame coach in Marv Levy. Buffalo handed the Los Angeles Raiders a 51-3 thumping in the AFC Championship Game, the most lopsided score in AFC Championship Game history. They were expected to do the same to the Giants, who made their second Super Bowl appearance in four years.

The Giants had a future Hall of Fame coach in Bill Parcells, who constructed his team to play “power football”. This included a powerful defense and an offense that sustained long drives and kept the opposing offense off the field. Their game plan for Super Bowl XXV was conservative: a power running game on offense and being physical with Buffalo’s wide outs and playing with extra defensive backs. Defensive coordinator Bill Belichick famously told the defense that they would win the game if Bills running back Thurman Thomas gained more than 100 yards.

Thomas ran for 135 yards and a touchdown on just 15 carries. The Giants overcame an early 12-3 deficit. They controlled the clock, holding the ball for more than 40 minutes. Super Bowl MVP Ottis Anderson ran for 102 yards on 24 carries and a touchdown.

Super Bowl XXV was the first to feature two teams from the same state and the first in which neither team turned the ball over. It was also the first in which both team wore Super Bowl patches on their uniforms. The Giants had a 75-yard touchdown drive that took a record nine minutes, 29 seconds off the clock.

Both teams played well enough to win. Many thought Thomas should have been MVP in spite being on the losing side. Though this game is most memorable for Wide Right, it was strategy that decided the victor. Belichick’s defensive game plan is included at the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

6. Super Bowl XV: January 25, 1981, Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana Oakland Raiders 27; Philadelphia Eagles 10

These were not John Madden’s Raiders. Tom Flores was in his second year as head coach. Quarterback Ken “The Snake” Stabler was traded to the Houston Oilers for Dan Pastorini. Pastorini struggled to a 2-3 start before he was replaced by journeyman Jim Plunkett. Oakland entered the postseason as a Wild Card, defeating Stabler’s Oilers, the Cleveland Browns, and San Diego Chargers to reach their second Super Bowl in four years.

Awaiting Oakland was the NFC champion Philadelphia Eagles, making their first league championship game appearance in 21 years. Philadelphia had one of the league’s stingiest defenses. They allowed the fewest points in the league, adept at stopping both the run and the pass. Philadelphia defeated Oakland 10-7 in a hard-fought Week 12 contest that included eight sacks of Plunkett.

The Eagles were two-point favorites. Oakland jumped out to a 14-0 lead in the first quarter and never looked back. Plunkett picked apart the Eagles’ secondary. He finished 13-of-21 for 261 yards and three touchdowns. The most memorable score was an 80-yard reception by running back Kenny King through the outstretched arms of Eagles cornerback Herman “You Play To Win The Game” Edwards.

Raiders linebacker Rod Martin intercepted Eagles quarterback Ron Jaworski three times, a Super Bowl record that still stands. Philadelphia didn’t score a touchdown until the fourth quarter but it was too little, too late.

The Raiders became the first Wild Card team to win the Super Bowl. Plunkett was named MVP, the second Heisman Trophy winner to earn the honor (Roger Staubach won the Heisman in 1963 as a junior at Navy and was MVP of Super Bowl VI). Flores was the first person in NFL history to win a Super Bowl as a player (Super Bowl IV as a Kansas City Chiefs backup quarterback), assistant coach (Super Bowl XI with the Raiders), and head coach.

5. Super Bowl XXXII: January 25, 1998, Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego, California Denver Broncos 31; Green Bay Packers 24

AFC representatives in the Super Bowl had fallen on hard times. The conference hadn’t won since the Los Angeles Raiders bested the Washington Redskins in Super Bowl XVIII, a streak of 13 games.

Denver also had Super Bowl futility on their side, losing their four previous trips by a combined 163-50. Three of the Broncos’ Super Bowl losses came with John Elway under center, adding to the belief that No. 7 couldn’t win the big one.

Meanwhile, the Packers were defending Super Bowl champions with a reigning three-time league MVP in quarterback Brett Favre. The Gunslinger led the NFL with 35 passing touchdowns and was second on the Packers in rushing. Future Hall of Famer Reggie White led the team with 11 sacks.

Denver, a Wild Card team, entered the game as 11-point underdogs. Outside of the Mile-High City, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who thought the Packers would lose this game. There was just no way they could fall to a team that lost four Super Bowls by 113 points.

Broncos running back Terrell Davis, a San Diego native, missed most of the second quarter with a migraine. In spite of that, he rushed for 157 yards, scored a Super Bowl record three rushing touchdowns, and earned Super Bowl MVP honors. Elway wasn’t sacked in the game, finishing 12-of-22 for 123 yards and an interception.

Broncos owner Pat Bowlen famously hoisted the Lombardi Trophy in the air and exclaimed, “This one’s for John!” during the post-game celebration.

The Broncos didn’t lose yardage in any play from scrimmage. Davis became the only player to rush for three touchdowns in a Super Bowl and the only non-San Francisco 49er to score three touchdowns in a Super Bowl. Favre gave props to the Broncos defense after the game, citing their blitz packages as one of the main reasons why they lost.

4. Super Bowl IV: January 11, 1970, Tulane Stadium, New Orleans, Louisiana Kansas City Chiefs 23; Minnesota Vikings 7

Super Bowl IV was the final Super Bowl before the AFL/NFL merger. In spite of the New York Jets’ victory over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III, many still believed that the AFL was an inferior league to the NFL. Because of that, the NFL’s Vikings were 12-point favorites to knock off the AFL’s Chiefs.

Minnesota posted a 12-2 regular season record. They were dominant on both sides of the ball, leading the NFL in points scored (379) and points allowed (133). Minnesota scored 50 or more points in three games but the team’s true strength was the fearsome defensive line known as the Purple People Eaters.

Kansas City went 11-3 in the regular season. Their defense was the fourth in the history of professional football to lead their league in fewest rushing yards, fewest passing yards, and fewest total yards. Kansas City advanced to Super Bowl IV after defeating the AFL’s two previous champions (the Jets and Oakland Raiders) in the playoffs.

Kansas City dominated Minnesota on a field deteriorated by rain, forcing three interceptions of Vikings quarterback Joe Kapp and three fumbles. Chiefs head coach Hank Stram’s most famous call was the 65 Toss Power Trap.

The Chiefs’ victory gave the AFL a second consecutive Super Bowl, evening the series at 2-2. Quarterback Len Dawson, maligned because of the perceived inferiority of the AFL, found vindication when he was named Super Bowl MVP. Super Bowl IV featured Stram wearing a microphone in the game, the first coach to be miked up for NFL Films. Hank Stram provided memorable in-game quotables including “C’mon Lenny! Pump it in there, baby! Just keep matriculating the ball down the field!”

3. Super Bowl XXXVI: February 3, 2002, Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana New England Patriots 20; St. Louis Rams 17

Perhaps it was a bit of poetic justice that the first post 9/11 Super Bowl featured a team named the Patriots. The Patriots were a feel-good story but virtually no one gave them a chance against the Rams.

After all, the Patriots were 0-2 in Super Bowls and the Rams were 14-point favorites. The Greatest Show on Turf lit up the scoreboard. Quarterback Kurt Warner won the MVP. Wide receivers Issac Bruce and Torry Holt combined for 142 receptions, 2,469 receptions, and 13 touchdowns. Marshall Faulk was the NFL Offensive Player of the Year for a third consecutive year. The Rams had the best record in the league at 14-2. They were supposed to make short work of the Patriots and capture their second Super Bowl in three years.

The Patriots turned to Tom Brady after incumbent Drew Bledsoe was injured in a Week 2 loss to the New York Jets. Brady had immediate success guiding the offense, earning his first Pro Bowl berth. Their success on the defensive side of the ball was mixed. The Patriots ranked sixth overall in scoring but 24th in yards allowed. The controversy surrounding the Tuck Rule Game added an element of perceived flukiness to the Patriots’ season.

The Rams outgained the Patriots 427-267 but turned the ball over three times. New England capitalized on the turnovers, taking a 17-6 lead. After a Patriots fumble return for a touchdown was wiped out by a penalty, Warner led two drives down the field to tie the score at 17-17. With time expiring, the Patriots defied conventional wisdom and turned to kicker Adam Vinatieri (who kicked a winner against the Raiders in the Tuck Rule Game) to seal their first Super Bowl in regulation.

Though no one knew it at the time, Super Bowl XXXVI was a coming out party for the Patriots. Today, Belichick and Brady are synonymous with NFL excellence. Before they became a league standard, they were underdogs facing a seemingly insurmountable obstacle.

2. Super Bowl XLII: February 3, 2008, University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale, Arizona New York Giants 17; New England Patriots 14

The 2007 Patriots were the first team since the 1972 Miami Dolphins to go undefeated in the regular season and the only team to do so since the NFL expanded to a 16-game regular season in 1978. Quarterback Tom Brady threw a career high 4,806 yards and a then record 50 touchdowns on his way to the NFL MVP. New England set records for points scored (589, since broken by the 2013 Denver Broncos), 75 total touchdowns, and a net deferential of 315 points.

The Giants weren’t expected to do much after the retirement of running back Tiki Barber. Eli Manning faced criticism (with Barber being one of the loudest voices) because of inconsistent play. When the Giants dropped their first two games, the criticism intensified. Manning and the Giants eventually found their groove, winning 10 of their final 14 games and entering the playoffs as a Wild Card. They were the first NFC team to win three playoff games on the road to reach the Super Bowl.

The game was a rematch of the regular season finale that New England won 38-35. Eighteen consecutive wins made the Patriots a 12-point favorite. Expectations of a shootout evaporated as the defenses took center stage. A grand total of 10 points were scored in the first three quarters. The final quarter saw three lead changes. The highlight of the Giants’ game-winning drive was David Tyree’s catch that he pinned to the side of his helmet with Patriots safety Rodney Harrison draped over him.

Super Bowl XLII was the first Super Bowl in 34 years in which neither team scored at least 20 points. Manning, who had to escape five Patriots defenders just to get the pass off to Tyree, was named MVP. The Giants did more than deny perfection to the Patriots.

They won all 11 road games they played in, an NFL record. Manning silenced Barber and the rest of the critics who believed he would never justify his draft status or family pedigree. The Giants won it all despite trailing in each of their postseason games, including overcoming two fourth-quarter deficits. And they did with only one Pro Bowl starter (defensive end Osi Umenyoira).

1. Super Bowl III: January 12, 1969, Orange Bowl, Miami, Florida New York Jets 16; Baltimore Colts 7

It should come as no surprise this is the mother of all Super Bowl upsets. The historical significance of this game cannot be overstated. This was the first league championship game to bear the moniker “Super Bowl”. The 1966 and 1967 AFL-NFL Championship Games (retroactively known as Super Bowls I and II) were dominated by Vince Lombardi’s Green Bay Packers. The upstart AFL was seen as not being on the same level as the more established NFL because of the performance of the Kansas City Chiefs and Oakland Raiders against the Packers.

Baltimore entered Super Bowl III as 18-point favorites after posting a 13-1 regular season record and shutting out the Cleveland Browns 31-0 in the NFL Championship Game. Their defense allowed the fewest points in the league (144) and was third in rushing yards allowed (1,339). Joe Willie Namath threw for more than 3,000 yards for Gang Green. However, he only completed 42.7 percent of his passes. He also threw more interceptions (17) than touchdowns (15).

Namath’s Guarantee is etched in pro football folklore but the Jets’ victory was a team effort. They used a conservative game plan that emphasized the run and quick, high percentage passes to cut down on interceptions. Running back Matt Snell ran for 121 yards and a touchdown on 30 carries. Jim Turner kicked three field goals. The Jets defense picked off Colts quarterback Earl Morrall three times before he was benched in favor of Johnny Unitas, who drove the Colts down the field for their only touchdown late in the game.

Namath was named MVP even though he didn’t throw a touchdown in the game. The Jets are the only team in Super Bowl history to score only one touchdown and still win the game. More importantly, the Jets’ victory legitimized the merger and served as a template for every Super Bowl upset that followed.

– Curtis Rawls is a Managing Editor for cover32 and covers the NFL and the New York Giants. He can be followed on Twitter @TheArmchrAnlyst.

The post Ranking the NFL’s Top 10 greatest upsets in Super Bowl history appeared first on Cover32.

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