#it is possible that this is in the brick and i don't remember it tho idk

[la-pheacienne]

marius my man is even more useless in shoujo cosette than he is in the brick if that's even possible. he literally had one job but he's like "what should I do what should I do" for 15min straight while a crime was being committed right in front of his eyes like bro do you think you were given this gun to decorate your room or?

[deadsnakey]

✩𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃✩ ✩𝐒𝐋𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒✩

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 —> 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄, 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐓 & 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐎 𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐊𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐄.

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑...𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍?

—> FLUFF, MAYBE A LITTLE ANGSTY, A LITTLE SUGGESTIVE POSSIBLY, THREE HUGE IDIOTS WHO ARE MAJOR FUCK BOYS WITH MAJOR FUCK BOY MINDSETS.

MATTHEO RIDDLE

✩ it took him so long to start remembering that your touches aren't always to rile him up or for sex.

✩ like, deadass probably took him like three months before he started naturally not automatically thinking you wanna get clapped by him.

✩ when y'all first started dating? Omgggg you couldn't even hold his hand for longer then 10 minutes (on a good day) without him getting inappropriately handy with you.

✩ like???? We're in class???wtf??😭

✩ then you'd tell him you just wanted to feel him and show him your affection and he's like ???

✩ sooo...we still fuckin Orr???😭💀

✩ please be patient with him!! He's trying, for you.

✩ it literally doesn't matter how innocent or small the affection is or If it's in public or not he'll immediately think you want him deep inside you.

✩ but!!!! Like I said he gets better you just have to be patient and constantly reassure him politely that it's not in a freaky way !!

✩ and that you just want give him love because you're head over heels with him!!!

✩ Clingiest mf anytime anywhere

THEODORE NOTT

✩ he probably was a little better with it, also considering he fucks the least out of the three I feel like.

✩ so maybe a month and a half to not automatically think you wanna get ruined by him by innocent touching and affection.

✩ like, at first he'll think you wanna get some action, then he remembers what you told him countless of times

✩ before tho? Girrlllll immediately smirking and bricked hard in his pants yo!!!

✩ LMAO the confusion on your face was tooooo good girl y'all laugh at it looking back now that he's not like that anymore

✩ but no seriously it wasn't too bad considering enzo

✩ but still pretty bad, once in potions you slowly and gently held his hand under the table and dude got hard immediately and stared holes into yo head yo

✩ but looked at him confused and he raised his eyebrows, smirking and you've never let go of someone's hand so quickly before omg😭

✩ you kinda refused to initiate physical affection for a week maybe two after that

✩ but after lots of talking, he tried to be better but pls dont be mad if he gets bricked!!!

✩ he gets batter and smothering you in love (mostly in private) isn't as chaotic as before.

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

✩ tbh? Like, five months lol.

✩ look, he still gets stuck in his fuck boy mindset sometimes this is nuovo to him be patient.

✩ like I think month four, it got better and only sometimes he thought you had nsfw intentions but then he's like "yo snap out of it she's just giving you a friendly hug."

✩ yeah, I don't think it completely goes away unfortunately, but he definitely gets wayyy better at it and knowing more times then not you just wanna love him up.

✩ but before?? Nahhh don't even TRY to hold his hand let alone in public girl pee yew

✩ a Hand slithers to your thigh and next thing you know he's trying to maul you with hickies right there present timing

✩ like bruhhh I js wanted to hold your hand because I love you!!!! Is that so hard to ask for?💔

✩ but after you talked to him mf was confused as hell like ... You DONT wanna fuck me or vise versa???☹️💔💔💔

✩ like girl no that's not what you were trying to say I fear😭💀

✩ but he does learn eventually to not immediately think sum dirty....now it's after a little too much affection he thinks you want him bad and boy are you in for a ride.

✩ lovesssss touching and being near you, physical affection is def his main love language and it's sweet and nice and peaceful when he's not getting hard or too hansy.

Thank you @slytherin-princess-x for requesting! Hope you enjoy!💗💗

[toastedjeans]

Full name + driving headcanons bc idk

Peppino Giuseppe Spaghetti. He can't drive a car, BUT he can drive scooters. He only barely got his license after a few tries cause he was really nervous, but eventually he got used to driving. He drives his little Vespa very cautiously since he's a small target on the streets. Parks on the side of the road, trying to take up as little space as possible. (Based on myself, just that i can drive cars but not bikes)

Maurice Spaghetti. His actual given name is Marco but he changed it, and he has no middle name. He drives a pickup truck. Got his license on the first try, but still drives like an asshole, and parks like an even bigger one. We're talking like, taking up three parking spots, with the rear sticking out far enough that it's in the way for other drivers. (Based on my brother LOL)

Gustavo Cannoli (i saw this somewhere before but i don't remember who said it. I love it tho). He's too small for most cars, but can drive short distances on Peppino's Vespa. He doesn't have a license, but nobody suspects anything since he drives very mannerly. Most of the time he just rides on Brick's back.

Scott Spencer Stick. Spencer is his actual first name but he doesn't like it so he decides to go by his middle name instead. Can drive cars, but hates how little space he has for his long legs. Puts his seat almost all the way back. Could probably drive bikes too, but feels too unsafe. Probably drives an SUV. Sometimes parks a little crooked, taking up a bit of space on the parking spot next to his. Doesn't bother correcting it, no matter how long he's gone from the car.

Hugh Mary Burton. Everybody just calls him by his last name. His mom calls him Huey (or used to, before she passed). Too big for most cars and bikes, and can't drive. Hitches rides with Mr. Stick. (It's a really big SUV trust me guys)

Philipp Belle Pepper. Uses Pepperman as an alias / artist name. Drives that cabrio he has in the ending credits since he's too.. shaped.. for any other cars. He isn't exactly reckless, just selfish. Will drive a little too fast or go into the wrong lane when not paying enough attention (due to checking himself out in the rearview mirror). Doesn't have a license. Don't tell Vigilante.

Vigert Irving Cheese (bonus grandpa -> John Ebenezer Cheese). I know people like Lantte as his last name but since his grandpa's last name is Cheese i thought it fit for him as well. He can't drive cars or bikes, so he doesn't have a license. Rides on rats or one of those weenie mounts if the rats are out of order or something.

Theodore J Noise. It's not short for anything, it's literally just a J. He doesn't have a license, but he drives both cars and bikes. Recklessly. If he gets a ticket he bribes the cops cause i mean. He's a celebrity after all. You can't arrest him. He'd bite the cops if they tried. Has a sports car and one of those off road bikes. (Fun fact: my mom calls those bikes "petrol mosquitoes" ("Benzin-Gelse") because of the sound of the motor.)

Bonus Noisey: all the Noisies can drive, and they'll sometimes drive Noise somewhere in a fancy limousine. Mostly when Noise is too tired or just doesn't wanna drive by himself. Or when Noisette forces him, or doesn't want him to drive by himself.

Hazel Belle Jolie aka Noisette. She'd absolutely hate the fact that she shares a middle name with Pepperman if she knew his full name. She has a cute little car, probably a cabriolet. Does have a license but doesn't drive very well. Not necessarily like an asshole, but just. A little stupid. Has definitely caused a few crashes and just drove away like nothing happened. Not because she felt guilty, but because she genuinely didn't even notice anything.

Fakey does not know how to drive anything. He does like watching traffic from afar but he's strangely hesitant to get near cars. Bikes are fine. He prefers running on all fours.

John Benjamin Pillar. He's incapable of fitting into any car and is too heavy for a bike. He doesn't need a car and i feel like he'd hate driving anyway.

Gerome William Pillar. He could drive a smaller car, but he doesn't have one. He prefers taking the bus or subway. Would ride in a taxi, but only if the driver doesn't talk to him / only talks very little.

Peddito doesn't have a car and doesn't need one. I mean, when you can fly everywhere you wouldn't need one either.

Anthony Dorian Solero aka Doise. His actual first name is Diego. Privately goes by Tony, but more often than not he stays in his persona. Does not have a license nor a car or bike, and would drive like a maniac if he did. He doesn't like driving anyway, and just rides around on his skateboard.

Totino Margherita aka Pizzahead. He doesn't have a license and can't drive cars or bikes. But he can pilot mechs and, surprisingly, helicopters. Unsurprisingly though, he doesn't have a pilot's license either. But if he had one, he would've gotten it illegally. Cheater. Has crashed multiple vehicles, and they all exploded, yet he survived every single time. Because cartoon logic.

[fic-recommended]

Shyan Fics

more to be added, if I feel like adding

—————————————

I’ll Crawl Home – carrieonfighting

(16,024 words / 6 chapters / Teen and up)

Tags: Demon!Shane, Angst, Non-Linear Narrative, bc im PRETENTIOUS, Protective!Shane

"Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him."

Wow. That’s all I gotta say. I started reading Shane/Ryan fic because I had a weird dream and went looking for comfort fic to ease the edges of my mind. I stumbled upon this fic and was so fucking blown away. I was drawn in because of the demon!Shane tag and the way this story is charted out is insane. It’s nonlinear (there is a liner version tho I’m strongly against it). Just ohmygod read this fic it’s insane and hurts so good.

I’m Gonna Keep You in Love with Me (for a While) – beethechange

(21,847 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: fake married, also real married, friends to husbands to lovers to ???, Las Vegas Wedding, possible dubious consent due to alcohol consumption, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Rimming, just assume most of the kinds of sex are present here, probably more Celine Dion than you were hoping for, they say "fuck" a lot, also "dude" but I don't make the rules okay, Bedsharing

Shane is pacing around the hotel room. It’s not a huge room and Shane’s legs are long enough that he doesn’t have much real estate to pace before he has to swing back around for another loop.

“Can you stop?” Ryan asks. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Okay,” Shane says finally. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re just going to—we’re going to be married. The only way out is through.”

“Um,” Ryan says, because this plan strikes him as counterproductive to their shared goal of not being married.

To me there are the big two when thinking of Shane/Ryan fics. That is to say the others aren’t amazing but two gutted me in a way I was not expecting from I ship I don’t even ship. This is one of the two and fucks sake it hurts me but in a way I really like and neeeeeded. (The other is the one above this)

Muscles Better and Nerves More – beethechange

(26,301 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Bodyswap, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, First Time, Pining, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Body Horror, Rituals, Swearing, Sexy Shame

“I’m serious,” Ryan says. “Don’t go fucking up my body. I want that shit back in the same condition I left it.”

“The same condition—Ryan. I’m not spending hours in a gym every day so you don’t lose muscle mass.”

“I want you to treat my body with the respect you would a national park. Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories.”

***

A certain meddling Voodoo Queen of New Orleans thinks Ryan and Shane need some new perspective on life. After an inadvisable ritual deposits Ryan in Shane’s body, and Shane in Ryan’s, the ghoulboys pursue some soul-searching and self-discovery to put things right. Sometimes in a sexy way.

I have found out while reading this fic that I am also a sucker for bodyswap!au. Something about learning to love someone completely while seeing (and being lmao) all of them is so intimate and endearing to me. Plus there’s dumplings in this fic and that is just sweet sweet poetry.

If you can find a way to love me, it’s all right – varnes

(11,232 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Psychic Ryan

When Ryan was a kid, he fell into a pile of bricks. They were playing hide and seek, and he thought he had the best hiding spot: high up in a thickly lush tree, his knees drawn to his chest so that he’d blend in. But the branch broke. He hit his head and doesn’t remember much of what happened after that. When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was setting, and his friends were gone, and his parents were calling for him, their flashlights swinging across the grass. There’d been blood on his bangs.

Anyway, now he can see ghosts.

Kind of.

Look, he’s not great at it.

--

Or: Ryan, personally, has three lists: “NICE GHOSTS,” “GHOSTS I DON’T FUCK WITH,” and, “IDK, SPOOKY STUFF.”

Oh my goddddd this fic is so sweet and so owie. At first I was skeptical because the fanon is that Shane can see demons or ghosts or whatever. But having it be Ryan???? So owie in such a good way. Other then this fic being the masterpiece that it is, I’m going to convince you with one sentence: Ryan has a cat with a ghost in it that demands Taco Bell. That’s it baybee. Read it or you’ll regret itttt.

BFFS Get Married For A Week – Ryan and Shane – aspookycryptidsock

(18,108 words / 8 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Pining, Mutual Pining

"As I was saying," Curly continues with a pointed glare in Ryan's direction. "It's my honor to join the two of you in unholy matrimony. The rules are simple, you'll live together, plan one date each, and cherish each other. Til week do you part."

I first read this fic years and years ago. I don’t know how it happened but me and my best friend found it while being at a library and we went feral reading it before their mom picked us up. It’s my origin story to the ship. This fic is my first love and my baby gorl. Shane is intense in a way I lovelovelove. Ryan is dumber then a pile a bricks amen.

Body Farming – shiphitsthefan

(7,251 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Season/Series 04, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, Omega Ryan Bergara, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Scenting, Multiple Orgasms, Knotting, Daddy Kink, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Filth with Feelings, Community: bfukinkmeme, Multisex Omega

Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Your honor I’d like to state my case by saying being horny on main is bc I’m silly goofy and I never meant no harm. ABO fuck or die in a cave? Fuccck kkkk y e aaaa

Por Favor, Sweetheart – carrieonfighting

(7,859 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Kid Fic, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Accidental Baby Acquisition, ryan dadgara, and shane dadej, Original Baby Character - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You Have Been Warned

Two dorks raise a baby and don't even realise they're doing it together until it's too late

Alternatively, Ryan Bergara is Trying His Best Thanks

Ryan gains custody of a baby and is strugggglinnnggg until a Sasquatch comes and helps <3. Ain’t nothing says romance baybeee then an actual baby.

daring it’s a faded notion – varnes

(28,760 words / 5 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Paranormal shenanigans, y'all remember that trope where people can't be more than 5 feet apart without Suffering?

The sun is too bright and Ryan’s whole body is alight with something that is eating him all the way up from the inside out, but he keeps his eyes open and he makes himself look, and he tells himself that once he finds Shane, he’ll think about it. Once he finds Shane, they’ll make a plan. Once he finds Shane, and only then, he’ll let himself have the thought he’s been swallowing down like bile since he came to: that they didn’t fall.

They were pushed.

OR: Ryan and Shane get cursed by a ghost, and now they can't be not-touching. It's ... not great.

Ghosties don’t like the no homo and said ummm yeeeeet!!! Into the Grand Canyon then the ghoul boys kiss???? Makes me go hubba hubba

Collide - needywitch

(35,310 words / 2 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Pining, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Biting, First Time, Dirty Talk, Love Confessions, Rough Sex, Shane Madej Has a Big Dick

Ryan is desperately in love with his best friend.

Owieeeeeee. This one made me cryyyy. The prose of this fic along with a healthy usage of the word jaunty made this fic deeply emotional as well as made me want to cry when they kissed. Very excellent

A Perfect Piece of Ass, Like Every Californian - beethechange

(25,706 words / 3 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: entirely self-indulgent PWP, smut with feelings, Threesome, Birthday Sex, Oral Sex, lotta ball stuff here folks, so i hope you like balls, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sexy Air Traffic Conducting, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.”

“Th—thanks?” Shane says. He looks at Ryan and Ryan just looks back, weirdly impassive, giving nothing away. “But I’m pretty sure I already have a Ryan in this model. What’s the return policy?”

“Not like this, you don’t,” she says, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye Shane can see Ryan bring his hand to his mouth, stifling a snicker that he turns into a cough. Oh, he thinks.

Oh shit.

I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that this fic is morally correct but Shane/Sara/Ryan fic is what I needed and it blew me away and it is the best smut thank you goodnight

[longingforthecosmos]

Don't have to answer if it's uncomfortable, but you take/have taken ADHD meds, how do you feel about them? I just got some and I'm excited but also a little scared of how it's going to be

I’ve taken a few! I’m always all for taking medications if they help you increase your quality of life :D I’ve been on Ritalin, Vyvanse, and Adderall before and I’ve noticed a few key differences in them tho

with Ritalin it REALLY fucks with your appetite, especially if it’s your first time taking any sort of appetite suppressing medications, but it worked pretty well to help me focus and didn’t cause me too much trouble outside that!

Vyvanse for my didn’t really. do shit. just made me kinda nauseous. but it did help with sticking to a task at least? idk I didn’t want to quit my job when I was on it so that was cool LMAO

Adderall is, of course, my dearest love. There’s a reason it’s the go-to adhd med, that shit WORKS and it works QUICK. HOWEVER!!! There are some downsides! it can make you pretty nauseous and can cause (minor) headaches and dry mouth! make sure to stay hydrated no matter what but drink a little extra water if ur taking addy I promise it’ll help out a lot

Disclaimer: everybody’s reactions to different drugs are different and this may not be true for u but I just wanted to give u a little rundown on what to possibly expect :D I hope your experience goes well!

TL;DR: Stay hydrated, remember that you’re taking these medications to increase your quality of life, not your productivity, and if it sucks, hit da bricks! you can always request a medication change from your doctor if the one you’re on doesn’t feel right for you!

if u have any questions u can hmu!

ok love you bye!!! <3<3<3

[bosspigeon]

i think it'll be fun if all my tcm characters are related in some way? like not in terms of family, but like... run in the same circles or friend of a friend situations?

Like Jude and Fritz is p easy. Both of them definitely go to Pitrats. Even though Jude is more metalhead and Fritz is more punk, they probably know each other in passing.

Jude makes an effort to NOT be noticed as much as possible but that's hard when your 6'6" and built like a two-story brick shithouse, and Fritz makes it his business to know everything about everyone

Larimar is fun tho bc I've decided that he's actually friends with Jude's older cousin, and Jude still gets a little flustered when they bump into each other bc he used to have a crush on Larimar when he was a kid. He doesn't anymore, but Larimar Remembers And Doesn't Let Him Forget It

Still trying to figure out Larimar and Fritz, who are also both regulars, and even go to a lot of the same shows, but they absolutely don't get along and I would love to figure out why

[steveshairychest]

I need to know your ftm pregnant Eddie hcs for reasons...not because it's all I've been thinking about lately...nope not at all (if you don't have any hcs tho that's fine it's just. A Concept)

hi !! sorry it's taken me so long to answer this but I do have some hcs!!

Obviously, Steve is the baby daddy, but Eddie doesn't tell him straight away because he's terrified. He never imagined himself as a dad, he doesn't know how Steve will feel about it bcs they've never even talked about it before, and he just goes round and round in circles freaking himself out. Steve finds the positive pregnancy test in the bin and practically squeals all the way to their room. "EDDIIIEEE!! IS THIS REAL?!" And every ounce of worry melts out of Eddie when he sees the happy tears that stain Steve's cheeks and the way he bounced on the bed in front of Eddie excitedly, his smile so contagious. "Yeah, we're gonna be dads." He says softly and Steve holds him so tightly.

Eddie craves the most disgusting things while pregnant. Sometimes Steve will wake up in the middle of night and realise Eddie's gone, only to find him watching late night reruns of bad reality TV while dipping pickles in the left over icecream tub. Steve sits down next to him and when Eddie tries to give him a kiss, his breath smelling of pickles and strawberry icecream, Steve leans back as far away as possible so he can't reach. "I love you, so much, but you're not kissing me with your pickle lips." Eddie laughs so hard he nearly pees himself.

When his due date starts to get closer, he starts to freak out a little bit because this is really happening they're gonna be dads they're gonna be responsible for a whole new life and he won't lie, he was scared. His uncle visited often and he could see these fears eating away at Eddie, Steve did his best to comfort Eddie but sometimes it was like talking to a brick wall. He gets so worked up in his own head he won't listen to anything else.

So, Wayne talks to him. He says, "Did I ever tell you about the day i found out you were being put into my custody?" Eddie shakes his head, his eyes glued to the bowl of cereal with orange juice instead of milk. "I was terrified. I'd never raised a kid before, i never thought I'd be a good dad. I'd panicked. I'd bought a bunch of those stupid parenting books, I asked the other mums in the park, 'what do 7 year old boys like to do.' And they'd all told me different things." Eddie leaned back in his seat, his hands resting on his belly, as he listened to his uncle.

"I nearly told them to find someone else. I was convinced I couldn't do it, but then there you were. Standing on my doorstep with the social services lady, you were missing your front teeth and you were wearing that dinosaur t-shirt you loved so much. And all that doubt was drowned out because you were such a bundle of joy. Do you remember, you shook my hand?" Eddie was crying now, but he laughed. "Every day since then has been the best day of my life, Eds, and i know for a fact you're going to be the best bloody dad. I'll be right here with you every step of the way." Steve had come home from work and found them both crying at the dining room table.

[inaffablejam]

Running and looking back

Izzy Hands x gn reader

(used they as pronoun maby once or twice)

Summary: you were running away, but you would find a home soon, on board of the Revenge. Everything is changing, when your old captain is invading the ship. Together with Iz, you all had a past, that you would rather forget.

What will happen when your past catches up with you?

TW: panic attacks, violence, typical swearing, kinda out of character Ed (the Kraken), Angst, and fluff

Words: about 7500 more or less

(enjoy)

__________________________________

You've been running, running, for longer than you remember. But then again, you've been running away from the moment your life started.

It's the best option that you have. Running away, from your responsibilities and the people that you love. You can trust no one, where would you be safe anyway.

Living from one day to another, surviving. That's the only goal.

But you're running again, or still. The breathing getting faster, with no more energy left in your body. Your legs hurting, like they can't bare the weight of your body any more.

The next aisle left, pressing your body against the cold bricks of the wall.

Heavy breathing, your mind empty. Just the adrenalin leaving your aching body.

You let your head and body relax, slowly sliding down the wall.

Gripping your chest tight, you could feel your heart beating fast. It feels like it would explode every second.

You heard running, and screams coming down the street. They were searching for you already.

Pressing your hand down on your mouth, to prevent you from screaming. Just trying everything to make yourself as small as possible.

You held your breath, pressing your eyes close, just the beating of your heart, would remind you of your living existence. You don't have time to let fear overtake your body, you would just have to get to the harbour as fast as possible.

That was the goal, catch a ship. Running away once again. Get far away from this hellish place as fast as possible.

You stretched out your legs one last time, before standing up. A deep breath, then another one. Focusing on the one thing now.

Leading your way through the small, dark alleys of the city. Avoiding crowded streets and places. No running this time, so at least that was something.

You could smell the salty breath of the ocean in front of you . Finally.

You smiled to yourself, but the danger was far from over.

You tried to sneak your way into the biggest ship you laid your eyes on.

"the captain is actually hiring, no need to creep yourself onto" you heard the comment behind you. Your alarms went up, turning around slowly. Your body shivering.

" well hello there" he waved his hand in front of your face " are you deaf, or mute, we have a mute already on board, so maybe you would get along"

" hi…" you stopped what you were doing, looking around for some kind of trap. You couldn't trust this funny looking man.

" so not mute then, it's noted. What's your name? I can write you down, and you should meet the captain" he said in a sassy tone. Rolling his eyes. Which made you smile for the second time this day. New record.

" who's your captain, and what are you anyway" you asked shyly.

" yes our captain" he paused to seem more dramatically " he's a wannabe pirate, so if you're on a suicide mission, we still need people for the crew"

" OK" you said, breathing deep. You were already lost. And if it would get you away from here, you'd take your chance. You didn't have many other choices anyway.

" OK, that's it?" he shrugged his shoulders. " I mean sure, I'm Lucius by the way" you still haven't told me your name tho. He led the way downstairs, to the captain quarters.

You told him your name, you chose your real one, not some made up name as usual. You took your time and looked around the ship. It was a new one, so far in perfect condition. This one hasn't seen the open sea and the power of the tides many times. There he was, the captain. Standing in front of the big library. The blond man looked nothing than you imagined. He was a wannabe captain. You could see the innocents in him, he didn't know the rough way of the piracy. He didn't know the ways the ocean would crush you down, rip every thought from your brain. The way that there would be no more fear in your body, just the wish to finally die peacefully.

You were already damaged, having seen more, than you could have possible ever imagined. No innocent left, living in constant fear of your own existence.

He introduced himself, Stede Bonnet, a wealthy man. With obviously too much money on his hands.

You were lost in your thoughts, as he wouldn't stop talking. Now he was looking at you in anticipation. He raised a brow, waiting for an answer.

" do you have any experience?" his voice still friendly and a smile on his lips.

" I.. I worked under Hornigold, and switched places and ships quite regularly" you stuttered, but your voice got more and more confident

" really, that's incredible, why did you leave his ship?" why must he ask so many questions? You just wanted to get away.

" I run away, after Blackbeard took over, we got into an argument. So I left" you didn't want to be reminded of your short time under his command

After that he did more talking, which you barely followed. He wanted to give you a salary, he must be crazy. But you'd take your chance. So you just smiled, with that fake smile that has been your companion for years now.

He stopped, and Lucius followed you outside again. What have you agreed to? He was right it probably was a suicide mission, but no turning back, you could always run away once again.

Lucius showed you around the ship, and introduced you to the rest of the crew. So far you were the person with the most experience. Those are funny people, if you cross the path of other pirates, you all would be dead. Maybe not Jim, Jim is scary. They were always giving you these death stares, like they see you as a threat. But so far you could avoid much interaction

_____________________________

A few weeks went by, you did your job. Tried to hang out with the crew. It actually was a good time for once. But your mind wouldn't stop screaming. The nights were the worst, your body waking up, in layers of sweat. You took more and more night shifts, so at least you wouldn't wake up the others.

After your little "vacation", where you would have to stop Roach constantly from torturing the hostages. You still didn't know, what happened with Stede, Lucius wasn't anywhere. And somehow you really got along with him. The whole crew didn't seem to bother you as much as you first thought. You were having fun, and actually enjoying yourself.

Everything went quiet in your mind. Lucius was back, then the Spanish, Jim. It was too much, you held your breath again. Wanting to run away again. Fear taking control over your body.

Blackbeard.

No.

That wasn't going to happen.

Not now.

Not here.

You were running, running away, on a ship in the middle of the never ending ocean.

Your anxiety in control of your movements.

A cupboard, not entirely empty. But enough space.

You heard screams in the background, your mind was playing tricks with you.

Covering your ears, trying to get your breathing under control.

Closing your eyes, and everything got louder and louder. Your mind crying out. The already small space trying to swallow you.

You could feel tears running down your cheeks.

People were going by, talking. You couldn't focus, even with trying.

What was happening, were they all going to die? The crew dying, and you were hiding away, in fear, in shame.

Yes. You thought. You should have seen that coming, no good things can happen to you. Why have you allowed yourself to think otherwise?

Walking again, from the outside. And you could feel steps on deck again.

How many are there? Is Izzy still part of them. Probably, if he's still alive.

_____________________________

You finally stopped crying, how much time has gone by? How much time have you wasted, while the rest of the crew was fighting for their life?

Slowly opening the door, looking outside. Breathing the rather fresh air. No one was near, no sound was coming from the hallway. You stepped out. You can do that, you would show them. And not let fear overtake the control of your body.

Slowly, stepping forward. Step for step, working yourself forward, in the direction of the deck upstairs.

You could see the sunlight, coming through the holes of the planks. Like it's guiding you the way upstairs. Your eyes, got blinded by the outside. You blinked, and your eyes had to get used to it first. Before you could make the final steps on deck of the Revenge.

Lucius looked at you, while he was uselessly hammering some board to the deck. You would have laughed at him, if you weren't so frightened.

They are alive, you realized and let go of a relieved breath. Shortly, smiling at him.

" what are you doing there" a rough voice, shouted at you. You looked up, it was him. You didn't know if you are blessed or even more miserable than before. Either way, he was alive, still with Edward, but alive nonetheless.

" hi…" you waved nervously. He looked at you, trying to figure out if his eyes were lying to him.

" what are you doing here" the same question again, but this time was different.

" running away… once again" you answered serious. Looking down in shame, like you are trying to avoid the gaze in his eyes.

You could feel his footsteps coming near, till he was standing right in front of you.

" but really, that fucking ship." he sounded disappointed.

" I had a good time so far, till you decided on the invasion." you were on thin ice now, it was a gambling taking that way.

" I'll do what you want, just don't tell your Boss." you looked up at him, something changed, his eyes were cold

"No…, I will have to inform him, about your residents" he paused

" there will be consequences of your actions, do you understand" you looked up at him, you wouldn't believe him. "do you understand" his voice was rough, no mercy.

" yes, I understand, sir" you had to accept his choice, it wasn't really a question.

He went away, searching for his path downstairs. " Fang! Take care of them in the meantime"

Yes, of course, this is the way it has to go. To be honest, it went smoother than expected. Fang took you to the others, pressed a broom in your chest, and signaled you to Begin your work. Lucius looked at you in worry. They had no idea what's going on, thankfully. You didn't want them to find out, you weren't the one, to talk about your past.

" what was that" Jim whispered.

" me catching up with my past" you gave them a short grin.

Trying to do your work as good as possible. Not angering anyone, more than necessary. The monotonous work, wasn't good. You could easily lose yourself in your thoughts, and that wasn't a good place to be.

You could hear Lucius and Pete, taking in the background, they shut up once they saw a shadow coming up beneath the deck.

You just griped the broom, swiping as hard as possible. Looking busy, anything that would pull the least attention on you as possible.

He's coming up to you again, of course he is.

" captain wants to speak to you" he growled

" bonnet is my captain" you told him, stepping back away from him

" the hell he is, you will come and speak with him one way or another. There is no running away from here"

You looked at him, laying your broom against the railing. Of course, he was right, so you walked in front of him leading the way

" I know that, god knows I tried" you told him honestly.

Walking through the dark corridors, the way to the captain's quarters.

Izzy stepped before you, blocking the way. " I'll do what I can" he looked at you, in a way that could hypnotize you. " I know" and you did know, he's trying to help you and still live up to his reputation. He looks like it's eating him alive.

You both didn't imagine that was how your day would be.

He opened the door, and entered the room.

Edward sat on the side, next to your captain. His abdomen was wounded, but he'd probably make it.

It was a funny picture really, and for the second time this day, you felt the need to laugh.

You raised your voice the first, getting out of here as fast as possible.

" what do you want" no stutter, you weren't afraid of him, you should be, but you hated him even more.

" you should address me with some respect" Edward pierced you with his gaze, sounding as arrogant as always

" you aren't my captain, he is." you pointed at the weak figure beneath him " I like him, he is nice to me, well all of us really" now it was Edwards time to stand up, trying so hard to make himself tall, looking dangerous.

Izzy stood himself between the two of you, this wasn't going to end well. You gave him a thankful glimpse.

" you are here, because I let you live, because Izzy here, begged to let you live" he took a dramatic break, but you knew he was right " so you will show me some respect, do we understand each other?" you gripped your fist tightly, feeling your nails, sketching through your skin. You nodded in response " OK, I won't ask you for much, do as I say, and listen to Izzys words" Izzy looked just as surprised as you were" you will go out of my way, I want to see you as little as possible, next island we find, as big or little as it may be, you're out" he spit the last part at you. He wanted to sound like a threat. But you could just run away once more.

You didn't need to hear more, you went out of the room, slapping the door hard against the frame. The wood shaking, just like your body.

Izzy went after you, pressing your body rough against the wall. There was tension coming from both of you.

" you heard him" you glanced at him.

" I did" like it was something he would need to confirm" I won't let that happen" he tightly gripped down at your shoulders " do you trust me?" that was a question that you could easily answer " yes" you smiled, he relaxed, more wasn't needed. He went, and left you again. Not looking back. While your eyes followed his silhouette, till the end of the corridor.

You would have to hide again, from Edward. So he could just ignore your living existence.

You paved your way into the kitchen. Roach looked at you the second you stepped inside.

Izzy didn't give you any tasks, so you'd just try to help around.

"need any help" you asked

" not really, no. But I haven't seen you all day, where have you been?" you set yourself on the last seat, in one of the dark corners. Making yourself small.

" hiding away" you don't know, what changed. You just didn't have any energy left to lie to him. " still do that"

" and how's that going" he asked sarcastically

" well I'm here now, aren't I"

" so not good, I understand" he laughed, and pointed his knife in your direction " alright, you can peel the potatoes" that's fine. He went over and sat the basket in front of you, before heading back to the kitchen Trailer. Maybe the work would lighten your mood, trying to take away the bad thoughts. You stared down the potatoes , grabbing the small knife.

You enjoyed the silence between you, Roach didn't ask too many questions.

The door flew open, when you peeled one of the last potatoes in the basket. Your body shrugged together.

The knife slipping from your hand, cutting your finger.

It wasn't deep, there were just a few drops of blood, dripping down your flesh, into the cloth of the shirt.

The crew entered, and made themselves comfortable around the table. You let out a breath, that you didn't know you held inside.

They were looking at you, then back to Roach, who was just shrugging his shoulders.

" so what's up with you" Pete raised his voice, you looked at him.

" it's complicated" you mumbled " doesn't matter tho, I'm out of here soon, anyway." you looked down in shame, you were right, Izzy wouldn't find a solution. Edward would throw you off this ship himself, if he gets the chance.

" what" you could understand that, then so many voices talking to you. You lost your focus. Just voices without meaning. You covered your ears for the second time this day. It stopped, silence. You could hear the blood flowing through your body.

Someone tapped your shoulder. Olu wrapped his arm around your shoulder, and for once it actually calmed you down. Roach was done setting up the table, sitting down with the others.

" what are you doing" you didn't even realize he got in here. He shouldn't see you that way another time. " you don't get food, when you've been invaded. Stupid fucking fuckers." Pete got a slap from him. Before his eyes locked with yours. He stopped, his face softened.

"outside Now" he commanded, with his rough voice. There was no room for complaints. And with Pete still rubbing his head, they were fleeing out of the room as fast as possible. Jim looked at Izzy and threatened him silently. You felt frightened, just by them, still scary.

Izzy pushed you back in your seat, closing the door right after Lucius left. He gave you a knowing smirk.

He sat down beside you, laying his arm around you, where Olu's were minutes ago. You rested your head against his shoulders.

" it will be OK" he assured you

" are you growing soft, Mr. Hands." you teased him with a smirk.

" would that be so bad?" he glances at you, with hope in his eyes.

" you're still with him" you ruined the mood, that wasn't teasing anyway

" just enjoy the moment, for once, and shut up" you did, your panic faded away, just like the bad thoughts of your mind.

Breathing quietly, and now you believed him. You wanted to believe him, with every cell of your body.

Sadly the minutes began drifting away, too fast for your liking, you would rather be staying like that for the rest of the day.

_____________________________

Slowly days went by, one seemed longer than the other. The crew was asking more and more questions, which you refused to answer.

You sadly didn't have more alone time with Izzy. He was busy taking the commando over the Revenge. He did try his best, to make everyone stay alive. Showing you when Edward entered a room or took a step on deck, so you could go away without much further complications.

The ship was still heading its way through the open sea, no land in sight.

They were news on board, the captain woke up from his sleep. Lucius informed everyone with the newest rumors. Spreading his gossip, every chance he got, as usual.

Then he was standing there, right in front of the crew. He switched outfits with Edwards. You could feel the need to throw up inside of you. You shot a glance at Izzy, and he was not amused. Should you run and hide away, should you congratulate your captain on his return? You were caching yourself, behind Buttons. Karl was sitting on his head, while he was looking at the sky above, mumbling a poetic spell.

They were still talking, but you were hardly listening or interested. What would that mean to you?

With your foolish captain back on deck, and Edward still on board, showing no interest in leaving soon.

You stepped forward. Facing the captains, making yourself a place in the first row. No, you wouldn't hide away. You were sick of his games.

" good to have you back Captain" you looked at Stede, showing him an honest smile. You held your hand out for him, and he gladly accepted it. Shaking your hand enthusiastic.

You could feel Edwards faze shooting an angry glance at your direction. If he could, he would kill you with his gaze immediately, he wouldn't even question himself.

You smirked at Izzy on your way under deck. Leaving the others in confusion. You weren't running away this time, you were making a point. You wouldn't hide away, Edward was going to abandon you one way or the other, this wasn't going to change.

" what was that fuss about" Lucius was still creeping up to you from time to time. You turned around, looking at him in annoyance.

" showing my respect and loyalty to my captain" you answered, and what ever Lucius saw in your face truly frightened him, and he took a step back. " I won't give in so easily"

" of what, you are like that big mystery on your own. And you know, we placed bets on what happened, between you and Blackbeard, well and Izzy. But there is just a lot to unpack." You laughed, didn't really expecting less from the other crew members.

" you want to know, OK. I'm sick of all the hiding anyway." you took a break to catch your breath" I call in a crew therapy session" you exhaled. Lucius looked at you in shock" come one tell the others, if you're lucky you can get Izzy to join, and don't forget the captain… it's all in your hands now. You can take the chance or leave it, your choice. " with that, you went on with your way. And leaving an actual speechless Lucius standing alone in the hallway. There was always a first, you never heard such quiet coming from him.

The evening was getting closer, than appreciated. Lucius was signaling you a thumbs up, so everything is in progress. Your thoughts came back, what if you did the wrong thing.

You would drown in the ocean, with no help coming for you, if Edward would keep his promises. You were on thin ice, and it's breaking in pieces already, slowly cracking with every new movement.

You avoided everyone, getting your thoughts sorted. You skipped dinner, but Roach would save you a portion for later. Not only that, but you didn't have any appetite, anyway. Maybe it will come back, after the discussion.

Up on deck, the first Stars were already shining over the comforting darkness of the night sky. Soon again the sun would rise again, illuminate a new day.

But not now, not here, with the waves hitting the ship, moving it with the rhythm of the ocean.

Part of the crew were already sitting down, some still missing. Lucius was sitting in anticipation, the thought of the unknowingly torturing his mind.

It got only worse with the last arrivals.

You could feel the need to throw up for the second time this day, and it got worse. Especially with the arrival of Edward, you didn't want him here.

Izzy was looking at you in disapproval, already knowing what was going to happen. You tried to shake it off. He wouldn't sit down, not wanting to be part of it, more than necessary.

Bonnet was the last to arrive, and to your surprise, he sat next to Edward. Not choosing the free place next to you. He was already in too deep, Edward had him under his spell.

But there was no turning back now.

" so why are we here?" Stede opened up the conversation, clearly wanting to be somewhere else.

" ask him?" you pointed at Edward. He shrugged his shoulders, unknowingly, as if he wasn't the reason, you would end up on the Revenge in the first time. The crew could clearly be feeling the build up tension between the both of you.

" we are here, because this is probably the last week I have on this ship" the others looked at you, even Stede showed a surprised look on his face. " don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave. I enjoyed my stay here so far, well right down the last week. Because honestly, that was worse than hell. He wants me off of here, so I have to leave, it's that or death" you took a small break, you were surprised he didn't murder you on site, but you could clearly see he wants nothing more than that. You wouldn't let yourself get intimidated by him. " yeah, you want to know what happened, ask him. Ask him why he was punching me, till my ribs break, and then left me to bleed out from my injuries, you.. " you were thrown out of your speech

" you what?" he jumped up, the best he can " finish the fucking sentence, I dare you" he growled at you. Stede stood up, positioning between the two of you. " Ed sit down, please…" he waited a bit, but Edward wasn't moving " we are going to talk it out, no need to throw around insults." Edward was breathing heavily, full of anger. But he was actually backing up, sitting down. Stede was back at his place, resting his hand on Edwards thigh. You rolled your eyes, why would he need comforting.

" sooo why? " Pete asked

" Yeah what happened ? " Lucius followed up Pete's question.

" I questioned his leadership, it was fine under Hornigold, I mean sure there were a few differences here and there, but we worked it out. And then he chose to take control. Mutinying the captain, making his "dog"... " you quoted, shooting Izzy an apologizing look" murder him. His feared weapon. Backstabbing his own captain, that saved him. And he couldn't even do it himself " you spat the words in disgust" so yeah I told him the truth, told him I wouldn't hesitate to do the right thing" you stopped catching your breath " mutiny" Edward mumbled under his breath. " yeah, well. I would understand that, to be honest, I would get back at an enemy. But thankfully for you, that was far from it, we are just getting started " you looked at Izzy searching for approval, he nodded. He knew the story, probably was having the same nightmares as you. He finally was moving, sitting now down beside the no longer empty seat beside you. Looking up, with a smile, the others looked shocked from his movements. No one dared to make a sound.

" anyway, back to the story. He destroyed everything I had left, and that wasn't much to begin with. And undiscovered from him, he asked the one person I trusted the most with my murder. I told him I would search for a new ship. Getting out of there the next chance I got. No, he lured me in his room, beating me up, till I begged him to stop. Just kill me, without further hesitation, bring it over with. And he just left. Telling everyone I attacked him, showing them the scratches I tried to protect myself with. Telling Iz to do the final step once again, leaving me at his mercy. And that was my luck, really. And as you see I'm not dead" you laughed, as your mood lightened, almost finished with the story. " I just got thrown overboard, in the deep cold waters of the sea. Help was near as the British took me hostage, wanting me hanged. But I'm good at running away from my responsibilities, so I was escaping the minute we got on land." you exhaled and finished your story. With all the pent-up ballast falling off from you. Letting yourself fall back against the planks of the deck. Watching the formations of the stars. Still no one dared to make a sound, unusual silence was coming from them.

" that's a lot to unpack" Jim was right, yeah it was. You struggled with your past already, and now you were burdening that responsibility onto them.

"mhm" you hummed in approval.

" I'll be out of here, on my own will. I won't share a ship with him again." you slowly stretched out your legs, before standing up.

Ending the shared evening, making yourself a way over deck. Leaning over the railing, breathing the fresh salty breeze, letting your senses hear the waves hitting the boat, the feeling of the light shaking. The ocean always found its way to calm down your nerves.

Without further distraction, you went under board. Searching for the first mate's room in the darkness. It wasn't locked, he must have left it open for you. You smiled to yourself, appreciating the gesture. You closed the door behind you, laying down in the bed. It was nice having the feeling of a mattress under you for once. It was quiet, and you didn't need long before the darkness was swallowing your body. Welcoming you in the lands of dreams and nightmares.

You felt a body moving, interrupting the balance of the mattress. Someone breathing heavily, so the air was tickling the hairs on your neck. Iz was laying an arm over you, and you got the chance to snuggle deeper into his chest. Before nightmares took over one again.

Your body was shaking up, Iz was still holding you tight, so you couldn't turn around. He was mumbling in his sleep, whispering screams of pain.

His legs were bouncing, kicking you with more and more pressure.

You groaned, out. Letting your head fall back into the hard pillow.

Trying to let your body roll around, so you could face him. Wake him up, from his dreams. He was holding your torso tighter, with you trying to open his arms.

" Iz… Iz" you whispered, turning your head a bit. " Come on wake up Iz" you pushed your arm free, having now enough space to turn around.

You were shaking his body, forcing him to wake up. While whispering sweet words in his ear. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Trying to remember his surroundings.

"hmpf" he grumbled, while his eyes got comfortable in the dark.

" you OK Iz" you questioned, Izzy just nodded his head. You were raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

" wanna talk about it" he shook his head, already expecting the answer. You laid your head down his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. He laid an arm around you again. You wouldn't tell him what he did, he would just begin to blame himself once more.

" run away with me Iz" you traced your hand through the hairs on his chest.

" I can't" you knew the answer, you had that conversation before.

" hmm, we still have a few days left, if you change your mind" you whispered. He kissed the top of your head, sliding his hand through your hair.

" sleep now" he commanded with his rough voice.

" good night Israel" you answered. Letting yourself drift away. Freeing your soul from your sleeping body.

You felt the bed moving, your eyes still heavy from sleep. No nightmares for once, that was a surprise, and it seemed like Izzy didn't have more either. You let your body roll to the side, what will make it easier to stand up. Feeling the planks on your feet, while sitting down.

" good morning" Iz still had his morning voice. You always found it cute, but you couldn't tell him that.

" did you undress me" you asked curies

" mhm, sure did. Wouldn't let you sleep with shoes on. Not in my bed." you held back a laugh. Shooting him a thankful look. You took a long needed stretch, groaning in relief.

" No tasks for you today, avoid Edward, and.." he stopped

" And I should pack a few things, yeah, thank you. " he looked hurt, but gave you a short nod. " go and prevent that ship from sinking, Mr. Hands" you teased him, but he left the closet, closing the door behind him.

You let your body fell back into the mattress, stretching your legs out in the air. Before getting dressed and starting the day. No chores, would mean less time with the crew, more time alone. As if you would need that, but Iz just wanted your best. And he was right, you should probably pack up a few things, and with the salary you could maybe finally settle down. Searching for a new job, getting a flat or even a small house.

You got yourself a cup of tea, in the kitchen. Roach, already waiting for you in anticipation. He raised a brow, but you just shook your head, not in the mood for any talking.

Just sitting down, with the steaming water in front. Still too hot for your liking, you would just wait a bit. Hopefully not forgetting the existence of your morning tea. Not like that happened before.

The day went by, without further interaction with the crew, you were packing up your things. Not as if that was much to start with, you were done in no time.

After that, mostly hiding away in the first mate's cabin. Trying your best to prevent your brain from thinking too much. You could feel the temperature change, getting ready for the night.

The door opened with a creaking sound. Iz coming in with two plates.

" you haven't eaten today" he stated

" not hungry" you admitted, avoiding the worried look in his eyes. His eyes, oh they could never lie to you.

" me neither, so we'll eat together" you moved to the side, making space for him to sit down. He was putting down the plates, signaling you to eat up.

" I've got my things packed up" you said, swallowing the last bite.

" you need anything, coins, gold?" he asked

" No, I'm fine, I should be alright with the salary Stede is giving out." you took a break " you know…" you started fiddling around with your hand " I've been thinking of settling down, I ain't getting younger, and like that I could maybe still get a job. Probably will live in a small flat the first months or years. But after a bit of time, I could actually buy a house. That would be nice." you spilled your thoughts.

" sounds good, you should do that.I.." he paused, taking a deep breath" I want you to be happy" he looked at you, holding your chin up, so you would have to return his gaze.

" will you visit?" you asked

" Yeah… Yeah, I think I will" you smiled, not expecting the answer. Leaning more into his touch, enjoying the moment.

" can I stay, again?" you were curious, not wanting to push anything

" you can, just don't wake me up" he chuckled, not believing the sound coming out of his mouth.

" you should do that more often" you admitted, pointing at his face

" shoes come off" he pointed at you, wanting it to sound like a threat, you are just laughing even more now at that comment. But you did, shoes off.

" you tired?" you shook your head

" from what, my first mate didn't gave me anything to do the whole day"

" then tell me about your house, your job, anything really" he laid down, smiling. You curled up again, with his arm around you, wrapping one of yours around his torso.

And you did tell him, about your dreams, the house, your job, the neighbors, the animals that would find their forever home with you. You heard light snoring coming from him, the grip lightning up around you. You told him of your life together, growing old and even more gray, sitting on a bench together under the trees that you planted decades ago. Furthermore, you smiled, dream's that would be it.

Slowly mixing up words, stumbling into the dark nothingness. Darkness overflowing your body.

It was a nice and tight sleep, you even dreamed for once. Dreaming of you and Izzy together, him playing games with the dog. Commanding him the same way he did with the crew. Small pieces of light woke you up, they were coming through the planks of the ceiling.

Growling before letting your body sink deeper into the mattress. You laid down your arms, while your eyes slowly got used to the dark. No one was here, you were all alone. Iz must have left you, and already began working, starting into this new day.

You stood up with, growling, not wanting to leave the comfortable sheets. Stretching your body, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

Slowly dressing yourself, you could feel the deck going busy above you. Everyone is already starting their work.

Walking up into the kitchen, followed by your shadow. You already had a bad feeling. Today would be the day, wouldn't it.

Voices coming out of the kitchen. You almost run back to the cabin, not wanting to face anyone.

But the door opened, your presence already known.

" morning sleepyhead" Lucius laughed, and hit your arm, while walking through the halls.

You stared at him, smiling to yourself like nothing changed between you.

Walking through the open door, greeting the figures sitting on the table.

" coffee or tea?" roach asked, sure you could do it easily by yourself. But he didn't trust anyone with his equipment.

" coffee would be nice, thanks" making your way to the kitchen

" are you avoiding us" Frenchie asked, stating the obvious

" not you, just everyone" you sighed, not wanting to talk about it.

Roach placed the steaming cup in front of you. You tried sipping on it, but it's still too hot for your liking.

" so I've been thinking" Frenchie asked again, that was never a good start. So you tried to prepare yourself for what is coming. " how will you get to the island? You can't take a boat, we still need that." you laughed, he got a slap from Jim. They looked furious at him.

" I can swim" you said teasingly with a smile.

" fucking sorcerer" you laughed again, while Frenchie got another slap from Jim. He was rubbing his head, obviously not understanding Jim's signals.

You drank your coffee, finally having a good temperature. Frenchie was standing up, and Jim shoving him out of the room. You shoot them a thankful look.

" so plans for the day" roach asked, trying to lighten your mood

You shook your head in response.

" No, not any. Iz won't give me any tasks. So I'm just waiting" you stood up, giving him the cup back. He nodded in approval.

" you're welcome in the kitchen, just don't touch too much" you smiled at him, appreciating the gesture. But you left him, standing alone in the kitchen. Already working on the approaching lunch.

Making your way up the deck, checking for any signs of Edward anywhere you went . No wanting to cross his path once more.

You were good most of the time, he barely left the captain's quarters.

Staying there with Stede, giving him piracy advice, washing his mind with his ideas.

The sun was shining bright. No clouds in sight. You could hear birds, that wasn't a good sign. Land was near, the bird would show you the way. You were right, today was the day.

You stepped the last stairs up. Moving around to reach the mast. Leaning your back against the hard wood.

You could feel the fear in your body, feeling the need to hide yourself from what is coming ahead. The new chapter of life. You weren't ready to let go, of your adventure's live, but more you weren't prepared to leave the crew behind, most importantly Izzy. The chances would be low, of seeing him ever again. You wouldn't even know where you would end up, settling down completely. Sadness overcame you, the more you think about it. You shook your head, now wasn't the time. You could worry when you were gone. No need to let others see your weakness. No need to worry Iz more than necessary. You would hide it, show the faith on the path ahead of you. You smiled, getting ready to head back down to grab your cotton bag. Fill up your coin purse with most of your savings. Letting behind a letter, placing it carefully down on the pillow. He would find it in the evening, and have something to remind him of you.

You grappled down on your necklace, feeling the ring hanging on the leather ribbon. Breathing deep, to calm yourself down. You need your energy, you need to focus, no panicking this time.

Closing your eyes for a second, hearing the fast rhythm of your beating heart.

You got up slowly, making your way upstairs for the last time. Secretly saying goodbye to everything and everyone.

Izzy looked at you the moment you reached the deck. Coming near you, but stopping abruptly, not wanting to let his guard down. You smiled at him, showing him that you will be OK. You both knew it was far from easy.

" I'll be OK Iz, don't worry about me" you laid a hand on his face. He melted in your touch, looking you sad in the eyes.

"I…" he started but stopped, you would have to be tough for the two of you. " hi.. Look at me" he did, his eyes never leaving yours. Making sure everything unspoken was leading their way through your minds. It was already unlike him to show so much affection, in particular in front of the crew. He would have some explaining to do once you left.

" will he be there?" you asked, not wanting his ugly laugh here. You could feel his happiness, the crew would forget about you soon. Leaving Izzy alone with his grief.

The ship stopped, signaling you the end of your last moment together.

You wanted to cry, you could feel Izzy wanted the same. You tied your bag tight around your body, so you wouldn't lose it the last meters to the beach in front.

Deep breathing now, enjoying the calm before the storm.

That was a goodbye. A final goodbye.

You said your valedictions to everyone, fakely smiled in confidence.

" that's a goodbye then?" you scratched your head, smiling at him weakly. He would always see through you. " I told you I would visit" he assured you like he wanted to convince himself, not ready to let go

" Yeah, there is always a place by my side. Mr. Hands" you hugged him, not expecting the gesture, he still gripped you tight. Wanting to feel your body one last time against himself. You grappled his chin, and kissed him. He fell for you as much as you did for him. You would never understand why his priorities still lay with Edward, but you would need to respect them. The kiss deepend, but you would have to let go sooner than wanted. The need for air was stronger.

" don't forget me" he whispered

" how could I ever forget you, Israel" you peaked his lips again shortly, before letting go completely. The crew watching the scene, too stunned to speak. You went away, making your way down the wooden ladder into the cold, freezing ocean. Just a short trip and you would have land under your feet. Making your way into a new chapter of your life. Alone.

Anything left on the ship.

You had nothing before, now you had nothing again.

No job

No friends

No Izzy

The last one was the hardest, you would have to get used to it.

You didn't look back once you left

Your wet clothes clinging onto your body.

It was sunny and warm, so they should be dried soon. No clouds today, so you will have to sleep on the beach. And tomorrow you will search for a village.

Start your life once again.

No running back this time, you promised Izzy. And you wouldn't let him down. He was the one constant thought that would hold you on the ground. Do it for him, even if he wasn't ready to do it for you.

You let your body fall into the sand, closing your eyes. Let the sadness and tears run down your body.

[mmollymercury]

For the ask game: 💚💚💚

44. How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful?

67. What’s the worst thing a person can be?

93. Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them?

OoOooOOO here we go!

Prepare for a long post with some venting sprinkled in

Okay, first: do I lie? Not much. I know a lot of people say that but I'm actually pretty proud of the fact that I don't lie often; I used to have a big problem with making stuff up about my life as a way to mask and fit in with neurotypicals. I was never my true self with my friends, out of fear of being shamed or bullied. I mostly stayed on tumblr back then (way more than now, if u can believe it) still had this blog, just a 'beta' version of it lol and I was in soooo many fandoms, I didn't interact with ppl tho, I'd be scrolling through fanfic and art all day, reblogging stuff and posting art that got literally ZERO notes lol, daydreaming about living in my hyperfixations and venting to a brick wall (essentially) about what I now know to be OCD. When I was revamping this blog, deleting all my old posts, I found that vent post I made all those years ago, I took a screenshot of it just to keep. It was so insane to see how far I've come but also sad to remember how I was feeling back then.

I actually cried thinking abt how I'd never be able to be my full self around someone and that I'd never have a genuine friend who I could laugh with and feel comfortable with. Whenever friends wanted to hang out or call me, I'd be nervous all day thinking about it, dreading it, basically. It was bad. But then I met @valentineee and she's honestly the first true friend I've ever had, she's my wife and I love her with all my heart‼️‼️‼️😭😭💗💗💗

So, since I met Valentine, I've finally become comfortable being who I am and I vowed to stop lying. Obviously sometimes it's inevitable, like if you have to do it because of circumstances- but other than that, I think I'm very truthful! And I'm really proud of myself for it💗

That kinda branches off to the sub-question, is all lying inherently bad? I don't think so because some people may have genuine, mental blocks or traumas that can make them feel like they need to to protect themselves. However, there are people out there who lie and take advantage of people just because they can, which is different. Overall, I think lying isn't too bad unless you are generally a trustworthy person💖

What's the worst thing a person can be?

A LIAR- no just kidding lol😭😭

Wow glitter... way to hit me with the heavy questions😭

Imo, the worst thing a person can be is immoral, inconsiderate, hurtful and evil, all on purpose. If someone does these things because they find it fun to see people suffer, that's the worst kind of person to me.

💤💤💫💫💫Dreamss💫💫💫💤💤

I used to draw meaning from my dreams to an unhealthy degree. All of you that have OCD would know that intrusions invade your dreams, I had awful dreams like this and every time I woke up, I'd be convinced I was actually a monster, dreaming of disgusting stuff. But that's not true, I was only dreaming about it because I spent EVERY. WAKING. MOMENT thinking about my intrusive thoughts, literally, I was inconsolable, I was constantly rocking back and forth or pacing or shaking my leg, every so often I'd scream and yell and twitch and my face would be pulled down in this awful grimace. It was painful, I literally can't believe I survived that. I couldn't be left alone because I was so scared and I had to sleep with my mam because the thoughts got worse when I was alone. I'm medicated now, so things are good. Intrusive thoughts will always be there but I've gotten so much better at trusting that I'm a good person🥰

Mkay... went on a whole ass vent there and bared my soul, oops-

Point being, I don’t really assign meaning to my dreams, if people do, I'm completely alright with it. I choose not to because of trauma. Also, I dont think it’s really possible to assign a definitive meaning to something as fleeting as a dream (wow am I a poet-) like, I do find it cool that a lot of ppl will dream of the same thing but I think that's just another thing that connects us, we're all human and have similar anxieties and fears.

I think I've written enough now😳😳 sorry for the angst urrrr

💗💗💗

[lvkswrites-blog]

Suckerpunch

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: language.

Summary: Reader becomes Steve Rogers mentee.

Foreword: The setting would be pre-CW and I think it fits the scene because this is the time Tony Stark and Peter would meet. Basically, I want to create a Steve Rogers who also have a mentee of sort.

P.S Let me know if you guys like this.

(x)

Third person point of view

The day Y/N found out that she does not want to live a life like everyone else is the day she punched a guy in the cafeteria. The guy looks pretty pissed while laying on the floor. Who wouldn't right? He didn't thought that a girl, a lower year even, could send him to total humiliation. Kids of different years cheered on, hoisting emotions from the two hot heads. Y/N, was about to jump towards the guy and give him another strong punch but her jab was caught by the gym instructor.

"Detention, Y/F/N!"

Every kids who encircled them cram and push one another back to their lunch table. A furious Y/N stood still infront of the instructor and the kid. Deep inside she was muttering things she could've done to the guy, who apparently thought making fun of her friend was nice, if only she was fast enough.

She explained everything to the principal and it made her feel hopeless. The guy would still be abstained, he looked like the lesser evil in this one. Y/N had been to detention more than the kid so she knows that it'll be listed on her record.

A guy brought in a tv and she was again infront of a talking Captain America. That moment, in a detention chair, a not-very-brilliant-self-reflection dawned to her. She did not wasted any moment and grabbed her backpack. She swore that she'll never go back again in the "stupid hell of a place".

Y/N is a person of misfortunes. Her dad died in a mission in Benghazi and her mom died from drug overdose at a young age, taken in by a problematic foster parents, and has identity vs. role confusion. But she was certain that she have a feeling inside her that she can't ignore.

The bus ride is short but enough to drown her with thoughts. Y/N plugged in her headphones and hugged herself.

At an old and rusty steel door, She stood. Her hoodie covering her and her backpack hang off over one shoulder. She knocked and waited for reply, when no one answered. She tried to slide the steel door. It didn't budged. So she tried another way, she went to the alley and search for an entrance. She stopped at her tracks when she found it. Apparently, behind a stink garbage can. "Blehk, eew." With one push she successfully pushed it.

A pick lock is all it takes.

"Now that's more like it."

-----

Steve knows that the owner would be there at the gym he would always go to, but he did not know that there would be someone else aside from him.

Grunts after grunts. Breathy exhales. Beat of trainers hitting the floor. The room felt almost motivational to start his usual workout. He must be careful tho, he do not want attention.

"You are here early? How did you get in?", a voice startled Steve. Steve spun and saw the gym owner.

"I just got here and I- I thought you opened this?"

"I did not." The owner replied. They both shared a look and found a girl in a corner lost in trance while lifting.

Steve approached the girl in a manner that will not scare her. He was gentle even, slowly squeezing information out of the girl. However Y/N can really act well. She said that "I thought it's open, I mean, the lights are on and the door is open so." Steve bought that and talked again to the owner that if anything is missing it might be a break in, if it's not then he must not worry much. The owner trust Steve so he let it be.

A sly smile formed in Y/N lips.

Steve went on his usual routine and let the spirit and sweat fuel him. Like any other fitness junkie, once you start feeling your body fire up it's addicting. He did not realized that per punch he release to the bag, it gets harder. The bag broke from it's chain and it made a loud "thump" as it fell.

*clap clap*

"Captain America," Y/N said while stepping forward. "I thought I might see you here."

Is she a spy? She sound odd. Things came into Steve's head like a computer wiring data.

"You're like a kid on a math test when you think y'know."

"Well, who are you?"

"-I'm just a kid from Brooklyn," Y/N sticked her hand out for a handshake. Steve's eyes trailed the hand infront of him and she waited... She waited until Steve decided to shake her hand. "Steve."

That is when her life officially changed. Y/N and Steve would always meet in the gym and train. They both share this understanding, like telepathy, that shaping up does not just make you feel better but help your head think straight. Days after days of sharing details and small talks. Steve watched her in a distance. Steve learned that she had been struggling with parents, and she have a dream becoming a soldier, and she wants to push her limits.

Steve did not saw a girl trying to impress him. He saw fire in her eyes, powerful motivation, a desire to have a purpose. He saw himself in her. Suddenly, he was back again in 40's. Trying so hard, application after application. He remember... everything.

"Hey, kid. Place is about to close." Steve called, making her pause the treadmill. He gave her time to catch her breath before he dropped the question, "You don't mind chinese takeaways for dinner, don't you?".

Sharon Carter is an agent working for Nick Fury. Lately, she had been assigned to look over Steve Rogers. Steve know and met Sharon knowing she was a friendly neighbor.

Steve and Y/N passed by infront of Sharon's door just in time when she opened it from the inside. Steve acknowledged her with usual greeting. Y/N hung her head as low as possible. Sharon's gaze turned from Steve to Y/N.

Steve racked his brain for an excuse and the best lie he come up with was, "She's my dishwasher." Both Sharon and Y/N's expression is an evident i-knew-it face. They both know Steve is bad at lying. To keep Sharon's act viable, Sharon agreed and excused herself to do the laundry.

Sharon head to the stairs and the two head towards Steve's flat. "You are such a dick, Rogers." Sharon heard. "-language!" Steve warned.

Nick Fury was at his office that time when he received a call from agent Carter. "Agent Carter... What?... Did you manage to take a photo?... Okay I can work that out... Okay... She's a hostile, for now. I'll pay Steve a visit as soon as I can." Nick Fury ended the call with an odd feeling. He tried not to think much about it and truth to be told, he felt that Steve was just trying to catch up in times. After all chivalry is dead, Fury thought.

Nick did paid a visit to Steve's place. He made it really a not-so sneaky one. He was welcomed by a supersoldier pinning him up against the brick wall. "What are you doing here?" Steve whisper-yelled. Nick did not answered and directed his eyes towards the sleeping body in a matress.

Steve released him and said, "Let's not talk here."

"Really? Here?" Fury said in dismay. Steve shrugged. "I ran out of eggs." Fury stopped him by the arms and said, "I told you I'll keep an eye on you."

"-I noticed." Steve retorted and pulled his arm.

"For fuck's sake. If you want a dog, I'll get you one." Fury said and he's furrious. "Rogers. That's a fucking 16 year old, a girl even, and you think- You think you can have someone following you around and listening to your orders-"

"-You don't understand." Steve growled.

"Then make me. Explain it to me..."

"Okay fine. If she fail, she leave. If she pass, she'll stay."

Y/N woke up that day with the sound of clammoring plates amd smell of cooking. She felt a bit concious.

"You don't have to make me breakfast, old man." Steve chuckled at her remark. "Goodmorning, to you too." Both fell silent after that. Both are not used to sharing meals with a person in an intimate space. Y/N chuckled and ate her food in silence.

Steve then explained everything. About fury. About the test. Y/N was not shocked but Steve is. Y/N grabbed her backpack and pulled out her dad's dog tag. Apparently, the dog tag has a shield logo in it. It glistened as the sun light beemed on it.

"I've been low-key researching about S.H.I.E.L.D, I- kinda expected this to happen."

Time skip and a series of extreme running and combat training with Steve. Y/N is ready to face Nick Fury for a test. Although it did not started in a controlled environment, it happened in a laundromat.

Y/N and Sharon are both waiting for their laundry to finish. Y/N started small talks like how's life, what she do, where she came from. "So, you said you're a nurse?"

"Yes," Sharon replied with a smile. That day, Sharon is really in need of laundry service. She have to wash her uniform.

"Do you work during the days?" It's starting to bother Sharon. Personally, she likes her job but when interrogations happen it annoys her.

"Mostly. Life as a nurse is unpredictable, it can change any moment.", Y/N seemed pleased with her response.

Y/N laundry stopped and she started fixing it like any people would. She tried to supress the adrenaline. She breathed in and out in a disciplined manner. She knows that S.H.I.E.L.D trained its agents well that even breathing pattern could be a sign of distress.

She then headed for the door with her laundry, instead of stepping out. She flipped the 'open' sign and slowly locked the door.

"Y/N," Sharon called. "You dropped these." Sharon did not expected the attack. While she was distracted, Y/N grabbed the opportunity to lock Sharon between her arms. Sharon pushed their weights and Y/N hit her back on the laundry machine.

The two started making a mess machine after machine and no one is near from surrendering.

"Why. are you spying on. Steve." Y/N said between attacks. Sharon kept on dodging. She was told that Y/N is a hostile and no harm. Sharon was just dodging every attack Y/N did.

Sharon is lost in her own thoughts while dodging a furious Y/N. Sharon did not expected that Y/N could have much precision and powerful punches. Sharon did not fully understood Y/N mentioned something about Rogers and protection.

Steve and Sharon only shared glances and small talks in the duration of her mission. However, long before she met him she already heard stories from Peggy about a man he worked with. Needless to say, Sharon grew feelings for Steve. Something about Y/N overprotevtiveness aura made her snap. "It's my job, not yours." Sharon thought to her self repeatedly but she kept silent. She then became as assertive as Y/N.

The change of Sharon's body language made Y/N know it's beyond what she wanted to know. Her lunges and attacks felt personal.

"Finally," Y/N announced. They both stared at each others eyes before they started going for one another.

Y/N showed and applied what he learned from Steve, but Sharon showed that she is knowledgeable of MMA moves and aside from personal affairs it became a show-me-what-you-can-do.

Sharon is experienced in combats and her expertise in this really showed. Y/N's arm was about to be locked behind her arm but Y/N grew up catfighting in alleys and she is a nasty and outlaw contender.

Just in time before both girls kill each other, Nick Fury arrived.

-----

Steve and Y/N sat infront of each other silently. No one is trying to make a conversation. Both are tensed to what Fury will say.

From Y/N vision she could see a red haired woman walking towards them. Y/N's excitement tingled as she realized it's Natasha Romanoff. Media created an image that Natasha is a hot and skilled spy who once been in numerous deadly mission. She's Y/N idol. Now she sit there with a freshly bruised face with a stern don't-touch-me Steve Rogers.

Natasha introduced herself and she announced her presence was by Fury's order. Natasha casually joked about bruising Agent Carter's face for her.

Steve looked at Natasha and then at Y/N. He knew that moment that he made a right choice to take her in.

-----

Natasha stirred her coffee as Y/N teared her pack of coffee. "How'd you know that Agent Carter is spying on you?" Natasha asked.

"She keeps on glancing on Steve?" It sounded like a question.

"That's assumption."

"Actually, for a nurse, she looks pretty. I mean if she's being an undercover nurse she should-"

"Are you saying that nurses are ugly?" Natasha wheezed.

"No!" Y/N defended. "I mean, okay, whenever I saw her wearing scrubs I try to smell her. She doesn't smell like antiseptic or hospital scent that usually haunted me. I did not said it at first because you might think I'm a creep."

"Creep." Natasha joked.