#it is in fact 2 am goodnight yiPpeE

[astro-inthestars]

HOW WE FEELIN OUT THERE TONIGHT?? HEHHEAHAHAH- YEAHHHHH I AM NOT FEELIN GOOD :) /lyr

[thewanderlees]

Tambon Hua Hin, Chang Wat Prachuap Khiri Khan, Thailand

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

We decided to move to Hua Hin for our time here from May 5th to June 5th. When we left the Khon Kaen condo it kind of felt like we were leaving home after being there for 2 months. Our friends (The Sims) who live in a house across the street, own a songthaew truck and kindly drove us and our 16 bags to the train station. We had 4 more bags than since we've arrived but we brought all the house hold supplies we purchased, like broom, dustpan, frying pan, etc incase we needed it at the town house we are moving to. The day we checked out, our train didn't leave until 8pm so we packed sandwiches and spent most of the day at the pool. The 3 older girls went to the Sims house to play board games and bake cookies with their friends Hannah age 12, and Ahleah age 11, for part of the afternoon. We managed to get some takeout food for supper from the Indian restaurant at the pool(after lots of confusion and charades to explain the order) and the Sims invited us to their place to eat it together in the A/C. They dropped us off at the train at 7pm. We enjoyed getting to know the Sims, there were some tears as they left. The train was running half an hour late. Unfortunately it was very hot this particular evening at 38 degrees in the dark. We bought some refrigerated wet face cloths to try and help feel cool (but it didn't really help). A few tourist police came over to us to see if we needed help and asked us to take a photo with them. Whenever any Thai people ask where we are from and we say Canada they love saying " oh......Canadian..... " in a tone that sounds very envious", and it seems like they just like saying the word Canadian for some reason, lol. When we were at the train station a monk came up to me and the girls and was having fun using the little English he knew to say "Miss Canada!" He said it a few times with different names after, which we assumed were names of women who must have won the title in different years. It was a little bizarre....

We had to take two trains to get to Hua Hin. The first train was 10 hours to Bangkok. It had air conditioning which was good but it wasn't exactly what we were expecting as far as "niceness". It was old looking, kinda vintage I guess. We thought there would be a dining car from reviews we had read about train travel but were told just before boarding by a man who was translating for the police that there wasn't. He also said I should run and take Hailey to the bathroom before getting onboard as it wasn't easy to use on the train. Erik told him we were going by train as an adventure and he laughed and said " well......It will be an interesting....experience for you..." That was our first tip that we were in for an experience that might not be as comfortable as we had thought. He did say though that there are way more bus accidents than train accidents so it was safer travel in that aspect. Once on board it didn't take long to discover that there was in fact no bathroom in our rail car! And that to get to the next car we would have to walk outside while the train was moving and cross/step over to the next car! Yikes! Thank goodness we took Hailey before getting on and the rest of us were able to hold it till morning. We arrived at the Bangkok station at 5:30am. Here's a little tidbit of info for you too. Most public places in Thailand have people who sit outside at a table blocking the entrance to the bathroom and kind of lay claim to it, so they can charge you 3-5 baht in order to enter, and most bathrooms have no toilet paper so you have to make sure to remember to have your own with you. We found a cafe that was open in the station and were able to get some ham buns for breakfast and refill our water bottles. Erik purchased our tickets for the next train from Bangkok to Hua Hin with no interpreter around to help this time. He did get the correct location and departure time, but unfortunately he was unable to get them to sell him seats in the air conditioned rail car! This leg of the journey to Hua Hin is 4.5 hours, and by the time we arrived at the Hua Hin station it was 41 degrees outside.

Let's just say.... that train ride was the longest trip of my life!......We went through various stages of uncomfortable.

It didn't help either that we had dressed in warm clothes for the journey thinking both trains would be A/C, and when the Thai use A/C they have it cranked to the max like an ice cooler. Just unreal cold, which is....weird. Some of us had swim bottoms that we were able to find in our bags and managed to change into them out of our pants on the train, not an easy task! And yes we got some looks... Like these white people had noooo idea what they were getting into, lol.

We arrived in Hua Hin at 11am. Erik and the 3 older girls left Hailey and I at the station and took some of the bags with them to find the town house a few blocks away. They found it after some confusion as the addresses here aren't much help at all. The numbers on the houses are all out of order with no apparent rhyme or reason. It didn't help that they were very hot and having trouble thinking too. Thankfully the owner had emailed Erik a photo of the exterior gate and they were able to find it with that.

The owner was there and graciously offered to come pick up Hailey and I with the rest of our bags on their two scooters. Erik was telling them no no, we won't fit the bags but they laughed and insisted. I went on a scooter with the older lady with Hailey sandwiched between us. Erik went on the scooter with the son, who put two large bags in front of him between his legs and Erik had to hold onto 2 large suitcases, one in each hand on each side of the scooter and manage to hold on to the back of the seat behind the driver with his thighs! When we arrived at the house he said those bags were so heavy and was thankful he's been lifting weights at the gym the past couple months! We were extremely impressed with our new accommodations. This town house couldn't be anymore perfect. It's beautifully decorated, and is completely equipped like our home. Wonderfully soft luxurious beds, super clean, and I have yet to find an insect of any kind! Yippee! Also this town house is located in between several others and none of the windows face the sun so it stays a nice temperature inside without having to run the a/c like crazy or live in the darkness durning the day with all the drapes closed. That was one draw back of the Khon Kaen condo. Our unit there was located on a corner of the building that had all windows facing the scorching sun 10am until 7pm. The electric bill for our second month was $400! With temps in the 40's it was unavoidable there. We got settled in our new place today and explored a couple of the streets to find ourselves some lunch, chicken and rice $1.50 each meal and for supper salads $2.50 each. The salads were a bit of an oops as we bought them at the Tesco grocery store and didn't realize the amount they charged per 100grams is twice the cost as buying at the local outdoor market. Oh well not too costly a mistake and that's how you learn when you can't read or speak the language. We also found a couple ladies that have a couple tables set up in a vacant lot one street over that sell fruit. We bought 4 water melons for $1each, 7 mangos for 50 cents each, and a banana bunch for $2. Well it's 9:45pm here, I am going to finish up this blog post, everyone else is watching Captain America, streamed from Erik's iPhone onto the TV in the living room. Goodnight

[meetingmuppets]

CATFISH BLOG

“If they seem too good to be true they probably are”

The meaning of Catfish

Wikipedia

lure (someone) into a relationship by adopting a fictional online persona.

BLOG

 So, I decided a few weeks ago to dip my toe back in pond of the dating world, I‘d had a 6 month break, done a lot in that time, joined diverse social groups, learnt African dancing, Drumming, Kizomba, Meditation, all kinds of weird stuff really,   Met lots of great new people and did lots of socialising but never came close to meeting that special someone.  I‘d had the time to get over the trauma of last year’s dating and was ready to throw caution to the wind,

Unfortunately, what started as a dipping my toe in the pond turned into the biggest Tsunami dating disaster I ‘ve ever had, I found the worst type of guy no woman should ever have to experience, to sum it up in one word  I met “ CATFISH’

As I am writing this blog there are some common words I know I am likely to use and In order to make reading this blog easier I am putting some abbreviations in place for these words to stop repetition

CF The guy (never got his real name so I will just call him CF – Catfish)

AB Absolute Bollocks -referring to most stories he told me 

ABR Alarms Bells ringing

PAP Psychotic and Paranoid – referring to me and my frame of mind ie whenever I questioned his stories which were not adding up I was made to feel like I was crazy, and was imagining everything. :”Babe why you being so paranoid and negative, you need to chill… “

Anyway I found this guy on Tinder (oh no not Tinder I hear you moan) Yes Tinder, Advantages – free, quick and easy to use, Disadvantages – a hunting ground for catfish, you can float around in cyberspace with no digital footprint so hard for anyone to catch you if you are on there for anything other than a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that Tinder is also used as a cheap hook up at the end of the night, based on finding someone in close proximity to you.  I do not judge anyone who is into extra marital affairs.  What does piss me off in the dating world is not declaring what you are on the site for (or downright lying that you are single and after a relationship which is clearly not the case.)  Like for example POF (Plenty of Fish) you can opt for a Relationship or admit you are not after a Relationship – just after a bit of fun. It easy, just click the option you want.   

  As long as you are open and honest that’s fine.  But when you are lying about your situation and making out you are single when you are actually married that’s when it becomes a nightmare for the other person, who is using the site for serious purpose. 

So back to my CF story.

I noticed since I last used Tinder there was now a new added feature to help you find someone quicker rather than having to go through the cumbersome process of getting a Match.  THE SUPERLIKE BUTTON

Just to explain a bit about SUPERLIKE, if you know about Tinder, you will know that if you like the look of someone’s profile you swipe left and if you no likey you swipe right.  However the Match process only happens if that person also sees your profile and happens to swipe left also.   It can take weeks for that to happen, it may never happen and I don’t have time to wait around! However, the Super Like button bypasses all of that waiting game.  If you Super Like someone, they get an instant notification, they see your profile and if they accept you, IT’S A MATCH  Get your coat lad you’ve pulled!!

You only get one SuperLike a day, you can pay for more if you want, but believe you me, with the PondLife you get on Tinder, one Superlike a day is more than enough. I decided to use my Superlike Power when I did surprisingly find a guy I liked the look of.   Hit the button and yippee within 10 minutes he liked me back, we had a Match.

Indeed The Superlike button has great powers, but with great powers comes great responsibility

I opened his message to a very excited ‘I am so happy that you have chosen me, I have read your profile and you seem the perfect kind of woman I am after’…!!

Well that was flattering,

I responded and we swapped numbers and started to text, they was a lot of banter and I decided he had passed the first test (the Text Banter) and we started to discuss meeting up for the FIRST DATE.

I must admit I do not have time to text and email guys for weeks and weeks,  I prefer to just arrange a meet up pretty quickly and decide over a quick drink if I like them or not.  Which is probably my downfall as I do not research the person I intend to meet or ask many questions.  As long as they have a decent job, and can make me lol on a text message that’s about the only criteria I need initially.

Anyway the date was set up that weekend, a Saturday afternoon in a beer garden.  I got there first got myself a glass of wine and when he turned up I was not disappointed, nice to look at, Well dressed, easy on the eye, Dapper clothing,  Tick, Tick Tick.

We chatted about a lot of interesting topics, he told me about his job, he was a trainee solicitor for Immigrants.  He helped people stay in the country who arrived here with no paperwork from war torn countries. 

Said he found his job very rewarding.

Spoke about his high morals and that he would never go out and sleep around with different women, his church values would not allow it.  He was a one woman man.

He then had to cut the date short because he said he had a church meeting in his local community about supporting immigrants.  (BTW All of the above turned out to be AB)

I did query before he left the fact he had De-matched me on Tinder pretty quickly which was a bit strange.  The ‘De- Match button’ is when you are matched with someone but then change your mind.  By ‘De matching them’ you are throwing them back into Cyber space so you are not connected anymore on Tinder and it’s a strange thing to do if you are planning a date with someone.  You tend to keep them there,  as a sweet reminder of how lucky you were in the first place to be matched with that person.

He said that he had 14 other Superlikes on Tinder (That is a lot – I get 1 Superlike a year) and all the women’s profiles were cluttering up his inbox.  And he decided he liked me the best out of all of them, and wanted to see me,  so he did not need them anymore. 

I left my date feeling quite uplifted, but also sensing this guy may not be all he seems.  Did I really believe he had deleted 14 Superlikes (including mine) before he even met me??

Anyway, having both accepted the first date was a success, the second date was set for a drink and meal the week after at my local.   He came to my house first of all with a present, 2 bottles of my favourite Red Wine, he certainly knew how to impress.  I did pour out a lot of my insecurities to him as well as the wine, my previous dating disasters, men promising everything but giving nothing, the ghosting horrors.  He said he would never ghost Me, that he could see us together in a year and if anyone was going to end it, it would be me.  That he could really see us in a long term relationship. 

  WARNING

“ If they say that they care about you and they act like things are getting serious after only a short amount of time, you might just have met a catfish”

When we later had a meal, he did mention he had a bad and serious allergy to prawns, I joked that if he wronged me I would come to his house and sew prawns in his curtains.

By 11pm the date was ready to end, and at this point he mentioned ringing a taxi to see his brother (ABR).

At this point I immediately sensed he was lying I mean why would you have to meet up with your brother or to go to his house at this time of night???.  I tried not to be PAP and instead joked about the fact he was going to meet another woman

Being a polite host I then offered to ring him an UBER which he accepted. 

Now my main reason here apart from the fact I love the UBER magic of a taxi turning up within 1 minute of ordering it, is because UBER tracks the journey and saves you a record of the exact journey taken.  (I am not sure he knew this, so this was to my advantage).  If he was lying to me as to his whereabouts I was going to find out.

When he got in the taxi I poured a glass of wine, and sat down to watch his journey home, SAD I know, but I wanted to see if he was really going to the place he said he was going.  The taxi ride home took about `10 minutes and did go to the area he said,  although I am pretty sure at some point there was 3 minutes stop at the University.

That was a bit strange, had he picked someone up another woman perhaps???? (PAP).

Reassured myself it was just the bottle of wine making me a bit squiffy, as soon as he got out the taxi (Yep you can even tell that) he text me to say goodnight and rest assured there is no woman here.  All ok, went to bed feeling relatively happy.

What a difference 24 hours makes. 

Saturday

I woke up the next day and looked at my phone. Now for the past week or two CF normally sent a good morning Text but there was nothing. Never mind, sure he is still in bed I thought   I went to Whatsapp to text him good morning.  Half an hour later I went to check he had got my message to see it only showed one grey tick (undelivered) which was strange, he tended to respond really quickly.  In addition his timestamp and picture had gone. 

I did not panic too much as sometime I remove my timestamp if I don’t want to get back to people quickly but I still felt uneasy.  Had he blocked me?  Surely not. . ???

Just to make sure I was not blocked I called him, he picked up straight away and said he was sleepy and I would call me back.  I did question ‘Have you blocked me on WHATSAPP??”.  Did not want to sound PAP but felt the need to ask.  He assured me he had not blocked me “No, I do not have Wifi here that is all, I am not online I will call you as soon as I get up”

17:00 I had still not heard, and I was really feeling a bit annoyed.  There was something not right here, call it my instincts I just knew.  My jovial morning message was still not delivered and according to ‘4 steps as to how to tell if you are defo blocked on WHATSAPP’, I was 90% blocked. 

I decide to confront my fear, I text him and said “There is something not right here and I know you have blocked me, I have a really bad feeling about this”

Two minutes later he called, assured me again he still did not have WI FI and had not blocked me.

Said he knew I was going out that evening and that was why he had not called.   I was not really convinced but I was getting ready to go out and just decided to put my PAP thoughts behind me and enjoy my evening.  He even text me saying “stop being so negative about this, lol you are so paranoid”

  Sunday

By Sunday afternoon I was getting really annoyed.  More Google Searches about ‘How to know if you are blocked on WHATSAPP were carried out with an additional test you can do to prove 101% if you are blocked (I was 101% blocked) I get a flashing message from Google now– Hey - accept it GAL you ARE SOO BLOCKED, get over it and move on.

And now my phone calls to him were going straight to voice mail. 

Leading to more Google searches ‘How do I know if someone has blocked my calls “If it rings only once and goes straight to voicemail you could be blocked”

The test to check this for certain– ring immediately after from another different phone and if it rings as normal then that will prove you are 100% blocked.

 I did the TEST and now know that I am 100% blocked from calls !!!.???

Hours and hours of Google and Quora searches about whether or not I am blocked from calls and messages were started to take their toll.  

By Sunday evening I was tired, confused and at the end of my tether. I wearily sent him a text, ‘I’ve had enough, you are lying to me, I don’t want to see you anymore”

CF- “Well you certainly made your mind up about me, I told you that you would be the one to end it “

Me  (annoyed at his smugness)  Texting – “You were obviously fully aware of how untrustworthy you are and knew you would let me down”. 

Me - Looking up at the unfinished bottle of RED WINE

Texting back “And the irony of this “The bottle of Wine has lasted longer that you have “

CF - LOL

 Monday,

Spent morning feeling a bit miserable about the fact it was over, without me even knowing the truth.

11.00  - WHATSAPP text appears suddenly his profile and time stamp are all back.  He asks if we can talk.  I agree (not sure why) and when he calls later he says again that I am imagining it all and being paranoid. 

And still insisting he has no reason to block me.  That he reinstalls his WHATSAPP for certain reasons and that must be causing the problems.  I argued my point and all my research on WHATSAPP and the 4 ways to discover you are blocked,  to which he says   ‘What are you, an FBI agent or something??”

For the next two hours I start to question my own sanity, maybe I wasn’t blocked, maybe his ex- girlfriend has synced his computer and is messing with his head, maybe there is a  WHATSAPP fault just between our two phones that is causing this ????

15.00 I check my WHATSAPP again and cannot believe it

He has blocked me again.

17.00 I wanted the truth now, CODE RED.    I was not going to rest until I get it.

I decide to ring him but know I am blocked.  Another Google search -How to adjust my phone settings so he does not know it is me calling.

It shows me a video how to hide my profile ID so when it called him it says private number.

I did this and make the call, and he immediately picks up (GOTCHA)

When I say ‘Hi its me’ I can tell he is not sure who he is speaking to, his brain was frantically trying to work out which out his 14 Tinder Matches he was dealing with.  

I could hear music in the background from his TV but he started spluttering he was in a shop and could not speak, muttered some rubbish about trying to call me all day and would call me back when he got home. The lines goes dead. 

Right, am done with this, I am really angry, the fear in his voice when I called confirmed there was a secret here. I will use my own detective skills to work out what the hell is happening.

I go through my phone and all the pictures he had sent me to try and get some clues about him. When we first matched,  he sent me about 20 pictures of himself, some pictures are beside his house some are beside his car (of which I can partly see the registration plate).  Along with the address from UBER I am pretty sure I can find this man, hunt him down and expose the truth.  I start to get excited, I know what I can do, I can buy some prawns, find his street his car and dump them all around it.  I have a long conversation about this with my friend, who seeing me on the verge of a meltdown says she will get her boyfriend to drive me there.

I then worry this may be extreme, I don’t want the police involved after all.

And then I have another idea,  I think back to our conversations and remember he told me the club hangs out most weekends, it is in a certain area of Leeds and it’s a club one of my girlfriend goes to, maybe if I send her his pic she will recognise him?? Lightbulb moment 

I send her a text

 Me “Hey how you doing, I think I ve been CATfished and there is a chance you may know him, he goes to the same club as you, if I send you his Pic can you have a look?”

Her: OMG did he take your money?

Me “God NO” (you can have a go at taking my heart and my mind but I am a Yorkshire girl, you aint getting my money that’s for sure)

Her “Ok send me the pic”

I then sent her one pic to identify him and as I was about to send her picture no 2 in case picture number 1 was not clear enough I could see her typing back, Message flashes up :

YEAH I know him

 OMG I was about to get my answers,

I nervously rang her and told her I had been dating him

Is he single I asked – “No he is married ” (Bugger, slightly freaked out at this point, but to be honest I not overly surprised)

Is he a Solicitor I asked, “No he is unemployed” she laughs (I am quite upset about this revelation. More so than being married, all those conversations about those immigrants he saved and text messages saying he was at the Crown Court defending them (AB)

Does he have a Car? I ask, - No that must be his wife’s car.

Is his name “CF”     “No that’s not his name “she said.

Does he live in LS….. I ask, NO he lives in LS…..  (the address she confirms where he lives is the address I have got him the UBER too)

With a sinking feeling I realised my £8.50 taxi fare had taken him back to his marital home

  Apart from being shocked and sickened by my new found knowledge I also felt slightly euphoric.  I had managed to get all my answers without even leaving the house,  I did not have to get my friends boyfriend to drive me round his estate whilst I wear a headscarf and dark glasses and then sprinkle prawns all around his car, trying to avoid any CCTV.  I had brought him down in 48 hours, years of guys lying to me was finally starting to pay off, I now knew the signs and how to reel them in.

Lady Detective Agency here I come. YEAH

So what do I now do with my new found knowledge?

I decided immediately I wanted him to know that I knew.  To make him sweat a bit that I had knowledge that could damage him.

Still feeling slightly euphoric and well as a bit nervous, I decided to leave a voice message

When it clicked to Voice Mail my message started, (I really should have prepared more for this.)

I had not meant it to sound threatening but it went into  a creepy and strange Liam Neeson mode ( I know who you are, I know where you live and when I find you I will….)  No,  I did not want to threaten him, he knows where I live after all.

So half way through I changed my tone to a more upbeat and preppy, ‘I do not intend to take this further, you disgust me and I just feel sorry for your wife’ I HANG UP.

I slept really well that night, there is something about knowing you were right all along that fills you with a sense of calmness, all my worry about the fact I was turning into a PAP girlfriend was not the case, I was right all along.

CF did call me the next day, no doubt having received my strange voice message.  I picked up quite intrigued as to how he was going to worm his way out of this one and if he was bricking it a bit, WHAT DO YOU WANT I said?  In my creepy voice.

There was an uncomfortable pause as he cleared his throat.

“Errmmm”, I just wondered, he said, “If your new found knowledge has changed our friendship/relationship””????!!!!!!!    

OMG was he frigging kidding me  “You mean the fact you are married and unemployed “ I retorted???”

After a few expletives, I confirmed I wanted nothing more to do with him. 

He then said he was disappointed that I had sent his private photos on to other people, said he found that very disrespectful!!!!!   That he would never disrespect me by showing my photos around.   (So I am the one disrespecting him now!!!!???)))  How do guys have a habit of turning things around when they are in the wrong, making us to be the bad guy????????.

I mean Dude- you disrespected me the moment you put your dodgy Catfish Profile out there and then accepted my Tinder request.   I thought I was seeing a single solicitor, I had in fact met an unemployed, married, sick Fantasist. 

After a few long awkward pause it then got to point where there was nothing left for either of us to say and I just told him he disgusted me and hung up.

I have not heard from CF since, but I did feel worried about the 14 other Tinder Matches he was involved with, they should not have to go through this.  I feel a need to protect them.

I decided to send a strong worded email to Tinder about the type of men that are using their website and gave as many accurate details about him as I could.  (Well his phone number which was about the only thing that I did have on him, that was not false)  I also had his Postcode thanks to UBER. 

To be fair Tinder did take it seriously and said they would launch a full investigation.  24 hours later they confirmed they had dealt with it, but for privacy reasons they could not disclose what happened.  I have no idea what they did, hoping they took him down and took action to ensure he does not prowl on their site again.

Moral of this story – apart from the fact there are many dishonest people on these websites, always trust your gut instincts, if something does not feel right, there is a good chance that it is not.   If a relationship seems hard work in the very early stages, it is probably not meant to be.

“If it walks like a Duck and Quacks like a Duck, it is a Duck.”

I did read last year about a woman who wanted to make Catfishing illegal having been involved with a married man for over a year who was in fact leading a double life. 

At the time I found this amusing but I do see now how woman can deem this act to be a crime, you are left feeling very raw and violated. 

You can just as easily meet a guy in the outside world who lies and cheats, you can hardly make it a crime, where does one draw the line?

Maybe Dating websites should have more controls in place to prevent people lying on their site in the first place, getting them to fill in some kind of honesty disclaimer, and making it very clear that there is a report button is anyone abuses the intentions of site.   Persuading people to be honest about what they are after rather than tricking people.  We need to take more action to make it harder for these douch-bags to get onto these sites in the first place.

In the meantime I will carry on with the dating lark I will not be defeated by my Catfish. You will not break me, “Come and have another go guys if you think you are hard enough”…..

I now have the skill and experience to bring you down in 48 hours, I may not tell you wife, but you can be 100% guaranteed that a very uncomfortable voice message and then an even more uncomfortable blog may be coming your way…….