#it helped me limp inside after i fell (which was thankfully literally at the corner of our building)

[dokyeomini]

adrenaline is such a weird thing man

[wolfgangisdead]

Love, Loss, and Hot Wannabe Tall Guys

Fandom Far Cry 4

Pairing Pagan Min x Original Character

Words 3096

Rating Teen

Warning Pagan Min being Pagan Min, there will be a lot of bickering because it’s a dysfunctional family

-

CHAPTER TWO

Everyday was the same in the palace, especially considering the danger that was being remotely related to Pagan in any way. He was a very… unpopular individual among some of his citizens which was only very worrying for a single mother like Esha!

She had left Abha in the care of her sitter, and sat in the courtyard, working on a batch of clothes she had to repair for Pagan (something she did by her own free will mind you,) when she heard the familiar click of Pagan’s fancy shoes behind her. 

“Working again, are we? I can just buy new shirts, you know.” He huffed as he sat down beside her, leaning back against the step. 

“You know I like doing this. It gives me something nice to do around here.” She waved him off, a gentle smile on her face. “What brings you to my quaint step? I thought you and Ajay would be doing some bonding.”

He shrugged and looked at her, balancing his pen on his finger. “He’s off getting lost, I believe. You know how children are when you bring them to new places.”

“Is it smart to leave him alone? I don’t think it’s very wise to leave him unattended around here. It is not so hard for him to find things you won’t like him seeing.” She murmured, gaze drifting to the halls behind them. 

“What do I have to hide from him? The only thing I have is your beauty. He can’t take that, now can he?” He snickered lightly.

Esha couldn’t keep the smile off her face and tutted. “I told you many times before that flattery will get you nowhere. I don’t know why you still do it if it earns you nothing.”

“Your reactions are enough for me.” He tucked his pen away into the inside pocket of his jacket. 

“You do so enjoy watching me be embarrassed, don’t you?” She sighed heavily and returned her focus on the shirt she had made mere days prior. “You’re a king and you find better use of your time embarrassing a humble old tailor like me.”

“Old? You’re the epitome of beauty and youth.” 

“Okay, Grandpa. I’ve got work to do.” 

She threw one of the unfinished shirts at him, hoping it would get her point across as she turned her entire and full attention to her project. It wasn’t that she hated him, or disliked him, but it was more so the fact that he was a dangerous man and no matter how attractive and kind he was, her daughter came first and foremost. Perhaps she’d indulge in his flattery one day, but for now she had to ensure the safety of Abha before she could ever dream of romance. 

“Come have dinner with me. We can have your favorite meals, a candlelit dinner, anything you want.” He held her wrist, keeping her from doing more work. 

Esha tilted her head at him, biting her lip. “Pagan, I appreciate your offer, but not now. Perhaps one day, soon maybe, I will join you on that offer. But I cannot put myself, or any other person, before Abha. She is my entire world, you know that.”

He looked frustrated for a moment before nodding. “I understand completely. A child’s safety is always of utmost importance.” 

She didn’t press him further or add anything else to the topic. “You still have yet to train me, you know.”  

“In time. I promise you will get your training, but I need to make sure the Golden Path is handled before doing so. I don’t want to give them any chances of taking anything else.” He frowned, a dangerous look in his eyes that told Esha just what he was thinking of doing.

Her hand rested on his shoulder, a frown on her face. “You can train me here. I’ll be fine. I’ve seen you fight before and you’re quite capable of doing so anyways. I’m not as delicate as I seem, Pagan, I can take a few hits.”

“If you insist, but if you start crying, don’t blame me.” He was still in a dangerous mood, so she knew better than to test his patience. 

“Of course. It would take quite a bit to make me cry, anyways.” She nudged him lightly, a smile on her face. “Come on, it’ll be fun. You get to teach me how to protect myself and you get to learn restraint and not killing someone.”

“You’ll be the death of me, I hope you know that.” He stood and held a hand out to her. “Come on, you’ll need more combat ready clothing. It would be unfair of me to ruin such nice pants.”

“Pagan Min! I swear to Kyra that I will punch you right in the jaw!” She hissed, whacking his arm as she crouched to pick up the basket of clothes she was fixing. “I’m going to be the death of you? More like you’re going to be the death of me.”

“Good! Internalize all that annoyance and let it fuel you! You’ll need a lot of it for training.” He patted her head before offering her his arm. “We’ll start with hand to hand. Do you know anything about that?”

“No…”

“This will be fun.”

-

Esha fell to the ground with a thud, groaning loudly.

“Get up. You’d be dead by now if I was your enemy.” He jabbed his foot into her side before pulling her up by her hands. 

“We’ve been doing this for hours, Pagan. I am literally dying.” She practically crumpled before weakly returning to her fighting stance. 

Pagan regarded her curiously before sighing. “It seems a short break is in order.”

She collapsed onto the floor. “Oh, thank Kyra. I thought you would’ve kept going until I died.”

“You’re so overdramatic, Esha. You need to exercise more and maybe this wouldn’t be so difficult for you. This is the fourth break in the last two hours, you’d be lucky if anything I taught you stuck.” He snickered, poking light fun.

She lifted her head up. “For an old man, you sure do fight like you’re twenty.”

“I am quite resilient for my age, you know. Hope this teaches you not to underestimate me.” He retorted, grabbing a glass of water from a table in the corner of the room. He handed it to her, but had to help her sit upright. 

She thankfully took the glass and took small sips as she relaxed. “I doubt I would ever underestimate you, but to say I’m not surprised at how good you are at fighting would be a lie.”

“I am a man of many talents, my dear.” He rolled his eyes, but the smile betrayed his obvious joy in her recognizing his abilities. 

“You have more talents that aren't being annoying? I’m shocked, shocked I say!” She gasped playfully, a hand over her heart as she set the glass down. “Be still my beating heart!”

“I think you’ve had a long enough break, get up.” He huffed lightly, standing to his feet as he pulled her with him.

Esha let out a loud, annoyed groan, but resumed her previous fighting stance after she moved the glass to the table. She was really not prepared to get flipped upside down once more, or get any more bruises than she already had. 

“Try and land a hit on me this time.” He teased.

“Believe it or not, that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Punching your face is my one true goal.” She retorted, lunging forward 

He blocked her from punching his face, but was pushed back by a punch to the gut. 

“Good, good! You’re learning!” He cheered, but quickly countered another one of her attacks.

Esha swung for a roundhouse kick but Pagan grabbed her and pulled it towards him. She lost balance and for the upteenth time that session, she was on the floor. She moved her other foot, aiming to end his entire bloodline, but he caught her leg. 

He tutted. “You might not want to do that.”

“Says the guy who has been winning this entire time. I’ll do what it takes to bring my enemies down, even if it means playing dirty.” She retorted, shrugging as she crossed her arms. “Is it time for dinner, already? I’m a bit hungry.”

“You did good for your first day.” He dropped her legs and held a hand out for her to take. “Perhaps moving on to using weapons would be best since it’s less -”

“Less shitty and gives me a better chance of winning?”

“Now, now. You still have much to learn from hand to hand combat. No one will ever be good on their first day, you know.” He patted her back and handed her a towel to wipe off the sweat. “You should get cleaned up before dinner. Wouldn’t want to be sweaty and scratched up, now would we?”

“You’re an ass.” Esha wiped herself off as best she could before practically limping out of the room, ignoring the not so quiet chuckle from behind her. 

-

A warm shower was everything Esha needed, but she knew she couldn’t stay for very long, or else she would most likely miss dinner and would have to eat by herself with Abha - which there was nothing wrong with, but a little conversation where they could all understand one another was nice.

She was still visibly sore from her session with Pagan, and although that usually may have been a good thing for various reasons, she was not that kind of woman and fighting with him seemed a lot harder than she expected. Who knew he was good at something he never seemed to utilize. 

She threw on some clean, warm pants and an equally warm shirt before plucking Abha from her sitter and carrying her on her hip as she awkwardly walked towards the dining hall. 

Ajay and Pagan were already there, although it was clear Pagan had taken a shower before coming here, as his hair was slightly wet. Esha caught herself before she could stare too long and took her place to the right of Pagan, setting Abha in her high chair for some well deserved food. 

“I was told you were a local before coming here, Miss Esha.” Ajay cleared his throat as he watched Esha feed the ever stubborn Abha. 

Esha furrowed her brow, frustrated that Abha wouldn’t accept the ‘airplane.’ “Well, yes. It’s much better here, though, quieter. Gives little Abha here a chance to not be overwhelmed by anything.” 

“How’d you end up here, if you don’t mind my asking?” His gaze flicked to Pagan, but it was understandable, since he seemed to think Esha was his girl.

She paused. “Got shunned by my village, the usual Tuesday in Kyrat.” She laughed when she saw his surprised face. “My village was extremely traditional. Arranged weddings, things of the like. The man I was supposed to marry was not kind. When I had Abha, he immediately assumed I was cheating as Abha looked nothing like him. Freshly born babies look like potatoes, mind you. And it tumbled out of control.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that… It’s good you found a better place to be.” He nodded lightly, turning his gaze down to his food. 

“Why apologize? I don’t care. He was an ass anyways. At least here, the only ass is teaching me how to fight.” She glanced innocently towards Pagan who forced a polite smile, although it was clear something was bothering him. “You alright, Pagan?”

“Just got some rather unfortunate news, but yes. I only hope our guest doesn’t follow in his father’s footsteps and work with the Golden Path. How treacherous that would be.” He sneered, clasping his hands together. “I do so hope you wouldn’t dare.”

“They sought me out, I didn’t -”

“Let’s solve this civilly please. The Golden Path is no friend of ours, but Ajay, you must understand, being near them is dangerous.” She set a hand on Pagan’s leg, keeping him from saying anything further to damage what little relationship he had with the boy. “They are our enemies. The things they’ve done are..... painful to say the least. It’s best not to be near them if you know what’s good for you.”

Pagan cleared his throat and sat upright. “She makes a good point, as always. You shouldn’t be near such disgusting people. It’s safest for you to remain here!”

“They are only people worried for their families, Pagan. They are not all as evil as you say they are.” Ajay narrowed his eyes at the monarch. “They have a reasonable cause.”

“Did they have reasonable cause to murder a child? Did they?!” He slammed his fists on the table, the dangerous look normally present in his eyes spilling into his actions. “They are killers, terrorists. They have no place in my country.” 

Abha giggled at his short temper, but was shushed by Esha who was more or less trying to get her to not encourage Pagan’s short fuse. 

“And they seem to think the same of you!” Ajay snapped. 

“Ajay, Pagan, enough. You two are so much like bickering children, I might as well treat you as such. What a wonderful family this is. Single mother and two bickering children. Should I put you in the corner so you will learn to behave?” She narrowed her eyes at the two men. “I am well adjusted to Pagan’s temper, Ajay. Do not feed the flame.” 

Both men found themselves quiet, but both for very different reasons. 

Pagan looked at her as if she were the most attractive woman to walk the planet which might not have been far from the truth in his opinion, but being yelled at by a five foot two woman wasn’t exactly much to gawk at.

“Good, you both decided to be quiet. Now we can have dinner like a functional family.” She didn’t say much else on the matter and alternated between feeding herself and feeding Abha. 

Everything in her just wanted to yell at Pagan for not acting like the adult he was, but some part of her pitied him. He was acting only as what he knew, having been quite reclusive before he had met her. She couldn’t honestly expect much from a man who had lost everything to the Golden Path. But she couldn’t help him unless he wanted to be helped, and with his stubbornness, he would never admit it. 

Perhaps what he said about men only truly loving when too much distance has built up was true. 

She glanced at him, watching his face contort in obvious displeasure with Ajay’s words, but he didn’t act on it. Only breathing in slowly and exhaling before putting on the usual cheery front she was accustomed to seeing. It made her sad. 

“If… you want to listen to what the Golden Path says, perhaps you could act as a spy for us? Before you object, hear me out. I admit, neither side is humane with what they want, and how they get it.” Esha looked at Ajay. “Both sides kill and slaughter, but I think you could find some valuable information. The time for reasonable discussions with them are over, Ajay. They’re here to kill and if we can prevent it… we can prevent further bloodshed.”

Pagan wanted to argue that sending Ishwari’s son into the flames of the fire would end with him killed, but he listened. 

Ajay looked at her. “And what if what they’re doing is only in retaliation to you?”

“Each side does something in retaliation to the other. I’ve been here long enough to see Kyrat stuck in a catch twenty-two. Change won’t happen easily, but as someone who grew up here in Kyrat, what we need is to end the rivalry.” She shrugged lightly. “I’ve learned a lot in my time with Pagan, and one of those things is that we’ve long passed the time for sitting at the table and talking. Something more must be done.”

“Why don’t you just go in and spy, then, if you’re so sure it’ll do anything.” He leaned back. 

Esha stared at him for a moment. “Did no one tell you how your mother met Pagan? No? Okay.” She leaned her chin in her palm. “You’re a smart kid and I see that you’re really vouching for them right now, but unfortunately sending someone who doesn’t know how to properly fight isn’t exactly the best idea, if you didn’t know.”

“What do you hope to get out of doing this?”

“Peace, a Kyrat in which the civil unrest isn’t so prominent.” Pagan spoke up, annoyed that he dare suggest sending Esha into the frontlines of a fight with his enemies. “I have made attempts once, to fix this… this unrest. I have tried to repair the Kyrat they have destroyed and what happened? They. Didn’t. Listen.”

Ajay quieted at that, unsure of how to proceed with Pagan telling him he had made attempts to fix things. 

“So, now, you quiet down, hm? I made a promise to Ishwari, Ajay, but whether you stand with me or against me is up to you, and I cannot guarantee your safety if you stand against me.” Pagan neatly clasped his hands together, a sweet smile on his face. “I do hope you make the right decision, Ajay. I would hate for my promise to Ishwari to be broken in any way.”

Ajay kept silent and Pagan took this proudly, having won this small spat. It was a tiny victory, but it was clear he enjoyed the win regardless.

Esha was glad to finally have a chance to eat without interruption, or argument, despite not staying out of it to begin with. She stole glances at Pagan every now and again, watching him scroll through his phone with mild curiosity. 

He could be so beautiful when he wanted to be.

Now, Pagan Min was a great many things. He was morally questionable, annoying, chaotic, voted most likely to snort coke off of his partner’s dick, but you get the idea. Beautiful wasn’t a common word to describe him. At least, she wouldn’t. 

She cleared her throat lightly. “Well, I’m going to go for a walk. I’m trusting Abha with you, Pagan. If you do anything bad while she’s with you, I will hunt you down myself.” She kissed Abha’s head, earning a light giggle. “I’m watching you, old man. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

[emospritelet]

KOL prompt: Dorothy witnesses a particularly painfully awkward encounter between Belle and Gold once Belle comes back to work. She harasses Gold about it.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17]

AO3 link

Belle was relieved when she could return to work, and made her way to the hospital with a lightness in her step that she hadn’t felt in days.  Even the weather seemed to be celebrating her newfound freedom, the winter sun shining brightly on the snow, ice crystals glittering on the boughs of trees and the top of the park fence.  She greeted Mary Margaret cheerfully as she entered the locker room, shrugging out of her coat and shoving it with her bag into an empty locker.

“How are you feeling?” asked Mary Margaret.  “You look pale.”

“I’m okay,” said Belle, turning to face her.  “A little tired, that’s all.  Glad to be back at work.”

“Hmm.”  Mary Margaret looked amused.  “Even with the impending naked photo shoot?  I heard you agreed to do it too.”

Belle pulled a face, but couldn’t hide her grin.

“Dorothy called me yesterday,” she confessed.  “I don’t mind - it sounds like a bit of fun.  You’re in too, right?”

“I’m in,” said Mary Margaret, blushing a little.  “I just hope none of the school kids see the finished product.  I’m counting on the townsfolk to hide their innocent eyes.”

Belle grinned.

“So, do we have a full dozen victims?” she asked, smoothing her skirt, and Mary Margaret nodded as they turned to head for the ward.

“Six girls and six guys,” she confirmed.  “Literally no one was shocked that Doctors Whale and Milliner stepped up.  Dr Gold was a surprise, though.”

Belle stumbled, arms flying out to keep her balance.

“Dr Gold?” she said.  “He’s doing it?”

“I couldn’t believe it either,” said Mary Margaret.  “He’s always buttoned up to the neck.  I guess you just never know what someone’s really like underneath it all, huh?”

Belle thought that she knew exactly what he was like, down the last inch, but she elected not to say anything.  They rounded the corner and went into the long term ward, where Mary Margaret picked up a tray and began collecting empty water jugs from patients’ nightstands.  Belle left her to it, crossing the ward to where her little mobile library cart was stashed beside the waste bins.  She wondered if anyone had been doing the rounds in her absence, or if the patients had missed out on reading material.

Once she had made the rounds of the long term patients, she pushed the cart out of the ward, almost running into Dorothy, who swerved to avoid her.

“Sorry,” said Belle.  “I should slow down, I’m just excited to be back.”

“Well, it’s good to see you on your feet again,” said Dorothy cheerfully.  “We could use all the help we can get.”

“Just let me know where you need me,” said Belle.  “I was going to do the library rounds but I’m free after that.”

“We need supplies in the kids’ ward,” said Dorothy.  “I’ll get you the list, if you can swing by on your way around.”

“Sure thing.”

Dorothy nodded, and put her head to the side with a tiny grin.

“So, the photo shoot,” she said.  “Jefferson says the photographers are coming tomorrow.  I vote we go for drinks at the Rabbit Hole afterwards.  You in?”

“Sounds good,” said Belle.  “Who are the photographers?  Someone local?”

Dorothy shook her head.

“Couple of Jefferson’s friends from New York,” she said.  “Apparently they’re big time - do a lot of work for Vogue.  Nice of them to do him a favour.”

“Well, now I’m even more interested to see what the finished product looks like,” remarked Belle.  “Is there a theme or anything?”

“Other than ‘hospital staff strip off their clothes and their dignity for cold hard cash’, not that I know of,” said Dorothy, with a grin, and Belle giggled.

The tap of a cane made her look around, and she felt her heart thump as Dr Gold came into view, his hair brushing his cheekbones, his eyes a little tired.  Belle beamed at him as he approached, and he nodded to her.

“Miss French,” he said.  “I trust you’re feeling better?”

Belle gave him a flat look.

“If you start Miss French-ing me again, I’ll have to revert to calling you Dr Gold,” she teased.

“Well, we are in a hospital,” he said, a little stiffly.  “Given my professional status, perhaps that would be best.”

Belle felt as though a cup full of cold water had been thrown over her.  He wasn’t quite meeting her eyes, fingers twitching on the cane handle, and Dorothy was frowning at him.  She tried again.

“You must be enjoying having the house to yourself,” she said.  “Although if you ever want someone to kick your arse at cards again, feel free to give me a call.”

She grinned at him, and he looked away, off down the corridor.

“I’m enjoying the peace and quiet,” he said.  “No doubt you’re pleased to be back in your own bed.  As am I.”

“Right,” she said, feeling awkward, and Gold sighed.

“If you’ll excuse me, Miss French, I have a busy schedule,” he said.  “I’m glad you made a full recovery.”

He set off down the corridor with his limping stride, and Belle chewed her lip, sharing an awkward glance with Dorothy before pushing her cart on down to the children’s ward.  It seemed the close friendship they had been nurturing had taken a strange turn.

Gold was almost to the next ward when Dorothy caught up with him, swerving to stand in front of him and blocking his path.

“What the hell was that?” she demanded.

“What the hell was what?”

“Could you have been any more rude and dismissive?” she asked.  “I thought you two were friends!”

“How was I rude?”

Dorothy put her hands on her hips.

“What, so telling her she has to call you Dr Gold and you’re glad she’s no longer in your house wasn’t rude?”

“I told her I was glad she’d recovered!” he said, aggrieved, and she puffed out her chest, raising her chin.

“’My dear Miss French’”, she said, in a ridiculously deep and somewhat plummy voice. “’I’m delighted both that you didn’t die and that you’re no longer bothering me with your foolish chattering’. That’s how you sounded!”

“I did not!”

“You know, the next time you talk to someone you like, I’m just gonna record a video of their face going through the five stages of grief and show it to you.”

“She didn’t do that!” snapped Gold, and blinked.  “Wait, what do you mean ‘like’?”

Dorothy leaned forward, fixing him with a beady eye.

“You like her,” she whispered.  “Don’t you dare try to tell me you don’t, because you’ll be a lying liar who lies!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” he growled, and strode off.  She trotted at his heels like an insistent terrier.

“Don’t walk away from me, you know I’m right.”

“I don’t know any such thing!” he snapped.  “And I’ll thank you to keep your nose out of my personal affairs.”

“Oh believe me, if you had any personal affairs going on, I’d be more than happy to mind my own business.”

“Then do so.” 

“Can’t do that.”  She slipped in front of him again.  “Look, just ask her out.  I bet she’d say yes.  One date.”

“I don’t date,” he said stiffly.

“Since when?”

“Since forever,” he said, and she straightened up, looking surprised.

“Oh,” she said.  “Not ever?”

“No.”

Dorothy looked awkward.

“Oh,” she said again.  “I didn’t realise you weren’t attracted to people that way.  Guess I read you wrong.  Sorry, dude, my bad.”

Gold grimaced.

“It’s not that,” he said, his voice cool.  “When I say forever, I just mean - I mean not for decades.  It has nothing to do with attraction.  It’s a personal choice, and frankly it’s none of your business.”

“Yeah, sure,” she said, stepping back so he could pass her.  “Sorry.  I’ll - I’ll butt out.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you,” he said, in a dry tone.  “Perhaps we might get on with some work.  I believe I have a photo shoot tomorrow, and given that I’m dying inside just thinking about it, I’d prefer to get around as many of the patients as we can.”

Dorothy snorted in amusement, falling into step beside him as he walked on.

“Okay, you win,” she said.  “I’ll stop teasing you.  For, like, at least a day.”

x

Gold couldn’t recall why he had agreed to be photographed naked, and was convinced that he had still been sick at the time and that Jefferson had taken advantage.  There was no other reason for him to be standing in the corridor outside one of the operating theatres, which was thankfully not in need of use, along with four other men from the hospital staff.  Jefferson and Whale were looking positively gleeful, Leroy appeared his usual grumpy self, hands shoved in his pocket and a woollen hat pulled down over his head, and Dr Hopper, the psychiatrist who ran a clinic in the hospital every Thursday, had an expression on his face that suggested he was facing a painful death.  Gold could understand how he felt.

The doors to the operating theatre swung open, and two women swept into the corridor, arms folded as they looked the little party over.  One had rich brown skin and shining dark hair worked into elaborate curls with gold highlights, a cream silk blouse above loose brown slacks. The other was pale and thin, her white-blonde hair cut into a bob that fell to her jaw.  She wore tight black leather pants and a white silk vest, and her red lips curved upwards at the sight of them.

“The first victims,” she purred.  “Jefferson, darling, how the devil are you?”

She stepped forward, kissing Jefferson on both cheeks.

“Thanks for agreeing to do this, Ella,” he said.  “I owe you one.”

“Oh, Ursula and I simply had to come,” she said, waving a hand.  “Shocking the residents of small towns always was our thing, you know.”

“Hey, I thought there were supposed to be six of you,” said Ursula.  “We need a Mr February.”

There was a patter of feet further down the hall, and Graham, one of the nurses, came hurtling into view, skidding to a halt as he reached them.  His firm chest heaved beneath his dark blue scrubs, perfect stubble setting off a handsome face.

“Sorry I’m late,” he gasped, and Ella and Ursula looked him over with approval.

“Oh, I think we can forgive a couple of minutes,” said Ursula.  “Why don’t you go first?”

They put their hands on his shoulders, steering him towards the double doors, and Graham glanced at the others with a faint look of panic in his eyes.

“Great,” grumbled Leroy.  “I’m supposed to follow the guy that looks like an underwear model?  The camera’ll break.”

“I don’t think any of us is expecting to come out of this with our dignity intact,” said Gold, in a very dry tone.

“Just smile for the camera and suck in your gut,” said Jefferson helpfully, and Leroy glared at him.

“Hey, this is muscle!” he snapped, patting his midriff.

Gold sighed, exchanging a glance with Archie and shaking his head.  Why the hell had he agreed to do this?

x

The photo shoot went reasonably quickly, considering, but Gold was made to wait until last.  He was growing steadily more irritated as each man came out and a name was called other than his.  When Jefferson came out, with a grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye, Ursula stuck her head around the door and beckoned to Archie, which made Gold sigh. Great.  So I’m Mr December. Bloody feels like it, too.

“This calendar is gonna be an artistic masterpiece,” announced Jefferson, spreading his arms.  “You should have seen me, Gold! Tall and stoic - and almost impossibly handsome - gazing off into the distance as though I had just come up with the miracle cure for all ailments!  Dr Milliner, a modern day god, walking upon the earth so that mere mortals can—”

“Yes, alright,” interrupted Gold.  “I’m sure the camera shattered into pieces rather than be forced to take a picture of anyone else.  How much longer are they going to be?”

“Not long, keep your pants on,” said Jefferson.  “Or not, I guess.”

He waggled his eyebrows, and Gold rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

“Because I’m a good friend and you’re a good sport,” said Jefferson.  “You want me to come in with you?”

“No,” sighed Gold.  “I’ll be fine.  Is it just us?  Dorothy said she was posing, too.”

“Yeah, the women should be turning up any minute,” said Jefferson. “Speaking of, I’d better get back to work. Try not to kill them with how awesome you are, okay?”

“I’ll try not to give them nightmares,” muttered Gold, and Jefferson chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder before heading off down the corridor.

By the time Archie Hopper came out, looking a little shell-shocked, Gold was beginning to lose patience.

“How did it go?” he asked Archie, who blinked at him from behind silver-rimmed glasses.

“I was reclining on a couch with an arm behind my head and a copy of Psychiatric Times over my genitals,” he said, with a pained expression. “Please don’t ever speak of it again.”

He hurried off, straightening his jacket, and Gold couldn’t help grinning.  The sound of the double doors behind him made him turn, and Ursula was smirking at him.

“Well, if it isn’t Mr December,” she said.  “Come on in.”

“At least let’s make it Dr December,” he said dryly, and strode forwards as though he was going to his doom.

The inside of the operating theatre had been transformed.  The equipment was still there, including the table and instruments, but there was also a couch, as Archie had mentioned, a radiography film viewer, a IV stand complete with a bag of saline, and large amounts of photographic equipment. The woman called Ella looked up from her camera, pursing her lips as he walked in.  Music was playing from a stereo to her left, and Gold really wished they hadn’t elected to play You Sexy Thing.  He felt anything but.

“Right,” said Ella briskly.  “Let’s have a look at you, then.”

She straightened up, dusting off her hands and stepping closer.  She over-topped him by several inches, and she took his chin in between cool fingers, turning his head this way and that.

“Excellent bone structure,” she mused.  “Great hair.  I can definitely work with this.”

“You think people are going to be looking at my hair?” he asked, in a wry tone, and she released his chin and stepped back.

“Well, that’s really up to you,” she said.  “Take off those scrubs, let’s see what you’re hiding.”

“Nothing of any interest, I assure you.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, darling,” she said.  “We’re here to make you look as delicious as possible.  Just do as you’re told and it’ll all be over soon.”

Her matter-of-fact tone and air of brisk efficiency made him feel oddly at ease. He supposed that as photographers, they saw bodies all the time. Much as he did, as a doctor.  He was simply a tool, a piece of material they used to create their art. It made it far easier to shed his clothes, and pretty soon he was naked, wriggling his toes on the cold floor as they stared at him with folded arms as though he were an interesting museum exhibit.

“So, you’re a doctor, right?” said Ursula.  “Do me a favour and loop that stethoscope around your neck.  You can use that clipboard to cover yourself if it makes you more comfortable.”

Gold obeyed, holding the clipboard over his groin, and she leaned in close, frowning slightly as she studied his face.

“I think we need a warmer filter,” she said to Ella.

“Agreed,” came the response.  “Something a little more golden.  Give me a second.”

“The pose is wrong, too,” said Ursula.  “Is there any position you’d prefer, Dr December?”

“I’d prefer it if no one could see my face, does that count?”

She chuckled.

“Oh, we can manage that,” she said, and turned her finger in a circle.  “Spin it around.”

Gold turned, putting his back to them, and heard a sharp intake of breath from Ella.

“Now that,” she announced.  “Is definitely something I can use.  Turn ever so slightly to your right, Doctor.”

“Oh yes,” said Ursula approvingly.  “Raise the chart - there!”

Gold could hear the clicking of the camera from behind him, so he stood as still as he could, the clipboard with its chart held up in front of him, as though he were checking someone’s vitals.  Naked. He supposed it wasn’t too bad, really. If cold.

“If you could raise your left arm?” asked Ella.  “Just run your fingers through your hair and breathe in.”

He obeyed, feeling a slight stretch on his left side, his back arching a little as he sucked in a breath, and he heard a sound from the both of them that was almost a purr.

“That’s perfect, darling,” drawled Ella, and the camera clicked and whirred.

They asked for a couple more poses, instructing him to turn slightly, bend a little, or raise the chart in his hands.  He was starting to get cold, and he was relieved when they announced from behind him that they were done.

“Marvellous, darling,” said Ella.  “I think you’ll like the finished product.”

“I won’t exactly be making it into my official Christmas card,” he remarked, wriggling back into his scrubs.

“Oh, you may not,” she said slyly.  “But I have a feeling many a woman with a doctor kink will be getting hot and bothered this Christmas.”

Gold closed his eyes with a pained expression as he shrugged on his lab coat.

“I didn’t need that mental image, thank you.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to know you’re free to go,” said Ursula.  “Tell Jefferson he owes us a drink, and we’re coming to collect when we’re done.”

“I’m sure he’ll be delighted,” said Gold, and bowed his head.  “Ladies.”

They sent him almost identical grins, and he sighed to himself and headed for the door, pushing it open and stopping dead.  Six women were staring at him, most of them grinning. Dorothy was in front, and sent him a wink, but behind her were Astrid, Alice, Zelena Mills, Mary Margaret Blanchard, and - to his horror - Belle.  She was staring at him with wide eyes, and he wanted to sigh. Well, Jefferson did say everyone…

“Hey Dr Gold,” said Alice, winking at him.  “Sorry we missed the show. If you want to give us a sneak preview I’m sure there’s time…”

“I think not,” he said severely, and she giggled.

“I’m just teasing,” she said.  “You’re not my type. I mean you’re really not my type.”

“I’m delighted to hear it,” he said.  “If you’ll excuse me.”

He could feel their eyes on him as he walked off.

“Well,” he heard Zelena say, in a satisfied tone of voice.  “Guess who’s pre-ordering twelve copies of this thing?”