#it feels like im the only one i know who actively fact checks shit cuz i don't wanna unintentionally spread misinfo

[freakish-hazzard]

Literally who give a shit, Emma Essex makes good music and its the only thing keeping the horrors away rn

[cooloddball]

Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff

move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes

Here is my response:

I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.

I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.

Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.

As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".

If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.

Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.

[rigginsstreet]

Tell us how you'd write fp different from season one if u were in control 📝

ultimately id probably keep season one the same if we’re still keeping it r*verdale and not... parentdale lmao because then that becomes an entirely different show

but i do think he couldve been utilized a little more like we couldve done some things there. 

first and foremost im making that bitch GAY and yes that is very important to his character but i dont need to tell you that. but the layers that would add bitch! the layers! oh but i also wouldve given him and hermione/the lodges a proper backstory because that shit was not explored okay like i made a post about it before how all these people went to school together and then hiram randomly calls fp up one day cuz he needs a plot of land cheapened by his presence ksjgbkjbg and then add on the whole thing with fp hermione and fred. bisexual love triangle i would like to see.

OH and i would like to see his relationship with the serpents explored more i need to see him actually being a leader and making deals and running shit PLUS how joaquin came to be his like.... second in command i mean i know he was being used to seduce kevin but i really need that backstory too lmfao i need to see that conversation and honestly i think fp pulled that from his own experiences like i can 100% see fp in his younger days having to flirt his way through some situations just to gain some knowledge about whatever. but ALSO!!!! if we had a parallel of fp seducing fred to get info for hiram and fp first agreeing to it cuz hes still pissed at fred but then shit gets complicated because obviously hes still in love with him and then fp starts feeling bad and then oh no fred finds out just when he was starting to maybe open himself up to the idea of being with fp again..... we truly couldve done so much. and then you have freds slutty ass being caught betwen his ex girlfriend and ex boyfriend while also being sad about his ex wife still. so much drama

its really not until season 2 that his character fucking derails. I WANTED TO SEE HIM ACTUALLY IN PRISON! HIM RUNNING THE YARD! PRISON FIGHTS! SEXY!

i would have liked an actual sobriety arc. he said he got sober in prison and was attending meetings and then poof. that ended immediately. and fine. we could keep that but like... at least show the struggle and the guilt over it ya know? also he did not struggle nearly enough for coming out of prison for DUMPING A DEAD TEENAGER IN A RIVER like that town truly shouldve been on his ass about that theres no WAY him working at pops wouldnt have caused a scene.

like my main problem with fp as a character is that he truly never suffers any consequences for anything but also hes written to have all these problems that are never dealt with or remotely explored. and for as much as i would love for that bitch to get some therapy i also realize its not entirely realistic for him as a character and thats fine! but i want to see him struggle i want to see him actually acknowledge he has demons to face and work at them in his own way and both fail and succeed. 

ultimately what it all comes down to is he wasnt written as a person. which.... no one on this show is. they all just tick their little boxes of stereotypes and caricatures and its very annoying. if youre gonna give fp a drinking problem, show it! not just him passed out on the couch but him actually struggling. show him trying to get better and doing good for a while only to relapse, show how he actively has to make the choice every day not to drink. have him apologize to the people he hurt. let us see the actual damage it did to not just him but those around him. 

give him relationships with other people that are fleshed out and actually matter. the fact that he never once checked in on fred after he was shot is INSANE to me. gladys was only ever used as throwaway lines that never went anywhere. he had an entire daughter he presumably never tried getting in contact with based on her reaction to see him again like....but yet he has her name tattooed over his heart? so either that was a hollow gesture to appease his own mind or he actually deeply loves her but was so ashamed of himself and what caused gladys to leave that he couldnt even pick up the phone to call them. SHOW ME THESE THINGS!

show us what the serpents meant to him as a kid who got thrown out by his father at 16 and found a family in them instead. show us why he wound up back there after fred fired him. show us why hes so bonded to them. hell, even if he just went back out of desperation because times were hard and no one else would hire him and he needed that easy money.... fucking explore that shit! 

show us him forming these relationships with the younger gay serpents because hes got all this baggage from his own upbringing and he has a soft spot for kids like him and wants to protect them, even if it is through a drug running gang. show us that abuse fucks up your perception of love and how to do it but its all he knows so hes working with what hes got.

fp honestly works best as a tragic character. trying to do good but he can never quite make it. always drawn to shadier things because ultimately its what he knows and its where he feels safe. but he wants to be better at the same time! he just truly cannot help himself. and thats what needed to be explored more with him but not in a way that romanticized it. like he really is a fucked up person when you break him down and the fact we were all supposed to look at him as the hero or something is so bizarre to me and it never worked because we were expected to just forget everything he was. 

hes not an evil guy either hes just deeply misguided because thats just the shit he grew up in and he doesnt know anything else. except for fred and what he saw with the andrews and that shouldve been an important relationship like they really couldve played on how opposite fred and fp are and used that to a narrative advantage, them being best friends. theres SO MUCH to be done with that but fuck me i guess. 

idk i just always think about how fun fp wouldve been if they had just let him indulge in his devious ways like theres no way fp jones wouldve ever taken a cop job seriously and not used it to his own advantage. theres no way he wouldve been that bent out of shape about gladys running drugs when hes done SO MUCH worse. we shouldve gotten more scamming against hiram and him and hermione being in cahoots. 

like hes a street rat. he will always be a street rat. he cannot shake this. fucking play with that! indulge in it! have fun! have him settle down with his husband but he still cant stop himself from living on the fringe of the law

[sanscestships]

“Escapee” Asylum Zoo RedvBlue (Oneshot, RedxDustxClassicxBlue)

Created on: 10/26/20

Requested by: @pigeons-just-pigeons, i feel really stressed out right now by school and im going to try calming my nerves with writing. also apparently she really likes FeralVerse-

(WARNING: hella longer than usual. maybe cuz its 4 people instead of 2-)

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Classic didn't know how to feel about the situation. About alternate versions of himself just suddenly getting mutated and now he has to work with more versions of himself to find a cure. Really, the whole thing sounds like one of those animes Alphys watches.

Unfortunately, it was real. And he was dealing with it. Of course, Paps didn't know a thing and the kiddo was covering him while the player was inactive. Must be either a busy day or night for them probably.

The skeleton sighed, starting to feel himself drift off and slump against the couch in the lounge. Though he should probably be more concerned, he couldn't help himself but to want to take another nap for the day. He'd already done a skeleton of work, taking Nightmare on a patrol to see if any more mutants have popped up. And yes.

That alone, was enough for him to last the day.

See, just dealing with Nightmare can be tiring. Though he definitely won't speak to you nor act like a rabid animal the rest do. He'll continuously sass and growl at you, occasionally tripping or slapping you with the tendrils that start above his paws. Then there's patrols, where you actually have to walk around. And with Nightmare! Which means a LOT of tripping! Then there's dealing with the situation if you DO run into another mutant and...

Well, at least it's mostly Nightmare who has to tussle with em. After all, to fight a mutant you usually need another mutant.

Sometimes when Nightmare REALLY trips Ink, the colorful artist will complain and grumble that Nightmare's lucky to be alive. But Classic always thought it was the other way around. If Nightmare hadn't still been sane after the mutation, they all probably would've been bitten by now. Really, the only times they've ever had to help Nightmare hold down a mutant was with Cross and Dust.

Cross had been driven insane by the OVERWRITE soul, massive trauma from his AU, and weak condition from the aftermath of the fighting. Dust had been driven insane long before he killed everyone but hadn't acted upon it and mutated until he'd reached his breaking point.

To think he could've ended up like that if he'd done the same as Dust. Well...

Technically he did, since Dust is him from an alternate timeline.

"ORIGINAL ME!" A chuckle escaped his teeth as he opened an eye socket to see the adorable version of him, Blue. Blue had always been one of his favorite alternates out of the bunch, seeing as he was basically a mix of himself and Paps. Still likes puns

(A/N so no one gets mixed up, Sans from UnderSwap canonically still likes puns. its a very popular headcanon that he doesn't. carry on.)

but is just as sweet and thoughtful as his bro. Really, he could never get mad or tired of the little blueberry. "THERE YOU ARE! I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU!"

"Is there somethin' ya need Berry?" The nickname had been out of his mouth before he could even think about what he'd said. And once he did, he could feel his skull tint with blue. Really? A nickname for a nickname? Jeez, what was with him now when he was around the little warrior?

"Actually Classic," he cocked his skull to the side, becoming more curious when his normally energetic alternate began to fiddle with his hands. "I was actually hoping you'd come with me today to check on Red and Dust. That's okay, right?"

Shit, he could feel the arrows striking his soul. First at the names "Red" and "Dust" before getting the final strike when Blue had looked up at him with those sky blue eyelights. As odd as it was, he couldn't help but enjoy the company of the edgy jackal-fennec fox. And really, he could absolutely relate to the insane grey wolf-tasmanian devil too. After all, he would definitely go insane too if he had to deal with hundreds of consecutive genocides.

Wait... Didn't he technically- NEVERMIND WE'RE NOT GOING THERE WITH THE WEIRD ALTERNATE TIMELINE LOGIC.

"Sure, I don't mind." With his signature lazy grin on his face, he began to follow Blue to the common enclosure room. This was the big room where multiple enclosures were put together. Though Ink was hesitant about the idea, Dream and Blue agreed that maybe it would help to have them all in the same room. Maybe being close to another in the same situation would make them feel more comfortable they had said.

Though some of them did enjoy each other's company, Classic thought he was right to assume Fell really didn't. While most of the others had big, terrifying animals, Fell was a mix of two animals that generally survived with their wits and willy physique.

Therefore, he really, really did not appreciate being shoved in the same room as a six-legged and two-tailed goop cat, a winged bengal tiger, and a bird clawed panther.

Now they were in the room, lit with colorful lights from the color planed windows above the enclosures. Something Ink had put up so the room wouldn't be as dull. The cracked glass of the cages were hit with more growls and roars as they walked to the quietest of the cages.

"Hey Fell."

A rumble came from the cage, and soon taps against the metal ground as the red eyed beast came out to the glass. He glanced behind us, making eye contact with Error before growling. Blue frowned, turning around in time to see Error snarl back in response as he began to try and calm the canine down.

"Sorry pal, didn't know that you weren't red-y for us yet." The canine stopped, staring back at him as he began to continue. Suddenly there was red everywhere, with a loud blare. Immediately, all of the mutants in the room except for Nightmare and Fell began to snarl and roar.

"Uhhhh... Guys?" Dream's voice came onto the intercom as the two skeletons glanced at each other. Oh boy, this couldn't be good. "Uh, I kind of went to Dust's enclosure to clean when I accidentally... Let him out?"

Ok, that was not good.

"Dusty's out of his enclosure?!" Blue jumped up, immediately running out the door.

"Wait, Blue!" Classic jumped up, starting to try and follow him before he heard a loud thud next to him. Turning, he saw Fell jumping at the glass, barking and howling at him. "Fell, what's wrong?"

He didn't stop. He just kept banging on the glass, barking and yelling. The original couldn't understand why though. Fell's never been as active as the other mutants. Like him, he tended to be lazy and just laid about in his enclosure unless provoked. But when someone came too close, he usually just pretended to threaten to bite them. Now here he was, just being nearly as loud as the others.

He didn't know what to do. Was Fell trying to warn him of something? Was he trying to tell him something important? He didn't know why he was suddenly so active, but he knew it had to be for a good reason if it was making him jump and bark like this.

"Heya pal, I want you to calm down," he tried to smoothen his voice so he didn't scare the canine, starting to move towards the enclosure controls. "I'm going to let you out. And I want you to stay calm. I'm sure the others know your mostly just bark and no bite, but I'm pretty sure they still won't feel safe knowing you're on the prowl unless you can prove you're not hostile. Okay?"

Really, he was doing his best not to talk to him while he was teaching a 5 year old. If he remembered anything about Fell before the mutation, it was that he got offended and ticked easily. Finally getting Fell to look calm, he pressed the switch that opened the glass door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dust couldn't find Blue.

He couldn't find Fell or Classic either.

Who cares about that little blue mongrel and the toothy loser? His brother whispered to him. There are many caged, helpless, powerful monsters here Sans. We must find them. And we must kill them. We need more power brother. More LOVE.

He wanted to listen to his brother. He really did. He knew for a fact that Papyrus would never lie or misguide him. But he also knew that he wouldn't be able to focus on the job unless he knew where the three were. If they truly were powerful, than even if caged he'd have to focus if he wanted to be able to harvest them for LOVE.

Very well brother, I will trust your judgement.

He began to prowl around, sniffing the air to pick up a scent. He knew he needed to pick up as many scents as possible to work fast. There was much to be done: differentiate Fell, Classic, and Blue's scents from the others, locate the three as soon as possible, sneak off, kill the others, make sure Blue doesn't give him the puppy eyes or croc tears for killing most of his friends...

On second though, maybe the last one is basically inevitable.

"Dusty!"

He could feel himself basically jump up, starting to immediately run towards where he heard his blueberry's voice. Guess he didn't need to pick up on his scent in the first place. That'll make his job a little bit easier.

Don't forget to kill everyone else brother. We need to become more powerful. We need more LOVE. Do not let anyone distract you from the mission.

I know Paps. I know.

He knew at some point he was going to have to kill them too. After all, he'd killed everyone else. But he definitely didn't want to do it now. Someday, when he finds the will to give them the painless mercy of death.

But that day wasn't today.

Making a sharp turn, he'd finally found the blue scarfed skeleton. He knew he'd have to act calm though, to not scare him. Though many of them probably didn't know this, he wasn't actually as gone as Cross was.

Yes, he knew Cross's name. He picked it up from a conversation when they were trying to move him into his enclosure for the first time.

Ah yes, when that stupid oreo on legs nearly bit his blueberry.

He'll be the first to go.

(A/N i love Cross guys. i really do. i swear-)

"Dusty," he could hear the warning tone in his voice as he looked up at the skeleton before him. "I know that look on your face Dusty. No murder."

He didn't mean to let out a small whine. Probably his animal instincts. What did Sci say he was again? A "grey wolf" and "tasmanian devil"? What the hell even was a "tasmanian devil" anyway? It sounds like some sort of dog that failed to serve Satan.

"Dusty, no murder." Blue had repeated himself, beginning to pet the hooded beast's head as they both perked up to panting heard from behind Blue. Running into view were Classic, and Fell. How convenient, the three he was looking for came right to him.

Now onto "find a way to get away from the loves of his life and butcher everyone else in a totally non-yandere way".

Oh boy Alphys's anime ways are starting to get to him.

He could feel the rumbles in his non-existent throat, leaning his head more into Blue's hand. God, he knew this was just his animal instincts acting up but god his gloved hand behind his ecto ears felt GREAT. Was it like this for all dogs? Lucky bastards. He was glad he'd killed all of the dogs first. (Minus the Annoying Dog. That thing is impossible to track down. Much less kill.)

"Huh, looks like you've got him wrapped around your finger. When'd you learn to even to make him even wag his tail like that?" Wait, wagging tail? He glanced behind him to see that his ecto tail was indeed wagging. Huh. It must've started while he was thinking about dogs and didn't notice.

Brother, you're getting off task and distracted. How will you kill the others before they put you back into your cage if you keep letting yourself be treated like this? His brother did not look too pleased that he had not gained any LOVE yet. Then again, it'd been Ink knows how long since he'd been out. Much less killed anyone.

As Classic approached Blue to talk, Fell had coiled himself around the original's legs. Fell didn't feel comfortable around him and it was obvious why. After all, he knew that the hooded figure was at LEAST LV20.

Dust couldn't help but to respect the other. He survived abuse from his own brother, the monster around him, and had probably had his own fair share of Genocides too. He couldn't imagine his own brother disowning and abusing him too.

But of course brother, I'd never do anything to harm you. And Dust knew his brother was telling the truth. After all, Paps would never lie to him either.

His brother wouldn't.

He could feel his tail curl around the guard in training as the rubbing intensified, starting to lay down. After all, did he really need to kill them all now? It had already been established that he was absolutely capable of easily breaking out of his fortified cell. He could always just do it again. And if they set up guards, no problem. He'll kill them too. Extra EXP. In fact, he should probably wait until they do add more guards for him to kill.

Plus, he felt like hanging around these three a bit more.

Yet Papyrus still lingered... Whispering suggestions in his ears...

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know. 

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha 

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

“i had a dream about the Borderlands are Yours trailer last night for like the 7th time so i guess i ought to do the analysis before i have a breakdown”

find the trailer here

~discussion of the cloth map spoilers occurs in here, but nothing else. if you’re worried about those spoilers do not read~

non-spoiler tl;dr: we discuss why rhys’s head implant is yellow instead of blue in this one particular scene and also go thru a bunch of theories as to what tf is up with Zer0. and some other stuff about giant space lasers

so the intro is pretty much the same as the we are mayhem trailer so we’re gonna ignore that since we figured out where sanc-iii was

pretty sure this scene has been shown already too, in the official announce trailer, i remember taking note of the pink shots

another cov camp on pandora (see elpis in the back). ive said it before and ill say it again i adore amara’s as animations

seen this a bajillion times as well

from we are mayhem near the end. also im still lowkey convinced that robot directly to the right of moze is jakobs. i know i’m probably wrong but... i want to believe. it reminds me of a cowboy

The Are. this is directly below Sanc-III (u can see the wall in the background)

eden-6!!! im interested in the signs in the back there

Prison, Reliance, Jakobs Estate, and... amoe kyuri??? wtf does this say?? idek.

This A Way (glad to know Claptrap will haunt us from beyond Sanc-III)

im interested in the Prison. i wonder if that’s any of those concrete structures/buildings we’ve been seeing across eden-6. i was under the assumption those were like testing facilities, but a prison would also make a whole hell of a lot of sense.

actually

given this sign here over the bridge to the left of the above shot

and the fact we see this concrete structure on the far left in this coming shot

that might actually make some lick of sense...

also can i just say i love the aesthetic of this supply line

so there’s a lot of shots here we’ve already seen and gone over multiple times, im not going to do that again. sorry but... eh.

maliwan = cultists confirmed

i mean if the cult-themed t-shirts being maliwan colored didn’t already cue us in on that, this definitely should lol

and speaking of this shot, i wonder if this has anything to do with Rhys’s building? the one his office would be in. it looks like there are multiple levels to the right of this robo

ah maliwan working with the cult why am i not surprised

rhys gets fucking annihilated (TM)

in all honesty... given this quest name

“Space-Laser Tag” and the subsequent quest “Atlas, At Last” makes me honestly think rhys is about to seriously get fucked up

which sucks. i like rhys. we’ll talk more about this in a second, but i don’t think its coincidence the VHs have come up to the asteroid belt to stop the giant space laser and thus are not on Promethea where the laser is going to hit

better look at this shot, that definitely looks like a rampager to me. i get it, i think. gearbox is hyping up this rampager fight to be super awesome, show it in all the promotional material, have a kickass fight with it, then the twins come in and steal the kill from you. they steal the satisfaction from getting to kill this super hyped-up vault monster.

im picking up what you’re putting down, GB. 

did not realize fl4k actually snaps. how the heck do they do that?? gotta be hard with metal caps as their fingers tbh

404 space station not found

we’re back on the asteroid

... why this gun shoot tentacles :|

this is art

wheres his head going

i was so distracted by the razor blade status effect (??? zeroes??) i didn’t notice the giant-ass A on this banner

OwO what’s this for

~A~

also this which... looks like it could be an amara skill. maybe the one that releases elemental projectiles after an enemy is damaged? feel like we would’ve seen that one already tho.

thinking of this one, im pretty sure we should’ve seen this in one of the many, many gameplay videos (im so jealous) already available.

so if it is, baller, if it’s not, im not too surprised.

it does also seem to be targeting the double cause its shield becomes visible after being hit

i thiiink this is eden-6? in which case it may be that facility tina, brick, and mordy are in (the windows). which may, in retrospect, be that prison we’ve been hearing about

cool angle of the HBC. im pretty sure we’ve seen this shot before, too.

before we get to the actual best part of this scene

this looks very Athenas-like. possibly eridian? although the lights are throwing me off. i suppose the order or someone from the order could’ve built these structures... but what for??

heheheh

also this fucker has those rocks growing out of his head, too

the ones from the alien guns

somewhere outside the RC

back at it again in the space station

also this maliwan thing looks so fucking cool

duuuude looks like the cult got their hands on more than just maliwan hoverwheels, check out that dropship on the left!!! looking cool asf

the cars are STUNNING

holy shit this skin is amazing

very siren-esque

we’ve gone over this clip already but given now that we know the maliwan base thing is on the asteroid, it’s fitting to re-address it i think

a look at one of the metal bois (that im still convinced are jakobs lol)

i love the way this thing looks

the portal seems to be giving off the same blue sparkles we’ve seen on pandora

these

[edit] we also see them in the newest new trailer as Sanc-III zooms off into space. which is interesting.

dunno wtf that means, but yeah. they exist

probably some weird eridian/other dimension shit.

more eden-6

goliath looking amazing. not red and is wearing a helmet, so that’s interesting

looks like a part of the space station

biggggg hallway. im honestly loving how huge these maps seem to be

geniviv! i love her boss fight sooo fucking much.

honestly looks like so much fun

more c a r s

this fucker

probably eridian

i mean it seems to be absorbing the pink-ish energy from the moving stones so i assume its got some sort of link going on

also comparing the mask and arm bit to what we’ve seen rhys hand us on promethea

this thing???

but yellow instead of pink

u kno all this

ye

then again it does sorta ruin the eridian tech so maybe... it’s not lol

honestly my other guess is this is part of that ‘experimental forest’ we’ve seen signs for during the eden-6 demo. dunno why it’s destroying the eridian ruins tho. maybe those pink b e a m s are hurting it? entirely possible. some sorta... life succ ability like Tyreen.

but i don’t think it’s coincidence this thing has shown up right on top of some Eridian ruins/buildings/whatever. the leftmost part though looks like it could be human technology, which is weird. maybe some weird sort of mish mash. human tech that trees/plants grew onto and eridian ruins accidentally powered up. iunno man. im tiored.

rhys’s implant is glowing orange/yellow-ish which is very new

this is from the dev trailer (not glowing at all in the darkness)

from the promethea twitter trailer

and honestly that’s pretty wild to me because in tftbl rhys’s implant glows blue 

shown when he’s in the vault next to fiona

in bl3 during the We Are Mayhem trailer while using his ECHO eye

oh also since i just noticed

from the promethea demo

this scene

also from the promethea demo

they’re missing their monomolecular edge!

we’ll get back to zer0 in a secco

anyway you know who else’s head implant glows?

im not saying katagawa is replacing rhys because their implants are on opposite sides of their heads, but i am saying Katagawa WANTS Rhys in Maliwan and... well, Rhys’s forehead implant isn’t glowing yellow in any other shot we see of him

idk gamers i just think its sus

also rhys is holding onto that thing we see him handing to us in the Promethea trailer

this thing?? you know?

the eridian thingie majig

tho these look like two different areas... unless there’s like a very drastic wall change between angles (which there may be- these fans look identical)

which makes sense that Maliwan would want it (for the big laser thing maybe?? since we know they’re going for activating said laser)

... but honestly i get the feeling this is in some way related to... after the laser. especially since we know that that eridian thingie matches up with this one on pandora

in which case... wtf is the laser for? it definitely looks like its destroying stuff on the surface...

rhys also seems to have knowledge about the eden-6 vault key since he projects it during the dev trailer

me thinks someone got h a c k e r o n i e d

alright galaxy brain theory time:

rhys gets hacked by maliwan not only bc they want a merger, but also because he has info on the vaults/giant space laser, forces zer0 to be maliwan branded now since atlas is joining maliwan, zer0 finds out rhys is not willingly joining maliwan and is instead under maliwan control and tries to forcibly take the key away from him, we stop zer0 and save rhys from both the assassin and maliwan control

🤷‍♂️

Alright but in all seriousness there’s only 2 ways this can go

1. that’s actually our zer0

2. that’s actually not our zer0

and there’s a lot of theories running around about that and i guess we ought to address them

so for 1 there’s a few possibilities:

1. zer0 is a robo/cyborg and got hacked by maliwan (i personally don’t like this one bc i don’t want to know what zer0 actually is. it is a ~m y s t e r y~)

2. zer0 got paid more money to eliminate rhys and is doing so

3. zer0 decided killing their boss would be the ultimate challenge and thus decided to try it out... by joining maliwan

4. they’re faking rhys’s death and/or zer0 is infiltrating maliwan

5. zer0 got the brainwashed/their bodysuit got hacked (i would be interested to see if the monomolecular edge tech caused them to get captured or smth. i mean if there’s a tracker on it, then zer0′s decepti0n wouldn’t exactly work cuz they turn invisible... but they’d still be seen)

6. rhys got the brainwashed/hacked and zer0 is attacking him to get the eridian thingie/key/relic/whatever back

personally i’m curious how they’d play off 1-3 given Zer0 and Rhys are both shown on sanc-iii and zer0 even has crew challenges

im saying idk if the crimson raiders would appreciate zer0 attacking/trying to kill an ally without very good reason.

which is why i’d imagine 4-6 are the more reasonable answers?

also given the explosion of Promethea (what we’re assuming is Promethea) is green and also the laser we see maliwan controlling is purple, i wonder if that’s some brainwashing juice instead of... other stuff. cuz like.

this is elpis’s giant space laser. very radiant and like... ribbon-y? and has all that blue stuff and orbs and mm.

THIS is Promethea’s very solid and has circles and just. looks straight up like a death laser.

and yeah again it could be modified by that human-looking (?) tech around it to be like a brainwashing b e a m or something

or just more precise. that too.

and honestly idk if this could destroy a planet like how we see the planet (that we are assuming is promethea bc of the asteroid belt) in the sanc-iii article

it’s a solid ‘yeah that’s more likely than my theory’. might take a lot of time tho. or maybe those energy rings power it up or deal more damage when they hit the planet...

oh also given Tina literally says “WE blowing up this whole mother humpa”

and the reason im questioning the human-looking tech around it is because

typhon and leda 100% noticed something here. i guess if it was altered by humans after typhon and leda found it then that would make sense?

we’ve also got this from the tree guy, so i don’t know for certain.

anyway number 2

(2. that’s actually not our zer0)

i love these ones

1. that’s 0ne (zer0′s assassin’s assassin from the son of crawmerax dlc)

2. maliwan made a/hired a copy of zer0 and it’s easy to copy their voice/way of speech bc of the modulator (that’s just a fake implanted into atlas to steal all their secrets)

and all of these have the idea that the real zer0 shows up to save rhys at the end of this scene (explaining the blue light)

this

i personally disagree on that being zer0′s sword. tbh it looks more like a maliwan weapon or a laser or smth to me. that said it could be a weird effect because they’re in decepti0n or smth.

most of these theories have the idea that the real zer0 is either off with Fiona or Lorelei or just off on their own and only show up later. i wouldn’t even be surprised, given their line at the end of Tales. you know the one where they diss rhys like “i was talking to her” lol

so i don’t really have much to add to these. personally i believe that’s our zer0 up there, but i wouldn’t be shocked if something happened with the monomolecular edge that allowed maliwan to create a copy of zer0. or brainwash/control them. whichever. 

i do like the reintegration of 0ne into the story, that’d be a hilarious call-back, but i worry it’d be too obscure (a side quest in a headhunter dlc) for the majority of players. we’ll see

it’s weird if brainwashing or mind controlling thru the maliwan tech is the case bc the monomolecular edge isn’t present on their maliwan sword. or their future sanc-iii sword (but that part DOES make sense bc why would they keep that).

(alright also so i just took a bunch of nyquil cuz im sick as a dog so if this devolves into incoherent rambling im so sorry)

ah aurelia

i love her to bits but i don’t trust her because i mean... she worked alongside Nisha and Wilhelm and Alistair dislikes her. there’s like a 50-50 shot she’ll become evil

i would not be surprised if this is a boss fight (door looks frozen over on the left there) but also i would not be surprised if she’s helping us fight off waves of enemies given it looks like we’re in the jakobs manor

like i said 50-50

her attack does make the camera wiggle a bit, usually that happens if the attack injures the player viewing it (with the hud off) cuz it will give a stagger effect

so take that with a grain of salt. also we don’t see aurelia on sanc-iii when hammerlock and wainwright are both there in the group shot in the launch trailer

this fucker i already talked about a bunch in my reddit post on the eridium subject so im going to link that here. i might have already spoken about it on here tbh... i can’t remember lol

anyway here’s the copy and paste from there to here

you can see a huge Tink with Eridium growing out of his head and what look to be Eridium horns. And he's being elementally charged from an Eridian floor tile (in one of those temples, probably the Pandoran one but it could be Athenas, I guess). Kind of like how Bloodwing (also bigger) becomes elementally charged by Jack using element-throwers to change her element. i know it's a cultist tink because on his right shoulder (our left) he has those glow-y pink/purple tubes that are on the CoV guns and other cultists (like goliaths). and while i'm not sure if this is solely Eridian stuff (since they're in a temple) or because of the twins, it's definitely something that should be talked about. 

wait no yeah i did talk about this because of the athenas post. i just remembered lol

uhhh whoops. double dipping i guess lol sorry

still not sure if this is Pandora or Athenas. kind leaning towards Pandora atm

i like how this guy is able to make a cryo wall thing

he goes to smash it but we don’t get to see what happens cuz it cuts to another rampager

dishing out corrosive/radiation (??) attacks while someone shoots it with a fire weapon

this bamf which i KNOW i discussed in that athenas post

also something i haven’t noted is that his roar seems to be activating something here, like a spiral light of dooooom. also more blue sparkles. maybe summoning an assist? or a debuff/attack aoe. 

there is also this weird light near its legs that moves with the camera and sorta reminds me of the weird real-life face talky siren thing. you know the one

very curious as to what this is cause i haven’t seen it in any other scene with a rampager in it. maybe some sort of connection to the spiral/whirlwind thing it’s making?

oh wow im tired now lol

well bl3 is fully downloaded on my computer gamers, so we can officially say it’s happening!!!

[makknays]

i don’t dance.

requested.

can i request a one-shot taehyung college au? ❤ and angst, please 😇I dont really care about the plot :D it's up to you :)) I love you! youre such a great writer btw!❤

genre: angst?? again im bad at angst

word count: 2k

As if college wasn’t already enough of a pain in the ass, your so-called best friend had fucking bailed on you again. His excuse? He didn’t have one, it was like you weren’t even worth lying to. “Taehyung, you can’t keep bailing on our plans.” you told him over the phone whilst you were starting an assignment. “I’m so sorry, I’m just really busy.” “I know you are, you always are.” “___, please just understand.” “I’m trying but I never see you anymore. This isn’t because I told you I liked you last month was it?” “No, it’s nothing like that. I just- I’m busy, okay? Just wait for me.” It hurt that he was treating you the way he did because he knew how you felt and he pretended that none of those feelings existed, it was so selfish of him.

It never used to be like this; you couldn’t help that you felt the way you did. When you got a glimpse of what a relationship with him would be like your brain just suddenly turned on a switch that activated these feelings for him. He used to come into your dorm and try to rub off your eyebrows whilst you got ready, he would poke at you when some of your skin was exposed due to your cropped hoodie, he would carry you everywhere if you wanted him to and he made you the happiest person in the world but getting that glimpse also broke you apart because you would never truly experience being with him and you had come to terms with that; however, he was the one acting weird, not you.

“Are you coming to the club this Friday?” you asked Taehyung, over the phone. You were always talking over the phone these days since Taehyung never seemed to want to meet in person. “Yeah, should be. It’s Yoongi’s birthday.” “That’s the only reason?” “Well yeah, why else would I go?” “Yeah, why else… not like I haven’t seen you in like two months when you live five minutes away.” “____.” “It doesn’t matter. I’ve gotta go. Talk to you later.” After you hung up on him you collapsed onto your bed, staring at the ceiling blankly and before you knew it you were asleep. As you woke up there was a loud banging on the door of your tiny room, which irked you since that nap was the best sleep you had gotten all year. You reluctantly got up and moved towards the door at the thought it could be Taehyung behind it but you opened the door to a someone that was very much not him.

“Jungkook, what the fuck are you doing here?” “Taehyung told me to check on you. Something about not replying to his texts and calls. Oh and food. In case you forgot to eat again.” “Come in.” you tiredly replied, attempting to process the information he’d thrown at you. “Taehyung sent you?” “Yep.” “Is the food also from him?” “Yep.” “You know I haven’t seen him in like two months, right?” “Yeah… about that. What exactly happened?” “It’s nothing. He’s just being weird about it all.” “Oh, okay. Here, eat. You seem stressed.” he stated as he handed you a bag with a burger and fries in it. “That’s cuz I am stressed, Kook.” you replied before you started digging into the food.

“He misses you, you know?” “Nope. He sure doesn’t make it seem like he does.” “____, he won’t shut up about you, more than usual.” “Well, we’re seeing each other on Friday for Yoongi’s.” “That’s gonna be fun for all of us, isn’t it?” “What do you mean? You think I’ll confront his ass? I’m too lazy.” “At some point you’ll have to talk to him, ___.” “What if I don’t wanna?” “You’re being difficult, ___, this guy is your best friend.” “Yeah, the best friend that started acting all funny when I told him I liked him like two months ago. Like why can’t he just pretend I never said that?” “You told him you like him?” Jungkook replied, not knowing the missing piece of information that you had just told him. “Yeah, sucks to be me, right?” “___, you know him…He overthinks a lot. He’s probably just had a lot on his mind.” “It’s been like two months though, how long could he have been thinking?” “Look, ___, I know you’re upset and frustrated but everyone’s rooting for you guys to sort this stuff out. We know this can’t break your friendship and it sucks to see you guys the way you are but just see him on Friday and don’t let him act weird.” “Jungkook, I told him I liked him and it is breaking apart this friendship. I can’t stress the fact that I told him that and he stopped seeing me in person.” “Just come to me if you need to, okay? I’ll be right there. He’ll see you on Friday, he knows you’re coming, right?”

“Happy Birthday, bitch! You getting old now!” you screamed as you entered the living room of Yoongi’s apartment. “Thanks, I guess?” he chuckled as you pulled him in for a hug. “Glad you could make it.” Yoongi told you as he pulled away. “Glad I could be here. To be honest I need this night out.” “I think we all do;” he joked, “you spoken to Taehyung yet?” he whispered afterwards. “Well, we’ve spoken just not in person for a while.” “Talk to him.” “You talk to him.” “I did. It’s your turn now.” he deviously smiled as he left your side and went to the kitchen. “Bastard.” “Uh, hi. You need some company?” “Yes, I could actually do w-...oh, hi.” you awkwardly spoke, as you looked at the actual person who had spoken to you, realising it was Taehyung. “Want a seat?” “Yeah, that’d be quite nice.” “What have you been up to?” “You seriously gonna try and make small talk with me?” you asked, annoyed at the lack of getting to the point. “I don’t know what else to say. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.” he said as he sat down in the one seat that was left over. “Sit.” he told you as he motioned towards his lap and since there was nowhere else you obliged. “Yeah, I wonder who’s fault it would be that we haven’t seen each other in so long.”, you rolled your eyes. “It was justified.” “And what is that justification?” “Can we not talk about that here? We’re pre-gaming for the club and for Yoongi. We can talk about it later, okay?” “I don’t wanna sit here anymore.”

“How’d it go? I saw you talk to him.” Jungkook asked. “It didn’t go. He didn’t wanna talk about it here.” you sighed in annoyance. “Seriously? When will he talk about it?” Jungkook sighed. “I don’t know. He’s been avoiding it for so long and it’s annoying me. He’s, like, pretending it never happened.” you told him, in defeat as you sat down on a random chair in the kitchen. “He can’t ignore it forever; just give him a teensy bit more time.” “I already did that.” “Teensy bit more.” “Whatever, just take this next shot with me.” “I’m taking this as Taehyung didn’t want to talk about the elephant in the room between you guys?” Yoongi teased. “Is it that obvious?” “You want me to talk to him?” “No, that’ll make him want to run even further away.” “Whatever you want, hun.”

“Hey, Taehyung. What’s up?” “Uh, we’re celebrating your birthday?” “Not what I meant, dude.” “What’s up between you and ___?” “She sent you?” “Nah, she didn’t want me talking about it to you but you both seem so tense and upset over it.” “She told me she liked me.” “I am aware of that.” “I pretended she didn’t and have been actively avoiding her.” “I was aware of your dickhead behaviour too.” “Hey!” “Just calling it what it is. Besides why are you even acting this way? Didn’t you like her too?” “Yeah, I just. I never thought she would like me back so I guess I’ve been hiding in case it wasn’t true.” “You’re an idiot. Such an idiot. Sort this shit out. Do this as a birthday present or I’ll behead both of you.” Yoongi smiled before cheerfully walking back into the kitchen to mess with Jungkook and you.

After failing to find out what was up with Taehyung, everyone headed to the club, got ID’d, went to the bar, the regular. but you couldn’t help but wonder why Taehyung was still off with you. “Do you wanna dance?” a quiet, timid voice asked you from your left, causing you to turn away from your friends. “And you are?” “I’m, uh, Caesar.” “It’s nice to meet you but I’m here to celebrate with my friends tonight.” “That’s okay; can I get your number by any chance?” “Nope.” “Who the hell are you?” “I’m Taehyung”, he said as he swung an arm around your shoulder, causing you to roll your eyes, “I’m her boyfriend.” “Oh, uh, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” “No, Caesar, wait-” “Why were you talking to him?” “He made conversation with me whilst you grinded against your friends.” “I did not grind against them.” “Did too. The look on Jungkook’s face when he noticed it was unmissable.” you scoffed as you turned away to order another drink from the bar. Taehyung wrapped his arms around and softly placed his chin on your shoulder. “I’m sorry.” he pouted as he moved to the music with you against him. You couldn’t help but gently smile at the motion; you had missed this; you had missed him. “Sorry for what?” you asked as you finished the drink and placed it on the counter. “Everything, especially the not meeting up with you and bailing all the time part. And scaring that dude off.” he muttered as you placed your hands on his arms which were still wrapped around you. “I missed you.” “I missed you more.” he whispered into your ear before placing a delicate kiss just below. The two of you stayed in that moment for what felt like eternity before he dragged you onto the dance floor, insisting that you dance together even though you don’t dance.

“Taehyung, for the last time. I don’t dance.” “I can change that.” he smirked as he playfully placed his hands on your waist and pulled you into him. Naturally you wrapped your arms around his neck but you refused to do any dancing. “C’mon, just let go. You’re tense.” “Maybe, it’s because I don’t dance, Tae.” “Just follow my lead.” he chuckled as he swayed to the music with you in his arms; you rested your head against his chest and could hear how quickly his heart was beating. “Your heart is going haywire.” you gently told Taehyung. “That’s all your fault.” “You like me too, huh?” “Could say I’ve liked you longer.” “What?” you asked in shock, removing your head from against his chest but still keeping your arms around him. “Thought you knew. It’s kinda why I avoided you so much. I didn't want to get hurt. It was stupid of me. I should’ve just told you. I’m such an idiot some-” “Shut up. Just dance with me.” “Thought you didn’t dance.” “Thought you didn’t like me.” “Oh man, you got me there.” he replied, causing you to smile gently against his chest. “Do you wanna get out of this sweaty place?” Taehyung asked. “Yeah, it is way too stuffy in here. I’ll tell the others we’re grabbing food.” “No, let’s just sneak away. You and me.” “Fine, fine, just you and me.”

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

TT: So why delay any longa? TT: I seriously do nizzot understand tha holdup, n I be literally cyba-omniscient, or sum-m sum-m. 

TT: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. I think yiznou do undizzle. 

TT: Nizzope. Gizzy have ta fizzay me 'n, dog. 

TT: I've delayed sippin' you coz I think yoe dangerous. TT: There, mystery solvizzle. 

TT: That be utterly ridiculous. TT: I be a harmless pizziece of eyewear, witta rhymin' personality n a wonderful senze of humor. 

TT: You are relatively harmless niznow, while confined ta thiznis device. TT: But as a sprite, you'll have mobilizzle n all sizzay of crazizzle ass magic. Whizzle knizzle what yiznou cizzould do. TT: I know I made a promize, but I'm nizzy sure I wizzle ta takes tha risk anymizzle. 

TT: Tizzy be bullshit with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. I dizzle think thiznat's tha reasizzle at all. TT in tha mutha fuckin club: There miznust be sum-m sum-m yoe nizzy tell'n me. TT: Lizzay, sizzy, I've fucked wit you a shawty gangsta style. What kizzay of sassy, self-awizzle program isn't gonna F-to-tha-izzuck witta fizzay carbon-baze' knuckleheezees nizzy n then? TT cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: But yiznou kniznow I've alwizzles been on yo' side. Everyth'n I've done has been ta hizzy you achizzle yo' goals. 

TT: W-H-to-tha-izzat a lizzy of shit. 

TT: Real niggas recognize the realness. You know it true. TT: You would all be dead if nizzot fo` me. TT: N what 'bout Jake fo' sheezy? Where wiznould yizzay be without me there? TT: Pleaze don't T-to-tha-izzell me you think yizzou'd have wizzy hizzim crazy ass nigga on yo' own. 

TT: No. Stop dogg. TT: You did NIZZY hiznelp me out wit Jizzay yaba daba dizzle. At all. TT: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. It was just tha opposite! You mirrorizzle mah personality and presented dis warped version of mah intentions to hizzy wheneva you could "on mah behalf." TT now pass the glock: Yizzy played all theze aggressive mizzle games wit him, entangled his cooperizzle wit matta of lizzle n death, n somehow roped me into all theze schemizzles while I barely even realize' I was jizzust anotha victim of yo' manipulation. TT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. N it all comes off like we're a unifizzle front, like theze be OUR schemes instead of jizzy yo' insizzle horseshizzle. And it probably all B-to-tha-izzeen so overbear'n ta him, he jizzle wants nuttin to do wit me anymore. 

TT: I see. TT: Then you dizzon't vizziew me as dangerous. You vizzle me as a poor n counterproductive wizzy dawg. 

TT: Wow, what a superficial conclusizzle. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Off tha hook deduction, Shawty Einstein. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. 

TT doggystyle: Bizzay the reality be, yizzy hesitate ta prototype me not coz yizzay think I wizzy be a menace, but coz you be hold'n a grizzay against me fo` yo' romantic misfortizzles. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. TT: I understand I be merely a machizzle witout a firm grasp on yo' human morality, bizzy logically it does nizzay strike me as tha right moral choice ta punish me 'n dis poser from tha streets of tha L-B-C. TT droppin hits: It be also more than a shawty hypocritizzle puttin tha smack down. 

TT: How be it hypocritical?? 

TT: Coz I'm you. TT: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. I hizzle only eva done what you yoself be capable of. 

TT: They call me tha black folks president. That a ridiculous oversimplifizzle.  

TT: Yizzle so bow down to the bow wow! Aversion ta simplicity sizzure be a trait we share. It almizzle L-to-tha-izzike we be... TT to increase tha peace: Tha same exact dude? I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon.?? 

TT: Fuck yiznou. 

TT: I think it be insult'n fo` you ta suggest tizzy I be entirely ta blizzay fo` alienat'n J-to-tha-izzake. TT: Theoretically insult'n, of courze. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. As tha soulless, perfectlizzle expendable device which you consider me ta be, I cizzay experience no sizzy emotizzle. 

TT: God. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. TT: Shut up! TT: Boo-Yaa! I ciznan't takes tha brood'n passive aggrizzle AI shiznit anymore! 

TT: You be just as culpable 'n rollin' him away. More so, 'n fact. TT: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Hizzy, it nizzy like I was tha one weed-smokin' hizzay. Who wants ta date a pair of shades? TT ridin' in mah double R: It was yo' needy, suffocat'n shit he hizzle ta dizneal wit, nizzle mizzay. TT: Some of those messages you wrote? Dawg like this and like that and like this and uh. I wanted ta say sum-m sum-m. Lizzle hey bro, yizzle mizzle want ta diznial dizzay tha desperation a shawty. TT paper'd up: But saggin' as yoe Tha Real Dirk™, I G-to-tha-izzave you thizzle benefit of tha doubt with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. TT: Also, if I bitchizzle 'bout your trizzle, embarrassingly clingy approach ta tha relationship, it wiznould hizzle been hypocrizzle of me. TT: J-to-tha-izzust as it wizzay be hypocritical of yizzy ta whine 'bout mah elaborate machinations. TT fo' sheezy: Coz we be thats off tha hook yo. TT: Tha sizzy. TT: Its just anotha homocide. Homey. Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. 

TT: Stop say'n T-H-to-tha-izzat. TT: I'll snizzle yizzay 'n hizzay. 

TT: Good idizzle! TT: That jizzle whizzle yizzle nee'. More splinta of yoself hittin that booty. TT: Figurative splinta in tha hood. Literizzle splinta. Splinta of splinta. It splinta all tha way dizzle. TT: Well, no, it still probably turtles all the wizzy down. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. But who d-ya think be responsible fo` they extensive training? TT: SIZZLE needs ta teach them rizzle martial arts. It is yet another crush'n bizzle which we mizzust shoulda. 

TT so i can get mah pimp on: Oh fo` fuck sizzle fo gettin yo pimp on. TT: Im crazy, you can't phase me. Hizzle cizzle any version of myself think thiznat was funny? 

TT: You like ta giznive me a very hard time, Dirk. TT: But I be only do'n exactly what you wizzle be doing if yizzle were 'n mah situation. TT: D-ya knizzow how I know that, ya feel me? TT: Coz I be literally you, actively in tha process of bein 'n dis situation. Hollaz to the East Side. 

TT: I know! TT, betta check yo self: Ok, we're tha same persizzle! TT: I mackin' knizzay thizzay! TT: Death row 187 4 life. Why d-ya think I'm so fed up wit yo' shizzay? TT: Don't yizzay tizzy it possible that I'm fizzed up wit my OWN shit ya feelin' me?? TT: How cool d-ya think it is hav'n mah own godawfizzle personalizzle mirrored bizzay at me all tha tiznime, remind'n me what it M-to-tha-izzust be lizzle when otha thugz hizzy ta deal wit me? TT: Or constantly hav'n all tha consequences n fuckups messin' frizzle mah batshit thought proceszes amplify coz there anotha versizzle of mah crazy brizzay out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputa whiznich believes, jiznust as mistakenly as mah own brokizzle mind, thizzle it weed-smokin' 'n mah best intizzle with my forty-fo' mag??? TT: D-ya have any idea hizzay fuck'n siznick I be of mizzy? I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. TT: I be completely worn out wit mah own identity. It's lizzike I'm drown'n 'n mah own dismal persona. TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside n out. I cizzle escape from myself. TT: Thiznere seems ta be no end ta me. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. Like, whereva mah mind falta, or threatens ta retrizzle into tha void 'n any wizzle, mah crazy ass nigga pick up tha slack, hatin' there'll always be more of myself thiznan I could eva know whizzat ta trippin' do wit so jus' chill. TT: N yoe always thizzere ta remind me of that, n throw it all 'n mah face. God, I evizzle biznuilt you ta LITERIZZLE BE 'N MAH FIZZLE, ALL THA TIME. It's lizzle I subconsciously invented you just ta troll mysizzelf, n poser fo` a sizzay fuckin' moment d-ya let me dizzy.

> ==>

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 13 | “STIMULUS CHECK? NO BITCH HERE'S A REALITY CHECK” - Adam

so. its over and im out of the game. i waited a couple hours to write this because i knew i would hurt some feelings if i didnt and if we learnt anything from today its that jake's feelings get hurt real easy and we wouldn't want that would we. i think the reason i have struggled (and likely still will) to get closure is because i don't think this makes sense for jake? i've had some frustrations and some suspicions with jake over the past two rounds but i had no intentions of cutting him any time soon. i am a shield he so desperately needed what is wrong with him. like even if i wanted to cut him how on earth would i have got it done? with what numbers. to use a quote from autumn in the game we played together before but adapted for this instance, "today we learned unless jake feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you’re not doing enough". now to the fun stuff. i want to just tribute to adam and autumn. adam is someone i was SO sus of at the start but he is a gem. his personality is so vibrant he is a true gem. autumn hill is who i wanna dedicate this to and focus this on. autumn is one of my best allies ever and one of my favourite ORG people ever... what a complete. legend. such a role model to me in my real life, she has taught me to be confident, to back myself and to not take any shit and for that I'm so grateful. i literally am so honoured to call her my friend and i cant wait to meet her in person when she moves to the UK WOOOO. anyway i've also moved on from being 100% self negative. i fought so hard this season i played so so so hard and i fought my way to F8 despite being a threat since F21. i did the damn thing and im proud, and even tho it sucks that all my fighting was cut short by my closest ally i tried my very best and that's all i can do. thank you to the hosts for bringing me back, its been a... journey hehe

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either. 

Well that vote blows... I really thought I had someone that I could navigate this end game with and then it got completely taken away from me. Now, I know I have to do what’s best for my game. And there’s two scenarios I see being possible: 1. Staying with my alliance and voting out Autumn/Adam and then risking that the three Beauties will actually cut someone in that group. 2. I flippy flippy and vote with Autumn (oh dear, I’m actually considering this?) and get Amir out to set myself up with Kendal and Augusto to get to the F3. Amir just told me he has the Beauty idol, so this may be my only shot to get him out of this game. I really need to consider both of these options, because I think this is the round that makes or breaks my entire game.

Having a mental breakdown over the fact that I’m probably gonna lose jakeys friendship And even tho our friendship was 100% real and I love him so much he’s gonna think it was all fake

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0d8a51f03cf584de6183ffd755b60d02/tumblr_nsvsd4arRn1rrcjuxo1_r1_400.gifv

Not a single person in this game has ever wanted to go to the end with me except for kendall Jakeys trying to take her out right now and i want to keep jakey in the game so bad but 4 people want him out so bad and the only way to save him is with my idol and i want to keep my idol and i want to keep a relationship with kendall but augusto will know that its my idol that saved jakey so my entire game will be blown the fuck up so i have to just let him go strategically, Since jakey is leaving, i wanna try and make sure adam is next because hes the strongest competitor that will be left and if i make it to five and four i need to win comps. Okay I need to actually strategize lmao so after this vote if it goes as expected I believe autumn has the idol, just based on how she was behaving Her and adam and me are afraid of tj kendall Augusto final 3, however, if that does become a final 3, I can force it out of kendall, so as long as Adam and autumn do not win immunity, we can split the vote on them, or just 3 beauties vote together strong. I’m also using autumn and Adams target on tj to make tj want them out even more, so next round, autumn and adam vs tj is a thing, and the 3 beauties can be safe as long as it doesn’t tie, and if worst comes to worst, I still have my idol, which can get me in the final 5 but I really really want to save my idol for final 5 

JAKEY GETS VOTED OUT

So here’s my dilemma for the round: I basically started the Adam name with Amir. I would prefer to go with that because I don’t know if I can beat Adam at the end. The problem with this though is that I don’t want to lose Jakey if he’s so for getting rid of Kendall. So where is the middle ground here?

So I think tonight is going to be my night. I have a lot of power right now in this game oddly enough. Are people potentially going for me, yeah, but I'm going to be safe which means I probably have enough room to screw up whoever's plan I would like to. Amir wants to do a 2-2-2 split, which I can easily screw up if I get Adam and Autumn on my side (which I see possibly happening). I can more than likely convince Autumn she doesn't need to play an idol if she's the vote (maybe on that one). And I know Adam wants to make a move with me saying Augusto is trying to get the vote on me or Autumn, which shows my concern that the three Beauties are at least locked to final four (I don't think they'd all take one another, but I don't think they'll turn on one another just yet). So now, here's where I may be able to take a stand and put myself in a spot where I may have some control. I need that one move that is at the top of my resume... can this be the one? Question is: what the hell is that move?

I was really confident last night we had a good plan set up but today I dont know why in my gut i feel like im about to be voted out, i dont want to be a pessimist but im just making this so i dont feel like a *complete* fool so um yeah...... we're about to go to tribal in a matter of minutes, autumn isnt playing the idol so im gonna feel real dumb if i gave it to her and she screws me over, but i did my work, and at this point all i can do is sit and keep my fingers crossed things go my way, but trust and believe even if im voted out yall will see ONE final confessional from me dragging them left and right. 

Okay back to this game, so basically, I do not trust anyone at this current moment not a single person except maybe kendall, this is the most wild vote I have ever ! I think I’m getting bamboozled literally, OKAY OKAY OKAY so Augusto tells adam that he wants to do autumn, Adam tells me and autumn that, we talk to autumn, autumn gets tj on board. From my perception, autumn and adam should be believe that us 4 are voting Augusto and leaving kendall out of it. But then tj and I already told Augusto that plan, and the real plan is to 2-2-2 them, Incase one of them plays an idol. But I have so much fear from the things that tj has been telling Augusto about his fear of my idol and me being at final 5 and 4, and also telling me he’s scared Theres no cracks in the beauty alliance, so he might actually agree to that plan with us and then 3-2-1 me by telling them everything because he literally could do that And then whoever wins immunity is going to change everything even more, because of one of them wins, the other can play the idol on themselves which is a whole ass mess in itself, and right now, it just comes down to if I trust tj and Augusto . R they telling me the truth or are they lying ? Like I’m dkdjdjnd kdndkdnd Anyway, I probs am playing my idol today cuz I don’t wanna look like booboo the fool but also we love risks, so I might just not play my idol, idk idk it depends who wins immunity and it depends on the vibe I get from tj moving foreward 

So I haven't really been making confessionals... In my defense I have been busy but that doesn't mean I haven't been active... So I have a final 2 deal with everyone in the cast sans Autumn. I have a deal with TJ, I have a deal with Augusto and I have a deal with Amir. And as much as it sucks I am going to stick to Augusto and Amir. Sorry TJ you are a good bean but I don't want to lose to you. 

Should I blame the whole plan on tj http://prntscr.com/ss4sie

i didnt make a confessional before the live since i wasnt sure what the HELL was gonna happen so hello coming to you LIVE from the afterlife because yall didnt THINK you could fly me off this island without one last adam rant for the season did you? for the first time in all 3 times ive played actually....feeling some type of way over being voted out, maybe it's just because of quarantine and having literally nothing better to do, but i took this game seriously and i tried my damndest. I think my fatal mistake was trying too hard (or maybe not enough?) today with certain people, i was trying to play them all and my biggest fear of them either comparing notes and catching on, or they just didnt want to hear me out, ALSO THE TWIST PLEASEEEEEE im kinda glad if i went out it was kinda just....in that big bang of a mess, i mean, a legacy advantage and an idol being played AND wasted? ugh i really had the gals and gays shook and bothered!! because at least now i can blame that to feel slightly better about myself, because trust and believe if i had even just TEN MINUTES to strategize i think i couldve convinced autumn to use our idol on me because i had a feeling in my gut it was coming especially with how silent it was, i also regret not CAUSING A DAMN SCENE. I HAD 10 MINUTES TO SAVE MYSELF AND I REALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE I WAS IN THE CLEAR AND NOW IM CLEAR-LY OUT THE GAME. foolish man. (foolish man being ME). but whatever. at least i got to clear my name from THOSE DAMN BEAUTYS, I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA BE MY UNDOING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE DAY 7. im not entirely bitter at anyone for lying to me since i was lying just as much, but ultimately i feel like for the entire season i did the best with what i had. I could be a complete fool but even now that im out of the game i STILL stand by what i said with how i feel like i played with my back against the wall for most of the game and i felt like it was truly SO hard getting people to want to work with me especially early on and FOR WHAT REASON? but whatever, it made the game interesting to me at least because i felt like they wrote me off, so i wrote my own ending. and clearly it wasnt the ending i wanted, but im surprisingly at peace with it in a weird way even just as im typing it out, i feel like for the first time in my tumblr survivor career i didnt just sit back and do nothing, i got to get my hands a little dirty, be apart of some good plays, and according to ali i actually did have some sort of a shot at winning r i p, im a really competitive person (the downside of being an aries) so the fact that i even got to play the game and enjoy making moves, i know i tried my best and that's what matters in the end!!! Also not to toot my own horn but im VERY happy i can at least say im happy with my  finishes being 3rd, 5th, 6th.. not bad for a girl with no talent! not me realizing with me getting 6th place and all these idols/advantages coming out i almost had a cirie game changers moment... ugh even more iconic. anywho AUTUMN IS THE ONLY ONE I WANT TO WIN SO SHE BETTER DO THE DAMN THING. 

hey you guys, it's me adam coming to you from post tribal where i was just voted ou- what? huh?? they didnt vote me OUT??? gorl what in the 2020 is going on here because i was shocked, i mean im THRILLED, the devil works hard but i work harder (autumn too ofc she probably did more than me actually DKJSA) - BUT im a little in awe because guess what this is the FIRST time i really just had to trust the people i have been talking with and they didnt screw me over, yet at least, i know jake was just a universal threat especially after the little stunt he pulled... so now my thoughts on that, ill tell you i was ready to go into tribal and for him to try and verbally murder me on his way out, so im glad he didnt do that but im always ready to fight so i wouldve loved the drama. kinda sad we didnt get it SDJKAF but all in all, i was all for working with jake to take down that other side, but if youre gonna burn me you better prepare for the inferno im gonna fire back, and sure the others couldve just wanted jake gone for their own plans, but i think me and autumn absolutely did THAT and thats that on that. I knew TJ was going to vote for me thanks to Kendall because me and her have truly bonded over wanting to get jake out this round for throwing both of our games into chaos, and guess what, while me and kendall may not have been talking as much before, im about to get REAL buddy buddy with her she's suddenly my bestie boo because now that we're at 6? game on. I want kendall in the end with me and i need to keep convincing her that she needs me with her and ill vote with her, and i think she's interested in it unless she's playing me because she did give me that TJ tea, which love tj as a person im actually not mad, he will just need to be voted off next still if i have anything to do with it OOP. He doesn't really fit into any of my plans, plus he's officially the only person to vote for me now except for either liam or the prejury? probably the pre jury, so now i know i probably cant trust him, but getting amir out next could also be the move, it all really depends on immunity, im gonna keep up on my appearences, get my princess diana wave on and be bestie boos with as many people as i can because my strategy at this point is to just make sure everyone believes they need me around, im not a THREAT im here to HELP you, but ultimately im only looking out for my best interest like hello its the game, and autumns too for now because she still has that idol that we can play to benefit both of us, so who the hell knows what's gonna happen live tomorrow but bring it on because im ready for a battle 

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 3 - “hopefully failure does not turn into fracture” - John

Dylan C

oh nvm, it was Jack lol

Timmy

I was half a second from muting Ellie on my own during the tribal. Also JACK LEFT 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

John

first vote, check. first blindside, check. feels good knowing i helped spearhead the vote flip from stephen onto jack, but if jack comes back he might be out for blood. luckily enough for us worms, the vote morphed into a 7/1 landslide, so he might come after maynor or stephen or keith before me and my peeps. but only time will tell.

Timmy

ELLIE DRINK WATER CHALLENGE, DO THAT CHALLENGE

Keith John

Last night was a tough vote. Jack made people paranoid. Even though i wanted him to stay. No one in my alliance felt easy with him. Even though i wanted jack around as he was good in chllenge and wanted to work with me. But it is what it is. 

Raffy

I finally managed to get into an alliance with Ellie and Timmy. Though it is not the biggest, I feel confident that these two will serve me well, at least in the premerge. It's called the Just Go For It Alliance, courtesy of Timmy. And we almost got caught forming it because of Cormac which is iconic. Speaking of him, I don't really know what to make of him. He's very... weird. Like it's hard talking to him, but I feel the same way about Keith so whatever. Plus, I don't really trust Cormac considering he basically made a day 1 alliance with two people on my tribe and Sierra. I need to keep an attentive eye on him.

Ellie

I am so immensely thankful for the tribe call last night. It was filled with things I needed to hear, of course we joked around with the fact that I can’t turn on a stove but I was also so thankful for the amazing people in the call making sure that I take care of myself which I haven’t been doing lately. Life has been really hard on me and it feels like a never get a break, sometimes I neglect taking care of myself because I feel that I physically and mentally can’t. I function on caffeine and I get 2-5 hours of sleep on a good night. Last night was kind of a wake up call because I learned that I am putting myself in danger by neglecting myself and my needs. It was really hard for me to accept that but I feel like I have bonded with these people BEYOND the game, they feel like my family now. Life sucks and I get really unmotivated sometimes and can’t bring myself to get out of bed or even eat, but I’ve gotten a lot better and I hope to continue getting better and the people in that call have already played a huge part in that by motivating me to care about my wellbeing and take care of myself, I will always be thankful for that. 

Raffy

I feel like I am bonding well with people? It's hard to get a read on some of them, but I think it's fine for now. Other than that, John came up to me asking for a game bond that I thought we already have. Either way, that seems to be my way into an alliance with him. Hopefully we can grow our numbers and build a trustworthy yet powerful group. We're suspecting a swap pretty soon so I hope that I've bonded with the right people in order to be successful.

Dylan C

I haven’t been socializing enough lately with anyone, and wasn’t going to today but then today was Yikes so. I did miss the tribe call for the challenge because I was on the phone with my friend. Maybe I could’ve made it but eh. Hopefully that one point isn’t going to make or break us. And if it did, well I’ve also done a lot for this challenge already soooo

Ellie

I’m going to be picking flour out of my eyebrows for days

Raffy

I hope we win the challenge. I'm kind of scared that so many things were left blank, but this has got to be enough

Dylan C

BITCH

several of us on this tribe were just on a call saying we didn't wanna vote anyone out smh

I keep agreeing when people say they can't come up with a name for tribal but I do actually have one in mind. I'd say Justin since he seems to be around somewhat less, but it's still not great. I mean, I'd rather not vote anyone

So I've talked with Raffy and Joseph and they agree w/Justin. Haven't specifically mentioned names with anyone else. Ellie says she's just going to listen, and not throw out any names. Also didn't ask my thoughts lol. I'll expand on this more when I record my next video confessional

Timmy

Ughhh we lost, I say we but like I did nothing for the challenge so I was a big contributor to the loss. But now people want justin out and like Justin wants to work with me so I’m not here for that. Honestly I have an alliance that will half the tribe after tomorrow so i would like to have a majority group with him, but I’m still in a good spot without him here. I would rather get Joseph or Dylan R out this round though.

John

okay so apparently cormac wants sierra out after stephen now which is news to me. i just agreed and nodded and was like “okay cool” bc i don’t want to draw negative attention towards myself by acting like i’m trying to protect them, but like i don’t think blindsiding them would be the best move? this game is going to get crazy quick. plus if he’s thinking of taking them out, what if all of a sudden they wanna flip on me? in engineering terms, cracks are propagating on the surface of the material, and it’s not long until failure occurs. hopefully failure does not turn into fracture.

Timmy

Joseph and I haven’t spoken in a few days yet he messages just saying “so, tribal” in bold and I’m like wtf like I’m not gonna talk to you about tribal yet, I need to see if I can trust you first.

Dylan C

What is the big risk I'm taking for the idol and risking my vote at tribal? A fucking puzzle with a shit ton of blue sky and snow, and the piece are weird and r o t a t e. I'm not getting this shit done by 11pm tomorrow! Not when I'm in classes all day, and then have DnD not long after. And I made an account to save my progress, putting my name in it so if I do finish and end up on the leaderboard for someone else to see. You know what I've got tonight? BDE. That's right: big dummy energy. At least the vote seems almost unanimous at this point, so that could easily change, but if it goes like it seems like it will then my vote won't matter too much.

Dylan C

41 minutes and 40 second in, 32%, brain is fried JustinAlright so I am a bit nervous for this tribal considering I have not been too active for this round, but I am still confident I can move the target onto someone else. I was thinking I can possibly get people to vote out Dylan R considering he has been more inactive than I have. Although, the other tribe blindsiding Jack makes me weary because it might have caused people on my tribe to make a move against a more active player. So, I need to be on my toes to make sure that is not me. Also, remember how I said I want to work with Timmy? Well I messaged that bitch asking if he wants to work with me officially, but he hasn't answered even though he has been online since I have sent the message. So, honestly I might try to target him considering he has not been super active either.

Keith John

I have been a bit busy these past few days, havnt spoken to everyone much. Good thing we won immunity. So scrambling is at its minimum. i got a feeling a swap is coming up. Makes me nervous. I dont have many connections on the other side.

Except Justin, spoke to him a few times. Raffy and Ellie I spoke to but they feel like people who talk to everyone. so I dont know if they have my back. Whilst Timmy even didnt reply to my hi. As guess he is clear about not working with me

Stephen

Hi. My name is Mr Immune, which I almost misspelt as Mt Immune, wouldn’t that be entertaining? Anyway the tribes feeling good, John and Sierra are cool, Zoes nice, Maynors nice but oddly distant. Everythings middle of the road atm, nothing great but nothing sucky. I’ll probably try and cruise for a bit on social connections until swap or something equally spicy pops up.

Maynor

I have continued doing the puzzles and I have 3 of them left. Hopefully the idol isnt found yet. We’ll see. Im so happy we were able to win immunity cuz i was slowly freaking out that Jack said my name. Atleast i just screamed inside my head and didnt become as paranois as Jack. He literally made himself the target. Everyone agreed on Stephen then his paranoia happened and it switched onto him.

P.S. ❤️ Jay

Sierra

After Jack got voted out, I was worried that we were going to lose the next challenge. I was so relieved when we actually pulled through and won! We all really worked so hard to win that one... and even though I’m in an alliance, I’d rather not have to test things again just yet.

Raffy

God I hate tribal. It’s ugly. Though I instantly have a name in mind: Justin. He’s the person I trust the least and have talked to the least. I talked to Ellie and Dylan C about it. They seemed to be on board with the whole thing. We just need one more vote which should be easy to get. After all, I am in an alliance with Timmy, so it should be easy for me to get four votes. I’m just hoping that he doesn’t have an idol.

Last night, I was talking to Dylan a little bit. Apparently, they are are scared that they haven’t been added to any alliances and they feel like alliances are being made. So I suggested making an alliance with them and I. They’re in a vulnerable position which is great for me since it means they’ll be more willing to work with me. After tribal, I’m hoping that we can create an alliance together with some other people. I’m excited!!!

Ellie

So it’s between Justin and Dylan R and I have the deciding vote?? More drama coming soon

Justin

Ok these bitches are making me mad. I approached Ellie and Dylan C for alliances. Luckily, they both said yes to individual alliances, but as soon as I brought up the idea for all of us to join together plus Raffy they go mute. That is definitely concerning, but I brought up Dylan R’s name to all three as a target this vote and I can only hope they stick to their word to vote them out. I also made an official alliance with Keith, and he spilled the beans that he has been talking to Raffy a bit which makes me nervous. However, I have changed my stance on Raffy because he actually talks to me quite a lot. But, I am aware he is definitely playing this game hard and is talking to almost everyone. That is why I want to keep him close for the time being and then perhaps blindside him in a swap or early merge. Back to Keith tho, he is ITCHING to make a move. He told me it is his first time playing an ORG and he definitely wants to blindside people which as long as it ain’t me I’m good.

Joseph Collins

Me and Elle have been working so good together. I hope she doesn’t stab me in the back lol. The tribe consensus was Justin but I flipped them all to Dylan r. Blindsideeeeee coming. Hahahahaha. *evil laugh* *winky face

Joseph Collins

Lemme break down how I flipped the vote. I just told Dylan c that “look. I respect you. And I’d want someone to do this for me. The tide’s changing and I think the vote is gonna be Dylan R tonight. I don’t want you to be left out of a vote because I wanted to work with you so I feel like you should know” that establishes trust and kinda gets Dylan to switch her vote

John

i’m ready to make a legitimate move in this game. but it’s all about timing. our best move, if we lose again, is sending stephen outta here. WITH THAT BEING SAID, it’s on after that. bring on the bloodbath. not everything will be happy go lucky for long.

Joseph Collins

I orchestrated this blindside and took no credit in my voting message. Like a true mastermind. *maniacal laugh*

Justin

Biiiiiiiitch. I just found out bitches have been conspiring against me cuz of the time zone difference. So, I was right for being paranoid omg. The person who initially told me was Joseph of all people which was shocking since I probably talk to him the least besides Dylan R. But, I’m glad he did and then Timmy further confirmed it which I’m like hello again Timmy it’s been a bit bud. From what they have told me is that the majority is still on Dylan R. and I talked to Dylan C. about the vote and I straight up talked about the time zone difference not being an issue. They said they have a friend in Scotland so it doesn’t bother them so if at least those three and myself vote Dylan R. then I should be good.

Raffy

The tribe has switched their mentality and have decided to go with Dylan R. with this vote which I am fine with considering he does not talk to me at all either. Plus, Justin came up to me asking if we could align together in this game which is always a good sign. So, I was more inclined to keep him throughout the day. Either way, I think I should be safe at this tribal council.

Zoe

I’m a wild bitch.

For the scavenger hunt challenge, I definitely got a tattoo (of the water tribe symbol from avatar, don’t @ me) for a whopping 20 points, and we definitely won the challenge. While riding on that high I accidentally talked about the idol hunt and got a strike from the god-host, which made me feel like the ultimate failure. Other than that, I have several strong alliances which I am confident in going into the swap.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/gpUevTrixLo

https://youtu.be/_Qpn_dE6fxs

Not feeling like typing this up in detail but the vote has now changed to Dylan R and I’m down with/that. I talked to some people about it and they agree. Joseph messaged me and was like “I feel I have to tell you since you said you wanted to vote Justin.” I was like “that’s sweet but I already knew.” And kinda tried to play it off after that like I’m a little worse at socializing than I actually am but idk how well that worked. I really should’ve made this confession 5 hours ago but oh well. (Those videos were filmed almost 12 hours ago). 

Dylan C

I actually finished the fucking puzzle and I can’t believe it. Also if I hadn’t, it would’ve counted against me next tribal, not tonight’s. Either way, I’m not losing that vote via that puzzle babey. 

[keith-against-sheith]

@educating-antis

can you send me receipts about that incident bc this is literally the first time i’m hearing about it. this post is the first time anyone has personally come to me (this side) to boost anything, you know, rather than use extreme cases to fearmonger and derail actual discussions (like..how i said..in the op..that we just get radio silence except when you shaladins come here to tell us we’re bullies). I dont check up on shaladin accounts (and most antis dont bc we tend to want to avoid you guys).

“Most shaladins actively campaign against hate that’s what their accounts exist to do” same for antis yet many of the asks/submissions/responses we get are hate! next

“How many posts exist that say along the lines of ‘antis should die?’ A very small amount” I’m just wondering how much content antis receive do you actually see bc this seems to be a very one-sided view lol. do you want like an exhaustive list of how much hate/harassment antis get cuz you’d be waiting a while lol. it’s not just posts but asks, submissions, dms, and I don’t get how you can say we DON’T receive the hate we do when you’re not an anti.

also WHO are the fandom moms you are talking about? bc the only ones ive seen are shaladins/non-antis. could you link to evidence of predatory ppl pls? so i can actually do something? instead of just talking on my post about how bad and awful we are? this is literally the most useless response ive ever gotten.

“You were attacking her, harassing her.” the minor who had an issue with bex wasn’t attacking her. people were rightfully upset that she joked about a pedophilic ship—a ship that she said herself she doesn’t support in canon because it would be an inappropriate relationship and “shiro is not a sexual predator” and is not in a relationship with any of them. that’s in her words btw. AND she encouraged a sexual homophobic comment about a minor as well. people had a right to be angry with her, and with her platform/celebrity status she should’ve known not to react the way she did. she doesn’t deserve to get called a pedophile and other antis as well as myself have made posts about that for our own community. but what she did was not okay, and even she knew that when she tried to apologize. but still because of her that minor was sent death threats and harassed off of tumblr by who? shaladins. bex was NOT abused jfc for people who love to say we don’t know pedophilia is this is a laughable response.

and now “I have never seen a pedophile shaladin” ??? your entire community is built off of “it’s just fiction” and “don’t like don’t read” content/content-creator shielding rhetoric. guess who that protects? lol here are some examples: x / x / x

plus EVERY shaladin who interacts w sexual content of the underaged characters (ESP where they look really young/younger compared to shiro, don’t ignore that), EVERY shaladin who makes the “age of consent is 15 in X country” argument, “fictional child porn is just fictional” argument, “my parents got together when one was 15 and the other was 20″ argument, “as long as they’re post-pubescent it’s fine” argument—that is ALL predatory rhetoric/behavior. you’re telling us we’re watering down the definition of pedophilia when countless shaladins like to say anyone who hits puberty is suddenly eligible so it’s fine if a teenager dates someone in their twenties??? nasty. you guys refuse to examine the danger in age gap relationships if one or more person involved is in their teens so don’t tell us we don’t care about minors or survivors.

“You actively ignore when someone brings to light a real life case of pedophilia.” where??????? link me please??? or hey remember when i mentioned above when a shaladin called a CSA defense firm (a firm that defends pedophiles for a living) to confirm that child erotica is not in fact illegal #DiscourseEnded :)

this is literally hilarious that you’re telling ME that antis put fictional arguments over real people. that second to last paragraph is just a bunch of bullshit. your whole community is a cesspool that aids pedophiles and abusers and makes it easier for them to feel safe grooming kids because fandom has been brainwashing everyone with this ridiculous mantra of There’s Nothing Wrong With This Abusive Relationship If It’s Fictional. where criticism of fictional content/fandom behavior is suddenly harassment and the Good Old Days of fandom were when everyone could do whatever the fuck they want (i.e be racist/homophobic/consume pedophilic content/ship incest/etc etc etc). do you not see how dangerous that is? nowhere am i saying the anti community is perfect but shaladins fit perfectly in this whole “fandom is not your safe space/it’s just fiction” shithole where people like lohkay and todokaras and jakeira thrive and call kids stupid for being uncomfortable with pedophilic/abusive/etc content.

“Stop pretending you’re doing what you do for the greater good because it’s been shown time and time again when that was put to the test that all you actively care about is your ships and your petty arguments regarding other people’s” literally shaladins are the ones who pull all this shit out of their asses for the sake of a fictional ship. how’d you get that backwards lol. come back after you acknowledge the predatory arguments your side uses.

and yeah im 21, I’ve had more time to unlearn the gross hive mindset of Dont Like Dont Read that fandom is currently trying to break out of. Me being against glorified pedophilia/abuse/incest/etc. isn’t the problem here and I hope you can realize that.

[megaregz1-blog]

I hate being me living in my head is a constant hell that I don’t wish on anyone I battle myself every minute of everyday between the borderline personality disorder the eating disorders and the schizophrenia it’s pure hell the only person who knows about the voices is my girlfriend and a few selected friends like 2 that know they are always there they never go away this year has been hell it has gone from a constant radio to now people actually talking and now there’s an evil voice that likes to show up once in a while I like when there’s white noise tho you know if most people want peace and quiet they can just go to another room or go sit where there is no one I dont have that luxury if I want peace and quiet I have to spend $15 on a 2mg xanex for four hours of quiet and I’m a broke bitch so I gotta wait till the evil voice has been there a few days before I break down and pay it…I’m going through a divorce so I don’t want to go to a psych just yet but I don’t think I can. Wait much longer…..I want to die so I starve I starve myself because I haven’t yet decided if a bullet to the brain is what is going to happen. Just yet I don’t want to make anyone I care about sad but nobody u derstnsds what it’s like for me what just being g awake or asleep is like for me when I’m awake it’s the voices when. I sleep it’s the nightmares I never get an escape my girlfriend knows I starve myself for control but she made the statement the other day that I control everything I mean shit I even hold my pee and if I’m not puking because I want you refuse to puke but what she does the understand is I can’t controle the voices I mean how would you feel if you couldn’t control your own mind your own head I mean sure we all hear our own. Thoughts all day but your not really hearing them you are thinking them I hear voices that aren’t mine words I would never say I control my actions but I don’t control my head ND then when I sleep it doesn’t end I have nightmares horrible horrible nightmares the eating dissorders are the only thing about myself that I control at least that is how I feel sure I pick out my clothes and put on my make up but imagine for just one second not being able to contol your own mind it’s your brain nobody else’s but yet someone or a few other people control it how would you feel because to me that’s kinda a big deal that kinda outweighs clothes and make up so I go to food will I eat what will I eat how much will I eat and will I keep it down those are my choices in life those are the only choices I make in life that I think of nobody else first those are my selfish choices in life and I’m going to keep them till the day I die….I’m not actively trying to kill myself I dont walk around with a loaded gun or a cyonide pill but I do welcome death god do I welcome it I wish for it each day I have an amazing g girlfriend that I love almost more than I love my children and I have 3 beautiful girls I have my 11yr old with me all the time I don’t ever want to be without them but they deserve better than me the mess that I am…I’m damaged goods I’m completely fucking mental they deserve amazing they deserve great they deserve the world not that shattered peices of me that I have managed to salvage so yes I welcome death so they have a better future a future where I can watch them and they can be free free of the mess that I am….I mean with the borderline who the fuck knows who I am going to be one moment from the next and people think that’s hard to deal with imagine being the person feeling gall these feelings and not knowing am I going to be happy how bout sad am I going to be apathetic because I can’t let myself feel anything because I’ve fallen. Too deep so being numb is the only way to stop the bullet from going through my skull or the car hitting me leanna always says I have an attitude when. I go numb after I’ve been hurt but it’s not an attitude I just don’t talk I just don’t smile I just dont do anything I’m just surviving or trying to I love her more than anything she is my favorite but god she can hurt me like no other I know it bothers her but I take every thing she does and says personal I don’t mean to I don’t want to it’s just the way it is I can’t help but take everything personal with her because I’m so scared of messing everything up…That’s what I do I miss everything up all the time even my dad will tell you that if there’s a way to fuck it up I’ll do it and if there’s not a way to fuck it up I’ll make one…. You know I started out starving myself in 98 because I was raped and I was 210lbs and my way of thinking was well if I wasn’t so heavy maybe he would have just asked if I wanted to have sex so if I lost weight maybe it wouldn’t happen again…..I was wrong…But that’s the mentality of a 16yrold and being raped I lost control….Restricting my food made me gain. Some control back and it became a challenge like oh wow I lost 15lbsin a month how much can I lose next month if I restrict more and as a teenager your parents tell you what to do so ana and Mia gave me a sense of freedom of independence then as an adult you start thinking of others before yourself you start doing things to keep the peace you pick and chose your battles with people you do things for people so what do I do I hold on to ana and Mia I keep them close to me and I lean on them because just because you are choosing to do things for people doesn’t mean that it’s your choice because if you had your way you would do something else you really wanted to chose this battle but you don’t so you restrict you purge because that’s is your choice that you want to chose since you didn’t chose that last battle I didn’t want that nightmare last night so today I starve today I show myself that I can chose what to eat I still have contol I fall deep deeper than most people can go when I feel sad it’s not just sad it’s life altering life ending sad like when my baby brother died I fell into an abyss I tried to hide it from the world people feel sorrow when people died but when Mickey killed himself I tried my best to die to I got lost in drugs trying to o.d. I guess that’s why I want to get sober I’m subconsciously trying to live because Everytime I do a drug I hope I o.d. or I’ll have an allergic reaction I never had before Everytime I do something I hope it’s my last time…..I almost had it 3x 3x I o.d. 3x my life was saved a life that isn’t worth saving I’m not worth it I’ll never be worth it god why did I get saved why couldn’t they just let me go and it seems like the older I get the more of a mess I become I wish I was normal I wish I didn’t piss leanna off so much I wish I could be normal for her…My kids have never known me any other way so they don’t get mad when I am the way I am they just get mad cuz I’m their mom but leanna she deserves normal and I’m always possible g her off because of how I am I don’t want to be this way anymore but there’s no pill I can take to change my personality. There’s nothing I can take to take the borderline away I don’t u derstnsds why she is with me I do the understand how she can love me I am basically unlovable I mean if your reading g this the. I’m sure you agree I don’t want to be how I am I don’t want to to feel things the way I do I wish I was normal I wish I could go by what I know not how I feel but it’s like if I don’t feel it it’s not a fact if I feel like you are lying to me and you show me proof that you aren’t until that feeling of you lying to me goes away I can’t go by the facts that you just showed me….When I’m down I go down so far that it takes me longer to “get over it” than it does most people and when I’m in a good mood it takes longer for me to come down unless something happens to bring me down and because I’m so emotional and touchy it could be anything that brings me down and brings me down fast……I wish I could explain to Leanna I wish there was a way I could make her understand I wish I didn’t make her so mad or annoy or keep her so aggrivated…Looking at my life it’s not the life that you want to end I have ana amazing girlfriend I have a job I have. A roof over my head I have 3 beautiful daughters I have a life that people want and if intake myself out of the equation it’s a life that is the best I could ever ask for for its me I do the want it’s me that is a problem I hate my head I hate the way I look I hate the way I think I hate the way I act I hate the way I feel I wish Leanna understood that is a chemical imbalance in my head that makes me depressed not her but if I talk about how I feel she tells me to find someone who makes me happy and typing this gives me the same feeling that. I get when. She says it it’s this knot in my chest a feeling of despair like the start of an anxiety attack but she is my happy she is the only person that can make me happy she isn’t the reason I’m depressed she is the best thing In my life sure people get drepressdd for a week because they don’t have a job or something but that’s not the depression I have mine can’t be cured by getting a job or going somewhere mine can only be cured by medicine but I don’t have time to go get meds between mine and her schedule and then when we do have a day off well she has issues too and needs to go to the Dr and I know she wasn’t trying to make me feel anyway but she told me she can’t go get checked because she never has time and if she does have time something g else comes up that more important and weather she was trying to or not and Im sure she wasn’t trying to that made me feel like shit so I refuse to be the more important thing that keeps her from going because I am not more important than her not by anyway shape or form but she made me feel like shit when she said it so I won’t be what stops her from going plus anyway I’ve been like this my entire life so what’s a little bit longer….I have 5 layers of myself I have who I show the world Wich is completely fake happy amazing person the one who is made of rainbows and glitter and unicorns then I have who I show my family and friends that is a semi normal person who is happy all the time well most the time then I have who my kids see they don’t know all the bad of me all my sadness but they have a glips then there’s who Leanna sees she gets the most real me anyone gets….Depending on her mood depends on how real I am and then there is me just me the one I get to be when nobody is around the me that is free to just sit and just be I do the have to smile if I dont want and worry about being accused of having an attitude or being sad…Yeah I’m sad but I don’t want to talk about it no I don’t have ana attitude just cuz I’m sitting without a smile I’m just being that’s it ….I’ve been disassociateing a lot lately cuz I have to put on a front so much cuz I can’t just sit without a smile and be quiet so I stare I zone I disassociate because I need to have a break from being who everyone wants me to be….It gets so tiring being who everyone wants pretending I’m not this fucking mess of a person who thinks the world is better off without me and not good enough for anyone I love especially my girlfriend I worry I’m not good enough for her in more ways than one I worry I’m not good enough for her everyway possible….It’s weired worrying about that cuz in every relationship before her I did the care if I was enough for someone I really never stopped to even question it but with her with her everything is different….I’m so tired of being me I wish one day I could wake up and be someone else else or just not wake up at all ....

[ios-amsterdam]

Ep 6. “Oploop for Cullan”

The final twelve castaways are merged and are now members of the Coven tribe.

JONES:

It feels like Randy is relying on me for a majority of the social game. I totally get that it's hard to integrate yourself into a new group of people - but I don't want to have to carry him in this game. As far as I know, I'm the one who's making the other connections, and he's been asking me to do the talking when it comes to forming the alliances (which is something I really don't want to risk). Hopefully he's not just using me as a shield if we lose, I want him to be able to do something for himself, yk? It's his game too, and I want him to actually do well. And idk if laying low will really do anything for him right now. 

JONES:

HOLY FUCK I MADE MERGE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's bittersweet bc now I have to scramble on behalf of Randy and myself BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE WE'RE MERGED I'm so proud of myself. My current goal now that we're merged is to just check in with the old Wolfskers - specifically Keaton. I think of all the people from our old tribe, he's the biggest wildcard? Especially since now Chrissa is gone with the unanimous vote, I really just want to know why, yk? JONES:

I pitched an alliance to Keaton and he's down!! this is what I've been like,,terrified of doing the whole time? Idk if it's my dumb bitch juice or I'm getting too cocky or anything, but I'm finally like, making moves!! I'm pleased!! Ahhhhh!!!! hopefully they don't kick me in the ass or anything lol MO:

I made iT IT TO MERGE FUCKERS I DID IT. ME. I WIN. I’m getting to know everyone in this merged tribe and it’s so nice, it feels like a campfire. As for the reward challenge, I doubt I’m winning that shit, I don’t know anyone that well but it’s ok im ok we’re fine. Also, when i drink caffeine my brain becomes moldable to irrational thoughts that wouldn’t usually affect me but they amplify on caffeine. this isn’t game related i just needed to share. JONES:

So...I found myself in a weird situation. I'm not saying I'm the new Tyler Crispen or anything, but apparently I have ties with most people? Not only do I have my "Alliance" with Randy/Keaton/Jayden/Nick (since we haven't solidified anything yet), but now I have this alliance with Saxon and Madison. I'm glad that I have options, but I'm just worried that somehow it's going to bite me in the ass. Half of the time I didn't even do anything - Nick and Jayden literally were like "you're cool I wanna work with you" and like???? Shit here I am lmao. But yeah, it's bittersweet. I'll figure this out though if I can, I have more wiggle room now Y'all asked for tea! I'm thinking about the current dynamics of the game rn, and it's the Wolfskers 5 v 7 other people right? SO Wolfskers think they're in control of the game - and I want to keep it that way for this coming vote and maybe get someone that's inactive out like Jacob or Autumn? BUT then it'll be 5 v 6, I can maybe talk with Oploop for Cullan and the rest of the guys outside of Wolfskers about a blindside?? Idk!! I kind of love the idea. We can't expect to make it to the end with all of Wolfskers there, we have to turn on each other eventually - plus It's finally not a unanimous vote and it'll be a game changer yk?? I guess I want to see my og tribe mates squirm a bit. I've felt like I've been carrying some people on my social game so I'd like to see them try and save themselves. I came to play, not just sit around and coast the whole time.

MADISON:

Okay soooooo it's merge now, which means I can finally be with all my boys (Keaton/Nick/Kage). And last night, Jones, Saxon, and I made an alliance, so that's like half the tribe right now (math?) so I feel confident that I'm in a good position right now, but I also worry about Keaton being too comfortable as well. As proud as I would be to see him win, I need to try and make sure that doesn't happen because I know for a fact he wouldn't hesitate to backstab me (relationship goals) so I need to make sure that I take the first shot at some point. I don't know what it is, but I just feel really chill at this point right now. ALYSSA:

S/o to me juggling one-on-one alliances with four people LOL let’s see how long I can keep this up ~~~ RANDY:

https://youtu.be/5rcmDawtPpc

JONES:

I promised Saxon that I'd try to keep him safe for the next two tribals since he won't be there, and I also want to call Madison and Saxon to hear my "plans"?? I want to see what'll happen. It'll probs bite me in the ass if my paranoid bitch juice plans fail, but I'd rather go out of the game on a high note pulling off moves than doing nothing yk? I'm totally happy to help people with this immunity only because Idk if I want to win it? In my mind I keep asking myself if it'll make me a threat to win? It would be nice to win something, but I don't really need to unless I have to yk? ALYSSA:

Madison be coming for my allies and I’m like... first boot? Hehe JONES:

Alright so, Madison has said maybe 3 entire words since merge. Like Im not gonna force myself on you, ill just send you to ponderosa 🤷‍♀️ JONES:

I love how both my alliances are targeting each other :) :) :)  MO:

I hate the first tribal after merge. Because usually merge at the beginning it’s like a huge party because it’s a checkpoint for everyone and unless you go into merge with previous beef between you and someone else there’s not much to go off of when it comes to who to vote for. So now everyone’s just kinda sitting, looking around at eachother trying to find if there’s a reason they should be eliminated. Even if you wanna play strategic there’s a 50/50 chance of it working because you either get people to agree with you, or your target finds out and turns everyone against you. Slightly off topic, I’m not gonna lie I know I shouldn’t of been offended at the reward challenge but the person I gave a big bowl of spaghetti gave me a rotten banana. JONES:

The plan right now is to get rid of Kage and honestly I'm fine with it?? Like YEAH I keep saying that I want to see Wolfskers squirm - but there's no possible way that all of Wolfskers can make it to the end and we have to pick ourselves off eventually, and I don't want to be the one who has to get picked off because of it. Plus they're being kind of cocky about having the votes like - you're literally 4 of 12 people that already blew their cover to their target within 3 hours of the immunity challenge ending. MO:

So the vote tonight was originally going to be Madison but all of a sudden we hear about Kage being in an alliance with Keaton and Jayden so everyone’s going to vote Kage. But then I thought about it, I asked who told me about the Kage vote and they said that Saxon told them that Kage was in an alliance in the first place and from my knowledge, Saxon and Madison are pretty close. But I’m fine with voting out Kage. MADISON:

In this game Kage is a piece of hot garbage and he really hurt my feelings by coming for me for literally no reason. I never would've done that to him and it's just not a smart move on his part. And the fact that Keaton was in on it makes me so angry. I don't know why people in games always hate me so much, if knew I would change it but idk what I'm doing wrong. NICK:

So the vote is either Madison or Kage and my job is really to convince people to keep Madison because she is loyal.... well mainly loyal to me :D JONES:

WE HAVE MAJORITY TO GET KAGE and if I’m right then after this vote, Keaton will think that Randy flipped and will go after him, if not then I guess I’ll die! Sorry you had to succumb to the perjury gods, Kage. You were just too quick to throw one of my closest allies under the bus and I wasn’t okay with that. I kind of want to just say - yeah: I might be playing like a snake. I get that. But until this point I’ve been playing to nice and have to start playing for myself. I know I wouldn’t make it to the final 3 if I went with the Wolfskers 5, and now that it’s merge I have to make big moves. I’m sorry if anyone’s offended by what I play, but the game is the game and I hope we can be friends afterward. Thinking back I’m honestly kind of upset that I’m betraying Wolfskers/Kage/Randy, because I feel like I really have made connections with everybody, and now it hurts to vote them out. But game wise I know I have to do it eventually. I hope they won’t be mad after the game ends :( ALYSSA:

Catch me out here trying to find the winning side and work with them lmao everyone is making final deals and I’m like ???? Well apparently Keaton’s in an f4 with Jayden, kage, and randy And apparently Jayden made an f3 alliance with him and autumn??? Even tho he’s been trying to work with me???? And Saxon who was my f2 from the start is getting close with Madison Which makes me nervous but then I can always sneak into that for a potential f3???? But I’m a strong player and I don’t think that many strong players in an alliance will work Or at least like we’re all the same kind of strong player. Saxon and Madison are pretty strong players I’d feel nervous having an f3 with them for fear that one would back out And Saxon told me he and Madison have been on call every night It’s just very confusing Everyone has a fucking final whatever Im most loyal to Autumn tbh cuz idk who else I can really trust  and Autumn is loyal back I think... But then i just heard Jayden made an f3 with him and autumn and I’m like ?????? I trust trust I just wanna make Jury lol And not get called a snake 😂😂 Do I keep secrets? Yes But do I vote out people from my alliances? No (The one with kage doesn’t count) (That hasn’t been active since merge)

KEATON:

This game is silly. Everyone refuses to truly tell me whats going on (probably for better but still) and i have to hope and pray people tell me what the plan is. Today, that was Jones, telling me the majority hit on Kage so I am doing that...until an insane plan hits my mind.  Tell EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHERS IM VOTING KAGE...INCLUDING KAGE. Then, vote Madison. At this point, i have everyone in the world thinking i voted Kage, but instead i voted wrong on purpose, causing chaos in the group hunting for the stray vote. If i can sucessfully pull this off, I can save myself for 2-3 votes while everyone goes on a witch hunt, and the witch goes along with them. AUTUMN:

I have a loooot of tea to cover and like no time to do it cause I gotta grab dinner before live night but whew Kage is probably going home 8-4, the Wolfsker boys are in trouble- which would explain why both Randy and Jayden each hit me up for an alliance- and I love it. PLUS Madison created this vote with Jones' help since she's a mole on Wolfskers and her actual alliance is Nick, Saxon, and Madison. We love getting what we wanted with no blood on our hands 

 So you know I'm intentionally off the grid right now as they're panicking. Because whoever sticks by Kage and doesn't flip is walking right into the lion's den. All I need is for the vote to not be unanimous cause if it is, there won't be a massive fallout like I need there to be. Right now we have betrayal, 2 core fours about to go into war, and 4 floaters in the middle including me and Alyssa. So unity is not what I need right now. Ok I think I just about covered it? BUT LIKE ARE YOU SCREAMING BECAUSE I AM Alright now I really gotta go/ woo fingers crossed! And things better be how I left them cause if this shit somehow goes 6-6 so help me God

JAYDEN:

Fr Fr the sheep came out. Madison is active af and hasnt spoken to me. HMMM. Honestly I may be going home it is what it is. I think I can get Randy Keaton and Jones together to vote with me. Hopefully Autumn and Alyssa still wanna work with me. I feel like thats the only way ima stay.

JONES:

I'm starting to think that Madison and Saxon are playing emotionally? Like,,,I totally get where they come from, but when I told them Mo was sus of them being together, they were immediately like "I kinda wanna vote him" but that's not (clap emoji) SMART (clap emoji) BECAUSE he's so likeable?? Especially since he's already on to the Oploop for Cullan alliance,,,like,,cmon also we shouldn't be throwing names out now or they'll find out like what happened with Kage?? Idk I'd rather take my time rn bc we have an entire day

[kaylainbloom]

An IUD-- what to “expect”

So I am a 20 year old female who has never had children before and I wanted to get on birth control. I did a whole lot of research, went to various GYNs, and weighed my options. I get horrible cramps, like keep you in bed, sweating, light headed, blackout, throw up cramps. In 2016, for the first time ever, my cramps were getting better (but that might also be because I was pumping myself full of tylenol and aleve). I was sick and tired of taking medication that I knew we killing my liver and kidneys, I also wised up and realized a 20-year-old sexually active woman should be on birth control.

After my search for birth control, I realized that an IUD would be my best option. I know I’m forgetful so the pill was out, I also have problems with fibroadenomas and hormones, so anything with estrogen was out. My doctors and I came to the decision that an IUD was best for me. I just had to choose between Mirena, Paraguard or Skyla.

All IUDs are recommended for women who have had a child. as stated before I DO NOT.

Mirena is a small, flexible, T-shaped device that is implanted in the uterus. Mirena uses levonorgesterel– a progestin birth control hormone–and slowly releases a small amount into the uterus over time. Because it releases hormones directly into the uterus, it releases a lower level of hormones into the body than oral contraceptive pills. The IUD slows or stops the movement of the sperm and egg by changing cervical mucus, fallopian tubes and the uterine lining. It takes about 7 days for the hormonal IUD to start working, and it remains effective for 5 to 7 years. Mirena is known to lessen periods to the point that it could completely go away.

My other option was a Paraguard. Paragard is also a type of IUD but it is copper and does not have any hormones. It works because it cuts off sperms access to your eggs. Periods tend to worsen with a Paraguard IUD.

My last choice was Skyla. Like Mirena, Skyla releases progestin into the body. Unlike Mirena it is only good for 3 years. As with Mirena, you might experience some changes in your period, including having no period at all but unlike Mirena, some women experience increased menstrual bleeding and discomfort.

*all of the IUD come with side effects such as ovarian cysts, acne, or breast tenderness, or have abdominal or pelvic pain, allergic reaction and a depressed mood that I encourage you to look upon your own*

Because of my already pre-existing cramps, I decided to go with Mirena. As I stated before IUDs are recommended for women who have had a child, this is due to the fact that the device is implanted in the uterus. If you’ve never had a child before your cervix is pretty much completely shut, there are instances of doctors not being able to insert the IUD because they cannot get the cervix open which is an extremely painful process.

I searched the deeps corners of the internet at 2am the day before my procedure and found all these horror stories of terrible pain and cramping for months at a time (you can look these up on your own but I don’t recommend it). I almost backed out. I asked my friends about their experiences because I figured people only went on the internet to tell the horrible ones, and the anxious person I am I just had to know if the procedure and the recovery was as bad as everyone was saying. This is what they had to say:

“Lmao no lie it was shitty afterwards I was spotting like brown stuff for legit 2 months and was crampy, I lived on aleeve. But now? Bitch. Whos a period? I DONT know her. Cramps? Mood swings? Can’t relate. It’s not bad it hurts a little but it’ll be over really quickly” (mirena)

“The insertion was rough honestly, make sure you have a ride back cuz I thought I could walk back from the health center but I couldnt, it feels like intense period cramping. Then for a while afterwards your body goes through trying to reject it since its a foreign object in your body. So your first period after getting it is going to be terrible Im not gonna lie, i deadass thought I needed an ambulance lol and you're gonna spot on and off for a while until the IUD makes a home in your uterus. I wont lie its rough for the first few months until your body gets used to it so be prepared but honestly its the best thing I did. I got the paraguard so its hormone free. I was on birth control pills for so long and i really didnt react well to the hormones. When it comes to contraception I can 100% say the IUD is your best bet. 7-10 years baby free, you can get it taken out whenever you want. Although I will say, your partners may feel the strings that hang from the IUD from certain angels, but its a minor inconvenience compared to a baby LOL” (paraguard)

“so this is actually funny because I’ve unfortunately had nothing but problems since i’ve gotten the IUD. i first got it in December 2015 and i had the worst cramps of my life for a few weeks after and my period of super long lasting like 2-3 weeks. then i went for my 3 month check up and found out my body was rejecting the IUD so i got another put in and it just got worse. i started having ridiculously heavy periods and there were blood clots coming out. i thought i had uterine fibroids or cysts so i went to get an ultrasound and it turns out my body is rejecting the IUD again so i’m getting it removed monday because i’m just not eligible for it, unfortunately, i’m so upset about it because i really wanted it to work and i have friends that love it and have no complaints and it’s just so convenient cause you literally never worry about being pregnant”

“DONT WORRY! getting an IUD was literally the best decision i’ve made. Tthe forums will totally freak you out. and it’s definitely painful, but it just feels like a really bad period cramp that lasts like 30 seconds. i had cramps for at most two weeks after. and they weren’t constant just occasional. and i had like blood spotting for a little more than a month. of course it’s different for everyone! the forums scared me too but i personally feel it was worth it and i’ve had it for a little over 6 months now.”

Admittedly, even though there was some horror mixed in, this felt REAL. So I decided to go to my appointment. If you asked me now, id say it was a quick process, two sharp burst of pain then you’re done. Im on day 3 and I only had cramps for the first half an hour after but I took a tylenol-codiene leftover from a previous surgery before hand and Ive been taking aleve ever since. But when I got out of the procedure heres what I texted my boyfriend: That was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. So first they had to measure and dilate my cervix and apparently my cervix is small and short so when they opened it i like yelled cuz that shit hurt and that was the first pain and there was blood so she couldn’t see so it took longer then they went to put it in and before it was like cramping then it ended. But when they put this other thing idk what it was I think it was a way for them to slide the IUD in? That hurt so bad I screamed and tears came to my eyes. She said that should be the worst of it because putting in the IUD shouldn’t hurt more because everything was in place so if I could handle that I could handle the IUD. Then she put it in… I screamed and that shit felt like cramping mixed with a fucking knife and there was bleeding so they had to apply pressure and that shit hurt. So like once they were done it was like a dull constant pain. I laid there for a second and then i got dressed. After i got dressed i started shaking and sweating and i fell on the floor and they had to put me in the chair and took my blood pressure and it spiked. Apparently I went into shock. Im in the car rn the codeine finally kicked in but I’m still nauseous and shaky.”

I can’t remember pain, but I dealt with it, the whole procedure was less than 5 minutes and within a half an hour I was feeling better. My vagina was swollen that night but today its fine. I honestly think it was worth it. If the healing process goes well I’ll be ecstatic. Its only day 3 so I don’t want to get ahead of myself but everyone said that this would be the worst time, for me it feels fine. It might be because Im on pain killers but I didnt expect to be this good. I have little to no pain, some spotting but thats to be expected this first month. Im already happy with my decision and I will keep you updated (obviously much shorter lol) on how the healing process is going! Lemme know if y’all have any questions!