#it is obvious he was in a lot of pain in those pics and vids from the day of and it’s just such a huge tragedy

[magicalferalism]

I am admittedly still very sad about Liam Payne

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY 205

Part One (Continued on 206)

From January on, I've been in an emotional whirlwind as I've learned more about Peter Steele. I've been blogging about it lightly here on Tumblr.

First, the fun stuff.

❎ Entry 169 - Meme

❎ Entry 175 and 181 - Pics

❎ Entry 194 - Fan Art

❎ Entry 204 - Type O Eyeshadow

❎ Entry 208 - Meme

❎ Entry 214 - Intro w/ Singers

❎ Entry 222 - Introducing Myself to Both of Carnivore's Albums

❎ Entry 250 - October Rust Mentioned

❎ Entry 264 - Pete Loved His Fans

❎ Entry 307 - Gifs of Steele

Then, the others.

❎ Entry 74 - Learning for the first time about who he was as a person after research inspired by comments from fellow fans.

❎ Entry 170 - Experiencing the first death anniversary since having a better understanding of who he was as a person.

The fun stuff is pretty much just a vague, visual representation of my middle-aged self rediscovering Peter Steele, seeing him in a new light, and appreciating him in different ways than I did before. The others are a light walk through of what I started seeing and how I started reacting. There was so much I didn't know. And once I thought I got the jist of it, there was more.

Entry 74, I see comments on Instagram prior to deleting my profile, accusing his last gf of negligence. Seriously disturbed due to the shock of it from the lack of knowledge, I tried looking it up to see if it was true. Couldn't find any info on that but found lots of info on Peter himself.

This is when I found out Peter Steele was the full package. Men that have beautiful faces like that often accompany them with cruel tongues and empty minds. Not Peter.

Intelligent, wise, kind, and humble to name a few. The full package. Making him one of the most gorgeous men to ever exist. A rare find indeed. Combine that with his voice, talent, style, and presence, and you'll soon see why women everywhere would fall to their knees in love and lust for him.

Unfortunately, that full package came alongside an ample amount of heartbreak.

It bothered me to my core to think about a man like Peter suffering so much at the hands of any toxic women he may have given his heart to in the wake of everything.

I took temporary comfort in assuming he was surrounded by friends that would help lift him up if ever he was down, especially his band mates whom I heard he grew up with. I assumed, and life continued on as normal for a time.

The 14-year death anniversary rolls around and as I said in Entry 170, I'm feeling it more than ever before because now, I have a better understanding of who died, making his loss that much more deeper and tragic.

Not only was a kind heart lost, but a pure soul that suffered greatly, making the pain of the anniversary rival even the death itself.

You see, I'm heavily reliant on what I hear, read, and watch because of the obvious fact that I didn't know Peter Steele personally and I wasn't there when certain things were taking place.

I learned more about him and started to favor him above all other singers, including Trent Reznor who I've worshipped since the teen days. I started looking up more pics and performances (eventually inspiring a blog consisting of nothing but pictures of Peter, telling myself to stop lol).

All bittersweet and intriguing but then, a recent article and an older vid that I ended up coming across paved the way for that dreadful feeling at the beginning of the year to return.

This is why I said earlier that I took "temporary comfort." But at that time, I didn't know it was temporary and I didn't know what else was about to cross my path.

My heart broke for him all over again. I'm suddenly reminded of those scary pictures circulating on Facebook with a caption that reads, "the longer you stare at it, the worse it gets."

I'll start with the article, which was released on May 6th of this year (2024), featuring an interview with Sal Abruscato, Type O Negative's original drummer. Word for word, this is what he said and mind you, I'm reading this for the first time while still learning about Peter.

"He was a good guy. He was a sweet guy. He had a good heart. At the end of the day, he had a good heart, but he was also very vulnerable. He was vulnerable. He knew deep down inside becoming successful was gonna be his demise, because I'll tell you, one thing I did see from being on the outside of Type O Negative, watching the deterioration that happened over the years, people used him. He was a nice guy, he was generous, they fucking used him. And everybody was using him, even his own band members were using him, because he was a workhorse. And everybody tried the best they could. He had a very bad problem, and I know everybody tried the best they could, but it was too little too late."

That wasn't easy to read. Neither was the next part. 💔

"I remember talking to him literally two weeks before he passed, and he told me that all he had left was $3,500 bucks to his name. So he died basically in Pennsylvania alone, in a way. Yeah, he had his girlfriend, yeah, whatever, but all the way out there. Everybody dissipated when the drugs were over, 'cause he had to be sober and clean. He was clean for nine months when he died. And when he told me that, it was like... And he told me people that I'll never name. He told me that he lent money to people, that people never paid him back because he had a good heart. Friends took advantage of him. And it's a shame that it ended like that for him. Had he maybe went to the doctor's on a regular basis too, maybe he could have... But again, the damage was done. But that was the side of Pete was that he was a good guy and a prophetic artist, a prophetic lyricist. Had a vision that went three steps ahead of everyone else. A brilliant guy, very smart, very smart guy in a lot of different ways. Not like 'doctor book smart,' but smart in other ways, artistically and the way he saw things. He was very intelligent."

Vulnerability; pain and love can do that to a person. The thought of this gentle giant who was generous and a hard worker being surrounded by snakes literally makes my stomach turn. "They used him," it said.

"Deterioration that happened over the years," oh my heart. Is that part of the reason why he deteriorated? Were people just taking pieces of him until there was nothing left to take? I despise the thought of the people he was counting on attempting to drain him. Imagine if his millions of fans knew he was being hurt. There would've been an unholy uprising. His fans love him.

I want to ask if Peter Steele would've been around the right people, would success still have been his demise? If he was surrounded by protectors and healers, would the outcome have been the same? I said it in my 74th blog about Peter when I first started learning about him. Men like this, regardless of how big and tall and strong they are, need to be protected. Their bodies are hard but their hearts are fragile.

The creator of something timeless, original, and legendary had $3,500.00 left to his name. Simply criminal after everything Peter had created throughout the course of his career. I was wondering about his income though. I saw a brief home vid of him and one of his cats and I couldn't help but notice his surroundings. It wasn't what I assumed. It just didn't look like a place where an accomplished and famous singer and musician should be living. I was unknowingly soon to get detail on that.

I saw another quick vid of him talking about building a nice, big house in a beautiful wooded area a while back. I looked it up given the home vid I just saw, "that can't be the place he wanted to build." Come to find out he lived in a duplex before he died and that $3,500 would not have afforded the house he wanted to build.

I saw it when I googled where he lived before passing. I thought the entire house was his at first sight and then my jaw dropped to the floor when I read that he lived "on the right side." Peter deserved a monstrous Victorian mansion with beautiful gothic interior, with millions more in the bank to build and decorate with. Criminal and unfair to say the very least.

Aside from this article, I read that Peter was a little awkward growing up, as was I. You grow up knowing friends are often hard to come by. It probably felt good to him in adulthood to be around people and to form connections and to do good things for them, but some of those people were the wrong ones to be that kind of person with.

I can't imagine how disappointed and heartbroken he must've felt finding out many of those people were merely around for drugs and money. Just more loss and abandonment for a good heart and a pure soul. He deserved better.

Sal called him a "prophetic lyricist." Prophetic! In considering the meaning of that word, it makes the lyrics, "life is killing me" gut-wrenchingly sad.

"The way he saw things," that statement was regarding his creativity and intelligence but how did he see his life? How dark were things for him? And the million dollar question, was Peter Steele safe anywhere?

Sal said even his band mates took advantage of him. I wondered about the dynamic between them and Sal. I also wondered if perhaps that's why his last gf didn't want them talking to him before he passed. Although, I did continue to wonder if people were still accusing her of neglecting Peter. There's a lot to wonder and there's a lot of angles to wonder from too.

Wonder, wondered, wondering; it's all speculation. I wasn't there. Lots of questions are gonna accompany me to my grave, unanswered, and I better make my peace with that asap but it's hard. Not like it would change anything, but I still want to know what happened to this man and who was around him.

Who truly had his best interest at heart? Anybody? That's something else I may wonder forever. Who was fighting for him? Who was fighting for his health? Who was fighting for his life?

The whole process did leave me a little suspicious that perhaps nearly everyone around him dropped the ball at some point, in some form or fashion, maybe even when he needed them the most.

People obviously wanted things from him, but who wanted him? Who wanted him to be well? Who cared for him outside of the celebrity? Who cared for him as Peter and not the singer of Type O Negative?

I mentioned the older vid alongside the article I just responded to, but I think I'm gonna break this up into two parts because this already turned out to be quite lengthy.

All in all, his story is weighing on me and I cannot believe that I've loved his music for so long but never knew any of this, and I mean any of it. I just never knew.

And finding this out for the first time makes me wish in such a childish way that either I, or the army of his fans could just somehow go back in time and scoop him up, getting him to safety but as Sal said, "too little too late." He's gone. Still here through music and memory but physically gone, and we can never get him back to fix things for him.

He would be 62 years old if he were alive today. And if he were, I would hope he would have everything his heart could ever desire, especially true love, reverence, happiness, and inner peace.

Eating healthy and staying sober to keep himself going, maybe even a solo project so he could call the shots and have a schedule he's comfortable with. He could hire people that respect him, that will listen to him.

He might've even started a family with a good woman who loves him outside of the celebrity and will take good care of him and his children. That's what I would've advocated for, but who knows.

We can all daydream on what might have been out of desperation for comfort and solace. Comfort and solace from a grueling reality that none of us can change no matter how badly we miss him.

If it was that hard to read about, I couldn't imagine what it was like to go through.

For what it's worth, I'm so sorry Peter. RIP

Part Two and more thoughts later.

[its-me-im-coraline]

NSFW Alphabet // Ethan Torchio

words // 2383

warnings // smut, clearly its nsfw headcannons

pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader (might be mentions that seem like they are for f reamer but comeon theres lingerie for every body 👁️👄👁️)

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. an apology to the people on my tag list i think i accidentally have not been tagging you this whole time i am so so so sorry omg

request // yes, it was a reblog i cant find it right now

summary // self explanatory

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Regarding you, Ethan is the king of after care. As rough as he can be in bed, that’s just how sweet he can be once you're done with it. Goes full on dad mode (don’t know how else to explain this). He will have water, painkillers if you’re now in pain, a washcloth to clean you up, new clothes, and of course the cuddles.

“I’m alright, Ethan. I can do it on my own,” you say as Ethan walks to you with the wet cloth ready to clean the mess he made on your body.

“I know you can, amore. I just want to take care of you,” he says as he leaves a kiss on your lips.

I can also see him being the one to make a big fat breakfast the morning after, or at least get up early to pick something up.

Now I also feel that he is in need of some aftercare. It depends on the day really, if he’s had a pretty rough day and all I feel like he’d ask for some backrubs after. In this case he’d fall asleep so quickly like omg. But on the biggest part I see him feeling the need to reassure you that the things he said (i think we already established that this man would call you a slut) are not how he feels about you and will be asking if you feel the same.

“Do you love me?”

“Wha- of course I do, Ethan! Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know… I guess - I guess I am worried that you don’t after what I said.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

When it comes to himself I feel like he really likes his chest and arms. Like I don’t know but I see him really getting off with you pretty much mastubating on his chest. Ya know what I mean? (i think you do you little sluts). He pretty much enjoys anything you do on his chest. I can imagine him looking at the mirror after you two had sex, seeing the cum on his chest along with the marks you have left and just smiling.

“What are you looking at, love?” You ask, seeing as the man is standing in front of the bathroom mirror from your spot on the hotel bed.

“Nothing, just the mess you made.”

“Mhm, and I bet you like it, huh?”

“You have no idea… Hey, are you sure you got tired? Cause I think I can do another round.”

As for his arms, as I said, he simply really enjoys that he can man handle you anytime, get you in any position he likes and feel you scratching them from the pleasure.

When it comes to you, Ethan is an ass guy. Say what you want but the man is an ass guy, end of discussion. He loves anything that involves your but. It does not explicitly have to be something like anal. He simply enjoys seeing your butt and holding it in his hand. It does not matter if it’s big or not, if it has stretch marks or whatever. Wear lingerie that he likes or that itty bitty teeny weeny bikini if you wear them or even some tight pants that make your butt just poìp and he can not contain himself.

I think I have said that to someone here (i think I had sent an ask to zodi @ icouldbeyourputtet) before but I feel like this man is very into spanking, like not even the rough malicious way. but this very wholesome chill way.

You had been talking about it all day, not having had a minute alone with each other for days, you could only dream what you could do that night after everyone left.

A playlist was playing in the background and a cigarette was burning on the ashtray next to your legs, you assuming a similar position, as said cigarette, bent over Ethan’s lap as he caressed your ass cheeks and back, playing around with the lingerie set he had gifted you a while back. (Did I just go to search my fave porn vid, lol exposing myself, and get disappointed because I can’t find it and translate it into fanfiction? yes yes i did, so bare with what i can remember)

“It’s okay, baby, you can take a little more, come on,” he praised, leaving a spank and yet another soft rub on the very red cheek.

He continued, going with the music, a very nice pattern, not very rough spanks but just enough to cause pain, pleasure and redness all over. Accidentally the man landed a few very rough ones causing a gasp and a series of giggles as you practically fell off his lap.

“Ethan, what the hell?” You laughed getting up from the floor and this time sitting on the man’s lap, sharing kisses with him.

“What,” he copied your action and laughed, “it was not intentional. I got carried away by how nice your butt is.”

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He is and is not messy. He will not want the cum to be in every surface possible you know, he will be careful but at the same time this man just loves to see his cum on you, whether it’s your back or your stomach, or in you if you’re ok with it. I bet he has a teeny weeny breeding kink but not necessarily because of the idea of breeding you but rather because he looooves seeing his cum run out of you… I'm not sure if this falls in the breeding kink category but alright

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes to fuck you while watching porn.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I feel like he is pretty experienced. From what they band has said in interviews and stuff, he seems to be getting some pretty often (no one, NO ONE, is surprised at that). He is not acting arrogant tho (not unless that’s the dynamic of the night), he is willing to learn what works for you and you specifically

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

As I said this man is an ass guy so I’d say anything that involves having the view of your ass. Humor me but i think he’d really like 69 with a female/afab partner (don’t know if this works very well with two dick-baring people lol). It has it all, eating you out,

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think it can be both with him. He will not exactly try to make jokes but if something like the previously mentioned spanking incident happens it’s def welcome.

Now as a general rule I see him being pretty serious. I will be honest, I’m getting brat tamer vibes from this man so it’s all pretty serious when you really get into it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Considering he’s an Italian man and if you look at a lot of photos of him he def fit the ‘mediterenean’ man type. I see him just barely grooming. I don’t see him really shaving or whatever but he also wouldn’t want you to choke on pupic hair, he much rathers you choke on his dick

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It all depends, really. He can be quite intimate with you but it all depends on the moment. There are different occasions for everything. For example, and this is a paradox that I hope I’m explaining well enough to understand, he is not very rough (will not be very aggressive and stuff, like to the extreme those tik tok boys want to pretend they are with their * growling * ew) but he will be rough. intimidating looks, spanking just enough to make you feel pain and redden up your ass cheeks. He’s like that mostly when you are being bratty.

Most of the times, like we’re talkin kind of lazy sex moments, it more wholesome ig, like very intimate and just comfortable and almost comforting. Ok, but like why do i see him having sex and having casual conversation (not the most common, i see this as like lazy day off, having nothing else to do and not being like super horny but being more like h o r n y … am i making sense?)

Setting the scene, you two are at home, both have a day off but it’s kind of raining so any of your plans are ruined. At this point it’s at around 10 am, not early, not late. You have missed each other and both have made it obvious but you are both in a very tired state so you opt for something not too much.

Plain and simple missionary is what goes around this time, Ethan on top just holding your legs around his waist,, going at a pretty medium pace.

“It’s a pity the weather is bad today,” says Ethan staring out the window.

“I know, we were going to go to the beach… I’m bummed about it,” you say, short of breath as the man continues his pace fucking you.

“Mhm, true. But this is better, amore, no? I’ve missed you so much,” he breaths out the last part, moans interrupting his words.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He does that pretty often, especially if you are not around to help. Sometimes it’s because of you that he needs to. I would def see him exchanging naked pics with you and at first he does that to tease you but he ends up teased when he sees a video you sent of you masturbating.

Bets that he’d be taking photos and vids of you fucking on occasion so he goes to these when he misses you on tour.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As I mentioned previously I see Ethan to be a brat tamer. That I see to be the main kink that kind of works around everything else.

“Can you stop this, slut? It has gotten exhausting. I told you no noise but here you are,” he ordered, looking down at you trembling below his finger tips.

His face was quite stoic, voice never wavering from the strict and cold tone he tended to have when scolding you on the daily. Most times it was leaving a cup out of the sink but this time the scolding came from misbehaving. As if it was not enough that he was punishing you for being a brat and riling him up all morning, now you had to disobey orders. It was getting to him for sure.

“I’m sorry daddy,” you whisper, Ethan seeming satisfied with the response.

“Aw, why so tame puppy, now you decide to be nice?” His tone stayed the same, his words imitating a joke but the whole ordeal was not even close to it.

Now as for other kinks (did I open a site because I could not think? yes, shut up), as a result of being a brat tamer dom there are some few more kinks accompanying specifically that. He is def into bondage, both tying you up but also being tied up on occasion.

“Puppy, I have told you that is not a way to treat me. Untie me,” he says calmly, wrists tied on the headboard of the bed, eyes fixated to you.

“Well, why not? You do it all the time,” you whine, placed on all fours, facing Ethan as you lean towards him on your hands, “I want in on the fun.”

If only he was not tied… Ethan’s mind was already going places, figuring out exactly how he would punish you after you untie him -or after he escapes the restrains, whatever comes first. You knew that, very well - in all honestly that was the plan, that is always the plan.

“Amore, let me go. Let me go and your punishment will be tame,” he voiced looking at you, now positioned on top of his lap, touching yourself right then and there.

“I sense you want to be punished puppy, don't you?” You simply nod your head, eyes closed in pleasure.

“You see, the problem is you will not enjoy what I am thinking.”

“Mhmn.”

“Well, get yourself off now that you can, cause after I get my hands on you… You’re not getting to cum for days, amore.”

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Honestly, anywhere. I can see him having a preference to the luxury of either of your houses or a hotel room but if you push his buttons just right, some restaurant’s bathroom it is.

why can i imagine him having sex at a weeding venue’s bathroom….. omg…..

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Honestly, both. I feel like he would be extremely good at giving it, but would never opposed to receiving

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s ok with them but he doesn’t love them, ya know?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.

Is surely try to do new things but it will always depends on what it is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Come on. This goes without saying. He is a drummer for a living. He can surely go on for long…

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I def feel like he has a fair amount of toys. Some for himself, some for you… He looooves using them to punish you.

(small mention to my last fic little puppet)

“Beautiful, puppy! You have been doing so good for us, taking your punishment so well, but we are not done yet.” A buzz sound is what concerned the girl, eyes widening at the toy.

It was a small remote virator, imitating sucking on the clit. The drummer placed the girl over his knees, stuffing the toy between his leg and her clit, shocking the sensitive bud. “I think you can take a few more spanks,” said the man, landing one at the expanse of her thigh, the skin giggling at the contact.

“Damiano, count,” ordered the assertive man, seeing his friend kneel in front of Y/N, kissing her and then doing as he was told.

“I think we were left on twenty-three. Twenty four,” he began, counting all the way to forty before the ordeal was over.

The whole time Y/N was shaking, just about to fall off the edge, asking for permission to cum but her wishes were not granted just yet. She was exhausted, overstimulated, frustrated, and now unable to move on her own. But, oh man did she need more. The two men were more than willing to assist her.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A ton! It’s his specialty. Maybe one of his most common punishments is edging and teasing. He can drag it on for days

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is not very loud but is surely encouraging you to be.

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