#it gets hard to unlink it from external motivations

[kittythelitter]

I love rambunctious rockstar Eddie, but today, I'm imagining a Steddie AU where they meet as adults in the real world, and in order to like. Get by and escape his past reputation and stuff, Eddie has suppressed a lot of himself.

And he and Steve kinda know each other but like. They don't interact that much.

Steve is kind of. Untouchable and good at what he does and Eddie has a crush but is also like. This guy's never looked twice at me and he won't because I'm a scruffy loser.

Meanwhile Steve thinks Eddie is cute but also kind of...bland? Like he doesn't seem to care about much and he doesn't engage with people or joke around and like. Occasionally he catches glimpses of Eddie under the professional mask but he figures Eddie just. Doesn't want to work here and is keeping personal and professional lives separate.

And then one day Steve sees Eddie interacting with one of the kids who like. Knows him from the game store or whatever and he lights up and is so engaging and dorky and wonderful and Steve is like. I need to date this man.

So they start dating and Eddie has been holding back for so long that it's hard for him to open up to Steve and then later like. The people he works with or whatever. And eventually everyone is charmed and enamoured by Eddie and all his charisma and fun. And it's great. But there's other things he's still holding back on.

Anyway fast forward months or a year or something and Steve and Eddie are really serious and living together and maybe talking about marriage when Gareth, who was on another continent teaching English. I'm thinking Japan, or Eastern Europe, but it doesn't really matter. The point is, Gareth and Steve have never met except in passing over zoom. Anyway Gareth is back stateside and they're getting dinner or something.

And Gareth introduces himself not as a part of Eddie's Zoom DnD group, or as his best friend since highschool but instead.

"Hi! I'm Gareth, I'm in the band with Eddie!"

And Steve has never heard of Eddie being in a band and is like. "Eddie you're in a band? How did I not know that you're in a band?"

Eddie is like. "what are you talking about. First of all we were friends before we were band mates and second it's been decades since we were in a band. It was just a highschool garage band."

Anyway it all comes out that they were in a band. In highschool and after. In fact for many years after highschool they were in a band. But. Eddie couldn't get a job after high school because everyone in town knew him as the super senior drug dealer who was ~somehow~ involved when the weird religious captain of the basketball team went crazy and killed his girlfriend.

Anyway. Eddie couldn't get a job, and it wasn't like the band was making money, so he had to leave, which meant breaking up the band. But instead of going to college or working jobs and living at home the whole band followed him and risked everything to be a band with him. Working shitty jobs and living in shittier apartments. Keeping him company as he struggled to keep a job for a variety of reasons. So because they loved him and believed in the band.

And they tried that for a while. But they failed. They didn't get lucky. Could never play in the right place at the right time. Which happens. Not because they weren't good, just because they weren't lucky.

Eventually Eddie made a call. It was time to break up the band and start acting like real adults. Take the promotion that takes you far away, go to school if that's for you, stop losing jobs because you're too committed to song writing to show up on time, or miss shifts to make last minute gigs in shitholes or because you're too committed to the rockstar look. It was fun while it lasted but he didn't want his friends giving up on good opportunities, on good adult lives, for a failed highschool garage band. And it broke his heart.

Back in the present his friends are established in their lives and have time for hobbies and they've started playing DND over zoom, which is great but not enough, and they miss each other. So they've been trying to get the band back together. Not to make money or get famous, just for fun.

But Eddie is so embarrassed that he thought they could make it. So ashamed that his younger friends had to support him because he was too busy chasing their dream. And there's trauma there. And grief. And because of all this. He won't even jam with his friends. So Gareth told on him to his boyfriend. Which is probably not the most healthy or mature thing to do. But it gets Steve involved.

Steve has seen Eddie light up while playing or listening to or talking about music. He clearly loves it more than anything. It's clearly so so important to him. And yet he never really plays for Steve. And clearly doesn't jam with his friends. Which is a shame because it made him so happy.

Which leads to the conversation that started this post in my head.

Steve: Eddie, baby, tell me. Are you Max Mercy?

Eddie: Who?

...

Robin: Steve are you looking for "Matt Mercer"?

Steve: *not missing a beat* Eddie are you Matt Mercer?

Eddie: ... no?

Steve: Are you Brennan Lee Mulligan? (he knows Brennan because they're obsessed with Game Changer)

Eddie:... Obviously not?

Steve: Are you famous for your skill as a DM?

Eddie: where are you going with this?

Steve: Do you have to DM ans do a good job to support your family and make sure your friends stay employed?

Eddie: Stevie what the fuck?

Steve: please answer the question.

Eddie: no???

Steve: Then why do you do it? If it's not for fame or money or to keep people afloat why do you spend hours every week planning encounters?

Eddie: Well, Its - uh.

Steve: Is it perhaps because you enjoy doing it? That you have fun working at something just for its own sake. That you love playing with your friends?

Eddie: of course I do.

Steve: Then why is music any different? It's okay if you just don't want to. But it's also okay if you want to. It's even okay if you're rusty or bad and never make money or fame off of it. It's okay if it's just for fun. Just for the sake of playing with your friends.

Anyway Corroded Coffin never makes it big but they have a great time and host bonfires and fun little parties and invite people of all ages who are able to to bring their instruments and jam with them. They also do some concerts that are fundraisers for community things like the highschool's tabletop club or the local LGBTQ+ organizations.

They never make money for themselves but they never have to. They do make a DND podcast though. Just because more people deserve to hear Eddie dm.