#it gave me a lot less secondhand embarassment to hang out with him outside the music department
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milkwands · 18 days ago
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for a lot of reasons but the one im locked in on is he said hi to me for the first time in a while
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im so happy today
#🍞#i had just come from a voice lesson that went really well#and i noticed him looking at me while i was saying bye to my teacher#i think overall the loneliness is less bad rn bc of seeing my brothers and extended family over break#but also hanging out with [redacted] on monday#it gave me a lot less secondhand embarassment to hang out with him outside the music department#hes annoying as fuck and i thought it was past the typical amount of a college freshman even a performing arts major#and thats probably true#but in retrospect what really bothered me about him is that ive gotten used to the culture here and he just clashes with it so much#and i thought he was maybe like coddled#but now weve bonded over father issues and if i were him id be worse#so now i just worry that the 18yos im becoming friends with will get to my age and be like#she was weird for hanging out with people so much younger#but theyre easier to talk to#and it started out as wanting to help them feel welcome#and also they like me. they invite me to hang out w them and im like sure#and they cant say its weird that i had nothing going on and was always free bc they know im fucking good at what i do#anyway. done with mozarts requiem after tn god bless#lowkey [redacted] did such an abysmal job teaching it to us that i feel much more negatively about it than i would#but specifically singing it#i loved listening to the orchestra when we got a break#domine jesu >>>>>#but i think my favorite to perform will be confutatis bc the treble singing is lighter and i get to listen to the lower voices#i just feel like i have to oversing it so people will hear me and pick up on the shit we should have been fucking taught#why am i doing bros job for him#whatever im comitted to it now#ALSO IM FINALLY GOING TO BE DONE WITH CONVO AFTER THIS SEMESTER THANK YOU JESUS !!!!!!#im trying to find a conclusion to my tags no one will read but call time is in 9 mins i have to change
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