#it gets a lil easier every day 🫂🫂

[messrsrarchives]

hi! hello! this is scary but hi! i don’t know who else to ask for advice, i want to use they/ them pronouns (wow ive never actually typed that before) but i feel like im not trans enough? or like i don’t struggle enough? i know its silly probably 😞 but idk, asking people to change for me feels wrong.

anyway thank you <3 for everything you do in this fandom <3 🫂🫂

no such thing !!! no such thing as trans enough !!!

trans is an umbrella term and anyone who doesnt feel as though they aligned with their assigned gender at birth is Trans - no matter 'how much'

AND it's not people changing for you, it's YOU changing for You 🙂↕️ the people that matter will accept and adjust <33

even just typing this is massive !!! i always recommend trialling online first because that's what i did and it helped so much at feeling comfy using my preferred pronouns and introducing myself with them :))

and i'll let you in on a lil secret,, there's no "struggling enough". even now i get thoughts of "oh... i wear makeup and like it??? am i trans???" YEAH 🙂↕️ I AM 🙂↕️

there's no enough besides being enough for You 🙂↕️

[our-queer-experience]

a lil vent under this. it mentions suicide and it does contain some self harmy things

[pt: a lil vent under this. it mentions suicide and it does contain some self harmy things]

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do you ever feel like everyone (outside of the internet) only sees you as either something to brag about or a joke? i feel like whenever i tell someone im a guy. a boy, and not a girl, they don't believe me and treat it like a joke. when i got my eyes checked the legal parental guardian that took me there asked if i was gonna make the pronouns "funny". i made it two pronouns im comfortable with, and she misgendered me the whole time. true, i am partially a joke, but im not wholly a joke. theres more than that. im me but it seems everyone around me that isnt someone from place-where-i-go-to-school or on tumblr wants me to go back to a previous me. the girl. the neurotypical-seeming-enough girl. the girl who didnt wanna die. the talented girl they could brag about. i feel like the more im me the more they want to force me back into that 9 year old girl that im not. this place is my only escape from this never ending cycle of being in this house- this cage. this isnt a home this is a cage. i cant leave without going with one of the two 49-year-olds. school, despite being more accepting student-wise, still feels like just another cage. im not allowed to leave. i just want this to stop. i want to be me, i am me. "me" is a boy. a weird boy. a weird boy that is also kind of a joke. but nobody seems to want that, so im told "just be a tomboy". every day hurting myself gets easier and easier. shit- i used to be afraid of even putting the knife near my skin but now? now i could do it like clockwork- and have. the parental guardian wonders why i dont talk to her, when she has threatened to harm me, take some of the things barely keeping me from jumping off a bridge, threatened to put me in an asylum if she found out i was cutting myself. she only found out during a 6-hour hospital stay because someone saw me drawing a noose when the depression was hitting harder than usual at school. she sounded more annoyed than anything. she gets mad when i remember what she says. what she threatens. i think shes trying to scare me into not doing it- but shes just showing me i have to walk on eggshells and lie so she doesnt get mad and yell or get caught. sorry if this is alot- i just needed to tell someone.

🫂

[dustalive]

HAI DUST OMG I MISSED YOU SM SORRY SCHOOL & IRL HAS BEEN KICKING MY BUT THATS WHY IVE BEEN INACTIVE BUT HERE FOR THE ARTIST ASK THINGY 😁😁😁😁

🙃 Which is easier: faces facing left, right, or front view?

🐻 Your go-to things to draw when you need comfort?

✨ How often do you draw?

🍀 You wish your art was more..(fill in the blank)

🌊 What’s the hardest thing for you to draw? 

(Also btw what happened why cant you draw at the moment? /gen /nf) hope you have been doing good buddy 💕💕🫂🫂🫂 ily!!!

CLOVER HII^^ I MISSED U TOO AND DW IM A LIL INACTIVE TOO RN SO OTS ALL GOOD!<3

For the artist thingy😎

🙃:tbh it kinda depends, for skeletons mostly left/right but when I draw humans fromt is easier

🐻:rn it's gotta be killer, but I was making smol doodles for myself and I struggle so much w getting his skull proportions right that its getting annoying

✨️:well not that much as of rn unfortunately😞 but usually at least a few small doodles every second/third day

🍀:I wish my art was more consistent, like its bcs its not consistent that I struggle sm rn since I didn't draw for a while. I also wish my art is able to catch more emotions, since it feels so blank

🌊:gotta be hands💀I'm sure it's also noticable😭also drawing poses or coloring is hard too

Also thank you clover<3, but I wasnt feeling that good recently, I had a lot of things happening during the summer holidays that kept adding up and I was feeling really depressed during that time tbh. And I can't draw rn since allat catched up to me again and I lost motivation to draw for a while. And now when I do try to draw it doesnt look right and it keeps draining my motivation. This is not supposed to be a vent post so yeah, but just so yk why I hope u understand<3

But Ily too^^

[messrsrarchives]

you dont need to answer this if its weird but i left a question here months ago about shelters (thank you btw it was really helpful) im moving into a supported place on monday and just wanted to see if you have any advice

HEY !! hi !! i'm answering this right before i sleep so i may add to it in the morning 🫶🏻 under the cut because it's long:

first of all ! i'm so fucking glad for you. i'm not going to sugarcoast anything because as much as it's relieving to get out of a toxic environment, the change can be really rough - but i think the fact we get to experience that change is rather beautiful 🫂

support workers: utilise these! i did Not do this until the last few months and those were the best ones. they're there to help you, let them. even if it's just popping in every few days to be around someone, they're your best source of info, support, and company

the residents: i obviously can't speak for everyone but,,, there's a lot of stigma behind those in supported accom. some of it true, most of it explainable - you Can make friends there. again, it took me months to actually do that because of MH and being incredibly awkward but these spaces are easier with people around. go to the events even if it's only for a lil bit.

checklists: okay so obviously, idk the ins and outs of your "home" life. what i do know is that despite being the one bringing in money and raising siblings, i needed reminders myself once i left? even just basic things like doing a food shop or leaving the house, i had to be reminded to because everything was different so,,, CHECKLISTS ! if this is smth you struggle with ! i also had an alarm set for 5pm incase i hadn't gone outside yet and then i'd just walk in a big loop until i came back. baby steps. a routine is so so so essential to make sure you don't fall into a rut with all these Feelings.

belongings: i took Everything with me and i took it all to uni as well, but i don't think this is necessary. i wish i left a lot of it behind actually. this is so individual but i think a fresh start with the essentials and sentimentals would have done me a lot better, it's okay to leave things behind.

food etc: this might differ based on your area but in all the places i've lived it's been the same - foodbanks !!! foodbanks foodbanks foodbanks and let me so so SO clear right now You Can Use Them. i didn't at the start because idk,,, felt like i wasn't allowed? like i shouldn't be doing this? but USE them ! all the places i've lived have had a once a month rule (and sometimes! they include food vouchers in there as well to use at supermarkets which is very handy when it gets to the end of the month) - if there's anything in there you don't want/use, drop it off at the communal area for someone else :)

adding here too that community hubs, churches, schools etc often hand things out !! when money got low i relied on them for toiletries etc, support workers will guide you

community: there are so many spaces. everywhere. there are so many places to belong or just enter for a little bit and they all help in some way. i would go to church dinners on a wednesday, my town had a youth cafe and hub, even the bloody corner shop because what's stronger than a teens bond with the local offie? it sounds so cringe but if you immerse yourself in the places around, it feels less like being homeless. idk. home is where the heart is and other cliches

and the most important !!!! start looking for the After earlier than you think you need to. now i don't have personal experience with this part because i went off to uni, but,,, spaces are low :/ and acceptance rates are ROUGH. when i was moving from the homeless shelter to the ymca, i applied day two at the shelter and my space opened One Day after my shelter ran out - you need more time than you think

for an 18m tenacy i would say to start looking at the 6 month mark - get support workers help, whether you go onto another supported accom, council housing lists, unis, extend your tenacy, WHATEVERRR it is, get their help sooner than you expect. once you're in the system, it's a lot easier to stay in it than it was to get in, it's just a matter of persistence and timing.

but most of all, if you take anyyyyything away from this post: be patient with yourself 🫂 it's a change and a half, and there will likely be times it gets you really fucking down, and that's okay. no amount of advice can really prepare you for this, but it gets so much easier as time goes on. once that grief of leaving and moving on passes, everything's a lil lighter.

the way my support workers put it is that i didn't leave home, i moved a step closer towards it. and i think that's really fucking lovely.

GOOD LUCK !!! i hope it goes as okay as it possibly can and i hope (if you have the time and capacity to) you pop back in to lemme know how it goes :)

(p.s this lil box is always open for you and my dms are there if you ever need or want someone to yap to !!)