#it feels very ‘full circle’ moment to sit in a movie theater eating popcorn and then suddenly there’s you from 3 years ago

[nctjpeg]

so….. “see myself in a documentary” was an item on my bucket list that i didn’t know i had but can now be crossed off…….

[dearabby1990]

Chapter 5: Popcorn candy & Kisses

Walking up to the ticket booth you both decided on seeing the last showing of Monster Squad holding you’re hand in his walking to the concessions he playfully bumps his shoulder into yours giving you the most heart warming smile. “Okay beautiful what should we get besides the obvious popcorn I need to know what my girl’s favorite movie candy is” your cheeks flush as you blush at his statement his girl huh you loved the sound of that & how it made you feel like you’d just float away if it wasn’t for him holding your hand keeping you grounded. “Well depending on the mood I either get sno caps or goobers but we can get whatever you want as long as it isn’t licorice people who eat that crap are mentally unstable” you full heartedly laugh he places a kiss to your forehead “I knew I liked you tell ya what we’ll get both & share everything you nob in agreement & head off to find seats. It’s not very packed for a weekend night but you’re not complaining gives you both a chance to take your pick of the theater. Decided on a spot just in the center where the screen looked At perfect eye level the previews are over & the movie starts. Eddie glances over at you with the most incredible smile & he shoots you a wink that would’ve made you knees buckle if you weren’t sitting. Putting his arm across the back of your seat so you decide to lean into him putting your head against his shoulder sharing your snacks enjoying the movie & each other. You take a chance & take one of his hands placing a kiss to the back of his hand before resting it onto your lap caressing his hand with your thumb in small circles while you watch the movie. At the ending credits Eddie stands up stretching out all his muscles and you can’t help but stare he’s like something out of those Greek mythology books you read in high school. He offers you his hand and you both head out of the auditorium towards the doors laughing about the film. “Who would’ve known wolf man had nards” Eddie almost falls forward laughing “shit I don’t know if I would’ve even thought of that I probably would’ve shit my pants and ran” you both laugh as Eddie helps you into the van closing your door for you. He gets in and sits there for a moment & then turns to you. “Hey do you wanna come take a ride with me somewhere I wanna show you something… I mean if you want to you don’t have to.. you know what never…” you cut him off before he can finish “Eddie relax I’d love to take a ride with you” you lean forward making eye contact with him giving him a reassuring smile he does it in return starting the van and heading to the next destination while Ozzy Bark at the moon play’s through the stereo. You’ve been driving awhile & wherever you’re heading there sure are a lot of trees in this part of town. Enjoy the breeze against your face you put your arm across the open window and place your chin on your forearm and take in all natures beauty the smell of honeysuckle in the air & the sound of gravel & cicadas. Eddie takes your hand in his as he continues to drive taking in how breathtaking you look just enjoying the ride and nature as he thinks to himself how lucky his is to be with you right now. If only you knew how he truly felt about you the whole truth he didn’t want to rush things and scare you off so for now he holds that conversation for another time right now he’s just enjoying being in your presence & he’ll take any version of you he can get & love it just as much as he loves you. Yeah that’s right Edward Theodore Munson is in love with you he just doesn’t know how he’s gonna tell you or when but for now he’s going to have fun and enjoy every second with you & really make it count.

[kpop-choco]

tagged by: the lovely @sly-merlin, thanks for the tag, hun!! (sorry it took so long >.<)

tagging :  @defnabeom, @actuallythatwaspromise, @softforqiankun, @bogeymanpop and anyone else who wants to join in the fun ^w^ (if any of the people I tagged - or anyone else- are curious what I would bold on your 20 aesthetics feel free to retag me  (o･ω･o) )

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

soft ♡

baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

dark academia ♡

neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story(but i don’t have the heart to write on beautiful pages) |

edgy ♡

closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic (not always accidentally!) | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

seventies ♡

colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

preppy casual ♡

collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

jaesmintea ♡ dia

oversized everything | painted nails | fairy lights | dozing off in the middle of class | tying hair up into a ponytail | round glasses (tho i dont wear glasses)| laughing so hard you can’t breathe | late night study sessions | tender hand holding | impromptu photoshoots | drowning in moondust | bathing in the light of the sunset | strawberry flavored lollipops | polaroid pictures | eagerly tugging someone down the street | handwritten love letters | smell of coffee | living with reckless abandon | crinkled pages of a journal | replaying the same part in a song over and over

naptimetea ♡ helena

everything black | rewearing your favorite outfit | drawing late into the night | rewatching favorite shows | the bread isle | minty lip balm | falling asleep anywhere and everywhere | making green tea | useless questions when it’s 2 am | forehead kisses | sleeping in till the afternoon | love of pink | staying up to watch the sunrise | dancing in the bathroom | messy handwriting(lol i hv both neat and messy parts) | pile of sketchbooks | talking for hours about interest | old sentimental stuff animals | hanging out on the bed and doing nothing | thick fluffy blankets

jeonginks ♡ eiko

the thrill of leaning your body way over a balcony’s edge | the suffocating feeling when the strong wind blows down your lungs | tip-toeing barefoot | hair ruffling and cheek pinching | hugging a body pillow at night | facing the sky with closed eyes | the whimsical silence when it’s past midnight and you’re the only person awake | when you can physically feel your eyes soften when you look at someone | dancing alone with only an oversized shirt | when your sweater falls over your thighs as you stand up | humming scary but memorable lullabies | vivid imagination | w-sitting with a mini skirt and thigh high socks | heated laptop on your lap | cereal at 3 am | gliding your fingers across your thighs | bittersweet melancholy | withdrawn and distant eyes | very tight belts | wanting love but not believing in it | not cruel but not kind

hae-sicheng ♡ kara

an organized mess l stepping off the escalator at the last moment l basketball shorts and sweatpants l the cool touch of jewelry l snoozing your alarm l cringe-worthy memories at 3am l chilling in your bed with your laptop screen as your only light source l dozing off in the car l the push of the wind l the sinking feeling in your stomach when the rollercoaster drops l skipping over cracks l sticking up your arm when you’re laying down l the dip of the bed when your loved one lays down l ‘this reminds me of you’ l buttery popcorn from the theaters l inside jokes l back hugs l stolen sweaters l eye contact l closing your eyes while on a swing l linked pinkies and broken wishbones l observing l vague yet specific l sleepy rambles l the melody of people l raised brows and hidden smiles

the32ndbeat ♡ qiu

solo movie dates | hunting for fun, cryptic riddles to indulge in | hot showers | headphones almost always on | loud typing on the computer keyboard | dark circles under eyes | letterman jackets | the scent of crispy toast | playing with your hair | chapped lips | screaming into your pillow | dipping your toes into a cold pool | iced tea in plastic bags | ‘lol no’ | folded arms | late night phone calls | resting bitch face | piercing stares | taking random quizzes just to pass the time | walking very fast

sly-merlin  ♡ simmi

black journals | taste of chocolate in your mouth even after hours of eating | hardbound and classic book covers| late night writing ideas | agatha christie | expensive fountain pens | antique items | middle part hair down | smell of mud after rain | attitude of superiority | how could you not know that? | disney sing-alongs | same playlist daily | pastel highlighters | black and green | whole white outfit | no makeup | be the one that rescues you | formal suits | kindness all the way

kpop-choco  ♡

old music | feeling like you grew up in the wrong era | random humming | girly things | melancholy emotions | introverted | pastel everything | gel pens | crossbody bags | mary-jane shoes | “food has never wronged me” | multiple notebooks of poetry | cotton candy | long cardigans | closing your eyes and biting your lip to hold in a laugh | sitting on a swing and reminiscing | ombre | cooking videos | quirky sense of fashion | closet gamer 

@sly-merlin thanks so much for the tag I really enjoyed doing this!! ヽ(*⌒▽⌒*)ﾉ

[mrmichaelchadler]

Going Home For the First Time: A Return to Cuba

This review was originally published on December 11, 2015 and is being republished for Women Writers Week.

Cuba was the place I grew up with, but not on. That was America, the place both sides of my family fled to in different decades. Talk to other relatives about how they came to the US, and you might be able to piece together a rough history of the island once known for its gangster-run casinos and prized, soft-sanded beaches. 

But I knew a different history: one where my mother would help my grandfather develop photographs so she could get money for a movie ticket; stories of how her family would walk together down tree-lined streets to the local cinemas in Vedado on Sunday, and how abruptly, in the '70s, the vendors who hawked popcorn and candies outside the theaters disappeared after rations dried up.

After listening for years to my mom's memories and stories from newly escaped cousins, I decided to go back to cover the Festival Internacional del Nuevo Cine Latinoamericano in Havana.

"I left, why do you want to go back?" she asked me.

My mom and abuela reluctantly helped arrange my trip to stay with my great uncle, one of the few Cuban members of my family I knew in person rather then in pictures. Less than two months before my trip, he passed away. I felt guilty for not having gone sooner. My aunt took me in, and my cousin offered to help me navigate the city without a map or Wi-Fi, and hell, sometimes no electricity (apagones, or blackouts, have become so routine it's normal to carry a flashlight at all times). Several family members passed on tips on what not to eat to skirt food poisoning, to live soaked in mosquito repellent to ward off Dengue Fever, and which cabs were more likely to swindle visitors. 

But all the stress, worry and sadness melted away the moment I woke up on the plane over the luscious green campo (countryside) dotted by the occasional tin-roofed farm. When we landed at the Jose Martí airport, the plane erupted in applause with some feet-stomping and sniffles. A woman behind me burst into tears, saying it had been decades since she'd seen her island. It was my first time, but I resolved to keep my face straight as I headed into the airport to have my bags searched. 

Nothing could have prepared me for the humidity or the first sight of Cuba outside the airport. If my Northern or Western friends complain that Florida's tropical climate feels like swimming in a lake, then stepping into Cuba's was wading into a hot waterfall that pushed you down into the soggy earth. After the cadeca (where one exchanges money) and customs, I exited into a pen surrounded by Cubans eagerly waiting for relatives. If you couldn't find your family, there were a line of overzealous cabbies ready to sweep you to the capitol. Not too long after, my prima scooped me up in the biggest hug as if she had known me all her life. We did in a way, but only in pictures in our grandmothers' houses. 

I bounced in the backseat of my cousins' car (seat belts are not required here), straining to take in the ungodly bright greenery on either side of us, the chipped paintings, billboards singing praises of the Revolution and the occasional Jose Martí statue. We run errands around town, and, at a mall that's half eaten by malanga vines, we get my first round of groceries. At the top of my to-see list is to walk the Malecón, Havana's famous walkway by the sea. You've probably seen it in pictures or on an Anthony Bourdain special, but for me, it was where my mom and her brothers would carefully climb down the rocks to go swimming. At night, my cousin, her husband, and I walk along it, passing fishermen using nothing but a hook, string and their hands to catch a last minute meal. She and I take our first picture together as the sun sets behind us. We walk on, and her husband points northward joking that I should yell to let my family in America know I'm okay. I look out into the horizon slowly disappearing into darkness, the direction my mother tearfully faced before disappearing into the hull of a small boat bound for the United States all those years ago. I think of the cousins who have since fled towards that horizon and the many relatives I never knew who didn't make it. 

Going to Cuba, I heard plenty from others who had been there before: the people are wonderful and it is a land stuck in time; be sure to get pictures of the cars and cigars! I'm glad visitors like the Cuban people--they may be talking about my family after all--but they're people just like in any other part of the world. I wince at every reporter playing Columbus at the sight of our cars and cigars. My Cuba is more than an idealized postcard. It is a real place full of beauty and pain, of want and generosity. I knew I could never go back to the Cuba my parents left; time and scarcity have seen to that. But I wanted to see what's left of my roots: my family that has never seen me in person and the one-screen movie theaters I heard so much about growing up. The ones where my mom would see her first Disney movies, Japanese samurai films, French comedies, cheap Italian spy flicks and Soviet period melodramas. They're all still there.

One of the first stops my cousins took me to was to the "Kafe" connected to the Karl Marx Theatre, the biggest cinema on the island. The theater's triple balcony and proscenium arches hosted the country's first Communist Party Congress in the early '70s. Later that decade, my mom would return almost everyday to watch her first Barbra Streisand movie, "Hello Dolly!" Now I returned for the 37th premiere of Havana's largest film festival to watch my first movie in Cuba. 

The opening night gala was just like any other, except transplanted to the quiet Havana neighborhood of Miramar. Women in heels braved mud and worn-down sidewalks while men stood in circles outside the theater smoking and greeting each other. I posed next to a Charlie Chaplin impersonator moments before Chaplin's daughter Geraldine took the stage. After a 45-minute orchestral intro and opening remarks, the opening night movie "El Clan" began. At this screening, and every one since, the audience readily talked back at the screen. "Se lo merece!" would be thrown at any character who they thought deserved what was coming to them. Scandalized whispers of "Ay que malo" followed every bad guy's dirty deeds. When it was time for the good girl to throw out her good-for-nothing guy: "Bótalo pa carajo!" The phrase my mamí uses when listening to relationship problems, "que sinvergüenzada," was repeated with alarming frequency. It was as if I was sitting in a large living room with my family, where everyone is encouraged to speak their mind during the movie. Never once having been here before, I felt strangely at home. 

Just as I was getting swept up in festival frenzy, the Cuban government announced they were reimposing travel restrictions on doctors, my cousin included, that would once again take away their right to leave the island. It was a law shelved two years ago but had resurfaced with no vote or no warning. My cousin had four days to leave Cuba, her home, her family and husband.

It's not what I had in mind when I fought for press accreditation to the festival. Months of planning this trip pales in comparison to the throngs of Cubans waiting outside the US embassy attempting to argue their case for a visa out of the country to rejoin family. The process can take months, if not years. My cousin, now reunited in the States with her mom, was lucky. Nonetheless, it was difficult to watch the process of leaving one's home country on the other side. I'd only been a part of the celebratory reception, never watching the personal chaos of uprooting your life at a moment's notice.

That was very much a part of my parents' Cuba, and now it's a part of mine too.

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