#it goes way harder in polish i think... theres just something about it

[cybrprzemoc]

et concidit vultus eius is a phrase that goes so hard youd think its from a sasunaru fanfic but its actually from the bible (vulgate), genesis 4:5

[magireco]

ive never played/watched magireco but do you think the large cast is a part of iroha just being seen as “madoka 2” ?? ive never touched the thing because from what i know its much darker than the original anime, but i do know there’s like 20 thousand megucas in the game and each of them has their own story, so there’s plenty of characters that could be seen as more interesting. theres also the fact that a lot of people dont like gacha games (and magireco, other than being one, is sexualized quite a bit so that probably makes people steer away from it as well, but that’s another topic) and magireco NA no longer exists anyways so it’s harder to actually understand the new content, plus as far as i’m aware season 2 of the magireco anime has not been confirmed to be planned? correct me if i’m wrong on that though

hi!! i have a lot to cover with this ask, so i’m going to answer your questions as neatly as i can in a fun little numbered list. read under the cut!

1. what do you mean by large cast? if you’re talking about how there’s more characters in the game/anime than in the original series, then i don’t think that really has anything to do with iroha. it might just be to garner fans’ collective interest since the original anime hit it off so hard. also, it’s just really hard to please huge collectives of people, especially really critical anime fans... *shiver.*

2. i think iroha bearing a similar resemblance to madoka was used to draw old fans back in, as well as living up to the tradition of all “main character” magical girls having pink hair. iroha and yachiyo were probably meant to resemble madoka and homura at least design-wise, and also seeing iroha, madoka, and homura together in one image is visually appealing; the colors and the familiar faces next to a new face are nice to look at.

3. magia record is not nearly as dark as the original series! in the anime, there are no main-cast deaths. this does not inherently prove that a show isn’t dark, but literally, the only onscreen death is of yachiyo’s friend from her original team, and that was in a flashback... rather than slowly losing characters as the story goes on, it starts off with iroha alone, then she meets other magical girls and they form a team, etc. i go on about this on my blog bc, once again, in my opinion, magia record has much more hopeful undertones and actually gives the girls a chance to, well... live. it’s an alternate timeline(that madokami can’t interfere with, there’s lore to that) wherein glasses homura is the homura featured(she actually gets a lot of character growth in the game), the main quintet is all together, the mikazuki villa crew really are just the found family trope combined in a little package. 

4. there are a few reasons for there being a lot of characters in the game, one of them being that they literally adapted every spinoff into the game. oriko magica, tart magica, suzune magica, kazumi magica... all those characters are there. then they added a bunch of side characters, which, i dunno? there are some side characters i really like and others i just kind of don’t really care about. but they really grow on you! .... most of them. 

5. yeah, blegh. the game certainly has its flaws(the whole series does, but that’s another ask for another day). the anime is much, much less fanservicey though! i have my gripes about the designs and i certainly have my gripes about the way the characters are drawn sometimes (looking at you, swimsuit mami artist), but with me being an experienced gacha player (unfortunately) that was just something i decided to put up with in exchange for a fun story. i can see why people might get the misconception that the anime is just as sexualized, though. i don’t like the main characters’ designs that much, honestly... they all show too much skin, so i agree. weird.

6. season 2 was confirmed! 

7. NA was discontinued right after the first arc of the series. disappointing (oh, i could go on), but we got to see a lot of iroha’s character development in the story.

8. what i was really trying to get across with that post was really just to gripe about in-fandom stuff. there are plenty of other characters that could be seen as more interesting than iroha, especially considering the mikazuki villa girls are all so varied, but that’s kind of how it is with every series, honestly. there’s always going to be one character that seems less interesting compared to other ones. i just kind of realized that iroha gets the short end of the stick compared to the other girls. not only because of her resemblance to madoka, but because of her perceived blandness and the lack of people who care to analyze why she might act that way. her pink motif and gentle, kind demeanor translates as “madoka copy” in people’s heads, and, y’know, it translated like that in mine the first time i saw her, too. but, when you actually think about her arc aside from her resemblance to madoka in several different ways, you get a really interesting and special character; just as special as the others! there was a similar issue with madoka, honestly, with people brushing her off because she wasn’t as “emotionally deep” as the rest of the quintet, even though that’s not true at all. i think it’s unfair that people will brush off a character just because they’re nice; that they’ll reduce characters like iroha and madoka to their cuteness and kindness only and not analyze the rest of the details that they have intentionally(or sometimes unintentionally, y’know how anime writing can be) been written with! 

...but then again, i’m biased in my own way, admittedly. i relate to iroha (i really just made that post because i was thinking about how i’ve never seen someone touch on how her memory gaps affect her), and i just wasn’t seeing any coverage on it, so i thought, someone has to do this! i also just... don’t see people who coin themselves as “iroha fans” very often? she’s one of the characters who is there, but usually not deemed interesting enough for someone to be a superfan of. i’m probably hypocritical, considering homura akemi is my favorite character and she’s pretty popular in the fandom, but what i said is more of an observation than an accusation anyway. i had similar feelings with madoka, but i haven’t gone on a proper ramble about that yet. 

...these characters also aren’t real people, so i’d say i probably shouldn’t go on such long rambles about them, but i really do feel like they reflect a lot of real life experiences sometimes. like, me connecting to iroha’s struggles is something that connects her character to an actual experience. however, like i said in my original post, i am very much an overanalyzer, and i tend to take concepts and just run with them, especially when something stands out to me. this is also just a magical girl show, so i’m really not taking anything that personally. 

also, to clear anything up, the original post wasn’t meant to come across as me being angry, per se, at people who think iroha is boring, it just kind of ticks me off that she’s brushed off so quickly in the larger fandom because of her demeanor. this doesn’t really apply to people who aren’t into the series at all yet, because i’d literally also think “okay so we have madoka, and madoka with a hood” if i were in your shoes! also, people are allowed to dislike characters for no reason. i’m just silly and go on long defensive rants over the sad magical girls, and would probably be sad if people didn’t like iroha because of the reasons i mentioned. 

all in all, i do reccomend magia record very much if you can get past the sexualization of the gacha cards and the, um... poorly designed outfits. because the NA server has been shut down, there are channels on youtube that graciously upload videos of the in-game stories as well as side stories! in the game, there are sometimes entire side stories for characters’ outfits. because it’s a gacha game, there are events and such, and the event stories i’ve seen and/or read (most of the ones i’ve read have to do with homura though) are a lot of fun. i reccommend checking out muffinrecord’s channel if you’d like to read any of the stories (hopefully you’re the type of person who can sit and watch live2d models move around with boxes of text on the bottom for 25 minutes like me). they have everything sorted into playlists in that section of their youtube. of course, i also reccomend watching the anime, if you’re interested! the animation is polished and nice, even if the story is a little hard to follow at times. but if not, that’s okay too. 

thank you for the ask, and i hope i could clear some things up for you!

[starlightshore]

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first. 

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it  better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!! 

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll  build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!

[simptasia]

charlie/des for the ship meme? :)

ooooh thanks babe!

who hogs the duvet

charlie. i can see him so easily, curled up to the side in the covers

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

uhhhh desmond but i can see them both doing this. note that this was in a time when texting was less ubiquitous and lot harder on the thumbs so the texts wouldn’t happen that often. the phone calls, more-so

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

charlie mainly cuz i imagine des would be less creative when it comes to objects that can be owned. charlie is the wackier, more artistic of the two

who gets up first in the morning

des. charlie sleeps in and des wakes up at like 6 in the morning to work out

who suggests new things in bed

OH FUCK THATS CHARLIE charlie is such a thirsty bitch

i’ve already headcanon’d that charlie is kinky as fuck whilst des is more, well, he’s open to other people suggesting kinks and other new things (discussing it a bit then being like “all right, brutha, we’ll try it and see how it goes)

and they’re both catholic so ya know things gonna get weird

who cries at movies

charlie 

i mean, they both can depending on the movie but charlie is more likely

who gives unprompted massages

nobody should give unprompted massages but charlie, probably

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

ooh both are plausible. they’d both worry about each others well being a lot. i can tell ya who’d be better at it: des. he’s spent his early life taking care of other people, his brothers, so he’d be better at practical care work, yeah?

meanwhile charlie, whilst he has a very powerful desire to care for his loved ones, is panic-y and also an idiot. so for comparison whilst des is like making soup and preparing medicine, charlie is near hyperventilating and when des tells him to do something he runs to each task like its a life or death situation

who gets jealous easiest

CHARLIE CHARLIE CHARLIE that bitch’s jealousy issues are nasty. yeah des is an insecure person too, everybody on lost is but des is normal in comparison to charlie who is so very not okay and *needs* validation and attention and love like its oxygen. and is very insecure. and this manifests as seething jealousy. the “they have a friend? that means they hate me” kinda jealousy. add the fact that desmond is clit meltingly hot, then we have an Uh Oh situation brewing

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

take a wild fucking guess

fucking moody english indie trying to be punk rock nonsense that’s trying really hard to be deep but its really just glorified shower thoughts

that’s what i think of charlie’s music and all music like it, and charlie would be into other bands that’re also into philosophical wanking on stage

who collects something unusual

pass

who takes the longest to get ready

charlie

des just puts on some clothes and finger combs his hair a bit. and he knows how to be quick at showers due to his time in the hatch. also des is so that kinda person is like, effortlessly hot. and he doesn’t even know it

charlie is the kinda guy who wears nail polish and eye liner and jewelry, of course he’s taking longer to get ready. he also wants attention and has awful self esteem so he’s not ready until he’s satisfied with his level of early 2000s bi stereotype punk grunge look that day. takes longer days where he hates how he looks no matter what he does and can’t denial himself into Manic Pride mode

fuck i can meta anything can’t i?

but yeah des is just insta hot and charlie is perfecting organized chaos

who is the most tidy and organised

in my head, im comparing their living spaces we see on the show. if i remember correctly, charlie has records lying around on his floor? but i may be wrong

i’d say they’re kinda even

who gets most excited about the holidays

oh, i can see them both enjoying that, with charlie expressing most glee (side note: he’s a december baby so theres that). christmas was a chore for desmond when he was young because 3 brothers but him and penny had lovely christmas together. and i imagine charlie had great christmas with his family too

it  just feels like a nice aesthetic/mood for both of them

who is the big spoon/little spoon

theres no Rules but oof, des and charlie… really nice mental image

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

charlie, the try hard

who starts the most arguments

charlie. throughout life in general, really

(i can see him being a “whats THAT supposed to mean??” kinda person)

who suggests that they buy a pet

I NEVER PICTURED THEM OWNING A PET

i dunno i dunno!!! i don’t even know what to picture!!

what couple traditions they have

???pass

what tv shows they watch together

pass, i can’t think of anything

what other couple they hang out with

well, penny and claire would be the other half of this polyam quartet

and uh. theres a lot of couples in lost. and if charlie is alive then everybody is so its really a free for all. big family

how they spend time together as a couple

- kissing, cuddling, banging

- having emotional breakdowns

- des could teach charlie how to sail

- and on the flipside, charlie can teach des an instrument

- it occurs to me that at some point they could start going to church together

- blessed be to all whom date charlie pace for the shitty poetry they’d have to endure (but lovingly, seeing charlie passionate is beautiful to des and claire)

who made the first move

i flip back and forth on that one, but i do have a preference for des being the one o start the ball rolling on this thing. not set in stone tho

who brings flowers home

aww des!!!

who is the best cook

desmond, whom i imagine is a pretty good cook. and charlie eats simple kinds of foods that anybody could get by on. many of which don’t require cooking. e.g beans on toast, noodles, tea/coffee, things you microwave, store bought desserts, yogurt. more often than not, orders a take-a-way

both of them came from poor/below average backgrounds but des has had to take care of more people growing up, whilst charlie had a more stable homelife and his dad was a butcher so i figure he was physically well cared for. and charlie’s mum comes across as really, really doting (maybe too much)

so once he grew up and lived his with brother, he was like “oh, mum used to cook all that stuff, guess we’ll just have a chinese for dinner, liam”, not in those words of course but i mean, that was the Mood. he misses banoffee pie

and des can actually make stuff that requires steps and a pre-heated oven

[angelwonderlandworld-blog]

i love you

words:

summarize:jessica has been through many obstacles that changed her life in ways unimaginable but she's not the poor innocent young girl they used to think she is a strong woman with a bright future ahead of her working as her boss assistant in this great company what could be better.but what happens when her boss gets “sick” and his son is the new boss until he gets better .but he's  one of the obstacles that had hurt her when he used to say she was his everything that he loved her but left her when he took the one thing she protected the most.but does she know the real reason why he left will she forgive him 

warning:explicit   

“jessi did you  hear that our boss is sick and his son is here right now as the new boss until he gets better but might i tell you he is sexy as fuck like i never seen a kind of species like him I'm pretty sure he's not from this planet your so lucky i wish i was you your gonna be with him everyday if i was you he could take me on the desk and we can-”i hear one of my close friends min-ho blabber out 

“ewww omg min thats nasty first of all and omg what wrong with mr.firminpel is he okay why didn't no one call me when did this happen he was fine yesterday please tell me he's okay ”i say while having a mini heart attack

“calm down he called the office this morning  saying he wasn't coming because he dose’nt feel good and  he dosent  want you to worry that hell be back soon that his son is gonna take care of everything but he didn't say what was wrong i don't think its that serious because before you even worked here  he had a very bad heart attack and his son was here but he looked miserable like as if he lost something i actually felt sad but he was like really ignorant ”she said

“oh wow “i say praying that my boss is okay

“jessi are you almost here i need my coffee I'm going to turn into a zombie if your not here in 10 mins I've been watching zombie shows this whole weekend and I'm starting to think I'm a zombie oh and you have to go out with the boss son he got weirdly happy when rachel told him that your his dads assistant and a sexy mysteryious smirk came on his face when she told him your going to be his assistant  i think he knows you or something but he's 20 years old a year older than you and he's just beautiful bro ”min says while making weird sounds that  i think are supposed to be zombie sounds. 

“I'm almost here I'm stuck on a red light and i have your mocha latte don't worry you won't become a zombie yet friend and I'm not dating him he sounds like a complete creep i don't want any man I'm fine alone they just ruin you he's not even that special ”i say while beeping at the car in front of me who stopped suddenly to shout profanities at the car who passed him 

okay then i say while making a turn just to see the polished enterpise were i work come into view but its crowded with a bunch of people holy cow.

“uh min are you still there may i ask why is there so much people outside“i say while pushing my sunglasses down to the brim of my nose to get a clearer view trying of  whats happening.

“I'm telling you the boss son is here and i don't clearly know what he does but everyone is going crazy over him I'm  pretty sure i saw a women throw her underwear at the window eww “min says making gaging sounds 

“can i go back home please” i whine while parking my car

“no your suffering with me”min saids laughing 

“I'm here see you inside okay “i say while hanging up and putting my phone  inside my purse  i take the coffee holder put the coffee on it get out the car and lock it making sure to here the beeping sound meaning its locked i walk around the sea of people to the back entrance of the building and go up a flight of stairs not wanting to go to the front to take the elevator already hearing the caos on the first floor 

i press the button to my left which opens the crystalized door in which i remember  bumping  into  too many times i chuckle lowly to myself as i walk by the receptionists table she looks at me and  rolls her eyes at me wow ok back at you bitch she then looks at me up and down and proceeds on talking to her friends about the boss son what the fuck they are like 40  i finally make it to my friends cute little office as she engulfs me in a hug 

“your here i was almost turned into  zombie almost ”she saids taking her coffee and sitting back down on her chair

“min i don't think it works like that “i say laughing 

“ok bye see you later zombie“i say blowing her a kiss

“oh man you have to go already oh yea your late to your new boss and have fun I'm praying for you guys to be a couple please god please what if this is like fifty shades of grey ”she saids winking at me 

“uh ok min no zero to the no nothings going to happen “i say shaking my head really dreading now  going to my boss office to meet his son

i close the door before she can say something else and walk to the elevator on the floor which is much quieter  no gossip nothing oh but i was wrong as soon as the elevator opened  theres two staff women talking about him i debate on weather waiting for the next one not wanting to listen about him anymore .

but i get in I'm already late its 10:53 and i was supposed to be there  20 minutes ago how great .”oh he's so cute i heard step son blah this man is blah blah blah”what is wrong with everyone i say as they finally get off on the fith floor the doors close and my journey to the last floor continues with people coming in and out with new gossip.  the door finally dings open to my floor i get off  along with this new intern girl who’s talking on the phone with someone and says lowly as she goes the opposite way of where I'm going “this slut is so lucky she's the boss assistant” i stopped in my tracks as fury started building up inside me

 don't do anything just forget about it i said to myself already sick and tired of this sick ass bullshit of the boss son. i keep walking  to the north wing of the floor and end up face to face with my boss office door as my hand is ready to push open i feel a weird fiery feeling rush to the pit of my stomach and something telling me to turn back but  i push everything aside and go in  through the big double doors.

i look at the center of the enormous room searching for the so “famous boss son “  i see the table thats always full of papers where i always stayed up organizing them .and there he is sitting on the chair facing the beautiful to die for  view of the city not allowing me to see his face

“your late” he saids cold as ice 

“yea i know I'm sorry i was stuck in-”i stopped when the so highly talked about boss son turned around only for it to be my first love the one who left me a gasp fell from my lips

“hello again my queen i missed you “he said 

“what- fuck you” i screamed as tears started rushing down my face as i remembered the day so clearly i turned around to leave but stopped 

I'm sorry for disappearing there was a family emergency my step dad mr.firminpel your boss was really was sick during that time i didn't want to leave after the wonderful night we had  but he had a heart attack and my mom didn't want me to contact you she said all these bad things for me to never see you again but you moved on i went  to your parents house you weren't  there i asked your parents and aunts even your brother but they refused to tell me where you where but i never stopped looking for you baby i never touched another woman as i promised you .i never showed you my step dad only my real dad so thats why you didn't know i was his step son because i wasn't talking to him at the time. i found out it was you when you where talking to him on the phone about some plans. he talked to me about you everyday  since the day you started working in the company and i fell in love with you more and more i know Ive hurt you and i regret doing it everyday because if it wasn't for you  i wouldn't of changed please believe me your my queen i love you.”he said looking at me with his ocean blue eyes  studying my face sadness written all over his face waiting for an answer

i was speechless everything  in me believed him all the pieces where coming together but it was too much to take  in i didn't know what to say all these years he's back i didnt want to believe him did he really change is he saying the truth.

“please say something “he said his voice breaking at the end as he started walking toward me he took my face in his hands and wiped my tears that kept falling uncontrollably he looked at me his touch felt like fire she didn't know how much she missed his touch until now and then he kissed me and i felt a force of electricity ignite through me as his lips moved so good against mine but i couldn't kiss him back it wasn't right i said my mind and body  not agreeing with me at all.

“baby I'm sorry” he said as he put his forehead against mine and caressed my wet cheeks  

he then hugged me  tightly and whispered sweet nothings in my ear my stomach clenching at every word he said .and then i did the one thing i promised myself not to do all my walls i built collapsed and i forgave him 

“its okay” i said giving in and wrapping my arms around him tightly hiding my face on his chest 

“i missed you so fucking much baby you don't even want to know your never leaving my side never“he said taking my face in his kissing me harder as our lips moved in sync his tongue slipped inside my mouth and it was like a tongue battlefeild  

“everything I've done I'm gonna make it up to you until the day i die  baby your my queen “he said kissing my cheek lightly

“your so fucking  beautiful”he said giving me wet kisses all over my face moving down to  my neck sucking lightly receiving a low whimper from me 

“baby let me make it up to you”he said sucking harder on my neck

“lucas here we can't-- “ i moaned out as his hands travelled up my legs  

“jump”he said slapping my ass lightly

 i jumped and he carried me to the desk pushing all the papers to the floor he sat me down and hovered over me

“baby we can't do anything here this is your dads office what if someone comes in and on the fucking table noooo “i say shaking my head as i put my hands on his chest trying to push but  failing miserably  what am i doing  

“don't worry no one will dare to come in ok  I'm firing anyone who interrupts us oh fuck  your so sexy when you curse baby i never thought you would curse ” he said holding my face and giving me hard  a kiss on the lips my hands travelled to his neck and in a swift motion i turned around and  hovered over him .

now i was sitting on his lap  ”I'm not the same anymore daddy”i whispered sexily as i bit the lobe of his ear

“fuck baby”he said in a sexy growl gripping on to the edge of the table his knuckles turning white 

“your so fucking sexy I'm  murdering that sweet pussy  I've been to long without you baby ”he said bitting his lip as he looked down at me hungrily

and then i was back under him as he kissed me and touched me his hands moving to my neck gripping me lightly as his other hand moved down to my shirt unbuttoning my shirt groaning when he got stuck in one and ripped it off

“lucas”i whined as my favorite shirt landed on the floor

“ill by you a new one baby”he said kissing my lips sliding my skirt  off my legs  he ran his cold fingers down my legs making me shiver and my core drip wetter than it already is for him my shiny heels fell with a loud thud to the floor 

“oh baby “ i moaned gripping on to him 

“baby i love how you get so wet for me “he said sliding his slender fingers up and down my covered wet core 

he leaned down and bit the tip of my lace underwear pulling it down with his teeth earning a loud moan from me

“oh fuck you smell so good” he said as my panties landed on the floor he stopped and took of his tie and dress shirt as i admired his hot toned built chest he smirked and opened my legs wide and put my legs on his shoulders. 

i was now moaning uncontrollably without he even doing anything. 

“he started kissing my wet core as he slid one of his long slender fingers inside me curling them inside my wetness and that was just his finger imagine his big- oh fuck i said biting my lip as my head fell back on the table gripping on to his head as he put another one of his fingers in me 

“Lucass” i whimpered pulling on his soft curls he looked up at me his eyes turning darker every second  

he started lapping up my juices as if he has never eaten in his whole life 

“ahh shit- fuck luca-” my mind was going crazy but my thoughts where soon interrupted when i heard a soft knock on the door. 

“baby uh lucas stop theres someone at the doorr-”i moaned trying to move his head away but he just moaned making me tremble from the vibration that caused his tounge  and then it was too late and the door shot open…

to be continued…

[trendingnewsb]

Glenn Close: You lose power if you get angry

From vengeful mistress to Agatha Christie matriarch: the actor talks about Harvey Weinstein, mental illness and growing up in a cult

Glenn Close and I sit at the corner of a large boardroom table in an intimidatingly minimalist office on the 14th floor of a Los Angeles talent agency. Its the kind of environment in which Patty Hewes, the ruthless lawyer Close played in Damages for five seasons, would feel at home and Im almost waiting for her to stand up, slam both hands on the table and shout, Ill rip your face off or any of the other terrifying put-downs that defined her double Emmy award-winning performance.

But Close is in high spirits and radiates such warmth I barely notice the chill from the tower blocks air-con. After we fiddle with the settings on our swivel chairs, which are so high they make anyone under six foot kick their legs like a child on a swing, the 70-year-old, six-time Oscar nominee and star of stage, television and film starts telling me about her dreams. I have had a lot recently, full of this wonderful love for a younger man. The dreams just keep coming and I wake up thinking, that was wonderful! It wasnt necessarily us doing the sexual act, just the feeling of love.

With her white hair cut to a sharp crop, and wearing a relaxed navy blazer, chinos and black scarf on account of the arctic corporate temperature, she looks stylish and fit. I have never felt better in my life, and I am, like, 70, she says. Im really a late bloomer.

She says she feels a disconnect between how she sees herself and how people may view me when I walk down the street, like: Theres an old lady. You know, there is now this cult of the model. Everyone on the red carpet is made into a model. That is very hard to not play into I have a bit of podge I am trying to get rid of, but its hard. I just think, Oh fuck, Ive been doing this my whole life! But the irony is, you just get better and better with age. You dont feel less alive or less sexy.

In Agatha Christies Crooked House. Photograph: Nick Wall

We are here to talk about Crooked House, the Agatha Christie adaptation debuting on Channel 5, before its theatrical release, in which Close plays Lady Edith, a matriarch of a very dysfunctional family. Close says, Christies grandson came to the set and he validated the fact that it was her favourite book, and the one that had never been adapted. He said when she handed it to the publisher, she was told she had to change the ending, because it was too upsetting and controversial. She refused. Its still pretty controversial.

This production, co-written by Julian Fellowes, might not be as spendy as Kenneth Branaghs $55m Murder On The Orient Express, but the ensemble cast is equally starry: joining Close are Gillian Anderson, Max Irons, Terence Stamp and Christina Hendricks. Close presides over her co-stars with gravitas and grace, in an understated performance that finds the humour in an otherwise bleak setup. But youd expect nothing less from the actor whose 40 years in the business started with star turns in Broadway productions (she won a Best Actress Tony in 1983 for Tom Stoppards The Real Thing). Her first film role, at the age of 35, was with Robin Williams in The World According To Garp, for which she received an Oscar nomination as she did for her supporting roles in The Big Chill and The Natural. Her performances in Fatal Attraction, Dangerous Liaisons and Albert Nobbs, about the life of a transgender butler in late 19th century Ireland, which she also co-wrote, racked up further Oscar nominations but still no win. This is seen by many as a travesty: Close brings a precision to her film work, honed through her years on stage. She has that rare taut quality Jack Nicholson also has it where you believe that beneath the steely control she is capable of snapping at any moment.

It was this that led Andrew Lloyd Webber to cast her in 1993 as the tragic silent movie star Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard on Broadway. Close reprised the role 23 years later, getting her old costumes out of storage (she has kept all her costumes and recently donated the collection to a university in Indiana) for its revival in Londons West End.

As Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction: Clearly she had mental health issues. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

But it was her Oscar-nominated turn as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction in 1987 that proved career-defining. Thirty years on, Close still counts Forrest as the character of whom she feels most fond; she has admitted to fighting tooth and nail against the films eventual denouement, which turned the character into a bunny-boiling psychopath and Close into the casting directors go-to woman on the verge for years afterwards. Now we have the vocabulary to talk about these things, clearly she had mental health issues, she says.

Close sits regally still as she speaks, emphasising her points by leaning forward and locking eyes. Shes comfortable with silences and often takes a theatrical beat or two before answering questions. Shes all poise and control, but does she ever lose her temper?

I express my feelings quietly. I am not afraid of confrontation, but I am not particularly good at it. If I get attacked, I am not good at attacking back. There is fight, flight and freeze and I tend to freeze. That is not a strength of mine. I love the fact that my daughter Annie [Starke, an actor] is more of a fighter than I am. She doesnt let people get away with shit. While she agrees that women have a harder time being angry, publicly, than men, she says, I have played a lot of characters, and actually anger makes you lose power. Patty Hewes [in Damages] she hardly ever lost her temper, but when she did, it was very specific. I have always felt you lose power if you get that angry.

The collective outpouring of anger among women in Hollywood right now is something of which Close is acutely aware. She says that sexism in the industry has shifted more slowly than it should have done throughout her career: It took Harvey Weinstein and someone calling him out [for real change to happen]. I know Harvey, and he has never done that to me, but people would say he was a pig. I never knew that it was that bad and I dont personally know anybody who has endured that. I would like to think that I would have done something about it.

We discuss whether its possible to separate the work from the personalities involved in it. News has just broken that House Of Cards will be back for another series without Kevin Spacey, after it was originally canned because of harassment claims brought against its leading man. Close wraps her scarf around her chest and fixes me with her electric eyes. Artists, to make a huge generality, walk on a very thin line. Sometimes, like my beloved friend Robin Williams, who was one step away from madness, whatever makes them a great artist also makes them very complicated human beings. Again, that doesnt mean they can prey on and abuse people.

With Harvey Weinstein in 2013. Photograph: Mike Coppola/Getty Images

At the root of the problem of sexism in Hollywood right now is, Close says, biology. I think the way men have treated women, from the beginning of time, is because they have different brains to women. So I am not surprised by it at all. I say to a guy, Tell me the truth, if you see a woman walk into a room, what is the first thought that goes through your head? His answer, always, is, Would I fuck her? It doesnt mean they act on it. If you can evolve into a society where men know that they should not always act on it then there has been a positive revolution. But you cant just say that theyre not going to have the thought that is ridiculous. It also has to be the women, who are not powerful, to be OK to say no and leave the room. I think its unrealistic to say were going to change but we have to evolve.

I ask Close who she thinks is a great man today. She is silent, thinking, for what feels like a full 60 seconds in which I am so tempted to throw out some options: Barack Obama, the Pope, the friendly security guard on reception who let us in

Nelson Mandela, is her final answer, but Im not sure shes convinced. I guess for me, she says, greatness is taking your humanity and still doing the good thing. Its sad to say that there are very few men, who are leaders, who have some sort of moral code that they dont deviate from because of popular opinion.

She thinks we are undergoing a crisis of masculinity: In the public mind, yes. I was outraged when I heard that there was a war against men I was like, are you joking? What do you think has been happening against women for centuries?

Close knows all too well about the misuse of power, because her own upbringing was, as she puts it, complicated. When she was seven, her parents joined a cult. Moral Re-Armament or MRA was a modern, nondenominational movement founded by an American evangelical fundamentalist which extolled the four absolutes: honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. Her father, a physician working in the Congo, sent Close with her brother and two sisters from the family home in Greenwich, Connecticut, to live at the MRA HQ in Caux, Switzerland (Closes mother, Bettine, was a socialite).

She is vague on the details but clear on the impact this experience had on her as a teenager: I was repressed, clueless and guilt-ridden. The timeline is patchy, but Close travelled with MRA in the 60s as a member of their musical groups, and spent time back in Connecticut at an elite boarding school. I had a wonderful time at Rosemary Hall, a girls school, she says. I was in a renegade singing group called the Fingernails: A Group With Polish. But she remained, as she calls it clueless. A lot of my friends knew boys youd have these horrendous dances with boys schools and they would get the guys they wanted and I would just stay with the person I was with.

As Patty Hewes in Damages. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

She was briefly married before going to university. It is a complicated story for me. I was married before college, and kind of in an arranged marriage when you look back on it, and my marriage broke up when I went to college, as it should have. I was 22. But my liberal arts school had a wonderful theatre that was my training, my acting school.

Was that where she finally learned about sex, popular culture, the ways of the world? Not really, she says. I still am learning.

Close has two sisters, Tina the eldest, and Jessie her younger sister; and two brothers, Alexander, and Tambu Misoki, who was adopted by Closes parents while living in Africa. At the age of 50, Jessie spent time in a psychiatric hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a weight that had been hanging over the family, undiscussed, for years. Talking about mental illness just wasnt done, Close says. You dont have a vocabulary for it and youre also very aware of appearances. You dont want to appear a crazy family.

In 2010 Close founded Bring Change to Mind, a charity that aims to end the stigma around mental illness by talking openly about it and its effect on families. It was my nephew who was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. This is basically schizophrenia with an ingredient of bipolar. And when that happened, it was like, What? My sister Jessie, his mother, didnt know what was wrong. He went to the hospital for two years and that saved his life. Then Jessie was, finally, correctly diagnosed herself.

With sister Jessie in 2009. Photograph: Getty Images

Close felt a duty to her family to give them a high-profile person who is not afraid to talk about it publicly. It affects the whole family. We always knew my grandmother and mother had depression my sister does, I do to a certain extent. But I didnt know my great-uncle had schizophrenia. I knew my half-uncle died by suicide. There was a lot of alcoholism addiction, self-medication. Nobody ever talked about it. I knew my grandmother was depressed, but at first I thought she lived in a hotel, not a hospital, because she always said how good the food was.

Close says she and her siblings are of one mind politically, but admits she does have members of her family who voted for Trump. I tried to understand that. Theyre not crazy people who have been brainwashed by Fox News, but I try to understand the anger, because I think that has been building up ever since Watergate. It was watching that scandal unfold that made her realise Americans have always been naive, we just take for granted what we have, and we always thought of our leaders as good people. With Watergate, people became cynical about government.

Today, she says, Washington is a bunch of self-serving She searches for an expletive and after a second settles on men. She says, Its hard to believe that people are so out for themselves. It goes against what you would like to believe about your country. I feel eloquence is incredibly important for a leader, and we had that with Barack Obama, who made his initial impact because he gave that incredibly eloquent speech, but he lost his eloquence in his presidency. We always need someone to say, I hear you, someone who can put their words into unity and hope and we dont have that. I think the last person may have been Robert Kennedy.

And now you have Trump tweeting nonsense.

Its devastating. Social networks are now like our nervous system, and if you keep pumping that kind of crap into the nervous system, it is going to have an effect on a population.

With Kevin Kline in The Big Chill. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

Close doesnt talk politics with her friends because she doesnt really have many friends. I have always forced myself into situations I am not comfortable in. I am an introvert, and I was painfully shy as a child. I think I still have a big dollop of that in my persona. I read a book called Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Cant Stop Talking and it was a real comfort to me I realised I was that person I had always been. And it was at that point I told myself to stop pushing myself into situations that I dont enjoy. I dread cocktail parties.

She tells me shes pretty reclusive and can count her closest friends on two fingers. I ask if shes still good friends with Meryl Streep.

I have never been close friends with Meryl. We have huge respect for each other, but I have only done one thing with her, The House Of The Spirits.

I apologise for assuming they were pals, being of a similar age and stature in Hollywood, and admit this negates my next question: Who would win in an arm wrestle, you or Meryl?

Close laughs. Oh, I would, because I am very strong.

***

The tightest bond Close has is with her only daughter Annie, 29. Annies father is the film producer John Starke whom Close dated for four years from 1987, but never married. Annie was never a door-slamming, difficult teenager. Close tells me: When my Annie was three, she looked at me, and said, I want you. I knew what she meant. I, at the time, was a single working parent, sometimes even when I was home, working or producing something, I was there and not there.

With daughter Annie Starke in 2010. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

She doesnt think its any easier for working mothers today and acknowledges, I had it easy because I could afford to have help think of the women who cant afford it and have to put their child in some shaky childcare centre. No, I think it is incredibly hard for women. Any person, in any profession, feels that tug [of guilt]. We discuss the intimacy of the single-parent, only-child bond. Once, I went to vacuum Annies car seat as we were moving house, and a lot of life had happened there, so I was crying. She said, Mummy, are you OK? I said, Yeah, Im OK. And she said, Here I am.

She was married to businessman James Marlas from 1984 to 1987 and then, following other relationships, including that with Starke, she married again, in 2006, to venture capitalist David Evans Shaw, divorcing him nine years later.

Would she marry again?

I dont know.

Does she think marriage is important?

I think it is a positive evolutionary component that we are better with a partner. I think to have a partner that you can go through life with, creating a history with, that you can find a comfort with, have children with there is nothing better. This is an opinion I have come to very late in life, at an ironic moment, where I dont have any of that. I dont know if I will again. But I do think its a basic human need to be connected.

Despite this, shes happy on her own right now. This is a good time in life. I do think, what would it be like to have a partner again? But it would have to be very different from what I had before. Then I have that great dream and wake up happy.

Crooked House is on Channel 5 at 9pm on 17 December.

Commenting on this piece? If you would like your comment to be considered for inclusion on Weekend magazines letters page in print, please email weekend@theguardian.com, including your name and address (not for publication).

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/dec/16/glenn-close-harvey-weinstein-mental-illness-cult-fatal-attraction

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2npFUB4 via Viral News HQ