#it involves theatre but isn't centered around it

[denimbex1986]

'Academy Award-winning actor and filmmaker Kenneth Branagh will be playing the role of Danish physicist Niels Bohr in one of the most highly anticipated films in recent cinematic history, Oppenheimer. The film, directed by Christopher Nolan, has managed to take the world by storm for its intriguing storyline, which is based on true events. The movie's A-list star cast includes names like Cillian Murphy, Robert Downey Jr., and Emily Blunt, among many others.

The epic biographical thriller will encapsulate the life and origin story of American theoretical physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer. The movie recounts the events that led Oppenheimer's rise to fame as one of the most celebrated scientists in the history and his groundbreaking invention of the nuclear warfare that changed the trajectory of the world irrevocably. The film will feature numerous other characters in his life including family and friends, among which is physicist Niels Bohr.

Niels Henrik David Bohr was a Danish physicist and professor of physiology at the University of Copenhagen. The scientist made numerous significant contributions to the field of Quantum physics and was even a recipient of the 1922 Nobel Prize. J. Robert Oppenheimer knew and admired Bohr for his contributions to the field of physics and had wanted to employ some of his techniques in his own model for the atomic bomb.

During the Manhattan Project in Los Alamos, which involved the research and development of the atomic bomb and the first official detonation of the weapon, Oppenheimer persuaded Bohr to work together on the invention. According to his press notes, Oppenheimer described Niels Bohr as his chief advisor and one of the major minds behind the invention.

Acclaimed actor Kenneth Branagh plays the role of Niels Bohr in Oppenheimer

British actor and filmmaker Kenneth Branagh plays the coveted role of Niels Bohr in Oppenheimer. From starring in numerous emotional and heart-wrenching film adaptations of William Shakespeare's plays to starring in heart-pounding murder mystery thrillers, Kenneth Branagh has really done it all in the industry. But what makes the actor perhaps one of the most versatile and celebrated actors, is his ability to delve into any character flawlessly. He is a brilliant artist who never ceases to amaze audiences, regardless of the movies' genres.

Despite his brief appearance in Oppenheimer's trailer, Kenneth Branagh has already managed to garner global acclaim for his phenomenal portrayal of the Danish physicist. It will be interesting to see how the film manages to explore the dynamics between his and Cillian Murphy's character, given that Oppenheimer was a major contributor to the invention of the bomb, which is at the center of the film's premise.

More about Oppenheimer's plot and cast

Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer releases in theatres on July 21, 2023. The film's premise revolves around the life of J. Robert Oppenheimer and details the moral and ethical dilemmas he faces having invented the deadliest weapon known to man, the atomic bomb.

As mentioned above, the film stars an exceptionally talented award-winning star cast with actor Cillian Murphy in the lead role of Oppenheimer. The actor, who rose to fame for his stunning portrayal of Thomas Shelby in Netflix's period drama Peaky Blinders, is now all set to impress audiences with his latest role.

Cilian has appeared in many of Christopher Nolan's projects on supporting roles. The Audiences around the world have wanted to see Cilian headline a Christopher Nolan film for years now. Now that the actor has finally got the opportunity to do so, fans couldn't be happier.

But that isn't to say that the rest of the star cast has managed to generate any less attention. Apart from Kenneth Branagh, the film features numerous other iconic actors including Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Florence Pugh, Emily Blunt, Rami Malek, Tom Conti, and Casey Affleck, among others.

All considered Oppenheimer is already on its way to becoming a cinematic masterpiece and a must-watch for all. Oppenheimer hit the theatres on July 21, 2023.'

[rhpsdys]

ok here is the long-awaited post on bardic religion !! while this was constructed for urban fantasy, it works fine in any fantasy setting where religion isn't monotheistic... aka, it wasn't constructed for toh, but i am interested in exploring how it might fit in.

qhorhas, the god of music/storytelling is more of a patron — a deity with followers && practices ; one you pray to, but don't worship. while most of qhorhas' followers are bards, no one is excluded. however, the core tenets are center around the belief that qhorhas bestowed the ability to channel magic through music. while most magic-users who practice music-based magic are bards, anyone can learn it, && so anyone can be a follower of qhorhas.

qhorhas is most heavily associated with folk music && to a lesser degree classical/chamber music. in urban fantasy settings, other genres (like rock or rap or pop) aren't excluded from prayer && practice, && there are followers who do associate these genres with them, so it's not blasphemous, but it is less common, although it's being seen more && more among younger generations.

repetition, utilized in solo meditation (listening to music or practice), is central in all facets of qhorhas' following. folklore is built && developed because we tell stories over && over, the development of musical styles is an iterative process, && practicing art involves tons of repetition. repetitive movement is also used in some spiritual practices in "our" world to induce a transcendent or meditative state, so it stands to reason that the same could be applied here.

rather than formal places of worship, followers of qhorhas use their practical locations of their craft as sacred spaces for prayer && practice. think concert hall as cathedral, or a theatre as a temple, or even a small practice room as a makeshift area for individual reflection. these spaces’ relationship to acoustics—encouraging or restricting echoes and reverb—creates another form of repetition. the concert hall below the bardic library is the largest one, but many utilize practice rooms elsewhere in the library.

the sessions, either individual or structured, are quiet meditative time in the place of artistic practice, for reflection && mental && physical preparation. many rituals include practice with an instrument as well as either reading recorded folklore/mythology or listening to another storyteller recounting those stories. but there is an outreach aspect as well, which is sharing that music with other people (ie performance) as well as being a more public storyteller (think busking, with a story recitation accompanied by music), though the scope of how far one travels to spread these tales && inspire others varies from person to person. there are even some bards who ultimately end up becoming folk heroes in their own right, or even mythological figureheads — ones who ultimately end up with stories told about them, based on their deeds && accomplishments.

qhorhas is not a god who communicates through words or direct messages, but rather signs through sound ; a hum in the air, a whistle of the breeze, a wind chime or a timely bell toll, vibrations under feet, etc. all these signs are subject to interpretation, && the stronger relationship && rapport you build with them, the clearer these signs become.

the most dedicated followers of qhorhas eventually become leaders within their community ; they are the ones who have the most communication with qhorhas && are able to interpret signs with ease, as well as lead formalized gatherings. in many ways, they're more like public servants than religious leaders as we think of them, && are the ones spearheading outreach && the organization of public performance && education.

to utilize d&d language, since that's what this was originally created for, they will multiclass in cleric. i'll come up with terminology for the different rankings later, but the minimum level required to be a member of the "clergy" so to speak would be six — three levels in cleric, && three in bard. i would say 50% are in the college of creation, with about another 40% distributed between valor, eloquence, && spirits, && the remaining 10% are in other colleges, or in rare instances, not bards at all. the highest ranking have ten levels in cleric, meaning at the minimum level to achieve that rank is thirteen. i'm not sure if raine ultimately takes any levels in cleric... i think it's very likely, but that's something i need to think about more.

[tenaciouspostfun]

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"Six Characters" is a dark comedy that subverts expectations and looks at the purpose of theater itself. In this rendition at Lincoln Center, it tries to make the case against white-centric Theater.

"Six Characters" is normally done as a Pirandello, a method created by Luigi Pirandello. In theory it has the actors questioning what is real and what is not. In this latest try at The Claire Tow Theatre, the play is free styled and works less toward any semblance of the Pirandello.

The play takes aim at a lot of different issues here, in fact, more than the play can accommodate. This often leads to a great deal of confusion as to what LCT3's outgoing artistic director, Evan Cabnet is trying to accomplish in this watered down body of work. "Six Characters" is supposed to be edgy, a thinkers play; this wasn't the case with this production.

Before the show the usurers asked if you would like to participate. No program was given out until the intermission. All questionable tactics that at first were intriguing, until the show began, and then we quickly realize why. Trying to garner the audience to rally for the play fell on its face (a third of the audience left at intermission).

The opening scene was way to long and drawn out; director (Julian Robertson) is alone and fumbling on the bare stage. We try to get a take on what and where the play will take us. Unfortunately, it takes us around in circles. The second character (Claudia Logan) emerges from the audience explaining that she is participating as asked.

While all six characters are cliches, we never get very comfortable with any of them, partly because we don't care enough about them to get emotionally involved in what they are doing on the stage. From the cleaner (Seret Scott), to Will Cobbs) as the policeman, Sassy, (CG), and Road ( Seven Duncombe), we care less as the direction and plot are wayward. The acting too is nothing to write home about.

In its original Pirandello form , it is the characters who storm the theater, here Howze's characters do not tell a particular story, and that is where the problem lies. It appears lackluster and without thought as to how can LCT entertain the audience and give them a concise, clear as well as a fun play that "Six Characters" originally was once upon a time. To add insult to injury, at the end of the first act, Howze attempts to compare white supremacy in American Theater and culture and in doing so he tries to draw a parallel between Mussolini and the current threat to American democracy )Mussolini used to fund Pirandello's theater company). I found this scene to be very racist by Howze against whites and an insult to Pirandello and all his great works (sleazy is a better word). I was almost pleased that Howze here, at this point in the show goes off the rails when he misguides the audience with his Mussolini speech about invading Ethiopia... any person in the audience wanted to jump up and yell "get a clue buddy".

As for the audience participation... there isn't any. It is a weak attempt at asking ourselves what are we willing to participate in?

I guess the main nexus of this show is : do the "Six Characters" have the right to be angry over the racist systems and the rules they impose. They are told that their work is not accessible because it is black. Here the work is not accessible because it is not good! If it was, the theater would have been more than 60% occupied at the shows start and even less occupied after the first act!

"Six Characters", Aladdin", "The Great Gatsby, "The Lion King", "Wicked", "Harry Potter", Lincoln Center", Tony Awards, Broadway, New York City.

Words: 644

[vampish-glamour]

Tbh fandom on tumblr (or any social media) is toxic. It's not fun loving and memes anymore. It's become a shitshow of discourse. I like what I like, therefore I'll post about it, and I'm not explaining it to anyone. My interests might not be what others like even if it is in the same fandom. I don't follow fan blogs/tags anymore because of the toxicity. People go in search of things that upset them and then wonder why their online experience is awful, and that's where so much of the discourse comes from. Not to mention, most fan blogs aren't even centered around the fandom anymore. They post discourse (related to the fandom or real world stuff). I don't know many people that follow fan blogs for discourse. We want memes! We want discussions! That, and they crosstag like it's a bad habit; discourse in with fun stuff, then get all pissy when people say "hey, don't post discourse in the fan tags". It's their blog and they can do what they want, but the least they could do is make a separate blog for being a killjoy. Fiction isn't even worth arguing over because there are so many real world, actual important things to discuss, and not which fictional character is whatever identity. Long rant, but thanks for reading.

I agree. I’ve luckily not had much experience with super toxic sides of fandoms. Considering the main stuff I was involved in was things relating to Disney and musical theatre, the worst it got was people fetishizing gay men and making everything about “The Gay”. And theatre kids. Then I got into the good omens fandom which made me realize that the internet really loves making a big deal of gender and it drove me nuts to be constantly seeing blatant sexism and ignoring gender non conformity, so now I’ve stepped away from being involved in fandom �� I float around but I don’t really get too involved because it’s just a shitshow and after looking at other fandoms as well I can tell just how much it revolves around “wokeness” for lack of better word.

There was also the sims community which I thought about participating in but it’s so fucking cliquey. They claim it’s not but it is. And they tend to be very political.

That’s been my own experience, but I’ve heard much worse as far as discourse and cliques go. I’ve definitely seen the “it’s my blog I’ll do what I want!!” Thing, which I get, but at least don’t cross tag lol. There’s a reason I keep my pissy posts about the good omens fandom out of the good omens tags and that’s because I know people don’t want to see it. (And because I don’t want to be attacked for being a “exorsexist” or whatever)

But yeah I feel like I’ve been pretty lucky so far with not encountering the real toxic stuff, and maybe that’s because of the type of fandoms I usually gravitate towards. It just really sucks that fandom has gone so downhill when it’s supposed to be a place for people to discuss their interests when they have nobody else to discuss them with.

[gracie-p8-officialblog]

Spilling Tea On Phantom of the Opera 2004

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say from the start that it is not my intention to offendanyone, you're entitled to your opinions and I'm allowed to have mine...

Ok, so, I just watched this movie a few days ago on my laptop and it was pretty much my first time sitting through the movie. I watched a few clips of the movie on YouTube but... Then, I decided to watch the whole movie. And this was my reaction.

Don't get me wrong! There WERE parts I liked but... That was just half of the movie... But overall... Um... It was meh. Ahem. Down to business!

My opinion on Gerard Butler as the Phantom? Um, wow. And not in a good way. I feel like this was a case of a talented performer being grossly miscast as the Phantom. I think this Tumblr post best describes on what I thought of his singing.

"He's supposed to have the voice of an angel, but it sounds like he's been gargling vinegar" ~Quoted by @faded-florals

Don't get me wrong. His voice is quite good for an untrained singer but... The Phantom is one of the biggest musical theatre roles of all time! It's right up there with Jean Valjean. It's really not a role that could go a competent singer, someone who's never sang professionally before but could be good once they've been trained up a bit. The role demands a truly great singer... And he wasn't right for the part.

His voice felt too strainy, growly and rock-ish for the Phantom. I didn't like how Joel Schumacher bought into the whole "sexy Phantom" thing and cast a hunky heart-throb, who was nowhere near disfigured enough. It's meant to be a gothic thriller novel with a small romantic subplot, not a B-grade vampire romance movie!

As for Emmy Rossum as Miss Christine Daae... it's true, her voice is good. She should know though, should she wish to excel, she has MUCH still to learn (Heeeeehee. Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Emmy's Christine had little-to-no character growth and personality but I don't think it reflects her as an actress, but reflects more on the director and casting director because of how young she was (but more on that later)

Not only that, her Christine was SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down and oversexualized. I mean, the entire point of the story is that Christine grows strong enough to overcome the trauma of an abusive relationship and make sure that her abuser never hurts anyone ever again but still shows the Phantom compassion and sympathy. I mean, her story arc is her becoming strong-willed enough to overcome the Phantom's pull/spell/enchantment/hypnosis or whatever you percieve it as on her! And don't get me started on her costumes because of the SEVERE lack of modesty.

The chemistry was a little flat because she was underage and her two male love interests were both in their 30s (which totally isn't HER fault, of course, but the directors could easily have cast someone else older)

Her voice, too, strikes me as being much too young and undeveloped. She has a very pretty, sweet-sounding quality to her singing but she doesn't sound rich and operatic enough to be a convincing Christine. Rebecca Caine and Amy Manford do the best job of singing the way I think Christine ought to sound- a maturing opera voice! Though POTO is NOT an opera (you wouldn't believe how many people actually think it is...), it does revolve around opera, and Christine is an opera singer, not a pop star.

And now onto... Everyone's favourite vicomte!!!!!!

C'mon people, put your bottles down. It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre and it's almost impossible to hate him because of how relatable he is.

Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and face it, we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

My thoughts on Patrick Wilson as Raoul, he was one of the few redeeming qualities of this not so great movie. Yeah, the swordfight and Tarzan leaps were a little too much but can you blame him?! And though I feel like that foppish wig made him look more like a magic elf prince than a vicomte, he couldn't control that!

His Raoul was so gentle and caring! Yeah, his acting was a bit stiff but at least his voice wasn't a chore to listen to, it has this warm, tender, comforting quality to it which suits Raoul. I really loved the way he sang "Don't throw away your life for my sake" and "I fought so hard to free you" in the Final Lair (😭😭😭) It feels like Raoul is genuinely apologising to Christine.

I know, I know... The Hadley Fraser fans are approaching with menacing expressions as we speak but let me clarify. I still think Hadley is amazing but... His Raoul kinda felt a little too shouty for me and his Raoul was closer to the LND-canon than POTO-canon (not his fault though).

Miranda Richardson (aka. Rita Skeeter) as Madame Giry is kind of weird. I mean, I know Madame Giry's supposed to be a little Strange and Mysterious. But this Mme. wasn't really Strange or Mysterious at all, or even slightly Spooky at all. She was just kind of an oddball. Popping up in random places to give warnings about the Phantom and looking at people as if she were questioning their life choices or something. As for her daughter... well, Jennifer Ellison's Meg was so-so. She's got a sweet-sounding voice and that added scene where she looked for Christine in the lair was a nice touch... But... Her Meg was kinda forgettable and uninteresting. Meg is supposed to prance around shrieking that the Phantom of the Opera is here, not whisper it in a blase manner that you half expect to be followed up with, "by the way, what's for lunch?" Not to mention, she rivaled Christine as far as low-necked costumes went.

Minnie Driver as Carlotta was spot on! Yes, I know she didn't sing the score but her acting was alright. She was very over-the-top and self-centered, which is great for Carlotta, but I felt her portrayal was a little too childish to be accurate. Carlotta is a successful middle-aged diva who's willing to scream and storm when she doesn't get her way, but she isn't a two-year-old pouting and throwing tantrums. (Yes, there's a difference.)

Ciaran Hinds and Simon Callow played Firmin and Andre, respectively. Their managers kinda felt like twits and nothing more. Also, Firmin's masquerade costume was ridiculous. The stupid kind, not the funny kind. ...Well, okay, it was a little funny.

I'm not going to touch on every song here, but I will say that "Hannibal" was beyond awful (if you thought the costumes in the stage version were a bit risque, you should see the movie ones- no, actually you shouldn't) and that "Think of Me," while very nice, was not particularly memorable. Christine's dress, however (despite its less-than-ideal neckline) was GORGEOUS, even though it looks completely out of place in a musical that supposedly takes place in ancient Alexandria.

"Little Lotte" kinda lost its charm by being spoken instead of sung. And Gerard Butler's voice in "The Mirror" was too rough and raspy for my ears and made me cringe in sympathetic shame. The title song was like a cheesy, campy B-grade horror movie tbh, trying way too hard to be spooky and chilling ("ooh, look, Phantom's Lair! It's DARK and SCARY down here!") and succeeding only in being cringeworthy. Not that I've actually ever seen a bad horror movie- or any horror movie at all, for that matter. Unless you count this one.

Christine's costume, too, annoyed me no end. She was basically wearing a corset and drawers under the dressing gown. *facepalm* The dressing gown is supposed to go OVER your COSTUME to keep it CLEAN, peeps. It's not a BATHROBE. And the amount of eye makeup she had on would terrify a raccoon. Yikes.

Though I liked the random horse because of its nod to the Leroux novel.

"Music of the Night" was so blah-slash-touchy-feely that it made me summarily uncomfortable.

I'd like to be able to say something nice about "I remember/Stranger than you dreamt it" but I have none. One thing that bugged me to no end was how Christine is no longer wearing stockings, like dude, that gives some GROSS implications. Anyways, let's skip to Il Muto!

Oh, but first I should say that "Notes" was rather a flop and that "Prima Donna" is unmemorable and indeed should probably be fast-forwarded as there's a rather unsavory bit involving a crew member showing the audience what he thinks of Carlotta's behaviour.

"Il Muto," I must say, was pretty doggone funny. Carlotta's "Your part is silent. Leetle toad," cracked me up into a bunch of giggling little pieces, and the little vignette of the Phantom tinkering with Carlotta's throat spray made her croaking later on a lot more believable.

Now for "All I Ask Of You", SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't understand how anyone could listen to this song and still maintain that Christine and Raoul don't belong together. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn- someone to show affection to and his childhood friend.

One thing I definitely think could have been left out was the scene in which Erik kills Buquet- we totally did not need to see him being chased, terrified, through the rafters and finally strangled. Gross.

And the Phantom and his rose crouching behind that statue... I think this was supposed to be sad, but there was too much snot mixed with tears for it to be sad. It was, again, gross. So was Gerard Butler's pathetic attempt at the "all that the Phantom asked of you" line. And the lack of a chandelier crash in that scene made the song anticlimactic.

And "Masquerade" was so-so but... The Phantom's entrance is anticlimactic somehow, and his Red Death costume (if indeed it's supposed to even BE the Red Death) is unimpressive. I don't like how Raoul just runs off to desert Christine as soon as things start looking ugly (yes, I realize he was going to get his sword, but still... something could have happened to her while he was gone. Duh, did this guy learn anything from "Little Lotte/The Mirror"? Just sayin)

As for Madame Giry's flashback immediately following, I like how it gives us some of the Phantom's backstory, but it seems really abrupt. You don't even realize until she's done that she was talking to Raoul the whole time- it sounds like she's just randomly reminiscing about Stuff, and if you didn't know the story you might be sitting there thinking, "who is this strange woman again?"

Also, Christine leaving wherever-it-is at, like, five in the morning to go to who-knows-where, completely oblivious to the fact that the Phantom is driving her. Whaaaaaaaaa? How'd he know she was planning to go for a graveyard stroll? Was he watching her through the mirror again? THAT'S JUST CREEPY.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" was rather mediocre and dulled down the fact that it is a Christine Empowerment™ song. Why, exactly, does Christine's father have the biggest monument in the cemetery? If he were a rich and famous violinist as his crypt seems to suggest, why on earth was his daughter struggling along as a chorus girl taking free music lessons?

The swordfight... Well... I had mixed feelings about it. Sword fights are all well and good, but... The swordfight takes away the element of mysterious danger to the Phantom. Okay, fine, Christine getting Raoul to spare the Phantom's life is a nice touch, I guess, but did it strike no one else that his "now let it be war upon you BOTH" makes absolutely NO sense after that? If she just saved his life, why would he suddenly be all, "thanks, but no thanks, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUUUUU"?

And "Twisted Every Way" was after "Wishing" which made ZERO sense. Plus, I didn't like how they cut most of it because in the musical, it gave Christine a spine!

"Point of No Return"? Hooooooo boy....... There are so many things wrong with this number. Let's just a list a few.

*HOW did no one recognise the Phantom through his "disguise"?! At least in the stage play, it made more sense because of how he was wearing a cloak that obscured most of his body.

*Christine's sleeves falling down over and over again were REALLY annoying.

*It was just too touchy-feely for my taste.

*The fact that Emmy Rossum was a teenager during filming made this scene gross because of the way they oversexualized Christine in this scene.

*Gerard Butler's voice in that scene made me cringe and shake my head in sympathetic shame.

*In the stage play, Christine ran from him, showing her own agenda and resistance to his pull! While in the movie, she didn't resist him!

*Now for the one that took the cake... The disfigurement! Or it would be a disfigurement if it actually made him look, y'know, deformed. Instead, as several people have put it, he looks like he got a bad sunburn or something. It's really rather pathetic. It makes him look more like a drama queen than he already is! Yeah.... I really don't like this movie.

On to... Final Lair!!!!!!!! It was a flop. From Raoul's whining and flailing around and his stringy hair flopping about (shallow complaint, I know, but it's so ugly) to Christine's sappy melodramatic "don't make me choooooooose" faces to the Phantom's prancing around with his ropes and maniacal laughter that somehow wasn't really scary at all... yeah, it was a flop. A major, major flop. And though The Kiss wasn't all that bad, all I could think of was, "She's SIXTEEN! SIX! TEEN! THIS IS CREEPY, DISTURBING AND GROSS!"

Which is why it's so difficult for me to admit that, um, I... cried at the end.

I COULDN'T HELP IT GUYS HE WAS ALL ALONE THERE IN HIS LAKE WITH HIS MONKEY AND HIS SMASHED MIRRORS AND HE WAS CRYING AND IT WAS SAD.

And then that rose on the gravestone? That single red rose? And the look on Old Raoul's face (still Patrick Wilson, by the way, under all that makeup) when he saw it and realized he wasn't the only one visiting Christine's grave? Yup, I lost it again there, too. And I really didn't want to. Because I tend to cry over movies I love, y'know? And I didn't love this movie. At all

Yet I still cried at the end. I'm not really sure why. I think perhaps it had something to do with the way the story still "got" me, deep down inside, despite the lousy casting and less-than-perfect singing and ridiculously unnecessary elements that totally didn't need to be there. It's still a tragically beautiful romance, and even a bad film can't kill that.

In conclusion, I think Mary Poppins can best express what I thought of POTO 2004.

In conclusion, I rate it a 2.7/5

[la-plus-heureuse]

so i think i’m kinda fucked

so the guy i mentioned in my last Theatre Rant, Jeremy, aka the lead of the show, aka Mr. Charming and Unbelievably Cute, actually talked to me at rehearsal last night.

i know, it sounds so juvenile. it’s like i’m in fucking high school all over again. “oh my god, he talked to me! he said ‘hey’ and i said ‘hey’ back! he’s SO in love with me!!!” i know i’m a nutcase, and i try to always take that into account with all my actions and just general every day life, but my stupid monkey brain can’t seem to ignore this shit. this is a textbook schoolgirl crush.

so as i mentioned before, i am pure shit at making friends with people, and usually end up just being all to myself and never saying a damn word to anyone. i’ve been in a community choir for 8 years and have 0 friends in that group. i get along with most people, but i haven’t said a word to at least 80% of them. that’s the level of anti-social/shy that we’re dealing with here. and the only reason i talk to the other 20% is because they talked to me first and i was being a decent human and responding to them. that’s it. so you can imagine the plight i struggle with on the daily, even in groups of amazing people, in fields of interest that are the bread and butter of my very existence (music and theatre if you couldn’t tell).

now that i’ve established just how much of an awkward swamp monster i am, let me set the stage (he he, pun). when we first started rehearsals for the show, we of course started with learning the music. we sat in the rehearsal studio in a choral style - half circle, with women on one side and men on the other by voice part. there were SEVERAL times during those rehearsals when i just absentmindedly looked around the room, at the rest of the group, usually during a funny moment or something, and i would catch Jeremy looking at me, and only at me, smiling his big, handsome, goofy grin. now, Jeremy comes across as a naturally friendly and outgoing guy, who goes out of his way to make connections with everyone. he just has that natural aura. so i didn’t think much of it, since i just chalked it up to him just being friendly and being his natural charismatic self. in fact, all the instances i’ll mention here could all be chalked up to me just overthinking shit and him just being a friendly guy. but see, i am not used to anyone paying the slightest ounce of attention to me, especially someone i’m attracted to. most people i’m attracted to never give me the time of day, and i end up just staring and pining from afar. so this is foreign and just weird to me.

i should go back a bit further, to when i first met Jeremy, which was at the callbacks. we were all just waiting out in the hall, and he just....walked up to me. unprompted. he introduced himself, and we talked for a few minutes about this theatre group, the fact that he’s been in several of their shows and that the group is like a big family. i told him about my past shows, and we just kind of had a general conversation. it was cut short, however, because we were called into the auditorium for the callback process. i didn’t see him any more that night, because i was dismissed soon after and he stayed after for more sides being read from the show.

after that, we never really talked to each other anymore. there were a few times when leaving the music rehearsals that, when putting away our chairs, he grabbed mine from me, made significant eye contact with me, and i thanked him after recovering from the shock of him just fucking grabbing my chair, and that was it. but it was that eye contact and the fact that he insisted to put away my chair for me that really threw me. granted, he did the same thing for other people, primarily women (chivalry is not dead after all!), so, again - probably me overthinking shit.

and then, it happened. last night, during the first run through of the entire show, at one point while standing on the sides and watching the scenes take place, he came and stood next to me. he talked to the guy on the other side of him for a few minutes, all the while my heart was beating like a goddamn jackrabbit at the fact that he was standing so close to me.

the scene we were watching is near the end of the show, when the “villain,” Charlie, the anvil salesman, is trying to out Harold (Jeremy’s character) as a con man, but is prevented from boarding the train on time by Marian. There’s a moment where he’s supposed to comically drop his briefcase, which is super heavy because it’s holding a fucking anvil (not for real though). very near to where Charlie is standing on the stage, however, is a big hole for the conductor to stand in the pit, and we call it the Hole of Death because we could potentially fall in and die (or, more realistically, hurt and embarrass the everloving shit out of ourselves), or kill the conductor by falling on him. when Charlie dropped his anvil briefcase last night, it dangerously teetered for a few seconds, VERY close to the Hole of Death.

and then, out of nowhere, Jeremy leans over to me, and whispers, “can you imagine if that thing fell in during the show, killing Daniel (the conductor)?” i snickered, and tried to fight both my continuous rapidly beating heart, and the goosebumps that had now formed from him whispering VERY closely into my ear. but here’s the thing. i actually didn’t fuck up. i didn’t stumble on my words or say or do anything awkwardly. i snickered at his comment, and replied, “yeah, i can just imagine Daniel just slowly picking up the briefcase and pushing it slowly back up onto the stage.” he snickered at that, and i decided now was the time for me to turn to him and say, “you’re doing a really great job, by the way.” i had been wanting to say that for a while, you see. he thanked me, and a second later, whispered again to me, “you mean i’m actually doing a very sweaty job.” i turned to him and he had this dumb smirk on his face. i shrugged. “well, we can’t tell.” he thanked me again, humbly i might add, and we were silent for another minute. then, the four men in the barbershop quartet came over, and asked Jeremy to play their starting pitch on his pitch pipe before their next entrance, since Jeremy’s the only one with a pitch pipe, and so he then turns to me and whispers, “duty calls,” FUCKING WINKS AT ME, and goes off with the quartet.

and that was it. that was the entire interaction. again, i know very well how ridiculous i’m being about this. but i will tell you that the second i was in my car as i was leaving, i kept saying to myself, “he talked to me, oh my god he talked to me.” i want to seriously punch myself in the face at how unbelievably stupid i’m being. i feel like i’m fucking 15 again. i can’t take this shit. it wasn’t like he asked me out or obviously flirted with me. can you even classify that as flirting? i can’t tell if  it was anything other than just casual conversation. trust me, i’ve thought about this for HOURS. i guess it also depends on HOW he said these things. all i can say is that the bastard is just charming. all the time. to everyone. and when he whispered to me, i cannot stress enough how fucking close he got to my ear when he did so. most people just whisper to each other from a reasonable distance without any issues, but this fucker had to almost give me a coronary by getting all up in my space and causing all 5 of my senses to go into overload in a very good way. i just....don’t know what to think of this. was he flirting with me? or am i just being a delusional idiot? if someone is actually reading this, can you please enlighten me and probably give me some goddamn peace of mind, or reasonable sense? because i am legitimately going crazy here. i keep thinking about him and my heart just starts going BERSERK, my dudes. i’m really, really fucked here.