#it hurt my heart deeply but the ache was delicious because to be a tragedy enjoyer is to be human
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Ur art (esp the lawkins) is hurting me and idk if thats good or not. Also fuck the lawkins post where law is not good to lawkins really hurts but in such a good way. Like ive never really deeply thought on lawkins as a serious emotional ship (more of a drakelaw shipper) but fucking DAMN does it have the depth. Ty for making me see the lawkins light, that it isnt just a surface deep ship. Idk sorry i rambled fjjfjf
awww anon dont be sorry i’m so happy you like my art and you’re on board with lawkins, this is so sweet thank you so much!!! (for drakelaw fic and headcanons, you can check out @noswordstyle! also stay tuned because I literally just did a drakelaw art which I’m about to post)
lawkins has such a good range, i just—
you get the fun bad jokes where law mocks everything hawkins stands for and hawkins has a dramatic 30 minute lead up to saying the cards foretell that law is an asshole.
you get stiff north blue cultureworld-building deliciousness.
you get the suspenseful high romance of getting together despite rational reservations.
you get the soft care and validation once they get to know and trust each other.
you get the tragedy and angst of insecurity, unaligned priorities, unequal effort, different capacities and ways of showing love, and people who care about each other just not fitting together like they really hoped they would.
you get the sexy tension of the Big Break-Up and the many thrilling but ill-fated attempts to get back together.
you get the long pining period of two years where they are far apart and going through bad times and they don’t think of each other except unbidden once in a while because drifting apart comes with mourning and grief has a way of just snagging you when your guard is down.
you get the heart-aching bitter reunion in wano where they’re standing across the battlefield as enemies and they know enough about each other to use that knowledge to hurt all that more viciously, and to genuinely get angry on a deeply personal level, to manipulate each other…
and despite everything... they still offer small mercies, whether consciously or unconsciously, to let the other live
#lawkins#trafalgar law#basil hawkins#red replies#red talks#me talking trash#Anonymous#one piece#OP#my art#mine#i will go off about lawkins at the slightest opportunity lmao#lawkins hurting hours are 24/7 in this house lads
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Paramount Remembrances - Chapter 7 - Part 1
Summary: Dean Winchester has reached a point in his life where he doesn’t have many firsts left to fulfill. Except maybe falling in love. This is the story of how he got there.
Warnings: Smut. Lots and lots of smut. Oral (male & female receiving). Dry humping. Backseat sex. Teaching/Guiding. Some Angsty Feels. 18 Plus ONLY!
Pairings: Young Dean x OFC, Dean x OFC, Dean x Reader (We finally made it! Woohoo!)
Word Count On this Chapter: 5,180
A/N: Sooooo, the Dean x Reader part kinda got away from me and I realized that I was over 8,000 words in, rambling my way to the conclusion. So, I decided to break it up. Good new is, the second part is almost finished. :) Again, thank you so much for all the likes and re-blogs. I’ve had a blast writing this and I’m glad there are those out there enjoying it. I’ve strayed away from exact canon time periods as I’m not following it as closely as some awesome writers do, however, for purposes in this chapter, this portion is set sometime in Season 7. Lisa is in Dean’s past and Sam has his soul back with no memories of his experience in Hell.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dean was thirty-one when he fell in love. And it scared him shitless.
Over the years, he’d had more sexual partners than he could count, his job never affording him the opportunity to stay in one place for any extended period of time. He never led any of them on, always left them satisfied, always making sure they both were on the same page as far as the non-status of their relationship would be.
Dean didn’t want to be labeled as a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type but apparently those rules of the road his father had spewed out to him so long ago held some substance.
Too much tragedy followed him everywhere he went, and he found he’d rather leave ‘em than have any of the women in his life physically hurt in any way shape or form.
Cassie had been the closest he had come to the word ‘love’, and while he had been hurt so badly by her rejection, he realized when revisiting her years later, it had been too easy for him to walk away from her when she finally knew who he really was for him to believe it had been anything more than maybe a puppy love in its most pure form.
Lisa was his most recent and the last mistake he would make in believing that he could have ‘normal.’ That whole relationship had quickly gone to shit and while he had cared for her and Ben deeply, love was never a word that he uttered out loud because he had never truly felt that he could love a woman the way they deserved. Especially, when he spent his days and nights in constant fear that something could happen to her and Ben, coupled with being restless living an ‘apple pie life’. It didn’t help that he had eventually realized that she had been a poor substitute for the aching hole the temporary loss of his brother had left behind.
So, Dean had resigned himself and made himself believe that one night stands were the way to go.
Unless of course there was a woman that came along that could, surprisingly, kick his ass.
And when that happened, well, the world seemed to tilt on its axis a little bit.
Dean never thought of himself as a true masochist. A dominant? Yes. A submissive? At times. But one day when a long leg shot out and kicked him in the stomach before bending down into a sweep that dropped him onto his back with a groan….
Well…he was reminded why.
The reason people and, yes, sometimes even he, embraced pain and put it hand in hand with pleasure.
He’d gladly take another kick to his solar plexus if it meant he could look up at her and see her for the first time over and over again.
Long straight dark hair and light brown eyes looked down at him as one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen stood above him with a gun pointing at his face.
And his gut twisted in more than just pain from that well-placed kick.
“You move, you die. Now, who the fuck are you?” She said between clenched teeth.
Dean lifted up his hands in surrender, “Dean. Dean Winchester. And you might be?”
Instead of answering, she cocked the gun, “None of your damn business. Get up. Slowly.”
Dean complied, his eyes unable to stop drinking in her form. Black leather jacket over a black tank top and skin tight black jeans tucked into calf high combat boots, rolling over toned curves, her hands and eyes steady as she followed his movements with the precision of a well-practiced fighter.
She was gorgeous.
She was also still pointing the gun at his chest.
“The Winchesters have an anti-possession tattoo. Show it to me.”
He considered trying to be funny, but the way she held her gun let him know she knew how to use it, so instead he raised an eyebrow, pulled down his t-shirt from his collar and waited as her eyes roamed over the pentagram.
It was only then that she put up the gun and slipped it back into its holster at the small of her back, “Well, Winchester, looks like your reputation precedes you. Unfortunately, you swaggered your ass into what was supposed to be a trap for the werewolf in town. So, if you don’t mind, if you could just mosey your way back to wherever you came from, that’d be awesome.”
Dean pursed his lips at her blatant dismissal, “Apology accepted.��� He said sarcastically.
“What the hell do I have to apologize for? Kickin’ your ass? Ain’t nobody told you to come here.”
He stepped forward, his eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance, “I’m here for the same reason you are, lady. To kill a werewolf that’s eating people’s hearts.”
“Well, I got this. So, you can go.”
And that’s how Sam found them, engaged in a screaming match over who had the biggest balls.
They had known each other for exactly fifteen minutes and already Dean hated her.
Well, he actually kind of liked her too.
When she got really angry, her eyes lightened dangerously, her voice got lower instead of higher and she poked him in the chest with her finger.
Dean wanted to break that finger so bad. He also wanted to put it in his mouth and suck at the tip until she melted underneath him.
Needless to say, the first six months of their friendship had been frustrating at best and downright tumultuous at worst.
Mostly because Dean couldn’t figure out if he wanted to smother her in her sleep or kiss her until she made that low moan in her throat that came out when she tasted something delicious.
He also had a hell of a time trying to just figure her out. The layers of who she was hidden deep underneath a gruff exterior and smart mouth leaving him dumbstruck when she gave a soft smile and kind eyes to a grieving family or when she turned into a protective mama bear and practically growled when a child was involved in any of their cases.
It didn’t help that her and Sam got along like two peas in an annoying pod from the moment they met. It had taken Sam six seconds of puppy dog eyes to get her name that day.
Y/N.
Beautiful, breathtaking, annoying Y/N.
And now?
Whenever the three of them joined up on a case, Sam and Y/N spent hours researching the shit out of them and wallowed in long silences where neither of them needed to speak to one another but they still seemed to know what the other was looking for.
Meanwhile, whenever Dean and Y/N were in the same room it was as if a fire was lit under their asses and instead of putting it out they spent their time trying to find as many leaves and dried kindling they could to keep it at its hottest temperature.
Their constant arguments could be as serious as who was going to save the world tonight or as ridiculous as what was better than sex.
Pie or Y/N’s weakness: Chocolate.
The correct answer was neither.
But they were both so stubborn they refused to come to an agreement on the subject.
And while he would fight anyone who tried to convince him that his pie obsession was uncalled for, he still managed to pick up her favorite candy bars at various rest stops, making sure to always keep a secret stash in his duffel bag if only to torture her with them as he waved the chocolaty goodness at her from the farthest corner of whatever room they happened to be in.
And when she shrugged as if she could care less before distracting him with a well thrown book, pillow or elbow and tackled him on the ground, wrenching the chocolate triumphantly out of his hands, Dean tried not to think too hard on the way his body buzzed the minute her curves made contact with him.
Or the way he stared at her as she gave him a middle finger and bit into her prize.
She was so ridiculously annoying.
And then, there was the……moments.
Moments of something palatable that rolled its way over the two of them and made Dean feel like there was almost something tethering them together, tightening with each deep breath, each sigh of frustration and each smile that he managed to get out of her.
In fact, if Dean really wanted to be honest, there was one moment that stood out more than the rest.
The three of them had been searching for a Wendigo in a forest outside of North Dakota and they had set up camp around the perimeter of where multiple attacks happened, hoping to draw it out instead of traipsing through unknown forest and getting their asses lost.
It had been unseasonably cold that night. Sam was up keeping watch wandering around the base of their camp jumping up and down to keep warm. Meanwhile, Dean and Y/N were in separate sleeping bags laying by a fire that hadn’t been enough to keep Y/N from shivering in her sleep. Dean had stayed in his sleeping bag for twenty minutes contemplating how hard she would hit him in the nuts if he decided to lie down next to her and try to help her stop shivering. The decision was made for him when she rolled onto her side and her teeth started audibly clattering and he couldn’t take it anymore.
Grabbing up his blanket and sleeping bag, he laid his sleeping bag next to hers and wrapped her body under the plaid wool of his blanket. He lay on his side against her back and after hovering his arm over her this way and that he finally said fuck it and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her body flush against his.
She woke up immediately and tensed and he swore he could feel her reach for her gun that she had kept next to her. But before he could say anything, he heard her take a deep breath through her nose as if sniffing the air, then she visibly relaxed into him, saying nothing.
It was ten minutes later, as his nose was in her hair and he was trying to not make it obvious that he was trying to figure out the scent of her shampoo, (Oranges? Mangos?), when she finally spoke up.
“What are you doing, Winchester?”
Dean tensed against her and tried to surreptitiously move his face out of her hair, “Trying to make sure you don’t freeze to death, what else?”
She hesitated before answering him and to his surprise moved her body even closer to his, moving until her ass was right up against his now very interested cock and burrowed even deeper under the blanket he had thrown over them. Dean let out a silent curse as he felt himself swell even more when her delectable backside rubbed against him and he tried his best to picture and name the ugliest monsters he had seen to date in an effort to get his dick to stop being an asshole.
He had finally gotten himself to relax some when he heard her clear her throat, “Thank you.” She whispered, “This…this is a lot better.”
Dean closed his eyes against the warmth that amplified in his lower belly and took a deep breath, “Yeah, well, the Wendigo aint gonna want no frozen meat, so, gotta keep his dinner warm somehow.”
Y/N let out a harrumph but didn’t move from her position against him, “Moron.”
A half smile graced his features as he felt his body settle into something he hadn’t felt in so long, if ever. Despite their current circumstances, despite the fact that they were on a hunt and could very well be dinner, he felt….safe. Warm. Content.
And before he could talk himself out of the feeling, he felt his heavy eyes finally drift closed and he fell asleep.
The next morning, found him still alive.
And hard.
Sometime during the night, he had rolled onto his back and Y/N had rolled into his chest with her arm wrapped tightly around him and her face buried in his neck. Her leg was bent and thrown over his waist, and either Y/N was deliberately trying to get him off or she was having a very good fucking dream because her hips were undulating against him slightly causing her calf to move against his very interested, throbbing cock.
Dean blinked a few times and desperately tried to hold back a groan but he was unsuccessful. Y/N’s head sleepily popped up and she looked up into his eyes. He watched as unnamable emotions flickered through the light brown depths as she stared at him, her hair adorably sticking up haphazardly, and he would have bet money she was going to kiss him. Except his asshole dick chose that moment to twitch in interest and her eyes clouded before she reared back, sat up and hit him in the chest.
“Really, Dean! We’re being hunted by a monster and yet you still can’t control yourself?”
He hid his disappointment by bringing his arms behind his head as he grinned up at her, seemingly unrepentant, “It wasn’t me rubbing all up on you, Sweetheart. If you’re gonna offer it, he’s gonna take it.”
Y/N gave him a disgusted look even as she blushed, “What the fuck ever, Dean. Aint nobody offering nothin’.”
He winked at her, “Sure, Darlin’. Keep telling yourself that.”
“UGH!”
And with that, Y/N threw the covers back and quickly made her way to Sam where he was standing at the edge of camp giving them extreme side eye.
While Dean was sure they had killed the Wendigo, the who, what and when’s of it was a blur.
Because the only thing he could focus on from that moment in time was that split second when her eyes were clear and the guards were down and he saw….something in their depths.
Something that made him both exhilarated and fucking terrified.
From that trip on, the fire that burned was slowly turning into an inferno and the tension was at an all-time high.
But they still had each other’s back. Still steadfastly protected one another in dangerous situations, taking hits when it meant they could distract would be bad guys from hitting the others; from hurting the team they had built on a precarious platform constructed from frustration, sarcasm, smirks….and that something else.
He would be damned if admitted how much he missed her when she was gone, on her own, hunting the bad guys on her terms.
But he did.
And it made him even angrier when he felt it. That something missing, gnawing at his belly and deep inside his chest.
He wouldn’t even touch the emotion he felt when he saw her name pop up on his or Sammy’s phone or the rush of elation when he saw her truck pull up beside them on whatever no name highway they agreed to meet on.
However, it was during a particularly stressful case, where they couldn’t agree if it was a God or a Djinn causing havoc that apparently Sam had finally had enough.
Enough of them and their unnecessary arguments.
Enough of the yearning dance they had perfected as they circled around one another.
“I’m soooo glad Dicky Dean is coming out to play today.” Y/N growled as she threw a pillow at his head, the movement of her arm making her breasts jiggle slightly in her tight red tank top.
Not that he noticed.
Dean ducked just in time before casually sitting back in the motel chair and taking a drink of his beer as if he didn’t have a care in the world, “Why am I a dick? ‘Cause I don’t agree with you?”
“It’s not that you don’t agree with me. It’s the way you don’t agree with me. All high and mighty with that cocky grin.”
Said grin slid across his lips and he shrugged, “I’ve been told I have a big reason to be cocky.”
“Yeah, well, people lie to spare our feelings all the time, Dean.”
“Facts don’t lie, Sweetheart.”
“For the four millionth time, don’t call me Sweetheart, you ass.”
“Sorry, Baby. I’ll try not to.”
“Dick.”
Sam stood up, “All right! Enough! You two are driving me to drink. As a matter of fact, that’s what I’m gonna go do. Go to a bar and get a drink and maybe it’ll muffle the sound of this nonsense and we can go back to actually solving this case.”
“Wait, Sam,” Y/N said as she stood up next to him and grabbed a jacket, “I’m gonna go with you. I need a drink too.”
Sam threw his hands up in the air and walked to the door, “Whatever. Let’s just go.”
Dean blew a kiss at Y/N as she gave him one more glare before sticking her tongue out him and the door closed behind them.
Childish? Yes.
But that tongue? He could imagine it doing any number of things to his body and the thought made him groan deep in his chest.
Pretty soon the silence of the room started to grate on his nerves and when he noticed himself pacing over the same space over and over he finally gave in, grabbed his jacket and headed to the bar down the block from the motel.
The music was loud but not too loud and it was fairly crowded for a weekday. There was any number of available conquests waiting for the kill but his eyes automatically gravitated to the one person who made his blood boil for so many different reasons.
She had discarded her jacket somewhere and was swaying to the current song, standing in front of the digital juke box, vodka club in hand, as she perused the other music selections. Her round ass encased in her skinny jeans had the attention of most of the bar and if she continued to shimmy it for much longer, she’d have a line of eager suitors ready to roll.
Dean’s feet started making their way over to her before he had to physically stop himself.
What was he doing? Let her annoy someone else for the night.
He made his way over to where Sam was keeping an eye on Y/N from the bar, beer in hand.
“Was wondering how long it would take you to make your way over here.” Sam said in greeting.
“I got bored.”
Sam smirked at him, “Uh huh. And I’m sure it had nothing to do with Y/N.”
Dean gave him a look of disbelief, his eyes following Sam’s stare to where Y/N was laughing with some random male stranger over who knew what, “Why would it have anything to do with that pain in the ass?”
“You guys fight like cat and dog. And the tension keeps building and building…”
Dean raised a hand at the bartender and deliberately turned his back on Y/N’s form across the room, “There’s no sexual tension, Sammy. She just makes me want to choke her out. And not in the good way.”
A sly smile slid across Sam’s face as he leaned against the bar on one elbow, “Who said anything about sexual tension, Sigmund?”
“Shut up.”
Holding his hands up in surrender, Sam shrugged, “Okay. Okay, Dean. So, then, uh, I want to ask you something.” Sam shoved his free hand in his pocket, a sheepish expression sliding over his face, “Ummm, if you’re really not interested, then, uh, you wouldn’t mind me going for it, right?”
Dean stilled as he stared at his brother’s face in shock, “You’re not serious….are you?”
Sam shrugged, “She’s hot. And she’s smart and brave and can tell your ass off as fast as she can sew you up after getting hurt.” Sam’s eyes flicked over to her, watching as she picked up a cue stick and started playing pool with the random guys she had been speaking to earlier, “And she has the nicest ass I’ve seen in a long time.”
“Sam!”
“Oh, please. Don’t start. I’ve seen you checking it out plenty of times.”
“Yeah! Cause I have eyes!”
The bartender finally made his way over to them, “What can I get ya?”
Thanking the bartender silently for the interruption so that he could gather his thoughts, Dean replied, “Whiskey. Neat. Thanks.”
The bartender nodded and made his way back to the other end of the bar as Dean took a deep breath and raised his gaze to Sam’s, “Look, things like this can get complicated, Sammy. She’s independent as hell and prefers to work alone. Making a relationship like that work would be hard.”
Sam scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, “Who said anything about a relationship?”
Dean shot Sam a confused look his own, “Huh?”
“We’re both adults, Dean. Sex doesn’t have to equate to a relationship.”
An anger that Dean wasn’t sure he understood shot through his body and he felt his jaw involuntarily clench as he turned his body toward his brothers’, “You sayin’ you just wanna bang her and act like nothing happened after?”
Sam’s eyes scrunched further, “Dean…I’m not sure what part you’re not understanding. If there’s anyone who could comprehend something like this, it’s you.”
Dean threw his hands up in frustration, “Yeah, Sam! With random chicks that know the deal and are okay with having a one night stand that’s not gonna amount to nothin’.”
Sam bit down on the inside of his mouth, his lips quirking slightly before he turned it into a frown, “And if I tell Y/N what the deal is and she’s okay with it, what’s the problem?”
With a growl, Dean tossed back the whiskey that had appeared in front of him and wiped the side of his mouth before pointing at Sam, “The problem is that she’s not just some random chick, Sam. It’s Y/N! She’s our friend and she deserves more than just some random fuck and a ‘See you around sometime.’.”
“So you do care about her?”
“Of course I fucking care about her. It’s…she’s….SHE DESERVES MORE DAMMIT!”
Sam finally let that quirk at the side of his mouth slide into a full-fledged grin as he drank the last of the beer in hand, “Then why don’t you stop being a dick and tell her how you feel already.”
Dean blinked at Sam, momentarily thrown at his change in demeanor and his mouth opened and closed like a fish as he realized just how telling his words were, “Wha-?”
Slamming the empty bottle on the bar, Sam rolled his eyes, “Get out of your perpetual hole of denial and go get the girl you’ve been in love with for months already.”
Dean stubbornly ignored Sam’s last statement, “Soooo, you don’t want to bang her?”
Letting out a scoff of disbelief, Sam rubbed at his eyes in frustration, “God, please give me strength. No, Dean. I don’t want to bang her. I would never, ever get in the way of what I’ve seen between you two.” He grabbed at Dean’s shoulder and tightened his grip forcing his brother’s eyes to his, “It’s okay to love someone, Dean. It’s okay to love her.”
Dean stilled and stared at his brother as he bit the inside of his lip, a million thoughts racing in his mind. The most prominent one being the nonononononononono that was echoing in his brain bouncing around like a pinball against the memories of all he had endured. Every moment in his too short/too long life that had changed who he was before to who he was now.
He didn’t love her.
He couldn’t love her.
He still had so much darkness in him. Guilt. Pain. And he struggled every day to put those feelings of inadequacy into a small corner of his mind until they reared their ugly head at night when it was too quiet to drown out the memories.
Everything in his world ended in tragedy and tears and so many had been hurt or died because of him.
He couldn’t risk it.
His eyes flicked over to where he saw Y/N raising her hands in victory before holding her hand out to the poor schlep in front of her. She playfully curtsied in thank you as the money was slapped into her palm with a grumble. As she smiled, she turned her gaze towards the bar and met Dean’s eyes with her own and waved the money at him with a smirk and a wink, before letting the smirk drop into a frown as the intensity of his stare seemed to burn her from across the room.
He couldn’t risk her.
Dean swallowed thickly as she gave him a concerned face. Y/N brushed off the guy currently trying his best to earn his money back and pushed her way through the crowd to them.
He could feel Sam watching him from his perch “Moment of truth, Dean. She’s making her way over here and since she’s seen you go pale as a ghost, she’s gonna wanna know why.”
Flicking his eyes everywhere but at her, he felt his heart start to pound even faster and panic quickly set in. He reached into his pocket and flung some money on the bar before making his way to the door.
“Shit! Dean! Dean, wait!”
Ignoring Sam’s calls, he opened the door to the bar and disappeared into the night.
He wouldn’t risk her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Oh my, God! It’s a Wednesday. Why is it so fucking crowded in here?” Y/N muttered as she finally made her way to the bar where she saw Sam standing by himself, his mouth set in contemplation.
Grabbing his arm none too gently, Y/N pulled his attention to her, “Hey! Where’d Dean go?”
Sam let out a soft sigh and shrugged, “Not sure.”
Ignoring the disappointment in her chest, she pulled up the empty stool next to him and sat down, “What do you mean? He was just here and he looked like he was gonna puke. Is he okay?”
Sam let out another sigh and motioned to the bartender, “I, uh, may have said something that he wasn’t ready to hear yet.” He lowered his head to the bartender when he appeared, “Another beer and a vodka club, please.”
Y/N stared at Sam’s profile and took note of the hard clench of his jaw, “Sam, he looked physically ill. What could you have possibly said to make him react that way?”
The ridiculously tall hunter’s eyes flicked over to hers before looking away. He rubbed his hand over his face and then he suddenly shrugged and threw his hands up, “You know what? I’ll tell you because I honestly can’t take much more of this.”
“Sam?”
He placed his hands on Y/N’s shoulders and lowered his head to look into her eyes, “My brother is head over heels, madly, insanely, in love with you,” Sam squeezed her shoulders tight, “And at this point I’m convinced, he will never tell you.”
Y/N blinked up at Sam as her mouth dropped open. She let out small sounds of disbelief before she swallowed hard, shook her head and let out a loud laugh, brushing his hands off of her, “Get the fuck outta here! No, he isn’t. Sam, you’re outta your mind.” She plucked the vodka soda out of the bewildered bartenders hand before he could place it on the bar and quickly swallowed two large gulps before turning her attention back to him, her hands trembling slightly, “Did he…did he tell you that?”
Sam gave her an indulgent, gentle smile, “He didn’t have to. There’s no one in this world I know better than my brother. So that means I also know he’s drowning in a denial pool and with each day that passes, he keeps going deeper and deeper and he’s gonna drive both you and I crazy until he either drowns or runs away.”
“Soooo, he didn’t tell you this himself?”
Sam groaned and slapped himself on the forehead, “Do you two ever listen to anything other than what you want to hear?”
“This isn’t what I want to hear, Sam! Do you know how stubborn, how controlling, how much of a pain in the ass that man is?!” Y/N let out a growl, “H-he is constantly trying to tell me what to do. He’s always challenging every thought I have,” She threw back the rest of her drink; “He’s always nagging me about every move I make. Make sure to check your six, Y/N. Make sure you don’t hesitate, Y/N. Make sure you watch Sammy’s back, Y/N. Why didn’t you say you were cold, Y/N? Like, what the fuck?! When we’re in the same room it’s hard to breath as is and he just makes it so that I feel like I’m suffocating when he…when he…”
Sam let out a small laugh as he watched her struggle, “When he what?”
Y/N wiped at the side of mouth, catching a stray droplet of liquor before whispering, “When he teases me and then nudges me trying to get me to smile at him. When he waves coffee under my nose trying to get me to wake up in the mornings. When he steals the bacon on my plate because he already finished his and then he fucking winks at me and….and…” Y/N closed her eyes and swallowed deep, “When he looks at me….with those eyes of his…..”
Oh, God.
In the months that she had known him, Y/N had pushed whatever she might be feeling deep into the caverns of her heart because she knew, she fucking knew, Dean was never going to address the proverbial elephant in the room. She would watch him, watch her out of the corner of her eye and would see…she would feel this utter sense of loss coming from him.
At first, it confused her. But then the nights she was forced to share a room with them, she would hear him struggling in his sleep, whimpering as memories of pain assaulted his senses and she understood.
Dean Winchester couldn’t afford to feel anything.
Because everything that mattered was eventually taken away from him.
And Y/N understood.
So, she left it alone. And she ached. But she left it alone.
She was a proud, stubborn woman and she wasn’t going to force herself on anyone.
No matter how much she loved him.
Fuck!
Now what?
A whimper left her mouth and she banged her head on the bar top in front of her and groaned, “Why did you have to tell me that, Sam? I was just fine doggy paddling in my own damn pool.”
His large hand rested on the top of her head as he affectionately ran his hands through the strands of her hair, “No you weren’t.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter 7 - Part 2
@akshi8278 @curly-haired-disaster @chook007 @scorpiongirl1 @pisces-cutie @winchesterbroys
#young dean winchester#dean winchester#dean x reader#dean x you#dean x y/n#dean x ofc#thesex#first time#first love#spn#supernatural#supernatural smut#smut#sam winchester#denial#angst
106 notes
·
View notes