#it is incredibly fucking hard to explain quantum mechanics even if you know how to do the math

[235uranium]

my honest take is that if you can't do the actual math you have no business bringing up quantum mechanics in a serious discussion

[echo-of-sounds]

pursuing a relationship

How Aizawa and Gang Orca would pursue and begin a relationship with someone. I wanted to add Fatgum but this got longer than I intended. I’ll try to post the other part tomorrow with him and either Hizashi or Toshi.

Aizawa Shouta

He argues with himself. A lot. Any relationships, especially long term romantic ones, are not things he’s prioritized in life. He’s never been opposed to them. He’s just put his time and energy into building a career. So if he ever finds himself drawing closer to a person, he’ll shove romantic thoughts away on instinct. He doesn’t like how they invade his mind- he has more important things to worry about. It's when they get too strong and he can’t ignore them anymore that he fights with himself.

The thoughts make him act and think differently. He doesn’t want to wonder what you’re doing after work or if you like a certain cafe. And he certainly doesn’t want to keep thinking about how cute you looked in those pants. It infuriates him. He likes to be in control of his thoughts and focus on his job. But every time he sees you down the hallway, he seriously can’t help thinking how fucking good you look in those damn pants.

Quieter, easy-going people usually catch his eye more. That’s not saying he’s not attracted to other characters. It just he’s spends so much time around big personalities, shouting, screaming teenagers, and ridiculously loud explosions, that he needs (nearly craves) quiet time with quiet people. On the other hand, physical appearances mean nothing to him. Just look at him.

He wants to be gruff when he interacts with you. If his sentences are even shorter than usual and he leaves as soon as he’s done, then maybe the feelings will go away. That’s what he wants to do. But he’ll end up talking to you more, asking questions about your job or hobbies. He’ll walk you to where you need to go even if it’s only down the street. Doors will be held open and if you need help with anything, he’s right there to do it. They’re seemingly small acts but coming from him, it means a lot.

It’ll take him a while to come to a conclusion if you’re worth pursuing as a romantic partner and what exactly he wants to do about it. At the end of the day, he is a straightforward man so once his mind is made, he’ll approach you. When he asks you out it’ll be so casual you might miss it.

Don’t expect him to get fancied up for the first (or really any) date. Since he’s not a fan of crowded restaurants and dislikes them more when he’s with his partner, it’ll be somewhere small and simple. He’ll most likely pick a nice little cafe where he can relax while you two talk. He doesn’t act too differently or try too hard so the whole thing will feel comfortable and natural. When you’re done, he’ll pay and walk you home, grabbing a dessert on the way.

As is everything else, your first kiss will be laid-back. He’ll wait until no one's around to gently hold your chin and kiss you. It’s short and sweet. You can feel his lips curl into a rare smile as he pulls away.

He doesn’t like PDA and will ask you to respect that. He’s just not into hand-holding and hugging in public. However, he will make exceptions in certain situations. If he feels your anxiety rising at a restaurant, he’ll squeeze your thigh under the table. If you get overwhelmed in a crowd, he’ll either grab your arm or let you hold his hand to steady yourself. And don't worry because once you’re alone, it’s incredibly clear how much he loves cuddling. Laying between your legs with his head resting on your chest is his favorite position.

Gang Orca

He's not necessarily slow when it comes to starting a relationship, more so hesitant. People often look at those with mutant quirks differently. It doesn’t mean they’re judging, but he does feel their eyes on him constantly. That’s a big cause of his uncertainty. Most of the attention he got when he was younger was people staring or praising his strength and quirk. Because of that, relationships never really occurred to him, especially growing up. Now that he’s older and has settled into himself, he’s thinking about relationships often (but secretly). He also finds himself longing for a family.

Appearances don’t mean much to him. However, he is drawn to shorter people. Feeling how small you are against him makes him much more protective. Personality wise, he enjoys being around those who can challenge him mentally and help him grow. Now, he’s not looking for someone who can explain quantum statistical mechanics or Nietzsche’s entire library, but someone who has a thirst for knowledge and is willing to learn about and explore the things around them. Engaging in deep conversations lets him see more of you and what you’re fighting for in life.

Whenever someone catches his attention, he builds a friendship first. He wants to get to know you before he decides if a relationship could work. He tries to judge how much you’re interested in him. If he feels like you strictly see him as a friend, he won’t pursue you beyond that. If he feels like you’re responsive to his feelings, he’ll gradually spend more and more time with you and begin to do things for you. He’ll bring you coffee in the morning exactly how you like it, share his meal if you’re still hungry, and offer rides home so you don’t need to take the train. 

As the relationship grows and you want more, you’ll have to be the one to officially ask him on a date. He desperately wants to ask and even has a plan in mind but his thoughts swirl, psyching himself out. And regardless of how close you are, he does fall back into thinking you don’t like him like that. So when you do ask, ask clearly because he’ll think you’re inviting him out as a friend. 

The first date could be a little bumpy if you go to a restaurant or any popular place. In softer situations like a date, his overthinking revs up as people stare. Discomfort would ooze out of his giant body. A quiet place would be better while the best choice is a stay-in date. Even if you asked, he’ll insist on hosting. Expect a delicious meal, candles and flowers arranged beautifully on the table, and soothing music. When he opens up like this, inviting you into his home, know that everything he says is 100% genuine. 

Give him some time to settle into the relationship. The romance aspect is incredibly new and somewhat alien to him. He tries his best to adjust. One way you can help is to question him about any anxieties he has then talk them out. Not only will it relieve some stress for both of you, but it’ll also encourage him to open up in a different way. He’s used to being a leader and people looking to him for guidance. With your support, he’ll begin to talk about his insecurities and doubts.

Holding hands, hugging, and kissing is a slow road. He’s huge, incredibly strong, not used to intimacy, and slightly afraid of hurting you. That’s a lot for anyone to push through. Grab his hand when you’re on the couch. Give him a hug when he walks through your door. Casual touching increases his confidence. And before you know it, he’ll lay you on his chest for a nap.

Your first kiss will be… different. His mouth isn’t like yours so he doesn’t even bother mentioning it. Just like asking him out, you’ll have to do the initiating. Approach him when he’s relaxed to ask for one. He’ll let you sit on his lap as you kiss down his forehead. Place one on his mouth and you’ll feel his tongue briefly touch your lips. Thinking it was too much, he’ll apologize. If you want more, ask. He’ll oblige. His tongue is large and wet and so, so great.

[pepperonitimeline]

There is an interesting emphasis on timelines in Steven Universe

but like. Why?

Hypothesis: Steven Universe is made up of multiple timelines, but shown in an order that makes the events seem linear. read part 2 here!

I'm not the first person to speculate this at all. A lot of this stuff has been pointed out by @dogcopter​ @arrozbrillante​ @stevenutheories and many others on various platforms!

I just gathered the most conspicuous "evidence" into 1 post. If you’re interested in SU theory and analysis you should check out their blogs. :o) This was as short as I could make it..

And a big thank you to @love-takes-work for her podcast summaries!!! 

So, most ostensibly there’s Garnet, who can see multiple futures. In Pool Hopping she begins to call her visions timelines specifically.

Garnet: In this timeline, we do the opposite of that. Hey, you! Have a pizza!

Steven: Hey, Vidalia's house is around here. Let's bring her the last pie.

Garnet: Now, that would be nice. She must be upset that her son was taken into space by those Homeworld Gems. (referring to the events of I Am My Mom)

Steven: You mean Onion? He isn't in space. He's right over there. *points*

Garnet: Sorry, I-I must be thinking of a different timeline.

-

Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

-

Garnet: It's important to keep in mind that all these horrible things did happen to you in alternate timelines. Safety is fun.

In Steven and The Stevens:

Yeah

It was confirmed on the podcast that the Steven we see from that episode on is a different Steven than the one from episodes 1-21. In “The Fantasy of Steven Universe” Sugar explains:

"I think, early on, we knew for sure what we wanted to do was to create episodes that feel self-contained but give you a new piece of information or change the characters fundamentally. So, Steven and the Stevens, is tight but Steven does change fundamentally after having that experience. He's not the same- in THAT case he's LITERALLY not the same character..."

It’s muffled because they're all laughing but right after they say this Matt Burnett goes “He died.” 

Link to the episode

Love-takes-work also has a text summary of the episode

But something I haven't seen discussed very much is the time travel chase scene. Granted it’s very blink-and-you’ll miss it, there are some Stevens who witness the other Steven’s fighting but that don’t end up in the Sea Shrine at the end.

Way back in 2015 @stevenutheories already did the math as to how many alternate timelines may have stemmed from the time shenanigans: 3 to 5. Not counting the original one who is definitively gone. 

Technically quantum mechanics don’t work like that and those Stevens should have been Thanos’d too. I’m not going to pretend I understand physics, that is just what I’ve been told by someone who does. But then again the magic time thingy wasn’t bound by rules of real-life physics in the first place… so ??

Let’s cross-examine SATS’ accompanying KBCW post.

“At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!

Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.

Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.”

KBCW and Ronaldo’s commentary in general are usually half-right. Like the “Polymorphic Sentient Rocks are aliens who want to hollow out the earth… to make it lighter so they can transport it back to their star system” thing.

I can't help but think the "Dinosaurs for pets instead of dogs" is a reference to the live action Super Mario Bros. movie- where the meteor that killed the dinosaurs sent them to a parallel universe instead, causing mammals to go instinct in said universe. (Don’t know about the zeppelins.)

And then, and THEN there’s Keep Beach City Safe, KBCW’s more obscure rival blog run by (most likely) Onion under the pseudonym "The Observer". Apparently he’s planted cameras all over town to record Steven’s adventures. There's also a "Recruiter" and second mystery narrator calling themselves "Marco Díez", it's a whole thing,

Assuming it’s real, here’s one of the posts I think are the most relevant.

“I have been on zero gem hunts over the years, and what i have learned over the years is: always be prepared for anything, and everything. Connie’s already knows that and this her first mission. I, wasn’t so fortunate on my first mission. It was a crisp Autumn morning, - with notes of cinnamon in the air. I was the mountains, the air temperature, humidity and level elevation levels, were perfect.

Then, I noticed the creature, it was charging me. I tried to evade the gem monster, but it just kept on coming, and coming! There was no escape! And then- Wait! I just remembered. I never been on a gem hunt! So where did I get that story from?”

This was posted on August 1st alongside Gem Hunt… and the day after the Greg The Babysitter post, which was deleted earlier this year, right after people started interacting with it again.

Being a Babysitter is hard, especially if your Greg Universe. This guy, in the picture above me. Wait did I just become self aware? Hey, I did! Haha, I always knew I was more to me than just a narrator. Actually this is the first time I thought about, Because I'm self aware baby! Woohoo, yeah! Wait, what was I talking about? Ah yes, Gregory. So this Greg guy,Has to Babysit this cool baby, because he owes her for letting him mooch off her. And Greg, is like totally irresponsible, he some how lets the baby climb a Ferris Wheel. How does that even happen? This dude is so not getting payed. And what's up with his hair!?!

So here it is, another story, told by Greg, about his past self. I wonder how many times I started a paragraph with the word so. And when he was telling this story, we got some clues that could finally tell use when all of this started. We know about the gems and what happened  thousands of years ago, but we don't know about the hems and  what happened thousands of years ago. They wee being very vague about the whole thing. Almost intentionally, well it was obsessively intentional.

?

There are subtle inconsistencies in Beach City's layout. ("The Observer" points this out, too.)

Remember Danny’s? In Bubble Buddies and Joking Victim, there’s a shop named Danny’s Salt Water Taffy.

Then in Watermelon Steven it’s gone.

As for a prop: Chaaaaps used to just be Chips

That’s from Monster Buddies, the episode right after Steven and The Stevens.

It's just as likely someone on the show simply thought the background/chips looked a little too busy or whatever. But re-doing stuff costs a lot of time and money, yknow? Neither of which is the animation industry very generous about. Did you know even props have model sheets?

Of course it could just be another brand of chips. Maybe Utz got involved somehow.

Lastly I want to highlight a quote from a Rebecca Sugar interview regarding SU ending.

“The story is continuing off screen and I do know what happens next, at least in certain timelines, for the characters,” Sugar says. “But I would have to decide how and when I’d want to dig into that, or if it’s best to give them their privacy.”

yeah so like what the fuck

[themadvigilantist]

things about time lords that was new to me and/or i forgot about that i’m now going to consider canon for basically every time lord in a fight:

Time Lords' physical forms are only fragments of much vaster multi-dimensional ones existing in a realm invisible to humans; this aspect is able to create coincidences around a Time Lord. (and everyone is so surprised by how strong they are. gallifreyans are (possibly) stronger than the hulk and captain marvel full force. k bye)

While the human eye was just a dish of light-sensitive cells, leaving the brain to do all of the processing, the Time Lord retina was capable of thinking on its own. As a result, on Gallifrey, the retina replaced fingers as the main method of communicating with machines. (a brain for the skull and a brain for each eye and just holy shit. they can feel people with their eyesssssss.) Gallifreyan eyes were better at seeing in general, as well as in the dark, as they could gather and enhance available light. They could notice incredible amount of detail from distances of at least one hundred yards away, as well as people that were well beyond the human line of sight. Gallifreyans had incredibly precise control of their eyes (which explains a shit ton on why the doctor’s eyes just get bigger when they can’t find a companion and have to resort to yelling their name. it’s like that meme about yelling something to get them to respond but extreme sports edition. like extreme marco polo or waldo like holy shit).

Gallifreyans could survive some falls which would shatter the bones of humans.

If pushed from a height into a liquid, a Time Lord body was capable of protecting them, sealing up the lungs to conserve air for a short period (see Hell Bent and 12′s constant diving)

Gallifreyans could survive extreme cold, due to having a "souped-up metabolism"; they could even withstand exposure to a vacuum for a few minutes with the only consequence being blindness rather than death. They could also survive extreme heat. They could even survive the subzero temperatures and extremely low pressure of vacuum for around six minutes, and survive electric shocks that would be fatal to humans. 

Röntgen radiation affected Gallifreyans so minimally that Gallifreyan children were routinely given radioactive toys in the nursery. They could, at will, absorb very high doses of Röntgen radiation, transform it into a form harmless to humans, and expel it from their bodies. Radiation of other kinds could be fatal, but even then a Gallifreyan could handle much higher doses than a normal human could, and could hold out much longer than even most terrestrial life-forms, although a unique form of radiation around the Lakertyan System was only fatal to Time Lords while being harmless to humans.

Gallifreyans needed less sleep than humans, and could make do with as little as an hour.

A Gallifreyan who was severely injured without actually needing to regenerate to heal the damage would generally slip into a healing coma, and devote all his or her energy to healing the injury. While in the coma, they would appear to be dead.

Time Lords also seem to have an increased resilience to higher frequencies of sound.

Gallifreyans could be disabled by a blow to the left shoulder, which possessed a vulnerable nerve cluster.

Gallifreyans were capable of resisting attempts to disintegrate their bodies, despite being shown capable of disintegrating other organisms.

Early Gallifreyans deliberately infected themselves with the Yssgaroth taint to give themselves a biological advantage.

Time Lords occasionally displayed, or referred to, the ability to fly. (cough cough mary poppins, saxon, missy, that time lord messenger, tenth doctor when he got back to normal and cradled the master and cried after lucy shot him cough cough)

Even without regeneration, Gallifreyans had considerable lifespans. Within one regeneration, Gallifreyans could live for hundreds of years, yet look much younger than a human of equivalent age. (which means the curator in the 50th Anniversary of Doctor Who is 500 yrs old in that face so like imagine young tom baker but with just the short curly cut like wow)

Physical stress could cause Gallifreyans to age.

the Time Destructor may have contributed to ageing

Gallifreyan children grew at about the same rate as humans of the same age. After this point, ageing would slow, with the Gallifreyan looking like a teenager for decades. ( @girl-in-the-tardis @gallifreylegacy so basically those kids end up being like twilight minus the disco ball vampirism when they graduate college and get the highest occupation of their job. like they could be considered both the youngest president but also the oldest being visually a teenager but actually 90 yrs old. like No. 5 from Umbrella Academy)

90 is teens, 750 is middle-aged and senility age when one time lord gets over 12,000 years old (depending on the regeneration i guess???)

Gallifreyans had all the senses possessed by humans, and to generally superior degrees. Gallifreyans also had extraordinary reflexes and precision timing, literally superhuman.

In the space of four nanoseconds, a Time Lord can move fast enough to dodge shots fired at them whilst devising a plan to escape. (so that trailer where 13 is like a speedster? fucking canon y’all)

Gallifreyans showed great hand-eye coordination and dexterity with a wide variety of tool and weapons.

Gallifreyans (in "younger" bodies) were, consequently, very physically able and highly athletic

A time lord perceived sounds from the TARDIS, while located several sections away in a larger spacecraft or planet.

Gallifreyans were capable of identification by taste. (see all of tenth doctor) The Gallifreyan sense of smell was equal to their sense of taste. They could do a chemical analysis of the air using their sense of smell. On some occasions Time Lords were also able to judge what time period and location they were in by the smell of the air. (this explains that comic where rose was possessed by the ninth doctor and she basically became the ninth doctor for that strip while also talking to him out loud as he responded in her head: basically 9 was remy the rat and rose was linguini the hair-controlled human k thanks. so that’s a thing)

Gallifreyans were better at coping with sudden changes in position than humans and were harder to disorient. 

As well as the senses shared with humans, Gallifreyans had further senses, with at least a sixth sense. Gallifreyans had time- and spatial-related senses and physical attributes; they were able to resist fields of slow time, notice distortions and jumps in time, retain perception of local time flow, including a secondary "backwards" consciousness during jumps back in time that could overwrite the one prescribed by forward time, directly perceive the interstellar motions of cosmological bodies or their inhabitants — including sensing the "shape" of the world to the extent that they were aware when trapped in pocket dimensions — and perceive all possible timelines. Due to their time sensitive nature, Gallifreyans could retain memories of negate or alternative timelines. (so basically the whole ‘i won’t remember this’ schtick from 50th was a sham. which explains why tenth doctor was looking for rose the second he heard bad wolf but he was on gallifrey and not earth. this boy was looking for the moment but like she just didn’t appear and then the button changed into a rose shaped one like wow ok bye) The form of eidetic short-term memory, able to recall every insignificant detail of even the most moments in time (holy shit there’s no way you can win an argument with them. that’s fucking sad...for any human anYWAY). on a quantum level, their brain could receive information from possible futures, possibly without even realising it consciously. (ahaha do you mean that the tenth doctor saw different futures where he saw all outcomes of doomsday which makes all those edits where he’s living life with rose and donna as his sister fucking true but it’s also true that canonically he went, ‘nah, have tentoo im gonna skidaddle’ and left THEM OKAY BYE AGAIN). Time Lords shared a special mental connection to the structure of history. The chakras of the Time Lord nervous system could detect contours in the Time Vortex and also felt an instinctive gut revulsion towards fixed points in time.

The Time Lord brain was much larger and more complex than the human brain. The size differences effectively ruled out brain transplants from a Gallifreyan to a human, having one, two or three brainstems (so basically that whole plot in Get Out would have backfired so fucking hard. now that would have been a wild movie.) Time Lords could also separate the hemispheres of their brain, allowing them to multitask easily. Records on some planets indicated isolated cerebral hemispheres as a characteristic of Time Lords. Time Lords had an additional brain lobe dedicated to mechanical and other bodily functions, freeing the other lobes for intellectual endeavours. The autonomic functions could be artificially supplanted with a special device, allowing the Gallifreyan to think with their autonomic brain.

Gallifreyans could sense the presence of others of their own species, with the sense being specific enough to allow identification of one another just by sight, regardless of potential recent regeneration. (v and vin tend to turn this off because they like being surprised. surprises are fun.)

Body temperature of Gallifreyans are fucking Arctic or near Pluto levels, hence the layered clothing in the most hottest climate possible like what the fuck. it explains so much on why tenth doctor still donned that luau necklace thing because that was just a nice warm spring to him okay. which means if they get sick, you need oven gloves and a heat resistant suit. that’s what im gonna assume. like holy shit. no wonder that ice didn’t do shit for 10 in the 42 ep. good to know

Time Lords displayed the ability of touch-enabled mental manipulation; this manifested itself in a number of different ways, including hypnosis, mind-reading, thought sharing, the ability to relieve dementia, putting others to sleep, influence on others' dreams, memory erasure and could also transfer knowledge quickly to another person by headbutting them. In addition, they were telepathically linked to one another and could join the entire Time Lord intelligence as one. They could hold telepathic conversations over distances, but this was more difficult. They could converse with each over the astral plane, although this ability required intense concentration, and an interruption might have fatal consequences for the Time Lord. Their telepathy extended to less intelligent animals. Perhaps because of this, they had an innate ability to understand any language. In ancient times, Gallifreyans who were capable of blocking out the telepathic thoughts of other Gallifreyans were called Individuals. They usually had red-gold hair and often went on to become Young Heroes. (THAT’S 👏🏾WHY 👏🏾THE 👏🏾DOCTOR 👏🏾WANTS RED 👏🏾HAIR 👏🏾👏🏾 THEY 👏🏾 WANT 👏🏾 TO 👏🏾BE 👏🏾A 👏🏾INDIVIDUAL 👏🏾👏🏾) They were highly resistant against, if not immune to, other forms of mind control. However, they were vulnerable to more powerful forms of mind control. (so basically Jessica Jones episodes 1 thru whatever episode Kilgrave doesn’t find out about Hogarth trying to inject herself with his DNA, they are immune but, episode where kilgrave injects himself with it and becomes powerful might be vulnerable to it if that same kilgrave did what cartoon kilgrave did with tony stark and used the stark tower to boost and spread his control over everyone...or you know, maybe can withstand wanda vision’s control. maybe. i have to consider pythia and the karn so, it’s a good 50 - 50 chance on kilgrave and wanda being able to mind control a time lord. like properly. so jot that down)

Gallifreyans (Time Lords) don’t have prostates.

[allondonboy]

Medicine for the Soul: Ch 8

Chapter 8 - Andante: solo espressivo  (Ch 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

"Just say: sorry it's late, forgive me, I just moved to France." - @iinagetawaycar

"I liked the chapter, you can tell them that" - also @iinagetawaycar

Thoughts very much appreciated.

The date is ringed in the calendar that hangs on the wall next to the periodic table and under a photo of Alex and Kara at the zoo.

Alex is aware of it even before March 1st rolls around. Their eyes are understandably drawn to it whenever they replace each met deadline with another new one.

It’s not labelled. Anyone who would see it, already knows.

Except, they forget, Maggie.

The week of the anniversary doesn’t feel like a real week.

Every other year, they’ve been at home. Eliza let them both skip school, and more recently, Alex and Kara would go to the beach to skip stones and eat ice cream. Alex would scream underwater, then spend the evening by themselves on the roof. Kara would join them at bedtime and they would stargaze and tell stories.

They would cry, silently, privately.

This year…well.

This year is the first time they’re not at home for it.

There’s no beach unless you count the lake – which they don’t.

They can’t bury themselves in their duvet and spend the day crying because they have a fucking roommate – even if that roommate is Lucy.

They do the sensible thing.

They find the fire escape and climb to the roof.

They perch on the corner of the box in the garage and watch Kara plug in her bass.

It feels like a heartbeat. That’s the point, they know.

Kara tells them often enough.

They haven’t been down here since – since. They didn’t want to come, but after they had talked to (ranted at) Kara, she had taken their hand with an uncharacteristically firm grip and guided them to the garage where she looks them right in the eye.

They stare back, like it’s the only thing holding them together.

(It is.)

“Before, your heart sounded like this.” Kara strums a steady one-two.

Alex lets it wash over them until Kara speaks again and they jerk in their seat.

“Now, it sounds more…”

It’s supposed to sound different, says Kara.

Alex only knows that it feels different.

They can’t hear the difference.

They can feel it.

It aches, like their heart is actually breaking (impossible, they know), right through the pit of their stomach to the back of their throat, and they reach forward to turn up the volume on the amplifier until they can’t hear Kara’s explanation anymore, until the buzz moves up their legs, until it’s shaking them slightly with every strum and they can no longer feel their heart, feel the ache, feel him.

Kara arrives with a quiet thud.

Alex doesn’t react except to push the unopened bottle of whisky further away from them.

Kara crouches and opens her arms. Alex shuffles towards her and leans their head on her shoulder. Kara wraps her arms tightly around them and squeezes, and even by Kara’s standards, it’s gentle.

“How’re you doing?”

Alex grunts.

“Yeah, silly question.” Kara manoeuvres round Alex, never letting them go, until her back is next to theirs against the wall.

“It’s crap.”

It comes out as a croak and Kara nods against their head. They let out a shuddering breath, their shoulders tensing.

“It’s okay to grieve. It’s good to grieve,” Kara murmurs into Alex’s hair, pulling them closer so their head is properly tucked into her neck. “I, um. I know I probably didn’t make it very easy to – to process anything after Jeremiah – when he…”

“When he died,” Alex says, voice muffled. “You can say it, Kara, it’s not a bad word.”

“Right.” Kara swallows and runs her fingers through their hair. “And I know Eliza can be hard on you.”

Alex snorts.

“But Alex,” Kara continues. “You’ve got to do it eventually. It’ll kill you if you bottle it up.”

Alex squeezes her hand. “I don’t know how,” they admit eventually. “No one has told me how to do this, how to live without him, Kar, how to just carry on like nothing has happened - ” Their voice breaks and Kara rubs their arm.

“That’s the thing, Al. Something has happened. Your dad died. There’s no one right way to deal with someone dying.”

Kara gets a look on her face that Alex knows means her mind has drifted to memories of explosions and darkness, and of being curled up next to Alex on the couch back home in the midst of similar conversations.

“I’m feeling things I never knew I could.” And I don’t have names for them, Alex adds silently. There are memories that burn and words that sting, photos that shake their heart, and now they’re alone in a place where he had never been and the time that has passed since it has never been more obvious.

Kara nods. “After Krypton died, I tried to work out what I was feeling. I tried to label everything I was feeling and explain it away, I tried to rationalise it, but I never could. I’m not sure grief is something you can rationalise.”

“Were you angry?”

“I still am.”

Alex looks at Kara, properly, then. They’ve thought before how lucky they are to know the Kara under the smiles and the sunshine. They’re lucky that she trusts them enough to show them that part of her. It’s a privilege, and Alex briefly wonders if they should be starting to let Kara into their own hidden corners rather than assuming they’re protecting her by holding it all in.

After all, they know what it’s like to have to hide a part of yourself.

There is no trace of sunny, puppy-loving Kara as she continues.

“There are people who left me – chose to leave me – thinking it would be better for me to live without them than not live at all. It’s hard not to be angry when someone makes that decision for you.”

Alex wriggles into a more upright position. “How…how do you not let it eat you? I can’t even begin to compare Dad dying to you losing everyone yet I’m the one sitting on a rooftop with a bottle of - ” they squint at the label on the bottle, “ – fuck, of the cheapest whisky I could find, apparently.”

“I went to the scrapyard and punched a lot of cars.” Kara shrugs. “There was a lot of crying.”

“Oh, great,” says Alex. “Can’t I just, shoot it or something?”

“I am not giving you any kind of weapon in your current state.” Kara pouts in response to Alex’s sulky pout. “It’s okay to be angry, Alex. You have to find your own type of scrapyard.”

“I want to revise the weapons thing.”

Kara hits them in the chest. “No.” She ponders. “What about music?”

“What about it?” Alex scowls.

“This is what it’s for, right?”

Any other time, Alex would have argued, gone for a run, or hell, got their textbooks out and got lost in a chapter of quantum mechanics, but something inside them knows Kara’s right. This might be the thing that’s been missing and putting everything slightly out of place because if there’s one thing playing reminds them of, it’s Jeremiah.

“What does the music say to you?” Alex makes to answer but their teacher shakes her head. “You don’t have to tell me. Music is personal, Alex. Just feel it, and play.”

Jeremiah spinning them around.

No.

Jeremiah teaching them to ride a bike.

No. No no no.

Jeremiah showing them the stars.

Fuck. No. They can’t do this here not now not in front of their teacher not with this no no no –

Jeremiah smiling, laughing, holding Eliza, holding Alex, him, his smell, his hair, his jacket and the clomp of his boots, ringing in their ears and through their core and shaking them, shaking, shaking until they break, they can’t, they break and it hurts, it hurts –

They play for hours.

They play until their fingertips are raw, burning, until their shoulders ache in the way they would after a day of rehearsals, but their heart sings.

They burn through a book of Bach sonatas, a movement or two of Bartok, Mussorgsky, fast and furious and so completely cleansing that they play the final chord of Stravinsky with a bitter flourish and squeeze their eyes shut, panting, floating, spinning, feeling.

“Incredible.”

Alex moves faster than they knew was possible. A figure steps out of the shadow of the door that Alex didn’t even hear open.

“Who are you?”

“My name is J’onn J’onzz. I’m the faculty head.” He comes further in. “That was amazing, Ms - ?”

“Alex Danvers,” Alex says automatically. “No Ms. Just Alex.”

“Alex.” J’onn nods. “You have a gift, Alex. Something special.”

Alex gives him a sceptical look and starts to clear up. “And you could tell that from half an hour of dodgy notes and misplaced fingers?”

“Yes.” J’onn doesn’t correct them on the length of time they were playing. “I could. And I have a proposition.” He pulls out a card. “There’s a concerto competition, you’ve probably seen the posters for it. You need a faculty sponsor to enter. I am willing to be yours.”

Alex shakes their head as they swing their case onto their back. “No thanks. I’m not looking to perform.”

“Give it some thought? You shouldn’t let a talent like yours go to waste.”

Alex reluctantly takes the card and buries it in their pocket with a polite smile.

***

“Hey, Lucy.”

Someone grabs Lucy’s arm and she starts, yanking it out of their grip and spinning quickly, ready to chew someone’s head off. She finds Maggie’s worried gaze on her, so she fights off the urge to put her hands on her hips and instead sighs.

“You shouldn’t grab people like that, Sawyer.”

“Have you seen Alex?”

Lucy frowns. “No. Should I have?”

“They’re not answering my messages.”

“And?” Lucy raises an eyebrow.

“We were supposed to have lunch together. And they usually text me if they’re about to go radio silent.”

Lucy returns to frowning when it hits. “Shit.”

“What?” panics Maggie, and Lucy waves a hand at her.

“No, it’s. Ugh. Danvers.” Lucy swears under her breath. Trust them to leave her in a predicament like this. “I don’t…know how much you know,” she says carefully.

If anything, Maggie’s panic increases. “Tell me, Lucy. Please. I need to know they’re okay.”

As if on cue, Lucy’s phone chimes and she pulls it out to see a message from Kara, telling her that they were on the roof and to check there first if she couldn’t find Alex later on.

Lucy sighs again, pinching the bridge of her nose and looking back at Maggie. “Right. What do you know about Alex’s family?”

“What? I – why?”

“Humour me,” deadpans Lucy.

“They live with their mom and sister, Kara, no pets, their dad is dead - ”

“Oh, good.” Lucy sags with relief and Maggie gestures at her in a please expand, you’re scaring me way, so she clarifies. “Alex tends to go AWOL on Jeremiah’s anniversary.”

Maggie blinks. “Why didn’t they just say?”

“I don’t know if you’d noticed, Maggie, but Alex doesn’t really talk about how they feel.”

***

They’d forgotten how much music literally takes the emotion out of them and they’re a type of numb they haven’t felt in years. Exhausted, but happy, but emotionally empty, and they make their way back to their room on autopilot.

“Hey, champ.”

They blink and find Lucy standing in front of them. She reaches out and unfurls their fingers from their case strap, gently sliding it off their shoulders and tucking it behind the door. They blink again.

“Do you want a hug?”

Alex nods, and lets themselves fall into Lucy’s arms, bringing their arms up around her smaller frame and burying their nose in her shoulder.

“Kara texted me,” she says softly. “She said she’ll be back tomorrow, and sorry she wasn’t here for longer but she has to look after Eliza.”

At that, Alex’s hold on Lucy tightens and she feels them let out a shuddering breath.

“Oh, Alex.”

They stay like that for almost twenty minutes, Lucy’s arms rubbing up and down their back, murmuring soft reassurances into their ear and wishing for all the world that she could take away some of her best friend’s pain. When they separate, Lucy brushes a stray hair away from Alex’s face.

“Call Maggie. She’s been a bit worried about you.”

***

Alex opens their phone to twelve unread messages and six missed calls. Their thumb hovers over the button next to Maggie’s name and with half a deep breath they press it.

“Hey.”

Her voice is gentle and sounds like a head tilt. Alex’s heart squeezes and they hold their breath before the numbness can dissipate.

“Hi.”

Their voice is raspy. They sink further into their mattress.

“I’m sorry,” they add. “I’ve never had anyone to tell before. Lucy knows because, well because she knew me when, before, when…” Alex sighs. “I’ve never had to think about someone who might worry about me, and I’ll try and remember in the future.”

“Alex.” Whatever it is in her voice, it’s not the anger Alex was expecting. “It’s okay.”

“What?”

“It’s okay,” repeats Maggie, and Alex’s brain stutters.

“What?” they say again.

“This is bigger than you and me, Alex,” says Maggie. Alex’s heart beats like it’s in their mouth. “This isn’t you freaking out about our relationship. This is about your dad, and I get it.”

Alex opens and closes their mouth as Maggie falls silence, waiting for them to say something.

“Thank you,” they finally manage. Maggie hums and then they settle into the comfortable monotony of crackly phone breathing.

Maggie eventually breaks the quiet. “Can I do anything?”

Alex shakes their head. “No. I just need to sort my head out.” They hesitate. “Tell me about your day?”

Maggie sighs into her phone and Alex pictures her stretching out on her bed, curling onto her side and grabbing her cuddling cushion. She slips into storytelling mode, her voice with the lilt of someone horizontal and growing increasingly relaxed, and Alex lets it seep into their brain like her music did the night they met.

As Maggie talks, Alex grudgingly lets fondness creep into the emotional vacuum sitting deep in the pit of their stomach, until the exhausted bruise from playing their violin starts to heal and then it’s not so grudging, the way they let the faces of Kara, Lucy, Maggie, even their mom, float in front of their eyes, and the feeling starts to come back into their chest with an ache that the music had hidden until now, when safety wraps around them like Kara and a tear finally slips out and it’s followed, by another and another as Maggie soothes them without realising it, and before they know it, they’re sliding into the deepest sleep they’ve had in days.

***

Alex marches to the music faculty, jaw set and card clenched in their fist. They jump up the stairs two at a time and begin the hunt for the office they want, eyes skimming name plates, shoulders directing them through the flow of early morning traffic.

They find the door and they hammer on it, louder than they mean to, but soon enough that they can’t back out.

The door opens and the face in front of them isn’t surprised at all.

Alex thrusts the card at him and takes a deep breath.

“I’m in.”

[akiyama-san]

I've noticed your comments about Love Live Sunshine and don't get me wrong, we all have our own opinions and I'm not telling you stop posting your negative thoughts about it, but why do you hate Love Live Sunshine so much? And if you hate it that much, why are you even watching it?

I suppose it comes off as hate doesn’t it? Well despite how it appears, it’s not entirely hate, it’s mostly disappointment, and while that might not sound much better i’ll try to explain what I mean, hopefully to a degree that it can be understood. 

Spose I should start at the top shouldn’t I? 

I think it goes without saying that this point that I didn’t like the original show at all, it had its moments, and 2 or 3 good characters, which isn’t saying much I realize but these casts are fucking bloated of course only a handful will be likeable. The concept seemed really fucking stupid from the outset, and it is, but I’ve seen worst, and as a first attempt by SunRise for an Idol show, to my knowledge, the idea to give it an actual plot to follow was in theory a noble one. It failed completely, but the thought was there. More to the point, almost everyone was completely flat, incredibly stupid, and beyond insufferable. 

I’ll be honest, I can put up with a lot, and if I had chosen to watch it of my own volition I’d probably have been more forgiving of the writers dancing on active fault lines, but at the time some years back, I had several people breathing down my neck to watch the fucking show so I went in pissed off. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that these characters say and do things that would make me want to hurt a small child, but I would still have been more kind to it in the long run. 

Then the movie happened, and well.... Lets just say the series needed the fucking soft reboot that was Sunshine after that abysmal travesty of a movie that completely deficated on a third of the casts character development. I’m still trying to work out the quantum fucking mechanics of how Honoka could receive her microphone from her future fucking self BTW. 

I openly admitted this at the time, and this is important because this is often overlooked by the crowd. I said that after the failure of the movie, and knowing that a new series was coming, if SunRise could learn from their mistakes, then I would gladly and open-mindedly go into Sunshine with a positive attitude and be kinder to it if the series was able to escape its charred charcoal burned roots. 

Needless to say I was absolutely blown away by how incredibly Sunshine could be at times, and how baffling disgusting and incompetent it could be as well. I stress that Sunshine is wholly the better property I was able to enjoy more than whole episodes and character arcs completely this time around, as opposed to the original where I enjoyed maybe 10 minutes of its total 700 minute run from episode 1 to movie credits. 

The series had incredible characters to start, those already good characters ACTUALLY GREW INTO EVEN BETTER CHARACTERS, THESE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY GROW AND MATURE AND THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’ll say openly that the second years are some of the best characters I’ve seen in any anime in the past several years, and I would never hope to take away from that. Better was that we actually had rivals that we could see and understand, that weren’t placed on a pedestal for no discernable reason, one that stood on relatively even ground that could be combatted in real time, force growth and change upon both groups. 

At the same time, while the series had heights and feats that rivaled Everest, it also had lows that would put the Mariana Trench to shame. No, I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get over all the bullshit that happened between Mari and Kanan, and how absolutely disgusting Kanan is, even now, refusing to grow up or stop being a cunt or do anything of value to the group you so claim to love. I’ll be generous and say I was fucking disgusted by SunRise repeating what happened with Honoka and Kotori in the first season here with Mari and Kanan, almost beat for beat. It was terrible the first time, and suicidally bad the second time. 

To regain the focus, by then end of it while my opinions were of the mixed nuts variety with plenty of roasted salt, I still gave it a hearty recommendation because I thought it was genuinely pretty good, blue cuntveats notwithstanding. 

NOW

Where my problem overall with Season 2 lies. If it disappointment and wasted potential were a physical force this series could level mountains. 

From the beginning we’re told that we’re on an incredibly strict time crunch and that we need to focus all our efforts hardcore in the second round. 

Only for almost literally all of the first 6 or 7 episodes to be nothing but filler and padding to waste time, where no growth or progression of any kind took place at all, and such wonderful gems as 

Dia: Please call me Dia-Chan.

Chka: No!

and the omnipresent 

Chika: Teach how to do a backflip

Kanan: Not on your fucking life!

Kanan: Oh shit she learned how to do the backflip... 

Where it all came to a head however was with the reveal of just how many students the school actually had, because that was something that was never brought up. The total number of students is 68 when all are accounted for. And the is beyond miserable. 100 fucking students isn’t enough, to maintain the school you need at least 200, but closer to 300. With 68 students the school should’ve closed fucking years ago. The revelation of that number killed the entire fucking show, it made moot the efforts and development of every single fucking character, because no matter what, even if they had gotten 100 students, this same predicament would still inevitably rear its head once again next year or the year fuckin after. 

I want to make clear, more than anyone else on this site, I have authority to speak on this matter, and no one can refute this, hell I’d barely even listen to them if they did because I severely fucking doubt they ever dealt with this sort of thing, if they did they would totally agree with me.

I have come face to face with a school closure myself. 15 years ago the district announced that my Elementary school would be closing, this school with 700 students that churned out some of the best results in the city might I add. It was a hard and long fought battle, it lasted 3 years, but eventually the parents won that war, and it’s still open now. How did they do that? By actually getting involved, going to meetings, talking directly to superintendents and comptrollers, explaining things like how some of them go to work really early or work late, they can’t send their kids anywhere else because they’d never be able to make it to other schools in the morning on time or pick up on time because of how far away they are, how different schools offer different programs, and not all schools offer the same accommodations for special needs children as this one did, ETC. The point is, the parents got active in the fight, the people that might have been able to affect the outcome did, and while it was no easy task, they did it, they actually fucking one that battle. 

I don’t expect even a fraction of that to occur, but to at the same time tell me that the parents don’t know or care at all, much less any of the other fucking 59 students are powerless to help in any meaningful capacity is an absolute load of horse shit. 

Where it started to bring my blood to a boil, nay to a bursting point, was what happened in the last to episodes with Saint Snow. The best song the franchise ever gave us was Self Control, followed by Shocking Party. This is a fact. From a single interaction some of the most intriguing and likeable characters we got were also Saint Snow. For them to be all but ignored in season 2 until 8 fucking episodes in is ludicrous, but for their first appearance in over 10 episodes to be them failing a concert and us not even getting to hear any of the fucking song, is insulting, it’s infuriating, it’s domestic abuse. This isn’t a slap in the face, this is Studio SunRise forcefully shoving their cock in your mouth against your will and punching you in the eyes with brass knuckles for crying about the cock in your mouth. 

Honest to God, if I wasn’t committed to seeing this through, these last two episodes would be my first set my merchandise on fire moment, and that is saying a lot. It might sound like i’m being overdramatic, but honestly there are a lot of people that agree with me on this matter. 

I did a lot of thinking in writing this post and it took me the better part of an hour to write it. I still hold fast on my thoughts about the original, 2/10 garbage. 

I still hold to my opinions of season 1 Sunshine, 7/10 very good. 

But this season? Well let me put it this way, I score every episode and tally the scores at the end, if season one got a 70 percent

Season 2 probably wouldn’t even reach a combined 20/130 

I will still recommend newcomers to Sunshine season 1 absolutely, but I will also absolutely tell them to pretend season 2 never happened, do not watch it because it will make you commit homicide in the aftermath. 

Why do I hate Sunshine Season 2? 

Because SunRise finds new and exciting ways to fail at absolutely everything on every single level every week. I infamously gave the movie a 1/10, in the long run, I think I would sooner rewatch that movie on loop than ever rewatch this season of Sunshine ever again.