#it doesnt sound pleasant but idk i feel like it might work for me?? it's all scientifically studied and proven. not snake oil

[coulsonlives]

My friend swears by cbti and says it fixed her onset/maintenance insomnia, because unlike what the doctor pushed on her, her only real problem apparently was bad sleep hygeine that she didn't even realize she was tanking. And ngl, I kinda wanna try it, because this bitch is sick of taking pills that don't even work and just leave me hung the fuck over lol

My sleep hygeine is honestly kinda shit, looking at it. I do use the computer and my phone right before bed and I spend hours awake once I do get into bed. Which probably doesn't help the association pavlov thing lol. So things could use a hard reset I think

[trolagygirl2022]

please I cant count how much 2 baddies and 1 porsche makes me cringe in fact any song that mention brand name or car name, just gives me the ick it seem kinda childish or overdone. even lisa song I think shes more good at fashion and conceptual based imagery than coming up with actual flow. flower is more my fave song in comparison bc i can listen to the whole song of jisoos with ease so its more pleasant for my ears to take

money for exampke was harsh to listen to except for that one segment that i think is the viral part of the song "my money moves" and so on was my fave bit. so in a way i do get why songs go viral for just that one part however i wish i could like the whole song rather than just one aspect of it and songs a getting too short for me to fully get into it. sometimes i also find skz music quite harsh on my sensitive ears. i want to love them as a group and i think theyre so funny and adorable / talented to watch as a whole but their songs just dont hit my vibes at all, currently ateez are my main loves but even their songs dont always hit and i think its more so the production (sorry joong i just dont like autotuned vocals in songs ok it only works for some instances not all of them. also im still waiting for more san solo stuff)

my problem with kpop as a whole is generally groups are getting too young thus so is their songs and its genuinely hard for me to find actual need to hard core stan a group if theyre like teens to early 20s bc i have such a huge age gap from them, come on kpop dont be like stale bread... and as older or same age groups go into military i kind of have to find someone else to follow in the mean time or i tend to find im prefering older music than current modern i guess tiktok related music.

my qualm with general music today compared to older music is i think i like how organic older music is or was in comparison, it was more naturally made than a computer made song not that they arent talented at what they do it just doesnt always vibe with me or sometimes the lyrics can be really off when u try to read them in english yet at the same time i get why these songs go viral but its not for the simple pleasures of listening to a good quality song. i think kpop when it sees what someone else is doing is popular someone else tries to replicate it instead of bringing something new or fresh in i actually think its terrified of being too individual and not standing out or not being viral

its kinda why ateez caught my attention and the mfs did just that (if only they had been an older age group sighhhhhhhhhhh) i love their concepts and overall talents oml theyre such an endless group with not having too many members (sorry nct but i forget ur names after the first 5 members ok) like theres often bits of songs i will skip but then i feel bad for not liking the entire song or thinking what i wouldve done or added differently to make it sound a better song or what english word i wouldve switched and so on just so it would rhyme better maybe thats what kpop lacks i like that it includes some random english lyrics but it often make no real sense to me

not like how id feel if i listened to green day or another familiar song where i already get the gist of the lyrics that have slightly better flow than some korean songs theyre not all bad its just not often as hit of a song as they might think it is if thst makes sense? sometimes it do be just the name or face of idol that make the song more relevant than what it deserves peekaboo is good example of nice flow and high note mix so is some of nct earlier songs or even jopping is catchy song as a whole its more listenable than their latest.

sorry for rambling hehe.

Idk but I LOVED money, I think it's better than Lalisa. Yeah I know it's not the best lyrically but it's too catchy, plus the dance is so fun! But yeah, I agree with you a lot. I like SKZ as a group but some of their songs are a bit too much for me. My favorite songs would be Domino, LALALA and Miroh. I think that their older work was better than what they're pumping out. (Sorry but their album with 5 Star was not it 😵‍💫 it was too obnoxious to my taste). Sure LALALA can be found obnoxious but idk, I think it's at a minimum, plus the instrumental is so freaking good! Yes I love ATEEZ!! I think they are a good example of more "unusual" songs that keep it to a minimum. The system is becoming like McDonald's, cheap stuff that don't leave you feeling the best after and takes your money (that's why Wendy's is better 😛). The NCT part is so true 😭 I usually listen to their songs if there is a part that's catchy but the rest of the song can be... well!

[flowerblu00]

genre: fluff

member: yoongi

Head heavy, pain stabbing your back, your body feel tense. It has been hours that you are working at your work desk, fighting for the project you are struggling to finish. You want to stop but the deadline is nearing and you still have so much things that needed to be done. You do love your job but the workload is too much for you.

You were about to continue your work but halt when you hear someone knock on your door. You were annoyed that someone bothers you but a long and deep exhale like some sort of relief releases from your chest when you see yoongi, your beloved husband.

“hey, been calling you but you didn’t picked up my calls. i was worried that something might happened to you that i rushed back home”

You are guilt-ridden for making yoongi worried. Your head was too stuck with work that you forgot about anything else than work. Seeing yoongi make you feel at ease but at the same time you feel overwhelmed. Suddenly, your husband move towards you and stop in front of you. He cupped both of your cheeks gently while tilting your face up to make eye contact with you, wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

“dont worry, angel. I’m here. Come, let’s rest with me.”

Yoongi grab your wrists and gently pulling you up from your seat and guide you to bed. He went leaning against the headboard and let you straddles him. Then, you leaned your head on his chest, exhausted after attempting to finish the damn project.

All of the stress and headaches are gone as soon you hear your husband’s heart thumping. His heartbeats are like a lullaby to you. Beating ever so calm. It doesnt make sense to you because all heartbeats sounded the same but maybe it’s because the heartbeats belongs to yoongi. With his hand combing through your hair and lips pecking your head, your eyes felt heavy but you fight it because you want to be with him, consciously. You can feel his chest rumbled when he chuckled at you struggling to stay awake.

“sleep, baby. i wont go anywhere.”

But you shake your head in disapproval with your face nuzzling his chest. It is when yoongi need to use his secret tactic to make you fall asleep; braiding your hair. He grinned to himself because you never realised his tactic and it always works like a charm whenever you feel stressed.

Taking his time, he delicately braid your hair. At the same time, massaging your head in circular motion to ease the headaches. Yoongi has always like your hair. It feels smooth and silky whenever it runs through every nook and corner of his fingers. It is a pleasant feeling to him.

Nearing the end of your hair, he took a little peek at you and noticed that you have already sound asleep on his chest. He tidied up smoothly and tie your braid using his hair tie that has been always on his wrist. He gives one long press kiss on your head before following you to the dreamland.

a/n : aahh idk why but i feel so fluffy when i wrote this 🥺🤍

[checkers-dance]

ALRIGHT, i went back to find the nct songs i liked and there's actually more than i remembered.

good thing by nct 127 it's fun. has those weird ass instrumentals you expect from nct, but its also fairly catchy. the chorus is kinda weak but overall it kinda grows on me as i listen to it. i dont think i'll ever listen to it much though, as i do get bored of it really fast

i like chewing gum by nct dream. it's fun. i don't have any strong feelings on it nor do i go back to it very frequently but i always have a fun time when i listen to it, it's very catchy, and i can see someone finding it annoying but i think if you like cutesy music you'll like this one, it's such a fun time. it was nice to revisit it.

i hate that im admitting this but i love simon says by nct 127 </3 its honest to god not very good, and i cannot listen to it too much before i get annoyed at it. i definitely enjoy it in a guilty pleasure kind of way. the silly lyrics really get to me, and idk, its a pretty energetic song. it rlly is just noise but like, i find it sooo catchy and addictive. which is weird, because i did listen to simon says a few years ago and i remember disliking it. and like i still dont think its all that great, but now i actually do enjoy it. maybe that just means my taste has gotten worse.

and then we get to the stuff that i genuinely unapologetically love.

my first and last by nct dream is really cute, i enjoy it a lot. it has a very strange sound to it??? but it somehow works? it's very fun. wouldn't necessarily recommend it to just about anyone lmao, like i said, it does sound kinda strange, but i think the more the song progresses the more it works. i kinda really struggled to figure out how i felt about it but the more i listen to it the more i like it.

i really like dream launch by wayv. it's so soothing and pleasant, it's just really relaxing? i can definitely see myself listening to it a lot more in the future, especially if i want something more lighthearted and slow.

and FINALLY we get to nct u, and i actually might listen to one of their albums at some point? i just kinda like their vibes. like idk why the songs for this particular subunit have worked so well for me but so far, it's just been good.

first there's boss, which i just think it's fun to listen to. it's kinda addictive in the way simon says is, but also just has a much more pleasant instrumental and is just... a better song overall lol. the vocals in this one are VERY nice to listen to. i like the balance between the rap and the vocals more than i usually do in nct's songs. the chorus is fun.

baby don't stop is still a queen of a song. i loooove the instrumental so much, the whispering works extremely well, it's just got a really good rhythm to it. this song fucks, i will never get sick of her.

YESTODAY IS SO GOOD???? bro. bro. its so good. i can listen to it over and over again, they went so hard with this one and for what. it's definitely a much softer song than what they usually put out. it's sooo relaxing and i think the instrumental is pretty interesting, as simple as it is. the rap sounds very good in this one too! for once, i think the rap is definitely one of the highlights. much to like about this one imo. yestoday my beloved, im so glad i have u in my life <3 it also has a very pretty music video, so i recommend checking that out.

without you is also so good. like yes i admit that its very generic, as in there are a million of other songs like it BUT that doesnt contradict it being really good. it's fun, its pleasant, ITS VERY VOCAL HEAVY WHICH IS WHAT I WISH NCT WOULD GIVE ME WITH THE VOICES THEY HAVE.... this one doesn't even have a rap, its just the vocalists.... i love this song, i dont care. i reallyyy like this style for them which is kinda devastating because I KNOW this isnt what nct puts out in general but oh well. im very normal about without you....

so those are the nct songs that i think are worth listening to, if u care to check them out.

Oh I just listened to good thing and I liked it, esp the instrumental (particularly that part towards the end where the synth comes in). It's kinda repetitive and yeah, the chorus is underwhelming, but minus those aspects I enjoyed it

Chewing gum is a cute song, Idk if I'd listen to it that often. Once again the chorus is the culprit here, I liked specific parts of the song but the chorus was meh 😭

I mostly didn't have any strong feelings on simon says, except for the bless me achoo line which was so fucking funny (and the other lyrics I occasionally paid attention to). There was one high note that I thought was rlly good tho

I liked my first and last, it was a cute song! It's upbeat but it sounds like one of those songs that is meant to make u nostalgic. It was released only 5 years ago but it somehow feels v early-2010s

I think so far my fave song from this batch is dream launch, I rlly liked it. My only exposure to wayv is thru their iconic song love talk, and dream launch is p diff from that, so out of curiosity I might just go and check out their other songs. Anyway dream launch is going straight to my playlist

Why does the intro from boss slap so hard??? Overall I liked the song, it had some parts that I liked a Lot, and I also jive w the instrumental. I def can see the simon says parallels and yeah absolutely, I prefer boss over simon says

Help, I confused baby don't stop w another nct song, baby don't like it 😭😭. Why do they have 2 songs w the same gimmick (trick question obvs we all know why). I thought it was alright, I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to listen to it again, but the whispers were a cool addition

THE SAXOPHONE AT THE BEGINNING AND END OF YESTODAY....I agree, the rap was a highlight here, I rlly liked the song. The instrumental gives me vaporwavey vibes, which is def diff than nct's usual vibe. I'm gonna go listen to this one again

Ok so I already have without you in my playlist, and I WILL defend it as a generic song. My fave part of the song is the intro bc of how the vocals are showcased, the rest of the song is generic but what's important is that the vocals are amazing

[q-u-a-c-k]

im just gonna talk. I apologize for feed spam so I'll just talk under the cut

----------------

also I'm sorry for the complete spam I hope you can ignore me well enough, but I just wanted to say that I feel content for the first time in a while. I've been doing shitty lately but too scared to really say anything about it. my brain is constantly urging me to relapse or do something stupidly insanely harmful to myself. but right now the voice is quiet and I'm allowed to think and I like thinking happy things like this. I wish there was a way to have the voices this quiet without doing it this way (unintentionally high, I think there was something in my drink that I didn't put in there). like if anyone actually reads this and knows a way to quiet the voices in my head so I can think, please let me know. I know things like taking time to take care of myself or positivity things, but when the voices are back they dont really let me do that stuff. so if anyone has a quick and effective way of getting them to be quiet please tell me.

anyways I think I already told you two, but I have the potential to be quadruple gay and I think that's pretty cool. So identity crisis time trying to explain it. Although I'm still confused about how two of the parts work together but I'm gonna try to explain it while I can think. So I'm definitely gay and I think probably pan because I honestly have no preference, a pretty person is a pretty person. I believe I'm ace or at least under that umbrella term because ew. I think I might be nonbinary but I've never really outright said I use that label. because I honestly dont know yet but I'm not comfortable with male or female and I just am who I am but dont know what that is. so I'm hoping it's okay to use at least until I figure it out? and now the confusing part, possiblity of aro???? I'm not really sure because I could have just not really found the right (or any) person yet and I dont really want to use a label just because I'm not really sure. but like thinking about romantic stuff like... it's okay?? but that doesnt really sound like my thing. like I'd like to hang out with people and know them better and do things like dates but not with a romantic intention? just to vibe with the person? idk. but it's confusing because I also said I was pan but idk what about me is oen if in possibly under aroace. like I know they're both umbrella terms, but I dont know where under them I am. or where pan fits? idk identy crisis, yay!!

I wanna do a platonic date with someone. Like we can go to the movies or something and go to a park and just get to know each other better but like platonically. I think that just sounds fun. I need to get a job so I can have money to platonically take someone on a date. I've been meaning to look for places or put in applications but I keep forgetting. Which also reminds me, I want a fuckung sword. Imagine how cool that would be!! I have the money for this nice one that I've been looking at for a while, it's a pretty white longsword with a blue gem in the hilt. I want it so bad. but my parents wont let me get it which i think is stupid. like I'm gay and have themoney, let me get my sword >:(

I want an axe, too. it doesnt necessarily have to be a pretty one because I wanna get strong and chop wood with it. I want to be a lumberjack. like not cut down trees that dont need to be cut down, but anything that has fallen already I wanna chop up with an axe then make things out of it!! I like wood working stuff. it sounds like fun. but I would need the right stuff to do that that I dont have right now. like skills.

that is making me think about another life crisis but I dont wanna think about that so I'm gonna try to think of something else like how I cant wait to move out. because they have stuff planned out for me and what they want me to do but I realized I dont wanna do that. and now I'm thinking and vaguely talking about the crisis I dont wanna think about so I'm gonna think about what I actually want to do. I wanna do the plan thing you came up with where you're gonna have your cottage in a small town and we're gonna live hopefully somewhat close to you and we can visit each other a lot and vibe. you're gonna do what you want to do and work in a museum and talk about the things you enjoy.I dont really know what I want yet but I know I wanna live near you so we can hang out and be a lot closer because you're my family and my best friend. I think I wanna have lots of plants. I want to take better care of them than I do now and. have a lot and spend time with them and make sure they're doing well and growing. I like most plants vibes. they're mostly simple but very pretty and calming and looks like what home should feel like. you feel like what home should. like sometimes when the three of us are playing games like minecraft or something and it's getting all competitive and laughing it feels like home and makes me really happy. I'm excited to leave this place and have a real home.

I wanna leave as much of this as I can behind. and since I don't plan on coming out to them soon or possibly even at all, it might actually be easier to leave. because once I do I can go by Ash everywhere and not the name they gave me. I wont have to feel sad when I have to introduce myself as the name they gave me. and as far as people would know this is my name and the only one. they wouldn't even know what the other one is and cant call me it.

I still dont know what I want, but I know just being there I'll already be happier than here. they upset me a lot here. they say rude and insensitive things and insult me whether they know they are or not. and I think one day when I leave, if they try to justify themselves instead of fixing it, I have the freedom to leave them behind. they're not as bad as a lot of other people's family, especially since I thought compared to other people my family was nice. but still I think unlike the voice says I dont deserve to feel bad about who I am, especially when they're the ones who impacted me that way and made me a lot of who I am. or caused it.

I also cant wait until I move out because I'll have a lot more control of what I can and cant do, how I can be myself, and what kinds if things I'm eating. because right now, my parents dont really buy things that are good for you because it's cheaper to get processed foods. and when they do get better things, they get things I dont like. or I never get any because my siblings have it. bht I guess in some weird way it is good that they make me feel horrible about food stuff because then that's less of the bad stuff that I eat. I don't really like eating at all and I thought that was a good thing becuas ei vcd ont have access to the things I'm supposed to be having. so to me it's better to have nothing than things that are bad. and I've been kinda proud of myself for having less because it's not good stuff. like last night's I had a slice of cheese, half of minimal dinner, then only a little bit of chocolate. but then my siblings got taco bell and now I feel like shit. because I felt bad because they got it specifically for me but I didnt want it but I had it anyways. but I'm proud of how I did today before that!!!!

I want it ti rain. I wanna go outside when there thunder and lightning and pouring rain and just walk around. I want to stand in the rain. the rain makes me happy and calm. I feel safer in the rain. and it's just an overall pleasant thing. of course i don't want it to flood or cause harm to anyone else, but I want it to rain. good thing rain season is coming up soon. it might be cold but I dont care. I've waited too long for it.

[swingxilly]

20 random facts about yourself that might surprise people

I got tagged by @sapphicmadameumbralis, thanks friend!

Do you make your bed? Uh, I didnt use to but I tend to now. Its fairly new, I think I only started a bit over a year ago, when I moved away for half a year. But nothing fancy. Like. Only folding the blanket a bit usually. Bc I think its annoying if you have to remove all the pillows etc before being able to go to bed and stuff

What's your favourite number? Easy. 5. The story behind it is: I used to read a lot of manga. And usually they put like a character on the cover of the volumes. And very very often, not always but most of the time, on volume 5 was my favourite character. So I decided its my lucky number and it stuck

What's your job? Well its not really a job yet? More of a voluntary year? Its a thing in Germany, you get a bit of money and go to a few seminars and stuff. Mostly its to pass time until getting into university or whatever and getting a bit of experience. I work in a little library in town. Pretty sure it helped with my application business :D

If you could, would you go back to school? Oh, Id love to. Im a very nostalgic person, like... VERY. So. Idk! I miss my friends and how things were between us bc we all have changed and yknow kinda lost a few. I miss a lot and Im not gonna list it all bc I could probably write pages about this. Dont miss the less pleasant parts tho

Can you parallel park? Not yet but I hope I will in the future bc Im currently working on getting my drivers license. :') Lots of anxiety involved in that

A job you had which would surprise people? Im not sure if anything like that exists? At least not for me since I dont have a lot of life experience yet, so I cant think of anything rn. Im just 20 dude and Im scared of shit, so I'm not trying a lot of new stuff

Do you think aliens are real? Yeah. Universe is big, so why not 🤷‍♀️ Sounds reasonable to me

Can you drive a manual car? Im gonna go with yes. Dont have a license yet but as long as Im not in a crazy situation or inside a city, I should be fine. Country roads are fun. And manual cars, well we learn with manual ones here. Automatic isnt as common in Germany as far as I know. My aunts struggling to get a new one bc hers (its automatic) isnt in such a great shape anymore. And its not easy to find automatic cars that arent super expensive I believe? Idk, just what I heard

What's your guilty pleasure? Uh... Idk, everything I do? Does procrastinating count? Bc everything I do always feels like procrastinating all the time

Tattoos? Nope, I have commitment issues

Favourite colour? Yellow, orange and green

Things people do that drive you crazy? A lot. My mom and brother both smh love to not respond when you ask them sth. My brother especially loves to answer sth vague that doesnt answer anything at all. Idk, just one example, Im always annoyed about everything probably

Any phobias? Idk about phobias, just assume Im scared of everything. People, animals, being perceived, mistakes, the future, etc etc

Favourite childhood sport? There was a time when I was watching this volley ball anime and I REALLY loved volley ball. Batminton was also fun

Do you talk to yourself? All the time, constantly

What movie do you adore? Most Ghibli movies... Tangled I also really like and plan on rewatching.. Hmmm, I dont have an absolute favourite tho I think

Do you like doing puzzles? A few months ago I was a little obsessed with it. I had an app on my phone and would do puzzles while listening to some podcasts and it was a lot of fun. I kinda lost interest now tho

Favourite music? Oh boy, a lot of different things. A few soundtracks here and there, some bands here some there, its a mix

Tea or coffee? I hate both, but I drink tea when Im sick sometimes. I hate it tho

The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? An author?? I used to write stories and then I wrote together with a friend and now I dont write anymore. Also an artist probably? Aaalso a librarian bc my mom is one. (librarian is awfully close to barbarian and I love this actually? Just noticed it). The latter one Im currently actually going for

Im tagging... @rottentidepod and @hedwigs-art if you want to! Have fun if you do :D

[mspainttaz]

Okay idk what drinkgate is but in one of your tags you were talking about like?? Home-made spiced hot-chocolate and it sounded really good so may I ask?? How one would go about making that?

for homemade hot chocolate its as easy as putting some milk in a saucepan, warming it up, adding your sweetener, adding your cocoa powder, and whisking until all bits are dissolved and the milk is hot (without scalding it). amounts are up to you really. brown sugar isnt necessary but ive found that it adds a fun layer of flavor! i suggest dark cocoa powder but any works fine.

different ways to spice it up could be, some cinnamon, vanilla, and cayenne pepper. it is super yummy! im a huge fan of nutmeg and cloves, i dont think ive put both of them into hot cocoa at once before but a tiny dash of either of those is really pleasant. spiced hot chocolate is so good….

edit putting a read more cuz i ramble after this

( for me, vanilla is my secret ingredient for everything. a dash in your cocoa just makes it fun, if you are into coffee and have some instant stuff around? you could put in a dash of that to act as a background flavor to the chocolate, im not a fan of coffee but its common in baking.)of course if you have it around and feel ambitious, melting some real chocolate into your cocoa or adding in some cream would be good too. if you like coconut and have some coconut cream, you could play with that flavor! maybe throw in some caramel with coconut? idk i might try that sometime tho. i just feel out what i like! my favorite is still cayenne with vanilla and cinnamon tho.

fun tip? everything ive said works for brownies too. seriously. it is SO EASY to make a generic brand box of brownies taste amazing. the key is always vanilla.

(if you decide to spice your brownies be gentle with the amounts at first, ive made some nutmeg brownies that were really good but were kinda heavy on the spice for some peoples tastes. idk i just like bold flavors when i experiment in the kitchen, but keep that in mind. also cheesecake brownies are fun and easy.)

if you’re in the mood for some chocolate milk instead and dont have/want to use syrup, i like to put some sugar in a bowl, add a dash of milk, dissolve; then add cocoa powder and stir until fully incorporated. you will end up with this thick stuff that tastes really yummy. for anyone who has tried to mix straight cocoa powder into cold milk before, you know that it doesnt work well. so doing this step with the bowl before hand lets you get all the bits and gives you a concentrated base. put this in a cup, add your milk, and now you have super chocolaty milk!!

[asking-jude]

Hi Jude. Since moving in with my boyfriend 6 months ago, I've noticed our sex life has really taken a dip. At first I got worried and paranoid that he was getting bored of me, as everytime I tried initiating anything, he'd say "later" or that he was too tired. But then I realised it really is because he's too tired. His lifestyle is pretty horrible - he eats poorly and never exercises. He's never in the mood to do much of anything anymore except sitting on the couch or at his pc playing [1/2]

(ask continued) …games. Occasionally, he’ll get a bit handsy and I can feel him getting turned on (down there, pardon the details) but that’s about it. I’m growing really frustrated. Anytime we do eventually make love, he’ll comment almost immediately that it was a workout/too tiring. The only time he initiates anything these days is when he comes home tipsy/drunk from work drinks. It’s the hunger for me I wish he had again and I miss it. He needs to change his lifestyle but Idk how to make it happen.

Hi there!

You partner stopping to give you attention and affection like he used to certainly isn’t pleasant. I acknowledge how invalidating towards your feelings that may be. It can be a very confusing period for you, and it’s natural to get a little insecure and start wondering if it’s something about you that started to turn him off. But, there are actually numerous possible reasons why he isn’t into sex as before and it absolutely does not have to mean that he is no longer into you. It might not even be that he is too tired to have sex, but actually just too tired to do it at his full capacity. There’s a chance he still wants sex, but is actually scared of not having enough energy and stamina to please you the right way. He might not want to risk disappointing you by doing just the bare minimum, so he avoids sex entirely. If the fact is that he is overly tired, the change in lifestyle could likely help bring his energy and enthusiasm back. Unfortunately, the only person who has full control of his lifestyle is he himself. You cannot fix it, but what you can do, is to be his support.

I encourage you to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about this. Try not to sound accusatory, or blame him for what’s wrong, but rather compassionately and curiously ask him what’s going on with him, how he feels about the whole situation and if there is anything you could do to help improve it. Show interest in his experience. Does he feel like his tiredness is getting in the way of him enjoying his everyday life? Does he feel like his tiredness is getting in the way of your relationship? How does he feel about your sex life right now and does he miss the old times? Ask what it’s like for him, and if there’s anything he might want or need from you in order to have sex. Make an effort to understand his feelings and perspective. Of course, you also need to share with him what’s it like to be in your position, how it feels to be rejected that way, and what your wants and needs are. Be as understanding as you possibly can, but also, be sure to make your own stance clear. For more advice on this topic, follow the links below:

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/what-to-do-when-your-partner-doesnt-want-sex-anymore-because-it-can-be-tough-15911133 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201406/what-do-when-you-feel-rejected 

https://fitbottomedgirls.com/2017/01/coping-partners-unhealthy-lifestyle/ 

https://www.thelist.com/54004/talk-partner-unhealthy-habits/ 

P. S. check out Asking Jude’s youtube channel to find some helpful videos https://www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude                    

Sending you my love,

Nevena Radojević

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

[iu]

oh okay i'll send my ask again!! so this might make me sound rly dumb but basically i was looking through ur ps help tag and i kept seeing people asking for the psd you use and i was wondering what that means exactly?? like i know psd is the file extension for photoshop files but what exactly does it mean when you use a psd for gifmaking?? i hope that wasn't worded too confusingly jfkljsld

yay okay so!!! (if you view this on desktop i think my theme cuts off the large pics so i recommend checking this post out on mobile haha)

idk how proficient you are already so i tried to be as descriptive as possible + a lot of visual aid!

the first step of giffing is importing a scene from a video, resizing it to tumblrs format and setting it’s timing right? (if u need help with any of these too hmu im always glad to help u can even do it off anon in pms) 

but the thing is that even though the video itself might look good and have nice color grading etc, in gif form it looks kinda boring and bland.. 

maybe it doesnt Look like that but since ppl edit their gifs so much on here it’s now considered bad taste to gif without any PSDS on top. so it has become a custom in the gifmaker community to add a lot of Adjustment Layers to the gif, which in total are called a PSD. 

so you click this button

and it gives u a list of various things you can do to change the look of a gif. The most simple to understand is i guess Brightness/Contrast, where moving the handles adjusts the brightness and contrast of the gif:

so for my first step i slightly raised the brightness and lowered the contrast (it doesnt mean you always have to do that it’s just whatever the gif is, or the look you want to go for!)

and this is the result

Hmm.. Now let’s say that i feel like i want the purples in this gif to me muuuuuch more vibrant, so i make a layer of Vibrance and raise it a bit to make the colors pop more

and maybe raise the saturation just a liiiiiitle bit

I still feel like it doesnt look cool enough.. Like i dont want a subtle soft purple from the original i want it PURPLE with a capital P and capital every other letter lol. There’s a bunch of fun ways to get that effect that you’ll get after playing around with those Adjustment Layers. 

I went into Hue/Saturation aka my fav tab, and made the settings for Blue and Magenta just a bit to the right of the spectrum and more saturated (it might not seem like a big diff but those little changes pile up to give the gif a distinct look)

then i went to color balance and changed it towards slightly more red and magenta

this is all the work we have done so far, it’s pretty visible already i would say

Now what i showed so far is i guess the more like bare simple ways of color manipulating ur gif. It’s nothing crazy but it already gives it a distinct and more pleasant look!

There’s so many of them that tbh there is no One tutorial, it’s just about experimenting with each of these options and seeing what kind of results you get! Because there’s sooo many possibilities in adjustment layers that i haven’t even started describing the tip of the iceberg. some examples:

I made a Solid Color layer in a darker purple shade ur seeing in the little box, set its Blending Mode (the lil box next to opacity) to Luminosity and changed the Opacity to a lower one bc it looks crazy on 100%, and achieved this nice toned down effect to the gif if you’re going for this kinda look! i also like it cos it returns some color to her skin shade

another cool feature with like .. endless possibilities is the Gradient Map. With this one you also gotta use Blending Modes and lowering the opacity of that layer so that your gif doesnt end up looking crazy... ooh also play around with Photo Filters, those are really easy to grasp and have already st presets that can make the photo colder/warmer/etc!

after playing around some more this is my final result lol...

before

after

(i also sharpened the final gif)

So if you take all these adjustment layers and group them in a folder, it’s called a PSD! A lot of people share their psds online as do I! Not every psd works for every video, but some might be more universal than others, and you might just have to tweak it a little bit to look nicer! So to use someone else’s PSD on your gif you just open them in Ps side by side and drag the folder with the PSD on top of your gif!

[mollydollyjournals]

I guess the videos are helping me put something into words I've always felt a little weird about. Like I can recognise that I have these issues because of stuff that happened in my childhood (call it all 'parenting' for ease of discussion) and that I have to try to heal from it as an adult. I recognise that I can't put all that responsibility on the people around me like friends and partners. But also everyone has some kind of childhood issues and you should be supportive of friends and partners, which then means they should be supportive to you...so where's the line? How much is okay to expect and how much is too much?

Particularly re gender roles in man/woman relationships. Women are told they should ask for less, be less needy, less high maintenance, and always care for their man. "Be his peace." Then we realise that's unfair and tell ourselves not to settle for a man who just wants a surrogate mother/therapist, especially not where we're made fun of for having "daddy issues" and being "crazy." But we do also know that we still need to be supportive to male partners because that's what partnership is.

And idk I'm definitely of the opinion that women shouldnt be expected to be surrogate mothers/therapists for their partners, which is another reason I feel bad about needing all this reparenting myself and needing so much background trauma understood and so much support that it becomes like I the one who wants a surrogate parent/therapist. That's where I think am I asking too much? Am I being unfair to say men shouldn't want that parent/therapist role from me but if I have a relationship with a man I expect it from him?

But thinking about it, it's about personal expectations and definitions. The number of eldest daughter jokes I've seen is immense. We're just automatically expected to take care of people from a young age. Or when you see little girls bonding with their mothers by helping with the cleaning and cooking, and the boys are bonding with their fathers by playing sports or doing something otherwise leisurely. Because girls are already being taught how to take care of other people (mostly men). How girls supposedly "mature faster" meaning really we're just punished more for doing immature/childish/bad things where "boys will be boys" and get let off with a slap on the wrist, and we get told to keep boys safe and in line, and we're the ones with handbags that should be full of tissues and medicine and anything else the men might need and not have thought of, and all that stuff.

I specifically am an eldest daughter from a father with a strict and stoic cultural background, and a mother who was one of the youngest kids and therefore sympathiseds with whatever struggles come with that but nothing about the responsibility of being the eldest. I even outright told my parents over and over throughout the years that they weren't treating me fairly, that I at age 10 was treated as mature because he was 8 whereas he at age 10 is treated as a kid because I was 12, and it wasnt fair to always expect me to be the one doing the looking after.

And then as adults we get told to look after our boyfriends in exactly the same ways. It's going to his parents house and they're talking about him playing sport or you're about to leave to go out together and his mum pulls you aside and says "you'll make sure he doesnt do anything stupid, won't you?" as if you're just taking her place in his life.

And that's the default. The default is that women do all this stuff to look after men, and men provide financial stability, and that's how it is. And that working is hard, so if he comes home and he's annoyed or angry, you have to "be his peace" ie not make a fuss. Be understanding of the stress he's under and be grateful for him no matter what, while he maybe once a year thanks you for keeping the house clean and raising the kids.

So when women say "I dont want a man who expects me to be a surrogate mother/therapist" it's that. It is for me at least. I dont want to be expected to look after everything by default. I dont want it to be the norm that I've taken everything out with us that he hasn't had to think about, and I've made the effort to understand and be patient with him at my own expense, and I have to keep my cool even if he's upset because otherwise I'm "crazy" or "overreacting," and I've figured out his trauma and given him coping mechanisms and clean up after him and remind him to brush his teeth.

But when we say "we need healthy reparenting from a male partner," it doesnt mean we want a man to do all that stuff above, it means we want our pasts understood and to be accepted as whole, flawed human beings with unique support needs. And when we say we dont want to be a mother/therapist it doesnt mean we dont want to do that for him too. I don't want to do all that stuff above and be an emotional punching bag (or a physical one, for that matter) but I still expect to be supportive and understand their needs. And I feel like there's just a massive double standard in what constitutes being a surrogate parent/therapist depending on whether it's a man or a woman being talked about. It's also not even good or healthy to "be a surrogate mother" in the way that's often meant - they don't mean genuine support, it's more like "let me do what I want and when I fall and scrape my knee you kiss it better and tell me not to do it again and then I run off and do it anyway."

Idk just there was a bit in the video where they talked about having a fight in a relationship and responding with compassion when you learn why the other person was upset, if it touches on past trauma and you validate their feelings, that you're giving "a dose of healthy reparenting." And it occurred to me that I see that completely differently depending on whether I place myself as the upset person or the compassionate one. That for myself and women in general, being compassionate like that is an expected standard, but often for men it's a pleasant surprise. Idk. It sounds fairly obvious now that I've said it all.

[amicicidalgambler]

> Acquire random dokis.

afflatedcazadora

god one highblood lifespan s33ms too much how do yall DEAL

amicicidalgambler

I wouldn't know, I'm not dealing.

A lot of it seems to 8e violence or art, though.Or 8oth.

afflatedcazadora

......much more relatable than im comfortable with LOL

amicicidalgambler

You're not anywhere near as 8ad as what I'm talking a8out.

I have no idea how high8loods on your planet survive, though.

afflatedcazadora

i dunno :OO by being snooty????

eridans younger than me so he cant say

amicicidalgambler

All high8loods are snooty. 8y my account all of yours should 8e 8atshit insane.

afflatedcazadora

i mean he has aggressive tendencies but thats what im here for???

so he can get em out with someone who agr33s to it :00

amicicidalgambler

I killed most of my kismesises so I guess that says something a8out my "aggressive tendencies."

afflatedcazadora

fkgdfkjh vriska n o

amicicidalgambler

Vriska yes.

afflatedcazadora

no!!!!!

amicicidalgambler

It was fuuuuuuuun.

afflatedcazadora

listen you know im ok with casual murder but if you kill your kismesis theres a pawblem with the relationship!!!

amicicidalgambler

Well there isn't a paw8lem anymore if they're dead.

afflatedcazadora

vris k a

amicicidalgambler

And some of them were self defense.

afflatedcazadora

thats diffurent!!

amicicidalgambler

And one of them I'm going to argue was very romantic.

Two of them, actually.

afflatedcazadora

how so????

amicicidalgambler

I mean one of them was killed during a dinner d8.

afflatedcazadora

by you though?????

amicicidalgambler

Yeah.

Got in a fight over her trying to 8etray me.

afflatedcazadora

yikes :((

amicicidalgambler

No, stop that.It was fun.

afflatedcazadora

thats not a healthy pitch date vriska

amicicidalgambler

It doesn't need to 8e healthy to 8e a good one.

afflatedcazadora

...no it really does

amicicidalgambler

Aw come on.

It was *fun*.

afflatedcazadora

its not good!!!

amicicidalgambler

And?

afflatedcazadora

i dont know!! XOO its not my pawsition to tell you what to do about it but im clawncerned!!

amicicidalgambler

Why are you clawncerned?

afflatedcazadora

its not a good pattern to get into

amicicidalgambler

Well that ship has already sailed.

afflatedcazadora

X((

amicicidalgambler

Look, I have two quadm8s right now that I've kept alive for almost half a sweep, that's the 8est I've done since I was six sweeps.

afflatedcazadora

and thats great!!!! just

k33p it that way please??

amicicidalgambler

I definitely won't kill Nadaya, and I don't even know how Mak's mortality works.

As much as he'd pro8a8ly like that to 8e his way of going out when the time comes.

afflatedcazadora

oh my god

amicicidalgambler

He's a clown. Intim8 ritual style murder sounds like something he'd appreci8.

afflatedcazadora

hhhhhh i guess

amicicidalgambler

> That is not something you need to daydream about while talking to Nepeta, stop that.

Alright alright, I'll stop.8ut still, my track record is improving a little.

afflatedcazadora

>V RI S KA

yeah it is!!

amicicidalgambler

If I get a moirail on top of this though that means it's the end of the world.

afflatedcazadora

i dunno getting you one might be good fur you :PP

amicicidalgambler

I haven't had one since I was six sweeps.

afflatedcazadora

and thats ok!!

just sometimes stabby people benefit from someone there to help :pp

amicicidalgambler

I think I've only 8een interested in one person since. And so I've heard.

afflatedcazadora

ooh ooh who is it

amicicidalgambler

::::P

Old flarp partner.

afflatedcazadora

oooooooh?? :33c

amicicidalgambler

She was a purple8lood, part of the church. She thought it was important to the gods to give help and violence in equal measure or whatever, 8ut she was only good at the second one. Since I was one of her main partners while we were part of the same guild, I got a lot of her attempts at the first.

afflatedcazadora

ohhhh boy

amicicidalgambler

She wanted to fuss over people she just didn't know how.

afflatedcazadora

i mean its kind of sw33t but at the same time im not sure another violent purrson would be the best pale match fur you :pp

amicicidalgambler

I don't get along with non-violent people.

afflatedcazadora

wonder why :PP

amicicidalgambler

There aren't even that many of them in the first place.

afflatedcazadora

there are plenty!!

amicicidalgambler

Name three that aren't a Zahhak or a Vantas.

afflatedcazadora

felides mom!!!

um

fuck

amicicidalgambler

Exactly.

afflatedcazadora

listen just beclaws i dont know them doesnt mean theyre not there

amicicidalgambler

That's not who I'd want as a moirail, though.

afflatedcazadora

i guess...

amicicidalgambler

It doesn't even sound that appealing in the first place.

I already get more than enough attention.

afflatedcazadora

yeah?? :33c

amicicidalgambler

Yeah ::::P

afflatedcazadora

shaaaaaare

amicicidalgambler

Share whaaaaaaaat.

afflatedcazadora

who is it

amicicidalgambler

Who's what.

afflatedcazadora

i thought you meant you were getting pale attention and im here fur the gossip!!!!

amicicidalgambler

No, I meant I get more than enough attention from my quadm8s.

afflatedcazadora

oh!!

amicicidalgambler

A moirail as affection8 as Nadaya would 8e way too much, and I don't think one that 8arely sees me is what you had in mind.

afflatedcazadora

mm...

i thought you werent into all the romantic shit tho

:33c

amicicidalgambler

Put that paw 8ack down.

What do you mean?

afflatedcazadora

:33c no

you said he was really affectionate and its supurr adorable

amicicidalgambler

Listen.

afflatedcazadora

oh im all ears

amicicidalgambler

First of all Nadaya is affection8 with almost anyone.

Second of all

afflatedcazadora

second??? :33c

amicicidalgambler

God.

It's so much more than that.

afflatedcazadora

uh huh??

amicicidalgambler

It's also stupid though. You wouldn't want to hear it.

afflatedcazadora

i 33333333% want to hear it

amicicidalgambler

Fiiiiiiiine.

afflatedcazadora

i counted 8 3s fur you and efurrything

amicicidalgambler

Fine!

I just

Eugh

I don't think I've loved anyone else.

Only him.

afflatedcazadora

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my godthats so cute kJSHfdjhhr

im gonna cry

amicicidalgambler

It's so *much* though.

afflatedcazadora

thats what being in love is all about!!!!! X33

amicicidalgambler

It wasn't even pleasant at first.

afflatedcazadora

ofurwhelming?

amicicidalgambler

Yeah.

Almost painful.

afflatedcazadora

yeahhhh

amicicidalgambler

I'm literally not made for this.

afflatedcazadora

youll be ok!!!

amicicidalgambler

It makes everything too complic8ed.

afflatedcazadora

how come???

amicicidalgambler

Do you really want to hear?

afflatedcazadora

mmhmm!!

amicicidalgambler

> This is...starting to feel slightly gay to you.

I mean. I don't know. I know I love Nadaya and it's not like what I've felt towards anyone else I've had in a quadrant, 8ut I don't know what those feelings are.

afflatedcazadora

you mean youre flipping on him or you dont know what you felt fur anyone else??

amicicidalgambler

The second one.

I don't think of them as not quadm8s 8ut I don't think it's love either.

afflatedcazadora

hmm

that is a tricky one

amicicidalgambler

Or at least that's what I usually think.

afflatedcazadora

i mean if efurryones ok with it then it should be ok

amicicidalgambler

Yeah. 8ut it 8others me.

May8e I'm over thinking it and it is love and Karkat's powers couldn't see everything.

afflatedcazadora

what pawers???

amicicidalgambler

Godtier powers. He can see rel8ionships 8etween people as strings.

I let him use me to practice changing them and he said anything romantic didn't look normal.

afflatedcazadora

thats so fucking cool im like incredibly jealous

but idk you could be right he might not know efurrything!

amicicidalgambler

It's all stupid.

afflatedcazadora

its not!!

amicicidalgambler

It is!!!!!!!!

I can't even decide if I agree with him or not.

afflatedcazadora

its not stupid its your life!!!

afflatedcazadora

and you can take your time, he doesnt get to define anything fur you >:00

amicicidalgambler

My life is generally stupid!

afflatedcazadora

it is NOT

amicicidalgambler

It is!!!!!!!!

afflatedcazadora

>:OO

amicicidalgambler

>::::o

afflatedcazadora

its furry impurrtant!!!

amicicidalgambler

What's furry impurrtant!

afflatedcazadora

your life!!!!!

amicicidalgambler

Well DUH 8ut it's also stupid!

afflatedcazadora

nuh uh!!!!!!

amicicidalgambler

Something can 8e important AND stupid!!!!!!!!

afflatedcazadora

maybe but not this!!!!

amicicidalgambler

It's DUM8 I'm a MUTANT without FEELINGS.

Mutants usually have the feelings department more than covered.

afflatedcazadora

im sorry X(( do you want me to go get nadaya??

amicicidalgambler

No I'm just ram8ling.

Sorry.

I'm not actually upset.

afflatedcazadora

you sure?

amicicidalgambler

Yeah.

I'm not good at self depric8ing jokes. Or honesty.

8ut I'm not upset.

afflatedcazadora

you are good at them this one was just a rare miss XPP

amicicidalgambler

::::P

8ut really, if anything I feel 8etter.

afflatedcazadora

:DD !!

amicicidalgambler

I haven't exactly gotten to talk a8out that.

afflatedcazadora

!

im honored :OO

amicicidalgambler

Pfht8thf8thfhth8.