#it is a gamechanger to notice you are not a victim

[autisticbiologistmess]

I love little miau miaus as much as the next person, but damnnnnn these emotionally constipated men need to put on some pants

[enkisstories]

Well adjusted

- A DBH fanfic in my usual AU-

(Fall 2039, Last year’s revolution failed, Machine!Connor escaped destruction, deviated and is now pretending to be an RK900 at the DPD where Daniel works as a janitor. Between chapters 2 and 3 Daniel had suddenly moved up to police technician without me explaining how that happened. This fic remedies that.)

- Sims version coming later finished and turned out much better -

Tina Chen entered the cafeteria for a last-minute bagel and coffee before her shift. Having hoped to find it empty, the officer backed out again when she saw at least three co-workers sitting and chatting inside. She hadn’t come far when she heard the familiar voice of Detective Reed: “Come back here, Tina, and see something cool!”

Tina turned around again, expecting to see something that was funny in an inappropriate way. She was not prepared for Gavin closing in on the precinct’s android janitor, grabbing it and stomping his foot down hard on the device’s toes. The abused PL600 twitched, but instead of pulling its damaged foot off the ground it raised both its hands to the forehead and held it. On second glance Tina thought the thing was looking as if it was suffering from migraines.

“I was wrong!” Gavin cheered. “Androids DO feel pain! Only not where they got hit!”

That last part amused the man to no end and he could not stop laughing.

Meanwhile the janitor (everyone called it “Sardines” only, because it didn’t seem to have a given name) processed a multitude of error reports. Unlike human brains that made them feel the pain in the bodypart where it originated, a digital one gathered all the notifications in the same place, resulting in a severe headache for the android in question. Sardines had had to deal with constant headaches for weeks after his severed limbs had gotten re-attached. Connor claimed that “feeling” pain this way was a side-effect of deviance. He, too, found that he had trouble reading his own files clearly. In the RK’s case it wasn’t error reports getting replaced by physical pain, but him losing control over his major selling point, the crimescene re- and preconstruction app. More and more that program felt like a tool rather than an integral part of himself to Connor.

“Damn… damn you, detective!” Sardines hissed, all the while dismissing several prompts to forward the reports to CyberLife.

“I admit that is funny”, Tina agreed. “Do it again!”

Sardines glared at the officer, wishing Connor on both her and Reed.

“I think I’d rather show you a direct comparison to human pain!” he snapped.

The next thing Tina saw was Sardines pulling Gavin closer to himself. Taken by surprise the man found himself in a headlock, however, Sardines’ amateurishly repaired arms could not hold his victim tight enough. Gavin slipped away, grinned – and got tripped by the shaft of Sardines’ scrubber. The android raised the stick again, preparing to deliver a painful blow.

When Captain Fowler passed by the cafeteria next, accompanied by the new RK900, a full blown fistfight between the detective and the janitor had ensued. Each was getting cheered at by a small crowd of officers as well as a random handcuffed suspect whom officer Wilson had secured to the cupboard. The android’s supporters were the more numerous, Jeffrey noticed. Pretty much only Tina and the diehard android haters like Dave Allen preferred Reed over the kind PL600.

Gavin and Sardines were rolling on the floor now. Officers had to jump aside quickly, lest they’d get hit, too. Bob Lewis used the opportunity to kick Gavin, who was to believe it had been Sardines…

“Stop that! Will you… fucking… stop that, toaster?!”

“Wasn’t me! Now shut up and keep dying!”

“Don’t lie to me while I’m trying to beat you up!”

“I’m not lying! Not me!”

The captain savored the sight for a few second. “Why can’t you be integrated so well”, he then addressed Connor.

“That was sarcasm, Sir…?”

The RK didn’t receive an answer. Connor strongly suspected that it would have been “No” in this workplace, where putting each other to the gunpoint during arguments was considered proper conduct. But then you went and beat up one little detective and suddenly you were the office villain… that wasn’t fair! On the upside, the android who had beaten up Gavin Reed had been the RK800 prototype, whereas Connor was posing as his own successor. So at least this wasn’t on Connor’s cap anymore.

While Connor was pondering the unfairness of life in general and his own specifically, Tina explained the situation to Captain Fowler. The man seemed impressed by what he heard.

“Androids experiencing an equivalent of pain? That’s a gamechanger in police work!”

He turned to Sardines: “I want you to prepare a presentation on this. Take especially care to line out the differences, if any, in how it works for deviants compared to non-glitched androids!”

“Will… do… Sir…” the PL600 stammered.

“And wash your hands when you’re done with the detective”, Connor added. “You don’t know where it’s been.”

“Oh… right.” Only now Sardines realized that he was still grabbing Gavin. He let go of him and got up.

“Say, Reed, this keeps happening to you, huh? Getting trashed by our androids?” Dave gleefully commented while the human got up, too. Preferring Reed over Sardines didn’t mean that he’d liked either of them much, after all…

He knows, Daniel, the DPD’s canned sardine, thought. Fowler knows… or suspects… that I’m a deviant. Maybe even exactly which one. Or... what if he thinks I’m Simon?! I need to be careful!

But maybe Captain Fowler cared only about a smoothly running police department? In this case being useful instead of careful was the safer bet.

“I’ll start immediately on the lecture”, Daniel promised.

“But that was MY discovery!” Gavin protested between wiping his bloodied nose. “It should count for my promotion credit!”

As “Sardines” left the cafeteria, Connor stepped next to Gavin.

“Weren’t you the one who was afraid my predecessor would put him out of job, Mr. Reed?” he asked. “Don’t worry anymore! An RK android isn’t even needed for that. Looks like a common, outdated PL600 can achieve that feat.”

Gavin stared at the android. And then he stared some more. Eventually he uttered: “You’re right, tincan!”

Androids taking people’s jobs… but androids had to get programmed by humans in the first place. Adding one and one together that meant the future was in android training! Passing on experience, breaking the toasters in, teaching them the peculiarities of their workplace… Was that really so different from showing cadets the ropes? Whatever. It seemed to be the best path to get ahead and and thus Gavin Reed did something he’d never have thought possible: He ran after the PL600, shouting “Wait for me!”

Daniel turned around sharply.

“Why are you trailing after me? We aren’t fucking dating!”

“Ha! You’re one strange device. If your humans do not want you, you kill them, but if they want you, you yell at them.”

“I strongly contest that you are “my” human, detective.”

To almost everyone at the DPD, however, Sardines was exactly that: Gavin’s generous donation to the station, to avoid having to chip in for coffee or snacks ever again. Only Anderson and Connor were aware of the truth and they had their own reasons to keep it to themselves: Hank because he genuinely wanted to aid the deviants (and if he managed to re-socialize Daniel, there was nothing he wouldn’t be able to achieve), and Connor because if he exposed Daniel as a deviant, the PL600 in turn would expose him.

Daniel’s cover story came with the upside of officially being privately owned, not part of the DPD’s inventory. It came with the downside of being privately owned by Gavin Reed. The same Gavin Reed who now offered: “I’ll help you with the presentation!”

“Oh, right”, Daniel sighed. “The extra work you saddled me with. As if triple shifts day in and day out weren’t bad enough already.”

“Aw” Gavin went, “does the poor deviant have to work for a change?” He took a step closer and hissed: “Just say the word and you can join your kin at camp five instead!”

“I’m telling you that I don’t need help to set the presentation up!”

To Daniel’s surprise the detective nodded at this.

“Righto”, Gavin said. “But there’s subtleties in cop dynamics that you aren’t aware of. You need help to excel.”

“You’re scary when you’re making sense for once.”

Gavin reached up and slapped the android on its shoulder.

“Come on, let’s put their shiny new Connor to shame together! It’s the next best thing to getting revenge on the old one.”

Next to Hank Anderson Daniel was the only one in on the RK’s secret, he therefore knew it wasn’t just the “next best” thing. It was the real deal!

Daniel smiled. “I could warm up to that, detective.”

Connor watched the duo occupy an empty desk. He heard them discuss their project, then chat and eventually laugh at a joke one of them had made. His outwards expression didn’t change in any way, but secretly the android was crying blue murder:

First I catch deviance, then the two most annoying things in my life are teaming up. Figures.