#it felt to my line it was more about kawi’s fear than anything else

[sunshinechay]

So I finally got to watch the new episode of Be My Favorite and while I definitely agree with everyone’s interpretation of Kawi being ace (I definitely think he’s likely on the ace spectrum somewhere, just where I’m not quite sure) I don’t necessarily think that’s what they’re going for.

Both Kawi and Pisaeng are on opposite ending of the “virgin spectrum” (yes virginity is a largely social construction but bare with me).

I definitely for the vibe that Pisaeng is a virgin as well, especially since his mother mentions that Kawi is the first person he’s ever dated. Pisaeng however, is the kind of guy who had imagined what it’s been like to have a boyfriend, to date and be in a relationship and yes, have sex with his boyfriend. He is eager because he finally has the chance to do all of that and it’s with Kawi, who Pisaeng is absolutely in love with. He is eager for something and someone in a way that I don’t think he’s been in a long time. So he decides to jump in head first and just go for it. Is his methods awkward as all hell? Yes, which is another reason I think Pisaeng is also a virgin like Kawi.

Kawi however, is afraid. He claims he’s not but he is. The amusement park date proves that. The rollercoaster being a metaphor for sex. He doesn’t want to get on because he’s scared, even if he holds onto Pisaeng the whole time. Kawi may be from the future, but he has spent all of that time fantasizing about what it would have been like to be with Pear. He is only now developing true feelings of romantic love for someone and that someone is not Pear. He’s been in love with the idea of Pear and a relationship with her for 12 years. The whole time travel thing started because he wanted the chance to go back and be with her. He’s been repressing his desire for so long, he doesn’t know how to let it out, so he lets his fear overwhelm him.

It’s a holding pattern through much of the series. Kawi thinks one thing in particular, gets confronted with the fact that it’s not the right choice for him to make, he gets scared and tries to run away from the decision/person/situation, realizes he can’t and swallows his pride/fear and does the thing anyway. He did it with Pear, he did it with his father and now he is doing it with regards to Pisaeng and specifically sex with Pisaeng.

This is why I think the episode had to end with the two of them having sex, whether it’s deserved or not. A big part of Kawi’s journey has been about facing his fear, about not letting it control him or his life. So when he realizes he fucked up the date with Pisaeng, a lightbulb finally goes off in his head (credit to Krist because his acting in on point for that scene. You get to watch just though his facial journey, he realized how he screwed up). He realizes that he is letting his fear control him again. He has to at least try sex with Pisaeng. If he doesn’t like it after all, then it’ll be something for them to discuss in the future.

That’s not say he feels backed in a corner or anything. He knows that if he pumped the breaks on sex and decided he was never going to be ready/want to have sex, Pisaeng would do his best to make sure he always feels okay about his decision. Again see the dinner part of the date where he asks Kawi if he fucked up and how he can fix it. I think Pisaeng was worried he was being too pushy and he kind of was, but it was needed in a lot of ways. Kawi was getting caught up in his own head again and whether Pisaeng realized it or not, he needed to say the things he did for Kawi to realize that he was falling into his pattern again.

P.S. Pisaeng definitely travelled to the future when he turned the snow globe. I’m not sure what he saw but I’m worried it’s not gonna be good considering it’s ep 11 and the episode 11 curse is still alive and well.

[tauremornalome]

tagged by the amazing  @thiswaycomessomethingwicked (go check out their writing!) in the First Line game

The rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

tagging: @alessandriana, @ajcrawly, @simaraknows, @koscheyyy, @selkiebinch, @writingat-night and anyone else who wants to do it!

The problems with my writing being 1. that a lot of it is embarrassing historical hetalia stuff, 2. that i hardly ever write with the intention of publishing, it turns out that often my fics don’t have a set fist line? cos they tend to come in the form of a collection of loose self indulgent little scenes. So this is definitely not going to be 20 of them. Untranslated Polish versions in the brackets.

1.  wildfires and weeds (mdzs, wen ning & jiang cheng, vaguely pre-slash): Courtesy of Wen Ning's heightened fierce corpse senses, and Jiang-zongzhu's being likewise sharp thanks to his high level of cultivation, they manage not to run into each other even when they find themselves in the same general places at the same time - official joint nighthunts mostly, these days, since Jiang Wanyin has enough political awareness and faith in his nephew's abilities not to follow him on the more private ones.

2. provisional title “spiderman meme lol” (legend of fei, xie yun/zhou fei/wu chuchu pining):  After parting with Yin Pei and burying Ji Yunchen the three of them leave together, and Xie Yun - well, he already knew he was absolutely, irrevocably fucked, but it takes him another two days to notice that he is not alone in his misery.

3. the crack-treated-seriously heist fic (mdzs, jiang cheng & jin guangyao): He had already sealed the room shut months before, so he didn't toss the damn flute along with the last shards of his sanity there when he first came back from the siege, broken and bloodied and still furious.

4. Najjaśniejsza, Serenissima, Świetlejszaja (historical hetalia, poland & grand duke constantin):  "Ha!" The duke gestured wildly with his open hands. "I am a fool, Kuruta is a fool, and so you are a fool, too, Felya, even though you have yet to learn to admit it." [- No! - Wielki książę uderzył się dłońmi w uda. - Ja durak, Kuruta durak, i ty też durak, Felja, tylkoś się jeszcze nie nauczył przyznawać do tego.]

5. Pour Away The Ocean (tma, lonelyeyes): The Apocalypse nearing or not (oh, it's coming alright: he knows Jon will get the statements soon, so it's a matter of what? days?), it would be a shame to refuse a rarity that is an actual invitation to a Lukas family funeral. The last Lukas family funeral to ever be held, perhaps, though he doubts the hosts know about that. Peter had never been an overly sharing conversationalist.

6. untitled anti-dior rebellion fic (the silmarillion, doriath after thingol’s death): The change can be felt at the exact moment when the door to Lady Melian's chamber closes behind Mablung, the king's dead body in his arms, and everyone seems to understand immediately what it means. It is as if the thin thread bonding the queen to the mortal world broke, cut on the edge of that door-frame. The last time Lalorniel left the Girdle’s protection was before the first sunrise and now, several hundred years later, the feeling of being exposed to the whole world throws her off her tracks. She looks to the side and sees that Medlindir felt it too, and she wants to reach to him with her mind, but she doesn't - the world around them has suddenly gotten very big and some irrational part of her fears her fae could get lost in it. [Zmianę czuć już w momencie, w którym za niosącym skrwawione ciało króla Mablungiem zamykają się drzwi komnaty Meliany - i każdy chyba od razu rozumie, co to znaczy. Zupełnie jakby to nić wiążąca królową ze światem cielesnym pękła, rozcięta tą framugą. Lalorniel poza Obręczą bywała ostatnio jeszcze w czasach przed pierwszym wschodem słońca i teraz, po kilkuset latach przerwy, uczucie bycia odkrytym przed całym światem wytrąca ją na dłuższą chwilę z rytmu. Zerka w bok i widzi, że pełniący razem z nią straż Medlindir też to odczuł, i odruchowo chce sięgnąć do niego myślą, ale nie robi tego - świat wokół stał się nagle za duży i irracjonalnie boi się, że jej fae mogłaby się w nim zgubić.]

7. dwóch ołowianych żołnierzyków (historical rpf, prince poniatowski):  Years later those who choose to believe this sort of thing will be telling stories of a ghost that supposedly visited the prince one night in March of the year 1813. An angel with black-and-white magpie wings. Unnamed white lady from the portraits covering the walls of the Copper-Roof Palace. [Lata później ci, którzy wierzą w takie rzeczy, będą opowiadać historie o zjawie, która miała się księciu ktorejś marcowej nocy roku 1813 ukazać. Anioł o czarno-białych sroczych skrzydłach. Bezimienna biała dama z portretu wiszącego w jednym z pokojów Pałacu pod Blachą.]

8. provisional title “DepTaj Margrabiego!” (the year 1861 in warsaw except its set in a harry potter-style ministry of magic. don’t ask me.):  The margrave transfigured his bed back into an armchair and gestured with his wand at the coffee machine, praying quietly for someone up there to send them some kopi luwak with the next supply package. [Margrabia przetransmutował łóżko z powrotem w fotel i machnął różdżką na ekspres do kawy, modląc się w duchu o to, aby ktoś na zewnątrz był na tyle domyślny, żeby w następnej paczce nadesłać zapas kopi luwak.]

9. the year 1861 in warsaw again except now there is a zombie apocalypse going on (once again, don’t ask me. ocs and some hetalia elements.):  "Swear," Sergey hisses with fury as he struggles to push the heavy dresser. [- Przysięgajcie - syczy Siergiej wściekle, szarpiąc się z ciężkim kredensem.]

10. time will say nothing (historical hetalia, poland/france/pauline bonaparte):  Pauline is the one to fall asleep first, as always, not wearing anything else over her thin nightgown - so it can be expected that she will usurp all of the bedsheets to herself during the night. Feliks, who lies in the middle, succumbs to sleep soon after, his face turned to France, mumbling some apologies about not having the energy to move to the other bedroom, which earned him a soothing shush from François. [Paulina zasypia, jak zazwyczaj, pierwsza, nie zarzuciwszy na cienką koszulę nocną drugiej warstwy ubrania - można więc spodziewać się, że w ciągu nocy zauzurpuje sobie całą kołdrę. Leżący pośrodku Feliks pogrąża się we śnie niedługo po niej, twarzą zwrócony w stronę Francji, wymamrotawszy przedtem jakieś przeprosiny za to, że nie ma siły przenieść się do drugiej sypialni, na co François uciszył go uspokajająco.]

11. Minąwszy przeznaczeń mielizny (oc, hetalia-adjacent): Sergey wakes up with his cheek pressed to the travel briefcase, a little surprised with the fact that he had apparently managed to fall asleep despite the train's hellishly loud noises. The curtains in his compartment are closed, but he knows that outside it must be even more dark than in here - nothing less should be expected in this part of the world in December. [Siergiej budzi się z policzkiem przyciśniętym do teczki podróżnej, lekko zaskoczony faktem, że oto jednak udało mu się zasnąć w hałasującym niemiłosiernie pociągu. Zasłony w przedziale są zaciągnięte, ale wie, że na dworze musi być jeszcze ciemniej niż w środku - niczego innego nie należy się spodziewać w grudniu w tej części świata.]

I am very fond of the opening lines to the doriath fic and the zombie fic (there is a dialogue happening as they are barricading the door and running up the stairs). As for the patterns, I already knew I had the Sentences Too Goddamn Long Disease, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also like to open with dialogues, which might not be very visible here, but is objectively the truth. This list sadly does not include my 30 minutes shitpost drabbles (which are mostly crack hetalia anyway).