#it is legitimately terrifying how devoted and loyal cana is to those that matter to her. to those she loves.

[arcanaaa]

COOL MOONLIGHT BATHED HER SKIN, WHILE THE NIGHT'S QUIET SOUNDS TRILLED AND CHIRPED ON GENTLY IN AN ENDLESS SUCCESSION. It was this night that the Seer sought a calm moment to spend alone with her own thoughts and Cana had stepped outside the bar-- a quick mention to Loke and Gray for fresh air, her hands waving away their insistence to join her: "Nah s'alright, just gonna clear my head, don't wait up--"

Don't let the good times stop on her account.

It wasn't a lie. Or at least the words were made as truth after she leaned against the building. Everything felt like too much. Too much noise-- the laughter and shouts, too many lights hurting her eyes, the cloying smell of wine, smoke, and perfume from the waitresses flirting too close to their table. That was expected. It couldn't be avoided. It didn't mean she couldn't be annoyed.

Best to swallow the envy and bite back the grimace as the bitterness clashed with the festive mood. This wasn't right. The feelings that Cana had kept buried were starting to seep beneath the cracks-- she could see Gray's silent expression communicate more than what a brief conversation could ever pass.

Leave it alone snowman. It's fine.

I'll deal with it.

The last thing either Gray or Cana needed to discuss was what was on her mind. She knew he meant well, but there was no way he would be able to untangle the clusterfuck of emotions that knotted inside her heart. Only one solution would resolve the chaos, and it required something that Cana did not currently possess: bravery.

CANA FLED THE WARMTH OF THE BAR AND GOOD COMPANY TO HIDE IN THE DARK ALLEY LIKE A COWARD. Because she was not brave enough to say what she wanted to say: that she needed him. Those were the words that grew heavier with each passing moment. The more that she spent time together, whether as partners or in the same company as Gray, every moment made their bond grow ever stronger. That was the simple truth of the matter, a truth that was undeniable even if she wouldn't say it out loud. Couldn't say it. Yet another confession kept inside her chest, another weight over her heart. But this was a burden that was easier to carry, one that she regarded in a fond manner.

She should know by now that she couldn't stop change, even if she could predict it. All she could do was accept it and brace for the aftermath. Though she tried to peer into her own future, the visions that reflected back taunted her with brief snapshots of scenes that were beyond her understanding. Even now she tried to focus, her eyes sliding shut, her breathing evening out and slow, her senses became refined while everything fell outside her scope--

--running, frantic, desperate, sick, and terrified, the ice mage's admission echoing in her head, he left he left he left why why did he leave did I do something was is something I said something I did I thought we could start over please tell me is it my fault oh God did something happen why didn't I see this why why stupid useless, where is he don't leave don't leave please don't go don't leave don't leave me--

❝ --na! Cana! ❞

A SHATTERED GASP, SENSES SCATTERING WILD AND CONFUSED AS SHE FOUGHT TO BRING HER HEARTBEAT UNDER CONTROL FROM ITS QUICK GALLOP. Another vision faced alone. Sweat dotted her brow despite the cool air. She felt turned inside out, her nerves too tight and yet not, hot yet cold, dizzy but still. A vision always left her on the cusp of sickness, and often she isolated herself to deal with the effects by herself.

Fortunately, her boys never indulged in her pride.

❝ M'fine, ❞ She would always say quietly, her assurances so much smaller than herself. ❝ It's fine, s'not that bad-- ❞

❝ Shut up. ❞ Gruff, quick to the cut was Gray, ever the charmer. ❝ Stop trying to do this alone. You know we'll always be here for you, okay? So stop trying to hide. ❞

He would stand just within arms reach, back facing her while he stood to guard her. Gray reflected much of his aspect and magic that he commanded, yet she saw beneath the curt frost of his demeanor. The Seer would shift her body to reach out her hand, only to topple forward as numbness settled over her limbs and left her weak--

❝ Now normally I'm not opposed to sweeping women off their feet, ❞ Loke would intone mildly, yet his gaze was piercing despite how gently he held her in his arms ( oh it was bad when she didn't register her center of gravity was altered ). ❝ But it doesn't sit well with me when my partner leaves to deal with this alone. ❞

The usual protests that bubbled in her throat died as her strength all but failed her. This moment of familiarity and intimacy would normally drive the card mage to shake out of his hold and reestablish herself as her own pillar of strength. It was what she needed to be, what she trained for, what he would expect her to be. But the truth was that she was tired. For so long Cana had so much to prove: to herself, to her peers and rivals, to her father-- but how long before the pressure of her own expectations would collapse on top of her and cause her to fall? Would that strength alone she carried help her?

THE ANSWER WAS RIGHT BEFORE HER, IN TWO DISTINCT FORMS THAT PROVED SHE WOULD NEVER RETURN TO HERSELF ALONE. It was in the steady, gentle silence between the ice mage and the ring mage. Their presence stood as her foundation to weather the storm that would always seek to render her helpless and weak. Cana was not someone who was easily moved by sentimentality. But knowing that her partners-- her boys-- refused to allow her self-isolation when the worst of her abilities revealed itself moved her.

Affection from the Seer was not dispensed frivolously, even when she wasn't sober. But allowances could be made, especially when concern over her wellbeing was at the forefront of their action.

So Cana did the unthinkable: she cried.

Naturally, the reception was met with varying reactions of alarm.

Later, when everything was calm and her emotions weren't so strung out and wrung, she would laugh at this whole affair as another humorous tale to recount. But the present moment was fragile and raw, and all Cana wanted in this moment was to be shown comfort. A sob rippled, causing both men to respond in varying degrees to her distress, yet Cana reached out and gathered them close to her side. One hand reached out and tugged her kin beside her so that her arm could wrap around his neck. Meanwhile, the other held tight to her mentor and partner, never letting go despite the awkward manner that which she was held.

Whatever their hang-ups were about expressing emotions or receiving affection didn't matter to Cana: right now, she needed them to know how much she appreciated them both.

❝ Don't go, ❞ She cried. ❝ I'm-- I'll be okay in a sec, I promise...just...please...don't go...please stay with me....please... ❞

( Now who could say no to that request? )

'Please don't leave me.' Was the echo. 'Don't leave me alone. Please love me. Even if I'm weak, even if I'm lost, even if I'm pathetic, even if I'm wretched and despicable. Stay. Please.'

❝ I'm sorry. I'm sorry... ❞

❝ Shh. ❞ A hand to her head, the gesture so tender that her heart swelled until it was fit to burst. ❝ It's okay Cana. We'll stay. I-- We promise. ❞

❝ Yeah, ❞ The admission of the ice mage was soft-spoken, almost hushed, as if responding any louder would break the fragile moment between the three of them. ❝ It's alright Cana. We got you. ❞

The sheer relief made her body sag-- as if the entire world rolled off her shoulders and fell into the void beneath her feet. That was all she wanted to hear-- that was all she needed to hear. Hearing such affirming words of devotion, of loyalty, of love brought such a cathartic release for the Seer that time fell off the wayside for the three mages.

Eventually, Cana stopped crying, but her grip over them did not cease. It was a tie over who she wanted to hide herself against, tucking her face into the space of their neck for comfort but the contender that she settled for was Loke. Even still, Cana did not relinquish her hold over her brother, instead compromising with contending to hold Gray's hand. As much as Cana complained prior about the cold, Gray's abilities never brought her discomfort. If it meant that he would stay by her side, she would hold him always.

It was the same for Loke too; where Gray embodied ice, Loke brought boundless warmth to surround her. She would know him in darkness, even when hope was gone and her shadows threatened to close around her, he was her light that blazed, triumphant, and gloriously.

Her Loke. Her Gray. Her boys. Her partners. Hers.

They were hers. And should the world stand against them, she would rip the fabric of fate at the very seams and render reality into spools of thread if it would protect them. Save them.

And heaven help anyone who would do ill unto her boys.