#it hurts so good I had to replay it quite a few times

[diari0deglierrori]

[meazalykov]

nobody's type

sydney lohmann x reader

summary: people wonder why you don't want to make the first move..

warnings: insecurities, overall sadness

you stand at the edge of the pitch, the crisp air nipping at your skin as the sun dips below the horizon, casting the bayern munich training ground in a soft, golden glow. 

the stadium lights flicker on one by one, their harsh brightness chasing away the twilight shadows. 

training has ended, and most of your teammates have already made their way inside, but you linger, your feet rooted to the spot as your gaze settles on sydney. 

she’s the last to leave, her laughter ringing out like music as she jokes with a few others– tuva and pernille– who stayed behind. she looks so at ease, so effortlessly beautiful, that it makes your chest tighten with something achingly familiar—a longing that you’ve carried in silence for far too long.

it’s not that you don’t want to talk to her. it’s that you can’t. every time you think about approaching her, the words you want to say dissolve on your tongue, replaced by the bitter taste of insecurity. 

sydney, with her easy confidence and radiant smile, seems like she belongs in a world far removed from yours. sometimes you wonder how you ended up on the same team as her. she’s someone who could have anyone she wanted, someone who would never look twice at someone like you. at least, that’s what you’ve convinced yourself.

after transferring from spurs to bayern munich in 2023, you found a bit of relief. you’ve always struggled with this feeling of inadequacy, this deep-rooted belief that you’re not attractive enough, not interesting enough, not enough in any way that matters. 

you had confidence in your football ability as a striker– but still— you’re awkward and quiet, always feeling out of place even among people who know you best. you’ve never quite managed to shake the feeling that you’re somehow less than everyone else, that the flaws you see when you look in the mirror are just as obvious to everyone around you.

the idea of someone like sydney seeing you—really seeing you—fills you with a fear so intense it’s paralyzing.

so you keep your distance, blending into the background, watching her from afar like you have for months now. 

you’ve learned to be careful, to avoid letting your gaze linger on her for too long when she’s nearby. but even then, it’s like your eyes are drawn to her, seeking her out without you even realizing it. 

you watch the way she laughs, the way her eyes light up when she talks about something she’s passionate about, the way she moves with a grace that seems effortless. and every time you do, that same painful ache settles in your chest, a constant reminder of everything you want but can never have.

you’ve spent countless nights lying awake, staring at the ceiling as your mind replays every interaction you’ve ever had with her. you analyze every word, every glance, every smile, searching for some hint that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same. 

but then the doubt creeps in, the voice in your head reminding you of all the reasons why that’s impossible. you’re not good enough for someone like sydney. you’re too plain, too shy, too broken. and so you push the hope away, bury it deep down where it can’t hurt you anymore, even though you know it’s still there, waiting to resurface the next time you see her.

the sound of footsteps approaching pulls you from your thoughts, and you glance up to see georgia walking toward you. 

she’s one of the few people who seems to notice when you’re struggling, and even though you appreciate her concern, it also makes you feel exposed, like she can see all the things you’re trying so hard to hide.

“y/n,” she says softly, coming to a stop beside you. “you know your crush on sydney is pretty obvious to everyone, right?”

your heart skips a beat, panic flaring in your chest. “what? no, it’s not… i mean, it’s not like that,” you stammer, the words tumbling out in a rush as you try to deny it. 

but georgia just gives you a look, one that says she knows exactly what’s going on.

“it’s okay,” she says, her voice gentle but firm. “but, y/n, you’re selling yourself short. sydney likes you. you’re attractive and she sees that but she’s been waiting for you to make a move.”

the words hit you like a punch to the gut, disbelief washing over you. 

you shake your head, a bitter smile tugging at your lips as you try to process what she’s saying. 

“there’s no way she could like me. i’m… i’m not enough. not for someone like her.”

georgia’s expression softens, her eyes full of sympathy and frustration. “y/n, you’re more than enough. you’re caring, talented, and honestly, anyone would be lucky to have you. but you keep convincing yourself that you’re not worthy of love, and that’s not true.”

you want to believe her, you really do. but the voice in your head—the one that’s been there for as long as you can remember, whispering that you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not worth anyone’s time—drowns out her words. 

you look away, your gaze drifting back to sydney, who’s now slinging her bag over her shoulder, ready to head inside. the idea of walking up to her, of telling her how you feel, seems impossible. 

you’ve spent so long building these walls around your heart, convinced that no one could ever love you for who you really are, that the thought of tearing them down is terrifying.

“what if she doesn’t feel the same?” you whisper, the fear creeping into your voice. it’s the fear that’s been holding you back all this time, the fear that if you let her in, she’ll see all the things you hate about yourself and turn away.

georgia sighs, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “you’ll never know unless you try. but, y/n, you’ve got to stop tearing yourself down. you’re incredible, and it’s time you start seeing that.”

her words resonate with you, but the insecurities that have rooted themselves in your heart are stubborn. they cling to you, wrapping around your thoughts like vines, choking out any glimmer of hope. 

you want to be the person georgia thinks you are, the person who’s brave enough to take a chance, but every time you try to take a step forward, the doubts pull you back. they remind you of every time you’ve been overlooked, every time you’ve been hurt, every time you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not worthy of love.

you watch as sydney disappears through the doors, the opportunity slipping through your fingers once again.

you can feel georgia’s gaze on you, a mix of concern and sadness in her eyes, but you can’t bring yourself to meet it. instead, you stay silent, trapped in the fear that has held you back for so long, wishing you could be someone different—someone who could believe in themselves, someone who could believe that they’re worthy of love.

as the last traces of daylight fade and the stadium lights cast their artificial glow across the field, you turn to follow your teammates inside. the weight of your unspoken feelings, of your unfulfilled desires, settles heavily on your shoulders, and you can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever find the courage to break free from the chains of your own self-doubt. 

for now, all you can do is hope that one day, you’ll find the strength to see yourself the way georgia does, the way sydney might if you ever gave her the chance. 

but until then, you’ll keep your distance, hiding behind that brick wall you’ve built, afraid to let anyone meet the real you.

my master list is here if you want to read more fics <3

[heartpiratedrabbles]

Indifference Part 2

Part 1 ~~

Sanji X Fem Reader

Sanji let to door shut behind him as soon as Chopper said you were stable. Heading to the edge of the deck to lean over the railing, the sun long gone and the only light coming from the stars in the sky. He grabbed a cigarette and his lighter, his hands noticeably shaking as he brings the items closer to his mouth.

         His eyes were dazed over as he attempted to light the nicotine in his fingers, wanting any sort of comfort compared to what just happened the past few hours. Finally succeeding he breathe in the sweet release as smoke fills his lungs. The feeling grounding him ever so slightly as he lets his head fall, staring at his hands.

         The feeling of warm blood enveloping them as he tried to stop the flow on your back, the transfusions that happened quickly while Chopper got to work stitching the wounds. His hands slowly turning sticky and dry, his shirt covered in the red liquid. And your face, his mind kept replaying the look you had given him just before you fell. The pale, worried, confused face. He didn’t know if you had tried to say something or if you were just trying to breathe, but the last gasps that escaped your lips before falling unconscious haunted his mind.

         His throat tightened slightly as he flicked the butt of his cigarette into the open water below him, quickly lighting another while trying not to clench his teeth. How did no one notice? What happened that your back was targeted? His hands clenched the railing underneath him; how didn’t he realize you had been hurt?

         During the fight he had been so focused on not looking at you. Deciding instead to focus on beating more marines than Zoro. Didn’t you cry out for help? Why was your back undefended? Wasn’t anyone fighting with you?

~~~

         You woke up the next day with Chopper fretting over you. Crying and yelling at you for not telling him you had gotten hurt. In the corner of the room, you could see bloody bandages piled into the bin, the lights just slightly too bright for your liking as you attempt to sit up. “What do you think you’re doing?! You need to rest,” Chopper ran back over to you, pushing you down as he heard you wincing.

         “It can’t be that bad…” You mumble trying to think back to the moments before you passed out. It was difficult to think of anything at the moment, your throat was dry and your body felt heavier than normal.

         “Not that bad? You nearly died!” Chopper cried, lecturing you while you stopped listening. The scolding voice going in one ear and out the other as you glance around the room. The reindeer fretting over every movement as he checked over you again.

         “I’m alive.” Your voice was re-assuring as you placed a hand on his shoulder. Even with such a small movement you could tell how tired your body was. “I hope I didn’t cause to much trouble Chopper.” You attempt to smile and it seems to cause the cotton-candy lover to cry. The water works coming out as he yells about how worried he was.

         Robin is the first one to enter the room upon the commotion being heard. Giving you a bowl of soup, “You gave us quite a scare back there.” And just like that everyone visited you as time went on. Never being alone but also not being allowed to get up when you want.

         This biggest thing you noticed though was the lack of Sanji. You could hear him through the wall, prepping food and yelling at crewmates sneaking a taste. Yet he’d never made his way in to check on you like the others. The aching pain in your back almost feeling good compared to your heavy heart.

~~~

         Sanji kept replaying that night in his head. Or really that day. Maybe the past few weeks. His heart sinking further into a pit as his thought about what he could have done differently, what would have been better if he had handled the situation better.

         He never meant to grow feelings for you, and when he felt his heart beat faster, he had thought it was the cigarettes catching up to him. Your cute voice filling his usually empty kitchen as you insisted on helping him. It’s not that no one else offered, it’s that you were just insistent on coming. And who was he to turn a pretty lady away?

         As time passed, he started trusting you with more and more. His normally quiet evenings filled with meal prepping turning into spending time with you. Telling stories of adventures you had had, without the other. Soon enough he had you tasting his food prematurely, something he hadn’t done before, something only Zeff had the pleasure of doing as he honed his skills. He wasn’t sure why but watching as truly taste his food, putting in your thoughts for potential seasonings filled him with joy.

         Even when your alone time together was interrupted, he was more than happy that you were able to fend off the main course while he fixed the others a quick snack. Making sure Luffy didn’t get too many bites of the unfinished food.

And of course, he noticed how you would sneak candy out of the kitchen for Chopper. It was his duty to make sure everyone had a well-balanced nutritious diet, and while he’d scold you from time to time, he always made sure to leave the healthier candy in a easy hiding spot.

Your laugh was another thing, your voice like angels singing in his ears as he drew closer with snacks prepared specifically with you in mind. The appreciative look on your face as you’d take the item from his trey sending him over the edge.

         But that’s the thing. His heart racing was normal. Any women that walked by made him shudder, yet there you were. Seemingly making his heart race to the moon, faster than he’d ever felt it. The almost painful beating in his chest making him begrudgingly go to Chopper to make sure he wasn’t getting sick.

His shock when Chopper said he was as healthy as ever, going on his normal spiel to cut back on smoking but that the moment nothing had changed. It took him another week or two to realize what was causing the increased heart rate. You had been talking to Zoro, laughing with a smile on your face, and all Sanji could feel while watching from afar was a pained beat hammering away.

         He thought he knew what love was. But clearly, he was in fresh waters when it came to you. And despite his bravado, his chivalrous behaviors and language of love, he was scared. Zeff had only ever taught him how to treat a lady, Sanji would see women come and go, but none that held onto his adoptive fathers’ hand for long. And Judge hadn’t a paternal bone in his body when it came to giving advice for the few years Sanji had spent with him. For once, he felt completely unprepared.

         As Sanji smokes the last of his cigarettes, he lets out a frustrated sigh, tossing the empty carton to the side as he starts to chew on his thumb nail instead. His mind twirling with how he should have dealt with his own feelings differently.

         His decision to stay away came hard to him. His heart telling him to follow you to the ends of the world, yet the pain in his chest of being truly rejected, turned down by the first person he’s truly wanted stopped him from pursuing you. He made a conscious effort to stay away as much as possible, but still believing your cooking time together could be his own secret heaven.

         But as time went on, he realized your reactions to him, your delightful noises when you’d finish a task, your happy laughter filling the air of his kitchen, was making him day dream more. The seemingly secret rendezvous in his mind taking precedent in his every waking moment, getting distracted through out the day until you’d find him in the kitchen once again.

         And so, he started to actively ignore you in the kitchen too. Maybe, if he stopped talking to you, his feelings would settle down and his feet would stop turning cold. It worked for a while; his heart settled as it didn’t hear your delightful tones ringing through the air.

         Yet it didn’t last for long. The more measures he put in place to stop his feelings from growing, the more he seemed to fall. So, he swallowed the lump in his throat that fateful day. Not turning to you as you entered the kitchen to help him once again. He uttered those words without looking at you. He knew if he saw you, his resolve would break. His back was tense, waiting for a response from you, and yet it never came.

         Instead, he heard your feet shuffle away, the door closing behind you as you didn’t utter a single word to him. And somehow, that hurt worse than any rejection Sanji had expected. Anger, confusion, anything, but silence? He grits his teeth as his heart pounded like never before, praying that it’d settle down soon, that these feelings he’d never known before would disappear without a trace.

         Sanji bites his thumb, snapping himself out of his thoughts as he stared out into the ocean. He didn’t want to remember the fight with the marines. He didn’t want to remember the trail of blood, leading him to your pale face. He didn’t want to remember as his hands became drenched in your blood, your body turning cold underneath him as Chopper fixed you up. He didn’t want to remember how close you had come to deaths door before you finally turned around to dance on the fence of the afterlife and the living realm.

         “Sanji…” The voice he had dreaded hearing called out to him, anchoring him to the present, the now, as you stood staring at him with some concern in your eyes. His heart froze, seeing you standing, walking, talking felt like a miracle that made it feel like he could breathe again. “I guess I should thank you,” You laugh out lowly, ignoring the own pain in your heart.

         Sanji’s heart sank, your laugh sounded empty and bare, it wasn’t you. He focused on your body, it was too frail, too pale for your complexion as you stood there. “I didn’t think my wounds were that bad…” You trailed off, making light of your own injuries despite your back now littered with stitches soon to be deep scars.

         Sanji’s blood ran cold as you continued to awkwardly joke about the situation, your way to cope with nearly losing your life. You still felt a little light headed when you came out to get fresh air, your breath being taken away when you saw Sanji, and you couldn’t stop yourself before you started talking. And now it seemed as those you couldn’t stop talking, dry laughter leaving your mouth as you attempt to get the man in front of you to speak a single word to you.

         Then, without a second passing, arms were wrapped around you. A tight, yet careful squeeze holding you in place as Sanji buried your face into his chest, his hand resting on the back of your head, lightly stroking your hair. The sudden embraced shut you up, you breathe caught in your throat and your mind going blank as heavy emotions hit you, yet time felt still.

         “I’m sorry,” Sanji whispered, only audible to you, “I…” Sanji choked on his words, his chest jumped a bit as though choking back a sob, unspoken words being conveyed from his actions as tears finally fall down your face. A small wail erupting from your throat as you pressed your face into his dress shirt, your hands bawling the fabric of his shirt as you cried. His soothing hands holding you as you finally let your emotions out into the man you trust the most on the crew.

Tag List: @crocodilethesir @ultraviolencezs @littleleelee @akaashi-todorki @cynwing @tinyweebsstuff @someobsessionrequired @vvyeislazzy @mk-and-her-reblogs @suga-tofu @random-iix @peachycat17 @atinymonbebestay @theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction @69cocktimusprime @secretlife028 @bankaixx

[lcriedlastnight]

Idiots in love with Oscar

"Can you stop smiling? I'm literally having a seizure suppressing the urge to kiss you."

omg anon, i literally love you so much.

tw: fem! reader, tried my hand at a little goofy story idk if it's good if it's not ignore it pls :), lmk if you want me to add anything.

w/c: 1k

oscar was a quiet a reserved guy, this almost everyone knew. he was private and did not like discussing anything outside of racing or letting it take up much space in his mind. but there was a few times where his guard was down completely and he was free to act how ever he felt like and that was when he was with you.

it could not have been any earlier than one am and both you and oscar had just come back from a lovely date night. you had both done your nightly routines, standing right next to each other just like you always did and had both clambered into bed. you could tell oscar was in a happier head space compared to earlier on in the week. loving touches and little jokes were scattered all the way home and even when you were both brushing your teeth before you had gotten into bed.

instead of getting into bed and turning the bedside lamps off, you sit against the head board as you watch oscar walk around to his side of the bed.

"what you looking at, missy?" oscar asks, cheeky smile on his face as he sits down beside you.

"you, sexy boy." you smirk back while oscar grimaces.

"ugh what's wrong with you! you know i hate that word." he groans, his head falling back but he had clearly misjudged how far the top of the headboard was and his head thumped against it. another groan comes from the man, while you fall into a fit of giggles. you are quite literally doubled in two in laughter as you lean into his side.

"are- are you okay?" you ask once the laughter has calmed down a little. oscar rolls his eyes at you, hand clutching the back of his head.

"no i'm not okay! i just banged my head! i could have a concussion and here you are pissing your pants!" oscar complains. it sets you off again. maybe you should have skipped that glass of wine with dinner. you know oscar does not really mean what he says, he has always been a crybaby.

"yeah, you just sit there and laugh. i'm sure that'll make me feel better." oscar moans.

"what do you want me to do, you want me to kiss it better?" you tease, crawling back up his side. your smile was blinding as you felt genuine happiness for the first time in a while. in your opinion, nothing beats times like these with your boyfriend, they were some of your fondest memories.

"fuck off." is all you get back. it makes you chuckle.

you sit there grinning at him like an idiot for a while, replaying the incident in your mind, trying to not laugh again. oscar just stares back with an almost constipated look, is what you would call it.

"can you stop smiling? i'm literally having a seizure trying to supress the urge to kiss you." oscar finally pipes up.

"oh, you definitely have a concussion." you tell him, acting serious. your hands come to clutch at the back of his head, feeling for the sore spot. you know once you find it because of the high pitched yelp oscar lets out.

"why would you do that!? it really hurts!" oscar scolds, you just smile at him. a sweet "sorry" escaping your lips. oscar lets out a "hmph." and pulls you in closer to have you straddling his thighs. your hands come to rest just underneath his ears.

"you gotta kiss me now to say sorry." oscar tells you, a smarmy smile on his face, meanwhile you look at him with one brow raise, comically, in suspicion.

"yeah? what do i have to be sorry for, osc?" you question him.

"this was all your fault!"

"it's my fault that you banged your head on the headboard?" oscar nods and pulls you in a little closer by your waist.

"yeah and now you gotta kiss me to say sorry, and to make it better. two kisses minimum." oscar explains while you just smile at him, trying desperately to not laugh right in his face.

"is that right?" you question his words. oscar only hums and pulls your lips towards his with one hand on the back of your neck.

oscar had ended up complaining about his sore head all the way until you two had decided to go to sleep at near enough three am. you had to let him rest his head on your chest because the poor boy just could not lay his head on his pillow the way he usually did at night because of his sore spot. you were more than certain that it would not even be sore in the morning because it did not sound like oscar had even hit his head that hard and you knew how much oscar liked to play up his injuries just to get a little extra love and affection from him, as of you would not just give him it if he just outright asked for it.

that weekend he went around telling the entire paddock that you had pushed him into the headboard and other variations of that story. all of them ended in you causing the injury. you had to go around defending yourself to all of your boyfriends friends and co workers.

it was one of the first times anyone else other than you had even had a glimpse into that side of osacar ans as much as you wanted to gatekeep it and have it all to yourself, you kind of liked the fact that everyone else, including the media, got to see oscar as something other than the deadpan, racing loving, sarcastic boy that they knew all too well. unfortunately for you, lando constantly brings up the incident and no matter how many times you try to tell him the truth and how stupid oscar was actually being, lando was quick to ignore it and jump to the side of his teammate and defend him to no end.

[logansargeantsbabymom]

We Did It

Lewis Hamilton x Fem!Reader

Hurt/Comfort

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The paddock buzzed with the usual pre-race energy, fans and media crowding around their favorite drivers. Walking hand-in-hand with Lewis Hamilton, my boyfriend and a Formula 1 legend, I tried to focus on the excitement of the day. Though I was used to the limelight as a (your/age) pop star, the world of F1 was a different beast, and the media frenzy always made me a little anxious.

It had been a whirlwind few months. My Eras Tour had taken me around the globe, performing in sold-out arenas and stadiums. For four months, I had barely seen Lewis, our time together limited to hurried phone calls and stolen moments. The exhaustion from relentless travel and performances weighed heavily on me, but I had managed to carve out two weeks off, just in time for the Silverstone Grand Prix. It was a precious window of time, a chance to reconnect with Lewis and support him at one of the most important races of the season.

We navigated through the crowd, stopping occasionally for photos and autographs. Eventually, we reached the media pen. Lewis was always calm and composed in these moments, but I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as we approached a familiar interviewer known for her biting questions.

"Y/N, can I ask you a few questions?" she began, her tone laced with a sugary sweetness that felt anything but genuine.

"Of course," I replied, forcing a smile.

"First, I want to congratulate you on your tour, The Eras Tour! It’s been impossible to get tickets to!" she exclaimed, her smile not reaching her eyes.

"Thank you," I said, feeling a bit of pride seep through my anxiety. "It's been an incredible journey."

She nodded, then shifted her weight slightly, her eyes gleaming with a different kind of interest. "So, why are you guys dating? You’ve had quite the dating reputation, and you’re only (your/age). Having gone through six boyfriends, it’s probably why we all think Lewis was better off with Nicole, but oh well."

Her words hung in the air, a cruel barb meant to wound. My heart plummeted, and I felt my face flush with a mix of embarrassment and hurt. The cameras were rolling, capturing my every reaction, and I struggled to maintain my composure. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I blinked them back, trying to stay strong.

Before I could respond, Lewis’s voice cut through the tension. "That's an incredibly disrespectful question," he said, his tone icy. "Y/N is an amazing person and a phenomenal talent. She doesn't deserve to be compared to anyone, especially not in such a hurtful way."

The interviewer looked taken aback, and I noticed other drivers stepping in, voicing their support for me and their disapproval of the interviewer's conduct. Despite the solidarity, I couldn't shake the humiliation.

Later that evening, back at the hotel, I sat on the edge of the bed, replaying the moment over and over in my mind. My confidence, usually unshakeable, felt shattered. The tour had been a grueling endeavor, and this time off was supposed to be a break, a chance to feel normal and loved.

Lewis sat beside me, taking my hand in his. "Y/N, you mean the world to me. That interviewer was out of line, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I only have eyes for you, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me."

Tears welled up in my eyes. "But what if people agree with her? What if they think I'm not good enough for you?"

Lewis cupped my face gently, his gaze unwavering. "You are more than enough. You're incredible, and anyone who can't see that doesn't matter. I love you, and I want you there with me on Sunday, but only if you feel ready."

Looking into his eyes, I saw the sincerity and love reflected back at me. Slowly, I nodded. "I'll be there."

Race day dawned bright and clear. The stands at Silverstone were filled with roaring fans, the air electric with anticipation. I arrived at the paddock, still feeling a bit nervous but buoyed by Lewis's unwavering support.

As the race began, I watched from the Mercedes garage, my heart racing with every lap. Lewis drove with his usual skill and determination, and as the laps dwindled, he surged ahead, crossing the finish line in first place.

The crowd erupted in cheers as Lewis took the checkered flag. I felt a swell of pride and love, tears streaming down my face. When Lewis climbed out of his car, he immediately sought me out, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"You did it," I whispered, my voice choked with emotion.

"We did it," he corrected, kissing my forehead. "Thank you for being here. It means everything to me."

———————

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[prettymase]

Meant To Be

NOTES: This fic is completely newly written and I haven’t written in ages but I hope this is good enough. Before you get into it I want you to know that some parts of the fic are quite personal to me and I was contemplating on whether to add or not, but I have included TW warnings. This fic had also been requested by my love @footiehoemcfc I hope you enjoy reading it babe. There will be a part two to this but I wanted to get the first part out first bc I’ve left @footiehoemcfc waiting too long for this 🫶🏼 ✨

WORD COUNT: 4.9k words

TW: mentions of car crash, drunk drivers

You promised yourself that you would never be in this situation.

This is the kind of situation you told your best friends to avoid. It’s basic girl code, telling them not to be stupid in going back to their ex. You know it never ends well. Most of the time anyways.

Most of the time they end up falling for their bullshit and then that causes them hurting even more.

You know right now, you are a dumbass.

Your relationship with Mason ended shortly after Christmas.

It’s bad enough you saw it coming but you didn’t expect it to happen quickly after Christmas as the way he broke up with you, you thought he would want to mend things. Things that haven’t been easy in your relationship the last few weeks. You thought he wanted to apologise for being a dick.

Before the World Cup, you both knew the relationship was falling short. However, you were determined to make it work. No matter how had you tried, you couldn’t afford losing him.

You tried to support him in every way possible. Travelling to Qatar, showing your moral support. You also suggested couples therapy, tried to get him to talk about his feelings he was keeping inside. And everything else that was on the list. Making you feel useless at times.

Mason however, wasn’t having any of it. He liked to feel like he could take care of himself. He knew he was pushing you away and he didn’t want to but this is what it has come to and he can’t stop himself now.

In Qatar, there wasn’t much you could do with him not being able to see everyday with the World Cup consequences. Which you understood. You tried looking at the positives, maybe time apart from you would make him realise how much he misses having you around and helping him out. You thought he would he would take his time to think about how shitty he has been with you the last couple of weeks leading up to the World Cup. To your surprise, it was the complete opposite. Mason came to the conclusion it would be better if the two of you went separate ways.

The night you two broke up, well when he broke up with you, always replayed in your head.

-

“I think we should break up,” Mason started to say, showing no emotion on his face whatsoever.

“What?” you definitely wasn’t expecting this.

He had planned a a nice romantic evening or so you thought. The dinner table was elegantly decorated, with rose petals and candles around the table, with two glasses of wine, which you dismissed because you didn’t feel like drinking.

You thought the best of things, thinking that he’d apologise for his behaviour these last couple of weeks. Instead he did all this to break up with you.

“I want you to know don’t think I don’t love you because I do, it’s just the things that’s happening this season, I can’t love you the same when I’m feeling like shit.”

“You’re having one bad season and you’re throwing me out of your life?!” You asked confusedly and annoyed. “You’ve had problems before but this was never the solution!”

“Y/N you don’t understand. This is my life, I have to try and help and the tea-”

“This is not your life!!” You snapped. “It’s what you do for a living, big difference Mason.”

‘It is now okay?! Everything else seems like a distraction!”

“I’m a distraction? Your girlfriend who has been trying to help you for weeks is a fucking distraction? Are you fucking kidding me?” That hurt. It hurt how little to no appreciation he showed for your effort. The tears that you tried to hold in just fell. Maybe it could’ve been from sadness but now you were just mad.

Mad at him.

“Baby,” he sighed trying to ease the tension. Both of you had arguements before but it was never like this. He’s now thinking of throwing the years you had together, which you thought of convincing him to not to do this but it was useless and once he makes his mind up there’s no going back.

“You have no right to call me that anymore. You’ve clearly made up your mind.” You snapped.

“I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t word that right. But you need to understand me.”

“Understand what? That your job is more important than me and everything else in your life? That all the things I’ve done for you in the past meant nothing? Our relationship was for nothing? And that I mean nothing to you?!” You managed to say In between your sobs that you have been keeping in for too long, and this was your thirteenth reason.

You couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Mason stepped closer to you and tried to hug you which you refused at first, but you always found yourself giving in, in the end. This could be your last hug ever so you wanted to treasure it. Wanted to get close to him. Wanted to smell his aftershave that was lingering on his clothes. Wanted him to run his hands up and down your back for comfort.

All for the last time.

You could feel his tears dropping on your shoulder. This couldn’t have been easy for him too. Although you know he’s doing wrong but you also know the past year hasn’t been the best for him and no matter how much this is hurting you, you also know he’s hurting too. “I’m so sorry, my love. I know you think this is easy to do but i promise you it’s not. I love you so much and if it’s meant to be I’m sure we’ll find our ways back to each other soon.” He pulled away from the hug and held the sides of your face, planting a kiss on your forehead. His lips lingering on your forehead a lot longer than anticipated which relaxed your mind for a second.

“I’m going to go gather my things and go.” You sniffled.

Mason just nodded in response and let you get to it. You go into your shared bedroom, where you gathered most of your things, one thing that made you break down instantly was your scrapbook you made for his 21st birthday. It was his first birthday you celebrated with him and it was special too, so you wanted to make it memorable. You flicked through the book where you come across the first page which was the first picture you took together, him positioned behind you, his head buried in your neck while you looked so happy. The happiest you’ve been in a long while, you forgot what that felt like.

This book was meant to be what you show your future children, but you didn’t get that far ahead. You hesitated in whether to take it or leave it with him. However you decided to take it with you as you felt like he wouldn’t look back at it.

Once you finally got your things together, you looked back at your shared room which was now Mason’s for one last time. The good times you had in there would be looked back at for sure, at least for you anyways.

Mason who was waiting for you to be done was on the sofa, his head in between in his hands. When he saw you were coming out of the room he offered to help with your luggage but you refused.

“You can stay here for a little while once you get sorted out if you want?” Mason mumbled.

“I think it’s too late for that Mase. Thank you though.” You said as you walked to the front door and remembered that his front door key was in your bag which you handed to him. There was a keyring with the photo of the two of you on there. You walked towards the door until you heard Mason speak again.

“Y/n wait a second,” you looked back at him, hoping he would say this is a mistake and he wants to start fresh with you but was that the case? Nope. “Where are you going to go? It’s late. I don’t want you wondering about at this time of night.” He asked genuinely worried for you.

But you couldn’t help but answer coldly as this wasn’t his problem anymore. You weren’t his problem anymore. “You have no right to worry about that anymore. You start your life from scratch and forget what I ever meant to you. If I ever did mean anything to you. Good luck with the future, Mase.” You choked out.

Quickly, you got out of the door but you weren’t sure how much more you could hold your tears in for. Opening the boot to put all of your things in the back before you got into the drivers seat and drove away from his house for the last time.

There was tears streaming down your face the entire journey, luckily you still had your own flat that you didn’t end up getting rid of, but it’s been a while since you been in there so it will be weird at first but you’ll have to get used to it. After all this was your life from now on.

During your journey to your now new (old) home, you looked back on all the positives that your relationship had. For example; when he took you away just because he felt like it that was also when he said ‘I love you’ for the first time and you were wondering what you did to deserve this man. Now you were wondering what you did to deserve the situation he put you in.

‘Where in the relationship did we go wrong?’ You thought. You always thought you made him happy. But clearly not if he felt like he needed to chuck you out of his life like that. You clearly weren’t as important to him as you thought you were.

When you got to your old flat, as soon as you walked through the door, it’s like you were almost looking for a feeling of home come to you. But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that it was Mason who made it feel like home. And now you had to live without him.

You had started talking to Mason in the most weird ways ever, you were going through so much at the time so him coming into your life during the most hardest times of your life you would describe it as was truly a blessing in disguise.

Let’s recap to that day..

-

It was one of those days.

One where you felt like God was never on your side, trying to understand what you did to deserve the last few days of chaos you’ve had.

Eyes closed. Trying to remain calm, steadying your mind and the pace of your breathing.

It had been a long day. You had just come back from the hospital 45 mins ago. No that wasn't your job, your mum had been admitted to hospital after having a traumatic car crash as you'd call it.

On Saturday night she was on the way back from dinner with her friends, until a drunk driver crashed into her and she remained unconscious up until Tuesday morning for a few minutes and remained unconscious again.

When you first got a call from the hospital your first instant reaction was shock and denial because as far as you'd known your mum was all about being a safe driver and she was always scolding you to drive safe. It hadn't settled in until you had seen her. All your emotions started crashing down at once.

You felt a bit helpless and guilty by not being able to do anything to help her, and you were losing hope slowly but deep inside you, you knew your mum will power through this, she's a strong woman after all. After having to raise 6 children when your father left you at a young age deciding that he wanted nothing to do with you, if she could go through that alone, you had hope that she'd get through this.

You couldn't help but feel alone. All your siblings were in their own little bubble and you didn't want to disturb them and you know that they wouldn't care because all of you were all so close but you couldn't help feel like you were burdening them.

All of you were equally upset, each one of them had their own distraction to help not think about this, but you had taken days off to visit your mum during hospital hours and just pour you heart out even though she hadn't had her eyes open you knew she could hear you.

Days prior to this, you had been struggling with your emotions already.

You had given your notice in for work because the environment was becoming so toxic and this guy at work would non stop harassing you until you couldn't take it anymore, mentally it was taking a toll on your mental health. Your ex had gotten back into contact with you repeatedly changing numbers, making different social media accounts to contact you, after numerously blocking him.

Overall you felt like crap, you didn't want to tell your friends about this because you felt like you were asking for sympathy when you didn't want that and you felt like they were all happy within their lives and you didn't want to burst that with your sad feelings.

So you just put a fake smile on your face which was believable to people, and when you were alone tears wouldn't stop flowing.

You hated yourself for not being strong enough.

The peace and quietness lasted about 2 minutes before a message came through your phone. You instantly thought it was someone from the hospital updating you about your mum but this message had confused you even further

Anna?

You most definitely weren't Anna and you most certainly didn't have a date today.

(Imagine you can see the face. Thank you😌)

It was like an addiction messaging each other, you just couldn’t stop. It was flirty banter most of time, he arranged for you to first meet him at a small cafè because he was eager to see you, and this meeting made you feel something for him, even more than you did.

The next meeting you decided to count it as a date, and ever since then you didn’t look back.

He was seriously a blessing in disguise. Your mum was getting better, you got a new job and you couldn’t be more happier that everything finally was starting to fall into place.

-

Over the months since your breakup you tried to forgive and forget; Forgive because he genuinely did have a lot going on and you also knew his passion for football and maybe you just need to find your way back to each other once the time is right. Forgetting about him and what he meant to you was the hardest thing to do.

It’s been five months now since your breakup and not a day goes by without thinking about him. You just had to remind yourself that he’s probably not thinking about you anymore and he’s probably moved on and as much you wanted him to tell you that he wanted you back probably wasn’t the case. Which hurt you deeply thinking about it but if that’s what helps you to move on then so be it.

The first month was incredibly difficult for you, wanting to text him every hour of the day to try and work things out, even though he ended it you wanted him to fight for you, you once thought you meant the whole world to him, and now acted like you were strangers.

His friends had found out about the break up and checked in on you to see how you were doing. They didn’t see it coming, especially Ben, he thought he was head over heels for you and he was always going on about how perfect his relationship is. Ben insisted on talking some sense into him but you refused, not wanting to force his way back to you, you’d much rather him come back to you when he was ready.

Whenever that was.

At this point you were starting to think that it would only happen in your dreams.

You felt a like crap and thought you were being over dramatic, thinking that Mason’s probably isn’t doing the same and moping over this, so over the next two months you tried pushing him out of your mind and start focusing on your mental health and yourself, getting your self love back.

Saffie, Libby and Imogen, who had been your support system since helped you through it and you couldn’t be more grateful. They also were shocked about the break up but as of right now you didn’t care. You had come to terms with that it wasn’t meant to be and you tried convincing yourself that you were fine with it.

When you moved in with Mason, it was difficult to see them, as they lived out of town and at the time things were just getting hectic that you didn’t have the time, even though you hadn’t seen each other for a while you had still kept each other updated on every little detail.

Tonight, you were going on a night out with your girls. It had been a while since you had a girls night and you couldn’t wait because you had missed your girls.

“Cheers!! I want to make a toast to Y/N. I want you to know that you’re the most strongest person I know and you don’t need no mannn that makes you feel like shit!!” Libby screamed through the loud music that was playing at the club, and you all took a sip of your cocktails. You promised to yourself and the girls that wouldn’t cry tonight and so far you were failing but you decided to blink the tears away and have the time of your life with your besties. It’s the least you deserved.

-

You don’t know how you got here but you’re not complaining.

You barely make it inside the house. As soon as you both are nside, you’re kissing, making out against the front door. Pushing him back, desperately wanting more, trying to suck every last drop out of the love that is still left.

You’ve missed him. Missed him so much.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Mason pants, pulling away, framing your face with his hands, and you nod.

“No, but it feels good, doesn’t it?” You say with a grin, that’s all your willpower gone out of the window.

Mason grins at you. Just like he used to; it’s just like it used to be.

“Fuck yes. Let’s go upstairs.”

You knows this will only hurt you in the morning but you can’t resist, you’ve missed him, missed how he feels, how he tastes. And all that matters right now is that your legs are wrapped around Mason’s waist and the way he groans when you push yourself into him.

Fuck, it feels good.

It’s not a long, drawn out fuck, no changing positions, no words. It’s not hasty either, but it’s desperate, both of them fighting for the perfect angle, chasing their release, needing it.

Still, it’s loving. The way Mason’s hand is in the exact right spot on your back, the way they kiss, breathlessly moaning into each others mouths. And the way they lock eyes, reading each other’s faces.

They’ve done this many times - spent so many nights entangled, making each other moan and pleasuring themselves. They know this, every part of it is familiar.

It happens too quickly, but you wouldn’t have the strength to prolong it anyways. It’s too much, there is not a single clear thought in your head as you kiss Mason through his climax.

“It will hurt more tomorrow,” Mason whispers when you pull him closer under the blanket. You know he’s not just talking about you aching. His tone is soft, laced with a shadow of a sorry, his hand gently stroking your arm, the gesture putting you to sleep.

-

When you woke up it was around four AM you weren’t surprised to find yourself sleeping next to someone but you couldn’t pinpoint on who it was as you were too drunk and didn’t remember a single thing about your one night stand as you rarely have them, silently cursing yourself for drinking too much.

This room seemed familiar to you though, you don’t know if your mind was playing tricks on you or if it was actually familiar to you. That was until the person next to you turned to face you, still asleep and you were met with none other than Mason.

You shot up at the exact second, accidentally waking up Mason doing so. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Let’s get back to sleep yeah?” Mason says in a sleepy voice but you were still in a state of shock of how this happened, you were about to reply until you turned around to face him to see him asleep again.

How did you let this happen.

You went downstairs to compose yourself with a glass of water and watched your reflection on his window.

‘You stupid idiot. Why did you do this to yourself?’ You thought. The more you thought about everything that had happened last night, how much you missed him touching you, kissing you, tears were forming because it just wasn’t fair that he was making you feel like this.

In the middle of your thoughts, Mason entered the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around your waist, buried his face in your neck, kissing it repeatedly. “Baby, why are you here? It’s 4am,” he whispered in your ear. You were just staring blankly outside at his patio, tears threatening to fall. Your lip started wobbling.

How could you be so dumb? He starts seducing you whilst drunk and it worked so easily he had you right where he wanted. You were never that girl to have one night stands, but this one felt like one because you knew what Mason’s decision was.

“Listen, you were drunk. We both had a little too much to drink. I saw you in the club alone, I don’t know where your friends were and you looked like you had a little too much to drink. I offered to take you home but you mentioned you left your keys with Imogen because you know how clumsy you can be and lose them. So I took you back to mine and I don’t know how it happened but there was sexual tension in the air and we both started kissing and one thing led to another, but I want you to know it doesn’t mean anything to me.” Mason said so confidently.

You needed a moment to hear the last sentence alone, but you wanted him to think that were coping well without him because he had moved on and somehow you needed to do the same, but after last night it’s become hard again. It’s like having sex with him has brought your feelings back again but it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t feel the same about you anymore, even though when you broke up he told you that he’ll always love you. You guessed that was lie.

You wanted it to mean something to him, you wanted him to ask for you back. You wanted him to fight for you.

Which will only happen in your dreams by the looks of it.

You wondered if he ever loved you? Now you just believed what your negative thoughts were telling you.

“I’m going to get my stuff and leave,” you said with a lump in your throat and glossy eyes.

Mason saw the expression on your face and was the sick of the sad expression you had on your face and he snapped, “Okay. Don’t expect me to stop you then. I have moved on.”

It’s like this was a different man in front of you, you don’t remember getting to know this guy, you don’t remember falling in love with him. The Mason you remember falling in love with wouldn’t let you go without a fight. You weren’t going to let him treat you like this so you snapped back. “Yeah because you sleeping with me last night really tells me that you’ve moved on doesn’t it?” You rolled your eyes.

“It was a mistake! I told you, I was drunk, you were drunk, one thing led to another and it’s a regret of mine now letting you think that you’ll ever get close to me again. Maybe, just maybe if you weren’t so needy all the damn time we could’ve given this a second chance.” Mason frustratedly said, with what he said, sounded like you hurt him, when he was the one to break up with you. It just didn’t make any sense to you.

You wished he hadn’t pushed you away. You pushed past Mason to get your things, not wanting to stay here a minute longer.

Mason stayed quiet, knowing what he said was wrong but in the heat of the moment it just came out. Once you came out of his room and got your things ready, you walked out his front door whilst he watched you leave.

-

It had been two nights since that night you encounter with Mason, you started thinking outside of box and tried moving on as he had, it was lot harder than you thought it would be. Maybe because the Mason you saw two nights ago was a completely different person in front of you.

Maybe if you went on a few dates it would help? You thought.

You never did see yourself separating from Mason, but that’s how things currently were and you had to accept that. You decided to scroll on Twitter for bit and what first came up on suggested posts surprised you a little because you weren’t expecting that when you opened the app.

To say you were more than hurt to see how he’s moved on quickly, but also you were convinced that the paparazzi make things worse from what they were. You experienced it when you were with Mason, so part of you were hoping that this girl pictured with him was just a friend but looking at the picture it was telling you something else.

You know it has been more than a few months that you’ve broken up now but a part of you wasn’t ready to let go. But you always promised yourself that if you saw Mason happy with another person you would be happy for him no matter how much it hurt you inside and you weren’t going to ruin his happiness.

That’s if this article was true.

Now you needed to move on because it seemed like Mason wasn’t going to come back to you by the looks of things and you need to accept that.

-

Mason didn’t know how to feel when the paparazzi photos came out, first of all the pictures were completely misleading to what they actually were.

He wasn’t on a date.

The only thing he was doing was playing Cupid, and setting this girl up with his mate, Ben. When Mason spotted Y/N on a night out with her friends, he was with Ben and a few of his other friends. This girl caught Ben’s attention but he was too much of a scaredy cat to go up to her. He thought he missed his chance.

That was until, the girl, Chloe, reached out to Mason on DMs and asked if they could meet to talk things through. He knew Ben wouldn’t dare to ask her outright, so they planned to call it a ‘blind date’ because Chloe actually had her eyes on Ben and it turns out that when she was about to go up to him that night he had disappeared, she couldn’t find him but she also knew Mason was good friends with Ben so she’s shooting her shot the long way.

Mason still deeply loved Y/N, he only said he moved on because he wanted Y/N think he’s doing okay without her. He really doesn’t know why he started pushing her away, and he regrets it because all he wanted know is Y/N between his arms. He would do everything for their relationship to be normal again, but instead he had to fuck it up.

Mason won’t be stupid enough to lose you again at any given chance. He was already stupid enough to know what life was like without you and he’s not risking that again.

He knew he needed to fix this.

—

taglist: @chilwellspulisic

[manikas-whims]

Under Deepspace

Chapter 01: To Begin, Story 02: Mysterious Light

From the first moment I saw him, I knew he'd be the one.

i had thought of playing it as unbiased, enjoying all the love interests interactions n such but right from the beginning Xavier began growing on me..

Another silver haired guy with a gorgeous face?

Ah shit! Here we go again..

the way he doesn't wake up when you pat him but he does when he hears the sound of the watch?

i think this is about how he'd rather deal with the mess himself than get more people involved/in danger..

He's also like: WHO THE FUCK DISTURBED MY PEACEFUL SLEEP!?

Ngl y'all the annoyance looks HOT 🥵 on him.. y'all can call me smitten or whatever but I'd love seeing more of this Xavier..

the second long gap where his expression goes from 🤨 to 🥺

you can see your face slowly registering in his suddenly roused, sleepy and addled brain..like OH IT'S YOU

I think (just my personal belief) that Xavier didn't intend to make direct contact with you. That his intention was to keep tabs on you from a certain distance. Like he found out you were preparing to become a Deepspace Hunter, and himself decided to work here a few years earlier on..even living in the same apartment complex as you but thats likely cuz most hunters live there..

And I think he would stayed low and kept watch over you from a distance but then on your very first mission, you encountered him by chance. I'M SORRY I'M A SUCKER FOR FATED ENCOUNTERS 😩✨

And then, he had no choice but to make direct contact/interact with you (and fall for you all over again..cause thats something he's incapable of controlling..)

Notices imminent danger!

✨STRIKES✨

y'all by this point, I was swooning 😩

the way he flinches due to the collar restraining his evol 😢

he may be used to it but the pain does affect him..

it must hurt a lot 😭

this is the expression of a man who's being targeted by innumerable organisations, wanderers being sent after him, he's probably surviving on take-outs and cup noodles, hasn't properly slept in days..

Add to that: you appearing out of nowhere so now he has to make sure to protect you, even though he trusts you can fight and protect yourself quite well..

And on top of that the collar on his neck is being a bitch!

So yeah..he's just going through it 😮‍💨

Right! Well. All good now.

Let's go and deal with that wanderer together.

Infold introduced this man right in the beginning and expected me to not completely be taken by him 😩

i’m trying to replay the story chapters, so expect more such posts about Xavier..these aren't gonna be entirely in-depth analysis but more of my commentary on how I felt when I played these chapters for the first time..

[btsmosphere]

Supercharged | JJK

Chapter 6: Burn Out

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🗲summary: It starts with a blow to the chest that changes your life. When your city’s most celebrated hero pays a visit, it turns out the noble Bolt has no trouble tossing lives aside. Lives that won't be missed. Lives like yours. Seven mysterious and powerful men give you another chance – one that starts to feel more like a curse the moment you meet golden boy Jungkook. The boy who wants you as far from his brothers as he can get you. Is it you he hates, or the blue lightning that now runs through your veins? And could it be his golden light that illuminates your heart when darkness threatens? 🗲this chapter: When things get ahead of you, your powers aren’t the only things to spill over; some truth is ready to breach the surface.

🗲pairing: jungkook x female reader 🗲word count: 7k 🗲genre: angst, action, eventual fluff, enemies to lovers, slow burn, superheroes/villains au, found family 🗲rating: pg15 🗲warnings: violence with superpowers, swearing, minor injuries, self-doubt, over-training, loss of control and... awkwardness

a/n: this could have been two chapters, and I did think about it, but fuck it, you guys deserve a nice hefty update! this just means there's a fair bit of development ahead...

“At least Namjoon didn’t blow out any of the lightbulbs. Those are a nightmare to replace.”

Jimin smiled weakly when you didn’t respond to his joke. His worried gaze travelled to V, who stood behind you. He shrugged.

With a sigh, Jimin sat back. You hadn’t looked him in the eye as he checked your wounds, too caught up thinking. About the ways Jungkook was stronger than you. The ways you messed up. If only you had more stamina, if only you could shoot quicker, use more power.

The fight replayed in your head, displaying all the moments you could have responded better.

Was Jungkook right? Were you anywhere near ready to go out there?

“All done.”

You blinked, finding Jimin staring back at you. How long had he been waiting?

“Oh. Thanks,” you tried your best to muster a smile.

Sending you a smile in return, he stood up, placing the first aid box into the cupboard.

“It’s alright. At least you got out relatively unscathed,” he said, “just some bruises, a couple of singes here and there.”

He winced again at the sight of the faint bruising on your neck. Though he wished he could say this wasn’t like the Jungkook he knew, he would be lying.

Jungkook hurt people all the time: all of them did. But here, at home, he was usually at ease with their little family. After everything he had been through, however, Jimin knew very well how short his youngest brother’s fuse could be.

A quiet click announced the newcomer as Hobi poked his head round the bathroom door.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

It fell a little awkwardly in the space. Nothing was alright after tensions had boiled over so violently just half an hour ago, and you all knew it. Still, you gave him a nod.

Slipping into the room, Hope leaned against the counter, dodging out of the way as Jimin threw a few band-aid wrappers in the bin.

“Sorry about Jungkook,” Hope began, “he… he’s a bit protective. But we thought it would get better. It should never have got this far.

“You can do whatever you want today, get food and watch movies. I should think Kook will be training for quite a while.”

The way he said that left no doubt as to what the younger was actually doing. Images from his rage workout the other day invaded your head. Good, as long as he was away from you.

Tugging your hoodie back on to cover the bruises you had acquired, you agreed and followed the others to the living room. Soon taking up residency on the couch, you didn’t intend on moving anywhere soon.

Thankfully, the others didn’t expect you to either. Nor did they push you for conversation when you were so evidently staying quiet, and instead they put a film on and chatted around you.

You didn’t see Jungkook that whole day.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t lingering in your mind, though. At the very least, the slight discomfort from the bruises he had given you served as a reminder of everything that had transpired. But your frustration fluctuated between him and yourself.

If Jungkook’s behaviour could be excused as protective, you were going to need a lot more explanation than that. What reason had you given him to hate you so much?

He hadn’t given you the chance to do anything but fail since you got there, so how could you be expected to trust him?

But while you wanted him to see that you could be trusted, you started to doubt that yourself. Maybe you were trying to help the boys by joining them, but as much as you wanted to deny it, Jungkook had proved that you were weak.

For now, you didn’t want to go near him, so you used that as your excuse for staying put all day, letting the household go about its day around you. But steadily, your mind filled with all the things you needed to work on. You had to patch up the gaps where your powers lacked, and you weren’t going to rely on Jungkook to do it anymore.

Maybe if you proved yourself, they would want you after all? Besides showing your lack of bond with Jungkook, today had surely showed Namjoon that you weren’t up to the task.

That was why he had stood you down.

Which was why you found yourself alone in a training room a few days later.

Since that day, you hadn’t trained. For one thing, your trainer had cemented his place as your mortal enemy, so you had no one to practise your powers with, since the others were all preparing for other things.

As for physical training, you thought they would at least let you do that. But they insisted you needed to rest for a couple more days.

You didn’t protest too much, but you knew this was how it would begin. This was their excuse to stop you training. They had given up on you, thinking you weren’t good enough to join them.

You were going to show them, Jungkook above all.

Now they were away on a mission, Jungkook nowhere to be found, leaving you the opportunity at last.

With the way the last outing had gone, they had switched plans. Now, instead of waiting around for Bolt to strike, they were beginning to relocate their allies, moving important weapons and things to more secure locations, while feeding Bolt’s informants the impression that the vacated premises were still operational. They hoped it would buy some time so they could formulate more of a plan to combat Bolt, without him gaining more power in the meantime.

Of course, Jungkook was still seething. He had made himself scarce the moment the others left, no doubt wanting to avoid spending any time with you.

You weren’t complaining.

Breathing deeply, you assessed the targets you had set up. A smile graced your face. The last time you had trained alone, you had accomplished a lot. Maybe you would try lifting objects again.

But first, you had to work on your speed. That was the main weaknesses Jungkook had highlighted. You weren’t able to keep up with him, and you had to change that.

Rolling out your stiff shoulders, wincing for a moment when it twinged the last remnants of your bruises, you raised an arm.

Your power felt a little rusty as it burst from your palm. Gritting your teeth against the slight tingle of pain, you cut it off and fired again. After a few tries, it felt pretty much normal. You weren’t going to wait any longer.

Lifting both arms now, you alternated your fire, turning in the space as you tried to hit each target. You hit them all, bolstering your confidence as you took a breather and went again. You may have hit them all, but you wanted to be faster.

This time, you didn’t even wait for one bolt to die away before you fired the next one. Focussing on short, sharp bursts, you let your powers pulse through the air.

The rattle and clash of metal filled the space as you shook each target in turn.

You made it around the room again, finding a rhythm, but this time you didn’t stop. Bolt wouldn’t stop if he was attacking you; Jungkook hadn’t. You had to push through.

So when you approached the familiar feeling of your powers slipping, you simply pushed through. You maintained your speed, barely able to keep up with the pace you had set. It was like running while the ground was slipping from under you, but you stayed standing and on your toes, enjoying the exhilaration of the electricity flowing through you.

You felt its power, hot and fierce in your chest, revelling in your ability to control it.

Then, one bolt sputtered and died. You picked it up again in a split second as you fired the next lightning into the space, but it scared you. Picturing the onslaught of gold from the other day, you knew that could cost you dearly in a fight.

So while your powers protested, you pressed on. Now, you had to force out each beam of light, but you weren’t about to stop. You had to improve. You had to succeed.

You didn’t notice when the heat of your powers became unpleasant. That burning sensation hadn’t invaded you for so long, but suddenly it was overwhelming, crashing down on you.

Gasping at the sharp pain, you staggered for a moment, not wanting to stop.

You raised your arm again. This would not defeat you. You had to push through.

Nothing came.

You searched for the familiar feeling to unleash your power, but instead you felt a tangle in your chest, a sparking ball of electricity that hissed at you like a wild animal.

Not now…

A stabbing pain lanced through your chest, blue suddenly erupting into the air. But this time it wasn’t you. Your power clawed its way down your arm, leaving a burning trail in its wake.

Biting down on a pained cry, you looked around in fear at the empty training room.

Though panicked, you knew you had to control it. You had pushed just a little too far, you only needed to reign it in again.

But as you closed your eyes, trying to find the centre of your power, shut it off like you were used to, more blasts leapt from that chasm in your chest. You battled to close it down, but it had power over you now.

Blue filled the space, colliding with the walls, clattering against targets.

Your knees buckled, sending you crashing to the floor. Now, you were unable to control it as you cried out, each release of your power coming with its own wave of pain. You thought you had left this unbearable heat behind, but now it seared through your body with a vengeance as your powers ran rampant.

Control it, control it-

But you couldn’t find space to breathe, let alone to calm your powers. Your arms shook, a tear breaking free from your eye as you gasped.

What had you done?

In your vision, blurry with pained tears and cut up by streaks of luminescent blue, something moved.

Though you lay panting on the floor, you squinted towards it. It was a person.

Were the others back? Your frazzled mind barely had time to wonder this, before the most pressing issue asserted itself again.

Wincing and curling in on yourself as another shot of electricity forced its way from you, you called out. Your voice was raw and shaking, but you had to protect them.

“Don’t come near! I’ll- I might hurt you!”

You knew your voice was thick with tears, but surely they could understand you? Why were they coming closer?

At the same time, both a yelp of pain and a lightning bolt escaped you. Your eyes widened; the figure was directly in its path.

A flash of gold.

The figure ran closer.

Despite your state, you had enough presence of mind to feel your cheeks burning as Jungkook came to a stop in front of you, looking down at you with wide, panicked eyes. For a few seconds, his mouth opened and closed uselessly.

Then, another bolt. And another.

As they cut through the room, leaving behind their signature of burning pain, the world tilted. Your eyes squeezed shut, Jungkook forgotten as the sizzling sting of your powers took up your thoughts.

You wanted it to stop.

“Control it.”

The instruction was muttered in your ear, closer than you expected. The next moment, a weight shifted against your back, pulling you to sit upright and against something. Someone.

Still heaving for air, you shook your head.

“I- I c-can’t!”

Another flash of blue, another flash of pain.

The arm that was looped around you squeezed tighter.

“You have to. Control it.”

And then a hand was placed against your back, steady and firm compared to your own body. It nestled between your shoulder blades.

The next thing you knew, a warm sensation bloomed there. But not uncomfortable, like your own rebelling powers. It bled through you, enveloping the mess that your powers had become. Your eyes slid closed, basking in the relief from the searing pain.

You could feel your powers, a blue weight sitting in your chest. You couldn’t see them, of course, but you had always felt them to be blue – not that you had realised. Not until now, at least, because the calming light that surrounded your power felt startlingly gold in comparison.

After a moment, you were collected enough to take control. With the aid of soothing gold containing your power, you were able to breathe deeply, closing off the electricity as you had done that first time in Namjoon’s office.

The gold faded.

Still, the hand on your back lingered, remaining steady.

“Okay?”

It was only now that the weight of this situation hit you. Jungkook had had to rescue you. From your own powers, no less.

You simply nodded, not trusting words to form.

At your confirmation, his hand finally left you. He had been sitting behind you, supporting you, but now he moved away. You would deny that you missed it.

But he only shifted around to your side, sliding an arm under your own.

“Are you crazy?” he asked, but there wasn’t much bite behind it.

Shaking his head, he muttered a curse as he helped lift you from the ground.

“What were you thinking?”

Again, the usual venom was missing from his voice. You kept your eyes down, not responding.

Huffing a little, he turned towards to the door. And paused.

“Can you get upstairs?”

Chewing on your lip, you kept your eyes fixed on your mug. You found the blanket you were wrapped in very interesting all of a sudden, fiddling and tugging at it with your free hand.

It was quiet.

It had been quiet for a while now, but neither of you were particularly inclined to change that.

Jungkook sat across from you, stiff and upright in his seat while you were huddled inside a blanket. He had sort of thrown it at you earlier. He hadn’t given you a second glance, instructing you rather coldly to sit, but it had to be the closest thing to affection he had ever shown you.

He was also holding a mug of tea. Perhaps it was just for show; he hadn’t lifted it once.

In a moment of weakness, your eyes darted up. You instantly regretted it, as you found his gaze already trained on you, and you both hurriedly averted your eyes again.

Just for something to do, you took a sip of tea, the slurp painfully audible in the silence. Your hand still shook a little when you lifted the mug.

Lowering it slowly, you chewed on your cheek.

“Thanks.”

You blurted it out without much consideration, the silence finally becoming too much for you.

Unfortunately, the quiet hung around a bit longer. Warily raising your eyes again, you watched Jungkook for a reaction.

His eyes were avoiding you, looking instead at a blank spot on the wall.

Then he sucked in a breath, leaning forwards to deposit his still-full mug on the coffee table.

“So do you want to tell me what you were doing?”

Finally his eyes turned to you, leaving you breathless. Your shame over what happened made words stick in your throat, but you knew you would have to explain.

Tearing your gaze from his to glare at your mug again, you felt your cheeks heating up. But you forced yourself to talk.

“You… you were right the other day. I’m not strong enough, or fast enough. I was trying to work on that – on my speed. I thought if I pushed myself, it might help. But I… I just lost control.”

Letting out a breath when you finished speaking, you looked up hesitantly. A light frown was on Jungkook’s face as he assessed you. He was thinking a little too hard for your liking.

He sat back.

“You remind me of Bolt.”

If you were still drinking, you would have choked. Your eyes widened, not knowing how to respond to that. In your search for words, all you could manage was an indignant but half-hearted excuse me?

A smirk quirked the corner of Jungkook’s mouth.

“You’re so pig-headed,” he began, “you treat your powers like some sort of game and pretend you’re good at everything…”

You simply stared, disbelieving. Was he seriously saying this to your face?

“And when you want something, you decide you’re getting it–” he eyed you before adding “–not to mention all the blue shit.”

He gestured in the general direction of all of you. You gaped.

But then he dropped his gaze, sighing.

“I… wanted to knock you down. You’re way too good at everything. You remind me of Bolt because he’s indestructible. Or it seems that way.”

Finally managing to scoff at his words, you shook your head incredulously.

“So now you think I’m good enough?”

“I didn’t want you going out there, okay?” he snapped, “I don’t trust you.”

“Just because my powers look like Bolt’s? Is that it? I never asked for this-”

“I know.”

Jungkook’s voice was softer now, startling your rant to a halt. His hands were clasped, elbows resting on his knees. And he wouldn’t quite look you in the eye.

“You’re not like Bolt. He’s the one that hurt you. I just couldn’t separate the image of you from him, what with you being so… obnoxious, and determined.”

He paused. Sighed.

“And I lied, okay?” his voice was quiet, “you’re fine. Your speed is good, you could pretty much keep up with me, and that’s saying something. I thought you’d know better.”

A frown creased your brows together. Now you were confused.

Looking up once again, he met your eyes.

“You shouldn’t push your powers, surely the others told you that? They can reach their limit, and I’m fairly sure yours did when we fought. Today was too soon, you shouldn’t have worn them out like that. You won’t be able to use them for a while. Not like that, anyway.”

“Like what?”

“Fast. You overwhelmed them, it might take a bit to build up your speed again.”

You swallowed, not wanting to believe his words.

“Or, you just want me out of training-” you bit back, but he cut you off.

“Oh, I couldn’t care less,” he sniggered, “go ahead and burn out your powers for all I care. I’m just telling you.”

You didn’t really know what to say to that. You simply tugged your blanket a little tighter around your shoulders.

“Turns out you’re human just like the rest of us.”

Was that supposed to be a compliment? Or an insult? You couldn’t really tell.

After a moment holding his gaze, you went back to your tea. The two of you seemed to agree on one thing at least, and that was avoiding each other’s eyes as the silence stretched on.

Even once your mug was emptied, you fidgeted with it, letting your fingers slide around the handle for something to do. Jungkook’s words turned over in your head. It was probably the closest he had ever come to giving you actual advice. Perhaps you should take it, give your powers a rest for a short while.

It surprised you that Jungkook hadn’t yet left. He looked remarkably awkward on the other couch, refusing to relax into the seat but sitting ramrod straight on the edge instead, insisting for some reason on staying there.

Never before had he voluntarily endured your presence for this long.

He seemed to notice you sizing him up. He turned his gaze to find you watching him with your head tilted. And somehow, he too looked hesitant, far from the confidence you usually saw in him.

You swallowed, but didn’t look away.

“Don’t tell the others?”

Your voice was quiet but clear in the space. Jungkook quirked an eyebrow.

“You’re really determined to join us, aren’t you?”

With a sigh, your expression softened. You finally looked away, picking absently at your blanket while you replied.

“I agree with what you guys are doing. Bolt tried to kill me, all because I was just… there, at the wrong time. I didn’t matter to him. That doesn’t seem like someone who cares about protecting people. So I don’t want him to get whatever he wants with those weapons he’s collecting.”

Expecting the usual argument about you being of no use, you kept your eyes stubbornly down. But Jungkook was quiet.

If you looked up, you would have seen him blinking at you. Curious, almost.

But you never did, not until his expression clouded over again and he made to speak.

“And if the others knew you did something this stupid, they’d keep you away from the action even longer.”

You rolled your eyes, but had to admit that Jungkook wasn’t wrong.

“Pretty much,” you conceded, “and I do want this. It finally feels like I have a purpose.”

You had never expected to be so blisteringly honest with Jungkook, but when you laid beseeching eyes on him, you knew you had got through somehow.

Seemingly displeased with his own decision, his mouth straightened into a line.

“Fine. I won’t tell them. But you better not do it again, you know I’ll get the blame as well.”

You weren’t sure if that was entirely true, but if Jungkook wanted to make that his reason for helping you out, then so be it.

At last, it seemed he had reached his limit with you. He stood abruptly, casting one more glance at you, and strode away. Watching his retreating form, you sunk further into the sofa. A subtle smile took up residence on your face.

You hadn’t even put the tv on. Silence filled the apartment and you stared up at the ceiling from your position on the sofa.

Since you and Jungkook talked a few days ago, he had, surprisingly, kept his word. Around the others he stoically ignored you as normal, but also diligently kept his mouth shut about your little accident.

You suspected he also didn’t want to admit to helping you. But whatever kept him quiet worked for you.

It was true that he glanced over at you more often despite his continued frosty attitude towards you. Or perhaps you were imagining that? He was just glaring at you like always – only, you began to read into it too much. Now you two shared a secret, in a sense, it meant that every time his eyes locked with yours they seemed to hold more significance.

However, you had to remind yourself nothing had changed. The two of you were still only here because you were stuck together on Namjoon’s orders. Which was the same reason Jungkook had been the one to help you before.

No, nothing had changed.

Turning your head, you let your cheek fall against the cushion as you hesitantly gazed at the tv. Maybe you should put it on, just to fill the silence?

The lack of noise in the house served as proof that Jungkook wanted as little to do with you as ever. The moment the boys were out, he made himself scarce.

At least you had been permitted to learn more about what exactly they were doing when they went out. They were leaving the house more and more frequently, and for longer stretches of time. Given Bolt’s movements, and his startling power at their last encounter (due to the weapons he had stolen from Kuyang), the boys were launching a counter-operation.

If they couldn’t defend their allies from a direct attack, they had to bide their time until they could build an attack strategy.

So for now, they were relocating important developers to throw Bolt off. Stop him before he could gain even more power; before he became too much of a match for them.

Jin seemed fairly confident that they had tracked Bolt’s sources well enough to feed him misinformation to keep him unaware of their movements. The only risk now lay in the transportation of what you could only assume were deadly weapons through the city.

Standing on the kitchen counter was a small black receiver. You could turn it on if you wanted, hear what was happening.

You were contemplating it when something pulled at your thoughts. Your focus frayed, distracted by that incomprehensible feeling that there was someone behind you.

Flipping over on the sofa, you found Jungkook leaning against the wall. His arms were folded, but there was no glare entrenched on his face. Startled, you eyed his damp hair, the oversized black shirt hanging from his shoulders.

Clearly he had just come from a shower, so why wasn’t he going to train?

The absence of a scowl was really throwing you off. He didn’t look totally comfortable, expression tight and slightly expectant, but what did he want with you?

You raised your eyebrows in question.

He blinked at you, then his eyes slid away from your face, looking somewhere over your head and through to the kitchen.

“Training,” he said.

You continued to stare, but he just as stubbornly avoided your eyes.

After another moment, you huffed and sat up.

“Training?” you echoed.

“We’re going to training.”

“…we?”

“You heard me.”

His response was dry. Already, he was pushing away from the wall and turning his back on you, leaving you little choice but to follow.

Leaving the couch and hurrying after him, you made it to his side on the stairs.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to use my powers? After…”

“Not for speed,” he corrected you, eyes fixed ahead.

A frown furrowed your brow as you reached the training space. Today, you remained in the main, largest room. There was no one around and clearly Jungkook didn’t have want of the targets you normally used, as he stopped right in the middle and turned to you.

His brows were pinched, clearly a little hesitant about this. You noticed the way his teeth pulled slightly at his lower lip.

“Power,” he said.

You stared. With a subtle roll of his eyes, he elaborated.

“Apart from speed, that’s what you need to work on. You need to connect with your powers, feel like the light is an extension of you. Since you can’t work on your agility, it’s time to think about force.”

Nodding, you felt your confidence raise a little. When you had trained by yourself before, you had hit upon that exact feeling he described, an almost physical connection that let you lift the target.

Plus, using a little force would be more than welcome, with the pent up tension you had felt since your last disastrous practice.

Jungkook took your confirmation and stepped forwards into line with you, holding your gaze. He held his arms slightly away from his body, palms facing you.

“Summon your powers and push against me,” he instructed.

It took you a moment to get your bearings and prepare to use your powers. It had been a while. You tried to hide your slight wince when you searched for the powers only to find a scorching, tangled mess where they usually flowed from, like someone had knotted barbed wire there.

Swallowing, you let your eyes slide shut for a moment. It was as if your power was hissing at you, an animal you had to coax from hiding.

But coax it you did, the first slight tug leading them to easily unravel until the electricity flowed through your veins again. Beside a slight tremor in the flow of blue light you released, it seemed fairly normal.

Surely Jungkook wouldn’t approve of the clumsiness with which you handled your powers, though? But when you looked up, he only appeared focussed.

With a small nod as your powers shot through the air, his eyes clouded with gold and his own luminous lightning welled in his hands.

He didn’t fire a strong bolt to match yours. It appeared that he held a small golden fountain in each hand, bubbling gently, just enough to dispel your blue electricity before it could strike his palms.

Your eyes connected.

It was curious, how Jungkook’s eyes looked so much less deadly when they were literally glowing with power. As you held his gaze, you felt no urge to look away. Instead, his focus, gentle and firm at the same time, affirmed you.

Taking a breath, you continued to let your powers flow freely.

“Concentrate on your powers,” he spoke in a low voice, “feel them moving through you. Then follow that feeling outwards, feel where they connect with me.”

Taking in his words with a determined nod, you searched within you for the feeling he spoke of.

This time, you didn’t close your eyes. You were already familiar with the taste of your power in your veins, and found it with little effort.

But you stared into those gold eyes as you searched for him, the sight of them making it easier to find the corresponding sensation. Colliding with your power, you were surprised to stumble across a warmth pulsing against them. You hadn’t even realised you had followed the flow of your powers outside your fingertips; the feeling hadn’t altered as far as you could tell.

Sure enough, however, there was Jungkook – it was undeniable. Inexplicably, the intensity of his eyes felt the exact same as the fiery power rushing to meet your own lightning.

Before you could say anything, Jungkook’s lips twitched into a smirk.

“You can feel it, right?”

Now you had found it, it was easy to hold onto the sensation of his powers as they met your own.

Elated, you exhaled with a smile. His grew too.

“I’m going to push back now,” he said, “keep the connection. It’ll be like arm wrestling, only with our powers.”

You knew you should have felt a little sceptical about that. If it was anything like arm wrestling, Jungkook would be able to topple you in a second. He had been training much longer than you, and was undeniably stronger.

In fact, all you felt was an ignition in your chest, competitiveness flaring up inside you.

Jungkook’s expression shifted into focus. His smirk slipped into a concentrated line.

Where the gold in his eyes had been rippling lazily, it now grew in ferocity, blazing harshly in contrast to the abysses of his dark pupils.

The instant his powers switched, you felt it. No longer a soft warmth, they sent a jolt through you as they connected in earnest, the threads of your electricity fusing together like wires and throwing out a ball of sparks.

The molten light warred in the air between you, your eyes no doubt as vivid as Jungkook’s as you allowed more power through your palms to match his force.

To your surprise, they complied instantly. It seemed your powers were enjoying being let out like this, having lashed out the last time when you had stubbornly forced them to stop and start. With the growing power flowing from you, their connection with Jungkook strengthened as well. You could sense a distinctly gold force clashing with your powers.

Even though you could see the point where your powers converged, the feeling allowed you to notice every minute crackle of electricity, every pulse of Jungkook’s lightning.

Just like before, when you had lifted the target, your powers felt much more than just a fleeting rush of sparks. They formed a bridge outwards from your body, reaching beyond.

You felt strong.

And if Jungkook wanted to wrestle, you weren’t going to go down easily.

Channelling yet more power outwards, you pushed hard against his gold powers where they met your own.

For a moment, you succeeded in subduing the opposing force. Sparks flew again, Jungkook staggering back a step as the gold light retreated from your advance, blue dominating the bolt of energy that connected you two.

Jungkook smiled.

The next moment, it became clear he had been waiting for you to get used to the feeling and make a move. But you had no time to be touched by his newfound patience as you found yourself battling against a renewed burst of pressure from his end.

Raising your arms to be level with your shoulders, aiming at him, you gritted your teeth and stubbornly weathered the temptation to step back as his powers shoved against yours.

Now both of you were using all your energy, the connection was more vivid than before. You could sense every vein of the electricity, his as well as yours. Finding strength from somewhere, you resisted his onslaught and managed to take a step forwards.

Your tussle continued, fire against fire, both of you matching the other’s power but advancing until you were practically toe to toe.

Outstretched, slightly above your head, your hands were level, vibrant light still connecting them although his palm was just inches from yours. A waterfall of blue and gold sparks fell between your faces while you stared at each other with blazing eyes. Your breathing was heavy, trying to keep up with his relentless power, but Jungkook was also panting, damp hair falling over his eyes.

You were out of breath, but the warm air brushing over your face from Jungkook’s lips assured you that you weren’t the only one.

A sharp, exhilarated smile lit up his mouth. A brow quirked, his words breathless as he spoke.

“Not bad. Hold it…”

Sucking in a breath, you prepared for one last effort. Avoiding Jungkook’s eyes had long left your priority list, and now you were drawn in by the burning gold within them. It was like you were staring at the sun, but you couldn’t look away, not even when their light grew, yet more of his power flowing through you.

His gaze burned just as intently back, eyes trained on your own which were surely lit up blue. A slight crease formed in his brow, perhaps from concentration…

Again, you matched his power even as he overloaded the connection, more and more energy sparking in the air-

His gaze flitted away, the connection cutting abruptly.

For a moment, the brightness of the sparks, and Jungkook’s eyes, left dazzling prints on your vision even as they sputtered from existence. Air rushed in and out of your lungs, the exertion not hitting you until now.

Without the channel to focus your energy, you staggered back from Jungkook, blinking in the relative dimness.

Sensing the strength that had drained from you, you let yourself take another step to sink against the wall behind you. Breathing still heavy, you looked up at Jungkook. Though his chest heaved too, cheeks slightly flushed under his dripping hair, he hadn’t moved an inch.

Only when you met his eyes, which had returned to their regular darkness, did he start, quickly marching away to grab water bottles from the corner of the room.

One flew in your direction. Just about managing to snatch it from the air, you took an eager sip. Now you had had time to catch your breath, a strange silence settled.

“How did it feel?”

Jungkook wasn’t even looking at you. He had made his way to the bottom of the staircase, and now leaned against them, apparently finding the floor very interesting.

Hesitantly, you made your way closer, following a step behind as he started climbing back to the main house.

“Yeah, my powers, they feel… it wasn’t painful,” you replied, “they’re like normal again.”

Jungkook nodded.

“You did good. Still, don’t push it.”

By then, you had reached the top of the stairs. After pausing for a moment, Jungkook awkwardly moved away to the kitchen, while you hung back to have a shower.

The odd tension that had clung to the space between you since training occupied your mind as the water flowed over you, reinvigorating your tired body. In a way, it was just like usual. You and Jungkook had never been comfortable around each other.

But then why did it feel odd now?

The training session had given you a taste of something different. For once, Jungkook hadn’t spent the time trying to antagonise you. Instead, you had a real chance to push yourself.

It was probably the fact that, after so long without using your powers, you simply missed feeling the rush of electricity. No matter if it was also because connecting with Jungkook's powers had felt so thrilling too.

That thought was gone as quickly as the water running over you. Outside the training room at least, you knew where you stood. And that was very, very far from Jungkook.

Which is why you were so perplexed when you reached the kitchen, and didn’t find it empty.

Pausing in the hallway, you honestly considered turning back around and leaving. Trust Jungkook to try and claim the kitchen since you were absent.

But you weren’t going to be deterred. You were hungry.

It was his fault anyway, for training you so hard, so you took a breath and pushed your damp hair behind your shoulder before striding into the space.

At first, you made your best attempt at keeping your chin up, confident while also acting as if you magically couldn’t see Jungkook at all. It was how you usually approached each other. Unfortunately, you couldn’t stop yourself from noticing that whatever he was making wasn’t going well.

Halfway through throwing your own ingredients onto the counter, you stopped to cast a sceptical eye over the mess he was making. He was making an equally good show of not noticing your presence, and continued throwing in random sauces, not before eyeing them all fairly hesitantly first.

Biting your lip, you shrugged it off and turned your eyes back to your own dinner.

But you could no longer ignore it when he took a taste from his spoon and quite literally recoiled.

Loudly putting your knife down, you sighed in frustration.

“Do you want some help?”

Quickly straightening out his face from the way it had been screwed up from the taste, he blinked around at you. He really did look surprised at your presence.

You rolled your eyes, marching over to him and peering into his pan.

“What are you making?”

Folding his arms across his chest, you could hear the pout in his voice as he replied.

“Tteokbokki.”

You stared. At the food, which certainly did not resemble tteokbokki, and then at Jungkook.

“No you’re not.”

“I am! Jin always makes it like this!”

“Maybe when he’s making something for his science experiments,” you scoffed.

Defiant, Jungkook reached for his packet of soft rice cakes, totally ignoring you. You had to lunge across the counter to save them from a grizzly fate in that pan of definitely not tteokbokki.

Deep down, he clearly agreed with you, because he didn’t protest all that much as you forcibly removed the pan from the stove, depositing the whole mess in the bin.

“This is how you’ve been eating?”

Jungkook looked a little startled, his eyes wide for a moment before he managed to resurrect his scowl.

“We ran out of ramen,” he muttered.

You stared at him in disbelief. Had no one taught him to cook?

“What would Jin say?” you huffed, returning to the stove and elbowing him out the way.

Before long, you had your own meal cooking, now with some extra added. After a few moments, Jungkook had skulked away, watching you silently from the table. Once again, you pretended not to pay him any mind.

Two steaming bowls of (actually edible) food eventually made it to the table.

Sitting down opposite him, neither of you began for a moment. Each of you was waiting for the other to do something.

When at last you reached for your chopsticks, the sound was deafening against the strained silence between you.

Perhaps Jungkook was encouraged to see you didn’t drop dead after taking a bite, because he finally started to eat as well. Not that you let yourself look at him beyond the odd brief glance. You kept your attention firmly on the meal, which was actually quite tasty if you did say so yourself.

“Thanks.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, eyes shooting up to stare at Jungkook. He stopped mid-bite, big eyes returning your bewildered gaze as if he had no idea who had spoken.

You blinked. Clearing your throat, you averted your gaze again, picking at your food.

“No problem.”

“It’s nearly as good as Jin’s,” he drawled next.

Disbelieving, you swallowed your next bite and raised your eyebrows.

“Are you seriously trying to come for me after I gave you food?”

“That’s a compliment!” he defended.

“Sure.”

“Fine,” he huffed, attacking his food a bit more aggressively.

Taking a breath, you chewed your lip. Jungkook took a bite with more force than strictly necessary, brows furrowed. Maybe he had really meant it in a nice way?

You had trouble believing that, somehow.

“It’s a hell of a lot better than yours would have been,” you grumbled, then paused. “but… I suppose Jin is a very good chef.”

For a moment, Jungkook didn’t reply. But he finished chewing and set his chopsticks down a bit more gently.

“Why would I have to practise cooking when he’s always here to do it?” he murmured.

Deciding for once to take the opportunity to ease the situation, you smiled.

“I don’t blame you.”

Both of you allowed a temporary ceasefire to settle as you cleared your plates. You didn’t miss Jungkook’s glance towards the little black receiver standing on the table.

With the frequency of operations at the moment, it was clear Namjoon classed the whole situation with Bolt as an emergency. Jungkook hadn’t been wrong – Jin was usually there, or one of the others, to cook. As much as it still surprised you that he was so clueless, you saw that prying was going to get you nowhere.

He wasn’t the only one that missed the others, though. Or hoped they were okay.

You leaned over and turned the receiver on.

Thank you for reading! I really mean it, it's wonderful now I'm finally sharing this story to hear what you guys think as we go through it!! I appreciate every last one of you who comments💜💜

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[salty-autistic-writer]

A snippet, inspired by the deleted Tommy/henren scene (link to ao3):

Tommy lays down on his bed with a relieved sigh. He’s exhausted. It's been a long day of socializing and unexpected events. He’s been soaking in the spotlight for hours, now his social batteries are almost empty.

Seeing Gerrard at the ceremony was unsettling. At least he left soon. Tommy was touched by how protective Evan and Chimney reacted to his old Captain’s remarks. He was even more touched by the way they all invited him to their tables. He didn’t invite any family. To see his full name on that plate was enough to stir old long-buried yet still sharp-edged memories. Evan and the other members of the 118 distracted him from them. He's very grateful for that.

His wandering thoughts keep coming back to Hen and Karen asking him about his intentions with Evan.

Tommy replays the moment in his head a few times. Did he make a good impression? Did he say anything weird? Anything they could interpret as a threat to Evan? Did he smile enough? Or ... did he smile too much?!

His thoughts are interrupted when Evan enters the room, his hair still damp and dripping from the shower he just took, one of Tommy’s fuzzy towels wrapped around his hips. He carries the scent of Tommy’s favourite shampoo, which makes his heart flutter. He’s still a little awestruck. Still can’t quite believe this is real sometimes.

Tommy enjoys the view while Evan slips into his sleep clothes. He joins Tommy on the bed, a hearty yawn revealing that he’s clearly tired too.

Evan snuggles up to Tommy, radiating warmth, nudging against Tommy’s toes with his own and smiling at him sleepily. “Hey, you. What are you thinking about?”

“Oh, just about Hen and Karen approaching me at the ceremony today.”

Evan grins. “Did they actually give you the shovel talk? Certainly looked like it.”

Tommy smiles weakly. “Yeah, I guess they did.”

“Was it scary?” Evan asks, eyes sparkling with amused excitement.

“A bit,” Tommy admits. “I just hope I managed to convince them that my intentions with you are honourable.”

Evan chuckles. "Well, you do know it’s not that serious, right? I mean, Hen knows you. And Karen has been asking me for a double date for quite a while now.”

“She did?” Tommy asks, sincerely surprised.

Evan nods. “Yeah. Really feels like she can’t wait to get to know you better.”

“Hm.” Tommy ponders about that for a moment. He had a feeling they might not be entirely serious, but he wasn’t sure. Reading people is difficult for him sometimes. And Hen … Well, he cares about what she thinks of him. After all, she had a great impact on him. She made him a better person. He still remembers … Remembers how transfixed he was by her speech.

It was the way she stepped in front of everyone - including Gerrard - meeting their eyes without fear. The way she held her head up high. The way she said what she had to say with steel in her voice and a spark of anger lighting up her eyes.

She was right. She was brave. And Tommy felt like a coward.

He wanted to do better. All of them filing complaints against Gerrard was a good start. It felt good. Felt like opening a door he had kept locked for a long time. And once Gerrard was gone, they all spent more time together. It was nice.

Hen was the first person he came out to. She asked him about his date. About his girl. And Tommy just said: “Actually, uh, it’s a man. I’m gay.”

“Okay,” Hen said and smiled at him. “Tell me about him.”

At that moment, Tommy felt like a big weight was taken off his shoulders.

Yes. He really does care a lot about what Hen thinks of him. She knows you, Evan said. He’s right. She does. So she has to know he would never hurt Evan, right? That thought calms the brewing storm in his mind down a bit.

He gets distracted by Evan’s lips on his neck. Soft and warm. “You know,” Evan mutters, “I sure do hope that not all of your intentions are honourable.”

Tommy huffs a laugh. A wave of arousal rushes through him despite his exhaustion. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m having very dishonourable thoughts right now,” he promises in a low voice, pulling Evan into a passionate kiss.

~

The next day, Tommy gets a text from Evan:

Double date with Hen and Karen on Friday?

Tommy smiles and types: Absolutely.

[nethhiri]

Marooned: Chapter 50

Kid x FemReader x Killer

Warnings: Rape, torture, body horror, loss of body part, violence, forced pregnancy, infertility (Seriously heed the warnings. This one is dark.)

Worse

Warthin had fallen asleep next to you. If you weren’t chained, you could have bashed his head in with the weight if the seastone. The first hit would disfigure his face, lacerate his skin. The second hit would cave all his facial bones inward, maybe exposing the tan, jagged edges of bone, and the indent would fill with blood and viscera, appearing like a bowl of soup. The third hit would splash this soup everywhere and crunch the rest of his skull. Gray-pink, gelatinous brain would squeeze out of the cracks from the force of impact. This is what you replayed in your head when he woke up and raped you again. 

He left and came back some minutes later with some “good” news and breakfast, which you refused. The “good” news was that you weren’t pregnant with a Kid Pirate baby and your womb was open for business for his own. He tried to feed you and you moved your head away or knocked it from the fork. He didn’t like that. He forced your mouth open by squeezing your jaw and shoved food in your mouth before covering it with his hand so you couldn’t spit it out. He wasn’t very gentle and you gagged a few times, but eventually he had force-fed you the entire plate and then some vitamins, “nourishment for his child”.  

He visited you a lot throughout the day, alternating between raping you again and force-feeding you. He got quite frustrated with you by the time dinner came around. This time when you refused to eat, he had a pair of pliers handy. If you didn’t want to eat then you didn’t need teeth. He loosened some up by punching you square in the jaw, then he took the pliers to one of your molars and pulled. It hurt. It felt like he was yanking your whole jaw out. You screamed and pulled against your shackles. You could feel blood run down your arms from the metal digging in to your skin. When your tooth finally came loose, your mouth was filled with blood. At that point all your screaming and struggling had made him hard, so he fucked you again, a little rougher than he had been. You knew it would only be a matter of time before his rapist instincts overtook the procreative ones. Afterwards, he fed you cold dinner, which you had to choke down because chewing hurt too badly.

Later, you vomited from all the blood you had swallowed. You didn’t have enough chain to lean over the edge of the bed so you were forced to vomit next to you. You couldn’t even wipe your mouth. Warthin accused you of doing it on purpose to starve his future child and proceeded to beat you for the transgression. He didn’t even let you clean up or change the sheets. You felt like an animal. You felt dirty. 

This cycle repeated. Every time was a little bit rougher, until you were covered in bruises. Every part of you was sore. There was dried blood in many different places and dried semen all over your thighs and between your legs. It wasn’t that bad. You could take it. You could survive this. Only a few more days you before they would come for you. You could last a few more days. I hope.

“Look at me.” Warthin demanded as he fucked you. “You never look at me, my darling.”

You ignored him. 

He grabbed your head by the hair and slammed it into the headboard behind you. “Fucking look at me, you pirate fucking whore.” He slammed you into the headboard again. “I bet you looked into their eyes when they fucked you. Didn’t you? You liked being violated by their diseased, dirty cocks.”

Tears spilled over your cheeks. Your head still hurt from him ripping out your tooth and all the times he had hit you already. 

“LOOK AT ME, CUNT!” Warthin choked you out until your consciousness faded. 

You blacked out and woke up to him still on top of you, not sure how much time had passed or if this was even the same rape.

”There you are.” He was holding a small, sharp blade. “I’ve thought of something that’s fair for both of us. You don’t have to look at me, but you’ll never get to see anything ever again either, especially not those pirates you give yourself away to.” He pressed the blade below your eye.

”Please don’t.” You rasped, throat raw from screaming. You felt the point of his blade cutting into you. Losing one eye was bad enough. Losing both would be your end. You had no observation haki. You would never be able to sense your surroundings. You would be rendered useless. If he removed it completely, you wouldn’t be able to use your power to bring it back. And then what worth would you have to Kid? What worth would you have to yourself? 

He withdrew the blade. “You’re right. I have to take the other first so you can see me crush it.” Warthin roughly stuck his fingers into your right eye socket, taking out your log pose and inspecting it. “So this is what you used to track us. You’re a smart one, aren’t you?” He held it up for you both to see before crushing it in front of you. “All gone.” He took the small blade back out.

”No. Please. What do you want? I’ll look at you. Please don’t do this.” It was rare for you to beg, but you would have no pride left if he took your eye anyway. You would have nothing left. You would be nothing. The Kid Pirates wouldn’t take you back. What use would you be? You would be an extra mouth to feed with no benefit to the crew. Even your devil fruit power would be dubious since you needed to visualize things to make it work.

“It’s too late. You had your chance, darling. And as much as I love seeing the hate in your eyes, I want to be the last person you ever see, so that I’m burned into your mind.” He slowly pushed the knife under your eye.

”NO! NO!” Your pleas devolved into screams as you felt the worst pain of your life. You could barely struggle under his weight pinning you to the mattress. The restraints were pulled taught until your hips and shoulders ached constantly; you couldn't move even if his weight was absent. Hot, semi-vicious liquid dripped down your cheek and onto your chest. The sickening sound of wet, tearing flesh reached your ears. 

“Oh fuck yes keep screaming. Just like that.” Warthin didn’t want to rush this but it was difficult to resist finishing. “Fuck!” He came inside you again but didn’t stop. He was enjoying this too much. He grabbed the collar that was still around your neck and ripped it off, noticing for the first time the writing on the back of the tag. “If found, return to Kid Pirates.” He had a tone to his voice that you didn’t like. “They won’t want you back when they see how much you’re enjoying yourself here.”

You didn’t know what he was doing. The pain was so intense that it was all you could feel. You were pretty sure your eyes were open, but you couldn’t see anything. You couldn’t hear anything either over your own screaming. You blacked out from the pain soon after that. Welcomed into a dream state by familiar faces, you were happy to see them, and that you could see. Their faces weren’t welcoming. They were frowning. Kid was there telling you how useless you were to him, nothing better than a set of holes now. Killer wouldn’t even look at you, your face too grotesque. Your hope was faltering.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kid and Killer were reunited with the Victoria the day following the incident. Everyone immediately knew that things were dire when they returned with Mini, and you weren’t accompanying them. They expected Kid’s rage, not Killer’s. It was rare that the first mate got angry, but when he did it was scary. Kid was very outward with expressing his. Killer held it all in. He answered in clipped tones and few words. They could tell he was boiling inside and no one could tell when it was going to erupt. 

They met with Heat and Wire to explain their plan and afterwards, made themselves scarce. Kid was in his workshop, facing away from the door that led to the infirmary. It made him too upset when he looked at it and expected you to be there. Killer was in his room, unable to come out again until Kid came to check on him. When he did, he saw a crumpled metal ball. A blue and white metal ball. Killer had crushed his own helmet in his rage. He kept thinking about his regret that he hadn’t told you more about how he felt, and he may never get the chance now. They were both emotionally triggered by the event, reminded so much of Victoria. 

Kid returned Killer’s helmet to its original state. “Are ya ok, Kil?” 

“I’m fine,” he lied. Killer was far from fine. He was pissed at himself for not being there for you or for Kid. If they had taken Kid too, he didn’t know if he could come back from that. “Wish I had told her that I cared about her. Wish I could have done more for both of you.”

”Ya can tell her when we get her back. And I’m here, aren’t I? Ya still saved me from being taken prisoner.”

A few days passed. They used your clothes and the blood of Warthin to track in the right direction. Mini would sniff the items and then point in a direction that they would follow. Sometimes the trail dropped off when the wind changed and it delayed them greatly. It frustrated Kid to no end. He was thinking too much. Left alone with his thoughts, he was ashamed that his mind kept creeping in the direction of questioning your loyalty. The doubts crept in the more he was left alone. Maybe this was all a setup. Maybe you planned it all from the beginning, stealing his heart just to lure him to his capture. 

Killer joined him for dinner, bringing it to the workshop, where Kid had been holed up. “What’s wrong?” Kid had skipped lunch earlier.

"Maybe we shouldn't be trying this hard."

"What?"

"M'sayin that I have doubts."

Killer narrowed his eyes, feeling his blood starting to boil. "What do you mean 'doubts'?" His skin got hot at the mere thought of Kid turning his back on you. His temper was getting the better of him, yet he was torn between his loyalty to his captain and his protective instinct when it came to you.

”Don't ya think this could be a setup?” He stared down at the plate of food. “Maybe she wants us to follow her so the marines can capture us. Don’t ya think it’s weird that they didn’t kill her right there, but they tried to shoot me in the head?” He felt guilty for asking it, but he had to know if he was being rational or irrational at this point. The lack of sleep wasn’t helping his anxiety about the situation.

Killer slapped him across the face, not hard, but not gentle either. “KID! She tried so hard to earn your trust, don’t you dare question it when she needs us the most!” Killer’s voice cracked. His index finger dug into Kid’s chest. “You saw how scared she was, Kid! You think that was fake?” Killer put his fist down on Kid’s workbench. “YOU WANT TO QUIT ON HER BECAUSE OF A SCENARIO YOU CREATED IN YOUR HEAD? WHEN SHE’S SUFFERING AND PROBABLY BEING-“ Killer didn’t finish, putting his head in his hands and letting out an anguished growl. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to explode at you. I just-“ He didn’t know if he did it because of fear or anger, or some combination of both.

”I know, Kil. Yer right. Sorry.” Kid shook his head and rubbed his cheek. “I needed that.” Kid felt bad about piling so much of his own feelings on Killer when Killer was dealing with the same anguish. And he felt worse that he questioned your loyalty.

They ate in silence. Neither of them could truly comfort the other. They were both hurting. Killer tried his best to stay strong for Kid, as he had in the past, but he was in pain, too. He didn’t have the capacity to carry the pain of two people. He struggled with his own, ready to lash out again at any moment. They spent the night curled together in Kid’s cabin, before sleep vowing not to let the same thing that happened to Victoria happen to you.

In the following days, tensions rose significantly on the Victoria Punk. They were stalled. The scent stopped coming back to Mini and she was unable to track you further. She paced back and forth across the deck with just as much anxiety as anyone else. Kid and Killer poured over maps with Wire, trying to figure out where they may have gone, where they may have taken you. They argued about what the best course of action was. Kid's intrusive thoughts only became more intense. Killer was snapping at everyone who got in his path. It was looking bleak. Then in the afternoon, about five days after you had been stolen, the Kid Pirates received a package.

There was a scream that rattled the windows on board the ship. Quincy was the one who grabbed it, thinking maybe it was something she had ordered on the last island, or maybe new wanted posters. Heat rushed to her, being that he was the closest, eyes drifting over the package on deck. He froze. Staring back at him were three eyes: 2 belonged to a video transponder snail and the other was irrevocably yours.

Heat hurriedly grabbed the box, suppressing the urge to vomit or cry or both. He didn’t want the rest of the crew to see it. Quincy followed closely behind him, worried about her friend. The four commanders and Quincy stood around the package. Killer pushed Quincy and Heat aside, zeroing in on the jar. He knew what it was when he saw it, and still brought it closer to make sure, to ensure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. There was a Y/E/C iris staring back at him, complete with the trailing optic nerve and attached muscles. Kid, on the other hand, assumed it was a gag, a fake, some kind of taunt. Everyone was waiting for the other foot to drop, for Kid to explode. When he didn’t, and instead went off about cheap tricks, Killer delicately explained that it wasn’t a trick. Then, Kid went ballistic.

“THEY TOOK HER FUCKING EYE?! THEY TOOK HER EYE!” All Kid could think was how devastated he would be if his remaining arm was taken from him, and applying that same feeling to you. 

Heat quickly grabbed the jar containing your eye before Kid could smash it in his rage. 

Killer attempted to quell Kid’s anger. “Kid, if they’re sending us this, it’s likely she’s still alive.” Albeit, alive purely for the purpose of torturing. 

”AND SHE PROBABLY DOESN’T WANT TO BE ANYMORE! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO HER, KILLER? WHY?” Kid let himself be enveloped by Killer, burying his head into Killer’s shoulder. Kid felt hot, angry tears roll from his eyes. He was pissed on your behalf, upset that someone would maim you in this way, more upset even, by thinking of the pain you must be feeling. It brought him back to when he woke up after losing his arm. He had been livid, scared, and he did question his ability to be a pirate captain. But he had another arm. And he could make a prosthetic. You had neither equivalent. 

”That may be so, but that’s all the more reason we have to get her back.” Killer embraced his captain. “We have to change her mind.” He held onto Kid until the broader man pulled away.  Kid scowled, but said nothing. Who was he to try and change your mind? Keeping you in a state of misery just so he wouldn’t lose you would be selfish. He pushed that line of thought from his mind. He didn't want to explore that possibility until it was a reality, if it became one at all. 

As soon as Wire saw the transponder snail, he told Quincy to leave, even with her protests. He knew nothing good would come from it. She didn’t need to witness whatever happened next. He didn’t want to entertain whatever taunts would surely come from the other side, but he wasn’t sure what would happen if they ignored it either. Before they did anything though, he was going to figure out how to use it to pinpoint your location. It was a feat to keep Kid from calling on it right away. Wire convinced him to hold off until they could create a device to track the signal. 

A bad feeling settled in the pit of Killer's stomach. He could only imagine what they would see on the other side of the transmission. It was already difficult to keep himself from replaying the terrified look on your face when you tried to warn them about Warthin. What if he saw something worse? And what if that was the last thing he saw of you? Bile burned the back of Killer's throat. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time was a continuous stream. There was no start or stop, no beginning or end. You couldn't say how long you had been here or even when the start of a new day was. At first, you could, but lately Warthin had been depriving you of sleep. He almost never left, constantly feeding you either his twisted perception of reality and how you were going to be the perfect wife and mother or cruel depictions of how worthless you were now. He went on and on. You were starting to believe him. Maybe you would be better off pretending to go along with his sick fantasy. At least he would want you. 

Tears pricked the corners of your empty eye sockets. Falling between the skin of your eyelids into nothing instead of rolling down your cheeks. Even if they found you, the Kid Pirates would leave you there once they saw your sorry state. You were weak from being chained in bed. Your face was swollen, probably beyond recognition. They would see how you've been used and how could they ever look at you the same again? You wouldn't blame them. You were disgusted by yourself, allowing yourself to be caught and abused, becoming the very thing you had been trying to protect. You were too pathetic to be a Kid Pirate. Maybe they would be so kind as to put you out of your misery before they left, if they were even looking. 

All fighting it did was exhaust you and excite your captor, so you had given up. You stared at the ceiling, well, that's what you imagined you were doing. You did your best to ignore the soreness between your legs, the movement of the bed, the horrid breath against your neck. In a way, you were glad you couldn't see. You didn't want to see the satisfied look in his eyes when he was done defiling you, or any part of him at all. Instead, you tried to remember the molten iron orange of Kid's eyes and how they burned with anticipation when he looked at you; you tried to remember the crystalline, icy blue eyes that you could tell were looking at you with amusement and patience from behind Killer's mask when you tried to do anything in the kitchen. Every night, or what you thought could be another night, you went through the faces of the crew in your head. That stubborn part of you refused to let Warthin's face be the last thing you saw and you were afraid if you stopped, their faces would fade from your memory altogether. 

The lines of your sanity were beginning to blur as you went from wanting to die to desperately wanting Kid or Killer to break through the walls and scoop you up to safety. As much as you told yourself you weren't worthy of them anymore, a small part of you hoped they could look past this and they could still care for you. You had finally gotten a taste of what it felt like to be loved, not just romantically, platonically as well. Hanging out in silence with Wire, joking around with Heat, gossiping with Quincy, listening to Dive's wild stories, all of it was precious to you. The shame of what was happening to you was what held you back from embracing the desire to return. They knew you as a strong, ruthless, independent pirate. You didn't want them to know you as a victim, not strong enough to help yourself.

There was an intense pressure around your neck and you struggled to get a breath, coughing and sputtering. For a minute, you thought maybe you would be granted the release of death. There was no way to know since you could no longer tell if your vision was going black. You experienced flashes of color as your brain was deprived of oxygen and fired neurons at random. Then your throat was released and your lungs greedily expanded with air. 

"Angel, you're not paying attention again." Warthin grabbed your face, licking his lips as he took in the dark maroon blood around where your last remaining eye used to be. It pooled under the skin and went nearly all the way down your cheek.

You spit at him. "Fuck you." If he really pestered you to react, you tried your best to make him snap. You knew he had it in him to kill you. You wished he would. 

"Come now. Don't be like that." The back of his hand trailed down your cheek. "Don't you think a child should be made with love?" 

Every word made your throat ache. "I fucking despise you."

"But I love fucking you." He laughed and grabbed your breast roughly. "I wish we didn't have to chain those long legs down. I want to see your ankles next to your ears. Maybe I'll chain them up by your arms instead. That way your pretty little pussy would always be wide open and welcoming for me." 

You had to fight the urge to dry heave at the feelings of his fingers playing with your cunt. Sometimes you wished you weren't so revolted by him so you could get wet. The dryness made every time he entered you painful. If you were lucky, he would spit first. You winced as he pressed his cock against your entrance.

"You know this hurts me, too." Warthin removed the pressure against you and brought his fingers back instead. "Why don't you imagine what those pirates did to you? Make it easier for both of us. Let me guess. Obviously, you fucked the captain and he's a large guy. Did he split you open on his fat cock?" He moved his fingers inside you, testing to see if anything he said made you react. "I bet you liked feeling him fill you up. I bet you liked when he chained you up. How is this any different?" 

Was there a difference? Kid was mean to you. He had fucked you under dubious circumstances. You did like being chained up. Had you just been manipulated to believe that there was a difference? You had an emotional connection with Kid didn't you? What if that was just a tactic to keep you around longer? 

Warthin leaned down to whisper in your ear. "You stupid girl. We're the same. You just like being used. So let me use you." He pumped his fingers. "What else did they do? Did Eustass share you with his pals?" His fingers felt the beginnings of wetness. "You were passed around to Killer, hmm? Heat? You open your legs for any freak, you filthy whore." He could feel your pussy twitch. "And what... they weren't enough to be stuffed by so you let Wire fuck you, too. I bet his cock is huge. Just look at the guy." He chuckled as he felt his fingers become more slick. "That's it." 

"S-stop." Your lip trembled. You hated that the memories you held close were being used against you. You hated that you could feel yourself become wetter. It was an involuntary response. "Please." You would be forced to forget even those treasured moments just so he couldn't use the images in such a sick way. He was taking everything from you.

"Good girl. Cry some more for me." He removed his fingers and was about to rut into you, when he heard the transponder snail ring. "This is perfect timing." He got off you to answer it.

That was out of the ordinary. He usually ignored everything when he was with you. 

"Hello, Captain Kid. I've been expecting your call."

Your heart froze in your chest, cold tendrils of fear snaked through your veins. 

"WHERE IS Y/N?! WHAT HAVE YA DONE TO HER?" The sound of Kid's voice made your heartbeat quicken.

"Oh what haven't I done?" Warthin sneered. "Would you like to see her? We were just in the middle of enjoying ourselves." 

See her? It dawned on you that he might have a specialized transponder snail. You heard him get closer. "No. Please don't." Your voice shook. 

"What's wrong, my love? You don't want him to see how much fun we've been having together?" 

You thought you could hear a sharp inhale on the other end of the line. "Don't look. Please don't look." Tears spilled down the sides of your eyes as you turned your face away. 

"Uh uh." Warthin tutted. "You look at them." He roughly grabbed your face and turned it back.

"DON'T YA DARE TOUCH HER LIKE THAT!" 

"What do you want?" Killer's voice was calm, but cold.

Warthin laughed. "I'm not sure I understand. I have what I want right here."

You yelped as he pinched your nipple through the silk of your nightdress. Although you wanted nothing more than to see their faces, you were simultaneously glad that you couldn't. The immense shame you were feeling couldn't be hidden except to your own eyes.

"What do you want in exchange for her?" Killer questioned.

You could hear Kid in the background screaming unintelligibly as someone tried to calm him down. 

"Nothing. I think you've misunderstood the situation." Warthin pulled the fabric of the dress until it ripped from your form. "She isn't my hostage. She's my prize, and I'm gloating." 

You felt the mattress shift under his weight and you understood what was about to happen. "L-leave them out of this. I'm- I'm begging you." 

"Sweet Y/N. They called me. They put themselves in it." Warthin snickered. "And now they're gonna watch while I put a baby in you." 

"YA STUPID SICK FUCK, SHE CAN'T EVEN HAVE KIDS. LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE." 

Your stomach dropped at Kid's words. That was the only layer of protection between you and the true cruelty of Warthin. 

"What does he mean by that?" Warthin picked your head up by the hair and slammed it back down when you didn't answer. "I SAID WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THAT?!" 

Kid and Killer were hurling threats through the transponder snail. You could tell by the tone of their voice. You couldn't make out any of the words through the ringing in your ears. The chains rattled and were pulled taught as you instinctively tried to cover your face with your arms. Hearing Kid and Killer's voices again, how they wanted you back, washed away all the feelings of despair that had brainwashed you. Desperately, you wanted to be back with them and everyone else. You wanted to survive in the hope that this could be your future. But even that small flame of hope would be snuffed out.

"YOU LYING FUCKING SLUT." Warthin punched you in the gut. "You let me believe all this time, that you could give me a child?! There are consequences for lying." He leaned down over you and spat in your ear, "Your wretched crew are going to watch me rape you." His voice was slightly quieter, like he was addressing someone else. "And if any of you look away, I'm killing her right here." 

"BASTARD! PRAY THAT I DON'T GET MY HANDS ON YA BECAUSE WHEN I DO, I'LL BE TAKIN MY TIME KILLIN YA! AND I'LL KILL EVERY LAST FUCKER IN MY WAY." You could picture how viciously Kid's golden-orange eyes flashed as he said it. 

The dread that closed in around you was suffocating. You turned in the direction of Kid's voice. "You can look away. It's- It's okay." He was going to kill you anyway now that he knew the truth. The least you could do was spare them from seeing you be violated in your last hours. You tried to smile, but the tears that had been flowing turned to sobs, enough for salty streaks to finally coat your cheeks. "I- I- love you." It pained you to choke the words out in this setting. "Please don't remember me like this." You gagged when you felt your mouth forced open and fabric be shoved inside. 

"That's ENOUGH. You were supposed to love ME!" Warthin grabbed you by the throat. 

"We're coming for you, Y/N. Please don't give up," you heard the sad, sweet voice of Heat.

You could hear the low growl of Killer's voice, "You have no idea what's coming for you, you bastard." 

Their promises were like a shell coating what little was left of your resolve. They did want you and they were coming for you, but that also meant they weren't going to let Warthin make good on his threat, and they were about to see what brutality he was capable of. 

NEXT

Tag list: @bbnbhm @nocturnalrorobin

[cupids-chamber]

Thought, MAD SCIENTIST IDIA, who decides to offer you a job when in need, as a tester for certain.. 'experiments' he has.. offering you a place to stay.. and etc.. How will things end here?..

CONTENT TAGS: Readers gender is not specified, Obsessive behavior, Implied(?) Yandere themes(?), Mention of medication/human experiments, Implied stalking, Kidnapping/abduction, 1.5k words.

"Are you nervous?” He asked, his voice ripping you out of your subconscious state, as you felt his hand on your shoulder, gently putting your hair aside, an action that caused you to let out a shaky breath.. “There’s no reason to be, this process is merely an extra precaution.. It won’t hurt in the slightest.” he sounded so sure of himself, the aura of sheer confidence pierced through the air, yet it did nothing to calm your worries as the memories of Idia’s previous experiments replayed in your head. 

Sensing your worries once more, he let out a annoyed sigh.. “Come on… When have I ever lied to you?” he asked, his tone growing more stern, a change from his soft exterior moments before, and to be quite honest, you can recall a few previous memories that you’d much rather not bring up. Idia was a rather emotional client.. 

Though you use the term client sparingly, he and you used to be close.. Well before this employer and employee thing had begun’, sometimes you’d regret this decision, to work for a friend.. A friend who was most definitely not mentally stable, however at the time you really didn’t have much of a choice.. you were in crippling debt.. And he was willing to pay the price needed for the perfect test toy… 

“The medications will activate in a bit’, would you like anesthetic?” he asked, his last ounce of consideration for you, until of course the procedure was over, you didn’t question why Idia was so stern on keeping the procedures intentions a secret from you, usually he’d explain to you the details of such intense experiments, just to ease your concern a bit.. However, you simply assumed that he had the best of intentions in mind, sure he wasn’t the safest person to be entangled with.. However, he would never hurt you.. After the few years you’ve been working with him, you were more than aware of how he’d hate it when you're hurt, making sure any cuts you received in or out of work, were treated with much care, he hated the sight of blood, no.. correction.. He hated the sight of your blood.. He’d personally treat your wounds, and take care of you when you fell ill from one of the more.. Let’s just say concerning experiments. 

Idia repeated his question a bit louder this time, catching your attention “Ah— yes.. I’d rather not feel or remember what happens to me.. I don’t like that Idea.” you reply, second guessing yourself a tad bit, it wasn’t first time jitters, as you’ve been on this same bed, with these same weirdly shaped instruments, sharp objects, instruments, and devices surrounding you many times before, you can’t quite remember your first time here as well due to the sheer amount of times you’ve been here, though a part of you can bet it was due to some medicine or drug that Idia may or may have not given you during the entire experience. 

The gap in your memories proved to be quite annoying, oftentimes you couldn’t recall the simplest things, Idia would do it for you.. Though you aren’t quite sure, if his recollection of a certain memory was any good, he had led you into many complications and sure, he may have helped solve many of them, but it wasn’t a good sign either way.. To be quite honest, you’d have left his estate long ago, if you could… But for some reason, something always stopped you.. an unexplainable force… or maybe you were overthinking due to stress.. yeah… that seemed reasonable.

Idia returned with some form of medication, “You don’t like the sight of needles.. Especially after last time.. So I think these will be much more favorable for you? Though they are not as strong as a needle” he handed you the pills, and you gave him a small smile, taking the glass of water you had left moments prior when taking some other form of medication, in your hands. You quickly swallowed the pill and chugged the water down. 

“How long will it take before the pills activate?” you asked, the bitter taste of the pill lingered at the bottom of your throat, and you wished you could have brought more water though you were well aware that you shouldn’t have too much water in your system, you didn’t quite know why, but it was.just something Idia emplaced in his small but important list of lab rules. 

“About an hour and a half, but I need you to stay here.” you nodded as Idia walked off… ‘Well that’s odd, he never leaves me alone’, and it was true.. For as long as you can remember Idia has never left you unattended, especially after you took any form of medication, it was his way of ensuring your safety, or so you thought. You should probably get cozy, for when the medication hit, but you had about an hour so why not fiddle around? Idia never minded your little tactics so as long as it eased your worries, you were allowed to fiddle around with the equipment that was not in the tray. 

Somewhere along the lines you lost your sight of things, and you found yourself wandering, it wasn’t the first time.. However, this lab was new, Idia has recently swapped rooms, it was an odd change, however it was one of many you choose to ignore, after all what he did in his personal life was none of your business. Though personal and work clashed and became a blur long ago, you’ve maintained a fair line when it came to personal and work, something that proved to annoy Idia. 

You exited through the door and were currently walking through an unknown hall, which had no exits in sight, sort of like those backrooms that you saw from videos in the past.. It was weird and unsettling, an eerie feeling washed over you, you should have headed back.. but right then and there, you found a door.. It blends in with the walls well, an odd choice of aesthetic, even for Idia. Curiosity washed over you, and you just couldn’t resist the sheer urge to open the closed door, which was hidden for some cause.. you could only imagine what could be hiding behind the closed door… you still had some time.. more than enough time... right? 

You quickly checked surroundings for any security cameras, thankfully there were none.. another thing that piqued your curiosity all the bit more. You took a deep breath, when’s the next time you’ll get such a chance? You already knew the estate in and out… Slowly, you opened the door, ceasing into your curiosity. 

The room was dimly lit, tall large windows decorated the walls, being the only source of light.. They were closed with light translucent currents, which cascaded down the window.. They reminded you of something.. You couldn’t name it.. The room was spacious. You pushed the curtains to the side, fully brightening the room.. When looking outside of the window, they viewed a familiar, yet foreign scenery, it made you feel worried.. It was scary how this room seemed so familiar, yet foreign to you.. You choose to look around the surroundings, finding a covered board of some sorts, you decide to uncover it.. revealing.. Quite the sight, it was visual photographs with someone's internal parts, on full display.. As if they’ve been cut out.. Dates written on them.. Maybe you should’ve checked the dates, but you already felt the strong urge to vomit.. Slowly you covered the board back up, it was a terrifying sight, yet something about them kept you curious.. And you choose to continue your little venture. 

You found photos of a child? The child seemed familiar, and you continued to find more and more pictures, dates, filings, and more.. All with the name of Y/n L/n, you even found a journal, you flipped through its contents.. 

“They're coming to my school.. Hopefully I’ll be able to speak with them” 

“.....As planned, they’re now more than willing to help out with my projects, the medication worked!” 

As you read more and more, it hit you.. You weren’t a typical test rat, but this ‘Y/n L/n’ themselves, a university graduate Idia had kidnapped, after stalking you from childhood.. He had abducted you from who knows where, and manipulated your identity, into his own twisted fantasy.. even your memories, catching you in this sugar coated web of lies.. You weren’t here for three years, but six.. These experiments he conducted were used to keep you from escaping, ruining you slowly, so only he could ‘fix’ the wounds he’d create.

‘Were those organs yours’ 

“— where are you?, it’s almost been an hour and a half” his voice pierced through your ears, as you began to quiver in fear.. You had to escape.. somehow—.. but at this crucial time, your legs had given up on you, all you could do was quickly hide everything and try your best to put on an act, as you huddled in a corner, waiting for him to find you. 

You heard an audible “oh”, as the sound of his footsteps slowly followed, “Is this where my little lab rats been hiding?” he let out a small chuckle, as he opened the door, and then everything faded to black.. The last scene you could remember before the pills had taken its toll was Idia walking up to you, reaching out for you.

© cupids-chamber, do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work without prior permission and or confirmation from me.

[sashaisready]

Chapter Fourteen - A new development

Bucky Barnes Mob AU x Femme Reader

You're hard at work in Pepper's Bakery when notorious mob boss James 'Bucky' Barnes darkens your doorway one typical afternoon, and life is never the same again

Warning: Near car/pedestrian collision, angst! Bucky still being terrible, but don't worry - a taste of his own medicine is teased in this chapter..

18+ - see Masterlist for full list of warnings

Chapter 15

Series Masterlist

It had been nearly a week and you hadn't heard anything from Bucky since That Morning. You had replayed the events over and over in your head but you still didn't know what you'd done wrong, how you'd gone from falling asleep in Bucky's arms with his tender whispers in your ear...to being unceremoniously barged out of his house with the offer of fifty dollars for your trouble. Your best bet was that he wanted to sleep with you after all your back and forth over the last few months, and now he'd achieved that, the mask had slipped and he had no reason to play nice. Another notch in his bedpost. Another item off his to do list.

You knew at the time you should've asked him outright what exactly had changed, but you were hurt and embarrassed, and you lashed out in anger like you always did. And you didn't want him to think you were weak and pining over him.

Wanda had been shocked by the evening's sharp left turn after she'd gone home. You had caught her up in the bakery and she was disgusted by Bucky's actions. She had stood there angrily frosting a birthday cake while you recounted what happened, uttering a series of curses under her breath in response. Some were in Sokovian – you didn't know what she said but could tell they were bad.

You were hurt. You knew sleeping with someone didn't mean you were exclusive or they owed you anything, but you expected a bit more kindness and respect – especially from someone you had got to know quite well over the last few months.

But maybe that was your own naivete, you knew what Bucky did for a living – it wasn't a stretch to imagine that he would be just as cold in his personal life too.

It was a relatively quiet morning in the bakery when the bell went. You looked up smiling ready to greet the customer when you felt a wave of nausea hit you as you saw who it was.

Bucky walked in...with a beautiful blonde woman on his arm. She was stunning. Of course she was. She smiled at you sweetly and you managed a small one back at her before your eyes flicked over to Bucky.

He was stoic, unreadable. You glared at him, doing your best to convey your anger to him without completely losing it. He gave you a smirk in return.

Asshole.

Bucky knew this was a risky game. He hadn't spoken to you since you stormed out of his home and he missed you. He didn't know what to say, how to make it right. He knew he should stay away, he'd tried, he knew that you were too good for him – but he couldn't resist. You were like a magnet he couldn't avoid. He knew you were angry and he wanted to apologise but his pride was getting in the way.

He had drafted countless texts but sent none of them, he frequently brought your name up in his contacts and tried to summon the courage to press the call button. He wanted to go back to how it was before, teasing each other, bantering and besting one another. He thought if he could bait you into an argument then he could draw you out again, rile you up and see that electricity in your eyes he loved so much.

And what better bait was there than another woman?

You cleared your throat and greeted them sweetly. "Hi, welcome to Pepper's Bakery. How can I help you today?"

Thankfully your voice betrayed none of your true feelings. That was years of customer service experience paying off.

"Oohh..." said the blonde. "I mean it all looks so good but I'm on a diet right now and shouldn't be eating sweets...I'm sorry, I'm probably the last person you want in your store!" she giggled.

You had no interest in being cold to the woman, no interest in punishing her because of Bucky's childish little games. She hadn't done anything wrong, and she seemed nice enough. No, there was only one person to be angry at here.

"Well if you're ever in the neighbourhood and having a cheat day you're always welcome here" you told her warmly.

She smiled back at you and nodded encouragingly as she looked over at the display cases. Over her shoulder you looked at Bucky. You kept your face frozen, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of getting worked up, but your eyes made it clear you were unimpressed.

"I'll take a couple of danishes, and a cannoli" he told you gruffly.

Prick. And what ever happened to 'please'?

Your hands began to build the pink box on autopilot and you wordlessly packed his order.

Bucky frowned. He was hoping for fireworks, to push you that little bit further and ignite that anger within you, resulting in his favourite back and forth. He wanted to see the fire from you which always sent a quiet thrill through his belly.

But no. Nothing.

Your face was neutral, there was no fight in you. No appetite to go toe to toe with him.

He realised suddenly that he had gone too far. You weren't angry. You were hurt.

His eyes searched yours as you pushed the box over the counter at him and he pulled out his wallet. He was almost trying to communicate with you telepathically, telling you his true feelings and that you were all he thought about. You only stared back at him defiantly, eyes narrowing as you handed him the card reader. Your mouth was a thin line of disappointment.

He tried to smirk to see if that would light the fuse for the reaction he so desperately sought but you merely dropped his gaze.

He pulled a hundred dollar bill out and slid it across to you but you grabbed it from him, crumpled it into a ball with your fist and flung it back at him. He flinched as it struck his chest, then swept it back into his wallet.

"That won't be necessary" you said coldly, eyes burning into him again.

He tried to say something but you cut him off.

"Thanks for your custom Mr Barnes" you deadpanned, making it clear that this interaction was over.

"And lovely to meet you" you said to his companion in a kinder tone.

She earnestly grinned back at you. "I'm Allegra by the way".

Allegra then gushed about how lovely the shop was, peacefully oblivious to the tension in the room.

Wanda watched nervously from her side of the store as the scene unfolded, examining your face. She knew you were hanging on by a thread.

Bucky opened his mouth to speak but closed it again quickly. He wanted to apologise, to take it all back. He thought about how you felt in his arms. How your moans had sounded in his ear. How thrilled he'd been to finally get to that point with you...and now he'd ruined it. Ruined everything. Destroyed the foundations of everything he'd built with you. Guilt and shame overwhelmed him but he still wore his stoic mask.

You just continued to glare at him as Allegra spoke, your brow furrowed. You felt nausea rising up inside you once more. His eyes looked different now to the smugness they'd reflected when he walked in. Was there...regret in there? Surely not. He was probably relishing your humiliation.

Allegra hooked her arm with Bucky's and guided him to the exit as she shot you a cheerful goodbye. Bucky followed meekly, watching you intently over his shoulder as he left the store. His eyes were on you for as long as possible until he disappeared out of view.

You waited a moment before your knees finally buckled and you crashed onto the counter as the tears finally broke the dam and began to fall. Wanda was on you in an instant, her arms wrapped around your torso as she nuzzled her head into your back, quietly soothing you.

*

You were feeling a little more together when you closed up, locking the doors and stepping out onto the street. You had cried a bit in front of Wanda, embarrassed for her to witness your vulnerability but grateful for her comfort. She had asked if she could do a spell to punish Bucky which cheered you up, but you declined, insisting she shouldn't waste her precious energy on such unimportant subjects. You had managed to power through the rest of the day, throwing yourself into work and distracting yourself with customers as the clock finally rolled around to closing time.

Your tears had dried but you still felt awful. Embarrassed. Hurt. You didn't expect to marry Bucky after your night together and you knew that neither of you had made any commitments to one another. Still, cancelling your date and rubbing another woman in your face at your workplace was uniquely cruel. You felt stupid for allowing yourself to get caught up, to have feelings for him, for entertaining the idea that he might like you too. It was clear now that you were nothing but a plaything to him. A toy to wind up and watch it go. Something to amuse him, a way to blow off steam between whatever hideous mob business he was getting up to in his 9-5.

You understood now.

And that Allegra woman he was with - she was the type of girl he wanted on his arm. Tall, willowy, beautiful. The type of woman who looked like she'd stepped off a fashion magazine. A walking Instagram filter. Not you, who was pleasant enough to look at and fun for a quick fuck, but not someone you want to show off - not beautiful. How stupid you were.

You were lost in your thoughts as you wandered towards home. But not so oblivious as to miss the black SUV parked across the street, as subtle as a pink sock in a drawer of white ones. You waved mockingly at it and it slowly rolled around the corner out of view, but you could still glimpse the back of it if you squinted. You knew he wasn't in it as he would've made an appearance by now. Just his goons inside, most likely. Was it not enough that he'd humiliated you, he had his little lemmings following you again??

Your hurt began to mutate into anger as all of your emotions twisted and fizzed within you. All of the fury and outrage you felt towards Bucky was now channelled like a laser beam onto this stupid car. You let your rage lead the way as you stormed towards it, determined to give the occupants a piece of your mind regardless of how big or terrifying they might be.

Any common sense evaporated as you marched into the street in pursuit of the SUV. In fact, you were so single minded that you didn't even notice the yellow taxi speeding towards you until you heard the screech of brakes and tyres squealing on asphalt. You turned at the last second and caught a glimpse of the driver's panicked eyes before you realised it was about to hit you, and it was too late for you to move...

You squeezed your eyes shut and braced for impact as a forceful pressure wrapped itself around your torso and yanked you onto the sidewalk. Suddenly you were on the ground, trembling as you realised you were looking at the sky - wondering where the car had hit you. You thought it would hurt more than this, was it a bad sign that it didn't hurt? Oh god, were you paralysed and that's why it didn't hurt?! Wait...something else had hit you...

A handsome man with sandy brown hair popped into your view, his forest green eyes filled with concern as he watched you carefully. You glanced at him, realising you were laying on your back in the street.

"You all good? That was a close one huh??" he said. His voice was friendly, warm.

He turned to the cab driver who had parked up and was watching you just as nervously.

"She just came outta nowhere...I tried to stop but...I mean if you hadn't been there..."

"It's alright" said the green eyed man calmly, cutting him off. "She's fine, she just had a shock. Don't worry, I'll make sure she's okay".

The cab driver muttered angrily as he stepped back into his car and pulled away.

"Do you think you can sit up?" asked the green eyed man.

A few passers-by were watching with morbid curiosity. The man extended his hand to you and you took it gingerly, pushing yourself up as he pulled you upright so you were sitting up on your knees. You blinked, looking down at yourself to check you were still in one piece. You certainly seemed to be. Just slightly winded by how you hit the sidewalk.

"I'm okay" you said nervously as you wiggled your fingers and toes to check for any pain.

"Oh good, phew".

He sounded genuinely relieved. And kind.

"Did you...save me?" you asked with trepidation.

He smiled. "Saving is a bit of a strong word but right place right time I guess" he grinned. "I'm just sorry you had to eat sidewalk in the process".

You felt yourself soften at his caring smile, all of your anger and upset about Bucky suddenly gone. He seemed...nice. Really nice.

"Thank you. Really, thank you" you smiled bashfully as you stood up, brushing yourself down. "If you hadn't been there..."

You trailed off as you looked him up and down. He was dressed casually in a red leather jacket and dark jeans. A far cry from Bucky's expensive tailored suits. You could tell he was in good shape though, sturdy and strong. Handsome...

"I'm Peter" he said happily as he extended a hand to shake. "Peter Quill".

You took his hand and shook it shyly, giving him your own name in return.

"Of course you have a beautiful name too, why I am not surprised?" he said.

You blushed at the compliment, visibly taken aback by his forwardness. You weren't used to men picking you up so openly. It was a refreshing contrast to Bucky's little games – not having to wade through words and implications and figure out what exactly was meant.

He screwed his face up in embarrassment. "Oh God. I'm sorry. That was cheesy..." he said, his voice pained.

You chuckled, feeling yourself smile widely for the first time all day. "Actually it was very sweet" you countered.

He grinned at you, his eyes drifting over your dungarees. You felt a bit underdressed in your work attire, covered in flour and icing stains, suddenly wishing you were a bit more presentable.

"I like your overalls" he said.

"Thanks" you replied, fingers pawing nervously at the buckles. 

"I work at Pepper's Bakery down the street. Although I did realise earlier I'm wearing a yellow t-shirt with them today so I look a bit like a Minion..." you joked.

Peter's eyes widened with amusement. "Oh my god...you kinda do..." he spluttered.

You laugh uproariously. "You're not supposed to agree??" you snap incredulously.

"I'm sorry but it's true. But the minions are super cute right? So you fit right in..."

He shot you a wink and you felt a surge of warmth in your stomach. This was exactly the balm you needed after a horrible day.

"Pepper's huh? Love that place" he grinned.

You light up at that. "You do?? Oh that's great to hear. Yeah it's a nice place to work".

He nodded earnestly. "Best danishes in the city, in my humble view".

"I'll have to save you a few when you next come by. Y'know, least I can do for saving my life and all". The words seductively roll off your tongue before you even realise it.

You stop dead, wondering if you've been too forward with him. Bucky had really thrown you for a loop when it came to interacting with men. But Peter's grin just grew wider and he leaned in closer, his face near yours.

"And tell me...do you get much downtime? Time away from the bakery? Or is it all work and no play?"

His voice had dropped an octave as he moved in and his eyes locked onto yours. You find yourself instinctively leaning towards him too as your heart beats heavily in your chest. You're so close you could almost...kiss him.

"I do work shifts so my days off can be different. But I always have at least two off a week" you smile.

"Oh that's good, so a lotta free time to spend with your boyfriend then?" he asks coyly.

You giggle and your face flushes at yet another direct question. "No boyfriend, currently..."

Absolutely no-one, actually.

He nods again. "So, hypothetically...if I were to ask you out...you'd be able to meet me for dinner one evening?"

"Absolutely, hypothetically. But maybe we should stay away from cabs" you quip.

He laughed. "Sure. But I may need some pointers on where to go as I have no idea what minions eat..."

You exchange smiles as he passes his phone to you to add your number, which you give him gladly. You chat for a bit longer and suddenly Bucky feels like a distant memory. You've even completely forgotten the reason for your impulsive stroll into traffic.

As you say goodbye to Peter and practically skip home with glee, the SUV emerges from its poor hiding spot and follows you from a safe distance. In the passenger seat Clint pulls out his cell, hitting the first number on his speed dial.

"Boss...uh, a new development for you..."

*

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay Jay & Kim 5x16 NSFW

You can read the rest of the series here

There is mature content at the end of this chapter- completely filthy smut actually. My mind completely ran away with it. But here we go, the platonic friends area finally ends. I’m so excited to write for the rest of the season.

The team had only been back in the office for a few minutes when Trudy had shown up. There were a few cuts on her face, and she looked more shaken up than anyone had ever seen her. Kim was already starting to take a step towards her, and inquiry about how she was doing formed on her lips when Trudy spoke, “If one more person asks me if I’m okay, they will not be okay. I just want to help.”

Jay grabbed her forearm redirecting her a few paces back. Kim glanced over at him like she wanted to object but his look quieted her and instead, she leaned against his desk. Jay’s hand was still comfortable but directing weight on her arm just like it had been earlier in the day.

It had happened in a blur. The mailbox explodes. Kim had felt it vibrate through her entire body, leaving lasting tingles in her fingers and toes. The man had been blasted and with such a short distance there was no way that he could have survived it. The female detective’s mind was trying to process what had happened. This was the second bombing on the same day. The first one had nearly killed Trudy. Had she been sitting any closer to it, it would have.

Jay’s form filled Kim’s vision. His warm hand was wrapped around her forearm, his piercing blue gaze looking over her. “Are you okay?” His voice was rough and sharp with emotion. It sounded like irritation, but her mind supplied a different word- fear. Kim had been one of the closer people to the blast, but she hadn’t been hurt. “Kim, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” His grip lingered as he searched her body again for any injury, he may have missed the first time.

Trudy didn’t miss the silent exchange. Nothing could get past her sharp eyes. The older woman may be behind a desk now, but she had been a detective for years. And a damn good one at that. She didn’t miss things. She surely didn’t miss her protégée emerging closeness with Halstead over the last four to six months.

It wasn’t obvious like when Kim had been a green patrolman and started her relationship with Adam Ruzek. It was still innocent in a way. Trudy doubted that they had crossed any real lines yet. Jay Halstead was a step up from the men Kim tended to pick. Jay had his faults to be sure. He had wounds that hadn’t fully healed, even those that had left ugly emotional scars that were callous and abrasive. None of that took away from the man he was. He was a good cop, but it was more than that, he was also a good man.

Trudy glanced over at Kim who was exiting from intelligence. The others had already filtered out. Kim was lingering to make sure that she was okay. Trudy knew it and it warmed her heart almost as much as it irritated her. Or at least that is what she would let Kim think.

“Burgess,” Kim jumped to stand up straight. The desk Sargent was still looking down at the papers in front of her when Kim made it to the desk. Her eyes were bright with the want to help her mentor.

“Yes, Sergeant?”

“You're lingering like a lost puppy. Go,” Kim sighed trying to put a cap on her own emotions at the day and fighting her urge to needle Trudy with her help. Instead, she took one last look at the powerful woman and nodded. Kim had only taken it two steps when Trudy called for her again, her finger crooked in a gesture for her to come closer back. “You and Halstead have gotten pretty close.” Kim scrambled to find the right words. Trudy cut her blabbering off almost immediately by saying her last name again forcefully. “You know how I told you that I used to be quite an eater at the precinct when I started out? If a man looked at me the way that Halstead looked at you today, I wouldn’t hesitate. You only live once Burgess, might as well enjoy it.” Trudy eyes raised and her piercing stare locked with Kim’s eyes.

XXX

Kim’s heart was pounding as she waited in the hall. Her brain raced through hundreds of scenarios. Jay opens the door looking only mildly surprised to see her. She hadn’t called or texted to give him a heads-up that she was coming. She hadn’t wanted to lose her nerve. Jay was shirtless, his gray sweatpants strung low on his hips. Kim tried and failed to keep her eyes on his face.

Kim had always known that Jay Halstead was a good-looking man. She would have to be blind not to notice. But he had always been filed tidily in the friend zone. Things had been shifting over the last few months. They had been spending time together. They had talked more than ever in the five years she had known him. She had got to experience his sarcasm and sass on a new level and up close and personal.

Then there was the physical aspect of it. Kim had cuddled with her male friends before- mostly Kevin. It was nowhere near the level that she had with Jay. They had been toeing a line for a while now. Her feelings and his position in the friend zone had been blurring around the edges for the last few months.

Jay quirks an eyebrow at her, “Did you want to come in or-” Kim still thrumming with adrenaline pushes up on her toes pressing a soft but firm kiss on the lips. She pulls back searching his face anxiety squeezing her throat. Jay blinks, “Or you could do that.” Kim opens her mouth to say something- apologies maybe.

Jay’s hand cups her cheek pulling her into a feverous kiss. Kim arches into him stepping into the warmth of his body. Fire alights in her stomach and pulses through her body. Kim opens her mouth nibbling at Jay’s lower lip. He groans dominating the kiss as he forces her into the apartment, slamming her against the door as it closes. His hands grip her thighs and she jumps wrapping her legs around his waist.

She rocks deliberately against him, his sweatpants doing nothing to conceal the feel of his growing erection. Jay groans, his lip finding the delicate skin of her neck. He leaves hot open-mouthed kisses down her throat and the V of her shirt. Kim tugs at his hair, her other hand feeling the muscles of his shoulders and back. Jay carries her to the living room throwing her down couch. Kim laughs breathlessly and starts to push up on her hands when Jay pulls her legs forcing her to slide to him with her legs spread for his hips.

Jay folds forward kissing her exposed stomach where her shirt had ridden up. He licks at her skin, his scruff tickling her as she unconsciously rolls her hips up into his face. Her hands trace his naked back as he continues his assault downwards. His fingers pop the button of Kim’s jeans. She lifts to help him pull them off, her cotton underwear coming off with them.

Jay’s eyes dilated and Kim barely breathed his name before he dropped to his knees in front of her. He nipped and kissed up her inner thigh. Just as he was about to get to her wet center, he passed over it going down that other thigh. Kim was panting hot and desperate with need. She whimpered at his teasing, her legs wrapping around him to pull him closer to where she wanted him.

Her eyes rolled back, her body arching as his mouth finally found her pussy. He lapped at her juices, sucking her clit into his mouth. His fingers soon joined his mouth in pursuit of her pleasure. Jay pumped them into her curling his fingers to find the place inside her that would make her fall apart.

Detective Jay Halstead was always detail-orientated and a quick study. This was no exception. It didn’t take long for him to figure out what Kim liked. Her thighs were shaking on his shoulders and he had to force them to stay open instead of squeezing around his head. Kim’s toes curled and her vision went white as her orgasm crashed over her. Jay's fingers worked her through her pleasure. He didn’t rush her letting her bask in her afterglow. She giggles trying to catch her breath. He gently let her legs slide down to his waist as he moved to steal another messy kiss.

Kim could taste herself on his lips and it was more erotic than it had any right to be. Jay was searching for the hem of her shirt and broke away from her just long enough to yank it over her head leaving her completely naked under him. His hands caressed the newly exposed skin, cupping her breasts and rolling her tight nipples in between his fingers. His mouth traveled down her body to meet his hands, sucking her right nipple into his hungry mouth.

Jay's body thrummed with white-hot energy. His hip rolled against her, wetting the front of his pants with her arousal. His cock was hard and rubbing a delectable spot. Kim’s hands push down his waistband, feeling his cock jump free catching between their sweat-slicked bodies. Jay broke free of her breast to groan, his hands following her curves down to her hips and squeezing in a warning. “Kim,”

“Do you have a condom?” He rose to search her eyes. There was no hesitation in the brown depths. He nodded stealing one more kiss before sitting back to reach for his wallet on the corner table at the end of the couch.

Kim took this time to study his body. He had an athletic build, all lean muscle. His thighs were as muscled as his arms and back. Her gaze stuck on his cock. Jay Halstead was above average in many ways and this was one of them. She knew it had to be on the bigger side when she was rocking against it but seeing it was another thing. His dick was long and slender curving slightly up, precum leaking from the swollen tip. Kim traced the soft hair of his happy trail from his belly button down. His hair was dark and neatly trimmed. Without thinking Kim leaned up and licked the bead or precum off the tip. “Fuck,” Jay dropped his wallet in surprise, luckily keeping his grip on the condom he had retrieved. Kim was looking at him innocently through her full dark eyelashes. Her hand grasped his cock firmly pumping it leisurely. “And you act so sweet.” Jay opened the condom with his teeth, and Kim let go so he could put it on.

“I am sweet,” Kim kissed him twisting her body to urge him to sit so she could straddle his lap. “But I do my best to get what I want.” She sucked at his pulse point and ground her hips against his making them both moan.

“Then take it.” His voice was husky as his touch brushed softly across her back. Kim needed no more encouragement as she sank onto his cock. Her arousal from her orgasm made it an easy slide. Kim cried out her breath hitching as she became fully seated on him. Jay’s hands gripped her hips tightly holding her down on him.

The pace starts slow but neither are willing to keep it that way for long. Kim increases the pace rapidly. Jay lets her take control-at first. Watching her body bounce up and down on him, feeling his pleasure sizzle through his body. When she finds a solid rhythm that she sticks to that is when he starts teasing her again. His fingers sneaked between their bodies to circle her clit. It has the immediate desired effect. She curses her movements getting sloppy as she arches her back giving him the perfect access to her breasts. He keeps his hand firmly on her back to keep it arched as he catches it in his mouth, tongue swirling around the bud then sucking.

He keeps rubbing her and feels her legs start to give the slightest tremble again. Kim might think she is in complete control. He has no problem with her assumption as he has her exactly where he wants her. Her movements get sloppy, grinding more than thrusting. “Jay,” It was a breathless whine. He released her nipple to watch her face as another albeit gentler orgasm washed through her. Arousal flooded through her dripping down her thighs and onto his, as she clenched around his cock.

He grabbed her ass and started thrusting up into her. Her nails bit into his back, holding desperately onto him. The angle is madding and Kim's hips stutter while following his pace. Jay’s hand tangles in her dark tresses. He knew Kim liked her hair played with. His fingers curled the strands around the nape of her neck and gave an experimental tug. A moan escaped her throat and he pulled harder feeling her core clench around him. His thrust gets sloppy as he comes hard.

Only the sound of the couple's mingled panting can be heard. Kim rests her forehead against his shoulder, rising and falling with his chest while he attempts to catch his breath. She tilted to see Jay’s blue eyes. “That was incredible.” Jay hums in agreement. “Let’s do it again.” He chuckles, but Kim levels him with an even stare showing her seriousness of the statement.

He huffs out a breath, relaxing on the couch for a moment then abruptly standing up and lifting her by the ass. She shrieked wrapping her legs tightly around him as he took her to the bedroom.

[jisunghannie]

Choose Me

PAIRING: Hyunjin x fem!reader

WARNING: Swearing is used in this story. Lots of angst. Fluff to Angst in this story.

SUMMARY: You and Hyunjin are dating. You were originally his makeup artist and quit because you wanted to be with him. That was your sacrifice. However he betrayed you and cheated on you, or so you thought anyway.

WORD COUNT: 2,458

A/N:

.°•○>><<○•°. = POV switch

.°• ✿ •°. = Flashback/Present time

Part 2 is up!

You were a fan of Hyunjin's just like any other girl. Except for the difference was you were his actual girlfriend. As time went on. You and him had less time together even though you lived in the same house together. You worked with him on his pieces and loved every bit of it. However, what you hated was him spending more time with other girls. He was constantly doing dance challenges with other girl groups. You weren't mad at him. If you were being honest, you were jealous that they got to spend more time with him. That's what made you upset to your core.

It has been a week since Hyunjin has came home. He was in Japan for a few weeks to vlog videos and perform concerts. You missed him a lot. You didn't know what else to do so you just rewatched old videos of you guys together which brought a smile to your face. You wanted to know if you could ever restore the love you had experienced with him.

2 weeks without Hyunjin. You guys had called twice the whole 2 weeks he had been gone. It didn't feel the same. You had started to get desperate and started to sleep with his clothes on. You wanted some type of comfort because he wasn't with you. It made you so sad at night knowing Hyunjin wasn't with you. You watched his live performances and smiled softly knowing he was doing his best to live his life.

3 weeks without Hyunjin. He was still in Japan. He wasn't able to text you because of his tight schedule. You didn't mind however. You just wanted him back. And you did that as you watched him perform and sing his heart out. He even danced and collaborated with other groups for their newest album. You were so proud of him. At this point, it was a part of the norm.

You were going crazy. You kept calling Hyunjin, hoping for him to pick up. You knew he wouldn't, though. After the 3rd declined call, you put your phone down.

You knew that this was the struggle of dating an idol, yet it didn't realize it would be this lonely and sad. You'd think that you guys would have more time and be happier. You were happy with Hyunjin, even the little times. As you replayed the memories in your head. From when you first met because you were his makeup artist. To when he brought you home because you were out of it when you were sick. To when you sobbed because you were broken up with. To when you realized you loved him. To when he asked you out and all the memories after that.

It hurt but you knew that it was going to be like this the minute you quit working as his makeup artist in order to be with him.

.°•○>><<○•°.

Hyunjin finally came home. He was exhausted after a long month. He couldn't wait to be reunited with his lover. As he placed his bags down he unlocked the door of his shared home.

Once he entered inside, he saw you sleeping quietly on the sofa. He looked at you. You looked more tired and hungry than ever. It broke his heart. Your eye circles were so dark it looked like you were punched in the face or crying your mascara off. Your cheeks didn't look as squishy anymore. Of course, it was a small, subtle difference, but Hyunjin could tell. It hurt him to see you like this. He kissed you on the cheek and wrapped you up in a blanket as he went to sleep alongside you.

"I'm sorry I made you wait so long..."

When he woke up he made sure to tidy up and cook you a delicious meal so you wouldn't be hungry and tired.

.°•○>><<○•°.

The next morning you awoke to the smell of a good meal. You slowly opened your eyes and saw that the slightly unorganized living room was organized and put back together. You looked at the door and noticed all the shoes were gone, which means they were cleaned up.

"Morning beautiful" Someone said at the kitchen doorframe. As you turned. You saw your boyfriend and ran to hug him. "Easy now... I'm not going anywhere..." He said struggling. Once you got close to him you realized that he didn't smell like he usually does. He smells like... another girl.

You pushed him away. Tears pricking your eyes. "I didn't see you for a month and you were with another girl so much you have her scent on you..." Now you were hurt. You trusted him but you then realized the lipstick mark. A kiss mark on his cheek. "Hwang Hyunjin. What is actually wrong with you." You said as you looked at him with eyes of digust.

"Wh-What... do I have something on my face..?" He asked nervously. Almost as if he was guilty of something. "D-Do you have... ha! You're funny Hyunnie. Really fucking funny!" You were hysterical now. "What do you mean do you have something on your face! Of course you do! It's literally a kiss mark from someone. I know its not from any of your members because they wear liptints and not lipstick! So you have some serious explaining to do!" You said raising your voice louder than expected. But you didn't care. You waited weeks for him. A month. He has been going off for his business trips for so long this might've not been a first for him.

"God. Hyunnie. You're killing me you know that?! You're actually going to be the death of me. I love you with every ounce of my soul and I wait for you. Hell! I quit my job for you! And.. And this is what you do?! Are you kidding me?!" You were crying at this point. You didn't care anymore. You didn't want to be quiet any longer for who knows how has this affair been going on for.

"Hyunjin. I... I can't even look at you." You said looking down at the ground. "I'm going to Minho's place." You said. Walking upstairs as Hyunjin grabbed your arm. "Don't go... please beautiful..." He pleaded but you flicked away his hand. "Just stop Hyunnie!" You yelled at him. For the first time in your whole relationship. He even flinched as he let go. He watched you go.

.°•○>><<○•°.

As he let go he saw you grab all your stuff. He's never heard you yell at him. Not once. Usually you are the sweetest person and keep him close but this time. He made you cry. That's what hurt him. As he heard the door close, he fell to the floor crying.

You didn't once give him a chance to explain. If only he butted in quick enough he would've been able to prevent you from leaving. His legs weren't strong enough to pick him up and take him to chase after you. His heart hurt and was heavy. As he cried, he felt his heart sever, knowing he might've lost the one he really loved.

.°•○>><<○•°.

You knocked on Minho's door as I.N and Jisung were running to the door trying to see who would get there the fastest. But once they saw you crying. Jisung hugged you close. "Come in y/n-ssi..." Jisung said as I.N and him took you inside to a cooking Minho.

"Who was at the door?" Minho asked as he turned around to see you crying being comforted by the two Maknaes. "Woah, woah, what happened y/n-ah..?" Minho asked gently taking off his oven mitts and throwing them as he gently caressed your face.

Between sobs, you explain to them what you witnessed and what happened between you and Hyunjin. As I.N heard the story he texted Seungmin.

I.Nnie: Oi, Seungmin.

Minnie: Yes Jeongin?

I.Nnie: Not the full name lol, anyway go take Felix and both of you go check up on Hyunjin

Minnie: Why?

I.Nnie: y/n is at Minho's, she came crying which means something happened

Minnie: Oh goodness we just got back...

I.Nnie: Thanks!

Minnie: Omw to get Felix. I'll lyk when we get there

I.Nnie: 👍🏻

Minho hugged you closely. He thought of you like his younger sister. But what didn't add up was the kiss mark. He was usually with Hyunjin and if not him it was Han or Felix. He tried to recover his memories as quickly as possible.

"Could it be possible that it was that Maknae?" Jisung said as I.N and Minho looked at him confused. "You know, that Maknae from that new group, at JYP Entertainment." Minho shook his head as I.N jumped. "Oh! That girl group that just came up that JYP wanted us to work with!" I.N exclaimed. "Yes! That one!" Jisung said.

Minho was still confused. Until it clicked. The Maknae. He remembered now.

.°• ✿ •°.

During their last week, they all had to help the new trainees of a soon debuted group of girl idols. Minho and Bangchan were in charge of choreo. I.N, Felix and Seungmin were in charge of vocals. Han and Changbin were in charge of rap. Hyunjin was charge of center.

This one Maknae had the perfect face for a center and so she was sent to work with Hyunjin. The last day of their work she gave Hyunjin a "parting gift" and that was her number and a kiss on the cheek. Hyunjin was uncomfortable with it but was so exhausted from the girl's effortless attempts of flirting, effortless attempts of getting his attention, and effortless attempts of spending more time with him.

Minho felt bad for Hyunjin because she had taken a liking to Hyunjin and being the kind Hyung he was, he couldn't be rude and push her away because she was a Maknae. Minho noticed she was a little close and personal but Hyunjin made sure to keep his distance. However no one was aware that she had given him a kiss on his cheek. Apparently so was Hyunjin.

.°• ✿ •°.

Minho sighed as he looked at you into your eyes. "Listen y/n-ah." He said grabbing your shoulder gently. "Hyunjin isn't cheating. It's actually the opposite." He said, explaining the situation to you of what had happened.

You had felt horrible for not letting Hyunjin explain. He missed you just as much as you missed him and you were so mean to him. Mean was an understatement. It was more like you were just attacking him. You didn't once give him a chance to explain.

His heartbroken face, the face that you thought was guilty was just his scared face, the thought of losing him would be the exact same face you would've had as he did in that moment.

You started to sob in Minho's arms.

Just then I.N got a message from Seungmin.

Minnie: We just got here, going inside now.

I.Nnie: Took you a while

Minnie: Sorry, we had to get his favorite food

I.Nnie: Fair

.°•○>><<○•°.

Hyunjin had just showered and washed his clothes to get rid of the smell and kiss mark on his cheek. He couldn't believe that he made you cry. Everytime he replayed what you said and how your face looked like as you screamed at him made him understand how genuine you were. You were genuinely upset and it hurt him.

He would've cried again until he heard knocking. He walked near the door.

"Its Seungmin."

"And Felix!"

Hyunjin opened the door. As his eyes looked puffy, Seungmin knew that he had been crying as he exchanged a quick glance with Felix.

"Sorry, uh, y/n just went to-" He was cut off by Felix's deep voice. "We know. We think we know why." Felix said and just then Hyunjin fell to his knees.

"Its all my fault..." He sobbed out, "If...If only.." He hiccupped, "only if I had been..." Seungmin rubbed his back. "Don't beat yourself up, it's okay." Seungmin said. "You don't get it!" He shouted, surprising the Maknaes.

"You should've seen her face... heard her.." He hiccupped. "Her voice... was so-so... genuinely angry..." He sobbed out. "It was because of... me..." He said gently this time, his voice cracking at the end.

This hurt Seungmin and Felix to see. Felix joined Hyunjin on the floor as they comforted him.

"Hyunjin. We get it, you feel responsible, but it wasn't your fault." Felix said gently. "But it was! She... I..." He sniffled. "She was everything to me... she quit being... our personal makeup artist... MY personal makeup artist... all because she wanted to be with me..." Hyunjin said between hiccups.

"Could you control that? If she wanted to be with you then she knew to quit. That's why she's with you. She's committed to you. Don't you see." Seungmin said loud enough for Hyunjin to realize.

"Think about it Hyunnie. If y/n-ssi really didn't care about you or loved you would she have quit a job she loved?" Seungmin said, trying to reason with the crying Hyunjin.

"Or get jealous or mad enough to walk out because she saw another woman's kiss mark on your cheek and smelled another woman's perfume on you?" Felix added on.

Hyunjin knew he messed up but he just wanted to be with you at the moment. That's all that mattered.

"I love her so much... and I just can't believe... that I... I hurt her... so much..." He said between hiccups. "I didn't want to make her cry... let alone hurt her..." He sobbed out as Seungmin and Felix rubbed his back.

"Give her time, she'll come back..." Felix said. "Yeah, she loves you. She will come back." Seungmin replied as Hyunjin just nodded gently.

.°•○>><<○•°.

You had calmed down and were sleeping as I.N called Seungmin.

"Hey Seungmin, how did everything go?" I.N called as he put him on speaker so Minho and Jisung could hear.

"It went well, we had to call reinforcements though, we had to get the Hyungs here to calm down poor Hyunjin over here. So currently its Me, Felix, Chan, and Changbin here with Hyunjin. He just fell asleep." Seungmin said as they could hear the others conversating in the background.

"So did y/n-ssi. She's sleeping peacefully. So now we wait until they go back to each other I guess." I.N said scratching his head.

"Yeah, I guess..." Seungmin said sighing after.

"Until then, I'll call you after."

"Yep, talk to you then."

Once the call ended. They watched over you carefully to make sure you would recover all the energy you had lost.

[stuckonmain]

I've Been Tired

2012 Leo x reader

Summary: After being blown off by Leo for the third time in a row, you finally snap. Hurt, no comfort, and...I'm only a little bit sorry. If people like this, I might do a sequel.

*Update, I did, it's a miniseries now.

No.2: 'My Brother's an Idiot' Blues*

Bad end: "No." and No pt.2

Good end: "Yes."

Tagging @xyntix for this Leo angst because apparently we both enjoy hurting the Blue One >:)

***

  You were tired, quite frankly.

  It wasn’t like you were mad at Leo, just….tired. Hurt, maybe. 

  And so maybe you’d pulled a Raph and stormed off, but it was probably better than yelling and fudging the situation up even more, right? Plus, you were pretty sure your frustration was at least sorta justified- it wasn’t like you were mad that Leo liked Karai, that’d be shitty of you- no, you were mad that he’d skipped movie night for the third week in a row. Which wouldn’t be a huge deal on its own…if you’d maybe been able to see him for more than two minutes in the past three weeks.

  What was the point, you wondered, throwing a pebble off the fire escape, of having a best friend if said best friend is constantly ditching you to make heart eyes at Public Enemy No.1’s hot daughter?!

  And it wasn’t like you couldn’t understand crushing on someone who you shouldn’t crush on- that was fair! Karai was really hot! Even you could see that!

  What you didn’t understand was ditching your friends for it!

  Like- you’d never ditch vigilante-ing with Raph or blueprint-making with Donnie for your crush on Leo, unless it was an emergency. That was like, the whole point of being friends with someone, sticking with them!

  You sighed and chucked another rock off the fire escape, feeling slightly satisfied as it smacked the concrete in the alley below.

  You missed movie nights. 

  You missed Leo.

  And clearly, he didn’t miss you.

  Which….hurt. A ton.

  You bit back tears and threw another rock, and replayed what happened just an hour ago in your head for the millionth time.

***

1 hour ago

  “Hey, Nardo?” You said, hearing the familiar sound of your voice echoing down the sewers. Leo had missed your movie night again, and due to the lack of reply to your worried message, you were checking in to make sure Shredder hadn’t killed everyone or something. 

  Leo always responded to messages within minutes, replying with perfect grammar and punctuation. So you were admittedly kinda worried.

  “(Y/N)!” Mikey grinned, waving at you from the couch. “Wassup?”

  You smiled, hopping over the turnstiles. “‘Sup Mike. I’m looking for your Fearless Leader…would you possibly have any theories for his whereabouts?”

  “You’re lookin’ for Leo? I thought he was at your place for movie night?” Mikey said, confused.

  “Well…he never showed up…Is he in trouble?!” You asked, swallowing.

  “Dunno, he left an hour ago-” But he was cut off by a loud voice approaching the lair.

  “...And I keep telling you she’s bad news, Fearless! You can’t keep looking for Karai, she’s -how many times do I hafta say this- THE SHREDDER’S DAUGHTER!” Raph’s voice said, and a few seconds later he appeared at the turnstiles with a sheepish-looking Leonardo in tow.

  “Oh! (Y/N)! Look, there’s Leo!” Mikey grinned.

  “Thanks, Angelo.” You said dryly, looking up at Leo as he made his way down the stairs.

  “Look Raph, I’m sorry. But I’m pretty sure I know what I’m doing, okay? I wasn’t in any real danger.” He said tiredly, collapsing on the couch next to you.

  Raph spluttered, gripping his sais in frustration. “Leo- she was about to stab you when I swooped in and saved your shell! This is- just- LEO! UGHHH! You’re giving Mikey a run for his money as the dumb one!”  

  He chucked one of his sais at the ground before storming off to his room, muttering angrily under his breath.

  “Wha- Hey! I’m right here, bro-” Mikey protested.

  Leo rolled his eyes, turning back to you. “Sorry about the rude welcome, (Y/N). Please ignore Raphael.”

 “…So you were with Karai again?” You said softly, shoulders sagging.

  You were half aware of Mikey staring at you sympathetically as Leo stiffened.

  “...Oh….I missed our night again, didn’t I?” Leo said quietly. “(Y/N)- I swear, I’ll make it up to you, okay? I…I got distracted-”

  You shook your head. That’s three times.

  “That’s…the third time, Nardo. Third time in a row.” You said, trying to look anywhere but his eyes.

  Leo winced, and grabbed your hand. “Hey. I’m really really sorry. And if you want, we can watch something still, it’s not that late-”

  You twisted your hand away and crossed your arms over your chest protectively as you willed yourself not to cry. “Leo…you said that last week.” And it didn’t happen then, either.

  His eyes widened guiltily. 

  Mikey stepped in front of you, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. “That’s low, bro.”

  Leo looked away, subconsciously picking at his wrist wrappings. 

  You felt the water behind your eyes rise, and you wiped your hand over them.(Karai probably didn’t cry. Karai wasn’t a total baby like you.)

  You shook your head, and looked back up. “It’s okay, Angelo.” You said sarcastically, letting out your inner Karai. “I don’t need him to pretend I matter- he’s a shitty actor.” You said coldly, and Leo’s eyes looked glossy now too. 

  “(Y/N)- You do matter to me, a ton- I swear. You’re my best friend!” He exclaimed, standing up.

  “Ooh, sorry, looks like I was mistaken. He’s not a shitty actor, he’s just a shitty friend!” You grinned manically at Leo as he crumbled further at the words. 

  You swallowed, suddenly aware that you were being kinda immature, and the manic energy faded. 

  “You say you’re my best friend, so fuckin’ act like it.” You said softly, unable to summon any more venom.

  Leo opened his mouth and then closed it again.

  “Nothin’ to say. That’s what I thought.” You lied, disappointment surging through you. You weren’t sure what response you’d hoped for, but you’d at least expected something…something to suggest that he cared. That you were worth arguing for. 

  That he had some reason for what he did. 

  But he just stared at the ground in shame.

  You turned and walked up the stairs to the turnstiles.

  He didn’t stop you.

  You passed the turnstiles. 

  He let you.

  You left.

  He didn’t follow.

  You kinda wished he would.

  He still didn’t.

  ***

    Donnie poked his head out of the lab. “Guys, can you keep it down? I’m kinda in the middle of- woahhhh, what happened here? Did Space Heroes finally stop airing?” He said, taking in the scene in the living room.

  “Nah, Leo just screwed things up with (Y/N).” Mikey said tightly, glaring at Leo, who was sitting on the couch with his knees pulled to his chest and his face buried in his knees. (He felt pathetic.)

  “(Y/N)...as in (Y/N) whom he’s had a crush on since…forever.” Donnie said with a sigh. 

  Leo noted how it wasn’t a question, but a statement. 

  “Ding ding ding, that (Y/N).” Mikey said, and Leo could hear the disappointment in his tone.

  “Well that’s just fantastic,” Donnie said sarcastically, and he walked over to the living room. “So what happened, Mikey?”

  “Ask Leo.” Mikey scowled.

  “He’s not gonna answer, look at him.” Don said, and the eyeroll he undoubtedly gave was practically audible…

  Or maybe not, Leo thought, freezing as he felt Donnie pat his shell.

  “You okay, Leo?’ He said gently, and Leo glanced up to see sympathetic brown eyes staring at him.

  “I messed up, Donnie.” He said softly. “I should probably talk to Sensei…I was…really really dumb.” He said, slowly standing up.

  “Well…I’d love to say something comforting, but seeing as I have no idea what the context is….” Donnie trailed off, and Leo took a deep breath.

  “Well, the short version is that I ditched (Y/N) again because I wanted to find Karai. The long version is…longer.” He said simply.

  “Oh boy, that again?” Donnie said, frowning. “This is what…the third week now?”

  Leo cringed. “I know, I know.”

  “Yeah, but this time (Y/N) got mad.” Mikey said, crossing his arms. “And you know what? I was kinda proud!”

  “Yeah. I…I deserved it.” Leo muttered, and Mikey looked up in surprise. Leo ignored him. “I don’t know, I guess I just figured it wasn’t that big a deal.”

  “It was a big deal. (Y/N) thought you got hurt, dude.” Mikey said, but he sounded more sad than angry now.

  “Oh, great. Well now I miraculously feel worse.” Leo said dryly. 

  “So…how come you ditched your crush in the first place?” Donnie said, raising a non-existent eyebrow. “‘Cause if April invited me over every week to watch movies…in her house…one on one….” He trailed off, smiling dreamily. Mikey punched him lightly. 

  He shook his head, snapping out of it. “Uh- ahem. So- go on, Leo?”

  Leo shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  It was a lie. He definitely knew, but how do you tell your brothers that you can’t imagine a universe where your crush likes you back? About how you don’t wanna feel like you’re being annoying, that they’re only hanging out with you because they have nothing better to do?

  And he didn’t particularly want to admit how nice it was when Karai flirted back. And maybe it wasn’t about Karai so much as it was about the attention…and the idea of how cool it would be to actually save her from the Foot Clan and have her join their side.

  That was something Captain Ryan would do.

  Maybe Leo liked the attention, maybe he wanted to play hero…but he didn’t really know how to say any of that to his brothers without revealing too much…

  “Oh that means he definitely knows.” Mikey sighed, glancing up at Donnie.

  “Yeah, well…he’s not gonna tell us, is he.” Donnie said, crossing his arms.

  Leo shook his head. “Look, guys. I just feel like I’m - we’re- so close to getting Karai to join our side and leave the Shredder. And whenever I’m not out there, it’s like I’m losing her or something, I don’t know.”

  Donnie nodded at the answer. Mikey didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t say anything.

  “So…what’re you gonna do about (Y/N), then, bro?” Mikey said.

  Leo shrugged again, feeling helpless. (What would Captain Ryan do?) (...Captain Ryan wouldn’t be here in the first place)

  “I don’t know.”

  And he didn’t.

  You’d never been mad at him before.

  …He’d never ignored you before.

  Donnie shrugged and turned the TV on, and Leo tried to let himself get lost in the show.

  It didn’t really work.

*** 

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (03)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, obs3 is kinda oc centric 🤔, a mention of death but like a hypothetical death??, mentions of being *emotionally* haunted, taehyung almost dies 😭, someone so hot and cocky and petty that you might die, oh and tswift references because obviously

rating: PG-13

word count: 7.8k

note: asdfghjkl it’s been a hot minute guys. this was supposed to be longer but i decided last minute that some bits would probably work better in obs4, so no jimin and hobi today 🤥

vote for the revenge 🍆 😈 here before obs4!

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young

Cardigan - Taylor Swift

Sometimes, you cry in your sleep.

When you were a kid, aged four or five, you often had nightmares about going to kindergarten. It was all very dramatic. You would wake up with tears and snot running down your face, wailing like someone was taking your candy, calling for your mother until you made sure that you were in fact at home, instead of locked away in the absolute hell that was preschool.

As you got older, you started having nightmares about a wider variety of things, but it was usually about someone passing away – your mother, to be specific – and your body would always shake itself awake as the imaginary devastation wreaked its havoc, taunted you, toying with the idea of losing a person you loved. You used to think your brain was a special kind of fucked up.

Regardless, you noticed a pattern in how your subconscious worked. Instead of monsters and demons and every horrifying urban legend mentioned on Creepypasta, it would plague you with your greatest fears and your own worst memories. You tend to burst at the seams just like that, tortured by your own damn mind.

When you opened your eyes this morning, a tear immediately rolled down your cheek onto the pillow, and a hollow, stricken feeling greeted you good morning as it settled in your ribcage, making a home next to your heart. You felt it seep into every vein and every pore before you were even fully awake.

Though this time, it wasn’t a dream about someone dying. Quite the opposite, actually. In fact, it was a nice moment that your brain chose to replay in your head as you slept, though the memory seems to have slipped your mind now that you’re trying to escape the sudden anguish in your chest.

You can’t recall what it was, but you remember the feeling. You remember that it was nice. A nice and happy memory, with Jungkook.

You don’t know why your subconscious has to agonize you like this. Every time it forces you to remember Jungkook and who he was, it adds another invisible scar that only you can see. Fantasy keeps making you relive him, and reality keeps ripping him away from you.

You aren’t an emotional person, or you didn’t use to be anyway. You think – no, scratch that, you know – that it must be the result of your mother’s emotional unavailability throughout your whole childhood. Whenever you tripped and fell, or accidentally burned your tongue on a hot drink, or got teased by the neighbor kids, your first resort is to cry because that’s what children do. They get hurt, and they cry. But then your crying would cease after a few minutes, because your mother would scold you into stopping. She conditioned vulnerability out of you since you were a kid.

Even as you’ve grown up and learned to distance yourself from her, to separate her wants from yours, to be your own person instead of someone that your mother was trying to revive her long lost dreams through, you still hear her words sometimes. You can’t be anyone if you’re weak.

You can’t say that it’s entirely her fault. That’s the generational difference between the two of you, and the hypocritical standards to which the world operated in her time are really to blame. In a way, she was just a victim, a byproduct of that hypocrisy. But she tried to pass that onto you, and for some reason, you can’t let go of the fact that she did manage to instill in you some of her aversion for vulnerability.

By the time that you met Jungkook, you had already been away from your mother for a while. You weren’t estranged, but you weren’t on the best terms that a mother and her daughter should be on. You started to be independent from her halfway through high school and gradually, because she stopped being the person who gave you the clothes off your back and put food on your table, you took away the right she thought she had to rule over every aspect of your life.

And despite that disdain for vulnerability that you at a young age had no choice but to internalize, you became the one to decide what to feel, and how to feel it. You decided that maybe being emotional wasn’t the worst thing after all. It’s normal to cry when you’re sad, or in pain, or when you’re neither but you just simply need to let out a good cry. 

You reckon that’s where it came from – your need to be in charge, to be in control of everything. If you’re the one in the driver’s seat, then other people have less power to hurt you.

But not Jungkook. Never Jungkook.

It applies to everyone else, but you don’t suppose Jungkook has ever played by your rules.

Being with him was easy. You were surprised how little effort it took to let him in because you were once convinced that there was no chance you would ever be able to stand him. Loving him made breathing seem hard. 

In your relationship with Jungkook, there was nothing to decide. You didn’t have to choose to be happy; he just made you happy. As long as you were with him, every house was a home. Until he pulled the rug and you reverted to being that little kid again, on the ground with bloodied knees. He was the calm, and he was the storm.

You had no say in him leaving you, and you had no say in how his swift exit from your life would affect you. For the longest time, there was just a lot of heartache that demanded to be felt.

In the first few months after it happened, you were practically debilitated by the sadness. Taehyung still remembers it all too well. You spent your weekend evenings drowning your sorrows by knocking back drink after drink until you couldn’t remember who you were trying to forget. You could barely even function, and it was fucking pathetic. It was the most helpless you had ever felt.

It wasn’t until Taehyung and Jimin took away your most effective distraction that you started choosing again. If your mother made you choose to feel, then Jungkook made you do the opposite. He taught you that maybe your mother wasn’t so wrong after all. Maybe she’d been hurt before. Maybe she was only keeping you from having to experience it. Maybe this was how she loved you.

You took it one day at a time. Baby steps. Because the only way to condition your heart to not love Jungkook, was to convince yourself that you hated him. You forced yourself to internalize it until you believed it.

You hated him.

You hated him.

You hated him.

And it worked, because he wasn’t there to tell your heart otherwise. Choosing not to love Jungkook is choosing to love yourself.

But in your dreams, in your sleep, however, it’s another story. The difference between feeling when you’re awake, sober, and feeling when you’re asleep, is the control. When your lines of defense are down, all hell breaks loose.

Your subconscious is a strange place. If the hurt was a house, then you’d be its most treasured occupant. But this house is haunted. You walk through the halls every day, and down the stairs, and into rooms that are filled with memories of you and him. The walls echo I love you, the curtains rustle with whispers of I miss you, but every night, when you settle into a bed that is only warm on one side, you feel the distinct absence of an I’m sorry.

Jungkook didn’t even say sorry to you, not when it mattered the most.

Funny enough, right across the street is the healing, but you’ve never really been able to get close to it. With every step you take, the distance seems to stretch longer and longer, until you’re just running in place trying to get to the other side. Eventually, you get tired of trying, and even though the hurt is a hellscape purely designed to make you suffer, you think you would rather go back to that house than be stuck in the hollow limbo in the middle of nowhere, looking at a better future just within reach but never really getting there. It’s cold in the void, and it’s warmer in the hurt because there, at least it’s familiar.

Sometimes, you’d stand in the bedroom, wrapped in a blanket of your own insecurities and regrets, and look out the window. The floorboards beneath your unsteady feet creak with the voices of everybody who has left you, everybody who was taken from you, everybody who deemed you unworthy of their love and time.

You’d stand there and see a glimpse of yourself in a better world, where you’re a little less lonely, a little less hollow, a little less of a shadow of your former self. You could see yourself be happy, even.

You know that it’s there. It’s all about making the active decision to move forward. But the brighter future that awaits you just ahead is one without Jungkook, and… you’ve never been sure if you really want that.

It takes some more effort than usual to breathe, and to sit up, and to get out of bed, and to start your day like everything is fine and like you aren’t knee deep in one of your unwanted sad girl hours. It’s unwanted because you didn’t choose this. You’ve been actively choosing to not be sad about Jungkook for so long that you almost forgot there was a time where you had no choice but to be sad about him.

He only came back into your life recently, and he hasn’t done anything – not really – and yet, he’s already threatening to undo what you’ve taught yourself and all the progress you’ve made.

You don’t know if he kept his promise of leaving first thing in the morning since you aren’t exactly an early riser, but he did leave before you woke up. And when you paddle out into the kitchen, for some reason you feel like you’ve been caught doing something you shouldn’t.

You’re surprised to see Taehyung there, looking at you awkwardly and holding a bag of pastries in his hands. On the kitchen counter next to him is a plate of toasts and scrambled eggs with a side of kimchi. An odd combo but it’s your odd combo. There’s some steam that’s still rising from the food.

Taehyung nods toward the counter and sets his croissants on the dining table. He addresses an elephant in the room but not the elephant in the room.

“I got your favorites, but it looks like you already have your breakfast.”

“Oh, uh…” You purse your lips and swallow, recognizing that Taehyung didn’t buy food to bring over and then made you some more food. You’re hungry, but you don’t feel like you can stomach anything right now. “You can have that… I’ll take what you got me.”

He nods and doesn’t say anything else. He maneuvers around the familiar space of your kitchen to get some orange juice from the fridge. Taehyung offers to make you a cup of tea even though it’s your apartment, but you decline and choose to munch on the croissants dryly.

The atmosphere is off at your dining table. 

Yours and Taehyung’s love language is food. It’s sad how you can’t even share this nice thing with him today.

Taehyung takes a hesitant bite of the eggs, as if he’s scared that you’ll jump over the table to take back your plate. It’s just breakfast.

Neither of you says anything about who spent the night on your couch just out in the living room, nor about who made the food that Taehyung is eating. 

To anyone else, there probably isn’t even something to talk about. You provided someone shelter and they made you some food as a gesture of appreciation. And maybe that really is the case with this. You gave Jungkook a place to stay so he wouldn’t risk his life in the heavy rain and in return, he scrambled some eggs and toasted some bread for you.

You’re overthinking it. There’s no deeper layer of meaning here.

You’re half present and half somewhere far away. Words slip from your mouth as you converse with Taehyung but you don’t know what the conversation is even about. One of those times where you’re talking but not really saying anything.

“So…” Taehyung trails off unsuredly. You chuckle, knowing what he’s trying to do. It’s warmer in your chest, where your heart soars with affection for Kim Taehyung. You love him so much, you love him wholeheartedly. You cannot even begin to fathom what life would be like without him.

You’re grateful that your friend doesn’t press for information; he must sense from the way you’re idly picking at the flakes of your croissant that you would talk about it in your own time. You take the reins that he’s handing you, letting you steer the conversation in whichever way you want to.

“You went off about private jets last night. What was that all about?”

“Celebrities these days, man,” he grumbles, sounding exaggeratingly aggravated. “Did you know that Kylie Jenner takes flights on her jet for less than 20 minutes? Twenty whole minutes? I mean, what the fuck is up with that? Complete disregard for the environment.”

With a scoff, you pretend to be annoyed. “I knew you weren’t listening to me. I told you about her 3-minute flight last month, you ass.”

He leans back, still chewing, and thinks, though after approximately fifteen seconds, he announces with no remorse, “Yeah, I don’t really listen when you tell me celebrity gossip.”

You gasp and chuck a croissant flake in his direction. It doesn’t make it very far, and lands on the eggs instead.

“Then why are you suddenly so invested? How do you even know who Kylie Jenner is now, and how she uses her jets?”

“Hey! I know who Kylie Jenner is!” He seems offended, but then adds in a smaller voice, “Sort of.” Classic Taehyung, always living under a rock. “The point is, my sister kept sending me articles about it and I thought, “Huh. Private jets. The environment. Billionaires. Celebrities.” We– well, you, aren’t that far removed from that. You’re working with one of them right now.”

You give him a look.

“What?” Taehyung shrugs. “Jin must have his own jet too, right?”

You don’t know. It isn’t a topic that would casually come up in conversation, nor does he go around bragging about it. But you wouldn’t be surprised if he does own a jet, though. The amount of zeroes decorating his very Googleable net worth makes you woozy if you think about it too much.

You shrug. “I don’t know, maybe?”

“I bet he does,” Taehyung says, leaning forward on his elbows as if he’s got some insider scoop you aren’t privy to. “And I bet you won’t remember this conversation when Jin offers to fly you to award shows on his jet.”

Maybe there’s some truth about speaking things into existence and the universe conspiring to make it happen. Manifesting and all that. The law of attraction and whatnot. Speak positive things into existence and you shall receive positive outcomes. Think negative thoughts and you will attract the shittiest things the cosmos has ever birthed.

You aren’t really a believer in this, but you’d rather not take your chances. Not if everyone and their mother are screaming about the universe and its infinite possibilities all the time.

You suppose that’s why you haven’t really talked to Taehyung lately when it comes to your Jungkook predicament, not since he reentered your life oh so gracefully. Talking about it makes it seem like a bigger deal than you want it to be. Talking about your feelings makes it harder to ignore that they’re there.

Jungkook certainly isn’t making things easier for you. You thought that he was getting too buddy-buddy before, but if last Saturday proved anything, he definitely has room to crank it up a few notches. It’s fair, because he did spend the night, and if this was a romcom, the two of you would have successfully sailed past the ice breaking point. This would be the part of the movie where the characters grow closer, and where the romance blooms.

But this is not a movie and Jungkook doesn’t seem to fucking remember that he’s the person that broke your heart. 

Not once has he addressed the elephant in the room, which you suppose isn’t something you can complain about. You don’t want him to bring it up either, the fact that you once knew him better than anyone in the world, and he knew you. You all know how that story ended.

Actually, you don’t. You just know that it ended.

“Good morning,” a voice greets from beside you. You register who it is even before you turn around, and you register that as of right now, you’re the only ones standing here, waiting for the elevator.

“Morning,” you say, though your voice is considerably less enthusiastic. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind though. He smiles, and the curl of his lips looks almost as inviting as the coffee you’re holding in your hand. The beverage is full and warm against your fingers. You’ve yet to take a sip, and you tell yourself that the weariness fogging up your brain is the reason why you think his expression is just a little bit endearing, and why your heart rate picks up just a couple beats because of it.

The elevator dings. When Jungkook steps in, you hesitate. 

“You coming?” he asks, slightly confused.

You wait for a beat, your grip tightening on the paper cup, like you’d be able to summon someone else to waltz in there right this second just so you wouldn’t be alone with him. On a Monday morning at that. Life is truly testing you.

And because life is testing you, no one shows up to rescue you. If you concentrate hard enough, maybe Taehyung will magically materialize out of thin air…

You suck it up and step in though, because you don’t want to look like a weirdo in front of your ex, and whoever might be watching the security cameras.

The doors close, trapping you in this metal death box and its commercial background jingle. 

“How was the rest of your weekend?” Jungkook asks. Small talk – it’s one of the things you dislike the most. And coming from him of all people?

“It was fine,” you say curtly, but you know he’ll keep prodding.

And he does. “What did you do on Sunday?”

“Y’know, just catching up on sleep, catching up on some TV shows…”

Jungkook frowns, and he’s glad that you aren’t looking at him to see it. That night, you were kind to him. You managed to have a good conversation or two. You made him dinner and you let him sleep over. Granted, you might have only done it out of politeness and not genuine hospitality. You could’ve let him go when he was packing up to leave, but you didn’t. You were kinder to him than he ever expected you to be when this project forced you two together again, and he knows that he’s in no position to hope for anything else.

But here he is anyway, asking for more.

In the time that he takes to think of what else to say to you, to goad you into actually speaking to him, the elevator has already reached your floor. You step out without a word, and Jungkook sinks just a little bit.

But he carries on. He follows you to where the studio is, though he deliberately keeps himself a few paces behind you to not crowd the space you’re silently asking from him. It’s barely 9:30 in the morning; he can see that you’re tired, and you haven’t had your coffee, and the last thing you need is probably Jungkook trying to push it when he has the option not to.

He watches you open the door and promptly stop. Seokjin and Namjoon are already there, animatedly conversing with someone whose back faces you. Seokjin’s manager and an unfamiliar older woman stand in the back of the room, engaged in their own chat, though theirs seems much calmer and formal than the three men in the center.

Jungkook watches your brows slightly furrow in confusion. The gears in your head turn until everything clicks. Your eyes light up immediately. 

“Oh my God…” You almost drop the latte in your hand once you realize who it is, and why Namjoon is fawning over him like a teenager. The mysterious man is the second most famous person in the room just after Seokjin. You rush forward, your entire body buzzing with so much excitement that it makes all traces of fatigue evaporate. “Yoongi!”

Everybody in the room turns to the sound of your shrill voice as you squeal loudly, grinning from ear to ear to see your friend again after so long. It’s been, what, almost half a year now?

“Hey, kiddo,” Yoongi greets you, his voice even and cool though he’s sporting the same bright smile as you are. His hair is longer than the last time you saw him. He looks even more handsome than you remember. “Long time no see. How’s my favorite poet doing?”

Jungkook quietly makes his way past the two of you to drop his stuff on the table in the back before he shuffles to the circle of conversation, opting to stand next to Yoongi. He gives Seokjin and Namjoon a small smile and a nod in greeting, and watches on as the scene before them unfolds. You seemed too tired to even give him two sentences in the elevator, but you definitely don’t look anything like it now.

“When did you get back? Why didn’t you tell me?” You punch Yoongi playfully in the arm, and he pretends to clutch the point of contact as if he’s been severely wounded, just like how you used to joke around together in the studio. You roll your eyes, and he shoots you a wink in return.

“Relax, I just got back a few days ago. I wanted it to be a surprise for you. You should’ve seen the look on your face. It was so worth it,” Yoongi admits, still smiling. He takes the coffee cup from your hand and unceremoniously knocks it against the chest of the person on his left – Jungkook. A firm Hold this, like he was merely passing it to a personal assistant. “Are you at least gonna give me a hug, little one?”

Yoongi opens his arms, awaiting your embrace which you give him after half a minute of pretending to consider it. Your arms go around his middle while his own wrap around your shoulders. He’s warm, and his scent is comforting. You’ve missed your connection with Yoongi, and the friendship he’s given you. You’ve missed him.

The thing that makes your relationship with Yoongi different from your relationship with Taehyung, or Jimin, or anyone else, is the context through which your friendship bloomed.

You met him when you were starting to come into your own as a writer, when you were developing your voice and style. Working with him gave you your big break, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t play an important role in helping you find your identity in this sphere of life. Yoongi understands you in ways that Taehyung and Jimin never could because they don’t know what it’s like to do what you do, no more than you could understand what it’s like to be a museum curator or a dancer. And Yoongi understands you in ways that Jungkook would have if he had been there.

When you pull away from the hug, Jungkook is quick to thrust the coffee back into your hand. You mutter a small Thanks without even meeting his eyes. Yoongi ruffles your hair affectionately, and it makes you shuffle away in faux annoyance, even though you’re laughing.

“Before you so rudely interrupted us, I was introducing myself,” Yoongi chides, shaking his head in your direction like a disappointed teacher. He turns to his left then, a smug grin on his face as he looks Jungkook over. “If he’s Namjoon, then you must be the famous Jungkook? What a pleasure to finally put a face to the name.”

The confusion flashing in Jungkook’s eyes has you stiffening slightly as you watch their interaction. You were so delighted by Yoongi’s surprise appearance that you forgot he’s one of the three people in the room who knows about your history with Jungkook.

The younger man straightens his posture and extends a hand in Yoongi’s direction, his expression blank and his voice flat as he says, “Yeah, that’s me. I’m very much looking forward to working with you, Yoongi.”

“Oh please,” the rapper laughs, taking the offered hand and shaking it vigorously. It’s too much, almost comical. He knows exactly what he’s doing and you want to dig a hole to crawl into because this is not what you expected at all. “Call me Mr. Min.”

Seokjin and Namjoon break into chuckles alongside Yoongi, but you only purse your lips. Jungkook doesn’t seem to find anything humorous either, because his hand stops as he stares at Yoongi, and you don’t have to stand between them to feel trapped in the middle.

“Oh come on, it’s a joke. Lighten up, buddy,” Yoongi finally says. That grin is still on his face, and his tone is almost patronizing. “Jeez, this guy must be fun at parties.”

Jungkook’s eyes flicker to you for a second, his tongue poking into his cheek. You can tell that he’s annoyed. You’re not sure if Seokjin and Namjoon notice it, but even if they do, you doubt that they would think much of it.

Someone that you recognize as Yoongi’s manager says to Jungkook in a calm voice, “You’ll have to excuse him. Yoongi takes some getting used to.” 

In the end, Jungkook forces out a laugh to ease the tension, so you all can move on.

Before you can slither away to your own corner of the room to put down your bag and coffee, Yoongi pulls you back to his side with an arm resting comfortably around your shoulders. You give him a warning glare that you know he understands, but he just shrugs against your body. Underneath that smug and phlegmatic exterior, Yoongi seems almost protective, and it’s almost unsettling.

“So fellas,” he says confidently to the room, “what’s the first order of business?”

“What business?” You frown. “You have one feature, and we’re not finished writing yet.”

Seokjin steps in to address whatever it is that’s making Yoongi look like he could be the king of the world. “Actually,” he starts, “that’s what I wanted to talk to you guys about today.”

The second surprise of the day is Min Yoongi calling himself the Jack Antonoff to Kim Seokjin’s Taylor Swift. The second surprise is Agust D being a much more prominent part of the album than just a simple feature. The second surprise is Yoongi practically begging Seokjin for a job much below his pay grade just because he heard your name and Jungkook’s in the same sentence. The man actually dove right into this after his tour ended, without even a moment to catch his breath, just because he’s petty. And it’s weird because your situation doesn’t even concern him.

That’s another thing that you and Yoongi have in common: You’re both petty. 

When Seokjin first announced the news, you were practically vibrating. Yoongi as a producer? Get the fuck out. The other artistic pea in your creative pod? You were already overjoyed when you thought you would only be getting him for a feature, but for him to actually hop on board as producer and you get the chance to make another album with him? You’re elated, because the man is brilliant.

But then the excitement died down when the realization set in…

“Yoongi.”

“Y/N.”

“Yoongi!”

“Y/N!”

You huff out a breath and groan internally. He has never been shy to show that he enjoys teasing you. Every time he gets a reaction out of you, he would coo like you were a baby and call you adorable. 

Yoongi leans back as he watches you pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration. The two of you are sitting in the booth that he always requests, in the back of his favorite restaurant. You managed to pry him away from the studio earlier, telling the guys that you’d love to grab lunch with him to catch up.

It wasn’t a lie; you do want to sit down with your friend and listen to everything that has transpired in his life since the last time you saw each other. But he’s been here for a few hours and he has already made your job so much more difficult by being a passive aggressive dickhead to Jungkook. You can’t focus on making a good album for Seokjin if you have to run interference on Yoongi and Jungkook all day.

“What was that this morning?” You cross your arms as you stare at him.

“What was what?” Yoongi tilts his head innocently.

“You know what, Min. All the nicknames, the cocky attitude. Treating Jungkook like he’s your secretary. You made him get coffee for you!”

He scoffs and reaches forward for his glass of water. “Come on, that was funny. I thought you’d enjoy that.”

“Well, I didn’t. It’s exhausting enough to be around him all the time. I don’t want to have to babysit you too.”

You see where he’s coming from, you really do. If your friend had an ex who flipped their entire world upside down, you certainly wouldn’t be the friendliest gal toward that person either. You appreciate Yoongi looking out for you, but he has to understand that this is your place of work, and while you and him are friends, you still live in different worlds. You aren’t a world-renowned, jetsetting heartthrob like him and Seokjin; you can’t afford to screw up opportunities because you know they don’t grow on trees.

Yoongi softens when he sees the look on your face, but he stands by his actions. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he murmurs across the table, “but can’t Jungkook handle a few jabs here and there? The guy deserves it. If you could listen to yourself when you told me everything that went down between the two of you–”

“I was drunk,” you interject, as if that counterpoint would ever hold up. Drunk words are sober thoughts, or whatever it is that people say.

“Being drunk was the only reason why you were honest with me,” Yoongi says with a low chuckle.

“It’s…” you sigh, “it’s not even about whether he deserves it or not. I just don’t want everyone at work to know my business.”

A waitress comes over to your table with your orders then. Your eyes follow her movements as she sets the plates down, while Yoongi’s eyes follow you. When she’s finished, you thank her with a smile, and Yoongi compromises.

He rubs his palms and clasps them together. “Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’ll put him through the wringer, but I’ll keep your name out of it. No one will know about your history. Let Jungkook think I’m just an asshole, I don’t care.”

It’s not ideal, because you would rather have Yoongi act like he doesn’t know anything at all. Like he’s just as clueless as Seokjin and Namjoon and like to him, you and Jungkook have never been more than a pair of coworkers. But this is the most that Yoongi would settle for because he’s annoying like that sometimes.

“Fine,” you agree with great reluctance. You pick up a fork and point it in his direction. “Since you’re an asshole, you’re paying for lunch.”

He swats your fork away, laughing. “It’s cute that you thought I wouldn’t.”

“Oh, yeah, I heard you and Jungkook went to college together, right? Were you close?”

Were you close?

This is a normal thing to ask. Anyone would ask this if they knew two people who had a prior history with each other. When you found out that Yoongi ran in the same circles as Seokjin, you asked him if they were close too.

But when the question came from Seokjin much later that afternoon, while the four of you were just sitting around, enjoying a much needed break after three nonstop hours of testing Seokjin’s acoustics and an instrumental demo that Jungkook worked on last week.

You don’t even know how Seokjin got to that question from you mindlessly recalling the strenuous process of learning music theory in college, but nevertheless, here you are, put on the spot.

It’s a simple yes-no question, though saying no would prompt even more queries, and saying yes would… well, what would saying yes mean?

Seokjin and Namjoon are looking at you. Jungkook is looking at you. You’re glad that Yoongi left after he dropped you off. If he were here, he would be awaiting your answer too.

There’s a lot you wish you could let out. You swallow thickly, but the words just won’t go down.

You want to say… Yes, we were close. We were close in the same way that the name of someone’s first love can be inscribed on their heart and never fade away. If you could hold my beating heart in your hands, and if you had a key to open it, I think you would find his initials there. The letters might be messily scribbled, might be crossed out by harsh lines of ink and rewritten again in a different font, but they’re still there, and they will always be there.

Yes, we were close. He knew me inside and out, better than the back of his own hand. He knew me like we came from the same star, destined to find one another before we were even us. 

Yes, we were close. He was the person I loved the most, my favorite person in the whole entire world. I think, and I hope, that I was someone he loved too…

Despite the words lodged in your throat, you aren’t in a position to voice any of it. So you push them down — a conscious and routine decision — and shove them into your box of memories again.

You scratch the back of your neck as you look at Jungkook and he looks at you, eyes conveying something you’re not willing to understand. In the end, you settle for a response that doesn’t really answer Seokjin’s question. But even if your words don’t clear anything up, your hesitation ought to have given something away.

It’s the opposite of what you told Jungkook when he showed up at your door for the first time in five years.

“We were… friends.”

When Taehyung comes home from work the next day, he almost fucking dies.

It’s a regular evening. On the drive home, he thought about the leftover pasta waiting for him in the fridge because he was absolutely starving. He thought about which documentary he was going to watch while he ate his dinner. He thought about telling you that his sister got an acceptance letter from her dream college. You’ve always loved her, and he knows you would be over the moon to share her joy as if she was your own family.

Yeah, just a regular Tuesday evening.

Until he opens the door to his apartment and screams loud enough to alarm the entire building.

“What the fuck!” His keys clatter to the floor as the man clutches his chest in an attempt to calm his heart. Laughter bounces off Taehyung’s walls, in total contrast to his heavy breaths from almost going into cardiac arrest.

“Hi, bud,” you manage to say through tears from your place on the couch in his living room, where you’ve been waiting for the past hour and a half in complete silence and darkness. Your ears hurt from him almost taking out your hearing and your eyes have to adjust to the sudden brightness in the room when Taehyung switched on the lights, but it was so worth the laugh. You wish you could’ve captured his face on camera.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Your friend grumbles as he hangs up his jacket and picks up his keys to throw in the ceramic bowl by the small entryway.

“I texted you to come over but you never replied.”

Taehyung fishes his phone from the pocket of his slacks and throws it in your direction, which you clumsily catch. “My phone died.”

“Where’s the powerbank I got you for your birthday?”

He walks over to plop down next to you on the couch. The cushions dip under his weight, and you scootch over to make more room for him.

“I left it at home.”

You slap a hand over his pec, your face unimpressed. “There’s no point in getting you anything.”

“Don’t do that,” he bemoans, rubbing the spot on his chest that you just hit. “My heart is still racing. You scared the fucking shit out of me.”

You reach over to pat his soft hair as an apology before you tip your head back in another fit of giggles. “Sorry! But in my defense, you know I do shit like this. This is not the first time you’ve gone through this.”

“Whatever,” Taehyung mutters. “Why did you need me to come over? I was looking forward to a relaxing night all by myself.”

You shuffle closer until your head can rest on his shoulder. “I have gossip.”

“Celebrity gossip?”

“My gossip.”

“Gossip?” He raises an eyebrow as he glances down at you. “Or gossip?”

You take some seconds to decipher which category the Yoongi news would fit into, and which category the revelation that Namjoon dropped in your lap earlier today would fit into. “Both,” you conclude. 

“Namjoon told you that Jungkook lied?”

“He didn’t know that Jungkook lied. I pieced it together.”

“Hmm.”

Your fingers curl around the steaming mug of tea that Taehyung made for each of you. You bring the ceramic close to your face to breathe in the soothing scent of jasmine rising from the beverage. 

Taehyung takes a sip of his drink before he asks, “And how do you feel about that?”

You don’t answer right away, though you knew this question was inevitable. How do you feel about it? The fact that Namjoon didn’t actually have a family emergency when he dropped Jungkook at your apartment when the three of you were supposed to brainstorm together. The fact that when they pulled up in front of your building, Jungkook told Namjoon that he could go home if he wanted to, that Jungkook didn’t want to make him work on a day off. The fact that despite Namjoon saying it was completely fine, Jungkook practically insisted that he go home.

When Namjoon told you about it a few hours ago, your first thought was to tell Taehyung. It wasn’t Namjoon’s intention, of course. He didn’t know. He was asking you about some of the edits to the lyrics made in his absence, and it just came out.

You deliberately waited until you could sit down and talk to your best friend to sort through your thoughts because if you did it alone, you would surely spiral. Because this isn’t Taehyung’s first Jungkook-related rodeo with you; he knows how to handle you in times like these.

“I think this is fucking me up again,” you say honestly. Taehyung is the only person that you’ve admitted any of this to; the only person that you can admit any of this to. “I just want to do my job. Jungkook shouldn’t be allowed to maintain any kind of relationship with me outside of work! But all of a sudden he’s spending the night and asking me about my love life. It’s been years. Why is he still affecting me? Why am I still here?”

Here. Between the past and the future. The limbo parallel to the present.

Sure, maybe it’s for the better that Jungkook doesn’t bring it up. You would rather that this stay between the two of you (and, cue a heavy sigh, Yoongi). You know Seokjin and Namjoon are decent people, and their opinion of you wouldn’t change if they knew about this, but you would rather your place of work be drama-free.

So yes, maybe it is better this way. But it would be best if Jungkook treats you like a mere coworker. If he acts like you simply don’t exist outside of the studio. If he could stop making your already messed up heart even more confused. All of that would be better than whatever the fuck he’s doing now.

Asking about your love life. Being attentive. Smiling around you. Bringing you the drink you once loved. Lying so he would get you alone! 

It doesn’t even matter if he wants a blank slate, because he can’t undo the damage he caused just by batting his eyelashes at you and pretending like everything is fine and dandy.

Maybe Jungkook hasn’t said anything because he himself would rather forget all about it too. You could understand this to a certain extent, because no one wants to be reminded that they’ve hurt others. But he did cause you pain. He did hurt you. The scars that your soul bears are proof of that.

To not say anything at all and have the nerve to act like he cares about you. It’s… cowardly. He’s still continuing to hurt you by doing this. You always thought you deserve better than this.

“Because you keep saying that you hate Jungkook, but you don’t,” Taehyung says. He’s right, you know he’s right. This lie might have been your lifeline before, might have worked once upon a time but Jungkook is here to call your bluff now. “Because you didn’t get any closure.”

Sometimes you forget that Taehyung can be quite the relationship guru despite never having gone through a serious relationship himself. There’s something wistful about him whenever you two have a serious talk like this that makes you wonder if his heart has ever experienced the same kind of sorrow that yours did, and if he just never told you about it.

You pout, despite the gravity of his words and the tension that weighs heavy on you. “I should hate him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung agrees with a chuckle and a sip of tea, “you probably should.”

“I can’t just throw myself into work this time,” you think out loud. It isn’t lost on you that the thing you’ve been using to cope, to distract yourself, is the same thing that has led you back to square one.

The scented candle that you lit and put on the coffee table is burning out. You watch the small flame flicker wildly around the charred wick, like it’s holding onto its final moments of life before time inevitably runs out. You feel oddly sad just looking at it struggling to keep its light, until it finally dies in a tiny whirl of smoke.

“Maybe I should start dating again.” You mean this as a joke, because god knows the last time you tried getting out there again, you were left with a memory so mortifying that sometimes when you reminisce on the experience, you still shudder with embarrassment.

It was the first time that you had gone out clubbing in a while, with a few girls from your internship, and with the intention of capping the night off with a handsome stranger who would make you feel things you hadn’t for some time. Courtesy of lame dating advice you found online.

A few shots in, and through the haze of smoke and booze and busy bodies illuminated by an array of colorful lights, you did manage to find the someone that you were hoping for — tall, handsome, oozing so much charisma that it should’ve been a huge red flag. But you weren’t looking for a big sparkly diamond on your ring finger or a tropical honeymoon somewhere with crystal clear waters. You were just looking for someone.

It went surprisingly well, until it didn’t. Until you started sobbing on the dancefloor of a crowded club, in front of a man who looked at you like you were crazy and like he couldn’t wait to make you someone else’s problem then. Until you had to call Taehyung to come pick you up at 3 in the morning when the entire world was dead asleep. All because the stranger had asked Your place or mine? and a sobering thought washed over you, a sharp reminder that home was not somewhere you could return to anymore.

You knew it then, and you know it now, that even though your world once revolved around Jungkook, it doesn’t always have to be. There is life after him. There is still a you after him.

“You would really consider that?” Taehyung asks.

“I mean, I kinda have to at some point. I don’t want to die alone.”

“You’re not going to die alone. You have me.”

You chuckle tiredly. “No, you’ll find someone who is as big of an art geek as you are, and you’ll have lots of babies and grow old together. And I’ll be the kooky lady with 13 dogs who comes around every once in a while to give your children candy.”

Taehyung sets down his empty mug before settling into a comfortable position on the couch, his back against the cushions and his feet propped on the glass surface of the table in front of you. He reaches across the couch to hold your hand. He skirts around the part about the future love of his life.

“13? That’s a specific number,” he comments.

“I like Taylor Swift.”

You both laugh lightly at the reference. Days of badgering him about one of the greatest songwriters of our generation have finally paid off.

Silence envelopes the room for a moment as you both wander off in your own bubble of thought. Until Taehyung knocks his knee against yours and you both fall back into reality again.

“Did Jimin text you about the grand opening on Friday?”

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted october 24, 2022]